Orange County Housewives of The Real Q: LIFE... SURREAL THE 104 ELLECANADA

CON OPINION success,heonce told TemptationIsland Millionaire us tom-feeding suit at Fox who brought policy. Just ask Mike Darnell, the botideas about people, politics andour informs and publicshapes media The know? Because reality TV tells we usdo so. How home. at failures and pid. Women are incompetent at work Womenare bitches. Women are stu pathetic gold diggers who aren’t aren’t who diggers gold pathetic desperate, we’re television, crafted) carefully (but “unscripted” of cade a “real” woman? According to a de TV want us to believe it means to be istic and toxic. So, what does reality and editors exploit are both anachronbeliefs” that reality producers, writers When it comes to women,pause. theyou “socialgive should admission reality TV is harmless fluff, Darnell’s in some social belief.” Weekly tropes aboutwomen. genre’sdamaging the most of three are Here husbands. without happy If, like most people, you think that Who Wants to Marry a Multi- a Marry to Wants Who

, is that his series are “steeped Alannah O’Neill, a reality-TV junkie, to weigh in. Troubling Truth About Guilty Pleasure TV, Jennifer L. Pozner, author of Reality TV: harmful fluff or guilty pleasure , Joe Millionaire Joe .The secret to his Entertainment and and The Hills from Spencer Heidi and - - - - Reality Bites Back: The

in higher esteem: “There is shows hardly hold their haremsThe lunkhead princes of such vicious!” just and deceiving that“Girls can be conniving, women!” while another rants trust to than better know “I gry called “gold diggers.” One an of one ous, catty and bitchy,” insists midst. “Women tend to be their in chromosome jeal Y lone badmouth one another to the paradelove-starvedof ladies a proof, As competitors. up or Money same prize,” says one success and personal fulfillment. romanticfortionlove,professional women as being in constant competi Model Top like enemies on dating and beauty shows Hills bitches Women are…catty, manipulative series like “We’reallenemies, vying forthe Bachelor The Bachelor and and Joe Millionaire Joe Fromfrenemies onlifestyle and  dater of her sexed- The Real Housewives We asked Jersey Shore Shore Jersey , reality TV presents presents TV reality , babe proclaims,

and For Love America’s Next ’s so- ’s to flat-out flat-out to h - - Top Model America’s Next Love Flavor of

, The -

ELLECANADA.COM The Bachelorette Bachelor Pad

THE EVERETT COLLECTION/THE CANADIAN PRESS (REAL HOUSEWIVES) OPINION Reality TV’s original “dumb blondes” were Jessica Simpson As I read nothing like a from Newlyweds: Jennifer L. good catfight!” Nick & Jessica and Pozner’s Anna Nicole Smith says Flavor Flav piece on the from The Anna with a smirk on Nicole Show. downsides to

Flavor of Love; PRO reality TV, my second-season heart sank. Bachelor Aaron What did I get myself grumbles, “The vindictive nature of all Women are...stupid, ditzy bimbos into? Why had I volun- the women is starting to show.” Across unscripted subgenres, the female teered to defend my fa- That’s right—all the women. It’s not un- half of the population is portrayed as vourite guilty pleasure? usual for the genre to reduce an entire gen- cringe-inducingly stupid. After all, we learn You see, I love reality TV der to a few insulting adjectives. Women’s from Bridezillas’ Karen, “Thinking is a the same way I love red inherent cattiness is coded into promo com- waste of time. Thinking is for people who wine and big chocolate mercials that plaster “BACKSTABBING!” have no brains.” When the genre’s gender cupcakes: I consume in big, bold captions, while images of pret- templates were first being created, reality without question. In fact, ty babes are accompanied by feral, hissing TV taught us that “dumb blondes” exist if I were to count the soundtracks. “The claws were bound to for our comedic pleasure. In 2002, the hours I’ve spent in front come out,” promise announcers. original reality-TV train wreck The Anna of The Bachelor, The Editing also plays up regional and ethnic Nicole Show encouraged us to snicker Amazing Race and stereotypes. Stuck-up snobbery and betray- at the steady mental and physical decline The Real Housewives, al among wealthy white women are major of a buxom, stoned former Playboy well, put it this way: My themes of The Real Housewives of Orange Playmate, whose slurred speech and er- mother would probably County and The Real Housewives of New ratic behavior fuelled the tag line “It’s not tell me to “go outside York City. In contrast, Italian-American supposed to be funny. It just is.” Then and get some fresh air.” women throw “low-class” tantrums on The came The Newlyweds’ Jessica Simpson, I was a teenager Real Housewives of New Jersey, flipping who led news outlets to report that the when the reality boom over banquet tables and accusing each stereotype of the “dumb blonde” won’t hit. Roughly a couple other of prostitution, while the African- go away because “maybe it’s true.” thousand hours later, Americans on Real Housewives of Atlanta Reality-TV producers cut their teeth on I’ve watched people get into verbal and physical brawls. “dumb blondes” like Smith and Simpson, date Flavor Flav, work To ensure that women dutifully perform but they want viewers to believe that fe- for Diddy, get sober, their bitch-tastic roles, producers egg them male stupidity knows no racial limits. On fight, cry and fall in love, ) SHOW on with techniques that would make psy- The Real Housewives of Atlanta, NeNe all from the comfort of OLE

ops intelligence officers proud. The same Leakes was portrayed as a simpering idiot, my living room. I agree C I N tactics that generate the genre’s oh-so-im- unable to help her son with his math be- with Pozner’s take on A NN portant “drama” (sleep deprivation, misin- cause she didn’t know if one-third was big- how women are depict- A HE T formation, constant surveillance, isolation ger or smaller than one-half. The only ed. Still, a whole book ( ART from the outside world, minimal food, white woman, Kim Zolciak, couldn’t pass could be written about W STE ubiquitous alcohol) are used as elements of elementary English: When asked “How how unfavourably men , torture. And so, they snipe away. They at- do you spell ‘cat’?” she replied “K-A-T.” are portrayed on reality VOLLAND tack each other (“You are all a bunch of Yet, during the show’s first season, view- TV. From the oversexed / catty-ass bitches!” Flavor of Love), con- ers never learned about cast member clowns on Jersey Shore spire like Mean Girls (“[She’s] a ho and DeShawn Snow’s postgraduate divinity and Bachelor Pad to the COLLECTION villains of Big Brother she’s got to go,” Joe Millionaire) and studies. Why? Because filming an intelli- AL B and Survivor, “unscript- O mouth off in bleep-filled “confessionals” gent African-American woman pursuing K THE

(“You f*cking worthless c*nt!” America’s a master’s degree would have broken pro- ed” television tells us that / Next Top Model). Whether the women are ducers’ preferred narrative: that black “real men” are buff and sloshed and overtired or sober and alert, women (and their wealthy white friends) sexually promiscuous, TELEVISION such angry outbursts are stoked and edited are gossipy idiots. don’t display emotion ENT to “prove” that no matter how sophisti- Sometimes, entire series are built around (other than anger) and, M cated or sweet her facade, nearly every women’s supposed idiocy. On Beauty and let’s face it, aren’t ENTERTAIN woman is a selfish schemer deep down. the Geek, dim-witted hotties are paired h Mensa material. h ! E

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with brainy, socially awkward boys and desecrate cremated ashes (The Simple Life). While I doubt that “teach” each other “valuable” life skills. We can’t serve and protect (“Female offi- a show about good The men instruct the women in science, cers put people’s lives at risk,” a husband Samaritans being nice to grammar and geography. In return, the tells his “new wife,” a cop, on Wife Swap). one another would be a “beauties” teach the geeks how to choose We can’t cook as delectably as men (only ratings hit, I don’t believe good-ass jeans, construct the perfect pickup one Top Chef winner in six seasons has that schadenfreude entirely line and dazzle at par- been female). We can’t explains reality TV’s addic- ties with tidbits about even dress without em- tive draw. It appeals to us Brangelina. The point Boob power— barrassing ourselves because, at some level, it of this “social experi- not brainpower— (What Not to Wear). democratizes the star sys- ment”? One gender’s tem. Case in point: Susan knowledge is vital to is the real key to The bottom line... Boyle. The 49-year-old the world, while the female success. Reality shows can be ad- cat lady from Blackburn, other has a lock on dictively amusing—but, Scotland, dreamed a all things superficial. make no mistake, they’re dream and people all over Worse still, the few intellectual women also deeply political. Their ideology mirrors the world fell for her. The who appear are reprimanded, as when Mad Men minus the cool clothes, and their antithesis to a sexualized Tyra Banks eliminated a med student from producers routinely glorify and try to re- pubescent pop star, this America’s Next Top Model because her vive archaic gender stereotypes. Long- bushy-browed spinster intelligence was “intimidating.” Get that, term exposure to tropes about women as became a top-selling artist girls? Your mind is a terrible thing to use. stupid, incompetent, gold-digging bitches and YouTube phenom. may begin to affect the way we see our- But, while Boyle may Women are…wicked wives, weak selves, our relationships to loved ones and be an exception, I don’t workers and mediocre moms Reality co-workers and our own place in public believe that Snooki, TV has very clear, archaic notions about and private life. If women are generally Bethenny or Brody have what a “woman’s place” is and what it dumber than men, why hire or elect us, negatively changed how I isn’t. Women, the genre suggests ad nau- consider our concerns as citizens or respect see myself or altered my seam, should be confined to their rightful us as equal life partners? expectations of others. My realms of hearth and home (and, of course, Young women and men who reached boyfriend doesn’t do the hot tubs and strip clubs). But even when voting age this year would have been eight Jersey-boy “GTLing,” but they escape network-approved domesticity, years old when Who Wants to Marry a if he did, he’d be gone. No women still supposedly can’t perform their Multi-Millionaire arranged an on-air wed- one I know in my “real” life “natural” roles with any efficacy. ding between an unsuspecting bride and a behaves like a reality star. If we work outside the home for fulfill- groom with a restraining-order-tainted We understand that it’s ment or economic necessity, we’re slovenly past. If they’ve had TVs in their homes (or manufactured low-brow housekeepers and bossy tyrants to wimpy on their computers), they’ve potentially drama we’re being fed. husbands, or so says Wife Swap. We’re consumed thousands of hours of program- Olivia Palermo (The City’s piss-poor parents to our out-of-control ming that claims that “in reality,” female resident villain) isn’t Lady children on Supernanny. And, as The Real solidarity doesn’t exist, women’s inequality Macbeth, and Spencer Housewives is meant to illustrate, women in the workplace and government is the Pratt (The Hills’ primo bad with money are horrid human beings who result not of structural bias but of individ- boy) isn’t Edmund from care more about their implants, mansions, ual weakness and the most important thing King Lear, but they are galas and feuds than their kids, husbands, a girl can do is look pretty. How can this both highly entertaining. families and communities. help but poison our world view? So, the But, like anything wick- Boob power, not brainpower, is the real next time The Bachelor asks “Will you ac- edly delicious—and this key to female success on The Apprentice, cept this rose?” consider the thorns. N includes red wine and where female execs rely on their sexuality cupcakes—a little modera- to compete against men’s “inherent” prob- Jennifer L. Pozner is the director of Women tion is called for. That said, lem-solving abilities. Excelling in business in Media & News. This essay was adapted when the next season of is just one of many things that reality from Reality Bites Back: The Troubling The Bachelor starts, I’ll TV tells women we just can’t do. We can’t Truth About Guilty Pleasure TV. For more definitely accept—thorns wait tables, milk cows or manage not to info, visit realitybitesbackbook.com. and all. ALANNAH O’NEILL

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