.r_ The.New Hampshire Bulk Aate,U-ti Po~t11ae & Vol. 79 No. 41 ' V FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 (603)862-1490 .,Durham.N.H. Durham 1\1 H Perm,, • 3Ci ·Budget still pending Haaland asks students to act By Mary Tamer and Joanne April 13. According to Haaland, to the library. It also requests Marino the Senate is still looking at the an up-to-date biological sciences A formal letter was sent to feasibility of Governor Judd facility "that would serve the students this week in an effort Gregg's recommendation. agricultural and applied science to rally support for Governor On Wednesday, Haaland tes­ needs of this State" and the Judd Gregg's proposed budget tified to the committee in favor university. and against an additional eight of Gregg's recommended figure Haaland hopes there will be percent cut to the University for the university system capital an addition of a Local Area System's (USNH) biennium budget. Network, a computer system budget called for by the State The capital budget entails making it possible for "infor­ House Appropriations Commit­ funding used for the future mation to be accessed and shared tee. planning of the University. It between near and far locations." Gregg's budget proposal ask­ is separate from the operating According to Haaland, other ing for an 11 percent increase budget, money allotted for main­ key projects in planning for the over the next two years already taining the university. university, such as major ren­ implied a reduction by half of Haaland said the money ovations for Pettee and DeMe­ -the USNH's original. budget would aid in this biennium's ritt Halls, will not get accomp­ request. If the committee's cut planning of various projects, lished due to reductions from is passed, it would allow the including changes for the Di­ the USNH's original request. budget only a 2.8 percent in­ mond Library and the Spaulding Regarding the capital budget, crease over the biennium, $9.2 Life Sciences Center. Haaland said the Appropria­ million less than the governor's In the proposal submitted to tions Committee is "generally request. the Appropriations Committee, sympathetic to us, but they can't The letter outlines possible Haaland said the $1.9 million spend money the Ways and financial scenarios if the cut requested is for "a several phase Means Committee doesn't passes through the legislature project which will add essential have." and included a list of New space to our library and keep 1 The Appropriations Commit­ Hampshire representatives for it at the center of campus." tee will vote on April 13. students to express their con­ Haaland told the committee Haaland said he expects to cerns. It was distributed by the that the physical layout of the · receive the funding requested short when it comes Students may find Durham one option office of the president, signed library is too small and serves for the capital budget. _!o buying beer. (Sharo~_Donovan photo) by UNH President Gordon only half of the number of Haaland said the Parents Haaland and Student Body Pres­ students it should. Association is sending out let­ ident Wendy Hammond. Ultimately, the plan calls for ters regarding the budget to Local Store 24 The House is due to send a the vacating of the Spaulding parents as well, trying to inform final recommendation on the Life Sciences Center, so that it them on the impact of the to lose license budget to the NH Senate by can be renovated and connected recently proposed cuts . By Nancy Roberts cording to him, there were no swore chat no with sciences Sales of beer and wine account problems. "He .Struggling Store 24's one drunk came in the door," for half of Durham's By Elyse Decker major will finish and graduate and science, while that said Towle. ling in math total sales, but next week Freshman year there were with a degree in engineering. teenagers lag far 24 However, as a result of the American is all going to change. Store 200 students struggling through It's not that they don't have behind. liquor license. revoked license, the Store 24 is going to lose its electrical engineering with the intelligence, said England, believes competitive­ Liquor employee lost his job and Store Henry The New Hampshire Bryan Martineau. Today, as a but many realize engineering ness is the key issue in explain­ be holding a 24 expects a significant loss as Commission will junior, there are only 65. just is not for them. why our country is falling to decide on well. ing hearing this week He received excellent grades A recent study released by the short. according to "Fifty percent of our sales is this matter, but in high school but was shocked National Research Council and In Henry's estimation, the manager of Store beer," ~aid Towle. Diana Towle, when he realized the complexity the Educational Testing Service, United States has become a the loss of their liquor license 24, fact that this man got of his college courses. For a as published in The Boston major importer rather than inevitable. The ·is car is what makes chis while, he was unsure whether Globe, has suggested that com­ exporter, because the overseas Liquor Commission is into a "The so serious. Driving or not he was really cut out to pared to other countries, the US market has the advantage of about these things," Towle occurrence strict influence of alcohol be an engineer. educational system is failing in cheap labor. Because of this, the said, "We've lost it." under the is a problem everywhere, but Martineau is not the only one. the maths and sciences. The prices of consumer goods, such Last week a Durham police according to Captain McGann According to Professor Robert findings showed that 13-year­ as cars and televisions, have officer witnessed a man who had there is more potential for it Henry approximately 30 per­ olds from Korea, Ireland, the been lowered and we have since just purchased some alcohol, here because Durham is a col­ cent of all freshmen at the Unite~ Kingd?m, and many staggering from the exit of Store over in his lege town. "'-11'.£®~}'·•· 24. He was pulled of the man afterwards and ar­ The possibility car shortly into an accident could for aggravated DWI; his getting rested fatal for the child­ level was .22. have proven blood-alcohol the car. "Since I started to Durham Police ren ·in According here in 1978," McGann Joseph E McGann, working Captain "I've covered 14 fatalities were three young children said, there by DWI; these are lives in the car with the man who was caused lost because people drink and arrested. The sale of alcohol to drive." \ man could have jeopardized this Greg Sterling, a seniori at the lives of those children. UNH feels the Durham police Establishments that sell al­ and the Liquor Commission are cohol must be careful to not sell just doing their job to protect alcoholic beverages to anyone citizens from these fatalities. who is already under the influ­ "If you're drinking while driv-· ence. ing," said Sterling, "the police "Society is taking a stiffer look have every right to come down at alcohol and DWI," said on you." 1 McGann. The establishments in down­ Taking the liquor license away from Score 24 will provide town Durham are taking socie­ th .,,. J . \A~ .. .-, .. ty's concerns into consideration an example to the other estab­ sell ~ngineering students find themselves s1>4~ncUnJl a lot of library time to keep o~ top enforcing stricter rules on lishments in the area that by estab­ classes. (Ed Sawyer photo) _ .. ; their customers. alcohol. Hopefully, these ..••••• ..•• ..•••••••••••••--••••••••••••11111 .. 1••••••••••111H1••••••~•••~ "We've always ask for two lishments, in turn, will continue ••••••••••••• IDs," said Towle, "and I tell our to enforce strict rules on their keep employees to get the customer customers, which should I N S I D E DWI arrests down. to talk to see if they can smell It's tasteless! It's rude! it's meant to abuse! liquor on his breath. But you "Store 24 may have been can't always tell." created a little harshly," Sterling The employee who served the said, "but if bartenders have to No, it's not your Uncle Ernie, it's man who was arrested was know when to stop serving working alone that night. _Ac- . someone, why not a store?" ~• New Jlampsterl ~H•••H•••••••••••••••••••••••••H••--•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••-,,,•••••••••••••H• PAGE TWO THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 -shattered dreams as Dance Party shows true side By Angelique Davi outfits - no neutrals or black and For two fans of Dance Party white combos - and a bag lunch," USA who finally made it on the Amatto told them. show, their dream-come-true Penta laughed in disbelief and ended up being no party at all. asked, "You don't even provide UNH juniors Suzi P~nta and refreshments?" Holly Huntington decided that . After driving all the way to since most of their friends were Philadelphia, Penta and Hun­ heading south to Jamaica and tington learned their dream­ the Bahamas for spring break, show wasn't all the wonder and they were going to "burn them amazement that the lights and by getting on the show," Holly glitz made it appear to be. said. Their dressing room was The show, a smaller budget nothing more than a storage version of American Bandstand, room where sweating teenage caters to teenagers who think girls were clumped together to Rick Astley is the president of change in during sets. the US and Debbie Gibson the "While girls put on their lacy first lady. black bras and stretch pants - For two years, Penta and their outfits for the show - Huntington have faithfully crewmen walked by whistling watched and daily worshipped and drooling," Huntington said. D.P. USAHostAndyGury. "We When Penta picked out her usually watch the show everyday outfit for the show, she feared and dance to it too," Penta said. it was too revealing, but after When they set their minds glancing around the 'dressing to making it on the dance floor, room' she thought she looked they knew they would have to like an executive on Wall Street. _ compromise their integrity. She overheard one regular Dance Party USA turned out to be a flop for Suzi Penta and Holly Huntington. "We posed as Oyster River High dancer comment on her own School students because the clothing combination, which They watched Stark get and began clapping wildly. After show will brmg her fame and show only accepts students included a skimpy top and bikini dropped off in a silver Cadillac. his lecture Gury pointed to popularity. "She told us she under 18," Huntington said. bottoms under see-through As she walked away with bags Huntington in the crowd and wants to have her own 'philo­ After receiving no response tights. "I really look like a priss," stuffed with outfits and her bag said, "Thegum,getridof it. You sophy line' and give advice to to their letter requesting tickets, she said. Penta glanced down lunch, Penta heard her father know the rules." kids across the country." · Penta called using her best at her mini-skirt that hung yell, telling her to dance and Other rules include not hav- Most of the regulars put in desperate teenage voice, "We below her knees and realized make sure she got on the came- ing make-up or gum in the ladies anywhere from eight to 16 hours wicked wanna be on the show," just how conservative she really ra. room because of past vandalism. a weekend dancing for the show, she pleaded with the secretary. is. Before they began taping, the During breaks, guests ran according to Huntington. Four But Penta felt skeptical about The whole thing wasn't a loss, host prepped everyone on the around trying to get autographs one hour shows are taped each the whole thing from the start. though, because the two did get rules. He taught them how to from the regulars who are no Saturday and Sunday. Don Amatto, D.P. USA assist­ a chance to see some of their clap, saying there are several older then they are. "They treat And the catch ... they all work ant producer, heard their plea favorite regular dancers; Cindy ways to clap: regular, boring and them like stars," Huntington for free. and gave them their big break. Stark, Eddie O'Neil, New Wave the D.P. USA way and at that said. DANCE PARTY, page 10 "Bring three brightly col~re~_ Paul and Cocoa. he threw his hands over his head Coco.a, a r~gular, hopes th~

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Correction: It was not reported in last Tuesday's issue of The New Hampshire that Academic Affairs Chairperson Alexandra Weill of the Student Senate was a primary Authorities smash component in arranging the Soviet exchange 2()0,000 Soviets program. The New Hampshire apologizes for the ·drug money operation oversight. respond to poll Federal authorities have smashed a billion-dollar No surprise here, folks, but readers of a popular international operation laundering drug money Soviet weekly have named President Mikhail S. and forced Columbia's Medellin cartel to alter the Gorbachev "Man of the Year." Perhaps less way it handles drug profits, the Justice Department Golden Razzies awarded predictably, the poll also showed most of them think said Wednesday. a new world war is next to impossible. The Tass Attorney General Dick Thornburgh, FBI Director Sylvester Stallo.ne still hasn't won an Oscar but news agency said Wednesday that more than 200,000 William Sessions and other top law enforcement he's cleaning up on Razzies. The Golden Raspberry readers responded to the Literaturnaya Gazeta poll officials said their "Operation Polar Cap" has ended Award Foundation gave its worst actor award to on "Soviet society's burning social and economic with charges against 127 people and two Latin Stallone for the third time in five years because problems." According to Tass, nearly 80 percent American banks. of his performance in "Rambo 3." Razzies, which considered world war impossible or highly improb­ But Justice officials said one of the defendants were officially announced Wednesday while the able, and 71 percent strongly favored the cuts in eluded capture in Panama by the Panamanian Oscars were being passed out, also went to "Cocktail" military spending ordered by Grobachev. Readers Defense Forces after he holed up in a bank there fC?r worst movie and worst screenplay, Liza Minnelli of the weekly, with_a 6.3 million circulation, described Wednesday. U.S. authorities had relied on the for worst actress for "Arthur 2" and 'Rent-A-Cop" the Soviet military withdrawal from Afghanistan, defense force for assistance despite the fact it is and Kristy McNichol for worst supporting actress completed Feb. 15, as the "Event of the Year." headed by Panamainian Gen. Manuel Noriega, who in "Two-Moon Junction." The worst new star was is himself under a federal indictment for drug Ronald McDonald, the fast-food chain clown, for r trafficking. his appearance as himself in "Mac and Me." Thornburgh called the investigation "the largest money-laundering crackdown ever carried out by Czechoslovak teenage the federal government." "A horse is a horse" hijackers surrender In Ligonier, PA, a lawyer well-versed, no doubt, Two Czechoslovak teenagers shot their way onto in Oliver Wendell Holmes and John Marshall cited a jetliner Wednesday in Prague and ordered it to .Bush faces opposition "Mister Ed" in getting drunken driving charges the United States, but the crew convinced them dismissed against his horse-riding client. it couldn't fly that far and they gave up in Frankfurt, to random drug testing "A horse is a horse, of course, of course," attorney West Germany. Irving Bloom told Magistrate Denise S. Thiel, who They surrendered when American military would The White House press secretary, Marlin agreed that a horse is not covered by the motor not let them enter the U.S. Air Force base adjacent Fitzwater, said Wednesday that President Bush vehicle code. to Frankfurt's commercial airport. is displeased with a suit challenging random drug Ronald Nestor, 34, of Fairfield was charged with Police said no one was hurt and incident ended testing of White House employees, saying the drunken driving and driving without lights after peacefully less than three hours after its violent government must ensure "a clean workplace." he and the Arabian appaloosa he was riding were start in the Czechoslovak capital, where nearly all As the Secret Service disclosed that four officers struck from behind by a pickup truck Dec. 11. passengers were freed. accused of drug abuse had been removed from its Police said Nestor's blood alcohol level at the Witnesses at Ruzyne Airport in Prague said the payroll, Fitzwater said Bush wants to forge ahead time was 0.11, just above the legal limit of 0.10. teenagers took a woman hostage, crashed through with random testing despite a suit filed by 30 a glass wall of the VIP lounge, fired several shots executive office employees. and threatened a stewardess. THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 PAGE THREE LaChance, Hanson make SBP appeal

By Kathleen Haley as Student Body President than Student Body Presidential a member of the legislature?" candidate Dewey LaChance said LaChance said. he plans to "take the lead, make This campaign marks LaChan­ a lot of noise and get some ce' s second attempt to become attention" in order to get things Student Body President. He first done if he is elected. ran for the position in 1986. He LaChance, a junior, said im­ acknowledged the limited power proving the conditions of dor­ the Senate has but said he plans mitories would be his first to get things accomplished "by priority as president of the being vocal." Student Senate. Both LaChance and Hanson "The older dorms are falling are members of the Greek apart," LaChance said, "A lot system, although neither one of money is being spent on listed changes in the system administrative things and no­ among their top priorities. thing on students." "We' re not running on a strong, LaChance included the ren­ mainly Greek platform," Han­ ovations of Thompson Hall and son said. "We want to reach State Park--New Hampshire State Parks compete for the As. (Mike_Parnham photo) the bottom floor of Stoke Hall everyone." gten Ellis as examples of money being In addition to improving the spent on administrative offices dorms, LaChance also hopes to rather than student living space. get students more involved by NH parks at head of the class LaChance's running mate, making them aware of where . Ellen Hanson, said her first to turn when they have a prob­ By Shari Jaeger letter grading scale· and the parks. Visitor comments ana sug­ priority is to get students in the lem with the university, and to The rugged beauty of New 'report cards' were recollected . _iinprovement in­ dormitories more in touch. She cut upper-level admistration Hampshire has scored high at the end of the visitor's stay. gestions for providingshowers, dump­ said that commuter students positions. _ among nature and outdoor re­ Out of the 374 grades, said cluded and electrical hook­ better access to television Hanson also stressed a need creation appreciators through Vaske, the lowest was a B-. Only ing stations, have park camping and newspapers, but that dor­ for more publicity and support a UNH study of 34 NH state seven B-'s were found in the ups for state grounds. · mitory residents can easily for diversity-related activities parks. complete report. According to Wilbur LaPage, become unaware of what is on campus. "We have the pro­ According to a study per­ The seven B- grades were of the State Division on. grams, we just need to publicize formed this summer by the found in the cleanliness of director going and Recreation, the Hanson, a sophomore, pro­ them more," she said. UNH Office of Public and restrooms, availibility of park of Parks us to set goals for diverse means of Other issues the two support Commercial Services (OPAC), information, control of pets, and study "helps posed using and to be getting students in touch with include disarming the university N.H. state parks received an helpfulness of the park staff. park management, re doing the best we can what is going on outside of police, eliminating hazing on average grade of B plus. Eleven However, no park averaged sure we· public." Durham. Working closely with campus, and strengthening the different factors were consi­ lower than a B. for the study was a success," many organizations on campus, students' involvment in town dered when grading the parks "Overall," said Vaske, "peo­ "The is an example including WUNH, would enable issues. including cleanliness, safety and ple think very highly of New said LaPage,"and partnership be­ the senate to contact students Hanson was a floor represen­ security, ease of access, attrac­ Hampshire's parks." of a helpful two state institutions." outside the mainstream, she tative in Fairchild and was active tiveness, pet control, hours of According to the report, four tween in the theater department last parks received perfect scores. said. operation, first impressions, to year. She currently lives in Weeks and Rye Harbor state OPAC accepts proposals LaChance boasts a long list helpfulness of staff, and overall activities in Fairchild, but will be moving oth­ parks, the Wentworth-Coolidge promote leisure of qualifications for the position tourist satisfaction, among In addition out of the dormitories next year. Historical Site, and the Daniel New Hampshire. including serving two terms in ers. to the parks, OPAC is preparing Neither LaChance or Hanson Vaske, director of Webster Historical Site were the State House of Represen­ Jerry several other report cards in­ OPAC, an office within the ranked as the state's best facil­ tatives. SBP, page 5 cluding evaluating the ski areas UNH Department of Leisure ities. "What better_oerso11 to have of Cannon and Sunapee with and Tourism, per­ A's were also awarded to Management results to be published in mid­ the study at the request Kingston, Coleman and Wad­ formed A pril. According to Vaske, state Department of leigh State Parks, said Maureen of the is also currently survey­ and Economics. Ac­ Donnelly, assistant professor OP AC Resources ing 'walking clubs' for the to Vaske, the 34 parks of Leisure Management and cording Bureau of Health to promote were chosen by the state Div­ Tourism and co-author of the walking as a recreational activ­ ision of Parks and Recreation. report. ity, and developing a program 'Report cards' were distrib­ According to Donnelly, the to expand the Easter Seals uted to a total of 1,464 visitors study will enable park managers summer camp to a year-round to the parks, said Vaske. The to focus their efforts on improv­ camp for the handicapped. 11 factors were ju_dged ori a ing specific factors of the state Speakers decry intervention By Amy Clement Salvador at a meet1ng Tuesday them while attending a service Marchers with banners of night in Hamilton Smith. for the victim of an assassin, protest, soldiers with ready Eames and Bustamante feel and at a gathering where pro­ guns, and the toothless smiles as though they have come back testers were trying to persuade of children were some of the to the United States with a others not to vote in the March memories Tish Bustamante mission to talk about the prob­ 19th election. "As we drove brought back from her recent lems of El Salvador. away, 100 soldiers were con­ visit to El Salvador, which has "I feel strongly that this is verging on the scene," Busta­ been at war with itself for 9 not a place for the government mante said. years. to be in," Bustamante said. She From age 14 up, boys and men Bustamante and Ash Eames, and Eames are both interested are illegally forced into the of the New Hampshire Central in stopping US intervention in military, "I felt strongly for Bustamante said, "Their a\SBP candidate Dewey LaChance America Network, shared their El Salvador. them," storie§ and feelings about El _ Eames believes the US go­ hearts were not in it, and many (Sharon Donovan photo) vernment has greatly influenced are deserting." the outcome of El Salvador's The El Salvadorans did not be Greek elections and their government hide their feelings toward the English aspiring to has become so dependent on US US. By Stacey Murgo Kappa at UNH was founded in On May 7, after the Honors funds that the country is like Bustamante attended for a fix". where protesters car­ Woodrow Wilson was one. 1952. According to Barbara Convocation, Phi Beta Kappa "a junkie waiting marches $10 million Amer­ banners asking for "No So was Theodore Roosevelt. Cooper, french professor and will initiate forty new members In 1984, a ried built and the or intervention" Perhaps your English professor chapter president, the society from a spectrum of majors, who ican embassy was repression has been pro~ from the US. Illegal graffitti holds the distinction, or maybe fosters the concept of a liberal have studied a diversity of liberal US government with $1.5 city walls with the pro­ even your next-door neighbor. education. courses. These include juniors viding El Salvador covers to citizens. Two young They are members of Phi Beta "The most important point who have achieved a cumulative million a day. According tests of that 15 and 16 told Bus­ Kappa, the oldest honorary is that a liberal education is not average of a 3.8, and seniors, Eames, it is the military men, ages "It's a de­ they do not like the society in the United States. identical to liberal arts - there September as well as December controls the party. tamante in name," Busta­ of other countries in Founded in 1776 at the College is a broader definition," Cooper graduates, who have a cumul­ mocracy only influence They believe that "It of William and Mary in Willi­ explained. A "liberal" course ative average of a 3.5. mante said. their own. were a their own cul­ amsburg, Virginia, the society would include those that em­ Phi Beta Kappa sp9nsors two The military forces was destroying during Bus­ ture." is based upon eighteenth cen­ phasize ideas and theories, lectures each year; one is del- __ constant presence trip. enlightenment principles. rather than those practical in tamante's two week page 9 tury BRAINS, page 9 with SALVADOR, The Beta chapter of Phi Beta _ orientation. She described run-ins PAGE FOUR THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 NTHESPOT Who is your hero?

"Pete Townshend, he identified 7ohn Holmes, because of h!s "Greg Brady ... he is groovy." · . ffBob Marley, he is a real weird with ma!e teenagers and their unique and inspirational acting character. I have his records, struggles in society, especially abilities. May he rest in pea­ Tim Lippold tapes, and some of bis posters. in Britain." ce ... (satire). I can relate to him, because he Freshman is dead." Greg Fox Matt Alden

. . .. ,: Chem. Eng. Greg Henry Sophomore . Sophomore · Junior Psychology 8nglish Botany

C )C ac tc )C .. ac ...... C .. lC ..C -- .. MEET THE CANDIDATES

-SBP & SBVP Wednesday, April 5 f Wdliamson Ball 7:30pin

. Thursday, April 6 [ Betzel Ball 7:30pm

(. ( I - • •-:

THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1-9.89 PAGE FIVE CALENDAR Working wonders with polkas . l- . - By Mike Olliver oldies" polka tunes. idents were all smiles. FRIDAY, MARCH 31 of the residents age gap of fifty years did Though most "They wanted to know when An a few of POLITICAL ECONOMY SERIES - Richard England (UNH, stop members of the greek were in wheelchairs, we were coming back," he said. not residents took this Economica), "Waste Emission, Environmentaf Quality, and having a good time the female 'Tm glad I went," Thibault 2 p.m. system from recapture some the Rate of Profit." Room 206, McConnell, noon to night. opportunity to said, when asked if he had Wednesday the dance floor. Members of the Intrafrater­ old moves on enjoyed the evening's activities. MUSO'S "WOODY ALLEN" FILM FESTIVAL - "Sleeper," Gibbs, a representative nal and Panhellenic councils Scott "The elderly here never have "The Purple Rose of Cafro," "Broadway Danny Rose," "Zeliz," Phi Epsilon, danced to visit and dance with the of Sigma much opportunity to mingle and "Hannah and Her Sisters," Strafford Room, MUB, 3 went with Charlotte residents of the Mark Went­ a few waltzes with young people." p.m. Batchelder, who is 91 years old. added that he felt worth Home in Porstmouth as Thibault Concert.Johnson Theater, "I told Charlotte that I was evening was good public UNH DANCE THEATER-Annual part of a community service the Paul Arts, 8 p.m. sorry more of the elderly people relations for the greek system event. able to dance," Gibbs According to Kevin Shea, an weren't as a whole. she told me SATURDAY, APRIL 1 brother, who is on the commented, "but Rosemary Littlefield, director Acacia because in her Public Relations Commit­ not to worry, of activities for the home, WILDLIFE SOCIETY GAME DINNER - Alumni Center, IFC was in her and organizer the event, the mind, every woman expressed her delight at how 6 p.m., $7.50 Tickets in Room 3, Pettee Hall. tee, shoes at that mo­ two councils took a substantial (Charlotte's) well the evening went, and that ment." Theater, first step towards better public the residents were still talking UNH DANCE THEATER -Annual Concert.Johnson ended with a 8 relations with the university The evening about the evening's events on Paul Arts, p.m. song. Thursday morning. community. residents sang some of SUNDAY, APRIL 2 The evening began with re­ The 'Tm sure the evening brought

favorities to the stu­ 1 which were served their old back memories," said Littlefield, Room, MUB, 7 and freshments, listened with amuse­ MUSO FILM - "The Hunger." Strafford by council members to the dents, who who added that the residents p.m., students $1, general $2. most of them had 9:30 residents of the nursing home. ment to songs had received invaluable indi­ According to Kitty Coyne, a never heard before. vidual attention from the stu­ INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE WORKSHOP - Guest sister, and member Then, one woman asked them dents. teacher Marianne Taytor presents lively dances fro around Kappa Delta sang the students walked to sing for her. The group Shea said that he would like the world. Gym, New Hampshire Hall, 2:30-5 p.m. of Panhel, included the lobby, visiting each four songs, which to see more events like this one around That Lovin' Fee­ INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE - Beginners welcome, resident, and generally "got "You've Lost take place in the future. ," and "By the Light of the no partner necessary, soft-soled shoes please. Gym, N.H. going." lin' "The elder ly are often for­ things Moon." Hall, 7-10 p.m. Then, DJ Gary Sherdisnski Silvery gotten. Growing old is taken for 't think they would showed up with his accordian, "We didn granted," said Shea. "It does get n' Roses," Gibbs said. MONDAY, APRIL~ and broke out the "golden like Guns' lonely." According to Shea, the res- RUSSIAN FILM SERIES - "The Step-Mother." Room 110, Murkland, 7 p.m., $1 donation. _ thh Natural Lane," ------SBP------

:d ... : i<) .. _ ..✓-. : .,.Jt):;:i:.:~.:-;w::~:x• & :.:r· wr ·•., <: · ... :...... :. •: ::::--1_ 1/!:":~--•••• ':-CF· .. :.:.::-.-::{ ··••• .c;-::--::--:~~k~-!:-: ...... 2° :\;:: open t Support the 10th Annual · 1 • for the 1989-1990 11 eeo~:::~~:~ Ltt j ~~cademic year: 11111 Sunday, April 9th at 1 :00 PM I PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Beginning & Ending from the lawn between the MUB & Lot C NEWS IN BRIEF EDITOR Walk either 4 or 10 miles.

GRAPHICS MANAGER This year My Friends' Place, a shelter in Dover for h omeless people Walk's proceeds. PHOTO EDITOR will receive 20% of the Last year 300 people walked and raised iilili

over$~00Q I:-:::: NEWS EDITOR This year we hope for even more. r: ~JI SPORTS EDITOR Contact a recruiter in your dorm, student j!:::l organization, or contact Cail, Paul, or Virginia \l at ? Pick up applications WAYSMEET PROTESTA NT STUDENT CENTER i::\:j 15 Mill Road, 8 62-1165. /! · ·:::::;::: :: . ::, :-:-: -: •:-:-: - :-:,:: :: : ::::::- : • . • : ❖ . • :•: ::, :, : •.•.•.•:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:,:.: - ·:: : • • •, ...... :-.-:.. , •:•.·· · · ·= • = ❖ ·::: .:•• : •••- ••• : ••.:.: .• • ••••••• ·•::::·····:· •••• ····•:•·•: ay! ...... in... room...... 151 in the MUB tod , PAGE SIX THE NEW HAMPSHRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 OTICES ATHLETICS AND RECREATION SUMMER HOUSING: The Department of Hous­ ing and Conferences offers residence hall and LEARN HOW TO CANOE!: There are still spaces apartment style housing during the summer for available in Basic Canoeing - a half credit physical programs sponsored by university departments education class meets Monday, 2-5 p.m., room 11, and organizations. Contact Valerie Randall-Lee NH Hall. Call 862-4295 for more information. at 2120 or Michael Saputo at 1779. You may contact the Conference Office at 1922 to enlist their services CAREER in arranging for the marketing, registration, and dining arrangements of your program. Programs GRADUATE AND PROFESSIONAL SCHOOL still wishing to make arrangements for this coming WORKSHOP: Choosing a Graduate or Professional summer should contact the above individuals as School, Considering attending a graduate or soon as possible. professional school in your future? This Workshop will address such conserns as to go or not? If so, BAKE SALE: Sponsored by UNH Italian where? and how to enhance Club. your chances of Baked goods w/ Italian expresso (coffee), Tuesday, successfully getting in. Monday, April 3, Forum April 4, MUB Balcony Table #1, 10 a.m. to 3:30 Room, Dimond Library, 3-4 p.m. p.m. GENERAL INTRODUCTION TO AMNESTY INTERNA­ WOMEN'S COMMISSION: Looking for an en­ TIONAL: Introduction to Amnesty International. thusiastic graduate student woman to serve a 2 What is Amnesty? Wednesday, April 5, Room 217, year membership term. The Women's Commission Hamilton Smith, 6:30 p.m. serves as an advisory and programming committee for women's issues on campus. Meetings are twice HEALTH monthly and members should expect a 10 hour per month time commitment. Please call #1058 OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS: Every Tuesday, for more information. Conference Room, second floor, Health Services, 1-2 p.m. FREE TAX HELP: VITA (Volunteer Income Tax Assistance) provides free tax help in the community. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: Open to AA Volunteers help people with basic tax returns, members and anyone who thinks they have a particularly elderly, handicapped, and non-English­ drinking problem. Mondays-Fridays, Conference speaking taxpayers. There is NO charge for this Room, Health Services, noon to 1 p.m. service. Tuesdays, and Thursdays, February 7 to April 13, Forest Park Office, 8:30 to 10:30 am and ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS: Every 6-8 pm., call 862-2742 for an appointment. Friday, Conference Room, 2nd Floor, Health Services, 1-2 pm. TGIF PIZZA LUNCH: Join other non-traditional students to share pizza. Relax at the end of the ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS: Every Cathedral Ledge State Park--a view for those of you who keep week with good company and good food. $1 per Friday, Conference Room, 2nd Floor, Health your head in the sand. (Mike Parnham photo) slice. Every Friday, Non-Traditional Student Center, Services, 1-2 p.m. 12-2 p.m. MEETINGS r------~I B.R.E.A.K. (BAG IT, RELAX, EAT, AND CON­ I NECT): Discussion group for students who are PEOPLE FOR A FREE SOUTH AFTRICA MEET­ 1 separated, divorced, or just thinking about it. Drop ING: Peaople concerned with peace and justice I in anytime between 11 :30 and 1:30 p.m. on Mondays in South Afrca. Information, discussion and KINK0 S I­ at the Non-Traditional Student Center, Bring a planning. Tuesdays, Room 214, Hamilton-Smith, I bag lunch. Info: 862-36467 12:15 p.m. I I STUDENT ART ASSOCIATION SHOW: The Art UNIVERSITY COMPUTING I Show is coming! April 24-28 in the Granite State I Room of the MUB. For information, contact Student Non-credit courses are free of charge. Register 10% Art Association, Room 126, MUB. Submissions: online on the VAX/VMS systems by entering the I Friday, April 21, Hillsborough/Sullivan Room, command "TRAINING" at the VMS Hilbert I MUB, 8 am to noon. prompt ($). CUFS users should tab down to I "OTHER SER VICES" on the menu and type RESUME TYPESETTING I GAME DINNER: Have you ever tasted moose, "TRAINING". Call 3667 to register if you do not wild boar or venison? Try these and more at the have access to the above. All classes are held in I Wildlife Society's Annual Game Dinner, Saturday, Hamilton Smith, room 7, unless otherwise stated. WITH THIS COUPON I April 1, Alumni Center, 6:30 p.m. Vegetarian I alternates will be available. Tickets ($7.50) are INTERMEDIATE WORD PERFECT - Macintosh I on sale in Room 3 Pettee Hall. (2 sessions): This course will introduce the skills I needed to create columns, both newspaper and KINKO'S COPY CENTER I INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE WORK­ parallel; to create files for merging and to create I SHOP: Guest teacher Marianne Taylor presents labels. Held in room 3 Hamilton Smith. Prereq­ 51 MAIN STREET, DURHAM, NH I lively dances from around the world in an afternoon uisite: WordPerfect for the Macintosh. Monday, 868-6322 workshop. An evening party of open dancing and April 3 and Wednesday April 5, form 9-noon. I review follows. Beginners welcome, no partner I SAS/GRAPH (2 sessions) necessary. Please wear soft-soled shoes. Sunday, : This course will OFFER EXPIRES 6/89 April 2, gymnasium, NH Hall, 2:30-5 p .m. introduce this widely used graphics package which •I• (workshop), 7-10 p.m. (party), $4 at the door. produces quality graphics for business and research applications. prerequisite: SAS and knowledge I of a VMS editor. Monday, April 3 and Wednesday, GREAT BAY FOOD COOP: We are a non-profit April 5, from 1-3 p.m. ~~------~------~ store selling high quality food for good prices. Plus our policies are set by the membership with the SUBMIT INFORMATION TO THE OFFICE best interest of the consumer: you. Wednesdays; OF STUDENT ACTIVITES IN THE MUB. Hubbard Hall Recreation Room, 4:30-7:30 p.m. CALL 862-1524 FOR FORMS & DEADLINES. A_TTENTION STUDENTS: Information: 664-2589 or 749-9649. M.ACRO THE UNIVERSITY OF NEW HAMPSHIRE Department of Theater and Dance presents SALE

THE UNH DANCE THEATER COMPANY Your student ID entitles you from Round Trips to take 1 0% off Boston startint1 at r.zi anything_in our star~--- clothing, jewelry, . Annual Concert LONDON 318 accessories. If something you want is already CHICAGO 138 on sale, take an additional 10% off the sale CARACAS 370 price. Offer good for the HONGKONG 769 entire month of March. Directed by Larry Robertson , Jean Bro-wn, Gay TOKYO 679 Nardone · SYDNEY Johnson Theater Paul Creative Arts Center 1128 Boston-FLORIDA 149 Durham WHOLLY Amtrak Restrictions •PPIY. March 23 at 8pm - Jean Mattox Scholarship Benefit t•••s not included. March 24 and 25 at 8pm Chet:lt. our/ow te•t:her f•res . EURAIL PASSES MACRO! March 29 and 30 at 7pm March 29 at 10:30 am ISSUED ON THE SPOT! Call for March 30 and Apri/.J at 8pm FREE Student Travel Cat•log 17' Ceres St. BOSTON - General: $6 UNH 1211oy111on a ,,1.z,usz, Portsmouth, NH 50 Students/Employees/ Alumni/Seniors: $5 '!~'r.~~~ s,1.4s1-14g7 RESERVATIONS: 862-2290 ~!lnr Center 111•225-2555 OPEN EVERY DAY THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 PAGE SEVEN

Facing the danger CHOW rnR THt CHllDRtN At the Kappa Delta of a nuclear war Pancake Breakfast By Kim Armstrong The Soviet Union is also Catholic Student Center :} First Cht1/,·e ./i>r Qua/111 sl•,-e /1179 ~ looking to improve their econ­ The United States and Soviet Sun, April 2 , • i. :·· · . T-Shirts Union are finally realizing that omy, bringing more up to date t•' · 1 9am-1pm • Hooded Pullowers • Totes • Baseball Caps nuclear war is not just a game, technology to the country for • Sweatshirts • Golf Shirts • Aprons • Custom Daigns it's the success or failure of the modernization purposes. Be­ the Soviet Union's budget world, said Associate Professor cause Donation In-House Art Dept. than the US for their of Economics Richard W. Eng­ is smaller $2.50 land. military, matching missile for f:IHanes 603/431-8319 "Nuclear chicken is a very missile in the arms race against Autumn Pond Park. Route IO I. Greenland. NH 03840 dangerous game," said England. the US would hurt them, Eng­ England lectured to approx­ land said. STUDENT & YOUTH imately 60 faculty and students It is an important time in our AIRFARES about the effects of The Cold relations with this powerful War on present relations be­ country to keep communications tween the two great powers. open and continue arms talks. SPRING/ COLLEGE SENIORS Wednesday night's lecture If more money is spent on SUMMER was the second in a four part military, both countries will lose series titled, "Declaring Peace: out on economic opportunities, RATES Past Strategies, Future Possi­ said England. BOOK THEM NOW! CAN YOU MANAGE bilities," sponsored by the Office England discussed the history ROUNDTRIPS of the President. of both nations, from 1917 to FROM BOSTON According to England, due to the present, focusing in on the $2 MILLION A YEAR? lrom $470 recent devetopments from sum­ after effects of W odd War I, 11, PARIS lrom $760 mits and arms control talks, the and The Cold War. Learning RIO It's an Impressive figure, and It's what the CMHOge Cv'S Pharmacy FRANKFURT from $470 took In last year. Join the management team that's driven to two countries are now in a state about the history of the two growth HONG KONG lrom $799 succeed In 755 stores across the nation with a continued of peace, where peace is prof­ countries helps us better see rate of 40-50 new storesonnuaily--theteam-that's the best it SYDNEY from $1170 itable. US and Soviet relations where we are now and where can be thanks to our hands-on training program. promote-from­ TOKYO lrom $758 have periods of hostility and our future is headed. within policy and unlimited advancement based on merit. SAN JUAN from $245 periods of accommodation. It's time to get serious about If you can manage to find the time, meet with us on: Unfortunately, just because peace in our-countries, said Mary FROM NEW YORK Friday, Aprll 7 lrom $380 we are in a period of accommo­ Ross, alumnus and participant LONDON Please sign up for Interviews at your career placement office. Parent's Association MADRID from $470 dation now, does not mean this in the It you're unable to attend, send your resume to CVS is where we'll be five years from Board of Advisors. OSLO from $410 Pharmacy, State Une Plaza, Route ~.1.!alem, NH 03079, Attn: now, he said. Virginia Lamontagne, of Uni­ • FARES FROM MOST US CITIES Carl Rohrberg - Dept. '7. Or call (ow) 191-GOt. • DESTINATIONS WORLDWIDE England made the point that versity Relations, said the Fa­ • EOUALL Y LOW ONE WAY FARES Division of Melville Corporation Lecture Series is presented • MUL Tl-STOP/ROUND THE WORLD An equal opportunity employer because of all the military culty FARES AVAILABLE spending in the past, the United each fall and spring, after long • EURAIL PASSES AVAILABLE for • TOURS-USSR. CHINA. EUROPE States now has two deficits to hours of brainstorming • CALL FOR FREE face, the trade deficit and the themes and ideas. INFORMATION BOOKLET "It's another learning tool" federal budget deficit. Because THE STUDENT TRAVEL NETWORK CVS of these problems, less money for the students, she said, and pharmacy spent on the military highly encourages all students i 266-6014 i 576·4623 is being 273 Newbury SI lZOI Massachusetts Si"/! aspects in our countEY now. to attend. Boston Ave .. #5 I MA 02116 ~Am:;\~' STA TRAVEL 000000000STU DENT POSITION~ I ON TOWN COUNCIL Must be a: --Durham Resident --Full-Time Undergraduate

Must Remain in Durham Over Summer I DEADLINE: MARCH 31st For more information call: 862-1494 PAGE EIGHT THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989

~------T O N I G H T ....._ ____~

,Wooov ALLEN FESTIVAL..

MUB STRAFFOR·D ROOM

3:00 Broadway Danny Rose 5:00 Zelig 1:00- The Purple Rose of Cairo - 9:00 Sleeper 11:00 Hannah and Her Sisters

$1 per show at the door $4 for a 11 shows

· BRING PILLOWS, BLANKETS, SOFAS, LAWN CHAIRS .. .' . THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 PAGE NINE

BRAINS PANCAKE POWER . Siblings to make a (continued from page 3) ivered by a v.isiting scholar, the rolled in general education hopping weekend other, by a campus scholar. courses to submit a 5-10 page UNH English professor Les essay on any topic. Fisher will speak April 12. His This year's winner, Kristine By Stephen Utaski · run until 9. Prizes donated by subject is "Catastrophies Told Caneap, and the two runner-ups, Brothers and sisters of all ages Barnes and Noble will be given Lyrically: Ralph Ellison's Po­ Judy Loeven and Lila Cate, will will be invading the UNH out following the Twister game. etics of the Blues." be recognized at the initiation campus today to kick off the Students who have not The Society started a new on May 7. The contest will be second annual Lil' Sib's wee­ planned on having a sibling visit tradition this year with its held every year, and students KO and YOU can PREVENT them during the weekend are kend. General Education Essay Prize. are encouraged to save essays this Sunday. welcome to attend the activities. for submission for the end of CHILD ABUSE The event, which is being This contest is open to freshmen .:.JIUIUU"'-A_._.UIU"'JIUl~""-"".IU'-"'"""-""~ sponsored by the Inter Resi­ For the older visitors, a beach and sophomores who are en- dence Organization, is designed party has been planned at SAE, to give UNH students a chance which will run from 10 until 12. to bring their younger brothers Event organizer Bridget Bet­ and sisters to campus to expe­ tencourt said that last year the rience for 48 hours what college event conflicted with the Mardi life is like. Gras celebration on campus and Starting on Saturday at one participation was weak. This o'clock there is a full day of year a flyer was mailed to the activities planned in which the parents of all undergraduates students and their siblings can announcing the event, and so participate. A fair with live far Bettencourt said the re­ music, games, cotton candy and sponse has been overwhelming. free soda will run until 4 o'clock The event is being funde~ by behind Hunter Hall. the Programming Fund Organ­ A magic show is slated to ization, and Bettencourt said occur in the MUB between 7 and she hopes in years to come the 8, which will be followed by a Lil' Sib's weekend will become giant Twister game, which Vfill an exiting campus tradition.

----SALVADOR----

The people and especially the real reason for fighting for the children made a great impres­ future. sion on Bustamante. Eames urged listeners to get She demonstrated how dif­ involved in and informed about ficult El Salvadoran life can be. the issues of Central America. With little schooling and a high UNH's committee on Central mortality rate, 60% of the America will be sponsoring the country is illiterate. But "El 4th annual fast for Central Salvadorans have beautiful child­ America April 24-29. Events ren, and smart," Bustamante will include speakers, dinners said. She believes they are the ~nd a 4-baJ:?.d benefit concert. PAGE TEN I, ' THE NEW HAMPStf~E FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989

-SCIENCE ..... Random Writings (continued from page 1)

become an information society. Henry also cites a scarcity of capable teachers as a contributor to the problem. · Don't touch that dial! "There are also fewer people going into the teaching profes­ sion. The reason: there isn't a lot of money involved in being a teacher," said Henry. Alex Berger. _ Teachers are also not held in high regard anymore. As Henry puts it, if he had mouthed off · to a teacher when he was in school, he would have been sternly I remember the days when reprimanded by his people actually got upset (or even any-quality) show. But once we start allowing father. Nowadays, parents take if someone tried to ban or censor what was available censorship of television, there won't be any end to the liberty to criticize teachers to the in front of their children. public. it. In an age where every ten-year-old has seen "Friday So what is happening now? Every Muslim in the world the Thirteenth, Part 1 through 15" and Guns 'n Roses And, perhaps as a result of · is vying to deliver Salman Rushdie's head to the can release a song with the line "I used to love her the lack of teachers, the require­ Ayatollah men ts to become on a silver platter because of one lousy book; but I had to kill her," I think kids will be able to deal a teacher, at I, a sane and relatively normal guy, can no least in the lower grades, have longer go with a show like "Married ... With Children." been eased. These teachers out and just buy a Soviet made sub-machine gun; and pretty It seems that the idea of pulling commercials from don't have enough knowledge soon we'll all be watching "Love Boat" re-runs because "offensive" television programs has caught on. Ralston about what they are teachin_g. _ _ all supp_osedly offensive shows will 'be forced off the Purina and General Mills have both recently pulled But, the blame "America's air. for commercials from future episodes of "Saturday Night failing grades" as the The Whe11 Boston I was visiting California over Spring Break, Live" because, according to Purina spokesman Patrick Globe has titled their my brother turned on a TV show called "Married series, does not rest solely on ... Farrell, a skit "crossed over the line of good taste." teachers' shoulders. With Children" on the Fox Network. The entire show The skit in question had the actors repeating the "In New Hampshire there is centered around a bimbo-airhead trying to get her word "penis" over and over to see how many times an exaggerated problem," states c}:lauvinist husband to say "I love you." Dr. Jim Malley, also a civil they could say it on network TV. General Mills was engineering The husband was going professor. "This to give his caring wife her a bit miffed over SNL's use of the word "funk" and state is one of the worst sup­ annual "slam dunking" for Valentines Day when she "funking" in a skit in place of the obvious profane porters of education." got it into her empty little head that she'd rather have equivalants. him pledge his love to her. What a silly girl. NBC's show "Nightingales" In Malley' s opinion, that fact is yet another show to relates Throughout the entire show the children in to the inadequacies of this very be attacked by disgruntled viewers. This show is about the educational system. bizarre family lived to put each other down. The teeny­ a group of student nurses in California and never fails Henry agrees. He believes bopper daughter money constantly annoyed her younger to include at least one nurse's shower scene and an must be spent on keep­ brother who she nicknamed "hairy-palms." Needless ing current equipment in the array of the latest lingerie fashions. The show also laboratories. to say it wasn't That, he sees is a a very close family. deals with serious topics such as the dangers of drug good way to keep students I'm glad to say that the show ended on a happy note use alcoholism, but the American Nurses Association abreast of the improvements when, after complaining that those three words made is more constantly occurring in their upset about the "exploitation of women" on field. him sick to his stomach, the husband finally forced the show. himself to say that he actually did love her. There was As a result of negative reaction to the show, Sears President Bush also seems to much rejoicing. and Chrysler have removed their commercials from be concerned with the state of I was shocked to find out from my brother (who education. But, he has not yet "Nightingales." named a science advisor. maintains that "Married ... With Children" is the best The attempted censorship of television continues. According to The Globe John show on TV) that a woman in Michigan had single­ The same woman who attacked "Married ... With Sunnunu, head of Bush's tran­ handedly gotten several major advertisers to pull their Children" sition team, was recently pres­ is now attackihg the show "thirtysomething." ented commercials from the show. with a report by the Is no show safe? What will be next on the lists of Carnegie Commission on A mother named Terry Rakolta wrote letters to the censors? No more "Alf" ... it makes fun of extra­ Science and Technology that advertisers strongly urged the complaining that the episode of "Married ... " terestrials. Ban "Family Ties" because Michael J. Fox president to . she saw was offensive and exploited set priorities for science a£ili women. Several is just so obnoxious. Nobody should be allowed to technology "within advertisers the govern­ cancelled their commercials during the tell us what we can't watch just because some people ment." show and the president of Coca-Cola wrote Rakolta find it offensive. If you don't like, don't watch it. I just This report was delivered a letter personally apologizing for his past support shortly after Bush's inaugura­ have one thing to say to those who feel they can impose tion, of the show. and the science advisor their values on the rest of the world. "Funk you." post still remains empty. Now, I'm not saying that this show is a high-quality But, Henry believes that a Alex -Berger is a staff reporter for The New Hampshire science advisor will not solve the whole problem. He com­ mented that everything boils DANCE PARTY down to a money problem. ------... ____ Everything involved with go­ (continued _ from page 2) vernment requires funds, so "It is such a low budget show," them off the floor by saying, there is stiff competition to get Huntington said. The set was "Yo, take a hike." those funds. tiny but made to look bigger And much of that dancing was Henry suggests a return to through the use of mirrors and done amidst brown lunch bags the Kennedy era, when educa­ SAT & SUN MAT. 12:45, 2:30 angle shots, she said. and wrappers. tion was important uLand Before "The kids ate and people Time" G The producer's responsibil- their lunches right on the dance were less materialistic. ities included babysitting ap- floor," Huntington said. ':They Malley speculates that the proximately 100 teenagers. The didn't even clean up the place." appointment of a science advi­ PG guests are not allowed to leave By the second set, though, the sor at least addresses the prob­ the studio without their parents show redeemed itself in their lem but that it doesn't solve it. EVES 6:55, 9:05 ... SAT & SUN MAT. 4:40 or a note from them acknowl- eyes when Host Andy Gury The problem of adequate "7~E~" edging their dismissal. asked Penta and Huntington to education has been recognized. "We had to ask to leave," do an interview because they Solutions, such as more money Penta said. EVES 9:1 O... SAT & SUN MAT. 1:00, . 3:00, 5:00 were from NH. spent at the state and federal Sometimes if the producer Show 'em how levels and an improved image "Three Fugitives" PG-13 they dance up was not satisfied with the taping in New Hampshire, 4e said, and of the teaching profession have of a song, the guests were yelled been EVES 7:1 O... SAT & SUN MAT. 1:10, 3:10 put them in the spotlight. imposed. at and told to do it over. Although it will be awhile And, according to Henry, "Police Academy 6" "We had to dance to Anni- before Penta and Huntington UNH is still producing capable motion's 'Room to Move' three watch the show again ( except engineers who can handle com­ times," Penta said. today and tomorrow at 5 :00 p.m. plex science and mathematics When regulars were not danc- on USA- shows they appear in), problems. ing enthusiastically or clapping they are still optimistic. enough, the producer would call "It's Club MTV next." THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 PAGE ELEVEN Over the speed bumps and through some woods

By Michelle Keyworth that there are nearly 30 coun- The Red Sox have Fenway, tries represented at Forest Park. the Pope has the Vatican, and Kiang said that most foreign some students and faculty here students there are Southeast at UNH have Forest Park. Asians, though there are Arabs, Nestled in the heart of the Africans, Moroccans, Indians, UNH campus, the apartment and many others. complex is a a community of "It's a unique community," families, some who are married said Cox. students, some faculty or staff - Its location and affordability members, and some who have make Forest Park very popular. children. Yes, little children " Generally there has always actually live on campus. been a long waiting list here," The Forest Park community, said Kiang. He said there are located near the mini dorms, now about 100 people on the and surrounded by playgrounds, list, and only 15 4 apartments offers these families convenient ih Forest Park. and affordable housing right on Students can only live in campus. "You can't beat it for Forest Park for a maximum of this area," said Kent Reinhard, five years; for faculty the limit a professor and chairperson of is two years. The reason, ex­ the Forest Part tenant's com- plained Reinhard, is that stu­ mittee. dents are expected to graduate Although managed by the within five years. As for faculty, university, Forest Park is not he said, "It is assumed they subsidized by it. As Reinhard should be able to afford" their Sawyer) explained, "We're in a gray area. own housing. Forest Park is more than just a residence hall for its occupants. (photo by Ed not really part of the AccordingtoCox,ForestPark We're what its university, but we're governed is considered "temporary hous- Derhak used to live in Forest Another drawback, according the population and initiative," by it." The Forest Park budget ing for new faculty." Now there Park with her family. "Kids love to Reinhard, is that "the con­ needs are. "It's a new comes strictly from rent income, are 25 faculty or staff members it. There's always someone to struction is such that it's not said Cox. "It's to enable us to he said. living there. play with, and-they can ride their very quiet," though he said that serve the tenants better." census, Compared to most housing Although there are no statis- bikes around the complex," .she is typical of many apartment With the results of the programmers hope to be able in the Durham area, Forest Park tics available for the number said. buildings. is very reasonable. One bedroom of tenants at Forest Park, there For all the advantages of to tell if the tenants would be apartments are $290 per month, are lots of children. Kiang Forest Park, there are some Reinhard feels that Forest interested in activities such as and those with two bedrooms estimates there are about 40 or drawbacks. "It lacks privacy and Park needs more of a commun­ potluck suppers featuring cook­ are $340. Heat and hot water 50, mostly under age 12. space," said Derhak. "But it ity atmosphere. Though there ing from different countries, are included. Unlike most rents Forest Park Group Day Care serves its purpose while you're are activities such as the annual said Cox. in the Durham area, these prices is a "private, non-profit organ- in school. And the price is Clean Up Day, the Forest Park are per apartment, not per ization," according to its direc- right." Easter Egg Hunt, cookouts, and Currently Forest Park has person in the apartment. tor, Wendy Derhak. It is funded Derhak said there have been sports, he thinks not enough Family Week, which includes The Forest Park community through money generated by problems in the past with people participate. "I would like movie nights, interesting lee- is made up of mostly students, parent fees. unattended children because of to see a little more community tures, and suppers. "One initi- according to Wailey Kiang, the Derhak said that the parents parents working or studying. involvement, people taking ative for next year is to expand assistant property manager. Of of 80 percent of the children at Students who are parents have time out of their schedules," he Family Week," said Cox. "We the student population, a large the day care are related to the different stresses, said Derhak. said. hope to expand the community percentage are from other coun- university in some way, though "Most don't have a lot of mo- A census of Forest Park feeling" by inviting the rest of tries. Kiang and Blaine Cox, the the center gives priority to the ney," she said, and finals week tenants was recently ta_ken in campus to Forest Park for ,.prop~rty...... manage~, estimated _ Forest Park children. can be especjally stressful. or

f ..... TONIGHT: MARCH 31st I♦ -.: ...... ,...... " .. .. ,, ...... ,, .. ,. ~ , ·,. ,. .. • • • • • • . . . . \ . . ' . ' ..

PAGE TWELVE THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989

Student · Body . President and Student · Body Vice-President-

· Tuesday, April 4 12: 30 Strafford Rootn · MUB

·Panel · Questions and Open Forum THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 PAGE THIRTEEN

., )C :,c )C ., ., -[[~ Jo~i~';in~£ice" BANQ_V£~

An event to raise awareness and [ help Crop stop hunger.

April 6th from 5:00 to 7:00 Carroll Belknap [ Room of the MUB. [ Adults - $5.00, under 18 - $2.50 ]

Sponsored by the UNH Chaplans' Association, The Panhellenic J Council, and the Coalition for the Homeless. Though h ting is as popular as ever, finan:~i;l b~rdens are becoming too heavy a weight. l ~• ----~--11;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;?,,C;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;.::a?,.:C;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;JJ1e;(;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;~?t1t.-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;?,1C(;;;;;;;iiiij;;:;df (Emily Kelemen photo)

Remedy may be repetitions LIVE AN INTERNATIONAL EXPERIENCE Saint Louis University By Katelyn Randall more participation. The com­ ranges from books from Health -MADRID- to t­ The weight room, like almost petition was held in the weight for Life valued up to $20 AMERICAN EDUCATION WITH A PLUS everything else here at UNH, room in the Field House, Mon­ shirts from Universal Equip­ is feeling a financial pinch. day through Friday and Thurs­ ment. To help alleviate this prob­ day 7-9 in the Merrimack Room Other prizes are from Weid­ UNDERGRADUATE COURSES: Athletics of the MUB. er, three full year body-building JOIN OUR SUMMER PROGRAM: lem, Recreational -Business Administration: Economics, July 28 Coordinator Linda L. Luttrell According to Luttrell, the magazine subscriptions, Cham­ Accounting, Statistics, Finance. June 19- organized the second annual competition has three main pion sw~atshirts, and The En­ -Computer Science. ENJOY: Our highly qualified instruction tions: Advertising, Journalism, week- long Rep-Out competi­ objectives for this; buy more free cyclopedia of the Body valued -Communica rndividual attention. Radio. Housing with Spanish families and tion. weights and light dumbbells for at $35." -Hispanic Studies. The yearly budget is only women, reupholster equipment Luttrell hopes to help alle­ -French, English, Spanish grammer. dorms. sufficient for maintenance and and improve cosmetics. viate some of the frustration -Engineering. Group trips around Spain. Eng. as a second a few small items, said Luttrell. The weight room is open for people feel when they have to -TESOL: Teaching she_is language. She hopes to raise money to buy everyone at UNH including wait for weights. Also, -And thirty other choices~i-,.,£!'-.,;...,·~,-,,-,. more weights. students, faculty and staff. There working to upgrade the room "Last year we raised $80 is always an attendant on duty so people can put it to better including a $20 donation and in the room who can answer use. Much of the equipment is bought a hyperexten­ questions for those just starting seven or eight years old. sion/Roman chair," said Lut­ a weight training program. trell. "Before we bought it, "The sponsors have been very All prizes left over after the neither the weight room or the generous this year," said Lut­ competition will be on sale in varsity weight room had one." trell. the Rec Office for $1, proceeds INFO: C/ de la Vina, 3 -28003 MADRID This year, Luttrell hopes to Everyone who donates $1 of which will go to the weight Tel: 233 20323 or 233 2812 break the $100 mark and to see receives a door prize, which room.

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• YES!

• • COOL-AfD. 5 H • •

: ~62-2213 ~• • . : ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••. PAGE FOURTEEN THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989

.,,.._,_,._. Ll'L SIBS WEEKEN~ •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• • IS HERE i"iiii'iit••···.. • •••• ,

Saturday 4/ 1-Sunday4/2 DOWE NEED MORE ARMS CONTROL Saturday's Events include AGREEMENTS ? ' * 1-4pm Fair behind Hunter Hall, Featuring , a band, clown, games and prizes *6:30pm-? Ice cream Movie Party at Smith Dr. Jack Ruina Hall Professor of Electrical Engineering *7:00-8:00pm Magic Show in the Mub Pub and *8:00-9:00pm Giant Twister Game in the Mub Director of Defense and Arms Control Pub Studies Program at MIT .. * 10:00pm-? Mocktail Beach Party at SAE will discuss this vital question at 8:00 p.m., Wednesday, April 5 • *Many other In-Hall events are planneq, across Parsons L 101 , the campus. Check with individual halls. Sponsored by the UNH Committee on / War and Peace Studies rothers, sisters, cousins, friends are all welcome to come, Free and Open visit and enjoy this activity filled weekend. to the Public - -

ponsored by Inter Residence• Organ1zat1on• • and Funded by ~~~~~~~~~~•••••••••••••••••••••••••• - ~~~~~~~~~~ Programming. Fund Organization. . - ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •

Be a GREEK or COMMUTER SENATOR

Deadline extended until April 4th at 4:00pm

Petitions available in the Student Senate Office * THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 PAGE FIFTEEN

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The recent rescission imposed on the and staff, the atmosphere is thick with monumental tuition hikes. Faculty should University System by the state is turning gloom. It is painfully obvious to everyone be afraid that the financial and academic out to be an omen of things to come. It was but the state legislature that the university nooses already imposed on their necks will a staggering blow dealt at a point late in system can no longer absorb these cuts. become too tight. And staff members should the '87-88 biennium's term, when money The scenarios depicted by the board . fear for their jobs, though surely this reality was already committed to university pro­ represent serious considerations. They has already hit home. grams, maintanence and operations. But should disturb us, just as the state's lethargic So what do we do about it? Good question. we are doing what we have to--what we commitment to higher education should We have to make a lot of noise. We have have always done--tightening our belts disturb us. Investing in New Hampshire's to tell the people we elected that further while trying to grin and bear it. state universities is reinvesting in the state's cuts are intolerable. We have to tell them But our face muscles can't take it anymore future. Why can't they understand that? enough is enough. and morale is the lowest in years. From Students and their parents should dread Here is a little help. Clip it and send it. the top of the board to students, faculty

. ------1 '\ March 31, 1989

Dear Legislators:

As a student of the University of New Hampshire, I would like to express my deep concerns over the recent budget cut proposed by the House Appropriations Committee. The value of higher education cannot be emphasized enough. If this cut is retained, it will undermine · the University System's ability to provide quality education and weaken the future of this state. If New Hampshire wishes to continue its growth into the nineties, it will certainly need the assistance of solidly educated people. I would like to say I support the Governor's budget. I ask that you keep the tuition rate as low as possible, keep educational and student services intact, and sustain quality academic programs by providing the support the University System needs.

Return Address: Sincerely yours,

UNH Student

-----~------Clip & Send·------______;_.J to your state representative Also, here are some key House Leaders to write to: W. Douglas Scamman, Jr., r, Stratham (Bittersweet William F. Kidder, r, New London (Barrett Road) 03257 Farm) 03885 Donna P. Sytek, r, Salem (9 Garrison Road) 03079 Elizabeth Hager, r, Concord (5 A~bur~t.) 03301 (State officials can also have their mail addressed to the State House.)

The New Hampshire

JOANNE MARINO, Editor-in-Chief

------~-1111!1--.------•IROBERT C. DURLING, Managing Editor KRISTIANNE SUDOL, Managing Editor SUSAN FLYNN, News Editor KAREN HAMILTON, News the true meaning behind the garish Editor the volume, does not have a secure, BRIAN BRADY, Sports.Editor MICHAEL C. STINSON, Sports Editor LAPHOS details. For me, it's as clear as glass, acceptable disposal system. There SHARON DONOVAN, Photo Editor MICHAEL PARNHAM, Photo Editor "Don't let your pets experiment are possible dangers to the envir­ DEBORAH HOPKINS, Arts Editor To the editor: with hallucinogens, you might end onment, such as the estuary near BESS FRANZOSA, Arts Editor Once again, "The New Hamp­ up with an overbearing, obnoxious, Seabrook, which could be altered DENISE BOLDUC, Advertising Manager GAIL ROBERTSON, Forum Editor shire" has delved into important 150 pound mutt that steals his drug through slight increases in water topical issues of our fast paced money from your wallet." Once temperature. The potential for an BRIAN MCCABE, Business Manager society, issues that lesser publica­ again, let me extend my congrat­ accident, for which (as all who have tions do not even recognize. I am, ulations to Bob, a fine piece of received calendars know) evacua­ of course, referring to Bob Durling' s reporting! tion plans are farce and those just Advertising Alloclates Production Assistant Sports Reporters fascinating and moving article, Sincerely, Debbie Donohoe Eileen Malloy David Aponovich outside the 10 mile radius (like Parke Madden Staff Reporters Chris Benecick "Ruh-roh: the story of Scooby." My Robert Shadallah you!), who aren't included in the Sarah Minnoch Jay Kumar Kevin Connelly initial reaction to this candid piece AMI BulineN Mgr. Alex Berger Naomi Elvove plan, are left checking the wind Kim Werderman News Reporters Ward D. Fraser of a legend's life gone astray was direction. There is also the highly Clrculatlon Mgr. Bryan Alexander Heather Grant shock and disbelief. Living at UNH David Virnelli Dana Blake Tyche Hotchkiss Seabrook contaminated area which will be A11t Clrculatlon Mgr. lshi Burdett William Juris for the last four years has obviously left in the power plant's wake after Greg Pariseau Herman Ejarque Liz Lerner not sheltered others, even big name Dear Mr. Comer, Graphic Managers Kathleen Haley Chris Moran Yes, nuclear power is an amazing its mere 35 years of use are com­ Marie Garland Mike Gerbino J. Russell Pabst stars such as Scooby, Scrappy, and Lisa Hamel Mike Guilbault engineering pleted. And, finally the small leaks Todd Shaw yes, even Shaggy! I'm sure I am not accomplishment, but Graphic Assistants Ellen Harris Edltorlal Cartoonist then so is the B-1 Bomber. You have of radioactive materials from the Christine Anne Barry Rich Kelley Christopher Willis the only one to feel as emotionally Rebecca Crepeau Peter Keravich failed to consider plant which law does not require Cartoonists drained by this revelation. I've a few points in Deanna Ford Michelle Keyworth Michael F. Dowe your proposal that we "Say 'yes' to be reported, yet are still hazard­ Matt Labrie Neal McCarthy Jeff Harris noticed many somber faces since Jennifer Long Steve McEvoy to Seabrook". ous to humans and animals. John Hirtle this story first broke on Tuesday. Josephine MacMillan Sarah Minnoch Kurt Krebs Although burning The United States should follow Joann Searle Scott Nelson Dick Sawyer Let's face it, we're in the eighties, fossil fuels is News Brief Editor indeed in the footsteps of Sweden, ( whose Katilyn Randall Tectinlcal Supervisor and our heroes of yesteryear have hazardous to our environ­ Eileen Malloy Mat Sanner Rachel Levin ment, replacing fossil fuel plants people have learned the hard way On-the-Spot Editor Tim Thornton Copy Editors been flung into a difficult transition the nuclear power is not the way Caroline Bucklin Arts Staff Reporters Angelique Davi with nuclear power plants would Photographers Arthur Lizie that many do not weather with to Jody Pratt only eliminate 14% of the green­ go), and open no more nuclear Bryan Alexander Marc A. Mamigonian Kristen Waelde perfect grace. I personally will try Tim Farr house power stations, including Seabrook. Arts Reporters Typists & Copy Readers to remember the magic that oc­ gases. Nuclear power will Ben Frazier Pano Brooks Kris Bowen not run our cars or provide oil and Your concern for the environment Emily Kelleman Rob Corser Marcy Bryant curred between George and Astro is admirable, Brian Lyons Tom Ireland Caryl Calabria gas for but your solutions Neal (alias Scooby), and not the shat­ home heating. In light of McCarthy Patrick Jonsson Rachel Levin this, is it seriously worth it, for this require revision. Tiffany Lewis Justin Mccarter tering image of a doped up, drool­ J~~~e~r~itgo Justin 14% reduction, Sincerely, Mccarter Nancy Ogrodowczyk ing, dazed dog of the eighties. Let to take the risks? John Turner Dave Pizzo Janet Charron Stephen us find a moral in this tragic story, The waste, no matter how small Utaski

~.,,, , .,.. cq -~l d'_i•,. r ' )'.•'.: I ' J J J ~!~ '"J.'\'~' 1- ':, ., ., , ,~.DC:.. iJ ------L:{r._;u :1r1,r:- 1ic,(" :,( !; "' .•~ ,, ')'C'l f':FP!•J ,: "".' <~ . l Jr,1 ,.:-. ,;(_, /,Z :;O);'~;.-•• 'l -t ,i,,o'f .\)(a J J-1}~fi tt!jj•tr,;, \ _, \ \ .J, ~ .-L ,/ 1'. ! 1 CJ! J .i ~ ; ~ ~ I. i \ ·•. ?'•! ,_;:. 1 ·1 1.,1 1 1.J e New Bampster FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1989

Horses rejoice (-- ( ,r.... < By Norm DaPlume leprosy scare going on, I'd hate - - - ( Although much of the campus to be in your guccis.' " ~ is up in arms over a recent An anonymous caller to The decision by President Haalan­ New Hampster offices yester­ daise to build a new residence day said that the horses had haJI west of the railroad tracks, planned to "bust out of that a project that would destroy the damn hell-hole" a long time ago, grounds used for the University but aborted the plan at the last Equestrian program, the horses minute when "all of a sudden from that program "couldn't the food got really good." The be happier," said stablekeeper caller said that it was that week Sloth Mallard yesterda¥. the horses heard about the "Them nags has been putting proposal for the dorm site. "We, up a caterwaul that'd raise the I mean, all the horses were dead ever since the site been wicked psyched." announced," said Mallard. Ac­ When asked the plans of the cording to him, "I didn't even soon to be freed horses, the know the fool things could talk, anonymous caller said, "It's time but now I can't shut 'em up. to live, pal. We're hitting the Everyday it's 'We're outa here!' road, moving on up, taking it and 'party it up!'. They been out, hitching a ride, rocking and l singin' songs abotit some revo­ rolling, sallying forth, sowing lution or another and I can't get some wild oats, flying away, i ,',l a moment's peace." blasting off, blowing this clam­ Salman Rushdie was looking dapper for this photo despite threats of aving his head blown off. In reaction to Mallard's bake .. .We've always wanted to claims, President Haalandaise go co the dog track; maybe we'll said, "At first I thought perhaps start with that, bet on some real this fine university employee Rushdie to commence live wires, build up a booty and By R. Half Nelson may have been working too head out to The Big Apple. Man, hard, but then, upon my visit just imagine it! Not too long After months of careful con­ Sam Kinison and Vice President speak at UNH only if J?rop~r to the barns I could have sworn from now we'll be sneaking sideration, Salman Rushdie, Dan Quayle. security is provided durrng his .I heard this kind of whinnying beers up into the balcony of author of the controversial book Haalotosis, in response to address. whisper say 'Haalandaise, that Radio City Music HaJI, munch­ The Satanic Verses, was con­ anger over his choice of Rushdie Haalotosis assured Rushdie bill goes through or you' re ass ing out and drooling over ~hem firmed by UNH President Gor­ by the UNH Islamic Polo Club, he would provide "at least a is oat bran. And with th~ luscious dolls!" don Haalotosis as speaker for formed an Ad Hoc Commence­ whole bunch more" protection this year's commencement ce- ment Speaker Selection Com­ than he did for Vice President remony. _ mittee last October, which sub­ Bush at his commencement In a statement released by mitted Sam Kinison as its address two years ago. Man is ·wanted Rushdie from his apartment speaker recommendation on "I think I'll call in the Na­ By Steve Uaskedme somwhere beneath the North December 15. tional Guard, and maybe even We are uncertain whether a man off Durham police are searching Sea off the coast of Great In a rare move which hurt the let the Public Safety officers matching the composite actually one," for an unknown man who they Britain, Rushdie said he was feelings of many students and their leashes for this exists, but if he does, he's more "tickled pink" he was chosen faculty, who had previously Haalotosis said. "Besides, this believe may be guilty of suspi­ likely to be suspicious." than to speak at UNH's graduation. revered and trusted him as a will give me the chance t_o cious activity. Police detective to be The man is thought "I am pleased and honored benevolent father, Haalotosis institute the military rule this Jan Dean said that a pocie artist somewhere in his 20's or 30's to speak at the best small public ignored the committee's recom­ university needs to get its act came up with a composite of a has a or 40's. He probably university in the town of Dur­ mendation and chose Rushdie together." man who they believe may be be complexion which could ham, New Hampshire," Rush­ anyway. According to UNH Public suspicious. either light or dark. Police are "We've had no complaints yet die said. "In a represenative demo­ Safety Chief Roger Bow-down, uncertain at this time. He is Rushdie will address the gra­ of ~uspicious activity but we "Besides, I truly admire the cracy, such as the one chis between five and ·six feet tall duating class for three second have reason to believe that this leadership style of your Pres­ university J,We.~ates on," _Haa­ and weighs anywhere between ident Haalotosis," Rushdie lotosis said, the president bursts from random locations man may be capable for suspi­ three hundred pounds. one and added. "He is so much like my sometimes must compensate for around Cowell Stadium. cious behaviour." who saw A UNH freshman own Ayatollah Ruhollah Kho­ the inadequacies in judgement Bow-down said bombs, Paul went on to say that he's to the composite, but wished meini, excPpt a little less nasty." of his underlings in order to bayonets, guns, grenades, not stire a man resembling the commented, remain unnamed, Rushdie,· Haalotosis' original represent their best interests." knives, nuclear weapons, rifles, composite even exists but if he to me, "He sure looks suspicious choice for speaker lase Sep­ Upon hearing of his rejection rockets and bottles of cham­ does he's probably"suspicious. even if you aren't sure he exists." tember, was picked from a list as speaker, Kinison reportedly pange will be strictly prohibited "Our composite artist was they may Anyone who thinks of candidates which included said, "AAAAHHHH! at the ceremony this year. fiddling around with his sketch­ or has any have seen this man, such names as talk show host AAAAAHHHHHH!!" "It's all fun and games," Bow­ book and came up with a com­ to that he exists, reason believe Morton Downy Jr., the former Rushdie, displaying inexpli­ down said, "until someone loses posit~ of _a very suspicious man. police. is urged to contact the Reverend Jim Bakker rornedian cable paranoia, said he will an eye." President cracks beer By C. Everett Kumar drink up and leave me alone. a catapult. In a startling new develop­ I'm going on vacation," said University Riot Police arrest­ ment, President Gordo Hole­ Holehead. "Somebody get me ed all students involved, and left : head ~nnounced yesterday that a Pepto. I think I'm gonna mass carnage in their wake after ' the Monumentally Ugly Build­ puke." unleashing their brand­ ing (MUB) would begin serving The controversy over alcohol spanking new M-60 and XJ-12 alcohol immediately. Like yes­ in the MUB has been brewing Eliminator. Chief Rangoon Ba­ terday. .(pardon the pun) for three doom said of the incident, "We "Yeah well, I just figured the years, since Holehead banned came, we saw, we kicked some students of this University are it in favor of a mud wrestling commie punk butt. No com­ mature enough to handle the venue. ment. That means you can't responsibility of alcohol in the Only a month ago, booze­ print that, right?" MUB," said Holehead. "And I hungry students and assorted 'want to make it absolutely clear hangers-on began picketing 1 that the death threats played Holehead's much-vaunted "Big When ~sked about the rumors no part whatsoever in my de­ Imitation Mansion On the Hill." of wild parties and general cision. And you can tell those A brawl broke out one night debauchery at his house on little alcoholic heathen scum when Holehead poured a vat of alternate Tuesdays, Holehead turds that I'm going to find them boiling bourbon on the protes­ said, "Hey, what is this, 'Twenty and ... well, never mind that." tors, yelling, "You want booze? Questions'? Why don't you just Holehead said a full bar with Chug on this, you slimedogs!!" mind your own beeswax, you hard liquor, kegs and bottled little slanderous weasel? I have beer would be installed in the As a result, 33 students were access to your transcript, MUB Pub next week. He said scalded, four suffered extensive y'know. Wouldn't want any the $300,000 for the installation leisure suit damage, and 12 accidents to happen now, would L.______...;. ______. pocket.would come out of his own complained of inner earaches. we?" He then leaned back, let Holehead suffered a scratched out a blood-curdling pea_l of Find him. "Consider it a gift from old left retina after someone nailed daemonic laughter, turned into Gordo, you little weasels. Just him with a funnel fired from a bat, and flew off into the night. 1 l, '. I r". I j (._ I ' ,, \, I. I , t '

PAGE TWO FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1989 Fraternity pledges overtake -house in revolt By T. T.Bunzaheem of Muskrat Love, a big hit o-f flag should be wearing mesh french toast between your, well, In a startling move yesterday, 1977 by the Captain and Ten­ bikini tops, instead of being let's just say it's alot better than pledges of the Kappa Omega nille and one of Tucker's per­ naked. Naked breasts are nice, that hot dog stunt, I don't think Kappa fraternity took the 72 sonal favorites, is played 24 I guess, but it's kind of sexist I'll ever be able to ear one brothers of of the house hostage, hours a day. considering that even the don­ those things ever again ... " stating that they will not be "They all sing along with it key's are covered up." released until their demands are now," said Tucker, "and we're University Police has been met. thinking of making it a new informed of the matter, but have "We' re sick and tired of their theme song for the house." decided to sit back and watch bullshit," said pledge president Tucker said the brothers will what happens. Toby Tucker, "you know, get­ remain hostages until the pledge "Those drunken KOK's are ting our buts signed by girls, demands are met, demands that nothing but trouble," said Chief running through sororities include a no-nudity clause for Roger Boogaloo, "and I hope naked, drinking til we vomit. future pledge classes. they finally get what they de­ What we want is brotherhood, "Every toll booth worker serve. When I think of what they and we're getting shafted, li­ from here to Bangor has seen did to chat poor pledge with the terally sometimes, instead." my ass, and chat's a five hour hot dogs, well, I think it'll be Tucker went on to relate one . drive," said one shamed pledge, a long time before I eat a hot disgusting tale involving a "And the worst part is, the dog again." pledge and an 8-pack of Oscar brothers just left me in Bangor, For now, Tucker said he and Meyer Weiners, but due to a wearing a dress. Hell, I didn't his pledges are content to have pending lawsuit and censorship even have a slip on." the upper hand and will con­ laws, The New Hampster is Tucker said it was those kinds tinue to give back to the brothers unable to print the details. of pranks chat made the pledges the same treatment they have "Let's just say it'll be a long revolt. All 13 unanimously received for the past 6 weeks. time before Tiny eats a hot dog decided to seize the brothers "Yeah, well, they' re definitely again," Tucker said. after the weekly Sunday night starting to give in. Making them Tucker said the KOK's taken house meeting. They stormed eat those gallon jugs of may­ hostage are being kept in the the house at 10 p.m., carrying onaise really pushed them over house basement, blindfolded burning house flags that depict the edge ... it's just a matter of with dirty Fred Flinstone boxer ·bare breasted women riding time now," Tucker said, "But A member of shorts. They are allowed mus­ donkeys. if we have to turn to drastic KOK only min­ tard and relish sandwiches once "That's another thing we'd measures, there's always the old utes before his abduction. a day, along with four cups of like to change," said Tucker, french toast race, that's when flat Meister Brau. A recording "We think the women on our you have to carry a piece of Soiled Briefs Oat bran is found to Pres. Haaland brought Reagan plans to take cause leprosy in on 'lunger' charges on Evander Holyfield Medical researchers from Harvard University Gordon Haaland was brought in for questioning Former president Ronald Reagan is coming yesterday announced that oat out bran's hitherto Monday after reportedly "hocking a big lunger" of retirement to fight heavyweight unknown side effects may contender outweigh its benefits. from the balcony of the Mub Pub down onto the Evander Holyfield, with the notion "We have found that of eventually oat bran, when consumed pub itself, according to a student. taking on champ Mike Tyson, in moderate amounts, according to a high­ increases the risk of leprosy Ed Sluh, a junior business major, claims that he ranking government official. by a factor of six million," announced Dr. Robert was chewing on a piece of pizza in the pub during According to the source, Reagan has been getting 'Chip' Southworthington, head of the medical school, . lunch last week, when suddenly a huge wet force itchy on his ranch in California, and has decided in a press conference yesterday. snapped his head to one side. "I didn't know what that he needs some action "to get the old blood "We were going to tell everyone at the press had happened. I looked at my dinner companion, going." Reagan has been working out with veteran conference where we announced its beneficial role and she began to scream. 'There-there's a louie . trainer Eddie Futch, the only man in America in cholesterol reduction, but you who guys cut us off on your head!· she yelled. is as old as the Gipper himself, and is reported with dumb questions, and then to we forgot what we "It was bad, man. I couldn't see. The thing must've be in the best shape of his life. were going to say." been the size of a softball. Finally I cleaned the Reagan himself declined Thousands of complaints comment, but Futch, have poured in from phlegm and saliva off my head, and began looking in an interview this week, across the dismissed any ideas of nation. Wanda Wuh is one person who up toward the balcony to figure out who did it." the former president's wishes weakness. "Hell, his only the leprosy announcement had been made According to Sluh, he then saw President Haaland weakness is earlier. his colon, and no boxer in the world "There I was, eating my Cheerio/ oatmeal "laughing like a baked hyena" at the railing. Sluh can punch that." mix, and drinking my oat drink. I raised my spoon ran to call the police, but by the time they arrived "The guy's got a beauty to my mouth, of a right jab, and his and then my spoon dropped and I the president was gone. soft, loose skin absorbs heard a big splash. the force from all but the My arm had fallen right off!" Sluh claims that the police apprehended Haaland most powerful punches." Among the worst cases reported nationwide, at his house, and brought him in for questioning Reagan apparently plans a man in Minnesota to rake on Tyson in lost his torso, and a business for assault with a foul weapon. the fall, provided he can executive in New take care of Holyfield in York lost the lower half of his their May 16 fight. face. Southworthin_gton said, 'Tm really sorry about this. I hope no one is too inconvenienced by an untimely limb loss." Ben & Jerry's announces new flesh ice Thatcher losing grip New proverbs created cream on her own sanity in recent group meeting Ben Cohen and Jerry whateverhisnameis, heads of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, have announced a new At an otherwise ordinary Parliament meeting super-premium flavor that features chunks of human Wednesday, Margaret Thatcher announced 'A blind man that can better detect the smell of a gas flesh , she now wished to be called leak.' Thar Prime Minister and was just one of the many new proverbs The new flavor, tentatively called 'Chunky Sultry Vixen Margaret Thatcher. created at the sixth annual Society of New Proverbs Chucky', will contain large pieces of walnuts, The move is seen by top meeting political analysts as Tuesd~y. chocolate, and skin and muscle. ' undermining her 'Iron Lady' The Society, image, and, in whose stated goal is 'to create a lot The two co-founders dismissed any potential conjunction with ocher recent of new proverbs', strange actions, did just that at their annual ethics questions. "Ethics, shmethics. We're out perhaps bringing into question her meeting. Among sanity. "Would the recent creations: to do only one thing; make the best-tasting ice cream a mentally healthy person say something 'The dog like that, sheds, but nor nearly as much as the we can, sparing no expense on ingredients. Besides, and then go and color her cat.' entire forehead with a people have been earing people since time immem­ green magic marker?" wondered a member of the 'Time sometimes goes real fast, and other times orial." said Ben. "Hey, have you ever tasted human Labor Party. real slow.' flesh?" queried Jerry. "There's nothing better!" Thatcher's husband Dennis applauded 'You can put the clean clothes in a duffel bag, but Other potential names for the ice cream include boldness of the move, but questioned they'll get wrinkled.' the motives. 'New York Super Skin Chunk' and 'Epidermal "I think she r:nay be losing her mind," he stated. 'Be kind to everybody, or they'll all hate you and Delight.' According to officials close to want to kill you." Thatcher, this is Ben, for one, sees no problem in acquiring the merely the latest in a long line of strange moves Jim Kruhah, acting president of the Society, said vast amounts of human meat required. "What with by the prime minister. Supposedly she has recently he expects widespread acceptance of the new this oat bran/leprosy thing sweeping the nation; claimed that she could read with her feet, and she proverbs. As he said, "They'll do very well, unless well, I see no problem in getting flesh. And of course, has begun drinking milk shakes through her nose. they fail dismally." there's always the homeless."

. ' .• , I' I

FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1989 PAGE THREF Off the Top. ______What do you intend to do for April Fool's Day?

CHICKEN LEGS

"We have no plans." 0 0h, maybe buy another fine "I am going to become Florence ''I am going to relieve myself that bush, there." suit, I guess. " Henderson. behind Mock Chicken Legs

Running Water Jason Whaccch Barbara Wesson Juniors

Freshman Sophomore Sophomore Zoology

Seventies Psychology Forestry

...... __...__..._.....__..._..._....__ ...... The world would be WSBE now solo a better place if everyone just gave their tires a big hug By Pam Orama i::-:.::w home in McConnell, where After much deliberation, the he will be among fellow business Dean of the Whittemore School majors. of Business and Economics "I hear they are having the (WSBE) has announced his Wall Street journal delivered decision to withdraw from to each dorm room," said Pen­ UNH, and declare a separate dleton. "I really look forward institution. to networking with my peers." Dean Walter Avarice said it WSBE professor Emily An­ was completely unproductive drews said she is planning on for WSBE to work with the starting a new sorority exclu­ other colleges, such as liberal sively for WSBE women whose arts and life sciences and agri­ fathers are employed by a For­ culture, where the importance tune 500 company. of money is not stressed daily. "Friends, can also be con­ "Money is our major con­ tacts," stressed Andrews. "It cern," said A var ice. "We want is important the women realize our students co think, breathe, this now .. sleep and eat money. I don't Avarice, who has been dean or a tender caress. think it is healthy for WSBE for four years, first had the idea -students to mix with people who of annexation at the graduation wear Birkenstocks." ceremony in May of 87. Starting September 1, McCon­ "George Bush, there he was nell Hall will serve as admis­ speaking about America and our sions, registrar and business incredible country, and the offices, dormitories, as well as students were telling him to go the dining hall. home. Granolas. Who did they According to Avarice, his plan want? Jerry Garcia?" has a 100 percent backing from According to A var ice it is the 800 students enrolled in the extremely frustrating to deal school. with people who have not "Students are afraid that they caught on with the conservative, I will forget their original goal, out-for-me generation of the which was to make lots of eighties. He hopes that by money, and instead start think­ eliminating the other colleges, ing about social problems, or he can work on the already the environment," said A var ice. converted. "The students, and our admin­ He has already pointed sev­ istration do not want such eral student" committees to make temptations floating around." the school a stronger body of Winthrop Pendleton III said higher learning. One group is he once took a literature course planning a trip to Trump Tow­ that had him discussing a perfect ers in New York, where they society, one without money. hope to meet with the big man "Yes, Walden II, it kind of himself. threw me for awhile," said Avarice admits that it was a Pendleton. "For a moment, it bold move, but because he is was appealing. But, then I dealing with the future of our thought about our house in country, he felt justified. Love your tires. They sure like you. Nantucket, Brooks Brothers, a "These are the stock brokers, Rolex watch, the stock market. bankers and corporate executive No, I like money too much. But officers of tommorrow," Av­ National Tire-People Alliance I have to admit it was close." arice said. "We can't mess Pendleton said he can't wait around. Poets and biologists to m9ve_(rQq1_StQ~~ tfaU to his won't run this country, we will." PAGE FOUR FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1989 Because We Say So

Basement breeding brothel

Recently Dean of Students Jay Grogg de_nied, why not do it? Plenty of time for a quicky between classes! Sandburn announced plans to use the MUB And what better way than opening a And finally, this procurement of college basement as a "house of ill repute." boudoir? Here is the perfect vocation for students will put us under the watchful eye According to Sandburn, the brothel should your average college student. It's something of our university leaders. Since we are really be in business once the last brick has been we practice at when the opportunity misguided youths underneath, this type laid. Here at the Hampster, we couldn't presents itself, watch as often as we can_, of program gives the administration a think of a more productive use of the space. and constantly think about. Everything else chance to slowly infiltrate our perverted Let's face some facts. First of all, this just takes the front seat. It's a crime not minds with some good old fashioned morals, university can no longer afford to put on to put our talents into motion for a profit. something we obviously lack. Pointing the innocent act. Bending over backwards Second of all, the MUB is the perfect fingers and ranting has never worked for conservative fellows with pot bellies location. Both commuters and students on against the rebellious youth of today. This has not proven to pay off. campus have easy access no matter which more pleasant approach will probably be We're all scoundrels and they know it. side they' re coming from. The turnover more effective. · So why pretend? If the university can is high a1:1d condoms are sold right upstairs. Or at least it will keep our mind off beer. redeem some of the money they have been

Litter

. 1.i'. big statues dedicated to me, and I Hahahaha! Oil coagulate and begin to fester. And Trend will be the one in charge! Me, Vector Pizza whenever I walk aftr dark, I cannot damn it, me! I shall rule this campus! Director of Campus Planning help but ponder where the nearest 'To the Editor: To the Editor: one might lurk. I've noticed a new trend in your In case you were wondering, I am When I gaze upon one of the paper. The stories have been, as doing my part gelatinous to clean up the globules which forn the a whole, nicer, with a much less Alaskan oil spill. chewy Yes, I've been out centers (or "yolks") of these harsh tone to them. · there three days The New Hampster running in my seething sebaceous secretions, I ask Yes, I'd say your paper has Boston Whaler, with a couple of myself, as I am asking the UNH become a kinder, gentl­ big plastic gallon jugs, scooping community today, "WHOSE VILE URRRKKKAGGHH--uggl. GUIDO MARINO, Editor-in-Chief up all the oil I can. LARYNX DID SPAWN THIS Sincerely, I intend to use it on my hair. MONSTROSITY?" N_ow, I haven't Jim Wilson SLOB DARLING, Managing Idiot CHRIST AND NOODLE, Managing Idiot Sincerely, really answered that question, but The last person ever . SUSANS FLYINN , Snooze Editor CURED HAM, Snooze Editor John Tower I've been postualting that these to use that phrase A big refrigerator box things generally come from those BOBBY BRADY, Spurts Idiot SPIKE STINHEAD, Spurts Idiot Manhattan big burly frat boys that I've never DONOVAN, Porno Editor MIKEY PORNHAM, Porno Idiot really been able to relate to. Or BORE HOPS, Farts Editor BOSS FRANZ,-Farts Editor maybe Civil Engineering majors, Building GALE ROBERTDAUGHTER, Borem DENEESE BULDOCKS, Adverting or ogres. To the editor: Spit Now I realize that not everybody I have a new plan for this campus, sees the beauty in these pools of a big plan, a bold plan. It goes like BRINE MCCABE, Busy Manager To the Editor: drool. Some folks probably don't this; we expand west, north, and see them at all. (These people When most people think of south, using underground tunnels Adverting Associates Sarah Minnoi:h spring, they think of gradually should not walk around barefoot.) dug by me. All buildings will Debbie Don Ho Scott Half-Nelson So I would like to make the modest Parkes Mad Ka-tony Randall decomposing month-old dog poops eventually be buried under dirt, and Sarah Minnyox Mat lnsanner laid naked by the brightening sun. proposal of lining the walkways connected by these tunnels. As Asst Busy Mgr. Kim Whereda'men Farts Staff Reporters Not me. I think of something far with spittoons, say one every 50 everything will be underground, Circulate Mgr. Lizie Borden more indigenous to the UNH feet. They could be fabricated from our eyes will eventually David Linguini Mamigonian become Asst Clrculatlng Mgr. Farts Reporters landscape, something which causes simple coffee cans and painted in useless, and our hands will become . Greg Parichute Rob Corset me to quiver whenever I thread my festive colors. Ogres could empty perfectly adapted for digging. Graphic Mangers Ireland We'll Judy Garland Patrick Johnson way through these stately grounds. them periodically as community eat worms to survive, and cohabitate Graphite Assistants Tiffany Lewis I'm talking about spittle, of course, service projects. And old-time clam­ with our friends the centipedes Chuck Anne Berry Justice Mccarter and Rebecca Crepes Ted Turner the big juicy hackers which festoon diggers like myself could divert their ants! It'll be great, a bold new Meanna Ford Stephen Uaskedme every path and every sidewalk on attention away from the ground and adventure. Kimberlys Hilley Spurts Reporters Rau Labrie David Apronovich our great campus. I see about four begin to focus on the finer things Eventually, with all the physi­ Jen Wrong Arnold Benedick of five good splats a day now that in life. ological changes effected by the Rock MacMillan Kevin Conny Sincerely, Joann Surreal Naomi Evolved the weather is warmer, gleaming underground living, you'll all grow News Brief Editor Cell Ward Fraser in the soft sunli_ght as they slowly __ Eric Hirst to look like big moles, just like me. Eileen Mallo! Leather Granite , Mech Eng Grad Off-the-top Editor Tyche Hotkiss Then you'll worship me, and build Carolina Bucking William Jury Photogs Riz Remer Slander Alexander Chris Moron Tim Byfarr J. Pabst Blue Ribbon Gentle Ben Frazier Todd Shawl The New Bampster is an annual Emily Killsmen ldlotorlal Cartoonist parody issue Bryon Lyon Christopher Willies Knee "Joe" McCarthy Cartul1tI Stacey Magoo Michael F. Downe of The New Hampshire. It is intended for Jody Prattfall Jeff Hairy Prod Ass John Hurdle Eileen Mallot Kill Krebs entertainment purposes and does not ne­ Staph Reporters Dick Soybean Jay Kumhairs Technical Supervlsltor Alex Bergermeister Rachel Heaven cessarily reflect the opinions Blues Reporters Flopy Editors of the editorial Bryan Slander Bette Davis Dana Bloke Jody Prattfall lshi Burette Christen Worlde staff. In fact, it doesn't represent much of Herman Munster Typos & Sloppy Readers Comet Haley Kris Bowlin Mike Gerbil Larceny Bryant anything. 'Xept maybe the future of this Mike Guilbaulter Caryl Pizzeria Ellen Harrass Reach Levine Rich Cooley Justplain Mccarter country is hurtin'. Miguelle Keyworth Nancy Whattheheck Joe McCarthy Dive Pizza Steve Convoy FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1989 PAGE FIVE 1Tniversity Bore'm You no-good horny punks! Oooh, By Nooky Loobster b·aby... mmmm .. . anyway. '' . As a loyal reader of the Manchester Onion-Bleeder, By Chester Libidong as a red-blooded, God-fearing American, and as And another thing, what the hell is this LAPHOS a defender of freedom-loving peoples everywhere, thing, anyway? I gave it some thought, and realized As a sophomore attending crazy University of I muse voice my most ardent shock and dismay at that the word "laphos" stands for "Libidinous Army Miami, I have led an adventurous and exciting sex the blatant misuse of our fine state's voluminous of Perverts and Hooligans Of Satan." It's true, and life. But nothing prepared me for the wild night educational funding. Namely, at the University I found a reference to it in the Good Book, but I I experienced this weekend. · of New Hampster's school newspaper, The New can't remember it now. But trust me, it was a doozy. I was coming back from a party with a couple Hampster and its Communist, Satanic and generally With all their references to that damn commie rock friends, and somehow I got separated from them. unwholesome leanings which have been poisoning and roll noise, cartoon characters on drugs and the I, being a little bit tipsy, sort of lost my bearings, the minds of our youth. I mean, Live Free or Die, stupid jokes I don't get, they are corrupting slowly so I knocked at the door of a friendly-looking house already! The distribution of, ahem, anti-reproductive with subliminal imagery and puns. I read it in co ask directions. After a shore pause, the door was materials was the final straw. There is no place "Tipper Gore's Guide to Safe Living, or Don't Read opened by the most beautiful woman this side of for such wanton, shameless, godless, and altogether or Listen to Anything 'Cause It'll Rot Your Mind." the Rockies. I mentioned that I'd lost my way, and needless tools of fornication in an institution of Tipper's got her act together, except that she's she made a purring noise and said, "I don't know higher learning. Sex has no place in New Hampster. a Democrat. In any case, I'm appealing to all our· if I can help you find your way, but I can definitely There is no way that we should be funding such voices of reason - especially Gov. Chud Grogg, the help you find something else!" trash, where our impressionable young minds of USNH Board of Trystees and Pres. Gordo Holehead I loosened my collar a bit as I walked inside. "What tomorrow can read about, about SEX! Our youth, - to ban this slanderous tripe for once and for all. exactly did you have I mind?" I managed to say. which already has to struggle with the indomitable If not for us, then do it for the children. But wait She smiled as she started to undo the buttons on threat of peer pressure, shouldn't even be thinking until next issue, or people won't be able to read her blouse, revea'ling the finest- wait, this is about sex, safe or otherwise, before marriage or this. University Forum? Oh. I'm sorry. the age of 50, whichever comes first. But of course, if the guy isn't married by the age of 50, he·s probably Nooky Loobster once saw a man naked. Chester Libidong occasionally just gets down and a homosexual and should be sent off to California gets zany.

Boy, is that dorm-site

ever dumb By Sunny Equus-Feelus

I mean, have you seen Poltergeist? \ Well, the trustees have made their final decision on the dorm site thing, and they're going ahead Third, the other s-ite, inside the Field House, with plans to construct on the horse, trails. Let me would've bee'l. much better. tell you, that is the stupidest idea ever ever in the Fourth, Haaland didn't listen to the students, history of the whole entire universe. I'll tell you then listened to the students, then didn't listen why, too. to them. What kind of wavering, weak, worthless, First, it will destroy those horse trails. Now where weak, wavering, weak leader would do something are we-excuse me, the equestrian people, supposed like that? I don't have an answer for that. to ride our horses? On 155? There's a lot of traffic Fifth, horses are people, too, or are really close - there. Down Main Street? Hardly. And we can't to being people, if they maybe shaved and walked . -....,) go riding our horses right into people's houses, upright and had fingers and toes and could speak. either. It's obvious what must be done. All too obvious. ~ · ~• Second, this is a dumb site because it is west of Oh, all too painfully obvious. the railroad tracks. I think it's going to be right . 'if on top of some ancient Western Indian burial Sunny Equus-Feelus can tell what a horse is think­ grounds, from what I hear. That is not a good idea. ing. LUtV\'f, 11-tE AP~lL FOOL.'~ MOVNO ()~ L .~-=== -D\R,-~------~--·----~ I need my assault rifle By Elmer Futbuck · a sportsman, not a scumbag. I use my guns tor Just when I thought this country was coming to my bitchy .. ~ oh, I mean loving wife and be the entertainment purposes, not for destruction. provider that I should be. to it s senses again, something like this happens. Since the AK-47 has been the most publicized Of course I'm talking about the recent attacks All this hype about assault weapons has come weapon, I will try to explain the importance of on ownership of AK-47's and other assault rifles. about because a few irresponsible people have this weapon as well as it's many uses. The AK-47 misused a perfectly harmless tool. We say that It's a topic that I'm sure aloe of people feel strongly is probably the best weapon on the market today. about but are too proud to say anything, I feel it's becasue some drugged-out moron goes out and shoots Although it is Chinese-made (I believe in buying a few youngsters with an assault rifle ( that my duty to adress the issue. strictly American,) this weapon handles superbly After the bungled Carter presidency, Americans incidenrally wasn't even an AK-47 but a cheap after repeated firing and has a very low jamming imitation) that we should ban it and all like it. What finally came to their senses and elected Ronald rate. I use my AK-47 for hunting and target-shooting W. about chainsaws? That guy in Texas chopped up Reagan, a brilliant president who knew what as well as showing them in my house. My wife also the people wanted. Now we have proven that a whole bunch of people with a chainsaw and you owns one for personal protection and sleeps with can still buy those in the stores. Wherejs the logic? America has truly come to understand the impor­ it next co her bed. tance of a strong president and we have President I was born an-American and I will die an American. Because the gun is easily converted to automatic, I love this country because I am free to live the George H. Bush to lead us. That's why it came as I have the option to shoot single-shot for those a shock way I want to live. The Constitution of the United to me when I learned about the movement times I'm in the sporting mood or I can switch to to ban assault rifles in the United States. States insures that my rights will be protected from full-auto and make damn sure I get that six-point those disillusioned few who want us to live in a I am a proud member of the National Rifle buck grazing in the pasture behind the church. Association and owner of several AK-47's, an society that will limit some things and not all things. I use my gun for target shooting when I'm not If we let our right to bear arms be compromised, automatic M-16, an M-60 machine gun and several working at the lumber yard. Target shooting relaxes assorted pistols and crossbows. what's to say chat someone won't cake away our I also have a fine me after a long day of driving the forklift and, hey, wife and two wonderful children. The people of right to free speech or our right to hunt ducks? it's better than beating my kids. I find that after Once we start giving up our constitutional rights, America are under the impression that only psychotic an hour of blowing away targets with my 600 rounds baby-killers and drug dealers own semi-automatic we might as well just invite the commies in to take a minute all my troubles nre gore ~nd T ,·11~ £'' h,..,~c rifles, chis couldn't be farther from the truth. I ~m over. Over my dead body. Elmer Futbuck likes the smell of decay. PAGE SIX FRiDA'(. MARCH 31, 1989 Comics

University ~omic!

I \

Syndicated Comic

000 : ~TV celebs go overboard - has 1t all; By Cheese Berger . A man can think he Anuunymous. Gary Coleman, star of the hit from the release of the Saturday to Rockaholics a really hard tirrie for series "Different Strokes," was morning show "The Flintstone "It was me and I thought I could depend arrested for armed robbery last Kids." the guys (Hannah and Bar­ hut he is nothing week after pulling a gun on on Flintstone said in a press on to help me out," Flintstone the cashier in a Seven-Eleven conference last night that he bera) "I turned my life around store. had given outline of his auto- said. ready to make a come­ who played Arnold biography to his agents, Hannah and was without Rock Cod. Coleman, back." Jackson on the TV show, was and Barbera, but never agreed release of a TV identified by Roholah Moma- to have it produced. The recent the Flintstone year employee of 'Tm very upset that they series based on 8 dali, a ten childhood has 0 Seven-Eleven. would do this to me," Flintsfone gang's supposed and confused. 0 Momadali said he recognized said. "The guy they have playing Fred angry said he gave Han­ Coleman from the television me doesn't look like me, doesn't Flintstone nah the outline of his autobi­ show adding, "I saw the show sound like me and I certainly becasue he wanted a long time ago but he still looks never acted that way when I was ography feedback and had no intention exactly the same." a kid." 8 making it into another show. According to police, Coleman r◄ or example, Flintstone said, of needed to do something on 0 walked into the store at 12:35 he never used to say "yabba- "I 0 to prove to myself that a.m. and asked to buy a Pent- dabba-doo" when he was young. my own need the booze," Flint­ house from behind the counter. "It was just a gimmick I picked I didn't 'Tm really suprised When Coleman was asked for up when I got to Hollyrock," stone said. do something like this." his ID he reportedly yelled, 'Tm Flintstone said, "the producers they'd 1 said that some events Fred's sick and tired of being treated seemed to like it." life story have been echoed like a kid!" and he pulled out Flintstone has been plagued in his 8 over the past few in the show, but his main a pistol. with problems is that the show Coleman demanded the adult years. His wife of fifteen years, complaint him as having a happy magazine, but Momadali con- Wilma, ran off with "Jetson's" portrays § with his friends Betty, vinced him that National Lam- star Stanley Sprocket after Fred childhood and Wilma. A childhood, poon was just as good as Pent- found them together in bed Barney said, that never hap­ house so Coleman took the when he returned home early Flintstone pened. magazine and ran. from work one day. ROCK COD such a farce, I never even Police apprehended Coleman After the divorce, Flintstone "It's knew them when I was a kid," as he was trying to open the door found that he was no longer said. "I guess no one to his Los Angeles home, but happy moving rocks and started Flintstone the episode when couldn't reach the doorknob. hitting the bottle to drown his remembers Wilma for the first time. When Coleman was asked sorrows. He moved from job to I met have been at least thirty about the incident he blamed job, but always ended up getting I must © old at the time." charges that his fired for being drunk at work. years Rock C od -- the anytime snack. 0 it on the recent describes his real brother, Todd Bridges, shot Fred went through several Flintstone TV as "a bleak time in and wounded a teen male in a scandalous affairs, including one childhood life, something that kids of drug dispute. Coleman said he with longtime friend Betty · my angry and confused and just Rubble, ruining his friendship today wouldn't understand." was begin on April be respected as the with Barney. The shock of his The hearings wishes he'd whether he really is. drinking and the public scandal 15 to determine man has the right In other entertainment news, drove Flintstone further and Hannah-Barbera to use Flints tone's name on the Fred Flintstone filed court ac- further into isolation. Fred Fred said he's confident tion against Hannah-Barbera finally realized that he was show. prevail. for copyright violation resulting heading for disaster and went tha~ justice will l ' ! f ,·., .· · \. ,'...

FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1989 PAGE SEVEN Farts Oscar Gossip: The Stars Came Out ~ ·· A photo essay by our lovely, lovely Fares editors . .. .•··

.... ---- ...... · ---·

Despite their exclusion from last year's cerem­ onies, those lovable guys from Revenge of The Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise showed up in style to announce the winner in the Best Foreign Film category. Despite Egbert Mowlmouth (seen here driving the fun-loving crew) bumbling a few French words their appearance went off with out a hitch. Academy Geena Davis gasped in surprise when hubby Jeff members reportedly were worried that the gang Goldblum appeared on stage, buck naked, via a would cause a ruckus ala Cher in protest against glass elevator shaped like the atomizer he used not being nominated for an award last time. One to turn himself into a fly in. The Fly. "I thought nerd was quoted as saying, "Hey, so they don't it was a very romantic gesture on Jeffs pare," Davis recognize quality films, no biggie. Most people said. "Afterall, we did meet on the set of that movie." think these things are a farce - all political ya know, He then invited his wife up to the podium where that's what I've heard anyhow. Like maybe if I had they announed the winner of the award for Best died last year they might nominate me, ya know, Costume Design. Goldblum chuckled, "I think I but I didn't so I guess I lose." should win in this category, wadda ya think Geena baby?"

Mouths dropped when steamin' songstress Samantha Fox arrived at Arriving in style at the Oscars are director Martin the ceremonies on the arm of a new Scorsese and wife Jane "Banana" Republic. Yes, man, none other than that knee­ readers, that is mystical music man Prince, dressed slapping comic Emo Philips. Fox confirmed rumors that she incognito as Eva Gabor, driving their pet elephant, had dropped former live-in lover Pee Wee Herman for Gretchen. Unfortunately for this happy couple the Philips when she told Mary Hart of Entertainment night did not go all well. Not only did Martin lose Tonight fame, "Pee Wee is history. out on the Best Director award, but Gretchen couldn't Emo is my main man now. So leave me alone you long-legged hold it 'til they got home so they were forced to bimbo, I wanna have some fun!" pay a $ 1000 fine for street cleanup. PAGE EIGHT FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1989 Spurts ------Football signs five new stars

By Kareem Abdul Aziz or offensive lineman. "I can see him as a power player. He can Coach Billy Bone­ Football be so powerful!" announced the signing breaker The one Bonebreaker is really more recruits for the of five excited about is Lamar. "His football season. upcoming personality is a little suspect, Poindexter,Lewis, Boog­ Lamar, but if learns how to deal with W ormser from Revenge er and the guys properly we might have Nerds Fame all signed of The ourself a real player." Word has Wildcats after visiting with the it that the track coach wants last weekend. the campus Lamar to throw the javelin but going to sign them," "I wasn't Bonebreaker will have none of said. "But after I Bonebreaker that. "He is my player. He is saw what they did to those so nimble and fluent, it is scary." in that movie, wow! Alpha Betas Lamar is excited to come to just say I was very im­ Let's UNH. "I love it up there so pressed." much. There are so much de­ about their social hab­ Asked signer clothes and cute pink breaker replied, "Yea, its, Bone outfits! Ahhhhh! I can't wait." re nerds, but they have alot they' Of Booger, Bonebreaker said, I don't have to tell those of heart. "Quite simply, if this kid can Alpha Betas that, Ha! Ha!" keep his finger out of his nose . Since none of them have ever long enough to play ball we football before in any played might have ourselves an All- would seem to be capacity, it . American running back." to forsee their future difficult "Booger is deceiving," Bone­ However, Bonebreak­ positions. breaker said. "He has this ugly er already has big plans for beer gut, he smokes and he see that Lewis nerd as them. "I has his finger up his I really like constantly a future quarterback. give him the ball and his hair. He nose. But the way he parts he's God." all the tools to lead my team. has It would seem to the average I am a little bit worried that he spectator that Wormser would might be killed, but that would be the least likely to succeed. only mean one less nerd!" However, that is not the case, sees Poindexter Bonebreaker said Bonebreaker. "This kid as being the most intriqing of needs to do a little bit of lifting. "Poindexter can the recruits. After that he will head for the play football during the game linebacker position. Besides, the violin at halftime and play even if he does't make it he'll for the crowd," he said. "The be great to wedgy in the lock­ is that he won't be problem erroom. Ha! Ha!" a helmet due to the issued With the art of recruiting shape of his hairstyle. bizarre becoming more and more com­ He also wants to wear his three petitive Bonebreaker admits, suits during the game. piece "These are the best set of There's some possibilities recruits I have ever seen, at any there." school. I am the envy of every Bonebreaker forsees Poindex­ coach in America. I recruited being either a defensive Coach Billy Bonebreaker had alot to smile about after signing (from left) Lamar, Poindexter,, ter as a bunch of nerds." Lewis, Booger and Wormser to scholarships. UNH nabs Thompson By Maynard G. Krebbs get boring. This is my chance occupied the bottom of the mild For The steal of the century. to really build something.'' North Atlantic Conference. the number These are the only words that New Hampshire's Chaptlips New Hampshire, more to do with the can describe what happened in was obviously delighted with four has in a season than Seattle. Thompson's choice. "I never number of wins Yesterday, while prepara­ doubted for a minute that John with a national ranking. in the past," said tions were underway for Satur­ would want to come here. UNH "That's all President Gor­ day's Final Four action, John just has so much to offer a New Hampshire "With John at Thompson announced he was basketball coach." dan Haalotosis. will probably be leaving his position as head Thompson felt the perks the helm, we team within coach of Georgetown to take the were a big plus. "Now I have a nationally ranked same position at the University the opportunity to do things I've two years." admitted he will of New Hampshire. never done before," Thompson Thompson "A lot of things affected my said. "Build a team with no miss some of the excitement Georgetown decision," said the new Wildcat budget, lousy recruiting and associated with "Still," he said, coach. "When I spoke with Jib, minimal help. I'm looking for­ basketball. non­ (New Hampshire men's athletic ward to having some real stu­ "playing before an almost crowd has a special director, J ibby Cha ptli ps) he dents, too. No more of these exis tant made me see all the advantages Prop 48 kids. I am also looking feeling, too." appeared to have to taking over at UNH." forward to fighting for a parking One factor all the rest. "It is a wonderful opportunity spot everyday. It's like a dream been bigger then at Georgetown to start right from scratch," come true." "In all my time a Hoya was," Thompson said. "You can only Thompson will be leaving a I never knew what said. "It will be great take so many Sweet 16' s and team that has consitently been Thompson team with a real Final Fours before they start to one of the best teams in the to coach a nation for a team that has nickname." John Thompson announced he will take the helm for the Wildcats · next year. ***********************************************************************************· : S t Cl •t• d Want to start a family? Ladies, looking for a Introducing the Pete t· : por S aSSI le S Contact Steve Garvey, date? Contact Wade Rose Gambling Service, t : . San Diego, CA Boggs, Winter Haven, FL Cinncinatti, OH : ************************************************************************~~~~~*•~~*~ \\ I J ')

THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 PAGE SEVENTEEN University Forum

A night on the town Student observes a University police officer on duty. THE By Dennis O'Brien A number of students feel that the University the first because I know most students are not ALASkAN BiRDBATH Police department is very ineffective in their work. familiar with what rights they have. His second Other students are satisfied with the job that the comment on the other hand irritated me. I looked police do and feel safe knowing they're out there. at this statement as a typical police officer comment. It is obvious that both sides can't be right so with It wasn't long though before I changed my opinion the backing of the Judicial Affairs Council, of the on this comment and agreed with him. We were Student Senate, I set out to find the truth. in front of Stoke when one of the residents stuck I gathered a number of concerns that students his head out the third floor window and hollered had and brought them to Chief Beaudoin. Among a number of interesting phrases directed at Sergeant these concerns was the inconsistency of the police Desrosiers. This seemed to be a perfect example when dealing with students. It seems that some of a bad attitude but it wasn't the only example officers are strict, while others aren't. Students I would see that night. Later on we were walking that have dealt with both these types of officers through Williamson when we heard an outrageous now feel that some are cool and the others are just amount of noise coming from one of the rooms. out to bust the students. According to Chief Beaudoin The Sergeant knocked on the door and someone this inconsistency does exist, and it is something inside opened it. The resident of that room then he has been trying to stop for a long time. He went tried to close the door on Sergeant Desrosiers. The on to say, "an average police officer wouldn't survive room was cleared and the Sergeant tried to deal at UNH." I was a bit confused by this statement with the resident alone. The resident decided though, so I decided to talk to a few officers to find out what "that he was going to be a lawyer," as Sergeant OiL the average police officer was. Desrosiers put it. The resident pretended to know I found out that the average police officer is one all of his rights. He challenged the Sergeant with that enforces the law and that's all he does. One many false statements making a simple noise and officer explained it best like this: "At UNH we over crowding violation a much bigger hassle than are more than just police officers we're considered it should have been. staff members. When someone comes to the Throughout the night I was impressed with where University, the Dean of Students is that student's each officer was positioned and what he was doing. acting parent. We as staff members also have a Contrary to popular belief the police don't spend certain responsibility to assist the Dean in this the night walking through dorms looking for parties BYEXXON parenting role. For instance, if you are caught to bust. As a matter of fact the biggest problems breaking the law in Portsmouth the officer will that the police were faced with were outside the arrest you, end of story. On the other hand if you dorms. These problems ranged from vandals, people are caught on campus we would take into consid­ trying to break into dorms, and even a few reckless eration what you did and how you' re reacting with drivers. The police walked through the areas that us. We also have the option of dealing with the are not very well lighted quite often over the course students in the University Conduct System istead of the night. I was impressed by this because, in of state courts." my opinion, it discourages rapes and muggings A few students feel that the University Police in these areas making the campus a safer place to F reShmen Aid shouldn't carry guns. I asked Chief Beaudoin how walk at night. he felt about this and he seemed a bit bothered. Some students were open and friendly, which By Kimberly Varney and Alyson Rando "How could my officers be expected to do their pleased the Sergeant. I noticed that if the residents jobs if they Remember your first days at UNH? Can you recall aren't given the proper tools?" He asked didn't come across as being resentful to his presence, in the insecurity of being surrounded by countless reply to my questioning. I didn't have an answer the Sergeant would try to strike up a conversation. unfamiliar faces? The fact that your name had been for him because I feel the same way he does. If I The Sergeant said, "I often try to stop, walk, and was being replaced by 002-67-9834? The feeling that you robbed by someone, I wouldn't feel secure talk to show them that police officers are human." knowing that the only thing wished that there was someone around to give you the police could do I found that most of the officers on duty that night would be some connection to the campus and the people on to tell that person to stop or they would really care abvout what the students think of them. it? be forced to club them. I have also talked with a I also noticed that there were a lot of students that Well, times haven't changed. Incoming students n~mher of other students, girls especially, who didn't give the officers a chance to talk with them. feel safer today share the same feelings you had when you knowing the level of protection that As we walked down hallways, doors were being university arrived. Being one in ten thousand students after police offer. closed up ahead as people saw the police coming. The next coming from a school of a few hundred is an thing I did was observe Sergeant As we walked, I noticed that a lot of students that intimidating thought for many students. While Desrosiers this past Friday night for almost his came around corners smiling stopped smiling as some students have a fairly easy time adjusting entire shift. I arrived at J anetos House at ten thirty soon as they saw the police. I found the large number so that I to college, others need extra reassurance that the could observe the shift on duty. I listened of students that acted in this manner to be very as Sergeant bookstore line WILL go down--dropping and adding Desrosiers gave a quick briefing of where disappointing and uncalled for. . classes WILL work out--and--being homesick IS the trouble spots were reported to be that night. I learned first hand what the truth is concerning He then natural. As an upperclassman, you can help these assigned each officer to their vehicle and the University Police. They are quite efficie 'nt and new students. an area to watch. One officer seemed a bit eager handled things with an extremely professional By volunteering as much time as you wish, you to get out there and get some action. I asked Sergeant attitude. The police, in my opinion, don't get the Desrosiers can befriend a new student who may need a helping about this officer and he explained, "there respect they deserve. I traveled with an officer for hand. Being a big brother or big sister, you not only are a few officers like him, but they are mostly part six hours and saw everything that he saw, and how timers. Usually assist the new student but you may also form a once an officer becomes full time he saw it. I suggest that if you have negative feelings the friendship that lasts a lifetime. IT ALL BEGINS rest of us stand on him, and he settles down toward the police ask yourself why. Then try and WITH YOU! and just does his job." look at the issue from the officer's point of view. As the Interested? Sign up for FRESHST ART! Give Sergeant drove around campus he explained The majority of people I talked to that had negative to me us your name, home and campus address, social what I should expect to see. He told me I comments about the police had them because they would see that the students security number, and major, and we will match you often times challenge got caught doing something illegal. So, start a the officer. He also with a new student who is also in your major. made a comment that "many conversation with the next University police officer students Undeclared? That's fine, for many new students have a bad attitude when dealing with you see, and I think you'll agree that they're not the police are too! We will send you the name and address . This attitude often times makes a simple so heartless after all. problem of your student during the summer, and then it's more complex and harder to deal with." I could see where he would make a comment like Dennis O'Brien is on the Judicial Alfairs Council up to you! Write them a letter; tell them about and the Student Senate. yourself and UNH. Also, attend the FreshFest held during the first few weeks of school in the fall. This event is a great opportunity to meet your FRESHSTART person for the first time. FRESHSTART is in its second year and relies on YOU to make it a success! Show a new student that they are not just a number at UNH. MAKE A DIFFERENCE! - c;JOJUUn! Please watch for the opportunity to sign -up for FRESHSTART for the fall of 1989. Contact your senator, or call the Student Senate Office at 826- 1494. A LITTLE of your time can make a BIG difference to a new student. THANK YOU!

Kimbe'rly Varney and Alyson Rando are Freshstart Coordinators and Student Senators. 31 1989 PAGE EIGHTEEN THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH

SENATE PAGE

Hea Ith Services For all of you at U.N.H! All students who have paid the Student Health Fee are eligible for the insurance plan.

What does the Health Service offer to students?: -Doctor's services -Private nursing , -X-Ray and laboratory testing -medicine for incidents of accute illness or injury when ordered by Health Services practitioners provided the medicine is stocked in the Health Service Pharmacy -One visit per semester to Health Service's orthopedic consultant when ordered by Health Service's practitioners -One day inpatient care per semester in the Health Service Infirmary -Visit to Health Educator/Counselor -Visits for family planning/examination. Contraceptive devices and medicines not included. The insurance plan does not cover: 1. Charges for a pre-existing condition 2. Dental services charges 3. Work connected injury or disease charges 4. Government plan charges 5. Charges tor unnecessary services or supplies 6. Charges above the usual, prevailing charge 7. Charges by close relatives 8. War charges 9. Cosmetic surgery, hearing aid, and eye care charge. 10. Deductable charges 11. Blood charge 12. Impregnation or fertilization charge 13. Emergency room charges 14. Intercollegiate athletic connected injury or disease charge 15. Voluntary sterilization charge 16. Outpatient drug charges In order to prevent students from having to pay for cold packets and laboratory X-rays when we us the Health facility, Senate has passed a bill that wll go into effect next semester. The Health Services fee wil I be increased to $192.00, which is $22.00 more than it was this year. In this way, all lab tests, will be included in what we pay for. This will save the hassle of bringing our check books and health insurance cards everytime we visit the center. Any questions or comments should be brought to the Senate office.

r,;, THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 PAGE NINETEEN Arts & Entertainment - - Oscar Night: Few Sur rises• . . for her fabulous performance this may take the cake. Rob By Marc A. ~amigoman and in The Accidental Tourist. Lowe? Lily Tomlin appeared for Arthur Q. Liz1e Pelle the Conqueror was the no other reason but to remind Well, the Oscars came and very deserving winner of the us how irritating she is. Tom went, and with it the hopes and Best Foreign film (Women On Selleck popped up early to dreamsofanation.Yeah,right. theVergewouldhavebeennice, introduce the Men With It was big, it was tacky, and it \ too), in the most important of Greased-Backed Hair Motif, and was, by and large, very predic- the so-called "other" awards. not a minute too soon. Don table. And really long. Hmm. Filling out this section were Johnson and his lady-love Me- Kind of like last year. Dangerous Liaisons for Best lanie Griffith were among the Most of the big winners were Costume Design, Best Art Di~ first presenters, and they were accurately forecasted in these rection, and Best Adapted kind enough to regale us with pages in a previous article. The Screenplay, Who Framed Roger tales of their sexual lives. Like Big Winner (insofar as there Rabbit for Best Editing and Best we care. Bo Derek appeared was a Big Winner) was Rain- Special Effects, Best Sound went with Dudley 'Tm Short, I'm man. Big surprise. It copped to Bird, Best Documentary went English, a:nd I'm More Grating Best Original Screenplay, Best to Max Ophuls' Hotel Termi- Than Fingernails On a Chalk­ Picture, Best Director (Barry nus, the Best Song was decided board" Moore. There are recur­ Levinson), and Best Actor (Dus- to be Carly Simon's "Let the ring nightmares more pleasant tin Hoffman, his second). Rain- River Run'_' from Working Girl. than this group. man is a very fine film, and one All this is well and good, but A definite highlight was the which the Academy can pat we are sure you will agree that "Future Stars" production itself on the back for honoring the real fun of the Oscars is number, featuring the nearly (you know, autistics, and all making fun of the ridiculous three-dimensional Corey Feld­ that), and what are the Oscars goings on that act as a sideshow man, recently profiled in La­ but one grand pat on the back? to the awards themselves. First phos. Corey and many other In a mild surprise, Jodie and foremost among these was young hepcats strutted their Foster earned the Best Actress the "Parade of People Who Will stuff and signified nothing. One award for her role as a rape Never Win An Oscar." This can only assume that this took victim in The Accused. Foster great event featured the likes the place of the (hopefully) was excellent, but the film was of Rob Lowe, Lily Tomlin, Tom forever abolished Best Songs kind of lousy. The other major Selleck, Patrick Swayze, Don production number, which is surprise was Kevin Kline, for Johnson, and Bo Derek. Lowe perennially the nadir of the his lunatic fringe performance appeared in the ungodly open- broadcast. . in A Fish Called Wanda, a rare ing production number, with So, what's it all about, Alfie? ... .case of the Academy rewarding a really annoying person doing We don't know, and our name i a great comic performance. Snow White, and a lot of danc- isn't Alfie. It's all too much, as Lastly, in a move which pleased ing scars (stars, that is, in the George Harrison was once wont . these writers, the lovely, lovely literal sense- get it?!). We have to quip. It's a farce, but it's too Geena Davis was awarded the seen some repulsive things on much fun to ignore. Sort of like Geena Davis was awarded the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress ~e~t Supporting Actress Osca,· the Oscars over the years, _but_ this a:ticle. for her role in The Accidental Tourist. Woodv Allen Film, Festival Tonight ·. By Arthur Lizie s~ngle, ~tl_anous crnemat1c_ v1- While Stardust ~e"':'ories gets W d All · · f th s10n. This 1s the Woody of giant a bad rap as an rnd1ctmenr of O e vegetables, inflatable rubber the warped values of an artist's r°~ Y ten /s1~){~e fl ;os t im~or anh. !~rnf / m suits, giant chickens, and the audience the issues of hero 1 0 ~~cf. l rs. troh11!- ts eatrdy, un- orgasmatron, before he got too worship' conformity and art d. •f· d f h h. · · ' · ' ny 1 ms, o 1s recen ramas,. 1gm 1e or sue t rngs; 1t 1s are explored with much more All en h as I I c ever y, a t t imes h W d ·II h f · · ingeniously, documented his life t e ?0 . Y st Y enoug ~o ire depth and subtlety 1;11 Ze(tg. At dd t · Id off r1d1culous one-lrners the crux of the film 1s the as 0d Tmadn °~ mtha wSotr fgfonde ("That's a big chicken") and question, "Where does the ma . o ay rn e ra or h h · I · · · Room of the MUB, five of Aavse t e entN1re casdt Daps~ mto af~t1~t, or any

_ The Marx Brothers, star~ of many films including Duck Soup. ______the neuroses of her ex-husband adoration. Are movie stars and Another in­ ,act. It's a world of good-hearted · and work problems by going to Micl· ,, (Woody). one makers deserving of all the the breakup of Woody.-- misfits into which the plaid the movies. She rewatches rr· ,vloves ...

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HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 PAGE TWEN1Y-TWO THE NEW Letters you were able to your comments, suaded from certain careers because an acknowledge­ you claim that after ~e welcome I'd appreciate through "the suggestions. To they are aware that their chances your reactions discern my voice questions, and ment of my letter and start laughing. SPB-elect you, it is our plan for success are greatly diminished attention to hollering" I might better represent to it. Thanks for your Johanna, Dear Fellow Students: dorm every week because of their gender; women No, Dirk, Marc and to visit a different my concerns. se.parate Education is by and large our who are grossly underpaid com­ there was no attempt to throughout our term. Sincerely, the loud­ most valued asset. In New Hamp­ decide for pared to their male peers. I am at the good from the bad, Study each candidate, Rick Cote riders. shire, however, education seems you best turns deeply saddened and outraged mouths from the cooperative yourself who would serve legs and to be a fiscal toy. Need to cut the careful that my women friends and col­ A person with no arms, no and we feel that after have been budget? Cut the USNH funds. We following facts, leagues must cntinue to face today a sewn up mouth 'could consideration of the arrested. pledge to you a continuation of the ticket will of the same prejudices and on that bus and been the Yfantopulos-Jenkins many Rebuttal Hub­ fight in Con co.rd to save the pro­ We are that they grew up Gordon Haaland, Old Mother be the one you support. discrimination would grams you feel are necessary such with with. To the Editor: bard and Ronald Reagan looking forward to working Kari­ as; obtaining accreditation for the you. I do what I can as an individual Dear Dirk, Marc and Johanna, have been caught up in this your letters last not Gordon Whittimore School that keeps Sincerely, and as a faculty member of the Afte1." reading Van net. (Well, maybe majors competitive. Se­ I pay special attention week, I have realized why English Haaland. He can work his way out business George Yfantopulos University. . condly, we must not let our Hotel the needs of women and minority 401 is a recquired course. of anything.) . Kelly Jenkins to my at you. Administration program vanish, in the Biochemistry de­ In your letters regarding Let me throw an analogy Student Body Pi;:_esident/ students you seem in it is one of the finest in New I encourage and suport Forum piece lase week, If you three are eating quietly Vice-Presidential Candidates partment. .. .like England. Also, we have all taken colleagues. I bring an to have missed a few rhings a restaurant and a group of hool­ women the points you be Food and People so we are not awareness of gender issues of sex my main theme. Alone, igans robs the place, should your letters are for being telling you anything new when we and discrimination to the meetings you brought up in charged for the crime just Women to which they Maybe that say . we need another professor for I attend. I am an editor of an anti­ valid. But in the case there eating egg rolls? wrong. Instead but I'm that course. This will bring the sexist men's magazine. And I cry pertain, they are borders on the extreme, Haaland: was my only professor-student ratio into reality. Dear President to live out my life in equal relation­ of addressing what trying to make a point. to ask that you use yourself rights were As we race towards the 90's, a I am writing ships with women and other men. complaint, you wrapped Yes my constitional to inititate filling the political on a bus B.S. or a B.A. doesn't seem to be your power But the efforts of myself and in a lot of neato sounding denied, Marc. I did not gel Coordinator of the coming out so as you so enough, that is why we are support­ position of other concerned individuals at rhetoric and it was with "15 drinking pals," Commission on the holding my nose. I met most of ing the creation of the doctoral President's UNH are not enough. We need thick that I am still ignorantly assumed. Women. I realize that state my point, at the station. program in Education. Over the · Status of institutional-wide programs that So I will once again the other passengers difficult budgetary times sentences. friends be­ past year, this program has been these are focus on redressing injustices. We this time in smaller Responsibility for my However, I feel I was not Resonsi­ formulated to provide a continua­ for our University. need educational efforts that make I was not drunk. havior is weak enough. this position is a top were other people behavior is tion of valued service to the com­ that filling visible the extent of women's disorderly. There bility for stranger's UNH. were not drunk. and every munity. A doctoral program in priority for oppression in our society. And we on the bus who below ridiculous. Each I am appalled at on the bus be judged for Compu.ter Science has also been As a scientist, very much need a strong commite­ There were other people Coast rider should discrimination against The loud not on the proposed, although it is a great idea, the blatant ment from the University admin­ who were not disorderly. their own behavior, and min_orities that keep have been there does not even exist an avail­ women istration that discrimination against people on the bus should person's three seats up. attaining equality with proper fashion. If I am bad, able Computer Science minor pro­ them from women (against anyone) will not dealt with in the It's pretty simple. in the various scientific But here's the let me use gram. Let's start at the grassroots white men be tolerated here. No doubt. Period. kick me off. If I'm not, is obvious to me that on the bus, Honestly, and get that Computer Science disciplines. It Full funding for the Coordinator qualifier. Those simply the service I have paid for. strong institutional sup­ rules, should expect? minor program on line first and we need of the Women's Commission is an obeying the posted Dirk, what else do you women throughout their placed in the care Johanna, foremost. Both of us support cam­ port for excellent way for the University not have been Ironically, incredibly, and professional careers Police Depart­ supported my pus diversity and a wide variety of educational demonstrate its commitment to of the Newmarket you unwittingly have have the same oppor­ to it against student activities. We encourage so they may women's issues on campus. To have ment. theme and tried to use excel that you and I have give good p.r. for you wrote, you to participate while not losing tunity to a Women's Commission but to not It's your job to me. "I strongly believe," So for the sake of with the indi­ sight of why we are here at U.N.H.­ received. fund its Coordinator is to severely your company. "responsibility lies pained to see the effects obviously em­ is respon­ -a good education at a reasonable I am also limit its mission to improve the saving face in this vidual and an individual on women that you were quick price. In light of the recent budget of discrimination academic and social environment barrassing situation, sible for their own behavior." known: profes­ on the bus as have said cuts, we will carefully scrutinize I have personally for women on this campus. I urge to place everyone Think about what you whq have dropped Good try, employees all tuition and fee increases. sional women you to approve the filling of the rowdy trouble- makers. and try following it. As visitations, New out of science because of the sexist so the Wom­ but that was not the case. I realize, of the Coast buslines, you should Through campus turn Coordinator's position articles, and regular obstacles they faced at every can get on with Dirk, that you were communicating have figured that out by now. Hampshire careers; wom­ en's Commission But if hours we will keep you of their professional with the driver on the bus. Bryan Alexander office who are dis- its vital work. informed. We are working together en undergraduates for you. During the campaign and EARN $300, $400, $500 a week

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FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 PAGE TWENTY-SIX THE NEW HAMPSHIRE

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' . .-··························· . • :• B usiness. : • • •: Manager :• • • • : Needed!!:• • •: for The New Hampshire : • during 1989-1990 School Year • (Student Activity Fee Council) • • : CHAIRPERSON : Duties Include: :• Handling •: • -Accounts Payable/Accounts • &MANAGE OVER $750,000 : Receivable : : -Member of Student Activites Fee : •Applications Available• • DUE APRIL 7TH • Council : -Budgeting : • • - : Great opportunity for business : · ~For More Information Contact: : · minded people : GEORGEYFANTOPULOS 862-1494 • come into room 110-B MUB or call • Student Senate Office : 862-1323 : · •, •••••••••••••••••••••••••• •1 Spring into UTC

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*George and Kelly have already been (See Personals for Clues) on Coast buses, in Philbrook, Stoke, Rules: This drawing is open to the UNH communiy. Answers He(ze/, Congreve, ·stillings, Chris­ will appear in next week's The New Hampshire. The drawing tensen, and McG/aughlin to meet will be from a pool of all correct entires. Limit one entry per person. students and answer questions. Please send a card with all three answers, your name, address, and phone number to: L~ Far Away Drawing, Stillings Box #1184, Campus Mail •J ~------....::,-- ______.,,I• p.AGE TWENTY-EIGHT THE NEW HAMPSHIRE F_RIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 CLASSIFIED

's! the difference being different? Do Wanted Assistant Directors and Staff for Win a $15 gift certificate to Benjamin What's need support or want to talk to someone Summer Kids Program. June 26-Aug. 17, See FAR AWAY FACTS advertisement. you Juan. about being different at UNH .. .feel free to FOR SAL£ Monday-Thursday 23 hours/week, $6.50 Clue #2: (a) His name sounds like Don any of these members of the Diversity per hour for Ass. Directors. For staff. July (b) Boats in Boston Garden. call Committee: Denise Connors. Nursing Dept. 1988 HYUNDAI EXCEL GL: Sunroof plus 6 - Aug17, Monday-Thursday 22 Derek- Happy 22nd Baby! I love you! The Keg Toss is coming .. . 862-3405; Stuart Churchill-Hoyer. Dean stereo eq·uals summer!! Must make room hours/week, $5.50 per hour. Call (603) Melissa P.S. I think it's time we started living It's hard to talk about your problems with of Students Office 862-2050; Les Fisher. for new purchase. $5200. 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If borders New Hampshire. 1986 Mere Topaz GS 45,000 mi. good Disabled person in search of personal care can help us, or know someone who. TAE KWON-DO. the art of self-defense. condition $48oc· - 868-2511 you LOOK!! We want you for out 1989-90 attendant for the summer. Salary $6.25/hr, For more information call Hwang's Tae can. please call us collect at (603) 448- publication, so put your applications in now. REALISTIC DUAL CASSETTE DECK. Auto 28 hours/wk. Job description: assist w/ Kwon-Do at 743-6500 4329. Gain experience in a variety of fields. Be Reverse - Hi-speed dubbing- Metal position personal grooming, food shopping, house Remember Secretary's Day- April 26th! a part of capturing UNH in photos, writing, Need a band for your party? Try Ollie and - Continous play- Dolby B/C. Must sell cleaning. Accessibl13 to students on LINH and artwork and have a blast doing it. the Patriots. This is not a joke, this is Rock $150, negotiable Call Susan at 868·-2511 . Call 868-1986. leave message. YFANTOPOLUS-JENKINS----­ campus Contact Kristen at 862-1599 or room 125 and Roll. Jason: 742-1858. Doug: 743- THE CHOICE! FOR SALE: The opportunity to toss Kegs HELP WANTED! Put your application in in the MUB. Deadline. April 7th. 3505. and impress your friends Kappa Sig. April now for the 89-90 publication. Gain ex­ Creative portraits are being offered to Jodles. Jim, Shannon. Toddles, & Jona­ TYPING/WORD PROCESSING, profes­ 29th perience in a variety of fields. Be a part graduating seniors. theatre majors. mu­ than, ... ! know I haven't been around much sional quality, reasonalbe rates. Spelling UNH in photos, writing, and sicians, or interested persons. Each work 1977 SAAB. Great Commuter Car. $500 of capturing lately, but I still love ya! This is going to accuracy included. Call 742-2037. Dover. completely original and of a highly or 8.0. 332-7214 art work and have a blast doing it. Contact is be a great weekend! Take Care! Love ME Word Processing for all your Kristen at 862-1599. Deadline April 7th expressive nature. Photographs can be Professional BICYCLE FOR SALE. MALE FUJI, ROYAL taken in a variety of locations on campus Hey Dani, bet you'd never see your name documents, reports. etc. Experienced. CRUISE SHIP JOBS. Now Hiring Men and 11, 23", TWELVE SPEED . GOOD CONDI­ and are crafted on fine art black and white here! Thanks for coming to see me. Get efficient, reasonalbe rates, quick-return. Women. Summer & Career Opportunities TION. ASKING $200. CONT ACT DONNA prints. For more info or other interest ready for more fun than Ben and Jerry, and Janet Boyle, 659-3578. MARIE, 862-2607, 8:30-4:30. (will train). Excellent Pay Plus World Travel. contact Michael Borchardt at work 862- K-Mart. Love ME SKATE SHARPENING. X-C SKI RENTAL. Hawaii, Bahamas. Caribbean. Etc. CALL 1978 Toyota Corolla Station Wagon. 1485 or home 431-7366. Durham Bike 868-5634 NOW! (206) 736-7000 Ext. 465J 135,000 miles. Engine in good condition. (and only) Amy, You are my favorite / You may alrP-ady be on'the cover of our Best offer, (207) 384-5218. roommate. Thanks for putting up with my Graduate . ients in Science calender. 1984 Dodge Charger, 59,000 miles. Great 400 questions. By the way- you'd better We are offc , you the opportunity to be Condition, Reliable. Call Mike 659-7414 HOlJSfNQ return my pink pen right now! Adaire SERVICES Scientist of t. ~onth and get your picture 1982 Toyota Long Bed with cap, 4 spd. Stretchest. youest arest the bestest labest on one of ne> .• ar·s pages. If you are not AM/FM. Runs good, some rust. $1200. 431- partnerest. Thankest youest- Adairest interested, read no further. We are looking Dover - 3 bedrooms. living room, kitchen innovative ideas 1823 TYPING - Lowest prices available! (We for motivated people and restored colonial. $600 month The Minis are still accepting applications · and bath in a pick­ to promote Science and Enginerring on 1984 Subaru GL-10 FWD Station Wagon for residency next fall. If you have ever know. we've checked). Free includes heat and electricity. . Call Campus. You are interested. so please call in excellent condition throughout. All consisdered Special Interest Housing, up/ delivery. Spelling. Editing service 4 bedrooms, living room, kitchen and bath. Greg at 862-2359. Pick up apps. at Pettee Beckwith-Douglas Service 7 49-0~~.4_. _ _ possible options. Spotless interior $3950 $800 month includes heat and hot water. come check us out! the Minidorm Office, rm 101 or reasonalbe offer. 868-5122. 5 bedrooms, living room. den, kitchen and House. or at Tailpipe . $765 month. lease required, no pets. Richardson. 1984 Honda CRX New Brakes. bath ··...... · · · · · .. · · t @~~························· j nm : mri:r 'lr i ':tr•~~~~·=1~=m::::·==~D::W®:::~==~• AM/FM Cassette Good rubber $3450 or Call 742- 7908 between 7-9 pm. To my fellow pledges: Keep up the good . Thanks for all your support and 8.0. 749-5166 Evenings and weekends DURHAM - Furnished single bedrooms work guys! get PSYCHED for this weekend. I LOVE FOR SALE 3 Pedi cabs. Run your own with shared bathroom for female students YOU ALL! - the Philanthropy BIM business this summer. Pedicabs have been only. Available for 1989-90 academic year. · ·1. . -E successful in Portsmouth for 4 years. Great Private entrance. Ten minute walk from Pregnant? We may be able to ease the ! ~;;;:.~!· summer job. Fantastic entrepreneurial T-Hall. $1100 per semester including burden of this difficult time in your life. experience. Call Ty 436-5866 days or 207- utilities. Call 868-2217 after 4 p.m. Warm, loving couple wants to adopt : . 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With Automatic Approval, it's easier to qualify while you're still in school. Now getting the Card is easier than ever. For the Become a Cardmember. very first time, students can apply for the American Fly Northwest $99 roundtrip. Exp~e Card over the phone. As a student Cardinember you will be able to enjoy Simply call 1-800-942-AMEX. We'll take your appli­ an extraordinary travel privilege: fly twice for only cation by phone and begin to proces.s it right away. $99 roundtrip to many of the more than 180 Northwest · .~ It couldn't be easier. Airlines cities in the 48 contiguous United States NORTI-IWEST What's more, because you attend (only one ticket may be used per six-month period) ~ this school full time, yo~ can also take And, of course, you'll also enjoy all the other excep­ Al RLI NEs advantage of the Automatic Approval tional benefits and personal service you would expect LOOK 10 US Offer for students. With this offer, you can from American Expres.5. get the American Expres.5 Card right now­ Apply now by without a full-time job or a credit history. But if you calling 1-800-942- have a credit history, it must be unblemished. AMEX. And then It's actually easier for you to qualify for the Card now, you can really go while you're still a student, than it ever will be again. places-for les.s. Apply Now: 1-800-942-AMEX

*Fare is for roundtrip travel on N~rth'M!St Air~in~. Tickets must be purc~ased within 24 hours after making reservations. F~ ~re non-refundable and no itinerary made chan es ma be . after purchase. Seats at thlS fare a~ hmued and_ may not be_ avad~le when you call. Travel n:iust be c~mpleted by ceruf1cate expiration date and may not be avail~le hitween ~ cities to which Northwest does not ha~ ~rect connections or routm~. City fue! tax surcharges not included m fare from Boston ($2.50), Chicago ($5.00) • SERVICES Certain and Florida cities ($ZOO) blackout dates and other restncuons may apply. For complete offer details, call l-800-942-AMEX. Current student Cardmembers automatically receive two $99 vouch An..-i.-...... , mail. © American . · th · 1989 Exprt5 Travel Related Services Company, Inc. ers m e THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 PAGE THIR1Y

...... • ~ Sports :. ~ Enthusiasts Passing judgement on the America's Cop

By Mike Stinson • The New Co-Sports Editor I'm not trying to justify cheating, and I don't believe action demanded For anyone who may not have heard the news recently, two wrongs make a right, but the Kiwis' the America's Cup is about to leave American soil for drastic action. Hampshire· Mr. Innocent he would only the second time in 138 years. This in itself is enough Michael Fay is not the little . His original challenge was based to scream about. The fact that it was given away by a like others to believe advantage at the time New York state Supreme Court Justice is almost on one thing. He had an unfair is looking and he knew it. His huge craft was already well on the unbelievable. had nothing The stage was set shortly after Dennis Conner downed way to being produced while the Americans the Americans would race in for to bring the Cup back home. The Cup had barely similar. Fay assumed that Austrlia they would not have placed inside the San Diego Yacht Club before New the kind of boat he wanted. Since been be able to blow Michael Fay began spouting off. the time to build a decent craft, he would Zealand's Isn't this an unfair After thoroughly reading the Deed of Gift ( the rules them out of the water, so to speak. Sports the crew from San Diego surrounding the America's Cup races) Fay challenged technological advantage? When He had been beaten the Americans to a one-on-one race for the Cup. The turned the tables, Fay got all upset. Editors - trick was that it would be in 133-foot long yachts instead at his own game. by the way the judge of the 12-meter yachts that had been used since 1958. The problem is compounded that it is only necessary He also wanted to race almost immediately instead of handled the case. First she says of the Deed of Gift, then waiting the traditional four years for the next Cup defense. to follow the exact wording the must follow the spirit for The Americans were, needless to say, furious. Granted, she turns around and says one that in the first place, we according to the Deed of Gift, Fay was perfectly entitled of the Deed. If she had said the problem. to his challenge. The Deed said nothing about having might not have had 1989-90 both sides tried to manipulate the to use 12-meter yachts or having to wait four years. But The way I see it, did a better job. Since both Fay had trashed tradition just to try to get ahead. rules, the Americans just cancel the whole deal. academic Now, being the clever sort, the Americans crafted a sides were really in the wrong, back to doing things catamaran to face the Kiwis (New Zealanders). Forget it ever happened and get high-tech has already agreed If the nothing in the Deed mentioned anything about the right way. The racing community year. used in future races. Hold the type of boat to be used, how could they go wrong. on a new class of boat to be in 1991, and settle Fay immediately took the. Americans to court. The result off until the next defense, probably Otherwise this could get was that the judge said to go ahead and have the race. it without all this petty crap. just issue a personal The American catamaran then utterly crushed the Kiwis ridiculous. The Americans could up an we start the whole mess over Pick and everyone left well enough alone, right? Wrong. challenge to the Kiwis and in New Zealand instead Fay's lawsuit remained active and this week the judge again, except this time they race handed the Cup over. She claimed that the Americans of San Diego. .application likely appeal and the whole had violated sportsmanship and the spirit of the Deed The Americans will most I hope this judge will find for of Gift in racing an obviously faster boat against Fay's matter will get reviewed. in Room the Americans. Call me jingoistic, maybe I am. But if boat. I could take it a lot I have to say that I find this ruling completely beyond America has to lose the Cup again, . beat us, not because comprehension. Yes, the race was unfair. The catamaran better if it happened because someone 151 of the r didn't go his way. Think • had little chance of losing to the New Zealand vessel. someone whined when things MUB. : So we were bad little boys. But what choice did we have. about it . • •••••••••••••••••••• •

~ iJv ~~~of~ ~$tuknf; ~~%Jt. KAPPA DELTA PANCAKE BREAKFAST

SUNDAY, April 2, 1989 9:00am to 1:00pm di UMlllml, 0/WIYUUW ~of~~~ Catholic Student Center tJenk wiJk /k; ~ o{ ~~and; rndmut Proceeds go to: National Committee for Prevention Abuse ~ ~ ~ aiJv and;~ If® seflSR& of Child

Donation: $2.50 THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH 31 1989 · PAGE THIRTY-ONE

--Sailing - (continued from page 32)------

wind) leg and two reach legs, the wind and thus forcing the one of which is usually broader boat ahead to slow down. than the other. Another strategic move"' The course is set up according would be to 'throw a fake.' In to wind direction, which "you this case you make your oppo­ can tell by the wave action and nent think you're going to tack, by sticking your finger in the so that they will tack also, which water just like you used to as then enables you to get a dif­ a kid," laughs Morgan. "We do ferent piece of air and get ahead. have more sophisticated equip­ The team which "just made ment, but not here today." the transition from the sailing During Wednesday's practice, club to sailing team, [ is ·now] one of the buoys lost its anchor, going to try and win," says and Morgan joked that he would Flather, looking forward to this use the fire extinguisher from season's first regatta at MIT on the motorboat from which he Saturday. yells and supervises instead. As Morgan puts it, "for a Such cheerfulness keeps the school the size of UNH this is team relaxed and in good spirits, an embryonic program in many which in turn helps improve respects," but it is also one performance. which should receive as much Both Morgan and Deyett acclaim as the crew team. "The encourage competition within kids are great," and full of the team. Blocks and fakes help enthusiasm, eager to compete, them to anticipate moves taken and as the season progresses, by opposing. teams, and also they are sure to gather strength teaches them how to apply the and perhaps even a few tro­ same tactics to their own racing. phies. One of these tactics is blan­ Maybe Morgan is losing his keting, which, according to voice, but at least his team has :,;;spite having less resources ~hen their competitors, the. UNH sailing team _has had a remarkablel Morgan, entails coming in be­ put a smile on his face. level of success. (Liisa Reimann photo) .bi!1i.a.~? .~h~~ ~o:it, intercepting

'Skiers grab tenth place Rec Sports By Chris Benecick sparkling shoot down the moun- · 25th out of 41 skiers with a time 1- Yes, the rumor that has been tain. Seeking to maintain or of 32 :28. The top collegiate circulating is indeed true. th The improve her position in e nordic skiers are European, Men's Major Basketball season-ending ski article that second run, Conover caught an pri~arily Norweigen, and at- Women·s Major Hoop§ all UNH sports enthusiasts · edge on an icy patch which sent tend western schools. Norwe- have been waiting • for has finally her down and out fo the run- _ gien skier Hans Sjalsted of Utah 1. Passe In Effect come to publication. While most 1. 0. C. Hoopsters ning. was crowned national champion 2. 0. C. Marauders 2. UAC Double Dribble of the student population was Conover was still the top in the 10 K with a time of 30:03. getting ready to depart en masse finisher for UNH and placed In the 20K (skating), Weaver 3. SAE Rize 3. 0. C. Welch/anders to the tropics for spring break, (1: 5 1.02) 31st overall.Jessie finished seventh in a time of the Wildcat ski team returned McAleer was right behind her 1:01.7- seconds. The defending \ to the snowy peaks of Wyoming in 32nd with Erin Sullivan champion, Per Jakohsen of Men's Minor Basketball Women's Minor Hoop and finished tenth in the NCAA coming home in 37th. Once Coloradoreclaimedhistitlewith Championships at Jackson Hole. again, another Easterner home an awesome time of 56: 17. UNH came to the champion­ the national title. This time it In the women's nordic 5 K 1. Engelhardt Team 2 1. UAC Complex ships at the Snow King Resort was UVM' s Gella Hamberg in classic race, Mona Depray skied 2. 0. C. McGurns 2. Great Scotts in a clearly defined underdog 1:32.66. the best race of her career to 3. Lord Jim Browskies 3. Gibbs S.0.L.0. role. Only the top forty skiers In the giant slalom races the finish 14th overall in a time of 4. Phi Kappa Theta Campus in the country qualified for each following day, The Wildcats 20:50, only 10 seconds out of Trotters event, so the Wildcats were could not buildup any kind of tenth place. Any finish of tenth Faculty/Staff Vol leybal I skiing against extoardinary momentum and seemed unable or better qualifies the skier for 5. Lambda Chi Mealtime talent. As expected, the Western to shake off the effects of their All-American status. schools dominated the scoring previous mediocore performan- This was a tight and exciting I rt b W t I 1. Cheers and provided the overall team ces. race with the top twenty skiers O nne U e a erpo O champion in Utah who finished 2. Beached Whales On a bright note, freshman only seconds apart. Sari Argil-1 Champions 3. Dregs with 672 points. Ivar Dahl wrapped up his firS t landr of UVM won top honors Vermont was the sole Eastern collegiate ski season with · h · f 19 39 Ch · 4. Gumby's Screaming wit a time o : . ris Wombats school that provided Utah with UNH's best alpine showing. Philbrick was bothered by a bad Knuckleheads any stiff competition, and ·! i cold, and the combination of .,. battled the Utah skiers to the that and racing at high altitude bitter end, only to wind up 1 ''If everything had effectively took her out of 000000 second, iust four points behind 1 contention. Skiing without Utah with 668. Behind UVM gone right for her, Jen energy and on sheer willpower, was the Western procession of Philbrick placed 37th in 22:25. Colorado, Wyoming, New had a legitimate shot Mex­ In the women's 15 K mordic ico, and Alaska-Anchorage. The at the national title. " race Depray once again rose to New England universities the occasion and skied superbly, rounded out the Wildcat Weekend top ten. Mid­ Coach Berton finishing in 17th with a time dlebury finished in seventh and of 52:56. The skiers from UVM ·were followed by Dartmouth, . " owned this race, finishing 1-2------~ Williams College and UNH. Dahl carved up the course on 3-4, all a second apart. The The al pine team suffered his way to 16th placewith a time winning time was 49:47. through a disappointing, Men's Volleyball lack­ of 2:21.15. John Bittinger and Nordic coach Corey Schwartz luster performance, with many Kurt Simard really couldn't find was pleased with his squad's skiers plaqued by second run the groove in the GS and effort and is looking foward to falls, taking them out of con­ slumped to 32nd and 37th place. a big season next winter. "Hope­ tention. In the women's, GS, Jessie fully we can gain four skiers on · vs. UMaine In the Men's Slalom, Kurt McAleer skied a terrific race and each team, especially the wom­ Simara took top honors for registered a hard earned 18th en's team where we are losing UNH with a 21st place finish place in 1:25.00. Erin Sullivan out top two performers," wiht a time of 1:39.54. Behind improved to 25th, but ill fortune Shwartz said. "We are trying Simard were Ivan Dahl and Joh continued for Conover who fell to land Marcus Nash who was and Amherst Bittinger, placing 22nd and 29th and did not finish the race. the winner of the Nordic Junior respectively. All skied well but Alpine Coach Paul Berton said, Olympics. He is a skier who went up against a tight course "Conover's falls were really would make a big difference in dominated by well-placed gates. disheartening because prior to the UNH program and could Skiers could take heart in seeing the NCAA's she was skiing at be one of the top three in the Saturday a New Englander, Middlebury's her best level ever. If everything country. He is the key to our Robert Macleod win the na­ had gone right for her, Jen had future." tional slalom championship a legitimat~ shot at the national Both Berton and Schwartz with a time of 1:30.35. Dave title." agreed that the trip was a Bryle of Williams finished at 1:00 p.m. third Three UNH nordic skiers successful learning experience, in 1:32.45. qualified for the trip to Wyom­ as well as a chance to view some The women's slalom pro- ing and provided crucial points of the nation's most beautiful ~ided perhaps -the- most heart in the Wildcat scoring. In the scenery. With the nucleus of the breaking moments for UNH. Men's Cross Country 10 kilome­ Wildcat ski team intact, bigger at the Fieldhouse After the first run Jen Conover ter classic Pat Weaver turned and better things should mate­ was in the .tenth s.PQ~ ift~& j ·q il-.Jif~~ ~fI~r~ai1-ce R!acl~ ~iot>{ · m.-itt:i.990 · • - • •.i. • • ..... 31 1989 .· P~GE. THIRTY-TWO THE NEW HAMPSHIRE FRIDAY, MARCH Sports Lax starts off on high note to campus this By Liz Lerner Stone returned spring to play her final season The Ot!tlook for the 1989 of lacrosse. She will lead with is women's lacrosse season her enthusiasm, both on and off bright and full of possibilities. the field. Entering her fourth year as head O'Conner is in her third coach, Marge Anderson is look­ season of lacrosse and is the ing to regain the ECAC Title ream's most consistent defen­ which eluded her team after four sive player. According to Ge­ consecutive championship sea­ romini, "She is not a flashy sons. player. Time and time again she three The Wildcats lost o·nly comes up with the big check of players from last year's squad the game." · and have fifteen returning. Freshman Christa Hansen "Overall, I'm very optimis­ has begun to step in the mighty tic," said Anderson. "We have shoes of last year's All­ several returning starters who American goalie Cathy Narsiff. will provide depth. We're very She and sophomore Wendy strong at both ends of the field." Young will be sharing their time The team will be led by tri­ in the cage." captains Katey Stone, Emily In addition to Hansen, two Brown and Lynne Abbot. Of­ other freshmen made this year's fensively, the 'Cats will look to squad, Scottie King, and the Anna Hill at center, Liz Brickley team's top recruit, Alita Hay­ 1 at third home and Abbot at tayan. attack wing to carry the scoring Currently, the team's overall punch. is 3-0, including a big record powerhouse. They already A sophomore this season regional conference win over The UNH women's lacrosse team once again should be a national • B~ickley led the team last yea; Yale on Saturday. Geromini have three wins, including one over powerful Yale. (Ben Frazier photo) l with 16 goals and seven assists. co!1sidered it the team's biggest She will again be looked upon wrn because Yale had beaten to score regularly this season. t~p-rated University of Virgi­ role going into her Abbott's nta. Smooth seas for sailors final season is that of a field The game proved to be a big says leader. According to assistant .Hy Liisa Reimann Launching their boats right wind that's pushing them, confidence builder for the team. who has been teaching coach Karen Geromini, "She is "Watch Jill...she'll turn the off the beach of the Great Bay Flather, Geromini characterized the five years now. "But the one we want with the ball to port ... she's turning to Marina, the team sails right into sailing for game as a total team effort with boat gale force winds, during the final seconds of a ... what the hell is she one of the fastest currents in we don't sail in a balanced attack as well as starboard break the boats." close game. She has an excellent out there?!!" Vince Mor- . · the country. "It's one huge that would defense. doing team prevents ability to catch the ball under begins to sound a little · chop," says Morgan of the bay, The sailing The team's other two wins gan as possible. pressure." It must be quite an effort ·· which reaches depths of up to damage as much were played over spring break hoarse. a lot, but try to avoid Defensively, the duties will scream into the 100 feet. "We bump at Old Dominion University in to constantly major collisions," says Flather. fall into the experienced sticks and at the wind and still retain a normal One of two practice sites Norfolk, Virginia its tidal, Not only would the crew be in of Brown at defense wing, as of Maryland. The voice. available to the team, University provide a dangerous situation, but the well as Stone and Beth O'Conner Wildcats defeated Old Domin­ But there is a lot more to current and wave action sailing. boats could be irreparably dam­ swapping positions at cover ion, 1 f-6, and the University coaching the sailing team than for excellent saltwater · air, aged. With limited funding, that point and point. Maryland at Baltimore, 15- trying to keep your vocal chords Mendums Pond offers "light of shifting would be a severe setback to the "Brown is the best defender 1. in tune. "The focus is on the flukey sailing," with on team who already needs to as far as guarding the opposing The 'Cats have taken this handling, tactical execution and wind speeds and directions said Gero­ increase their fleet. team's top scorer," to practice outdoors on strategies with respect to wave freshwater. week great Usually fleets consist of be­ mini. "She is quick on her feet home field in preparation and wind action, and to other "The school has two their coaches," tween 12 and 18 boats, "UNH and has excellent face masking their next contest, at Brown boats," says Morgan, who began · sites and volunteer for a laugh. has a measly 6," says Morgan. skills." on 4. coachin,g last fall. _ _ says Morgan with According to Morgan, 23 year­ In order to practice fleet racing, old Ken Deyett is "a great to accomodate everyone's needs, teacher and assistant." Morgan and to get them accustomed to claims that Deyett, who na­ water traffic, Morgan feels it tiorially raced lightning class is essential to increase the fleet. sailboats prior to his current The team needs more than post, has the abilities of an just boats though. "We need dry experienced 40 year-old sailor. and wetsuits, boots and caps," Morgan has .also been in­ which are necessary precautions volved in racing on a national against hypothermia. "We just level. Using sea-scows, 20-foot don't have the funds, although racing boats, in the past, he now we do have our own red UNH teaches with much smaller lifejackets now," says Morgan. models. · Several members of the team The type of racing that the have already broken in their sailing team engages in involves lifejackets. On Tuesday, two the use of four very similar boats capsized, and on Wednes­ models; Flying Juniors, Tech day Flather' s boat tipped so far Dinghies, 420's, and Larks. forward, that in trying to sta­ Their differences are minimal bilize it, she lost her balance and due to this being a regulated fell backwards into the freezing class of one-design sailing. water. The UNH team uses Flying Morgan is full of praise for Juniors, which are 12 1/2 feet the team's endurance though. long and four feet wide. "They have responded well to According to senior Jill Flather, the intense drills and strategy they are between 15 and 20 years sessions. They are hot to sail old, and despite their age, are and go to regattas," he says with in excellent condition. Fast two­ pride. person boats, they respond In their practices, the team quickly to the actions of the follows a triangular course crew. "They are very highly marked off by buoys. The tri­ strung," says Morgan. Any angle's three legs all entail slight adjustment makes a no­ different sailing skills in order ticeable difference and causes to achieve optimum speeds and the boat to proceed at a faster times. There is a windward (up- rate. many, because they will spend th~ He~d Co~h Vince Morgan and his sailers are .the envy of The speeds the boats can Sailing p. 31 along the waters.& (Liisa Reimann_pboto) _ . . the ,------~------_.:.-----~-----spriµg s~dmg · reach can be the same as