34 September 16, 2018 The Sunday Times The Sunday Times September 16, 2018 35 Home Overseas Angers Tours River Loire advice. And spend everything at all. People who just think: Tommy Barnes, fed up with commuting to a dead- you earn on piña coladas. “It will probably work out Nantes end job, moved to France and set up a brewery, with BRASLOU It’s only a slight exaggeration fine.” I am one of those idiots. to say that the move to France As far as I can see, it seems to no experience. What could possibly go wrong? River Vienne saved my life. Indeed, I think be working out fine. Poitiers I’ve lived more in the past It’s a given that the French PIC CREDIT HERE PLEASE HOW BEER t was a classic, grey-on- but I don’t think I had any three years than I did in the think any Englishman is insane grey British November intention to. It was just previous two decades. There in anything they do. Trying to day in 2012. The Tube something to say. What I have been wonderful times: start a brewery in an area was damp, cold and really wanted to do was write the arrival of our boy, Albert, known for wine probably busy — people sneezed a bestselling comedy 20 miles and another baby imminent; didn’t help. I think a lot of Iin each other’s hair. Then I murder-mystery novel and SAVED MY LIFE the success of a business we people around us assumed realised I’d been doing this spend the rest of my life in a built from nothing; timeless the brewery would fail. It journey almost every day for white linen onesie, gurgling summer nights barbecuing wasn’t that they wanted it to, 15 years on my way to work as the finest red wine and slabs of bavette on old vine it was more that trying to a second-rate graphic designer smoking cigars while floating wood; sun-burnt canoe trips make any business a success at a large faceless organisation. on a unicorn lilo in a swimming down the River Vienne; and, in rural France, where poverty It was time to plan an escape. pool shaped like a flamingo. most of all, loads and loads of levels are reasonably high It took three years, but We began our tour in the cheese, wine — and beer. and there’s a constant drain eventually my girlfriend, Rose, Indre-et-Loire department, Then there have been of young people to the cities, a ceramicist, and I managed to in central France. We were hard times when money was is tough. make ourselves redundant, met with gentle hills quilted short, trees blew over, babies Now I think the locals are and we set off for France. We in forests and striped in were crying and I was being proud to have a brewery in the both had memories of vineyards; wide, shallow rivers tormented by my nemesis, neighbourhood. We feel we childhood holidays in hot cars that flitted between medieval Burt the dog. have been accepted into the laden with unimaginably towns; and glorious chateaux. People sometimes say I’m community, although I am smelly cheese on everlasting I’d found a property to rent La vie est belle brave to do what I’ve done, but resigned to the fact that I will journeys down autoroutes to in a village called Braslou. Left, Pont Wilson, I’m not sure that’s true. There forever be referred to in the campsites where ferocious La Ruche is a maison de on the Loire. are two sorts of people who third person as “the English”. ping-pong battles ensued. maître: a tall, symmetrical, Above, Tommy, leave the comfort of a steady Damien still helps out Also, France was different dignified old house built with his wife, Rose, job and move to a different whenever he can. To this day, enough to be new and large blocks of white tuffeau their son, their country, learn a different he has never asked for exciting, but close enough to limestone. Three elegantly neighbour language, start a family and try anything in return — probably home that family and friends carved mansard windows are Damien and his to make a new career. There because he has seen my DIY could easily visit. More spaced equally across the family. Tommy’s are brave people — who think skills. He does, however, important, you could get a lot black slate roof, with three brews include through all the pros and cons, enjoy a draft or deux. more for your money in rural windows across the first floor Clifton Porter, realise the risks and do it France than in London. and two large windows either Berger Blonde anyway. My wife, Rose, is A Beer in the Loire by Tommy I remember telling people side of an imposing front door and Cardinal IPA brave. Then there are people Barnes is out now (Muswell I was going to start a brewery, on the ground floor, flanked by who don’t give it any thought Press £12.99); brasloubiere.com great bushes of rosemary and mint. So when the owner, Mishi, phoned us to say it was for sale, we threw whatever remained of our savings at it and bought the beautiful house there and then for a touch over €200,000. When it became apparent that my debut murder-mystery novel was beyond awful, I moved to plan B. My brewery. In the name of research, I felt much tasting was needed. When the hangover subsided, I got to work with a little homebrew kit that I bought from the internet. It was the smallest, cheapest, most basic brewery I could find, and my neighbour Damien helped me install it in one of the barns. Indeed, my brewery is called Braslou Bière because COUDRAY AU PERCHE I wanted it to be something In a pocket of land for the village. on the outskirts of I then made every mistake the village, this €290,000 a brewer can make, because three-bedroom the fundamental flaw in my house has views of plan was that I had no idea the countryside how to actually make beer. and a home office After a year or so, the brews in a converted got better. I now have four outbuilding. beers — Cardinal IPA, Biscuit 00 33 5 53 60 84 Ale, Clifton Porter and Berger 88, frenchestate Blonde — and I sell them in agents.com the local farm shop and at fetes. I supply several bars in the area for €2.50 a bottle, or DURTAL six for €12. With everything considered, it has probably If rustic is your cost me about £30,000, and look of choice, that’s before you take into €860,000 this two-bedroom account buying bottles, labels medieval property and so on. has all the beams, I have never done a business tiled floors and plan or calculated my costs or grand fireplaces projected profits. Sensible you need, as well people say you should do all as outbuildings that, but they are so dreadfully and a pool. boring. Don’t listen to boring 020 7016 3740, people. That’s my business savills.com.