ISSUE 5 / VOLUME 19 22.11.05 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL THE HEADLINER HOW TO GET THE BEST OUT KEITH DUFFY ON OF THE FESTIVE SEASON BOYZONE & ACTING FEATURES PAGE 12 INTERVIEW PAGE 18-19 Freshers blamed for roll out Modularisation may be rolled out KAREN O’CONNELL much disruption to students, many of in order to make life easier for the whom were missing lectures in order to current crop of first years. ty of Christmas exams, new grading sys- attend the meeting on Friday. Are you doing this? As a result, fears among second years tems and the disruption caused to stu- Redmond and Clarke expressed sym- have grown that the system to which they dents as a result of the implementation. pathy at the concerns of the student rep- - 59% of you are have become accustomed to, will be dra- There were no conclusive answers resentatives but they were not in a posi- matically revamped. In order for this given to the student representatives tion to provide answers to the questions SURVEY year’s Freshers to be able to choose from regarding any of these matters. that student representatives asked. a variety of modules, final year students The students were informed that their Instead these concerns will be passed on 6> would also need to follow suit so the mod- concerns would be passed on to the peo- to Nolan, Clayton and the President of ules were also available to them. ple concerned such as Registrar Dr. Philip UCD, Prof. Hugh Brady. This came to light in a meeting held on Nolan and Professor Mary Clayton the Second year students have expressed Friday 18th November, between second Vice-President for Students. their frustration at the apparent lack of year Arts representatives and College offi- The University made assurances during information made available to them by cials, Dr. Danielle Clarke and Dr. Bairbre the last academic year that modularisation UCD regarding the matter. There has Redmond. would not affect the class of 2007. In a been no effort by the College to inform Students’ Union Education Officer Jane public meeting, Nolan and Clayton told second year students as to the conse- Horgan-Jones described the meeting as concerned students that they would not be quences of modularisation. Jane Horgan- “confirming the Union’s suspicions that impinged upon but there appears to have Jones requested that the relevant authori- the decision regarding modularisation had been an about turn and the University ties inform students of the decisions being already been made”. seems intent on changing the system. discussed and the resultant outcomes. The threat to modularise and semes- Friday’s meeting was convened to It was proposed that an e-mail and let- terise the entire student body has been negotiate conditions under which modu- ter be sent to all affected students inform- the cause of extreme angst and frustration larisation would be implemented. ing them of the possible changes. Horgan- for students in recent weeks. In response to a question posed by the Jones commented “if students were Should modularisation be rolled out in students, as to why modularisation was aware of the consequences of modulari- 2006/7 it may have severe consequences necessary for second years, Dr. Bairbre sation they would be worried about its for second years. Issues such as Redmond said that it would be “unrealistic effects. The College is making these timetabling, tutorial disruptions, new grad- to expect no change.” changes therefore it is their responsibility ing systems and end of semester exams There has been a great amount of dis- to inform the students.” are all matters of concern. ruption and unrest caused to the second The consensus from students who are The purpose of Friday’s meeting was to year students as a result of this ambigu- aware of the consequences of modulari- ascertain the second year students’ feel- ous issue. Redmond insisted that the sation is that it is generally not wanted. ings and concerns regarding the modular- University had not yet decided if modular- This opinion was voiced very strongly by isation and the possible consequences isation was to affect second years, it was all students at the meeting. It remains to that it would have on students if imple- suggested by the students that this was a be seen whether College authorities will mented. very irresponsible attitude taken by the listen to the students’ requests to be left Issues discussed included the possibili- University as the matter was causing so alone. Pro-life talk cancelled

An anti-abortion talk organised CAITRÍONA GAFFNEY of the far right pro-life organisation to be by pro-life group Ultrasound has present on campus, expressing their been cancelled by UCD College the College during a Student Council concern over the fact that Youth authorities. meeting when 4th year Chemical Defence has a history of using violence A room was booked in the Clinton Engineering Class Representative, to promote their ideologies. Auditorium, under the name of pro-life Conor McGowan, and 3rd year Social Former Youth Defence leader, Justin group Youth Defence a militant anti- Science Class Representative, Darren Barrett, was attacked by Anti Fascist abortion group known to have used vio- Cogavin, voiced their concerns over the Action (AFA) when he lent methods in order to attack abortion nature of the organisation and their visited an L&H workers and supporters. methods. debate in UCD in 2> The event came to the attention of The two class reps opposed the right October 2004. 2 THIS WEEK 22.11.05 22.11.05 Pro-life talk cancelled

The Ultrasound talk in question was CONTINUED was subsequently called off. due to take place as part of The Revelation Tour visiting Irish Universities this November. ent for the safety of students. Due to speak at the presentation was Controversy surrounded the poster Gianna Jessen, a survivor of abortion. and leaflet campaign that Ultrasound McGowan maintained that he had no employed to publicise this event. The problem with any group having a voice strict poster policy on campus asserts on campus, but that the problems lie that only UCD societies are allowed to elsewhere. He said, “Youth Defence are poster on campus. known to use violent measures and the Outside organisations have to seek nature of their material contravenes the permission before publicising events on College’s policy on dignity and respect.” campus. Permission is only granted on 3 NEWS Cogavin added “It’s not that people a case-by-case basis whereby the with different views shouldn’t have a College takes into account the value or Still no concrete decision on mod- say, everyone has the right to freedom interest of that event to students. Killeen ularisation, pro-life talk cancelled, of speech,” described the posters and leaflets as UCDSU Womens’ Officer, Michelle “dodgy”. a comprehensive survey and Killeen was alerted to the subject matter The meeting was originally to be held of the event and of the views of both in Theatre O, but as soon as Arts much more Ultrasound and Youth Defence. Killeen Services were alerted to the nature of then informed the other universities the organisation, the talk was cancelled around the country that had also sched- at that venue. 12 FEATURES uled the same event. However, the group rescheduled the She cited Ultrasound’s close connec- meeting to be held the same night in the How to beat the tions with Youth Defence and their histo- Clinton Institute, this time making the ry of violence as the main reasons for booking with Nova UCD. Christmas blues. A cancelling the meeting. Most important- Mary Clayton, Vice-President for guide to gay Dublin ly, according to Killeen, fears were pres- Students, was informed of the talk and it and Disabled UCD TRIBUNE as well as Keith Duffy and the trans- SUDOKU Siberian railway NO. 9 / MEDIUM NO. 10 / DIFFICULT 18 DISTRACTIONS 2 2 6 7 1 1 8 2 4 5 8 Mylo, My Chemical Romance, 3 5 6 9 3 5 Film and Music Reviews, 8 1 7 6 3 2 1 Fashion, plus all the regulars. You know it 7 8 2 6 7 6 9 1 2 31 SPORT 4 1 9 1 3 5 A veritable feast of 5 2 4 5 8 9 6 match reports and 9 2 6 8 2 7 analysis from the COMPLETE THE GRIDS SO THAT EACH ROW, COLUMN AND 3X3 BOX CONTAINS THE DIGITS 1 TO 9. THE SOLUTIONS WILL APPEAR ON THIS PAGE IN THE NEXT ISSUE. last fortnight of DROP THE SOLUTION TO SUDOKU NO.3 (EASY) DOWN TO THE OFFICE IN LG18 (ARTS BLOCK) TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN A TRIP FOR TWO TO ONE sport in UCD OF AN OIGE’S WORLDWIDE HOSTELS

Editor Sports Editor Contributors: Eoin Mac Aodha Colin Gleeson Ben Blake, Stephen Caffrey, , REGULARS Caitrina Cody, Darragh Design Editor Features Editors Connell, Fionn Dempsey, Simon Ward Alan Tully Tamzen English, Dan Finn, , 8 FAUSTUS Box 74, Eileen O’Malley Students’ Centre, Chief Sub Editor Roisin Jones, Gillian 9 EDITORIAL & University College Ruaidhri O’Connor Health & Fashion Editor Kennedy, Kingsley Kelly, Dublin, Caitríona Gaffney Eoin Martin, Peter McKenna, LETTERS Belfield, Distractions Editor Sinead Lee, Deirdre Dublin 4. Barry Bowen Music Editor McGuire, Roe McDermott, 18 THE HEADLINER Ronan Dempsey Kevin Murphy, James Photography Editor 20 FASHION Aisling O’Leary Film Editor Mountjoy, Derry Nairn, Paul Email: Karen O’Connell O’Donnell, Mary O’Flynn, 28 RUD’S WORLD [email protected] News Editor Barra O’Fianail, John 28 10 THINGS I HATE... Jack Cane Parsons, Emily Parks, Emily Telephone: Sheerin, Harry Smyth, Alex Chief Newswriter (01) 716 8501 Tierney, Gordin Tobin, 29 GUIDE TO THE LUNGE Owen Priestley Andrew Whelan, Online: 29 DEAR TRIBUNE Special Thanks To: www.ucd.ie/tribune house, IDisk Keys, D2, Unicare, AIB Reads of 30 THE TURBINE Stephen & Gary @ Spectator Newspapers, Nassu St., An Oige, and all the editorial staff, Eilish O’Brien @ UCD Communications Office, you know it. 31 DOWN THE LINE Mary & Mairtin MacAodha for the use of the- 22.11.05 NEWS 3 University Carpark Dublin

Concerns have been raised from PHOTO: EOIN MAC AODHA numerous sources within the OWEN PRIESTLEY University over the rezoning of scarce land on campus for new Convery commented that it is vital car parking spaces. that the “incremental concretisation [of The College has been criticised for UCD] is stopped and that our green its lack of action in confronting the spaces are adequately protected.” problem, as UCD currently has five Convery went on to outline a possible large sized car parks on campus in alternative system whereby the College addition to the two newest instalments would “ration the use of the [parking] added behind the church and across space using a pricing method” such as from the side of the Quinn Business pre-paid parking whereby the resultant School. revenue would support a serious non- The largest car parks located beside car alternative for students and staff the Veterinary Medicine building, alike. behind the Sports Centre and between Some possible recipients of the rev- Belgrove residences and the Quinn enue accrued in Convery’s outlined Building have been deemed inade- system would be safety measures such quate in respect to demand. as a secure lock up facility for bicycles The grounds behind the church had and/or a shuttle link running from cam- previously been used as an overflow pus to nearby DART and LUAS sta- car park but now the area is in full use tions and servicing difficult areas of with the grassland area recently being campus and also the more populated tarmaced over. UCD’s current traffic centres. and parking system only restricts driv- The idea being that as the cost DICHOTOMY: UCD IS ERADICATING MORE OF ITS GREEN SPACE IN FAVOUR OF CARPARKS ers from passing through campus at incurred for parking increased, demand certain times but doesn’t enforce any would fall, freeing up the car spaces for restrictions on parking. people who need it the most; those stu- gateway project.” The College responded that “there system in place, which at the minute is The current system allows any mem- dents willing to incur the highest cost. A second year Economics Student are limitations to the number of car minimalist. The expansion of this policy ber of the public - student, staff or oth- Another alternative was raised at a who preferred not to be named sug- park places imposed by Dún is another prospective course of action. erwise – to drive onto campus and use recent meeting of the Student Council gested a system involving prepaid top Laoghaire-Rathdown and there is also This issue remains a concern to a car parking space assigned to and proposing the building of a multi-storey up student ID Cards which would be a government policy to encourage the many students and academics alike required by students and then commut- car park on campus, which would free scanned on entering the car park. The use of public transport. The university and with the possibility of the NCAD ing into town. up the land currently being used and revenue raised would go towards the is looking into how it may increase the moving to campus in the future and the According to Final Year Arts Student only occupy one large site as opposed maintenance of the security barrier and car parking capacity on campus to pro- expansion of on campus accommoda- Darren Hanlon, “the abuse of the car to the current collection. scanning machine. vide effective parking for staff and stu- tion. parks is the main reason I stopped driv- However, this idea was not deemed The benefits to this system, the stu- dents.” At the time of print there is no specif- ing to college. I always missed the start cost effective with the cost maintaining dent went on to explain, were that The College noted that “UCD has the ic committee dedicated solely to con- of my lectures for lack of parking. ” such a facility falling in the region of “introducing a payment system along- biggest private bus terminus in Ireland. gestion and parking on Campus. Hanlon’s disapproval of the current 14,000 per car park space. side an identification system would not However, every year there are 5% However, the newly formed Buildings system is shared by Environmental The college have however made only reduce demand due to the cost of more cars on campus.” and Estates Committee would consider Economist and UCD lecturer Frank alternative arrangements with “ a plan payment but would also stop non-stu- At present, integrated into on-cam- such subject matter but has as of yet Convery. to include a multi-storey carpark in the dents from abusing college resources.” pus parking there is a pay and display only convened for one meeting. 4 NEWS 22.11.05 Trinner’s SF censored

Margaret Thatcher’s recent eightieth SINEAD MONAGHAN When asked whether he condemned the birthday was marred by a member of actions of Ógra Sinn Féin Trinity, Keegan Ógra Sinn Féin in Trinity College replied “The email shouldn’t have been sent. Dublin forwarding a malicious e-mail planted a bomb in the Grand Hotel in Brighton, You don’t make fun of an old woman and what- to members within the society last during the Conservative Party Conference. ever she has done in the past. I think it was week. Margaret Thatcher escaped injury, as did her wrong. But it was just a mistake.” The e-mail in question, which encouraged government ministers. The IRA claimed At present, the Societies Officer at Trinity is members of Ógra Sinn Féin to send hate mail responsibility for the bombing and stated reported to have a copy of the e-mail, but cur- to the official Margaret Thatcher website, has “Today we were unlucky, but remember we rently refuses to release it. A source informed not been available to the public since last only have to be lucky once. You will have to be The College Tribune that Ógra Sinn Féin TCD week. lucky always.” has also reportedly had their society privileges The e-mail included information surrounding When asked about the incident, the Auditor taken away until next year. the Brighton Bombing of 1984, suggesting that of Ógra Sinn Féin in UCD, Joe Keegan, stated Posters have also appeared on the Trinity Lady Thatcher should have been killed and “Basically, a member of Sinn Fein received this campus with Margaret Thatcher’s face embla- they should have “finished the job.” e-mail, and I suppose she just sent it on, as a zoned with the logo ‘Wanted; Dead or Alive’ No members of UCD’s branch of Ógra Sinn joke. It was a mistake and she apologised for with Alive scratched out. There is no logo on THATCHER: POSTER APPEARED IN TRINITY. Féin received the email. that. It was wrong. It was something she did on these posters and it is not clear where the NOTHING TO DO WITH SINN FEIN On October 12th 1984, the Provisional IRA a moment and regretted it.” posters originated. UCD volunteers over- seas set out for Belfast On Friday 25th November the UCD Volunteers Overseas will take to their bikes in KAREN O’CONNELL an attempt to raise much needed money to continue their voluntary work abroad. to offer students the opportunity to engage in voluntary Organised by Fr. Tony Coote and Eoghan Toomey, work in the Third World during the summer months. the journey will be taken by forty-five students and Every year, UCDVO sends groups of staff and stu- staff, departing from UCD at 8am with the destination dents to countries in the developing world. Since 2003 being Dundalk. The following day the volunteers will the charity has been returning to Delhi and last year, continue from Dundalk to Belfast. students embarked upon a pioneer trip to Haiti. The cycle is approximately 180 km and the partici- The funds which are raised by the cycle will be pants will return to Dublin on Sunday the 27th directed according to needs of projects identified by November by bus. local groups, which will most benefit the communities to UCD Volunteers Overseas was established in 2003 which the volunteers travel. Potty Class Reps JACK CANE

The priorities of Students’ Union Council will take a dramatic shift away from the debates over modularisation, fair trade co-ops and aca- demic matters this week when a motion to send a delegation to the new Harry Potter film is debated. ENTREPENEURS: MEMBERS OF THE CO-OP The motion, which was proposed by Ryan Griffin, 2nd Arts, and seconded by Michelle Killeen, UCDSU Women’s Officer, is phrased thus; “Council recognises the importance of social fun in a democratic society. “Council further recognises the release of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire in cinema nationwide. Stand off “Council thereby notes that this film would be a great opportunity for social fun with the Students’ Union. College authorities have shut down SINEAD MONAGHAN “With all this in mind, Council mandates the Students’ the Student Action Co-Op stand Union to send a delegation to see Harry Potter and the outside the Arts Block, citing surrounding outlets. Goblet of Fire as social night out before the end of term “health and safety risks” as the pri- A source close to The College Tribune on the 2nd of December.” mary reason. revealed that the prices for tea and coffee The motion has been widely derided on UCDSU.net, pay for it and if they aren’t paying, it’s a waste of For the last two to three weeks a group in the staff room of the Arts Block are as people have been queuing up on the message board Council’s time.” of seven students, the Student Action Co- “much lower” than in the other franchises. to attack its content, with one poster on the message Another poster on the message board referred to the Op, have been selling fair trade tea and “We want to get a fair deal for students. boards commenting “many students are apathetic motion as “simply the representatives of the Union shoot- coffee for 50c and 80c respectively. We are being ripped off and it’s not on. towards the Union and a stupid motion like this only fur- ing itself in the foot”. UCDSU Deputy President Dave “The principal idea behind our project “This is an ongoing struggle between the ther highlights the situation. If I went into my 3rd year Curran previously posted on the board, saying “I'd rec- was to tackle the high prices for tea and students and the franchises, not the class with this piece of shit I’d be extremely embar- ommend that class reps do not send this around to their coffee on campus” commented Enda College authorities and the students.” rassed. It’s a waste of money if the Union are going to classmates...” Duffy, one founding member of the group. Duffy contended. He insisted this was a The Co-Op also wanted to highlight the “direct hit” at the franchises. READS OF NASSAU STREET COMMERCIAL FEATURE issue of fair trade in UCD. However, the issue of insurance has The Reads Print and Design shop in Nassau T-Shirts and Mousemats The Student Action Co-Op had support risen to the fore in this conflict, with the has undergone a major transformation in Want your own personal t-shirt design? We'll print it. from the Students’ Union and was College authorities claiming that the stand recent years. We also print mousemats for enhanced brand identity, endorsed at the last SU Class Rep cannot continue without proper insurance. Reads have been providing photocopying services or just plain fun. Council. The Co-Op is attempting to get insurance for over 10 years. In that time they have completely Laminating, Binding and Trimming However, the College authorities cover under the Students’ Union brief. upgraded their entire line of print machinery three times. Present your work with style. We offer a comprehen- warned the Co-Op that the stand could not “People have told us that it will cost the They currently offer the most professional and effi- sive finishing service including laminates up to A1, spi- be run without proper insurance and also SU thousands but we don’t want that. All cient copying service in Ireland - at unbeatable prices. ral and thermal binding and trimming to any size. was a health and safety liability. our profits are going directly to the SU Copying Design “Personally, I feel we were closed due to Welfare Fund to which we have donated With prices starting from as low as .04c per copy, you Let our graphic designers work out the right design mounting pressure on the authorities from Euro 100 so far” said Duffy, who also will simply not find photocopying prices cheaper else- for you. We'll design everything from the simplest of the franchise establishments on campus, implied that the Co-Op is currently looking where. business cards to complex posters and invitations, with such as Insomnia and the Arts Café” said at other initiatives to help create aware- Disc Printing a low minimum fee. Duffy. He revealed that the stand was ness and gain support around campus. Design your own artwork, leave the printing to us. Get Printing for Business receiving enormous support from both Projects such as collecting signatures the best printing results for your artwork at the best Let us manage your business print needs. We can teaching staff and students of the college, and proposed pickets are being consid- price, from 5.00. provide you with business cards, letterheads and office selling an average of one hundred cups of ered. Large Format Printing & Copying stationery all branded with your design. tea and coffee between the hours of 11- “We won’t give up; we will not lie down We print on A4, A3, A2, A1 and A0 for even your Booklet Making 3pm. and accept intimidation from the authori- most demanding large scale projects. Print a banner for Need to get a lot of information across efficiently, Duffy insisted that the Co-Op’s mission ties. The bureaucracy about insurance is your local football club, or turn your holiday snaps into neatly and professionally? Have a booklet printed was to not allow the “innocent students of only an excuse,” claims Duffy. “It has set full colour posters.Do it all at Reads, for less. cheaper than anywhere else. UCD to suffer” from the higher prices of us back, but it won’t hold us down.” 22.11.05 NEWS 5

Industrial Action Considered

SIPTU's UCD branch has con- on November 10th. lied” and another commenting that whether they are concerned over any firmed that they have explored JACK CANE The day was marked with a protest “there may be a high cost for speaking further industrial action. the possibility of taking industri- in the morning at 8.30 am, attended by out”. However, Enda Duffy, 2nd Year al action against the College the possibility of industrial action would approximately fifty students and staff Mary Flynn corroborated this posi- Class Representative, stated at the over its restructuring plans. be put on the agenda.” railing against the proposed redundan- tion, stating “quite a lot of the people November 10th meeting that “we [the Mary Flynn, head of the UCD branch Strike action in Ireland is regulated cies served to restaurant workers. working in administration - not so much students] will support you in everything of the nation’s largest trade union stat- by the 1990 Industrial Relations Act, Liz McManus, TD, and Eddie Holt, a the academics - they appear to feel vic- you do, even industrial action. I can ed, “we had a meeting at which it was which states that its main purpose “is columnist with the Irish Times, attend- timised, that they will be certainly guarantee it.” agreed that if certain conditions weren’t to put in place an improved framework ed a meeting, which took place at 1 pm noticed [by the management of the This position was not sided with by met about people on fixed-term con- for the conduct of industrial relations the same day. Over 250 people were College] if they express opposition.” UCD Students’ Union President, tracts, we would seek to ballot [for and for the resolution of trade disputes present as academics, students and UCD has been relatively silent on James Carroll, who struck a more cau- industrial action].” with the aim of maintaining a stable administrative staff consistently the prospect of industrial action, with tious tone when he said “I don’t like Flynn continued to on to say “I think and orderly industrial relations cli- attacked the restructuring policy of one spokesperson stating “while it is dealing in possibilities, I prefer to deal that the possibility of industrial action mate.” President Hugh Brady’s administration. worth pointing out that staff (and stu- in facts and reality, so if that situation depends on the actions of the These comments come at a time Many speakers at the meeting dents) have the freedom to express arose, we’d have to take stock of it and University, for instance, they have where SIPTU UCD has been vocal and spoke of a feeling of “fear” over speak- their opinions and to protest as they then act appropriately. I don’t want to given a commitment that in the restau- active on the restructuring of UCD, ing out in opposition with one speaker feel fit, the meetings last week did not get into the if’s and when’s and rant there will be no compulsory redun- which many students and staff mem- characterising the staff of UCD as constitute industrial action.” whether’s, I’d much rather a concrete dancies. If that changed, certainly then bers supported with a “Day of Action” “scared, miserable, pushed and bul- The University declined to answer action which we could then look at.” All in the Filling “Up Yours UCD” The level of prices and the extras such as toasting your sand- lack of competition on cam- OWEN PRIESTLEY wich or wrap or extra fillings in your Belfield campus played host to RONAN COONEY pus have been further high- sandwiches, excluding extra cheese approximately fifty protestors from lighted as discounts are being monopoly whether through collusion or meat.” She also pointed out that in the National College of Art & offered to students in or otherwise.” most cases those who wish to sit Design, railing against the pro- was really just a joke and hopefully people O’Briens’ branches off-cam- Walsh went on to discuss how the down and eat at a table in an O’ posed move of their college to UCD. saw it as a joke. I know the girl who wrote it pus but not in the Sports Club AIB on campus has the sole licence Briens’ branch, they have to pay for Following on from their protest staged at and I’m sure she only meant it as a joke.” franchise. to operate on campus and obtained the privilege and the cost of this far their Thomas Street campus, NCAD stu- Overall Darcy viewed the protest as a The 10% discount on all foods in it through a bidding system with outweighs the 10% discount afford- dents unhappy with the proposed move of success. “I think we succeeded in getting a the O’Briens’ range was being Bank of Ireland. Expressing his ed to them. the college to Belfield organised a second good bit of support from the students. A lot offered in the branches in the Dublin belief that the same would have “However, in the Sports Centre protest at the heart of UCD. of them signed our petition. UCD Students’ City area such as on Westmoreland been the case when it came to who branch the student doesn’t have to The students are unhappy with what they Union said they’d definitely support us in Street and the two branches around got the contract to operate in the pay for this service and it is these see as a lack of consultation regarding the any future protests.” the Grafton Street area. designated café areas Walsh added, things which make us better value move on the part of NCAD’s management. Darcy added, however, that “we haven’t Student discounts are common- “These companies recognise like than other branches and more rea- The NCAD Students’ Union President got any plans for any protests at the place throughout Dublin as more anyone would, the profitability of sonable for the students”. She Nessa Darcy explained that the protest was moment.” and more businesses recognise the having the license to operate on added “we have to pay a lot for our an attempt to raise awareness of the NCAD Relations between NCAD management massive potential of the student campus and pay for it and now look resources but we try not to pass on students’ concerns in UCD after what she and the NCAD Students Union have since market. The Rip-Off Campus cam- to recoup their costs and take the cost to the students.” viewed as a one-sided representation of the improved somewhat after NCAD students paign has aimed to prove that this is advantage of the situation.” The point raised by the O’Briens issues to the majority of UCD students. were given an opportunity to air their views not the case in Belfield, with student Walsh implied that they don’t offer representative is that they try and One College paper “ran an article, I think to the board last Friday in a meeting which discounts not offered or publicised. discounts because they don’t have keep prices as close to cost as pos- it was the week before or maybe two weeks was attended by Darcy. A representative of the Economics to and don’t lower prices because sible highlights that this is not the before, which was kind of very one sided, it Darcy claimed “the chairman said that he department Mr. Frank Walsh, who they simply don’t need to, believing case throughout campus. had an interview with Colm O’Briain really appreciated the fact that there were lectures in Applied Micro-Economics that the best way for the College to A prime example of this is the (Director of NCAD) and it was talking about student reps there so they could hear what and specialises in Labour deal with the problem is to introduce example of Lucozade Orange bot- the benefits that there would be for both the students thought about it. I think we Economics, said that the problem is some sort of price cap to stop the tles. The price of the drink in the Colleges and it didn’t say anything about managed to get across our concerns about “entirely due to the lack of competi- cafés overcharging because sports centre is e1.40 and is close to the bad side of it so we just wanted to let the issues fairly well. Some of the people tion” on campus and that what the increasing competition just isn’t fea- the price of e1.31 charged in the people know about the bad side” comment- there said that they hadn’t even thought of students are experiencing is “typical sible. Centra convenience store at Merville ed Darcy. the things that we had said.” behaviour of any monopoly market A representative of the O’Briens residences and e1.20 beside the Despite displaying banners that included UCD Students’ Union President James structure like the one operating in staff in the UCD Sports Centre Students Union’s shop. However, slogans such as “UCD = Utter Complete Carroll confirmed that there had been con- UCD at present”. branch gave an explanation for the the cost of the same bottle costs Disgrace”, “UCD has no soul” and “Up tact between the NCADSU and the UCDSU According to Walsh, although difference in price policy within the e1.80 in the Arts building. yours UCD” Darcy was keen to emphasise on the day of the protest but described it as competition is almost non-existent it franchise business. She went on to When questioned about these that the banners were meant to cast no being “not a meeting as much as an intro- is very hard for the College to do say that they do not offer the 10% matters, the Arts Café refused to aspersions over UCD students, “They duction of officers to each other and was anything to combat it and introduce discount that is so heavily advertised comment on either their pricing poli- weren’t meant as offensive to the students. very informal.” more competition. He posed the in Dublin because they are non-price cy or accusations of collusion with Some of them were just kind of joking.” Commenting on the banners claiming question; “where could you put competitive. the other cafés operating on cam- She added “The ‘Utter Complete that UCD lacked soul, Carroll was quick to another fifteen cafés to make the The representative went on to pus. There was also no one avail- Disgrace’ isn’t referring to UCD, it’s about point out to the Art students “Of course we competitors compete on price? At describe how “unlike other branches able from the restaurant to comment the fact that the board are considering mov- have ‘soul’, we have Anthony Kelly as our the minute there exists a virtual of the franchise we do not charge for at the time of print. ing us there. And the other one, I think that Ents Officer!” 66 NEWSSURVEY FOCUS 22.11.0522.11.05 22.11.05 SURVEY 7

The College Tribune surveyed 300 students to ascertain their views on Sex, Drugs and Politics. They anonymous survey included every undergraduate faculty in UCD, including the outlying ones. Students were chosen at random according to the pro- BARRY BOWEN portion of UCD students in that faculty. Drugs Of the 300 students surveyed only The full results can be viewed in the College Tribune office Despite the low figures admitting to 28% believe drugs should be The perception of College as a taking cocaine, 48% of students legalised. Of this percentage 73% time for experimentation has believed that there was a cocaine believe that cannabis should be been corroborated with 59% of problem among students of their age legalised with just 10% feeling that students having tried hash and group. cocaine should be readily available 14% dabbling with cocaine. Dan Hayden agreed with the major- County Councillor and famous These figures are above the nation- ity of students, “It’s a good thing that cannabis advocator Luke Flanagan al average, the results of the College many people are alert to the problem, (aka Ming the Merciless) revealed that National the figure as “not too bad, a little lower Lifestyle and Attitudinal National but what is worrying is the huge rise in "hopefully our politicians might get the JACK CANE than it is nationally, for student politics (CLAN) survey, published in April cocaine use. message because 0% of our elected Politics identified with. Fine Gael was the that’s not a bad number.” 2005, stated that 37.3% of undergrad- “It is a drug that contributes to the representatives in Dail Eireann want choice of 15%. Enda Duffy, Chair of Labour uate full-time students had experi- rise in people dying from overdoses in cannabis legalised it's interesting that Labour attracted 17% of respon- Youth’s Pat Upton branch, also was mented with cannabis in the last 12 the past ten years and the depres- they are completely at odds but that Students’ political affiliations dents, The Green Party won over relatively happy with his party’s show- months. sions associated with the comedown wouldn't be the first time. came to the fore with Fianna 21% and Sinn Féin and the ing, calling it “promising to see that Responding to the statistics, from it add to the issues already expe- “If the goal of banning cannabis is to Fáil maintaining a strong hold Progressive Democrats earned 3% high a percentage of students in UCD SFs SFs Students’ Union Welfare Officer, Dan rienced by students with mental guarantee that young people have a 3% 5% over the hearts and minds of and 6% respectively. have an interest in left wing politics.” INDs Yes: Yes: Hayden said “I think it’s quite a high health.” good and safe life well then it's com- 17% students. With the possibility of a change in Analysing the figures, Duffy Don’t Greens: 5% 14% figure for the general populace, but I Former UCD student Patrick pletely at odds with it. Every year in 21% FF: Greens: FF: However, only 21% of those sur- government in next year’s likely gen- believes that “when people want to Know: 38% 39% No: also think it’s more likely an experi- Brennan who now works in one of this country 4,000 people get a crimi- 32% No: 17% 41% veyed felt that the current Fianna eral elections, the current government get rid of Fianna Fáil, they will look to 47% PDs Yes: mentation figure rather than a regular Dublin’s most popular nightclubs for nal record for possession of cannabis 6% PDs Fáil/Progressive Democrat coalition was given 44% support. Labour and the second biggest party, Fine Gael. 5% 59% user figure.” students admitted that “the use of and that sticks with them for the rest of Lab: Lab: No: No: was doing a good job, with 47% Fine Gael, bound together in a coali- Critics of [Labour’s possible] coalition Yes: 17% 14% 86% However, one first Arts student stat- Cocaine is abundant among 3rd level their lives." 21% FG: FG: 83% against their government. 32% were tion pact, earned 32% of students’ would be right in this case. These 15% 18% ed “to be honest, I expected it to be a students particularly those from well It seems that a large number of undecided or say they don’t know. trust. would be close to the percentages great deal higher. Out of my friends I off back rounds”. UCD students agree with Ming the The current majority partner in gov- Young Fine Gael Chair James nationally. I would presume there will Are you satisfied What political What political Have you ever Have you ever Have you ever think more than 59% have tried hash. Brennan was not surprised when he Merciless, however, most are resigned ernment, Fianna Fáil was the choice Geoghegan, commenting on the fig- be a change in government at the with the perform- party do you party are you like- tried canabis? tried cocaine? tried magic After all, college is meant to about heard that almost 50% agreed that to the fact that in all likelihood nothing of 38% of those surveyed when asked ures, was not unimpressed with his next general election, it just remains ance of the FF/PD identify with ly to vote for in mushrooms? experimenting. I wouldn’t be too wor- there is a massive coke problem will be done to legalise hash in the what political party they felt they most party’s performance, characterising to be seen who will be involved.” government? most? the next election? ried about that figure.” among their age group in Ireland. near future.

LAURA GREENE there is no cure for HIV infection, although with advances in treatment news for the Union with Anto Kelly Sex tion and non-specific urethritis. more people are living with the infec- Student Union returning a performance rating HPSC Specialist in Public Health tion.” where only 6% of those surveyed felt 18% of students have never Medicine, Dr Mary Cronin, stated, However, Dr Sheila Martin, medical Students’ Union recognition OWEN PRIESTLEY he was failing to meet his promises been tested for a Sexually “Many STIs may have no signs or director of the Irish Family Planning was one of the poorest as Entertainments Officer, with 56% Transmitted Infection (STI) symptoms. Association (IFPA), stated, "The responses of those surveyed, veyed. rating his performance as “good”, despite the fact that 39.4% of “For example, more than seven out increase in STI’s is right across the with most of the respondents When commenting specifically on with 23% as “okay”. students have had unprotected of ten women infected with chlamydia board, so you cannot attribute this rise unable to name the officers of Dave Curran’s appearance at the bot- Such a high rating came as no sur- sex. have no symptoms and may not realise just to teenagers". the SU. tom of the chart Carroll backed his prise to Carroll who said that Kelly In addition, 18% of those students they are infected. STIs can have devas- Of the 80% of students surveyed All of the sabbatical team - bar Deputy President, claiming that was doing “a phenomenal job and I’m who engaged in unprotected sex did so tating consequences for people's who have had sex, 68% lost their vir- James Carroll, who was recognised “Dave’s main job is to deal with the surprised he didn’t get 100% as result of alcohol of alcohol or drugs. health and fertility if undiagnosed and ginity between the age of 16 and 18. 12 Bad: 5 by just over 40% of those surveyed - class rep programme and organise approval.” Bad: 6% 21+: -15: Students’ Union Women’s Officer untreated. 8.4% of students surveyed have had 7% -10: returned scores of less than 25% with specific campaigns such as the newly The Union itself returned a rating of Don’t 13% Don’t Ok: No: 6% 10+: 8% Michelle Killeen expressed her surprise “Early diagnosis and treatment are more than 10 sexual partners with the Know: Know: 23% 20% 8% Anto Kelly (Ents Officer) coming in initiated guide to what is going on in 64.5% when those surveyed were 27% Ok: 15% at these figures. Killeen commented essential if we are to control the spread majority at 41.5% having had just one 39% Don’t Ok: 19-21: 1: with 24.75% at the higher end of the UCD. Dave Curran is the best Deputy asked how relevant they felt the Know: 3-5: that girls, due to their supposedly more of infections. I would urge those who sexual partner. The Women’s Officer 41% 20% 15% 42% scale closely followed by Dan President that the Student Union has Union was and over 62.8% felt that Bad: 21% open habits, are more likely to go and are sexually active to practice safe sex. was also bemused to see that just over Hayden (Welfare Officer) at 20.07%. ever had.” the Union was doing a good job. 10% get tested than their male counterparts. “However, if a person feels they have 30% of girls had taken the morning Good: Yes: 16-18: At the other end of the scale was Carroll continued in support of Carroll himself as President returned Good: Good: 80% 68% 2-3: According to figures released by the put themselves at risk they should get after pill. 56% 27% Deputy President Dave Curran who Curran, saying that “anyone you ask a “good” or “ok” approval rating of 24% 25% Health Protection Surveillance Centre checked out by their GP or clinic. However a survey carried out by the came last when only 10.7% of those will say that his work-rate is phenom- 65.5%. (HPSC), notifiable sexually transmitted “Having another sexually transmitted College Lifestyle and Attitudinal How do you rate How do you rate How do you rate Have you ever had At what age did How many sexual surveyed were able to name him. enal and he is working so hard he’s He said that “obviously I would pre- the performance the performance the performance infections (STIs) increased by 12.1% in infection also increases the risk of National (CLAN) Survey found that half Carroll himself was identified as making himself sick”. fer it to be 100% and it’s something I sex? you lose your partners have you 2004 when compared with 2003.The transmission and acquisition of HIV of female binge drinkers had taken the of the SU so far? of the SU of the SU Ents virginity? had? President by 41.8 % of those sur- The survey didn’t show up all bad will look at in the coming semester.” President? Officer? most common STIs in 2004 were ano- infection. The prevention messages morning after pill in comparison to one genital warts, genital chlamydia infec- have never been more important as third of other drinkers.

BARRY BOWEN reaffirms that increased alcohol con- Drink sumption is linked to patterns of risky Student views struction project in Mayo – were drinkers, moderate drinkers and high behaviour, mental health issues and supported by almost 50% of all stu- Of the hundreds of students risk drinkers.” unhealthy lifestyle choices”. UCD students have blasted JACK CANE dents, with 23% denouncing their surveyed in UCD only 7% don’t However, the revelation that 46% of According to the survey orchestrated the price of food in Belfield, actions and 29% undecided. drink, while 43% of those who students have had a blackout as a by Doran, there has a dramatic change the US-led invasion of Iraq rejected by students, of whom 54% 45% of students appear to do drink, binge. result alcohol of drugs caused concern in students drinking patterns since the Six: Seven: and the use of Shannon believe war can never be justified, believe that the North is “on the 2% 3% 60% of the students who binge-drink for Hayden. start of the millennium. Binge drinking; Airport by the American mili- whereas 33% believe it can be. road to a lasting peace”, whereas Five: do so at least twice a week. “It’s a very worrying trend that that is he says, “Was common among male Don’t Don’t Don’t None 8% tary amongst other social The United States’ invasion of 34% are more sceptical. 21% are know: Know: Responding to the figures, Students’ being normalised. Blackouts from alco- students (61%). For females, 44% of know: Yes: Four:7% and current affairs issues Iraq was also rejected in principle unsure about the long-term future of 12% Don’t 2% 19% Union Welfare Officer, Dan Hayden, hol or drugs can have very long lasting students reported at least weekly binge 17% Know: 7% Three: raised in The College by Belfieldites, with 68% against it, the North. Yes: 20% stated,“You can spread nine pints over health repercussions, even brain dam- drinking”. 16% 29% Yes: No: Don’ know Tribune’s annual survey. and only 15% in favour. Similarly, Even if students are angry about Support: 7% a week and you won’t suffer hugely age.” It wasn’t all bad news for worried 48% 52% Once: Only 16% of students feel that the use of Shannon Airport as a current issues, what will they do 15% 22% adverse effects, but having said that, In a Qualitative evaluation of student parents however, as it was noted by a No: No: buying food in UCD is good value, stop-over for American craft to refu- about them? Most students them- Oppose: three pints a night and you’re into health carried out in 2001, twenty-two whopping 74% of students that alcohol 72% 68% No: Yes: 74% Twice: with 72% believing that it is of poor el was also believed to be unjustifi- selves believe that they’ll do noth- 23% 46% 38% binge-drinking territory there. third level institutes were involved in a and drugs are not necessary for a great value. One second year Arts stu- able, with 58% against it and only ing; 37% believe students aren’t “I mean, you still have almost 35% of study to determine the risk students night out. It seems less and less stu- dent claimed that he was “absolute- 24% for. apathetic to politics, with 40% of Do food/berverage What is your opin- Do you believe Have you ever had Do you need drink How many times people drinking anywhere between 3-8 place themselves at through the abuse dents aren’t seeing their great nights ly sick to death of being ripped off At home, the actions of the those surveyed just shading them outlets in UCD ion of the US-led that the actions of a blackout as a to have a good a week do you pints a night, which can only be termed of alcohol. wasted as tolerance levels; prices of by the cafés on campus”. Rossport Five – sent to jail for nine- out in believing students are not offer value for war in Iraq? the Rosport 5 result of alcohol time? drink? an unsafe level of drinking. This survey Matt Doran, chairperson of the proj- alcohol and more sensible attitudes to The justification of warfare was ty days while opposing a Shell con- bothered with political issues. money? were justified? or drugs? appears to show that there are safe ect claims that “the survey carried out drinking are growing. 8 COMMENT 22.11.05 FAUSTUS Remembering Through Erasing the past, Rose-Toned Glasses sodomising the future The political left are never slow to commemorate some heroes of times past, Yawn. writes Dermot Looney, but is there an element of selective amnesia? Another fortnight of heroin inducing boredom. The Hacks are mocking Faustus, he knows they are, he can feel it. They’re being boring on purpose. Don’t be too shocked, but I dreamed I saw Joel tionary politics and his maxim to unite Protestant, Catholic and Surely they can’t be as inane as they seem. Emmanuel Hägglund last night. There he was, alive as Dissenter in a new Irish republic are as much part of the heritage It’s impossible really, inconceivable, that a whole conglomeration of peo- you and me, slipping on the cockled rocks of Colt of the secular Irish left as it is of nationalism. The progressive left in ple could be that insipid. However, they seem to be and Faustus must bear Island, half a mile off the Skerries coast, trying to clam- this country has never been slow to sing the songs of Joe Hill, his cross. A modern day Messiah and all that. Bringing the word to the ber on board the Isle of Inishmore – that’s the Irish Luke Kelly, Woody Guthrie, Ewan McColl, Billy Bragg, Joni masses. Enlightening the hoi poli. The great unwashed that is UCD’s popu- Ferries flagship, not another island mind you. Mitchell, Bob Dylan, Christy Moore, and the hundreds of other lace. There the Swedish immigrant stood, smiling with his eyes, singers and songwriters who have stood up for the poor, the inno- With a distinct lack of anything more interesting to do and with the end of alongside 13 Latvian workers left alone by a greedy boss picking cent, the excluded and the exploited. What the left have been slow term fast approaching it is time for Faustus to look back. periwinkle shells in gale force winds and driving rain. to do in the context of culture and heritage is to counteract the It all started off so brightly with an abundance of public disorder and At first it seemed that the kindly bosses on the ferry were offer- hijacking of other radical and progressive narratives by the reac- arson. It seemed that the students of UCD were throwing off the yoke of ing him a way out of the rain, but alas, as soon as they had him tionary and conservative politics. materialism, were maturing from the cesspit of Celtic Tigerism and were just dragged aboard, they revealed their revolvers and forced him to We sang nothing of Wolfe Tone last Thursday. We sang nothing gunna go fucking crazy man. slavery. “Takes more than guns to kill a man,” shouted Joel, the of Davitt and the proto-socialists in the Fenians. I sang Christy Unsurprisingly, that early promise has waned off and the insipid kids of bosses taking aim as he uttered his last words; “Don’t mourn,” he Moore’s “Viva La Quinte Brigada,” a song as blatantly left as they the pale have knuckled down to their studies in the knowledge that good screamed, “but organise!” as they filled him full of lead. come, but the mention of old IRA men in the song does seem to king Brady is watching them. What had inspired such a fantastic phantasm, you jar with a few. We sang about the 1913 Lockout but He knows when they’ve been naughty and rumour has it any miscreants might ask? Aside from sand-filled punnets of chips there was little mention of the Rising three years could wake up on Christmas morning with an empty stocking and a truck- and dodging the jellyfish as a youngfella on the later in which the only army of the working load full of failed modules. strand at Skerries, I suppose it must have class which has existed on this island was James ‘Prince of thieves’ Carroll has obviously heeded Brady’s warnings been the commemoration for Joel – better slaughtered. It seems as if those outside and retreated back into his little shell. In fairness to UCD’s budding Che known as Joe Hill – that I was lucky of “big R” Republicanism are a little Guevara he did take a major stance against that pesky Science exam that enough to attend last Thursday in Liberty ashamed to commemorate anything wasn’t worth any marks and that was in place when he was Education Hall. connected to the euphemistically- Officer last year. Classic Fianna Failism, that boy will go far. A Swedish immigrant who made a quizzical national question. Faustus fully expects to switch on the Dail in a couple of years time to see name for himself as a fearsome union Next year will see the 90th anniver- Jimmy in his full glory humming and hawing, ducking and diving although organiser and songwriting satirist in the sary of the Easter Rising. Expect a perhaps he might be absent due to an important meeting. US, Joe was executed on a trumped-up fragmented approach to commemora- For his part, wee Dave Curran has been quiet of late and to be fair murder charge by the state of Utah 90 years tion. Expect Bertie’s ego-parade to be Faustus might have been a little hard on him. Calling a spade a spade he ago last Saturday. Fianna Fáil to its core. Expect Sinn Féin to made a monumental bollicks of the class rep election posters however, and On this particular rocky outcrop Joe’s name run its own events, a little more hardline no it hurts Faustus so greatly to say this but fair play on the event guide. It was made famous by a stunning recording of “The doubt to soothe those saddened at the end of the warms Faustus’s heart to see a sabbat make good on their election prom- Ballad of Joe Hill” by Luke Kelly, becoming part of the national “Army.” Expect Fine Gael to run a wine and cheese reception ise. repertoire of songs of struggle and freedom which Ireland is so and to blurt out something about Michael Collins. But what of the You see, its not all doom and gloom down Faustus’s way. That pesky wealthy in. Coincidentally, Hill’s murder shares an anniversary with role of the labour movement and the broad left? The Labour Party Anto Kelly is the bane of this column’s life. He is due at least one fuck up the death of one of Ireland’s revered rebels, Theo Wolfe Tone, have come together with SIPTU to organise a series of events to though and Faustus is waiting. Although rumour has it that Anto has an who died in prison on November 19th, 1798. commemorate the Irish Citizen Army under the title of the Liberty army of female vigilanties ready to pounce on any naysayer's. Two contrasts are striking in their shared anniversaries. While Project, but only a massive shift in the mindset of Irish socialism Was also nice to see the Youth Defence scum banned from their talk on Wolfe Tone slit his throat in advance of execution and died in the will see real political remembrance. campus. Ordinarily Faustus would be up for a bit of a riot but not even he Provost’s Prison some days after, legend has it that on hearing the What the left do best in terms of commemorating past events could defend those proto-fascists. “ready, aim” call of the firing squad, Joe Hill himself shouted “fire!” and figures is to bring the historical politics into the modern con- Your columnist is also always up for a bit of propaganda but the distribu- And while the memory of Wolfe Tone has been hijacked by pseu- text. The best commemoration Joe Hill could ever get would be a tion of those distasteful ‘ultrasound’ pamphlets was more reminiscent of do-Republicans for decades, never mind a shower of rabble-rous- mass organisation by all workers against the exploitation of immi- Hitler’s Reich than Brady’s UCDD. ing folkies with more splits than their political devotees, the memo- grant workers; both explicit, as on Colt Island, and implicit, as in With all that discord in the air Faustus went searching for his morning ry of Joe Hill continues to be celebrated in the spirit of universalism the proposed yellow-packing on Irish Ferries and the effective dose of caffeine the other day, and being the ideologue that he is went look- across the spectrum of socialism and trade unionism, and his story sacking of 543 skilled Irish-based workers. The best commemora- ing for Enda ‘I’m going to be the next president” Duffy and his cohorts in and songs lasted late into the night in the centre of Irish labour his- tion we could give to Wolfe Tone and the Irish Citizen Army isn’t a search of some fair trade coffee. He was shocked and appalled to learn that tory last Thursday evening in a manner that was no doubt repeat- navel-gazing graveside oration; it is the unification of the people of they had been closed down for something as trivial as insurance. ed across the world last weekend. this island, divided as they are not merely on the basis of nationali- So what if you scald some poor fucker Faustus thought, it will be charac- Although much about his political life – and his death – remains ty as some might have you believe, but in terms of impoverish- ter building for him. disputed amongst academics and activists, Wolfe Tone’s revolu- ment, exclusion and exploitation. Not only that but Council then got all pernickety about extending the Unions’ insurance to cover the young entrepreneurs. Jimmy was for it but was against it in a yes and no hypothetical situation, but he thinks it’s a great idea and they’re great fellas but you know we’ll QUOTES OF THE FORTNIGHT have to have a look at it. Just get the insurance, stick it to the fat cat “[the meeting] confirmed the Union’s suspicions that the decision regard- money hungry discharge that are making a mockery ing modularisation had already been made.” of UCD students by charging them inor- SU Education officer Jane Horgan-Jones after last friday’s meeting between class dinate prices for shite and let that be the representatives and College officials end of it. Think about you’re legacy lads. Ye “ I’m not bitter about it all, at the time I was upset because it was silly, it could change UCD forever, do wasn’t very clever but sure that’s all, we’ve moved on, you know we something great and worthy. weren’t like Bob Dylan, none of us were ever going to break any records Although obviously ye don’t think that way, for writing songs or writing music.” do ye…. Ex-Boyzone star Keith Duffy shocks the music world “We have players who would die for their team. Players who would come from anywhere and do anything for their team and they want to be out there playing. Whether you like it or not, we’re going to develop Gaelic games.” UCD Director of GAA Dave Billings after UCD’s Leinster hurling quarter-final victory faustus over Birr of Offaly 22.11.05 LETTERS & EDITORIAL 9

The College Tribune reservesLETTERS the right to edit all letters. Box 74, Student Centre & The views expressed on this page are the views of the LG 18, John Henry Newman Building, Dublin 4 letter writers and do not reflect the views of the Telephone: 01 - 7168501 College Tribune. E-mail: [email protected]

low students cannot find inspiration from our architec- EDITORIAL STUDENT CARDS ture, which characterises a seminal period in the evo- lution of modern Irish society then let them look to the Dear Sir, student body. UCD encompasses arguably the MODULARISATION widest socio-economic mix of students found in any Every student card carries the below on its back- Irish university. Its students and staff hail from ever side (rather suitably as such sh*te can most likely corner of the world. In this diverse atmosphere, who his paper is tired of relentlessly banging on about the only emanate from such sources!). It is also the sole knows what the artists of our generation might roll-out of modularisation. Its stance that second year entry on www.ucd.ie (still with only one 'D'!) under the uncover. The Irish painter has for too long relied on a Tstudents should not be modularised against their preposterous heading 'Student Code': palette of greens and browns. Let these artists herald consent is well documented. "Your student card is required for access to certain a new era where fake-tan orange, grey and that The dissent voiced by second years, those students who stand University facilities. The student card should be car- unique oily black that is the lake find their place on to be affected is also well documented. ried with you at all times and must be produced on the canvas of Irish art. However, it seems that these complaints have fallen on deaf demand to any member of staff where such member ears. The common consensus is that roll out is a fait accompli of staff requires proof of identity. The card must be Yours optimistically, and that second years would be best served to negotiate the surrendered on demand to a member of staff." Francis Peters (2nd Arts) best terms possible. There are, of course, absurd consequences to this Quite frankly, that is not good enough. This is not a conflict inane 'should be illegal and probably is' rubbish. ANY negotiation. staff member can harass ANY student WHENEVER The bitterly ironic point is that it is the College’s attitude and he or she wants. Without ANY pretext! - what special PD’S their refusal to engage with students that has engendered so conditions prevail in UCD(D! grrr!) to justify this much hostility. extraordinary capacity being granted to all staff mem- When the College was spending vast sums on marketing bers? An Garda Siochana has no such power, why ‘UCD Dublin’ it forgot to sell the scheme to its own students or the UCD(D why?! why?! why!? another 'D'!) lecturer Sir, main ‘stakeholders’ as it so patronisingly refers to them. (or any other staff member!? The last issue of this paper suggested that a referendum was This daft and insulting 'code' (code!? - bleugh!) While strolling from lecture to lecture recently I the only fair and democratic means of solving the deadlock. It should be abandoned ASAP. noticed an interesting poster published by the young retains this position. PD’s and would just like to draw their attention to a Yet, it recognises that by succumbing to this, Prof. Brady and Yours sincerely, small printing error. Dr. Nolan may feel they are setting a dangerous precedent by Brendan Cole The poster tries to claim that a socialist Europe is allowing students to dictate College policy, something that could an unemployed Europe by colouring various different have knock effects on the College’s reputation. socialist countries in red and showing figures inform- Nothing could be further from the truth, it would promote UCD ing us of their high unemployment rate, however, as an open and democratic institution and would do far more for NCAD what the wise people in the young PD’s forgot is that CAO applications than any half-thought out marketing campaign. our closest neighbours, the good old Brits are living in UCD should be promoting the idea that they’re students have an a country ruled by socialists and if we look at the fig- input into their education beyond that of just choosing modules. Dear Tribune, ures properly we’ll see that Britain has the highest The decision, but particularly the manner in which it is taken, employment and lowest unemployment of any of the will have far reaching implications for the way in which UCD is This Monday saw the invasion of the UCD campus major (G8) world economies. viewed by both its students and by the public. of literally tens of students from our sister college, the Lets not also forget that our own Taoiseach claims By consulting fully and honestly the College may go some way NCAD. Protesting over their proposed move to the to be a socialist and as the PD’s say themselves on to cleaning up the mess it is making for itself. Belfield campus, students’ anger seemed to be their web site; ‘In every county, the population is directed more towards the student body of Belfield growing and employment is growing.’ than at the relevant college authorities. Do the Young PD’s really think that such a silly, tun- NCAD students claimed that “there was no soul in nel visioned attempt to influence the people of UCD ULTRASOUND TALKS Belfield” and that “art needs soul”. Whilst there was a into supporting right wing politics works. I think not. prevailing acceptance of the grievances of these bud- Maybe the PD’s should stop patronising us with such ding artists from UCD students witnessing the event, rhetoric. he issue of abortion is quite obviously not black or white. there was some offence taken at the disdainful view However, the presence of an organisation like Youth taken by the visiting students of our beloved, albeit Daniel O’ Neill TDefence on the UCD campus is unwelcome. grey campus. The organisation has a history of using violence to promote its As I watched these angst filled idealists proudly means. There is an argument to suggest that freedom of speech defend their rights to their perceived fixity of tenure in should be extended and that debate should be encouraged. Thomas St, I wondered if what they were fighting SU However, organisations like Youth Defence and their against was all that bad. There is a certain je ne sais Ultrasound front are not interested in debate but only in promul- quoi to UCD’s Belfield campus. Our buildings may gating their own agenda. merge with the grey skies of winter and certain stu- The fact remains, that there is no formula that will prove whether dents may well suffer the long term effects of living Sir/Madam, abortion is right or wrong. People’s attitudes towards it will rely on under constant fluorescent light but there is a thriving their own personal views and beliefs. underbelly to UCD, one that is aided and not hin- The Students Union Council have recently passed As a result, open and frank discussion on the matter should be dered by its Soviet Block exterior. a motion which pays the legal fees of a student who encouraged, something that would leave groups like Youth Out of the concrete of the Arts Block oozes the soul was arrested during an anti-deportation rally. This Defence out in the cold. of a generation who inherit a building very much of its person is the only one of out of a number of atten- Mary Clayton and the College authorities should be commend- time: student life experienced a rebirth in the 1970s dees who wasarrested during the peaceful protest. It ed for their pragmatic response to the talk. In addition to the far and UCD was at the heart of this. Whilst outwardly is therefore quite unacceptable that the union con- right views of the organisers, the meeting also had the possibility soulless, Belfield has a heart that beats with a pas- dones his behaviour by paying his legal fees using for provoking a disturbance, something that College authorities sion for youth and culture. In the tunnels and walk- students' hard earned cash. Can we all therefore should obviously strive to avoid. ways of this concrete jungle one finds the bustle of assume that the SU run a free legal aid service for Opponents of this talk should not be automatically considered student life uninterrupted by authority. UCD’s sheer those who bring us all into disrepute? as pro-abortion or anti-free speech. Rather they have gone some scale makes it a place where one can be anything way to promoting open and frank dialogue and not uneducated and everything all at once. Peadar Grant propaganda. What of the artists themselves? If our proposed fel- Final Year Engineering 10 TRIBUNE HEALTH 22.11.05 Understanding and coping with grief From the moment we are born we are old enough to die. We live to die, yet we all fear death to some extent. Libby Conroy explains the stages of the most natural phenomenon of life

Grief is the most painful of death really sinks in and there is all human experiences and a realisation that the deceased is a natural reaction when is not returning. one is coping with loss. An It may be a very lonely time, unavoidable route, it when the bereaved feels that no enables a person to one understands their loss and process the loss and deal that their grief is never going to with the sudden changes leave, and as a result they will in their life. withdraw from everyday life and It is a personal and individual become silent and repressed. happening, and consists of a mesh of forceful and concentrat- Adjustment and ed feelings. Grief can take differ- Recovery ent lengths of time to go The grieving process is not through, during which it is most only a natural reaction to the important that the bereaved death of a loved one but is also embraces their grief, allowing critical in allowing us to carry on them to express their feelings. with life. Gradually, most people Death is a subject that is often begin to cope better on a day-to- avoided, and although it may day basis, and they also try to fill seem like a good idea to sepa- some of the gaps and adjust to rate oneself from the pain at the the enormous change in their start, it will gradually build up if it lives. This doesn’t mean that is not dealt with, which may lead their pain is eased; it just means to intense physical and emotion- they’ve gotten used to it, so it is al distress. essential that support for the It is imperative that a person bereaved is continued as it will recognizes the many emotions always ease their suffering if involved in the grieving process, they know someone is there to and although it varies from per- listen and comfort them. son to person, grief usually fol- lows a general, recognisable Living with Grief pattern. Allow yourself to grieve. It is only natural that you experience Disbelief it when a loved one dies, and it After a loss, the initial will be better for your mental response is one of numbness health in the long run. and doubt. The early days play a Surround yourself with people valuable role in helping the who will support and comfort bereaved come to terms with you. Find relatives and friends the shock, as it involves the who can understand your feel- issues of seeing the body and ings of loss, as this will prevent Looking back over the last year I due to constant What If’s or If Only’s… people who were smack bang in the middle organising the funeral. a sense of loneliness knowing think I can undeniably say that it The idea that I had to talk about my sor- of an inconsolable period. These factors help to bring that someone else out there has was the hardest time I have had to row while a complete stranger hummed Although counselling obviously didn’t home the reality of the circum- gone through the pain that you deal with in my eighteen years. and hawed and nodded sympathetically at allow me to deal with all my problems, it did stances, and also the very have. On the 24th of September 2004 my best me wasn’t engaging in the slightest, and I allow me to let go of memories and experi- aspect of being busy with the Take care of yourself. When friend, role model and mother passed away dismissed the idea without a second ences that I had been beating myself up planning and formalities sur- going through the grieving by the deadly disease that has become all thought. over for a long time. rounding the situation can help process feelings of vulnerability too common these days, cancer. But my doctor had a way of condensing Some people may think bad of me for some people. are inevitable, so be wary of the Since I was 10, Mam had lived with this arguments into a nutshell, and basically leaving home so soon, and I have to danger of developing a depend- black rash growing inside her, and her told me this: it is a comfort to know that the admit that the day I moved up to Dublin Anger and Guilt ence on medication, alcohol or bruised and fragile body did not comply people close to you understand your a feeling of intense guilt ripped Anger is strongly associated other substances to control your with her unbelievably strong and generous mourning, but there is no point sharing through me like lightening bolts. with grief, and may be directed grief. nature. Between her determined spirit and grief entirely with your close ones (ie. other My dad insisted that he would rather see at authority figures like doctors Seek outside help if neces- her family’s love, she battled on for seven members of the family) because with that, me succeed in life by going out and doing or surgeons, or self-directed as sary. Don’t be afraid to contact years, but we were no match against the there can be no advancement, everyone what I love, rather than staying at home guilt. It is understandable to professional help when it all harshness of disease. continues to go around like headless chick- and working in some dead-end job. question the circumstances of seems too much to cope with. Since last September life has moved ens, emotions begin to bounce off one I knew in a way he was right, so to make the death or to ask questions Doing this is a sign of strength, very fast. The leaving cert came with a another, and no real progress is being things a little easier for everyone, my sister about how it could have been not weakness, as you are willing vengeance and left with the result of UCD made. and I went out and bought him two prevented. to help yourself get through your Arts. Sometimes all I wanted to do was to sit adorable puppies for company. Any dis- Guilt is perhaps the most grief. I then had to move away from my home down and talk about how it’d been a bad traction is a good distraction in my book. painful companion to death. It is The UCD SU Welfare Officer, town in Dundalk and settle up in Dublin to day, for me to be the child and someone It is hard on everyone, but you must often linked to thoughts of things Dan Hayden, is there to help begin a new life without friends, family or else to be the adult, like a three year old remember that the best thing you can do is that have or haven’t been said people feel at ease in college, basically any other kind of security blanket would run to their mother for comfort if they to go out and make everyone proud, espe- or done, and can plague a per- and is always around for a chat that might have made it easier to get banged their head. cially for the loved one that you have lost. son by causing an intense long- or even just to listen to your con- through the last year. Except now, there was no mother to run Even though your love, admiration and ing for the deceased. cerns. Here I am, one year later, wishing that to. I decided to give counselling a go and cherished memories for your family mem- UCD also employs 4 psychol- someone else had written an article to help realised that not all counsellors were half- ber will never ever die, life will move on, Depression ogists who are professionally me understand all this just a little bit better. moon shaped spectacled men with dickie and you will breathe a little easier knowing The first three to four months trained to deal with people who A few months after my Mam died, my bows and balding hair. that there’s someone looking down on you after the death can be a particu- are going through serious emo- doctor recommended a bereavement They were mostly people who’d had a to make sure you don’t go off course, no larly hard time for the bereaved, tional problems, like bereave- counsellor as a way to control my grief and similar experience and were now passing matter how hard that might seem some- as this is when reality of the ment. inevitably the guilt that was suffocating me on their knowledge and understanding to times. 22.11.05 TRIBUNE HEALTH 11 Depression and Loneliness in College Having a bad day, feeling lonely, gloomy and lost? Everyone gets the blues at some stage or another, but could you be experienc- ing something more serious? Richelle Delany finds out

The experiences and challenges have suffered from some form of ness, hopelessness or pess- university offers can be stress- depression. mism. You may also have trou- ful. There are countless prob- Depression is more than the blues; it ble making decisions, experi- lems that can be encountered at is more than the normal, everyday ups ence poor concentration or college, from broken relation- and downs. When that "down" mood, memory and lose interest in ships to study worries, financial along with other symptoms, lasts for everyday ‘ordinary’ activities. anxiety to addiction problems. It more than a couple of weeks, the con- It is also common for those is essential that students devel- dition may be clinical depression. suffering from depression to com- op the necessary coping skills Clinical depression is a serious plain of a loss of energy, sleeping to deal with the problems they health problem. It can change a per- difficulties and appetite problems. may encounter during the son’s behavior, physical health, Severe depression may focus on course of their studies. appearance, academic performance, death and have suicidal thoughts. Most students are affected by social capacity and their ability to han- Depression can be extremely depression or loneliness, but it is dle everyday decisions and pressures. responsive to treatment, and if given important to bear in mind that there are The causes of depression are not proper care, people with depressive many support services that will help fully known, but there seem to be bio- disorders can achieve a full recovery you to learn to cope with the new pres- logical and emotional factors that may and lead productive and enjoyable sures of student life. increase the likelihood of an individual lives.

Loneliness One of the ways of combating loneliness As Many first year students suffer from is to remember that it's not your fault; it's part of loneliness. Ironically, this sense of iso- something everyone deals with, despite the Mind lation comes at a time when you are appearances. Yourselves likely to be surrounded by people all of Campaign, a the time. Living on campus, attending survey of Irish lectures and tutorials, you will be con- developing a depressive disorder. Effective counselling and non-habit 17-24 years olds stantly mingling with peers, but this can “Research over the past decade forming anti-depressant medications revealed that the sometimes compound your sense of strongly suggests a genetic link to enable people to recover from depres- stigma associated being alone. Seeing others who appear depressive disorders. Difficult life expe- sion and help prevent recurrences. with depression among at ease in large crowds can make you riences and certain personal patterns Among Irish college students, this age group is high. 71% claiming which provides information and emo- feel excluded and inadequate. such as difficulty handling stress, low depression has been linked to poor they would find depression a difficult tional support for people directly affect- Adapting to a new environment self-esteem, and extreme pessimism coping strategies. College studies, subject to discuss, even though 93% ed by depression so that they can learn makes people uncertain of what to do about the future can increase the financial matters, relationships, work believe there is a need for more open- the skills needed to cope and over- or how to behave. It breeds insecurities chances of becoming depressed. outside college, and living situations ness regarding depression, while 81% come it. which, coupled with the lonely nature of There are various forms of depres- are the main still believe depression is misunder- Aware distributes free depression academic and research work, can sion. Some people experience only sources of stress. stood. information packs, and also hosts pub- make for a real sense of isolation. one episode of depression in their Depression may sometimes develop This campaign aims to create aware- lic lectures regularly, with the Dublin Other reasons for students feeling whole life, but many have several when these challenges cause a person ness of depression, outlining its signs Monthly Lecture taking place the sec- alone include high expectations of uni- recurrences. Depressive episodes can to feel overwhelmed, or unable to cope. and symptoms, support services and ond Wednesday of each month at versity where you have 'the best time of begin suddenly for no apparent reason, A recent survey found that 55% of stu- ultimately ways of achieving positive 7.15pm in the Swift Centre in St. your life' and meet 'lifelong friends'. while others can be associated with a dents would try to sort out their depres- mental health. Patrick’s Hospital, James Street. Because loneliness can leave you life situation or stress. sion alone, 35% would try to ignore it, Knowing where to find help and sup- A Youth Group is held in the with a sense of low self-esteem where Sometimes people who are and 10% would take drugs or drink. port in college is very important. Biochemistry Dept. Trinity College you become self-conscious and However, 83% said they Student advisers are there to give every Thursday at 7.30pm. develop feelings of rejection, it is very Student Advisors would discuss feelings of you advice. They provide information Aware also runs a Helpline difficult to overcome. You may not You can contact the student advisers, on anxiety or depression with a and support and, where necessary, Counselling Service for people with want to even try and make new any issue through the faculty office at ... friend their own age. refer students on for more specialized depression and their families, 24 hours friends or take part in social activi- Newman Building (Arts Block) The Samaritans have set advice to members of the academic a day, 7 days a week The number is ties, retreating inwards and becom- G003 up a major campaign aimed and administrative staff, or even to pro- 1890 303 302. ing insular. Chaplain’s Office at the one in thirteen Irish fessional support services. For more information on all of the One of the ways of combating college students believed to above, contact the UCDSU Welfare G005 loneliness is to remember that it's be depressed. It promotes Student Advisors officer, Dan Hayden on 7163112 not your fault; it's something every- Science Building positive mental health in A free student counseling service is It is always important to remember one deals with, despite appear- Room 122 Irish colleges and in the run in the Health Centre, but if you that depression is not a sign of weak- ances. Earlsfort Terrace process tackles the stigma would prefer to talk to someone anony- ness; it is a serious health issue. To In fact, a recent British survey G19 associated with depression. mously, Niteline is a voluntarily tele- make sure you keep in top shape men- found that one third of students felt www.ucd.ie/advisers The focus of the Samaritans phone and listening service run by stu- tally and promote positive mental understanding and coping with lone- A welcoming open door policy exists is now on young people. dents for students. health in general: liness was a crucial issue which to help students feel more comfortable. Psychotherapist, Ms Trish Callers can talk about anything that made them feel highly stressed and Murphy says “[the new cam- is on their minds, be it personal, sexual • exercise regularly distracted. depressed cannot perform even the paigns] promotes the need for students or study-related. Niteline operates • keep busy Try to remember that if you are on simplest daily activities- like getting out to be especially vigilant of friends in col- every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and • do not oversleep, this drains energy your own, others are too. When you of bed or getting dressed; others go lege as often depression may go unno- Sunday night from 9.00 p.m. to 2.30 • stop criticizing what you do wrong are alone, use the time to enjoy your- through the motions, but it is clear they ticed. Signs of depression include a.m. Niteline’s number is Freephone • praise what you do right self rather than existing until you can be are not acting or thinking as usual. changes in behavior ranging from sud- 1800 793 793. All calls are confiden- • open up; share you feelings with others. Those who suffer from bipolar disor- denly skipping lectures, neglecting per- tial. • get involved in college; join societies, Use what you enjoyed in the past to der experience extreme highs and lows sonal hygiene and being moody or The Samaritans provide confidential sports clubs, make friends, meet new enjoy your alone time now, such as lis- - from the depths of desperation to fren- withdrawn. emotional support 24 hours a day for people tening to music or watching a movie. zied talking or activity or grandiose “Other more serious indicators which people who are experiencing feelings Although UCD is a vast and at times ideas about their own competence. would require immediate action include of distress or despair, including those a seemingly daunting place, there are Depression Depression manifests itself in differ- self harm, excessive binge drinking or which may lead to suicide. They can so many people willing to help and offer According to a recent survey, as ent ways. If you are depressed you drug use, or expressing feelings of be contacted at 1850 60 90 90. support to ensure that of your time in many as 1 in 13 Irish students suffer or may have feelings of sadness, empti- hopelessness,” Aware is a voluntary organisation UCD will be a happy one. 12 FEATURES 22.11.05 The Nightmare Before Christmas With Christmas exams looming for 1st year students, Christina Finn offers a guide on how to deal with the stress without resorting to narcotics The time for cheer, vodka feine, comes in during the exams building and, of course, the much coffee, it is only the eggnog in the SU bar and kiss- season. RDS. Temperatures may examiner asking for ing random souls under the vary in each location so be the papers to mistletoe is yet again upon us. Coffee prepared, you never know be delivered. However, this Christmas a dark Even if you are when you might break out If it helps shadow has fallen over UCD - not a coffee in a panicky sweat and just think and no it’s not the Grinch here drinker you might have to shed a few that to steal Christmas but exams will be by garments. If in the RDS, you when here to steal our holiday fun. the end of will not have this problem. the Just when people thought that they exams. It You will need to be equipped exams had escaped the hassle of December will be with some extra woolly warm are all exams in secondary school and sought there for you socks as temperatures have over you refuge in an Arts degree, modulariza- when you need it been known to drop to Lapland can make a tion has reared its ugly head and brings most and will keep standards. trip to the ice us all back to reality. you awake even when your There is specific advice that rink in the For you lucky ones, now past 1st body begins to shut down. If you avoid one must be aware of when in the same venue. Year, be content in your old age with coffee, there is a greater chance of RDS. Be aware of birds flying over- Though if you the fact that you escaped and are free become addicted to Valium, head, they are a regular feature. The do start hear- to frolic in the snow for the long six Benzedrine, Sleeping Pills and even smell of manure is not from you, it’s ing voices in week break. However, spare a thought cigarettes for those who abstain from most likely the horses that are housed your head while staring for the poor first year souls who are left the white sticks. sane. around the corner. at a blank page, you might as well write to look aimlessly out at the snowball Also, do not to flee the building when down what they say. Every word is a fights. Water Wear layers of clothing you hear a gigantic voice bellowing out mark, or one step closer to a discipli- But fear not ye dead-men-walking of It makes up 70% of our body mass This years exams are taking place in of the speakers, it is not God or a hal- nary board. the Yuletide season, there are a few and we probably lose half of that during Blackrock, the Ag Science lucination from drinking too key points of advice that will get you exams, so keep hydrated. Though be through those nasty days and evenings warned that if you overdose on the H2 in the colossus of examination that is 0 in an exam and need to make a trip Simmonscourt. to the toilet you will get an escort to Don’t worry, college exams are not bring you there and wait till you are fin- as scary as they seem, they are just the ished. They are not your friends so same as school exams only in bigger don’t even attempt to ask for help on locations. If you stick to these key the exam, it will not be received well. All I Want For Christmas points you will breeze past the tests And asking them for help in the bath- Avid believer in Santa Claus, without a care in the world and sooner room itself will only make matters Catriona Blake, writes to rather than later you’ll be joining the worse. the jolly, bearded fella up North (not named Adams) to rest of us on the drunken Christmas partying scene. Do not talk to friends let him know how nice all of us UCD students have been. before or after the exams Have you ever wanted something for maintaining the lavish lifestyle of baked beans on Don’t panic This advice is for your own good. It Christmas and for months you've dropped That is the number one rule for doesn’t mean that for the whole exam toast without having to buy over priced presents achieving good marks in exams. You period you are to blank your mates, it is hints to all your friends and family? Then on for our nearest and dearest, or not so dearest. may in regards to sharing exam advice and that eventful day after all the presents Depending on the number of people you plan to buy hints. It’s happened to all of us have been unwrapped and all the excitement presents for, and how much spending money you where you feel you are pre- has died down you feel disappointed have, the probability of running deep into the red pared and ready until your because you didn't get the one thing you is high. So cut up and cancel those credit cards brainiac friend is shocked that wanted. now. you didn’t study a certain sec- You know you should have gotten it because you One of those Playstation Xbox thingys, well every- tion, you scramble to find your told everyone you knew that that was what you one else seems to be asking the man in the red suit notes and cram it into your mind for one and us simple sheep are not too fond of five minutes before the exam wanted...more than anything else in the world. and then it doesn’t even come Forever caring, we here at the Tribune have come breaking away from the flock. up. up with the ultimate Christmas wish list to help you A White Christmas. It’s a bit of a cliché but we It applies after the exam also avoid that disappointment. live in Ireland and snow is a bit of a rarity, so we when people are talking about Santa, here is the ultimate wish list for us impov- may as well set our sights high. How often has each think you know nothing but an answer and the points they erished students of Belfield: of us wished for snow on Christmas morning, or you would be surprised how much you discussed are not even vaguely simi- It might be a bit too late for this one but it making snow angels and snowmen (it’s fun regard- absorb in lectures subconsciously lar to yours. Just listen to yourself, do would be amazing to be one of those people who less of your age) and feeling those snow flakes flut- while daydreaming. If you start to freak not dissect every piece of the exam, were so incredibly organised that they bought ter into your face as you walk in the crisp cold. out just take a few deep breadths and it’s the only way to keep yourself everything in last year’s sale. Then An exam free Christmas would be ideal – it just think about Christmas being just they can sit smugly as we normal people scurry around on ruins the festive season to have “that” hanging around the corner, but don’t get too Christmas Eve snapping up the last mangled selec- over you. distracted that you begin to make We should have the right to the Christmas of your Santa list out. tion box. So this year yet again we poor students will be pleading with the store managers to keep our childhoods; the build up to the big day, the Sleep their shops open that little bit longer for those last jitters on Christmas Eve, the sense of wonder and This is another vital part of doing minute purchases. delight when you wake up and above all the pres- well. What’s the point in staying up As much as everyone loves Christmas it pretty ents lying under the tree at 4 o’clock on Christmas till all hours revising when you’re much goes hand in hand with weight gain so this morning. going to sleep in and miss the wish is for all the pleasure of the turkey with trim- So Santa, this year please be thoughtful and get exam. This may be hard to bear mings (and gravy) but with none of the extra inches. all of the above and a BT gift card. kids, but go to bed before 11pm, This Christmas wouldn’t it be great to get out and if you really need more time get of the Yuletide season debt f The Students of UCDD XxX up early in the morning, this is ree? It’s hard enough where you’re new best friend, caf- 22.11.05 FEATURES 13 Rossport Five fan, Matthew ‘the Monk’ Kelly, is proud to present some of his favourite places to escape to and lie low from the ‘Fuzz’ after his frequent and random acts of depraved criminality

Have you forgotten to pay your hatred of the Brits and learn all the quick money on the side. TV license? Did you steal a loaf lyrics to Damien Dempsey’s last album of bread to feed your starving Rossport family? Did you, as one of five Columbia Shell couldn’t believe their luck when national superheroes, try to There are plenty of reasons to go to they got a present of some gas from the stand up to the tyranny and Columbia. Beautiful weather, exotic Irish Government, but they hadn’t reck- insidious nature of a heartless, accents, coffee and people. Once you oned on something that hitherto had community destroying oil corpo- don’t travel around with a fake passport only frightened sheep - Five retired ration, only to realize that you’ll be fine, and for God’s sake don’t farmers from Mayo. Most people don’t there’s no place in the justice start exchanging cocaine for weapons give a shite if the pipe is safe or not and system for an EU grant grabbing expertise with the party loving FARC would gladly see Mayo blown sky high Robin Hood? crowd. The best thing about Columbia but one thing is for certain, they wont If you said yes to any of these ques- is that you’ll never be detained and sent be pumping gas through that pipe for tions then you probably live in constant back. After all, despotic regime or not, some time and so it would make an fear of being picked up by the pig filth, the Colombians are just as entitled to excellent hiding place. subsequently subjected to the full the old no-extradition treaty excuse as When you spot a Shell engineer rigours of the criminal justice sys- we are. Catch me if you can be sure to kill them and steal their face and identity (its okay because they are tem and left to languish in the relative Iraq not really human, but some sort of would be as they set up a help- comfort of the ‘Joy’. This is a country with a proud people being created out of pure evil, like line. then join the host of semi-willing folks If you can’t bear the thought of being and heritage, it boasts the site of the Orcs). Then you will be free to bring the Anything but the most rudimentary of who are just waiting to be exploited by Big Bad Joe’s little prison bitch for eter- ancient civilization of Babylon and the Shell Oil scum down from the inside. inquiries was directed to the pro- Irish Ferries. Though you could expect nity then it’s time to go on the run. The greatest comedian to come out of the gramme office. We phoned, we left similar exploitation anywhere in the Tribune is proud to bring you this guide Middle East in recent years – Saddam UCD Programme Office messages, but nobody got back to us. service industry, Irish Ferries has some to some possible destinations and Hussein’s former information minister. The powers that be in UCD don’t Provided that the office is not in an important advantages. ways of evading the law. Read careful- Unfortunately there is a bit of commo- seem to have seen ‘Terminator’. If we alternate universe then it must be You can enjoy the romance of a life ly. This is the start of your new life. tion going on over there at the entrust every aspect of our day to day empty, thus it must be a great place to on the sea, dress like a pirate and say The safest bet is to get out of the moment. To put things in perspective living to machines then they will obvi- hide. “Arrgh, I can’t see right with this novel- country altogether. If you are too scab- though, it’s safer than Limerick and if ously turn on us. Though they didn’t ty eye-patch”. You might get to visit by to buy a Ryanair ticket or to afraid of you can stay out of trouble then you’ll learn from or indeed get to enjoy this Irish Ferries exotic locations like Rosslare and Helios airplanes, the upstanding travel get to see first hand whether the fledg- seminal piece of sci-fi cinema they did If you don’t mind being paid sweat Hollyhead and if the law ever gets close agents at Sinn Fein will be happy to ling democracy survives or if the coun- anticipate the shambles that online reg- shop wages and never being able to don’t worry, it’s Irish Ferries that they help, once you profess your undying try tears itself apart and make some istration for modules and tutorials have a half decent conversation again, are after. Change your world Karen O’Connell probes the benefits of both fit in later years. Voluntary Organisations aimed at students domestic and overseas volunteering offer a wide variety of programmes. “The world is like a table. Twenty per- places and yourself. Like any process of learning UCD Volunteers Overseas engage in cent live on the table and eighty percent it will take effort. Understanding others is about development programmes in India and survive underneath it. Our work cannot understanding the complexities of their lives and Haiti. These programmes involve be to move a few from under the table so entering a volunteer programme with an open educational initiatives and projects onto the table or vice versa. Our task is heart and mind is essential. aimed at promoting sustainable to move the table, to change its position It is a valuable opportunity to experience the development and education. if necessary, and all to sit together social, economic and political situation of a devel- SUAS is also a student-orien- around the table” Jean-Bertrand oping country. It will give a valuable insight to the tated organisation, which offers Aristide, Haiti. actual problems and issues that perpetuate a range of programmes in coun- Volunteering is an opportunity to be active in poverty. Students have the benefit of a period of tries such as Kenya and India. It writing a new story for Human Development for 3-4 months free during the summer months. This is a youth and education focused organisation. ter of the people that live in these countries. the recipients of this help and the people who time could be spent in a productive, enriching A fundamental concept underlying many of Overseas work can be challenging, and many offer their time. way. It is a time in life when a difference can be these organisations involved in development is are intimidated or put off by the idea because of University is a time of immense personal made for the people that need it the most. education. Many voluntary organisations run the difficult circumstances and lack of modern growth and volunteering is an excellent way of There are immense benefits to participating in education programmes in host countries. These luxuries that we in the developed world have making a difference in the world. The experience this type of work. The experience creates a new initiatives can vary from, educating locals on become so accustomed to, but charity starts at is one that can be drawn upon as having been awareness of the world and an opportunity to see issues such as human rights, sustainability, or the home. worthwhile and meaningful. countries that have not yet been untouched by simplest things such as arithmetic and literacy. Poverty and underdevelopment also exists in It is a means to learn about other people, the travel industry. Countries can be explored Whether it being a case of teaching people how Ireland and organisations such as FOCUS which are not yet considered to collect rainwater or reading and writing, all Ireland and ALONE are struggling to deal with Irish organisations offering fashionable as a holiday destina- education is crucial to the concept of develop- issues such as homelessness and Isolation of the tion. ment. Elderly. Donating time to these charities would volunteer programmes The individual persons motiva- Volunteering is a means of learning for both be a beneficial introduction to the world of volun- UCD Volunteers Overseas: www.ucdvo.org tions for wanting to volunteer can the host community and the individual. teering. Catholic Institute for International Relations: www.ciir.org have a huge impact on what the Whilst knowledge is passed to the communi- The experience heightens awareness in ones Chernobyl Children’s Project: chernobyl-international.com actual experience will be like ties visited, there is also a wealth of knowledge self and raises a sense of appreciation for the lux- SUAS: www.suas.ie Intercultural Learning: www.volunteerabroad.ie overseas. Volunteering is often passed to the volunteer. uries that are taken for granted in daily life. Habitat for Humanity Ireland: www.habitatireland.ie seen as an opportunity to devel- Your eyes will be opened by some of the sights Volunteering can be the beginning of a new per- Leargas Youth Work Service: www.leargas.ie op work related skills and experi- that are alien to “The Developed World” and your spective on the world. It is a means of interacting Hope Exchange: www.hopexchange.net ence, which will be of huge bene- mind will be opened by the strength and charac- with the world to bring about change. 14 FEATURES 22.11.05 Follow the yellow brick road The gay scene in Dublin has blossomed into one of the most active in Europe, Cathy Prenderville examines the best ways to get involved and explores the capital’s best gay hot spots

As our nations’ capital, Dublin are unable to disclose their sexuality in Men’s night@Company Bar on a has always attracted gay men any other environment. Saturday would also be an option for OF THE and women from around Ireland They also do exchanges with other men as well as Dining Out, a group of due in some part to the lack of LGBT youth groups, multi-cultural gay men who eat out at a Dublin FIVE an established gay community work, social education programmes, restaurant twice a month. DUBLIN GAY VENUES BEST in most rural parts of the coun- individual work and challenge the If you like a good show, The try. homophobia or discrimination that Shamcocks are a group that put on a The Dragon Club Those exploring this scene for the young people can often experience. drag show in different venues, they South Great Georges Street first time, may not be aware of all the On a more entertaining note, there have a show coming up on December possibilities Dublin has to offer, and are quite a few gay or gay friendly pubs 4th in the Sugar Club, which is well The George boy, there are a lot of possibilities. It’s and clubs around Dublin, one of the worth a look as it is supposed to be South Great Georges Street hard to believe then that up until recent- most popular and infamous being ‘The hilarious and a great night out. The Front Lounge ly it was a social ‘crime’ to be gay in George’, Ireland’s purple answer to If clubbing isn’t your scene, there are Parliament Street Ireland – and since -- the decriminalisa- San Fran. other options. Dublin has a number of Highlights of the gay calendar include gay sporting teams including, Men unit- GUBU ed, GFC for men, The Phoenix Tigers Capel Street Alternative Miss Ireland, a pageant run for women (both football), The Emerald annually, in which candidates compete to Warriors ( Irelands first gay men’s Yello take the crown of Queen of Ireland rugby team) and Swimmin’ Wimmin Capel Street and G-Swim for men. All are welcome tion of homosexuality has brought sig- To find the best gay venues Dublin to join these clubs and they are a fun volunteers at certain times throughout saying ‘We’re here, we’re queer, get nificant change with Dublin coming a has to offer it is worth joining the UCD way to get out and meet new people. the year. used to it!’ long“ way in providing entertainment LGBT society for their weekly coffee The Irish Film Institute (IFI) is quite a Highlights of the gay calendar Lastly, a great way of getting and general support for the gay com- morning, their notice board has the popular choice with many gay people include Alternative Miss Ireland, a pag- involved and meeting new people, is munity. details every week. Having attended, it as it regularly shows gay interest films eant run annually, in which candidates UCD’s very own LGBT society. They Although there has been somewhat gives an insight as to what the best gay and also hosts the Dublin Lesbian and of a gay scene in Dublin sinc the late venues are in the capital. Of those at Gay Film Festival once a year at the A great way of getting involved and sixties, it was minute and insular – not last weeks coffee morning - personal August bank holiday weekend which meeting new people, is UCD’s very fulfilling the needs of those who views on the gay scene in Dublin were attracts large numbers. own LGBT society. They run an event sought it. Apparently ‘Rice’s’ and varied. Another good way of getting involved every Thursday night and a coffee ‘Bartley Dunnes’ were the orig- Most agreed that the scene was in the gay community is by volunteering morning is held every Tuesday in the inal gay venues but consid- quite active and varied and it seems for a community centre to help in student centre ering the times the own- that their favourite hotspots included; organising the different groups that run ers would deny pub- The Dragon bar, The George ( both on out of each centre, also organisations compete to take the crown of Queen of run an event every Thursday night and licly that they were George’s St.) and The Front Lounge, such as GCN and the Dublin Lesbian Ireland,“ while at the same time raising the aforementioned coffee morning is indeed under- being some of the most popular. and Gay Film money for Irish HIV/AIDS organisa- held every Tuesday in the student cen- ground gay Most of these venues have a differ- Festival tions. In fact, Ents Officer, Anthony tre. Also, sometime during mid bars. ent event on every night. Bingo on need Kelly, is in talks over hosting our November, they organise the annual Sunday in the George can be a great very own ‘Alternative Miss Pink Training weekend. laugh, whatever you sexual preference UCD’, featuring professional This is held in Belfast and is and the classic drag show afterwards Irish drag queens. This is to usually partly subsidised. It will leave most women jealous and per- be held sometime during is a workshop that helps plexed at how these men can have rainbow week in the stu- students deal with However, such damn hot legs. dent centre, details of many issues such as Ireland has The Front Lounge do karoke that are yet to be con- as coming out dragged itself into on a Tuesday night also if firmed. and sexual the twenty first centu- you think you could be Another major event ry, tolerance has the next Cher. A held annually is the become more pro- growing new Gay Pride nounced, making homosex- Parade. uality more acceptable in Irish health. society, encouraging more peo- These as ple to ‘come out’ at a younger age – well as discus- thus creating the demand for gay ven- sion groups are ues such as The George or GUBU held during the day, which offer men and women a chance and at night time they all to enjoy the Irish gay experience. go out and hit the town - If you are new to the gay scene, a you’d want to be living under a good place to start is a community cen- rock to miss it. tre such as ‘OUThouse’, which hosts a trend This has only been a brief synopsis large programme of events and soci- is the of what Dublin has to offer, there is so eties. ‘BeLonG To’ youth group was set emergence much more waiting to be explored. So up in 2003 to work with Lesbian, Gay, of a new mixed This whatever your preference, there is sure Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) type of club, such gives an to be something out there for you. One young people in Ireland. as Spirit on Middle opportunity thing is for sure – there has never been It supports those in the 14-23 age Abbey Street, where for lesbian, so much choice in Dublin than there is brackets, to “actively participate in the both gay and straight gay, bi-sexual now. world around them and to make come for a good night and transgen- For more information on what’s on in informed decisions which will positively out. der people to Dublin, check out www.gcn.ie, you can impact on their lives”. ‘BeLonG To’ If you are looking for a take to the also access almost every gay website holds a meeting each week called more female orientated streets and in Ireland from there. To get in contact ‘OutYouth’ where a programme of club, Venu, or ‘Girl march with pride. with UCD’s LGBT, email social education and support is provid- Friday@Yello’ on Capel It is simply their not [email protected], or check out their ed to young people who in many cases Street might be suitable. DOROTHY: SHE FOLLOWED THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD so subtle way of website at www.ucd.ie/lgb 22.11.05 FEATURES 15 The Hidden Fight for Equality 70% of disabled people are unemployed. Sarah Lynn looks into the problem of dis- ability in the workforce and access and equality in third level institutions. UCD, as with most third level institutions, has a well established disability support network in place, that acts as both an aid and support to those stu- dents with disabilities. UCD’s Disability Support Service was set up in 1988, when UCD was one of the first third level insti- tutions in Ireland to appoint a Disability Officer. The service has grown and evolved to meet the changing needs of students with a disabil- ity accessing third level educa- tion in Ireland today and there is no doubt that the service is to be commended. However, ques- tion marks remain regarding the transition from the confines of UCD to the cutthroat world of the job market where there is no such support structure in place. The Association for Higher Education Access and Disability (AHEAD) which promotes the advancement of graduates with disabilities, recently launched a new strategy document, aimed at increasing employment levels amongst their members. Mary ACCESS: UCD HAS IMPROVED ITS ACCESS FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES IN PREVIOUS YEARS BUT STILL HAS SOME WAY TO GO Heelan, AHEAD’s executive director, has called on employ- existing non-discrimination legal accessible for those with senso- to find employment that would because it does not account for that in the last five years, access ers to take ‘simple, practical policies instilled, it is a matter as ry or physical disabilities who allow for this.” them being less up to a job on and equality within 3rd level steps’ in the recruitment of peo- to whether they are being fol- might use wheelchairs or walk- Employment policy it seems its own. “I mean think about institutions have been raised ple with disabilities and has fur- lowed carefully. ing aids. For instance even here has failed in providing an ade- Prof. Stephen Hawking or any immensely. Vivian Rath sees ther urged employers in assist- The enactment of proper leg- in UCD, it would be difficult for a quate response to the vocation- number of blind musicians (Ray this too: ing them to make progress in islation and changes in environ- disabled lecturer to use one of al needs of the disabled, yet the Charles, Stevie Wonder, The “There is a broad sense of their careers. mental infrastructure are the Arts Block theatres as they primary responsibility lies in the Blind Boys of Alabama). If they developing equality, especially Currently, the rate of unem- required before people with dis- are currently designed.” hands of the employers. had not been given opportuni- here in UCD. When I first arrived ployment among people with abilities are fully integrated into The disabilities officer also Students with disabilities contin- ties despite obvious disabilities, here in 2001, the Disability disabilities is estimated to be the Irish employment sector. accounts for the fact that ue to be excluded from employ- then important gains in science Support Centre was stuck in a around 70% (of which 50% are What many people with disabili- employers’ presumptions on ment resulting in higher levels of and art may have been left little office down near the back 3rd level graduates). ties want is an equal chance, disability could play an adverse deprivation and social exclu- uncovered.” door of the Arts Block, and now Approximately, 2,700 disabled rights and independence- not role. “For instance, if a recruiter sion. Employment as we know Economic disadvantage is a it has its own section in the students graduate annually in mere sympathy. feels that a prospective employ- is central to personal welfare huge attribute affiliated with dis- Library Building. Ireland, with 1,000 in Dublin People with disabilities can Currently, the rate of unem- abled people, which also “I also knew a student who alone. So it is now a question of often experience a consider- ployment among people with results in intense deprivation was here seven years ago. He whether the switch from third able level of discrimination disabilities is estimated to be and a poor quality of life. used to have to ask people in level education to employment throughout society, resulting in around 70% (of which 50% Relying particularly on state his course to take notes for him. is smooth for disability gradu- exclusion from a range of are 3rd level graduates). social services and benefits Nowadays there is a profession- ates or do barriers and preju- social activities including means that they are often al and paid staff to facilitate this dices face them right from the employment. Disabled appli- regarded as objects of charity need. The major issue at the outset? cants for jobs are six times more “ee could be absent through ill- and life chances in industrial and unable to take part in moment is the lack of inter- Many frameworks and organ- likely to be refused an interview ness, it would obviously affect society yet for the disabled it is a employment. preters. Only a small number of isations exist, such as AHEAD than non-disabled people. their employability. On top of different story. “The greatest pity with our them train in Trinity and so that which strive to inform and Subsequently, the Disability this, add issues of disabled- Decent employment opportu- economy,” continues Rath, “is needs to be addressed. But in change national policy in the Discrimination Act (1996) pro- friendly transport and fire- nities are somewhat limited, that the money is most certainly fairness, equality for disabled areas of education and the vided the disabled with a right escape policies and you find a which can be backed up with the there and available but is never students has come on drastical- employment of graduates. not to be discriminated against, whole range of things that pile fact that many disabled people implemented the way it could ly since 2000.” Furthermore, many grants and but this legislation applies only up against the disabled gradu- find themselves in low status be. A lot of the wheelchair UCD is hosting Disabilities technologies are readily avail- to a minority of employers, ate.” jobs and in part-time employ- access ramps in UCD, such as Awareness Week, running from able to employers. For example, namely those with fifteen or “And there are other less ment. Furthermore, another outside the Arts Block and the 21st-25th November. As FAS provides assistance to more employees. obvious issues too. Say, for area of labour market disadvan- Admin were built only in the last part of the ongoing events, well- employers to help with the costs Vivian Rath, UCDSU example, a disabled employee tage is suggested when dis- five years as an after thought. known faces in UCD will be tak- of employing people with dis- Disabilities Officer, points out a would need a PA to assist them, abled people reach ‘middle-age’ There is no reason they could ing part in “A Wheelchair for a abilities, adapting the work- number of reasons why employ- it might be difficult to provide resulting in further discrimina- not have been part of the origi- Day”, including a number of SU place, or providing specialised ers would choose not to employ one considering costs and avail- tion. nal planning. That applies to a officers, where able-bodied peo- equipment. graduates with disabilities. ability. Again, say a given dis- Vivian Rath argues that dis- lot of buildings around the coun- ple will carry out their activities The issue of discrimination is “On a practical level some ability required you to work from crimination on the basis of dis- try too.” in a wheelchair to see how it an ambivalent one, yet with businesses are simply not home. It might prove very hard ability should never be an issue, The AHEAD report claims would affect them. 16 FEATURES 22.11.05 Goodbye Lenin! Derry Nairn approaches the end of his travels by taking on an epic journey across the Russian Steppes, ponders great Russian novels and dreams about the film deal his articles will garner in Hollywood

Andrew Meier wrote, “longevity down to make seats during the day. likes her homeland, she gazes out the beer. I wonder out loud what the penal- see him as we walk past, but apparent- in Russia does not always yield Immediately below me, a young and window for a brief second before reply- ty would be if he is caught with the ly Lenin is still here, staring out of his understanding. Neither does merry soldier is returning home from ing earnestly it’s for the same reason defaced insignia. “A big shit” comes the tomb at a huge banner advertising intimacy guarantee knowledge”. Siberia. Across the passage, a young she loves her mother and father. I grinning answer. Swiss watches and Mercedes across Well, neither longevity nor inti- family from Vladivostok are going on silently wish my answers had been as Later that day, in the big station in the square. Underneath it, on the ‘0 macy is the lot of the Trans- holiday. As I had already come to When I ask Anya to tell me why it is she kilometre’ point from which all dis- Siberian traveller. expect in Russia, they all welcome me likes her homeland, she gazes out the tances are measured in Russia, he can Instead, I was looking forward to like an old friend, sharing food, drink window for a brief second before reply- probably see the foreign tourists taking spending five days on a bunk bed in a and stories. ing earnestly it’s for the same reason photos of each other as they throw clattering carriage full of strangers with- Anya and Vassily of the Vladivostok she loves her mother and father small change over their shoulders for out showers or hot meals. It’s not most family speak English well and are about good luck. people’s idea of fun. But the journey, my age. They tell me of their home far As they do so, a couple of thin, mid- even in the blessedly tourist-free third away on the Pacific, their University eloquent.“ Novisibiersk, the now shirtless and dle-aged Russian women rush on their class I had opted for, turns out not and this 18,000km round trip As we talk, Sergei, the soldier, unde- farmer-tanned private is stopped by scrawny legs to scrabble on the flag- to be as gruelling as it sounds. they make each year. Only a few terred by his patchy English, produces transport police and asked for his stones for the worthless kopecks. Their In reality, the people I years ago they had travelled by plane. a guitar and a rendition of ‘Livin’On A papers. Luckily, they fail to notice either sad, blank stares remind me of chick- meet on the journey treat the train That was before it became too expen- Prayer’, much to the amusement of all his badge or the dumb foreigner stand- ens being thrown seeds. like a moving holiday camp. They sive. Now they spend a fortnight on the around. Obviously buoyed by this per- ing beside him. Under chandeliers and white marble wander between compart- train just to take a week’s holiday. formance, he then takes out his Back on the train, much time is spent we descend down into one of the pala- ments in their pyja- They want to know about Russian army badge and shows me dozing, dreaming and reading. The tial and ornately decorated metro sta- mas, chatting ami- my life too. Why have how he has scratched out only book I’ve managed to bring along tions, on our way to the Arbat, ably, playing I chosen to come the normal MBP abbrevia- is the Gulag Archipelago. Watching the Moscow’s Grafton Street. Here, along- cards and, to Russia? Is tion to read NIET, Russian for no. names from the pages repeat them- side the new, golden-arched con- inevitably, drink- it differ- Sergei, though as patriotic as the selves outside the window is an excit- sumerism, vendors sell all manner of ing vodka. ent to my home? Do next Russian, is no fan of the mili- ing feeling: Irkutsk, Omsk, Rostov-on- Soviet memorabilia, Lenin pin badges My compartment I like it? Why do I like tary. Don. As the towns, days and nights roll and army surplus clothing. is made up of six it? The questions come He blames his personal situation on by, we tell each other stories, make tea I had naively assumed all Soviet bunk beds, folded thick and fast and I’m a bad education, itself the result of with the silver samovar at the end of the insignia would be like this, torn down under-prepared. drinking as a youth. And carriage and laugh at Russian efforts to and on sale. But most real hammer and When I ask Anya this while smilingly sip- speak Irish. sickles are still there, woven into iron to tell me why it is ping from a It’s midsummer, and hot, so one half gates and decorative motifs atop hotels she large bot- of every window is permanently pulled and banks on every corner. tle of down. Cool air rushes in onto our faces. Above them, Lenin stares down from Many hours are spent with feet dan- countless busts, portraits and statues in gling out, eyes fixed on the blur of black parks and public buildings. Stalin’s forests and dark rivers flashing by. beady eye, barely concealed on some Every morning the train shudders to metro escalator, can even be seen a halt in some remote town a little clos- staring out if you look carefully enough. er to Moscow. People shield weak But it’s not just in architecture and art eyes from the sun as they spill out to where the imperial impulse survives. bargain with beshawled old women Though it is clear something big has for sticky honey bread or bunches changed since 1991, Russians them- of dried fish on the tiny platforms. But selves are still patently proud of their just a few minutes are allowed. Then history, Soviet or not. the whistle blows and the train is off, That evening, after saying our good- winding its way westward. byes, I board the night train. The race We eventually reach our destination to catch my plane home from northern and, with stiff limbs, leave our tempo- Finland is on. But first, just one more rary home. Anya and Vassily take me distraction. St. Petersburg, a conceit- to see the ‘ice-cream’ Cathedral and ed, gilded, wedding cake of a city, the the Kremlin on Red Square. Opposite jealous dream of a Tsar returned envi- them, GUM, a huge department store ous from Vienna, Paris and Prague, is where the stark sight of empty bread to be my last stop. shelves used to greet long and shiver- The pristine Hermitage, the surreal ing queues of people. Now, on the perfection of Palace Square, the star- upper floors, chic Italian designer shaped Peter and Paul Fortress; even shops greet them instead. the un-restored buildings here are We don’t get the managing to crumble in decadent chance to glory. I walk it like Raskolnikov; beard- ed, ragged and half-mad from exhaus- tion and hunger. The city is disorientating in its opu- lence, bridging a gap between bygone Tsarist days and the brash opulence of today’s nouveau riche. What century is it? Am I dreaming? In front of the Admirality, basking in sunshine, newlyweds smash cham- pagne flutes as hydrofoils jet back and forth across the Neva. Only half- watching them, I rest my legs and reflect on a month’s wandering. Time to wake up nearly home… 22.11.05 FEATURES 17 Ploughing through the Courts Dan Finn talks to Damien Moran, one of the members of the ‘Ploushares Five’, the group brought to court over their protests against the US military’s use of Shannon airport

Anti-war activist Damien Moran was Sgt Massey told the court that American According to Moran, US supporters of the relieved when the second troops stationed in Iraq had ignored the defendants had dug up this crucial informa- Ploughshares trial collapsed. Things Geneva Conventions: “We were told that tion: “We only found out on Friday evening, had been looking bleak when the every Iraqi was a potential terrorist.” so we could bring it up in court on the follow- judge struck out their main legal According to Massey, soldiers in his unit had ing Monday.” After a short recess, Judge arguments: “He slammed the door killed 36 unarmed civilians. McDonagh called the jury to dismiss them on our defence … it was quite a James Massey is one of the founding and end the trial. shock.” members of Iraq Veterans Against the War, a The first trial had also collapsed because But the revelation that Judge Donagh US campaigning group. The Shannon defen- of perceived prejudice on the part of the McDonagh had attended George Bush’s dants made contact with Massey after he judge. But in that case, Judge Frank inauguration in Washington changed things testified in support of four American peace O’Donnell issued an order barring journal- instantly. The judge had to discharge the jury activists. The four Americans, also members ists from reporting the circumstances. and order a re-trial. of the Catholic Worker movement, were Judge McDonagh was too flustered to Moran and his co-defendants will go charged with “conspiracy” after protesting at issue a similar ruling, says Moran: “He before the courts again next July. Politicians an Army recruitment centre in Lansing, NY. rushed out of the court as quickly as he have already called for the charges against Massey’s testimony helped support the could. I don’t think it occurred to him to think them to be dropped. case put forward by defence lawyers, who about the media. You could see by his face Moran went on trial with four others argued that it was legitimate to disable the that he was taken aback by what had hap- (Ciaron O’Reilly, Karen Fallon, Nuin Dunlop plane in order to prevent violations of the pened.” and Deirdre Clancy) on October 24th, Geneva Conventions. Garda witnesses The five defendants are due to face trial accused of causing criminal damage to a US agreed that the Geneva Conventions were for the third time next June. But several warplane at Shannon airport. The so-called binding under Irish law. politicians believe enough is enough. A “Ploughshares 5” argued that their action But Judge McDonagh stunned the defen- group of TDs including John Gormley of the was necessary to prevent the deaths of inno- dants on the ninth day of the trial when he Green Party and Labour’s Joe Costello have cent people in Iraq. ruled that their key legal arguments were issued a statement calling for the charges to The trial had been going well for the inadmissible. Moran believes that his deci- be dropped. According to the statement: defence, according to Moran: “We testified in sion changed the balance of the trial: “I “The collapse of the Shannon 5 trial in the full, as did five expert witnesses, which was spoke to some of the jurors after the trial col- Four Courts … raises serious questions that very positive.” The witnesses included Denis lapsed, and they told me that they had been a fair trial is now possible in this case.” Halliday, who had been in charge of the UN’s planning to acquit us up to that point.” Moran believes that the authorities are humanitarian programme in Iraq, former RAF Events then took a dramatic turn. Defence determined to win the case: “At all costs officer John Oxlee, and Sgt James Massey, lawyers asked the judge to confirm reports they need to secure a conviction.” But with who served with the US Marine Corps during that he had attended George Bush’s inaugu- revelations that US forces used chemical the invasion of Iraq. ration in 2001, and had been invited to attend weapons in Iraq, it may be very difficult to Halliday described the effects of the UN his re-inauguration by leading Republican convince a jury that the “Ploughshares 5” sanctions regime on the Iraqi people, while Tom DeLay. should go to jail for their actions. PROTEST: BERTIE LET US MILITARY USE SHANNON 18 the headliner: KEITH DUFFY 22.11.05 22.11.05 the headliner: KEITH DUFFY 19 “We were no Bob Dylan” As a former member of Boyzone, Keith Duffy seemed most unlikely to achieve the success he has. Eileen O’Malley talk to the a man who has proven himself as an actor, a realist and an all round nice guy.

Before Westlife, before the Backstreet Boys, there was Boyzone. Ireland’s first boy band and a group of fine young lads from our own fair Dublin who took our world by storm. But their days of number ones with such classics as ‘ No Matter What’, and screaming fourteen year old girls are but echoes of the past now. So where are they now? Admittedly Ronan Keating has done well for himself, in a future Cliff Richard but sure that’s all, we’ve moved on, you know we was music for fourteen year old girls.’ While Keith says he now has a very eclectic taste daughter is mad about the songs from the Wizard of kind of way. Then there was Stephen, weren’t like Bob Dylan, none of us were ever going And while indeed Boyzone may have achieved a in music, with a strong penchant for U2, he admits Oz and it would be great to kind of do something with the voice of an angel, Shane, the to break any records for writing songs or writing lot, this success was mixed with moments worthy of that he would never be tempted to listen to any of that my kids would enjoy because everything that bad boy and Mikey the quite one. All music.” Alan Partridge. “We use to cringe when we saw our his own albums. “I couldn’t do that; I’d probably I’ve done so far has been completely over their three it seems have pursued varied proj- In fact Keith pointed out what we all suspected, first time on the Late Late show appearance.” break into dance or something and start doing rou- heads. This will be a fantastic way of my kids see- ects in the ‘business’ with moderate suc- “none of us in the band apart from Mikey played a Boyzone belonged to another time though. Would tines around the kitchen.” ing their daddy on stage.” cess. musical instrument – nobody played the piano, they then have ever survived today’s fast route to However, any of you still waiting for a reunion Call him what you will, former boy band member, And then there was Keith. While he nobody had any idea how to read music.” fame via talent shows like the X-factor? “I think may be sorely disappointed, “I would never say ‘singer’, actor or all round nice guy, Keith Duffy is a claims he “wasn’t one of the popular Indeed it seems Boyzone found a successful for- those kind of shows are fantastically entertaining. never, but I can’t see it happening.” man grateful for the success in his life and under- ones”, lurking beneath that preened mula and made it work. “We have to remember it They give very talented people that sometimes So what’s next for Mr. Duffy? “After Dandelions stands better than anyone that while Boyzone may exterior was a man with determination. was a boy band, it was pop music, you can’t say would go unnoticed a shot. But would we have sur- which finishes on the 7th of December, I’m going to not have been anywhere near the legends of Bob As the ‘break’ that Boyzone took that the music industry exploited us, we were artists vived? do Panto in Waymoth over in England. I’ve turned Dylan and U2, they were what they were and there became ever longer, one former mem- that sold very well but we weren’t U2.” “Don’t get me wrong whatever the five of us had down Panto a million times before but they offered are a multitude of former fourteen year old girls who ber emerged, carving out a successful Such notes of realism are a rarity amongst many as a team, it really worked very well but individually me silly money.” will be forever grateful. career beyond that of releasing dodgy celebrities and Keith it seems understands that I don’t think anyone of us would have made it Keith’s accepted the offer of panto though for oth- Dandelions is playing in the Olympia until covers. Keith Duffy has managed to do Boyzone was what it was, “at the end of the day it through the X- factor.” ers reasons beyond that of the cash rewards. “My the 7th of December. the unmanageable and distance himself from his muted boy band days, emerging from the shadows as a credible actor. Currently starring in the Fiona Looney penned play; Dandelions, running in the Olympia, Keith has undeniably done well for himself. Since the split five years he has ago managed to become runner up in Celerity Big Brother, as well as land himself the role of Ciaran McCarthy, the cheeky barman of the Rovers Return. This transition into acting was not an easy one though. The difficulty was to; rediscover the ‘buzz’ created from hav- ing an audience in awe of you at every turn. “When Boyzone took a year out, which turned out was the longest year of BUDDING ACTOR: KEITH DUFFY WITH HIS DANDELION CO-STARS DEIDRE O’KANE (LEFT) AND PAULINE MCLYNN (RIGHT) all time obviously, because we still haven’t got back together, I went straight difficult at first. I would have loved do you’d been watching for years.” contact with the audience at all – it’s very number ones and sold ten million hit into live children’s TV and that kept me more acting work, but I hadn’t a lot of Though having been in Boyzone for straight, so that part worried me quite a albums in Britain alone. “I really feel we busy but it didn’t really give me the same experience and no one would take a eight years it helped him through the ini- bit initially.” had another good three or four years left, kind of buzz that I got from performing chance on me.” tial apprehension. So after a while it was His days as a successful actor though I felt it was as a little bit short sighted.” on stage. But for a man who got lucky once with just; “a matter of settling down and get- are quite removed from his previous life Though unlike his former Take That “When we took that year off, I’m just music, lightening struck twice and he ting the job done.” as a popstar. When they broke up there rivals whose recent documentary paint- not the kind of guy who can sit back and was offered a part in the most popular Duffy’s current move into theatre was was the potential to take the road of bit- ed them as quite disillusioned and bitter take things easy; I much prefer working soap opera in Britain, Coronation Street. very different to anything he had done terness that many manufactured bands towards the end, Boyzone seemed to in some form or another, taking a year “It was supposed to be three weeks and before, “it isn’t the same as performing in took, complaining of exploitation. Not take a more humble view. “They were off for me wasn’t really anything I was then it ended up two years. the Boyzone days, obviously it was dif- Keith though. five young Manchester lads that made a interested in.” fortune out of dancing around. When His transition into acting began with a they took themselves seriously, that’s small part in a short film called ‘The Gift.’ “Don’t get me wrong whatever the five of us what ruined everything.” “after performing in that movie I realized Keith has always shown nothing but that I didn’t actually need an audience to had as a team, it really worked very well but gratefulness for his success. “I made a get the same buzz but the acting was individually I don’t think anyone of us would lot of money, I traveled the world. You really good fun as well.” can’t take this stuff seriously but you But as former member of a boy band, have made it through the X- factor.” should be grateful of the amazing oppor- and a rather silent one at that, Duffy was tunity and for what you’ve achieved.” an unlikely actor and struggled to make Boyzone avoided the bitterness that it. “It was intimidating initially. It was just ferent in the fact that you’d kind of have “I really just felt upset. We were the was so clearly demonstrated by former “I had to try and get work because I mad, Coronation Street was always on a relationship with the audience, talk to underdogs, people expected we were members of Take That. “ I’m not bitter didn’t have any experience except for in my living room growing up and it was them and have the craic and liven them going to land on our arses.” Which obvi- about it all, at the time I was upset the short film I had done so it was very very surreal actually working with people up. But with theatre acting there’s no ously they didn’t, having achieved five because it was silly, it wasn’t very clever “You, the students, have “It’s absolutely not what I been entirely predictable” expected”

Rud’s World Page 24 MYLO INTERVIEW P P age 24 DISTRACTIONS FASHION 20 FILM 22 MUSIC 24 REGULARS 28 THE TURBINE 30

Every year thousands of animals are killed to promote the Fur trade industry. Katie Gilroy examines the trend and argues that fake fur is a moral and ethical alternative

In the 1990s, the fur trade was as dead as its solitary by nature and accustomed to occupying Ireland boasts at least 6 mink farms and 2 sil- BAG it animals. Super models, Naomi Campbell, as much as 2,500 acres of wild wetland habitat. ver and artic fox farms, the latter not requiring a THE GEANSAÍ NOLLAIG Cindy Crawford and Christy Turlington were Self-mutilation is common whereby they franti- license to operate. They contribute little to the Christmas is just around the corner, and shedding their animal skins in favour of guilt- cally bite their own skins, tails and feet. Foxes Irish economy and wreak havoc on the environ- there’s no better way of feeling festive free fabrics that proved just as efficient at and raccoons have been found to cannibalize ment, using approximately 20 times more energy than by wearing a woolly jumper cov- keeping out the cold. each other. Pawns in a capitalist world, these than the fake fur industry. ered with reindeers and snowflakes. Both Once upon a time, the gleam of red fox hair incarcerated animals endure suffering all their For those who still righteously believe that ani- stylish and practical at the same time! sprawled upon the back of a lady was suggestive lives. mals are merely disposable, perhaps in this final of champagne, caviar and a glamorous life of lux- PETA has sent numerous videos to Jennifer harrowing image it will become apparent that HATS ury that most could only dream of. However, as Lopez highlighting these practices yet the mogul they are nothing short of being beasts them- There’s a BRRRRR!! in the month, and by more high profile figures dared to publicly persists in using real fur in her clothing line selves. gosh it is chilly out there! Keep the heat in denounce the fur trade for its inhumane treatment ‘Sweetface’. Either these tapes go straight to the One investigator filmed a stunned your head by wearing a nice woolly hat. of animals, this aspirational image of decadence bin, or perhaps Jenny from the Block left her freshly skinned raccoon lying on a heap There are many fashionable alternatives out there that you can choose from. rapidly metamorphosed into Cruella De Ville. moral decency in the Bronx. of carcasses with enough strength to Check out the trés chic French inspired PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of As they don floor-length fur capes on the red raise his bloodied head and stare at the peaked hat. Animals) campaigns featured the likes of carpet, it’s unlikely that celebrities are rattled with camera, only his eyelashes Campbell and Crawford brandishing the slogan thoughts for the dead animals that hang from intact. ‘I’d rather go naked than wear fur’. Proving that their shoulders, having had their delicate If the animal world CHRISTMAS EXAMS fashion really is a fickle industry, Naomi emerged necks violently snapped. At least their were Christian, A blessing in disguise, sitting exams at the end of the first semester takes the pres- three years later in an outfit that had everything pelts remain intact. human beings sure off studying in the second semester. but a pulse, and was subsequently sacked as Dog and cat owners flinch at the would have horns, Not only that, but exam time tends to PETA’s spokeswoman. thought of their beloved pets being a speared tail and bring out those hotties. Suddenly the Everyone has a price; Cindy Crawford’s was skinned for an item of clothing, carry a trident. library is full of eye candy to distract you 180, 000. For this amount she signed up as whilst happily flaunting some other from the books. So really Christmas exams cover girl for Blackglama fur coats. Her agents unfortunate animal. But the perverse are a great thing! claim that she never had a problem with fur. reality is that this thought is With the rise of ‘celebrity’ in a materialistic not so inconceivable. money-hungry society that endorses the phrase Millions of domestic ‘more is more’, fur is clawing its way back into dogs and cats in BIN it shop windows and regaining a place in the cal- Asia, still sporting lous hearts of the fashion Nazis. collars are DRESSING LIKE A RAPPER! For the fashionistas with a conscience, the bludg- Ditch the whole rapper image; it’s all high-street offers an array of faux-furs, this sea- eoned, gone boho glam. Items to eliminate from your wardrobe include; shiny bomber son in particular sparking off a Russian revolu- bled to jackets, velour tracksuit bottoms, anything tion, eradicating any need for the slaying of inno- from juicy couture, Phat Pharm, Baby cent creatures for the sake of a trend. Phat, JLo, etc. Yet still, we look on as Prada, Celine and Julian Mc Donald drape their bony models in OVER PRICED TICKETS dead carcasses, sending them down the catwalk to show off their kill. Their hands are as blood By this stage of the semester it’s fair to say that the majority of us are financially stained as the men who murdered the defence- unstable as a result of shelling out for less animals. society balls and parties. €70 for the Ignorance is bliss; not knowing the truth behind death privilege of dinner and a dance is a bit the ingredients of a Big Mac makes it much eas- and stran- extreme. ier to swallow. And strutting around in a pair of gled with Mukluk boots isn’t as guilt provoking when wire nooses ambivalence drowns out the deafening sound of before being false- PONCHOS Thumper’s squeals. ly labelled as another It should go without saying Mink is the most farmed animal in the fur trade. species. Export is fol- at this stage, but we’ll Up to a hundred of these creatures are sacrificed lowed by sales to unsus- say it again just in for the production of a single coat. Other animals pecting prospective cus- case, Ponchos are awful! Capes are used for their fur include foxes, raccoons, ham- tomers. taking over, and sters and chinchillas. Consequently, unwit- look far better The farming practices employed are remark- ting consumers are buy- than those ably uniform around the globe and to keep costs ing this season’s fur unflattering low, often twenty animals are packed into tiny coat, which last season poncho cages with detrimental effects. Such confine- belonged to someone things. ment is particularly distressing for mink, who are else’s ‘Rex’ or ‘Lassie’. 22.11.05 FASHION 21

Propaganda: A True Success Story

If you thought the fashion industry was dominated by women, think again! Rachael Gilmore Murphy spoke to Ireland’s answer to Dolce and Gabanna

Two years ago two friends, Fergal violence and mass destruction took center production methods, however, with the inclu- Swan and Richard Doody, decided to stage in the media. This became one of the sion of a manufacturing company, which they set up a small T-shirt making busi- main themes expressed throughout their cloth- sourced outside of Ireland, Fergal was able to ness. ing. create a more extensive brand. His personal Their success has grown from strength to The idea of persuasion and influencing pub- prints, color and pattern specifications are sent strength as this October saw these two young lic opinion also became very evident in the to the manufacturing company and the clothes entrepreneurs take their small business from a garments. are worked out collection by collection. stall in Cow’s Lane market to the high end For example the slogan for With the growing popularity of the urban fashion store BT2. With little knowledge of the McDonalds…’I’m lovin’ it’ is reverted to ‘Ain’t male casual wear, a lot of brands are produc- market place, small amounts of finance and loving shit’. ing the same type of clothes, however even less industry experience, this dynamic Each piece of clothing whether it be a T- Propaganda’s distinct prints stand out among duo defied the odds to make it in the highly shirt, polo shirt or hooded top, contains a well the likes of Diesel and Gas. competitive and cut-throat industry that is fash- thought out message, which is found con- The 20th of October saw a big step for ion. tained in their clothing catalogue. Propaganda with the addition of their clothes Fergal Swan studied in NCAD, originally as to the exclusive Dublin store BT2. They are the a fine art student but gradually his interest “The image is only Irish clothing brand in the male section of turned to fashion. He started off in the busi- BT2, which makes it even more impressive ness making horse clothing, blankets etc. based on the when you consider the multi national compa- However, there wasn’t much of a fashion iconic shot of nies their clothing hangs next to. aspect in the job so Fergal teamed up with Fergal’s personal style influences would be Richard to form a clothing company Saddam being the likes of John Galliano and D squared but ‘Propaganda’. would associate his own brand with labels that While Richard Doody studied Engineering in pulled down after would put a lot of work into their individual UGC, his path soon turned to IT and then an pieces, labels that are on the cutting edge and interest in Business and Marketing developed. the fall of that have an unusual, funky vibe to them, such His mum had set up her own business a few Baghdad” as Maharishi or Religion. years previous. This added knowledge helped This summer the brand was available at the Fergal and Richard to establish their own com- Another example of how a t-shirt reads; ‘Evil Oxygen festival and at Electric Picnic where pany. Empires’ ‘A T-shirt for the protesters, if they’re they sold extremely well. The clothes were The boys began their label at Cows Lane anti-war, anti-bush or anti-McDonalds this is bought by a variety of customers ranging from market, summer 2003. From there they made the one for them. The title “evil empires” is a fifteen up to fifty. contacts in the Dublin and country shops. In reference to a George Bush’s description of The brand sells very well in student towns February 2004 they attended the Trade shows Iraq under Saddam. like Galway, Cork, Carlow and Killkeny, prov- in London. They soon received English and “The image is based on the iconic shot of ing that the label has a wide catchment mar- Italian accounts, but decided to concentrate on Saddam being pulled down after the fall of ket, appealing to all ages of the fashionable Ireland. Baghdad. With Saddam replaced by an over male spectrum. Ireland is quickly becoming one of the fash- weight Ronald McDonald look-alike it suggests There are future hopes for a jeans label but ion epicenters of Europe and it is the men’s that the success of the American invasion of they have decided to stay away from the fashion market that is growing and changing at Iraq may be short lived”, the designer boys female market due to the rapid changes and a lucrative pace. explained developments in this area. Fergal and Richard Fergal and Richard observed this growing The clothing has a very distinctive look due hope to eventually break the UK and do a change in the Irish fashion and consumer mar- to its unusual prints and motifs. Striking more extensive men’s ware range. ket and decided to take part in filling the fash- images such as that of ‘The Chopper’, Propaganda is not only a unique, creative ion void that was once so strongly associated Australians favorite murderer (so says the and interesting brand but also a success story with the men of Ireland, by adding a label that description beside the T-shirt) and unique of two friends with little entrepreneurial experi- possessed a unique style and an eclectic vibe. graphics such as a vintage air force recruit- ence who have cracked the Irish fashion mar- Propaganda has a unique selling point and ment propaganda poster are seen in the cloth- ket. a clear message. It takes everyday issues ing. T-shirts, Polo shirts and hooded and non- seen and heard throughout popular society hooded jumpers are the three main areas to Propaganda can be found in a variety of and the media and combines it with fashion. which Fergal designs. An array of color combi- locations around Ireland, located on their The name Propaganda came from their nations is used, yet they still maintain a mas- web site: clothes subject matter and possesses a quali- culine feel. www.propagandadublin.com. ty of ‘longevity’. Around the time that Fergal Propaganda started out with just screen and Richard began brainstorming ideas the print T-shirts, therefore a distinct illustrative Price range start from 30 euro and the most Iraq war was very prevalent in the news and style began to emerge due to their restrictive expensive item is 85 euro. 22 DISTRACTIONS 22.11.05 FILM Brainless, high-speed, popcorn fun

Transporter 2 4/10

Well, whether it’s lacklustre assigned to protect, or transport, or automatic pistols and a curious aver- down (as with a lot of films these days) acters, and some truly awful dialogue predecessor really warranted a whatever his job is, the young son of sion to clothes. by unnecessary and mediocre CGI. (for example: “Your flight is cancelled”, sequel is debatable, but here for the wealthy Billings couple, politician Anyway, all this rigmarole is, if not The fight scenes are equally as fun “No - you are”). our delectation, regardless, is Matthew Modine and his rather shape- irrelevant, definitely secondary to Mr. and exciting, choreographed by Jackie All in all, “T2” counts as an improve- the gun-toting, high-kicking ly wife (ex-model Amber Valletta). “T2”, Statham looking cool in a suit and kick- Chan’s mate Cory Yuen (who crafted ment on “T1” (faint praise indeed), but “Transporter 2” (henceforth however, clocks in at a zippy 87-min- ing ass. The character of Frank was similarly hyper-active martial arts tom- is let down by the flimsy plot, some ludi- “T2”). utes, thus ensuring any Denzel- apparently written specifically for the foolery in “Romeo Must Die” and “The crous, over-the-top stunts and a seri- Brought to us by the same team Dakota-style mawkishness swiftly “Lock, Stock” and “Snatch” actor, and One”, amongst others). Statham must ously limp ending. That said, if you feel (“Danny the Dog” director Louis takes a back seat to the ensuing action. he does cut a decent action figure, per- have had a ball, whacking an ever- like turning your brain completely off for Letterier at the helm, Luc Besson co- The rest of the nonsensical plot manently scowling, growling, and – increasing number of bad guys in ever- an hour-and-a-half, this big, dumb writing and producing), our bulky, involves a sleazy pantomime villain impressively – doing all of his own increasingly imaginative ways, as the action movie delivers enough explo- shaven-headed hero Frank Martin called Gianni and something to do with stunts. story races along, leaving bodies, plot sions and cartoon violence to keep one (Jason Statham) is back, with Miami a deadly virus, with our Jase called on Indeed, “T2” packs in the vehicular and common sense in it’s wake. perfectly entertained. now providing the glossy, colourful to save the day, so on, so forth. set pieces, ranging from a jet ski pursu- Unfortunately, though, the visceral Enough bang for your buck then, but backdrop to Frank’s latest shenani- Perhaps the best thing about this film ing a bus, to a Ferrari pursuing a plane, enjoyment of Lola’s lingerie, sleek Jase, despite his best efforts, ultimate- gans. is Gianni’s psychotic sidekick Lola (cur- to Frank’s souped-up Audi careering sports cars and ramped-up chop-socky ly can’t save this flick from B-movie The initial premise is much like the rent model Kate Nauta), a leggy, perox- through and leaping from a multi-storey are counteracted by the stupid story- naffness. (rubbish) “Man on Fire”, with Frank ide blonde assassin, with a big pair of car park. Great stuff altogether, only let line, a smattering of useless 2-D char- PHILIP ROE Dame good Blossoms of mulch

Mrs. Henderson Presents 8/10 Mrs. Henderson (Judy their act nude (can’t you just tell a Dench), a woman who pos- man was in charge?). sesses not only great Objections are raised by Lord wealth and connections, Chamberlain (a marvellously but also a sharp tongue and innocent Christopher Guest), but In Her Shoes irrepressible amount of he is swayed by Mrs. 6/10 energy, is bored with her Henderson’s argument that her The title of this film alludes to The film’s strengths are as a result new role as a widow. Her fabulous nude tableaux will be the worst. Prior to viewing one of it’s strong casting. Cameron Diaz is friends suggest she take up like living art, resembling great expects the stereotypical hack- excellent throughout and plays her a hobby – collecting dia- paintings. neyed, clichéd chick flick. role with gusto, while Toni Collette and monds perhaps? Whatever your view on ‘porn Maggie (Cameron Diaz) and Rose Shirley MacClaine also provide great She instead buys the Windmill as art’ is, there’s no question that (Toni Collette) are sisters with diamet- performances. Theatre in the heart of Soho, the girls’ act do draw in a com- rically opposite personalities. Rose is Two supporting cast members real- employing the charismatic and pletely male crowd, most of sweet, timid, and dedicated - a top ly stand out. Francine Beers as Mrs. seasoned pro, Vivian Van Damm whom are not appreciating the lawyer who works long hours. Maggie Lefkowitz, a retirement community (Bob Hoskins) to manage it. He girls’ likeness to the Mona Lisa. is sexy, lazy, shallow, and self-cen- neighbour of MacLaine's character is shocked by her eccentric and But the show is elegant, it’s fun, tered - an unemployed party girl. shows wisdom and colour beyond her outrageous manner, and she and, with the help our favourite After being kicked out of her home, (many) years. And Norman Lloyd has cannot stand his serious, busi- three-hit wonder Will Young, it Maggie moves in with Rose. She a warm and heartfelt role as a hospital ness-like nature. Their infamous has some pretty good musical quickly wears out her welcome (sleep- patient who has much to offer. love-hate relationship thus numbers too. ing with her sister's boyfriend is not an However, at over two hours, it is far begins, giving rise to some hilari- Undermining the feel-good fac- ideal approach which fosters good- too long and it seems unduly ous arguments. tor of the film is the knowledge will.) stretched. The film was also overly Auditions for the dancing girls that World War II is beginning, Maggie runs away to Florida to her sentimental, going over the top on begin, and the film takes on a and due to artistic cinematogra- feisty, estranged grandmother Ella more than one occasion. With lessons remarkable resemblance to Pop phy and some extremely unnerv- (played by Shirley MacClaine). The of love, life, and a dose of sappy poet- stars (and not just because Will ing real footage from the time, film really picks itself up at this point as ry, there's no shortage of attempts to Young is there). Terrible singers, this is dealt with very evocatively. we watch Diaz’s transformation from a strain a tear out of the female (and some obese male Turkish Excellent performances, some selfish, promiscuous bimbo into a non-manly) eyes. The ending is dancers and a hell of a lot of jazz classic one-liners and a tearjerker responsible and respectable person, painfully predictable, almost ruining hands spark Mrs. Henderson to ending do compensate for the brought upon by her interaction with everything that has gone before. recall her years in the Middle East several lulling moments in this her grandmother and the rest of the If you're chick flick intolerant then where she “witnessed brutish film, and there is simply no fault- senior citizens at the retirement com- this film obviously isn't for you. If you pagan rituals, but nothing as bar- ing Dench’s magnificent portrayal munity in which she lives. have a girlfriend bring her to this, she’ll baric as that.” of a mischievous woman over- The friendship and loss between love it. Diaz’s wardrobe or lack there Nevertheless, the girls are cho- coming her past to provide hope two sisters is examined thoroughly in of, will certainly keep boys interested. sen, including the beautiful and frivolity to the English people this film. They fight, they drift apart and In Her Shoes in not a great film any Maureen (a superb Kelly Reilly) in a time of terror. they find each other again. Director more than it is a comedy, but the and all goes well…until the the- Watch, enjoy, but for God’s Curtis Hanson (of “LA Confidential” social issues it raises and the magnet- atre’s revenue begins to fall, and sake lads – keep your hands fame) scores well with this smart ism of Diaz, Collette and MacClaine the only way to regain their audi- where we can see them. adaptation from the novel of the same make it quite an enjoyable outing. ence is to have to the girls do ROE MCDERMOTT name by Jennifer Weiner. ANDREW CARLOS 22.11.05 FILM 23 The greatest spy film! A thrilling, suspenseful, espionage adventure. Alex Parsons reviews Mission Impossible

A dashing hero, a handful of ingen- ward assignment for Ethan and his group ious spy gadgets, an instantly of agents ends in a brutal double-cross recognisable theme tune. No, no, that leaves everyone but the hero dead. In no- it’s not James Bond. a particularly devastating scene Ethan In many ways Mission Impossible is the realizes that things are going disastrously antidote to the James Bond films. It wrong and races from agent to agent in a boasts a far more intricate storyline. The bid to save them, but turns up seconds too body count is a trillion times lower. Not late for each one. every woman in the film is eager to jump The first double-cross is by no means into bed with the protagonist Ethan Hunt, the last. In a search for the betrayer Ethan even if he is played by Tom Cruise. becomes embroiled in a deadly game of That’s not to say that Mission wits with an arms dealer known only as Impossible lacks the excitement. Quite Max, and his own bosses who now sus- the opposite in fact. Throughout the tale pect him as a double agent. Revelation there are many spectacular set pieces, the builds on revelation and when the betrayer break-in to CIA headquarters being fore- is finally revealed it’s as shocking a twist most in this regard. as they come. The scene is famous. Tom Cruise is There’s also a small but crucial love lowered headfirst into a CIA vault, with the story. Ethan falls for his fellow agent knowledge that if he touches the floor for a Claire, but encounters a dilemma; can he MOUSE IMPOSSIBLE: NOT AS GOOD AS OUR GREATEST SPY FILM OF ALL TIME single second, or makes a sound above a trust her or not? whisper, an alarm will be set off and the The spy film was the product of the Cold rorists and disgruntled special agents who can no longer the cobblestones. There’s a sense that no one can be game will be over. Queue one of the tens- War, in most cases a propaganda tool find their place in the new world order. trusted, no one is safe. est moments in spy film history. used to undermine the other side. Mission Yet the film also retains that murky Cold War atmos- Admittedly James Bond gets the job done, but he is Thrills and spills aside it’s the plot that Impossible came from the next generation, phere. The scenes in Prague are terrific, full of dim always safe. Why? Because he is James Bond. makes Mission Impossible stand out from showing that the spy film could live on; the streetlights and a heavy mist that hides deception and Mission Impossible injected that well needed sense of the crowd. What begins as a straightfor- enemies this time being arms dealers, ter- betrayal. Drunks who might be agents in disguise totter danger and unpredictability back into the spy genre. Fostering the next generation of filmmakers Barra Ò Fianail paints a road map into the Irish Film Industry, the starting point is UCD’s MA programme in film studies

Budding Spielberg’s take note, the cut- most positive first step which can be taken in ting edge of film education, in this coun- working toward a career in the film industry. try certainly, is closer than you might The man could of course be suspected of some expect. bias but his thoughts seem to be well justified. In a somewhat non-descript building next to The school has fair claim to be considered a Belgrove, that a UCD student might never even leader in its field, not least because it was the first see in their time in the College, plays host to what school of its type in the country. Also, the schools must be regarded as the best film school in the innovations have lead to a rapid development in country. film education in this country, with recipients of its The O Kane Centre for Film Studies may not be MA going on to set up similar courses in UCC and as well known in the college as Pat Paterson is, UCG. but like the man himself, it is another jewel in our The MA doesn’t just cater for prospective crown which makes UCD in some way unique. Hollywood big guns, people who see them selves Founded in 1991, the film school is nothing but if tearfully thanking the academy for their unexpect- not a massive bundle of potential which offers ed Oscar. It also serves those who see them- FILMAKERS: UCD IS BREEDING IRELANDS NEXT GENERATION UCD the opportunity to lead the way in film educa- selves working in the nitty gritty of the film indus- tion. try very well, and has gone a long way to cater for and UCD’s disappointing performance there-in, than Trinity) we have to be more creative about The school has an impressive list of associates; the evolving labour demands of the Irish film means the College should be looking for ways to how our funds are divided. The reconfiguration of the award-winning actor Dr Gregory Peck (To kill industry. improve our international the College recently seems to have done little a Mocking Bird, Guns of Navarone etc) was a The schools associations with people such as reputation and the O’Kane centre would seem more than leave everyone a little confused, but up founding member. They can also count academy Tom Johnson, an academy award winning sound to offer them an ideal opportunity to do so. near Belgrove, one of the College’s most promis- award winning screenwriter and film director Neill editor who has worked on films like Star Wars and As a College based in such a small country we ing courses is fighting for survival. Jordan (The crying game, Michael Collins), and Titanic could be the attraction for some people to can’t compete internationally on all fronts, rather Luckily, the members of the O’Kane school’s academy award nominated screenwriter Jim the MA. The high regard in which it is held and the we have to choose niche area’s to concentrate on, small staff are highly dedicated to their jobs, and Sheridan (In the Name of the Father, My Left Foot) fact that it has something to offer to anyone who and try to perform better than anyone else in these there is a real sense that they believe in what among their past instructors and speakers. Both of wants a career in any aspect of film means that areas. One would think that this would make our they’re doing. They will continue to fight for their these are in fact members of the school’s board. the demand for the course is consistently over- ground breaking film school a prime target for con- MA, as well as offering a BA evening degree and These men, who have made it in the industry, whelming. centration by the College, but rather than giving two daytime elective modules, which are new this have expressed the importance of having the type Even with very high entry requirements, you them the opportunity to develop and expand, the year. of grounding in film, which the Master of Arts in need a first or second-class honours degree, lack of funding given to the school by the College The MA, if not simply the best step a graduate Film Studies provides, for young people hoping to demand for the course usually far exceeds the is putting even their existing services in doubt. can take toward a career in film, certainly is a step break into the business. The Head of Subject in number of places the school, with its limited staff If we want to be internationally competitive, in the right direction, and if you see yourself the school, Dr Harvey O’ Brine, himself a past and financing, are able to supply. (and more importantly if we want the world to behind the camera in a few years, you should look recipient of the MA, feels that it amounts to the The recent release of the University rankings, accept what we already know – that we’re better into it. 24 MUSIC 22.11.05 AURAL EXAMINATIONS

CREAM GREEN DAY SINEAD O’CONNOR OCEANSIZE AT THE ROYAL ALBERT HALL BULLET IN A BIBLE THROW DOWN YOUR ARMS EVERYONE INTO POSITION

This live album captures a piece of musical histo- Greenday are either very naive or very very Having turned her attention from the plight of the Manchester’s latest batch; Oceansize, like Biffy ry. In November 1968, the highly influential rock clever. Either way their vague hints of a political Irish to that of the Jamaicans, O’Connor has Clyro, are part of the wave of pretentious British trio, Cream, split due to personal differences, stance since ‘American Idiot’ have benefited them emerged from retirement to ruin some of reggaes prog-rock that will appeal to anyone male and fif- playing their last gig in the Royal Albert Hall. greatly. most treasured creations. This includes Bob teen. They’re a good stepping stone from the lax, They have managed to grasp the hazy, empty post grunge, post-rap, emo shit that is marketed Their return to play that particular venue earlier Marley’s ‘War’ which she had previously sung and uninformed rhetoric of a New World Order whilst ripping up a picture of the Pope on TV - for depressed squeaky toned adolescents, to real this year was a symbolic act of reconciliation. music. Oceansize draw inspiration from across generation and used it to fill a gap in the popular career suicide for Sinead now as it was then. You can be excused for approaching this album the board of high-end modern commercial prog- market, guaranteeing avid support from a fresh Her attempts also include hits by artists Lee with a certain degree of cynicism as it appears to batch of fourteen year olds. metal; so just TOOL and The Mars Volta basical- “Scratch" Perry ("Curly Locks," "Vampire") and be an attempt by aged rockers to capture the Watching the ‘Bullet in a Bible’ live DVD, we ly. While these groups are definitely not for every- Burning Spear (‘Throw Down Your Arms’). realise they have the political credibility of Robbie one, they can contain moments of genius which glory of their past. But when you listen to the qual- Although instrumentally and rhythmically faultless Williams covering Rage Against the Machine. other bands can only dream of. Oceansize would ity of performance evident on this recording it (thanks to drum n’ bass legends Sly and Robbie), “This Song is a big fuck you to all the politicians” constitute the low grade filler on those bands’ becomes clear that age has done nothing to ham- removing the original artists’ powerful deliveries is Billy-Joe’s introduction to chart hit ‘Holiday’. albums. per the talent of Jack Bruce, Ginger Baker or the leaves a void O’Connor cannot fill. Outrageous. Technically, Oceansize are bad, but plenty of great Eric bands are simply bad. Oceansize play bad prog- The interviews on the DVD are a little bland and Her trade-mark warble aggravates instead of metal, which is difficult to do. For the uninitiated, Clapton. the crowd participation is frankly embarrassing, accentuates and her attempt to keep improvisa- this means seven-minute rambling songs, random Their music is a hybrid of rock and blues mixed it’s less of a gig than a show at this stage, this is tion to a minimum translates as a lack of enthusi- techno effects, punchy guitars and the loss of the with an element of psychedelia and their transition to stadium rock. asm. No single song stands out from the crowd of will to live by track seven. being one of the first “jam” bands, (bands that Having said this, Greenday have never sound- What is most depressing about this album is lack-luster reproductions, although ‘Curly Locks’ used improvised material on stage), only a live ed tighter, they have always made fun, catchy that there are actually some decent moments in and ‘Marcus Garvey’ manage to retain some of recording, such as this one, can do them justice. pop-punk music, they still do. Many old favourites between what can only be described as elevator including ‘Brain Stew’ and ‘Basketcase’ (watch their original appeal. If you are still intent on self- On these two discs you have the essential music.Both ‘The Charm Offensive’ and out for the bum chord) make an appearance harm and want to hear more of Sinead’s reggae, Cream; ‘Badge’, ‘Born Under A Bad Sign’ and of ‘Ornament/The Last Wrongs’ are downloadable among the new stuff. The sound is great, it’s hard try her ‘Collaborations’ album released earlier this enough. Yet, while there’s nothing wrong with a course ‘Sunshine Of Your Love’. This album real- to believe it’s a live recording. year. However, your money and your time would lack of song structure songs like ‘You Can’t Keep ly is a must for fans of Sixties Rock and would be By all means enjoy this, if you’re a fan, it’s a be far better spent on the original tracks. Let us at A Bad Man Down’ are garbage, symptomatic of a good buy for any music fan wishing to listen to good buy, just don’t take them too seriously. It’s least be thankful that she didn’t attempt a an album that is self-indulgent and inspirationally masters at work. all about showbiz. Jamaican accent. defunct. Avoid. RONAN DEMPSEY 7/10 PETER MCKENNA 6/10 4/10 EILEEN GAMBLE 3/10 KINGSLEY KELLY

HUMMINGBIRD GAVIN DEGRAW DUSTIN LIGHTNING BOLT RED LETTER DAYS CHARIOT BLING WHEN YOU’RE MINGIN’ HYPERMAGIC MOUNTAIN

This is the two-year-old bands debut album. This double album opens with an effortlessly It is ridiculously tempting to slate Dustin’s latest This Rhode Island bass and drum duo (but by no Producer Jimmy Eadie manages to successfully emotive voice that captures the listener straight album “Bling When You’re Mingin”. means ‘drum n’ bass’) have come a long way from capture the vibrant and warm sound the trio have away. All tracks are DeGraw’s own and he carries Music journalists are, after all, a craven and their grass roots inception. Soundings more like a honed on the road.While it is easy to berate off the songs as if the words were coming to him debased lot who espouse nothing but pseudo intel- warp speed force of nature than the sum of their Hummingbird for their lack of musical innovation, as he played.The album’s only drawback is that it lectual bullshit. respective instruments, Lightning Bolt have their devotion to the art of song craft (as opposed sounds over produced. Rather than let the music This review could claim that this album is the become the most hyped underground band in this to image and passing fads) has resulted in a speak for itself he seems to have opted for more antithesis of all that music should stand for. In fact it part of the world. strong set of well written, melodic rock songs. conventional production values. could say that it should not be described as music, LB are known for insisting on playing on the The opener, which is also the title track, is one Nonetheless, Degraw still sounds great. He that it is gross commercialisation aimed at yuppies floor of venues rather than the stage, without any of the rockier numbers and is a good showcase really pushes his vocal cords in later tracks - with more money than sense. security or barriers between themselves and the for strong lead vocals. Competent musicianship is ‘Belief’, ‘Meaning’ and ‘More Than Anyone’. It could even claim that the album is in itself noth- crowd. The drummer looks like he’s in constant evident throughout. The band gel well, most The second CD (‘Chariot – Stripped’) is ing but a gimmick, a poor attempt at comedy in a fast forward wearing a threateningly sinister green notably on ‘Second Guesses’ and ‘Sunlight Degraw’s self-professed “pure music baby”. He genre that Dustin has bludgeoned to death with his mask. He and the bassist, tapping like Yngwie Dancing’, successful marriages of a lively takes the same album with the same words and refusal to do the decent thing and fuck off to a clos- Malmsteen spitting out the most hellish, psyche- acoustic guitar and the rhythm section. transforms it into something that’s even better. et in RTE. delic riffs through a forty thousand watt bass rig, Having said this, the only variation on the The title is perfectly adequate as he strips away This review won’t succumb to the cop out that is have supported Sonic Youth and been covered by album being from acoustic to electric guitar, a cer- the recording studio sound of the first CD and music journalism. While this album won’t win Muse. tain uniformity of sound pervades and becomes rebuilds the songs word by word. acclaim for its musical ingenuity it is far more enter- This album, their fourth, justifies the hype. At repetitive after forty-seven minutes. It’s easy to see what he means by ‘Stripped’ taining than most of the discharge shovelled out by times sounding like the aural equivalent of a fren- Hummingbirds’ strength lies in their memorable when you listen to ‘Chariot’ and ‘More than the decrepit and over- produced music industry. zied knife attack from a gang of particularly irate melodies, the songs have a ‘sing-along’ quality. Anyone’. The music is truly moving. It steps away Somehow, despite using roughly the same mate- ewoks, it is an album that knows no boundaries. This allows the lyrics to flow without ever standing from the rehearsed rock feel of the first album and rial for a decade, Dustin remains funny, parodying Songs like ‘Tomorrow Morrow Land’ and ‘Dead out, which is probably for the best; they are some- really becomes rock with a human edge remark- Irish society, its celebrities and politicians to more Cowboy’ smash all expectations and the bound- what mediocre. This is a pity considering the fine ably recorded with just one take. that acceptable levels. aries of sanity. With riffs that relentlessly trample voice with which they are delivered. With ‘Chariot’ you don’t listen to the music, you In conclusion it would be advisable to buy this all over you, vocals sounding like mechanical Overall, a fine debut album showing good hear the singer. His vocal range is astonishing album. Indeed if you are a junkie, and are literate, laughter and drumming that hits harder and faster promise for the future, however further develop- and each song surprises the listener. One would and have somehow managed to get your hands on than one man should be physically capable of, it ments are necessary in order to stand out from never get bored with this album set to constant a college paper and have a choice between skag is a must for music fans looking for the next their peers in Irish rock. repeat. and this album, choose the album. Choose Dustin. adrenaline rush. Better 6.5/10 SCARLET RIVIERA 8/10 OWEN PRIESTLEY than skag EOIN MAC AODHA 9/10 STEPHEN CAFFREY 22.11.05 MUSIC 25

Rock is dead Elizabeth-Anne Kirwan meets former Philosophy PhD student turned Dance mogul MYLO and asks him a question or two about a thing or two

Hailed as “Scotland’s answer to ately in there at the top. There’s no way voking graphics. the Gore/Bush presidential election, an intro on her latest single, waving his Royksopp” by the Face maga- that you could really adjust to that.” Having left Scotland for LA to do a when Bush won by such a tiny majority. fingers as if playing the notes, and zine and, more recently by Sir On reaching Ireland, he played two Philosophy PhD in September 2000, It was quite a depressing time really. almost appears that his eyes glaze Elton John as “Jeff Koons in gigs on the same night; one with our MacInnes decided to pack it in the fol- “Politically, we’re certainly at a time over. audio”, Myles MacInnes, aka own Johnny Moy, the other with Timo lowing spring to concentrate on making where you’re questioning what way the He explains that, growing up listen- MYLO, is riding high in the Mass in Waterford, while the rest of the ‘Destroy Rock n’Roll’. “ I’d thrown in this world is going, there’s a sense that ing to folk music; he got really into music industry. band was travelling from the UK to quite idyllic life in California…at the there are these conservative medieval melody and harmony, which “probably MYLO has been going from strength Belfast. time I suddenly became very focused in rednecks that have taken over the asy- works into a respect for pop hooks”. to strength in the last year since his Despite the hectic lifestyle, MYLO is a way that I’d never been before”. lum.” Having sampled such classic 80’s pop début album; ‘Destroy Rock n’ Roll’ was upbeat and focused, casually dressed Given his philosophy background, a His origins in the Isle of Skye suggest hits such as Kim Carnes’ ‘Bette Davis released in 2004. But just how did a for- in green combats, a faded orange question on Burt Bacharach’s latest a traditional association somewhat at Eyes’ and ‘Waiting For A Star To Fall’ mer philosophy student become the hoodie and a wee army-green cap. No work, which fuses his signature lounge odds with electronic music. When by Boy Meets Girl, pop is easily his biggest dance sensation of the last Brandon Flowers-type ‘fashionista’ style with a not-so-signature political asked how much influence a childhood greatest influence. year? here then, just a refreshingly ordinary critique of the current U.S. administra- spent there had on him. MacInnes When asked if he had any gems of Softly spoken, but with a deep Scots chap. tion, seemed apt. claims it is “almost utterly impossible to wisdom for students yearning to follow brogue, MYLO reflected on his success Instead of signing to a major label, MYLO mused, “I haven’t heard the answer”. He says that it would take the in his footsteps, his number one was an so far from the comfort of a rather opting rather to bring out an album on album, but I’ve heard a lot of talk about work of a “forensic psycho-analyst” to overriding reality. “Capital investment. cramped Ambassador dressing-room, his own one (Breastfed Records), it, so I can’t comment specifically on it, sort out what things in life had had an For buying decks and that, you basical- thankfully minus any handlers or press MacInnes has maintained a certain but it’s quite interesting to hear effect. ly have to be minted. By the time I start- aides. amount of control, so the “hype thing” because he’s the last person I would He does (modestly) concede to a ed on the path to being a DJ, I had “Yeah I never expected it to get this has not spiralled out of his hands. probably think of as a political song- comparison of backgrounds between done it in a roundabout way because I big. It’s absolutely not what I expected. Eschewing a tour where he would “just writer, like Bob Dylan… himself and ABBA, who he says “wrote had gone into producing with my own It’s nice to have seen it grow to this size bring a laptop”, flanked by his brother “I would have thought of Bacharach the best pop hooks of really any band: label first. There’s no way I could have but for it to have happened quite grad- Hector and two friends, MYLO has as being the ultimate pop writer. But they were really the purest of pop done it as a student, I was skint!” ually rather than being a pure hype evolved into a live show, incorporating there are people who have become bands and they all came from a back- thing that has been marketed so that guitars, drums, and synths with a large more political, people like Brian Eno. I ground of playing folk music”. He then MYLO’s debut album ‘Destroy you’re not just something that’s immedi- dollop of eye-catching and thought-pro- was there in 2001, in Los Angeles for sings the bit that Madonna has used as Rock and Roll’ is out now. Gill Kennedy meets My Chemical “That’s Romance and finds herself under whelmed by formulaic answers, bullshit” arrogance and very little substance Approaching the Ambassador After a forty-five minute wait, in arro- “You can hear them, if you really lis- ‘Ecstasy’, was chosen to interview My Chemical gant rock star style, Gerard Way and ten…[the] songs are all wildly different because their manager Romance, a mass of black his brother Mikey (Bassist) saunter into from each other, and even different suggested it. Gerard hoodies and pale young faces the room, already looking bored and from anything that’s been done Way’s suspiciously surrounded the venue. It extremely uninterested. before.” vague, slightly contrived interpretation fans presently congregated outside seemed to be a sea of gothic Gerard takes the lead in the inter- With the release of ‘Three Cheers of it fails to capture the squalor and filth would suggest otherwise. The sugges- intentions, fans too young to view with perfectly scripted answers. For Sweet Revenge’, their third album at the heart of the novel. “There was tion that they had possibly sold out to know what real gothic/punk On the reasons for starting the band, to date, there are few songs that stray something really desolate and very gain a younger, more mainstream music was about. he is painfully predictable, “ I was real- from the gothic rock formula that romantic in the way they [the charac- audience elicits a defensive retort from MCR fans are obsessive about the ly depressed. I was doing art and it launched them to success in 2002. In ters] are so deep and far gone”. Gerard. “That’s bullshit”. band, especially melancholic lead wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t help- recognition to MCR they have won a The success of MCR has made MCR are an image driven band, singer, Gerard Way. They see him as ing people and then September 11th host of Kerrang awards, toured with them confident, and Gerard Way’s using make-up, angst-ridden lyrics and an angst rock messiah, portraying how happened. I realised I should do some- Green Day and are now embarking on answers border on arrogance. The gothic symbols to sell a cliché to a it feels to be 14 and lost. I was eager to thing to make a difference.” Just what a sell out European tour. obvious fact that they are a band tar- young demographic. However, Gerard know; how do men in their twenties this difference is, he is less vocal. Gerard candidly admitted their com- geted at a young audience seems to Way believes that their image is unim- feel about their young fan base, and Mikey Way cites an incredible array mercial sound, claiming MCR to be a have evaded him; “my lyrics are direct- portant, stating “its an artistic expres- what do they think about being lumped of influences, such as Johnny Cash, rock band and just, “ EMO, by associa- ly about being in your twenties. Our sion of living through our material”. into the EMO genre of music, where Bjork and the Wu Tang Clan. When it tion, because it was what was hot at fans are anywhere between 18 – 35 NME headlines and MTV performanc- is put to them that these influences are the time”. years old.” My Chemical Romance’s new es take precedence over evolving far from obvious in the music Gerard is My Chemical Romance, a beautiful This is all fair enough, however, the album ‘Three Cheers for Sweet music? adamant. blurb from Irvine Welsh’s book, screaming hordes of fourteen-year-old Revenge’ is out now 26 MUSIC 22.11.05 Jazz Uncorked Hugh Fowler and Aifric Collins get their jazz hands all over the Guinness Cork Festival and come back happy after an electric and atmospheric weekend

Cork shone as 2005’s European with each band member constantly were Ron Carter and ‘Foursight’ that on sax and keyboard respec- capital of culture on the October improvising and varying their part yet evening. This band showed their expe- tively. bank holiday weekend, drawing maintaining an incredible cohesiveness rience with a well balanced, captivating The Imperial Hotel pro- in thousands of people from throughout. It was a truly powerful per- performance. Carter wowed the audi- vided free late night across Ireland, Europe and formance, with each solo outdoing the ence with an incredible 10-minute bass jazz, but bar this and beyond to experience the annual one before, the audience were left solo, combining phenomenal technique the Metropol; free Jazz festival. craving for more. with a medley of classic bass riffs. live Jazz is not too Despite frequent outbursts of rain, Richard Galliano’s ‘Tangaria’ quartet ‘Cartoon’ brought an innovative taste of easy to come by at Mother Nature failed to dampen spirits, at The Everyman Palace was the high- funk and soul to the Opera House but the festival. Not all and the city centre was buzzing with an light of Saturday afternoon’s line-up, their strong house beat would definitely of the free gigs really feature jazz, and electric atmosphere. with a French-gypsy-style mix of emo- have been better suited to a standing few pubs or cafes have a live jazz band Featuring a plethora of international tionally charged jazz and swing. The venue. where you could enjoy a quiet pint in an headliners mixed with homegrown quartet’s softer sound consisted of a While the Opera House hosted the intimate setting. bands, all styles of jazz were to be violin, a double bass, a hand percus- top acts, The Gresham Metropol Hotel, Tickets for headline acts cost up to ageable on 150. found. One of the biggest acts in con- sionist and Galliano on accordion. with six stages, is traditionally the cen- 40, while other international perform- However, this would entail only going temporary jazz, Chick Corea and The sound of an accordion is often tral venue of the festival. Admission ers weigh in between 20 and 30. to the free gigs; which would be a mis- ‘Touchstone’ kicked off the weekend at considered quite harsh, (e.g. buskers here is free for the afternoon shows, This means that overall, the weekend is take. To really get the jazz experience the Opera House on Friday night. on Grafton Street) but when in the but costs up to 30 to get in for the no cheap venture. With the combined out of your weekend, you have to be Their energetic opening track might hands of a master like Richard Galliano nighttime gigs. Possibly the best group cost of tickets; food; transport; accom- prepared to fork out a bit of cash to see initially have seemed better suited to a it can ooze incredibly sweet sounds. So to be enjoyed for free were Dublin modation; and most importantly (for some of the main acts. Otherwise you standing venue where people could expressive were his movements while based band ‘The Company’ with vocal- many), alcohol; altogether the total are simply selling yourself short and dance, but after a minute or so, such playing, that at one point he seemed ist Julie Dillon. could come to 500. missing what it’s all about. This brings was the musical genius on display that close to toppling over. His melancholic Her passionate energy perfectly But, with a bit of student know-how the overall student budget to approx it simply required your full attention to melodies were striking, and it was easy complimented the band’s upbeat cov- (i.e. eating in greasy chippers, staying 200 and it really is worth every cent. absorb and appreciate these virtuoso to see why he is considered a festival ers of well-known soulful classics, and in youth hostels, drinking in said hos- Watch out for next years Jazz musicians. favourite. ‘Dr.’ Marius Ader and Johnny Taylor tels before going out, and then smug- Festival. Jazz-soc will be arrang- Diverse soundscapes were explored, On a par with such a performance never failed to impress with their solos gling drink wherever you go) it is man- ing trips. Electronic Supply Board Dan Finn checks out the Dublin Electronic Arts Festival, gets his funky chicken on to Detroit legends Underground Resistance and doesn’t tell someone to “shut up, bitch”

This year’s DEAF, held over the Resistance has carried on under the crowd. True, some woman carried on October bank holiday weekend, leadership of “Mad” Mike Banks, who shouting from the back, but she was was the biggest yet. The fourth was always the driving force in the orig- quickly silenced by somebody telling instalment of Dublin’s electronic inal group. They came to the Village for her to “shut up, bitch” - my own highlight music festival brought together a a storming performance. of the evening (no, it wasn’t me who bewildering range of acts, from Banks performs with a seven-piece said it). Goldie to Kool Keith, along with live band, Galaxy 2 Galaxy. Early Everyone from Malcolm X to film screenings and anything rumours claiming that they would be on Frederick Douglass made an appear- else you care to mention. stage for a 7-hour set proved unfound- ance on the big screen over the course This was all far too much for one ed, which was probably just as well - of the evening. Clearly some people punter to take in, of course, but there there’s only so much music you can were more enthused by the luv’n’peace was never any question about the high- take in. political angle than others, but it was light - a rare performance by Detroit Support came from a Japanese DJ certainly far less cringeworthy than techno legends Underground on the UR label. After a poor start, his Moodyman’s painful attempts to get a Resistance. set got better as it went on, and the film bunch of white people acting funky in UR were at the heart of the second playing behind him was great (a clip the Sugar Club earlier this year. wave of Detroit techno that emerged in from 'The Princess Bride' was an espe- Of course, the main reason the latter the early nineties. They attracted atten- cially nice touch). gig didn’t work was that Moodyman tion as much for their militant rhetoric as Galaxy 2 Galaxy themselves came spent most of the evening taking the for their often brilliant music, presenting on around ten. Banks has ditched the piss, trading off his “legend” status in themselves as a techno version of militaristic imagery of their early years the (sadly correct) confidence that none Public Enemy. and seems to have gone for a more of his honky fans would have the gump- A series of records established UR at laid-back, soulful approach to politics. tion to bottle the twat off the stage and the cutting edge of dance music, while The performance began with a sci-fi demand their money back. their anti-corporate ethos and Black vibe, spacey techno played while clips Thankfully there was no such self- Power sloganeering had a huge impact from “Star Trek” flashed on the big indulgent, “we’re from D-Troit so we can in a scene where explicit political mes- screen. But this direction didn’t last very do what we like” behaviour from UR. sages were hardly ever found. long: Mr Spock was soon ditched in They finished the night with a stunning Two of UR’s founder members, Jeff favour of Dr King. Along with many tributes to the love he mind, but the sentiment was obviously version of their biggest hit, “Knights of Mills and Robert Hood, left the group in Banks has often emphasised the debt could feel in the audience, Banks heartfelt so you couldn’t really sneer. the Jaguar”. For once, all the hype was 1992 to pursue solo careers. Mills is still owed by UR to black American music, assured us at one point that there was A moment of silence for the late Rosa (as near as makes no difference) justi- one of the biggest names in techno in and for most of the gig Galaxy 2 Galaxy no difference between jazz and techno - Parks was very appropriate, and by and fied – this one will be remembered for a his own right. But Underground might as well have been a funk band. “it’s all just music.” Not strictly accurate, large was observed respectfully by the while. 22.11.05 MUSIC 27 My Feet Are Stinky James Cecil, drummer with Australian band Architecture in Helsinki talks to Ronan Dempsey about such interesting topics as where they got their name from and Neighbours

Architecture in Helsinki are an [independent].” unusual band. Formed on a Their approach has always been a whim and quickly expanding to DIY one, right down to the construction eight members, including a of their own studio and the problems brass section, they set up their that brought with it. “Yeah, I have a stu- own studio to record their first dio in Melbourne…It’s called Super album, ‘Fingers Crossed’, which Melody World. was released in Australia on the “It started out there when we started Transistor label and Bar None in recording our first album there and then the US. we got evicted, then we were just kind The second album, ‘In Case We Die’ of homeless for the making of that…we was released in Europe earlier this just recorded here and there where we year. The music is quirky; arrange- could. ments far from typical, numerous vocal- “We found a regular place to relocate ists and the aforementioned brass sec- to record the second album, which is tion set them apart from other bands. just a garage but we’ve been evicted James Cecil, in advance of their from there too now. So when we get recent Irish gig two weeks ago, back to Melbourne we‘re gonna find explained their approach. “The band is somewhere else to set up.” based around Camerons’ song writ- And then, the inevitable question, ing…We have tried from early on not to AUSSIES: SOMEHOW THEY DON’T WATCH NEIGHBOURS, WHICH IS STRANGE AS THEY’RE FROM OZ does he watch Neighbours? “I don’t box ourselves into one particular personally. It is pretty good. There’s a sound, which is really good because it involving exercise bikes and pan-audi- we did our own website for a long time “Yeah we definitely want to be able comedy show called Kath and Kim, you does get frustrating. ence workout sessions have invoked a and we realised that we didn’t have to to record our own music…I suppose should check that out, it’s pretty spot “It’s pretty organic. I mean it’s really certain amount of curiosity about the [stay with a label] and we couldn’t real- the main reason to have our own label on.” exciting working on arrangements band, Cecil explains how the tour has ly afford to…it’s really not that much is more financial because we can basi- Signing off, Cecil gets his opportuni- because you don’t know where it’s gone so far: money we make. So we just have a cally make more, there’s not much a ty to air his own stereotype when asked going to go” “Unfortunately we don’t have room promotion company now.” huge amount of money to be made had he ever been in Ireland before? The name is an unusual one, Cecil when we’re on tour to bring the exer- This rather brave approach to the from selling CD’s. “No, I’m really excited it. What I’ve laughs when asked if there is a story cise bike. But we definitely try and carry music business is not a common one; “But if we had the offer of a record heard is that people are a lot friendlier behind it. “It’s rhyming slang for ‘my on the spirit…in our live performance. entailing much larger financial risk but label who wanted to work with us and than they are in England and I don’t find feet are stinky’. It’s a common After ‘Fingers Crossed’, Architecture at the same time allows absolute cre- help us sell a huge amount more that hard to believe.” At least it’s a pos- Australian saying.” decided to go it alone in terms of publi- ative freedom, as well as the possibility records it’s something we would look itive one. This ‘tweeness’ doesn’t end with the cation. of bigger profits. What was their moti- at. I don’t think we’re necessarily Architecture in Helsinki’s album name: rumours of unusual stage shows “We do all the artwork, the recording, vation? closed off or feel that we have to be ‘In Case We Die’ is out now. Thursday Night Jive COMING UP GIG LISTINGS FROM Ronan Dempsey sneaks into a free gig and discovers the latest NOVEMBER 25TH batch of Thursday Night Livers to grace UCD’s student bar. • Antony and the Johnsons Fri. 25 Nov - Vicar Street - €29.50 In deference to archaic farming practices, leaving be found in the third cubicle from the right in the mens toilets • Ohmega Watts. the Thursday Night Live field fallow for two or three at the back of the bar. It was a very, very loud set. Having said 25 Nov - Crawdaddy - €15. years was a good decision. Now that it’s back in this, they were not unpleasing to the ear, playing melodic rock use, it’s proving to be pretty fertile. songs with a definite American influence. They wouldn’t • Mysterious Ways– U2 Tribute Band Damian Dempsey, Turn, Joy Division, the Revs, the sound out of place in one of the tents at Oxegen. 25 Nov - TBMC - Free Blizzards, Luna Trip…all but one of these bands and many Headliners for the night - Director, with their subtle, precise • Blind Boys of Alabama more have graced that little platform in the student bar since and balanced sound were a captivating act. Relaxed, unas- 29 Nov - Vicar Street - €33.00. the start of this year and, we are guaranteed, there are more suming and delightfully void of any overt swagger or ego while • The Young Gods. to follow. at the same time exuding a quiet confidence that is untypical 30 Nov- TBMC - €22.50. Last Thursday saw new sensations Director headlining a of most Dublin acts, they took to the stage and began an • David Gray, support from Rodrigo y Gabriela. free gig under the TNL banner with support from Chuzzle and attention grabbing set, complete with modest introductions 01/02 Dec- Point Theatre. Stars of the City instead of the billed DC Pakt. The turnout between every song: “As I say, we are a band called Director.” was far from phenomenal but by the time the first band took The infectious, fun and undeniably catchy guitar pop this • Ian Brown, support from Humanzi. their positions the bar was filled with the chatter of seventy or band performs is both clever and danceable, even the singer 05/06/07 - Dec - Ambassador - €44.50 so people. took to a quick boogie in between verses, guitar and all. • Biffy Clyro Chuzzle were, in a word, ungood. They were tight, they Amongst a set of original material, they took to a cover of with support from ¡Forward Russia! were proficient on their respective instruments and the songs Blondie’s ‘Heart of Glass’, embellished with an impressive five 10 Dec- TBMC - €20 were structured and clearly well rehearsed. The problem was minute instrumental. • Ocean Colour Scene that they weren’t altogether very exciting, inviting compar- Arrangement is key for Director. The intricate bass lines, 16/17 Dec- Olympia. isons with everything that was ever bland about the Hothouse short, sharp riffs, flowing melodies and nicely placed drum fills • Complete Stone Roses. Flowers and the Undertones. are a pleasure to observe on their own but never distract from 17 Dec- TBMC - €15. The guitarist sounded like he was using a Nokia 3310 as an the overall sound. As well as this, the levels are spot on. You • Blondie amplifier and the singers’ falsetto at some points resembled a don’t have to put your hands over your ears to hear what lyrics 19/20 Dec - Olympia - €49.50 pig with an anal prolapse. This said, their last song, with its they’re singing. catchy melody and up-tempo beat proved that they are capa- This is a promising band; every song demonstrates the • Daniel Powter ble of better; there is a certain Cure-ish element to their music diverse range of sounds they can achieve. Watch out for 23 Dec- The Village. €20.00. they should explore. them. All in all, a good night, lets’ hope next semester is as • Mogwai The best levels for the middle act, Stars of the City, were to good for live music in UCD as this one was. 07 Jan- TBMC - €25.

28 REGULARS 22.11.05

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R O THIS WEEK: CELTIC TIGER CUBS U W You’re Ah surveys. What would newspapers do without national media about crazed young heathens selves. We shouldn’t have to conform to D told to get them? Is there a better way of getting news than drinking and shagging has given a false impres- the standards of people who wish they could ’ S involved when you generating it yourself, with a few searching ques- sion of the youth of today. The perceptions we all be eighteen again but are stuck in their frustrating start here, but students tions and in response some controversial have of student life are untrue. marriages, talking about hoovers and carpets and invariably seem to be spending more and more responses. Some argue that it is immature to encourage slowly edging towards a slow death. time focusing on college and, in fairness, Hughies It’s almost a rule that surveys will throw up a excessive behaviour among students. Some You watch the queue of cars heading out of Horizons© haven’t helped matters. controversial statistic or two, but it seems that the would say it’s irresponsible. Indeed some would UCD every day at one and again at five, with stu- I could go either of two ways here. I could wash College Tribune has broken that rule. applaud these results and point to it as an exam- dent drivers in their Abercrombie hoodies and you my hands of you all, throw my hands up in despair You, the students, have been entirely pre- ple that the youth of today aren’t the amoral hea- wonder. You see the knock on effect this has on and raise my eyes to heaven. It would be difficult dictable. I’m disappointed in you. Perhaps we did- the Bar, a legendary drinking emporium in its day to do all three at the same time but I’d manage it. n’t ask the right questions. Perhaps you lied to us Students have that has now become a glorified restaurant with a I’d write of Celtic Tiger cubs, a generation of in case you got into trouble with Professor Hugh. license. spoilt brats who have had too much and are so Or perhaps you really are quite dull. The way the Quinn School operates is becom- weaned on money and have been drinking since Having examined the results with expectations three or four ing the norm. University is becoming training for they were 14 in Wesley that university makes of massive cocaine use, three in the bed romps work. It’s not education, it’s a moulding of young such little difference to their lives that it doesn’t and revolutionary drinking habits I was particular- years in which people for KPMG and their ilk. matter. ly disappointed by the sedate and staid nature of Students have three or four years in which to I’m not going to though, because I have faith in students today. to conduct a conduct a hedonistic, fun and interesting lifestyle. students. Of course UCD was never a perfect Apparently the majority of students don’t even “ When you’re finished here the rigours of the Celtic world and it probably never was but you, the stu- binge drink. A shocking indictment if ever I heard hedonistic, fun Tiger working hours will kick in and Saturday night dent, must realise that it could be much, much one. Binge drinking is a term made up by old peo- will be your one release. better. ple to find something wrong with youth culture and and interesting If College life is boring, imagine what working You’ll be working hard for the rest of your life. it can’t even be applied. Shocking stuff. will be like. If you’re not making the most of these Why waste this limited period when the world is Strangely, more of you have tried hash than lifestyle few years then you’re wasting them. Sure, educa- your oyster as far as finances allow. You should drink more than three nights a week. Even more tion is crucial, but it’s not hard to have a balance. look back on this as the best time of your life. perversely, while students perceive there to be a When students treat university like a place of Instead, it seems that too many students are look- huge coke epidemic in their surrounds, only ten then alcoholics portrayed by the national media. work it’s impossible not to feel a little sorrow. This ing ahead to the mundane hours they’ll spend per cent have tried the drug. However, when those who write these youth institution is a window of opportunity to meet peo- cooped up in an office cubicle to enjoy them- It would appear that the hype created in the bashing pieces were younger, they enjoyed them- ple, have fun and try new things. selves. THINGS I HATE ABOUT

by EILEEN 10 O’MALLEY DECEMBER Shopping 10 ungrateful b*stards that it’s the thought time, we can cringe at the sight of those Threaten them with no presents to keep Centre Santas that counts. in their mid thirties, let out for a bit of fun them in check…greedy little munchkins. during the season of goodwill. Said age It’s all a little creepy really. Grown men The ‘evil’ of com- groups are often seen during December 2 Mistletoe donned in a fake beard and scarily big 7 mercialisation drunk on Christmas cheer and falling out boots inviting kiddies into their little gar- of office parties. den shed. Not to ruin the whole excite- I refer to Jesus again on this one. It’s hard enough avoiding the lingering ment for children but it’s all a bit Micheal Christmas is supposed to be a time of Crap Christmas looks and lunges of this season, but with Jacksonesque for my liking. family and friends, love and generosity. 4 Songs the added obstacle of mistletoe there’s Not to get all Greenpeace on your ass but no safe corner for us young pretty little Christmas should not be a time of mas- Shakin’ Stevens and Mariah Carey were things to hide. 9 Exams sive profit and overt commercialization. never meant to be given such power as they have achieved through the ever 1 New Year’s Eve What happened to December being a The ‘rush’ of it loved Christmas single. The only excep- time of goodwill and cheer aye? Jesus 6 all tion to this rule is the always brilliant Crap. As sure as a Daniel O’Donnell would not appreciate his birthday being Shane McGowan and Kirsty McCaul, Christmas special, New Year’s Eve is hijacked by evil administrators bent on The insane pace of December means it ‘Fairytale of New York.’ always the biggest disappointment of the world domination. often goes by having not been fully year. The pressure to have a good night appreciated. We all need to take a step Screaming means most buckle, resulting in a crap 8 Being broke back from the rat race and relax people. 3 brats night which was so not worth the hundred you shelled out for it. Boycott the whole Why not make your Christmas pres- Drunk thirty- The under tens are always a dodgy group event, put on your comfy cardigan and ents from scratch this year. If anyone 5 somethings to deal with, but with December and the slippers and watch Gaybo do his thing scoffs at your ‘paper mache’ sculpture or increase of sugar intake; it’s a minefield accompanied by a nice glass of cognac. handmade decorations remind the We’ll all get there one day, until such of snotty noses and sticky hands. Heaven. 22.11.05 REGULARS 29

[email protected] BECAUSE A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM DOUBLED

Dear Tribune ently whacking it against a hard object can cause a them that if they don’t I won’t cracking sound. take them on my spaceship. I I’m really worried. I think I’ve broken my penis. I According to some random website we checked figured I needed to promise was lying in bed with a morning glory the other out, it’s a bit of a medical emergency. We reckon them something so I said I’d morning and my girlfriend came into the room and it’s likely to fall off if you don’t get sorted it out take them all off to utopia. leapt on top of me in an effort to mount me, send- soon. You should also probably tell your girlfriend I’ve also corralled them into ing my penis arseways. to calm down a little. If you email us her number living in my basement. Problem The pain was excruciating, beyond expression we’ll let her know you’re ok, she must be out of her is they’re starting to get a little yet somehow I managed to hold it in until my girl- little nympho mind. bored so I’ve to figure out a friend left. daily routine for them. I haven’t moved from my room since. I can’t Dear Tribune, I was thinking of just feed- walk and haven’t eaten, washed or urinated in four ing them magic mush- days. My girlfriend has been ringing me incessant- I’m in love with one of my lecturers. She’s so hot rooms in their daily ly but I can reach my phone. I’ve tried emailing her man. She’s got that whole domineering buzz going rations and letting that take care but she’s from the northside and can’t access the on. She’s not what you’d call conventionally good Yours in lust, of it. I’m also not entirely sure if this is all legal as Internet. I’m too embarrassed too ring an ambu- looking but she really does it for me. The way she Janine they’re parents don’t know where they are. I lance as I’ve left it too long at this stage. lectures is just so arousing. I never thought I’d find haven’t told my ma and da yet and I think they’ll To be honest I look like the victim of a Pakistani the bio-chemical structure of ferrets interesting but Dear Janine, start to get suspicious soon. earthquake. However, I’m worried that I might be I was enraptured for a full hour by her raspy voice That’s a bit of a pickle you’ve got yourself into. What should I do, I’m starting to think that it doing myself irreparable damage. What should I and feminine charm. might be bit too much bother. Any advice. do? She makes me want to be a better woman. After The Prophet her lectures I really want to study, to make her Dear Tribune, Yours in pain happy, I’m desperate to please her. Dave I’m not sure what to do. Our lectures are really I’m thinking of setting up my own cult. But I’m Dear Prophet big and I’m sure she doesn’t have a notion who I not quite sure what type. I’m not particularly reli- Setting up your own cult is always a tricky busi- Dear Dave, am. I’m tempted to tell her, but deep down I know gious but I think I’ve got Messiah like qualities. ness. Dear Tribune had one before and it turned we can never be together as she’s married with I’ve got loads of friends and if I don’t say so out a little messy. Whatever you do don’t organise To answer your first question it is possible to kids. myself they all look up to me and think I’m great. a mass suicide in order to reach utopia as some break your penis. We checked it up on google and I know her husband doesn’t love her the way I I’m also the best at everything. silly bollix might take you seriously. You have been while there aren’t any bones in your penis appar- do. I’ve asked them to call me the Prophet and told warned.

WARNING: LUNGING CAN BE DANGEROUS THE TRIBUNE GUIDE

TO THE adapted in many metaphors and languages. It is no less adaptable in this most sacred of arts. It is no great surprise that the greats of the GAA world were also greats in the nightclub later on. The Lunge is reliably informed through hearsay and conjecture that the likes of Pat Spillane, Jimmy LUNGEKeaveny and even Cora Staunton in the Ladies football world have THIS WEEK: TAKING YOUR POINTSall scored their fare share of hotties. We may have already stressed that patience is a virtue. There is no shame in scoring a bouwler. Not every score can be a We may be repeating ourselves. You probably don’t remem- cracker, it’s outside the realms of possibility. Unfortunately there simply ber so we don’t care. aren’t enough good-looking girls to around. This week we want to bring you all back to basics. We Fear not. It is ok to score a couple of ugly girls in order to get your con- realise that some of you have already mastered the lunge, fidence back. Equally, tread carefully as you may get into a rut, unable to and for you lucky ones, we are redundant. transcend the mire that is ugly women. However, for those of you who can’t follow our simple and By all means get your confidence going with a couple of handy scores clear-cut road to success, we’re here, as always, to give you a but don’t sell yourself short incessantly with a dose of the mingers. It’s helping hand. about match practice, building momentum and getting the techniques Scoring is like a game of Gaelic football. All the great teams going. know that in order to triumph they must first take their points. For example, before reading the Lunge, you may not have gone left It is futile to go barnstorming for goal from the off. A patient and while lunging. It takes practice. It’s not good to start off with the girl you measured style of play must be espoused. Hark back to the great and really like, build towards it and when you get the chance, lunge left and it legendry teams. Think of Heffo’s army or any of the masterful Kerry will come naturally. teams. She may be taken aback but fear not she will pleasantly surprised. If These men of action knew that in order to triumph they had to take your first attempt ends up with breaking her nose, don’t worry she won’t any opportunity that came their way. Even in sight of goal they would- make the same mistake twice. n’t be afraid to fist the ball over the bar. After all they’d retort, ‘there’s Lunging is about ingenuity and the entrepreneurial spirit, therefore mix nothing wrong with a good fisting’. it up a little; lunge left, dabble with ugly women but don’t get hooked and Take your points and your goals will come. It’s a phrase that can be most importantly enjoy yourself. KEANO’S THE VOLUME XIX ISSUE V THIRD STRIKE PAGE 9

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s 31p INSIDE MTV APOLOGISE FOR MINISTER DEFENDS SCIENCE ADVISER AS MUSIC MISTAKE AN “UNQUALIFIED SUCCESS” ENDA KENNY: TIME TO GET RID OF COMPULSORY FINE GAEL CONFERENCES LIVELINE CALLER – DIRTY SANCHEZ: THEIR PROGRAMME WAS INTERUPTED BY MUSIC. MTV ARE REALLY SORRY Top television station MTV have video just as the little boy got on his bike,” be looking into the whereabouts of a num- ST LIAM LAWLOR apologised for a technical error noted a clearly angry Rascalino. “We’ve ber of stylish Mediterranean men with which saw 30 seconds of music traced this to some kind of sabotage, prob- dodgy English, although Ray Sykes is SHOULD ASCEND TO being inadvertently played on the ably by a few Luddites who don’t appreci- understood to have been in Donna Air at channel. ate our quality programming,” he noted, the time of the incident. RIGHT HAND OF GOD Director General of MTV Europe, Tab hinting at a future development which “Such reckless showing of music videos Rascalino, said the station had let down would see NewlyWeds and Dirty Sanchez is in direct opposition to the corporate spir- loyal fans of MTV’s hip-to-the-mega pro- combined. it of Music Television,” noted Rascalino. IRA SET TO ORGANISE gramming, which includes unusually-capi- An ad hoc group of former MTV presen- “We are dedicated to achieving a high level talised shows such as “DiSmissed”and ters, styling itself “The MTV has Gone of viewership amongst the key 8-11 demo- WITHOUT WEAPONS – “Pimp My RiDe” by broadcasting the start Absolutely Shite Now Coalition,” claimed graphic with quality sexually-ambiguous of “Love Generation” by Bob Sinclar, fea- responsibility for the sabotage in a shaky programming, not this so-called ‘music.’” SAYING “BOO” WILL turing Gary Pine at 3.54am last video recorded from a gaudy early-1990’s “Ask yourself what Jesus would want in Wednesday. style studio. this situation; the Pussycat Dolls, or a load BE MAIN TACTIC “The error was noticed straight away by The identity of the spokesperson is not of Welsh lads thumping the fuck out of our technicians and we managed to cut the yet known, but Interpol are understood to each other’s balls with snooker cues?” WIDESPREAD SHOCK AS BIRD IN HAND CELEBRITIES ONLY KILLS ONE IN BUSH – “NO ONE KNOWS US!” Irish celebrities today picketed pop- tographers don’t lie in wait for her wherever has called on the government to protect ular Dublin night spot Lillies she goes, nor does she receive invites to those Irish celebrities that have no dis- BRADY TO Bordello in a bid for recognition. open nightclubs, owners usually plumping cernible talents. The Ronan Keating look-a- The group, which includes Amanda for C-listers from Britain. like nobody, has asked Bertie to “ like help MODULARISE POLAND: Brunker and a man who may well be in Fair “Just last week, I sunbathed topless on out local Irish talent (sic) with like a barring City are complaining that no matter how Dollymount Strand and not one paparazzi order on other celebrities or something, UN APPEASES many RTE reality television shows they man took a photo”, complained the blonde like”. appear on they still do not get the attention who was later arrested on public order Surprisingly Ormonde’s whinging has so they deserve. offences after harassing two Japanese far fell on deaf ears as Fianna Fail breaks “I walked down Grafton St. today and not tourists with a camera. with past tradition and avoids aligning itself SPORT one head turned, not one autograph was One young couple approached Queen of with what one Backbencher described as “a requested”, said Brendan O’Connor. “It’s the Panto ‘Twink’ to see if she was selling group of nouveau riche, overpaid chancers not right, I mean, I’m famous!” flowers. The ageing star chased the lovers with mullets”. Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny ROY KEANE LEAVES One bystander was heard to comment; away before saying, “ Now do you see what is believed to be weighing up his options. “Who’re they?” When told that he was in the we have to put up with!? You wouldn’t see Questions have also been raised about ROOM: FIFTY PAGE presence of a furious George ‘Mondo’ that happen to Frank Bruno in England. the choice of time and venue for the protest. McMahon, the randomer simply replied “I Panto is respected over there.” The only person who was going in and out PULLOUT INSIDE really don’t know who that is, seriously”. Aslan singer Christy Dignam was equally of the nightclub was cleaner Agnes The celebs hope that the publicity from unimpressed. The bedraggled Dubliner suf- McCarthy who was distinctly unimpressed TERRY VENABLES their actions will bring about an upsurge in fered the indignity of an American tourist with proceedings. “I don’t know who they interest in Irish fame. Amanda Brunker, a offering to buy him a McDonalds and a man are and don’t care. I’m tryin’ to take the bins “VERY TENABLE” blonde (bombshell), says that despite fea- leaving Game throwing 2 euro into his cup out and they’re in my way.” turing in at least three ‘Celebrity’ reality of coffee. However the campaigners have vowed to CLAIMS SPOONERIST shows on RTE in the past 14 months, pho- The group’s ringleader, Brian Ormonde, fight on until they are famous. 22.11.05 SPORT 31 Sport’s greatest shame The use of sporting events as a medium for sectarian hatred is rooted in history, however a minority of supporters have failed to move on from the dark days of Bloody Sunday writes Colin Gleeson

It was a crisp winter’s morning ic was that of the friendly between in November. The sun peeked Ireland and England at Lansdowne up over the horizon and set the Road ten years ago. As the English day on its way. The people out- DOWN THE LINE stood for ‘God Save The Queen’, a side went by as they always section of Irish fans hissed and heckled had. There was a chill in the air throughout the rendition. that is typical of that time of These people let themselves and year. The ten-year old boy their country down. Their actions no opened his eyes before rubbing doubt played a part as the English fans them softly. Squinting a little proceeded to dismantle the area of the before letting go of a beaming stand they were in and hurl missiles at smile. the Irish fans below. This, the cyclical He jumped out of bed and raced nature of sectarian violence in all its down the stairs to his waiting breakfast. terrible glory. His father and mother sat at the table When sport becomes a medium for and grinned as he began to rant unself- sectarian hatred, something some- consciously about the day ahead. The where has gone horribly wrong. You twinkle in his eyes aptly capturing the are standing in the centre circle of your glee in his heart. His first trip to Croke home ground waiting to represent your Park. A bonding moment that every country. Waiting to do what you can to father and son cherishes. A part of further the aspirations of your native growing up. land. When suddenly you are subject As the pair stepped out onto the to a tirade of abuse. Torrents of racist street and rode the tram towards the chanting. Like animals they circle you. stadium, they passed the time of day Imagine the shock if you were to look with the other supporters. One young closer. Imagine the deathly shiver as couple were engaged to be married THE OLD FIRM: ONE OF THE SCENES OF SPORTS MOST SERIOUS SECTARIANISM you notice that it’s your own fans that later that week. Planning a future have launched this abomination. together. Planning a life. But for now entrance showing no remorse as it for what sport is about, but also a sad aline. The flag fluttering in the breeze, Where do you go now? What do you were happy to look forward to an after- ripped through the civilian crowd. example of the hypocrisy that is inter- aloft of the great sea of support. A do? noon’s football in each other’s compa- Butchering them. The screams will twined in such attacks. moment when respect and acknowl- This is the situation that former ny. always echo through his dreams. The Men who perform acts of sectarian edgement is observed by all present. Northern Ireland international Neil Children leapt and ran all the way crowd running aimlessly. Desperately. violence are in most cases doing so for But then this cacophony of jeers and Lennon found himself in at Windsor down the road with their flags in hand. The bodies falling around him. A horri- what they would call ‘nationalistic rea- screams echo around the park. Some Park. The loyalist mobs and the many Things were as they always had been. fying shock rippling through his ten- sons’, in that they are doing such for insufferable din. The clamour and com- death threats he received at his home The crowd cheered and smiled as the year old mind. Not understanding the the ‘cause of their country’. The motion. The hostility in the air grips the exposing the ugly face of sectarian players took to the field. The referee’s massacre before his eyes. The end of hypocrisy lies with the incapacity of crowd in some sickening vice. Sport’s hatred in sport for what it is. A man whistle set matters underway. The ball innocence. The greatest tragedy of these men to understand how other greatest shame. deprived of the opportunity to represent whistling through a blue sky that was them all. people can be proud of where they The booing and jeering of a coun- his country. Forced into retirement. marred only by a few speckles of white November 21st, 1920. Bloody come from in the same way. try’s national anthem is the ultimate Another of sport’s great injustices. cloud. Sunday in Croke Park. This, the most The depressing reality is that such a disgrace on the sporting field. Such is How many white crosses will it take With a few minutes gone, the young terrifying example of a sporting occa- trend is present in sport today and has guilty of the incitement of sectarian before this shattering abhorrence is boy looked up at the sky and noticed a sion being used as a medium for sec- been for some time. While Bloody hatred and violence and has no place buried in the rubble? How many ruined red flare shoot out of an overhead tarian violence. The brutal butchering Sunday was the tragic slaughtering of in the sporting arena. lives and battered spirits? The plane. He glanced at his father con- of innocent civilians at a football game. what sport is, there is an underlying Windsor Park has been culpable of hypocrisy of the glory that has been fused. A stunned silence gripped the Women and children, mothers and issue today that is keeping such a this on many occasions, including that instilled in the minds of those guilty of ten thousand strong crowd in its jaws fathers. This blind indifference to fellow heinous concept with blood in it’s of the visit of the Republic Of Ireland sectarian hatred is something that goes as the auxiliaries poured into the man. veins. It comes from the terraces and during the qualification campaign for deeper than the bounds of any one ground. The young boy watched as Sport as a concept is about bringing the stands. Once again stemming from the 1994 World Cup Finals. The behav- sporting occasion. these men began to scream obsceni- people together. Creating a unit in idiocy and hypocrisy. iour of the crowd that night was a trav- It is something that may never be ties into the crowd, breaking the death- which people will rally together for a There is no prouder moment for any esty for sport and quite simply inexcus- totally eradicated from society. But let ly silence. single cause. Nationalism is a product sportsman than to stand in his coun- able. An embarrassment to their coun- there be little doubt that this filth has no He saw the numbed stillness turn to of international sporting fields. The use try’s colours and to bellow his national try. place in sport. And the sad reality is unholy terror as the soldiers opened of a sporting event to perform acts of anthem as it echoes all around him. Another example of this where the that the frontier of such a battle is in the fire. A machine gun from the park sectarianism is not only a great tragedy The patriotic surge of pride and adren- consequences were all the more horrif- midst of the crowd on the sidelines. the diary of a... superleague captain The league has now entered the winter stage these meetings to find that only half of the by Gordon Tobin and a winter of true malcontent for this squad have bothered to show up. This, as way it is not good enough. it was a group of hung-over wasters who particular captain it’s turning out to be. the team manager, is embarrassing and a In our last league game only nine of the didn’t have the decency to contact and The rot of the cold has really and truly real pain in the arse. squad, including yours truly, showed. This educate me of their impending absence. begun to take effect. Sometimes as a coach/ captain /manager was without doubt the lowest point in our All moaning aside, our next game is a In the Superleague, as in any amateur (or whatever you would feel comfortable season. I was forced to contact non-players cup match. With our position in the league league around the country, players have calling it) you feel like your efforts go during their likely Sunday beauty sleep being a precarious 5th place, this cup is no doubt begun to fell the scythe of this, unappreciated and certainly un-emulated and spur them into busting their gut for a probably our most realistic chance of lift- causing a dissolving of interest in terms of by the very people youre trying to provide team theyve never had anything to do with ing some gilded silverware this season. actually training and showing up for for. or will ever again. I just hope that our players come to games. Securing a good coach, and booking Nothing pisses me off more than people their senses and start attending, for this For the previous two weeks, no more than pitches in UCD is no easy feat as it stands. not showing up and giving no prior notice. match represents much more than the ten of my squad have made themselves When you do eventually get all of the It’s quite frankly upsetting. Thankfully teams final chance at seeing the top, it available for training at each session, administrative necessities sorted and very enough we chiselled out a draw in a game symbolizes the last likelihood for the which is a real kick in the teeth as a man- few people show up it is a highly disen- that ironically we managed to gain a 3-0 waster, disrespectable scum that this ager. Our coach, a team members father, chanting feeling. Perhaps it is down to the lead in at half time. How we lost this lead writer is trying to coach to make something has made himself available for each of weather, Christmas exams or essays, either was by no means my Sunday bane, rather of themselves, however medial. 32 SPORT 22.11.05 College’s season draws to a close

PHOTO: RC UCD nicked a share of the spoils BELFIELD PARK from Shamrock Rovers at Belfield Park on Friday, with a UCD 2 late strike from Ronan Finn earning the students a point. ROVERS 2 A well-taken first-half brace from BEN BLAKE Cathal O’Connor had put the visitors ahead before Pat McWalter’s header closed the gap. The encounter looked but lacking accuracy, it bounced harm- to be heading the way of the Hoops lessly wide. right up until until Finn found the back The Hoops’ second was even more of the net with 3 minutes remaining on pleasing on the eye, and sent the con- the clock. siderably small number of travelling The final day of the season pos- fans into a frenzy. A series of one-twos sessed little to play for in terms of between O’Connor and Cathal league aspirations, with the faith of Sweetman set the former free, and his both teams already decided- UCD sit- effort struck both posts before crossing ting just out of danger in 9th position, the line. while Rovers were destined for a pro- Knowing a change was needed swift- motion/ relegation play-off. Suspended ly if anything was to be salvaged from manager Roddy Collins’ former club the game, Pete Mahon attempted to fill Dublin City or Cobh Ramblers would in the cracks, spotting a weakness on provide opposition. the left flank with Seamus Long It was clear from the start, however, replaced O’Donnell. that neither wished to lose, as pride Rovers have been going through a was at stake. On 4 minutes Gary torrid time recently, both on and off the Dicker, looking to pick out the perfect field, with Irish goalkeeping coach Alan ball got caught in possession and dis- O’Neill being drafted in following the possessed. Tony Sheridan advanced suspension of Roddy Collins and sub- DANGEROUS: UCD GET A FREE KICK IN SIGHT OF THEIR OPPONENTS GOAL goalward getting a decent shot away. sequent departure of assistant coach “Shero” was again involved in the Terry Eviston. The ex-Rovers stopper After the restart, UCD continued to of action, as the talisman was then sub- Bernard “Benny” Daniel put a spark action moments later, this time turned must have been feeling some amount claw their way back into the match, with stituted. back into Rovers’ play. He proved a provider. Keeping his marker at bay, he of comfort with his team’s performance Damian Dupuy spurning two potential Both sides rang in the changes in the useful outfit, running at men with pace. laid the ball off to midfielder Marc a half an hour in. opportunities to equalise. final quarter of an hour, in an effort to Defeat looked imminent for UCD, Kenny. Kenny had been spreading play An unfortunate loss of balance from However, for much of the second put together a final assault. It was UCD until a touch of magic by substitute Finn about fluently, and when he picked up Barry Murphy, however, allowed the –half, neither looked able to take con- who piled on the pressure in the closing leveled terms. Exchanging passes with Sheridan’s pass, he put O’Connor in students back in with a shout. An in- trol of the play. Rovers were tiring from minutes. Dicker should have done bet- Willie Doyle on the right, the First Arts with the deftest of flicks. The winger swinger from the right flank deceived their first-half heroics, while the Belfield ter with his volley, after arriving late into man fired home brilliantly to put a polish stormed forward before calmly convert- the number one, leaving McWalter to boys looked out of ideas. the box. on UCD’s first season back in the top ing. nod into an empty net. O’Connor had worked consistently The introduction of Nigerian-born flight. Rovers were at this point on the Before the break, Dicker did excel- up and down the right flank, and ascendancy. The lively Lee Roche was lently to hurdle two challenges and seemed determined to cap a good UCD: Quigley, Mahon, Shorthall, Kenna, O’Donnell, Gannon, Dicker, McDonnell, putting himself about and leading the make space for himself 18 yards out. nights work with a hat trick. Receiving a McWalter, Martin, Dupuy. SUBS: Long, Finn. line well with Darren Quigley. Winning Lining up a shot, he expertly changed pass in the opposing half, he decided to Shamrock Rovers: Murphy, Sweetman, Foley, Shelly, Doyle, O’Connor, McDonagh, an aerial battle, he played the ball into feet and slipped the ball through to go it alone. Cutting inside, though, he Kenny, Quigley, Sheridan, Roche. SUBS: O’Halleron, Manley, Daniel. the path of his strike partner. Trying the Robbie Martin, who fired agonizingly dragged his left-foot shot wide of the Referee: J Feighery. spectacular, Quigley attempted the lob, over. mark. That proved to be his last piece UCD Marian Get Serbed UCD Marian unveiled their new SPORTS CENTRE were neck and neck as both Tomic and mascot Billy the Bear in the UCD MARIAN 78 Lufkin became more influential. Sports Centre last Saturday The opening sparring ended with night but it was Dart Killester DART KILLESTER 87 Tomic pointing in the dying seconds of coach Saisa Punovac who pro- the quarter to close the gap between vided all the entertainment. RUAIDHRI O’CONNOR the sides to two points. The dapper Serbian coach cut an at The following quarter saw UCD take times irate, at times delirious figure Morberly and Irish international star complete control and engineer a lead courtside as his side fought back Lorcan Precious. that they must have thought would set bravely from behind to defeat their The final score seemed unlikely dur- them up for victory. Irish forward Kevin hosts with a strong second half per- ing the first half as a combination of the Foley was hugely impressive with a formance in this Dublin derby. strength of Morberly and Lufkin with the series of three pointers from a range of It was Punovac’s Serbian counter- fleet footedness and ball skills of positions. BIG MEN: UCD AND KILLESTER GO HEAD TO HEAD part Branislav Tomic who inspired Precious put College in the ascendan- Marian’s dominance was empha- Killester’s victory with 23 points. The cy. sised by Precious’s closing score on powered by Tomic and helped by the take part. powerful centre took the game by the The pace at the offset was frantic the break which left the home side with dexterous hands of Kieran O’Brien; Fired on by Tomic, much to delight of scruff of the neck in the latter quarters with both sides attacking with penetra- a ten point cushion. they took the match by the scruff of the his already celebrating coach who was and it was his battle with UCD’s tion. Lufkin opened the scoring with a Perhaps it was coach Punovac’s neck to turn around the ten point deficit. high-fiving all and sunder in the closing American Nate Lufkin which proved fine basket and was fouled in the finest Serbian ringing in their ears or The sides may have been level minutes, Killester closed the deal with a decisive. process. He tagged on the extra point. inspiration from the half time dancing going into the final quarter but the series of unanswered scores. Lufkin dominated the first half with As the first period wore on, Killester girls from Bray but Dart Killester hit the momentum was verifiably with the So bragging rights went north of the an array of impressive scores and seemed to be taking control with guard court running after the interval. Northside club. UCD’s chances took a Liffey, but more importantly Killester rebounds which were complimented by John Behan scoring twice consecutive- The crucial third quarter was domi- blow when the effervescent Foley com- pulled level with their opponents in the the work of his compatriots Damien ly from down town. The two teams nated from start to finish by the visitors, mitted his fifth foul and could no longer Northern Conference. 22.11.05 SPORT 33 Babs baffled by “unusual referee” Colin Gleeson provides post-match analysis and reaction to UCD’s Senior Hurling Leinster quarterfinal victory over Birr last Sunday week at Parnell Park

“Stephen Lucey is one of the ten years and boasting a large num- PHOTO: CG greatest players ever, I’m in the ber of high-profile inter-county hurlers, game all my life and he’s up including Offally legend Brian there in the top rank of players Whelahan. I’ve ever seen.” UCD Director of “To play a great club like Birr GAA Dave Billings, had kind who’ve won four All-Ireland Club words for College’s star of the Championships and have some of the show as the final whistle greatest players in the history of the sounded at a blustery Parnell game is a great honour for UCD.” Park last Sunday week. UCD manager, Michael ‘Babs’ In what was a hard-fought test for Keating, was also delighted with his the students, Billings was keen amid sides performance on the day. “Well widespread speculation regarding the we were playing with fourteen men for status of a star-studded UCD side in a while there you know. We let them the club championships, to emphasise back through carelessness, but I just the all-round commitment of the team had a feeling we were good enough as a unit on such occasions. you know, we’ve done a lot in the last If he refereed a Munster Final between Cork and Tipp, and there was two people put off for what I saw, I would say he’d be “ lucky to get out of Thurles “People always say we’re just a col- fortnight and the commitment of the lection of individuals but I think we lads there is great in the last fortnight.” proved otherwise today. It was a Babs does however, have some tremendous match I feel. We thought cause for concern in the wake of los- INTENSE: BABS KEATING AND DAVE BILLINGS CONFER DURING UCD’S GAME WITH BIRR we were in trouble at half-time but we ing a comfortable six point lead after never gave up, I think we showed twenty minutes, before giving a goal half and Birr’s Gary Hannify at the ees but I’m just saying that the GAA less be pleased with a hard days work great spirit. away on the stroke of half-time to trail final whistle, despite it being a largely Central Authority has procedures for as the students go marching on in “We are a real team. We played the midlanders by 1-05 to 0-6 at the tepid affair. Keating was left riling by managers and how to behave and all, Leinster as they bid to avenge their twenty-one matches in the Dublin break. the end of the match and was keen to now I’m just saying that I think refer- defeat in the final last year at the Championship in the last two years. “It was better for them to get it at voice his opinions regarding some ees should be brought in and made hands of Kilkenny champions James We have players who would die for that time, gave us time to recover and “unusual refereeing decisions.” look at decisions they make. Stephens. their team. Players who would come talk about it in the dressing room. I felt “I’ll tell you something that you “In all honesty, I’m concerned that Dave Billings was keen however, to from anywhere and do anything for by the end that they weren’t going to should be writing about. There’s a we’re nearly a professional game. dismiss talk of revenge as the their team and they want to be out get another lucky goal, our full-back level of acceptance from hurling peo- We’re coming to the stage that televi- prospect of a repeat of last year’s final there playing. Whether you like it or line were dominant at that stage. We ple about the standards of referring. sion is playing such a high profile in draws near. “Last year was tremen- not, we’re going to develop Gaelic lost concentration a good bit though, Now what I saw out there didn’t come the game, and I’m telling you now, I dous, we beat Coolderry, Port Laoise, games.” failed to dominate around midfield and up to that acceptance. If he refereed a know Gary Hannify for a long long and we got to the Leinster Club Final. The UCD man was clearly delight- the half forward line.” Munster Final between Cork and Tipp, time and I’ve never seen him draw a We lost by a point and James ed, as the final whistle sounded The match itself was however, and there was two people put off for malicious belt. All I’m saying is that we Stephens won the game and went on around the stadium, to see College shrouded in controversy with the what I saw, I would say he’d be lucky want referees but we want them and became Kilkenny, Leinster and overcome a Birr side who are four- bizarre sendings off of UCD’s Colm to get out of Thurles. behaving right.” All-Ireland champions. We congratu- time All-Ireland champions in the past Everard midway through the second “I don’t want to be criticising refer- The Tipperary native will nonethe- lated them and that’s all history now.”

DONNYBROOK Trinners not the winners UNIVERSITY COLLEGE DUBLIN 25 DUBLIN UNIVERSITY 13 UCD made it ten in a row, on JAMES MOUNTJOY thirty-nine yard penalty to end the half Friday last in Donnybrook, cele- at 15–3 in favour of the students. Eoghan Hickey launched a Garryowen, facing a challenging conversion which brating a comfortable victory later when they began to pound the UCD were quickest out of the blocks which Francis Keane fumbled. Ken he took in characteristic style. over the Old Enemy, Trinity. UCD line. A stalwart College defence in the second half and caused trouble Kennedy pounced on the ball before Late surges of pressure from Trinity It was College outhalf Eoghan did however, result in forced errors from the start. The introduction of up whipping it out to Stephen Grissing who yielded a consolation try from Philip Hickey who stole the show with an from a rolling maul. A well weighted box and coming Leinster star Robert cut inside and the attack was snuffed Rowe after some time on the UCD line. assured display in treacherous condi- kick from Matt D’Arcy also threatened Kearney at full back was greeted with out. The game may have ended with a tions. Hickey kicked off proceedings to eat into the UCD lead, but the lineout enthusiasm by the fans from Belfield. The seventy fourth minute saw a Trinity try, but the night was UCD’s. putting College ahead with a penalty proved fruitless. There was some excellent running dangerous rolling maul from UCD as College have now gone ten games after ten minutes. Ken Kennedy brought the crowd to from the three-quarter line as UCD the ball was then spread wide by undefeated against Trinity. It would Five minutes later, UCD silenced the its feet in the thirty-fourth minute with a enjoyed several minutes of sustained Hickey before Kearney spectacularly seem that the students are back on Trinity support with a cracking Hickey dazzling inside break through the pressure. A high, hard hitting tackle got his name on the score sheet with a track in the AIB League after a stutter- inspired opening try. From a UCD line Trinity cover. The centre offloaded to from captain Kevin Croke resulted in a superb individual effort. This left Hickey ing start to their season. out inside the opposition 22, the Eoghan Hickey who sauntered in under yellow card, which subsequently left the College pack mauled forward. The out- the posts to take his try, which he duly team without a wing forward for ten UCD: Ross McCarron, Stephen Grisssing, Ken Kennedy, Niall Kearns, Darren McKenna, half launched a beautiful cross-field converted. minutes. Eoghan Hickey, Brian O’Riordan, John A Lee, Conor Geoghan, Keith Doyle, Brian Hall, kick, which was caught on the run by The end of the first half saw tempers All Trinity could manage from this Richard Mandeno, Simon Crawford, Kevin Croke (Capt.), Kevin McLaughlin right wing Stephen Grissing who duly flare as Brian Hall’s tackle on Connor one man advantage was a penalty in DU Team: romped home. Donohue was deemed too high by the the fifty-third minute. Only two minutes Philip Howard, Shane Hanratty, George Byron, Conor Donoghue, Francis Keane, Donal Crotty, Matt D’Arcy, Niall Conlon, Matt Crockett, Paul The inner city boys attempted to referee and the Trinity support. Donal later a sliced clearance left the Trinity Doran Jones, Martin Garvey, Marc Warburton, Philip Rowe, Hugh Hogan, restore some pride a few moments Crotty easily slotted the consequent defence under all sorts of pressure as Gregory Herrera 34 SPORT 22.11.05

Moving on up Colin Gleeson talks to Pete Mahon, UCD’s eircom League manager, about the season gone by, the difficulites of attracting experienced players and the Clubs thriving youth system

There was no whooping. No hys- the bar a couple of times and it’s about n’t allow the like of those players to With the boys in blue looking to go think was six or seven, Pat McWalter, teria. The polite applause was time the club moved on. “But in order to come here but it would be great to have from strength to strength after a season Robbie Martin, it’s a very poor return as perhaps apt. Echoing through do that and win some silverware, we that type of player here.” full of the highs and lows that are far as I’m concerned from thirty three the night’s sky last Friday need three or four more experienced With the annual scramble for position entailed with top-flight action, not least games. evening as the curtain came players in order to compliment the good coming around in the transfer market the glamour of the League Cup, Mahon “And we do create a few chances, down on UCD’s season. Another crop of young players we have here. next week, the UCD chief was keeping was adamant of the potential UCD we don’t create chances in every day at the office for manager The young players we have here are his cards close to his chest but holds. game, but if you take in Longford two Pete Mahon. second to none. There are none better. remained steadfast in his desire to see “We’d be hopeful that if we got the weeks ago, we had three chances and “I’m happy enough overall. The last There’s a couple of players I’d love to things done correctly in the transfer three of four players that I think we they had three chances, they scored two seasons have been very good for need, we could certainly move on and one and we didn’t. We’re lacking a little us. We came back last year with pro- There’s a couple of players I’d love instead of being third or fourth from the bit of quality in certain areas. And that’s motion, the under 21’s won the Tony to have here, Kevin Hunt is one, bottom, we could be third or fourth from the thin line I reckon between where we O’Neill Cup and we did it again last the top. I mean, if you look at the teams are now and where we can be.” week, we retained our premier League Glen Crowe is another, the likes of in and around us, Bray, Pats, I mean a UCD has in the past year affiliated status and we got to the final of the Alan Moore at Shelbourne couple of weeks ago before the final itself with Mount Merrion schoolboy League Cup, so all in all with the round of the league I was looking at club in the hope of adding to it’s already amount of young players we have here fourth spot even then. But it wasn’t to comprehensive youth system. College it was a very good season for us.” have“ here, Kevin Hunt is one, Glen market. be. have already begun reaping the bene- A season that began with promise. Crowe is another, the likes of Alan “There’s a couple of players but obvi- But there’s no reason at all why we fits of this association. The aspirations of a top four finish Moore at Shelbourne, those are play- ously I couldn’t let the names slip with can’t move forward here if as I said, we “Well we got two players from Mount sadly short-lived. “The disappointing ers who would be of great benefit to the the season not over. I’d be getting get the right type of player. I don’t like Merrion this year on the scholarship, thing for us was the final third of the young players we have here. myself into trouble even though our settling for second best, I’ve never Eoin O’Cinneide and Francis Moran so season, but there was a defining week “They have played at the highest players have been tapped up already done that. And I don’t see any reason that could be the start, but then again in our season when we played Bray in level in England with the exception of but we don’t do our business that way. why this club should do either. And I there’s a lot of work that we did at that the league, Derry City in the League Glen Crowe but Glen is a proven goal We’ll wait until the end of the season just hope that we can move things on. I end of things in relation to Mount Cup Final and then Bray again in the scorer here and he would be good for and we approach the respective man- mean there’s nothing like a win or a Merrion and the schoolboy end of cup. the likes of Connor Salmon and Conan agers, or whatever, or the clubs where couple of wins for confidence and well things, but it can only be a positive step “I mean we were done by a decision being and a feel good factor within the as well. down in Bray, which was well highlight- We need a goal scorer,I’m talking club.” “Eoin has a hamstring injury at the ed, well documented. And that about a player that will score The key to the coveted top four sta- moment, Francis started on the bench changed our whole season. Then I’d tus however lies with a lack of potency last night, didn’t get on. They’ve only also have to say that having so many twelve goals, fourteen goals a year in College’s final third. “We had a few come in last July so they’ll probably young players and being expected to experiences in the country when we got throw a shape next year because some play so many matches was a factor in Byrne who I think have a great chance the players are and go through the beaten in Cork one nil, you know we of that team that played last night will our decline towards the end of the sea- if they get a bit of help, if they learn the proper channels. got beaten in Longford one nil, I think be in the first team next year. son.” right“ stuff. “Because it’s no use us moaning we lost six games one nil this year, “It’s a continuous sort of conveyor But College’s main man maintains “They do that on the training ground about other managers doing their busi- drew eleven, that’s half the year, that’s belt system. That’s what we’re trying to that the future remains bright for the with us and they’ll do it on match day by ness the way they do and then we do seventeen games in thirty three. do here, get a steady flow of players. boys in blue despite UCD’s disappoint- learning from the good players, learn- exactly the same. We do our business “That tells you what we need, we To go and win the Tony O’Neill Cup two ing fall at the final hurdle in the League ing how they operate in a match situa- right here. The season’s over on need a goal scorer. But every club will years running shows that we’re doing Cup. “It would certainly have done the tion and all that kind of stuff, but we’re Saturday night and we’ll be on the tell you that, but I’m talking about a something right. We’ve had two great club wonders and it’s about time this not going to get those players. We have phone Sunday and Monday trying to player that will score twelve goals, four- teams so if we can build on those last club did win some silverware. We’ve hit to be realistic, the wage budget would- get another couple of players.” teen goals a year. Our top goal scorer I two seasons then the future is bright.” 22.11.05 SPORT 35 TRL trounced by students SPORT PHOTO: RONAN COONEY IN BRIEF COMPILED BY HARRY SMYTH MEN’S SOCCER

The UCD U21s produced the goods under pressure to defeat Shelbourne 2-1 and ensure retention of the Dr. Tony O’Neill trophy. In what had been a highly compet- itive league, they knew they had to deliever a big per- formance which is exactly what they were able to accomplish. After beating a strong Bohemians side in the semi- finals the pressure was on UCD’s next batch of stars to come up with the goods in the final. The team played with a high tempo from the kick-off and opened the scoring in the 6th minute courtesy of a NATIONAL HOCKEY CENTRE clinical finish from Conan Byrne. This was the perfect UCD 2 start and enabled them to impose themselves on the opposition. TRL 1 They doubled their advantage mid-way through the first half with Ronan Finn providing the finish to an SIDELINE BALL: UCD START YET ANOTHER FLOWING ATTACK AGAINST TRL excellent move. UCD were unable to convert a couple UCD were worthy winners against a RONAN COONEY any meaningful possession, often misdirect- of half chances early on in the second half which gave plucky Tree Rock Ladies on a chilly ing passes back to UCD shortly after the ball Shelbourne hope. Belfield morning last Saturday week. College. had just been won or by conceding yet more The lads from the Tolka demonstrated plenty of fight- College put in a commanding performance However, UCD’s easy ride was scuppered short corners. ing spirit and determination and deservedly got them- to comfortably see off a Three Rock Ladies when they were forced to make a substitution The pattern of play was only broken briefly, selves back into the match with a well taken header side who are currently struggling in the bot- after Eimear Horan suffered an injury to her most notably when Three Rock Ladies’ shot from Daniel Ennis. UCD held on though despite some tom half of the first division, having just one ribs while attempting to win possession back just over the bar after exposing a rare gap in late scares and over the course of the season certainly win from eight matches played so far. on the left wing. Zita Hough was brought on to UCD’s defence. College kept the pressure up deserved to come out on top. UCD started brightly and enjoyed nearly all replace her. and came close to doubling their lead on sev- The continued success of the 21’s is testament to all of the possession for the opening couple of UCD’s problems continued, as Tree Rock eral occasions, the closest of which was the hard work put in by the coaching staff. minutes. Three Rock Ladies never looked appeared to settle into the game in the latter Roisin Flinn’s close range shot, which was comfortable on the ball and seemed inca- stages of the first half. UCD still looked the cleared off the line, after she had received a pable of holding on to possession. superior side however, as the visitors could cross from Fiona Braddish. Sloppy defending on the part of the visitors only manage occasional bursts forward It was Braddish who eventually put OSCAR TRAYNOR led to several unnecessary short corners towards the visitors goal and never looked to College’s lead beyond the reach of the visi- being conceded to the students who failed to be a serious threat. tors after she managed to find the net from a capitalize on the mistakes of their opponents, Tree Rock Ladies paid the price for failing difficult angle after a goalmouth scramble. The UCD Oscar Traynor side are continuing to put in despite forcing the Three Rock Ladies goal- to make the most of their brief spell as UCD From that point on UCD’s lead never looked the hard yards ahead of their game against Wexford on keeper to make several saves in the opening started the second half in strong form. in danger. Saturday the 26th of November. ten minutes. College looked confident and organized in College’s second win of the season has The lads lost out marginally to Offaly/Westmeath in The game was played almost entirely in the contrast to their opponents who appeared to now lifted them up to sixth in the standings, their first game despite only having been together for a visitors half as UCD continued to pile on the be constantly on the back foot. just one place above Three Rock Ladies. couple of weeks. pressure against the shaky defense of the The home side made particular progress UCD have two games in hand on the majori- The team is the Superleague select side and is up visitors. College’s efforts were rewarded a on the wings with Fiona Braddish and Lisa ty of the other teams in the league, despite against the select sides of all junior leagues in the short time later when Elaine O’Neill opened Jacob combining to make several sweeping only having played five games. UCD’s next country. the scoring after fifteen minutes with a goal runs towards the Three Rock Ladies’ goal. game is at home in Belfield to fourth placed The lads will be hosting a race night in early January resulting from yet another short corner for The away side once again failed to maintain Old Alexandra on the 26th of November. to earn some much needed funds to help them on their travels. Softball Intervarsities: Leg 1 - University of Balls of steel Limerick - 4/5 November RUGBY The UCD 1st team have moved up into 3rd position in The Irish Softball Intervarsity compe- OWEN PRIESTLEY with outstanding performances by Emma Division 2 after stringing together some impressive tition got underway on the weekend Heffernan at 1st base, Stuart Blain at Pitcher results in their most recent fixtures. They defeated of the 4th with the first leg of the com- Galway Tribes, and the defending Intervarsity and Dan Kapeluto playing at both short stop Naas 6-3 away and followed this up with a 3-1 home petition being held at the University of champions the UCD firsts (the DB’s). The and Left Field. The best performance over the win over Bray in their latest outing. Limerick (UL). The competition runs competition is organized into three division weekend went to Zack Shahn who was both This has left them just one over three weekends throughout the finals, the cup, plate and the bowl. With UCD solid in the field and devastating with the bat, point behind current year in with legs usually being held represented in the Cup Semi-final the defend- bringing home more runs than could be count- leaders Kilkenny Waterford, Dublin and Limerick. UCD ing champions looked strong favorites to bring ed. and level on traveled as defending champions with home another Intervarsity Championship but UCD were not represented in the division points with four teams entered in the competi- went down to the UL 55’s who went on to win three bowl competition which went to the UL Clontarf and tion. the cup after topping group one. JD’s. The second leg of the competition was St. The teams were named the DB’s, the SS’s, In the Plate Competition, UCD filled three of due to take place in Waterford in March, how- Brendans. the RR’s and the KB’s. UCD were only out the four semi final slots with Waterford ever due to sale of the Waterford Crystal They will represented by the home contingent of UL Institute of Technology occupying the remain- grounds which house the WIT team, the next be hoping who had a total of five teams. The competition ing place. The UCD fourths (the KB’s) were scheduled intervarsity competition isn’t until to contin- was split into two groups in a round robin set the success story of the weekend after going April. ue this up with teams playing a total of five games or three games without a win on Saturday; they UCD Softball Club train every Tuesday good run four games depending on their group in the rallied together and put in a tournament from 4-6 on the main synthetic surface Pitch of form preliminary stages. changing 4 game winning streak convincingly and Saturday mornings down on the back when they The top two seeded UL teams finished top disposing of Waterford in the semi final and rugby pitches from 11 onwards. All newcom- meet Weston of both group one and group two sending the UCD seconds, the SS’s in the final. ers welcome or for more info email on Nov 26th. them both into the finals along with the UCD were well represented at all levels [email protected] SPORT LADIES HOCKEY PETE MAHON COLLEGE ON TOP 4, GOALS THE RISE &TRANSFERS MATCH REPORT- PAGE 35 EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW- PAGE 34 UCD win in dramatic fashion

NOWLAN PARK, KILKENNY UCD 0-15 OULART 1-9

SIDELINE CUT: UCD IN ACTION AGAINST OFFALY CHAMPIONS BIRR. SEE PG 33 FOR POST MATCH REACTION

A dramatic closing period saw HARRY SMYTH achievement on the day was the way Babs Keating’s men will surely have of last year’s controversy still fresh in UCD’s hurlers edge out Oulart- they were able to maintain their focus to up their game for the clash with the thePHOTO: mind, next COLIN Sunday’s GLEESON Leinster Final The Ballagh of Wexford and Lucey. and not become frustrated with their Kilkenny champions but with memories should prove to be a seismic affair. book their place in the final of UCD were coasting and looked like inability to finish the game off at an ear- the Leinster Hurling they were in for an easy afternoon after lier stage. UCD: B.Campion, D.Walton, Oulart: P.Dempsey, J. Roche, K. Championship on Sunday. they took a four points to one lead. Just as a replay looked destined, M.Fitzgerald, E.Campion, Rossiter, P. Roche, A. Kavannagh, The Dublin champions now march on However, the Wexford champions College shifted through the gears and D.Fitzgerald, E.Ryan, C.Everand, L. Dunne, L. Prendergast, A. to face reigning Leinster supremos weren’t going to go out without a fight courtesy of two magnificent points from B.Barry, S.Lucey, P.Morrissey, O’Leary, D. Stamp, S. Doyle, M. James Stephens of Kilkenny with and they responded admirably with Brian Phelan and an Eamon O’Gorman B.Phelan, R.de Barra, T.Fitzgerald, Storey, D. Mythen, R. Jacob, M. revenge for last years controversial Stephen Doyle producing an excellent score, they managed to seal a last gasp J.O’Connor, B.Murphy Jacob, W. Whelan defeat surely on their mind. finish to net the goal that instilled plenty victory. The spectators in Nowlan Park were of confidence for the job in hand. treated to a thoroughly absorbing The teams went in at half time tied at POST MATCH ANALYSIS encounter. It was a game that will with- six points all with neither side able to out doubt linger in the memory of both exert a stranglehold on proceedings. It’s on afternoons like this delighted that we were able to take either way. sets of supporters who were at the The second half began as the first when strong men come to the our chances in the end.” Diarmaid Fitzgerald, UCD’s right Kilkenny venue. had ended with both teams unable to fore. UCD could so easily have The students delivered a perform- half-back, spoke of his delight at hav- Ultimately it was UCD’s ability to take establish a significant advantage. died and gone out with a whim- ance full of courage and determina- ing a chance to erase the hearth ache their chances when it mattered most Tommy Fitzgerald and Bryan Barry per on Sunday last yet they tion in seeing off a strong challenge of last years result. that proved to be the difference scored the opening points for UCD but stood up and were counted from Oulart of Wexford. Their reward “It’s great that we have the oppor- although it was their inability to kill of the each time Oulart were allowed to disposing of the Wexford is the perfect opportunity to reverse tunity to have another go in the final”. opposition when they had chances respond to draw level once again. champions. the disappointment of last year. He described the latter stages of the early on that almost proved their undo- The tension around the ground was One such man was Stephen Lucey “I thought we showed great fighting game as “a real melting pot”, and was ing. mounting as the half wore on and the who grabbed the game by the scruff spirit and dug in at the crucial times”, very pleased with the composure the The opening exchanges were tense teams combined to provide an exhila- of the neck and brought College with- was how Dave Billings UCD Director players showed towards the end. with time and space at a premium. rating last fifteen minutes. in 70minutes of a Leinster of GAA summed up the match. The final, which is to take place in College registered their first score in the Once again, College looked to pull Championship trophy. “Oulart are an outstanding team Port Laoise promises to be a great 7th minute with Pa Morrissey hitting the ahead but Oulart demonstrated consid- Lucey who had a tremendous and we always knew how difficult a occasion, and once again it can target from a tight angle. This was erable fighting spirit to claw back a two- game in the centre was both relieved game it would be”. This is definitely a assumed that the supporters nerves quickly followed up with a well-taken point deficit with ten minutes to go. and thrilled at the victorious outcome. fair assessment of the afternoon and will be tested to the limit as the stu- point from Limerick dual star Stephen Perhaps the student’s greatest “ It was such a tough game, just in truth the match could have gone dents take on a strong opposition.