450+ scripts now downloadable! agazine.com www.playsm 3) (see details on page 5

THE DRAMA MAGAZINE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE OCTOBER 2015

UPPER GRADES Remains...... Eric Alter 2 PShades of Dleatha...... y...... s . . .John Murray 8

DRAMATIZED CLASSIC (FOR UPPER GRADES ) The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. . . . Washington Irving 21 Adapted by Carol D. Wise

MIDDLE AND LOWER GRADES The Little Farmer...... Bruce Berger 34 Giving Up the Ghosts...... Bunny Schulle 39 Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!...... Thomas Hatton 43 The Letter Detective...... Bernadette Lambert 49 Job Interview...... Robert R. Mauro 54 Terms of Use • Vol. 75, No. 1

Subscribers . Persons and entities with subscriptions in force at the time of the performance may produce the plays in any issue of this magazine royalty-free, provided the performance is part of a regular school or dramatic club activity. Such persons and entities may also reproduce copies of the individual play being produced for members of the cast, and may videotape or record rehearsals or performances of the play, for use by such members in connection with preparation for a performance of the play. Subscribers may not videotape or record the production of the play for any other reason, and may not reproduce or transmit the production via television or radio, or via the internet or other electronic methods, without the written permission of, and the payment of any required royalties to, Plays/Sterling Partners, Inc. Non-subscribers . Persons and entities that are not current subscribers to this magazine must apply in writing to Plays/Sterling Partners, Inc. for royalty quotations and permission to copy, reproduce, distribute, transmit, publicly display, or publicly perform any of the plays herein. Permission will be granted on a per-performance basis only, and under no condition may permission be transferred. All readers . All rights not expressly granted by these paragraphs are reserved by Plays/Sterling Partners, Inc. If you have a question about the rights granted herein, or would like to request permission to per - form, distribute, transmit, display or copy any of the literary or dra - matic works in this magazine, please contact PLAYS, The Drama Magazine for Young People, 897 Washington St., #600160, Newton, MA 02460.

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PLAYS, The Drama Magazine for Young People (ISSN 0032-1540, USPS 473-810) is published seven times a year, monthly except June, July, August, and September, and bimonthly January/February, by STERLING PARTNERS, INC., 897 Washington St., #600160, Newton, MA 02460. Subscription rates: 1 year, $55.00; 2 years, $100.00. Canadian: Add $12 per year to cover postage. All other for - eign: Add $25 per year to cover postage. Canadian & other foreign sub - scriptions must be paid in U.S. funds drawn on a U.S. bank (or if in U.S. funds drawn on foreign bank, add $4 U.S.). Periodicals postage paid at Boston, MA, and additional offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Plays/Sterling Partners 897 Washington St. #600160 Newton, MA 02460 Printed in U.S.A. October 2015

The drama magazine for young people What’s in this isPsue.l . .ays For upper grades Remains , by Eric Alter 2 male actors; 15 minutes. 9/11: A soon-to-become New York City police officer gets a surprise visit from his dad’s old police captain and a mangled badge dug out of the ashes.

Shades of Death , by John Murray 8 actors: 5 female, 3 male; 40 minutes. The creepy tale of a spirit searching for his long-lost daughter, visitors to a lonely old inn, and mysterious disappearances in a town with an eerie name. Perfect for Halloween.

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow , by Washington Irving, adapted by Carol D. Wise 15 actors: 9 male, 4 female, 2 male or female; 35 minutes. A large-cast play tells the classic scary story of Ichabod Crane and the Headless Horseman in 1800’s Tarrytown, New York. With the right narrator, the ending can be absolutely terrifying! For middle and lower grades The Little Farmer , by Bruce Berger 11 actors/readers: 3 male, 4 female, and 4 male or female; 15 minutes. This read- aloud play is a total riot! Kindhearted but down-on-his-luck pea planter gets an unexpected surprise from three grateful witches.

Giving Up the Ghosts , by Bunny Schulle 4+ actors: 1 male, 1 female, 2 male or female and as many extras as desired; 10 min - utes. Friendly ghosts find they are a bit out of practice when it comes to scaring Halloween trick-or-treaters.

Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! , by Thomas Hatton 9+ actors: 2 male, 3 female, and 4+ male or female; 12 minutes. A fun spoof of the Aesop fable: What happens when Abner J. Lupus tricks Fred into shouting “Wolf!” one too many times? Just ask the sheep, they’ll know what to do. You can’t pull the wool over their eyes!

The Letter Detective , by Bernadette Lambert 11 male or female actors; 10 minutes. ABC Detective Agency searches for missing letters with the help of a creative alphabet.

The Job Interview , by Robert Mauro 2 actors: 1 male and 1 female; 10 minutes. A fun skit: Employment agency inter - views job applicant for the wrong job. Can you say “lion tamer”?

OCTOBER 2015 1 Upper Grades Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

Remains

Soon-to-become New York police officer gets a surprise visit from his dad’s old boss . . . .

by Eric Alter

Characters WILLIAM (Shaking head ): Hm-m. . .I’m afraid I don’t. . . RAY BURNS, late 50s RAY : I—um. . .I was a friend of your WILLIAM POWERS, 22 father’s.

WILLIAM (Nodding, taken aback ): O.K. TIME : The present; September. A bright, Well. . .he’s no longer here. He di— sunny day. RAY : —I know. ( Pause ) I worked with SETTING : Brooklyn. Backdrop shows the him. front of a house with porch and work - ing front door and doorbell. If desired, WILLIAM (Stunned ): You did?! ( RAY there are two chairs on the porch. nods .) Oh, my God! I’m sorry, I don’t remember you. AT RISE : RAY BURNS enters, walks up to door. He stops, looks around, takes in RAY (Smiling ): I was younger then. the sun for a moment, then lets out a (Pause ) A lot less gray in the old hair. sigh. He rings doorbell. After a moment (Thinks ) And a lot more hair. I remem - or two WILLIAM POWERS opens door. ber you coming around the precinct a few times. ( Pause ) Back then I was a WILLIAM : Yes? Can I help you? Captain. . .I was a direct liaison to the commissioner’s office. ( Extending his RAY : Oh, hi. . .um. . .is your mom hand ) Ray Burns. ( WILLIAM takes it all around? in for a second, then extends his hand .)

WILLIAM : She went out to. . .( Pause ) WILLIAM : Wow. . .William Pow— I’m sorry. . .and you are? RAY : Yeah. ( Smiles ) I know the last RAY : An old friend of the family. name.

2 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com WILLIAM (Shaking his head in disbe - me. I stayed on for a year after, and lief ): Wow. then it was time to go.

RAY : You O.K., kid? WILLIAM : I understand. What do you do now? WILLIAM : I don’t know. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen anyone who knew RAY : I fish. ( Laughs ) Or I try. I um. . . him. don’t do much. Maybe I should, but I don’t. RAY : Yeah. WILLIAM : You did your time. Paid your WILLIAM : You were at the funeral? dues.

RAY : I was. RAY : I’d like to think that. ( Pause ) I think we—your old man included— WILLIAM : It was raining. made a difference.

RAY (Nodding ): Yeah. Pouring. WILLIAM : He did. You did. ( Nods ) He was sucker-punched. WILLIAM : Someone said it was all the tears from the departed. RAY : Huh?

RAY (Nodding ): Yeah. ( Pause ) Um. . .so WILLIAM : My dad. He didn’t see it com - do you know when your mom will be ing. back? RAY (Sighing ): Nobody did. ( Pause ) WILLIAM : I don’t. . .she went out shop - So—what are you doing now? ping with a friend, and then I think they were gonna hit a movie. WILLIAM : I’m on the job.

RAY : Oh. . .O.K. Maybe I’ll just—um. . . RAY : Wow! ( Nods ) Very nice. Can’t say come back— I’m surprised.

WILLIAM : You came here for a reason, WILLIAM : Thanks. Well, I’m “almost” right? ( Sits, and gestures for RAY to do on the job. I graduate tomorrow, actu - the same ) ally.

RAY (Smiling ): Pretty perceptive, kid. RAY : Really? Tomorrow?

WILLIAM : Not a kid anymore. I just WILLIAM : Yup! Six long months in the turned twenty-two. academy.

RAY : Wow. ( Pause ) Man, time sure RAY (Thinking ): I don’t miss those flies. academy days.

WILLIAM : Not for everyone. WILLIAM (Laughing ): Me neither.

RAY : Right. That’s true. RAY (Sighing ): Well. . .listen, kid. . .I um— WILLIAM : You still on the job? WILLIAM (Quickly ): —What was it RAY : Nah. . .that was a lifetime ago for like?

OCTOBER 2015 3 RAY : Huh? WILLIAM : You think so?

WILLIAM : Working with my dad. RAY : I know so. ( There is an awkward (RAY’s face lights up .) pause between them. ) So. . .what does your mom think about you becoming a RAY : Ah. . .your dad. . .he was one of a cop? kind. Always a smile on his face— which is rare thing for a cop to have. WILLIAM : I don’t think she’s happy. He was a good person. Always treated What I mean is, because of what hap - everyone the same. Didn’t matter what pened with my dad. ( RAY nods. ) But I color they were, what they did for a liv - think deep down in her heart, she ing. Nothing mattered. He treated knew the day he died, I’d become a cop. everyone the same. Fair. ( Pause ) He was an honest cop. And a damn good RAY : I understand. one. Yes, sir. . .Jimmy Powers was one of a kind. ( WILLIAM is beaming .) WILLIAM : As one “almost” cop to anoth - er, I know you would. WILLIAM : I don’t remember too much— unfortunately. But I always remember RAY : How’s she doing, by the way? him being fair with me. If I screwed up, I always got a lecture. Half the time I WILLIAM (Nodding ): She’s O.K. didn’t understand what he said, but I just knew what I did was wrong. RAY : Did she ever. . .um—

RAY (Laughing ): Don’t worry, kid. . .we WILLIAM : Remarry? No. She has a guy all got that lecture. she sees. He’s nice. It’s good for her.

WILLIAM : Really? RAY (Smiling ): Good. ( WILLIAM looks pensive. After a pause ) Listen. . .I came RAY : Oh, yeah. ( Shaking his head ) by to see your mom because— Even the guys he locked up got it. WILLIAM : —Where were you when it WILLIAM : They did?! happened?

RAY : Sure. I remember one night, your RAY : What? dad and I locked up two guys—some liquor store robbery or something— WILLIAM : When it happened. ( RAY and we’re driving them back to the sta - takes a deep sigh, scratches his head .) tion and he’s giving them a lecture the entire way. And I’m just sitting there RAY : I was in a meeting with some of shaking my head. But the funny thing the brass when the call came over the is, one of the guys. . .I think he was radio. ( Pause ) At the time, everyone really listening. I mean, I really think thought it was just an accident. your dad was getting through to him. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, but WILLIAM : Where was my dad? your old man always tried. RAY : He was out on patrol...with Bob— WILLIAM : Yeah, well. . .he’s the reason I became a cop. WILLIAM : —Bobby Figeroua.

RAY : Good reason. He’d be really proud. RAY (Nodding ): Yeah, he and Figgs were out on patrol.

4 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com WILLIAM : I’m sure he was lecturing WILLIAM : My mom picked me up, and I Bobby. remember. . . ( Pause ) She was trying to be so strong for me, trying not to let me RAY (Smiling ): You can bet on it. see the panic inside of her heart. But (Pause ) And then. . .the second plane no matter how hard she tried, it was hit. ( Pause ) And all hell broke loose. there. She kept trying to get through to him on his cell. . .( Pause ) but he never WILLIAM : I was in third grade. ( Pause ) answered. I was too young at the time, but I remember all this talk in the hallways. RAY (Overcome; rising from chair ): It was whispers. I knew. . .something. Listen, I um. . .I can’t—( Pause ) I need I didn’t know what, but I knew some - to come back. I’m sorry. Could you, um, thing was wrong. tell your mom—( WILLIAM rises, takes RAY by the arm. ) RAY (Nodding ): The true son of a cop. Intuition even at a young age. WILLIAM : Wait. No. Please. You came here for a reason. What is it? WILLIAM : I remember some of the teachers were crying. Mrs. Adams. . . RAY (After a long pause ): O.K., well, she was just sobbing, and we didn’t (Letting out a deep breath ) as you understand why. know, there were a ton of remains from Ground Zero. . .and even to this day, so RAY (Sighing ): Yeah. many bodies and items have never been identified. WILLIAM : And then parents kept com - ing to pick up their kids. . .and I WILLIAM (Holding his breath ): Right. thought to myself. . .( He becomes very O.K. emotional. ) I thought, my daddy is a police officer. He will be here any sec - RAY (Cautiously; after a long pause ): ond. If something’s wrong, he’ll come About a week and a half ago, I got a and protect me. call from the current Commissioner’s office. ( Pause ) One of the forensic guys. RAY : I can promise you—you and your . . ( Pause ) um. . . ( Stops ) mom were on the top of his mind. WILLIAM (Confused ): I don’t under - WILLIAM (Smiling ): I know. stand. What are you—

RAY : After the second plane hit, the RAY : I’m saying they found this. ( He communications were rough. I was try - reaches into his pocket and takes out a ing to coordinate everyone all over the zip lock bag. Inside it is half a badge city. I heard his voice on the radio. . .he that looks as if it has been through hell called in from down there, he was “in and back. RAY opens the bag and takes the area.” ( Pause ) I never spoke to him out the badge. He holds it in his right directly. But I wanted. . .( RAY sudden - hand for a moment, then kisses it and ly stops speaking, caught up in the hands it to WILLIAM .) moment .) WILLIAM (Overwhelmed ): What. . . WILLIAM : He died a hero. ( Pause ) what is— That’s all I need to know. RAY (Quietly ): It was his badge. RAY (Nodding ): Yes, he did. A lot of guys did. WILLIAM (Shocked ): Oh...my...God.

OCTOBER 2015 5 (WILLIAM holds badge as if it were the WILLIAM : He’s my hero. ( Pause ) I don’t most important thing he has ever held. know what he did that day, but. . . He sinks into chair .) Are you. . . are you sure that it— RAY : People said they saw him helping people. ( Pause ) That’s good enough for RAY : Yeah. ( Pause, as he sits too ) I dou - me. ble- and triple- checked it. You see the numbers on the bottom? ( WILLIAM WILLIAM (Smiling ): Yeah, me too. looks closely at badge. ) Well, two of (RAY watches WILLIAM as he is them are barely identifiable. . .but they almost cradling the badge .) did some work on identifying them. His number was twenty-two- . . . RAY : Hey. . .um. . .you said tomorrow was your graduation? WILLIAM : Forty-four. WILLIAM : Yeah. RAY : Right. Badge number 2244. (WILLIAM begins crying .) RAY (Thinking ): You have the jacket you’re gonna wear? WILLIAM : Oh, my God. ( RAY isn’t sure what to do because he too is overcome WILLIAM : Yeah. It’s inside. Why? with emotion. Finally he is able to speak. ) RAY : I have an idea. Why don’t you go RAY : I um. . .( Pause ) I waited a week to and get it? come. I’m sorry. . .I should have come sooner, but. . .( Now it is RAY who WILLIAM : Sure. Take care of this for begins to cry. He can’t get any more me? ( He hands RAY the badge and goes words out. ) inside. RAY stares at the badge .)

WILLIAM : No. ( Shaking his head ) You RAY (Talking to the badge ): You did don’t have anything to be sorry for. good, Jimmy. Real good. You’d be so proud of him. I’m sure he’s gonna make RAY (Regaining his composure ): I. . . one helluva cop. ( After a moment, um. . .I didn’t know what I was going to WILLIAM comes out wearing his police say to your mom. I just wasn’t pre - jacket. It has a badge on the breast pared. ( WILLIAM just continues to pocket. RAY smiles. ) Looks good, kid. look at the badge, never taking his eyes (RAY walks up to WILLIAM, takes off off it .) the badge that’s on the jacket and hands it to WILLIAM. ) I still have WILLIAM (Nodding ): I understand. I’ll friends in high places. ( Pause ) You tell her. think you and your mom can figure out a way to wear your dad’s badge instead RAY : Are you sure? of that one tomorrow?

WILLIAM : I’m the man of the house. WILLIAM (Stunned ): Are you serious?!

RAY (Smiling ): Yeah. . .you are. RAY : Yes. I’ll make a call to the Commissioner as soon as I leave here. WILLIAM (Staring at the badge ): I can’t (RAY hands WILLIAM the badge, and believe it—14 years later, they find his WILLIAM holds it against his chest, badge. looking down at it with emotion. RAY looks on, and puts his hand on the RAY (Nodding ): Yeah. badge as well. WILLIAM looks up, both

6 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com men look at one another and exchange a subtle nod. ) You’re gonna be fine, kid. ( Claps WILLIAM on the shoulder ) Make him proud. Always honest. Great Plays. . . Always fair.

WILLIAM : I will. And Ray. . .thank you. Thank you so much.

RAY (Taking a deep breath ): Sure thing, kid. And would you tell your mom I’m sorry? I didn’t mean to tell you before her. . . .

WILLIAM : She’ll understand. She’s my best friend.

RAY (Smiling ): I’m sure she is. for 75 Years! WILLIAM : This will hit her hard, but I think she’ll be happy. .if that makes Get 50+ new plays a sense. year—plus access to 450+ downloadable scripts RAY : Trust me, it does. ( Pause ) Well, O.K., I—um—I guess I’m gonna— online.

WILLIAM : Hey, Ray? All royalty-free for current subscribers! RAY : Yeah? Subscribe today! WILLIAM : I know this may sound crazy, but. . .( With a deep breath ) 1 year, $55.00 • 2 years, $100 would you come tomorrow? ( Pause ) To • 7 issues each school year my graduation? I would really appreci - ate it. ( RAY looks at him long, then • 6 to 8 plays in each issue smiles .) • Perfect for students in lower, middle, and upper grades RAY : Absolutely.

WILLIAM : And I know my dad would Plays appreciate it, too. 897 Washington St. #600160 Newton, MA 02460 RAY (Nodding ): Thanks, William. (800) 630-5755 (617) 630-9100 (RAY extends his hand. WILLIAM Fax: (617) 630-9101 takes it and they shake, but after a moment, WILLIAM hugs him. RAY www.playsmagazine.com hugs him back and they remain in an embrace as the lights slowly fade .) THE END (Production Notes on page 42 )

OCTOBER 2015 7 Upper Grades Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

Shades of Death

Creepy tale of a spirit searching for his long-lost daughter, visitors to a lonely old inn, and mysterious disappearances in a town with a disturbing name. . . by John Murray Characters JEREMIAH : Hello. Welcome to the JEREMIAH, elderly innkeeper Shades of Death Inn. SARAH, the housekeeper DREW (Looking around ): I have to say, DREW BRYANT, journalist the place is appropriately named.

ELIZA BRYANT, his sister, a photog - JEREMIAH (Nodding ): Named after the road you came up on. ( He places rapher lantern on desk .) AMY MASON, his fiancée ELIZA (Shivering ): It certainly is EMILY MASON, Amy’s aunt remote. We traveled miles off the inter - state to get here. TOM ALLEN private JEREMIAH : You’re late. I was expecting HILLARY ALLEN investigators you much earlier.

DREW : Oh, so you did get my phone message asking for a reservation. I SCENE 1 wasn’t sure, since you’re not online or TIME : Late evening, the present. anything, and I couldn’t email you.

BEFORE RISE : Down right is registration JEREMIAH (Smiling faintly ): Reserva- desk with book and pen. JEREMIAH tion? ( He shakes head .) No one makes enters left, carrying lantern, and walks reservations for my inn. to desk, standing behind it. Offstage sound of wind is heard. DREW and ELIZA (Puzzled ): But you said you were ELIZA BRYANT enter right, carrying expecting us. suitcases and laptops. They go to desk and put down suitcases. JEREMIAH JEREMIAH : We expect travelers from raises lantern to study them. DREW and time to time—visitors from the outside ELIZA squint, shield their eyes. world. ( Gesturing ) Oh, there’s plenty of

8 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com room. You’ll be my only guests tonight. housekeeper, Sarah, bring trays to your rooms. ( He picks up lantern, goes left. ) DREW : Good! ( Offers his hand to JER - Follow me. ( ELIZA and DREW pick up EMIAH ) I’m Drew Bryant, and this is luggage. All exit left. Sound of rising my sister, Eliza. We’re here on assign - wind and wild laughter are heard. ment for Alert Magazine . We’re doing a Blackout ) piece on remote and mysterious places * * * in the United States. How does this SETTING : Room 13. Down right is desk sound? ( Gesturing ) “The Wilderness with yellow legal pad and open laptop Legend: Fact or Fiction?” on it, and chair. A table is up right, sofa down center. Up center is a French win - JEREMIAH : There is much to write dow with drapes closed. Door to room is about. Many strange tales to tell. right. Exit left leads to bedroom.

ELIZA (Excitedly ): I’ll be taking the pic - AT RISE : DREW sits at laptop, frowning tures. ( Looking about ) I want to get at screen but not typing anything. started bright and early in the morning. Knock on door is heard. He opens door to admit SARAH, who carries tray of JEREMIAH : I doubt any of your photo - covered dishes and teapot. She nods, graphs would come out, miss. ( ELIZA placing tray on table. looks at him questioningly. Sound of howling wind is heard. She pulls coat DREW (As SARAH arranges dishes and tightly around her .) The mountains teapot on table ): You must be Sarah. tend to block the sun. The innkeeper mentioned you.

ELIZA (Nervously ): Yes, well, that’s why SARAH : Yes, I’ve done old Jeremiah’s somebody had the good sense to invent bidding at Shades of Death for many the flash. years.

DREW : Maybe we could see our rooms DREW : I imagine you could tell me now. . . strange things about this place. (Shakes his head ) There’s something JEREMIAH : Of course. The young lady chilling about this inn—and this room, will be in room 12. ( To DREW ) And you, in particular. sir, will have the adjoining suite: num - ber 13. SARAH (Uncomfortably ): If there’s nothing else, I’ll be going now. I left a DREW (Laughing ): Thirteen! I’m glad tray for your sister in her room. ( Starts I’m not superstitious. ( He signs regis - right ) tration book, replaces pen, then pauses thoughtfully, examining book .) I see DREW : Hang on a minute. Do you mind we’re the first visitors in quite some if I ask you a few questions about the time. ( Riffling pages ) That’s odd, mine town, and about this inn? ( He walks to is the only signature in here. window, opens drape. ) I can see the lights of the town down there. ( Peers JEREMIAH (Quickly ): I’ll show you your through window ) It seems to be located rooms. at the foot of a deep gorge. ( SARAH quickly joins him, closes drapes .) ELIZA : Would it be possible to get some food? We didn’t stop to eat. SARAH (Nervously ): Best to leave the drapes closed, sir. Never open them at JEREMIAH : Certainly. I’ll have our night. And don’t open the window!

OCTOBER 2015 9 DREW : Why not? DREW : Poor Jenny! So, she was a pris - oner in that house. SARAH : There are spirits out there. Creatures of evil! SARAH (Nodding ): That’s true, sir, but there was a young carriageman named DREW : Nonsense! ( He reopens drapes, Arthur who worked for the Chadwicks. points off left .) Who lives in that big Arthur and Jenny fell in love. house on the hill above the town? (DREW moves his face closer to win - DREW (Rubbing hands together ): Good! dow. ) I can see its outline in the moon - Readers always like a touch of romance. light. SARAH : Malcolm would have killed them SARAH : That’s the Chadwick estate. both, had he known the truth. Jenny Malcolm Chadwick was the wealthiest, and Arthur met secretly every night. most powerful man in these parts. After a time, they planned to elope.

DREW : It’s all overgrown with trees and DREW : What happened then? brush. I assume no one lives there now? SARAH : One night Arthur and Jenny SARAH : No one has lived there for more took the carriage and left Chadwick than a century. The Chadwicks are Manor. The dog’s barking woke gone. Old Malcolm and his daughter, Malcolm, and he followed them. Jenny, were the last. DREW : I hope he never caught up with DREW : Sounds like terrific material for them. my article. What happened to Malcolm and Jenny? SARAH : No, he never did. ( She points at window .) On the other side of the gorge SARAH (Desperately ): I—I’d rather not is a bog of quicksand. Malcolm’s car - talk about it. Not at night. riage ran off the road. He was thrown into the swamp. His body was never DREW : My publisher will pay you for found. your story. ( He picks up legal pad. ) DREW : And Jenny and Arthur—what SARAH : I see you haven’t written any - happened to them? thing yet. ( With a hollow laugh ) I doubt the story of the Chadwicks would even SARAH : The young couple were never fill one page. seen from that day on. It is rumored that they made their escape—but no DREW : Now, Sarah. Talk like that only one knows for sure. ( She closes drapes .) piques my curiosity. It’s a story with no ending.

SARAH (Sighing ): All right. ( As she tells DREW : It seems to me that Malcolm’s the following story, DREW takes notes .) death would have ended the story and Malcolm Chadwick ruled his house set them free. with an iron hand, so the legend goes. Jenny was a beautiful girl, but her SARAH : You didn’t know the bitter father never permitted neighbors or moods of the man—his violent temper, friends to visit the house. Oh, he was a his wrath! True, his body was lost in the cruel, selfish man. He had a savage dog swamp, but his spirit still roams named Sampson, and together they Shades of Death seeking Jenny and guarded the grounds every night. Arthur.

10 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com DREW (Brightly ): Aha! A ghost story. ELIZA : But it’s been planned for weeks. (Looking at him closely ) You really SARAH : People in the village believe don’t look well. ( She looks at open win - that Malcolm is seeking a new body for dow in disapproval, walks to it, closes his restless spirit. He wants to walk the it, and draws drapes. ) It’s chilly in earth in human form as he continues here. You’ll catch your death. ( DREW his search. ( Frightened ) Malcolm watches her, dumbfounded .) Chadwick still seeks that body—every night! ( Wind howls. ) You must be tired DREW : I didn’t open that window. after your trip, sir. I’ll let you rest now. (SARAH walks right, opens door, ELIZA : Well, someone opened it, and I’m turns .) But, please, don’t open the win - cold. dow. And don’t go into the garden. There’s a steep drop into the gorge. DREW (Anxiously ): Do you feel the cold, too? ( She nods. ) DREW : All right, thank you, Sarah. ( He laughs .) I’m too tired to cope with the ELIZA : There’s something about this spirit of Malcolm Chadwick. Besides, place that gives me the creeps. I don’t I’m in horrible condition. I doubt that care how good this job is; I wish we’d he’d want my body. ( He thumps his never come. chest, coughs, laughs again. SARAH shakes her head, exits, closing door. DREW : We’ll leave as soon as we finish Quickly, DREW sits at desk, begins our assignment. ( ELIZA walks to table .) writing notes on pad, unaware of drapes quietly opening to reveal the ELIZA : I see that Sarah brought you window is now open. Suddenly, he some food. ( DREW nods as ELIZA drops his pencil, grasps his arm. He uncovers one of the dishes .) Wow! You stands, still holding his arm. The chair must’ve had some appetite. ( She pro - overturns .) Hello! Who’s there? ( His ceeds to examine other dishes .) hands sweep the air, as though groping for someone. ELIZA enters right and DREW : What are you talking about? I stares at him, puzzled .) haven’t had a bite.

ELIZA : What’s the matter with you? ELIZA : The plates are empty. Except for (DREW drops hands to his side .) You some crumbs. ( She replaces cover, look as though you’ve seen a ghost. ( She frowns. ) You—you don’t remember eat - straightens chair. ) Are you O.K.? ing?

DREW : It—it’s nothing. ( He rubs his DREW (Hoarsely ): I didn’t touch that head in dazed fashion. ) I thought some - food. thing touched my arm. I—I felt as though I wasn’t alone in the room. ELIZA : There must be a simple explana - (ELIZA laughs .) tion. Sarah probably forgot to bring the food she prepared for you. ( Brightly ) ELIZA : My imaginative brother! Well, How about a nice cup of tea? ( DREW things are looking up. I just called Amy nods. ELIZA tilts teapot .) There’s no and told her where we are. She’s plan - tea, either! ning to join us here this weekend. DREW : Impossible—I never touched it. DREW : Amy? ( Angrily ) No, no! I don’t want her to come here. ELIZA : I’ll get another tray. ( DREW stands, grabs her arm. )

OCTOBER 2015 11 DREW (Urgently ): I don’t think Sarah DREW (Flatly ): I didn’t write that. ( He forgot to bring my food. Someone— gestures as if warding off an attacker .) something else ate it. Go away, I tell you! Leave me alone! Don’t touch me! Leave me alone! ELIZA : That’s ridiculous! ( Mechanically, (ELIZA grabs his arms .) DREW walks to window. He pulls drapes back, opens window, and stares ELIZA (Frantic ): You’re sick. I’ll call the out. ELIZA joins him. ) It’s too cold. innkeeper. We’ll find a doctor for you. (She starts to close the window .) (DREW drops his arms, regains his composure .) DREW : Don’t close it. DREW (Coldly; in a changed voice ): ELIZA : But, Drew— There’s nothing the matter with me. (He smiles faintly. ) DREW (Shouting ): Leave that window alone! ( ELIZA stops, stunned. DREW ELIZA (Terrified ): Your voice. It’s rubs his eyes. When he speaks again, changed again. ( She backs away to his voice has changed. It is cold, lower, stand behind sofa .) steadier. ) I want the window open. DREW : Nothing’s changed. ELIZA (Taken aback ): What’s wrong with you? Your voice. . .it’s so strange. ELIZA (Steadily ): Who are you? What I—I barely recognize it. have you done to my brother?

DREW (Weakly, in his own voice again ): DREW : Your brother? ( Angrily ) Has he I’m all right, just tired, I guess. taken Jenny away? I’ll find Jenny. I’ll Everything will be all right in the morn - find her! ( Stepping closer to ELIZA ) All ing. ( ELIZA walks to desk, looks at of you have helped my daughter escape. legal pad, then turns and smiles. ) I’ll make you sorry for what you did. (He grabs ELIZA by the throat. She ELIZA : I’m glad to see you lost no time in screams and struggles, then goes limp starting your article. ( As she reads ) and drops to the floor behind sofa. This is really good. ( DREW joins her. ) DREW straightens, cocks head as if lis - tening to noise offstage .) Jenny? Jenny, DREW : But I haven’t written anything I hear you. I’m coming. ( He exits yet. through window. JEREMIAH and SARAH enter right. SARAH crosses to ELIZA : Stop joking! This lead is great. couch, looks behind it, kneels for a (She reads .) “My name is Malcolm moment, then stands .) Chadwick and I lived and died one hun - dred years ago.” ( DREW stares, horror- SARAH : She’s gone. He killed her. struck, as she continues .) “The world is (JEREMIAH stares at window .) a lonesome place, and I will dedicate my life in eternity to the search for my JEREMIAH : He’s still out there—wait - daughter, Jenny. I will wreak my ing. ( Sighs ) He will return to Shades of vengeance on the one who took her Death until his search is fulfilled. away from me.” ( ELIZA looks up. ) I like (Beckoning ) Come! We must straighten that. . .presenting it as though it were this room, for certainly others will written by an avenging spirit. But I’m come! ( They exit. Laughter is heard off - surprised you wrote it out, instead of stage. Curtain ) using your laptop. ( ELIZA studies * * * DREW’s face. ) What’s the matter?

12 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com SCENE 2 out .) This inn is certainly in a remote TIME : Evening, one week later. place. There must be a hundred-foot drop into the gorge beyond the garden. SETTING : Same as Scene 1. Laptop and food have been removed. Drapes are AMY : Come away from the window, open. Scrap of paper and piece of cloth Aunt Emily. It frightens me. lie on floor behind sofa. EMILY : Nonsense. It’s a beautiful view. AT RISE : AMY MASON is pacing the And the full moon makes everything as room. EMILY MASON enters left. bright as daytime. I can see the town at the bottom of the gorge and ( Looks out EMILY : Amy! You’ve been pacing the window, left )—there’s a huge old house floor for more than an hour. You’ll wear over there. ( AMY joins her .) out the carpet. AMY : I asked the housekeeper about AMY : I’m sorry. It’s just that I can’t stop that place, but she didn’t want to talk worrying about Drew. about it.

EMILY (Disapprovingly ): Imagine! EMILY : That woman acts as though Going off without leaving word for you. she’s afraid of something. ( Matter-of- factly ) Oh, well. These country people AMY : It’s just not like him. Or Eliza. are a superstitious lot.

EMILY : The innkeeper insists they AMY : It’s more than superstition. She never stayed here. acts as though she’s terrified all the time. AMY : Aunt Emily, you know that’s not true. Eliza phoned me from here the DREW (Offstage, in low, mournful night they arrived. voice ): Jenny! Jenny! ( AMY and EMILY exchange glances .) EMILY : Well, it’s possible the innkeeper is lying. ( She shivers .) He is rather— EMILY : What’s that? odd. AMY : I don’t know. I couldn’t quite AMY : When I signed the registration make it out. book, I noticed there weren’t any other signatures. EMILY : It sounded so sad. ( Shaking her head ) Oh, it’s only the wind. EMILY : An inn without guests—that is strange! AMY (Slowly ): I don’t think so. That voice sounded familiar. ( Laughs nerv - AMY : Not only that. A page has been ously ) It almost sounded like Drew. deliberately torn from the book. ( Upset ) I’m afraid something terrible has hap - EMILY : Now, Amy, if Drew were here, pened to Drew and Eliza. ( EMILY leads why wouldn’t he just show himself? AMY to sofa. They sit .) AMY : I don’t know. ( Suddenly, the EMILY : Now, Amy, don’t think that way. howling of a dog breaks the silence. It is Drew’s probably gone on a field trip for low at first, but gradually rises. ) material. He’ll be back in a day or two. Meanwhile, let’s try to enjoy our little EMILY : Maybe it’s a dog at that old holiday. ( She goes to window, looks estate.

OCTOBER 2015 13 AMY : Sarah told me the house been AMY : He was a guest here. His regis - empty for years. ( EMILY presses closer tration was torn from the book. What to the window. ) She told me a wild tale have you done with him? about a girl named Jenny and her father. EMILY : For goodness’ sake, Amy, you’re frightening her. EMILY : Well, it’s not empty now. Look! I can see a light in one of the windows. SARAH (Sobbing ): Please don’t ask me anymore. There’s nothing I can tell you. AMY : It must be the moonlight. ( She looks left. ) No, wait. There really is a AMY : But you must! Please! My fiancé light. Someone is carrying a light disappeared—and I’m determined to through the rooms. ( EMILY quickly find him. ( Offstage howling of dog is draws the drapes .) heard again, much closer. SARAH trembles, drops the towels. She bends to EMILY (Breathlessly ): Let’s leave, Amy. gather them. ) Tonight. We shouldn’t have come here. EMILY (Compassionately ): There’s that AMY : I shouldn’t have let you come poor animal again. It’s probably lost along, Aunt Emily, but you insisted I and hungry. I’m going to find it. ( She not travel alone. ( Firmly ) Now that steps to window. ) we’re here, we’re not leaving without Drew and Eliza. ( Knock on door, then SARAH : Oh, don’t go out there. You SARAH enters, carrying towels ) might fall into the gorge.

SARAH (Gesturing left ): I’d like to pre - AMY : She’s right, Aunt Emily. It’s too pare your bedroom for the night. dangerous.

AMY : Of course. By the way, Sarah, you EMILY (Firmly ): I wouldn’t be able to told me the old place on the other side sleep all night if I neglected that ani - of the gorge was empty. mal. ( EMILY opens drapes and win - dow and exits, leaving window open. SARAH : Yes—for one hundred years. SARAH gives a cry of terror, exits right, hurriedly. ) AMY : But we saw a light over there a few minutes ago. AMY : Sarah! Wait! ( Starts after her, then shrugs and stops. Wind howls. SARAH : You’re mistaken, miss. None of AMY looks around room, then stops, the villagers would ever go to that place staring behind sofa .) What’s this? ( She at night. picks up paper scrap from behind sofa, reads aloud .) “My name is Malcolm AMY : Perhaps Drew—Mr. Bryant, I Chadwick and I lived and died—” ( She mean—is doing his research there. turns paper over, frowns, then puts it on desk down right. There is a knock on SARAH : Oh, that’s impossible. Mr. door, after which DREW enters, wear - Bryant is gone. ( She stiffens .) ing dark cloak and gray wig and beard. AMY steps back as he enters, closing AMY (Quickly ): Then you did meet Mr. door. She does not recognize him. ) Who Bryant. He did stay here! are you? What do you want?

SARAH : I can’t tell you anything. DREW (In low, cold voice ): Please par - don the intrusion. I was looking for

14 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com someone, and I lost my way. this very room just a week ago. Did you happen to meet him? AMY : You’re in the wrong room. This is number 13. ( He looks around. ) DREW : Mine is a secluded life. I meet very few people. ( He points at window .) DREW : No, this is the right place. You My home is Chadwick Manor. see, I’m looking for my daughter, Jenny. AMY (Looking to window ): That AMY : Jenny? There’s no one here explains the light I saw in the windows named Jenny. there. But I thought no one lived there.

DREW : Perhaps she has not yet arrived. DREW (Angrily ): It is my home, and the But she will be here one day. Yes, I home of my daughter, Jenny. I must know that she will return to Shades of find her. I will spend a thousand life - Death. times to bring her back! ( He smiles .) And you won’t interfere, my dear. AMY : I don’t understand. Why should (Points at window ) The Chadwick your daughter come here? ( Quickly ) hound is out there to help me. Maybe the innkeeper will be able to help you. AMY : The Chadwick hound?

DREW (Mysteriously ): Oh, Jeremiah DREW (Nodding ): Sampson—a vicious has been quite helpful already. ( With a hound, but a faithful companion. ( AMY small smile ) The Chadwick family shall rushes to window. DREW joins her. ) be forever indebted to him. AMY : But Aunt Emily is out there. AMY : You’re a Chadwick? Why, that’s the name on this scrap of paper. ( She DREW : Sampson was lost in the quick - points to paper on desk, then crosses to sand many years ago—the night Jenny desk, and reads from paper .) “My name ran away. is Malcolm Chadwick and I lived and died. . .” ( She looks up. ) Is Malcolm AMY (Numbly ): But that was a hundred Chadwick an ancestor of yours? years ago. Sarah said—

DREW (Nodding ): Oh, we are very close - DREW : There is no calculation of time in ly related. my world. ( AMY backs away from him .)

AMY (Peering at him ): There’s some - AMY (Horrified ): You—you’re crazy! thing familiar about you. Your eyes look Get out of my room. very much like my fiancé’s. And your voice. It’s different, and yet. . . DREW : You will learn many things before the night has ended. ( He grasps DREW : And yet. . . her arm. She looks down at his hand and notices ring .) AMY (Abruptly ): I’m Amy Mason. And your name is. . . AMY : Where did you get that ring?

DREW : You may call me Malcolm. ( AMY DREW : It was a gift—from a friend. looks startled .) It’s an old family name. AMY : It’s a signet ring, and I gave it to AMY : I’m looking for someone also. My my fiancé three years ago! How did you fiancé, Drew Bryant, was staying in get it?

OCTOBER 2015 15 DREW : You’re meddling in dangerous not hinder my search for Jenny. ( He affairs. exits. AMY rushes to window, closes drapes .) AMY : If you don’t tell me where Drew is, I’ll call the police. AMY (Hysterically ): Aunt Emily—I have to find Aunt Emily. ( Drapes open DREW (Violently ): Many people have slowly. AMY faces window .) Aunt tried to thwart my search before, and Emily, is that you? ( AMY backs away .) the police were of no use to them. I must I—I know somebody is there. Aunt find Jenny! I must! ( He shakes her .) Emily, please, say something! ( A dog’s There’s nothing you can do to prevent angry bark is heard. AMY screams, that. ( AMY stares at him intently. ) grasps her throat, falls behind sofa. Her screams trail off. JEREMIAH and AMY (Horrified ): Drew—you are Drew! SARAH enter right. They look around .)

DREW (Firmly ): I am Malcolm Chadwick. JEREMIAH (Nodding ): They have all gone. ( SARAH gasps, points behind AMY (Hysterically ): Malcolm Chadwick sofa. She quickly kneels, then after a has been dead for a hundred years! Oh, moment, stands up, holding a piece of Drew, don’t you recognize me? It’s me— material from AMY’s clothing .) Amy. This place has done something to you. Please, let’s get out of here. SARAH : She was attacked by some ani - mal. DREW : I will never leave. JEREMIAH : Those teeth marks on her AMY : You don’t know what you’re say - throat look to be those of a dog. ing. ( She tries to embrace him. ) SARAH : The hound, Sampson. He found DREW (Pushing her away ): It’s quite evi - her Aunt Emily, too. I saw her fall into dent you don’t want me to find Jenny. the gorge.

AMY : You don’t know anyone named JEREMIAH : Room 13 is vacant, once Jenny. You’re reliving a horrible legend again. All guests have checked out, and that ended a century ago. Drew, listen the Shades of Death Inn waits for more. to me. We’ll go away tonight. I’ll find (He stares out window, nods. Curtain ) someone to make you well. * * * SCENE 3 DREW : You would take me away from TIME : Evening, two weeks later. Shades of Death? ( She nods. ) Then you are my enemy, and I must deal with SETTING : Same as Scene 1. you. ( He walks to window, calls .) Sampson! Sampson! ( Barking is heard AT RISE : JEREMIAH stands center offstage. DREW turns .) Sampson will with TOM and HILLARY ALLEN. protect me. HILLARY looks around apprehensive - ly while TOM nods approval. AMY (Dully ): The dog was lost in the swamp. TOM : Yes, sir. This will do just fine.

DREW (Smiling ): He was lost to the HILLARY (Dubious ): Our honeymoon suite! world, but not to me. You might not be able to see him, but he will find you. ( He JEREMIAH : Not many people request steps through window, turns .) You will room 13.

16 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com TOM (Laughing ): I like to defy supersti - innkeeper denied that he had any tions. I think this room will get our guests during the past several months. marriage off to a lucky start. ( JEREMI - But I could see that several pages had AH shrugs, walks to door right, turns. ) been torn out of the book.

JEREMIAH : Good night—and pleasant HILLARY : He must be hiding something. dreams. ( He exits, closing door. ) According to my research, the people of Shades of Death are very superstitious. TOM (Waving at door ): Pleasant (She walks to window and opens dreams! ( Dryly ) That guy has quite a drapes. ) There’s the town beyond the sense of humor. gorge. ( TOM joins her .)

HILLARY : He’s a funny old coot. TOM (Looking out window ): And there’s Honeymooners, indeed! Do you think he Chadwick Manor, see it? suspects we’re not telling the truth? HILLARY (Nodding ): Yes. What a fan - TOM : Why, Hillary, even though I mar - tastic tale that is about Malcolm ried you three years ago, I feel as Chadwick. ( She closes drapes. ) And though it were yesterday. poor Jenny and Arthur. I wonder what happened to them. HILLARY (Mock irritation ): Oh, please! But seriously, do you think he knows TOM : Beats me. why we insisted on room 13? HILLARY : Do you think these diappear - TOM : I don’t know, but we had to take ances have something to do with some the chance if we’re going to solve this dark secret here? case and find Drew Bryant. TOM (Reciting ): Drew—Eliza—Amy. HILLARY (Nodding ): Didn’t his publish - There must be some clue to their where - er say that Bryant’s fiancée also stayed abouts. in this room? ( Looking around room for clues ) I wonder what it is about this HILLARY (Suddenly ): Oh, that’s terrible! place that causes people to just disap - pear? TOM : What’s the matter?

TOM (Joining her in search ): That’s HILLARY : Their names: Drew, Eliza, what we’re going to try to find out. Amy—Now, us: Tom, Hillary. Don’t you see? The initials of our names. ( Spells ) HILLARY (Dryly ): I still wish the police D-E-A-T-H! had been notified of Bryant’s disappear - ance. TOM : That’s a crazy coincidence. Besides, Amy Mason was here with her TOM : Alert Magazine can’t stand the Aunt Emily. She disappeared, too. negative publicity from something like this. Besides, we don’t know if anything HILLARY : But she only came along happened. because she didn’t want Amy to travel alone. She had no real stake in Shades HILLARY : Did you notice that we were of Death or the Chadwicks. ( HILLARY the only guests to have signed the reg - walks down center, pauses. ) Everything istration book? seems so strange. I’m getting a weird feeling about this place. It almost feels TOM : Elementary, my dear Hillary! The as if I’ve been here—and Chadwick

OCTOBER 2015 17 Manor—before. It’s all really creeping SARAH : Yes, yes—they were all here, me out. ( TOM joins her, takes her hand .) and now they’re gone. ( She points up center .) But he hasn’t gone, and he’ll TOM : Hey! Take it easy. There has to be destroy you! a logical explanation for the disappear - ances, and we’ll figure it out. We’re not TOM : Who will destroy us? called the best husband-wife detective agency in the tri-state area for nothing. SARAH : The spirit of Malcolm Chad- (Stops suddenly, points at carpet wick. He’s out there—searching for his behind sofa ) That’s funny. daughter, Jenny. Please leave now, before he claims you, too! HILLARY (Puzzled ): What? The carpet? TOM : We appreciate your concern, but TOM (Dropping to his knees ): Yeah, this we have a job to do here and we don’t section has been cleaned recently. believe in ghosts. We want to find out Someone worked pretty hard at it, too. what happened to Drew Bryant. Look at the difference in color. SARAH (Helplessly ): You really won’t HILLARY (Looking ): You’re right. And it leave? ( TOM shakes his head. SARAH seems they missed a spot. It looks like extends the twig to HILLARY .) Then rust. take this and keep it with you the whole time you’re here. It will protect you TOM (Nodding ): Or it could be— from the spirit of Malcolm Chadwick. (HILLARY takes twig and examines it. ) HILLARY (Shocked ): Dried blood! ( They stand .) Tom, someone had an accident HILLARY : If I’m not mistaken, this is in this room. Or, maybe it was murder! wolfsbane—a highly poisonous plant. (Knock on door is heard. TOM answers it. SARAH enters breathlessly. She car - TOM : Wolfsbane? Now, listen, Sarah, ries a twig with some dried leaves on it. we don’t believe in vampires and were - She furtively looks behind her, then wolves. closes the door .) SARAH : Have a care! ( To HILLARY ) TOM (Confused ): Can I help you? You must always carry the wolfsbane, or the night spirit will find you! ( She SARAH (Quickly ): My name is Sarah rushes up center, throws open drapes. and I work here. There isn’t time to JEREMIAH, carrying the lantern, is explain, but you have to leave here framed in the window. SARAH shrieks .) right away—tonight! JEREMIAH (Entering ): Sarah, you HILLARY : But we just got here. should be in the kitchen. These young people want their supper. SARAH : I’m giving you fair warning. There’s evil in this place. There have SARAH : Yes, yes, sir. ( She hurries right, been others who stayed in this very opens door, turns, glances pleadingly room. at HILLARY .) Have a care! ( She exits. )

TOM : You mean Drew Bryant and his JEREMIAH : Sarah is a faithful servant, sister? but a little strange at times. ( He taps his forehead .) HILLARY : And Amy Mason, Mr. Bryant’s fiancée. TOM (Nodding ): Oh, I see.

18 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com JEREMIAH : She was born and raised in slowly, touches her shoulder. She Shades of Death and she believes all screams, jumping to her feet .) the ancient tales of the place. HILLARY : Who—who are you? What are TOM (Quickly ): I think she wanted to you doing here? tell us something about the others who stayed in this room. DREW : Have you seen Jenny?

JEREMIAH : There’s nothing to tell. HILLARY (Retreating a step ): I don’t You’re the first guests in months. know anyone by that name.

HILLARY : That’s not true! We know that DREW (Loudly ): You’re like the others. Drew Bryant stayed here. ( The lantern You’re trying to keep Jenny from me! trembles in JEREMIAH’s hand. ) (He reaches out for her, but she side - steps him. Barking dog is heard off - TOM : And Amy Mason. stage. DREW cocks his head .) That is Sampson. He, too, is searching for JEREMIAH : You—you must be mistak - Jenny. en. ( He moves to door right. ) There are some things better left unexplained. It HILLARY : You’re insane! is not wise to trouble the unknown. (Exits. TOM moves quickly after him .) DREW : No, no! Oh, you’ll meet Samp- son, I’m sure. There was another young HILLARY : Where are you going? woman who stood in my way, but Sampson dealt with her, too. TOM : I’m going to follow him. I’ll force (HILLARY points to rug behind sofa, him to tell me the truth. and her eyes widen in horror as DREW nods. ) Yes, she is gone. HILLARY : Great! And I’ll help. ( TOM waves his hand .) HILLARY (Struggling for calm ): What did you have in mind? TOM : Oh, no. You’re not going to roam around these dark halls. DREW : There’s a swamp at the foot of the gorge. I’ll take you there. Then I can HILLARY : You’re not going to leave me search for Jenny for all eternity! ( TOM here, are you? enters right. He stands in doorway, transfixed .) TOM (Pointing to twig; wryly ): You have the wolfsbane. Nothing can hap - HILLARY : You have no right to deprive pen to you. Jenny of her happiness. You’re a wicked, evil old man. HILLARY (Uneasily ): I’d like to believe that. DREW : Jenny is my life.

TOM : I’ll be back as soon as possible. HILLARY : She has another life, too. A (He exits. HILLARY paces nervously. happy life with Arthur. She made her She sits on sofa and examines wolfs - decision, and there’s nothing you can bane. DREW, dressed as in previous do. You failed one hundred years ago— scene with beard and wig, enters and you’ll fail now! through window, unnoticed by HILLARY. He walks downstage, DREW : No, no! ( He grasps her throat, stands behind sofa. He reaches out but she raises her free hand above his

OCTOBER 2015 19 head and crumbles the wolfsbane. It TOM : And you weren’t afraid. You came falls on his head and shoulders. TOM face to face with the Shades of Death. watches in disbelief. DREW backs away, shielding his eyes .) HILLARY (Calmly ): I’ll never be afraid again. Sarah was right about the wolfs - HILLARY (Coldly ): Return to the swamp, bane. It warded off the evil spirits. ( She and let the night know peace again. sighs softly, as TOM takes her in his (DREW screams, reeling to window, arms .) and exits. His screams gradually trail off. Barking is heard, followed by flash TOM : Let’s leave this place tonight. of light outside window. TOM and HILLARY rush to window. ) HILLARY (Shaking her head ): No, noth - ing can harm us. We’re safe. We’re free TOM : He was on fire! He fell into the at last. ( She points out window .) And gorge with flames around him. Chadwick Manor is waiting. It’s our home, Arthur. ( She smiles. ) And we’ll HILLARY : And the dog was at his side. never leave it again.

TOM : I—I didn’t see a dog. TOM (Slowly, happily ): Yes, our home, Jenny—and we’ll be happy forever! HILLARY : It was there. I felt its pres - (They join hands and exit through win - ence. Yes, I remember the dog. Samp- dow. Curtain ) son. ( Weakly ) There are so many things THE END I remember now.

PRODUCTION NOTES Shades of Death

CHARACTERS : 3 male; 5 female. down right. At Rise, Room 13: Door at PLAYING TIME : 40 minutes. right leads to hall, exit left, to bedroom. COSTUMES : Modern, everyday dress. Exit up center is through French win - Drew changes into old-fashioned cloak dow with drapes. Wires attached to and wears gray wig and beard, and a drapes allow them to open from off - signet ring. stage. Desk and chair sit down right. PROPERTIES : Lantern, suitcases, laptop, On desk are laptop, legal pad, and pen - tray with covered dishes and teapot, cil. Table is up right; sofa sits down cen - towels, scrap of paper, small tattered ter. piece of cloth, twig with dried leaves, LIGHTING : Stage is dimly lit; flash of registration book and pen. light in Scene 3. SETTING : Shades of Death Inn. Before SOUND : Wind; dog barking and howl - Rise: Desk and registration book are ing; laughter.

AUTHOR’S NOTE There is a section of New Jersey with the eerie name of Shadow-of-Death. Barely an hour’s ride from New York, it is situated in a sheltered region of the Ramapo Mountains, and is a land steeped in superstition and legend. The inn which is the setting for this play is fictitious, but the legend of Jenny and her ill-fated lover is real enough. It is rumored that Jenny finally leaped off a mountain into the gorge below, an area now called Jenny-Jump.

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The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

This adaptation of Washington Irving’s story of Ichabod Crane and the Headless Horseman will have audiences on the edge of their seats! . . . Adapted by Carol D. Wise

Characters SETTING : Split stage. At left, an inn in the colonial town of Tarrytown, New STRANGER York. At right, Van Tassels’ home. INNKEEPER AT RISE HENDRICK : Lights go up left on HEN - DRICK, MEER, GROOT seated MEER around a small table drinking ale. GROOT INNKEEPER stands next to them, chatting. After a few moments, ICHABOD CRANE STRANGER enters left. BALTUS VAN TASSEL STRANGER : Goedemiddag . ( See Pro- HEDDA VAN TASSEL, his wife duction Notes for pronunciation of all KATRINA VAN TASSEL, their Dutch words throughout .) daughter INNKEEPER : Goedemiddag , Friend! GERTRUDA DE BOER Welcome to Tarry Town. GEROLT DE BOER, her husband STRANGER (Looking around ): I’ve EDITH DE BOER heard strange tales about this settle - FREDRIK DE BOER ment, although I must say, it looks pretty much like any other colonial JOSS VAN HOUTEN town to me. BROM “BONES” VAN BRUNT HENDRICK (Interested ): What kind of tales have you heard? TIME : Mid-1800’s. STRANGER : Oh, tall tales, I’m sure. The

OCTOBER 2015 21 name Tarry Town certainly does not MEER : Right in the middle of the road. seem particularly foreboding. His horse returned home without him. Poor creature was so distraught he laid GROOT : You’ll find us an amicable town. off oats for a month.

STRANGER (Ominously ): I must admit GROOT : It happened many years ago— that I experienced a bit of uneasiness 1790, I think. Washington Irving wrote when I passed through a secluded glen it all down in one of his stories. He lived about two miles from here. right here in Tarry Town.

INNKEEPER : Ah! You are referring to STRANGER : Of course, I’ve heard of Sleepy Hollow! Irving, but I never read his work.

STRANGER : Sleepy Hollow! That sounds INNKEEPER : He put this story—“The innocuous enough, but it was rather Legend of Sleepy Hollow”—in his book unsettling. The whole sky seemed to called The Sketchbook of Geoffrey grow darker, and there was a strange Crayon, Gent . Got a copy right here howling of the wind—and shadows. somewhere. ( Looks on bookshelf and holds up book ) Ah, here it is! HENDRICK, MEER, GROOT (Wide-eyed; together ): Shadows? HENDRICK : Friend—be prepared for nightmares! STRANGER : Formless shadows. But there was one that loomed above the others. GROOT : You’ll be believing in ghosts before he’s halfway finished the story. INNKEEPER (Gasping ): He’s seen the (INNKEEPER sits and begins to read .) Horseman! INNKEEPER : “In one of those spacious STRANGER : The Horseman? coves which indent the eastern shore of the Hudson, at that broad expansion of GROOT : Aye, the Headless Horseman. the river Tappan Zee, there lies a small The Galloping Hessian! We believe that market town which is generally known he was a German soldier killed here by the name of Tarry Town. This name during the Revolution. His body is said was given by the good housewives of the to be buried in our church yard. adjacent country from the inveterate propensity of their husbands to linger HENDRICK : Oh, you should hear the story about the village tavern on market days.” about the schoolmaster who came here to Tarry Town many years ago . MEER : Irving has a way with words, doesn’t he? GROOT : He was a fanciful fellow who was afraid of his own shadow. His head STRANGER : Indeed he does. was full of all kinds of stories about witches and goblins. GROOT : I don’t understand all of them —“the inveterate propensity of their STRANGER : What happened? husbands”—what’s that ?

INNKEEPER : Well, we don’t know for HENDRICK : Sh-h-h. Let Diedrick continue. sure, but—he’s gone. INNKEEPER (Reading ): “The dominant HENDRICK : Vanished. All he left behind spirit that haunts this enchanted were a smashed pumpkin and an old hat. region is the apparition of a headless

22 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com figure on horseback. It is said to be the HEDDA : Katrina is quite beautiful. She ghost of a Hessian trooper, whose head has been courted by many of the eligible had been carried away by a cannonball young men of Tarry Town. in some nameless battle during the Revolutionary War.” VAN TASSEL : Hedda, Katrina has an understanding with Brom Van Brunt. STRANGER : Ah, the Headless Horseman! HEDDA : Ah—Brom Bones! He’s much GROOT : Ask anyone in Tarry Town, and too wild for our delicate daughter! he can tell you about the Horseman. (Light fades left, comes up right. ) VAN TASSEL (Clearing his throat ): My * * * dear, I am afraid that it might be the SETTING : Home of Baltus Van Tassel. other way around.

AT RISE : VAN TASSEL is seated in a HEDDA (Indignant ): Baltus! Shame on chair by the “fire.” HEDDA is knitting. you! What will Mynheer Crane think? CRANE enters right, carrying bundled handkerchief and books. CRANE : I shall be delighted to meet your daughter, Mevrouw Van Tassel. CRANE (Bowing ): Crane, Mynheer, Ichabod (She smiles, returns to her knitting .) Crane. ( Bows to HEDDA ) Mevrouw. VAN TASSEL : You will find that Tarry VAN TASSEL (Rising to shake CRANE’s Town is quite different from Connecti- hand ): Ah, the new schoolmaster! Wel- cut. Our love of legends may seem a bit come to Tarry Town, Mynheer Crane. odd, but they are part of who we are. Forgive me for saying so, ( Laughs ) but Crane is a good name for you. CRANE : Oh, I am fascinated with leg - ends. I have studied them at length. CRANE (Good-naturedly ): So I have One of my favorite books is Cotton been told many times. With my height, Mather’s The New England History of small, flat head, and beak nose, I do Witchcraft . appear to be a close relative of the bird by that name. I was fodder for quite a VAN TASSEL (Ominously ): You will dis - bit of teasing in school when I lived in cover that our local stories are much Connecticut, but instead of dwelling on more terrifying—if you live here for my imperfections, I focused on my aca - very long. We have lost several school - demics. masters.

HEDDA : Are you single, Mynheer Crane? CRANE (Frowning ): Lost them?

CRANE : Why, yes, I am, Mevrouw Van HEDDA : Baltus! You are frightening Tassel. him. Just ignore him, Mynheer Crane. Tarry Town has no more tales than any HEDDA (Excited ): Do you hear that, other town. Baltus? ( To CRANE, excitedly ) We have a marriageable daughter. VAN TASSEL : You will enjoy room and board at the home of different students VAN TASSEL (Scolding ): Hedda! one week at a time. If you will gather Mynheer Crane does not need to be your possessions, I will see you to your troubled with such things. first home.

CRANE : Oh, on the contrary, I— CRANE (Holding up bundle and books ):

OCTOBER 2015 23 These are all my possessions. VAN TASSEL (Firmly ): The de Boers are expecting him. VAN TASSEL : You travel simply, Mynheer Crane. I admire simplicity. KATRINA (Shaking her finger at CRANE ): Watch out for that Edith de CRANE : Oh, yes, Mynheer. ( Looks Boer. She is a terrible flirt. around admiringly ) You certainly have a beautiful home. So spacious. Quite HEDDA : And her mother! ( Sighs with luxurious. You must be a wealthy man, disgust ) You won’t be able to get a word Mynheer Van Tassel. ( Licking his lips ) in edgewise. She only stops talking to I admire affluence. come up for air.

HEDDA (Scowling ): You will see little of KATRINA : You’ll be ready to leave her it in Tarry Town. Most of the folk are home within two days. frugal farmers. ( KATRINA enters left .) CRANE (Bowing ): I will keep that in KATRINA : Oh—excuse me, Papa, Mama! mind, Mevrouw Van Tassel. Dank je . I I didn’t know that we had company. hope to be seeing you again very soon. (KATRINA curtseys, smiles beguilingly. ) VAN TASSEL : Ah! Mynheer Crane, this is our daughter Katrina. Katrina, this is KATRINA : I will count on that, Mynheer. our new schoolmaster, Ichabod Crane. CRANE : Daag . ( Exits with VAN TAS - KATRINA (Curtseying ): I am delighted SEL. Light fades right, comes up left .) to meet you, Mynheer Crane. STRANGER : Sounds like Ichabod had CRANE (Bowing ): And I, you, Mevrouw taken a shine to Katrina. Van Tassel. ( Dramatically ) But soft, what light through yonder HENDRICK : Katrina and her money. window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. GROOT : Schoolmasters didn’t earn Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, much of a salary. Ichabod had to work Who is already sick and pale with grief. extra jobs for the farmers in the area just to be able to make ends meet. HEDDA (Clasping her hands together ): Oh, Mynheer Crane! You are a poet! STRANGER : Well, he was educated. Kat- rina must have been impressed by that. CRANE : No. Actually, Mr. William Shakespeare is. He is describing the MEER : Katrina, yes, but Brom Bones beautiful Juliet who captivated Romeo. would not have been thrilled about it.

KATRINA (Flirting ): And are you capti - STRANGER : Brom Bones? Oh, yes— vated, Mynheer Crane? Katrina’s beau.

VAN TASSEL (Clearing his throat ): MEER : Abraham Van Brunt was his Katrina, we must be going. I am escorting real name, but everyone called him Mynheer Crane to the de Boers’, where Brom Bones. he will be staying for the first week. HENDRICK : Apparently, they had an KATRINA : Oh, but Papa, why can’t he understanding. At least Brom thought so! stay here with us? ( Smiling ) I would take good care of him. GROOT : But Brom had been dragging

24 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com his feet as far as matrimony was con - JOSS (Joining in ): His elbows stick out cerned, and Katrina was beginning to like grasshoppers; he even carries his look elsewhere. ( Light fades left, comes whip like a scepter. When he rides, his up right. BROM, FREDRIK, and arms flap like a pair of wings. JOSS enter right .) FREDRIK : And Brom, no one can equal JOSS (Laughing ): What fun last night! your sense of humor—and practical jokes.

FREDRIK : Riding up and down the coun - BROM (Sulking ): I think Katrina’s play - tryside after midnight rousing the town ing with me, but she brightens up like a folk! I tell you, there’s nothing like it! candle when she sees Ichabod Crane. Brom, you certainly know how to have a He charms her with poetry and psalms. good time. He comes to her house to give her music lessons. She completely ignores me. JOSS : I can still hear the old nags cluck - ing: “There goes Brom Bones and his FREDRIK : Crane has all the women fawn - gang!” ing over him. Even my sister is smitten.

FREDRIK (Ominously ): Or was it the BROM : Edith is smitten with every man Headless Horseman? ( He and JOSS in Tarry Town! laugh .) FREDRIK (Laughing ): True. She is not BROM (Sighing ): Somehow it’s not as exactly a lady of discriminating taste. much fun as it used to be. (They all laugh. )

JOSS : Brom, you can’t let this school - JOSS : Crane woos them all with his master get the best of you. You could pretty words. flatten him with one blow. BROM : And flattery. It makes me gag. FREDRIK : Just look at him! He looks like a scarecrow who escaped from the corn - FREDRIK : You should see him work on field. You could have your pick of any our farm. He trips over his own big feet lass in the county. half the time! Clodhoppers!

JOSS : And you are a superior horseman. JOSS : Brom, you don’t have to worry Crane rides a broken-down plow horse. about Crane. Everyone knows that Even then, he has trouble keeping his Katrina really loves you. balance on him. BROM : I cannot compete with him in FREDRIK : What a pitiful beast—gaunt education and elegant manners. I don’t and shaggy with a head like a hammer; read books or recite poetry, but I will his mane and tail are tangled and knot - wait and watch for my chance to best ted with burrs; one eye is gone. him.

JOSS : And his name—get this—is FREDRIK : I am surprised that he’s last - Gunpowder. ed this long in Tarry Town. He’s terri - fied of our local folklore. I hear he goes FREDRIK : I tell you, Brom, you’ve got to into a frenzy every time he passes the see Crane mounted. He rides with short church yard. stirrups, which bring his knobby knees nearly up to the pommel of the saddle. BROM : He’s afraid of his own shadow. (Imitates CRANE ) There is only one reason that keeps him

OCTOBER 2015 25 here. Katrina. ( Smugly ) Perhaps we HEDDA (Glumly ): How fortunate for can help him change his mind. ( VAN Edith. TASSEL enters left with KATRINA .) EDITH (Giggling ): He did read me some VAN TASSEL : Ah, Brom, Fredrik, Joss! of Anne Bradstreet’s poetry. I love his You are here for the party! Make your - voice, don’t you? So rich and clear! selves at home. HEDDA : Oh, yes! He sings to Katrina all KATRINA : Brom! How nice to see you! the time! ( EDITH and GERTRUDA scowl .) His resonance is so majestic! BROM (Bowing ): Katrina. It has been a (Sighs ) I could listen forever. while. FREDRIK : I think he sounds like a hom - KATRINA : I’ve been busy. I’m learning ing pigeon, myself. poetry and music from Mynheer Crane. EDITH : Fredrik! BROM (Grumpily ): So, I’ve heard. JOSS (Laughing ): More like a peacock! KATRINA (Teasing ): I just love an edu - cated man, don’t you, Brom? BROM : Or a poppinjay!

BROM : You used to prefer a strong and EDITH : You boys are just envious that brawny man, Katrina. you lack Mynheer Crane’s erudition.

KATRINA (Laughing ): Oh, Brom! I think FREDRIK (Frowning ): Erudition? you are jealous! ( EDITH, GERTRUDA, and GEROLT enter right. ) EDITH : You don’t even know what that means, do you? A little more book learn - GERTRUDA : Katrina, Mynheer Van ing wouldn’t hurt you any, Fredrik de Tassel, Goedenavond . Boer.

KATRINA, VAN TASSEL : Goedenavond . FREDRIK : Ask me if I care. (HEDDA enters left .) GERTRUDA : All right, you two. Fredrik, HEDDA : Ah! More guests have arrived. not another word against Mynheer Baltus, why didn’t you call me? Crane. He has brought culture to Tarry (HEDDA greets others. ) Town, something that you young men could stand a little of. Now, we are all EDITH (Looking around ): Has Mynheer here for a party and should act accord - Crane arrived yet? ingly. No more bickering. I won’t have it!

GERTRUDA : Oh, that dear boy is such a GEROLT : Precisely! I came here to sam - treasure. He’s teaching me to sing. ple some of Mynheer Van Tassel’s ale and enjoy his fabulous spread, not to GEROLT (Muttering under his breath ): jibber-jabber about the new schoolmas - Really? Is that what you call it! ter.

GERTRUDA : Gerolt! For shame! ( To oth - VAN TASSEL : Exactly! ers ) Mynheer Crane comes to teach me several times a week, but I know that FREDRIK : Edith’s already planning their he is really coming to see Edith. He is wedding. It will be the social event of quite attracted to her, you know. the season!

26 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com EDITH (Blushing ): Oh, Fredrik! Myn- enjoy the party. We have spared no heer Crane has not spoken. expense.

KATRINA (Scowling ): It’s not likely that HEDDA : I have been baking all day. I he will! highly recommend the Kruidkoek.

VAN TASSEL (Sternly ): Katrina! May I GEROLT : By all means, let’s begin the remind you that these are our guests? festivities. Dames en heren ? ( Gestures to lead them off ) HEDDA : But Baltus, Mynheer Crane has practically proposed to K— BROM : Joss, Fredrik, and I will join you shortly. We’d like to stay and talk with GERTRUDA : I have it on good authority Mynheer Crane for a while. ( Puts his that Mynheer Crane has every inten - arm on CRANE’s shoulder ) tion of offering Edith— VAN TASSEL : Very well. KATRINA : Mynheer Crane is just being a gentleman, and he comes to your KATRINA (Shaking her finger at house because you pay him to do so. BROM ): Do not keep him too long.

EDITH (Smugly ): As do you, Katrina. EDITH (Sighing ): I am saving my first dance for Mynheer Crane. FREDRIK : He comes to all the houses to flirt with the girls and sample the free GEROLT : Edith! You must try to exercise food! some delicacy and restraint. ( VAN TASSELS, EDITH, GERTRUDA, and JOSS : He can gulp down a side of beef GEROLT exit .) and a fresh-baked apple pie in one sit - ting. BROM : Mynheer Crane—may I call you Ichabod? GERTRUDA : You could all take a lesson from his manners. You bashful bump - CRANE (Nervously ): If you wish. kins hang sheepishly back, envying his superior elegance and address. BROM : I don’t believe we’ve been offi - (CRANE enters right. ) cially introduced. I’m Abraham Van Brunt. You can call me Brom. This is CRANE : Goedenavond . Joss Van Houten, and you already know Fredrik de Boer. ( They nod .) GEROLT : Mynheer Crane! We were just You’re new in these parts, and I know discussing you! our ways may be a bit strange to you.

CRANE (Cheerfully ): All good observa - CRANE (Uncomfortable ): Well, yes, it’s tions, I hope! different from Connecticut. . .but there are certain aspects of it that are. . . EDITH (Flirting ): Of course! How could much better. ( Sighs ) anyone speak an unkind word about you, Myhneer Crane? ( BROM, BROM : Yes—about that. You know I FREDRIK, and JOSS shake their don’t hold much with book learning. heads in disgust. JOSS sticks his fin - ger in his mouth and pretends to gag .) JOSS : No kidding! ( Snickers but is silenced with a scowl from BROM ) VAN TASSEL : Come, let us all go in to

OCTOBER 2015 27 BROM : As I was saying, I don’t hold JOSS : Those ladies sure could run! ( He much with book learning—but the and FREDRIK pretend to hold up ladies around here have been charmed skirts and run bow-legged. ) I bet you by your education. could hear old lady Van Ripper scream - ing from six miles away. Does that CRANE : I am glad to hear it. Education woman have a set of pipes! is an important aspect of one’s future. FREDRIK (Laughing ): My mother BROM : But you should know that this swears she saw the Headless Horseman charm will be very short-lived. galloping away! Generally, women tend to be attracted to the surly, muscular kind of man. CRANE (Angrily ): Was it also a well- (Puffs out his chest ) meaning joke when you broke into the schoolhouse two nights ago and turned CRANE : I am sure that some may be everything topsy-turvy? My books and inclined to prefer that type—but cer - tablets were in the outhouse. tainly not all. FREDRIK : We had a lot of trouble BROM : No, Mynheer Crane, I am sorry squeezing everything in those tight to be the one to break it to you, but you quarters. are just a diversion. In time, the ladies of Tarry Town will again turn to the CRANE (Louder ): Was it a well-meaning rough and ready men of the town. joke when you had your dog baying out - However, I am not here to speak with side the window during the church you about all the ladies of Tarry Town. ladies’ singing lesson? No—just one. Katrina Van Tassel. You may not be aware of the fact that we are BROM : Bowser has a wonderful howl for engaged to be married. a hound dog. When he gets started, there isn’t a raccoon within twelve CRANE (Surprised ): Engaged! miles.

BROM : It’s as I said—you are a diver - CRANE (Boldly ): But the greatest indig - sion. I feel that as a gentleman, I should nation is the manner in which you make you aware of this fact. ridiculed me in Katrina’s presence— making fun of the way I walk and my CRANE : Humph! ( Stands up straight mannerisms. for courage ) I am afraid that “gentle - man” is not a word that comes to mind JOSS : Aw, Ich—where’s your sense of when I think of you, Mynheer Van humor? We’re just having a little fun. Brunt. ( Swallows nervously and takes a deep breath ) Just the other day, I CRANE : At my expense. ( KATRINA overheard you say that you would “dou - enters right .) ble the schoolmaster up, and lay him on a shelf of his own schoolhouse.” KATRINA : Brom, you have kept Myn- heer Crane much too long. I have been BROM : That was just a well-meaning waiting for him to ask me to dance. I joke. ( Laughs ) Harmless fun! hear that he can tread quite a measure.

CRANE (Growing bolder ): Was it also a CRANE (To KATRINA ): I’ve been well-meaning joke when you smoked known to be very light on my feet. out my singing school by stopping up (Gives a demonstration ) the chimney?

28 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com BROM (Grumpily ): I hope you dance more tening to their marvelous tales of gracefully than you ride your horse. ghosts and goblins, haunted bridges and haunted houses, and particularly of KATRINA : Brom, how can you be so rude? the Headless Horseman. I always look You need Mynheer Crane to teach you for these legendary specters when I ride some manners. ( Takes CRANE’s arm about the countryside late at night. and leads him off right. Light fades right and then comes up left .) GERTRUDA (Sighing ): Oh, you are such a brave man! I would never venture out STRANGER : I am surprised Ichabod in the countryside alone at night. stood up to Brom Bones like that. GEROLT : I think the Headless Horse- INNKEEPER : Love does strange things to man has more to fear from you than you a man. from him, my dear.

HENDRICK : Or love of money! GERTRUDA (Shaking finger at him ): Gerolt! You are being very naughty tonight. STRANGER : I can’t believe that Brom Bones would just stand by and let the KATRINA (Hugging CRANE affection - schoolmaster steal away Katrina. ately ): Have you ever seen the Headless Horseman, Mynheer Crane? HENDRICK : Actually, I don’t think he did. ( Lights fade and then come up CRANE (Smiling ): No, I have never right on KATRINA, HEDDA, VAN caught sight of him. TASSEL, CRANE, EDITH, GEROLD, and GERTRUDA. ) KATRINA : He’s been heard many times of late near the bridge that crosses the HEDDA : One of my favorite stories of woody dell right next to the church. Sleepy Hollow is the one about the woman in white. JOSS (Ominously ): You can’t miss it— T-lott. . .T-lott. . .T-lott. It’s deafening. GEROLT : I heard her myself last winter just before that big snowstorm. I was GEROLT : It is said that his horse has riding home late one night, and all of a been seen tethered among the graves in sudden, there was her piercing scream. the churchyard. ( BROM enters left with JOSS and FREDRIK .) CRANE : The woman in white? BROM : Don’t forget old Brouwer. ( All EDITH : She haunts the dark glen at gasp .) Raven Rock. You can hear her shriek on winter nights just before a storm. CRANE : Brouwer? Who is that?

CRANE : Do you know who she is—or HEDDA : A most heretical disbeliever in was ? ghosts.

HEDDA : No one knows her name, but CRANE : What happened to him? it’s said to be some lady who perished there in the snow many years ago. BROM : He met the Horseman returning from a foray into Sleepy Hollow and the CRANE : The folklore of Tarry Town fas - Horseman forced him to get up in the cinates me. I have passed long winter saddle right behind him. evenings with the old Dutch wives, lis -

OCTOBER 2015 29 CRANE : You don’t say! the Headless Horseman!

GERTRUDA : He must have been terri - BROM (Smugly ): You’ll be whistling a fied, poor soul! different tune one dark, starless night.

FREDRIK : They galloped over hill and KATRINA (Laughing ): Oh, Brom! Stop farms until they reached the church teasing Mynheer Crane. bridge. And then— BROM (Pulling her by the arm to left ): CRANE (Gasping in horror ): And then— May I have a word with you, Mevrouw what? Van Tassel? ( CRANE moves discreetly closer so that he can eavesdrop. Other VAN TASSEL : The Horseman turned guests resume their conversation. ) into a hideous skeleton, threw old Katrina, I cannot stand your ignoring Brouwer into the brook, and sprang me any longer. away over the treetops with a clap of thunder. KATRINA : Oh, Brom, you are behaving like such a child! You ought to be GEROLT (Smiling ): I suspect old ashamed of yourself standing off in the Brouwer may have had a bit too much corner sulking all evening. You haven’t to drink that night. danced with me one measure.

BROM (Cocky ): I’ve seen him. I was BROM : You seem only to have eyes for returning from a neighboring village that foolish scarecrow schoolmaster. when he overtook me. He offered to race me for a bowl of punch, and I should KATRINA : It’s you who are the foolish have won it too, but just as we came to one if you think I care two pins for that the church bridge, the Hessian bolted ridiculous man! ( CRANE appears crest - and vanished in a flash of fire. fallen .) I only flirted with him to make you jealous. FREDRIK : He’d be no match for you, Brom. BROM (Surprised ): You did?

KATRINA : Oh, Mynheer Crane, I trem - KATRINA : Of course, silly! You know ble to think of you riding by yourself so that you are the only one for me. We late at night. have an understanding—but you’ve been dragging your feet. GERTRUDA : You’re staying at the Van Rippers’ house this week, aren’t you? BROM : Marriage is a big commitment, but I’ll marry you tomorrow if it will get HEDDA : That’s all the way on the other rid of that prancing peacock. side of Sleepy Hollow. I wouldn’t dream of riding that far alone at night. KATRINA (Laughing ): It is all I can do to keep from bursting out in laughter CRANE : I admit it can become rather when I am around him, but I couldn’t eerie, but I subdue my terror by whist- let Edith de Boer believe that she had ling a little tune, and the fear subsides. won his attentions over me!

JOSS (To BROM ): He whistles a little BROM : Then you don’t care for him? tune! Did you hear that, Brom? KATRINA : Not a stitch! My heart FREDRIK (Mocking ): I bet that terrifies belongs to you, Brom Van Brunt!

30 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com (CRANE walks sadly back to the other HENDRICK : It’s clear he and his gang guests .) It always has. had something up their sleeves.

CRANE : Mynheer Van Tassel, I thank INNKEEPER : That is for you to decide. you for your kind hospitality, but I have Irving is not clear on what really hap - a long ride to the Van Rippers’ tonight, pened. ( Continues reading ) “Ichabod so I fear I must be on my way. left the party, quite crestfallen. He kept turning over the ghost stories that he EDITH (Sighing ): Oh, must you go? I had heard earlier, and by the time he was hoping you might sing some songs came to the church bridge, he had for us or recite some of your poetry. worked himself into a real terror.” (Light fades and it is pitch dark on GERTRUDA (Quickly ): Of course, he stage. Only CRANE’s two bright eyes should go! It is growing late, and there can be seen. Sounds of barking, hooting is no moon tonight. of owls can be heard, as well as the clip- clop of a horse. Suddenly there are JOSS : Yes, indeed! After all, we all know sounds of a faster horse .) the woods around Sleepy Hollow are haunted. CRANE (Gasping ): Who’s there? Who are you? I say—who’s there? What do FREDRIK : You can hear the howling of you want? Ah—uh—( Singing ) Yea, the dead as they arise from their graves though I walk through the valley of the at midnight. shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. (Terrified ) Who’s there, I say? Giddi-up, BROM : And the galloping of the Hessian Gunpowder! Gunpowder—move! ( One ghost racing across the countryside. spotlight on INNKEEPER, who contin - ues reading, as CRANE continues in JOSS : And the shrieks of the woman in the dark, encouraging his horse and white. breathing heavily .)

CRANE (Nervously ): I have stayed too INNKEEPER : “Ichabod quickened his long as it is. Daag , good people of Tarry steed, in hopes of leaving this midnight Town. companion behind. The stranger, how - ever, quickened his horse to an equal KATRINA : Ichabod—Mynheer Crane— pace. Ichabod pulled up, and fell into a are you all right? You sound so melan - walk, thinking to lag behind—the other choly. Why, only moments ago, you did the same. His heart began to sink were laughing and joking. within him. There was something in the stranger’s moody silence that was CRANE : I am fine, Mevrouw Van Tassel. appalling. It was soon fearfully account - Goedenavond . ( Light fades right and ed for. On mounting a rising ground, then comes up left .) which brought the figure of his fellow traveler in relief against the sky, gigan - STRANGER : Poor unhappy schoolmas - tic in height, and muffled in a cloak, ter. Ichabod was horrorstruck.” ( Lightning flashes on a headless body .) GROOT : It was cruel of Katrina to flirt and lead him on like that. CRANE : Oh! It's the Headless Horseman! Giddi-up, you worthless nag! Gunpow- MEER : And Brom Bones deliberately der! He's after us! Run, Gunpowder! terrified him for that long ride through Sleepy Hollow. INNKEEPER : “But his horror was still

OCTOBER 2015 31 more increased on observing that the whitewashed walls of the church dimly stranger’s head was carried before him glaring under the trees beyond. He rec - on the pommel of the saddle.” ollected the place where Brom Bones’s (Lightning flashes on a pumpkin .) ghostly competitor had disappeared.”

CRANE : What's that under his arm? His CRANE : If I can but reach that bridge, I HEAD? Ahhh!!!! ( INNKEEPER’s words am safe. are acted out as desired by CRANE, with appropriate sound effects .) INNKEEPER : “Just then he heard the black steed panting and blowing close INNKEEPER : “Ichabod’s terror rose to behind him; he even fancied that he felt desperation; he rained a shower of kicks his hot breath. Another convulsive kick and blows upon Gunpowder, hoping to in the ribs, and old Gunpowder sprang give his companion the slip, but the upon the bridge; he thundered over the specter started full jump with him. resounding planks; he gained the oppo - Away then they dashed, stones flying site side; and now Ichabod cast a look and sparks flashing at every bound. behind to see if his pursuer should van - Ichabod’s flimsy garments fluttered in ish, according to rule, in a flash of fire the air, as he stretched his long lank and brimstone. Just then he saw the body away over his horse’s head in the goblin rising in his stirrups, in the very eagerness of his flight. act of hurling his head at him. Ichabod “They had now reached that stretch of endeavored to dodge the horrible mis - the road which descends to Sleepy sile, but too late. It encountered his cra - Hollow, shaded by trees for about a nium with a tremendous crash—he was quarter of a mile, where it crosses the tumbled headlong into the dust, and famous church bridge. Gunpowder, who Gunpowder, the black steed, and the seemed possessed with a demon, goblin rider passed by like a whirl - plunged headlong downhill, but just as wind.” he had got halfway through the hollow, the girths of the saddle gave way, and STRANGER : Oh, what a tale! Ichabod felt it slipping from under him. He had just time to save himself by HENDRICK : I am terrified every time I clasping old Gunpowder ’round the neck hear it. Don’t read another word or I when the saddle fell to the earth. He had won’t be able to ride home tonight. I much ado to maintain his seat, some - always get a shiver when I pass that times slipping on one side, sometimes on bridge. another, and sometimes jolted on the high ridge of his horse’s backbone, with GROOT : And the church graveyard. a violence that he feared would cleave him asunder.” MEER : The company of ten men would not even reassure me. MEER : How terrified Ichabod must have been! STRANGER : Just tell me one thing. What do the people of Tarry Town GROOT : I would have just died from believe happened to Ichabod? fright on the spot. INNKEEPER : All we know is that the STRANGER : Hurry! You must finish the next day, Ichabod’s horse was found in story. his stable, shaken and wide-eyed. There was no sign of Ichabod Crane. Farmers INNKEEPER (Reading ): “An opening in searched throughout the countryside the trees now cheered him. He saw the but found nothing except the smashed

32 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com pumpkin and Ichabod’s crushed hat STRANGER : I suspect that Brom Bones lying on the roadside by the old bridge. may have been in the guise of the Headless Horseman, don’t you? STRANGER : What happened to Katrina and Brom? INNKEEPER : There have been some who were of that opinion, knowing Brom INNKEEPER : They married shortly and his love of practical jokes. thereafter. To all accounts they were very happy. MEER : What will become of Tarry Town? Visitors flock here for our folk - STRANGER (Standing ): Well, Friends, I lore, and the stories of the Headless must say that is a fascinating tale. Horseman. Ichabod Crane’s disappear - ance is the most popular tale. INNKEEPER : It’s a famous one around these parts. GROOT : What will the old farmers delib - erate when they sit around the fires in GROOT : Are you leaving, Mynheer? the early evening?

STRANGER : Yes, just passing through. HENDRICK : And what will drive their wives’ gossip as they sit at their spin - HENDRIK : You know, I don’t believe I ning wheels? caught your name, son. STRANGER : Friends, I have no wish to STRANGER : Crane, Mynheer, Yost Crane. retell what I have learned here. I only Ichabod Crane was my grandfather. came to quench my personal curiosity. My grandfather loved a good tale as OTHERS (Stunned ): Your grandfather ! much as the rest of you. As far as he was concerned, things worked out for STRANGER : That’s right. He married a the best. New York schoolmarm and they had twelve children. My father was the INNKEEPER : Oh, dank je , Mynheer Crane! youngest. My grandfather had never I will carry this secret to my grave. told me about the Headless Horseman or Katrina Van Tassel or Brom Bones, STRANGER : But I might add, there was but I knew that something terrible had an ominous foreboding when I passed the happened to him here. He mentioned glen by Sleepy Hollow earlier today. I the town only once, and thereafter know that I did not imagine it. There is whenever I asked him about Tarry something. . .a strange power that sur - Town, a look of unadulterated horror rounds the area. Goedenavond . ( Starts to would come over his face, and he would exit, then turns back ) I daresay it looks change the subject. I resolved to find like storm is coming. ( As he exits, loud out what had caused him such terror. shriek is heard in the distance .)

HENDRIK : So the Headless Horseman ALL : The woman in white! ( Lights didn’t spirit him away to the Nether- quickly out ) world? THE END (Production Notes on page 38 )

OCTOBER 2015 33 Radio Play (Middle & Lower Grades) Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

The Little Farmer Kindhearted but down-on-his-luck pea planter gets an unexpected surprise at the harvest celebration. . . . by Bruce Berger

BORIS : Whoa! You’re hard to see down Characters there. Have you been shrinking?

NARRATOR FRITZ : Nope. Still three foot three. And BORIS, the butcher always will be. Nothing seems to grow well on my farm. FRITZ, the farmer WANDA BORIS : So no crops for Lord Malcolm’s Market Day Celebration? WILMA wandering washerwomen FRITZ WENDY : I do have some pretty peas to peddle. Would you like some split pea THREE BLIND MICE soup? LORD MALCOLM BORIS : Why split pea? No whole peas LADY FRIEDA left?

FRITZ : I split the peas with the mice. NARRATOR : Once long, long ago there lived a frail little farmer. Although all BORIS : Mice on the farm? You can get the other farmers found fortune from rid of them with a cunning cat, and fabulous harvests, Fritz the farmer you’ll double your yield. struggled with poor production of crops. As Lord Malcolm’s Market Day Celebra- FRITZ : I feel sorry for them. There are tion approached, he faced another fall only three left, and they’re blind. failure. BORIS : Three blind mice? BORIS : Fritz? Fritz? Where are you, my little friend? FRITZ : Well, good help is hard to find.

FRITZ : I’m right here, Boris. BORIS : Any livestock for me to butcher?

34 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com FRITZ : I do have three quail. WILMA : And you say no other farmhands have a hand to spare? BORIS : Not exactly a herd. That’s not much to go on. FRITZ : No, they’re pretty selfish with their time. FRITZ : Well, I just watch my few “p’s” and “q’s.” WENDY : I should turn them into warthogs! BORIS : Your “p’s” and “q’s” are not too good. You’d better start working with FRITZ : Warthogs? other letters. WANDA : Oh, uh, she means wash dogs . FRITZ : Success shines on troubled times. We are washer women for hire. Clean clothes, and, uh— BORIS : Oh, yeah? Well, fate frowns on the fellow with a frayed fanny pack. WILMA : Dogs and hogs. Wendy, lay off the ( Spelling ) M-A-G-I-C talk. FRITZ : Hey, that’s where I carry my gar - dening tools! WANDA : Can you really help us fix our wagon wheel? BORIS : Goodbye, Fritz. I’ll see you tomorrow at the celebration. FRITZ : I have three hardworking helpers. Markie, Marco, Morrie— NARRATOR : Rambling down the road came a wobbly three-wheeled wagon WENDY : They’re mice! carrying three wandering washer - women. ( Cracking sound ) FRITZ : Yes, but worthy in work ethic, even though they are blind. Boys, a job WANDA : Oh, fiddlesticks! Wilma, that’s for you. This wagon wheel is broken. the third broken wagon wheel this Can you repair it PDQ? month. MICE : Yeah! ( Sound of hammering and WILMA : I think we’ve run out of spares. sawing )

WENDY : And we’re due in Slippery FRITZ : They’re very careful and consci - Falls in three days. entious and—

WILMA : Maybe somebody here in this WILMA : They’re working on the wrong tinsel town can lend a hand. wheel!

WANDA (Calling out ): Yo, farmer folk! FRITZ : Fellas, that wheel is fine. It’s this Can anybody help out three weak wan - one over here. dering washer women with a wounded wagon wheel? ( Men’s laughter is MICE : Ooooo! ( Hammering and sawing heard. ) What is this, a comedy club? continue )

FRITZ : Sorry, ladies. The farmers FRITZ : Ladies, can I offer you something around here aren’t too helpful. But I’ll to eat—some hot pea soup, perhaps? help with your wagon woes. WANDA : Thank you. That would be WANDA : You? Uh, no offense, but this is lovely. ( Slurping sounds ) kind of a tall task.

OCTOBER 2015 35 WILMA : This is delicious! mighty mouse! That’s my leg you’re hammering. The wheel’s over there. FRITZ : You really like it? MOUSE : Oooops! WENDY : Well, it does needs a little salt. Maybe some carrots, too. You got any WILMA : You know, that little farm guy ham to throw into the pot? could sure use our help.

WILMA : Ignore her. It’s fantastic. WANDA : What? Now both of you wish to Listen, kind farmer, all the other farms flirt with magical disaster. are flourishing well, but yours is, uh— WILMA : Come on, Wanda. He’s such a FRITZ : A failure! Nothing grows too well sad little sack of peashells. It would on my land—except peas. Tomorrow is only take a small spell. the harvest celebration, and I fear I have only a meager amount of produce WENDY : Sure. We’ll sprinkle a full to enter in the contest. moon measure of miracle grow.

WANDA : All these rich farmers are too WANDA (Hesitantly ): Well— busy to help you out of your rut? WENDY : And warthog wishes on all the FRITZ : When you’re fiercely focused on rest. your own fortune, there is little time left for the failure of others. My fellow WANDA : No warthogs! All right, let’s farmers are sort of afraid of bad witch - hurry up before he returns. Let’s give es as well. There have been some rotten the standard full moon miracle grow experiences with them here. spell for his farm tonight. Join hands.

WENDY : There’s no such thing as a bad WILMA, WANDA, WENDY (Together ): witch—just a girl with a bad haircut! Harvest moon, oh harvest moon, We ask you hear our heartfelt boon. FRITZ : Uh—er, uh—oh, yeah. Hey, let Sprinkle your miracle grow on the me get some food for your, uh, those are farm. . . three horses, aren’t they? Of the little fellow that does no harm.

WENDY : They’re unicorns. Got any honey FRITZ (Returning ): Hiho. Look! The crème scones and nectarine nectar? mice are all finished with your wheel.

FRITZ : Sorry. Fresh out. I only have oats WILMA : Whoa! Those mice work fast. and water. FRITZ : You should see how they run. WANDA : That’ll work fine. Here’s some oats and water for your sturdy steeds. FRITZ : I’ll be back in a jiffy. WANDA : It will give Wendy something WANDA : Wendy, you gotta put a lid on to munch on during our journey. the witch and magic chatter! Have you forgotten what happened in Hooper- FRITZ : You are welcome to spend the ville? night here.

WENDY : All right. Point taken. WANDA : No, no, little farmer. Your (Hammering is heard close by. ) Hey, kindness never ceases, but we must

36 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com make haste. We have a celebration of FRITZ : Down here. I am Fritz the our own that we must attend. farmer.

WENDY : Farewell. And cheer up. MALCOLM : Whoa! You’re really little.

WILMA : Good fortunes may sprout up LADY FRIEDA : Oh, I don’t know, Uncle in the bright light of a new day. Malcolm. He looks just the right size to me. What are you, little farmer? Three NARRATOR : A golden misty moonglow foot three? blanketed the small farm as night fell. The friendly Fritz slept as he never had FRITZ : Why, yes! You size up people before, in serene slumber. As the light well, my ladyship. of dawn crept into the house, the little farmer awoke to the sweetest surprise FRIEDA : Easy to see! That’s the same that ever befell his eyes. size as me!

FRITZ : Oh, my stars and moons! Markie, BORIS : Yikes! Small world. Marco, Morrie. Come quick, boys. These peas are the size of watermelons! Get MALCOLM : So, farmer Fritz, you wish the harvest wagon filled! Market Day to enter your watermelons here? I am Celebration, here we come! afraid someone else’s watermelons were far larger than yours. MICE : Yipppee! FRITZ : No, your lordship. I wish to enter BORIS : Fritz, my friend, are you bring - my homegrown peas. ing balloons for the festival? MALCOLM : Peas! Why, these are huge! FRITZ : No, this is just a sampling of the bumper crop of my peas. BORIS : And they make a superior soup.

BORIS : All from last night? FRITZ : Here. Try some, my Lord and Lady. FRITZ : Saved the best for last. FRIEDA : Mmm! This is fantastic! BORIS : Let’s get your crop to the judging stand. MALCOLM : Needs a little salt. . .or car - rots. Do you have any ham? NARRATOR : As Fritz and Boris rushed the colossal peas to the judging stand, FRIEDA : Oh no, Uncle. This is just perfect. Lord Malcolm was announcing the win - ner. MALCOLM : Little farmer, you possess prizeworthy peas! Do you have any LORD MALCOLM : If there are no addi - more on your farm? tional entries for the grand prize of best produce of the fall season, my darling FRITZ : I think about three thousand. niece Frieda shall present— MALCOLM : Three thousand! That BORIS : Wait! There is another amazing would feed all the people on our manor. entry. BORIS : For at least three years. MALCOLM : Where is this entry? FRITZ : It would be an honor and privi -

OCTOBER 2015 37 lege to care and share, my lord. PRODUCTION NOTES MALCOLM : I proclaim Fritz the farmer The Legend of Sleepy Hollow the Produce Prince of Market Day. And (Play on pages 21-33 ) further, my friend, I offer you the offi - cial title as Supervising Chef of our CHARACTERS : 9 male, 4 female, 2 male realm. Just sign this contract to seal or female for Stranger and Innkeeper. the deal. PLAYING TIME : 30 minutes. COSTUMES : Mid-19th century dress. BORIS : Be careful to dot the “t’s” and Check online for costume ideas and cross your “i’s”. images. PROPERTIES : Tankards; book; knitting; FRIEDA : Would you like a little kitchen bundled handkerchief and books; helper, Fritz? pumpkin head. SETTING : Split stage. At left, an inn in FRITZ : The best comes at last. the colonial town of Tarrytown, New York. There is a round table with sev - MALCOLM : No, little farmer. The best eral chairs around it. Book shelf is is yet to come. Assemble for the Royal nearby. At right, Van Tassels’ home, Race! with fireplace (may be a painted flat), a few chairs and a table. Later, when FRITZ : I am going to enter my three Ichabod takes his fateful ride, pursued blind mice, Lady Frieda. by the Headless Horseman, the stage is in darkness. MICE : Yeah! LIGHTING : Light fades and comes up, as indicated, and when Ichabod takes FRIEDA : Oh, they’re so cute. his fateful ride, pursued by the Headless Horseman, the stage is in FRITZ : Wait ’til you see how they run. darkness. In addition, two spots high - light Ichabod’s eyes, wide open in ter - MALCOLM : On your mark. Get set. Go! ror. Lightning flash. SOUND : Barking, owl hooting, horses’ FRIEDA : Wow! Look at them go—but in hoofbeats, thunder, woman’s shriek. the wrong direction!

FRITZ : Well, maybe next year. DUTCH WORDS Daag (dakh) — goodbye NARRATOR : In years to come, the Dames en heren (DAH-muss in HEAR- friendly farmer enjoyed his new title en) — ladies and gentlemen and taught the other farmers lessons in Dank je (DUNK ya) — thank you caring and sharing. As for Lady Frieda Goedemiddag (KHOO duh midakh)— and Fritz, their friendship grew as good afternoon large as his peas. Goedenavond (KHOO dun AH fohnt)— THE END good evening, good night Mynheer (mine HERE) — mister Mevrouw (muh FROW) — Mrs. or Miss

38 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Lower Grades Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

Giving Up the Ghosts

Friendly ghouls find they’re a bit rusty when it comes to scaring Halloween trick-or-treaters. . . . by Bunny Schulle

Characters SPOOKY : Very un funny. What makes you think this night will be any differ - SPOOKY ent from the rest? They never knock on ghosts our door. They never come near our BOO house. They think it’s haunted.

COBY, trick-or-treater BOO : Well, duh! But remember last CARLEE, his sister year? A boy came up the front steps— TRICK-OR-TREATERS, extras SPOOKY : Yes, and screamed, “Trick or treat!,” then ran like the wind without even ringing our doorbell. TIME : Halloween night. BOO : But this year might be different. SETTING : Outdoors. A full moon shines Maybe a braver girl or boy will come, on a darkened stage. Bench is right. and if we could just get them in the house, think of the fun we’d have scar - AT RISE : BOO is center, jumping up and ing ’em! down, while SPOOKY stands on bench. SPOOKY : Dream on, Boo. Besides, none SPOOKY (Peering left with a hand of the children would ever come inside cupped over his eyes ): I don’t see them. a spooky old house without a grown- I don’t hear them. This will be just like up. The best we can hope for is scaring any other night. Dull. them right here, outside.

BOO : It’s Halloween! ( He stops jumping BOO (Running left ): Listen! Do you and runs over to SPOOKY .) This is the hear that? Children are coming! night I’ve been waiting for! Come on, Spooky, you’ve got to get in the spirit of TRICK-OR-TREATERS (Offstage ): Trick it—ha, ha! Get it? Spirit? or treat! Trick or treat!

OCTOBER 2015 39 SPOOKY : They’re here in our neighbor - chance! ( CARLEE and COBY sit on the hood? Real, live children? Oh, what a bench, placing their bags of candy on thrill! ( He jumps down from the bench .) each side. )

BOO : Shh! Don’t scare them away. CARLEE (Taking off shoes ): My feet hurt. Mom was right. . .I should have SPOOKY : You know they can’t hear us worn sneakers. Let me see what you or see us. got. Maybe we can trade—my caramels for your chocolates. BOO : They’re coming closer! ( Costumed TRICK-OR-TREATERS enter left, BOO (Moving COBY’s bag a foot away walk slowly right and stop along the and laughing softly ): Watch this! way to pantomime ringing doorbells and knocking on doors at rear of stage. ) COBY (Reaching for his bag ): That’s weird. I know I put this right next to TRICK-OR-TREATERS (Ad lib ): Trick or me. treat! Oh, thank you! Hey, she gave you more candy than she gave me. No CARLEE : If you don’t want to trade, just one’s home here. But look at all the say so. candy they left by their door! ( They stop in back of the bench and stare at SPOOKY (Taking a handful of candy the rear of right stage. ) Don’t go near out of CARLEE’s bag and tossing it on that house. I think it’s haunted. I don’t the ground ): This ought to scare them! believe that stuff. But it’s getting late. Eight o’clock! I promised I’d be home COBY (Seeing CARLEE’s candy on the by now. Let’s go. We have enough ground ): Carlee! What are you trying candy. ( Etc . They all walk off right. to do? Hide your best candy from me? BOO and SPOOKY shake their heads sadly .) CARLEE (Angrily ): I didn’t touch it! ( She pauses .) But wait a minute, you didn’t BOO : There they go. Our only chance to either! You didn’t move from where scare anyone on Halloween is gone. you’re sitting. Oh, Coby, isn’t that the haunted house in back of us? I’m SPOOKY : We might as well go back scared! inside. ( COBY and CARLEE enter left, dragging large bags full of candy .) COBY : Don’t worry, I’ll protect you— hic ! BOO (Excitedly ): Look, Spooky! More children! CARLEE (Accusingly ): So! You’ve got the hiccups! You always get them when SPOOKY : Don’t get your hopes up. you’re scared. They’ll just walk by like the others. COBY : Well, maybe I am just a tiny bit. CARLEE (Yawning ): I’m tired. We have You’ll have to— hic !—make me laugh enough candy. Let’s go home. to get over them— hic !

COBY : O.K., but first I want to go CARLEE : I wish you were like other peo - through our bags and see what we ple, and had to get the hiccups scared have. Then, if we hurry we can catch out of you. That would be easy. I can’t up to the others. think of anything funny right now.

BOO (Excitedly ): Spooky, this is our BOO (To SPOOKY ): What a weird kid!

40 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com SPOOKY : He gets hiccups when he’s And it’s not the way to scare me, either. frightened, and they stop when he You could have been more original! laughs? Well, we won’t give him a chance to get rid of them. COBY : I’ve got to give you credit for being sneaky. I never even saw you BOO : He’ll be hiccupping every second take that shoe off the ground— hic ! before we’re through with him. Come on—a-haunting we will go! ( Going CARLEE (Angrily ): Cut it out! I told you down the scale in a shaky voice ) I wasn’t falling for it. ( CARLEE picks Ooooooooooo! up her other shoe and puts it on. She and COBY stand up and take a few SPOOKY : They can’t hear us, you fool. steps away from the bench, looking in (BOO stalks around CARLEE and opposite directions .) COBY, waving his arms menacingly. SPOOKY rolls his eyes .) They can’t see BOO (To SPOOKY ): As you were say - us, either, Boo! ing. . .you were going to show me how to scare them? BOO : But they can feel us! ( Gets behind COBY and tickles his ribs. CARLEE SPOOKY : Can I help it if they’re blam - has turned her head away from ing each other for our pranks? I sup - COBY. ) pose you can do better.

COBY (Laughing ): Good try, Carlee— BOO : Maybe I can. ( BOO reaches into hic !—but it didn’t work. CARLEE’s trick-or-treat bag and takes out a handful of candy, dumping it on CARLEE : What are you talking about? bench. As children look the other way, BOO pokes COBY and CARLEE on COBY : As if you didn’t know— hic ! their backs to make them turn around .)

CARLEE : I wish you wouldn’t try to con - COBY : How did that— hic !—candy get fuse me when I’m so scared. there? Hic !

COBY: Let’s go. Maybe you can tell me CARLEE : Oh, Coby—let’s get out of a joke on the way home and make me here! laugh. BOO : Now, that’s more like it. I’ve ter - CARLEE (Picking up one shoe ): Great rified ’em. idea. ( She looks down, tying her shoe. COBY looks the other way .) COBY (Suddenly laughing very loud ): That’s really funny! You put some of SPOOKY : Watch this, and maybe you’ll your candy on that bench when I was - learn how to really scare people. ( He n’t looking to make me think a ghost’s takes CARLEE’s other shoe and drops left a treat for us! Ha ha! Well, thank it behind the bench .) you very much! I’ll take all I can get. (COBY scoops candy into his bag, un- COBY (Hiccuping and then laughing ): wrapping one and popping it into his Ho, ho—very funny! Dropping your mouth .) Mmm, and thanks for giving shoe behind my back may be your idea me your favorite. I didn’t think you’d of a joke, but— hic !—it’s not the way to part with the chocolate toffee bar! cure me. CARLEE (Looking in her bag ): What a CARLEE (Looking at COBY suspiciously ): dirty trick! You took almost all my

OCTOBER 2015 41 candy, and tried to scare me into CARLEE : This was the best Halloween thinking a ghost did it! I’ve ever had. ( She takes COBY’s arm and they walk regally off left .) COBY : Still trying to fool me? Well, I won’t be mad at you, because my hic - BOO : It was the worst Halloween for cups are gone! See? You cured me by me. We finally got kids near our house making me laugh so hard. Thanks, sis. and they were unhauntable.

CARLEE : If you’re really grateful, give SPOOKY (Slowly turning toward back me back some of that candy you of stage ): Ho-hum! Might as well go swiped. home and clean my room, for it’s just another boring night for me. COBY : O.K., I’ll be a good sport, since you both tricked and treated. ( He puts BOO (Hanging his head ): Boo-hoo! some candy back in her bag .) SPOOKY : Who, Boo? Or what? Are you CARLEE (Under her breath ): And you crying? only tricked! BOO : I so wanted a ghostly Halloween! BOO (Exasperated ): I can’t believe these kids! They’ve ruined our SPOOKY : What you got was a ghastly Halloween fun. We even laughed the Halloween. boy out of his hiccups. BOO (Sighing ): Maybe it’s time we gave COBY : Let’s catch up with the other up the ghost. ( Quick curtain ) kids and tell ’em that we sat in front of the haunted house! They’ll never THE END believe us.

PRODUCTION NOTES Giving Up the Ghosts

CHARACTERS : 1 male; 1 female; 2 male wear Halloween costumes. or female for Spooky and Boo; male PROPERTIES : Trick-or-treat bags; and female extras for trick-or-treaters. Halloween candy. PLAYING TIME : 10 minutes. SETTING : Outdoors. A bench is right. COSTUMES : Ghosts wear sheets with LIGHTING : Full moon on dark stage. holes cut out for eyes. Trick-or-treaters SOUND : No special effects.

Remains (Play on pages 2-7 ) CHARACTERS : 2 male. the front of a house with porch and PLAYING TIME : 15 minutes. working front door and doorbell. If COSTUMES : Modern, everyday dress. desired, there are two chairs on the William puts on a police jacket with porch. badge late in the play. LIGHTING : Bright sun at beginning; PROPERTIES : Badge that’s been badly fade at end. bent, beat-up. SOUND : Doorbell. SETTING : Brooklyn. Backdrop shows

42 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Middle Grades Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!

A fun spoof of the Aesop fable: What happens when boy shouts “Wolf!” one too many times? Leave it to the sheep to know what to do. . . . by Thomas Hatton

Characters ESMERELDA ESMERELDA : Well, another day out to GERTRUDE sheep pasture. I sure hope it’s quiet today.

HARRIET GERTRUDE : That wolf has been around lately. I hear he carried off three sheep FRED from the south pasture yesterday. FATHER HARRIET : True, true. It could have hap - WOLF pened to us. It’s got me so nervous my wool’s starting to unravel. FARMERS, extras ESMERELDA : They’re posting a guard over us today. TIME : Morning . HARRIET : Don’t get your hopes up. It’s SETTING : A pasture. Backdrop shows only that kid, Fred. rail fence, grass, and sky. Large rock is center. Rail fence runs left to right GERTRUDE (Anxiously ): Oh, no, not across middle of stage. Gate is painted Fred! He doesn’t even know what a on center of fence. wolf looks like.

AT RISE : Stage is empty. ESMERELDA HARRIET : He’s the only one they can enters right. GERTRUDE and HARRI - spare. The farmers are all out working ET enter left. All stand behind fence. in the fields. ( FRED and FATHER enter right, in front of the fence. ) ESMERELDA : Good morning, Gertrude. Morning, Harriet. FATHER (As they walk toward center ): All right, Fred ( Gestures toward GERTRUDE and HARRIET : Morning, sheep ), these are the sheep you are Esmerelda. supposed to guard.

OCTOBER 2015 43 FRED : Oh, I know these sheep, Dad. you have any questions? They’re my friends. We’ve had a lot of long talks. FRED : Well, I do have one. This wolf I’m supposed to be watching for, what’s it FATHER : Fred, you just have to get over look like? I’ve never seen a wolf. the idea that the animals talk to you. Animals can’t talk to human beings. FATHER : Here, I’ll show you. ( Takes pic - ture out of his pocket ) This is a picture FRED : But these sheep talk to me, Dad. I drew just for you. ( Holds up picture Really, they do. and points to it ) Now, notice, pointed ears, long black nose, sharp teeth, and FATHER : I haven’t time to argue. Now he howls like this. ( Howls ) This is your just to be sure, tell me one more time basic wolf. ( FRED takes picture from what you’re supposed to do. FATHER .) Now, keep a sharp lookout. I’ve got to go work in the fields with the FRED (Impatiently ): But we’ve gone others. over it again and again. All right. . .I sit here watching these three sheep. If FRED (Looking closely at picture ): Don’t the wolf comes, I blow this whistle worry about a thing, Dad. I’m ready for (Holds up whistle ) and yell, Wolf! Wolf! him. ( FATHER exits right. FRED sits Wolf! Then you and the other farmers on rock. Sheep walk forward .) come and catch the wolf. Do I have it right? I don’t know why I can’t just HARRIET : Hi, Freddy. How’s it going? send you a text message. FRED : Hello, Harriet. Hi, Gertrude. Hi, FATHER : You know reception can be Esmerelda. It’s going great. I just got really bad in these hills. So, just for my this cushy job. All I have to do is sit piece of mind, let me see you whistle. here and watch for the wolf. Go on. Let’s say the wolf’s here (Gestures ) and starts to grab a sheep. GERTRUDE (Anxiously ): Do you really What do you do? think you can handle the wolf, Fred? He’s pretty sly. FRED : I blow the whistle like this. (Blows whistle three times ) and then I FRED (Indignantly ): Of course, I can shout, “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!” ( FARMERS handle the wolf. There’s nothing to it. immediately rush in right. They carry You girls just tend to the wool growing rakes, shovels, and hoes .) and leave the guard duty to me.

FARMERS (Ad lib ): Where’s the wolf? ESMERELDA : O.K., if you say so. Don’t Get him! Don’t let him get away! ( Etc .) get huffy about it. ( Sheep drift away, grazing. WOLF enters left, inside the FATHER : Hold it, guys! There’s no wolf! fence .) This was only a test to see if Fred could be trusted to guard the sheep. ( FARM - WOLF (To FRED ): Hello, there, friend. ERS exit, muttering .) Nice sheep you have here.

FARMERS (Ad lib ): Only a test. No wolf. FRED : Thanks, stranger. Say, how’d Can’t get any work done. ( Etc .) you get inside the fence?

FATHER (To FRED ): That was fine, WOLF : Oh, it’s not hard to climb if Freddy. You did very well. I guess I’ve you’re terribly hungry—er, I mean, ter - misjudged you. Now, before I leave, do ribly athletic like me.

44 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com FRED (Looking hard at WOLF ): Say, HARRIET (Aside, anxiously ): Don’t lis - you look familiar, somehow. ( WOLF ten to him, Fred. He’s trying to trick leans on gate across from FRED. you. SHEEP, who have been nudging each other and pointing at WOLF, come for - FRED (Aside ): Oh, be quiet, Harriet. ward .) What do you know? You’re just a sheep. ( To WOLF ) I guess you’re not EMSERELDA (Whispering ): Pssst. Fred! the wolf after all.

FRED (Ignoring her ): I’m sure I’ve seen WOLF : Good thinking, Fred. Just out of you somewhere. curiosity, though, what would happen if you did blow your whistle and yelled? WOLF (Smoothly ): I can’t figure that out. I’m new in these parts. FRED : My father and the other farmers would come and catch the wolf. HARRIET (Aside, whispering ): Fred. . . WOLF : You’re kidding. FRED : Quiet, Harriet. ( To WOLF ) My name’s Fred, stranger. What’s yours? FRED : No, I’m not. They really would.

WOLF (Quickly ): Uh, Lupus. Abner J. WOLF : I bet they wouldn’t. Lupus. FRED : You don’t have to take my word GERTRUDE (Whispering ): Listen to me, for it, Mr. Smarty. I’ll show you. ( He Fred. That’s the wolf. Lupus means blows whistle three times, then shouts .) wolf in Latin. Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! ( WOLF runs and hides behind rock. FATHER and FRED (Aside to GERTRUDE ): Wolf? FARMERS rush on right, brandishing Are you sure? Let me get my picture. their rakes, shovels, and hoes in the air, (Takes picture from pocket ) Hm-m. and yelling .) Pointed ears, long nose, sharp teeth. (Staring at WOLF ) You look an awful FARMERS (Ad lib ): Where’s the wolf? lot like a wolf, stranger. Get him! Get the wolf! ( Etc. They stop, and look around uncertainly .) WOLF (Protesting ): A wolf? Me? Now, Fred, be reasonable. ( With a sinister FATHER : Well, Freddy, where’s the laugh ) If I were a wolf, what would be wolf? going on right now? FRED : Uh, there is no wolf, Dad. I was FRED (As if thinking aloud ): Well, let’s just practicing. see. You’d probably be trying to carry off a sheep, and I’d be blowing my FATHER (Irritated ): But we already ran whistle and yelling. through the whole routine, Fred.

WOLF : Well, am I stealing a sheep, and FRED : I know, Dad, but I wanted to are you blowing your whistle? prove a point to my friend here that (Looking around ). . .that’s funny. FRED : No. Where did he go?

WOLF : Then I can’t be the wolf, right? FATHER : Who? I don’t see anyone. Now, let me tell you something. The farmers FRED (Slowly ): Sounds logical, but. . . and I are busy people. We’ll come run -

OCTOBER 2015 45 ning when you call, but ( Yells ) do not— FRED : Of course, they’d come. repeat— do not blow that whistle or yell unless you really see the wolf! Do you WOLF : I’ll bet you a dinner they still have the picture I gave you? wouldn’t.

FRED : Yes, sir. ( Holds up picture ) FRED (Sighing ): All right, if you really need to be convinced, I’ll prove it to you FATHER : Good. Now, if you see a crea - again. ( Blows whistle three times and ture like that with pointed ears, a long shouts ) Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! ( WOLF runs face, and sharp teeth, and he howls, behind rock. FATHER and FARMERS then you call us. Not before, O.K.? rush on right, yelling ad lib, as before .)

FRED : Right, Dad. ( Puts picture in FATHER (Angrily ): Well, Fred, where’s pocket ) the wolf?

FATHER : Good. ( To FARMERS ) Come FRED : Uh—er—no wolf yet, Dad. It was on, guys. Let’s get back to the fields. It only another test. was only a test, after all. ( FATHER and FARMERS exit, muttering as before .) FATHER (Furiously ): I can see that it was a mistake to give you that whistle. WOLF (Coming out from behind the All you want to do is sit here, blow it, rock ): Well, what do you know? They and yell “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! And you did come. sure blew it this time! Don’t you think the farmers and I have anything else FRED : I told you they would. Where did to do but answer your tests? Now, you you go, anyway? can go on and blow that stupid whistle until the sheep come home, but don’t WOLF : I thought I heard a noise over expect us to come running. You won’t there behind that rock. ( Points ) Might see us again unless we actually hear have been the wolf. the wolf howling. Do you understand? (Loudly ) Not unless we hear the wolf ESMERELDA (Whispering ): Don’t let actually howling! him kid you, Fred. He was hiding because he’s really the ( Spells ) w-o-l-f. FRED : Gotcha, Dad.

GERTRUDE : That spells “wolf,” Fred. FATHER : I hope so! ( To FARMERS ) Come on, guys. It was just another HARRIET : As in pointed ears, long nose, test. ( FATHER and FARMERS exit sharp teeth. . . right, muttering as before. WOLF comes out from behind rock .) FRED : I know, I know, but you’re just too suspicious. FRED (To WOLF ): Do you know some - thing, Lupus? I think you’re trying to WOLF : Frederick, my boy, I’m still not get me into trouble. convinced that whistle of yours really works. WOLF (Smoothly ): Wrong, Fred. ( Moves quickly toward sheep ) I’m trying to FRED : What do you mean? I blew it, steal sheep, and that’s just what I’m and the farmers came, didn’t they? going to do, now that those farmers won’t come when you blow your whis - WOLF : Well, they came once, but would tle. ( He grabs ESMERELDA and drags they always come? her off left. She and other sheep scream

46 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com in loud “Bahs.” FRED blows his whis - FRED : Wait a minute. Don’t give up. tle and yells “Wolf, Wolf, Wolf.” Finally, Maybe the wolf will howl this time, all stop .) and my dad and the others will hear it.

GERTRUDE : Well, Freddy, I hope you’re GERTRUDE : Not a chance. It’s nine satisfied. We told you he was the wolf. o’clock in the morning. Wolves don’t howl at this time of day. HARRIET : Poor Esmerelda! I never thought she’d end up on the dining HARRIET : I have an idea! Freddy, when room table. the Wolf comes back, here’s what you do. . . .( She whispers in FRED ’s ear .) FRED (Sighing ): I’m sorry, girls. But why didn’t you tell my dad and the oth - GERTRUDE : Tell me, Harriet! It’s not ers that the wolf was hiding behind the fair to keep any secrets from me. After rock? all, I’m in this, too. ( HARRIET whis - pers in GERTRUDE’s ear .) HARRIET : You know he can’t hear us. Animals don’t talk to grownup people. WOLF (Entering left ): I’m glad to see you’re all still here. ( With an evil GERTRUDE : We only talk to certain laugh ) Ha, ha! Which of you lovely strange kids like you. ladies wants to come with me this time? FRED : If only the wolf had howled, the way he’s supposed to! Then the farm - FRED (Running over to block WOLF ers would have come. My dad said from sheep ): You leave those sheep wolves always howl. alone!

GERTRUDE : That’s not so. They’re wily. WOLF : Try to stop me, Freddy boy. They only howl at the moon. ( Sighing ) Why don’t you blow your whistle and I guess Harriet and I are goners, too. yell? Go on, yell! It’s only a matter of time. HARRIET (Whispering ): Pssst! Remem- FRED : What do you mean? He already ber what I told you, Fred. has Esmerelda. Isn’t that enough for him? FRED : Uh, why should I yell? I don’t see any wolves around. HARRIET : You don’t think he’ll be satis - fied with just her, do you? He’ll come WOLF : Are you crazy, Fred? I’m a wolf. back for us, too. FRED : A likely story. I think you’re a FRED (Worried ): That’s awful. You’ve butterfly. both got to hide. WOLF : What? You have a picture of me GERTRUDE : Hide where? We’re fenced right in your pocket. Look at it. ( FRED in this pasture, remember? The wolf takes out picture. ) Look, pointed ears, can climb the fence, but we can’t. long face, sharp teeth. It all checks out, Fred. I’m really a wolf. FRED (Trying to open gate ): The gate’s locked, and I don’t have the key. FRED (Looking at picture ): You do look a little like the picture, but my father HARRIET (Tearfully ): Well, goodbye, said wolves always howl. You don’t Gertrude. It’s been great knowing you. howl.

OCTOBER 2015 47 WOLF : Wolves don’t always howl. We ESMERELDA (Rushing over to FRED ): only howl at the moon. Oh, Freddy, you saved me.

FRED : Oh, sure. I’ll bet you couldn’t HARRIET : And us, too, Fred. howl if you wanted to. FRED : Shucks, Harriet, it was your WOLF : Oh, yeah? I’ll show you, smarty. idea. (He lets out a long howl . FRED blows whistle and yells .) FATHER (To FRED ): You did a great job, Fred. If the wolf hadn’t howled, FRED : Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! we’d never have come.

WOLF : Uh-oh. I think I made a little FRED : Next time I’ll know when to mistake. ( FATHER and FARMERS sound the alarm. run on right, shouting as before. WOLF runs off left .) FATHER : I hope there won’t be a next time. Anyway, we have this one. ( Calls FRED (Pointing left ): There he goes! off ) Bring the Wolf in. ( FARMERS lead After him! ( FATHER and FARMERS in WOLF, now tied up. FRED blows his rush off left. There are shouts, bangs, whistle three times .) and thumps off left. FATHER reenters, leading ESMERELDA .) FRED (Shouting ): Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!

FATHER : We caught the wolf this time, FATHER : By George, I think he’s got it! Fred. And here’s Esmerelda. He had (Quick curtain ) just tied her up. I guess he was waiting THE END to get them all before he tucked in his napkin.

PRODUCTION NOTES Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!

CHARACTERS : 2 male; 3 female; 4 or 5 PROPERTIES : Rakes, shovels, hoes. male or female for wolf and farmers. SETTING : A pasture. Backdrop shows PLAYING TIME : 12 minutes. rail fence, grass, and sky. Large “rock” COSTUMES : Overalls for Fred, Father, (bean bag chair) is center. Rail fence and Farmers; Fred wears whistle (cardboard cut-out) runs from left to around his neck, and Father has pic - right across middle of stage. Gate is ture of wolf in his pocket. Wolf mask painted on center of fence. and gray jumpsuit for wolf; sheep LIGHTING : No special effects. masks and white jumpsuits for sheep. SOUND : Bangs and thumps.

48 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Lower Grades Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

The Letter Detective Detective agency searches for missing letters with the help of a creative alphabet. . . .

by Bernadette Lambert

Characters Next to the mirror is a shopping bag labeled CLOWN COSTUME . The right of A. Z. the stage represents a large box. No pic - LETTER S tures or windows or doors are present. LETTER O AT RISE : A.Z. is standing in front of LETTER N mirror, wearing a headset and styling LETTER G colorful, curly wig, while doing voice warm-ups in mirror. All of the letters LETTER B except LETTER I are seated or sleeping LETTER I on the right. LETTER N and LETTER LETTER R G are seated together, arm in arm. LETTER E and SILENT E are next to LETTER D each other. LETTER I is pacing the LETTER E floor with a cell phone in hand. SILENT E LETTER I (Frantic ): Help! We’ve been kidnapped.

TIME : Sunny afternoon. A.Z . ( Continuing to do voice warm-ups while styling wig ): Do-re-mi! Hello! Are SETTING : The stage is split with A.Z.’s you calling about the singing job? office on the left and a plain back - ground on the right. Outside the office LETTER I (Confused ): Singing job? is a sign that reads ABC D ETECTIVE AGENCY . A large magnetic board hangs A.Z .: You read the ad, right? I need a on the wall or sits on a stand. In the songbird for my circus act today. center is a desk with a pad and pencil on it. There is a full-length mirror LETTER I : Songbird? Circus? No, I’m standing on the floor. looking for the ABC Detective Agency.

OCTOBER 2015 49 A.Z .: ABC Detective Agency? Why, LETTER I : I don’t sing, detective. I just that’s me! ( Stops styling wig and covers want to get out of here. headset microphone. Smiles and talks to audience ) This is so exciting. Two A.Z .: Then tell me, Letter I, where you cases in one week. Undercover at the are? circus and now this. ( Looks back in mir - ror and points at self ) A.Z., you are H- LETTER I (Looking around ): That’s the O-T—hot. ( Picks up pen on desk. Clears point. I don’t know where we are. throat ) So this is the ABC Detective There’s no window! I think we’re Agency. Who is this? trapped in some kind of box with . . .

LETTER I (Talking quickly ): This is I. A.Z . ( Writing on pad ): Wait. Trapped in We’ve been kidnapped and it looks like box. No window. Got it. Now, you keep we . . . saying “we.” Who else is there?

A.Z . ( Writing on pad ): Whoa! Slow LETTER I : There are ten of us. ( Taps down. First things first. What is your each letter to introduce. Each letter name? turns so audience can see each one’s large letter .) Letter S, Letter O, Letter LETTER I : My name is I. We’ve been kid- N, Letter G . . .

A.Z . ( Interrupting ): Your name is . . . I? A.Z . ( Pulling down magnetic letters on Can you spell that for me? large board as LETTER I says names ): Hold on. Letter S, Letter O, Letter N, LETTER I (Impatient ): It is I. Just I. and Letter G. S-O-N-G. That spells song. You are a song in a songbook. A.Z. (Shrugging and writing on pad ): Case solved. O.K. Just I. You are I. I mean you. . . Y-O-U are I. Not you are me . . .M-E. . . LETTER I : No, we are not a song. There’s because me is— also Letter B, Letter R, and Letter D and the twins, Letter E and . . . ( Points LETTER I (Frustrated ) Look, Detective- and shrugs at SILENT E ) whatever-your-name-is . . . LETTER E (Shouting toward phone ): A.Z . ( Looking back in mirror and Silent E. My twin doesn’t make a straightening bow tie ): A.Z. Just call me sound. A.Z. You know, like the first and last letters of the alpha- A.Z .: I met a silent E once. It was an undercover job at a shoe store. Today LETTER I (Interrupting ): Whatever! I I’m going undercover to the circus. searched for letter detectives and your (Pulls vest out of bag. Looks back in name was the first on the list. But I can mirror and puts on vest ) But something call someone else if . . . is missing. ( Begins singing ) Do-re-mi. Can any of the letters sing? I really A.Z. : Now, why would you want to call need a songbird. Just one will do. someone else? I know my ABC’s from A to Z and back again. That’s why they LETTER I : Detective, I told we don’t sing. call me A.Z. You caught me in the mid - We make different sounds, but not dle of dressing for my undercover work music. Can you help us or not? at the circus. Did I mention I need a songbird? A.Z : Of course, I can. ( Puts other mag - netic letters B-I-R-D-E-E on the board )

50 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com So in the box is S-O-N-G, but you are First we need to find out where you are. not a song. So you say. ( Nods and winks at audience ) Then you have B and I. . . LETTER B : B-b-box. W-w-w-we are in a well, not I. Not me. I am not in the box. b-b-box. You are in the box. I mean not you, the letter U, but you, the letter I. I is in the A.Z. (Tapping pencil to pad ): I got that. box. Is U in the box too? Maybe U can Box. Dark. No windows. The question is sing. why.

LETTER I : U is not in the box, and I know LETTER R (Raising fist ): Right on! That U. U cannot sing. is the question.

A.Z . ( Miffed ): I beg your pardon. I have LETTER O (Shaking head back and a wonderful voice. Do-re-mi! forth nervously ): Oh, no! We are trapped in a box. LETTER I : Detective, please hurry. My phone has a low battery. LETTER S : I think they want me. I am famous for making words plural. A.Z .: What kind of phone do you have? Everybody wants an S.

LETTER I : It is my I-phone. LETTER D : Duh! I am famous, too! I can make words happen like yesterday. A.Z . ( To audience ): Of course. I should Ever heard of past tense? have seen that one coming. ( Pulls hat out of bag. Returns to mirror and puts LETTER N and LETTER G (Looping on hat. Speaks to audience ) Something arms ): They want us. We are one great is missing. sound together. Ing ! Please don’t sepa - rate us. Ing ! LETTER I : Detective, what do you think we should do? LETTER E (Standing next to SILENT E ): No, it’s us. Everyone knows E’s are the A.Z .: I have an idea. Put the phone on hardest working letters. ( Letters begin speaker. ( Studies the letters on the to argue and shout, “They want me!” ) board ) A.Z . ( To audience ): What a vain group. LETTER I (Punching a button on the (Pulls flower out of bag. Stands in front phone and placing the phone in the cen - of mirror and puts flower in hat. ter of the stage ): We are all listening, Studies profile ) Something is missing. detective. (SILENT E stands in middle of letters and shouts .) A.Z .: Hello, my letter friends. Detective A.Z. is on the job. Sing to me. SILENT E : Silence! ( LETTERS get quiet .) ALL LETTERS : Help! Help! ( SILENT E jumps up and down .) A.Z .: What a voice! Who was that? That’s the voice of a true songbird. A.Z . ( Speaking to audience ): My, my. What horrible sounds. They do need LETTER O (Shaking head ): Oh, no! help. ( Returns to headphone ) Hush! Silent E made a sound. Hush! Seriously, stop that racket. I know my ABC’s from A to Z and back LETTER R (Raising fist ): Right on, Silent again. And they don’t sound like that. E. You tell ’em.

OCTOBER 2015 51 A.Z . ( Studying letters on board ): This LETTER O (Shaking head ): Oh, no. This could be a clue. Maybe Silent E doesn’t is wrong. need to be silent right now. LETTER R (Raising fist ): Right on. LETTER E : Sometimes we do work Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. together. ( Stands next to SILENT E ) LETTER B : Bu-bu-but at least everyone A.Z .: Let’s try this. Letter N, stand next is in a word. to Letter E. Letter D, stand at the end next to Silent E. ( A.Z. arranges N-E-E- LETTER S : Who cares? We are still stuck D on board. LETTER D moves to end, here with a capital S. but LETTER N holds tighter to LET - TER G .) A.Z .: That capital S stands for stumped. (To audience ) I am stumped. ( All of the LETTER N : No, you can’t separate me letters start screaming and pulling on from Letter G. ( LETTER O and LET - each other, spelling different words TER R work together to separate LET - such as RING , S ING , D ING , D ONG , D ONE , TER N and LETTER G. LETTER N ONE , B ONE , R IDE , S IDE , G REED , BINGO , reluctantly takes place at head of line .) etc. A.Z. calls out. ) Attention, all let - There was no need to do this. ters! Hush! Can you hear me? ( To audi - ence ) They are not listening to me. And LETTER S (Running next to LETTER I have to get ready for my undercover D): I’ll stand at the end. Everyone needs job at the circus. ( Takes off headset. an S. Pulls oversized shoes out of bag and steps into them. Looks in the mirror ) LETTER B : Bu-bu-but what about the Something is still missing. ( Pats cheeks rest of us? and studies face ) Oh, my goodness. That is it! ( Picks up the headset and LETTER G : Yeah, why don’t you separate yells into the speaker ) I know where you those two E’s? Why do they get to stay are. ( Letters are still shouting and fuss - beside each other? ( Points at LETTER ing and rearranging themselves into E and SILENT E ) words. ) If you will not listen to me, I will show you. ( A.Z. shakes out the A.Z . ( Looking at the letters on board ): remaining contents of sack labeled Beside. Yes. That could be it. O.K., let - CLOWN COSTUME . A small black box ters, here is how I want you to line up. falls out. At the same time, Letters Letter B, you go first. scream and shake, then fall down .) You were right under my nose the entire LETTER B : B-b-by myself? time. ( A.Z. picks up the small black box and lifts the lid. Looks in mirror ) What A.Z .: Of course not, Letter B. Letter E is is a clown without a BIG RED NOSE ?(As next to you, then Letter S, Letter I, A.Z. says this, LETTERS stand up, Letter D, and Silent E at the end. ( The linking arms and spell BIG RED NOSE . letters line up as A.Z. arranges them on A.Z. puts on nose and turns to audi - the board. ) Beside . You are beside ence. ) As I said, I know my ABC’s. something. That’s where you are. Case (Begins singing the alphabet song as almost solved. ( LETTER R, LETTER curtain falls ) O, LETTER N, and LETTER G stand THE END side-by-side to spell R-O-N-G. ) (Production Notes on next page )

52 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com PRODUCTION NOTES The Letter Detective (Play on pages 49-52 )

CHARACTERS : 11 male or female. Letter that reads A B C DETECTIVE AGENCY . E and Silent E should be about the The A, B, C, and D are in bolder letter - same height and size. ing. A large magnetic board hangs on PLAYING TIME : About 10 minutes. the wall or sits on a stand. In the center COSTUMES : All letters are dressed in all is a desk with a pad and pencil on it. black with a large white or neon-colored There is a large mirror standing full- capital letter on chest. Silent E’s letter length on the floor. Next to the mirror is should be a different font or color from a shopping bag labeled CLOWN everyone else. A.Z. is dressed like a COSTUME . It holds the vest, hat, flower, clown with a colorful, curly wig; big, big shows, and nose. baggy pants; suspenders; mismatched The right of the stage represents a large socks; a colorful shirt; and large bow tie. box. No pictures or windows or doors The vest, brightly colored hat, flower, are present. A bench covered in a dark and oversized shoes are added as the cloth is present for characters to sit on. play progresses. LIGHTING : Right side of stage is dark PROPERTIES : Bag of magnetic letters, with spotlight on letters. Left side is headset, pencil, pad, cell phone, and a bright to indicate sunny afternoon day. shopping bag labeled “Clown Costume.” When A.Z. opens box with BIG RED Items in the shopping bag include vest, NOSE in it, a bright light fills the left hat, flower, big shoes, and nose in black side of stage. box. SOUND : Jiggling sound when A.Z. SETTING : The stage is split with A.Z.’s shakes the shopping bag and the box office on the left and a plain background falls out. on the right. Outside the office is a sign

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OCTOBER 2015 53 Middle and Lower Grades Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

Job Interview Employment agency mix-up results in a bad match for a job applicant. . . . by Robert Mauro

(Sarcastically ) Good luck, lady. I hope Characters you’ve had your tetanus shots. I hear those lions have sharp teeth. ( Sits MR. JOHNSON behind desk and presses button on intercom ) Jeff, please send Ms. Peters MS. PETERS, job applicant in. ( After a moment, MS. PETERS enters, carrying briefcase. MR. JOHN - SETTING : Sign hanging on backdrop SON stands and shakes her hand .) Ms. reads, ACME EMPLOYMENT AGENCY .IF Peters? THERE ’SAJOB , W E’LL FIND IT. Desk cen - ter is covered with papers and job MS. PETERS : Yes. How do you do? applications. Phone and intercom are also on desk. Chair is at left of desk. MR. JOHNSON : I’m George Johnson. Nice to meet you. ( Gestures to chair ) AT RISE : MR. JOHNSON enters carry - Have a seat. ( They both sit .) So—you ing large pile of applications. He jug - actually want this sort of a job? ( He gles them, then drops them all over looks at application .) the floor. MS. PETERS (Enthusiastically ): Oh, MR. JOHNSON (Picking up applica - yes. I’ve loved playing with them ever tions; discouraged ): Terrific. This is since I was a little girl. just what I need first thing on a Monday morning. The internet’s down, MR. JOHNSON (Surprised ): You have? and as usual, there are more appli - That must have been pretty scary. cants than there are jobs. ( Tries to put papers in order ) What a mess. Where MS. PETERS (Puzzled ): Excuse me? are the A’s? ( He looks around helpless - ly, then throws applications on desk .) MR. JOHNSON : You like to work with We’ll just have to start with ( Picks up animals? application ) this one. Allison Peters. She wants to work in the Wild and MS. PETERS (Confused ): Animals? Woolly Circus as a lion tamer.

54 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com MR. JOHNSON : Yes. This place you’d MR. JOHNSON : How do you feel about like to work is a circus, you know. carrying water?

MS. PETERS : A circus? ( Suddenly ) Oh, MS. PETERS (Puzzled ): Excuse me? yes! I know what you mean. So was the last place I worked. At times, it was MR. JOHNSON : Carrying water. As more like a zoo, especially at tax time. much as 10 or 20 gallons at a time.

MR. JOHNSON (Puzzled ): At tax time? MS. PETERS (Suddenly ): Oh! You mean for the water coolers! Aren’t there cus - MS. PETERS : Yes, sir. It was crazy. But I todial people who do that? like working when the pressure is on. In fact, I do my best work under pressure. MR. JOHNSON : I’m not talking about water for the water coolers. It’s for the MR. JOHNSON : Good. That’s a point in animals. your favor, because this sort of work involves a lot of pressure. MS. PETERS (Offended ): I really wish you wouldn’t refer to my future cowork - MS. PETERS : No problem. I knew that ers as animals. when I studied it at college. MR. JOHNSON : I’m sorry, but that’s MR. JOHNSON : You went to college to exactly what they are. learn this? MS. PETERS (Shaking her head; in dis - MS. PETERS : Yes. ( Confidently ) I was a belief ): This must be some place. straight-A student. I also made Phi Beta Kappa. MR. JOHNSON (Shrugging ): When you’ve seen one circus, you’ve seen MR. JOHNSON (Shaking his head ): them all. So I guess you don’t mind car - Amazing what they teach in college rying water or working with animals. these days. Listen, Ms. Peters, you’re way overqualified for this job. MS. PETERS (Earnestly ): Mr. Johnson, all I know is that I need this job. If MS. PETERS : I don’t think so. ( Eagerly ) they’re animals, they’re animals. I’ll Look, Mr. Johnson, I really want this work with them. job. I’m a good worker. Give me a chance. You won’t be sorry. MR. JOHNSON : Good. Now, have you had all your shots? MR. JOHNSON (Relenting ): O.K. Well, you do seem very eager to take the job, MS. PETERS (Puzzled ): Shots? I didn’t and we like that kind of enthusiasm. think this job involved much travel.

MS. PETERS (Pleased ): Great! Believe MR. JOHNSON : On the contrary. You’ll me, I’ll make the Acme Employment be traveling all over the United States, Agency proud they selected me for the Canada, and Europe. Even Japan and position. China.

MR. JOHNSON : Fine. That’s what we MS. PETERS (Astounded ): Really? I like to hear. Now, I just have a few thought I’d be working exclusively in questions for you. Manhattan.

MS. PETERS : O.K. Ask away. MR. JOHNSON : Only when you’re at

OCTOBER 2015 55 Madison Square Garden. MS. PETERS (In understanding tone ): That’s all right. Mistakes happen. So, MS. PETERS : Oh, you mean when we what about the systems analyst posi - put on a trade show? tion? I’m really interested in it.

MR. JOHNSON : Trade show? ( Shakes MR. JOHNSON : Let me check on that head ) Wait a minute. ( Looks at appli - for you. ( He looks through papers on cation ) You are Allison Peters, aren’t his desk. ) Ah, here’s your application. you? (Looks it over ) Yes. You’re well quali - fied for that position. It pays quite MS. PETERS : No. I’m Jen Peters. well, and the benefits are excellent.

MR. JOHNSON : Then you’re not apply - MS. PETERS (Brightly ): That’s great. ing for the job of lion tamer in the Wild When can I start? and Woolly Circus? MR. JOHNSON (With nervous laugh ): MS. PETERS : No. I’m applying for the Well, gosh, I don’t know how to tell you job of computer systems analyst with this, but it seems that this high-paying Whitney, Whitney, and Schultz. systems analyst job. . .

MR. JOHNSON : Oh, boy. I’m afraid MS. PETERS (Interrupting; confused ): there’s been a little mix-up here. Yes? The one with all those excellent benefits? MS. PETERS : Does this mean I won’t be needing any shots? MR. JOHNSON : Well. . .the systems analyst job was filled by the lion MR. JOHNSON : No. ( Wryly ) Not unless tamer. ( MS. PETERS looks at MR. you want to give me one. ( Apologetic- JOHNSON in stunned disbelief, ally ) I’m really sorry about this. shakes head as curtain quickly closes. ) THE END

PRODUCTION NOTES Job Interview

CHARACTERS : 1 male; 1 female. AGENCY .IF THERE ’SAJOB , W E’LL FIND PLAYING TIME : 10 minutes. IT is on backdrop. Desk center is cov - COSTUMES : Mr. Johnson and Ms. ered with papers and job applications. Peters wear business suits. Ms. Peters Phone and intercom are also on desk. carries a briefcase. Chair is at left of desk. SETTING : Acme Employment Agency. LIGHTING and SOUND : No special Sign reading ACME EMPLOYMENT effects.

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