65 Million Years Off by Steve Franks "Psych" Created by Steve Franks
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65 Million Years Off By Steve Franks "Psych" Created by Steve Franks 1987 CLASSROOM A child is walking around with a gigantic dinosaur diaroma on his skull GIRL 1 Who is that? GIRL 2 What is that? GIRL 3 Ooh cool! LITTLE GUS (wearing the dinosaur head) Please don’t touch it. Excuse me. Little Gus walks through a hallway with a sign that says "Welcome to Stone Age Day: Kenneth J. Dusman Elementary". Little Gus walks through the classroom and is found by Little Shawn. LITTLE SHAWN Gus,Gus,Gus! LITTLE GUS Where’s your project, Shawn? Did you even do it? LITTLE SHAWN My project? Of course I did. LITTLE GUS Uh-huh, when? LITTLE SHAWN When? Last night. It’s right here. (HOLDS UP A DINOSAUR TAPED TO A CAR) LITTLE GUS This head is to exact scale. It too me three months to make it. Yours took five minutes. LITTLE SHAWN No, Gus, you’re totally wrong. It took me a whole hour. Check this out. (PLACES DINOSAUR AND CONTROLS IT BY REMOTE CONTROL. TEACHER GIVES A SHAWN A THUMBS UP AS ALL THE CHILDREN EXCLAIM EXCITEDLY) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 2. LITTLE GUS I hate you, Shawn. PRESENT DAY: INTERROGATION ROOM AT SBPD Lassiter is staring down a criminal. Criminal is staring back. LASSITER Lompoc. LOMPOC Okay, I did it. Lassiter turns to the mirror and gives a nod. Officers on the other side of the window cheer. JULIET Seven in a row! BUZZ MCNAB Eight. The gas station guy confessed last week. SBPD OFFICES LASSITER Oh, I wouldn’t call myself a hero. I’m just doing my job, just like all of you. Hey that’s enough goofing off. Let’s get back to work, huh? You, too. Buzz finishes writing something on a white board. The total of arrests. BUZZ MCNAB Ladies and gentlemen, Detective Lassiter. LASSITER Oh, stop it. Camera pans moves through the crowd to show Shawn leaning against the wall, looking confused. SHAWN Jules. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 3. JULIET Shawn. SHAWN Is there a problem? JULIET With what? SHAWN With you? With me? With the Chief? She hasn’t call in a month. Is she still mad about me requisitioning the Segway? JULIET You did that? SHAWN No. JULIET Well, I don’t really have time right now, but the short answer is, we just haven’t really needed any outside help. Juliet starts walking through the station, Shawn starts to follow. SHAWN Well, what’s the long answer? I mean throw a "but" in there, and add something about a dream, where you and I get thrown out of a mattress showroom. JULIET Detective Lassiter is literally on fire. SHAWN What kind of fire are we talking about? Michael-Jackson-in-the-Pepsi commerical fire? Or misusing-the-word-"literally" fire? JULIET He’s-solved-eight-cases-in-a-row fire. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 4. BUZZ MCNAB Nine. I just remembered the DeShano case. (TO SHAWN)Oh, hey, Shawn. What’s new? You still doing the psychic thing? SHAWN Is this some sort of weird dream? JULIET On the last two cases, the first suspect Lassiter questioned confessed. It’s really magnificent. SHAWN We are talking about Carlton Lassiter, right? Yea high? (GESTURES TO A HEIGHT ABOVE HIS HEAD) Bats ninth for the deparment softball team? JULIET Tenth. We play with a rover. Lassiter appears at Juliet’s desk. LASSITER Spencer, long time, no see. Or is that "no need"? SHAWN I can’t believe this. LASSITER Oh, believe it. It’s real. Buzz then comes to the desk and speaks to Lassiter. BUZZ MCNAB They’ve done a preliminary on the body down at the marina, Detective. They’re ready for you at the scene. LASSITER Well, I would love to stay and chat, but duty does call. (LOOKS TO SHAWN WHO LOOKS PUT OUT) Oh, Spencer, you look so sad. Come on, we’ll show you how real cops do it. Lassiter walks away and Juliet starts to follow, but turns to Shawn before leaving. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 5. JULET No comeback? Shawn, that’s slightly embarrassing. SHAWN Where did you that toot...Suit...The toliet store? MARINA MORNING/AFTERNOON Shawn joins Lassiter, Chief Vick and Juliet at the crime scene. The crime scene is at the marina, underneath the dock. The forencics are just finishing up while Vick, Lassiter, Juliet discuss the case behind the crime scene tape. CHIEF VICK Good luck with this one, Detective. There’s no identification. Shawn arrives and has a Shawn vision. Shawn vision: the shoes on dead guy. CHIEF VICK Nobody’s been reported missing fitting this description. Oh, Mr. Spencer. Surprised you didn’t take the Segway. SHAWN (TO JULIET SOFTLY) She did know about that. CHIEF VICK O’Hara just told me. SHAWN (TO JULIET) Traitor. CHIEF VICK (TO SHAWN) I’ll deal with you later. Chief Vick, Lassiter and Juliet cross under the crime scene tape while Gus arrives at the crime scene. GUS So, what’s this new case we got? Shawn looking over case notes. Shawn Vision: Words in notes light up, "Bite", "Radius", and "34 Inches". (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 6. SHAWN Slight error in grammar there, buddy. GUS Which part? SHAWN Got. GUS I came all the way down from the office, Shawn. SHAWN Gus, don’t be a giant snapping turtle. We’ll have a case in five minutes. Lassiter at the crime scene realizes he doesn’t have the notes. Goes back over to Shawn and grabs them. Shawn motions to Gus and both go under the crime scene tape to follow Lassiter. CHIEF VICK Nobody can explain these puncture wounds. We can’t rule out animal attack. Shawn vision: Big bites on dead body. LASSITER No.No, there’s nothing in these waters with a bite radius that large. No, this maybe a boating accident, the wounds caused by some machinery. I can’t really be sure at this juncture. SHAWN Completely stumped. Hmm. CHIEF VICK You’re getting something, Mr. Spencer? SHAWN (Holds his finger up) Yes. (Takes Lassiter’s notepad) Yes, yes I am. Shawn starts to draw on the notepad while Lassiter tries to figure out the cause of death before Shawn doodles it out. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 7. LASSITER No,no,no,no, no. Hold on, okay. I’ve got it. The wound no the head was caused by the edge of a boat. When he feel in the water, unconscious, and the... Shawn still sketches agressively. LASSITER The wounds on the back, they were caused by a large industrial crab trap. Or a whale. Definitely could have been a whale. I mean, lost from his pod, seperated, migrating north or south, and sees our man dead already, floating up above the surface. Thinks it’s a seal and then...Whale. GUS (To Juliet) A whale? JULIET What’s your guy got? GUS Watch and learn, Jules. Watch and learn. Lassiter tries to get Chief Vick on his side. Shawn contiues to sketch. LASSITER Or... CHIEF VICK Detective, if you don’t mind, I’d like to see what Mr. Spencer has to offer. SHAWN All right, look. This is gonna be a little rough, okay? I don’t have time for shading, there’s no forced perspective. If I’d really had my druthers, I would have done it in charcoal.(To Gus) You know what I’m talking about. (To All) Look, what I’m trying to say is, I’m not the artist I’d like to be... (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 8. CHIEF VICK You know what? Mr. Spencer, enough. Can you or can you not tell us who’s responsible for this man’s death? SHAWN If I can present you with a semi-accurate sketch of the culprit, is that enough to get us on this case? CHIEF VICK Yes. SHAWN All right. The puncture wounds, they’re the key, giving me the impression that this crime could have only been committed by this guy. (points to his picture) This guy here. Shawn’s picture is revealed to be a dinosaur. Juiet, Gus and Cheif Vick look disappointed. Lassiter on the other hand, is thrilled. He takes the clipboard back from Shawn. LASSITER Excuse me. SHAWN What? The Chief follows Lassiter as he leaves. SHAWN Chief, where you off to? So, what, that’s a no? Gus? This is not a boating accident. PSYCH OFFICE Gus and Shawn are just returning from the crime scene. Gus is still annoyed at Shawn for believing a dinosaur caused the murder. SHAWN You’re mad. GUS No, I’m not mad. I’m happy. I’m thrilled. I love looking like an idiot. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 9. SHAWN Well, that explains your shoes. GUS You almost closed down our agency with that little act of yours, Shawn. SHAWN Me? You’re the one spending all your extra time at your little side project. GUS You mean my real job? Soon to be my only job? SHAWN Gus, you’re panicking. Don’t panic. Those bite marks are consistent with a Tyrannosaurus bite. GUS You know that? SHAWN Yes, I know that. The hard way. (hands over a Polaroid to Gus) I was canned from the Wyoming Natural History Museum for that little shot. On close inspection of the Polaroid, it appears to be Shawn sitting inside the skull of a Tyrannosaurus’ skull. SHAWN The bruises from the teeth didn’t go away for a year, but totally worth it. It was my best screensaver ever. Gus tosses the Polaroid back at Shawn and walks away.