Uptown Melodies Can

FILM

like, wonderful, you know, even if her parents and triends seem lo make a botch of their romantic endeavors most of the time. As the camera continues ils .scenic tour of the park, i( rests on Holden (Edward Norton), who sings of love lo his almost fiancee. Skylar (Drew Biirrymore), both of whom iu"c di'essed like t)ult;ikes from a Lands' End catalogue, special preppic edition. The outfits and hair styles make it clear that they come from money, u lot of money, and are to Ihc Eastside manor lioni. Holden breíiks into song, protesting his love for Skylar. He doesn't sing very weil, but that is part of the genius of the classic musicals. Fred Astairc didn't sing very well either. Every m;ui in ihc audience believed he could sing (and if he had truly lost contad with reality, dance) just like Fred as he went liancing in the dark with Cyd Charisse. A bit later in the evolution of Ihe genre, Howard Keel would make singing (and Gene Kelly dancing) a spectator sport. In musicals everyone can be us young, attractive, rich Woody Allen directs Edward Norton and Drew Barrymore in Everyone Says I Love You. and idle as Holden and Skylar simply because we can sing like them. Or at least so we think. In this film all the actors sing except Drew Barrymore, and some of them can'i cairy a lune any belter tlian we Uptown Melodies can. Woody Allen is truly awful, ;ind thus ingratiating. OR SEVERAL DAYS now, a single Allen's new musical film, invites this level of raw potato has been sitting on the contemplation; and. as mystics testily, such The musical reached lis apogee in the Fmicrowave in the kitchen. Who put it activity brings unijnagined delight. Lest Ihis I95()'s at M.G.M., when Arthur Freed and there, ur for what purpose, no one seems to ponderous pmlogue mislead the unwary, it's his stable of great directors, like Vincente knt)w. How long it will stay there, and who also a very funny and hugely entertaining Minnelli, Stanley Donen and Gene Kelly cre- will move it to another site, no one diires movie. Under the skilled direction of photog- ated a total fantasy package by integraiing imagine. It is a pótalo, and its biography is a rapher Cai'lo DiPalma. the camera takes on narrative action and musical lumilx-rs into a mystery. For those with eyes to see. however. the role of landscajx: painter of extraordinary cohesive whole. In keeping with the tradi- it is surely more than a misplaced vegetable. delicacy. Tlie opening shots present a portfo- tion, when Allen has his young lovei"s dance A philosopher might see it as a manifestation lio of scenes from Central Park robed in all their way past the boutiques of Madison of the wontler o\' being, a theologian as a rev- ils glorious springtime finery. Muggers, Avenue, even ihe mannequins in the win- elation of God's universe, a poet as an jovial psychotics and liner have magically dows join in their dance. A few scenes later. epiph;my of bcaiiiy aiitl a painter or photog- vanished from the scene, because, in tlie style as Holden goes shopping for a ring ai Harry rapher as an object of delight. Not for these of all musicals, the film presents an idealized Winston's, salespeople and customers— capitulation to the tyranny of the common- version of tlie truth. .some of the tony ladies kxiking like refugees place. from a late Fellini film—bursi into a song- Most of us mortals of lesser vision need and-dance routine. The ring is to be pitseni- artists to help us lo savor the delights of the HEIGHTENS the romantic ed at Le Cirque tiiat nighl. Skylai, unfortu- hrute realities around us, from a simple thing atmosphere by having D.J.—the name is a nately, attacks the whipped cream on the top like a potato to a sprawling reality like the trendy Eastside reworking of Djuna^ of her desert wiih such bulimic fren/y that Upper Easi Side of Manhattan. To look, to (Natasha Lyonne). serve as off-camera narTa- she fails lo notice thai Holden has replaced see. to be grateful for buildings, streets, tor for much of the story. D.J. has enough the customary cherry with Mr. Winston's parks, shops and every possible form and sophistication in the ways of the world lo diamonds. Gulp, and several thousands slip hue of the human person is to profit from the know exactly what is happening in shifting down (he eager gullet. A quick trip lo the toil of poets and painters and to become relationships around her. bui .she remains emergency room at Lenox Hill Hospital i'e human in the process. enough of a young girl to bring a sense of leads into another lively dance number, fea- Everyone Says I Love You. Woody wonder to her insishts. For her. love is siill. turing doctors, nurses, a lunatic in a straighl-

AMERICA MARCH 22, 1997 25 Jiickct. Ll miui in a body cast on a gumey aiid does not seem overly impressed. Bob (Alan a chance to redecorate their cells. The even- ihree huge, balhrobed mothers-lo-bc who Alda), Skylar's stepfather, is long-suffering; tual explanation for this morbid pathology refuse lo let their delicLite condilion keep presiding as he does over a household of ado- draws the biggest laugh in the film. them Irom joining in the acrobatic fun. lescent girls melded from two earlier mar- Skylar's biological father. Joe Berlin Gradually. Allen introduces Skylar's fami- riages, he has to be. Fortunately for them and fWotxly Allen), lives in Paris: like nuuiy of ly. Her mother Stct'M (Goldie Hawn). ever him. he never discovers that the girls' chief the characters Allen has played in recent guilty about her inherited wealth, espouses amusement involves spying on a psychiatrist years, he is a writer and has no apparent every liberal cau.se of the hour. Not one to let and her patients in an adjacent apartment. worries ahout money. He is lonely, however, her money do all the talking, she delivers an Bob has enough trouble with his ne'er-do- a condition his daughters hope to remedy impassioned plea io hire interior decorators wel! son Scott (Lukas Haas), who has begun by arranging a meeting with Von (.lulia to help convicts remodel their cells. The reading The National Review and would like Roberts), armed with infonnaiion aboul her audience of uniformed New York City cops to execute all convicts before his mother has private life they have gathered at the psychiatrist's knothole. In the meantime. .Skylar inteniipts her engagement lo Holden to pur- sue Charles Ferry (Tim Roth), one of her The first ever full-length video feature mother's friends irom the Big House on the Hudson. His rendition of "If I Had You" has presenting the comprehensive medicalf forensic and a certain urgency to it that the songwriter historical details of the Passion of Jesus Christ. might not have Intended. Tlieir romanee can best be called an adventure. HOW JESUS DIED: The Final 18 Hours VoON AND JOE meet in Venice, where A profess iona i ly-prtxJuced DiPalmaVs painterly camera captures the feature-length video, HOW JESUS candle-lit gardens and luminous canals with [ilED: THt FINAL 18 HOURS is a reverence for their unimaginable beauiy. comprehensive presentation of every detail of Jesus's final hours, During the Christmas holidays, the families from Hisentr\' into Jerusalem converge in Paris, where Joe has taken an lor the Last Supper, through His apartment in Montmartre in the shadow of prayerful agony in tlie Garden of the Sacre Coeur. Again the visual effect is Oethsemane, His trials before the breathtaking. On Christmas eve. they plan to Sanhédrin and Pilate, the scourg- attend a splendid party for the eqmUly rich, ing, the crowning with thoras, and it appears that this will be the occasion the brutal ascent to Golgotha bearing the weight oí the cross, for the final resolution of their various the naiiing oí His hands iind feet, romantic escapades. Allen, however, will and those final three hours of not let us take the denouement toti serioasly. torment, ending in His death. Al! the guests at the party, men and women alike, wear Groucho Marx mustaches and Tlie commentary of four world- brandish huge cigars. In a m;mic instant the renowned experts in their fields will give you tlie most tlionnigh ballroom tums into a stage filled with Grou- understanding it is possihie to cho impersonators dancing and singing in acquire of the reality of Jesus's French. It's all make-hclievc. Allen reminds pas.sion from the penipectivesof us. His characters are ticiJons. actors playing a medical examiner, a physician roles in di.sguise. expert on pain, a historian, and an archaeologist. Allen has one moie trick lurking behind Nothing will ever hring you closer his Groucho disguise, however. Joe and Stef- to an understanding of what our fi leave the party, and as they walk along the Savior enduteJ than watching Seine, they reminisce about iheir lives ' lOW JESUS DIED: THE FINAL 18 HOURS. together iind apart. The words lead into song and dance. Naturally. This is a musical. The VHS VIDEO choreography reflects their history with each GUARANTEE COLOR, 35 MINUTES, other. It is the ultimate triumph of fantasy Complete Satisf(U:tion or Your Money Back STEREO SOUND over reality. Even gravity exerts no control purcliase ot HOW JESUS DIEO: THE FIN.-'iL 18 HOURS over them. They have loved and will love, aimes with this uncimJiiinnal (iuanmtee; If vou're dissatis- tied wiih the VLJLM in iiny wav. for iiny reiistin, you tnay 1 copy: $29.95 and draw delight from the moments of happi- relum it ¡n ji'""^! i.iui,|jrii>ii tor .1 full ¡iiiJ i-umplirte refund at ness that love has given them. time within '•10 ilays ut yout purchase. Efickise a copy of PLUS; $4.50 SHIPPING ytiiir original invoice and we'll issue a refunil for the full AND HANDLING Sometimes a potato is only a potato. nmoiitir voll paid. TO ORDER Sometimes it is something much more. So 1-800-303-9595 is a musical. So is a love story. RICHARD A. BLAKE

26 AMERICA MARCH 22, 1997