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The onM tclarion Student Newspapers

3-31-1994 The onM tclarion, March 31, 1994 The onM tclarion

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspapers at Montclair State University Digital Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in The onM tclarion by an authorized administrator of Montclair State University Digital Commons. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Montclair State College MONT CLARION News/Thursday, March 31, 1994 Burned out Blanton MONT Hall residents lives CLARION 11^ Student ( ¿enter Annex slowlv return to nor­ U p p e r Montclair, N J 07043 Tel. 201.655.5169 Fax 201.655.7433

mal, despite setbacks EXECUTIVE BOARD by Sheila Patnode George Calle...... Editor-in-Chief Chris Hinck...... Treasurer Things are almost back to normal for the Blanton Price to get his comment, he told the M ontdarion to contact the chairperson of the English Department, Hall residents who were forced out of their rooms by EDITORIAL BOARD a fire that occurred two weeks ago. The residents of Professor Jim Nash. Nash said that Price told him 4C06 and 4C08 have been living in Bohn 11 all while Doremus would have the opportunity to make up G reg M acS w ccny...... N ew s Editor the fire damage is being repaired. The move back to the exam. Doremus has not yet been notified of this. Kevin Colligan...... 1NU Coordinator Blanton, however, has been surrounded by miscom- Meanwhile, Residence Life paid for all four resi­ Keith Idee...... Sports Editor munication. dents to purchase clothing from the Student Store Heather Bushby...... Campus Life Editor while theirclothes were beingprofessionallyclcaned. The night of the fire, Ken Doremus, the only Kelly Schab...... Arts Editor resident who was in the suite at the time, was left on “The only clothes 1 had were the ones I had on when M ick B ork...... Photo Editor his own to find somewhere to sleep after the fire. 1 went out for the fire drill," Doremus said. “My “Everyone got let back into the building and I was friends were calling me Montclair Man (after going Sammy R ock...... Copy Editor left standing there wondering what I was supposed to the school store) because everything 1 wore had Brian Falzarano...... News Editor to do,” he said. Doremus called a friend who is a ‘Montclair’ on it,” Doremus said. Christina Tischio ...... Editorial Editor Resident Assistant in Bohn Hall. His friend called an The rooms were professionally cleaned the week Karl Lomberk..Executive News Director Assistant Manager and of spring break. Clothing and Jason A lders...... Cartoonist Doremus was moved into Bohn appliances such as TV’s and Hall. “ Everyone got let VCR’s were sent to professional Spray from the fire extin­ cleaners. According to Marjorie ADVERTISING MANAGER guishers entirely coated the Colcman-Carter, Director of Kevin Schwoebel property of both rooms. The back into the build­ Residence Life, three rooms fire itself had gutted the bath­ were covered with spray from room and left the smell of ing and 1 was left the fire extinguishers. “Astro smoke behind. Doremus and Care, a professional fire restora­ GRAPHIC & PAGE DESIGN his roommate, Tom Cullen, as standing there won­ tion group, did a wonderful job Kevin Colligan well as their suitemates, Pete of cleaning the rooms,” Carter Beckus and Mike Pisano, said. “They cleaned books, ra­ stayed in Bohn Hall the week dering what / w a s zor, everything.” The rooms cost Cartoonist before spring break. $1,400 to clean. Bills have not Doremus suffered from diz­ supposed to do. ” yet been received for the clothes Jason Alders ziness and nausea. He had to or appliances which had to be deal with the aggravation of getting his room and professionally cleaned. property back to their original condition and also had Doremus and Cullen still have a closet full of The Montdarion is published weekly, except to deal with a conflict over a missed exam. property, such as shoes and jackets, waiting to be during examination, summer and winter Doremus became ill after breathing in smoke cleaned. “It was an oversight,” Carter said. “People from the fire and fumes from chemical from the fire are coming back to clean those things.” sessions. It is funded, in part, try student fees extinguishers. He stayed in bed on Sunday and went Beckus and Pisano moved in Monday and Tues­ distribution through the Student Government to a doctors on Monday, causing him to miss an day. “They did everything they’re going to do for Association, Inc. ofMontclair State. Ike views examination in a Myth and Literature class taught by us," Beckus said. “I’m satisfied. They did a fair job.” expressed in the commentary section, with the Dr. Thom as Price. Doremus and Cullen moved back to Blanton on exception ofthe mam editorial, do not necessarily Price told Doremus that he would not be able to Wednesday and are still waiting for five boxes of reflect the opinion of 1 he Montdarion. make up the exam. When the M ontdarion contacted personal property to be cleaned. Corrections Advertising Policy DEADLINES SIZE DIMENSIONS PRICE The deadline to submit advertisements to The M ontdarion is noon on the Friday immediately Eighth Page 3.3" X 4.9" $70.°° It is the policy of preceding the issue in which you wish to advertise. The Montdarion Quarter Page 6 . 6 " X 4 . 9 " $125.(X) BILLING First-time advertisers are required to pre-pay to correct any errors. Half Page 6 . 6 X 1 0 " $200.°° their ad orders. Established accounts may opt to pre-pay at a 5% discount. Tearsheets and invoices If you find any errors, Full Page 13.25x10" $310.°° will be mailed approximately (3) days following call us at 655-5169 publication. Payment is due (30)days after insertion Back (¿over* 15" X 10" $400.°° date. After (45) days of non-payment, a 10% finance •includes black plus one color charge will be levied. Any payment not recieved Classified Ad* 30 words $10.°° after (60) days will be forwarded to an outside pre-payment required for classifieds collection agency. MONT 2 C I A R I O N ____ News/Thursday, March 31, 1994 __ Blanton resident Campus crime wave II clubbed Gillooly compiled by Bonnie Dexter Greenspetmn SEXUAL ASSAULT switchblade in his car. Astudentreported The student was style in parking lot being sexually as­ charged with eluding saulted in the Library a police officer and pos­ during Spring Break. session of a weapon for by Greg MacSrveeney On March 22, the stu­ unlawful purpose. release them. She is planning to go back dent came upon two Campus police A female Blanton Hall resident was to the hospital for observation. young males in the were patrolling Col­ assaulted on Sunday night while walk­ “I'm having a hard time concentrat­ near-deserted build­ lege Avenue around 2 ing back from her car in Lot 21. ing and memorizing my schoolwork,” ing who engaged her a.m. when they ap­ The female student who was as­ she said. in conversation. She proached his 1987 saulted asked that her name he with­ She said she spent five hours in the then left the two men Chevy. I Ic then accel­ held for her own safety. She said that hospital on Monday and missed most of to resume her stud­ erated at a high speed she was grabbed from behind and struck her classes this week. ies. A short while ontoQuarry Road. The on the side of the head with a pipe or a After being struck she ran to Blanton later she was grabbed fficers noticed that club. I fall and the security guard at the desk from behind by one the car’s trunk ap­ A CAT scan at Mountainside Hospi­ called campus police. Police searched of the men, who peared to be damaged tal in Upper Montclair revealed that the the parking lots around Blanton but pinned her arms be­ and ajar and followed victim received a concussion and a con­ found no suspects. hind her back. T he the suspect activating tusion to the head. “The doctor said The victim was not able to identify other man began kissing and fondling theiroverhead lights. The chase contin­ that I could possibly be in a daze for up her attacker and the only information her. She began to protest, loudly telling ued onto Clove Road, then Routes 46 to three weeks,” the victim said. she could come up with is that the at­ them to stop and eventually passed out. and 3. When the suspect took the Grove At approximately 2:15 p.m. yester­ tacker wore a black jacket. When she came to, the men were gone. Street exit, campus police requested day the victim reported to the Health An accident report was filed at the She was able to give a description of the assistance from SPEN, the State Police Center complaining that she could not campus I lealth Center. men to campus police, who are cur­ Emergency Network. move her hands because they were If you have any information on this rently working on a composite sketch. The suspect then stopped hiscarand clenched in a fist and she could not attack call campus police at 655-5222. campus police identified themselves, but the suspect again fled the scene and ARREST was apprehended a short time later by An MSC student was arrested early Clifton police. After ordering him out of Write for the M ontclarion yesterday morning after leading cam­ his car, police discovered a switchblade pus and Clifton police on a high speed chase and was found to have a continued on page 5

Pre-Registration Advisement If you’re undeclared and want to be advised, the Academic Advising Center will help you out March 28 through April 14. The hours will be Northwestern College of Chiropractic as follows: is now accepting applications for its next three entering classes. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, from (September 1994, January 1995, April 1995) General requirements at time o f entry include: 9-11 a.m. and 1-3 p.m.; • Approx. 2-3 years of college in a a life or health science degree program. • A minimum G.P.A. of 2.5. A more competitive G.P.A. is favored. Thursdays from 9-11 a.m. • A personal interest in a career as a primary care physician. Northwestern offers: and 4-6 p.m. • A professional school of 500 students with student faculty ratio of 12:1. • A well-rounded education in Basic and Clinical Sciences, Diagnosis, X-ray, Advisors will see students on Fri­ and Chiropractic. • Full accreditation by North Central Association of Colleges and Schools days by appointment only. and the Council on Chiropractic Education.

Students with majors should con­ . Call: 1-800-888-4777 or tact their major departments for ; Write: Director of Admissions •*, „>» 2501 W ru 84th S tm t. M inntapolu, MN SS43I registration advisement. a MOINJT CIARION 3 The Montclarion/ Thursday, March 31,1994 Express For Less ♦

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m c > isri 4 CLARION News/Thursday, March 31, 1994

continued from page 3 A resident of Bohn Hall reported Another Clove Road resident re­ the phone and then hanging up. rcceivingthrcc harassing phone call from ported receiving obscene phone calls locked, but two windows had been an unidentified male on March 18. late at night. opened. Nothing was reported miss­ THEFTS A Clove Road resident receiving ha­ A resident of Stone Hall reported ing. rassing phone calls on March 16, shortly receiving phone calls over a three hour A student reported his bookbag sto­ HARRASSMENTS after her roommate moved out. She period after midnight on March 17. Each len from Panzer Gym on March 28. believes the events are related. time, she heard a man screaming into O ne of the computer rooms in Build­ ing B was found unsecured by an em­

Tvptvar it i trademark of ( jnon Inc. O IW 4 Canon U .S .A ., Inc ployee, who also discovered a section missing from a disk drive system. A faculty member reported that, upon entering his office on March 28, his computer had been left on, $1 in change missing from a desk drawer and an ob­ scene handwritten note left. T here was no sign of forced entry. On March 29 an employee reported that a tripod was stolen from the faculty member’s room in Building B. A faculty member reported a com­ puter, printer, monitor and cables sto­ len from his office. The items were last seen before spring break. A student reported her pocketbook stolen from Life Hall during class on March 29, after she had briefly left it unattended.

VANDALISM On March 29, a student’s car that parked in lot 30 was broken into. The student reported that the dashboard was damaged and the car radio was stolen.

DRUGS Campus police responded to Stone Hall on March 17 after a student and the Dorm Director, Eric Hunter, discov­ ered a small bag of marijuana. The bag was found under a stairwell. The Montclarion needs w riters for a ll

At 4.5 lbs., Canon’s Typestar™ 10 and 220 may even a built-in spell checker/corrector so you don’t sections A be lightweight, but they’re heavyweights in have to drag along a dictionary. the world of portable typewriters. What’s more, their non-impact printing lets They print crisp, clean characters sure to you take them to quiet places such as the library. impress the most demanding professors. And because they can also run on batteries, you And they have automatic features can even take them to the park. caff like word and character delete, To find out where you can underlining and centering to make pick up a Typestar personal it easier to create better looking typewriter of your own, call papers. On the Typestar 220, there’s Typestar io Typestar 220 1-800-4321-HOP. Canon M C 3 N T r CI ARI ON 0 ------The Montclarion/ Thursday, March 31,1994 ------NOTICE TO ALL CURRENTLY ENROLLED STUDENTS WHO WILL BE RETURNING IN THE SUMMER SESSIONS 1994 AND/OR FALL SEMESTER 1994

Registration for the Summer Sessions 1994 and Fall Semester 1994 will occur simultaneously between April 5-21, 1994

All students who are enrolled for the Spring 1994 and who are eligible to return for the Summer or Fall 1994 had a Registration Appointment Card mailed to their home address during the week of March 21, 1994.

Undergraduate students who are currently enrolled for 12 or more credits were assigned an in person registration appointment date and time. Undergraduate students who are currently enrolled for fewer than 12 credits and Graduate students were assigned a range of dates during which they should submit their registration form and Appointment Card to the Office of the Registrar.

Cards were not generated for students who are on the May 1994 Graduation list. Students who are graduating in May and who wish to register for Summer or Fall 1994 courses should contact the Office of the Registrar at 655-4376, for direction.

Students who did not fulfill their Basic Skills requirements, who have an outstanding financial obligation to the College, or who have an outstanding high school transcript with the Admissions Office were not sent their cards. These students must report to either the Basic Skills Office, the Business Office, or the Admissions Office to obtain their card.

You must have this card in order to register. No one will be permitted into the registration site without a Registration Appointment Card. Registration forms submitted to the office will not be processed without the Registration Appointrrient Card attached.

STUDENTS WHO DID NOT RECEIVE A CARD OR WHO HAVE MISPLACED THEIR CARD SHOULD CONTACT THE OFFICE OF THE REGISTRAR IMMEDIATELY AT 655-4376.

PLEASE READ THE SUMMER SESSION CATALOG AND THE FALL SEMESTER 1994 SCHEDULE OF COURSES BOOK CAREFULLY!! They are available in the Student Center and in the Office of the Registrar. They will contain the list of Summer and Fall 1994 course offerings.

You should use the registration form that is in the Schedule of Courses book. It is for both Summer and Fall registration. The Registration Appointment Card, together with this form, will serve as your personal registration packet.

Advisement should be obtained prior to registration. The The al 5241 4 2 -5 5 5 6 call

C 1994 Teme kt rj /nsuranct ant) Annuity Association/College Retirement FguUus Fund needs writers needs RFcriiae r itiue y IACE niiuladIsiuinlSrie Farincluding more expenses,charges and Services information, complete Individual and Institutional are distributedcertificated TIAA-CREF CREF by your SRA are tax-deferred as well, as the tax-deferred are SRA your cover. Because your contributions are are contributions your Because cover. taxes now. And since all earnings on allearnings since And now. taxes not may benefits Security Social and made in before-tax dollars, you pay less pay you dollars, before-tax in made income—especially retirement build to for the "extras” that your regular pension pension regular your that "extras” the for tax- current ease only your SR not As SRAs. TIAA-CREF with avoid easily retirement. for saving be could bite, they offer a remarkably easy way way easy offer aremarkably they bite, and deferral tax of advantage take don’t wind up sending Uncle Sam money they they money Sam Uncle sending up wind E O AYRTRMN DOLLARS. RETIREMENT MANY TOO Fortunately, that’s a mistake you can can you mistake that’sa Fortunately, UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS WHERE WHERE IS THIS UNFORTUNATELY very y car' a of people makea people of car'a y very huge mistake on their taxes.They taxes.They their on mistake huge for those w ho shape it!** shape ho w those for Ensuring the future the Ensuring call Benefit now fro m tax deferral. C all our SRA hotline 1 800-842-2733, ext. 8016. ext. 1800-842-2733, hotline SRA our all C deferral. tax m now fro Benefit / / Monttlarion 800-842 2711. ext. 8016 for 8016a for prospectus. or invest sendext. carefully prospectus tbe before Read money. you 2711. 800-842 PEOPLE ARE PUTTING PUTTING ARE PEOPLE

esTusa, ac 3, 1994 31, March News/Thursday, SRAs can help you enjoy many many enjoy you help can SRAs happy returns. happy TIAA-CREF how about more learn the to TIAA of security guaranteed rewarding retirement? Call today and and today Call retirement? rewarding system. backed annuity—all variable CREF’s of accounts investment diversified by the nation’s number one retirement retirement one nation’snumber the by A range of allocation choices—from the the choices—from of allocation range A in your quality of life.of quality in your difference a dramatic make can that the road, Down for you. harder even works Washington to send don’t you money Why write off the chance for a more more a for chance the off write Why What else makes SRAs so special? so SRAs makes else What

dence of measles inoculation or (b) (b) or inoculation measles of dence after born everyone isdeclared, gency otdimdaeyt h elhCen­ (x4361). C ter Health the to immediately ported campus. on work or it­ class perm attend be to not ted will Those compliance vaccine. in not measles the received now Rowan College in Glassboro. Glassboro. in is College what at at Rowan and 1990 now in University occurred Princeton Jersey New in in­ is er­ of em If a campus state virus. the our with if fected action ediate m doc­ family or parents their with check the State Departm ent of Health to to im­ Health take will of and ent situation the Departm monitor State the the of students advise to requested are and chest and back face, by the on followed rash a commonly are symptoms ugr eotd3 ae n 1989. in cases 30 reported Rutgers had should vaccine. or have measles the inoculated, they have if been ine measles, determ to to tor students ask and danger potential mouth. the on lesions hese T eye). pink as (com­ known monly conjunctivitis and eyes watery 97 il e eurd o()so evi­ show (a) to required be will 1957 the excess of 102 degrees, runny nose, nose, runny 102degrees, of excess the os fmals r a og, ee in fever cough, a are measles of toms death. to system nervous central 10 in with recover measles the contract Dominica Life pus Cam and ent opm is two weeks. T he first signs and symp­ and signs first he T weeks. is two complica­ cases rare in that but days comment. for available not were assume much pretty can you about, Jones. evcsa R.U. at services piratory infections to damage to the the to damage to infections res­ upper piratory from ranging develop tions Devel­ Student for President Vice ing said. Jones days,” two en­ past C the in Health ter the in measles of mation that,” 10times of multiple a arc there byGreg MacSiceeney said Health C enter nurse Kathleen Kathleen nurse enter C Health said may MSC of members because and versity Douglas Cook, and emergency than 20 arc suspected, said Dr. Robert Robert Dr. said suspected, arc 20 than Desiderioscioli left for the day and and day the for left Desiderioscioli said. Bcirmen firmed by the MSC Health Center, Center, Health MSC the by firmed campuses. Rutgers individuals with from contact in been have measles the to inresponse Alert” gency ictwycmue fRtes Uni­ Rutgers of campuses Piscataway 11. Bcirmcn, director of student health health student of director 11.Bcirmcn, Rutgers have been confirmed but more more but confirmed been have Rutgers at MSC at Health alert alert Health T h e last college outbreak of measles of measles outbreak last college e h T n cs o ese sol b re­ be should measles of case Any T h e Health C enter is working with with isworking enter C Health e h T All faculty, staff and administrators administrators and staff faculty, All So far only three cases of measles at at measles of cases three only far So Bcirmcn said that most people who who people most that said Bcirmcn ed us Rs Bdi n Act­ and Budgis Rose Nurse Head confir­ medical no been has “There No cases of measles have been con­ been have measles of cases No “When there arc 20 cases you know know you cases 20 arc there “When S i nw n “elh mer­ Em “Health a on now is MSC The incubation period for measles measles for period incubation The N O I R A I C T N O M 7 Montclarion/Thursday, March 31,1994 ■

Memorial Auditorium with Gimme the Gun & I K ill Me

March 28th $8.00 for MSC students Center Box Office $ 12.00 for every body else student store) Doors open 7:30

••nwirr — ‘'“tiBT'tt“-' *

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373 BROADWAY, PASSAIC PARK, N.J. 201-365-0807 V IC ) I V I CIARION 9 A rts Entertainment Thursday March 31,1994

events, Eadie says, happen for a reason; the death experience itself is a bit chilling. namely to bring us a better spiritual un­ If the God Eadie encountered exists derstanding. and her journey didn’t as skeptics will She stresses the importance of every doubtlessly say, “occuronly in her mind,” human being, the danger of suicide and then there is hope of a life beyond this one the essential existence of different reli­ though it is a life that I in readingthisbook gions. There are other ideas I didn’t agree labored to properly grasp. with, such asEadie’sequatingdepression Ryan W a/z with self-centered ness. In order to heal ourselves we must first The Client reach out and heal others. All of us must care first for our fellow man. True fulfill­ John Grisham Embraced by the will have to face a terrific struggle to ment is obtained through serving others. The Client is the fourth legal thriller by achieve that purpose. Thus, all spirits are By doing this, she says, we move away John Grisham. In this novel, Grisham brave and noble (some of us, she says, from the self. According to her, there is no deviates from the pious, glamourous at­ Betty J. Eadie even chose the diseases and sickness we use for sorrow. torney as the protagonist to an unsuspect­ would suffer during life!). Not nearly enough was said about the ing street-wise juvenile named Mark Betty J. Eadie died in a hospital due to To live a happy life and achieve our spirit’s existence before life, or the reason Sway, who comes from a broken home in complications from surgery - but came purpose we should harmonize our spirit why people act so cruelly if they are, as she Memphis. Mark and his brother, Rickey, back to life. with our mind and body. says, so inherently good. No clear reason both witness the suicide of mob lawyer, Her nonfiction book about this two Each of these has laws of its own which was given about why we should indeed Jerome Clifford, but not before Clifford decade-old event has been near the top of should not be broken in order to exude love our enemies. Whatever the case, tells Mark information that could get him the best-sellers list for nearly a year. Her positive energy (or goodness and kind­ Eadie stresses the fact that we are always killed. after-life experience has a lot of the regu­ ness) the opposite of negative energy capable ofchangingdirectionsand giving Mark confides in Reggie Love, a larity and sameness we are all by now (like hatred and fear). off positive energy. Ultimately, we must middle-aged lawyer who has only been familiar with: the tunnel, the light, the An example of breaking a physical law always think positive. practicing law for four years. Love is on a warm feeling, etc. might be to destroy the harmony of the The book is written in a simple lan­ noble crusade as guard ian of the oppressed In one way this is beneficial: if she saw body and the spirit, like taking drugs - guage despite its often confusing proph­ and develops an affinity for Mark. Love something so much different from other something which can ruin the physical ecies. There are some obligatory ethe­ takes Mark on as a client and becomes cases we might not have cause to believe body. real-sounding parts and the description of continued on page I I her. Thoughts are actions and “color” our But there’s more - much more. She spirit. Words are powerful and can give off claims to have met and talked to God and either positive or negative energy. The His angels as well, an incident which teachings of some whocommunicate God endowed her with tremendous new through fear is an example of this nega­ knowledge of things. tive energy, because we can never come All spirits, Eadie says, existed before to love something we fear. their life on earth. All people actually Eadie’s God is not a vengeful or mali­ witnessed the creation of the world, in cious one: He is a gentle, lovable one. She this universe - one of many. tells us several times that He has a sense She says that those on earth must choose ofhumor(!). He rules overall and helps us to be born here and come here with a all whether we know it or not. purpose, and that each of us know that we Some parts sound encouraging. All Coming up... The MONTOA RtOft will provide fire listings of your A &E events if you drop a note off to Kelly Schab, the A& E editor, by Friday a t noon. Thursday, March 31 ART- In recognition of Women’s History Month, the eighth annual art show of Women Artists of Montclair in Gallery One. Hours are: 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday and from 1 to 5 p.m. Saturdays, For more information, call Gallery One at (201) 655-5113. - Gallery One, “Two Views/Sculpture and Drawing” The artists are Soo- Ilung Lee and Richard Taylor. Runs through April 20. - Photography, Nicole Strafaci. Runs through April 12. ARTFORUM LECTURE-Vik Muniz, photographer and sculptor. 3-4:50p.m., Calda Auditorium. Free. Sponsored by Fine Arts. Call Pat Lay at (201) 655-7294. T H E A T E R - Mainstage Theater Series concludes its season with "The Divin­ Warnet Brt» Píeteos ers.” Show times are 8 p.m. on April 28 through 30 with a 2 p.m. show on April 29, A James G Bobmson Presentata A Hagan Creek Producta A David S Ward Film Chari* Sheen Tom Berenga Maga League D 8 p.m. on May 6 and 7 and 2 p.m. May 8 in Memorial Auditorium. Ticket prices are: Cabin Bernsen Dennis Haysbert James Gammon Omar Epps Enc Bniskotter Bob Uecker David Keith Alison Doody Michelle Burke Takoaki Ishibashi And Margaret Whitton euch Michel Colombiei puumPaulSeyda And Denn Cambenua one» * u n « Vieta Hammer $7.50 general admission, $6 senior citizens and($3.50 students with I.D. For more nu«»ougu Stephen Hendrickson Gary Barber ¡mnB-J Stewart And TtunS. Parker 4 Jim Jennewem s™*t>ihi J Stewart information, call the MSC Box Office at (201) 655-5112. ■■U ■ —i______n fmttuhJamesG. Bobinson And DavidS Ward ououh DavidS. Ward Thursday, April 7 ART FORUM LECTURE- Glen Kaufman, fiber artist. 3-4:50 p.m.. Calda Auditorium. Free. Call Pat Lay at (201) 655-7294. NOW PLAYING M e >isr i CIARION Arts&Entertainment/Thursday, March 31, 1994 The Couch Potato U pdate by George Olschewski

After the big night last Monday, a few know they lost a bundle of money on this Welcome, loyal readers to people were shocked, amused, and enter­ one.The 11-yearold charmer, whohadn’t another thrilling installment tained by the Academy Awards. One of put together an acceptance speech be­ of PROPHET BIGG! We, at the most appropriate lines delivered by cause she didn’t think she’d win, became MSC, were fortunate enough any presentor ever was given by Clint the second-youngest actress after Tatum to get a well-known TV per­ Eastwood for Best Picture: “Gee, what a O'Neal, who won 20 years ago for Paper sonality to come here and surprise... StevenSpeilberg, lot Schindler's Moon, to ever get the Best Supporting speak. Sally Jessy Raphael List." Actress Oscar. spoke in Memorial Audito­ Agreed, it was a shock (said with drip­ Best Director- The mighty Steven rium on Tuesday night. ping sarcasm). I picked out a few Oscar Speilberg. Again, what a surprise. There were many ques­ Best Cinematography- Schindler's List. tions asked of Raphael in the winners in my last column-howdid I fare? Best Picture- Schindler's List. I picked Guess I’ll never work for a bookie the way Q and A portion of the pro­ The Fugitive, but I knew that List would I pick them. My vote was cast for The gram. I’ve selected a few be­ win out in the end. It was a surprise to no Fugitive. The /.«/also took Best Editing, low in part one of this inter­ while Best Sound and Best Sound Effects view. Next week, I will bring one, asClint soeloquently put, and Steven Speilberg definitely deserved one (if not Editing went to another Speilberg film, you part two of Sally. In part for the subject matter, for a stringof block­ Jurassic Park. I picked all these to go to The two, the PROPHET, as well busters that went virtually unnoticed by Fugitive. Sucks to be me, I guess. as representatives from both the Academy), and said it best by adding Best Makeup- Mrs. Doubtftre. Another William Paterson and Jersey “ Phis is the biggest drink of water after shoe-in, which I picked correctly. City State College newspapers PROPHET BIG G and Sally Jessy Raphael the longest drought in my life.” Best Song- Bruce Can’tsingstecn spent some time with Sally Best Actor- Tom Hanks. I predicted a snagged an Oscar on his first attempt at after the official programming. Enjoy! broadcasting or is it all just on the surface? close race, but picked Liam Neeson to writing a song for a film, “Streets of Phila­ •Question-. I go to school full time. I •SJ.R.: If you’re asking me if any win the Oscar. I lanks’ acceptance speech delphia,” and another notch in my win work full time. And I find it difficult to major networks have a major woman in drew tears for many, but it just seemed a column. manage. Do you find there is ever enough charge of making major decisions, Sherri little odd to me that the red ribbons got Also, another shoe-in that I should time in the day in your life! I .ansing is the only one that I know with mentioned, but not the reason why so have seen coming from miles away was •Sally Jessy Raphael-. No. And I can’t any power. many in the entertainment industry w ear John Williams, for his music score in the say I sec it getting better. Do I ever feel •Q.: Do you choose the topics for the them. Oh, well. movie Schindler's List. It didn’t make my discouraged? Do I ever feel put upon show? Best Actress- Holly Hunter. This pick list, but should have. John Williams everyday? Yes. I’m sorry if that doesn’t •SJ.R.: I can say I won’t do that. And makes it 0-for-3. Again, I picked Angela is best known for his work with two give you any comfort (laughter). I can say I will not talk to those guests. Do Bassett, but I also said she probably moviemakers- Speilberg and George •Question: If you were alive in the I? Almost never. In the ten years of the wouldn’t win against Holly Hunter and Lucas, and probably has more Best Score 18(X)’s, what would your job be? show, we’ve only not aired two shows. Emma Thompson. Oscars than any other composer, alive or •S J .R .: I’d love to say something but I Each show costs the company about $50 Best Supporting Actor- Tommy Lee dead. Good job, Bill. can’t (laughter). Maybe I should say Lib­ thousand. So at the end of the year, when Jones. I ley, I bad to get one right! Yes, the My final score for Oscar night was 4- ertarian. I’d be a Libertarian. I’d run a my company tallies up, I say, “Oh, we bald bad-boy l!.S. Marshall from The F u­ for-9. Like I said, no bookies are going to railroad. didn’t run two shows, here’s $100,000.” gitive stole the spotlight from Harrison be beating dow n my door for Oscar picks. •CL Arc there any women in power in And every thing is fine. Ford, and walked home with an Oscar. Next week, a dual review- the two new Best Supporting Actress-Anna Paquin. series Robocop, and Thunder In Paradise. The Client continued from page 10 If bookies took bets on the Oscars, you See you next week. Mark’s confidant and friend. Mark be­ character development or historical back­ comes the most important client in I ,ove’s ground in the story. Grisham’s first novel WANTED: career and together they try to figure out A Time to Kill has much more in the way of what their options are with the dubious characterand historical development. The information Jerome Clifford gave to Mark. Client doesn’t get into much legalese ei­ Reliable writ­ The police, newspapers and the mob ther like Grisham’s last novel did. The all want Mark but for different reasons. Pelican Brief. So Black's Law Dictionary can ers to review The police are looking to keep Mark be returned to the bookshelf because alive, the newspapers want a story and the Grisham does away with the legal jargon campus plays mob wants to see Mark dead but they all in The Client. The irony in the story is that want the information Clifford gave him. Jerome Clifford and Mark Sway both have and musical Grisham takes the reader on a roller­ the same dilemma in possessing the cov­ coaster ride from start to finish. From the eted information. events for A&E. outset this novel grabs the reader and The Client is a traditional David and doesn’t give any breathing room until Goliath story set in the complex legal halfway through the book. The last half of system. The Client is in its sixth week at the Call Kelly at 655- the book is all down hill and when the number one spot on the New York Times book smacks into the last page the reader Paperback Best Seller list and costs $6.99. 5241 is left looking for more story. Vincent Caruso Grisham doesn’t spend much time on today! i v i o r s r r CLARION Opinion/Thursday, March 31,1994 ------Southern Carnival forgot m A il N I © li Exposure By Anthony O'Donnell the laughs

Heavy snow was predicted for the day of my depar­ float you at 40,000 feet above sea level in a tin can. I ture (3/3), and this not being a winter to disappoint imagined that the planes would have names not like expectations, the snow came. I called the airport as early “Spirit of the Sky” or something equally suitable, but and as late as possible hoping a delay might buy me a more like “The Ferris Wheel” or “The Scrambler.” I little time tosleep. I didn’t want the flight to be cancelled awoke from ruminations of this nature to actually look at of course, but since I was scheduled to be laid over in the bow of the plane. It read “The Fun Ships” which I Miami between 10 a.m. and 9:30 p.m., I wasn’t in a hurry thought uncomfortably close to “The Fun House.“ to get started. Upon boarding, a half-an-hour or so later, I was de­ Despite a ferocious and continuing storm the airline’s prived of my backpack. The attendant assured me that annoying computerized message kept saying the flight it would fit neither in or above compartment nor under would leave as scheduled at 7:30 a.m. I had felt certain it my scat. I protested that I had stowed bigger things on a would have been otherwise, so had very little time to get 727, but she was adamant. to the airport con­ I discovered on sidering the con­ board that she was at dition ofthe roads. least right about the Teri Ryan and Landing was almost as thrilling space below the seat. I pulled up to the This Carnival plane terminal with as taking off. It’s not that we had apparently been scarcely 15 min­ modified in the spirit utes to spare. I bucked and rolled quite as much, of economy of space dragged my lug­ practiced on theirocean gage to the check liners; it was a very in counter in a but that we bucked and rolled so “tight ship” indeed, state of consider­ when my seat-mate ar­ able anxiety. A close to the ground. rived I felt a kind of question to the familial closeness to­ Unnecessary assai sullen counter at­ wards him. He seemed tendant," Is flight like a relative of mine; 101 on schedule?" Her reply, "Yes." No commentary my Siamese twin, to be exact. Hie administration whatsoever on the atrocious weather and how it might I was a grim sardine during the 45 minutes it took to influence our actual time of departure. As the passenger de-ice, but all was well in the end. There was plenty of ahead of me finished checking in, the same lady said to extra room on the flight and I was able to move to a seat Have you ever walked across campus and felt a little uneasy? him, “Be sure to hurry up to the gate, the flight is ready by an exit door. Thus I enjoyed not only a window, but and female students have felt this lack of safety on campus. to leave.” I’m sure perspiration was breakingon my brow enough leg-room for Shaquille O’Neil. Campus Police reported an assault that occurred in Lot 21 thi as I wondered, “If there’s such a damned hurry why is It may seem to contradict some of what I’ve written was walking alone hack to her dorm from her car late st night. A she moving so slowly!” She checked me in with mad­ above, but I really love to fly. My wisecracks about dening casualness, then after an all-too-brief goodbye to Carnival arouse out of pique, not fear. But I must say that her arm and strike the side of her head with a pipe. Teri, I ran off to the gate. this flight reminded me what fear of flying is. It was the A violent assault such as this can take place without hindrance Running with my backpack was no easy thing. But I fault of the weather rather than the Carnival pilot, I’m ing available in the lots, as well as the long walk that is necessary had been possessed since 5:00 a.m. with the thought that sure. But I think I can be forgiven for it having occurred pits are unsafe, and although there are patrol cars in tl.nj area, the I could miss my flight. It was the only one of the day for to me that the experience had a certain flavor of an everyone. their airline and I wasn’t about to blow it at the last amusement park ride. The rocking and buffeting alone T he same is true for the library. It’s bigger and mo c aesthetic minute. I relaxed my pace to a rapid walk as I approached might have been tolerable however extreme. It was the dangerous. This week, a woman was assaulted by tw) men; one the gate. With boarding pass in hand and pleased with plummeting through “air pockets” on take-off that un­ kissed her. This is a horrible reality but one that shou d not be ig my efficiency I smiled at the gate attendants expecting nerved me. to ride my momentum all the way to my seat. They Once above the clouds it was smooth sailing. The ing on this campus, and they should be dealt with responsibly by looked at me dubiously and explained that we were not friendly crew went about their act. One young lady vidual. yet boarding. There must have been a blank look on my (surely she had worked before on the “Love Boat”) T he administration should make escorts more available for st face, because their news took a moment to sink in. A made a speech in imitation of the U.S. Postal Service Police does not have enough manpower for all individuals who n break-neck drive in the snow and a fully laden sprint for motto about how the plane had taken off despite rain, more money solely for this purpose, avoiding frivoloui expenditi this! As I sat down, I imagined the soft, yielding flesh of sleet, snow, etc. A modestly appreciative applause fol­ the individual student should be the administration's rst priorir the counter-attendant’s throat beneath my steely grip. lowed, whereupon the young lady exclaimed, “is that ling. New lights should be installed in the parking artis as well a A couple of fellow passengers explained to me that the best you can do!” The passengers dutifully clapped they too had made heroic efforts to arrive only to find that louder and I privately thought, “What’s next, a bleedin’ In addition to the administration's help, students should also t the flight crew apparently hadn’t tried as hard. My first singalong!” mace with you, always walk with a partner, take a def inse courst thought was that Teri and I needn’t have taken our leave Landing was almost as thrilling as taking off. It’s not T he crux of violence is control. If you let the contf :l be taken so abruptly. For the most part though, I was simply that we bucked and rolled quite as much, but that we where you are and what’s around you. Obviously the u are time: consoled by the fact that I hadn’t missed my flight after bucked and rolled so close to and while rocketing to­ most crimes can be avoided with simple precautionar measures all. wards the ground. I swear that it’s almost never so bad. As these MSC victims have learned, crime is occm ing on car In buyingmy ticket the prime consideration had been Still, I wonder whether in the past I’ve just been lucky economy, and it was by this route that I ended up with not to be on small aircraft in rough weather. sibility to provide a safe campus for the student body We call on an airline I’d never heard of, Carnival. It is, as the reader Walking off the plane I felt the balmy southern air. responsibility and immediately form a task force to co ne up witl may have guessed, an offshoot of the cruise line. For me How nice to be back in fair weather. I was further soothed ceptable situation. the name conjured up unfavorable associations. I imag­ when my pack appeared with my other luggage on the ined a jingle, “Carnival, the airline with the clown in the carousel. No broken buckles, no stolen valuables. cockpit.” Now, I think that just as investment bankers I struggled off the daily lockers, then to a “left lug­ ought to wear dark suits, airlines ought to project an gage” place to deposit my big bag. I called home then image of sober responsibility. A relaxed and fun-loving took the $1 bus into the lovely city of Miami. attitude is simply “not on” for a business that wants to 1 O M O I S T ! I L CLARION ■■■— ...... -...... - ...... Opinion/Thursday , March 31,1994 ------! f L D evil's Keep your eye on Advocate By Michael O'Leary The Money Store

There are two coincid ing topics that I wish to discuss. “cultural bias” in numbers. Is the number 12 exclusive First, I wish to talk about something that has bothered to any specific race or gender? Can only one group of me for some time. T he concept behind college is to teach people figure out the area of an isosceles triangle? those who already have a foundation of knowledge The other half of the test is English. A segment of the concerning learning (English, math, history, etc.) from English section deals with finding antonyms to various high school and expand upon it with an emphasis on their five-dollar words. Is it biased to ask a student to be fluent future profession of choice. Nowadays, though, colleges in the language they speak, including words with which are becoming less of a learning center and more like a they are unfamiliar with? In fact, most people are not minor-league system for various sports. familiar with the words they use in the S.AT.’s. College athletics is a vital portion of on-campus life. It Another segment of the English section is reading installs both a sense of pride and feeling of community comprehension. This is the only part where I heard an with others from the school. Unfortunately, there are attempted argu ment against it. Those against the S. A.T.’s some schools who feel that scholastic sports are the prime say that the stories in this part do not interest some urban reason for their existence. What is most appalling is the students. That’s bull. More often than not, the things number of athletes, who under normal circumstances students are forced to read will not interest them; but would not be accepted to these same schools, are not they have to read it anyway. If people only had to read only being accepted, but are also being fought over. what they were interested in, I wouldn’t have had to read Shouldn’t there be a standard for all incoming stu­ “Catcher in the Rye.” This part of the test was made to dents; or can the guy who’s going to create the A.I.D.S. see how well the student can understand basic sentence vaccine try somewhere else because he can’t hold the structure and how well they can decipher what the writer runner at second? If that wasn’t bad enough, there are is trying to communicate, not to exclude any certain numerous proponents out there who want college ath­ group of students. letes to be paid. I currently owe Phil Rizzuto and The As far as I can tell, the test is about as fair and balanced Money Store several thousand dollars in student loans. as you can get. Of course, no test is going to give a perfect Personally, getting a free college education (for those outline of a student’s abilities; but the test combined y assaults call for who get an athletic scholarship) is pay enough. with the student’s school records should show where the Getting back to the topic of academic standards for student is truly prepared for college. incoming students, I wish to talk about my second In conclusion, it seems that those coaches who claim Nation's attention theme: the S.A.T.’s. For many years, there has been an that their athletes (not their students) are being treated outcry by some, including college coaches, that this and unjustly for having to adhere to a certain standard in the otherstandardized tests are “culturally biased.” They, of S.A.T.’s (which I believe is much, much lower than the id felt a little uneasy? If you have, you are not alone. Both male course, have no proof. They note that, on average, average score of 1,000) need to find a new excuse. It also minorities do not do as well as the majority on these tests. seems that few who work in the collegiate athlete­ safety on campus. Does this mean that the tests are biased? Does this making machine are interested in changing things. Keep : occurred in Lot 21 this week. A female Blanton Hall resident show that urban education is pathetic? Perhaps. Let us an eye out, folks. Make sure your tax dollars are going to her car late Et night. A man approached her and was able to grab examine the S.A.T. test more closely and see if we can libraries before renting the Goodyear blimp for their th a pipe. determine whether or not the test is, in fact, biased. football games. Also, make sure people like that, who •lace without hindrance on campus because of the lack of light- One half of the test is math. I challenge anyone to find throw the word “bias” out at will don’t go unchallenged. ; walk that is necessary from the parking areas to the dorms. The rol cars in t|at area, they are not there often enough to protect Letters... ger and mole aesthetically pleasing now, but is still potentially ulted by twp men; one pinned her while the other fondled and Cookies and sex should be le that should not be ignored. There are violent crimes happen- talt with responsibly by the administration as well as the indi­ fun Donating blood can either be a positive or a negative was supposed to be fun, not a medical history? Well, sex ts more avail able for students on campus at night. Campus event. I have experienced both. is and always will be fun. But, with caution. Now I am not ir all individuals who need rides. T h e administration should find I was asked to participate in a blood drive at work. I going to preach about the do's and don’ts of condoms. ing frivolou expenditure on anything else on campus. Safety of believe in donating, but I had some reservations. The You know. But when you donate blood, you are re­ last time I donated, I fainted. Passed out cold. Cookies or mistration's irst priority. More police cars should be out patrol­ minded, again. no cookies it wasn’t worth it. But previous to my fainting parking art£s as well as the sidewalks around campus, So we donate blood to be a humanitarian, yet we are spell, I enjoyed donating. Out with the old, in with the reminded of the world we live and love in. We are forced students si ould also take responsibility for themselves. Bring new. I chance to rejuvenate yoursystem. Generate some to ask ourselves some straight forward questions about *, take a def msc course. fresh blood. our lifestyles that maybe we never considered. We all et the contr 11 be taken from you, are going to get hurt. Watch Thus, I put my anxiety aside and signed up. Because know what is right for ourselves and we know what is jviously the e are times that are truly out of your control. But of the concern of a tainted blood bank, the screening wrong. We all have to make our own personal choices. recautionar measures. process is extremely detailed and personal. “Have you And, most importantly, respect the choice of others. ime is occm ing on campus. The administration has the respon­ ever had sex with someone who has had homosexual Well, apparently passed the screening. They gladly sex?” “Have you ever taken intravenous drugs?” “Are d e n t bodv We call on the administration to live up to that accepted one whole pint of my blood. I did not faint or you HIV positive?” pass-out. And, I was able to eat as many cookies as I < force to co ae up with a comprehensive response to this unac- Questions like these got me thinking...I knew the wanted!!! Plus everyone received a bright red umbrella answers to most of them. But to one or two of them I as a gift. responded, “Not to my knowledge.” My mind raced, my For me, a little self reflection was worth it. I may have stomach flip-flopped and all I wanted was an extra long saved a stranger’s life - most likely my own. lunch break and some cookies!!! Then of course the inevitable question, I thought sex Melody Lima

MONT CLARION 13 The Montclarion/ Thursday, March 31,1994

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IVIC )NfI CLARION 15 March 31,1994 So Much for Grades, Motherhood and the Truth: Sally Jesse Raphael Speaks by Hugo Armas Memorial Auditorium had a packed all night reading these books and then house on Tuesday night as talk show went to an audition the follow ing day. host Sally Jessy Raphael helped in the Everything was going fine until they celebration of Women’s History Month asked me how I was w ith editing, I said at Montclair State. fine, even though I had never done it With the help of neighboring col­ before”. She learned the editing pro­ leges. Jescy City State and William cess four days after accepting the posi­ Paterson, Raphael was present to speak tion. on “Meeting The Challenge; Women “Is it okay to lie? I don't know,”

In Media.” Raphael said," it’s okay to lie about your Photo by Kevin Schwoebel Raphael told all who were present age or even about the jobs that you’ve about her life as a woman in the media. had in the past, as long as you can have She had been fired from 18 jobs before someone to back you up w hen the em­ having her popular talk show, but each ployer calls. The ideas of resumes is job had been a stepping stone for her pretty dum b anyway.” because women were almost “invisible” “People spend too much time and when she first started in the business. money perfecting their resume, so if Raphael told students that grades arc you ever apply for a job at my show, or not the most important thing, but in­ even with Oprah of Geraldo, the inter­ Sally speaks to the com inanity about her career in the media. stead confidence and persistence arc view questions arc somew hat different", “T here’s nothing w rung w ith hav­ has taken her to the top. “You need to more important talents, and that it is Raphael said. ing children, but the concept of them is love what you’re doing in order to suc­ fine to bounce from job to job and lie on Raphael worked 26years in the broad­ more appealing than the reality. They ceed. Most jobs will not pay much, but resumes. casting business in Puerto Rico, and are cute and cuddly until the age of two, it’s a chance that you have to take. If She graduated from Columbia Uni­ managing a family at the same time but it’s all downhill until they turn you’re hired somewhere, take it, if in versity with a Bachelor of Arts degree in sometimes got hard, “there were times twenty four.” eight months you haven’c moved up, Broadcasting. When the time came to that we had to sleep in the car and live Raphael felt very welcomed at it’s time to start looking for something look for a job, Raphael lied about her off of credit cards. Now I find it funny Montclair State. Prior to the show she else,” Raphael said. broadcasting anchoring experience in but at the time it wasn't,” Raphael stated. had dinner w ith President Ried. After “There's nothing wrong w ith being order to get a job as an anchor in New She advised all women that seek to addressing our campus community, Fired, in fact, I don’t think that you can York City. go into the profession to definitly learn Raphael was available for a question make it in the business unless it has Raphael recalls buying two books on a second language and to put off having and answer period. happened to you. People must have how to anchor a newscast, “I stayed up a family for as long as possible. I ler courage to stay in the business various jobs before finding their niche"

Noteworthy's Attention All Business Majors

Pre-Registration Advisement Don't be frustrated and alone in l ndeclared and want to be advised? The Academic Advising Center will help you out until April 14. your Job search after graduation! rh e hours will be as follows: Mon., Tues., Wed.: 9-11 a.m.,1 - 3 p.m., Thursdays: 9-11 a.m., 4 - 6 p.m. Fridays by appointment only. Course Books Are Available I he Summer and Fall Semester Course Booklets are available in College I tail and the Student Center. It's not too late! The deadline to drop courses without receiving an automatic "F" has been extended until April 4. Network yourself to a brighter future with the Award Application Deadline PHI CHI BETA Co-ed Business Fraternity. The deadline for the Raymond Paul Journalism Award is 1 p.m. April 4. Applications should be submitted to Professor Ron Hollander. Civil Rights and Knvironmental Activism by Daniel Saggio On April 8th, at St. John’s 1 niversitv, the Journal of Legal Commentary is sponsoring a symposium on a Networking is your future !!! heated issue surfacing in the arena of Environmental Justice. The topic to be addressed during the scheduled (No Pledging Involved) four panels of speakers is “The Merging of Civil Rights and Environmental Activism.” The discussions will Class IV org. of SGA attempt to articulate the discriminatory factors behind the siting of industrial waste centers. Call Mary or Jerry to find out more information. Mary - (201) 836-4069 Jerry - (201) 239-3360 All those interested need to register by calling (718)- 990-6688. A copy of the published remarks can be purchased when it becomes available. The symposium scheduled at St. John’s l diversity School of Law, will be held in Moot Courtroom, Room 2050, and w ill go from 9:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.

VIC >IV I CI ARI ON Campus Life/Thursday, March 31, 1994 Campus Calendar Student Life lonitfit The Wonderful World of John J. 12:15 p.m. I loly llmrsday Mass, Student Center, nx>m 415. O 'Sullivan 5 p.m. Art I xxtnrc: Vik Muni/, photographer and sculptor, Calcia Auditorium. 4:15 p.m. I xxturc: "Rescuing Cuba: I lie Place of Adventure and Masculinity in the Spring Break: Bah! Humbug! 18*K)s" hv Peter I lulmc. New building, room 178. I hate it w hen people ask me how' my MS> "Beep." 5p.m. I xxd's Supper (Mass for Vocations), DioGuardi Room, Newman Center. spring break was. ITiey say, “I Icy John! WBJMSI IWB> “THAAATPRIICE I low was your spring break? Well, I went ON THE FLEEET’S ENEMA IS Friday to Cancun and got dntnk everyday and SUPPOSED TO BE $4.80, N O T $4.90! ( »(xxl Friday; No class and offices arc closed. had sex every night tinder a palm tree FIX IT!” 10a.m. Softball: MS(X-lassie. Quarry Field. and...” By this point in the conversation, I (Hello and welcome to Wit’s End!) 1 p.m. Hasesball: MSC vs Allentown College, Pittscr Field. am so jealous, angry, and just plain miffed M> “YOU STUPID FUCKING 3:30p.m. Men's Tennis: MSC vs. Jersey City, courts. that I have no choice to say, “YOU BAS­ O l,13 HAG FROM IIEI ,1M WI IYTI IE TARD! I HAD A SHITTY SPRING HELL D ID YOU EVER COME Saturday BREAK! WHILE YOU WERE O U T HERE, YOU SA TANIC GRANNY 1 p.m. Baseball: MSC vs. Wilmington College, Pittscr F ield. T! !ERE IIAVINC; SEX W il l I SOME FROM COCYTUSd)!! YOU ARE UNDERGRAD NYMPH NAMED MAKINC; MY LITE A LIVING HELL!!! I HOPE A MAC TRUCK Sunday BAMBT ( or ‘Cl IUCK), I WAS AT...” Pathmark. HITS YO UR HOUSE WHILE 11 a.m. Faster Sunday Mass, Russ I fall, Kops I xningc. No, I didn’t chose to go to my local YOU’RE THERE M AKING SA­ Pathmark for Spring Break, I work there. TANIC KNIT THINGIESIt DIE!! Tuesday Pathmark is an “interesting” place if you DIE!!! DIE!!!!!!” 5 p.m. I -ectnirc: "Japanese-! J.S. Partnerships: Prospects and Problems in Politics and consider arguing with 2349 year-old (At this momentlpickedherup,stuffed Trade" by Ambassador I liromotoSeki, Morchcad I lall, room 101. women interesting; I find it to be a drag. herinapaper(with plastic)bag,and threw For example, I had this one 2349 year-old her out of the store. Everyone on my line Wednesday named Mrs. Wilma Bartleberry Jones applauded me, and my manager named Ntxrn I xxtiiic: "Native American Women: Issues of Gender and Culture" by McDuff Scribner I lerltcrt Walker Bush, me “Associate of the Month.” ) Patricia Mann, Student Center, room 417. who was just so incredibly annoying, most Now, if I only had to deal with Satanic 7 p.m. I lispanic Caucus Gathering Music, dancing, fotxJ and entertainment by of my actual hair fell off of my actual head. old-women from I fell, life would be good. I xninisimo dancers of IASO, New Building, room 178. I Icrc is the ACTUAI. (sorta) transcript of Real good. I ake when you wake up in the what w ent on: morning and you realize that you can Me> “Hello, welcome to Pathmark. sleep an extra hour. That good. But NO, THE Would you like paper or plastic bags?” NEVER!!! Not in Pathmark. T o add to Social Wilma Bartleberry Jones M cDuff the aggravation, management discovered sponsors Thursday nights at “3rd degree!’ in W Scribner I lerbert Walker Bush>“(scream­ another device about as BAD as Mrs. c; Hoboken, 18 to party, 21 to drink. ing) WHAT?" Wilma Bartlcl)erryJonesMcI XiffScribncr AHA sponsors Swamp Fox Tuesdays. M> “Hello, welcome to Pathmark. Herbert Walker Bush: The PA System. 4/17 Ad>E mixer with AX E Would you like paper or plastic bags?” “Right now we have Purduc(TM) R 4/17 0H mixer with WBJ MSI IWB> (screamingonceagain) Fresh-Roasted chickens for$1.99apound! E Wl I AT?” Buy a cart-load today!!!!” When one first E Fundraising (This went on for 120 more times.) hears this phrase, it seems like nothing at 0 S is selling M&M’s. K My Scanner> “Beep.” all, none-the-lesssomethingevil. But, mul­ E MS> “Beep.” tiply that by 13,478,238.12 and square it, Philanthropy L WBJ.MSH WB> “HOLD O N and find the sine and...sorry, I got carried k vTZd> will be working with handicapped children at Jersey THERE SONNY!!!! THAAAT OR­ away. The point that I’m trying to make is City’s A. Harry Moore School Thursday. ANGE JUUUICE IS SUPPOOSED that after the 100th time, it’s like Chinese 0E is participating in the MS walkathon later this month. Y 'F(XX) BEEF $2.89, NOT $2.90!” water torture. After hearing “...Buy a Brothers are looking for monetary pledges. M> “(tiffed) I WILL CALL T H E cartload TODAY!” for time 488, I was _____ 4/10 EEE will participate in Super Cities Walk. MAN-A-GER TO CHECK THE about to wig-out. At repetition number PRIIICE.” 523,1 once again, flipped out. I found the WBJMSHWB> “WHAT?” bag with Mrs. Wilma... and thrashed it Three ways to beat My Manager On The Phono “Waaa against a wall. I tore off my shirt and went Waaaaa Waaaaa Waaaaaa$2.90(My boss leaping around the store, eating people’s the high cost of college. was a teacher in the same school as Charlie boxesofT AtckyGharmsfTM),” andcall- 1. The Montgomery Gl Bill Brow n before he worked in Pathmark.)” ing little girls by the name of “I ke.” By the 2. Student loan repayment M> Till. OR ANGE JUICE IS time security wrestled me to the ground to 3. Part-time income TWO DOL-LARS AND NINE-IT take me off in a paddy wagon. I was The Army Reserve Alternate Training Program is a smart way to pay for CEN'l’S.” puking little marshmallows, and cursing college. WBJMSHWB> “WI IAT?TI IEPOR- that damn leprechaun. The doctors say 1' irst. if you qualify, the Montgomery Gl Hill can provide you with up to $6,840 for current college expenses or approved vo/tech training. Rl IXJE MOOSE 1ST El A WSAVAI AS that the medicine that I’m taking should Second, if you have—or obtain—a qualified student loan not in default, AND NIG! ITT PANTS? WHA T?” take care of the emotional fluctuations. you may get it paid off at the rate of 15% per year or $500, whichever is greater, up to a maximum of $10,000. Selected military skills can double that maximum ( This happened 119 times. The line ' 1 hat, my friends, was my Spring Break. Third, you can earn part-time money in college, and here's how it works stretched from my cash register to Chi­ Seven days of tortuous I lell. Fun. I don’t One summer you take Basic Training, and the next summer you receive skill cago! Customers were about to revolt and training at an Army school. You'll earn over $1,500 for Basic and even more for know about you, but I’d rather lx: here skill training. Then you'll attend monthly meetings at an Army Reserve unit burn Mrs. Wilma Bartleberry Jones anytime, eating horrible ftxxl, and danc- near your college, usually one weekend a month plus two weeks a year. You'll McDuff Scribner I lerbert Walker Bush be paid over $105 a weekend to stall It's worth thinking about. (live us a call ingwith pancakes thankyouso very much! on a stake.' The 120th time she bitch about MSC (or is it U) is cool. 1-800-USA-ARMY the price, I snapped. 1 couldn’t take this anymore, I was approaching Wit’s End.)

BE ALL YOU CAN BE. \Xhut do you do to fill your free time? We want to know. thing us your story by the ARMY RESERVE Friday before publication and it w ill be in the next issue o f the Montclahon!

MONT CIARION 17 MISTER BOFFO by Joe Marlin

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SNAPSHOTS by Pa rag Josh i It Cume From Left Field THE FAR SIDE By GARY LARSON by Sean Daily

A t this stage of your workout you'll want to seriously think about slowing down.

Life

Practical and fun April fools jokes for you and your friends.

1. 'Fell your boyfriend that your 6. Feign death in the commutcrcafe. pregnant. 7. Kat at the commuter cafe. 2. Tell your parents that your drop­ 8. Sell people eat nip to your friends ping out of college. and tell them it’s marijuana. "Well, scratch No. 24. He did pretty good, though — 3. Go into a Me Donalds with a Uzi. 9. Confess to the police for any head- right up to the jet engine test." 4. T ell your girlfriend that you love line crime! her. (Ha Ha Ha). 10. Really be pregnant! 5. Have your brother committed.

1 8 C L A Y O N Remember, LIVE. live a t M SC, Wednesday, Comics

by AM » P»t»r» I’m so very sorry. fin npn/ntjy hy John J. 0 'Su/fioan.

I would like to apologize to all of ing another “What If...” column, but you, the collective group of readers of every tim e I tried, it had something to our beloved Montclarion, because I, do with flying airborne land-animals. John J. O’Sullivan, could not come up I hope you see my frustration here. I with a topic that worked for this w eek’s tried doing ‘What if it really rained comic page column. cats-ano dogs,’ ‘What if rabbits RE­ Here’s what happened; I was typ­ ALLY COULD deliver eggs,’ etc. I ing at my regular spot in Richardson tried a few more premises on my key­ Hall, trying to construct my premise board, they flopped too. I couldn’t for the week: Advice from Bob the take anymore. I took the Mac and Plumber. It was going to be a mock threw it out the window of lab, pulled advice column by this guy Bob who my sweater over my head and started would scream at his readers. When I screaming ancient Celtic tribal chants. read it, it seemed as if it would flop. Yeah, I was TH A T frustrated! So I Really flop. I Icre’s a sample: hope you accept my apology; I prom­ “Q: Dear Bob, ise as God being my witness I WILL My wife left me for some other guy HAVE A REALLY COOL COL­ who makes more money in one day UMN N E X T WEEK! If I don’t, may than I do for an entire year. I still love God smite me off the face of the her and I miss her. What should I do> Earth. Signed, Depressed. “ZZZZZZZAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA A: Dear Depressed, pppppppppppPPPPPPPPPPP!” YOU’RE A DAMN LOSER!! SHE Damn it; I guess God really doesn’t I .EFT YOU BECAUSE YOU ARK A like my articles. {Insert assorted pain LOSER! IF YOU HADTHE BALLS, sounds here.} SHE WOULD HAVE STAYED Respectfully yours, W ITH YOU, BU T YOU D O N ’T , JtkrtJ. 0 LOSER!!!!!” Wasn’t that terrific? I think it was. It John J. Ci “Sal/ioan is an air-borne land mammal and sucked worse than Ishtar! I tried writ­ chairman o f the 'liational fissoc.iation ofLtctra- Terrestrial Carpentry (dorkero *

Vour/\cv ^/Horoscope

* ^ by Hich l)ahm and Dan Vebber by Ruby Wyner-lo ★ A.A.B. Pcertified Astrologer Another Incredible Movie Chain Mark Harmon Aries: (Mar. 21-Apr. 19) Now is Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) The the time for investment. Your man in the toilet stall next to financial security depends on you this Friday will ask you to banana futures. help him wipe. Taurus: (Apr. 20-May 20) You'll Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) create an incredibly popular Maybe it’s not "cool" to like to MTV television program in your listen to the static on the radio, sleep. but holding a sit-in in front of a Gemini: (May 21-June 21) Per­ local bookstore will accomplish William Hurt 2. On the line between them, James Earl Jones haps the world is not ready for nothing. 19. name a movie in which both acton your bold fashion statement of a Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) A Jack Nicholson were featured. (Example: No. I Peter Sellers “Giant New Zealand Snipe particularly flavorful cigarette would be Summer School, at both Beetle forehead implant.” distracts your at tent ion Just long Mark Harmon and Kirttie Alley Cancer: (June 22—July 22) Satan enough for a thief to steal your will appear to you in the form of shoes and replace them with the late Bob Hope to tell you cheap wooden ones. that you have a Kool-Aid mous­ Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Af­ tache. ter finally getting a "Hard Rock Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22) An epi­ Cafe" shirt, you learn that it was sode of CHlPs teaches you a just a stupid, overblown fad from lesson in humility. the late eighties. Virgo: (Aug. 23-Scpt. 22) A fran­ Pisces: (Feb. 19-Mat. 20) A Michael J. Fox tic phone call from Dick Clark smelly bum will try to expose wakes you up, and a half-hour himself to you, but end up fall­

later you find yourself on a plane ing over because he’s so drunk. CUETURAI IDIOCY QUII ANSWERS to the French Alps. 1 W a -Y * .» " UdM ar**' IS IV 9 |» « 1 : in i IIVi i rdkm* tm 14 Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) After Listen for Ruby Wyner-lo's guest L.á UV.. TSm t Tou) •V ia . tArVadr 1 rrtai II fay 1 mesa Kal*, WiaMn « balm, rU,-i '»«I*.!«*» H«<*n i ^trumted l*u»»n.. you shatter your pelvis in a Wal- backup appearance on tracks 4,5, It IVHyalBat Hun,«. A [k or Mu» 1 14 \r*m, U.dd, /I d Mart, you sue the producers of and 12 on Guns N' Roses new LftjnwiuSa*« h l i Sirene Hratu U .A f W . Kl N» «.au V„*4 .«|..U«P T he W altons for all they're album "Shades of Grey." 1 RoafFWir 17 !V w worth. © 1994 by O nion Features Syndicate

MOIST! April 6 t h , It should be a hoot!!!!!! C1ARION Cardiac Kids come up big in Florida Red Hawks win five games in last at-bat during 9-3 Spring Break tour

by Keith A. Idee No. 7 national rankingthat the Red I lawks Initially, the VISC softball team were awarded in the pre-season poll. struggled during its annual Spring MSC w as led by the hot bats of senior Break trip to Florida. Prior to embark­ catcher Kristi Kuchinski and senior ing on the seven-day, 12-game excur­ ccnterfielder Kcri O ’Meara. Both players sion, the Red Hawks had not played hit at a .529 clip and were able to consis­ outdoors at all due to the inclement tently get on base and knock in timely weather in this area. runs for MSC. (See story on page 21.) They needed time to adjust. Also sw inging hot bats were junior sec­ ond baseman Jcnn F linn(.474), freshman * vfr designated hitter Rosalie Guzzi (.378, I I I iliiliilp i Softball seven RBI), junior shortstop Fran Bcllapianta (.333) and sophomore first But once they settled into a comfort baseman Shana Canfield (.321, six RBI). zone, MSC was able to put its 2-3 start Flinn, however, only played in seven behind and went on a seven-game tear, of MSC’s 12 games after pullinga muscle Sophomore Shana Caufield slides in safety with the winning run in M SC’s three-run duringwhich the Red I lawksoutscorcd in her upper torso. Kubicka is hopeful seventh inning in its 9-S win over Eastern Connecticut. their opponents 52-19. (See chart to that Flinn w ill return by this weekend. Al Langer/Montclarion the left.) As was expected because of the out­ Overall, MSC won five of its games door inactivity, the pitching staff started on the trip in its last at-bat. slow, but managed to get into a groove. Mead coach Anita Kubicka was re­ Sophomore Robyn Baron especially stood RED HAWK RAMPAGE lieved that MSC was able to leave the out for MSC. The University of Vermont Sunshine State winning nine of its first transfer tallied a 5-2 record to go with a 1. March 19: Win over Wisconsin Whitewater, 3-2. 12 games, w hich included seven oppo­ 2.33 FRA in 36 innings of work. 2. March 19: Loss to Simpson College, 2-1. nents that were nationally ranked in Baron also set an MSC single-game 3. March 20: Loss to Baldwin-Wallace, 5-2. the Division III pre-season poll. record w ith 12 strikeouts in a 7-4 win over 4. March 20: Win ovcr W estern Connecticut, 7-4. “It was one of those trips that could Western Connecticut, breaking Dina 5. March 21: Loss to St. Xavier (NAIA), 5-2. have easily put us at 6-6,” said Kubicka. D ’Aquino’s old mark of 11 set in 1986. 6. March 21: Win over Kastern Connecticut, 9-8. “But putting together the streak we She struck out 32 batters in all during her 7. March 23: Win over W ittenburg College, 8-1. did at the end of the trip showed that eight mound appearances. 8. March 23: Win ovcr University of Chicago, 13-2. this team has a lot of character, drive I ler walks (22) and wild pitches need 9. March 24: Win over Calvin College, 8-1. and determination.” to be cut dow n, but as the season wears on 10. March 24: Win over University of California-San Diego, 6-3. The Red Hawks hit .358 as a team that should not be a problem. 11. March 25: Win over University of Wísconsin-River Falts, 4-3. and sported a .422 on-base percentage. Fellow sophomore Denise Warnock Their performance at the tail end of 12. March 25: Win ovcr Alleghcny College, 4-1. their trip allowed them to keep the continued on page 23 Blaney, Morano pace MSC lacrosse to first victory by Maureeti K. McLeer each had two to lead MSC to the non­ Pfieffer College, 27-13, in Durham, N.C. Over the break, the MSC lacrosse conference win. on March 22. team split its first two games of the Dan Van Ness also came up with “T he team did n ’t play well because young season. Yet, the team is still very two assists. Aside from compelling they weren’t prepared for it,” said optimistic about gaining a berth in the goal scoring, the offense was sparked Alsofrom. “We haven’t had valuable field NCAA tournament. by Mike Como, who won 80 percent of time due to poor weather conditions.” The opening competition was stiff, his faceoffs. This enabled the Red Senior midfielder Keith Van Ness net­ as MSC played Pfeiffer College and I law ks to have advantageous access to ted four goals in the loss, while Morano Queens College, w hich are ranked No. the ball. added four goals and one assist. Matt 7 and No. 8 in Division II respectively. Freshman goalie Steve Collins Klank chipped in with two goals and two T h e Red I law ks bounced back from picked up his first w in at the collegiate assists. a loss in the opener with a win over level by stopping 17 shots on goal. MSC’s next game w ill be on Saturday Queens College, 20 -13. I lead coach Doug Alsofrom feels when it travels to Pomona to take on Playing almost flawlessly for the Red confident w ith his team. “We’re doing Richard Stockton. Hawks was junior Neil Blaney who fine, we can handle the early loss," he The Red Hawks expect to win this scored five goals and dished out five Al Langer/Montclarion said. “Aside from our erratic play due game, but won’t be overconfident be­ assists. Accompanying Blaney in attain­ to our mixture of talent, our attack is cause Stockton is the most improved team Blaney, a junior, netted five goals and ing the 20 Red I law k goals were Frank very strong and experienced. We have in the Knickerbocker Conference and is handed out five assists in MSC’s 20-13 win Morano with four, and Danny Van Ness, great potential this season." currently sporting a 3-0 record. MSC will over Queens College on Saturday. John Belotta and Mike Bruton, who MSC’s loss came at the hands of then play at Drew on Wednesday. iv io is r r CIARION ------Sports/Thursday, March 31, 1994 ------MSC makes strides despite trip record Carlon hurt as Red Hawks go 5-3 in North Carolina-Virginia games by Brian Falzarano year, dropped to 1 -2 on the year. I Ic was Being away from home would be an taken out after two-thirds of an inning experience for most. An experience of (four hits and five runs, two of them growth, maturity, and prosperity. Or earned) due to tendonitis in his rotator conversely, it could also be an experi­ cuff. ence of horrific proportions. Serious? Not really. It will not hinder MSC’s trip was actually successful in him for the rest of the year. Nonethe­ that they finished above .500 (5-3, 6-4 less, precautionary measures will be overall). Nothing can ever be taken for taken on the fourth Red Hawk pitcher granted between the white lines. The to experience arm trouble (Chris only things you can count on arc that Rampone,GeorgeSalinovich, and Drew there are nine players in the field and Yocum were the others). that it will be a contest every time out. “After he threw (in the bullpen), he thought he’d be able to go,” said Schoenig of Carlon, who experienced a Baseball twinge in the shoulder while throwing on the side on March 19. “He wasn’t The Red Hawks arc a testam ent to real sharp, but he thought he could go.” that last sentence. Their North Caro­ Carlon will throw on the side starting lina trip could be deemed a success next Tuesday and will get back on the because of those guidelines. mound on the following Friday or Sat­ “Overall, I think you have to be urday. However, he will not be brought pleased because of the competition we back until league play said Schoenig. played,” said Schoenig. “Six and four is Carlon said he was in pain, but hoped to certainly an acceptable record.” be back against NJAC rival William Their most recent contest was against Paterson on April 8. Virginia Wesleyan this past Saturday. After two innings, the Red Hawks MSC dropped that game, 10-5, but the dug themselves into an 8-0 hole. "Todd Ron Micucci/Special to the Montclarion loss itself was overshadowed by John Sak, w ho had come in relief of Carlon, Carlon’s performance. MSC's junior shortstop Tony “Tippy" Martinez prepares for a pitch in the team's 12-8 win Carlon, a sophomore who was 6-0 last continued on page 23 over Chowan (N .C .) College during the Red Hawks' Spring Break tnp. K u c h in sk i, 0 ’'Meara tandem MSC Sports Schedule sparks softball to hot start Friday, April 1: by Keith A. Idee Baseball (home) vs. Allentown College, 1 p.m. home runs and drove in 11 runs, while Softball (home) in the MSC-Kean Softball Classic, TBA (through More often than not, when a team’s going 18-for-34 in Florida. She also Saturday) No.3 and No. 4 hitters both bat .529 returned with a hefty .882 slugging per­ over a 12-game span, it’s going to trans­ centage, a .638 on-base percentage and Saturday, April 2: late into a lot of victories. scored a team-high 11 runs. Baseball (home) vs. Wilmington College, 1 p.m. Lacrosse (away) vs. Richard Stockton, 1:30 p.m.

Tuesday, April 5: Baseball (away) vs. Klizabethtow n College, 3:30 p.m.

Wednesday, April 6: Softball (away) vs. FDU-Madison, 3 p.m. (Doublehcader) Lacrosse (away) vs. Drew University, 7:30 p.m.

Thursday, April 7: Softball (home) vs. Richard Stockton, 3 p.m. (Doubleheader) Baseball (away) vs. Rutgers Newark, 3:30 p.m.

Al Langer/Montclarion •Spring sports teams’ home game and match sites: baseball (Pittser Field), softball (Quarry Fields), lacrosse (Sprague Field), men’s tennis ( The Red Hawk Seniors Kristi Kuchinski (left) a nd Ken O'Meara (right), were instrumental in leading the Courts). Red Hawks to seven straight wins and nine wins overall during MSC's trip to Florida.

In the MSC softball team ’s case, it Kuchinski still sees room for im­ away some of the pressure. runs, went 18-for-34 and has a .538 on- was good for nine w ins during its annual provement, though. “Towards the end of the trip was base percentage. spring tour of Florida, thanks largely in “ I think that numbers can be deceiv­ w hen we really started to click. I lope- “I think that I want it more this year part to the offesnive production of se­ ing because we were a little inconsis­ fully, that will carry over into this w eek­ than I did last year,” said O ’Meara. niors Kristi Kuchinski and Keri O ’Meara. tent,” she said. “But the hitters in front end (MSC-Kean Softball Classic on Fri­ “Also, last year I was just DH’ing. Now Kuchinski, a third-team Division III of me have been doing a good job and day and Saturday).” that I’m playing the field (center), I’m All-American last season, slammed three having Keri hitting behind me takes O’Meara knocked in a team-high 15 into the game more.” MONT CI ARI ON 21 — Classified/Thursday, March 31, 1994

show cleavage. Delta- Who got thrown out of LaVele 3 times Joe Icrves the big banana from behind. in 2 days? PERSONALS Theta Kappa Chachi Joe (AKV)- Beth Put up the f-in window it's cold as Theta and Delta- Maria- Where are you? I have missed you/// hell... Spring Break '94 Worst ghost story everl Lets do coffee. Mick Pat (AKV) Alissa, Maria, Nelly and Pock- 150 mile through Virginia 150 m.p.h. - Here is your personal. It was also a I swear to god I can get 10 minutes! AKM no sweat. great pleasure to m eet you this week. Ladies, Smoke Pot, want a hit? PS I have your poster! LADIES Ohio is great! Big Mick AKW- All I know is Theta loved the big wet Panama City International airport, Cha Chi (AKV) Cris, weenie and they want more! what? Have you ever seen an overgrown It is still a pleasure to meet you peach? Mick Warning to MSC- AKV- Watch out Harry Balls is fighting Hey look, it's a Little Fyle! AK'P and® KX- everyone. Thank god Joe was able to drive so A K ¥ - much on the ride home... and he made Who was watching Ohio while they Fyle- such great time, too. were on Spring Break? The best night sleep you had was CLASSIFIEDS your first night with me. Schlitzy!! QKX- VBOD PART-TIME Earn $5 to $8 /hour VERY flexible Who farted all over your room? Walko- hours.We ore a dental software company 0 K X - You’re my Diamond Girl looking for a port-time telemarketer to work 5- AKV- Wheres the mixer- Lake Gaston, the 2 0 hours per week If interested call Jeff Wait, let me guess, you're from Ohio? Halloway or Ohio? Dave Bajicic is ready for any flood. Trochtenberg (609)844-7603 (w) or Delta Pyle (201)942-8686 |h) A K ^- Lazy Daze, Fier House, moonshine, Maria, Nelly and Pock- Delta- iiy o mustl Are you energetic, outgoing, and are you in the service? I swear to god I wasn't sleeping!! I can't be Harry was actual cooI for a week... m ust have been the weather. do you like to laugh? Most of all do you have Jeff K, Fyle- a good set of lungs? Must own a car. AV2V- Bolloonamatton wonts you! Call Billy Are you even gonna say Hi? Delta- When’s the road trip to Ohio State? (201)890-4885 Panama City is not good for us... • AKM/- How many Deltas can you fit in sardine box? rart-lime telemarketing. ¡seeking motivated Looking for maids to help dean room Chris Peilhe (A K vi/ ) is Casper the people to work a m , aft, or p.m. Flexible 70S, call the Del Cornadoll friendly ghost. days. Average $8 to $12 per hour. Call Delta/Theta- 277-8802 Lake Gaston, Virginia + $ 5 0 + a hotel AYJV- DaveB(AYJV) ■ attendant = a new car to Panama I'm fightin' someone right now! It’s a good thing there's a place on Part Time Telemarketing Supervisor needed Harry City. your wrist for your new watch. to work Monday thru Thursday, 6p.m. to 9 p.m Starts at $8 per hour Ask lot Sheree at A K y- I thought I went to Panama City, not Chachi is Marky Mark!! 227-8802. Ohio. Who got laid in Panama City? ■ Walko is a big guido and Panama City AKV- Look Marc- Fellican knows it. What is Superman's mother's name? Louis Schütz? Delta is definately going to Peru next Jeff Klastava is a mumbling fool. spring break! What do you think, Fat? Panama City VBOD, Fat, Maria, Pock, and Nelly- For the last fucking time - 1 did not OHIO SUCKS Joanie loves Chachi break the fucking window - 1 fixed it. Joe Delta, Where did you go for Spring Break? I’m not paying for the beer. OHIOItl Beware of death mobile disguised a s Harry a white mini-van. Joe’s a stud-two women a t once. Delta- Panama City-Show your tits. I’m the best drunk driver in the Vinnie (AKV)- fraternity. I’m darker! Slobvokian tutor-call Greg Balls Cheryl (Theta)

I am not a schmooz Chachi we are definately fighting right Wait let me get my toothbrush!! now! Dave- Theta Lauren (Theta)- Do you have a razor I could borrow? Wish you were there Pat (AKV) Cheryl and Joe Dave Bajicic is definately ready for What'syour favorite nationality? ...Peruvian. flood season. Lori(Theta)- You have the best buns! No need to Who's family Pocked Panama City? oo M O N T LL CIARION Sports/Thursday, March 31, 1994 ers have had three coaches (Mike Dunlcavy, Randy Pfund and Johnson). Calling the shots The rcvolvingdoormust be nailed shut. Jerry Jones has become the George So, if Magic isn’t willing to be the Stcinbrcnncr of football. Ilc’sjust a lot Lakers’ coach for more than a month, better at damage control. But enough than he never should have taken the with that “we’re good friends" crap. If job. After all, fulfilling Buss’ fantasies Jones and Johnson really were great should not come at the organization’s pals, Barry Switzer wouldn’t have been expense. T hat is, of course, if Buss is yanked off his couch in Oklahoma to interested in making the Lakers con­ coach the Cowboys.... And Johnson is tenders again. no angel in this ordeal either. He wants If he is w illing to remain for the long to be in full control of a football fran­ haul, than the Lakers arc in business. chise. Hc’smadcthatveryclcar. Jones’ Magic is a proven winner with a tremen­ comments that he made in a drunken Can Earvin perform “Magic” dous amount of know ledge of the game. stupor provided Johnson with his timely Those arc key ingredients that make a ticket out of Dallas. Johnson said that good coach. he didn’t have the “drive" to lead the again for struggling Lakers? However, let’s play Devil's advocate Cowboysintheirquestforathird straight for a second. championship. 'That’s funny, he never Showtime is back at the Great West­ all) for the few remaining home games. Doesn’t Quinn Buckner know a lot mentioned that as being a problem be­ ern Forum. Temporarily, at least. But that in itself will not restore the about basketball and winning? Yup. fore. Reporters should have been fore­ “I know it’s going to be for a month, interest and faith that were once so vital Can he coach worth a lick? Apparently warned to wear hip boots for that press anyway,” said the man with the million- to Laker basketball. not. Jamal Mashburn and Jimmy Jack- conference. And shovels wouldn’t have dollar smile. Magic, who led the Lakers to five son will be the first to attest to that. hurt either....Feeling pretty good about That wasn’t exactly reassuring for NBA Championships, will be able to The point is that hiring a coach at this the NCAA tournament picks (Connecti­ Laker fans, nor was it what owner Dr. motivate his players by demanding their level that has absolutely no coaching cut, Massachusetts, Duke and Minne­ Jerry buss probably wanted to hear. best and nothing else, just as he did as experience could backfire. sota in the Final F'our) that were made Thus, the uncertainty of his the best point guard to ever step on a But Magic’s situation is unique be­ in this column two weeks ago. Might as committment is the most unnerving basketball court. No one is questioning cause the fans will tolerate the grow ing well follow the Jones-Johnson B.S. thing about Magic Johnson’s appoint­ that. pains, simply because he’s Magic. For a m odel.... Is Florida really in the Pinal ment as Los Angeles Lakers’ head coach Yet, that too will not be enough. little while, anyway. F'our?..... Hulk Hogan technically last week. What guys like DougChristie, George 'The real question that will be an­ doesn’t have a new career. H e’s been an Sure, Magic will bring the celebrities Lynch, Vlade Divac, Nick Van Exel swered soon enough is: Will Magic be actor all these years. The Hulkster has and others back to Inglewood to fill and Elden Campbell need, is someone able to handle not being the best for a just ditched the tights. And, if good those suddcnly-empty 6,000 seats and who will stick around and help them change, knowing that he will have to sense prevails, he probably won’t men­ to check out at best a mediocre bunch. become winners again. In the four sea­ take a game into his own hands with tion his “24-inch pythons” too much on There will be some sellouts (possibly sons since Pat Riley left town, the Lak­ strategy and not physcial ability? his new TV show.....Have a nice week.

Softball1 S SUCCCSS, from page 20 Baseball's trip, from page 21 also pitched well, collecting three wins ments, they pitched well.” tried to shovel his teammates out. In­ Roof added a three-run homer, his in four decisions. She returned with an The Red Hawks will need some of stead, he gave up a three-run homer to second of the year, in a four-run first impressive 1.29 ERA and gave up only that superior pitching, along with some Kevin Rooks. inning for the Red Hawks. 17 hits in 21 innings. offensive punch in this w eekend’s MSC- With the score 10-5 in the ninth Against High Point, another NAIA Warnock turned in her most impres­ Kean Softball Classic at the Quarry inning, Chris Roof hit a liner into the school, it began and ended with Mike sive performance in the team ’s last game F'ields beginning tomorrow and con­ alley in right-center with the bases Micucci. He bashed a two-run homer in Florida w hen she tossed a three-hit cluding on Saturday with the champi­ loaded, but it was caught. in the second and a three-run dinger in complete game without allowing a walk onship game at 3 p.m. The 10-team St. Andrew’s, one of the two NAIA the fourth, pacing MSC to a 5-0 win on in a 3-1 win over Allegheny College. field features seven nationally ranked schools MSC came across on the trip, March 21. Sak (1-0) hurled eight in­ “It was very difficult for the pitchers Division III teams, including MSC. benefitted from a three-run rally in the nings, yieldingonly seven hits. F resh­ to adjust from inside to outside,” 'The condition of the fields will factor bottom of the ninth to overcome a 7-5 man third baseman Ryan Bowe added Kubicka said. “I think that was why into whether the games are played as deficit for an 8-7 conquest over the Red two hits. there were so many walks and wild scheduled. Call the Red I law ks Sports I law ks on March 23. Down 8-1 enteringthe fourth, MSC pitches in the first few games. But once I lot Line for up-to-date information at Ralph Yezza, picking up where he scored six runs in the fourth, led by they settled down and made adjust- 655-7645. left off last year, went 2-for-5, with Yezza’s grand slam, and three in the three RBI, including a two-run fence- seventh for an 11 -8 win over Chowan. clearing shot to give MSC a 7-4 advan­ Jason Scavalla homered and had two tage. Keith Glauber, who won two RBI. Glauber got the win in relief. STUDENT FITNESS games on the eight-game swing, suf­ On March 18, they braved a four- fered his first loss of the season after run eighth inning to dispose of Mt. St. MEMBERSHIPS giving up all three runs in the ninth. Mary (NY), 12-8. T.J. Costello, who FREE WEIGHTS 30 D^YSIqt Just Although he was not too thrilled has been subpar , got the win in 5 2/3 AEROBIC CLASSES USE OF FACILITIES 7 DIES PEI with the losses, Schoenig was more innings, giving up four runs on four TREADMILLS WEEK disappointed with how his team lost hits. John Pallino had three hits and an RO L0I6 TERM COMMITMEIT the previous two games. “The way RBI. Rob DiLaurenzio homered for • SU R CLIMBERS those games transpired bothered me. MSC. EXERCISE BIKES CLEAN SPACIOUS LOCKER ROOMS AID WORKOUT AREAS The St. Andrew’s game, we had won,” N.C. Wesleyan, one of the top teams ROWERS (with College I.D.) the seventh-year coach said. in Division 111, blitzed Carlon with a SAURAS They bucked the trend of the previ­ five-run fourth inning as the Red WHIRLPOOLS ous game as Tony Martinez singled I lawks succumbed, 6-2, on March 17. 227-4000 home pinch-runner Torn F'ew to give MSC outlasted Division II Barton YOGI BERRA S FITNESS & RACQUETBALL CLUB MSC a 7-6 victory over Methodist on College (N.C.), 8-6 in the opening March 22. Glauber got the win, pitch- game of the North Carolina trip on 333 FAIRFIELD BUSINESS CAMPUS, ROUTE 46 VEST FAIRFIELD, NJ 07004 ingan inningand a third of hit-free ball. March 16. MONI CI ARI ON 23 MONTCLARION

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March 31, 1994 • “Our 67th Year of Sen Volume

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