IInnarnnardsds Band Slut of the month! Cover Story

Taking pictures of The Nerve’s Calgary coverboys was no easy feat. Knucklehead’s Clay and Kyle clearly have some intimacy issues because they wouldn’t stand close enough to even be in the same shot and let’s just say that Rubber Duck and Waylon from Agriculture Club didn’t exactly dispel the myth that Calgarians are nothing but a bunch of bar-room

Laura Murray photo brawling rednecks. And the Red Hot Lovers? Well, after Danny worked 1. Stage Name and home base? 3. How is one capable of such a task? some Infusium through his wavy locks to combat the westcoast Roothless is my name. [From Vancouver] It’s not a task. 20 bands would be a task. frizz, he and Randy couldn’t keep their hands off each other. 2. How many musical projects are you cur- 4. Do you think of yourself as a band slut or a 15 rently whoring around with? band whore? I play in six bands at this present time. I play Both. A band sluttin’ whore! guitar for the First Day, Dissent, This Machine 5. Any advice for those who want to be a band Destroys, Stompin’ Stevie Dinners and the slut? Incoming 11, 13, 16 Lonesome Pine and the Jazz Nazis. I play key- Learn your fuckin’ chops. Make it obvious that Dirty Needles, Hot Hot Heat, From Autumn to Ashes board for up and coming rapper known as you should be playing in all of those bands. Toothbrush. I’m also auditioning to play bass -Mr.Plow in Zuckuss, Oh yeah, I also sit in on guitar for Live Wires 18 Dog Eat Dogma here and there. Turbonegro, AFI, D.O.A., S.T.R.E.E.T.S., and more... Cheap Shotz 7 T H E N E R V E H I T S Q U A D Bands go, clubs come, chicks rock, and 4 years of Nerve! King Pin (a/k/a Editor-IIn-CChief) Bradley C. Damsgaard Casey’s Q & A 7 [email protected] Some great lies people tell Pistol Whipper (a/k/a Music Editor) Sarah Rowland [email protected] Writers Hopelessness 9 The Getaway Driver (a/k/a Production Manager) Billy Hopeless on legendary Duanne Peters Pierre Lortie [email protected] Adrian Mack 8 Father Gary (a/k/a Visual Arts Editor) Wanted! Jason Ainsworth The power of the printed word Shotgun (a/k/a Film Editor) Bjorn Olson Friend of the Family (a/k/a Adult Content Editor) Off the Record 19-20 Jason Wertman The Henchmen (a/k/a Design & Graphics) Victoria, Calgary Warsawpack, The Von Zippers, plus over 20 cd reviews Pierre Lortie, Saturnin, B. Damage Cover Photos: and Edmonton Laura Murray writers and Film 24 [email protected] Gore: The Death of the Hommage The Muscle (a/k/a Staff Writers) Photographers to Atomick Pete, A.D. MADGRAS, Cowboy cover their Optical Nerve: Giving the ‘character actor’ a chance TexAss, Casey Bourque, Sinister Sam, Adler Floyd, Aaronoid, Billy Hopeless, Dennis respective music Regan, D-Rock and Miss Kim, Michael Mann, scenes... Skate 23 Adrian Mack, Jake Poole, Max Crown Skate Spot Girl Friday (a/k/a Subscriptions/Mailouts) Sue Hobler no pop! and any Skate Menace Weapons Cleaner (a/k/a Copy Editing) Alyssa Koehler mention of Robin Advertising (a/k/a Fire Insurance) Black or use of Column 21 Brad Damsgaard Absinthe: by Micheal Mann [email protected] the word “quirky” Out-oof-ttown Connections (a/k/a Distribution) will be cause for Calgary: Rick Overwater, Mike Taylor. Opinion 22 Edmonton: Graeme. Victoria: Jono Jak IMMEDIATE It’s Rainin’ Men: Ainsworth on Crippled Art The Nerve is published monthly by The Nerve dismissal. Magazine Ltd. The opinions expressed by the writers and artists do not necessarily reflect those of The Nerve Magazine or its editors... but often do. First publishing Smut Ranch 27 rights only are property of The Nerve Magazine cause for more info, Porno Movies reviewed! we have no desire to “ own” you. The Nerve does not accept responsibility for content in advertisements. The contact: Nerve reserves the right to refuse any advertisement or submission and accepts no responsibility for unsolicit- Etc... 22, 25, 27 ed manuscripts or artwork. Copyright 2003 [email protected] (604) 734-1611 Alt F4, Puzzle Page, Cartoons, Found! 508 - 825 Granville St. Vancouver, B.C. V6Z 1K9 604.734.1611 UNCENSORED! www.thenervemagazine.com Viewer Discretion Advised 5

Music Cheap Shotz Casey’s Q & A What was the last lie you told? By Sarah Rowland

Folding bands Some of you are probably wondering why The Smears, Hi-Test and The Bolsheviks aren’t listed on the Festival of Guns line-up. Well, it’s not due to any bad blood between the bands and coordinator Badly Damaged; nor does it have anything to do with outra- geously demanding riders. Although Stevie Kicks’ request for a dozen pairs of socks, two Shanghai hookers and a case of Dom did seem a little excessive for a local show. But if that was what it was gonna take to get the Smears bassist to play at F.O.G., Damaged was prepared to pick up his trusty squeegee to raise the money. Unfortunately, before the deal was signed, the Smears parted ways with their gui- tarist. Anyone interested in auditioning for the punk n’ roll quartet can email the group at thesmears@hot- Employees of the month: mail.com. As for Hi-Test, lead singer Bosh is hanging J. Pee Patchez & Luvena Ella Vader up his beer bong… for now anyway, which is too bad for bassist Shawn Blondin, who only joined the band we want to acknowledge J. Pee Patchez and his love- a month before senior members decided to call it ly wife, Luvena Ella Vader for all their hard work. quits. Who knew that his first show would also be his This Bonnie and Clyde reviewing team never lets us 8 Ball-Spread Eagle: Vas-The Girls: last? Same goes for guitarist Adam Payne, who start- down. Vader’s topnotch photography combined with ed playing with the Bolsheviks a couple of months Patchez’s witty words raise the standards for all free- “I care-no, I really do!” “I’m 28 and I’m a mortgage broker!” ago, only to have the group disband unexpectedly. If lance contributors. We’d love to offer them fulltime it’s any consolation, there’s an opening in the Smears. positions but as you probably figured out by their photo, Vader’s B.O. is just too rank for the small con- New Club fines of our office. For every five or six live music venues that Vancouver loses, it actually gains one. The Drink The Nerve’s four-year anniversary Cabaret, located at 398 Richards, is open for rock shows. The former gansta’ paradise known as Four years? We’ve Madisons, holds about 400 people so it’s perfect for a been doing this for band that has a draw somewhere in between old four freakin’ years? Nashville Pussy and new Nashville Pussy. Guided by Christ, seems like Voices put the new stage to the test October 22nd, only yesterday when they played one of their standard three-hour Pierre and I were concerts. The general consensus by those in atten- thinking about buy- dance that evening was that the new bar is lot like the ing our own sheet Starfish Room, only cleaner, bigger and better. fed printing press to print this thing. Chicks that Rock That would have The Iron been a mistake. Maiden of Think of all the Vancouver’s Mexican slave boys metal scene is we would’ve need- taking the cock ed…. right out of But seri- Becca-Sweet Fuck All: rock. Ani Kyd ously, we like to Megan-Sweet Fuck All: “I lied & told a will host extend a wet bath- “Don’t worry, I’m sterile!” bouncer it was my sister’s birthday so she “Chicks Who room handshake to Rock” night at everyone who has could get into the bar. She was only 15…” the Lick Club, supported us over 455 Abbott, the past year and every Thursday. especially those of As the title sug- you who banned us from your businesses or pulled gests, no men your ads because we “went too far this time”, what- allowed, only ever that means, and, of course, those of you darlings local female tal- who sent us hate mail. Believe me, it gets tiresome ent from vari- only receiving buckets of praise all the time. But I ous genres, digress... which is a good Oh right, the party! I’d like to personally idea because the invite you all down to our 4 year anniversary party! (also the Festival of Guns kick-off bash) at the Purple Fuel Injected th .45 lead singer Onion Thursday, November 20 . A good chance to rocks harder pick up any back issues you may have missed over the than most past 2-3 years, depending on which ones we can still women in this find, that is. So, yah, thanks for reading, because, city and so rather than booking her self every week, without all of you, hell, it just wouldn’t be any fun she can dip into the ever plentiful pool of singer/song- only offending our families every month. writers. Marnie Mains kicks off CWR Nov 6. -Bradley C. Damsgaard Employees of the month! Editor – In- Chief CC-The Cinch: Chris Read-John Ford: Good help is hard to find, especially when you pay in “I told my mom I was fine.” “I really liked your set!” beer and dope like The Nerve. (Badly Damaged’s facial products eat up most of our profits.) That’s why

7 Music Adrian Mack is an Idiot

a pretty squalid and disorganized event fol- kicked out the one bona-fide masterpiece I’ve By Adrian Mack lowed by a tacky warehouse party rendered heard all year with “Guitar Romantics”. The orn. Roy Horn. Am I the only person much worse by a shitty 80’s cover band who Hearts pitched their obsessions somewhere around here who is amused to discover managed to demonstrate the perplexing nature between the Buzzcocks and Badfinger which Hthat the manlier side of the Siegfried of French “humour”. adds up, for me, to the perfect band. On top of and Roy equation is named Horn? Fishbacher Then I remembered that anyone who that, they were beautifully geeky, looking like and Horn. That’s awesome. And it leads me to writes is a liar and in the case of this anhedonic the various possibilities that might arise from a confess that I’m learning some sharp lessons sap, a self-aggrandizing one. This man wants make-over session between Jimmy Osmond of late. In short, I’ve come to understand just you to think that his life is better than yours. and Vivienne Westwood. They had the balls how damning the written word can be and that That he is in and you are out. He hates you and the suss to deck themselves out in bub- I have to be accountable for everything I put because you’re small and his contempt is evi- blegum pink and rancid yellow and they made down in this rag. From the sheer number of dent in every line. It’s a pathological condition, it look like a million bucks. Then they rolled questions I’ve volleyed about my micro- should be treated and belies the fact that any their van a few months ago and three of them endowment, which I courageously disclosed a journalist lives a life much, much, MUCH died. few issues ago, I can faithfully say that I’m worse than yours. I don’t want to dwell on that as I’m going to be much more careful – and honest – Still, I would like to report that I saw inspired to say something stupid, like: “Why about everything that we share in this column. a band from Detroit called the Singles, at the not Good Charlotte? Or even Broken Social See, anyone who writes is a liar. My Barfly on St-Laurent, and they were magical. Scene?” But then I think back to poor old Roy job, here, is to mythologize the insignificant They were all puppy fat and shy harmonies. Horn, convalescing in some fluorescent I.C. events in my dreary life and to create a larger They mostly looked like bashful puddings in Ward with his face hanging off – it having been than life impression of myself. Were you to see oversized suits and the drummer had this cute mauled in succession by Siegfried Fishbacher, me right now, composing my legend on an old Adam Goldberg/Angry Jew feel. But with his plastic surgeon and finally the rare and 386 DX that I stole from a public school in the hooks! And big smiles! I loved them – I bought exquisite White Tiger of Shangri-FruitCake- poorest part of town, you would see a round, their CD and it was a revelation. None of ‘em La. The funny thing is, just three days before it bald chap in a beige suit given to him upon his past 21 years of age and they’re making chim- happened, a writer for Slate.com expressed his discharge from Her Majesty’s 51st Punjab ing, Mersey-drenched confections like this… it desire to see Siegfried and Roy die beneath the Regiment (The Dreaded WimWam), 1936. But made me appreciate what the Flaming mighty paws of their captive menagerie and then look up at that picture above my name and Groovies might have sounded like if they had I’m sure he’s feeling like an appalling putz what do you see? Correct. Mr. Fuckin’ Alright. only ever been influenced by the Flaming right now. Which is nothing new for a writer I A real looker. Custom built to intimidate with Groovies! So the Singles, cunningly, are the suppose, but it’s worth remembering that some- my almost supernatural loveliness. Flaming Groovies squared, which justifies their times these words have some juju on them. Well none of it is true. The National charming extension of old-world values into So live and be well, Good Charlotte. Post recently puffed up the Montreal Pop our Matrix-savvy new world of metaphysical Live and be well, Broken Social Scene. And Festival and I was struck by the irresponsibili- revolution! Ahem. My leg’s gone soft again, live and be well, Herr Roy Horn. I know your ty of the item. I must have been at another due to a pellet I took upon being ambushed by kind. I fought shoulder to shoulder with the Montreal Pop Festival because I don’t recall the the Wog on the road to Hanumanghar, blasted brave Teuton on the day we took General riot of indie-boy ecstasy that accompanied savages. Mehboob, the Lion of Mandi Dabwali. They Broken Social Scene’s appearance or the great- The Singles also reminded me of the are bred for victory, these men. No, really you look fine. Nothing a est-night-of-our-lives majesty of the Fuck other great discovery of ’03 – the Exploding Montreal after-party that followed. I remember Hearts. These kids, similarly youthful yet wise, little rouge and powder won’t fix.

NOVEMBER 26 ñ COMMODORE BALL-

IN STORES ROOM Music

This living Mistake Skates with Disaster By Billy Hopeless K, so last month I wasn’t here ‘cause my column wasn’t up to the high standards Oof this magazine’s expectations of me. What can I say? I never promised you a rose gar- den, just a low down roll through the thorns! See, I may not always be the best example of anything comparable to greatness, but I know I’m not alone. All through my life I have seen prime examples and role models who have kept me on the wrong path, allowing me to become the glorious mistake that writes this column. As the saying goes, the scum always rises to the top, so I prefer to hang with the meat and veg- etables on the lower depths of this human stew. This leads me to the importance of Mr. Duanne Peters in my world. He has been an institution in both the punk rock and skateboarding world since the 70s and refuses to quit. If you ain’t heard about him, well, we know about you. As well as being an innovative legend in the skate- board scene, he currently fronts two great and The master of disaster, Duanne well-respected punk bands, the U.S. Bombs and Peters, still rolling recklessly... The Hunns. He also runs his own label, Disaster Records! He’s brutally honest and really doesn’t just released what I believe is the first 7 inch hold back on anything he says or does. For this, release with her on it on you own Disaster I’m glad to say the master of disaster is still Records label. This unholy union makes me rolling, faster and more recklessly than ever! happy, as I have never really been big on red necks or faux redneck chic, but I’ve always First, before we get into the abnormalities of thought of Corey, from what I’ve experienced informality, I’ve got to ask you, do you ever of her, as more of a fellow rock ’n’ roll mon- recall carving the words anti you/fuck off into ster. How’s it going with Corey in the band? a button backing? I can’t remember where it was, but a sound man at a club gave it to me Corey is from Huntington Beach, CA, and when after playing a gig and said that you had just she was in Nashville Pussy she was the only played there and left it for me and it’s been on thing that made that band of inbreds interesting. my leather since. They are truly a bunch of hicks and I took the pussy out of Nashville! And now I call ‘em the I don’t remember that, although it’s very possi- Nashville Pussies! Corey Fucking Rules! ble. Since we’re talking about ladies, how’s your What deck /decks are you currently skating? love life? Last I heard you were madly in love, I’m currently skating the Skull Skates dead still true? guy’s coffin longboard as my main deck. Oh, and do you have a favourite run /park or skat- Corey and I shacked up over a year ago and it’s ing experience at the moment? the raddest!

I’ve got three models on Red Cross skates, Speaking of love and madness, maybe you which is an offshoot of Black label, but I main- can help me with something that has recently ly ride the mid model 33x10 in pipes and pools. disturbed me and made me question the sanity My quiver right now is 32 boards, I ride Pocket of others. Someone I thought was fighting the Pistol slalom boards and I have a lot of downhill same war as those I consider allies, has been and longboards including a Dead Guys skull making bold statements including that (not so) longboard decked out with huge hearse coffin Good Charlotte are the future of punk rock. wheels. My favourite places are Bellmar’s pool What’s your opinion? and Baldy Pipe… but I ride everywhere!

Which leads me to the shoes. You’ve got your I think it’s fucking pathetic! And I think punk own signature line of Vision Street Wear shoes! rock has always been saturated with weak, non They look great! How does it feel to be a sig- threatening posers that toss the word around to nature name in the fast lane of fashion? get underground points and realistically, they’re just as fucking lame as any boy band! It’s main- It’s the only cool shoe out there and the fast lane stream bubble-punk and I don’t care about any of fashion has become a bunch of lame looking of ‘em! little racecar shoes that have no style at all. What’s new with the U.S. Bombs boot camp? I also understand your life story, to date, has been captured and is about to be released, Nothing! Boredom! I like being in a band where which parallels the release of Vancouver’s own everybody lives in the same area and being able Joe “Shithead” Keithley, who has just released to rehearse and get along without ego road bull- his memoirs. I can’t wait to see both of them, shit! I’m pursuing the Hunns right now and but this is your time so tell us about yours. everyone in the Bombs is doing bands in their Who’s putting it out, what can the world area of the country. We’ve needed a long break expect, where will it be available, and in your for a long time. Maybe we’ll do something in a own words, what might we learn? year or two if we’re all still alive and around and everyone is into it. It’s not a book, it’s a mini movie and it’s got cool footage from the past till now and it’s basically Finally, I’m coming to L.A. with the Halos in my fusion of PunkRock and Skateboarding with Nov. Any chance of maybe hooking up for my ups and Downs of this thing we call life! some goofy fun like a skateboard catamaran www.blacklabelskates.com/REDKROSSpeters. run? And are there any plans for a tour of htm Canada or at least a Vancouver show in the future? Ok, while were plugging away, let’s talk about the Hunns. You’ve just added Corey Parks (ex. AbsoFuckinlutely! Nashville Pussy bassist) to the lineup and have

9

Incoming Dirty Needles

After being banned from playing at most of Vancouver’s clubs because of Jeff’s antics, his bandmate, Jonnie, finally loses it during an improptu street performance in Gastown.

gettable walpurgisnacht, a shocking vening years, Jeff has stacked up a By Adrian Mack disagreement between Jeff and a lot of silliness. Enough to give him he Dirty Needles are an razor blade. Jonnie laughs about it: Post Traumatic Stress, he claims. oppressed minority. They’re “I was pretty surprised. It That long fugue ends with the Trunning out of breaks and it was weird. Jeff was pretty loaded and Needles: feels like the Man has won. It’s a real he couldn’t get through any songs. “…and I came out of that shame coz they’re swell at what they Then he cut himself. I think that’s insane,” he tells me, explaining the do, which is making violent, intense when they shut us off.” genesis of the band, “so I went out Punk Rock. But that’s the least well- It’s a fairly anodyne recol- every night and lived a completely known thing about them… how good lection from Jonnie compared to the surface life, basically, and got wasted they actually are. Listening to their audience reaction, which might char- every night and just wrote about CD, which is currently unreleased itably be described as “appalled, what I saw... in the area I live in, I and unsung, all I can do is shake my sickened and traumatized”. saw broken glass, needles and head. It’s great. They’re great. “I suppose maybe we whores. That’s what I wrote about.” Everyone’s beautiful. What a fucking should not drink as much before we Jeff is the funniest mother- waste. go on,” he concedes, “but that makes fucker on earth right up to shirts-off If this band has a siege it more entertaining at the same time. time, then he’s a pain in the ass. mentality, and it should, it’s reflected You know, compared to our live Talking to him in any condition is a in the slightly reluctant conversation show, our CD’s really tight.” lot like taking a flying fuck at a of bassist Jonnie Needles. How do rolling donut, to paraphrase Marlon you feel about the way things are Jeff Fagoaga tells me that he hasn’t Brando. It’s pointless trying to keep going? I ask. had a drink in five weeks. He thinks up or make sense of it. Observe: “Not too good…” he sighs, his brain is damaged. “You know, lots of good “we can’t play a lot of places any- I’ve known Jeff for a long bands really get held down by this more and our drummer quit.” time. I was his boss once, in this print city. And I’m not gonna go off about Guitarist Jeff Fagoaga has warehouse. He was the greatest Steve Chase… I’m sure Jonnie went a theory about that, but we’ll leave it for now, coz Jonnie has a few things Jeff is the funniest motherfucker on to say first. Like whether or not the Dirty Needles’ reputation is justified: earth right up to shirts-off time, “Some of it… yes and no. then he’s a pain in the ass. The Arts Club Theatre? We should-

Adrian Mack about Dirty Needles’ singer Laura Murray photos n’t really have played there. What happened was Jeff said “Faggot” or you know what I’m saying?” “I’m an eighth German… something like that and then some assistant I ever had. He was punctu- off about him.” Steve Chase sounds weary I’m from California originally, born guy started a fight with us, right? al, organized and energetic. Then I No, he was pretty polite. when I ask him about the Needles. and raised until I was twelve but now And he never got thrown out but they hired his friend, Paul, and Jeff “I have nothing bad to say “You know, I played their Arnold Schwarzenneger, who is banned us, even though we never became the worst person I’ve ever about Steve Chase, coz he’s trying to CD last night and it’s good stuff… German, who’s father was a Nazi, really started the fight. But it turned met. He spent his remaining days promote live music in this city and That to me is the ultimate in frustra- unfortunately, is running the country. into a brawl.” there with his pants around his ankles he’s doing the best he can in this city tion, seeing potential fucked away by How does that happen?” because Jeff and Paul were fascinat- and I’ve got nothing bad to say about alcohol or drugs or even inner-band He’s Austrian and he’s The Dirty Needles, live, is like the ed with each other’s genitalia. the guy and he felt the need to ban us bullshit. Come on guys! You’re actually not running the country. Universe in uproar. They don’t put Stupidly, I got them to work all night from his clubs, the Piccadilly and the bringing a baby into the world! …I “…the other thing is I’m a on a show so much as they put on a once. When I arrived the next day, Brickyard [where he books now. Ed.] could give you the A-Z of dysfunc- Mexican. That’s another thing I dispute. You will see disputes they’d somehow gotten some liquid and that’s fine and I have nothing bad tional motherfuckers that I’ve dealt wanna touch on. I’m truly Mexican. I between band-members, disputes LSD and were into their seventh hour to say about him… and I think he’s with and some get it together and just wanna state this: I am a with the audience, disputes with their of breakdancing. Later, I found two great… and I have no animosity move on and some don’t.” Mexican.” own material, apparent non-compli- small gobbets of semen in the sink. toward that guy and I’m not saying So it’s not for lack of talent You’re a little bit Mexican. ance between their hands and their We lost several thousands of dollars that to get a show coz I could give a that the Dirty Needles find them- heads, a major dispute with Steve to their weird, cartoonish and slight- rat’s ass coz our drummer quit and selves in dry dock, right now. Maybe see Dirty Needles Chase and on one haunted and unfor- ly gay antics that night. In the inter- we don’t really have a band anymore, Jeff has some thoughts on this: on page 13

11

Incoming Dirty Needles cont’d from page 11 “No, I am FULLY Tell me about your band- Mexican. My Dad’s Mexican and mates, ex-bandmates, whatever… it’s like a Jewish person. You see, “The thing is, with Eric you’re not Jewish unless your Dad quitting, that pretty much kills the is Jewish.” band. He’s a Dirty Needle man, No, you’re not Jewish and he was there when it started. unless your mother is Jewish. Eric is the best drummer in the “I though it was the other city… he can drum fast but he’s on way round” the beat. He made it fast, and on, It’s the other way round and I couldn’t have played that if you’re Mexican, perhaps. Or good unless he was on. Alex, com- wasted. ing into the fold, he’s an amazing “I think that’s why I got guitar player, he adds so much and it mixed up because I…I…I don’t he wrote some songs and hopeful- know what happened.” ly we’ll put them on an album and Why’d Eric quit? John he’s an amazing, like “He quit because… he INSANE bass player… those guys got a broken glass thrown in his are amazing musicians and I would face because people tend to throw like that printed. We’re all really things and/or spit at our shows… exceptional players. Whaddya John Casablancas has been chasing wanna talk about now?” him since he got here and I think Your quasi-gay sensibili- Eric realized when you got a mug ty. like that …that could fuck up his “I’m doing it more in an modeling career” underlying way so they (the One thing that I should Needles) don’t really understand mention about Jeff – and believe what’s going on but when they me, there are so many things I want finally realize that they have a cock to mention about this tiny, gravel- in their ass at 2 a.m. and they’re ly-voiced enigma… like when he enjoying it… ummm… I don’t puked in his hand at a friend’s know what to say.” wedding and denied it while it We should wrap it up. spilled all over the furniture, or his “OK. Adrian, can you Masterclass appreciation of early make sure that the article is like… Rod Stewart, or his Superhero is like… I’m drinking tonight but alter-ego, “Windex” (he can only this is an anomaly now. I don’t be destroyed by Windex), or those drink anymore, I’m fuckin’ sober- curious Roger Years when he ing up, I wanna be sober and I would show up everywhere, leg- wanna pull some shit off, that’s all less, with his buddy Roger. And I wanna do. I don’t wanna be por- Roger would fastidiously and trayed as a drunk anymore and soberly clean up after Jeff until crazy… I don’t care about crazy, home time when he would ambu- but I don’t wanna be portrayed as a Hot Hot Heat lance a blacked-out Jeff home and drunk, crazy person anymore.”

Hot Hot Heat Photo courtesy of Warner tuck him into his little bed. Movingly, he goes on to tell me But the one thing I about his retiring homelife, hey recently signed a seven-fig- Canada” issue of Macleans maga- for a while, but it’s cool now. would like to really mention is describing a bucolic evening ure deal with Warner in zine? Radiohead. And how Jeff ruined watching the Gilmore Girls with a Texchange for their forthcoming SB: Definitely the Macleans! It CC: Last time I saw you guys play them. blanket. “To be quite honest album. But, first they have to stop seems like it’s easier to get press in was last November at the “Remember when I Adrian,” he says, “I look forward touring the planet long enough to get the UK than in Canada ‘cuz Canada Commodore. All of you looked over- into the studio! I chatted with Hot kind of ignored us until we got signed whelmed by the reaction you got called them a bunch of cocksuck- to it.” Hot Heat’s keyboardist/vocalist, to Sub Pop. To be on the cover of a from the audience. Is it like that ing assholes…?” he asks disingen- “This year was the Steve Bays, on the phone (he was ill Canadian magazine was big! everywhere and are you always sur- uously, like he’s asking Jackie worst. I woke up with like, things and chillin’ at his mum’s house) the [Especially] because Macleans isn’t a prised by it? Kennedy if she remembers the day carved in me that I’d done to night before yet ANOTHER jaunt to music mag and ‘cuz of my parents- it SB: I’m still always surprised by it. we all went to Dealey Plaza. myself that were really bad, you Europe. made it seem more legitimate in their Plus for me, the Commodore was “…And how they hated Vancouver know, like CUNT or like, whatev- eyes. always reserved for a different kind of and they’d never come play here? I er….” Casey Cougar: When you guys start- band. We had always played at Ms haven’t seen the full glory of that You carved the word ed 4 yrs ago, did you even FATHOM CC: I saw an issue of Kerrang! mag- T’s, The Pic or the Brickyard. On our yet. You were there. You witnessed CUNT into yourself? the possibility of scoring a record azine where they were critiquing last tour [in the USA], almost every it… (Johnny Greenwood) grabbed “Yes, several times. And deal such as the one you snagged rock stars’ hair, including Chad show was sold-out. But it’s mostly in me and started shaking me…” It’s actually the show that I got banned with Warner? How has it changed Kroeger of Nickleback. I thought to the big cities that people pick up on us been covered elsewhere – and from at the Piccadilly… I was your lives? myself, “Wow, you know you’ve early on. I think I’ll always feel like mostly by Radiohead themselves – carving CUNT in my arm, but I’d Steve Bays: We’ve always just been a made it when magazines make fun of we don’t deserve it! punk band. Before we would play your hair”. A few days later, I saw but in brief, Jeff abolished one of already done it before. Those shows plus work jobs. Now this has an issue of Jane in which they com- CC: I accidentally used the phrase their performances many years shows, I mean…. I feel bad for my become our job. We never set our mented on Dustin’s [huge] hair- how “Hot Hot Heat” when describing the ago. Through sheer pretty-boy band because they have to deal goals towards being mainstream. did you guys react to that? temperature in Costa Rica. Where hoodoo he managed to get the with it, right? They have to deal SB: I thought it was bizarre because it did you get the name? entire crowd on his side and with me.” CC: 104.9 XFM is presenting your made it seem as though people should SB: Paul just thought it sounded cool. against theirs. They RAN from the Well they do, but if the Vancouver shows in November & know who we are and we’re still I’ve seen it on the internet in refer- stage. Then their guitar player’s recordings are any indication, it’s y’all are in heavy rotation on that totally developing. ence to porn, like “feel her hot hot fist ran into Jeff’s head. It was the worth it. They’ve won my faith and station. How do you guys feel about heat” in a creepy voice. pansiest fight I’ve ever seen. It was I believe Jeff when he tells me he being sandwiched in between a 10- CC: What was more nerve-wrack- like Jello wrestling. The girls at the wants to start taking it seriously. year- old Offspring song and Puddle ing: playing live for thousands at CC: That didn’t sound creepy to me; Club Paradise were tougher. I tell They’re actually in a pretty desir- of Mudd? those European festivals or being on it sounded kinda sexy! By the way, him, you were condemned in the able position as I see it because SB: There’s so many motives and the David Letterman show for an you’ve got a really good rock bulge international press by Radiohead they’ve managed to accumulate agendas attached to mainstream audience of millions? [in his tight, tight pants]… music- I don’t feel like we’re the SB: Definitely the Letterman show SB: [Steve audibly blushes over the “…he was being a enough of a legend in their short same as Evanessence or Puddle of was weirder. He doesn’t ever talk to phone] Ha ha ha, I do what I can! Ha fuckin’ conceited cunt that night. time together to concentrate exclu- Mudd and I think people know that any of his guests except on stage. He ha ha actually, I have really small He was just an ASSHOLE.” sively on being great. The myth when they hear us. I’m not insulted arrives in private and leaves the sec- legs; it’s not a big bulge... Yeah, they were arrogant will take care of itself now… all by it or feel like we’re going to the ond the show is done. fucks and they got what they they gotta do is play, which is so dark side. There are so many amaz- Hot Hot Heat play in Victoria at deserved from our best candidate, much easier than dying slowly. ing independent bands that the last CC: You guys often get compared to UVIC Saturday, Nov. 15 and Sugar Jeff Fagoaga, president of the thing the world needs is another indie The Cure ‘cuz you’re both quite Sunday, Nov. 16. In Vancouver, you early-nineties Rock and Roll Dirty Needles will play (their last, band! The world definitely needs poppy and your voice sounds a lot catch ‘em at the Croatian Cultural Debating Team. or perhaps their breakthrough per- more good mainstream music- I mean like Robert Smith’s. Do you get sick Centre Monday, Nov. 17 and the “Coz he was a cunt and, formance?) at the Festival of Guns the 90’s were SO BAD! of that or do you find it flattering? Commodore Tuesday, Nov 18. In like, they were just being, like, in Vancouver at the Brickyard, SB: That’s funny; I was just talking Calgary at the MacEwan Hall Friday, pompous fuckin’ assholes…” Saturday Nov. 22 CC: What’s a bigger trip for you about that today. They have a piece in Nov. 21 and Edmonton at Red’s They were. Then they guys: being splashed on the covers of the latest Rolling Stone about 4 bands Saturday, Nov. 22. British music mags or being the that sound like The Cure: Interpol, started making those shitty experi- coverboys for “The Future of Rapture, us and AFI. I got sick of it mental albums.

13

Cover WhenWhen CowtownCowtown RocksRocks Calgary Invades Festival of Guns

Hey, remember the time when Alberta’s charitable premiere, Ralph the Tank, decided to spread some Christmas cheer at the homeless shelters and ended up slurring obscenities at poor people? Or the time when that inbred redneck, Weibo Ludwig, who hails from the same province fighting against mandatory gun registration, shot and killed a teenager for joyriding on his property? And who doesn’t crack a smile at the thought of k.d. lang being chased out of her home- town for condemning the beef photo Kate Young industry? These are just a few of the stereotypical images that flood the ignorant minds of Vancouverites when we think of Calgary. With such a dense and unenlightened view of our provin- cial neighbours, it’s no wonder that we rarely associate Cowtown with all that is good in rock. Until now, that is.

By Sarah Rowland Clockwise from top: Red Hot Lovers, Agriculture Club, Knucklehead

adies and Gentlemen: Meet the Red Hot inconspicuous speaking voice belies his deep Bourbon. “It’s total rock ‘n’ roll threads, leather that touring acts make a pit stop in the Prairies. Lovers. When the metal-laden hard rock raspy singing gusto. He and guitarists, Clayton and denim, heels and make-up and it’s great.” “We don’t get any good outside Lact plays this year’s Festival of Guns MacNeill and James Gamble, are having a pint “Lots of eye candy,” pipes in Danger rock,” says Danger. “You guys got non-stop (November 21&22), it will change the way you at the Lennox pub downtown, talking to The with a mischievous grin and one of the thickest rock coming up the West coast and we get noth- think about Calgary music circa 2003. They Nerve about their local music scene. “I mean, if Canadian accents I’ve ever heard, bar none. ing ‘cause we’re in the middle of butt-fuck won’t be doing it alone, though. The hardcore we were in LA or San Francisco or even Of the four bands, only Knucklehead nowhere.” punks in Dry Fisted, cow punks in the Vancouver, we’d be at a different point than and Dry Fisted ever play on the same bill these Nowhere to some. But a source of Agriculture Club, and quasi-poli punks in where we’re at. But even thinking about relo- days. But like Vancouver, they all know each pride for others. In particular cornbread-fed Knucklehead will also cram into their respec- cating five people plus their families all at once, other from back in the day. farm boys like Knucklehead’s Hegel, who chal- tive rundown vans and drive for 12 solid hours, that’s a big fuckin’ chore. Destined for failure, “We played together at our very first lenged the Rubber Duck to name five tractor stopping only for greasy spoons and road if you ask me.” show in our very first bands,” says Romance, implements. checks. Agriculture Club lead singer Rubber who was in a band called the Serial Hereos in “You got yer pull-type balers, you got However, there is one exception. yer pull-type swathers, you’ve got your chisel Randy Romance of the Red Hot Lovers no plow, you’ve got cultivators and you got longer has to trek through the Rockies to rock disks.” the ‘couve. He recently moved to B.C. to be “I fucked my way through Calgary Nicely done. with his lady. Now he’s convinced that relocat- But like a man possessed, he just ing the whole band would be a good career and I’m ready for some new blood.” keeps going, determined to defend his rural move. “The first week I was here, I went to the Danny Danger honour and his band’s right to put out an album bars and got offered a record deal and about called Farmageddon. “There’s a million differ- three shows— just from going out in one Duck has no intention of leaving Calgary, even ‘95 when Knucklehead was just starting out. ent types of sprays and fertilizers and there’s night,” says Romance, who hopes his band- though he feels that, musically, Vancouver is “They’re just great beer-drinking bros and they yer good old fashioned shit spreader. Do I got mates will follow suit by next spring. “I more receptive to his band. He admits AC isn’t work really hard and they have good chemistry five yet? So what I’m saying is, ‘Fuck you, thought, ‘This is it! There’s no reason to be in valued in Cowtown as much as he would like, going. We have such a huge history together.” Kyle.’” Calgary.’” especially by scenesters that want their city to “Hey, didn’t we get blamed for The politics of farming aren’t too Romance and RHL singer, Danny be the next New York. throwing chairs at them in this town?” inter- much of a concern for the Lovers, nor any kind Danger, are polishing off a jug of Bourbon “The rule of thumb is you’re always rupts Danger, who clearly isn’t as sentimental of politics for that matter, especially when it Street swill in Gastown after their Nerve photo appreciated better out of your hometown, but it as Romance. comes to their music. “We’re a simple rock shoot. Danger wants to relocate too, but for dif- is tough,” says the Rubber Duck, whose stage “No, that was Wednesday Night band,” says Romance, the man whose group ferent reasons. handle is named after a character in a Kris Heroes and it was Mike Roche [singer for the penned the genius lyrics, “I Don’t Care if We “I fucked my way through Calgary,” Kristofferson film. He’s on the phone from his Gung-Hos] that threw the chair,” corrects Fuck or Fight Tonight.” “We have no political admits Danger, who currently has a scoring home in the 403 area code. “However, it’s good Romance. agenda at all. Don’t try to analyze it. There’s average of two lays for every three shows he because the bands that really want to do it are “Fuck, OK, never mind. Different nothing intelligent about our rock.” plays in Vancouver. “I’m ready for some new forced to get off their asses and drive and I band,” says Danger, topping up everyone’s beer Danger agrees. blood.” think it does breed a tougher rock band. The glass. “They’re all the same to me. Nothing “I grew up shooting signs and fuckin’ Well, you’ve come to the right town. ones that do make it to Vancouver regularly are against them. They just all sound the same.” racing cars and we didn’t really care about what We had a bumper crop of hot, young, tight- gonna be better groups for it. Like the Red Hot Romance is quick to jump in and mit- was going on in the world around us and I still assed girls at shows this season. And they’re Lovers, I would put them up against a lot of igate the verbal damage. don’t,” says Danger, who was raised in easy to spot from the stage with their white other bands out there because they’ve had to “We’re always proud of a band from Bowden, a small town known for its proximity studded belts, died black pineapple haircuts and get in a fucking van and get the hell out of Calgary, no matter what sound, that hits the to a medium security sex offender prison. “We that special gleam in their eye. Calgary. Same with us and same with road as often and as frequently as they do,” he just have booze-fueled good times.” For some, that’s not enough incen- Knucklehead.” says. “Yah, we’re rock ‘n’ rollers. Whatever. After one listen to Knucklehead’s lat- tive. Bands like Knucklehead are staying put Maybe so, but the lure of We may not be into their sound so much, but est CD, Hostage Radio, it’s obvious that they because the career opportunities aren’t worth Vancouver’s rock fashion sense is just too we’re always totally proud of a band from don’t share the same view. “Shelters” is a the upheaval. tempting for a dirty-rock group like the RHL. Calgary that hits the road for, like, three months “I think it’s something that we’ll “You come to Vancouver and every- at a time because it’s very rare.” struggle with forever,” says Kyle Hegel, whose one dresses up,” says Romance, back at the According to Danger, it’s also rare see Cowtown on next page

15 Incomin’ Cowtown cont’d from previous page From Autumn to Ashes straight-up punk tune with an Oi!-inspired way they want it to because it’s too personal to chanting chorus and lyrics that expose the flip be able to lump into a category and throw it side of living in one of the richest provinces. into a mass-produced blender and just spit out “That song in particular is about the bands here and there.” working poor,” says Hegel, pointing to the fact Another hurdle members of FATA that an estimated 50% of people in living in have cleared, when it comes to sharing vocal Calgary shelters have jobs. “That’s bullshit— duties, is making sure songwriting credit is if you’re working fulltime and can’t afford to paid where it is due. Every single intertwining put a roof over your head. There are families lyric on their sophomore album, The Fiction living there. That’s the real piss-off.” We Live, is attributed (instead of the usual Although Knucklehead’s general Jagger/Richards type of credit), with Perri’s in philosophy is if you have any conscience, you bold and Mark’s in caps. can’t ignore these kinds of injustices in your “We each wrote our own parts and songs, they don’t look down on bands whose we kind of wanted to distinguish that coz each lyrical content doesn’t go beyond pilsner, 18- of it is our own emotion,” explains Perri. “It’s wheelers and cattle ranching. kind of strange that even though we don’t write “That’s fine,” says Knucklehead’s MacNeill about writing party anthems. “We do our words together, somehow they fit together. that too. We just feel that there’s more to the You can’t really decipher. If you read the songs world than just that.” straight through without knowing who did Agriculture Club, on the other hand, what, you wouldn’t know who wrote what. is faced with the challenge of coming up with And I think we just really wanted to distinguish clever lyrics for songs about going to tractor that and make it more accessible to the fans.” pulls. But these cowboys don’t mind because With all their brazen melding of they’ve stuck to their original vision. Photo courtesy of Vagrant influences on their stormy post-metalcore LP, “We both like old country like By Sarah Rowland other bands started forming, trying to do the why not just throw in an acoustic pop ballad Johnny Cash and Waylon Jennings and stuff same thing as each other, like what happens sung by an angelic sounding female guest and we thought, ‘What if we sped it up really with every other genre that gets popular,” says ardcore singers looking for an alterna- vocalist? Melanie Wills’ “Autumns fast? That would be pretty cool’”, says AC six Francis Mark, who must have a cardiovascular Monologue” showcases a talent in her own string picker, Waylon Nelson. “Then we just tive to periodic polyp-scrapings need system as strong as Phil Collins because he is look no further than the new hybrid of right and FATA’s determination to do whatever wrote songs around those country sorta themes H both the drummer and sensitive melodic vocal- the hell they please. like drinking beer and truck driving and beer music taking over the alternative airwaves. ist in FATA. He’s calling from North Carolina, Emo-core is a potent cocktail, con- “When we first started the band, we drinking and driving trucks.” right after sound check. “But I’m not really always wanted to have a female vocalist some- As far as being considered a shtick taining equal parts melodic cries of emotion concerned about it. I can only do what I do. If and demonic growling. The challenge for where on the record just to mix it up and have band, Nelson is a little less defensive than his it does get huge, we can take comfort in the fact something new”, says Perri. “It’s something bandmate. Where Rubber Duck thinks it’s bands who genuinely like this type of musical that we were doing it before it was the cool that we wanted to do and no matter what peo- ignorant to dismiss the group as gimmicky just interbreeding is not to become victims of an thing to do.” ‘cause its members sport cowboy hats, Nelson over-saturated market, only to wind up the ple were gonna think, we were gonna do it.” His collaborator, Benjamin Perri, And so they did. says “As long as you come to our show and laughing stock of genre puritans. says that even though record labels are stock- buy a CD and maybe a shirt, you can call us For a young band like Long Island’s piling these kinds of bands, they won’t succeed From Autumn to Ashes, along with Vagrant whatever you want. Just don’t call me late for From Autumn to Ashes, however, worrying in capitalizing on the sound, like in the case of dinner.” about getting heaped into a new “nu” is not a recording artists Alkaline Trio, Reggie and the nu metal. Full Effect and No Motiv will play in Spoken like a true cud-chewin’ top priority, because it’s all they know and “I think the industry is trying to,” Calgary gent. they’re good at it. Vancouver at the Croatian Cultural says Perri, who roars the guttural growls in Centre Monday Dec. 1. “I’d be mildly concerned if a million FATA. “But I don’t think that it’s happening the

16

Music Live Wires see a spectacle in rock and metal stage shows… many bands put the old homesickness for Glasgow to bed. Anyway, after need to learn the value of a good stage show…. shit like explod- wading thru the Great Unwashed (Strapping Young Lad were ing TVs, bending metal bars with your mouth and then spitting playing downstairs) I made it upstairs to the relative safety of the out your teeth and, of course, holding cinder blocks to your chest altogether more intimate (not to mention deodorant-friendly), while someone smashes them with a sledge hammer. Junction 18 show. Unfortunately, my fashionably late entrance Fuck yeah!!! D.O.A., the pride of Vancouver… these meant that I’d missed ALL of the support acts – oh well, with guys kick ass! They opened the set with “Nazi Training Camp” time and counseling, I’m sure I’ll get over it. So it’s third time and, fortunately for the crowd, they stuck to many old songs like lucky for the young Boston five-piece, J18, having been refused “Disco Sucks”, “Liar for Hire”, “World War 3” and “Race Riot”. entry into Canada twice by non punk-loving customs officials. They also have a new bass player, Dammed Dan, formerly of Bif I had my low expectations pleasantly crushed by the Naked’s band (uggg) he doesn’t really seem to fit into the fact that the band actually DOESN’T play ‘emotionally-charged D.O.A. mold, probably because he’s still in his 20s. Still, it was post hardcore’, nor do they favour the seemingly obligatory an all-around ripper of a show. black uniform and Blink 182 fringe. Nope, in today’s climate of -Sleepy angry young men, J18 churn out some surprisingly cheerful, upbeat pop-punk rock, reminiscent of early Saves the Day and not unlike the Alkaline Trio (if they dropped the tiresome grave- yard fixation). In fact, apart from the occasional dodgy falsetto, the string-bean vocalist sound, at times, uncannily like Alkaline Trio singer/bassist Dan Adriano. However, originality is, as always in the now saturated market of melodic punk, thrown nonchalantly to the lions. Not a big problem for me (nor, appar- ently, for the other five people at the show), but if Fearless Records is hoping for a repeat of the success they had with At the Drive-In, then their attentions might be best focused else- where. Oh, and the wee security chick at the door frisked me three times – must be the accent. -David Lawrence

S.T.R.E.E.T.S./ The Bitchin’ Camaros/ The Hooded Fang The Brickyard, Vancouver, BC Casey Cougar photo Turbonegro/ Amulet Thursday, Oct. 9, 2003 Graceland, Seattle, WA Openers, The Hooded Fang, valiantly rawked upstream, leading Tuesday October 7, 2003 the still-filling room from head-nodding through to throwing up the horns and yee-hawing. True to their namesake, they made a I have never endured a rock show as exhausting as Turbonegro. sound that was mighty and imposing, but all their grinning I got stomped and sweated on, pushed, groped and punched in revealed a nature not born of evil, but of goodness. A flying-V, the face- and that was BEFORE they even hit the stage. The avalache drums, and thunderous bass cut some new swaths venue was seriously oversold, packed to the sweaty gills with through the overgrown paths of BTO and the body-strewn fields rabid fans dying to get up front but I dug my claws into the stage of Kill ‘Em All-era thrash. Jacob Two-Two would tell you to refusing to be bullied out of my prime spot. As “The Age of see them twice. Not exactly a Latino tribute to The Dead Pamparius” started, the five denim-drenched instrumentalists

Chuk Foto photo Milkmen, The Bitchin Camaros dropped the clutch and burnt the took their marks on stage. After a dramatic pause, singer Hank kind of rock ‘n roll rubber that has Dinko Jones and that sucka Von Helvete strutted out, so packed-full of stage presence that it from Big Sugar seein’ nothin but tail lights. Just as fast, heavy, threatened to burst through his immense hairy gut. The crowd AFI/ Poison the Well/ and energetic as punk or metal, the Ottawa four-piece don’t erupted and that enthusiasm never wavered for the duration of the show. Somehow, amidst all the chaos, I’d fortuitously Autopilot Off placed myself directly in front of lead guitarist Euroboy who lit- Commodore, Vancouver, BC erally bent over backwards whilst playing, giving me many a Saturday Oct 18, 2003 photo-op to drool over later. The bulk of their set came from their latest album Scandinavian Leather including, “Gimmie Man, was this one long day. I woke-up with a massive 5-alarm Some”, “Drenched in Blood” and “Ride With Us”, as well as hangover and desperately needed booze. So I picked myself up “F.T.W” (Fuck The World”) -a song I never really cared for until off the floor (where I generally find myself after a night of binge I heard it live. My expectations for this show were sky high and drinking), and made my way for the closest bar. There I con- I was not disappointed, although I woulda liked more songs sumed what was needed to review the first bands on the bill. Due from “Ass Cobra”, but many other tunes came from the classic to some minor complications, I had missed the first act (which album “Apocalypse Dudes”, which pleased everyone a little too by the grapevine wasn’t a big loss anyways). Now on to Poison much for my liking- I could no longer handle being crushed the Well. As musicians these guys had their shit going on, but against the stage. When the band pretended to leave the stage I’m not down with that hardcore/Limbizkit/Korn bull-jive that before the encore, I bolted to the bar in the other room. I’m sure we’re all being forcefed. I felt as though I should have eaten a I missed a lot (including Hank’s shout-out to all the Canadians) whole roast just so I could stomach this meat-headed bullshit. It but I felt almost completely satisfied- all I needed was some seemed as though they had a fair fan base. Bottom line: I didn’t “Good Head”. like them. Finally, it was time for AFI. The Despair Faction -Casey Cougar (AFI’s fan club) was in full effect. AFI started the show with “Miseria Cantare - The Beginning” off their new album, which had the crowd singing/chanting along to every word from then D.O.A./ Thor/ The Failure/ The on. Now if none of you have ever seen AFI live before, I suggest photo Luvena Ella Vader checking them out. They are Full Force energy from start to fin- directly use either in creating a sound that pushes the limits of Motherfuckers/ Fasten ish. Second song in, “The Lost Souls”, singer Davey Havok did how furious pure rock ‘n’ roll can be before we have to call it MacEwan Hall Ballroom, Calgary, AB a flip off the stage right out into the audience. Fuckin’ nuts. They something else. The woman who was struck point-first Thursday Oct. 23, 2003 played a good selection of old & new songs, mostly from the last between the eyes with one of Camaros CDs hurled shuriken-like few albums. When they encored, Havok stepped out onto the from the stage is a perfect pictogram for the band’s sound. This show was a fundraiser for CJSW 90.9 fm the university hands and shoulders of the fans to sing the final song. This by S.T.R.E.E.T.S. is a welcome slice of skate-punk to starved old- radio station here in Calgary. Fasten played a tight, heavy Good far was one of the best shows that I have seen in a long time. schoolers and it was good to see their tunes cranked up even Riddance-type of show. Then the kings of 5-dollar Calgary -Lil’ Jeffy harder in the live setting. Their potent homebrew of hardcore shows, The Motherfuckers, took to the stage with a mercilessly and classic metal blew the dust off of several of the assembled fast, loud, snotty set including songs from their upcoming album corpses and got the mosh-pit going. As if to demonstrate, the as well as classics like “Ode to beer”. guitarist crash-landed himself into a wounded-gull pile in the The next band was pop punk trendy sensations, The Junction 18 middle of the dance-floor. If you like skating, beer, Maiden, Failure. These guys are a living tribute to Simple Plan if I ever Stars Nightclub, Edmonton, AB Preist, skating, Excel, and beer then put on yer foam-mesh hat, saw one. They play the half pop/half emo crap that seems to be Friday October 10, 2003 build a raindeck and go see them next time. all the rage and some people foolishly categorize this with punk. -J. Pee Patchez If you missed the show last night, don’t worry, they’ll be on Upon entering Stars Nightclub, I was welcomed by the disturb- MuchMusic soon enough. ing sight of some poor guy getting his head stomped on, which Next up was the almighty THOR. It’s really cool to is not, perhaps, the ideal first impression, but it definitely helped

18 20 Miles often a frustrating mess. Short attention span- Due to Lee Raback’s lack Life Doesn’t Rhyme ners will love the endless stops, starts, lurches Fat Possum Records and changes; a dizzying episode of A.D.D.-core of cooperation during rou- at its finest. Only three songs in and I’m left tine questioning, Detective Warsawpack The latest from Judah Bauer, moonlighting floundering in a state of anxiety-ridden vertigo. Badly Damaged detained from his day job in the JSBX, this album finds These Jersey natives are determined and intel- the close-lipped rapper in him continuing to mellow out from previous ligent dudes who write great lyrics and can set the Nerve holding cell efforts and further finding his own voice based a demented, ugly mood better than the bulk of along with five out-of- in blues, country and gospel music. I’m getting metalcore weenies. Those looking for night- work Elvis impersonators pretty good at making vague comparisons, so mare soundscapes with schizophrenic tempo jacked up on crank. But here goes - sounding slightly like Bringing It changes, growling gutturals and all-over-the- after 48 hours, Raback still All Back Home-era Dylan mixed with a little place blasts will obsess over The Silent Circus. Tattoo You and sounding a lot like John Cougar It had me scrambling for some AC/DC, but it wouldn’t roll over on his Mellencamp, I prefer the I’m A Lucky Guy totally depends on the mood. buddies. However, when album. Still, it’s a nice change of pace from his -Jason Schreurs we threatened to take away spazzy, self-referencing Spencer body of work. all his Public Enemy -8 - Ball Warsawpack records, he cried like a lit- Stocks & Bombs tle girly-man before sign- All Out War G7 Welcoming Committee ing this confession. guess he was king, but only tionary, before the term was Condemned to It was pathetic. insofar as he died on the cliché. The beats were dirty Suffer If there is an unwritten rule about not snooping throne. Really, his only true and raw; some of them crafted Victory Records too far into the haunted amusement park of post By Sarah Rowland contribution to Rock was a lit- from James Brown samples, 9-11 politics, someone forgot to tell tle number called “the deep giving hip hop its funk. And Terrorizer maga- Warsawpack. This Hamilton 7-piece is back What band or musician do fried peanut butter sandwich”. the lyrics, oh man, I am total- zine calls this with their second album in less than a year. you never want to be com- ly humbled by that voice. album “A tri- Keeping step with evil these days requires such pared to and why? On your dream bill, what Chuck D gives me goose umphant tour de urgency. Though on par with them in terms of That’s tough. We get the stu- acts would you be slotted bumps. force of evil guitar political content, don’t expect Public Enemy pidest cross section of com- between? harmonies and rip- levels of noise, or the punkiness of the Goats. parisons. I’d prefer not to be WOW. I like this game! I’m What was your worst gig? ping double bass...” AOW’s bio describes the Warsawpack set their message to a P-Funk, compared to ANYONE really. sure each of the guys in the Very early into our career we band as being a mix of Cro-Mags Age of wakka-wakka guitar, horn driven groove. The But I guess I would say I band would give you a differ- played a show in Buffalo. Quarrel era and Slayer’s Reign in Blood era. I instrumental segments are good enough to be could die happily hav- ent answer to this one. Me, I This was to be the first and think AOW has some more of the tough guy stand out tracks on ing never been com- would love to bridge a set ONLY time we’ve ventured New York hardcore sound as opposed to the Check Your Head. The pared to Elvis. As a between the Roots and Public south of the border to perform. classic east coast hardcore sound, i.e. Agnostic lone vocalist raps in a white performer Enemy. But in the real world, Where to start? The sound Front, Cro-Mags, Negative Approach, etc. As pepper spray burned working within a kind I wouldn’t go near a stage system couldn’t have made far as comparing it to current shit, I lost faith in raspy beat-poetry style of black musical tradi- after the Roots just played and your favourite CD sound Slayer some time after South of Heaven and delivery, or a rising hys- tion I try to be respect- I would be paralyzed, scream- good. The sound guy thought this album is heavier and darker than garbage terical Joe Cocker-like ful of the cultural ing like a teen girl on one of the system was fine, which like God Hates Us All. I can’t use this album to freak out. A purposeful spaces I’m working those “meet the superstar” spoke volumes about his abil- beat on the Cro-Mags, since I haven’t heard the album, but it’s not in, taking great pains shows, if I ever saw Chuck D ity as a sound tech. The beer new Cro-Mags shit. But this album is really gonna be easy playing to approach my mate- waiting in the wings. But it’s tasted like stale piss. There heavy, intense and everything I pretty much protest music in an era rial as originally as I fun to dream. were about 20 very unenthusi- like about crossover. One drawback, the where the Olson twins can, putting as much astic patrons glaring at us the vocals kinda get a bit monotonous at times, but make the cover of of myself into the What recording humbles you whole time. The club gave us not in a way as to be annoying. If you’ve Rolling Stone. work as I can and essentially every time you hear it and a medium 8-slice pizza to split heard AOW’s first album, For Those Who Were -J. Pee Patchez trying to steer completely why? between the 7 of us; just Crucified, Condemned to Suffer kicks that clear of “borrowing” (or in the There are a few albums out before collecting on the bar album’s ass in terms of heaviness, speed, and Christiansen case of Elvis ‘STEALING’) there that can do that to me. tab we had run up, trying to cool riffs. Stylish Nihilists from black culture. But I would say Public drink the whole experience -Stefan Nevatie Revelation Records Basically, Elvis was a thief, a Enemy’s first album, Yo! Bum out of our collective memory. slightly safer rock and roll for Rush the Show. Although I It was 100 times worse than Avenged Sevenfold After listening to the teeny-boppers of a subur- think It Takes a Nation of our worst Canadian gig. We Waking The Fallen this album, these ban yesteryear. He stole that Millions is a better album, I’ve haven’t really been in much of Hopeless Records guys sound more image, he stole those hips, he got a soft spot for their first a rush to get stateside since. pessimistic than stole those moves, he stole one. The intensity of a young Why is it that only anything else, don’t every one of those hit songs; Chuck is totally unbeatable. Favourite SpreadEagle Metal and Hip-Hop even get me started he stole the very throne of With the release of this album song? artists have the on the nihilism part. rock and roll from strug- they were instantly the most Sorry - I live a pretty shel- audacity to max out This angst-ridden band, fusing hip-hop, jazz, gling/emerging black artists important thing hip-hop had tered life but, who is their 80 minute and rock, want to redefine the way music is and declared himself king. I given birth to; truly revolu- SpreadEagle??? allotted time on made and want to change the way the listener albums? Unless hears the music… too large of a task, I think, Another great col- Engorged are much more original and the your name happens to be Slayer or Outkast, for this band. For those who think it’s a bit lection spanning sound quality is wicked with super catchy chances are you won’t be able to come up with harsh to judge this band on their attitudes about DOA’s ongoing break downs and top quality musicianship. enough quality material to keep the listener their ‘great plans’ for music, then this is for career, though it’s They have by far one of the best song titles interested. So it shouldn’t be any surprise that you: their sound is not all that great either. too bad, due to “Surgery, Drugs and Rock & Roll”. Overall a Avenged Sevenfold have the hooks, let their -Daniel Holiday label conflicts, that kick-ass gore-grind disc. devil-signs fly, splatter some blood, and long “Songs of Murder” -Stefan Nevatie over-stay their welcome. It’s all about editing, Destruction couldn’t be includ- folks, and you could certainly use a few trims. Metal Discharge ed. There’s nothing The Lawrence When the Sevenfold want to “give’r”, they do 2003 Nuclear Blast Records like listening to Arms without hesitation, but when they tread into the classics like The Greatest Story unnecessary power-ballads and bic-lighter Destruction is a classic German thrash metal “Behind the Smile” and “Unknown”. This stuff Ever Told moments, you may raise a skeptical eyebrow or band that’s been around for about 20 years and is like mother’s milk to Vancouver’s music Fat Wreck Chords two. Look, if you’re going to rock – fucking still manages to make music that hasn’t become scene… so face it kids, we’re all D.O.A.! rock. I don’t want your lullabies and awkward washed-up sell-out crap. Metal Discharge is -Hopeless If imitation is truly bridges of Yanni-influenced instrumentation. very reminiscent of their Eternal Devastation the most sincere Slit the necks of goats, sacrifice your virgins, and Release From Agony era mixed with the Fuck I’m Dead VS. Engorged form of flattery, and leave it at that. tiniest bit of some of their Infernal Overkill s/t Split CD then Blake -Adam Simpkins sound. A couple of complaints though: the No Escape Records Schwarzenbach last track, “Vendetta” opens with a lame riff would swell with pride if he heard The Greatest Between the that sounds too nu-metal influenced. And when Brutal split CD from Australia’s Fuck I’m Dead Story Ever Told by The Lawrence Arms. It’s Buried and Me I say that, I include crap like Pantera. It’s one and Portland, Oregon’s Engorged. The cover almost ridiculous how much this band sounds The Silent Circus of those choppy riffs that doesn’t flow and it is a nice professional glossy job with gore art- like Jawbreaker and Jets to Brazil, but that’s not Victory Records just pisses me off. Also, this disc at times work featuring a hand with hooked barbs hold- necessarily such a bad thing. The Chicago trio lacks the original meanness that one could find ing an eyeball. Fuck I’m Dead is brutal has been in the game for a few years now, but A classic case of a on such classic albums as Sentence Of Death death/gore grind with a drum machine. Unlike still hasn’t found a distinctive sound for them- band trying to take and others of Destruction’s back catalogue. other drum machine bands, F.I.D. doesn’t selves. They can spit out the aggressive punk on too much (and Otherwise, a wicked kick-ass thrash album by sound as bad, say, as Mortician or something, when they want to, but usually take the more almost pulling it one of the all-time classic bands to bear the meaning the drum machine almost sounds like “emotional” approach. Which is fine, but off); Between the thrash metal banner. it could pass for over-triggered human drums. unfortunately a bit too derivative not to notice. Buried and Me are -Stefan Nevatie Judging by song titles like “Anal Abbatoir”, Yet, if you can get past all the ‘influences-on- genre-crossers looking to impress fans of met- Carcass is a huge influence on F.I.D. The our-sleeves business’, you’re bound to find alcore, Swedish thrash, death metal, grind, D.O.A. Engorged portion of this disc has only five some pretty infectious and solid material here. hardcore and math-rock. It’s a huge undertak- War and Peace tracks and like F.I.D., Carcass is a huge influ- -Adam Simpkins ing with results that deserve much credit (these Sudden Death Records ence on Engorged, only, unlike a lot of other guys have tons of talent) but the end result is Carcass worship bands (i.e. Exhumed), More Reviews on Next Page

19 have to be the mc. The Von Zippers The Misfits The Crime Is Now! Project 1950 What recording humbles you Estrus Records Misfit Records The Von Zippers every time you hear and why? There are lots (no wonder I am These good ‘ol Calgary boys drop this album Jerry Only, Dez so damn humble). One is old like a safety-pin-laced banana cream pie to the Cadena, and Marky blues guy, Bukka White’s face of all that is anywhere right of the way-left Ramone are joined “When Can I Change My on the socio-polital spectrum. Monsanto, oil by guests Ronnie Clothes?” It’s meaningful, companies, politicians, media, are all taken to Spector (Ronnettes) intense and recorded during task. The Zippers take names and call for jus- and Jimmy Desrti times of more hardship than tice, holding up a mirror to the fat cats exploit- (Blondie) as they you or I could probably ever ing this planet. The music is riffy, jangly, punk lovingly butcher and rebuild classic hits from know. and the songs are compact with sweet break- the 50s and 60s. I admire everyone involved Worst gig ever? downs. Nice garage style production brings and I’m a sucker for the oldies, so I applaud Quite possibly Vancouver- out an almost rootsy feel. There is even some these fine grave robbers… oh, and as a bonus,

Adina Currie photo every time we well placed harmonica work you get a c.d. rom of live and hilarious footage visit, we’re either in there. Stand out lines of the band dodging snowballs and the Living deep in the Alberta By Sarah Rowland include; “I think there’s Japanese band Balzac. outback, Al Charlton, did- robbed or electro- cuted. Hopefully, something in the burger that -Hopeless n’t have access to email What band or musician do [we’ll] be out makes me wanna kill”, and and we had no way of get- you never want to be com- st pared to? again in “51 state politics, lower Type O Negative ting our questions to him. We tend not to be concerned November. ceilings and higher rents.”. Life is Killing Me Thankfully, Badly about comparisons, fully Weirdest gig? If you like uncompromising Roadrunner Damaged has trained hom- believing everyone’s entitled (Sorry I couldn’t political punk like DK, ing pigeons for just such to their own opinion. If some- resist) [Music Ed. DOA, and even the Pistols The first new mate- Friendly in places, then The Von rial since 1999’s occasions. Unfortunately, one out there likens my vocal reminder: we ask some of the less experi- abilities to those of Seals and Zippers deserve your atten- ultra-depressing Croft, who am I to question the questions tion. World Coming enced birds weren’t pre- that? around here] A -J. Pee Patchez Down, T.O.N. has pared for the pineapple seafood restau- thrown us for a express monsoons. Ergo, rant in Eureka, California. On your dream bill, what acts Even though we were sleep- Superjoint Ritual loop with its sev- only a few of the feathered would your band be slotted deprived, half-blind and con- A Lethal Dose of American Hatred enth release. We delve right into their new messengers were able to between? stipated, the owner still insist- Sanctuary Records experimental outlook, starting with doomy gui- persevere through the mer- Personally, I’d be delighted to ed on paying us in “Humboldt tar intro “Thir13teen” (pastime music from the play first on an all-ages (and I The tunes still rip, but what the fuck is Phil Munsters apparently). The album still has the ciless weather system and mean all-ages, including sen- homegrown”. make it back with Anselmo thinking? Superjoint’s sophomore unique buzzing downtuned guitar sonority and iors) bill featuring the album is a patriotic reaction to America’s Pete Steele’s deep, sensual baritone crooning Charlton’s answers. Subhumans (the Vancouver What is your favourite Subhumans, not those crum- Loverboy song? worldwide reputation as war-mongering bul- that’ll surely continue to have ladies swooning, Meanwhile, a teary-eyed Definitely “Working for the lies. Says filthy Phil in the album’s bio, “When (and only the ladies, as he insists on “I Like Damaged is camped out on pet-munching British punks), ‘monster’-era Steppenwolf, Weekend”, a timeless anthem our freedom, our way of life, our belief in our Goils”; a paean extolling the virtues of hetero- the Nerve roof, awaiting and a midnight screening of for the proletariat if there ever system is threatened, you’d better not fuck with sexuality), plus his trademark the self-deprecat- the unlikely the return of Bowling for Columbine. I was one. the US! ‘Cos we will do what it takes to main- ing dark humour. But they’ve thrown all kinds his beloved companions. think Joe Strummer would tain the quality of life that we have here.” Ya, of new shit into the mix: Middle Eastern instru- okay Phil, so let’s go to war so you can protect mentation, a lesbian choir, a cool cover of cont’d from previous page As soon as I heard your right to sit on the couch, drink Jack and “Angry Inch” and a heady brew of rock, pop, the opening of the smoke copious amounts of reefer?! Fuck that. punk and goth mixed with their semi-main- first song, “Adult Like I said, the tunes rip as hard as, if not hard- stream doom aesthetic make this more upbeat High”, I was er than, Superjoint’s excellent debut… and this than anything they’ve done previously. Maypole hooked. With their time around they’ve added a bit more Sabbath -Matt Smith Burning in Water, influences ranging to their Black Flag and it helps to mix things Drowning in Flame from The New York up. But, knowing what this album stands for, it The Business Gangstyle Records Dolls and Jerry Lee can be a pretty hard listen if you aren’t 110% Hardcore Hooligan Lewis to garage and American. BYO This is a re-release psychedelic bands, -Jason Schreurs of speedy, heart-on- the Preacher’s Kids Well what more can sleeve hardcore amalgamate all the best that rock has to offer. The Darkness one say about The from The Wild Emotions carries the energy of classic Permission To Business? They’re Netherlands. That Rolling Stones albums, but with a slight punk Land one of England’s adrenaline rush element thrown in for good measure. The song Atlantic finest hard working Dutch hardcore sound is completely intact, “Sweet Bitch” has a honky-tonk sound which Street Punk outfits, with a guitar sound to absolutely die for. Some adds to the overall versatility of this album. Sounding like a doing their thing serious time and effort was put into getting that This band incorporates the organ, harmonica, hybrid of since what seems like the beginning of time perfect git tone and it does wonders to these piano, trumpet, trombone, and violin to pro- ‘Electric’-era Cult and have gained legendary status for good rea- punchy songs. The lyrics and vocals come duce one rockin’ record. Take my word for it, crossed with the son. I’ve always felt that The Business materi- across a little juvenile, but this is an older this is some good shit. guitar histrionics of al of the last decade was the best, which is what album redux, so let’s cut them a little slack. -Dan Holiday Brian May/Thin the majority of this concept style compilation Mostly, this is just fast, fun, intense hardcore. A Lizzy and overall 70’s arena rock trappings a has. Aside from the remake of the 80’s classic cover of that mainstream ska-punk band Strychnine la Journey or Boston, the jury’s still out on Saturdays Heroes we’re given recent tracks Sublime’s song “Date Rape” was puzzling and Die Oakland whether or not this is a smoking take on all such as Viva Bobby Moore, Guinness Boys, unnecessary. Stadtmusikanten: things loud and (over)indulgent or a super- Maradona, Southgate as well as other recent -Jason Schreurs Live in Bremen, ironic-in-joke in the tradition of Mr. W.K. hits. The majority of the songs share one thing Germany (come on, his first album might have fooled in common that being the subject matter of Nightrage TKO Records you, but he’s basically Meatloaf, minus about English style Football. This is a great introduc- Sweet Vengeance 50 pounds.) Add to this a lead singer who tion to any newcomer and overall a great com- Century Media “It’s our last show, makes King Diamond sound like Danzig, and pilation. so we’re going to you get a pretty amusing rock album with -Aaronoid Nightrage is one of blow out voices, huge riffs, huge falsetto vocals and a huge col- those few thrash guitars, drums, lection of spandex jumpsuits. Ween metal bands that eardrums – everything must go.” So begins the -8 - Ball Québec can produce the chaos of Oakland punks Strychnine’s live Sanctuary/EMI melodic sounds album. With absolutely no regard for eardrums The Iotolas from a time when or hitting all of the right notes, these drunk s/t ep One time I ate so many hash cookies I thought the guitar was king, punkers tear through a set of their sloppy tunes www.iotolas.com I was melting and everyone could read my yet can still create music that is progressive and and covers by the likes of Willie Nelson, mind. I “telepathically” forced my friend to modern. This Swedish band was formed three Turbonegro and Poison Idea. Some of the in- Hey, remember barf in his slurpee cup, went home and stared years ago. The power fueling Nightrage comes between song banter is painful, but they man- those bad kids that in the bathroom mirror for about 3 hours. from lead singer Thomas Lindberg, whose age to do justice to most of their cover selec- hung around the After my little magical mystery tour was over, voice makes this band a force to be reckoned tions, and a few of their own songs are even pool hall and tried I came down and (almost) never had anything with. The end result is an album about alien- catchy enough to hum in the shower. Okay, to sell you pills to do with weed, dope or grass again. True ation from self and others. The combination of maybe singing “Shit or Git” or “Dead Rats and when all you want- story. Lindberg’s voice and the guitars of Marios Oakland Dogs” while cleaning yourself kinda ed was an undercut -8 - Ball Iliopoulos, and Gus G. are a perfect match. defeats the purpose, but hey, it’s worth a try. gram of some low-grade weed? Well, they’ve -Dan Holiday With blazing guitars, out of control vocals and formed a kick-ass rock ‘n’ roll band and not a surprisingly tight rhythm section, this live only have they hooked me up but they’ve got The Preacher’s Kids album is recommended for fans of no-bullshit me addicted to the song “Coming of age”! Wild Emotions punk rock. -Hopeless Get Hip Recordings -Jason Schreurs

20 Column Absinthe by Michael Mann

bsinthe has a long history of fucking people up… so I was eager to try it. The Aimpressionist painters loved this stuff. They used unconventional colours and weird angles. My art history teacher said they did this because they were influenced by Japanese woodprint art or something. That’s bullshit. They did because they were fucked up on absinthe. If you do a couple shots of absinthe, you’ll be seeing all sorts of weird angles too. The most common unconventional angle is the “how the world looks when you’re lying on your stomach in a puddle of your own vomit” angle. It’s a remarkable angle that is all too often ignored by the art community. It was exciting the day they started selling this stuff in BC liquor stores. There are two brands of absinthe for sale in liquor stores: Hills and Absento. It goes for about $80 a bot- tle but, sadly, the stuff they sell here has low wormwood content. Wormwood is the stuff that makes you hallucinate. It doesn’t really matter which brand you buy, as both taste worse than that shit your friend made in his bathtub. If you’re one of those people who has a lot of faith in what writers say, I’d suggest buying the Hills brand of absinthe… it comes in a cooler bottle. If you’re not up for buying your own bottle of Absinthe, there are a few places around town that sell the stuff, just ask the bartender. One place advertises a martini that is two shots of vodka and a shot of absinthe. If you can wormwood-induced hallucinations, which is the drink two of these and walk a straight line, only reason why non-goth people drink it. See, you’re probably either not of this world or I’m all about finding legal ways to hallucinate. weigh over 300 pounds. A few serve it in the I thought my experiences with absinthe were traditional way. The traditional way of drinking over, until a friend of mine went on a trip to absinthe is to dip a sugar cube in absinthe and Portugal and brought me back a bottle of light it on fire. Let the sugar caramelize and Portuguese absinthe. For those of you who when it burns out dump it in a shot of absinthe aren’t familiar with the laws for controlled sub- on ice. Then add a shot or two of cold water and stances in Europe, Portugal and the Czech mix it up. Republic are the only two European countries The internet suggests all sorts of that sell absinthe with a high wormwood con- drinks you can make with absinthe. Really tent. This shit is the real deal. weird stuff like three shots of Jägermeister, a So, after a few drinks one day, I shot of absinthe and a bottle of Red Bull. If decided it was time to tackle the green demon you’re drunk enough to even consider ingesting again to try and have some sweet, wormwood that combo, you probably won’t remember how induced hallucinations. But sadly, my contra- it tasted the next day anyway. Sadly, there is no band absinthe did not give me any hallucina- way to mask the awful taste of absinthe. So I tions either. It did, however, give me a couple suggest you just choke it down straight. It’s bruises as I fell down two flights of stairs… painful. Really painful. And for about two min- caused me to get a little aggro as, apparently, I utes after you do a shot, you won’t be certain if nearly got into a fight with a homeless woman you’re going to puke it up or not. While print is (I swear to God she started it)… made me the an ineffective medium for conveying how life of the party when I tried to make snow something tastes, the best description I can angels in a gravel parking lot… it also inhibited come up with is that absinthe tastes a little like my sexual performance as my girlfriend Sambuca mixed with burning, a punch in the claimed we had the “worst sex ever” that face and a little garnish of nausea. evening. And so, ya, the next day the bottle was So I went and purchased a bottle of given to the receiver of the “worst sex ever” to Hills absinthe. I’ve had it for a year and it’s still hide from me for the rest of my life. The prob- only half done. It only comes out when I’m lem with absinthe is the alcohol is far too strong extremely drunk. I do a couple shots of it to (it ranges from 120 to 140 proof) for you to be help cross the line from polite and semi-coher- able to consume enough of it to have worm- ent to rude and slurring badly. The last time, I wood hallucinations. It’s a cruel paradox. You did a couple shots before heading to a nightclub. don’t want to drink it when you’re sober. But Suffice to say, I don’t remember how the night you have to be sober to be able to drink enough went, but I was informed the next day that I was of it to hallucinate. My advice to you is if you yelling at the DJ to play “Rhythm is a Dancer” want to hallucinate, stay away from absinthe by Snap all night along, laid on my back in a and stick with illicit drugs like mushrooms, parking lot on the corner of Drake and Howe for LSD, 2CB, MDA or DMT. But, if you’re like 20 minutes and then proceeded to climb the me and have to this bizarre urge to drink so fence at an apartment complex and go swim- much that you black-out and make an ass out of ming. The next day, the bottle of absinthe was yourself and possibly end up in the drunk tank given to my girlfriend to hide from me for the or a cheap motel bathtub full of ice water, a vic- rest of my life. tim of organ thieves, I suggest you try drinking Despite the debauchery I participated absinthe. in this first time, I still have yet to experience

21 Opinion Ití s Raininí M e n Crippled Art and sucks, but what the hell. death is looking for them, ing-cripple, I was entitled to a tongue, full lips, perhaps a his first touch... just a nibble, By Ainsworth At two, flip to either channel remember they used to be S.S. piece of this lucre. So I picked quick upstroke of the teeth, he tentative, like the first time he ed Alert! I’ve got a 12 or 13, and you get yet (It was a different world then.) up a pen with my mouth and I put his innermost feelings on touched a woman’s pillows. funny story for you, another Deep Space Nine, fol- paper. And then he is in there! Like a SS Rand it informs an even lowed by yet another Voyager. Using only his wobbly Viking he ravages the funnier story you also will Then, it’s back to channel 32 mouth, he expressed himself. canvas with his brush! Slash! hear, or be shown. I got hit by for another The Now In motion, caught in paint, on Slash!... then to drop the brush a car last week, and it literally Generation. All in all, it makes paper. He must have strained into a jar of water... slowly lap changed my life... for the bet- for a great day of Star Trek. so hard to get the tints just up a fresh one, tongue thrash- ter! I got to lie around all day Oh wait! They also show the right, then licked up the brush ing like a Viking, he leaps like a dago priest and every- original Star Trek at seven from his table, his neck-high again to confront the barn he thing gets brought to me. And o’clock in the morning! I for- table. He twisted the brush is drawing. Blue this time, no work for me! Hah! I lie on got! around, tongue heaving, blue mixed with black... and the couch and watch TV like a Anyway, by putting touching, feeling, until he got the sky grows dim. There is dragking… out my fightin’ knee, I became a good bite on it... firmly he angst here. And why not? Did you know you one of the handicapped. clenched in his teeth, but not He’s in a wheelchair. But the can watch Star Trek from 9 am Society has many of these hard like a bite meant to draw next brush he sucks is a yel- to 6 pm straight. That’s one layabouts, and let me tell you blood. His lips drew back, in a low mixed heavily with episode after another! It’s a this: a lazier bunch of scum grimace, clear silky spit cours- white... barely a yellow at all... thrill! This is the way you do you’ll never meet! If they’re ing down his chin, into his the moon. A crescent moon, it. At nine, it’s Deep Space anything like me, they don’t beard? Or just falling to his smiling. Bill Garret has won Nine on channel 13 (that’s the even put on trousers. Talk lap if he is clean-shaven. Then his battle, today. He sells the show with Odo). Then usually about hobbling around! If you he pauses his immobile body... painting to the printing and at 10 you can see Star Trek: blow out a knee you have to he has no feeling or movement marketing concern for nine The Now Generation on chan- hobble like Christ on a crutch, So they just get a drew this thing. below the neck, yet every dollars. nel 32. Believe it or not they okay, and it wears you down box of this rubbish and use And I had new muscle in his mind tenses, In many ways, Bill play another episode at 11 on in the mind. them to put money in to send respect for mouth waits, for the explosion. Garrett raises the bar a little this same, wonderful channel. Have you ever seen to the grandchildren. If you painters. Tensed up like Shaq, he takes bit higher for all of us, except Now it gets tricky, those blank greeting cards ever live in a house with skin- me. Because I have lived the because I think you need cable they sell in packets of ten, and heads, you have to be careful Bill Garret did this life. Anyway, I got rid of the to see Deep Space Nine at 12, the covers all have these awful because modern skinheads are little barn one for which he cane after five days, and the on channel 45, the SPACE paintings of sheep and moun- just bummers and they will won a rather patronizing prize cripple-card publishers NETWORK. I have cable! tains and the like? Made by open your letters looking for from some cripple-club. But wouldn’t buy my picture After that, one o’clock, it’s cripples. No lie. Read the back goods and valuables. I can’t just think of that guy’s dexter- because they’re racist jack- Voyager on the same channel. of the card. A lot of grandpar- believe skinheads today with ity! He can do things with his offs. SCREW YOU MCLEN- I don’t recommend Voyager ents like to buy these because their goatees. Goatees, for lips that would make you NAN CORP! because it has a girl captain it’s for charity. It all evens fuck’s sake. swoon, from an aesthetic point their guilty minds because I figger, as an act- of view. Using only a nimble

Etc... Found! HEY! This is a new section where we rip off what many other magazines have done and print shit that people like you find on the street everyday. SO, start picking up other people’s garbage and send it to us! FOUND! c/o The Nerve Magazine, 508 - 825 Granville St., Vancouver, B.C., V6Z 1K9 Each month we’ll pick a couple submissions and then send you a mystery prize!

found in Kerrisdale, Van. found at 17th and Main. Van.

22 Skate MMeena aattee naccee oott SSkk SSkkaatteeSSpp

MonsoonMoosoon Sneezin’

he seasonal torrents have arrived, wash- to the project’s street cred, but the process is ing away your summer, your hopes, your competitive, so there’s no guarantee.… Tdreams, your youth, and several bridges. Now you’re middle-aged, with outdated tricks Skate Plaza Questionnaire: Cory McIntyre performs a back side nose grind and a potbelly, and it’s six months ‘til you can 1. What 8 obstacles do you most want in the go sprain another ankle. Screw you. Oh, wait - new downtown park? (ie: hammer rail, gap, 5- no, that’s me. My mistake. set, granite ledge,etc) 2. What 3 words best describe your ideal park? Richmond Indoor Park (ie: simple, deluxe, street plaza, street plaza Tony Hawk’s Boom The demise of the Projekt and Friction indoor plus, obstacle park, etc) parks left a wet hole in VanCity facilities, but a 3. What kind of skateable public art object new indoor park is slated for Richmond. This would you most like to see in the plaza? (mod- time the facility will be supported by 2 distrib- ern sculpture, distorted picnic table, steel car, Boom Huck Jam Tour utors with deeper pockets, so it should live Love Park-style signage, etc) longer than a mayfly. It’ll have 19,000 skatable 4. Do you have any other comments regarding square feet, plus a lobby and a shop with Phase the park? By The Menace gay twists. The BMX guys did some stuff too. 1 being a 12,000 sqft street park room and To answer these questions, make comments, or Matt Hoffman did a no handed flair over the Phase II a 7000 sqft miniramp/Vert room. enclose sketches, send them “Attn: his was the best fusion of sport and channel. But he also rolled off the ramp to flat There’s no ETA yet, as they don’t want to rush SkatePlaza” to: entertainment since the Honky Tonk it and have it be mediocre. Stay tuned to the 1.City manager Mark Vulliamy: Fax bottom, he forgot there was a channel. Oops. Skate Spot and keep yer ear to the ground as 604.257.8365 or snailmail to 2099 Beach TMan smashed a guitar over Rowdy The Moto guys blew my mind. I have a the situation develops. In the meantime, back Avenue, Vancouver BC, V6G 1Z4. Roddy Piper’s back. Well, actually it was the hard time pulling any air on a vert ramp. These to the minis and parkades... 2. Landscape architect Mark Van Der Zalm/ same thing but without the cool names, that guys flew over the entire ramp, jumped off the park designer Kyle Dion: Fax 604.882.0042 or will be next year. Tony ‘Boney Hi-Sock’ vs bike, kicked their legs and landed on the other Indoor Miniramps email [email protected]. Andy ‘Sobe Sports’ Macdonald enter the vert side of the ramp. Holy shit. But fraaaap!! What wind from yon window According to Parks Board skate rep Lyndsay ramp to go head to head, with chainsaws!! The finale was pretty cool, with all of breaks? ‘Tis dawn, and minis are the sun! Poaps, a skatepark plan for the whole city is in The jam started out in a highflying intro the riders pushing their limits at the same time. Wherefort art thou, Shred Shed? To be or not to the works, so more parks may soon be coming with skaters, BMXers, and motocross BMX and skate doubles routines with a Moto be, that is the question; whether ‘tis nobler to to the West Side, East Van, Kits, and who freestylers all riding at the same time. The lay- suffer the slams and arrows of outrageous knows where. guy flying overhead is a damn impressive Westbeach, or to take arms against Bombshell. out was a vert ramp with a motocross track sur- sight. It lasted for just long enough to enjoy, To slide, perchance to dream... Shred Shed Photo Gallery Fundraiser: rounding it. The moto guys would fly over the but not to be bored. Shred Shed, a/k/a the Cract Pipe; the longest On Dec. 6, 50 skate and fine arts prints plus entire ramp while the other riders took runs on and probably the best, 136 Powell St. paintings, renderings, sculpture and what have the vert ramp. Locals Rejoice Westbeach, nice 5’ shop mini, 1766 West 4th you will be hanging at the Shred Shed. If you After the intro, the event turned into a Bombshell, 4’ steel shop mini, 3561 East are a tortured artiste and want to participate, doubles competition. Each sport The Vancouver Skateboard coalition had a bar- Hastings email organizer/photographer Vaughan Neville (Skateboarding and BMX) took their turn on becue to celebrate their opening of the Cambie Parkades are also quite fun, but keep in mind at [email protected] the vert ramp exhibiting what is possible for Spot. Local Vancouver skaters have sessioned that this is trespassing, so wear pantyhose over two riders. From board transfers to nose picks your head. Correction: this spot since its creation. The angled flatbar Last month’s photo should have read “Johnny on held boards, the doubles exhibition held the has been in as many magazines and videos as Downtown Skate Plaza B footplants over a hip audiences attention. the now deceased new spot. Consultation for the formal design process has @Hastings. Photo by Vaughan Neville”. I In the middle of the vert ramp a huge Now, the city of Vancouver has regulat- begun for the new park on the 29,000 sqft tri- blame Nerve “editor” Bradley Damsgaard, so launch beckoned to the skaters and BMXers to ed the anarchist’s paradise into a downtown angle under the Georgia Viaduct between send him h(sk)8 mail. fly high. The huck fest started with the skaters skate spot. They have installed a couple of Quebec, Union, and Expo Blvd. $170,000 in ——- tentatively testing the launch. The BMX guys benches and a flat bar. The best part is the fact City funds has been slated for the project, with Monster Cookies Productions presents the busted backflips on their first try on the huck that the cops will not bust this COVERED construction due to begin in late February or fundraising preview of “Sk8 On” Nov. 8th @7 machine. To respond to the BMX guys, the skate spot. early March. The project is intended to look pm, at the Misanthropy gallery (440 W. Pender, skaters started pushing their limits. A couple of and feel permanent and of high quality, rear entrance). It’s “an urban investigation of A covered skate spot is a huge bonus to although it may be moved or rebuilt elsewhere the underground, looking at graf & skate cul- kickflip indys and the skaters finished the ses- the street skater of today. Most parkades have after the 2yr trial period. So far, the design has ture, its patrons and saints.” There are 3 screen- sion. security and are a bust within minutes. Now we been moving away from your typical generic ings (8 pm, 9:30 pm, 11:30 pm), sliding scale The 20-minute jam held the audience in can session under cover until the rain stops. park to more specific, artier, more aesthetic $5-$5,000,000,000,000. awe as Rick Thorne, the MC, proceeded to Special thanks goes to Cory McIntyre approach. The plaza may feel something like nearly knock himself out. Tony Hawk pulled and the rest of the VSC for guaranteeing skate- the Vancouver Art Gallery plaza, Hot Spot, -D-Rock and Miss Kim. 720s and Bob Brusquest ripped frontside boarding in Vancouver’s downtown. New Spot, or Eaton’s. D-Rock is making a pro- [email protected] noseslides over the bridge of death to fakie. The Menace posal for an additional $15,000 Community Bucky Lasek pulled frontside rodeos and huge Public Art grant for a skatable sculpture to add

23 Film

Nerve-worthy Films New to DVD and now, his most complex role thus far, as fraudulent Toronto bank manager and gambling addict Dan Mahowny. THE HOMAGE IS DEAD Mahowny is a classic Hoffman char- As it has popped up in many discussions with track clearly lifted from STAR WARS, a Hulk acter; a non-descript, unassuming, average kind my buddies as of late, the premise of homage Hogan doppelganger, and a young girl’s teeth of guy who possesses a deep-seated, secret life. and satire in the world of film has rapidly that truly define the title “cruel jaws”. In the early 1980s, over the course of fifteen become the most derivative excuse to make a Atrocity spectacle or masterpiece of visual months, through a series of falsified documents, feature. Quentin Tarantino has done a lot for arts? All I know is that I’ve watched this film creative paperwork and outright lying, the Eurotrash film world INDIRECTLY with friends a lot more than the original Mahowny was able to use his position as through his own special brand of genre film Spielberg version. Assistant Bank Manager to finance his gam- and fandom, but man, it’s a lot more fun to bling addiction. watch his “Rolling Thunder” releases than his SHOCKING DARK (1989) Mahowny’s fraud starts as a desperate act to pay off his bookie (well played by Maury high budget “best of” re-make KILL BILL Here Mattei Chaykin, sort of a Canadian version of VOL. 1. A good example of the “Tarantino combines Hoffman), and once he realizes what he’s effect” is watching how many times his name not only allowed to get away with, he uses his position of is dropped by Italian genre film directors who creatures and trust to hit Atlantic City. While Mahowny’s heard that Tarantino liked their films. I mean, scenarios machinations at the bank are interesting, and yeah, as the population escalates and we that resem- Hoffman shrewdly never plays it like something begin the official stamped vicious circle of ble the he’s “getting away with”, it’s his time at the “art”, we will begin to sit back and take ALIEN casino where the film really takes off. cleaned up “homage”, “satire,” and “tributes” films, but Mahowny goes from a mere faceless compul- without even flicking an eyelid. If you want also an sive who shuffles through the casino a million to do this shit, at least do it right. The world android times a day, to the kind of “whale” casinos of Euro exploitation has a knack for making character OWNING break their backs to accommodate. the most obscene “rip-offs” that entertain with that has an MAHOWNY While Hoffman owns Mahowny, over-the-top semi-complete irresponsibility – amazing director Richard Kwietniowski is no slouch or responsibility - depending upon how you likeness to either, and the film shows marked improvement watch the films. the TERMI- Starring Philip Seymour from his first feature, Love and Death on Long Hoffman, John Hurt and In collector circles, the mighty NATOR Island. While Love and Death seemed content Bruno Mattei is one of the most unbelievable (hence the other alternate title TERMINA- Minnie Driver. simply to ride on the performance of its lead directors of such schlock. Of course he has TOR 2). Couple this with verbatim dialogue Directed by Richard (John Hurt, who appears as casino manager Kwietniowski. Victor Foss); Owning Mahowny uses Hoffman’s his own masterpieces of the horror and action stolen from the ALIEN series (a la CRUEL command of the screen to add dramatic weight genres, such as the classics RATS: NIGHTS JAWS), and you have another Mattei master- to the story, and expand on its premise as it goes OF TERROR (1985) and CANNIBAL piece to show your ALIEN movie fan friends. ne of the things movie geeks like to do to along. Both films focused on one man’s com- APOCALYPSE (1980), but his most infa- They should play this fucker at the theatre differentiate themselves from the movie pulsion, and both Hurt’s Giles D’Eath in Love mous films have to be the following: rather than that stupid ALIEN re-edit that’s Ogoing “herd” is latch onto character and Death and Hoffman’s Mahowny were given coming out. actors. Often relegated to the “best friend” or to compulsion due to their insular environment, CRUEL JAWS (1994) “co-worker” or “child molester” role in big but Owning Mahowny is not just about one For any fan of ROBOWAR (1988) budget Hollywood films, the character actor is man’s gambling joneses, nor is it simply a film the first three This time, Mattei laid all his cards on the table usually the most talented (though least photo- about addiction in general. The film serves as a JAWS films, and decided to combine PREDATOR with genic) person on screen. On occasion, they get skillful treatise on all the enabling forces in our CRUEL JAWS ROBOCOP. This film really hums and bleeps the chance to break out into a leading role in a lives. is nothing short along as the rip-off robot walks around blow- more independent project. The compulsive gambler (or the com- Owning Mahowny is just such a film, of a phenome- ing everything up with his PREDATOR style pulsive anything) who ignores everything but non. I’ve laser gun. The actors are all over-the-top and anyone who’s excited about the prospect of their addiction makes excellent dramatic fodder. Owning Mahowny is not likely excited about it’s already dis- amazing, and perfectly matched line-for-line It is the nature of compulsiveness to go and go cussed this film with their Hollywood counterparts. Plus it tense dramatization of bank fraud. Owning and go until you can’t go anymore. But there is Mahowny fans are lining up because of three in an earlier seems like the ammo never stops flying in a terrific moment late in the film where Nerve column, ROBOWAR which is fine by me. words: Philip Seymour Hoffman. Hoffman merely suggests that he may be able to but the film, in Hoffman, whose breakthrough was walk away. Here, Owning Mahowny takes on Paul Thomas Anderson’s 1997 one-two punch an entirely new level of ambition and becomes this context, All in all, Bruno Mattei has an of Hard Eight and Boogie Nights, has been like the nerd version of Steven Spielberg’s definitely needs amazingly prolific history in the world of enthralling audiences with a consistent string of Catch Me If You Can, replacing Leo’s jet-setting mentioning Eurotrash filmmaking. One of his biggest remarkable supporting performances and char- playboy with Hoffman’s shy retiring bank man- again. Mattei classics, HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD acter roles. Perhaps more skilled than any other ager, and incisively examining how trust can be has no qualms from 1981. (which boasts Goblin’s DAWN working actor at capturing a genuine sense of manipulated. stealing direct OF THE DEAD soundtrack, stock footage, pathos, Hoffman has become a critical favourite The performances here are solid all- lines from all of and some other familiar situations) was my and cult icon while retaining a great deal of around, but it’s undeniably The P.S. Hoffman the first three JAWS films, and makes mighty first foray as a kid into the world of Italian integrity. show. Fans of in-depth character study are well good use of the mechanical shark scenes left- zombie films, and I’ve never gone back since! Recently, Hoffman has ventured into advised to hedge their bets with Owning over from Enzo Castellari’s THE LAST - SINISTER SAM the realm of lead roles, appearing recently in Mahowny. SHARK (1980) . Mattei focuses most of his Todd Louiso’s criminally underseen Love Liza attention on the amazing dialogue, the sound-

24 Games Halloween Puzzle Page Solve both puzzles and win a pair of tickets to Nashville Pussy at the Brickyard on Nov. 12th. In Person: Bring your completed puzzles to the Nerve office weekdays between noon and 5pm or you can mail them. Our address is 508-825 Granville St. Vancouver, BC V6Z 1K9

Halloween -by Dan Scum Across 1. Lee Ving’s band 5. Engrave on a surface 9. Lion from the Narnia chroni- cles 14. Wile E. Coyote’s mail order suppliers 15. Brake component 16. Steal 17. Wrestlers 19. Jewish holiday 20. ______Dave Osbourne 21. Dave Mustaine’s band Mega _____ 23. Tiger Gas Station (shittiest gas) 24. Ogler 26. Drive out 28. Halloween greeting 35. Ostralian Austrich 36. Hindquarters Max Payne 2: worn out. Along with the many 37. Long for 7. Nucleus sound enhancements, we get an improved 8. Past NRA president Charlton 55. Killer Whale The fall of Max Payne 38. Charged particles bullet-time effect. If Payne runs out of 40. Dirty political ad campaign 9. Bum 56. Oilers goaltending legend Developer: Remedy 10. Popeye’s boy Andy (#35) 43. Gillette razor Publisher: RockStar Games ammo while in the John Woo moment, 44. Ethnically divided North 11. Old school ounces of grass 57. Management company being he does this crazy 360° move and 12. Planet of the ______sued by Nickleback Platform: PC African nation reloads or changes his guns in order to 46. Grower’s harvest 13. Crazy Fiddling Roman 59. Top notch Rating: Mature emperor 61. Space agency 48. Best part of the plant Web: Rockstargames.com kick some more fuckin’ ass. 49. Dressed up kids looking for 18. Black comic Richard 62. Grandparent’s curse word The ragdoll physics are candy 22. Flower in Chinese 63. Cross-country or downhill 53. Lotto game 25. Female Sheep 65. He’s opposite he Fall of Max Payne plays, just amazing and the Havok engine is 54. Island 27. James Bond or Austin 67. New York State pimp. If you throw a grenade into a Powers once again, like a film noir. 55. Bridge columnist Sharif room full of baddies, just watch every- 58. Ethnic eastern European 28. Hijacking style TMax rejoins the NYPD and is 60. Heals or fixes robbery Last Issue’s Solution: back on the beat. But the story gets thing and everyone get tossed around. 64. Tony _____ “A place for 29. French Love It looks like a million bucks. Ok, the 30. French Monday complicated from there on in; tits, ribs” only gripe that I have with Max 2 is its 66. High interest cash advancer 31. Not limp Russian mobsters, mascots, and some 68. Marc Crawford e.g. 32. Starbucks item other very weird shit. There’s Mona length. It’s a tad bit short. Remedy sure 69. Sole 33. Mistake packed lots of goodies into those 2 70. NYPD Blue’s Morales 34. Goes off the deep Sax, a femme fatale that Max wants to 71. Concur end get it on with, and then there’s pretty disks, and some of that shit is very 72. Mike from Social D’s loch 39. Field Day Event much just the countless corpses that addictive, but the game doesn’t have 73. Dines 41. Airport Level much replay value. Not that Max is not Down 42. Varieties of fish Payne leaves behind, face down in 1. British smokes eggs their own blood. fun, the game is beyond fun, it’s just 2. Shade of beige 45. Sprtng gds mnfc- too fuckin’ short. trr Max Payne 2 delivers the 3. What you might find in an Adler Floyd atlas 47. Tropical trees goods and then some. Remedy hasn’t 4. Remove skin a second time 50. Switch positions really included anything new to this 5. Foreigner’s class 51. Type of deodor- Eye Candy: 5 ant sequel, but they made the things that 6. Hakeem “______” Olajuwon Tunes: 5 of the NBA 52. Little giggle we are familiar with better. The graph- ics are fuckin’ amazing. Everything Gameplay: 5 Halloween Word Search from the NY interiors to the collateral Chill Factor: 4.5 damage is just pimp. The sound is per- Verdict: Max Payne 2 brings to the huge cheerleader idea fect, from the shells hitting the floor to table total motherfuckin’ action. Get it halloween buy wakeup the thump of bodies falling on the or get shot in the face! party mushrooms backyard costume from garden asphalt. Max looks older and more cardboard skeleton again beer bad shit. boxes drinking heavy firecrackers burned fingers exploding pumpkins cops arrive leave more liquor fall down stairs flirt bloody stewardess makeout dead

25

Etc...

Interracial of studded bras and very high heels. This flick Nation 2 has a lesbo scene, but I was expecting more Director: Mark from Strawberry Delight, too slow and pre- Wood. dictable. Strawberry Delight has another Starring: Cailey scene though where she gets it on with two Taylor, Billy guys. It’s a pretty good scene. Banks, Jessica There is no plot to this film. It acts Darlin, and more as a showcase for Quebecois girls. Darren James. Those who are into bondage fashions will like this movie. It’s a bit too low quality for me, even though the DVD did have outtakes show- ing some of the makings of the scenes.

Seduce And Destroy The intro states: “From the maker of ‘Mark Director: Jim Wood Bangin’ In Da Hood’ comes the flip- Enright side…” Classy right from the opening scene, Starring: Shanna these white girls get down and dirty. The first McCullough, Nici girl gets it in every hole and, man, is she a Sterling, Chloe, screamer. At times she sounds like a whim- Toni James, pering puppy, then she appears possessed by a Johnny Black, T.T. screaming banshee! She has reason to scream, Boy, Tony though, because that’s one MOTHER of a Tedeschi, Peter black cock she gets skewered with. North, Brad The second girl, “Katrina” is funny. Armstrong, Vince She doesn’t even know what movie she’s fuck- Vouyer, Claudio, ing for. She thinks it’s for Interracial, um… Wylde Oscar. America? Oh well, everyone has a confused day at work every now and then. She’s young, The large all-star cast only hints at what this 18, and from Riverside, yeah, she looks like a film has to offer. Seduce And Destroy is an white trash hoe, but I’m not complaining. This action packed sexual adventure with spies, chick has her tongue pierced and one of her stunts, espionage, and, of course, fucking. It pussy lips pierced. She’s pretty hot. has all the qualities of a James Bond movie, I know there’s the stereotype that the only difference is that the special agent is a black guys have big cocks, but it’s cheating woman. when you totally shave the ‘old Johnson’ like The viewer is thrust right into the the second guy in this film. When Ron Jeremy action in the opening scene. A group of guys was in Vancouver a little over a year ago, he skydive out of a plane right above a yacht full said that you can tell the difference between of beautiful women, but only one of them movies made in the 70’s from those made lands next to the boat. This skydiver turns out more recently due to the bush or lack thereof. to be the ‘James Bond’ character of this action Even though I think it’s cheating for a guy to adventure! shave it to make it look bigger, female bush This is a quality film that actually has become almost extinct over the past years, has a plot and a script! The script was written and the male bush is also climbing the endan- by George Kaplan, and is quite entertaining. gered species list. This movie also delivers visually, as huge This movie is good in a ghetto kind mansions and different exotic locations are of way. Slutty girls who crave big cocks is a used. The sex scenes offer a variety too. There good thing, but, alas, no real plot to support is some double penetration thrown in with the this impulse item. regular fucking to show that this movie is not just plot driven. Québec This movie has it all: fast boats, fast Superstars: cars, and even faster women. I was thorough- Uncut ly entertained by this movie and I think that Director: director Jim Enright did a fairly good job Starring: Marie keeping the story on track. In a world full of Lou, Nancy, bad porno movies, this one has seduced and Sherry Lipps, destroyed its competition…. and for that I rec- Strawberry ommend it. Delight, and Jerebelle. Thanks for joining me for yet another month as we all prepare for the winter holidays com- ing up. In one of the reviews above, I men- tioned the shaving of genitals vs. non-shaving. Nerve’s Smut Ranch would like to take a sur- vey of what you, the readers, think about this: Quebec is very culturally different from the to shave, or not to shave? that is the question. rest of the provinces. Anyone who has been If you could please e-mail us your preference there, and has frequented their nightlife, will shaved, or non-shaved to the address provided tell you that french chicks are cheap, dirty below, and include whether you are male or sluts… and if they argue, you can say Quebec female. Hope to hear form all of you! Superstars: Uncut told you so. This film has a plain hand-held cam- -Max Crown era look to it, something typical of many [email protected] Canadian movies, mainstream and other. To go with the gritty style, this movie focuses on leather bondage and fetish wear. There are lots

27