Jason Lives By Christina Harlin, your Fearless Young Orphan The (2002) Directed by , Cory Yuen

The Transporter, now a surprising thirteen years old, was the first film in which I really noticed . I was impressed by his I still don’t quite understand what’s martial arts, as this film turns such scenes into going on with his feet here. funky flash-mob moments. If those moments seemed too well choreographed to be real, I was able to forgive because they were so energizing to watch. I’m bringing films into the Fast & Furious fray because Statham has now entered that franchise as well, and because they are car-and-driver based movies. You know what I mean.

Do you feel that the F&F franchise missed an opportunity when they made Jason Statham into a sort of boring concrete “vengeance” villain instead of letting him appear as Transporter Frank Martin and put that hero’s skills up against those in Dominic’s crew? Because, indeed, I feel that was a missed opportunity. Maybe they couldn’t get the rights to Frank. Maybe they couldn’t think of a clever way to bring him into the story. Well, I can: see, there would be this amazing thingy being delivered by Frank Martin to somewhere, and Dominic & Crew would be hired to steal it, and much to their surprise, for once they’re up against a driver who really knows what he’s doing. Then, of course, there would be double- crossing of Frank and he’d go team up with Dominic & Crew and there would be much driving and adventure! Yeah, it was probably a rights thing, but hell, they could have called him Hank Spartin or something else, I mean, movies have never had any trouble ripping off characters before.

Well anyway, we’re here to talk about The Transporter, which has held up fairly well over the years as an , though it isn’t quite as thrilling now as it was then, and maybe that’s strictly because I have already seen it twice. Frank Martin is a professional courier, ex-military and now living in the beautiful French countryside. He doesn’t ask questions and doesn’t break client confidentiality, so has a reputation as a good call to make, when you need something very “iffy” transported from one place to another. One day he notices that a particular package he is meant to deliver is moving, and breaking his second rule, which is “Never open the package,” he opens the package. There’s a very pretty girl in the bag, bound and gagged. Her name is Lai.

What’s kind of cool is that, though Frank is reasonably kind to her, he still delivers the girl to the destination and leaves her there. Business is Turn-and-step-and-turn-and-kick-and . . . jazz hands! business. Her fate would have been out of his hands if his employers had not gotten cocky and planted a bomb in Frank’s car, presumably to erase all trace of his involvement. Guys, you don’t mess with a man’s car, not when it’s a car so well loved and cared for. Frank goes back to kick ass and take names, and just happens to pick up Lai again on the way.

There is “something going on” that is shady – it’s human slave trafficking, so yeah, you might call that “shady,” and Lai is trying to stop it from happening. Her own father is the perpetrator which I guess is why the badguys haven’t simply killed her outright. Of course Frank will help her, eventually, because slavery is bad and Lai is really hot, and despite its quickness, their required love affair is actually rather steamy. While all this is happening, Frank is dealing with a local French policeman who knows what Frank does but can’t prove it, and the two of them have become rather friendly in the process. So about the cars! Frank has a pretty good car chase in the movie’s intro when he is the getaway driver for a bank heist. He blows through every sidewalk in without hitting a single pedestrian though he manages to destroy every little bistro table. We see how meticulous he is about the care and maintenance of a vehicle on which his life and livelihood depend. He’s admirably professional and cool- headed and damn, he’s a snappy dresser, too! Late in the movie, long after Frank’s car has long been exploded to Car Heaven, there is also a massive chase with multiple trucks and cars as Frank tries to stop the convoy of slaves before they can be transported off the map. Frank learned a lot of truck-chase tricks from Indiana Jones, that’s all I can say. But something I’ve always wondered about these chases: why don’t the cars just stop? Why keep hurtling down the road? I’d definitely stop until I dealt with the man kicking in my windshield, because I’m not good at multi-tasking.

But let’s be honest. This transporter job is rather silly, in many ways. Movies like this aren’t made to be sensible. Don’t even try to figure out why transporting Lai in a bag was necessary to the villains’ evil plot. If I were a criminal who wanted something highly sensitive taken from one place to another, the last thing I would do is put it in the hands of a man who specializes in carrying highly sensitive things. That’s just a dead giveaway. I’d throw my highly sensitive thing in the back of a pickup truck and putter down the road like a rancher going into town to buy feed, and save myself the $40,000 dollars it costs for Frank Martin to take a dufflebag 200 miles. Not being in their shoes, perhaps I don’t understand the logistics of transporting highly sensitive things. I can certainly see why the bank robbers wanted to hire someone like Frank – you see, it’s at bank-robbery time that you want a badass professional driver with a cool head, because you have other things on your mind.

Considering how outlandish the Transporter movies become (a natural progression, because the stunts must always be upped), I’d have to say that this original shows considerable restraint. It’s quick, exciting film. Our hero Frank has a surprising amount of personality. , who wrote the script, has a solid sense of funky adventure. Awesome music, martial arts, cars, the French countryside, Lai in her wet underwear, Jason Statham frequently losing his shirt. Really, there’s something here for everyone.