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'Dark Shadows' Prefers Visuals Over Story

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'Dark Shadows' Prefers Visuals Over Story SPOTLIGHT Saturday-Sunday, May 12-13, 2012 | Editor: Eli Pace | 270-887-3235 | [email protected] AT THE MOVIES n ‘Dark Shadows’ prefers visuals ASSOCIATED PRESS In this film image released by Pantelion Films, Eva Mendes is over story shown in a scene from “Girl in Progress.” BY CHRISTY LEMIRE AP MOVIE CRITIC ‘Girl in Progress’ Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are snuggled warmly in their comfort zone in the chilly horror-comedy “Dark Shadows,” their eighth col- never grows up laboration as director and star, re- spectively, and their weakest by far. BY CHRISTY LEMIRE You don’t need to know a thing AP MOVIE CRITIC about the late-’60s “Dark Shadows” TV series that provides the inspira- The strong, sexy presence of Eva Mendes and tion. Tonally, thematically, visually, the girlish perkiness of Cierra Ramirez can only you’ve seen this movie before, with go so far to make this forced mother-daughter its oddball characters, skies in vary- dramedy tolerable. It’s a coming-of-age story that ing shades of gray and a foreboding knows it’s a coming-of-age story — as in, our young sense of gothic mystery. No one gets heroine is well aware of the conventions of this challenged here; no one gets kind of tale and goes out of her way to manufac- pushed. ture various rites of passage to expedite her trans- It’s actually a wonder that Depp formation to womanhood. hasn’t played a vampire before; still, Ramirez’s Ansiedad literally creates a flow chart his long-undead Barnabas Collins, in her bedroom and spells out her strategy with her who’s been buried alive for nearly only friend — whom she’ll soon cast aside, she de- two centuries and suddenly finds clares, because it’s a necessary step in the process. himself back in his insular Maine ASSOCIATED PRESS Director Patricia Riggen and screenwriter hometown in 1972, fits squarely Hiram Martinez don’t go far enough, don’t dig deep within his well-honed on-screen per- In this film image released by Warner Bros., Johnny Depp portrays Barnabas Collins in a scene from “Dark Shadows.” enough with these characters. They play it too safe, sona. He thinks he’s quite the which makes “Girl in Progress” feel like a slightly charmer, but he’s actually a bit awk- family’s delicate, wide-eyed nanny him (the va-va-voomy Eva Green), racier version of an ABC Family show. And the ward, and that contradiction pro- and hopes to fit in by smoking pot it’s too late. flat, overly bright lighting further makes it feel like vides the main source of humor. with the local hippies. And how is That’s a lot of exposition, huh? forgettable television. It certainly doesn’t help that Or at least, it’s supposed to. this tiny Karen Carpenter person And the film itself takes awhile to the two main figures are cliches. The script from Seth Grahame- singing to him from inside the tele- get going as it establishes all those Mendes’ Grace is the child in the equation, hav- Smith (“Abraham Lincoln: Vampire vision set? Ho ho! characters and back stories. Once ing given birth when she was just 17 and hopping Hunter”) allows its family full of At the same time, “Dark Shad- there, it seems to have nowhere to from man to man and town to town ever since. An- weirdos to shine intermittently but ows” feels too languid, bogged down go — out of the shadows or into siedad — which means anxiety in Spanish — is the they rarely interact with each other; as it is with an obsessive eye for pe- the light, it doesn’t really matter responsible one: Smart, studious and organized, each functions in his or her own riod costumes (the work of Colleen either way. she’s left to scrub the sink full of dishes while her self-consciously quirky bubble. Too Atwood) and interior details rather “Dark Shadows,” is a Warner mom’s out with her married gynecologist often, “Dark Shadows” is crammed than offering anything resembling Bros. Pictures release and is rated boyfriend (Matthew Modine, whose character with hacky, obvious, fish-out-of- an engaging story. And by the time PG-13 for comic horror violence, doesn’t have a single perceptible redeeming qual- water gags, as Barnabas tries to Burton finally puts his patented sexual content, some drug use, ity). PG-13 for mature thematic elements, sexual make sense of this strange new flair for visual effects to its best use, language and smoking. Running content including crude references, and drinking world. He struggles to understand in a climactic showdown between time: 116 minutes. One and a half — all involving teens. 84 minutes. One and a half modern romance as he courts the Barnabas and the witch who cursed stars out of four. stars out of four. SATURDAY DAYTIME MAY 12, 2012 N - NEW WAVE M - MEDIACOM S1 - DISH NETWORK S2 - DIRECTV N M 6 AM 6:30 7 AM 7:30 8 AM 8:30 9 AM 9:30 10 AM 10:30 11 AM 11:30 12 PM 12:30 1 PM 1:30 2 PM 2:30 3 PM 3:30 S1 S2 WKRN News 2 Weekend !" Good Morning News 2 Weekend !" Wild Ocean Born to Sea Paid Paid Paid Paid Incredible Dog Ball Boys Ball Boys ESPN Sports Saturday (2) (2) [2] 2 2 ABC America Saturday !" Countd. !" Myst. !" Explore !" Rescue !" Program !" Program !" Program !" Program !" Challenge !" (N)" (N) !" WSMV Channel 4 News Today Saturday Today (N) !" Channel 4 News Today Zula Patrol Shelldon !" Jane and Babar !" Willa's Pearlie !" PGA Golf The Players Championship Round 3 Site: TPC Sawgrass -- Ponte (4) [4] 4 4 NBC !" !" !" Dragon !" Wild Life ! Vedra Beach, Fla. (L) !" WTVF Weekend Morning Report !" TheDood- TheDood- Busytown Busytown Danger Horseland Masters of Illusion !" Paid Paid National Cherry Blossom Parade (5) (5) [5] 5 5 CBS lebops !" lebops !" Myst. !" Myst. !" Rangers !" !" Program !" Program !" WPSD Saturday Today (N) !" Local 6 Saturday Zula Patrol Shelldon !" Jane and Babar !" Willa's Pearlie !" Global Golf Cent. PGA Golf The Players Championship Round 3 Site: TPC Sawgrass -- Ponte (6) (6) - - NBC !" Dragon !" Wild Life !" Golf !" (SP) (L) !" Vedra Beach, Fla. (L) !" WZTV Paid American Wild Ltd. Teen Kids Sports Explora- Weekend Marketplace !" Player Poll MLB Baseball Chicago Cubs vs. Milwaukee Brewers Site: Miller Park -- Milwaukee, Wis. Inside the Big Bang (7) [6] 17 17 FOX Program !" Latino !" !" News !" Stars !" tion !" !" (L) !" Orange !" Theory WNPT Curious The Cat in Super Dinosaur Thomas & Angelina Sewing W Martha's V.Garden Tracks Hubert Cook's Amer. Test Mexican Simply Garden Fons & Joy of Rough Cut Woodwri- (8) [8] 8 8 PBS George the Hat WHY! Train Friends Ballerina Nancy Sew Room "Light" !" Ahead Keller !" Country Kitchen Table Ming Home Porter Painting Woodwork ght's Shop WKMA Curious The Cat in Super Dinosaur Thomas & Angelina Paint This Joy of Sewing W Martha's Quilting Knitting Allen Garden Burt Wolf: Steves' Lidia's Rachel's Amer. Test A Taste of (9) (35) - - PBS George the Hat WHY! Train Friends Ballerina "Kim" !" Painting Nancy Sew Room Arts !" "Carry-All" Smith Smart !" Travels Europe Italy Favorite Kitchen History WUXP Paid Our World Dr. Haney M@dA- Paid Paid Paid Paid Paid Wild # !! Nim's Island (2008, Family) Jodie Foster, # !! Chicago (2002, Musical) Renée # !! Sliver ('93, (13) (30) [13] 30 30 MNT Program !" !" !" bout TV !" Program !" Program !" Program !" Program !" Program !" America !" Gerard Butler, Abigail Breslin. !" Zellweger, Richard Gere, Catherine Zeta-Jones. !" Thril) Sharon Stone. !" WNAB Comment American Cubix: Cubix: Sonic X Sonic X Yu-Gi-Oh! Yu-Gi-Oh! Dragon Dragon Tai Chi Yu-Gi-Oh! Hollywood Animal # !! About Last Night ('86, Comedy/Drama) # !! Pretty in Pink (18)(58) [12] 58 58 CW !" Athlete !" Robots Robots "Eye Spy"" Zexal (N) Ball Z Kai Ball Z Kai Chasers !" Rescue !" Demi Moore, James Belushi, Rob Lowe. !" Molly Ringwald. !" !" !" !" !" !" !" !" !" !" !" !" !" !" !" !" !" !" (20)(50) WPGD Faith Maralee Teddy Charity Gina D Dooley Wonder Bugtime Auto Puppets God Davey Ishine Lad Tv Hermie Carlos Paws Heros & Legends News - - WBKO Homeo- Beautiful Good Morning Wild Ocean Born to Sea Everyday Food for Dog Tales MyDestin- Paid Paid The FBI Files "Cruel Ball Boys Ball Boys ESPN Sports Saturday (21)(13) [15] - - ABC wner !" Homes !" America Saturday !" Countd. !" Myst. !" Explore !" Rescue !" Health !" Thought !" !" ation.TV !" Program !" Program !" Revenge" !" (N)" (N) !" CATV 6 AM 6:30 7 AM 7:30 8 AM 8:30 9 AM 9:30 10 AM 10:30 11 AM 11:30 12 PM 12:30 1 PM 1:30 2 PM 2:30 3 PM 3:30 S1 S2 Paid Paid Paid Paid Walker, Texas Ranger Walker, Texas Ranger Law & Order: Criminal Law & Order: Criminal Law & Order: Criminal Law & Order: Criminal Law & Order: Criminal Law & Order: Criminal (15) WGN [9] Program !" Program !" Program !" Program !" !" !" Intent !" Intent !" Intent !" Intent !" Intent !" Intent !" 239 307 (23) HGTV [18] Holmes "Heated Issue"" Rehab !" Rehab !" Property Property Crashers !" Crashers !" Crashers Crashers !" Crashers Crashers Elbow (N) Million $ On Set !" On Set (N)" Selling Spelling Manor Selling Spelling Manor 112 229 (24) FOOD [23] Cooking Cooking !" Chef 30 Mins !" Mex.Easy Pioneer Paula (N) Southern Barefoot !" Giada (N) Chopped Cupcake Wars Chopped: All Stars Sweet Genius Diners !" Diners !" 110 231 (25) TRAV [70] Vacations Attack Mystery Museum !" Forbes Luxe 11 !" Rentals !" Killer Beach Houses !" Man/Fd !" Man/Fd !" Man/Fd !" Man/Fd !" Baggage ! Baggage ! House !" House !" House !" House !" 215 277 (26) E! [53] Star "Buyer's Choice" !"Celebrity Weddings Fashion Police !" E! News Weekend !" Eastwood" Soup !" 15 Unforgettable Hollywood Tragedies !" Young and Vanished !" B. Brown Khloe & !" 114 236 (27) HALL [58] Lucy !" Lucy !" G.
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