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2013 Not Wythe Standing: The ewN s (Vol. 4, Issue 6)

Repository Citation "Not Wythe Standing: The eN ws (Vol. 4, Issue 6)" (2013). Student Newspaper (Amicus, Advocate...). 191. https://scholarship.law.wm.edu/newspapers/191

Copyright c 2013 by the authors. This article is brought to you by the William & Mary Law School Scholarship Repository. https://scholarship.law.wm.edu/newspapers Volume IV, Issue 6 February 15, 2013 Dear Scalia page 3 IN THIS EDITION: page 5 House of Cards page 6 helps a lonely man, Happy Chinese Newpage Year! 7 It’s the year of the snake, page 4 At last! The internet has found Mr. Perfect, Reel Deals has mixed feelings about , Save a Life! Check out the upcoming events for the Bone Marrow Drive,

Love and Law School By Staff Writer Adam Wolfe (1L)

Love and Law School both start with an L, but together they can end in disaster. With small classes, daunting learning curves and syndrome-inducing stress it’s not hard to see why courtship might take a backseat to contracts. Still that isn’t stopping William and Mary’s current crop of 1L’s from prosecuting affairs of the heart, mostly with each other. “It’s probably inevitable,” said single 1L, Chris Kaltsas, about dating another law student. “We are so insular and when you’re around people this long you’re bound to find something acceptable.” Kaltsas was one of about nine first year students who had gathered on Super be inside the law school because we girl outside Marshall-Wythe. While Bowl Sunday to take in the big game. just don’t meet anyone else.” everyone present wished him luck, But in a scene replete with pizza, red “I rarely come into contact with we also decided that this was a bridge Solo cups and breaks in conversation people outside of the law school,” too far. to focus on the flat screen, chatter a female 1L added (she asked to Still, everyone felt that the habitual still turned to relationships. remain anonymous for fear of pattern of interacting with each other, “I wouldn’t say it’s inevitable,” embarrassment). and only each other—they called it Jeremy Cole, Kaltsas’ roommate The conversation turned to a “insularity”—was fostered by the chimed in. He has started a fellow student who is attending a law school. The women especially relationship with another 1L, he said. bible study at a church to which he expressedContinued regret as about how it onlimited page 2 “But the odds are that it was going to does not belong in order to meet a LOVE AND LAW Not Wythe Standing Page 2 The larger question is how anyone has time to weave these tangled webs. For a set of people s t e r e o t y p i c a l l y portrayed as busy in the extreme and at their wits-end with dense reading and writing assignments, where do free moments come from? “You don’t really have as much free time as in college, but you know that going in,” Cole said. “For me, dating has taken more time away from other friends, not school Continued from page 1 work.” This time crunch can be felt doubly the stain of rejection can follow by students in long distance their selection of mates. relationships. Jason Hilton says “The women at William and Mary someone trying to traverse social circles populated by friends who are he spends up to 10 hours a week are a lot more attractive than the communicating with his girlfriend men,” said the anonymous 1L. “We also – we have been assured - life- long colleagues and competitors. The in Colorado, and that still doesn’t always ask if guy is ‘regular cute’ or seem to be enough. They have been just ‘law school cute.’” idea of a fellow associate someday regaling the senior partner with together for six years. As her friend flashed a knowing “Let’s just say I’m looking forward smile, she explained that her dating stories of someone’s romantic missteps and outright fumbles has to to spring break,” he said, looking experience had revealed that law grimly away as the Ravens scored a school men are more socially pose a disincentive. That may seem farfetched, but as our legal skills field goal kick. awkward than average, and more However, to others being in a willing to spend time away from a instructors are fond of saying, every legal community is a small legal relationship during law school has mate. its advantages. Nick Leonardi, a 1L “Your standard becomes a little bit community. Word gets around. While the social stakes of hooking who has been both single and in lower,” she added. a relationship while in law school The idea that one must check his up have increased, the 1Ls present still shunned the idea that a law school looked at it with a characteristic or her expectations was rampant analytical bent. among the group. relationship might lead to anything more. Despite many studying for “I think it takes up more time to be Another by-product of the single,” he said. “When you’re single insularity: it provides a breeding the first time with already-married classmates and professors who you want to go out more and do ground for gossip. Everyone in a more stuff.” small school can’t help but know discuss their own partner in the law school, the 1Ls unanimously reported So it may be damned-if-you-do, everyone else’s business. This leads damned-if-you-don’t. While these to unwanted public attention on the that they were not thinking seriously about matrimony. 1L’s freely admitted the pitfalls of private intricacies of coupling. searching for Mr. or Ms. Right (or “You’re afraid someone will find “If you don’t already have a husband lined up, it’s always in the at least Mr./Ms. Right Now) none out about it,” Kaltsas said. “In fact, of them said they followed a policy everyone will find out about it.” back of your mind that by the time you graduate you’ll be in your mid- forbidding dating while studying At that, a chorus of agreement at William and Mary. Perhaps the sounded in the room. Kaltsas said 20s and it’s tick-tick-tick,” Eva Zelson said. “But you’re thinking about torts, question of whether it’s a good idea this potential scrutiny has prevented to unite the two L’s of love and law him from asking certain individuals not marriage.” The others agreed, remarking that school yields the same answer as for dates. In a community so aware every other in legal education: it it would make Hester Prynne blush, their frame of mind hasn’t changed on the subject since college. depends. Not Wythe Standing Page 3 Dear Scalia Romantic Advice from that Most Loquacious of Supreme Court Justices

The Honorable Justice Scalia is channeled by a man with equally deep romantic insight, Jo- Dear SCALIA: lawyers for Dred Scott in the famous seph Figueroa (2L). 1857 case, the Supreme Court1 erred I don’t have a date this Valentine’s in disbarring the plaintiff. WYTHE Day. It’s been about 3 years since I But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, last dated a girl. Obviously, I think I thought I had seen everything. Until NotThe Newspaper Standing of the girls are missing out on me and my I saw that you proposed to celebrate (THE NEWS) personality. I’m a really nice guy. Valentine’s Day with all of your male William & Mary This year I was trying to spend Val- siblings. Who does that? Marshall-Wythe School of Law entine’s Day with my best bros, but Oh, wait a moment, my law clerks Editor-in-Chief all of them seem to be “unavailable.” have just handed me an article that What is everyone’s problem? defines “bros” as a man’s close male friends. However, I can’t say I ac- ManagingSarah Aviles Editor GREAT GUY IN BROOKLYN cept the article’s source—something called “Urban Dictionary.” From what MatthewArticles Editor Finley Dear “GREAT” GUY, U.S.I can v. tell,Stevens this website is taking first amendment rights afforded under I thought I had seen everything. 2 , 130 S.Ct. 1577 (2010) StaffAnjali Writers Vohra This past month I bore witness as way too far. ee MCI Tele- a man, who has twice sued the Su- communicationsBecause this is not Corp. in any v. edition American of preme Court for treason, appealed Webster’s Dictionary—s John Alford Yan Yan Tel. & Tel. Co. Frantz Farreau Joseph Figueroa to the Supreme Court a lawsuit list- Ryan Malone Chris Rollins ing as the Defendants - you guessed , 512 U.S. 218, 225-28 Matt TurtoroStaff Photographer Adam Wolfe it - the Supreme Court. I hope it does (1994) (explaining that dictionaries not come as a shock to you, Great are the only valid source of statutory StaciMoral Holloway Support SeeGuy, Sibley that as v. weSupreme were all Court conflicted off interpretation—unless you’re using the case, his appeal was sadly denied. a stupid dictionary)—I refuse to ac- , 133 S.Ct. cept that “bros” means your friends. Diana Cooper 393 (2013) (standing for the bomb- I digress again. What was my shell proposition that if you sue the point? Oh yes, you are the problem, Thanks to our Contributors BarbEditorial Marmet Policy Samuel Clemens Supreme Court, appealing the Court my friend. Your love life is as much3 Not Wythe Standing of Appeals’ decision to the Supreme a “life” as the Constitution itself. Court probably isn’t going to work). There is literally nothing I can do to reserves the This was the first brief that, in all help you. right to edit submissions for length, my years of being the nation’s finest content, grammar, or style prior to jurist, I could not for the life of me Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone publication with or without consulting the author. By submitting a letter, understand. It appeared as though else! AS editorial, or article to NWS, you release his argument was that because the all publication rights to that work, plaintiff was named after one of the SCALIA FIN including but not limited to granting 1 NWS the right to publish or reproduce Editor’s Note: While this seriously nition3 of “Antonin Scalia.”See the submission in any and all media tangential paragraph appears to be Antonin Which Scalia: is to say The that Constitution it is “dead, is without payment to or consultation hyperbolic, it really isn’t an exag- ‘Dead’dead, dead, dead.” Katie Glueck, with you, in perpetuity. geration at all. If you glean nothing Letters to the Editor and else from this article, go look this up , POLITICO (Jan. 29, 2013, 8:26 contributed articles likely do not and read the whole thing. Seriously, AM), http://www.politico.com/sto- reflect the opinion of the newspaper go to Westlaw and type in 2012 WL ry/2013/01/scalia-the-constitution- or the NWS Board. Join our Facebook page for more information. 2109664.2 You’re welcome. is-dead-86853.html. Especially given the website’s defi- Not Wythe Standing Page 4

Happy Chinese New Year!

By Staff Writer Yan Yan (LLM)

ness,’ ‘wealth,’ or ‘longevity.’ people saw Nian scared away by a On the Eve of Chinese New Year, little child wearing red. The villag- Chinese New Year, or the ‘Spring supper is a feast with the whole fam- ers then understood that Nian was Festival,’ is the most important holi- ily. The food will include such items afraid of the color red. Hence every day in China - just as Christmas is in as pigs, ducks, chickens, dumplings, new year, the villagers would hang the United States. The festival begins Chinese cakes, sugarcane and sweet red lanterns and red spring scrolls on the first day of the first month of delicacies. Meanwhile all of us will on their windows and doors. People the traditional Chinese calendar, or watch the five-hour national gala on also used the firecrackers to frighten lunar calendar, and ends on the fif- TV over supper. The whole family will away Nian. From then on, Nian never teenth day with the Lantern Festi- end the night with firecrackers. Fire- came to the village again. Now ‘Nian’ val. According to the Chinese lunar crackers are so popular that some re- actually means ‘year’ in Chinese. The calendar, this year’s Spring Festival gions, including some in Beijing and traditional red stuff, like red cou- will be on February 10. Most Chi- Hong Kong, have banned them due plets and red lanterns displayed in nese people will stay up all night to concerns about fire hazards. Early door frames, really light up the atmo- on New Year’s Eve. It is a day when the next morning, children will greet sphere. The air is filled with strong Chinese families gather together for their grandparents or other elders by happy emotions. their annual reunion dinner. It’s also wishing them a healthy and happy The second day of the Chinese the happiest day in my memories be- new year in order to receive money New Year used to be the day when cause my cousins and I used to stay in red paper envelopes. The spirit is married daughters visited their birth at Grandma’s and eat lots of food and all about reconciliation: to forget all parents, relatives and close friends. watch TV all day. grudges and sincerely wish peace, This was because, traditionally, mar- Before the festival starts, People good luck, good wealth, and happi- ried daughters didn’t have the op- will pour out their money to buy ness for everyone. portunity to visit their birth families presents, decorations, material, food, According to the stories, Chinese frequently throughout the year. and clothing. It is also traditional for New Year started with a fight against The third day is known as ‘red every family to thoroughly clean the a mythical beast called ‘Nian.’ Nian mouth’ literally. In the past it was house in order to sweep away any would come on the first day of the considered an unlucky day to have ill-fortune and to make way for good new year to eat livestock, crops, and guests or to visit others. Villagers in incoming luck. Windows and doors even villagers - especially children. rural Hong Kong in the 1960s called will be decorated with red-color pa- To protect themselves, the villagers it the Day of the Poor Devil and be- per cut-outs and couplets with pop- would put food in front of their doors lieved everyone shouldContinued stay at on home. Page 8 ular themes of ‘good fortune,’ ‘happi- at the beginning of every year. Once, However, it is considered propitious Not Wythe Standing Page 5 Finding Mr. Perfect? By Staff Writer Frantz Farreau (2L) one study asked women to rate the connection, and you cannot form an attractiveness of men based on the smell emotional connection with somebody of t-shirts the men had worn several based on physical characteristics Just in time for Valentine’s Day, ladies, nights in a row. The study showed that alone. A relationship started based we have found “Mr. Perfect.” Whatsyour women were attracted to men who were on the characteristics identified by price.com conducted an extremely most genetically compatible with them. whatsyourprice.com is doomed to fail. flawless, scientific survey asking 9,000 Similarly, “masculine” characteristics or People who want a lasting relationship women which characteristics they would “feminine” characteristics come from sex should approach their search by looking attribute to “Mr. Perfect.” hormones, and having a healthy amount for a mental connection before the The results? Mr. Perfect has brown hair, of sex hormones means that you are more physical connection. It is not that hard green eyes, a British accent, a graduate likely to be fertile and your attempts at to do if that is what you care about. degree, he doesn’t smoke and only enjoys procreation with this mate are more likely People look for dates in places where one or two social drinks. He makes to be successful. So does that mean that other people share similar intellectual between $150,000 interests. It is also and $200,000 per possible to get a year, and he is capable sense for people by of having a warm and watching how they loving relationship. interact with others. For those of you If the goal is to figure who don’t know, out whether you’re whatsyourprice.com compatible, the is an online dating physical falls by the website that pairs wayside. At the very rich singles with least, it is not what attractive singles. If you think of first. you are rich enough So maybe women you can buy yourself trying to define Mr. a hot date, if you are Perfect are just trying hot enough, you can to find somebody use your looks to get five-star treatment who would be a good beyond your wildest provider; somebody dreams. who is capable of Really, though, is having a warm and it surprising that a loving relationship website with such but not somebody a shallow premise who will stay in a would come up with warm and loving such shallow characteristics for “Mr. identifying Mr. Perfect is just identifying relationship forever. Or, maybe a man who Perfect”? Perhaps their study just picked who would be the perfect evolutionary can have a warm and loving relationship the most common attributes that women mate? with his children, but the relationship mentioned, but if our society is really But there is more to a romantic with his spouse is less important. Who basing the concept of the ideal man on relationship than procreation. There are knows? There is some credence to this things like eye color and accent, maybe it plenty of heterosexual couples who enter theory though. The New York daily news is not so surprising that the divorce rate relationships and stay together knowing went to look for Mr. Perfect, and found is so astronomically high. ‘Til gray hair full well that they cannot have children. him. His name is Ian Clague, Cambridge and unemployment do us part. And homosexual couples are certainly grad, lives in Brooklyn, British accent. Sure, physical attributes are not pairing off to procreate, though He’s got everything Mr. Perfect should important; in fact scientific studies have a homosexual couple could certainly have. And guess what? Mr. Perfect is a linked physical attributes to significant raise happy, healthy kids. No, a romantic divorced father of two. genetic characteristics. For example, relationship requires an emotional NotReel Wythe Standing Deals Page 6 House of... Valentine Cards? By Columnist Samuel Clemens (noL) newest televisual antihero than plop- very least 13 hours, if they needed House ping him in front of the camera and them, to let the audience decide of Cards spouting his CV: 22 years in Congress whether Underwood loves his1 wife In the Netflix original series as a House Majority Whip who “keeps “…like a shark loves blood.” Per- , Francis Underwood (Kevin things moving in a Congress choked haps they wanted to portray the dis- Spacey) has no patience for use- by pettiness and lassitude.” connect between what Underwood less things. We know this because Narration generally, but in particu- says and what he does; that kind of within the first minute and twenty lar when the narrator appears on friction is almost always dramatic seconds of the series he says it di- screen seems best suited for films. gold. This is a laudable impulse, and rectly to us, the faithful it’s one that could have viewing audience whom been sated in all man- Underwood is all too ea- ner of2 moreHouse effective of ger to acknowledge and Cardsways. engage. If the audience And yet… shared (Spacey)’s sen- is good. It looks timent, this is the only stunning, serving up a minute and twenty sec- decidedly Fincherian onds they would abide. colorscape in which ev- This is to say it’s use- ery shot looks icy black, less for him to talk to with a subtle mist of the camera. So useless Tang. Apart from3 the in fact, that it hovers in risible narration, the the ether between dis- series is written well Housetracting of and Cards infuriat- enough and acted mar- ing. Infuriating because velously enough. If is still Sarah Palin has4 taught spectacularly enjoyable. us anything, it’s that Therein lies the frustra- America loves it when tion. Anything featuring someone “[goes] one of the most accom- rogue.” After learning plished actors of the past he will not be nomi- twenty years and one of nated for Secretary of the most inventive di- State, notwithstanding rectors working today certain promises, Un- (David Fincher) should derwood5 goes full Pal- be reasonably expected in and mounts a po- to avoid such a glaring litical scorched earth mistake. Certainly the campaign that would two gentlemen would beg to differ, After all, it is a tall order indeed to coax beams of pride from the Roman butFight each Club would beThe hard-pressed Social Network to condenseHouse hundreds of Cards of pages into Senate. The stakes are as high as the argue in good faith that the director two hours without taking a shortcut production values, and the series is of and or two. , however, has a worthwhile and thoroughly enjoy- could not possibly have concocted a plenty of time. The writers and pro- able viewing experience. It quite better scheme to introduce us to our ducers knew they would have at the easily could have been even better. 1 See, e.g. See 5 House of Cards 2 Actual line. even3 his wife! Note: No wolves were harmed in the Underwood saying the line 4 above making of . At least… to literally any character. Maybe She has not. God, I hope not. NotOrganization Wythe Standing Spotlight Page 7 By Special Contributor Barb Marmet (3L) Bone Marrow Drive

It’s spring, and that means lots of about what it means to be on the reg- out and watch the spectacle and sup- awesome events coming up from istry? Volunteers will be in the lobby port your favorite contender. the Bone Marrow Drive at the law all day to answer questions and walk On March 30th, BMD will host the school. On March 14, the law school you through the quick, painless pro- 9th annual Ali’s Run, a 5k fun run/ will host its annual bone marrow cess of joining the registry. walk in memory of Ali Kaplan, Dean donor registration drive. Have you On that very same day, BMD will Kaplan’s daughter. Ali was 12 when thought of joining the registry, but celebrate pi day in style with the sec- she passed away in 1999 from a rare never have? Do you have questions ond ever Pie Eating Contest! Come bone marrow disease, and this run is a way for the law school and the wid- er Williamsburg community to honor her memory. There will be a table in the lobby to register during the week of March 25th, or you can register on- line right now at https://runsignup. com/Race/VA/Williamsburg/Alis- Run. About 70% of people with life- threatening blood cancers and diseas- es are unable to find a match within their own family. Joining the registry, spreading awareness, and supporting the National Marrow Donor Program means more people finding a match and getting the life changing treat- ment they need.

Police Blotter:

Friday, February 08, 6:29 P.M. Week of February 8 According to authorities at the scene, remember as the “Valentine’s Day – Stemming from the same regret- he faces up to seven years in one of Massacre,” the man, by his own ac- table incident, one Williamsburg thoseMonday, messed February up French 11, jails 3:21 hauling P.M. count, “totally murdered that whole man was charged with attempted boats. rack of ribs, bro. It was a massacre.” murder, while his common law wife Though his overtures toward his- faces charges of (ostensibly suc- – In a desperate ploy to emulate Ben tory were initially rebuffed by, well, cessful) libel. Accusing the woman Harper, a man was convicted on 4 everyone, it was later revealed that of “giving love a bad name,” the counts of “stealing [his] kisses.” He theThursday, ribs were human. February So 14,he’ll 12:01prob- man shot her through the heart. was able to avoid jail by agreeing to A.M.ably get his wish. A Thankfully it was one of those Val- enter what’s referred to in the made- Good Day to Die Hard entine’s Day candy hearts, but she up police blotter business as a “Palm- – Just about everyone in wasSaturday, holding itFebruary at the time 9, 4:56so it’s A.M. still er plea” and entering a treatment was charged a big deal. facility, where the man complained with criminal negligence for yet Les Miserables heThursday, didn’t even February get to meet14, 5:22 Michael P.M. again trifling with John McClane, a – A man accused by friends and Douglas. man who had, to that point, thwart- colleagues of loving ed four major terrorist attacks. Also “way too much” was arrested and – In what a Williamsburg man vainly a bunch of them were charged with charged with a crime of passion. attempted to ensure history would murder. Continued from Page 4 Not Wythe Standing Page 8 Guan Yu was born in A.D. 160 (Han each year in turns. 2013 is the year to visit the temple of the God of dynasty); he had won over one hun- of snake. The 12 animals resemble Wealth and have one’s future told. dred battles. He represents loyalty, some kind of Greek or Latin signs. Now most of the people only have strength, truth, and justice in peo- Basically, it’s something related to two or three days’ vacation, so the ple’s faith. astronomy which I don’t under- fourth day is when corporate ‘spring Finally, the fifteenth day of the New stand. dinners’ kick off and business re- Year is celebrated as the Rice Dump- All in all, the celebrations of New turns to normal. lings Festival or the Lantern Festival. Year are always happy. There will be The fifth day is the God of Wealth’s Rice dumpling is a sweet glutinous so many beautiful foods, beautiful birthday. People eat dumplings on rice ball brewed in a soup. Lanterns clothes, beautiful music, and the TV this day. People will also shoot off are carried outside houses as a way performances will be of the highest firecrackers in the attempt to get to guide wayward spirits home. This quality of the year. So for the next Guan Yu’s (the Chinese God of War) day marks the end of the Chinese several days – I wish you a Happy attention, thus ensuring his favor New Year festivities. Chinese New Year! and good fortune for the whole year. There are 12 animals representing Completely Romantic Adult Fun Page Word SearCh Directions: Find the other half of the famous romantic couple

A P O W 1. Pyramus and ______E H E A A Y K a 2. Katniss and ______W I E D Q M P I E R R E 3. Mark Antony and ______A N M V N V E Y E A T E E P 4. Mickey and ______O T R O A L L I M A C J E H L G S 5. Jack Dawson and ______B S E L U Q E U N T L X P L T E M 6. Scarlett O’Hara and ______E O J O A B F C G D E S O R U V I 7. ______and Josephine 8. ______and Clyde R N N S F U N O E L O P A N B E L 9. ______and Helen N A S N C S K W K O P A V C T B E 10. Peter Pan and ______I H B A I U O B I G A R T I T W T 11. Princess Leia and ______C O E H J E B S I H T I C Y E O I 12. Barack Obama and ______E O M G S H E D A N R S E D H L N 13. ______and Eurydice A O H J P V A R E A P D N R S 14. Marie Curie and ______E K E R B R T T E K C E B 15. Gonzo and ______I I O P K R A L C U W 16. Castle and ______N E L L E H C I M 17. Burt and ______18. Wall-E and ______N S A N L X R 19. Midas and ______I T R Y E 20. Cookie Monster and ______M S G A PUZZLING PUZZLES WARNING! The following problem requires rudimentary math skills.

Bob the cheapskate wants to spend $15 to get Alice some flowers and chocolates for Valentine’s Day. However, since Alice is lactose intolerant, Bob decides to get her those tiny candy hearts with cute phrases. At the supermarket, he gets into a fight with a middle-aged soccer mom over the last box of candy hearts while the store workers egged them on (literally). He lost. A friendly store owner consoled Bob by pointing out the deals on flowers, balloons, and bears. Ever since the helium tragedy of ’08, balloons have terrified Alice, so Bob asks for the prices on flowers and bears. The store manager is a malcontent math major at William and Mary, so he gives Bob the price as follows: 5 bears and 12 flowers are $118.50, the cost of 2 bears and 7 flowers is $65. Can Bob afford one bear and one flower or should he just steal some dandelions from his neighbor’s yard? And, can Bob sue the store manager for IIED?