No. 790 Friday 22nd January 1988

College's Residence Account is currently £215,000 in debt, £120,000 as a result of the new Evelyn property being unoccupied for the past year. INSIDE Mr Malcolm Aldridge from the College Finance Section told FELIX velyn War yesterday that this debt will get steadily worse if rent increases are 4 Birds are held at the rate of inflation. He said College will not be able to honour their guarantee of a year in hall that the only alternative would be to increase income from the Summer bastards to all first year undergraduates and overseas postgraduates next year, Letting Scheme (SLS) and the Under the despite the addition of 200 new places in Evelyn Gardens. According Summer Accommodation Centre to figures from the Students Residence Committee and College (SAC). The SLS money, which Registry, there will again be a shortfall of about one hundred student comes from letting out Hamlet Microscope special. places, says Union President Ian Howgate. Gardens and Evelyn Gardens flats to Mr Howgate has criticised College students over the long vacations, goes administration for its short-sighted to the Residence Account. The SAC 7 Libel policy of increasing student numbers . profits, made from conference guests to reduce the College deficit. and casual trade from the Tourist Can we predict the He has based his claims on estimates Board in Linstead and Southside over 8 Nostradamufuture? s of next year's student intake made by Easter and Summer, is currently split College Registrar Peter Mee. Mr Mee between the Conference Account and has indicated that undergraduate Residence Account. Q numbers must increase by 5% and ICU President Ian Howgate wants Profile postgraduate numbers by 10% to to see all the SAC profits going into Chris Martin reach targets. He also says that these the Residence Account. He said interviews Union estimates are 'conservative' because yesterday that this would give the new boy Reggie the Governors have set a target of an Account an extra £100,000 pa. Blennerhasset. extra 100 overseas students, over and 'Effectively students rents are above the increase to pay off the subsidising the Conference Account College's projected £2m deficit. Mr because the Conference Office pays 11 Bar Birthday Howgate says that this means a total less for the 400 rooms than students increase of more than 68 freshers and Bar prices: on the up and up do during term-time,' he told us. 'In Ball 35 overseas postgraduates needing return, they are making around £70 College accommodation this October. maintain College's guaranteed place per room a week. They're making a A further 26 places will go when scheme. Only 200 will have been stinking profit out of residences.' He Rayleigh house is sold off this year gained by taking over the new Evelyn believes that within two years the 12 Previews to pay for the furnishings for the new Gardens building. deficit could be completely wiped out. Evelyn Gardens block. 30 places will This comes as a particular blow to Mr Aldridge, however, has made be lost in the new Evelyn complex as students who will have to face an it clear that this can only be done if 13 Reviews subwarden rooms and higher priced average increase of £7.80 on top of the Union is prepared to accept an flat accommodation. On top of this 25 inflation in their rents over the next increase in bar prices. He explained places in Evelyn Gardens are to go two years. The Union agreed to this that the Conference profits were 14 Sports altogether. last year, in return for the 200 'extra' needed to pay the interest on a £lm Adding up the losses and the places. Part of the deal was a loan they had secured in order to projected gains in student numbers temporary reduction in the number of refurbish the- Sherfield Main gives a probable deficit of 184 places. re-applicant places from 8% to 4% of Refectory. He told FELIX that the 16 Clubs But at the beginning of this year there places available, which would be Refectories would have to make were 103 freshers who had, to be reinstated after a year. The proportion £150,000 each year to cover this and housed in head tenancy flats in of re-ap places was cut from 10% to it was 'obvious to make the money by 19 Letters Hamlet Gardens because of the 8% when the Freemantle Hotel was increasing beer prices.' current short-fall. Mr Howgate told lost in 1985. Mr Aldridge said that no decisions FELIX that this effectively meant that Students may be faced with a over 287 new places were needed to further increase in rents. The continued on back page column 3

THE NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEOE UNION FELIX

I would be interested in receiving any opinions about student travel Finally companies, good or bad stories of There's a staff meeting today. Thank disastrous holidays, especially Inter- you to all the new staff members who Railing or BUNAC stories. Please turned up to help this week. take the time to pass on your tips or views to other students who are considering similar holidays this year, preferably by giving me copy next Monday.

I must congratulate John Noble, ICU Bar Birthday Ball Editor-in-chief Judith Hackney Entertainments Officer, on a brilliant Originally Ian's wacky birthday Business Manager Chris Martin Carnival 88 last Friday. It seems that party, this has turned into a full-blown Reviews Editor Charles Robin the poor man can't do a thing wrong. Union celebration. There's a Features Editor Kamala Sen I must say that I was a little dubious featurette about the event on page 11. Clubs Editor ..Andrew Waller when I heard that he had been ratified You have absolutely no excuse for Sports Editors Dominic Strowbridge to the post last year. My only dealings missing such a value-for-money and .'Hector' Sullivan with him had been as part of the evening. Science Editor Steve Black- audience watching his".ex-band Blue Typesetting Rose Atkins Blue Ice. It was easy to think of him Snack Bar Printing , Dean Yaughan as just another 'haircut' who wanted They're absolutely desperate for staff. Contributors: Chris Jones, Andy" Bannister, Aaron Kotcheff, the post for his street cred._ Since then Please" see Mark today if you want to Charles Robin, Chris Martin, Kamala Sen, Al Birch, Adrian I have been amazed by the amount of earn £2 ph during the morning. Bourne, Dave Jones, Bill Goodwin, Selwyn, Pippa Salmon, genuine hard work he has put into the Adrian Grainger, Phil Young, William Lumb, Al Roberts, job and how, with the help of a strong Next Week Martyn Peck, Linzi Wishart, Reggie, Noel Curry, Martin Cole, Ents team, he has brought IC Ents out We are planning a student travel Linda Simmons and Roy. of the doldrums. feature section for next week's issue.

11 L

FELIX 2 Friday January 22nd 1988 News UGM Sketch

Paul Shanley makes Rainbow official: Zippy has no comment.

JCR burger eaters were astonished to chip, Beans Club stooge Martyn Peck lesser issues. ICU President Ian together with a rumour about bai find themselves in the midst of a moved the meeting on to their motion; Howgate had hurt his thumb which price rises. Watch this space for earth- UGM on Tuesday. The surprise controversial stuff, involving the resulted in a far longer spoken report shattering up-dates about the latter. meeting caught the entire RSMU adoption of the characters from as he couldn't write anything—this Good of Cosmic Dave Clements unawares, so that they were unable Rainbow as new CCU mascots. The was greeted by the masses eating then- got in a plug about SCC and Chas to muster even a single representative, main bone of contention appeared to burgers with rapt attention... Brereton managed a little free despite the extensive publicity (one be an argument between Captain Obviously not a fan of corny publicity for his forthcoming election small advert in FELIX). Braincell of Guilds and the new look headlines like 'Hamlet House of campaign, by complaining about the The meeting got off to a bang with Clare McErlane (RCS) about who Horror', Ian made the shock Academic Affairs Committee. Chair Al Seymour barking into the should get which one. After a bout of pronouncement that 'we should get However, they could not compete speakers at top volume, churning nail biting tension, a solution rid of the head tenancies'. Not content iwith the hard-sell tactics of stomachs even more than a emerged—ignore Braincell! with this he felt that ICU External Publications Board Chair Chris McNorthey burger. Once this obvious solution had been Affairs Officer Neil Motteram should Martin plugging FELIX's new Before anyone could even eat a adopted the meeting moved on to also be given the chop. Ian protested photocopier, resplendent with— that Neil hadn't done anything for a gasp—blue and red colours!!! term and didn't even attend the GUC Ever keen to promote inter-CCU meetings which his job decription rivalry, new Rag Mag Editors Dave demanded. Poor old Neil was no- Williams (RCSU Hon Junior confidenced for the second time and Treasurer) and Gail Turner (RCSU It's the Year of the Dragon! thus lost his post. Where will it all Publicity Officer) managed to get a lead to—will other Union officers be dig at both the Print Union and f Discover China in '88... expected to do work as well? What Guildsheet at once, by describing it a tyrant Mr Howgate is! as being printed on bog roll. Tactful,

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UlUtravel More reports followed, including a as they want their Rag Mag printed proposed shift of the sabbatical year, chez FELIX! . A service of ULU Travel with the handover date moving from A huge sigh of relief was expelled Imperial College Sherfield Building the end of June to the end of July ('ask by UGM Chair Alistair Seymour as Prince Consort Road other unions what waiting sabbaticals he closed the meeting at 1.45pm, the LONDON SW7 sim do before taking over', said comrade shortest and first completed meeting Enquiries and Bookings: 3C E3 TheWoridbeaters Jackson; we suspect it involves the within living memory—well, for European 01-581 8233 >iilo Intercontinental 01-581 1022 generosity of the DHSS—or a holiday several months at least. in the Bahamas). Union watchers are now eagerly Alan Rose revealed some awaiting the publicity for the next interesting news about toilets, UGM. Don't hold your breath!

FELIX Friday January 22nd 1988 3 example, birds will often pretend to natural selection works more on the be injured to distract predators away level of individual genes than on the from their chick-containing nests. level of species or organisms. This Many people (some of them even implies that the game of evolution is UNDER THE professional biologists) ascribe much more subtle than most people human-like motives to such altruistic tend to think. Natural selection ceases displays. Supposedly, the birds are to be about individual animals taking a considerable personal risk for struggling to survive, but becomes the good of others (or the species as about bits of DNA struggling to MICROSCOPE a whole). Therefore, they are perpetuate themselves. This is often behaving in a way that would merit seen as disturbing, because it seems a human bravery medal. to degrade individuals into robots Strangely, many people get very blindly programmed to reproduce uneasy when biologists debunk such their genes. This is apparently more by Steve Black anthropomorphic illusions. Perhaps it difficult to cope with than the idea of is because altruism is such an individuals struggling to stay alive. important aspect of human behaviour, The theory makes a lot of sense and people are worried that we can when stripped of anthropomorphic 'explain it away'. People are always language. Genes do not consciously very anxious not to be regarded as manipulate animals in order to Birds are mere animals. Books such as The reproduce, but genes which code for Selfish Gene have caused considerable successful stragegies will spread in a unease by attempting to explain all population. altruistic behaviour in terms of The theory has no trouble genetically programmed self interest. explaining apparently altruistic bastards too! It is worth looking at the selfish- behaviour. It can be beneficial to a gene hypothesis in some detail, as it gene for a parent to sacrifice itself for Recent evidence (Nature 331 pl9 and dangerous area. There are many gives a good illustration of modern the sake of its children, because the p66) has shown that some birds are examples of animals behaving in ways evolutionary thinking. children contain copies of the same rather less 'moral' than we used to which appear to be detrimental to DNA. So behaviour which appears to think. They transfer their own eggs themselves but to the benefit of other Selfish genes and behaviour be altruistic is actually caused by the into the nests of other members of the members of the same species. For The basic idea of the theory is that selfishness of some bit of DNA. same species, to save them the effort Presumably this is why so many of having to look after such a large people get hot under the collar at the brood themselves. (Cuckoos do the selfish-gene theory: it appears to same sort of thing but at least have dubunk the possibility of truly selfless the courtesy to parasitize other behaviour. I will come back to this species.) To understand why this is later. But first it pays to look at the an interesting observation we have to actual theory stripped of all its niake a rather long detour into a humanized language. All it says about highly controversial area of altruism is this: if a gene exists that evolutionary theory. But first a look causes parents to sacrifice themselves, at why it is controversial. in some circumstances, for the sake of their young, then such a gene will spread because more copies of it will Animals and morality be passed on. This applies, of course, An opponent of mine at a debating only if the sacrifice is worthwhile, but competition, attacking sentimental the necessary conditions can be notions of animal rights, started his expressed mathematically enabling us speech thus 'All animals are to see what sorts of strategy are bastards'. This attracted everyone's worthwhile. attention, but before he was accused of being unnecessarily crude, he When the numbers are worked out, continued: 'Because none of their the selfish gene theory can explain a parents are married'. lot of animal behaviour. Certain Apart from being a good way to strategies are not stable: for example, win a debate, the statement contains blind altruism. This will survive as profound truths about animal and long as everybody else in a population human nature. We should not judge contains blind altruistic genes, but as animals when they behave in an soon as an exploiting gene arrives it immoral way, because they are will rapidly multiply. It saves effort incapable of moral reasoning. by being a bastard, while everybody Equally, we should not read too much else is wasting their time and effort into examples of supposedly good being nice. However, blind behaviour in them, because their exploitation is rarely a stable strategy behaviour is unlikely to be controlled either (not caring at all for your by the sort of conscious motivations children is no way to pass on your that make morality possible. genes). Intermediate strategies or mixtures of strategies are the things However, many people are which work best. Exploiting unrepentantly sentimental when it strategies can be stable if they are not comes to ascribing human motives to too common in a population, just as animal behaviour. Altruistic altuism works well if it is not too behaviour in animals is a particularly

4 Friday January 22nd 1988 FELIX pip**

generous. Actual predictions of the ratios of various strategies can be daggers at you if you even suggest made given particular circumstances. that your neighbour has one more One puzzle for the theory is why j slice of meat than you have received. brood-parasitism (that is, trying to get They tip gravy down your best suit someone else to bring up your and mumble apologies under their children) is not common within single breaths. They call you 'dearie' not species. Cuckoos do it to other 'sir': 'Mind out, dearie!' they screech species, but it wasn't thought to if you dare to talk to your neighbour happen much between members of the while they are trying to serve you. same species. What ever happened to 'Excuse me, Recent observations on some bird please'? colonies have shown the fault is with The sweet is usually a Sainsbury's the observations not the theory: to see lemon tart or, if you're really lucky, brood parasitism you need to mark a partially thawed piece of Black eggs (otherwise they all look the Forest Gateau with the option of same) and trace them between nests. cream! In some colonies of cliff swallows, up The best dinner I ever went to at to 6% of the eggs were not laid by I was quite amazed by the response and the Boeuf en Croute which was College was a simple buffet-type the owner of the nest they were in. to my first column last week. The all croute and no boeuf. meal. There were no waitresses to This is a literal case of not putting all amount of people in my own I can just about take the awfulness deal with, no lack of food on my plate your eggs in one basket. The survival department who rushed up and told of the food—I'm only a student after and a pleasant evening was had by all. rate of transferred eggs is higher than me what a pillock I was was all—but the service is unbelievable. Even the veggies in the party had no for unmoved ones, presumably unbelievable. One dinner I attended not so long ago complaints about the evening. because the swallows can select the As you may have guessed from the was outrageously expensive, the food I will, no doubt, find myself at best neighbours to move their children tone of this introduction, not a soul was poor and it took the two geriatrics another College dinner in the future. to. mentioned my new journey into the who were serving us nearly fifteen I will not be there for the food, nor The amount of exploitation going world of journalistic garbage. I could minutes to serve up the main course. the service. I will be there because I on is about what would be predicted have understood it if it was just a They put the meat out first which was want to meet old friends and because as stable by the selfish gene theory. matter of casual departmental stone-cold by the time the potatoes the person organising the dinner So cuckoos are not the only exploiters acquaintances but I have managed to finally made their appearance. didn't want the bother of going in the world of birds. attend several meetings and two And why should I be spoken to so 'outside' for the meal. I can only hope society dinners since last Friday and rudely when I ask for a knife that is that things may have improved by this Selfish genes and people not even close friends cared to bring clean and not smattered with time. But we are only students, after So what? it up in conversation. It would have yesterday's food? The waitresses look all. People are worried about being made the dinners much more reduced to robots run by their genes. interesting than having to listen to the The theory is threatening because it bellicose chitter-chatter of ancient INTERESTED IN AN appears to explain all our behaviour club members recalling their own in terms of genetic programming, and student days and why the club wasn't ENGINEERING CAREER IN this contradicts our notions of free the same anymore. will. I go to such dinners to meet old THE UNITED STATES? However, it's worth noting that friends who have gone in their own, most human behaviour is learned very different directions after leaving LUTRON is the leader in the lighting control field and has behaviour, not programmed. Also, Imperial. They provide the only opportunities for Electrical and Mechanical Engineers to we are the first species on the planet opportunity to catch up on the gossip, develop new products. Positions are also available in intelligent enough to look at the plan future meetings and dinner process of evolution and see how it parties, and lightly flirt with the new Sales and Marketing. works: we should be able to transcend wives of old enemies. any genetic programming we may It was this weekend that I found Lutron is located in northeastern United States (90 have. So don't believe anyone who myself at another College dinner. miles west of New York City). fatalistically believes we are Every time I go to one, I vow never completely run by our DNA. People to let myself do it again. It's a bit like Enjoy competitive American salaries with are different from animals: selfish getting ratted. I always end up doing comprehensive benefits, including medical insurance. genes can only work if we are not it occasionally, after the memory has aware of them. been numbed from a suitably long A presentation will be held on Monday evening, 22 It is important for us to realise this. interval. It's always an unpleasant February 1988, at Imperial College, with interviews Morality, altruism, and being nice to experience. I hate the way they scheduled for Monday, 22 February 1988 (vacation and people other than your relatives, is brazenly serve up packet soup for something we have to teach. The starters. My idea of an ideal dinner summer) and Tuesday, 23 February 1988 (full time). future of the human race may require is not a mouthful of monosodium the sort of huge acts of altruism that glutamate. Why can't they provide See the Careers Office for a standard application form only sentient moral beings are capable soup from a tin, at least? I keep and forward it to arrive at our US office no later than 10 of. We now have sufficient power to finding lumps of dehydrated chicken February 1988. Please mail to: destroy ourselves if we leave our floating idly around my bowl which decisions to our blind instincts. give me no end of pleasure trying to Mr Ray Shull rehydrate and ediblise. Lutron Electronics Co., Inc. This is a very superficial description In my time at Imperial I must have 205 Suter Road, of the whole subject. For those who tried all the set meals that the Coopersburg, PA 18036, U.S.A. want to learn more the key book is Refectories have concocted. The roast 'The Selfish Gene', Richard Duwkins, duck with more fat than meat; the Telephone: 215/282-3800 Oxford University Press, 1976. rubber sweetcorn; the soggy broccoli;

FELIX Friday January 22nd 1988 5 Union sir SLAG Q: What's bi-

off sexual, fat and thin It is apparent throughout the Medical School that Rag has finally come to Hi, everyone! Just a quick note to town. Posters are up such that one assure you all I have survived the really would have to be blind to miss holiday intact. I have a couple of and has four legs? the fact that Rag is here! interesting bits of news for you. The behind the scenes work in 1. We should have an official organisation is in full stride, after a Society (SLAGS—Society for Lesbian Hold on to your towels everyone late start. It is amusing to enter the And Gay Students) after next Council because Rag Committee has finally SU Office and see someone meeting! done it. They've lit the blue touch attempting to negotiate 'a good deal' 2.1 am now helping to run the ULU paper, taken a step into the unknown, on borrowing an anaconda and some Lesbian & Gay Group, meeting pressed the red button, pushed the chimps from London Zoo for the . ' ..... Thursdays at 7.30pm in Room 2e at stone over the precipice, etc and ad breakfast party on Paddington Station ULU (Russell Square tube). Come nauseum... on the morning of Wednesday March along it's good fun and no one at IC The new Rag Mag editor is 2nd, the traditional start to Rag Week. need know where you're going if you remarkably schizophrenic, known This year the chosen beneficiary is don't want them to. generally as Gail Turner and David -it the 'Tuberous Sclerosis Association 3. Clause 28 of the Local Williams or David Williams and Gail of Great Britain' which has been more Government Bill. I will write more Turner (it depends whose talking), we than helpful about the whole event. on this subject very soon. This is a are funny, intelligent, witty and While one realises that the St Mary's ii severe attack on the rights of local desperate for input from you. We Rag Week is not on the same scale government councils to provide help want jokes, big jokes, small jokes, as IC's, it occupies an important part and support to gay and lesbian people. WASP jokes, JAP jokes, any jokes bigger than the whole Rag Mag— in student life here and it would be Contact me if you want more at all. No one need be safe, write Gail.) This year, for various reasons a great pity if it were to be swallowed information. them down and leave them in the IC we are changing the size of the Rag up in the merger. As a final bit—just wanted to tell Office, the RCS Office, the Physics Mag to A4, if you object strongly This year we are attempting to everyone about my New Year's pigeonholes or stop us in the street, write and tell us and we may change create a public spectacle in the hope resolutions! I resolved to eat anything in the bar, just about anywhere but our minds. As we are editors of that a great public involvement will fattening that caught my eye (watch in the bath. (Dave would even quality we don't intend to reduce the lead to more money raised. Events my waistline), only to go to lectures welcome you in the bath if you're fit number of pages so we still need include a band in Hyde Park if I really felt like it, to go to a and female but you might see a joke twice as much material. Witty poems, (hopefully) on Sunday 6th, a Paris nightclub at least once a week and to current affairs, cartoons, captioned Dash, and a general 'make fools of; sleep with anyone I met whom I photos, stories and crosswords will all yourselves and collect lots of money fancied (everyone thinks I do anyway be greatly appreciated and as we may afternoon' on Wednesday 2nd. With so I might as well enjoy myself!). I've be running competitions in future a little luck and a few celebrities, managed to keep all my resolutions issues of FELIX, get your thinking media involvement may be' so far this year! Let's hope I can keep caps on. considerable, leading to more; it up! So now you've got the idea we will MONEY! James Papa, wait in anticipation for the flood of So when 'That Week In March' Lesbian & Gay Welfare Officer. response. Whether you've loved or comes around once more, look out for hated past IC Rag Mags you now have the raving loonies roaming the streets the chance to change this year's. Only of London rattling collection boxes the funniest jokes will go in. Send us and please do contribute, as it will Alter- your jokes and make this year's Rag help to cement relationships that are Mag the best ever. essential for the future well-being of native Gail & Dave. the College. What do you feel about the NIGHTLINE VOLUNTEERS accommodation that you are living in? Wouldn't you have liked to know WANTED what it was really like before you arrived here? I would like to hear all Rag Mag: you '11 Dai laughing! If you would like to help Nightline, you have to say about your present or past housing so as to pass it on to the 24-hour information service, future students and perhaps pass some on to FELIX. I would also like to hear THE GREAT DEBATING please come along to the office at your views on the CCUs, IC Union COMPETITION 9 Princes Gardens on either Tuesday and your courses. This is your chance to get your views across to the WEDNESDAY 27th JAN Wednesday or Thursday, January College. It's not just freshers who read the AP! No previous experience 26, 27, 28 or February 2, 3, 4 Martyn Peck, at 7pm. Alternative Prospectus Editor. required

6 Friday January 22nd 1988 FELIX John Secretary put the top back on his SABBATICAL ELECTIONS are marker and looked at the poster he on the way. It's easy to tell this had just drawn. 'Coming Soon—the because many of the hopefuls have Cheapskate Supermarket closing been seen entering the FELIX Office down sale—everything must go!' in order to secure some early and free This was John's latest idea to save publicity from Editor Judith Hackney. some of the Baron's money, and Many suggest a small mention in the would also mean that he could stop Baron would be ideal. Others are all issuing those annoying trolley too free in imparting gossip about licences. The Cheapskate themselves, in the hope of getting into supermarket would be closed and all this very libel column. Tough luck, IS NUTTY Union boss Ian the little corner shops in the 16 kids. I didn't take the bait! Howgate about to abdicate? Rumour different schools expanded to sell has it he is having a secret affair with more things. The little elves who IT SEEMS THAT many of the SRC chairperson Gillian Cutler. Eye worked in the supermarket were not College elections have already been witnesses report kinky chase-me at all pleased with John Secretary's sewn up. A little bird told me games in the Union Office after sordid plan as they feared that the first thing yesterday that Dramsoc have next SRC meetings. to be sold would be their jobs. year's committee already sorted out, John Secretary had got his wonderful idea from talking to the or Adrian Hicks seems to think they THE CHAIRMAN of Ham Radio Kommandant of the Thinbread dormitory about a jumble sale he had do anyway. Naturally Adrian is Soc was so keen to complete a organised. Fed up with all the citizens who had left their rubbish in putting himself forward for questionnaire about his lecturers that his wine cellar, he and the dormitory club decided to sell it all and Dramsoc's President. he turned Physics Theatre One into use the money to buy some decent wine for a big booze up they were planning to celebrate that the dormitory was 20 years old and it still his personal assault course last week. MEANWHILE IT'S a safe bet that hadn't fallen down. Unfortunately, some of the things they sold were Phil 'Rambo' Pavelin scaled 4 Rag Chairman Nigel Baker will win not rubbish but belonged to citizens from far away lands who had benches, sprinted across the front of the ICU presidential election this year left them there for safe keeping. When they found out, the citizens the room only to find the papers to according to his newly formed were very angry because some of them had left very expensive toys have been removed by the ACC reps. election team. A certain other Union down there. One female citizen even claimed to have lost skiing He crept back to his row and steathily Officer, who was originally planning equipment worth 3 times as much as ALL the rubbish was sold for... crawled on all fours along the bench to stand for the big 'P', has decided to his seat. His next escapade is The citizen's leader, Ian Whygate, didn't have much to say (for a it's not worth it now and has joined rumoured to be a death slide from the change) because he was looking after the newest slave in the citizens' the Baker camp with the intention of top of the Queen's Tower. office. Reggie Blenheimpalace was the new counter of all the citizens' running as Deputy. money, but when he arrived he couldn't even count himself lucky BRENDAN 'SLAPHEAD' Spud enough to have a desk. 'Never mind' thought Reggie, 'I'll go for a A NEW 'CAMP' has announced has denied being the youngest wearer wander around'. He soon found himself in the Phallix office where its intention to run in the ICU of a toupe at College. The balding he was accosted by Largeamounts who wanted to 'take some photos elections. Women's Officer Linzi physicist said, 'at least I don't scrape for the files'. They then disappeared down towards the Jacques Wishart and Lesbian & Gay Welfare it across the top of my head in a Cousteau Club's bottle store... Officer James Papa are planning to Bobby Charlton style, like some of Meanwhile, things were happening in the many sections of the stand for President and Deputy my lecturers'. Cheapskate media. President respectively. Thrilled by the success (?) of the combined Lumpofmetal- BRIBES ARE still being offered worshippers/Fundamentallawsofnaturetesters radio show, Dave HOLBEIN HOUSE had a porno for news on the goings on of IC Radio Braincell and Clare MacUseless had decided to go one better. They night this Monday attended by not Station Manager Steve Gutteridge and would now be doing a show for the Citizens' Television of Cheapskate. only the Warden but also the two ex, John Allen. This was an abrupt change of opinion by Braincell. At the last citizens' Subwardens after a night of heavy committee meeting he was complaining that the TV station was a drinking. Two residents were unable waste of money and should be closed. Director General Mark SEXY, POUTING FELIX Editor to contain themselves while watching Winchester was certainly having the last laugh... Judith Hackney has a skeleton in her one film and ended up prancing naked (Clare MacUseless had also taken a leaf out of Whygate's book by closet, she has admitted to being a around the TV room. My spy tells me having a new hairstyle so that no one would recognise her.) member of the Marillion fan club. that they broke all-known house Rumour has it that she was spotted Over at Radio Cheapskate, controller Steve Garbage was having records and managed a 5-in-a-shower this week at a concert of her fave band troubles of his own. If the equipment wasn't breaking down, then orgy including one female wearing but has rejected suggestions that she his credibility was. Rumours were flying about him and a former citizen nothing but an enormous grin. caught a pair of Fish's underpants in but all the Cheapskate disc jockeys were keeping very quiet (for a her teeth when they were thrown into change). the audience by the singer. It was easy to tell that the Cheapskate general elections were ROSE ATKINS photogenic coming up just by reading Phallix. Last week's prize for the 'most typesetter operator, was recently FIASCO OF THE WEEK was the publicity in a single issue' goes to the diminutive citizen who managed overheard complaining about the fact IC Radio Annual Dinner last no less than 10 name checks and a photo... that she had not been given a double Saturday. The event was marred by Someone else keen to appear in Phallix was one of the Baron's new page feature interview when starting a mix-up concerning the cost. It was slaves from the 'sending documents down the telephone' office in work for FELIX this time last year £4 more per head than everybody the Surefield forties?. Hip Eddy was very hip apart from one and was upset at the fact that Chris expected. Valiant ex-Secretary and unfortunate thing. His favourite football team was that boring bunch Martin did not ask Reggie dinner organiser Simon Bradshaw (ex of North Londoners from Highbury, Arsehole. Blennerhassett, the new Finance because he resigned just before the Officer, what he thought of the Snack dinner!) dramatically announced that Why are boring Arsehole live on TV on Sunday? Bar food as she would have had a very he would pay the excess. However, good answer to this question had she I Will Dave BraincelTs live Subbuteo match on Cheapskate TV be my spies inform me that the money been asked. j more exciting? will come from IC Radio's special fund made up from profits from the Find out in the next episode of The Baron of Cheapskate I Chris Jones soft drinks they sell to members.

FELIX Friday January 22nd 1988 7 While soothsayers specialising in the study of slaughtered lamb entrails Do we really have little place in modern day society, astrologists have established control our destiny a lucrative little niche for themselves through the tabloids and various other or is our fate publications of similar standing. But astrology has been around for a long mapped out for us? time, with perhaps its greatest exponent being one Michel de The very idea that Nostradamus—will anyone remember Russell Grant in 400 years time? we are not acting So, who was Nostradamus and why has he not faded into the same with total freedom obscurity of others of his ilk? Nostradamus was a sixteenth of will in our lives century French seer (almost indisputable fact), who predicted is, today, of course events such as the rise of Napoleon, Hitler, the assassination of J F quite ridiculous: but Kennedy and the Ayatollah (absolute conjecture!). It is of immediate at the same time apparence that his predictions were characterised by predictions of doom; prophecy is still and why not? Even the most cursory study of human history will reveal present apparently that, if we are predictible at all then, for certain we will go to war, have without justification evil leaders, and plenty of assassinations to boot! Predicting in our otherwise beneficial and Utopian futures is best left to campaigning politicians and advanced world. religious leaders. So why, having discredited his Alongside the predictions, are they still worth writing about? Well, however his scientific predic- prophecies are taken, they make an interesting read, but even better are tions of the tenuous deductions and interpretations made by the various meteorologists, and experts; their logic is always infallible(!). the statistical To make things difficult the 'quatrains', as they are called, are forecasts of written in old French rhyme, collected into ten centuries, each with analysts, we have 100 quatrains (apart from the seventh, which mysteriously contains only inconsistencies such 42—is this the answer to life the universe and everything?). Unless as palmistry and you are fluent at French, it is necessary to rely on official astrology. It would translations, usually by people only too willing to further the legend. And, seem for all our if this was not enough, the quatrains are deliberately obscure, ambiguous quest for freedom, and chronologically jumbled: the explanation being that Nostradamus we still cling onto, did not want to risk prosecution as a NOSTRA magician—very convenient! and even One of the popular themes of Nostradamus, was the effect of three encourage, some brothers on the world, commonly believed to be a reference to the element of pre- Kennedy's and one must concede that no three brothers have had greater destination to our potential influence on the world (excluding Andy, Robin and Maurice existence. Gibb, of course). Nostradamus DAMUS 'foresaw' their assassinations. Saving you the French: b>v IVIeirtin Cole 8 Friday January 22nd 1988 FELIX 'Then for the great brothers, death the West. But what about the French and dissension.' affection for Arabs? Could it be the Linda Simmons, College Welfare Well, of course JFK and Robert release of the Iranian envoy, believed duly obliged, but Edward seems to be to be involved with the Paris with advice to all overseas students proving a little stubborn: bombings, in exchange for French Nostradamus goes on to elucidate: hostages in the Lebanon? 'The great man will be struck down Wait, this one's even better, in the day by a thunderbold.. .another 'The Arab Prince, Mars, the Sun, falls at night time.' Venus and Leo, the rule of the Church With a further reference to the will succumb to the sea, towards death of three brothers and 'lightning Persia... Leave to remain on top'. The thunderbolt is seen by The conjunction of Mars, the Sun commentators as a medieval and Venus occured on August 21, impression of a bullet. JFK was 1987—the height of the Gulf War and indeed shot in broad daylight, by Lee the navies of Christendom even get Harvey Oswold, from the top of a a mention and a reference to Leo/lion Renewing your leave to Benefit, although the situation building in Dallas, 1963. Robert was does of course refer to the Royal remain in the UK regarding EEC students and Housing shot nearly five years later, at night, Navy escorting re-flagged It is only possible to renew your leave Benefit is unclear at the moment and while celebrating a presidential tankers—obviously! to remain through the College in anyone in doubt should check with me primary election victory. But all these Now to the future, no surprises September and October each year. before claiming. links between various of his 942 here, it is a prediction of gloom, but Any notices still up in College Any Greek student who has quatrains have been made by those with a specific date. I hope you're advertising this service are out of date restrictions stamped in their passports keen to find some meaning to ready for this; and shoud be taken down. I'm sorry who would like them removed, Nostradamus words. 'In the year 1999, and seven if they have misled any students who should write (recorded delivery) to Hitler apparently saw himself in months from the sky will come the have read them. the Home Office requesting that their Nostradamus' predictions, he and Dr great King of Terror. He will bring Remember. The golden rule when leave be changed to that of an EEC Goebbels using them for propaganda. back to life the great king of the attempting to get leave to remain national. But wait until the end of In the quatrains, reference to mongols. Before and after war reigns extended is to apply before the expiry January before applying, in order to 'Hister'—before the 1930s this was happily. date. Even when the College scheme let the backlog of work described taken as being the Danube river, as On a lighter note, there is even a is in operation, we are unable to above die down. this is 'Ister' in Latin, but 'Hitler' previously unattributed quatrain accept applications from students does give the quatrains more making clear reference to Imperial, whose leave to remain has already Extended Leave to Remain relevance (well relatively, at least). 'Near to the port with no sea, The expired. However, I will always try It is stated Home Office policy to give Nostradamus talks in context of, fields of friendly battle shall yield to help students in this situation, genuine overseas students three years - '...the child of Germany observes three-fold riches from the very earth. although the College has no special leave to remain if they apply at the no law' Ani shall be contented.' resources to guarantee that a late beginning of a three year course. and, A port with no sea—an airport! But application will be successful. As However, it does appear that this 'In the deepest part of western a friendly battle is a clear soon as you overstay your leave to is not happening in practice. Europe a child will be born of poor contradiction, unless it could be sport remain, even if it is by only one day, UKCOSA (The United Kingdom family who by his speech will entice (in principle at least). So a sports field you are in breach of the Immigration Council for Overseas Students many peoples.' near an airport; Harlington is near Rules (ie you are an Overstayer) and Affairs) recommends that all overseas but, perhaps more specifically, Heathrow! Riches from the ground- thus lose your right to appeal against students who have only one year's 'Near the Rhine from the Norican it must be the Harlington gravel—£3 any refusal to renew your right to leave to remain, but whose course is mountains will be born a great man million. But who or what is 'Ani'—a remain in the UK. longer and wish to extend their of the peoples come too late. He will difficult one for any student of permission, should write (recorded defend Poland and Hungary and they Nostradamus, but could it be a Home Office Backlog delivery) to the Home Office will never know what became of devious anagram of Ian—a happy Due to an overwhelming number of requesting an extension of their him.' Union president?!! This beats solving applications for registration for present leave to cover the duration of Hitler was indeed, born of humble 3-2-1 clues! citizenship, the Home Office case the course. You should, of course, beginnings in Norican, Austria, and But, what's this? Century VI, work division now has a huge backlog submit all the usual evidence. was also a great orator. He invaded Quatrain 100; of work. This means that written In order to see if the Home Office Poland and Hungary to save' them 'Incantation of the Law Against applications to the Home Office are are carrying out their officially stated from the Allies—defensive? And, of Inept Critics...' taking about six weeks before the policy, I would be most grateful if course, the ultimate final teaser—did envelope is opened and up to three those students who do apply would let he really die in the bunker in Berlin? months before the enquiry is me know how they get on especially Admittedly some of this is intriguing, answered. 1 if they are refused, as UKCOSA have but it does seem that if you look hard Similarly, people applying in stated that they will do everything enough you will find something of person at Croydon are facing queues they can to help students in this relevance, however tenuous. of up to 8 or 10 hours. As there are situation. Nostradamus' style lends itself well no eating facilities in the Public to free-interpretation, especially if Enquiry Office, I should take some adjusted in translation. sandwiches and coffee! But enough of the distant past, what If you need help' or information on is there of a more topical nature? Well Greek Students any of the above topics or almost how about this, From 1st January 1988, Greece anything else, you can find me on the 'The Libyan Prince will be became a full member of the EEC. 1st Floor, 15 Princes Gardens, powerful in the West, the French will This means that like other EEC Monday to Friday, 10am-2.30pm, become so enamoured of Arabia.' Students, Greek students are now able ext 3604. The Libyan Prince? Well, quite to work part-time and study part-time obviously Colonel Gadaffi; at least if they wish. It also appears that they he'd like to think he was powerful in should be able to claim Housing Linda Simmons, Welfare Advisor.

FELIX Friday January 22nd 1988 9 SPECIAL by Chris Martin

Reggie

Blennerhasset, the

new boy in the

Union Office,

started work as the

Union's new

Finance Officer at

|the beginning of the

year. Hailed as the

only good thing the

I Union has done this

year, FELIX takes

a look behind the

face into the

background of the

accounting whizz-

kid and finds out

what makes him WHIZZ KID REGGIE

tick...

10 Friday January 22nd 1988 FELIX Reggie was born and brought up in LLGC was facing an uncertain it is this 'carryover' money that makes the heart of Northern Ireland which financial future as the Local up the contingency funds for the he describes as 'a very poor but Government Bill was going through following year. beautiful place'. His surname is Parliament. This would, if passed, With Reggie working preparing the French, taken over to Ireland by the prohibit spending on bodies that accounts, however, the work that the The Union's Normans, where his family have 'promote homosexuality', and the auditors have to do will be much remained for generations. main source of funds of the LLGC are reduced and the system will run much Reggie finished his education in the London Local Authorities. more smoothly. Also, the Union Biggest Dublin, taking a four year course at While at the LLGC he had set up trading oudets will benefit much from the equivalent of a polytechnic which a new computer system and he feels up-to-date trading accounts, with week-to-week knowledge of their trading position. Gamble The job of sorting out the Union accounts will involve him going 'Shy and unassuming9 around various parts of the Union to find out how their finances work and At the start of the 1985/86 session IC looking for ways to put them on the Union staged what was probably the computer. He is looking forward to most successful student boycott to this and actually getting out and take place in London this decade. As resulted in a degree in Business this will come in useful for the job at meeting 'real students'. a result of this outstanding effort IC Studies awarded externally by Trinity Imperial. The job for the post of Reggie describes himself as 'shy Students' Union took control of the College, Dublin. While at college he Financial Officer for IC Union was and unassuming'. Asked whether he Union Bar. spent a year as Public Relations advertised in the Guardian and he was efficient, he replied 'Oh God, I This year the Bar Birthday is being Officer and so has a good idea of applied in November. After a suppose I had better say yes!'. He celebrated on January 29, from 8pm, Student Unions and how they work. gruelling interview he was awarded describes accountants as 'the most when the whole Union building is With degree in hand, he set off for the job and began in January. This boring people in the world' but insists being taken over for a carnival type 'the bright lights of London' looking was the second time that the job had that 'Financial Officers' are different event to be called the Bar Birthday for a job, in true Dick Whittington been advertised; previously the Union and are actually 'dynamic'. He hopes Ball. Outside of including three style, and became 'graduate assistant' was not able to offer enough money to join in with Union activities and has bands: Jim Jiminee, Stagefright and to a publishing company. Although it to attract anybody capable of doing a special interest in, believe it or not, Chillon, who have all held highly was good experience, the company the job and had negotiated a larger ballroom dancing. He doesn't intend successful performances at IC was undergoing a reorganisation at salary from the College. to sit closetted in his office for the recently, the event sports a 2am bar that time, under a new American extension, beer from 60p a pint from manager and Reggie admits that it was '8pm to 10pm, a disco and films until as disaster. The company was cutting 3am, a string quartet in the Union down on its workforce and after a Tm trying to break the Bar, jazz piano and a casino. year he was given six months notice. The casino is without a doubt the Again he quickly found a new job, largest revelation to hit a Union event working in the City for a small mould. in years. A ticket to the Ball, costing shipping company. Apparendy it isn't only £3.50 in advance and £4 on the that difficult to find a job in finance! door, entitles you to all the above After two years, he then decided to He has been stationed in the next two years. events and a programme for the move on again and applied for a job refurbished Upper Lounge where, not Although he claims to talk too casino, which provides you with not as the finance worker at the recently only is it very pleasant and quiet but much, when he found himself only the gaming rules but also a set opened London Lesbian & Gay also has a view of the Albert Hall! surrounded in the FELIX office, he number of chips which you can Centre (LLGC) responsible, with one Situated with his new desk and became curiously quiet. He was gamble with at no cost to yourself at other person, for looking after the personal computer, he has started off particularly quiet on the subject of this a choice of three tables: Roulette, accounts for the whole centre. He on the Snack Bar Accounts, but is year's sabatticals, T haven't been here Craps and Blackjack. At the end of admits it was good experience of intending to eventually take over all long enough to know yet' he claims, the day when all the chips have been 'how not to run a business', the centre the financial dealings for the Union but added 'I'm being a politician'. collected in, the top winner will win which was run as a collective is nuite and put them on the computer. The He comes across as very warm, one of the £1,400 worth of prizes large and contains a bar and cafe. One problem at the moment is that the friendly and interesting, not your generously donated by Capital problem with the job was that he had College Finance Section audit the typical accountant, 'I'm trying to Leisure, owners of Third Street to be a 'duty officer' at the Centre two books at the end of the year and, break the mould' he claims, 'being an Nightclub and organisers of the nights a week, and this was very tiring because of the amount of work they accountant is a way to get on'. He casino. The prizes include the hire of would like to move away from Third Street Nightclub one weekday finance eventually, perhaps into night, at no cost, for your own private Management or something similar. function for up to 200 people; the 'accountants are the most As to the future, he intends to stay Ambassador Suite at Third Street for with IC Union long enough to set up a night, for 80 people, for free; a the new financial system and then see gallon bottle of red wine; half a case what further challenges he can take of house wine and much more boring people in the world...'on here . He is under no illusions alcohol. about what he has taken on, although This is your chance to enjoy the he gives the impression that he is best night out of the year and try your when combined with his full-time do, the Union don't get the books more than equal to them. Despite only luck at the tables for next to nothing work during the day. His job entailed back until half-way through the next being here for two weeks he has made whilst the Union subsidises your a great deal of meetings but although year. This causes great problems as a lot of friends and has quickly settled evening. he was working with some 'very good the Unions' Clubs and Societies do in. Tickets are on sale from the Union people' at an interesting place he left not know how much money, if any, Office, Union Snack Bar and after two and a half years because he is left over at the end of the previous We wish him luck. departmental reps from next Monday wanted to move on. He left just as the year until the books are audited, and onwards.

FELIX Friday January 22nd 1988 11 Highlight of this week should prove Also tomorrow are Imperial Pop Will Eat Itself arrive on cue, to be The Triffids at the Astoria College's Purple People Eaters, opening with a low deep drum beat tomorrow night. Adequate Doors influenced 60s and 70s and grinding guitars, all done on descriptions of this band— psychedelia. See them plus their light backing-box. For the first song or two 'interesting' and 'Australian' hardly show featuring oil projections, it appears that this band go for power j suffice—are hard to come by. Their prisms, slides and strobes for FREE at the expense of all imagination and repertoire covers a wide range of in the Union Bar. talent, but you know it's all a piss- styles largely dominated by indie pop- take, a chance to shout and stomp and rock with a psychedelic touch. They go totally mindless. The songs are so are on the way up so catch them now offensive that they become before ticket prices go way above inoffensive. Still, half an hour was student budgets. long enough to get the point; every Echo and the Bunnymen continue subsequent minute was wasted. The to go through the motions at Brixton MUSIC attitude of the night was summed up Academy on Saturday. In recent years by the slogan on the t-shirt of one of the Bunnies seem to have lost interest by Phil Young the band: 'The Poppies are crap'. A in their music, displaying little joke, a bit of a laugh but not to be imagination on their last album (the risked too often. name: Echo and the Bunnymen—how did they come up with that one?) and Gig Review: Pop Will Eat Itself, with minimal live performances. Still, Friday Jan 15, ULU. There were at Brixton you have no problem with hundreds of them, leathered and long Arsenal vs Manchester Utd seats and can enjoy the music even if haired young ladies and gentlemen, Highbury (Arsenal tube) the visuals are less than inspiring. piled six deep in the bars, lying This is the live game on TV on bombed out of their heads on god- Sunday and although it features two knows-what on the stairs and of the top five, a series of 0-0 draws wandering aimlessly around outside Leyton Orient vs Stockport in the past overshaddows the game. - after the gig was pronounced 'sold Brisbane Rd (Leyton tube) 2-0 defeats for both teams last week out'. Greboes, goths, headbangers, Orient only drew last week thanks to virtually ended their championship hip-hop fans, psychobillies and a 90th minute goal, a disappointing asperations. Arsenal can be exciting: hippies waiting for the band who are result for manager Frank Clark who at times and Alan Smith, David what the Beastie Boys will never be. has moulded a good side into a Rocastle and Niall Quinn produce promotion winning outfit, fit to take flair up front. United are having a on Forest next week. Stockport have good season with McClair providing veteran Asa Hartford and managed a a punch in the attack that has been Chelsea vs Portsmouth draw against table-topping Wolves missing before. Bryan Robson has led Stamford Bridge (Fulham Bdy tube) last week. I expect Orient to win his team well this year but I think that A match between two teams in the comfortably. the Gunners will take the 3 points. bottom half of Division One, two This will be a good game for the teams with no real form, does not partizans but the neutral would be seem to offer much for a neutral better staying at home this time. spectator. Chelsea are unbeaten at home but are eleven games without a league win. Portsmouth have Another week and another round of brought into the division a mixture of league games with a couple of big disgraceful behaviour both on the guns in town. All games take place field and off, a dictator chairman and FOOTBALL on Saturday January 23 at 3pm a moaning manager in Alan Ball. (unless otherwise stated). New captain Noel Blake has put a little more iron into Pompey though, by Adrian Grainger Charlton vs Liverpool and they are playing a little better. Selhurst Park (Norwood Junction BR) Stamford Bridge is an awful ground A real bottom versus top with the for a terrace spectator, you are miles Reds having triple the amount of from the pitch, and with teams that points as the luckless valiants. possess such unruly 'fans', I would Charlton are showing signs of a keep away from this one. A 0-0 draw revival and earned a point at is the sort of result to expect, though Nottingham Forest last week, Andy Pompey could snatch it with a little Game of the day: Jones being the hero for the day. It luck. has all been written about Liverpool Charlton vs Liverpool this season and 23 league games without defeat (18 wins) speaks for itself. It is their method that disgusts Fulham vs Chester me. They buy and buy until they have Craven Cottage (Putney Bridge tube) all the best players, how can the other Both of these middle of the table teams fight that. I admit that John teams lost their third division games Barnes, Peter Beardsley et al are last week by 2-1 and there aren't any proving to be brilliant, but if Charlton pointers to show that this will be a can beat them I will be over-joyed. game to see. Crowds of less than I will stick my neck out and say that 4,000 will look empty at the ground,: they can do it. A victory for the so I would give this one a miss. minnows over money. Fulham to win.

12 Friday January 22nd 1988 FELIX lews

Housekeeping The Lost Boys boy teen vampires with trendy clothes (Cert PG) (Cert 15) and haircuts, doses of comedy whenever anything starts getting too L/7ZM This is the latest film from Bill horrific, special effects trickery and Forsyth, director of that brilliant Spielbergian flying scenes. All this comedy about young love Gregory's Yet another modern vampire movie, eats away at the fascinating potential The Glass Menagerie Girl. following hot on the heels of last of the vampire genre; in fact, The Lost Paul Newman manages to step from Boys is the complete opposite to Near Helen Stone drops her two children week's Near Dark. impressive achievement to impressive Dark. The film seems to start with her mother before committing In the small California town of achievement and his direction of The promisingly enough, with on-the- suicide. The childrens' grandmother Santa Clara, the two teenage sons of Glass Menagerie is no exception. The streets footage of listless weirdos takes devoted care of them until she just-divorced Lucy Emerson, Michael film is really a film-of-the-play by hanging around the streets of Santa dies seven years later. The children and Sam, run into trouble. Sam is Tennessee Williams, who regarded it Clara, drifting from boardwalk to are placed in the unwilling care of warned by the owners of the local as an attempt to break away from fairground. But the introduction of Helen's sister, Sylvie Fisher, and comic-book store that the town is conventional theatre and 'the junior Rambos who talk comically slowly grow up. infested with vampires. Michael is photographic in art'. The film is a tough, combined with the heavy doses perfect photographic record of the One of the most notable things tricked into drinking blood, and is of garlic-throwing slapstick and play—yet Newman manages to about Bill Forsyth's films is his half turned into a vampire. Sam smark alec exchanges, all combine to circumnavigate this fact—the actor's refusal, even at the risk of having his realises what's going on when his spoil the film. cinema, in the best sense, creating films condemned as 'charming', to brother's reflection starts to fade, but from theatrical ensembles and interior lend any weight to the elements of he can be saved if the local head The Lost Boys tries to be another dramas an undeniably cinematic myth and magic that lurk below their vampire is destroyed before Michael Fright Night, and fails; it has none of mood. surface. The elaborate ritual which makes his first kill. the class of the previous movie. It guides the unwitting Gregory to the The Lost Boys is an uneven film, isn't as funny, frightening or striking Newman directs his excellent cast girl destined to be his sleeping beauty, reflecting the fact that it's been kicked as Fright Night because it doesn't expertly, and doesn't succumb to the or the influence that Olympian around by and rewritten by too many have a consistent tone. This is a temptation of 'opening' everything goddesses Stella and Marina wield people. It was originally supposed to shame, since there are some fairly up, which would have totally over the affairs of men in Local Hero. be a sort of Peter Pan, but has been exciting melt down effects, and one destroyed the atmosphere. The central image of the film is Housekeeping has the slant-eyed stripped of all its J M Barrie or two eerie touches, such as the light: light symbolises both the pain view of reality that hallmarks all associations, except for the title and vampires stepping off a bridge to and inextinguishability of memory. Forsyth's previous films; when the mixing of the kindly father figure disappear into the fog below. Dim lighting is remembrance. Lights goaded by the children about the mess and head villian into one role. The Probably the worst thing about the from the dance hall across the street of old tins littering the kitchen, Sylvie film does have a few witty lines, but film is the fact that it's villains aren't are a distraction from enclosed family lovingly scrubs them all and arranges it seems that the influence of co- at all frightening, but very stupid, life. The prisms of light in the them in beautiful, gleaming pyramids producer Richard Donner has been far blundering into all sorts of traps. I menagerie are refugees from the on the table. too strong—in parts, The Lost Boys came out of the film wishing that the shadows outside. Then all light is lost, Housekeeping is a film about gets uncomfortable like The Goonies, vampires had got the panicky, because the family can't pay their growing up, about the pressures in the which Donner directed for Steven tiresomely hyperactive crew of junior bills. So candlelight takes over- world to conform. The film retains Spielberg. In one sequence, the young brats that are supposed to be the radiance at the expectation of life. much of the subtlety of the novel by kids run screaming through a maze of heroes. Marilynne Robinson from which it caves infested with teenage vampires If you must go and see a vampire The Glass Menagerie is this week's was adapted. who hang upside down from the movie, see Near Dark—it's 'deep' film. It's long, but well worth roof—too close to The Goonies for sitting through if you're one of those 'To crave and to have are as like thoughtful, funny and well vm&t.The comfort. people who likes a lot of intelligence as a thing and its shadow. For when Lost Boys has good effects, some and no gunshots in your films. I does a berry break upon the tongue The film is firmly directed towards funny lines, but loses out when it thought it was excellent. as sweetly as when one longs to taste commericalism—MTV rock, pretty- comes to likeability. it...and when do our senses know anything so utterly as when we lack it? And here again is a Sammy and Rosie Get Laid foreshadowing—the world will be (Cert 18) made whole. For to wish for a hand on one's hair is all but to feel it. So From the director of My Beautiful whatever we may lose, very craving Laundrette comes a tale of society gives it back to us again.' threatened by anarchy and disorder. The craving the girls experience is It opens with vistas of urban waste for a sense of family, denied to them and squalor, Margaret Thatcher's as circumstances pass them along voice-over ordering the inner cities to from one pseudo-family to another. heal themselves through hard work They pore over meaningless and hope. But, unfortunately, the film photographs, asking eager questions isn't nearly as good as My Beautiful about their parents, and receive only Laundrette—Hit characters are a bit vague answers. A shot near the too one dimensional, and the beginning shows the two apparently sketching in of family and social about to fall from their high window relationships is too episodic. The perch. Then we see that they are in main character—an ex-colonial fact safely tethered—but the image is freedom fighter, Rafi Rahman- Masters of the Universe that even family ties are no security. commits suicide. In the wake of this, This all may make Housekeeping it's difficult to care whether or not seem like an unbearably grim Sammy and Rosie do indeed get laid. Why oh why? This film i« designed home and watch Eastenders instead. experience, but it isn't. It's a great Sammy and Rosie Get Laid is worth to merchandise the brand of toys of This film is the genuine article- film, one hundred per cent Forsyth in a look if you're really keen on the same name, and to induce utter complete crap. Even the cartoon manner and mood. contemporary 'thinking' films. misery in anyone over ten. Stay at series is better.

FELIX Friday January 22nd 1988 13 m SAILING

Team first despite no wind

Last Saturday, a team from IC sailed against teams from Sheffield University. Although the wind was virtually non-existent, we managed to sail three races during the day. A good result was achieved by IC, despite having to sail with no team captain. Two races were sailed against Sheffield Men's team in the morning, both were won convincingly by IC. After lunch, the wind had dropped even more and so only one race was sailed, against Sheffield Ladies' team. Until the last leg things looked bad for IC in this race, with first, fifth and sixth places. However, IC sailed well mm;::. as a team and pulled through to finish first, second and third.

HOCKEY Limp and clumsy PUBLIC RELATIONS IC Ladies—8 St Thomas Hospital II—1 DEPARTMENT IC, with a seriously reduced side, after ten minutes of good play, IC were expecting a tough match. This came off the throttle and let UCL back HELP WANTED was not to be. In her opening game in. Limp and clumsy tackling caused for IC ladies J Houlden scored the a spate of defending short corners £2.99 per hour (evenings) first goal of the match. Blair played which rewarded UCL with a farcical well in midfield and was rewarded goal. In a short corner switch, the The Public Relations Department needs with a goal. Jackson scored another defenders all ran to the right, the ball goal from a short corner. This leaves went left and in. In the second half assistance with research (on graduates and Ottway who played well as the IC continued to play sporadically. forward line to eventually score five Colin Wright struggled in his first companies) and computer date entry. A team goals. Somewhere in this mass of game back from injury and Gary goals St Thomas managed to get into Knaresborough looked out of position of students is required to work between IC's half and score. at inside left. Justin Brooking ran 5.30pm and 8.30pm Monday to Thursday on hard, but was rarely in the middle of the field to marshall IC's play. The a rota basis. However, alternative working IC lsts—2 outstanding performance of the day UCL lsts—2 (UL League) was by Jon Stonham who, covering times can be negotiated. IC lsts-1 for an uncharacteristically indecisive Reading 3rds—2 (Friendly) Jim Garside, was hard and clinical in The ability to type and computer literacy is IC Hockey lsts started this term as the heart of defence. Against the play desirable. they did the last, badly. Still floating UCL won and converted a penalty on their Indian gymkhana cloud, the flick. Their lead was to be short lived. Apply to: men restarted against UCL on the Paul Skipworth, beating four players, astroturf at Paddington. As a general equalised with a brilliant individual Jeannie Lyon, Alumni Relations Officer, rule, IC either score or concede a goal goal. However, he and Vamadevan in the first two minutes of every missed 'sitters' in the closing minutes Room 305, Sherfield Building. match. On Wednesday it was IC's as IC struggled to improve the turn to score first through a scoreline. The drawn result means Telephone: Ext 3040. Vamadevan-Collman short corner: dropped points for the lsts in a league routine. Still following the game plan, that they should retain.

14 Friday January 22nd 1988 FELIX FOOTBALL ORIENTEERING Hiccups after over- Large amounts indulgence

New College III—1 There was a good turn out for the first the course with good times, well-up IC II—3 event of the term last Sunday, to on the results lists. This shows the After the Christmas festivities, IC again, and his shot was deflected in Basildon Park, Streetley* This was a improvement made over the last took a while to get back into their by an unfortunate defender. A solid friendly colour-coded event and couple of years in the overall standard stride. Lethargic at the back, slow in second half performance, indicated despite impaired fitness due to large of orienteering in the Club. the midfield, and asleep up front. that IC 2nds are purring again, : amounts of over-indulgence over the However, It was IC who dominated hungry for the divisional | Christmas period, all members of the This week's event is a colour-coded the first half, on a heavily sanded championship. Club were brave enough to attempt event on Esher Common, see pitch, but couldn't turn chances into a hard 'blue' course. All completed noticeboard for details, all welcome. goals, only managing to hit the woodwork twice, and have the ball IC 6th-7 cleared off the line. At half-time the Charing Cross & Westminster—1 CRICKET score remained at 0-0. IC started the An emphatic 7-1 victory finally second half as slow as the first. New confirmed the promise this largely College then took the lead as IC's unheard of team has shown Creasing up defence stood still. This woke IC up, throughout the season. Coming at the and Pip Peel, back from inury, began start of this year's campaign it has The time has come once more for you with whites, training shoes, and the to link up with Rob Kelly, to immediately resurrected their to bleach the grass stains out of your talent of Ian Botham. As always our dominate the midfield. Chris Burton promotion hopes. whites, oil the trusty willow and step first eleven will be packed with and Mick Plummer made surging The goals began within 5 minutes up to the crease. Yes it's the pre- international stars, but there is plenty runs down the wings, and Guy Phiri when a cross from Richard Miles was season nets at Lord's every Tuesday of room in the other teams for the rest and Alan Glass began to work as they cleanly volleyed home by the team's from 8-9pm. All you have to do is of us mortals. So all players are did last term. Russ Dark and Stuart Scottish ace Cameron Gilmour. The sign up on the Cricket notice board welcome for a 'mervellous' day's Miller dominated the the heart of the goals continued throughout the match outside the Union Bar and meet in the cricket. defence, and Ian Charlton and Bas with two goals for Aiden Chandler lobby of Mech Eng at 7pm, equipped Tony Greenfield. Basma, making their debuts for the and Richard Miles and a goal a piece 2nds, contributed on midfield. Soon for Al Bamford and Andy Draine. the equaliser came, with an own goal. The one slight hiccup occurred early IC surged forward again, hitting the in the second half but should really bar several times, before Alan Glass be ignored in this fine all round forced the ball home in a goal line performance which considerably scramble. After hitting the bar several brightened' this damp and foggy more times, Alan glass ran through afternoon for all in attendance.

HOCKEY

Burton makes the hat-trick

IC 3rds 5 IC-1 Chalfont St Peter 1 Charing Cross—1 Within seconds the first goal was This was not a very memorable produced by the 3rds, a spectacular match. Players were lethargic and goal from Vish Ashiabor slamming unfit after the Christmas break. the ball hard against the backboard. A second goal was made by some Charing Cross began well and quickly passing around in the D until Steve scored one goal. For the rest of the Burton managed to get the ball in first half IC had most of the followed by another later in the first possession but failed to take the half to make the score at half-time 3-0 chances this created to score. IC came Almost straight after the whistle for from behind to score a scrappy goal the second half Hassann Majid hit the accredited to Seward. Bettendge ball into the net, 4-0. Shortly played well at inside forward. The afterwards the opposition managed to second half saw Charing Cross get their first goal, the keeper came looking much more likely to score. out to attack the player but he was just able to sneek the ball in. The final last However good defence from Faldon, minutes saw a final goal by Steve Pownall and Tucker prevented this. Burton—A hattrick for him and a jug for us.

FELIX Friday January 22nd 1988 15 FELIX

Small Ads DANCE CLUB

BRPVLC says —'Chris Jones come to PICOCON and be National terminated'. Mind your small ads Rock'n'Roll Penthouse Club or we'll arrange | for you to be the Basement I Club. BRPVLC. Competition Are there any ARCHERS out there? Two lonely archers need On January 30 Imperial College will help in their inter-university play host to the National Student Rock postal league. Contact Alex S. 'n' Roll Competition. Far from it (Doc 1). being 'just another' dance competition New from QT Soc the evening promises to be a Publications: 'Big Dipper'—the spectacular event to watch and/or sex life of a fairground boy. The participate in. Flight of the Condom'—Richard Generous sponsorship from Grant Branson's book of family life in the Andes (all £25 plus p&p). Thornton Chartered Accountants has enabled us to book an exciting and IC YHA talented dance group by the name of Do you have an infectious the Kansas City Jivers. Their lead laugh? Send £2 to QT Soc for dancer is presently the British Free- our free oral hygiene spray. Style Dance Champion. Escape to somewhere wild Simmo, you have left me The student rock 'n' roll event, much to remember you by. It's hopes to attract entries from all over vital you see a doctor at once. the country, hence the early start of DT. 5.30pm. These couples will perform Have you ever thought about escaping club's activities should be within What's naff in 88? A page of one minute of intricate continental from IC into some wild part of everyone's reach. Accommodation is FELIX with 8 spelling mistakes style footwork followed by a further Britain, to relax, take in fresh air, and arranged, of course, in Youth Hostels in 180 words. two minutes of dazzling and revitalise your mental state? and is essentially basic but using a Linzi the show was brill— i sometimes dangerous acrobatics in ICYHA can take you away from small hostel hidden in the trees of keep up the good work! Miss each of the elimination rounds. Only London to the vast, desolate moors of Dartmoor Village makes a great Piggy- six couples will reach the final. the Peaks or Dartmoor, to the alternative to Linstead Hall or Evelyn spectacular hills of Snowdonia or Gardens. Jonathon—did you listen to In addition to the above event there Brecon, to the rolling lands of the the show? I actually will be a more light-hearted event This term we plan to go up to the remembered. open to anyone and everyone as long Purbeck coastline, or the quiet world: moors and dales of Yorkshire, down as they follow these few rules: of the New Forest. to Exmoor and at Easter to Scotland. 1988—A good year for 1. Couples only (but - any Last term ICYHA travelled to these The groups are friendly and the MAROs. combination of sexes is acceptable!!). destinations, on average, about a weekend vacations are excellent. So Have you ever had a MARO? 2. Absolutely no acrobatics. dozen people packing into a minibus joining ICYHA may be your chance Try one you'll like it. 3. Winners will be judged on on Friday nights, to spend the to make new friends from all How long is your MARO? entertainment value based on style of weekend away. Usually walking. We departments and years. Meet us for Eight long members. dress as well as style of dance. may split into smaller groups lunch in Southside Upper Lounge, Last year nearly everybody that following different routines, the Thursday, 12.30pm. Dai laughing? More like Dai's John Schofield, Geology 1. his hair—The Penthouse Club. attended the evening entered this event. Does Andy think oblique Throughout the evening there will means straight? PK. be plenty of opportunity to dance, We would like to take this learn to dance or even just to watch —runity to apologise for the the dancing. There may be a few BRIDGE CLUB --tertainment in last light-hearted competitions and there weeK s pt... Ta ads. This was will be a bar available with light ROCK DISCO due to a strike py our gag refreshments. The evening is due to writer. Love and kisses all you start at 5.30pm in the Great Hall, girlies, the Penthouse Club. Tonight Sherfield Building. Tickets are only Imperial College Bridge Club (semi- Whatever happened to £3 available from Neil McCluskey finalists in last year's Portland Bowl nostalgia...? Bureau of (Min Tech 3), Dinah Woodhurst Competition) beat Kent University by 8pm Union Lounge transatlantic relations, the (Physics 3) or from the Union Office. a breathtaking margin of 119 Penthouse Club. Everybody is welcome, staff, international match points in the first Next week, an essay on the students, dancers, non-dancers. round of this year's competition. The bop until yer erotic possibilities of seaweed, Support will be particularly winning team consisted of: David especially the bladder wrack. appreciated for the Imperial College Reuben, Andrew Bowles, Cameron couples competing which included the Small and Adrian Munns bits drop off! Your surplus microcomputers' defending Student Rock 'n' Roll Yishu Nanda, required—see Micro Club for Champions. Bridge Club Chairman details.

16 Friday January 22nd 1988 FELIX Society Rage

later that new materials and modern BALLOON CLUB technology were used to help generate AMNESTY INT. and contain hot air. A hot-air balloon both political and non-political can now be operated at about one per prisoners. Hygiene and medical cent of the cost of that of a gas balloon services in the prison are reported to and hot-air ballooning has now be extremely poor. In mid-June 1985 Amnesty International appealed Are you wondering what this is a become one of the fastest growing air The Syrian Campaign is still urgently on behalf of Hind Qahwaji, picture of? If so then you now know sports. Continuing. Please take ten minutes of who sufferes from asthma, and six what the bottom of our hot-air balloon One's first balloon flight is a your time to write a letter to: Mahmud other detained PCA members, looks like! mixture of fear, appreciation of al-Zu'bi, Prime Minister, Office of beauty and a wonder that the thing the Prime Minister, 'Abd al-Rahman following reports that they were in works at all. To float 'out of this Shahbandar Street, Damascus, Syrian poor health and that medical care and world', away into the clouds and 'ride Arab Republic, concerning this family visits were being denied them. the winds' is an experience hard to woman: No response was received from the explain. Hind Qahwaji, a 31 year old Syrian authorities. Hind Qahwaji is married, and was adopted by AI as As a club we fly, weather agricultural engineer from Tal al-Nin, a prisoner of conscience in June 1985. permitting, most weekends and was first arrested for her membership throughout the summer. Our local of the Party for Communist Action Please send courteous letters launch site is down in Newbury (near (PCA) in October 1982. She was appealing for her immediate and Reading) but we also participate in released on March 3 1983 and unconditional release. Please also many balloon meets around the rearrested on March 21 1984. Initially refer to FELIX issues dated country where there can often be seen detained in the Military Interrogation November 13 1987 and December 4 special shaped balloons (have you Branch in Damascus, she was tortured 1987 for more details. If you would like to know more about Syria and/or In 1783 man took to the air in the ever seen a flying chateau, Mickey soon after arrest and reportedly more about Amnesty, feel free to first ever 'aircraft'—a hot air balloon Mouse, Donald Duck, light bulb, ice required an operation on her uterus contact Guy Sims or Monique Yeo powered by a fire made of burning cream cone...to name but a few!). as a result. She is detained without (both Maths 2). straw and twigs! But a month later the Everybody is welcome to our charge or trial in Qatana Women's first (hydrogen) gas balloon took off. regular Thursday lunchtime meetings Prison, south west Damascus. This is Watch this space for the upcoming In those days it was a much more at 1pm in Southside Upper Lounge a civil prison but it is used to detain Refugee Campaign! practical device than the clumsy and (above bar)—just ask around for the rather dangerous hot-air balloon (its balloon club! It really is a beautiful Peaks' and some rather damp design has changed little since). Hot- sport and surprisingly inexpensive, so SCOUT & GUIDE limestone climbing in Giggleswick air ballooning had died a quick death please come and say hello. Scar. The Brecon Beacons was an and it was not until almost 200 years Jan Vonka, Chairman. area the Club had not visited for some Last term was a successful one for time but proved to be a popular S&G, with plenty of events taking venue. The three main peaks of the place. There were four weekend Brecdns were reached and groups trips—to the Peak District, North also walked the stretch of the Off a's PHOTOCOPIER Yorkshire and the Brecon Beacons for Dyke path over the Black Mountains. walking and climbing and a weekend The barging weekend was 'off' barging on the Grand Union something else entirely. A constant Canal. battle was waged between the crews The Imperial College Union Print In the Peaks, various groups of of the two barges—there was plenty walkers went on 'bog-trots' around of ammunition for use in the shape of water pistols and buckets. Several Unit is pleased to annouce the Kinder Count, while the climbers anjoyed a superb day at Froggat good bridge-hops were also carried Edge. The party included several out. arrival of its new photocopier. freshers who learnt basic climbing All the weekends were well attended techniques. Yorkshire saw a partly and thoroughly enjoyed by all We can now produce posters in a successful attempt at the "Three concerned. Several social events took place during the term, including the combination of red, blue and annual pub crawl and restaurant trip. Over the New Year, we spent a black on five colours of paper week in Killion, Central Scotland, for some winter mountaineering. The lack with just a one hour turn-around. of snow put paid to the 'winter' bit, but despite the foul weather, a total of nineteen different Munros (mountains over 3,000ft) were climbed by various people. Make your This term, the Club will be going to Snowdonia and the Lake District (twice each) for some winter walking and scrambling and hopefully also publicity seen. some ice-climbing. We still have room for some new members, if you are interested contact Justin Petty (Min Tech 4) or see us in Southside Upper See Judith in the FELIX Office for Lounge any day except Thursday at 12.30pm. On Thursdays we have more details. j meetings (slide show and talk) at ! 12.30pm in Mines B303.

FELIX Friday January 22nd 1988 17 D i a r v

6.00pm. Parachute Club Meet... 12.30pm. Wine Tasting THURSDAY FRIDAY Union Lower Lounge. See Max Union SCR. A tasting of wines Hunt von Herbing (Chairman). from California. £2. ICYHA Meeting 12.30pm. Con Soc Meeting 12.30pm. Artsoc Meeting 12.30pm. Canoe Club ..6.30pm. Southside Upper Lounge. ME 569. SCR Union. Come to sign up and Meet in Beit Quad for training Meth Soc 12.30pm. pay your money for tickets for session in swimming pool. Huxley 413. Another lively meeting Circuit Training 12.30pm. forth-coming events, eat biscuits Union Gym with Cross Country Judo 6.30pm. of those radical liberal evangelicals! and drink coffee. Free to members All welcome. and Athletics Club. Everyone (membership £1.50). Union Gym. Next beginners' welcome. Free. course—January. Lunchtime Concert 1.30pm. Recitation of Holy Caving Club Meeting 7.00pm. The Music Room. David Ward Orienteering 12.30pm. Qur'an 1.00pm. Southside Upper Lounge. (piano) playing works by Bach, Brown/Green Committee Room 9 Prince's Gardens. See Islamic (top floor of Union Building). Mozart, Schubert and Chopin. Society. Advanced Ballroom 7.00pm. Arrangements for following JCR. 80p. See Dance Club Soc Soc Meeting 12.45pm. Sunday's event. Golf Practice 5.30pm. Brown Committee Room. All Union Gym. See Golf Club. OpSoc Rehearsal 7.30pm. FELIX Staff Meeting 1.00pm. welcome. Contact Adrian Grainger j 53 Princes Gate. See OpSoc. FELIX Office. Anybody who is Intermediate Ballroom ...7.00pm (Maths 3). interested in helping welcome. JCR. 80p. See Dance Club. IC Radio 8.00pm. Ski Club 12.45pm. Psychedelic & Indie Show. GLC Meeting 1.00pm. Shotokan Karate 7.00pm. Above Southside Bar. Sign up for Union SCR (above Norm's). Sign Southside Gym. Beginners Improvers Ballroom 8.00pm. lessons, racing team. up for greyhound 'church' session, welcome. £1. JCR. 80p. See Dance Club. SFSOC Libary Meeting ..1.00pm. casino trip. Beetle Soc 7.30pm. Canoe Club Meeting 8.30pm. Green Committee Room, Union Building. Borrow books from our Islamic Prayer 1.00pm. Meeting above Southside Bar. All Above Southside Bar. vast library, help plan future The Union Building. See Islamic welcome. Death to the Beastie Dai Rocking 9.00pm. events. Members only. Society. Boys. IC Radio (999kHz). The best in 1.30pm. C&G Motor Club Rally ...7.00pm. Beginners Ballroom 8.00pm. hard rock and not-so-hard rock Arabic Classes Kart Garage. Rally postponed from ' JCR. 80p. See Dance Club. music including the featured album Prayer Room. See Islamic Society. last term will be run tonight. every week with David Williams. Tang Soo Do 9.00pm. Gliding Club Meeting 5.30pm. IC Radio 7.00pm. Southside Gym. Beginners Aero 254. Arrange trial flights, lifts 999kHz. 'The Accommodation welcome. £1.00 members. to Lasham, talks and then to the Programme', about moving out of WEDNESDAY bar. Guilds & RCS hall. Radioshow 9.00pm. Sailing 12.30pm. Orienteering Training 5.30pm. Rocksoc AGM 7.30pm. Prizes, good music and all the Meet outside Southside. Union Gym. Social meeting held Union Lower Lounge. To elect a latest gossip! from 6.30pm onwards. IC Gay Okay 12.30pm. committee and other things—disco Green Committee Room, Top Floor Full SCC Meeting 6.00pm. afterwards. of the Union Building. Union SCR. All SCC clubs Rock Disco 8.00pm. TUESDAY chairmen and treasurers must Ski Club 12.30pm. Union Lower Lounge. Bring some attend this meeting about next Christian Union 8.15am. Above Southside Bar. Meet for trip year's estimates. records. Members 50p, non- Chemistry 231. See Steve Clark, to dry ski slope for lessons and members £1. Christian Union. recreational skiing. Bring gloves Judo 6.30pm. and thick socks. Union Gym. Next beginners' Guinness & Gossip 12.30pm. course—January. SATURDAY Sailing Club meeting above Stan's. Golf Meeting 1.00pm. Sudbury. Regular weekly meeting. Gay/Lesbian Group 7.30pm. IC CathSoc Mass 12.30pm. Shotokan Karate 10.00am. ULU Building, Malet Street. Mens Chemistry 231. Quiet and Caving Club Meeting 1.00pm. Southside Gym. Beginners group room 3a, womens group contemplation between lectures or Union Snack Bar. welcome. £1. room 2e. Meet weekly for exams. Food provided (50p). All speakers and booze. Wargames Meeting 1.00pm. Tang Soodo 4.00pm. welcome. Senior Common Room. 8.00pm. Union Gym. Beginners welcome. IC Radio Boardsailing 12.30pm. Susan's Ripvanwinklepicker Show. £1 members. Improvers Rock n Roll...2.15pm. Regular meeting in Southside Groovadelic indie trash, free Union Dining Hall. 80p. See Dance LIVE! 8.30pm. Lounge to organise trips. wayside recipes and the occasional Club. The Purple People Eaters in the Ski Club 12.45pm. guest uncelebrity. Union Bar. Imperial College's new Shotokan Karate 3.00pm. Above Southside Bar, sign up for Martyn with a psychedelic indie band with their Southside Gym. Beginners lessons and recreational skiing. 'y' Special 9.00pm. own lightshow. FREE. welcome. £1. QT Soc Meeting 1.00pm. IC Radio. All your favourite records Southside Upper Lounge (or Pizza Offbeat Practice 3.15pm. for two spectacular hours. Union Dining Hall. 80p. See Dance SUNDAY Bar). Plot-hatching extravaganza! ICCAG Soup Run 9.15pm. Club. New members welcome. Weeks Basement Hall. Contact Liz Wargames Meeting 1.00pm. Speaker Meeting 1.15pm. ULU Meditation Group ..7.00pm. Warren (Chem Eng 2). Senior Common Room. Pippard Theatre, Sherfield Building Room 3A, University of London 'The Mathematics of Art' by Dr J Union, Malet Street. Traditional V Field. breathing meditation. Everyone MONDAY welcome. No charge. Holy Qur'an Recitation ..1.30pm. 7.30pm. The deadline for What's Rock Soc Meeting 12.30pm. Prayer Room. See Islamic Society. C&G Motor Club Southside Lounge. Scalextric Southside Upper Lounge. On entries is Monday Islamic Circle 5.30pm. championships. Interested in any form of rock? lunchtime. Please notify Prayer Room. See Islamic Society. Come along! Clutch Clinic 9.00pm. us if an entry is wrong. Curry Soc 12.30pm. Amnesty Meeting 5.30pm. Weekly meeting. Southside Upper Brown Committee Room. Everyone Lounge. welcome.

18 Friday January 22nd 1988 FELIX ers

committed to their music. 2. The name Baby Delta left long before I did and at Small Ads my urgent and frantic prompting. A gauntlet 3. The name Baby Delta was not associated with me personally, the whole band chose it and must share the ANNOUNCEMENTS blame for its awfulness and absurdity. Also, out of the kindness of my heart, I played a gig Anyone interested in with the band at the Holland Club, although (according refereeing a few football with relish to Mr Hartley) I had been unceremoniously kicked out matches this term? No experience required, all expenses weeks before. I also allowed them to use my own personal paid. Contact Sam: 6455 or \Dear Judith, drumkit (which is mine) in order to audition my room B421 Mines. No doubt you are aware of the recent events regarding replacement. Mr Hartley should stick this up his bottom and see which way the wind of fortune blows. Guilds Motor Club are yellow rubber washing-up gloves and the infamous Yours sincerely, organising a trip to the Castle 'Gauntlet Club'. Will Evelyn Gardens ever be rid of this Coombe racing school on May terror? Andy McMahon, 6. Any interested members Apparently Mark Lee and the 'Magnificent Seven' (the ex-Imperial, should sign up on Mech Eng housing tribunal), think so. 'MI7' recently attempted to ex-Stagefright, Level 3. prosecute Ben Hodgson and Chris Stapleton for a string ex-etc. Are you interested in going to of raids. These raids were in fact conducted mainly by Amsterdam in March for only the VP and myself alone, including that terrible night of £40? Contact Martyn Peck via the hanging basket! Chem 1, FELIX or IC Radio. The executive of the (most exclusive) Gauntlet Club have "Would the pe/son who has previously considered both Ben and Chris for memberhip, Liberally the Ham Soc wavemeter please but although they show potential, an invitation to join was return it. Chris Read gave you it never extended. temporarily. Perhaps the aim of the Club should be clarified. We try to practice a nov.el non destructive fotm of mascotry, Be there or be.an asparagus borrowing things and giving them back mainly intact a slurring tip! Tonight, Union Lounge. few days later, having left a gauntlet in place of the ...And if you've any requests removed object. bring the records! Tonight Union Up to now our dealings have been restrained'to Evelyn, Dear Judith, Lounge. but beware! Even grander plans regarding Keogh Hall are I am writing regarding Matthew Huntback's letter about currently in the 'operation planning' stage. my article in FELIX 788.1 won't bore people by talking ACCOMMODATION I think it's sad some people find it so difficult to have about my own political persuasions (although I am in fact Spaces available in shared fun. Don't forget—everyone knows where Holbein House a long-time Liberal supporter and have done my own share rooms in both Student Houses is, and they can always come and have a go at us one night. of campaigning—usually in the rain). I only hope that at and Head Tenancies. You could even say we are 'laying down the gauntlet' in least some of the readers of my article realised that it was Room in shared house in an official challenge. meant to be a lighthearted collection of quotes and Wimbledon. £36pw (£12pw However, despite the joviality I shall end on a more stories—nor a malicious slur against the Liberal Party! rebate) plus bills. Phone 947 serious note. The threat of eviction of fellow students from Yours incredulously, 5207. College residences must surely be a subject concerning James P.apa, ME2 Shared room for male us all. Indeed it would appeal innocence is no protection PS. Did you actually read "my article Mr Huntback? student in shared room in against the wrath of MI7. Lexham Gardens. £36 pw. Hope everyone (including Mr Lee) had a great Xmas, Contact T Jackson (Physics 3). and long live FELIX's lack of censorship. Yours sincerely, FOR SALE Smalltown Dahaitsu Charade XG, 1979, left hand drive, 75,000 miles, good condition, MOT, tax, new tyres, new battery, sunroof stereo—£550. Contact Paul: boy 387 7050 ext 3586 (daytime), or 385 7477 (evenings). Dear Judith, One pair Salomon SX90 ski Having just read this week's copy of FELIX I was boots, size 11/12. £20 ono. Frightful deeply disturbed to find that my home town of Wilmslow Contact J Biddle (Biochem 2), had been branded a NAFF place. 371 0249. I presume that this condemnation was the result of one Colour TV £60. Contact T of your intrepid reporters actually going to the place and Irons or L J Davers (Physics 3) errors can therefore be backed up with some hard line facts. via pigeonholes. Furthermore I am surprised that you have even bothered Dear Judith, to publish such a worthless piece of information, since PERSONAL Regarding the Stage/right interview in the Christmas a large majority of your readers wofl't even know where Cosmic—sign of a misplaced FELIX. Pete Hartley is quoted as saying 'when we got Wilmslow is. gestation. rid of Andy, we got rid of the name (Baby Delta) as well'. Finally since you have had the nerve to slag off this Want cos busted? See most This sentence (no doubt flowing from the lips of the great quiet town surrounded by the beautiful Cheshire of RCS. man in all innocence) contains (or implies) the following countryside I would have at least expected you to spell errors: it correctly, 'WIMSLOW', I ask you, there's another 'L' Face of Cosmic—fate worse 1.1 was not 'got rid of in the cruel and heartless manner you know. than death. suggested. I left amicably and by mutual agreement, so Yours sincerely, Cosmic ferrets can be that the band could find a drummer who would be more Graham Messenger (Civ Eng). cured...anyone got a shotgun?

FELIX Friday January 22nd 1988 19 |NJ ews

Excuse me, I thought this was the lift

The offices of STOIC, the College STOIC feels that the thieves must television service, were broken into have had some limited knowledge of early on Wednesday morning. STOIC as they went straight to where Charles Robin, Secretary of STOIC, the petty cash used to be kept. was asleep in the editing room, having Union Deputy Presdient Alan Rose worked late the previous evening. Mr was reluctant to comment as the Robin was woken around 4.30am by incident may still be investigated by the sound of a filing cabinet being the police. He did, however, moved up to the door outside. A small comment that as the Union Building window about eight feet above the was locked by Security at midnight, floor, between the corridor and thei the methods of entry available to the The staff of Central Stores have stepped up their campaign against closure main STOIC Office, was broken and intruders were: via one of three fire this week. They have been distributing leaflets (see above) and collecting an intruder climbed through it and I escapes, by forcing a window, by signatures for a petition which they intend to present to College ; opened the door from the inside to having a key to the building or by administration. admit his two accomplices. The first hiding in the building from before intruder then went to a filing cabinet midnight until around 4.30am. have been carried out over a longer where STOIC used to keep its petty Mr T Briley, Deputy Chief Security continued from front page period of time and that students had cash. Mr Robin came into the office Officer for the,College, agreed that been misled by College when they to investigate and pushed past the two 'every theft on College property must had been made regarding rent or bar accepted the new Evelyn Gardens men at the door to reach the mains | be looked into and all College security increases and that it would be at least proposals last year. 'I've been Mr isolator switch, turning the lights on. is being reviewed at the moment'. three months before a final decision Nice-Guy for too damn long', he said The intruders then fled and Mr Robin The current spate of thefts from was made. However, it has been yesterday. He told FELIX in no attempted to give chase, but was College property includes the theft of made quite clear to the Union that uncertain terms that he would not hampered by the broken glass on the Micro Computer Society equipment, debts can only be repaid by either a hesitate in calling a rent strike if floor. The intruders made their way thefts from Hamlet Gardens and from 15% increase in bar prices or a 5% students were forced to accept even out down the main stairs. Southwell, Mining and Willis Jackson increase in College rents. 'The root more rent increases to cover College's Mr Robin dressed and attempted to Houses in Evelyn Gardens during the cause of our problems is that we have inefficency. report the break-in to College Christmas holiday. The total value of gone in for a major capital College Assistant Secretary security. The security officer on duty possessions stolen from residences expenditure programme. We have 25 Michael Arthur was seen quaking in was on his rounds and the incident was more than £1700 including more year mortgages on Evelyn Gardens his boots late last night. was only reported at 4.50am. than £700 from one individual. The and Montpelier Hall and refectories Mr Robin feels that 'they could at cost of repairs to walls, doors and to refurbish,' said Mr Aldridge. least have taken STOIC's defunct door frames, which were damaged Mr Howgate is in a defiant mood. camera', as this is proving impossible during the thefts, is expected to be He believes that the refectory Wacky idea to sell. Mark Salisbury, Chair of between £600 and £700. refurbishment programme should A new solution has been suggested by College administration to the Music BR plays Room problem. They want to put a' new Music Building on the site underneath the Old Holland Club, Cupid Huxley Building. At a meeting of the Rector, Head of the Management Railcard holders will be able to School, administrators and Union benefit from a bargain fare after next Music Society representatives, it was month. Saver fares usually costing suggested that the money needed for over £25 will be reduced to £10 the project could be raised by during February, while those under company sponsorship. £25 will cost only £5. Meanwhile the Queensgate Trust, 'With February being the month of set up to fund student activities, has St Valentine, this is a good chance for agreed to give £20,000 for a new young romantics to visit their absent piano to be put in Terminal Room A _ vsd ones and deliver their wishes in the Department of Computing. This in person', said Ross Furby, BR's is seen as an immediate solution to the Director, Passenger Marketing The ICU Rag Committee has two new Rag Mag Editors for 1988. The lack of a proper Music Room caused Services, explaining this generous new twosome, David 'Dai' Williams and Gail Turner have announced that by the loss of 53 Princes Gate. offer. they want to create a revolutionary Young Persons' Railcards cost £12 new Rag Mag that is magazine- and are available to anyone who is sized and sold through newsagents Editorial Note: Chris Griffin, new warden of Hamlet Gardens, has aged 16 to 23 or is a member of country-wide. denied that the article we printed concerning one of his student Imperial College Union. managers on the Libel page last week was true.

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication Board and is printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB (Tel 01-589 5111 ext 3515). Editor: Judith Hackney. Business Manager: Chris Martin. Copyright FELIX 1988 ISSN 1040-0711.

20 Friday January 22nd 1988 FELIX