Dear Beryl: I scared Viva “Loss” Vegas: Online John Inverdale! Poker just doesn’t do it! wessex 18th May 2006 Priceless SCENE News Late issuing of examination timetables angers students

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Music Two Minute Hate double bill: Rhianna & Paris Hilton take abuse! Lecturers’ unions and universities fail to come to a compromise over pay Ben Boulton discontent within the student turers deserve more money, this the UCEA and the lecturers’ body has effectively forced the cannot be at the expense of stu- unions have, however, broken Patience with the Associated National Union of Students to dents’ education. That both the down amid acrimony. The im- Union of Teachers over its con- abandon an original stance of AUT and the body representing proved offer of a 12.6% wage tinued marking boycott appears support for the AUT action. the universities, the UCEA, have increase, proposed to be phased to be running out. Over 30 stu- Appearing on BBC television asked for meetings with these in over three years, was rejected dents’ unions across the coun- and BBC Radio 4, SUSU Presi- three has been taken as an indi- on the 8 May by both the AUT try have joined Southampton dent Andy Wilson has, along cation that their arguments are and Natfhe (the other main lec- University Students’ Union in with the Presidents of Bristol and being taken seriously by all par- turers’ union). However, both voicing strong concerns about Exeter Students’ Unions, consis- ties. unions still appear to command the subject. The rising level of tently argued that, although lec- Recent negotiations between continued on page 2

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Page 2 continued from page 1 the confidence of their mem- bers. Indeed, the past month has Exam timetabling issues seen membership in both major unions increase. Late release of exam timetables causes anger among Southampton students The timing of such industrial Emma Lenanton year. Katie Harper, who as Vice- action can be partly attributed President Education represents to the introduction of Top Up The perennial issue of exam all students’ educational needs Fees. The influx of more fund- timetabling has once again pro- to the University on behalf of ing into educational institutions voked outrage among students the Union, feels that the Time- has sparked demands for pay at Southampton University. The tabling Office has worked well increases by AUT members. The initial release date for the time- given the circumstances: “They union has been quite explicit in tables was only two weeks be- really deserve commending … demanding that “one third of fore exams started, prompting They’ve had a really hard time the additional Top Up Fee in- many students to ask how it is of it this year and have really come should be ploughed back that the University has again pulled through!” And compared into salaries.” AUT represen- not organised itself sufficiently to other universities, she says, tatives have also pointed out to avoid this situation. Further Southampton has a “more flex- that Alan Johnson, Minister for criticism has been levelled over ible approach to modules and Lifelong Learning Further and the locations in which some of timetabling.” Whereas other Students are unhappy that they have had to wait for timetables Higher Education at the time, the exams will take place; the universities get their timetables had given a statement to the Garden Court, the Nuffield The- 5 May rather than the original been critical of exam timings. earlier, at Southampton there is House of Commons in which atre’s café-bar, is one site that scheduled date of 15 May, and Many have multiple exams on the option of changing module he claimed that Universities UK, students have highlighted as be- the plan was to release these to the same day while others have options up to three weeks into which represents British Uni- ing particularly unsuitable. students on 8 May. Due to fur- exams scheduled for the same each semester resulting in a de- versities, promised to allocate The University’s Exams and ther problems, however, many day that coursework is due in. lay to the publication of exam around £3.4 billion to drive im- Timetabling Office has respond- schools failed to give students It is clear that the disruption timetables.. provements in staff pay condi- ed to these criticisms, which are these timetables on the allotted caused by the Mountbatten Fire Though many students may tions. However, Mr Johnson has certainly not new, by working date, provoking yet more anger last year and the subsequent re- disagree, Katie told the Wessex recently come out in favour of hard to release timetables early. from the student body. Further- location of the staff who worked Scene, “[Late timetables] are a the new pay deal, encouraging Most University schools should more, those students who have there has put increased pressure small price to pay for being able all AUT members to accept it. have received the timetables on received their timetables have on the Timetabling Office this to have so much choice.” The shift in the NUS posi- tion is partly a response to the looming spectre of finals exams. Local elections result in dismay Concerns have been voiced that students at some universities may have to sit autumn exams Results are not good for students as turn out is poor at the local elections or attend graduation ceremo- Peter Lamb disillusionment with the per- nies which bestow unclassified ceived similarities of the main degrees upon them. It is also Despite student candidates run- three parties. In Southampton rumoured that lawyers have be- ning for councillor positions and the BNP candidate in Bitterne gun to investigate the possibility a high-profile SUSU campaign, polled almost the same number of pursuing legal action against the student turnout in the of votes as the Lib Dem candi- universities for breach of con- Southampton 4 May local elec- date. In other wards some voters tract. Some universities in turn tions was disappointingly low. wrote BNP on their ballots even have stated that they may look Student candidates ran for though there were no BNP can- to sue the lecturers that have each of the three main parties, didates. gone on strike. along with an Alliance for Green Whatever the effects on na- At Southampton nearly all Socialism Party candidate. None tional politics, in Southampton exams have been set, and while of the candidates succeeded in the result has changed little; the some argue that this suggests winning their ward which, com- balance between the parties now that lecturers here have taken a bined with the low student vote, Few students turned out to vote in the local council elections prevents any real changes being more considered position on the has raised fears that Southamp- made. It has bee suggested that matter, others point out that the ton City Council’s current trend have resounded with an elec- peak of their success. students have missed out on an figure is no indication as to how of ignoring students will contin- torate seemingly tired of what Sir Menzies Campbell, leader opportunity to have their say many scripts will be marked; ue into the near future. is increasingly seen as Labour of the Lib Dems, said that the by not voting for those student nationwide, many lecturers Overall, Southampton City rhetoric. poor election result was a con- candidates with their interests at have agreed to set papers but Council has been thrown into The Labour party are quick to sequence of the problems with heart. But not for long it would subsequently refused to mark deadlock: with the Labour Party point out that similar losses were Charles Kennedy’s acrimonious appear: the unitary nature of the them. A recent email sent from gaining one seat from the Liberal made in the local elections just resignation as leader earlier in council means that next year an- Andy Wilson and Bill Wakeham, Democrats all three parties now a year before they won a third the year rather then a test of his other third of the seats will be up Southampton University’s Vice- hold sixteen representatives on term. Commentators have also own leadership ability. for re-election, with the possibil- Chancellor, attempted to relieve the Council. This goes against noted that, in the wake of what Perhaps the most alarming re- ity of more students standing. the anxieties felt by students predictions that the Conserva- many have termed ‘Labour’s sult of the election was the gains In the meantime, students here. In a further statement, the tives were going to retake the Black Wednesday’, the result is made by the BNP, who now hold may influence the Council by Union President has claimed that city. not as bad as it might have been. 32 council seats across the coun- getting involved in local poli- “It is highly unlikely that the in- Across the country, however, The Liberal Democrats made try. Blame has been directed at tics and campaigning for what dustrial action will adversely af- the Conservatives did make gains of just two seats, and lost Margaret Hodge, a Labour MP, matters to them. Only then, it fect any final year students.” gains, taking over three hundred control of several of their strong- for giving the party extra pub- is argued, will student matters See AUT Special page 5 and wards and almost seventy coun- holds, resulting in speculation licity; some think, however, that get the level of attention they editorial page 6 cils. David Cameron’s policies that they may have reached the the trend represents a deeper deserve. Local News

www.wessexscene.co.uk News in Charity begins...in Southampton Brief Aren’t we nice? Southampton students get stuck in to help others in need

Kate Mallinder mia Busters. Rich Slessor, a RAG GET INVOLVED! to which Nightline adheres, said, raid co-ordinator, said, “Every- “We are there simply to listen, In November of this year South- one should definitely come and RAG particularly when there is no one ampton University graduate get involved, either on the com- RAG organises a load of Union else around. If there’s anything Nick Histon and his life-long mittee or at our events; it’s a charitable events. you want to talk about, we’re al- Laura Fewell friend, Royal Marine Jon Csehi, great laugh and, as a bonus, you www.rag.susu.org ways there. It’s completely con- will row 2,500 miles across the get to raise money for charity.” fidential and if we can’t help, we Peeping Tom Acquitted Atlantic in the annual Atlantic The SCA Department helps to SCA can point you in the direction of A Solent Uni student found him- Rowing Race. Over the course find volunteering work for stu- SCA builds ties between stu- someone who can.” self in court last week after a of their epic journey, expected dents. VP Welfare and Societies, dents and the community There are also opportuni- practical joke went wrong. Mat- to take around 50 days, the pair Pete Derrick, told the Wessex through volunteer work. ties for students to get involved thew Lamble, 21, hid a camera will have to contend with 30ft Scene, “There are hundreds of www.action.susu.org outside of the Union. Marrow, in the shower room of his halls waves, sleep deprivation and opportunities to choose from, the bone marrow charity, is of residence after getting the searing heat. So why are they from helping at Marwell Zoo, or Marrow holding a registering session on idea from the TV show Jackass. doing this? To raise £60,000 for tutoring in local schools, to con- Really needs students to sign Friday, 19 May, from 10am on- Claiming that he intented to film Cancer Research UK and the servation work.” up as bone marrow donors! wards at the Academic Block of his girlfriend, he denied it was for National Society for Epilepsy. Students and staff are also www.anthonynolan.com Southampton General Hospital. sexual gratification. Lamble told Every year hundreds of stu- involved in organising internal Ruth Turner, the Co-ordinator Southampton City Magistrates, dents and former students of services for students such as the Nightline for Southampton Marrow, said, “[it was] a bit of a laugh. There Southampton University take Chaplaincy and Nightline. The completely confidential “Marrow is the medical student- was no intention of it going as part in voluntary events to raise The Chaplaincy is open Mon- listening and advice service, run branch of the Anthony No- far as it did.” He was acquitted money for a range of charities. day to Friday 8.30am to 4pm open 8pm to 8am. lan Trust, the charity which runs of one count of voyeurism. The Students’ Union has sev- during term-time for students 02380 595236 the bone marrow register in the eral departments and societ- and staff who may wish to visit UK. Anyone is welcome to come It’s a scream! ies that students can volunteer “for a cup of tea, a biscuit and a The Chaplaincy along to the SGH clinic, or there The Academy night club was with. The RAG (Raise and Give) chat,” or perhaps to join one of Open 8.30am to 4pm for a will be more clinics at the Union shut down by Police in the ear- Department is holding a number the groups who regularly meet nice cuppa tea and a chat... and in halls next year.” ly hours of Thursday morning of events such as The Pink Tie there. Nightline operates from Meanwhile Nick and John following a mass brawl.Fights Ball in aid of Breast Cancer Care 8pm to 8am, seven nights a Nick and John are still raising money for their broke out between two groups and a fashion show (see Fashion week. The Nightline Co-ordina- All donations welcome! adventure. They are looking to of young people at a bhangra Section page 12) in conjunction tor, who cannot be named due www.rowingboys.zoomshare. secure a major contributor, but event. One member of staff was with the Law Society for Leukae- to the strict codes of anonymity com urge anyone who can to help. taken to hospital with a fractured cheekbone. The incident comes at a time when student venues are already facing criticism from The big ship sailed on the... local residents. Largest cruise liner in the world graces Southampton with her presence Students wrongly accused A group of Southampton Uni- Ashleigh Toll Royal Caribbean, say Freedom versity students were arrested of the Seas was designed to ap- on 23 March under suspicioun The world’s largest cruise ship peal to the broadest consumer of inciting racial hatred. Police sailed into the Solent at the end base possible. But although the informed the students, who all of last month, docking in South- industry appears committed live in the same house, that they ampton ahead of its voyage to building ever-larger ships, had received complaints from to New York and Miami. The there is disquiet among some the University about a number 160,000 tonne Royal Caribbean operators that vessels are be- of housing adverts that had International vessel Freedom of coming too big and the market been placed on campus. Univer- the Seas edged into Southamp- too crowded. Despite a slightly sity staff had contacted Police ton port on 29 April, and was more challenging business envi- after the posters, which were welcomed by a spectacular fire- ronment, the huge investment deemed offensive, were handed works display. and impressive array of features in. One of the students, who the At 1,112ft long, Freedom of Royal Caribbean has installed on Wessex Scene will not name, the Seas can hold more than The Freedom of the Seas sits majestically in Southampton Water Freedom of the Seas is a dem- said, “I was shown the poster, 3,600 guests, is longer than 37 onstration of the confidence the which did indeed contain [our] double-decker buses and is 15 ship, 112 feet above the sea. A ing ceremony took place. It has company has in the prospects names and phone numbers, but floors high - at 237ft high that is spokesman for Royal Caribbean taken over as the largest pas- for the sector. it was not something we had more than half the height of the said, “We are delighted to be senger liner from the 150,000- If there was any doubt about any knowledge of. I pointed out London Eye. able to offer this to our passen- tonne Southampton-based Cu- Royal Caribbean’s belief in huge to the Police that if I was going The luxury cruiser offers an gers so whatever they are inter- nard vessel, the Queen Mary vessels, the company has or- to put up racially offensive post- incredible range of facilities on- ested in, Freedom of the Seas 2. However, Freedom’s time at dered three more giant cruise ers, why would I place my per- board, including the world’s larg- has all the facilities.” the top may be short-lived amid liners for delivery between sonal details on them?” He con- est at-sea fitness centre, a pool Freedom of the Seas enter- talk of even larger ships. A ves- now and 2009, one of which is tinued, “because of University with artificial waves for surfers, tained guests including VIPs and sel, codenamed Project Genesis, 220,000 tonnes and capable of staff incompetence, I now have a rock-climbing wall, an ice rink travel journalists in Southamp- is set to make a 220,000 tonne carrying up to 6,400 passengers. my DNA and fingerprints on the and cantilevered whirlpools that ton before travelling to New appearance in 2009. The company will be hoping big National Crime Database for the extend out from the sides of the York, where the official nam- The US-Norwegian owners, really does mean better. rest of my life.” National News

Page 4 Rethink needed on mental health Inquiry highlights worrying lack of knowledge about causes and consequences of self-harm Ben Boulton vision for counselling services. A vices had actually fallen in real The conclusions of the com- peer group panels which “aim recent Association for University terms recently. mittee also recognised the im- to enhance the support given A recent inquiry has identified and College Counselling report Chair of the inquiry, Catherine portant role that peers can play to students with mental health widespread ignorance among maintains that university coun- Mcloughlin, holds that “Many of in helping to alleviate issues sur- problems.” medical and educational pro- selling services are “ill-equipped the [respondents] have met with rounding self-harm. Reference Self-harm is treated by the in- fessionals and the wider public to deal with increases in students ridicule or hostility from the pro- was made to the finding that quiry as “a symptom rather than about the subject of self-harm. suffering depression and other fessionals that they have turned “many young people prefer to a core problem.” Head teachers Truth Hurts, which was jointly mental health problems.” to.” As a result, the report plac- turn to other young people for are therefore encouraged to de- commissioned by the Men- A report on the same sub- es a strong emphasis upon the support.” Ally Davies, a gradu- velop solutions which attempt tal Health Foundation and the ject by the British Association need for “empathy, understand- ate of Oxford University, echoes to combat the factors which un- Camelot Foundation, advised for Counselling and Psychiatry ing, non-judgemental listening such findings when he draws derlie self-harm. Emphasis has that training schemes for teach- found that funding for such ser- and respect for individuals.” attention to Oxford University been placed on the importance ers and health care profession- of consolidating and strength- als should incorporate more ening anti-bullying initiatives material relating to the issue of within schools. self-harm. Current levels of ig- The notion of an inter-depart- norance regarding the subject mental approach to the problem are identified as one of the key has also been suggested. Such contributing elements which an approach touches upon con- inform continuing self-harm cerns raised by one parent who among young people. Sian Da- maintained that “There often vies, Student Officer for the seems to have been a lack of co- NUS who has personal experi- ordination between the various ence in the area, notes that “If sources of support available.” self-harm wasn’t such a taboo Another complained that ap- subject then maybe myself and proaches to mental health care at many other people would have present are “fragmented.” The sought help earlier.” inquiry maintains that increased The inquiry outlined its con- awareness of the warning signs clusions at the same time as of self-harm and depression concerns were being expressed could prove to be a remedy to The Truth Hurts inquiry suggests that many young self-harmers are being failed by support services on the subject of university pro- such problems. Two year degrees “the future” The government unveils plans for two year degree courses in a bid to end student debt Ashleigh Toll autumn it is hoped that the move “for the convenience of aca- ibility that the compressed de- will encourage applications from demics rather than students,” gree could offer, concerns have Long summer holidays and three poorer students, who at present Mr Rammell said. “The assump- been raised over the possibility years’ worth of student debt may be put off by tuition fees tion was that studies would be that universities could lose out could become a thing of the which at some universities may taken over a fixed period of time, over the short courses without past following recent proposals amount to £3,000-a-year. punctuated by a holiday pattern Government compensation. by the Government to introduce Bill Rammell, the Higher Edu- driven by university rather than The Higher Education Fund- a two year honours degree pro- cation Minister, said, “The pro- by student needs.” The recent ing Council for England gramme to Higher Education in- posals would change the face proposals would provide more will begin pilot pro- stitutions. of Higher Education provision; flexible courses, and would allow grammes for com- If introduced, the so-called radical reform is crucial if Brit- students “to learn when, where, pressed degrees “compressed” degree would ain is to compete with the rising and in ways that best meet their at five univer- give students the opportunity economic powers of China and learning needs, preferences and sities from to complete their degree pro- India.” China overtook Britain as abilities.” The existing three year September. gramme a whole year early so the world’s fourth largest econo- degree offers a range of experi- Details are that they can leave university my earlier this month. ences which many students val- still being and embark on their chosen ca- It is predicted that half of all ue greatly. However, it is recog- finalised, reers with less debt. new jobs in Britain will require a nised that this model does not but it is The Government believes that graduate qualification by 2012. suit everyone who would like to e x p e c te d by, offering students the chance However, although the number take a degree. Introducing the that these to study courses at work and of students enrolling on degree two year programme may be of will be at online, this initiative will raise courses in Britain has continued great encouragement to an indi- Staffordshire, the proportion of young people to rise, these figures have yet to vidual who would not have felt Derby, Leeds entering Higher Education - one reach the Government’s target able to take three years out of Metropolitan, of their key aims since Labour of 50%. their life to study. Northampton and came into power. With the in- The traditional three year de- While students and lecturers the Medway Part- troduction of Top Up Fees in the gree programme is organised have welcomed the greater flex- nership. AUT Strike Special

www.wessexscene.co.uk St Andrews pay offer rejected Settlement accepted by lecturers and University management rejected out of hand by AUT Tom Pike Employers Association spokes- man said, “We urge the AUT to The debate over university lec- take note of the significant ma- turer pay continues to dominate jority of students who are op- the academic world, with recent posed to the current industrial attempts at reconciliation on the action and to take steps to look part of St Andrews being reject- at the consequences of that ac- ed by the Association of Univer- tion on students’ degrees and sity Teachers. employment prospects.” The AUT has rejected all It increasingly seems that previous national offers, hold- students oppose the measures ing a one day strike last month taken by the lecturers’ union. A and threatening to boycott the Times survey of 1007 students marking of exams in the sum- found that 77% opposed the mer. However, St Andrews put lecturers’ refusal to mark and, in its own offer to its staff, offering some cases, set their work. an improved pay rise of 5% in However, there is some sym- August and 3.5% in 2007 and pathy for the lecturers. The 2008. The University said it was President of the National Union protecting “the rights of all St of Students, Kat Fletcher, said, Andrews students to complete “We know that some students their exams and to graduate as A pay offer made by St Andrews University to lecturers was recently rejected are unhappy with the lecturers’ expected.” decision to boycott assessment Students at St Andrews be able to graduate on time this Andrews is that they wait for a lot. But despite this, and over- and we also have clear evi- seemed to appreciate the Uni- summer.” national settlement as the dis- whelming student opposition to dence of support for the teach- versity’s concern about their However, the AUT’s General pute is a national one and I will the national boycott, the AUT ing unions and the actions they exams. Speaking on behalf of Secretary, Sally Hunt, said that be advising them accordingly.” later declared the lecturers’ bal- have been forced to take.” the University of St Andrews “This development is extremely This local settlement to the lot invalid. This led to students The negotiations are set to Students’ Association, Ben Reilly bad news for the employers’ dispute was favoured by the taking to the streets of St An- continue on Monday, just a few said, “This is wonderful news negotiators.” She continued, University’s lecturers, who drews in protest. days before the beginning of the and means that everybody will “My advice to members at St voiced their support in a bal- A Universities and Colleges University’s exam period. Autumn exams looking likely Up to 300,000 students may have to take exams in autumn as the AUT refuses to back down Hayley Dixon these solutions may devalue the value of degrees. With dozens of universities al- With the exam period and ready forced to cancel exami- graduations looming, the back- nations, final year students may lash against the industrial action have to return in the autumn to brought about by the AUT and sit their exams as a result of lec- the Natfhe has stepped up in the turers refusing to mark papers. last three weeks, with the pos- The possibility of emergency sible effects that strike action autumn exams for honours and may have on students leading postgraduate students cannot to divided student opinion. De- be ruled out in cases where ex- spite growing fears over autumn ams have not already been set. examinations and disruptions to With the strike continuing, at the graduation process, South- least 300,000 students face the ampton’s Vice-Chancellor Bill prospect of not graduating until Wakeham and SUSU President autumn. Not only will students Andy Wilson have tried to reas- have to return months after they sure students at Southampton. have “finished” their degrees, it In a letter to the students it was is also feared that, for many, au- stated that virtually all exams are tumn exams and delayed gradu- Strike action is stoking the fire of fears that finalist may not be able to graduate until Autumn already available and the exams ation could wreck career plans. will proceed as usual. They claim Exams are already recognised as for overseas students autumn The confusion that the strike with missing modules. Other that they will take whatever stressful, but critics of the strike exams may cause trouble with has caused has been further in- measures suggested are relying action is necessary to ensure argue that the prospect of post- visas, for example, whether stu- creased by the fact that some on second year marks or allow- progress and graduation and ponement could make this much dents can even afford to stay on universities have claimed that ing exams to be set by private therefore are urging students to worse. to participate in emergency ex- they will allow students to consultancies or administrative “continue with your preparation There are also concerns that aminations. progress and even graduate staff. However, it is believed that in the normal way.” Politics

Page 6 Editorial Shorthand Politics Local elections across England election in Italy, Berlusconi has Congress has protested at Air He talked of the humanitarian saw considerable losses for stepped down as Italian Prime Force General Michael Hayden risk posed by a continued freeze the Labour Party with the Minister, leaving his successor, being nominated head of the CIA, on foreign aid and the likely Tories making gains. There was Prodi, to try to run the country fearing that a military approach consequences of a continued disapointment for the Lib Dems with a parliament equally divided to intelligence gathering might block. Peter Lamb who only gained two seats. The between left and the right. pose a risk for civil liberties. If As this is the last edition of the election was widely seen as a elected General Hayden would Stability has returned to Nepal Wessex Scene for this year, and plebicite on the leaders of the Four more EU countries have be the first military head of the where the King has reopened my last as Politics Editor, I would three main parties. removed labour restrictions CIA in its fifty year history. the parliament after a year of like to take the opportunity to on central European member direct rule. The Government, say what a pleasure it has been Scandal hit the Government states from working in the EU. Famous economist, liberal headed by the popular GP editing this section, watching it hard in the run up to the France, Germany and Italy thinker and diplomat, J.K. Koirala, has declared a ceasefire grow and develop over my time elections, with failure to deport have all retained the restraints Galbraith has died aged 97. A with the Maoist rebels, leaving as editor. foreign criminals, a protest by against immigration due to fears Harvard professor and author the country wondering if the I am certain that my successor, nurses and an affair damaging of a flood of migrant workers of more than thirty books he monarchy can survive. Jack Haines, will continue to the Government’s chances of entering the states. helped shape economic policy in ensure that this fine newspaper success. western democracies over recent China has demanded that five retains all the in-depth student Talks over possible Serbian decades. Gordon Brown was Chinese Muslims, formerly held analysis of the political goings The Prime Minister has integration into the EU have been among those to pay tribute. in Guantanamo Bay and since on around the world and closer radically altered his Cabinet called off following the failure of resettled in Albania, are returned to home that we have now come following the recent scandals the Serbian government to hand The newly-elected Bolivian to the People’s Republic as soon to expect. and losses in the local elections. over wanted war criminal Ratko President, Evo Morales, has as possible. This edition sees the return Mladic. begun nationalising the country’s of Shorthand Politics and the The Labour Party has oil and gas companies. In several Former South African Deputy Union Sketch, as well as articles apologised for imposing a all- Zacarias Moussaoui, the only cases troops have been used to President Jacob Zuma has been on Blair’s recent reforms to his women shortlist on Blaenau man charged in connection with seize foreign-owned assets. acquitted of all charges relating Cabinet and the conviction of Gwent at the General Election. the 9/11 terror attacks, has to the rape of a family friend. a man in connection with the The seat was won by a male been given a life sentence in Palestinian leader, Mahmoud Mr Zuma, a popular politician in 9/11 terror attacks. former Labour Party member the American Courts. This has Abas, has called on international the country, has recently been With that I guess there is who ran in protest at the provoked comments from the bodies to remove the block subjected to a series of attacks nothing left to say except thanks restrictions. President of the United States on aid which was established from the administration he was for reading and good luck in and other notable political following the election of terrorist previously a member of. your exams. Just weeks after losing the figures. group Hamas to government. Cabinet ins and outs remains Health Secretary, David Miliband, New Labour Peter Lamb revealing the Prime Minister’s intellectual and considered by Following the considerable belief that the heckling she many as Prime Minister material, losses felt by the Government received at a nurses’ conference has been given control of the in the local elections, Tony Blair was mostly hype rather than a Environment Ministry following unveiled what is considered substantial problem. the promotion of Margaret by most to be the most radical There has been considerable Beckett. shake-up of his Cabinet so interest over the appointment Although not promoted far. With many backbenchers of former party leader Margaret into the Cabinet, Ed Balls, who calling for a timetable for the Beckett to the role of Foreign rumour has it was offered a handover of power, the reforms Secretary; she is widely seen as ministry immediately following to the Cabinet appear to be an being old Labour, although a his election, has taken on the attempt at what Gordon Brown Blair loyalist, and the promotion junior minister role of Economic has termed “rejuvenation”. is well-deserved. In the role, Secretary to the Treasury. Charles Clarke has lost his Beckett will be able to build Noted Blairites: Tessa position following the scandal on the international networks Jowell, Peter Hain and Lord surrounding the release of foreign she made in negotiations as Falconer retain their positions detainees without consideration Environment Minister. as Jack Straw, Geoff Hoon, Ian for deportation; this comes amid There is a notable trend in the McCartney and Hilary Armstrong widespread speculation that the promotion of Brownites in the are all demoted. Prime Minister would keep him Cabinet: Alistair Darling, Dew It would be hard not to see on to give him time to sort out Browne and Douglas Alexander these reforms as an attempt to the situation. John Reid, Labour have all been given more clean up Labour’s front bench, hard-man and trouble-shooter, important briefs. This, combined getting rid of those who may has been given the hard task with Margaret Beckett’s, seem tired or tainted and of sorting the situation out, promotion may well be seen as replacing them with newer and something which he admits is an attempt to reach out to the perhaps more left-wing ministers. going to be tough. left of the party. However, the questions remain Prescott has similarly lost his The reshuffle might also be as to whether the reforms will brief in the wake of his affair, but seen as an attempt to get new be enough to quell any possible he retains his position as Deputy and younger blood higher into rebellion against the Prime Prime Minister, continuing to the ranks with Ruth Kelly taking Minister and whether Labour chair a number of committees over much of John Prescott’s can regain ground recently lost and having some role as a brief and rising stars Alan on the national level, something Minister without portfolio. Johnson and Jacqui Smith also which, at the moment, it is too Will Blair’s Cabinet reforms restore faith in the Government? However, Patricia Hewitt improving their positions. soon to tell. Politics

www.wessexscene.co.uk A victory for reason radar, making an example of minimal role he contributed to Alistair Brockbanks him to any would-be terrorists the event. In this case, the jury On Thursday 4 May a US out there. Furthermore, life felt that the death sentence was jury proved to the world that imprisonment means that the US inappropriate, especially given Americans do have a sense of taxpayer is left paying the bill of that Moussaoui spent most of irony. Zacarias Moussaoui, the the man who brought so much the trial grossly exaggerating his so-called twentieth hijacker devastation to their country. But role within al-Qaeda. and the only person to be one point outweighs all these Plus, kept alive Moussaoui charged in relation to the 9/11 arguments, a point which takes can potentially be used to terror attacks, received a life into account the circumstances, retrieve information to help sentence for his part in the not only the result of the counter-terrorist organisations plot. For Zacarias Moussaoui atrocity. information which he might life means life; the judge, Moussaoui without a doubt otherwise take to the grave. Leonie Brinkema, made sure “craved martyrdom” as the Another argument used against that Moussaoui will end his judge said. Throughout the trial the death sentence was the cost, life behind bars. Yet many feel he stressed to the jury his desire since it entails a long appeals they have been denied ‘closure’ for death. Denying him his wish process and lengthy wait in for the events of that Tuesday alone provides reason enough jail on the infamous death row September afternoon. for the verdict; the victims going before the punishment is actually As Moussaoui was lead away about their daily business were carried out. to spend the rest of his life in a denied their desire for life. The The death penalty is, of ‘supermax’ prison in Colorado rest of Moussaoui’s life will be course, a classic topic of debate, he called out: “America you spent in solitary confinement but it would be hard to argue lost … I won.” George W Bush in an 8ft by 5ft cell with only that Moussaoui’s death would and former New York Mayor one hour’s exercise a day. This have any real benefit to society. Rudolph Giuliani echoed these will give him plenty of time to Perhaps this trial might also sentiments, arguing that the think about his actions, rather signify a more progressive death penalty would have been than become a martyr to the approach in US law, something a more appropriate sentence many radical Islamists across the which might give hope to those to fit such a crime; the 9/11 globe. still held in Guantanamo Bay attacks resulted in the death However, this was not the without trial. of 3,000 people; Moussaoui’s main reason the jury gave. Alistair Brockbanks presents execution would have silenced Instead they stressed his limited the CrossCurrent radio show on 9/11 terrorist, Zacarias Moussaoui, will spend his life behind bars him, wiping him off the terrorist knowledge in the plot and the SURGE, Thursdays 2-4pm.

Unionof censure in asSketch many meetings. Management Board was seeking Linden Talbot Although both parties ranted the approval of Council to create Looking through the agenda for and RAGed about the pros a new open-plan office where the most recent Union Council it and cons of censure, the ballot the Pottery Studio is currently would be easy to think that this revealed that, in contrast to the located which would be used to was an attempt to beat all records previous Council, we would not house all the Sabbaticals under for the length of a meeting, censure the accused member. one roof. especially with the enthusiasm If there has been a central The project would require of the environmental lobby in theme to Council this year it the relocation of the Pottery submitting motions varying would be the issue of AUT and Studio, at considerable cost and from light regulation to banning lecturer demands for higher pay, inconvenience. Disagreement Coca Cola and plastic cups. It’s an issue in which the President also existed between some little wonder that there is a vast has taken a lead both nationally, the Sabbaticals, as any move split between pro- and anti- in leading the call for lecturers would separate some from their regulation groups in Council. not to target students with their departments and in an open- First up came a bonus protest, and locally, in trying to plan area privacy is a rarity. report excitedly presented by bring the University and the AUT But all this failed to outweigh our President-elect about the together. As of yet no such deal the accessibility benefits discoveries he made at NUS has emerged, but as with most and improved teamworking, conference. His was a tale Trade Union protests we can resulting in the ratification of the of eagerness turned sour by expect any deal to be hammered cash, much to the consternation unrepresentative, political- out in the eleventh hour. of pottery fans everywhere. party dominant, radical left- The ratification of the minutes By this point the slow trickle wingers lurking within the in Council is usually a tedious of people exiting the room had organisation. As if by magic, the process and, although takes become a torrent and after a unrepresentative party-political mere minutes, the boredom count it was found that there lefties of Council leapt to the transforms into hours. In this were not enough people present Union’s aid, pointing out that to situation, however, it actually for any further decisions to be make the NUS better we need took that long. The disagreement legal, opening the way for an to be in it. Maybe so, came the came over the fact that large even longer session next time reply, but with the £50,000 spending projects need to be with delegates waiting to find annual fee, not at these prices. ratified by Council and the out if a ban on Coca Cola would A bout of censure happy, or complexity of the issue meant be carried out. But I guess we rather unhappy, motions has hit that no simple argument was have already had enough Council of late, with two motions going to be enough. The Union excitement for one week. Comment & Letters

Page 8 Goodbye from us... The Wessex Stop playing with our future How good it is to leave on a high! It has been an honour to Scene Team be Edi-in-Chief for the past two The AUT needs to get real, the NUS to get serious Over the course of the past years and to watch the papers year, the Wessex Scene has The AUT leaders would do well their job.) A separate paydeal, evolve. I trust that you have been brought to you by... to wise up in the matter of the which was agreed between lec- enjoyed the journey as much continued marking boycott. turers and St Andrews University as I have and that we have Their demand for a pay rise of was scuppered by the AUT. And kept you up-to-date and enter- Editor-in-Chief 23% is simply unrealistic, some- consistently the AUT refuses to tained. I wish you all the best Laura Fewell thing all but the most belliger- put the new paydeal to a full and, remember, you’ll never [email protected] ent of lecturers must secretly 23% is membership ballot. At this stage find a better newspaper! Good acknowledge. Normally in these “ it is unclear even what the AUT luck to my brilliant editors too! Editor situations a degree of bartering unrealistic, is fighting for, but whatever it is, Laura Fewell: Editor-in-Chief Gareth Hynes takes place; the final deal is usu- their leadership needs to get real 04/05 & 05/06 [email protected] ally a fair bit lower than the ini- something and stop the boycott. tial demand. Yet in this case the And as for the NUS? It’s a Well, what can we say? Good- News Editor 12.6% offer tabled by the uni- all lecturers laughing stock. When a union bye might be nice, though Robbie Breen versities, which would translate fails to represent the views of its slightly disengenuous perhaps [email protected] as an increase to £30,000 for a must secretly members, instead choosing to given some ‘finalists’ may be News Editor current salary of £24,000, has blithely stick to its guns regard- forced to return in autumn to been rejected out of hand by the acknowledge less, it ceases to have a function. take their exams... All but two Paul Lenihan AUT despite being supported by A U-turn late in the day by the of those radiant faces you see [email protected] universities, student groups and NUS President Kat Fletcher is to your right are leaving. Gareth Features Editor the Government. too little too late. While South- and Mike are staying on as they Student opinion on the matter ampton, Bristol and Exeter Stu- “couldn’t bear to see someone Mickey Anderson is quickly turning against lectur- dents’ Unions have already met else come in and do a better [email protected] ers who are taking their money both the university body and the job.” A good point, well made. Features Editor while refusing to give anything AUT, the NUS “have had con- Thank you for reading. To all ” Craig Williams in return. (The AUT has “react- versations with [them] about a the writers, thank you for writ- ed angrily” to Northumbria Uni- meeting.” Southampton voted a ing; and to all the editors thank [email protected] versity’s decision to halt the pay few years ago to disaffiliate from you for nothing. (Joke!) Politics Editor of those who have halted doing the NUS, and with good reason. Gareth Hynes: Editor 05/06 Peter Lamb thugs and the University are know Kung Fu. ing it, and living much happier [email protected] blamed for not reporting these In fact, I can quite comfort- and safer lives. There are always Sport Editor Letters attacks to the students, leaving ably kick someone in the head going to be those one-off times it to plucky student reporters to (not that I have to). There are when you may get attacked an- Alex Hayes speak the truth. posters in and around the Stu- yway because they “don’t like [email protected] So who is to blame? All of the dents’ Union saying that I am your face” or you “spilled their This is our last issue for above and a load more besides. willing to teach people how to pint”. 2005/2006 (boo hoo)! Look Students won’t be told a do it (my door is always open). Did I mention that I know out for our June Special Edi- thing (especially after a good And I never have trouble on a Kung Fu? tion! And fear not, we’ll be night out!), even though South- night out. There are many dedicated back next year! Teaching students to stay ampton has a great public trans- The big secret? Simple com- martial arts clubs at this Univer- Deadline for submissions safe in Southampton port system (hon- estly, mon sense: I go out with my sity, all capable of repeating the for next issue: Dear Sir, try getting around friends and we stay as a group. same common sense principles mid-September 2006 Newcastle), a safety If I’m unsure of the attitude that allow you to go This varies with each section, please The last time I picked up the bus that will drop you of any of the local resi- out and email the Section Editors directly. Wessex Scene, the front page to your door from the dents at have fun displayed (to my horror) an arti- Students’ Union and a w i t h o u t Wessex Scene cle showing the locations of yet dedicated team of por- fearing for Highfield another set of attacks on South- ters, security and door staff your lives. Southampton ampton students courtesy of a in and around the University, The Hung SO17 1BJ minority of violent locals (who people still believe in taking the the pub Leng Kuen for their own reasons hate stu- dodgy route home on the simple I don’t even Kung Fu dents even though the student understanding that they “have a bother to stay club has population in Southampton is really big boyfriend” or “things to finish my taught a one of Southampton’s biggest like that never happen to me” or drink, I just leave. d e d i c a t e d money makers; this town prac- even worse “I’d like to see them I try my best never s e l f defence class tically closes down over sum- try … I know Kung Fu”. to walk home alone on a Thursday (6-8pm) in the mer). I got bullied at school when I in the dark, prefer- martial arts room for the last 25 As usual, and is normal in was really young so my Dad, be- ring a taxi. But most years. I now teach it in fact. this day and age, the blame ing my Dad, asked me if I wanted important of all, I So after reading the last edi- is pointed in all directions at to learn boxing “or something”. never, ever drink so tion of the Wessex Scene I can’t once. Southampton students At the time (and we are talking much alcohol that I help but wonder why my class Advertising queries are blamed for being easy tar- a long time ago) I was watch- have no idea where isn’t full? James Howells gets, Southampton City Council ing a small bloke (one Mr B. Lee) I am or what I’m 023 8059 5486 is blamed for not lighting the knocking ten tons of something doing. Sifu Tim Kendall (4th Duan) [email protected] roads and paths well enough, out an army of blokes and that I know that if Senior Instructor Hung Leng The Wessex Scene is available in the poor Police are blamed for was me sold … “Dad, I want to it was that easy Kuen Kung Fu Wu Shu other formats. Email: [email protected] not doing enough to catch these do that!”: 24 years later, I do then we’d all be do- Southampton Science

www.wessexscene.co.uk Science Broken hearted DNA investigation News How to mend a broken heart... New methods of catching criminals Tanya Howes being coordinated by a profes- Steven Lamond suspect. The main benefit is that sor at University College London tests can be done at the scene A new drug to prevent further with the Southampton unit led A technology which uses crimi- of the crime, vastly speeding up damage to the heart follow- by Professor Steve nals’ DNA as a means to catch investigations. Professor Tom ing a heart attack is being re- Wood. The South- them is being developed by Brown’s team initially developed Chris Hearle searched by a nationwide team a m p t o n u n i t Southampton’s Chemistry De- HyBeacons for medical diagno- Chemist Congratulated including staff at Southampton was in- partment. DNA can be sis but suggest it could easily be Dr Phil Gale of Southampton University’s School of Biological volved extracted from skin and adapted to forensics. “Our re- University’s School of Chemis- Sciences. in the hair samples and the search is already yielding prom- try has won a Corday-Morgan As if a heart attack is not dis- initial unique melting tempera- ising results” he said. The tech- Medals, one of the most presti- tressing enough, further damage design of ture of its fragments may nology should become available gious Royal Society of Chemis- can be caused to the heart by the the new be used to identify the in around five years’ time. try awards, for his contributions body’s own immune system. Af- drug to supramolecular chemistry. Dr ter a heart attack, a key inflam- a n d Gale said “I am delighted and matory response protein called veri- Auto smoking honoured to win this award. I’d CRP is released which binds to fied its like to thank my group members the cells damaged by the attack. mode of Smoking without thinking past and present for their cre- CRP acts as a molecular ‘flag’ action. Clare Wiseman both frequent and novice smok- ativity and dedication.” which signals that cells are dam- M a n y ers and it was found that those aged so the immune system can experts Research pub- who smoked frequently had Latest ECS Update remove and destroy them. How- h a v e lished recently by faster reaction times. A project of this scale can be ever, so many cells are damaged been re- the University’s This suggests that even when expected to have a consider- by a heart attack that large re- cruited to School of Psy- taking into account the “head able amount of time spent in gions of the heart are destroyed. ensure the chology suggests rush” nicotine causes to those negotiations. However, there is The drug that has been devel- success of that experienced unused to its effects, in people hope that the outstanding issues oped has a chemical compound this work, smokers smoke not used to smoking the effort between the insurers, architects that can stop CRP binding to the which has a u t o m a t i c a l l y required to do so is enough to and the University Mountbatten damaged cells and thereby re- been published in leading sci- with little input from burden the brain. Experienced Community Group will be re- duce total tissue injury by allow- ence journal Nature. The new their brain. smokers, it seems, smoke ciga- solved soon and the large grant ing cells time to recover. drug may soon be front-line for Responses to auditory probing rettes without really even think- raised can be put to good use. The national research team is heart attack victims. while smoking were measured in ing about it. Behind the barbed wire... Nice guys finish first Going undercover at infamous Huntingdon Life Sciences The evolution of altruistic behaviour Sarah Charnaud Most of the work conducted Once a month, on a Wednes- Gareth Hynes your companion. is in combating disease, both day afternoon, protestors would So how is this altruistic? Well, I am a committed vegetarian human and animal. Cages used stand outside screaming at us as Surely altruism is pointless? in 1984 a tournament was set and have, in the past, been a in battery farms for three hens we left work. The most abuse Why, evolutionarily, would an up in which academics were sympathiser of animal rights ac- are smaller than the cages used I got while working there was individual ever do something invited to enter computer pro- tivists. However, for a year in in- for one hen in Huntingdon, yet from an ‘animal rights protester‘ in which they would lose out? grams which would play the dustry I got a job with the most protesters never target the cheap whose job it was to electrocute Surely the result would be that game against each other again feared and hated of all animal meat industry. Staff who work chickens; he fully admitted that a rival would be more likely to and again. It was discovered testing establishments, the big with animals are given incen- sometimes the chickens will duck pass on their own genes? that over time the best strategies bad wolf: Huntingdon Life Sci- tives to care for them; they work and have their legs chopped off Questions like this have long were the nicest. Selfish ones lost ences. When you hear of groups towards the three R’s: reduce before they die. For all this, the worried all sorts of academics, out. The conclusion was that in- digging up a grandmother’s animal numbers; replace protesters did claim one vic- and only now is a new intrigu- dividuals out for themselves (like bones, attacking catering staff with other techniques tory. They set some poor, in- ing theory, called ‘game theory’, humans in evolution) would be and bringing baseball bats to as they are developed; nocent rats free of their cages providing some answers. best served by being nice; hence, heads, it’s usually Huntingdon and refine methods to and into the real A version of game theory is nice guys finish first. And so al- that bears the brunt. They even m i n i m i s e called the prisoner’s dilemma. truism evolved. have their very own The dilemma arises as two pris- For a long while it was oners bargain for freedom. If the thought a ‘tit for tat’ strategy world, where they subse- two ‘players’ stay quiet, both get was best. Then, in 2004, South- ani- quently killed all the birds at a six months in prison. If one con- ampton University came along. ‘anti-’ group just for mal discomfort. local endangered wildfowl con- fesses and the other doesn’t, the Sixty programs were entered de- them. So was I mad to go there? I was involved in servation centre. confessor gets off but the other signed to identify each other by Well, I thought it best I know developing replace- Overall, far fewer animals gets ten years. If both confess, certain combinations of choices, the truth for myself, not just the ment techniques, and are killed per year in research tri- both get two years. and then cooperate to give one extremist propaganda you of- environmental enrich- als than in pest control. And re- Individuals purely looking out a high score. Southampton, pre- ten hear. And if it was as bad as ment for the caged animals was search trials bring great benefits for themselves would always dictably being Southampton, they said, at least I could bring it high priority; no animal endured to both people and animals. It confess: if his partner stays quiet won the top three positions. down from the inside… undue distress. If they got very is obvious that at least for the he goes free; if his partner con- In this way it was shown that The truth, it turns out, is a lit- ill they were put to sleep by car- time being their continued use fesses he gets two years rather although being altruistic alone tle different than the protesters bon dioxide, which is quick and is as inevitable as their beneficial than ten. Logically, the best op- is good, mutually cooperating would have you believe. non-stressful. consequences are essential. tion would be to always betray with friends is much better. Arts

Page 10 An introduction to Romantic Classical Beethoven What happened after? Megan Westcott Whether Beethoven was a com- Although the Romantic period Romantic classical music reached poser of the Classical or the Ro- officially gave way to modern its peak between 1820 and mantic period is a much argued music around 1910, it did not 1910. The preceding ‘Classical’ debate. Whichever, he was a simply become obsolete. Many period was based on musical certainly a transitional compo- composers such as Strauss and rules and regulations with a very sier, bridging the gap while en- Rachmaninov continued to write neat and tidy sound; composers couraging the new. in Romantic style during the often wrote music merely be- Beethoven’s supposed fluctu- twentieth century. They were cause it was their job. ation between the Classical and simply writing music alongside During the Romantic period Romantic styles is clearly evident composers who were writing in composers began to write mu- in his 32 sonatas for piano. For new, less conventional styles. sic not simply as a way to make example, the Sonata no. 9 in E Even as late as the 1950s, com- ends meet, they wrote in order to is typical of the Classical period posers such as Vaughan-Wil- express their personal thoughts, and bears some resemblance to liams and Prokofiev were still their feelings and emotions. Au- works by Mozart, the composer writing in a Romantic style, per- diences were able for the first who dominated this period. haps as a reaction to the lack of time to identify with composers In contrast, his Sonata no. structure and traditional harmo- and really begin to understand 29 in B flat (see review be- ny evident in much of the music the true emotional power a low) is much more Romantic in of the twentieth century. piece of music can have. style. It has several changes of Romantic music has a time- Many composers epitomised tempo and often carries an al- less value, and it is unsurprising this new style of music; Chopin, most improvised sound. Particu- that many composers choose Tchaikovsky, Brahms and Berlioz larly expressive is the long, slow to continue composing in this are all names synonymous with third section which has a very style. Audiences from any time the style. Such is the power of intimate sound alternated with and any century can equally be this music that down the gener- some louder dramatic passages. affected and deeply moved by ations to today it can still capti- A moving piece this is far more a piece of music that is the cre- vate audiences with its intensity, typical of the hauntingly beauti- ative result of emotions, feelings energy and passion. ful Romantic style. and passion. Paul Lewis plays Beethoven Rupert Mason looks forward to Paul Lewis’s return so that he can finish off what he’s started... Paul Lewis at The Turner Sims what dismissed by many critics first sonata for some justifies its Concert Hall, 9 May 2006 per- (a prejudice that seems partly to name. For others it is the sup- forming: stem from a possible name on posedly ‘rustic’ chorea-like end- Sonata No. 25 in G, Sonatine its first German publication: So- ing. In the first movement of the Sonata No. 15 in D, Pastorale nata facile). Paul Lewis played it Pastoral, Paul Lewis changed the Sonata No. 29 in B flat, Ham- wonderfully, although he could accentuation of the main theme merklavier have perhaps punctuated it with and reduced what can be one of greater intensity. The last time the most moving sections into a This evening marked the half- I saw Paul Lewis play he was tautological ‘brekekekex’. The way point of Beethoven’s piano arching his back and striking the remaining three movements, sonatas cycle which is being keys with tremendous force. This however, were played perfectly. performed over two years by evening he seemed somewhat I was not saddened when dur- the multi-award winning pia- meeker. His shoulder problems ing the interval it was announced nist Paul Lewis. These sonatas were undoubtedly affecting his that Paul could not play on. I nicely demonstrate the range of performance. had been looking forward to the cycle; the playful Sonatine, The second piece, Pastorale the Hammerklavier for so long, the soothing Pastorale, the ful- sonata, was given its name by but it is a piece where energetic minant exuberance of the Ham- another of Beethoven’s publish- expression is crucially important merklavier’s first movement and ers, August Cranz. The pastoral so I do not think he would have the gentle humour of its third. style has a loose definition but been up to it. Kindly he is com- Ominously the performance central to its theme are associa- ing back to play the Hammerk- was delayed as Paul Lewis was tions with old dance-type and lavier on 22 June. When well, suffering from shoulder pain. the sound of musettes (bag- he is a fantastic performer and I He started with the short sonata pipes). The drone D repeated can’t wait to see him when he is Sonatine, which has been some- for 24 bars at the start of the Paul Lewis’s performance was hampered by an injured shoulder back on top form. Arts

www.wessexscene.co.uk Windmill tilting Caught between two cultures Natasha Harding finds The Nuffield’s The Hansard’s new exhibition shows just how latest lives up to expectations sophisticated video art can be, says Ruth Roxanne

Don Quixote performed by the captivated throughout. a voyeur as you watch people Nuffield Theatre Company at The morals of the tale have as go through various checks. The Nuffield, 6 May 2006 much relevance now as they did Adrift’s collection of docu- in the 1600’s when Cervantes mentary footage displays colo- With a story said to surpass any was writing the novel. The nial architecture in New York. Shakespeare play and with Rich- friendship of Quixote and San- The imagery here causes unease ard Curtis (Blackadder, Bridget cho Panza is heart warming. And and disconnectedness; nearly Jones’s Diary) responsible for the Granville Saxon as Don Quixote always at a distance, it is as if adaptation, one might wonder if brilliantly portrayed an extreme the viewer is not part of the sur- this play could live up to expec- but noble example of some- roundings. tations. Well, The Nuffield’s Don one who never loses faith in his The final piece in the- ex Quixote certainly does. dreams or strays from his beliefs. hibition, Dissonant Rhythms, The story itself follows the He strives to realise his dreams brings together a synthesised adventures of a deluded old with a perseverance that is at soundtrack and images of man and his trusty squire, San- once inspiring and admirable. Ergin Çavusoglu: This is especially true of Point battle-scarred buildings to cre- cho Panza. Don Quixote, believ- The play, incredibly performed Point of Departure, The of Departure, in which the video ate the impression of marching ing himself to be a knight of the with only eight actors, shows John Hansard Gallery, 4 May - 7 installation which follows a Turk- footsteps and forgotten casual- highest order, strives to fulfil his the power of the imagination June 2006 ish lecturer travelling from Tra- ties. Although the video shows ‘duties’ and abide by chivalric in influencing the events of an bazon airport in his homeland to that this is clearly a place with codes of conduct. otherwise mundane existence. Upon walking into the gallery Stansted Airport in England. The a terrible past, nature is slowly The play, beginning with a Though humour abounded this you are engulfed in darkness, difference between the two loca- reclaiming the structures, hiding very simple set, goes on to bring is essentially a tale of human the only light emanating from tions is stark. Where Stansted is them from the world. Cervantes’ tale to life in an en- nature, and there are profound the projected videos and large modern and western, Trabazon Çavusoglu has created works chanting performance. The au- moments of insight. screens suspended from the ceil- looks dated and tired: images of that can be viewed and under- dience follows Don Quixote’s Although a lengthy play, the ing. Ergin Çavusoglu is an inter- passengers throughout the video stood by all. This does not de- quest in becoming the knight he audience always fully absorbed national artist whose work draws hark back to the paranoid sur- tract from the sophistication of has always dreamed of, along were never to be disappointed on personal experience. Grow- veillance of communist Russia. his ideas, themes and presenta- the way discovering that things by a dull moment. ing up between two distinct The six screens combined with tion. Rather, Point of Departure are not always as they may first Don Quixote has been voted cultures (Islam and the harsh snippets of conversation and is a perfect introduction to the appear. From tilting at windmills the world’s favourite story, and regime of the Soviet Union) his Tannoy announcements create medium of video art, which is to coming face to face with the the Nuffield Theatre’s perfor- art highlights conflicts between the impression that you are ac- sometimes viewed with suspi- grim reaper, the audience was mance certainly did justice to it. disparate worlds. tually in an airport; you become cion by certain audiences. Paul Lewis plays Beethoven What’s On

Low Life The Academy of Ancient Music The Nuffield, Mon 22 - Wed 24 May, £10 Turner Sims, Thur 25 May, £12-24 The Low Life Cabaret, where puppets live alongside people Commissioned to celebrate Mozart’s 250th anniver- Alia Sayed a man dances a love duet with a beer glass, a woman gets sary the world premiere of Musgrave’s work accom- lost in a novel and the hero Bud drowns under a bar. panies two of Mozart’s most popular symphonies.

The Queen of Brazilian Bossa Nova Jazz The Jungle Book Turner Sims, Fri 21 July, £15 (£8 students) The Mayflower, Mon 8 - Sat 13 May, £20-35 Bodies of Water Direct from Rio de Janeiro, Joyce epitomises the hip Prior to a West End transfer, The Birmingham Stage Com- City Art Gallery, 21 April - 18 Junes, free fashionability of bossa nova and samba. Hailed by pany brings us The Jungle Book. It remains to be seen The endless boundaries of water and the sea are father of bossa nova Antonio Jobim as a genius. Concerts whether its songs can match Disney’s greatest ever film... explored by three artists working in diffent media but sharing a common fascination with water. Jimmy Carr - Off The Telly Theatre Royal Winchester, 9 June, £13.50-16 A Story Told... (above) The Weather Man After sell-out tours in ‘03, ‘04 and ‘05 and rather a Millais Gallery, 28 April - 3 June, free Union Films, Union Building, Sat 27 May, £2 lot of TV work Jimmy Carr returns to the stage. Experimental filmmaker Alia Syed’s exhibition Mocked and cursed for every bit of rain, downtrod- explores story telling, time and memory. den hero Cage starts his rites of passage journey. Don Quixote The Nuffield, Thur 27 April - Sat 20 May, £10-18 Point of Departure and Adrift Audience Vote - The Constant Gardener The Nuffield’s own production of Cervantes’ 17th John Hansard Gallery, 4 May - 7 June, free The Phoenix, Boldrewood, 24 May, £4 Century tale. See review above. See review above. Award-winning film of John Le Carre’s novel. Film Exhibitions Theatre

Note: listings are neither comprehensive nor infallible; please ring ahead! (Remember to ask for your student discount.) The Nuffield Theatre: 023 8067 1771; The Mayflower Theatre: 023 8071 1811; The Theatre Royal Winchester: 019 6284 0440; The John Hansard Gallery: 023 8059 2158; The Millais Gallery: 023 8031 9916; The Turner Sims Concert Hall: 023 8059 5151; The Phoenix Cinema: 08707650763. Also, it’s Summer!!! :-) Fashion

Page 12 Style RAG Fashion Show Lorna Longworth Stage Soc, John Lewis Shine, and Notes: the Turner Sims itself. Friday, 12 May, saw the Under flashing lights and to a Beach wear Turner Sims Concert hall trans- pumping soundtrack the mod- formed into the place to be for els strutted their stuff across the Lorna Longworth fashionistas. The RAG Fashion stage, a cavalcade of flowing As summer and Dance Show was coming locks, pouts, winks and kisses. steadily approach- to town to raise money for Leu- And that was just the boys. es amid the es- kamia Busters. Organised in a Cheered on by the whole audi- say deadlines and joint effort by the Law Society ence the models promenades exam revision and Southampton Student RAG were interspersed by Break thoughts in- (Raise and Give) the Show was Dance Soc’s dance-offs, some variably turn an unmitigated success, the au- very impressive moves gaining to the warm- dience entertained by perfomers much applause.The swim wear er months. It from the Breakdance Society and section received a hearty cheer may be hard dazzled by students modelling from all happy to see new Union to imagine clothes from Envy, Bank, Kew, president Ben Rogers do his bit now as the Republic and Pronuptia. Also for charity. A bit of girl-on-girl sun breaks collaborating on the project were action later and it was all over weakly over Southamp- ton but at some point in the com- ing months you may be lucky enough to find yourself somewhere with sand and the sea. That’s right: a beach. And with this revela- tion comes the realisation that at some point you will have to flash parts of your body that Fifanova and Albina InfidelPhotos Photos: haven’t seen direct sunlight and the public gaze in a long time. Pale, hairy parts of you. In a bikini. But all is not lost. This season’s beach wear is all about bright:hot pinks, neon blues, greens and yellow. And, of course, white. So whether you Dress to impress... choose to cover up or make like Winchester School of Art students to wow at Graduate Fashion Week a Brazilian and put it all out there remember a few golden rules. Laura Fewell another of which will be award- of Art’s Alexa Davies scooped ments and explained If you are busty avoid triangle ed at this year’s event. the award for Best Use of Co- how much the opportu- bikinis; look for wide strapped A number of Graduate Fashion Week lour with her striking use of bold nity means to WSA stu- halternecks or bra styles. Ath- students from the 2006, which runs from Sunday blues, and this year’s students dents: “the chance letic types can experiment with Winchester School 4 to Wednesday 7 June, at Bat- are optimistic that they will bring to show our work the very glamorous 70s cut-out of Art have been se- tersea Park in London, promises awards home to Winchester on a London catwalk all-in-ones gracing the shelves lected to take part in to be even more exciting as it is by the end of the week. Lydia has been something of Warehouse and River Island. the prestigious Gradu- also celebrating 15 years of Brit- Crook, a third year Fashion stu- that most of us have If you prefer more active holi- ate Fashion Week 2006 ish talent in the fashion world. dent who is one of the few to be been working for and days go for sporty supportive following the suc- Showcasing the very best from selected to wow the audience aspiring to for the suits and tankinis (check out cess of their peers in the UK’s premier fashion and with her designs on the catwalk, whole course.” Quicksilver and Legends for the 2005 exhibition. design institutions, it will feature told the Wessex Scene “the se- Both girls plan to surf-inspired styles). Last year saw the four days of spectacular catwalk lection process is very scary. The move to London But remeber, always launch of the River shows and exhibitions where the [catwalk] show can only have a following gradu- think about where it sits Island Gold Award country’s most innovative young certain amount showing … and ation and work on your hips and der- of £20,000, a sig- designers can show off their cre- there were a lot of people who in the fashion riere. Move about in nificant prize for ations and mingle with fashion didn’t get in, but everybody on industry before it before you buy. Then sit G r a d u a t e company head honchos, includ- the course can exhibit on the taking Masters back, slap on the sun lotion and f a s h i o n ing top recruiters, Smith & Pye. stand.” Lucy Hunter, also study- degrees in Fash- enjoy. Happy holidays! efforts, Last year, Winchester School ing Fashion, echoed her senti- ion. WSX www.wessexscene.co.uk Editorial Living is over rated

Mickey Anderson

Hello reader, I hope my use of the singu- lar noun is unjustified. This is- sue sees a glorious mishmash of mish and mash. We have yet another incredible documentary report on another Southampton legend, Pat, the laughing Mor- rison’s lady - an insight into one of the most talented vocal art- ists of our times, or any times for that matter. Also this issue, Jack Arnott lips off at me and the Wessex Scene, in the manner of the lu- dicrous little mincer that he is. Jack has been writing for some time on good faith and will not be any more, as he has to go to bed far too early to do anything ever again. In fact, he goes to bed even before he’s woken up. Silly isn’t it. It is unlikely Jack and I will have any contact with each other from here on in unless I apologise for my outright abuse right away… Elsewhere in this issue, Abe Jacobs has been on the case re- porting on how to hide articles. His own article is so well hidden in this issue that even the pack of rabid dogs we set upon it couldn’t find it. We are offering any reader infinite free tickets to They’ve never had it so good the cube if you can locate and identify his piece on harass- Mickey Anderson have a kick-about, but we just rather like death, and dreams One remarked: “Mann hates his ing passers by on the street for didn’t believe it was right. Balls are much more interesting than own existence, and always has.” change, something he is an ex- New research has discovered are people too, you know.” Our being awake. “You can do loads “Whatever do you mean?” re- pert in, as his own dissertation that being alive is over rated. The reporter Abe Jacobs decided to of stuff when you’re asleep, and sponded a companion. “Ah, and criminal record will show. study is still in its early stages, test him by singing ‘ball ball ball, you can do even more if you’re that’s the point,” he replied. There’s lots of good stuff here, and critics have compared it to footie footie footie’ an old soc- dead, like go to Disneyland!” “No I wanted to know what you but as Abe has illustrated to us, “a nihilistic tadpole,” but more cer anthem. Mann ran from the We asked him why he didn’t go mean, you can’t just say, that’s it’s not worth being there if you research is under way to figure scene in tears, and the interview to Disneyland while he was alive the point and expect me to–.” don’t have to search for it. out what this means. There is no promptly ended. and he told us that he feared it “That’s what I mean. Do you Thanks to everyone who has sign of a breakthrough at this We managed to retain some would be a bit of a let down. see?” “No obviously not…” contributed throughout the past stage. quotes from the occasion, and Some people have claimed The debate still rages over year, and to everyone who will The initiator of the discovery is some we have made up to fill that Mann is just a miserable, what anything ever really means. entertain you loyal readers in the local philosopher Beumer Mann, space. When we questioned insane, pathetic waste-of-a-life, What is the point of living if not next. a German immigrant who had him about life he just remarked: and if he doesn’t want his life for dying. What is the point of Having been re-elected to the to leave Germany in the wake “Well, life’s a bit dull isn’t it.” he should give it to someone dying if not for… not living any post of Features Editor, I will see of the World Cup of 1990 due His paper on the subject is avail- who does, a dead puppy for ex- more. And so on and so forth; you all in October, unless you to his distaste for the game. He able from all Good Bookshops™ ample. Other philosophers have into the bold night does the ar- leave. The Wessex Scene thanks says: “I can never go back there. and is a very interesting read ap- found the discovery as profound gument rage, and we walk away you for your time. My family and I were under so parently. It is based on the as- as any other gibbering crud that no wiser and much less interest- Mickey. 5. much pressure all the time to sumption that being asleep is philosophers find profound. ed than when we arrived. Features

Page 14 So long Southampton...! Caroline Greaves be a ‘pretty average’ night out watch the 1.45pm and 5.30pm comforting to know that there 10) Laziness – one of the when you can’t quite tell what shows, how will we know when are other poor souls wandering greatest parts of student life. No Alas, graduation is looming colour the sick in your bin is. to make lunch/dinner/get up/ in some distant alcove pondering longer will I be able to reminisce sulkily in the distance, casting 3) Fancy dress – we will no have a break from work/count the true meaning of WebCat. about my student years in an at- a deep shadow over the end longer spend more hours a week the hours until the next epi- 9) Dissertation – when we tempt to lessen the time I will of June. When the graduation preparing outfits than working. sode? have to endure one of those stare at my dissertation. machine chews us up, sucking We will no longer organise our 7) Hard work – spending a awkward conversations about So, fellow graduating stu- every last ounce of Chick-O- appearances in such a military- couple of hours a day working what we’ve been doing at uni- dents, go back to watching your Land, cheap vodka and pasta style manner, shunning the on an essay will no longer consti- versity with relatives it provides work and hoping something in- from our systems before spitting housemate who refuses to wear tute as ‘a good solid day’s work.’ us with a topic to talk about. And telligent will happen. For those us out into the real world, how the uniform. We will no longer And no, we cannot reward our- when we feel like being a little of you who are not graduating will we cope? In a world where see a festival/celebration/birth- selves with the odd glass/bottle bit intellectual with our house- just yet, embrace the laziness daytime television is no longer day/weekend as an excuse to of wine, for working so hard. mates, the dissertation is an eas- because time really does fly a valid pastime, where cleaning look ridiculous. 8) The library – the deep soli- ily accessible way of showing off when your version of having fun the house is no longer an end 4) Food – in a land far, far darity of the library. It is always your smarts. is everything listed above. of term ritual and where taking away, we will shop for food more a ‘nap’ between 2pm and 6pm than once a month. We will no is no longer standard, terrible longer spend two or three weeks times await us. a month living off ‘non–perish- Dreading the impending force able’ foods only. Fruit and veg- of the world, I have been forced etables may become a regular to look back over three glorious feature, and wine and beer will years, and compile the top ten not occupy more space in the things I never thought I would, fridge than food. One day, you but now know I will, miss about will not eat pasta five or six being a student at Southamp- times a week. ton. And here they are: 5) Being stingy – post gradu- 1) Hazardous experiences ation it will not be acceptable – at no other point in your life to drink a bottle of four quid will finding a month old pint wine from Spar as an alternative of milk, falling over, flooding a to visiting a drinking establish- bathroom, blocking a toilet, sur- ment. And people will buy you viving January with no central drinks, and you will buy other heating, giving your housemate people drinks. Not because it is a fiver because they drank the your round, but out of kindness. month old milk, be anything but Yes, I feel the pain, too. absolutely, genuinely and indis- 6) Neighbours – the structure putably, hilarious. of our days will be entirely dis- 2) Being sick – it will no longer rupted. Without being able to Hooray! Now we can eat something apart from pasta! And goodbye from Jack Jack Arnott, thank you. Because as I sat, with an uncomfortable result the newspaper suffers. Yet from a lower ranking staff mem- Jack Arnott without you, what would I be? A bump on my derriere. He’ll be activities like this are common- ber, and a lower ranking gender, regular two-bit hack like all the seeing me in court. place and go unpunished by the was both insulting and crude. Dear Readers, rest of them. Yes, that’s right, all My ‘Editor’ Michael, con- powers that be. To compound these miseries, I the other peons you see around stantly edits out the right wing My space bar has recently am rarely asked out to staff get- So here it is. My last article for me here. Joe ‘Student Journalist’ political messages from my ar- started to develop a brown togethers, and when I am, the the Wessex Scene. Forgive me Bigboots and Tim ‘I’m going to ticles. He claims that his hands sticky residue on the top of invite is often sarcastic or days for self-indulgence, but I would write for the Telegraph’ Knob- are tied but this holds no weight it, which causes my thumb to after the event has happened. like to sincerely thank you, the head. with me. Whatever his problems chafe whenever I use it. Due to As a result of these atroci- reader, for listening to me and I hate to use my last article for are with ****** and his recent the pride I take in my personal ties, which you will no doubt appreciating my work so much such vindictive needs but I have ****** campaign are beyond hygiene, and the small piece of agree a journalist of my calibre over the past seven issues. decided to expose the Wessex me. Let’s hope he gets out of M&M shell between my T and should not have to tolerate, my What’s that you say? Me thank Scene office for the most poorly ****** soon. Y keys, I can only assume that final article due to the end of my you for the hours and hours of run collective of saddos, gimps The nickname ‘Arners’ is al- someone is using my worksta- degree, doubles as my final -ar free mirth I have dispensed to and poindexters in the country. ways used for me, one that I de- tion while I am away from my ticle due to my resignation from you? The countless lunchtimes Heed these following examples. test. Not only this, but a chant desk. This is unacceptable, espe- this ram shod sorry excuse for spent discussing my latest con- One morning when I sat down of ‘Arnie, Arnie Arners’ became cially with unwashed hands. a student newspaper. All I can troversial offering? The multi- at my desk, much to my disgust, a standard anthem in the office Last week when enquiring hope is that next year’s crop of tude of tips garnered from my one particular ‘journalist’ had when I let them know my protes- about a particularly attractive journalists and editors are half award-winning piece Ten Ways found it particularly funny to tations with a polite but forceful copy assistant’s dinner plans, I the professional I am, and take to Spot a Vegetarian? Ridicu- lower the height of my swivel email. I believe this has affected was told in no uncertain terms the Wessex Scene to the level at lous I know, but yes, reader, I, desk chair so that I fell slightly the quality of my work, and as to “Chuff off”. This disrespect which it belongs. Features

www.wessexscene.co.uk When it’s time to gamble...Viva Loss Vegas!

Ryan Bailey cided I’d have a better chance at the real thing. Where better for I’m a highly suggestible person. this than the home of vice, neon If there is a bandwagon around lights and never-ending Celine the corner, I’ll be the first to Dion performances: Las Vegas. jump on it when it comes my Next thing I knew, I was on a way. Then, I’ll ride that band- Virgin Atlantic flight to the city wagon until it crashes. of sin with an old school friend. A good example of this would My wisely chosen sidekick could be online poker. Alas, I confess, actually explain the difference I saw many of my friends reap- between a royal flush and a full ing the benefits of this fashion- house, making him a very useful able façade and wanted a piece asset on this impromptu hare- of the action. Inspired by their brained trip. instant success and effortless Stepping off the plane with remuneration, I felt confident our rudimentary skills into the enough to start digging the hole searing heat of the Nevada des- in the garden for the impending ert, we headed to our Gambling Las Vegas, USA - The land of opportunity... to lose everything. swimming pool. Mecca, the Hard Rock Hotel and After a few frustrating late Casino. I’d seen it on another of gaming floor clutching the re- shameful blur, and we were back the tables. nights/very early mornings of my bandwagon favourites, The mainder of our student loan in upstairs before the inebriated Contrary to my financial sta- being fleeced by ‘sharks’ (expe- OC, and it looked, like, totally dollar form, we were cocky. We streaking woman had reached tus, I felt richer for my whimsical rienced online players) and with awesome. were going to storm in like Bon- the end of the corridor. Dejected poker experience. I was at peace little knowledge of the game When an inebriated and com- nie and Clyde, not leaving un- and penniless, we resolved to with my desire to do things that itself, however, I found it was pletely naked woman knocked til we’d beaten the house. The make the most of our remain- are popular regardless of any not the cash cow I had envis- on our hotel room door, and stakes were high, and we were ing days in the world’s hedo- consequence. And on the plane aged. Determined not to leave then proceeded to run through ready for some serious card- nism capital. Unfortunately, due home, I prayed that angry bank the bandwagon until at least the the hotel giggling, we decided based action. to our ill-advised gambling, this managers and empty swimming next stop, and under the influ- we liked the Vegas lifestyle. Somehow, our hit-and-run amounted to sipping tap water pool-sized holes were to be the ence of insomniac-logic, I de- Heading downstairs to the plan backfired. It all passed in a whilst watching high rollers play next bandwagon. Features

Page 16 Features

www.wessexscene.co.uk Short and to the pointless

Darren Richman admit that I have been more being served at a bar. Eventu- mediately broke into the widest with cancer and facing his own frustrated by Manchester Unit- ally, the barman approached my grin and most enthusiastic wave mortality, that he didn’t know Blink 182 sang of All the Small ed dropping points at home to new friend and implored him to I have ever been privileged to before. Zevon paused before re- Things. Scott Walker talked of an easy side than any govern- make his order at which point receive. My friend and I waved plying: “Just how much you’re Little Things (That Keep Us To- ment policy initiated during my he simply pointed directly at me back and burst into hysterics si- supposed to enjoy every sand- gether). Hell, even moody old lifetime. I have been more pro- and my heart leapt. To this day, multaneously. Once our laugher wich.” On a personal level, I ab- Morrissey told us Such a Little foundly irritated by discovering I have no idea which of us was had subsided, my companion solutely loathe sandwiches. But Thing Makes Such a Big Differ- a piece of chewing gum lodged the first to enter that line but the turned to me and said “I am I think I know what he was on ence. Size, it appears, does not on the underside of my shoe behaviour of this gentleman re- certain that bloke would be our about. matter. than any attack launched by an stored my faith in human nature. best mate if we knew him.” We Finally, if I may borrow one I recall a conversation with a American President. Call me ab- I gather Gandhi did a fair bit of knew nothing of this mysterious final sentiment (and I think I friend in my very first week at surdly selfish (as I have no doubt good work, but would he have stranger beyond his proficiency may), I believe it was Sherlock this university last year. Things you are) but during my school allowed me to be served before in boosting our spirits using only Holmes who once remarked: “It were very different in those glo- days, cruelty towards animals him at Cheapskates just off Ox- his body language and yet Jonny has long been an axiom of mine rious days of yore. Franz Ferdi- disgusted me less than coming ford Street? I’m not sure. (for that is his name) was certain that the little things are infinitely nand and The Killers ruled the across an old bogey lodged in a On another occasion, I was this man was best friend mate- the most important.” airwaves. My, how times have textbook by a previous owner. sitting on the tube with a close rial. And I couldn’t agree more. Apologies for the excess of changed. My friend, whom we That is not to say that I am friend. At one point, our train In his final television inter- quotations, this piece probably shall call Henry (primarily be- entirely unconcerned with passed another travelling in the view, the late great singer-song- requires a bibliography. Oh, and cause that is his name), was events beyond my immediate opposite direction and we spot- writer Warren Zevon was asked if you haven’t enjoyed the ar- talking about Saddam Hus- field of vision. It is just that I find ted a solitary figure in a carriage by David Letterman if there ticle, just comfort yourself with sein. Henry informed me that it difficult to fully immerse- my all to himself. The lone traveller was anything he understood the fact that at least it’s not very he had read an article in which self in issues quite so foreign. On glanced up, spotted us and im- now, having been diagnosed long. it transpired that Saddam was the other hand, the things that hoarding nuclear weapons and cause me delight are equally selling crack cocaine to children. small in stature. Regardless of the authenticity of A smile from a bus driver, the these statements, my friend’s re- new track on a Greatest Hits action surprised me somewhat. collection actually proving to be In his own words: “That’s all pretty good, Ronnie Corbett. well and good so long as there These little things make me smile. aren’t any wasps around.” In a nightclub a few months ago Although at Henry’s words I noticed that the bar staff con- I was slightly taken aback, I tinually opted to serve people couldn’t help but agree with the who had joined the queue after sentiment and felt that his hon- I had. Suitably infuriated (or ine- esty reflected something rather briated) I observed that “This is significant about human nature. the most unjust thing since the In truth, most of us spend more 2005 FA Cup Final.” The strang- time concerned with seemingly er waiting patiently next to me trivial issues that affect our - ev smiled and revealed that he, eryday lives than reflecting on too, was a United fan. We be- meaningful global issues. gan an amiable chat about the I, for one, am unashamed to nature of injustice, football, and It’s the little things that annoy you. Like when someone superglues your fingers together. How to... have a clubbing night out at home Ben Parker tonight”). Talk about how tired you are freezing cold enough to housemate,” slip over on floor. you shakily point at him and of- you’ve been recently, and how approach him. If male, say “Al- If “at Jesters”, break the glass fer abuse. Things needed: hard your course is this semester. right mate?” and raise your eye- from earlier and stand on the 9. Go to the hall. Think you’re Listen to the worries of “attrac- brows like you’re neither drunk, pieces, if “at The CUBE”, get a going to be sick, and decide to • Burly housemate tive male/female housemate”, nor middle class. If female, say fat girl to cry in the corner. walk home, despite your friends’ • Attractive male/female even though you don’t care re- “Hiya” and get asked for ID. 7. If male, nearly get into fight, protestations. Urinate nois- housemate ally, and can’t wait until you’re 4. Once inside, go to the liv- until one of your housemates ily against a radiator, or behind • Slimy housemate drunk enough for it to be an alibi ing room, turn the TV up re- sings that Chesney Hawks song, washing-machine. • A pint glass in attempting to pull them. ally loud while your housemates then grab would-be-fighter in a 10. Get “burly housemate” 2. When half-cut, run very stand really close to you while manly hug and sing loudly. If fe- to lift you up and deposit you on 1. Start the evening off by fast downstairs, and go out into you dance. male, have your hand kissed by the sofa. Once asleep, he should drinking in the bathroom. Put a the garden. Walk around on 5. Go to the toilet, still hold- “slimy housemate”, then go off move you to kitchen floor. Wake huge hi-fi in there, and turn the the grass a bit (note: remember ing glass. Do not close the door. with “my friends” as he implores up there several hours later, not volume up until you can’t hear. to hide the pint glass from the Engage a stranger in conversa- you pathetically to stay. knowing where you are, and go Complain that the drinks are re- bathroom under your coat). tion. Do not wash hands. 8. Stumble into the kitchen. upstairs to bed. ally expensive (unless you get a 3. Get “burly housemate” 6. Return to living-room. Try Get a housemate to serve you 11. Reflect on a great night cocktail: “they’re really cheap to stand by the backdoor, until to pull “attractive male/female hot food through a hatch while out. Features

Page 18 Is it OK to be shallow? company. If a man is offended This was greeted with sympathy course want to be attracted to A view Luke Catterson by a girl’s face he lacks the social and questions as to why. “He someone’s personality and sense I think so, because I think we all freedom to do the same thing. If couldn’t make me laugh.” The of humour, but you need to be from the are. After all no one ever com- a man cracks jokes that the girl general consensus was that this physically attracted to them plains of “being in too shallow”. feels violates her honour, she is was a shame and that she would also. Otherwise they are surely I am going to generalise here for well within her rights to cease surely meet the right guy soon. just a friend. the sake of argument but I’m communications and contact My older brother then came in There is nothing better than Tower basing this on facts. Over 90% immediately. But if a girl cracks with a similar break up story gazing lovingly into the eyes of of men believe looks to be one a smile that a man feels violates and when asked why he replied, the girl you get to tongue kiss Max Tolhurst of the top three most important his eyes… “She couldn’t make me hard.” and imagining the future that things they look for in a potential I would like to cite an actu- The difference in response was the two of you have and all of girlfriend. Over 95% of women al example that I experienced colossal but I don’t think that the beautiful memories you One thing I’ve learnt this Eas- believe that a sense of humour is over the recent holidays. My it should have been. Surely in a have yet to create, but the mo- ter is never to stay in Stoneham one of the top three things that younger sister came in having relationship it is important to be ment is somewhat ruined if you over the holidays on your own. they look for in a potential boy- broken up with her boyfriend. in love with all aspects. You of keep retching. Very conveniently in the first friend. week, when I was still terrified If a man dismisses a girl be- there was a serial killer stalking cause she is ugly this is gen- the fifth floor corridor, the lifts erally deemed unacceptable. decided to break down due to However if a girl does not like a deluge in the lift shaft. The a man because he has no sense source of such a flood shall re- of humour that is generally fine main known to only those an- as they were “not compatible”. cient gods of Stoneham, but in To me this is wrong: a grasp of my opinion the bin-bag man irony is just as arbitrary as nicely had a very shifty look on his defined cheekbones. To reject face for the rest of that week. anybody based on any of the Climbing the 11 flights of stairs characteristics of their person is from ground to floor ten cer- equally shallow. tainly used up my exercise al- If a girl is offended by a lowance for the week (a tip for man’s sense of humour she is any of you out there still look- well within her rights to express ing to burn off some of those her displeasure and leave his ‘What do you mean I’m not funny?’ Easter Eggs) but the flickering lights and frequent, distressing moans did nothing for my fear of a re-inaction of Emily Rose Portswood’s singing sensation on floor ten. When my fellow residents Enjoli Liston Morissons worker (who wished schedule to talk to the press, Pat more, and I can leave the bakery returned they were regrettably to remain nameless for legal showed the sense of indepen- section with my head held high. informed that the heating is be- There is a star that shines in reasons) told the Wessex Scene dent thinking and determina- Thank you Pat, not only are you ing turned off on the 2 May. Portswood. A pillar of the com- that his ex-girlfriend based her tion that has won her so much an all-round entertainer, but you A fire may be the only way munity, an admired musician, psychology coursework on Pat. acclaim from the Portswood and could even make a diet plan that to solve our hot water issues a Soton celebrity. She not only Perhaps it’s because many of us University communities. Ask her would really work. which seems to have appeared brightens up your shopping ex- crave the secret to her happiness; where anything is in the store Many of us feel we know Pat after somebody on floor six, perience, but your entire day, perhaps her musical talent sparks and she can take you straight to because of the fond attachment who shall remain nameless, left maybe even your entire week a sense of deep admiration in it with a melody to boot - you we feel to her when exchanging a shower on for three hours and depending on how dull your life us all; or perhaps we’re all just just can’t beat that kind of raw fond anecdotes with our friends ended up draining most of the is. I am of course talking about nosey buggers. But one thing’s talent. Pat reputedly doesn’t about her joyful antics. But have building of any water with even the singing lady of Morrissons, for certain, when Pat’s doing her favour any one song over an- you ever sung to her, or given a hint of tepidity. It is now nec- aka Pat. I think it’s about time duty collecting baskets croon- other, but she does prefer an her that cheery feeling that she essary to give two weeks’ no- we all took a moment to salute ing a tune, with that cheeky grin operatic style that allows her to bestows upon the people of tice to reception and fill in two her as the beacon of Portswood on her face, we all stop to look display a flare for creativity and Portswood every day? Next time forms in triplicate if you want that she is. and listen. There are some who improvisation. Despite an obvi- you’re in Morrissons, why not to run a bath with water fit for Very little is officially known may pretend they don’t want to ously promising musical gift, Pat take a moment out of your day anything other than a penguin. about Pat, due to her incredible make eye contact as they ner- has stayed humbly at Morris- to bring a little happiness to Pat, (Any donations for a new boiler modesty and dislike of the pre- vously inspect the conveyor belt sons where the shop floor has in the same way that she goes will be gratefully received at the tentious celebrity lifestyle. She is or pay suspiciously close atten- become her stage. There have out of her way to bring glee to usual address.) often the subject of gossip and tion to the copies of Reveal, but been rumours that the store has the community with every dul- I leave you with news that rumour, but she takes it all in these are the people who have given her the unique role of En- cet tone. Stoneham is almost definitely her stride, commenting: “Why it worst of all. Don’t forget, the tertainment Supervisor to capi- (If you have been affected by not going to be demolished do you need an interview? Ev- first step is admitting. talise on the recent research to any of the issues raised in this again next year as they’ve dis- eryone knows me already.” Pro- It is easy to get caught up in prove that shoppers buy more article or would like advice on covered it’s the only place in found words from Pat herself, the excitement of celebrity, but when soothed by music. I’m not the problems associated with Southampton which can sur- which stir up deep issues within Pat has kept her feet firmly on convinced by this myself as Pat’s letting your love for a Soton ce- vive a nuclear war. That’s prob- us. Why do we feel like we need the ground through her commit- melodious voice is always so up- lebrity get out of hand, please ably due to the high percentage to know more about her? She ted attitude to her work. Politely lifting and inspirational that I find don’t refrain from contacting of lead in the plumbing system. has even been the subject of re- declining to take even a minute I don’t need the comforting taste our resident Agony Aunt, Beryl. Lucky us. search at the University, as one out of her hectic Morrissons of a few buckets of cookies any- Remember, you’re never alone.) Dear Beryl

www.wessexscene.co.uk Dear Beryl SUSU-doku Southampton’s best (and only) mature student agony aunt

Dear Beryl, tator on the BBC, used to play saucy I have made a tit of myself rugby for Southampton Univer- little and feel rather silly. I was at sity when he was a student and, m i n x the AU Ball the other week and worst of all, “scrum” doesn’t took my fancy.) Did you know had a few glasses of bubbly too exist as a position! My friends that I had an affair with Mick many (well, I was no worse for won’t let me forget this. What Jagger? Thought not. Anyway, wear than anyone else, I can tell do I do? My cheeks are burning I’m afraid you’ll just have to grin you!) Anyway, somehow I got with shame. and bear it. Really it was a minor chatting to John Inverdale, who Piglet faux pas and I expect that you’ll is some celebrity eye candy and do far worse in the future. he asked me what sport I play. My, my Piglet, As for your crimson face, hunt Well, I am a skydiver and get You poor little pet. Well, I hope down the inbred and stand next ribbed that it isn’t a real sport you have learnt a lesson from all to her - you’ll be pale in compari- anyway, and here was this gor- this: you should always be your- son. Or we could use your glow- geous (and rich) bloke talking to self and not be ashamed of who ing head to light the footpath me! So, anyway, off the cuff I you are (although skydiving isn’t between Avenue and Highfield said that I played rugby. All go- a real sport so you were right in campuses at night - I mean, the ing well so far. He then went on a way to fib about that.) I must bloody City Council aren’t going to ask what position, I mean, admit, that John Inverdale is a bit to do anything about it are they! How to play! twenty questions or what? I of a dish, isn’t he, so don’t be too So some good would come out Every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the numbers said “scrum” and he looked at hard on yourself. Back in my day of your idiocy. 1 through to 9, without duplicating any numbers. There should be me like I was really odd, quickly when I was a frisky young thing All the best, no guesswork or maths involved! made his excuses and practically - rather than a frisky old thing Beryl ran away. - I made up all sorts of nonsense PS - Don’t worry about your The first person to get their correctly completed SUSU-Doku to the VP Media and Communications wins two free tickets to Kinki I have since found out that to impress the opposite sex (and blushing; Pigs are meant to be at the Cube. he is a famous sports commen- indeed the same sex when a pink anyway. Page 20 Sport www.wessexscene.co.uk Editorial Shooting success at AU Ball Alex Hayes of the Riding Club and her team mate Natasha Collings picked This year’s AU Ball yet again up the Vice Chancellor’s Medal. provided more than its share of The Hockey Men’s first team memorable moments which the were crowned Team of the Year majority of revellers at the event following their victory in the Alex Hayes will likely fail to recall! BUSA cup, and the Basketball Evening all. Major success came for the Club picked up the Most Im- There are many important Rifle Club with Oli Russell- pick proved Club award as a result of issues facing Britain today: the ing up the prestigious Sports- their unbeaten BUSA campaign. relationship with the EU, Iraq, man of the Year award for his Mike ‘P’ Parker was voted as John ‘Two Shags’ Prescott. contribution to the University the prestigious Sports Person- However there is only one is- squad’s success as well as rec- ality of the Year by all the club sue that is really capturing the ognition for his achievement captains of Wessex teams. imagination of the nation: will in being selected for the Great Special mention goes to Rich- Wayne be ok for the World Britain U25 squad. When asked ard Clare who took home the Cup? There is a strange sym- to comment on the award he re- award for Sports Article of the metry between Rooney and plied, “It didn’t really sink in for Year for his outstanding inter- Beckham, who four years ago a while. It was the first time in Mikey ‘P’ Parker and the legend that is John Inverdale view with Harry Redknapp. suffered a similar injury before my life I have been speechless. ment skills, coaching and lead- in Melbourne. She told Wes- John Inverdale, a former the 2002 World Cup. It meant a lot to me as not only ership. Hopefully with a bit of sex Sport “Winning medals at Southampton University student However, the four interven- did it recognise the international work and some good shooting the Commonwealth Games was and President of BUSA was on ing years has brought about a shooting achievement but also the team will win Team of the fantastic! It’s something I’ve hand to dish out some of the revolution in medical technol- the amount of effort that I put Year at next year’s ceremony!” worked towards for a long time trophies as well as giving an en- ogy: the Internet. England fan into running the Uni Rifle Club Another University shooter, and all the hard work paid off. tertaining speech and socialising Robert Wheeler has set up the and the work on the Athletic Rachel Parish, was also cel- I was unwell in Australia so the enthusiastically after the formal- site www.healrooney.com. The Union Committee.” He went ebrating success on the night Silver was particularly special as I ities, even posing in the formal website features a picture of on to say, “Whilst at uni I have after picking up an Outstanding had to work so hard for it whilst team photographs. a giant foot which you ‘rub’ learned many other skills outside Achievement award for the Gold feeling absolutely awful.” A big congratulation to AU with your mouse cursor in or- of the individual shooting envi- and Silver medals she picked up The award for Sportswoman President, Tom Kenward, for an der to send ‘positive energies’ ronment such as team develop- in the Commonwealth Games of the Year went to Jenny Morris excellent evening. to Wayne to speed his recovery. It’s based on the faith healing attempt by known crackpot Uri Moose cap fine year by winning Hampshire Plate Geller who tried something sim- George Cooper The team had anticipated a an early game against Alresford. they were more than happy to ilar last week! There’s still a long close game having lost to them Mike ‘Six’ Davies had a cardiac go on to win the competition 5 way to go before it’s complete, The Moosemen have enjoyed by just two points earlier in the arrest just 8 minutes into the months down the line, beating so get rubbing people. one of their most successful sea- season, but the result ended on game. The club responded ad- local teams, such as Millbrook The illustrious and contro- sons ever. They have entered the wrong side of another frus- mirably, and managed to help and New Milton, in the process. versial career of one of Britain’s new competitions, had success tratingly-close match which was their team-mate to hospital so The Moose tour to Edin- most colourful boxing charac- in the NAMS Medical Schools’ lost by a single try. Despite foul that he arrived at A&E alive. burgh was a huge success and ters ‘Prince’ Naseem Hamed Cup, breeched the Northern conditions, it was a pleasure There was understandable con- they won both games going on seems to have been ended this border and survived a near death to have great support on the cern for Davies, and the Moose to battle around the pubs and week when he was jailed for experience. The healthy intake sidelines, from loyal followers. report that they are pleased to clubs dressed as Jedi Warriors, 15 months for dangerous driv- of freshers delivered new talent Watch out next year Cardiff! now have him back along side Sith lords and Ewoks. Wessex ing. Famed for his speed and on the pitch, which promoted The Moose entered the Gales them, even if his ‘talent’ on the Sport is also pleased to report surprising power as well as his the success early in the season. Hampshire Plate competition field is unavailable. The extremes that all Moosemen returned elaborate stage entrances (who Subsequent to coming sec- looking for more competitive that Moose go to to generate home without any criminal con- could forget his ‘magic carpet’). ond in their NAMS group - matches, but were not expect- media attention for the club is victions! The only sad point was Hamed has succumbed the all having beaten Peninsula and ing the events that occurred in perhaps a little excessive, and the absence of former club cap- too familiar pitfalls of celebrity, Bristol medical schools - the tain Luke Bradford who stayed a sad end for a prodigious tal- club headed to Warwick where to attend his psychiatry attach- ent. they demonstrated the beauti- ment. In typical Moose fashion Anywho, this month we ful flowing rugby of the South, disappointment was expressed have a focus on cricket and the and the less beautiful contents by abusing him to unprecedent- World Cup, with some excellent of their scrum-half’s wardrobe ed levels. contributions for both the boys in Chav fancy dress attire. Hav- The second team also had no- and the girls, including an inter- ing lost the boat race in the bar, table success by only losing one view with an Ashes winner. We the Moose continued to practice match in the final of the intra- also look back at the AU Ball, the off-field aspects of the game mural cup, a lapse that will not or what I could remember of it, with friendly hosts, before re- be repeated. Well done! and feature the Medics’ rugby turning to Jesters. After an eventful year it is Enjoy, Losing narrowly to Cardiff with keen anticipation that the Al ended the aim to win NAMS. The Moose grapple with Millbrook in the Plate Final victory Moose await next season. Sport

Page 22 England Expects: Can Sven and his men deliver? Richard Clare casts a critical eye over Sven’s World Cup squad and England’s group stage opponents... Before the 1970 World Cup- is the third time that Paraguay their fans savour the moment. self. finals in Mexico, Bobby Moore have qualified for this illustrious England’s bogey side and Fingers remain crossed that was falsely arrested in Colombia competition. The three lions will Sven’s home nation, Sweden, Wayne Rooney will recover in for the suspected theft of an em- have to be wary of Paraguayan provide the third and final test time to play some part in Eng- erald bracelet. If an attempt was star striker Roque Santa Cruz, of the group stage on 20 June. land’s campaign, although the made to blame an England play- who is winning an injury battle They are captained by Aston Vil- belief must be instilled in the er for theft ahead of this sum- to be fit in time for the finals. la’s defender Olof Mellberg, but players that a Rooney-less Eng- mer’s World Cup, it would be The South-Americans come to it is going forward that Sweden land squad still possesses the more believable to suspect them the competition ranked 33rd in look the strongest. Zlatan Ibra- qualities it takes to be world of pilfering ‘pick n’ mix’ such the world and it is their attacking himovic of Juventus and Barce- champions. is the young age of Eriksson’s capabilities that may be a cause lona’s Henrik Larsson provide By and large, the magic of squad, although many see the of some concern for Sven. goals upfront, while Arsenal’s the World Cup is its ability to injury of one of England’s young Dwight Yorke’s Trinidad and Freddie Ljungberg hardly needs arouse patriotism in England. St. stars, Wayne Rooney, as having Tobago will record their first a map to find the net himself. George’s Day may pass by un- already robbed the country of a World Cup finals appearance this Sven-Goran Eriksson trans- noticed but the World Cup is great chance of lifting this sum- summer, and they can look for- formed from predictable man- scrutinised with hopeful patriot- mer’s prestigious trophy. ward to an encounter with Eng- ager to gambler when announc- ic eyes. So for the competition’s Back in December, England land in Nuremberg on 15 June. ing the 23-man-squad that will duration, let us enjoy an England were drawn in Group B along They are the smallest nation to make the journey to this sum- awash with St. George’s flags, with Paraguay, Trinidad and compete and will likely be happy with the squad consisting of mer’s World Cup in Germany, dig out those classical football Tobago, and Sweden. The first to gain a single point from the players from a low-level. How- with 17-year-old former South- songs and tunelessly sing along, opponents will be Paraguay in tournament. Dwight Yorke and ever, there will surely be a car- ampton striker Theo Walcott’s as we get behind the players the summer climate of Frankfurt Stern John provide the only real nival atmosphere wherever their inclusion in the squad surprising and for one more time we say: on 10 June. Like England, this opposition worthy of any note travelling support ventures, as many, not least Wallcott him- England expects. What women want (from a football tournament!) Faye Dickson gives the ladies a reason to be cheerful as England prepares once again for Football mania... The crosses of St George have ther. begun to appear in car windows; We’d been quite looking for- The shops are full of tacky, over- ward to seeing Gary Lineker’s priced football merchandise; cheeky face enthusiastically in- At least every other advert on troducing the matches - he’d al- TV stars some over-paid, big- ways seemed the perfect family toothed Brazilian playing keepy- man until Closer informed us of uppy on a deserted rubbish tip. his long term affair which indi- Even the charts are dominated cated otherwise. At least we’ll by some fat chav singing about have Freddie Ljunberg to drool curry, which to our horror knocks over, shame he’ll have too many Girls Aloud off the top spot! Us clothes on though. Let’s just ladies are beginning to get an in- hope Sol Campbell can keep kling that something pretty sig- his eyes off him and on the ball nificant is just around the corner: when taking on the Swedes. yes, once again it’s time for the Those of us who fail to find World Cup! Theo Wallcott is Sven’s surprise selection. Can the teenager bring home the World Cup for England? anything remotely appealing Every two years the occur- about twenty-two men chasing rence of an international tour- It was such a shame to hear want real men Sven, not some- Tanya Turner feistiness! a ball around a pitch, however nament compels the majority of about Wayne Rooney’s knee… one who hasn‘t even discovered The matches that we’ve se- tight their shorts, can take to the male population of England or was it his arm? His face may shaving foam… cretly penned in our diaries, the deserted roads, put that foot to alienate themselves from real- not be missed (that’s for sure) Stephen Gerrard’s long legs however, don’t actually involve down and feel the wind through ity. Some choose to hermit them- but we’d been looking forward get us in a daze…in one swift England. We ladies know we the hair, for once liberated from selves by faking a sicky to revel to the crowd shots of Coleen so movement he turns two defend- shouldn’t be lusting after the sexist criticisms about female in the joy of a 0-0 draw between we could enviously gawp at her ers, but his inability to string a greasy-locked, tight-shirted Ital- driving, whereas those privi- Costa Rica and Ecuador aided by handbag collection. She must sentence together lets him down ian stallions, but it’s so hard to leged enough to be there in the that comforting six pack of la- have been gutted to hear that in the post-match interview. Da- resist the rippling muscles and flesh can enjoy the match con- ger. Others choose to spout off none of England’s group games vid Beckham is old news. What those tight blue shirts…oh and tent in the knowledge that foot- whatever statistics Alan Hansen were in Munich - Nuremberg’s were we thinking in the days Paolo Maldini’s eyes…and Fran- ball stadiums are one of the few has disclosed on TV the night hardly the shopping capital of of that sarong?! The shots of cesco Totti’s smile… And if we wonders of the world in which before in an attempt to appear the world, is it? an overly-skinny Posh Spice in were forced to go out to Germa- the queue for the gents’ toilets is more knowledgeable than the Apparently something simi- the executive box, three snotty ny, we’d probably be persuaded bound to be longer than that for next man. For a whole month lar has put Michael Owen out ankle biters and a smug-look- to go and watch those Austra- the ladies’ at half-time. it’s impossible to go to a pub for too. His boy-next-door charm ing nanny in tow hardly turn us lians make their debut. Appar- So while the men go wild over a girly chat over some cocktails, will be missed in the England green. The glamour and glitz of ently as soon as that final pen- some fancy French footwork, our without a chorus of “penalty” strike force, leaving us to feast “Footballers’ Wives” has giv- alty hit the back of the net they eyes are on Trezeguet’s toned every time the brush of a de- our eyes on some spotty bean- en us high expectations of the started planning the barbies on torso; the perfect compromise? fender’s leg brings a sly-looking pole and…what’s this Sven?… skipper’s missus: get that pout the terraces, and those accents Ok, so maybe the World Cup’s striker crashing to the ground. a 17-year-old unknown? We off your face and show us some aren’t too much of a turn-off ei- not really all that bad after all… Sport

www.wessexscene.co.uk England’s future looks ‘Rosalie’ Making her Test debut at 19, Rosalie Birch is already an established international cricketer and part of the England women’s cricket team who regained the Ashes last summer. Wessex Sport’s Simon Webb caught up with the student, who is currently studying at Sussex University...

You’ve been an international big a blow was that to you and over them. It was quite close this player for some time. How did your team? time: we beat them by six wick- you enter the game and get into Obviously it was a big blow ets after drawing the first match. the international set up? as she was an outstanding lead- We were brilliant in the second My Dad was really support- er. But she obviously thought test match; we totally deserved ive. He made a bat for me when the time was right; she’s gone to win it! I was about three and I hit the out on a high as Ashes winning ball out of the garden. I really captain. She has achieved a lot, Following the Ashes victory, started playing when I moved to obviously she’s got an OBE as the ladies’ game began to get Sussex when I was ten. I started well. She’s had a few injury wor- greater exposure. Can you see playing for school. I’ve been ries, that was the reason that she any chance of ladies’ cricket part of the England juniors since couldn’t go to India this winter getting greater coverage in the I was about 15, but when I got and I think she has just thought future? selected it was quite a big sur- that this is the time to hand it on The difference is that there is prise as I had no idea I was in the to someone new. She’ll still be more women’s football on ter- frame for it. playing for Sussex though. restrial TV, it’s unlikely that with Sky having all the rights to crick- Compared to some of your team The new, younger looking et we will get on terrestrial TV mates you are quite young - did England team had arguably its but having won the Ashes we it feel daunting playing along- greatest achievement recently have had greater exposure, not side such established players? by capturing the Ashes from just on cricket- or sport-based Not really, because they are the World Champions, Aus- programmes. just brilliant. They were so wel- tralia, after 42 years. What are ROSALIE BIRCH FACTFILE Nickname ‘Golden Arm’ coming and we knew each other your aspirations for the England Do you have any hopes of com- Born December 6, 1983 What women want (from a football tournament!) through regional. We do ‘Super team in the near future? peting with men in the future? Current age 22 years 157 days Fours’ which is the top 28 players Well we would really like to I don’t really think it’s going Batting style Right-hand bat in the country competing on a win the World Cup - that’s our to happen. I’d like to play men’s Bowling style Right-arm offbreak regional basis. I was in the same biggest aim. We tend to focus league cricket. But it’s difficult as Test Debut vs South Africa 2003 aged 19, taking 4 wickets team as Charlotte Edwards and more on one-day cricket, so we we are not professional; we only ODI Debut vs South Africa 2003 Lucy Pearson, that sort of thing. will play 3 or 4 tests a year. We play weekends and I have club, You kinda get to know them on were quite disappointed at the county, regional and interna- strength is too much of a factor, the easy way out and playing in a regional level, and some of last World Cup to get knocked tional to play. so at a very high standard it is Australia this winter. I’d like to them I knew already. Clare Con- out of the semi-final by Austra- unlikely. do a two-year masters in speech nor was my Sussex captain, so it lia and we didn’t really play to Do you ever play for the Univer- therapy. I’ll have to find an un- didn’t feel too much of a shock our potential at the tournament. sity men’s team? You graduate this year, what derstanding employer. We are to go into that side. Also retaining the Ashes as we I do play in some PR games line of work do you hope to go supported by Sport England and don’t play the Ashes as often as and charity games, I played in into and how do you hope to others, but it is difficult to get Earlier in the season Clare Con- the men, it will be in 2008. Re- the boys’ team at school un- combine it with your cricket. good responsibility and progres- nor announced her retirement taining the Ashes will be tough til I was 18. I think that mixed It is pretty difficult to combine sion and still be able to say you from international cricket, how as the Aussies won’t let us walk teams would be good but I think the two to be honest. I’m taking need time off for touring. Solid start for fledgling ladies cricketers... Hannah Durston et-keeper Sade Bambgose and was won comfortably. ened, the Wessex girls brought bowling figures of 6 for 3 from all-rounder Saabera Narine, and Exeter also lost to St Mary’s so out their top bowling and field- Captain Begg, ensuring an 85- Training over the winter the next game against Plymouth although they had felt disheart- ing capabilities, backed up by run victory. months with coach John Cook solid batting from Becki Martin, A friendly against Brigh- and competitive indoor match- Kate Mitchell and Gina Porte- ton University a few days later es in the South Hants Indoor ous, to seal a win. The semi-final proved a more competitive League put Southampton Uni- saw Wessex play Oxford, who match but good bowling from versity Ladies’ Cricket team in are in the BUSA premier league. Begg and Gen Bell kept their good stead for the BUSA sea- Despite best efforts, Wessex total to 71 and Southampton’s son ahead. In the Southern lost by just 10 runs, and Oxford batters reached this with 4 wick- tournament at Lords they were went on to come runners up ets to spare – with another note- grouped with the Universities of in the national final. Beth Begg able performance from Charlotte Plymouth, Exeter and St Mary’s. captained the team superbly, Mitchell. With high expectations of the and Caz Wotton scored some Confidence is brimming for standards of the opposition the amazing goals, and of course all the upcoming fixtures against team went in to enjoy the oc- the team gave their all. Brunel and UCL in the BUSA casion and put up a good fight. The first summer BUSA game South-Eastern League, as well as Despite excellent bowling fig- against Middlesex Uni saw an a friendly against local side Hurs- ures from Charlotte Mitchell and excellent all-round team per- ley Park. The team are still wel- Kit Yeung, Southampton lost to formance with particularly good coming players of all standards. St Mary’s. However, this didn’t batting from Sade Bambgose Visit www.succ.tk and click on knock the performance of wick- The Ladies’ cricket team have made a good start to their season and Charlotte Mitchell, and ladies section, for details. wessex SPORT Cricket hope for BUSA glory Max Joseph could not repeat their previous feats and were all out for 71. Following two terms spent Wednesday 10 May held occupying the dingy corners of away fixtures for the 2nd and Clowns and Jesters it the time 3rd teams against Swansea 2s has come for the alcoholics and the Solent University 2s that call themselves the cricket respectively. The 2nd XI spent club to start playing cricket. In less than 3 hours on the field of truth, there have been training play, significantly less than half sessions every Sunday morning the time that they spent on the in the Students’ Union Sports coach journeying to and from Hall as well as extra training the ground. Winning the toss at Hampshire’s Rose Bowl, but and electing to bowl first, South- the season really started at pre- ampton bowled out Swansea for season, the Thursday before the 37 in 33 overs. Adam Maurice start of the summer term. took two wickets for three runs Unfortunately, the enthu- in his 10 overs and Ash Fussell siasm of those who attended returned figures of 3-15 from that morning was not met with his five. Phil Marshall knocked co-operative weather and the off the winning runs with a six, group of thirty or so, comprised the only boundary of the game. mostly of freshers, had to make The 3rd XI were posted 321 to do with the limited space in the The cricket team’s second XI are looking to go one better this year by winning the BUSA trophy win by the Solent University and SU Sports Hall. The following never really looked like achiev- day saw a more productive ses- the Match, Marshall then fin- Felchstead brought a victory for mal 82; dismayed captain Max ing it, and Will Walker scored sion at Dummer Cricket Centre, ished off Plymouth’s tail with Southampton. The 3rd XI scored Joseph watched three key wick- 45 as Southampton limped to a and the weekend brought two three wickets from three overs. over 300 for the second time in ets fall in an over from the non heavy defeat. warm-up matches for the 1st Meanwhile, the 3rd XI amassed two games against Winchester striker’s end. A vibrant opening With the 1st and 2nd XI hav- XI against local clubs Trojans 323 for 8 with half centuries for 1st XI, with good scores from bowling spell from Jonny Sluman ing only been defeated once, if and BAT, and one for the 2nd XI debutants Henry Potter (67) and Nick Jones (70) Potter (63) and and Dave Langford reduced the other results go their way, they against Imperial’s Medics’ team. Jimmy Butler (66) before bowl- an amazing 61 from 23 balls (in- visitors to 46 for 4 to give South- could win their respective leagues Ominously, all three of these ing out their unworthy oppo- cluding five 6s) by Ed Gransden ampton a glimmer of hope, but and qualify for the BUSA knock- matches ended in defeat for the nents for 53, Andy Orr taking 5- helping them post a total of 320 in the end they were made to out stages. If not, SUCC still has University sides: the first team 30 and captain Richard Hopcraft all out. After some resistance pay for not scoring enough runs its cricket week to look forward lost by 65 runs to Trojans and 3-19. from the Winchester middle or- and Cardiff ran home victors by to, highlights being the 6-a-side then by 70 runs to BAT, while The next round of games der, Southampton were eventu- five wickets. The 3rd XI bowled tournament which is open to all the only player to come out of saw away trips for the 1st XI to ally 70 run victors thanks to four out Bournemouth 2nd XI for 201 University sports clubs, as well the 2nd XI’s narrow three wick- UWIC and the 3rd XI to Win- wickets from Jimmy Butler. with Rajalawat the star, taking 3 as the annual match against the et defeat was James Daw who chester. The 1st XI appeared to The following Sunday saw for 44, but being hit the hardest MCC and a social tour to Prague. scored 52 and returned bowling be in a very strong position af- a game for all three teams and by players’ unavailability, they www.succ.tk figures of 4-23. ter bowling UWIC out for 135, this, coupled with some key The first day of BUSA- fix Chris Davies providing the initial players dropping out, left the tures took place on a bitterly breakthrough with two wickets lower teams a little stretched. cold April afternoon with the in two balls, Ollie Green taking 4 The first XI travelled to - Car 2nd and 3rd XIs taking on their for 30 and social sec and natural diff and restricted their hosts Plymouth counterparts at Wide athlete Patrick “Man Tits” Turk to 214 for 7 with Pat Turk and Lane. Southampton 2s posted unlucky only to earn one wicket Ollie Green earning two and 222 for 7 on a difficult wicket from a very good spell. Shortly three victims respectively. This thanks to a superb unbeaten after the innings interval how- target proved a few too many innings of 104 by club captain ever, Southampton found them- as Southampton were bowled Phil Marshall. They then bowled selves six wickets down with the out for 193, Turk top scoring out their visitors for 151 due total only on 9. A mature in- with 48. The 2s lost a very im- to a fantastic BUSA debut per- nings of 46 not out from Chris portant toss on a damp, grassy formance from Phil Anderson Edwards, supported well by Pat Wide Lane pitch and were asked whose 10 overs brought five Turk (31) and then the expe- to bat in the difficult conditions. wickets for only 7 runs. Man of rienced (balding) head of Tim They were bowled out for a dis- Run ‘em up! www.wessexscene.co.uk