the walrus

Monarchy these visitors will pass unwittingly by Guildhall. Very much like the bride, the building is forgettable despite its vener- Royal Cock-up able age and pedigree, having been de- Charles and Camilla are choosing personal gratification over signed by Sir Christopher Wren in a the survival of a 1,000-year-old monarchy classical revival far more ostenta- tious than its modest dimensions can by Robert Mason Lee, photography by Alison Jackson accommodate. It had originally been Charles’s wish to marry in the regal surroundings of hen it came to venues for the in search of a second chance. For one the castle, with a dedication ceremony Wpantomime known as the royal thing, Guildhall has never been a guild’s to follow in St. George’s Chapel, amid (and possibly even legal) wedding be- hall — despite the pretentious name, it the hushed reverence of carved oak, he- tween the love rat Prince Charles and has never been anything more impres- raldic flags, and carved stone sepulchres the adulterous Mrs. Parker Bowles, sive than Windsor’s seat of municipal holding the remains of his crowned an- you couldn’t have found any place bet- government. It is overshadowed by, and cestors. This proved problematic; if the ter than Guildhall at Windsor. It is the a mere 184 paces from, the portcullis royals were to marry in the chapel, an English equivalent of the Little Church of , the royal family’s obscure English law would take effect, in the Dell in Las Vegas, a sham-grand favourite digs and top money-spinner, allowing commoners to marry there as location for marriage tearaways: the being a tourist trap drawing more than well. So the proceedings were moved young, the desperate, and the divorced one million visitors a year. But most of to Guildhall. It was a more appropriate

Charles and Camilla with Pink Flowers (2003), colour print 78 may 20 05

the wedding reception. Most arresting ly in Britain that the announcement of of all is the fact that the Guildhall en- the royal marriage has led to a decline trance is flanked by steps leading down in support for Charles as king — and, by to Windsor’s busiest public conve- extension, for Camilla as queen. “The niences. Some feared that the “Ladies” Commonwealth will not tolerate Ca- and “Gentlemen” rooms, with their milla in any shape or form,” said one astringent scent of the pissoir, would royal courtier, “especially Canada, New provide a pungent counterpoint to the Zealand, and Australia.” happy couple (or at least, as happy as Anticipating this, Charles announ- Charles ever gets) when they emerged, ced that Camilla would not be styled as married, on April 8. queen when he ascends to the throne, From the beginning, the wedding but instead would become something plans were a comedy of errors — if the called “Princess Consort,” a neologism word “comedy” can be applied to some- contrived for the occasion with no thing so very sad. First, the change in precedent in 1,000 years of the unbro- venue, next the legal challenges from ken line of succession, and no stand- the to the validity ing in law. Neither would she assume of the wedding, then the Queen’s de- the title of Princess of Wales — a title cision not to attend, followed by polls that has apparently been retired, like showing most Britons would prefer to a hockey jersey, with the death of Di- see the succession skip a generation ana, the secular saint of broken hearts and have Prince William as their next and light eaters. Instead, Camilla will king, passing over Charles altogether. be known as the Duchess of Cornwall, In this respect, the public was in fact a title unfortunately similar to the mar- reflecting the Palace in its thinking— ket brand of Duchy Originals, the prod- this so-called “doomsday scenario” was uct line of high-class biscuits, sausages, presented to the Queen by her court- and ciders spun from Charles’s organ- iers in 1998, and the monarch was re- ic Highgrove estate. portedly “not at all averse to the idea.” Both of Camilla’s titles are mere in- Despite this wishful thinking, it is vention born of wishful thinking on altogether unlikely. The constitution- Charles’s part, as the Queen recog- al precedent for is Edward nized — being far wiser in constitutional viii, whose wish to marry the divor- matters — when she approved the hrh cée Wallis Simpson left both Parlia- designation for Camilla, a distinction ment and the country divided. Today, reserved for family members in im- Charles’s wish to marry the divorced mediate proximity to the throne. ( The Mrs. Bowles has the enthusiastic sup- Queen similarly stripped the hrh from choice. At Guildhall, the atmosphere is port of the Blair government, which Diana once her divorce removed the one of overstuffed formality and faded hopes to benefit from a feel-good wed- throne from her grasp.) glory, in keeping with the falling for- ding bounce at the outset of its cam- If Elizabeth believed that Camilla tunes of the royal family. On the in- paign for a May 5 general election. would never be queen, the hrh would side, it is all burnished oak, stiff-backed Charles also has the grudging support not have been bestowed. The simple fact chairs and framed portraits of old roy- of the Archbishop of Canterbury, who is that there is neither precedent nor pro- als; but on the outside, it has fallen to was willing to bless, if not consecrate, tocol in British legal tradition for the wife municipal neglect. the union. As far as the British pub- of a king to be anything other than queen, To one side of the entrance, a notice lic is concerned, the general mood of no matter what fiction Charles tells to his board sports regulations governing who-cares-let-them-get-on-with-it was marigolds. There is no provision in Brit- trash collection and ads for upcoming summed up in the Daily Star headline: ain, as there is elsewhere in Europe, for music recitals. The covered entrance “Boring Old Git Gets to Wed.” morganatic marriages, meaning those is supported by Tuscan columns, now between a high-born royal and a lesser- blackened with motor soot from the ut the wedding has troubling im- born commoner, whereby the children stream of cars crawling along the busy Bplications for the fifteen Common- assume none of the royal perquisites or high street. Guildhall is surrounded on wealth countries that retain the British privileges. ( During the 1936 abdication all sides by a clashing riot of Chinese, monarch as head of state, no less than crisis, Edward viii had proposed a morga- Thai, and fast-food restaurants, offer- for Britain itself. The bells of St. George’s natic marriage as a compromise position ing the hordes food on the cheap — and ringing in the royal couple may well be allowing him to marry Wallis Simpson. a possible source of caterers for the sounding the death knell for the mon- This was rejected by Prime Minister Stan- Queen, who agreed to foot the bill for archy in its present form. It is not on- ley Baldwin as unacceptable to either

79 the walrus Charles was, according to various accounts, sleeping with Camilla as late as two nights before his marriage to Diana, and Diana publicly cited the affair as a cause of the marriage breakdown.

Britain or its . He was left with two nights before his marriage to Diana a former roommate of Prime Minister no option but to abdicate — a path Charles and as soon as two weeks after, and Di- Tony Blair. He reached into the murky has shown no interest in taking.) ana publicly cited the affair as a cause waters of European human rights legis- In Britain, the husband of a queen of the marriage breakdown. Even re- lation to declare the marriage between does not automatically become king, ceiving a church blessing of their civ- Charles and Camilla legal, despite 170 for the simple reason that he would il marriage, under the strictest letter of years of English laws forbidding royals then outrank his wife — hence, Prince canonical law, would require the cou- to marry outside the Anglican Church. Philip is the Duke of Edinburgh, a title ple to express penitence three times for Falconer’s ruling was bad law but good that does not even outrank his two eldest all their out-of-wedlock shagging these politics, and unlike More, he managed sons. But in Britain the wife of a king past twenty years, something they were to keep head and shoulders intact. always, without exception, becomes as likely to do as to support the ban on his queen. Charles can call Camilla the fox hunting. he British Crown has long sought to Duchy Original Princess Pie if he wants All of this may sound like theological Tretain relevance through a certain to, but there is no escaping the conclu- hairsplitting, but it goes to the heart of moral and guiding influence over the sion that with their marriage, Camilla is the objections lodged against the wed- people. That ambition, it appears, will destined to become queen of the Unit- ding and the Queen’s distaste for the die with the present Queen. What the ed Kingdom and, by extension, Queen proceedings. The British monarch is marriage of Charles and Camilla rep- Camilla of Canada. both spiritual and temporal head of the resents is the departure from sacrifice, United Kingdom and Commonwealth, ritual, and tradition, and the embrace nd therein lies the rub. For, as king but its temporal powers are now limit- of fame for fame’s sake. Elizabeth’s A and queen, Charles and Camilla ed to those of moral suasion — and how reign was exercised by royal jelly based will assume more than figurehead roles can hope to cling to mor- on mystique and ceremony, as a sort as heads of state, lend their names to al authority when it pursues its own of living incarnation of the British charitable causes, and trot out a cere- pleasure, in violation of the Church’s ideal. Charles will reign along with the monial coach every few years for the teaching? supermarket sales of Duchy Originals national bonding rituals of weddings Edward viii is a case in point. And jelly, his authority based on the princi- and funerals. They will also be, under the Queen’s own sister, Princess Mar- ples of organic husbandry and low-im- the 1707 Act of Union, the Supreme garet, was denied her wish to marry pact architecture. He has traded the air Governors of the Church of England Group Captain Peter Townsend on of mystery for the allure of celebrity, a and the Defenders of the Faith. Charles, the grounds that he was divorced. It process that began with the publication whose woolly headed thinking is was a source of lifelong unhappiness of his extended whinge in the Jonathan all false starts and quixotic for her, but she surrendered Dimbleby book The (my intentions, would like this — as the Windsors, until now, mother never talks to me; I never loved changed to “Defender of have always surrendered — Diana; that brute Philip forced me to Faiths,” to reflect the multi- to public duty before per- marry her) and end with the exchange cultural aspect of modern sonal pleasure. It is under- of vows in Guildhall. British society. The response standable, then, that the Ironically enough, the turning point from Britain’s rainbow of Queen would refer to Ca- in the monarchy’s fortunes, the one fig- Muslims, Sikhs, African milla in private as “that wick- urehead who presaged the passing of trudie cheng Christians, and 4 million ed woman” and complain to ceremony and the advent of celebri- Catholics has been deafening in its Charles that his marriage to her puts ty, was Diana. She was the first post- silence, for one reason alone: none of “personal gratification ahead of duty.” modern royal, the first to realize that them regards his marriage to Camilla Indeed, there is only one precedent the monarchy could no longer hide be- as valid. in English history for the divorce and hind a veil of secrecy. With naive cun- Neither, for that matter, does the remarriage of a monarch, the Tudor ning, she manipulated the media and self-same Church of England, which King Henry viii, who disowned his provided it with the requisite story- Charles will one day lead. The Church first wife Catherine of Aragon in favour line, casting herself in the role of prin- of England’s synod recently allowed for of Anne Boleyn. The Lord Chancel- cipal saint and victim, a helpless pawn the remarriage of divorced persons, but lor at that time was the English saint, in the heartless Windsor grip. At the only if their adultery was not the cause Sir Thomas More, who opposed the same time that she was a victim her- of marriage breakdown, which neither remarriage, and lost his head. Nearly self, she openly embraced victims. Not Charles nor Camilla can honestly plead. 500 years on, the Lord Chancellor to- for her the aloof patronage of charita- Charles was, according to various ac- day (solicitor-general-cum-speaker of ble causes: she hugged the aids victim counts, sleeping with Camilla as late as the House of Lords) is Lord Falconer, and consoled the limbless casualties of

80 Royal Cock-up

land mines, in the process turning her- queen is but a woman; a woman is but wife — again, an open secret not previ- self into a hagiographic image for the an animal; and an animal not of the ously referred to in the media. electronic age. highest order.” The royal family’s financial ledgers She achieved this in part through have also been opened for the first what English philosopher Anthony nd where does the Diana legacy time by the Public Accounts Commit- O’Hear calls the newest form of political A leave the royal family, seven years tee of Parliament, subjecting Charles correctness, “emotional correctness,” after her death? Let us peruse the smok- and Camilla to the indignity of having whereby the individual has no higher ing remains. Shorn of its air of nobili- her cost to the public purse exposed calling than the pursuit of personal ty and reduced to the level of pop idols, and debated. As it turns out, she was happiness. In order to record her he- the royals find they are second-rank in parsimonious next to Charles’s own roic struggle, it was necessary for Diana the celebrity stakes. They are devoted ever-expanding retinue of more than to expose publicly the intimate details to good works, but not as devoted as eighty-five staff, including a footman of her life. This she did, through a series or Bob Geldof; rich, but not as whose tasks included squeezing tooth- of private background briefings with rich as ; popular, but not as paste onto the princely toothbrush. tabloid editors, the popular as Will Smith or Beyoncé. And books, and the bbc interview in which they are paying the price of celebrity, ntil recently, the two princes roy- she confessed to her own and Charles’s the public’s right to the tawdriest de- Ual, William and Harry, were spared infidelities. It was all laid bare: her bu- tails of their personal lives. such public scrutiny by a gentleman’s limia, her suicide attempt, her string of The movie Margaret Rose, currently agreement with the Press Complaints disappointing lovers — all were spilled being filmed in Britain, will show the Commission. This agreement prevented like blue blood on the carpet. late Princess Margaret, the Queen’s sis- the media from reporting on their activ- The Queen in particular was mor- ter, banging her head against a head- ities for the duration of their full-time tified: Diana not only won the public board whilst getting shagged by her education. The agreement continues relations battles, now she was eroding lover, Tony Armstrong-Jones. It doesn’t to cover Prince William, who remains the shoreline of royal mystique. How matter that the scenes are drawn from a full-time student at St. Andrew’s long would it be before the “barbarous” life — such a film would have been in- University in Scotland until June, when philosophy that moved the French rev- conceivable before Diana’s death. The he will join his younger brother for of- olution would be afoot in Britain, a phi- same screenplay has Prince Philip ficer training at the Sandhurst military losophy in which, as Sir Edward Burke boasting about his sexual conquests academy. (Harry got into Sandhurst de- described it, “a king is but a man; a with a string of women other than his spite having insufficient grades.) But

Camilla cries. Queen comforts her (2003), black-and-white print 81 the walrus

the gloves came off for Prince Harry fox-hunt campaigners who interrupted Camilla did not get the fairy-tale once he graduated from Eton, and the Tony Blair’s speech to a Labour party castle wedding she wanted, but on the resulting publicity glare has not been conference. other hand, even Princess Anne will altogether good. be required to curtsy to her as the wife The younger prince was revealed t is known that both brothers share of the heir to the throne. There were to be a hard-drinking roustabout, prone I an animosity toward the press and to be no presents and no cameras al- to smoking marijuana and slugging pa- toward Camilla in about equal measure, lowed at the wedding in order to keep it parazzi photographers outside night- although it is said William blames the “low-key”— no reason was offered for clubs at 3 a.m., who showed up at a fancy- press directly for his mother’s death, keeping it “low-key” other than the one dress party wearing a Nazi armband on while Harry tends to blame Camilla. which sprang to mind, “an embarrass- a German Afrika Corps uniform. His While she was alive, Diana did not hide ment”— but on the other hand, the girlfriend, the Zimbabwean-born beau- her hatred of Camilla and tabloid editor couple will adorn a postage stamp and ty Chelsy “Ravy” Davy, is cut from the Piers Morgan recalls in a recent mem- they were granted permission to take same cloth, having been photographed oir that a young Prince William tried the royal train on their honeymoon. smoking pot at a boozy beach party. to cheer up his mother with a joke con- Above all, Charles has finally been Prince Charles has attempted to steer cerning the difference between Camilla able to stand up to the dominating fig- both sons towards a “better” circle of and a horse — the joke being that there ure of his mother and the forbidding friends, to no avail — the upper class- wasn’t any. figure of his father, and strike a blow es of British society have not been this That both sons set aside their dislike for personal fulfillment. What does the decadent since the 1920s. Prince Wil- of their new stepmother and agreed to Queen know, after all, about the obliga- liam was persuaded to befriend Camil- attend the wedding is testament to the tions of taking the throne?  la’s son, Tom Parker Bowles, shortly close relationship they have with their before the latter was implicated in a father and their desire for his happi- Robert Mason Lee is an award-winning cocaine scandal and narrowly avoid- ness. Charles has, by every account, Canadian journalist, author, and broad- ed facing charges. (He has since reha- found greater contentment with the caster. He lives in London, England. bilitated himself as a respectable food earthy Camilla than he ever did with writer.) Harry embarrassed himself the flighty Diana. And personal hap- British photographer and artist Alison with the Nazi armband at the birth- piness, after all, is what the modern Jackson uses lookalike models to pose as day party of Harry Meade, another of middle-aged royal ought to seek, pour celebrities. Her book Private is published the Highgrove set and one of six pro- encourager les autres. by Penguin, UK.

William and Charles tussle over crown, colour print 82