Strive for Perfection but Don't Be a Perfectionist
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Strive for Perfection but don’t be a Perfectionist s we approach the Yamim Noraim — the High Holidays — the themes of teshuva and Chaim Nissel, Psy.D. self-improvementA are on everybody’s University Dean of Students, Yeshiva University mind. It seems that every year, we dutifully beat our chests and recite the same Al Cheits, but are these actions getting us where we want to in great detail expands the sequence sources that seem to imply that be? Though we remedy some of our listed by R. Pinchas Ben Yair (Avodah spiritual perfection is unattainable for sins, it seems that there are always Zara 20B)1 for attaining this perfect mortals. From the outset, our world new ones to atone for and spiritual service of Hashem. Ultimately, in the was created with inherent spiritual challenges to meet. Where does our final stages, all of a person’s actions pitfalls, and sin is almost inevitable. yearly mandate of self-improvement and intents, physical and spiritual, Kohelet clearly tells us: lead us? Are we expected to achieve כי אדם אין צדיק בארץ אשר יעשה־טוב ולא are purely for the sake of Heaven and perfect spirituality? יחטא. culminate with an almost complete קהלת ז:כ negation of the physical and complete Strive to be Perfect attachment to Hashem. For there is no righteous man on earth In a similar vein, on Yom Kippur, the One doesn’t have to go beyond the who does good and does not sin. holiest day of the year when spiritual first sentence of Rav Moshe Chayim Kohelet 7:20 strivings find their fullest expression, Luzzatto’sMesilat Yeshrim for one we divest ourselves of our physical Given these conditions, humans approach. Rav Luzzatto (known as the trappings and liken ourselves to could not withstand a world guided Ramchal) writes: angels. According to the Rama (O.C. solely by midat hadin, absolute justice, one of the reasons we wear which demands perfection and ,(610:4 יסוד החסידות ושרש העבודה התמימה הוא .white on Yom Kippur is “dugmat swift punishment for any infraction שיתברר ויתאמת אצל האדם מה חובתו malachei hashareit” — to be likened Therefore Hashem partneredmidat בעולמו ולמה צריך שישים מבטו ומגמתו בכל to angels. We also recite “Baruch harachamim (compassion) with midat אשר הוא עמל כל ימי חייו. shem k’vod Malchuto leolam va’ed” hadin (absolute justice) to create the מסילת ישרים, פרק א world (Rashi, Bereishit 1:1). The foundation of true piety and the root aloud during the Yom Kippur service of perfect service of Hashem are formed because, as the Mishnah Berurah In Vayikra, the verse states: (619:2) explains, “This is the song of אֲׁשֶ ר נָׂשִ יא יֶחֱטָ א; וְעָׂשָה אַחַת מִּכָל מִ צְ ו ֹת ה’ by a person’s clarifying and verifying to himself what is his obligation in his angels and on Yom Kippur, Jews are אֱֹלקָיואֲׁשֶ ר לֹא-תֵעָׂשֶ ינָה,ּבִׁשְ גָגָה--וְאָׁשֵ ם. compared to angels.” Is our demeanor ויקרא ד:כב world and toward what goal he should direct his outlook and ambition in on Yom Kippur indicative of what our everything he strives for during all the lifetime goal should be — to achieve When a ruler sins, and commits one days of his life. “angelic” spiritual perfection? from among all the commandments Mesilat Yesharim Chap. 1 of Hashem that may not be done — But We Can’t be Perfect unintentionally — and becomes guilty. The Ramchal delineates what our Vayikra 4:22 outlook and ambition should be and On the other hand, there are countless 26 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Rosh Hashanah-Yom Kippur 5776 The S’forno suggests that this verse begins with the term “asher nasi yecheta” — when a ruler sins — implying that committing sin is inevitable, because all people, even our leaders, are going to sin. The Talmud in four instances2 discusses cases that factor in human failings. One example is the discussion (Kiddushin 54a) of whether the kohein may derive personal benefit from thebigdei kehuna, the priestly garments. After the kohein has completed the Temple service, he cannot immediately remove the holy garments but must walk to the designated changing area. The Talmud posits that perhaps there is a problem that during this time, he is wearing the holy clothing merely to protect his body and not for the Avodah, the holy Temple service. The Talmud responds that this is not a problem because “Torah lo nitna lemalachei hashareit” — The Torah was not given to ministering angels. The Torah was designed for human beings and takes into account our imperfections and physical needs. From these teachings, one may draw the conclusion that spiritual perfection is unattainable and despite our greatest attempts, it is beyond our reach. Should this leave us paralyzed or even despondent? If we can’t achieve perfection, what’s the point of trying? Pitfalls of Perfectionism Perfectionism is commonly defined as a refusal to accept The future is now. any standard short of perfect. People who are prone to perfectionistic thinking do not accept any failings on Enroll today. the road to achieving their goals, and their fear of failure Women’s Open House and Israel Fair leads to great distress. They typically engage in “all or Sunday, November 15, 2015 nothing” thinking and evaluate their performance in black Stern College for Women and white terms. Perfectionists cannot move beyond Sy Syms School of Business any shortcomings and begin to view themselves and the Beren Campus whole enterprise as a failure. In a sense, perfectionists set themselves up for failure because achieving their expected Men’s Open House and Israel Fair lofty accomplishments without any setbacks is often Sunday, November 22, 2015 Yeshiva College impossible. The anxiety that perfectionists experience Sy Syms School of Business about making mistakes leads to procrastination and Wilf Campus avoidance and may hold them back from ever achieving RSVP at www.yu.edu/open-house success.3 This mindset can manifest itself in any realm of a person’s life but is primarily experienced with the issues a person cares most about. This can include religious observance, www.yu.edu | 212.960.5277 | [email protected] and many perfectionists expect their religious behaviors to be 100 percent unwavering, with no setbacks. Once www.yu.edu/enroll 27 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Rosh Hashanah-Yom Kippur 5776 they have sinned at all or achieved 1. Optimalist vs. less than the unrealistically high Perfectionist5 Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael standards they’ve set for themselves, Kanievsky they perceive total failure. They Alongside the perfectionist is the then turn a negative behavior into a optimalist. Both may have equally negative identity. They cannot say, high ambitions and both will try “I am basically a good person with to avoid failure. However, whereas behavior I must correct.” Rather perfectionists intensely fear failure they say, “I am a total failure, a bad and setbacks, optimalists recognize person and a bad Jew.” This train of that there will be ups and downs thought is sometimes followed by on the way to achieving their goal. “How can I stand before Hashem to An optimalist has a healthy attitude daven or learn when I am a sinner?” toward failure, namely that all humans The overwhelming guilt leads to make mistakes, and that is OK. A their feeling empty and worthless, success that was arrived at after a Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky, which can then lead to feelings of series of difficulties is as much a known as The Steipler or The despair.4 The destructive guilt which success, or perhaps even greater a Steipler Gaon (1899–1985), was perfectionists experience does not success, than one that was setback- a rabbi, Talmudic scholar, and lead to their improving themselves, free. As King Shlomo said: posek (“decisor” of Jewish law). but rather leads them to becoming He was born in the Ukrainian town of Hornostaypil, from which his ּכִי עׁשֶבַ יִּפֹול צַּדִ יק וָקָ ם. משלי כד:טז paralyzed and paradoxically being unable to correct the sinful behavior. appellation, “the Steipler”, was later A righteous person falls seven times and derived. Having progressed rapidly Earlier we mentioned the paradox rises. and gained a reputation as a talmid of striving for spiritual perfection on Proverbs 24:16 chacham, around the age of 19 he the one hand and the impossibility was sent to set up a branch of the of achieving such perfection on This is not arasha who sins — it’s yeshiva in Rogochov. However, the the other. For one who has a about a tzaddik who learns from his Bolshevik Revolution was in full perfectionistic outlook on his or her sins. Despite multiple failings, he swing and Rabbi Kanievsky was religious behavior, Rosh Hashanah gets up immediately and rights his conscripted into the Red Army. In and Yom Kippur can be particularly improper behavior and is still referred spite of the harsh conditions, he challenging. Remorse, which is a to as a tzaddik. continued to strictly observe all the mitzvot. In 1934, he moved to necessary step in the teshuva process Rav Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky, known Israel, settling in Bnei Brak, where (Hilchot Teshuva 2:2), becomes as the Steipler, writes about life’s his brother-in-law Rabbi Avraham destructive guilt. Even though spiritual ups and downs:6 Hashem is the benevolent God who Yeshaya Karelitz (the Chazon Ish) had already been living for a year לכן אין מה לפחד אלא יבין בדעתו שכך הוא has compassion on the individual, the and a half.