Published in Canada Fifth edition: November 2012

Use of any Take It EASY Leader's Guide content and the Take It EASY logo is subject to the prior approval of Boys and Girls Clubs of Canada and must be credited accordingly.

To request the use of the Take It EASY Leader's Guide content or the Take It EASY logo, contact BGCC's National Programs Team.

Boys and Girls Clubs of Canada 400 – 2005 Sheppard Ave. E. Toronto, ON M2J 5B4

T: 905.477.7272 F: 416.640.5331 www.bgccan.com

Copyright © Boys and Girls Clubs of Canada Generously supported by

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole, in part, or in any form. Introduction

What is Take It EASY? As pre-teens and teens grow, they face many challenges in their personal and social development. The period of early adolescence (ages 8-16) is one in which youth face puberty, growing independence from home and parents, peer influence, and social and school pressures on a day-to-day basis. Take It EASY, a national program of Boys and Girls Clubs of Canada, is designed to engage youth in fun and engaging small-group activities. Facilitated by a trained Club staff person, each session focuses on a particular issue such as self-esteem, body image, violence, gender issues, and sexuality. Each activity enables participants to ask questions, share their opinions and reflect upon the issues that are raised. The main objective of the program is to foster self-esteem and confidence in preteen and teen Club members. More specifically, Take It EASY aims to help youth:

• develop social and emotional skills

• understand the role of media and social media in their lives

• understand how to manoeuvre themselves through conflict

• improve their abilities to make decisions

• develop positive relationships with their peers and adults

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth Acknowledgements

Boys and Girls Clubs of Canada has been running its national program, Take It EASY, for over a decade. With generous support from Tupperware Brands Corporation, we've been able to update this manual. The need for self-esteem programming still exists but some of the contexts have changed since the original manual was created and we believe this new and improved manual reflects some of the issues that youth are facing in the 21st century. We would like to recognize the work of Anne Bulley who, in working with the Boys and Girls Clubs of Nova Scotia more than 10 years ago, developed and wrote the original version of Take It EASY. The redevelopment of the Take It EASY manual would not have happened without the experience, expertise and knowledge of the following individuals. We sincerely thank them for all their help:

• Talia Bell—Boys and Girls Clubs of Calgary • Seana Jewer—Boys and Girls Club of Cole Harbour • Tamara Roberts—Boys and Girls Clubs of Hamilton • Lisa Olsmstead—Dawson Community Centre Boys and Girls Club • Cal Zimmer—Boys and Girls Club of Wetaskiwin • Keely Galt—Boys and Girls Club of Kingston & Area Inc. Best of luck with your Take It EASY program! Boys and Girls Clubs of Canada August 2010 Unit 1 Table of Contents

Getting 01 What You Will Find in this Manual Started 02 Kid-Friendly Vocabulary List 05 Getting your Take It EASY Group Started 06 Suggested Ground Rules 06 Facilitation Tips 07 Growth & Development Charts 09 Sample Letter to Parent/Guardians 10 Sample Promise Letter for Pre-teens

Section 1: Self-Esteem 14 Background 17 Facilitation Tips for Staff 20 Community Outreach 22 Programming Ideas 25 Resources 28 Activities

Section 2: Dealing with Violence 50 Background 57 Facilitation Tips for Staff 63 Community Outreach 66 Programming Ideas 69 Resources 72 Activities

Section 3: Body Image 110 Background 112 Facilitation Tips for Staff 117 Community Outreach 118 Programming Ideas 121 Resources 125 Activities

Section 4: Gender Issues 143 Background 147 Facilitation Tips for Staff 148 Community Outreach 149 Programming Ideas 151 Resources 153 Activities

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth Unit 2 Table of Contents

Section 1: Self-Esteem 172 Background 175 Facilitation Tips for Staff 180 Community Outreach 181 Programming Ideas 184 Resources 187 Activities

Section 2: Body Image and Gender 204 Background 207 Facilitation Tips for Staff 209 Community Outreach 210 Programming Ideas 212 Resources 215 Activities

Section 3: Sexuality and Healthy Relationships 227 Background 232 Facilitation Tips for Staff 236 Community Outreach 238 Programming Ideas 240 Resources 242 Activities

Section 4: Violence and Behaviour 262 Background 269 Facilitation Tips for Staff 270 Community Outreach 272 Programming Ideas 273 Resources 276 Activities Getting Started What You Will Find in this Manual sections Each section of information in each chapter has been developed to give staff additional tools for dealing with pre-teens and teens in the four key areas mentioned above. The following breakdown gives staff a more detailed description of what they can find in each information section.

A. BACKGROUND SECTION D. PROGRAMMING IDEAS • One to two page introduction • Offers more informal ideas for to the topic. getting teens and pre-teens • Provides information about to think about the topics. the topic and literature related • Provides a number of ideas to the issues. for special events, spontaneous • Describes the overall goals to programming and creating of an be met through the approaches, atmosphere in the Club conducive strategies and activities. to learning about an issue. • The ideas in this section would B. FACILITATION TIPS FOR STAFF be helpful to try as a supplement • Focuses on staff development to the more specific activities included • Offers one-to-one and one-to-group in the Activities section. approaches related to the topic area, as well as checklists for their own E. ACTIVITIES professional information and appraisal. • Provides actual activities to do with groups when a more formal opportunity C. COMMUNITY OUTREACH presents itself and an educational • Includes counselling, education and learning objective can be met. This facilitation tips, community outreach could be a Torch Club, Junior Leader ideas and “how-to’s” for involving or Keystone meeting, during day camp, parent/guardians in the particular issue. or even on the bus.

F. RESOURCES • Lists some of the A/V materials, internet websites, books, and other printed materials about each of the four issue areas.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 1 Kid-Friendly Vocabulary List

TERMs Self-Esteem is how I feel and what I think about myself! If I have high self-esteem I usually feel like I’m a good kid, proud of what I can do, and proud of myself. I feel important to people I love. If I have low self-esteem I usually feel badly or sad about who I am and I don’t feel like I am good at very many things. I might be unsure if people I love care about me.

Bullying is when a child hurts another child on purpose (it’s not an accident). The child uses hurtful words or actions again and again and bullying may go on for a long time. Sometimes bullying happens between two children but bullying can also involve a group of children. Bullying is not fair: the child who bullies has an advantage over the child being bullied. Children who bully may be bigger, stronger, or older; they may be more popular, or they may know something private or hurtful about the child who is being bullied. It is hard for the child who is being bullied to stop the bullying.

Verbal Bullying is when someone chooses to make another person feel badly by using mean words. When someone verbally bullies someone they might call them names, mock/tease them, threaten them, and dare them to do something dangerous, or call their home or cell phone and say mean or hurtful things.

Physical Bullying is when someone chooses to hurt another person’s body or damage their property. When someone physically bullies someone they might spit on them, shove/push them, kick them, hit them, threaten them with a weapon, or damage their personal property. (Like throwing their books around, writing mean things on their school desk, or stealing something).

Social Bullying is when someone chooses to make another person feel bad in front of his or her peers. When someone socially bullies someone they might gossip about that person, purposely embarrass them in front of other people, exclude them from a group, say racist, sexist or homophobic things, spread rumours about them, or set a person up to take the blame for something.

Cyberbullying is when someone sends you mean messages on the computer or cell phone. Sometimes one kid will do this. Sometimes a group of kids will do this. It can happen one time or lots of times. You might not even know who is doing it. Some examples of cyberbullying are: posting hateful comments about other people on websites, blogs, through text messaging and instant messaging, stealing passwords and sending out threatening emails or instant messages, embarrassing others through name-calling, gossiping, spreading rumours.

Violence is a way a person may choose to show anger or unhappy feelings. People can be violent in a physical way, an emotional/verbal way or they may choose to be sexually violent.

2 Kid-Friendly Vocabulary List

TERMs Physical violence: Examples of physical violence are, hitting, punching, kicking, throwing things around, “getting in someone’s face” or using weapons to hurt or scare people.

Emotional/Verbal violence: Examples of emotional or verbal violence are calling people names, telling someone that they are no good or telling someone that they are worthless, yelling at people, threatening someone, leaving mean messages for someone (like on MSN, Facebook or in a note on paper) or try to convince someone do something they don’t want to do.

Sexual Violence: There are different kinds of sexual violence: sexual harassment, sexual assault and dating violence.

Sexual Harassment means any unwanted verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature. It can happen at school, at work, by a friend or a coach. Even if sexual comments are not being directed at you, hearing rude jokes and comments or seeing sexually inappropriate behaviour may make you feel uncomfortable and you have the right to speak up about this. Examples of sexual harassment include: staring, whistling, rude comments, offensive sexual jokes, comments about your body, inappropriate touching, waiting for you before and/or after home, school or work, following you to and/or from home, school or office, unwanted phone calls, emails, letters.

Sexual Assault is any unwanted sexual act done by one person to another. This can mean any unwanted touching of a sexual nature such as kissing, fondling, oral sex, and intercourse. Being sexual assaulted is a very scary and difficult experience. It is very important that you get help if you have been a victim of this crime.

Dating Violence is any sexual activity that is forced upon you without your consent is sexual assault, but sometimes young people who have experienced aggressive behaviours, intimidation, violence, sexual assault or sexual harassment while on a date are confused about whether or not this is considered sexual assault. Just because you agreed to go out with them and they paid for dinner or because you kissed them and they wanted to continue doesn’t mean they can force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Body Image is how I feel and what I think about my body:

If I have positive body image I usually feel good about how my body looks and feels. I feel like I can do most things I want to do with my body (like sports or stretching!) and I feel strong and in control of my body. I usually make healthy choices for my body and I know what to do if I feel down on how I’m looking or feeling.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 3 Kid-Friendly Vocabulary List

TERMs If I have negative body image I usually feel badly about how my body looks and feels. I might think I’m too fat or too thin or I might feel badly about how tall or short I am. I don’t often feel like my body does what I want it to (like during sports or when I’m trying on clothes) and I sometimes make unhealthy choices for my body to try and make it different or “better”.

Eating Disorder: When a person has an eating disorder it means that they have developed some very dangerous ways of thinking about food and their body. They may not eat at all or they may eat but then throw it up later. Having an eating disorder makes a person’s body very sick! (Especially if you are a kid because you need even more nutrients then grown-ups because you are still growing!) Usually people with eating disorders feel very sad and unhappy on the inside too. There are many doctors who help people with eating disorders find new ways to think about food and their bodies so they can feel happy again.

Gender Roles are the roles that our society puts “boys” and “girls” into. Sometimes gender roles are not fair! Examples of gender roles might be that “A man should have a job and a woman should stay home to take care of children” or “Boys cannot wear pink because it is a girl’s colour”. When we don’t take the time to think about how we perceive gender roles and if they are fair for us and others, sometimes we take the choice away from someone to be who they want to be!

Gender Stereotypes are similar to gender roles. A gender stereotype is an assumption about someone else because of their gender. For example you may assume that because your new friend is a girl she must like Barbie Dolls but really not all girls like Barbie Dolls! Or you may think that your new friend must not like Barbie just because he is a boy! When we let ourselves make assumptions about people we miss out on the chance to get to know the real them!

(Submitted by Boys and Girls Club of Cole Harbour)

4 Getting Your Take It E.A.S.Y Group Started

DISCUSSION Inform parent/guardians. The nature of the Take It EASY program means that you may touch upon some sensitive areas in your discussions. Sometimes these areas can link back to the home. When parent/guardians are more aware that their children are involved in the program, the better equipped they are to support the program. See Sample Parent/guardian Consent Letter at the end of the section.

Introduce Take It EASY to your pre-teen participants in a creative and fun way. Let them know right from the beginning that you want them to be involved in the running of the program!

Do icebreakers so that participants have a chance to get to know each other, and to build trust among the group members. If desired, organize a family dinner as an introduction for the parent/guardians and pre-teens. Eating and socializing together is a great way to introduce the program, and for participants to get to know one another.

Explain the importance of ground rules (see suggested ground rules on the following pages). Emphasize that these rules will be very important due to the sensitivity of the topics such as “Dealing with Violence” and “Body Image”.

Write the word “Expectations” on the board and ask pre-teens what they hope to achieve by participating in program. List their responses and clarify any that you feel are beyond the scope of the program.

Ask the group to prioritize topics, suggest guest speakers, or help prepare materials. Throughout your Take It EASY program, involve pre-teens in program planning and implementation wherever possible, to create an empowering, participant centered environment where young people are engaged.

Create and distribute a program plan. Read it aloud, and then ask the group for their feedback: Does this address your concerns? Which of the topics are especially important to you? Where do you want to spend more/less time?

Plan to hold a “free” day during Take It EASY this allows the group to decide what they want to do for a session. They can work together to come up with an activity they want to do.

You can also plan to take a field trip. Getting out of the Club to do something together is another way to build stronger relationships among the group. Talk to the group about keeping a journal. Explain that journals can contribute to learning and self-assessment and can be used to encourage reflection and practice writing.

Create a fun, unique Question and Concern Box by decorating an old paper box or other container. Cut a slot for index cards.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 5 Getting Your Take It E.A.S.Y Group Started

DISCUSSION Explain that asking questions is a great way for the participants to become empowered. Introduce the Question Box and explain that it allows pre-teens to address concerns or ask personal questions in an anonymous fashion. Explain that you will respond to every question in this box without sharing names.

Review details such as timeline of program, where the group meets, attendance requirements, whether or not pre-teens will keep a journal, roles of participants, etc.

SOME SUGGESTED GROUND RULES • Confidentiality: what we share in this group will remain in this group. • O p e n n e s s : it is important to be open and honest but not to disclose others personal/ private lives. Discuss general situations, but do not use names or identifying descriptions. • Non-judgmental approach: it is okay to disagree with another person’s point of view but not to judge or put down another person. • “I” statements: it is preferable to share feelings and values using sentences that begin with “I” as opposed to “you” (for a more detailed explanation see the self-esteem section). • Right to pass: this program encourages participation, but it is always okay to pass on participating or answering a question. • There are no dumb questions: any question you have is worth asking – someone else probably has the same question! The question box is always available for anonymous questions. • Make no assumptions. It is important not to make assumptions about group members’ values, life experiences or feelings. • Ask the group to add to the rules with their own ideas.

FACILITATION TIPS TO KEEP IN MIND • A lot of your approach to facilitating activities will depend on the pre-teens/teens in your group and it will be necessary to adapt the group work and discussions to their levels and needs. • If you are running a Take It EASY group that includes pre-teens of various ages between 8 and 12, you will probably find that activities and discussion topics that work for 8 year olds don’t necessarily work for 12 year olds. • Younger kids may need help with understanding the vocabulary of Take It EASY. • Feel free to challenge your group members with high level discussions and questions. • Don’t assume that the older participants are more adept in their literacy skills. Be aware of their abilities or reading and writing tasks. • Feel free to divide up the group into age-specific groups and then bring the groups back together again for large-group discussions.

6 Growth and Development Stages of 8-12 year olds

PHYSICAL COGNITIVE EMOTIONAL SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT DEVELOPMENT DEVELOPMENT DEVELOPMENT

• Experience a growth • Move toward • Experience feelings • Have an emerging spurt with weight gain, independence as they of insecurity, and sense of self as a muscle growth, progress to middle/ begin to doubt self young adult genital maturation junior high school concept and previous self confidence (girls, • Feel conscious of their • Skin may become oily • Continue developing especially experience sexuality and how they and may develop acne skills in making a major drop in choose to express it • Sweating increases decisions as they self-esteem) • Understand jokes and may have become more • Want to blend in and with sexual content independent body odour not stand out from • Feel concerns about their peers in any way, • In males, genitals • Shift their school focus being normal, such particularly as to gender mature, voice deepens, from play centered as whether it is normal roles and sexuality sperm is produced, activities to academics to masturbate, have erections and wet • Begin to look to • Feel concern about wet dreams etc. outward appearance dreams more common peers and media for • Feel anxious about • Become self conscious • In females, genitals information and advice puberty, when it will and self centered mature, breasts • Take on responsibilities happen, how it will • Care greatly about develop, ovulation such as family jobs occur, how to be relationships with peers, and menstrual and babysitting prepared, etc. friendships, dating cycle begins • Develop increasing and crushes and give • Feel shy about asking capability for social peers more importance caregivers about conscience and for than family sexuality and may abstract thought, • Relate to both same act like they know including understanding gender and opposite all the answers complex issues such gender peers and may as poverty and way develop sexual feelings for others • Struggle with family relationships and desire privacy and separation from family • Experience mood swings

Source: Huberman, B. Advocates for Youth, (2003)

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 7 Growth and Development Stages of 13-17 year olds

PHYSICAL COGNITIVE EMOTIONAL SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT DEVELOPMENT DEVELOPMENT DEVELOPMENT

• Complete puberty and • Attain cognitive • Have the capacity to • Understand that the physical transition maturity-the ability develop long lasting they are sexual and from childhood to to make decisions mutual and healthy understand the options adulthood based on knowledge relationships, if they and consequences of • Reach nearly their of options and their have the foundations sexual expression adult height, especially consequences for this development, • Choose to express females (males can • Continue to be trust, positive past their sexuality in ways continue to grow into influenced by peers experiences, and an that may or may their early 20's) (the power of peer understanding of love not include sexual pressure lessens after • Understand their own intercourse early adolescence) feelings and have the • Recognize the • Build skills to become ability to analyze why components of self sufficient they feel a certain way healthy and unhealthy • Respond to media • Begin to place less relationships messages but develop value on appearance • Have a clear increasing ability and more on personality understanding of to analyze those pregnancy and of HIV messages and other sexually • Develop increasingly transmitted infections mature relationships and the possible with friends and family consequences of sexual intercourse • Seek increased power over their own lives • Have the ability to make reasoned • Learn to drive, choices about sex increasing their based on knowledge independence • Recognize the role media play in propagating views about sex • Have the capacity to learn about intimate loving, and long term relationships

Source: Huberman, B. Advocates for Youth, (2003)

8 Introducing the Program to Parents/Guardians: Sample Letter and Consent Form

Dear Parent/Guardians,

We are pleased to announce that we will be starting a new program called Take It EASY (Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth). Take It EASY consists of two units: Unit 1 focuses on pre-teens ages 8-12 in four main areas: (1) self-esteem (2) dealing with violence (3) body image and (4) gender issues. In Unit 2, the focus is on teens ages 13-18 and focuses on (1) self-esteem, (2) violence and behaviour, (3) sexuality and relationships and (4) gender and body image. The main objectives of the Take It EASY program are to:

• Help pre-teens develop social, emotional skills, improve self-esteem, understand body image and peer relation issues. • Help pre-teens understand how to manoeuvre themselves through violence and conflict. • Address the needs of pre-teens from a diverse set of backgrounds (e.g. culture, language, urban and rural). • Improve the social and emotional health of pre-teens through fostering the development of skills and competencies. • Guide and teach parent/guardians to reinforce the skills, values and competencies acquired by pre-teens, through the development, of a parent/guardian educational program. • Strengthen the relationship between parent/guardian, BGCC staff and pre-teens.

We hope that you will take an interest in the program. We would appreciate it if you could take the time to sign the consent form below. If you have any questions please feel free to contact us.

Sincerely,

Name:

Name of Club:

Please check and sign below if you will allow your child to take part in the Boys and Girls Club of Canada’s Take It EASY Program

Yes\ No

Name of Participant:

Parent/guardian Signature:

Printed Name:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 9 Sample Participant Promise Letter Setting ground rules for pre-teen and teen participants

Time: 15-20 minutes

Objective: To set ground rules and establish a place of safety and respect among the participants

Materials: Copy of Take It EASY Promise, pens, poster board

Instructions: • Each participant reads and signs the Take It EASY promise as a confidentiality contract • Participants collaborate in creating a rules poster

Take It EASY Promise: I promise to do my part in making this a safe place by respecting others and their contributions.

I promise to keep the trust of others by not repeating what others say.

Name:

Date:

Signature:

10 Unit 1

Pre-teens Unit 1 Table of Contents

Getting 01 What You Will Find in this Manual Started 02 Kid-Friendly Vocabulary List 05 Getting your Take It EASY Group Started 06 Suggested Ground Rules 06 Facilitation Tips 07 Growth & Development Charts 09 Sample Letter to Parent/Guardians 10 Sample Promise Letter for Pre-teens

Section 1: Self-Esteem 14 Background 17 Facilitation Tips for Staff 20 Community Outreach 22 Programming Ideas 25 Resources 28 Activities

Section 2: Dealing with Violence 50 Background 57 Facilitation Tips for Staff 63 Community Outreach 66 Programming Ideas 69 Resources 72 Activities

Section 3: Body Image 110 Background 112 Facilitation Tips for Staff 117 Community Outreach 118 Programming Ideas 120 Resources 125 Activities

Section 4: Gender Issues 143 Background 147 Facilitation Tips for Staff 148 Community Outreach 149 Programming Ideas 151 Resources 153 Activities

12 UNIT 1:

Section 1: SELF-ESTEEM

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth Unit 1 A. Background

Section 1: What is Self-Esteem? Self-esteem “I’m overweight.” “I’m too thin.” “I'm not smart enough.” “I can’t make anyone happy.” “I’m useless.”

Have you heard these phrases at your Club? Probably. This is because teens struggle constantly with their self-esteem. Self-esteem begins to develop very early in life. For example, as a child tries, fails, tries again, fails again, and then finally succeeds, s/he is developing his or her own ideas about capabilities. Subsequently, they are creating a self-concept based on their interactions with other people. This is the reason why parent/guardian interaction is so important to helping a young person form positive, healthy self-perceptions.

Self-esteem is all about how much people value themselves, the pride they feel and how worthwhile they feel. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself has a large impact on how you behave and treat yourself and others. Young people who feel good about themselves seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures. In contrast, for young people who have low self-esteem, challenges can become sources of major anxiety and frustration. Pre-teens who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding solutions to problems. If they are haunted by feelings of poor self worth, they may become passive, withdrawn, or depressed (Sheslow, 2005).

According Crocker and Wolfe (2001) people differ in their bases of self-esteem. Their beliefs and ideas about what they think they need to do or who they need to be in order to be a person of “worth” form these bases. Crocker and her colleagues identified six bases where people define their self-worth.

They include: • Virtue • Support of family • Academics • Physical attractiveness • Gaining others approval

Individuals who base their self worth in one specific area (for example, such as academics) leave themselves more vulnerable to having their self-esteem challenged when they do not excel in that specific area (such as if they fail a test at school). A pre-teen who fails a test, but feels loved at home and is comfortable with their body image may not experience low self-esteem to the same degree as someone whose self-esteem is based on an independent factor. Self-esteem of pre-teens should not be addressed in isolation (for example by only focusing on improving on academics). It is the job of educators, parents/guardians, counsellors, youth workers to work with pre-teens on developing their sense of self worth in a number of areas. Pre-teens should be encouraged to identify their strengths in more areas than one and see that they have special qualities in all of the above areas.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 14 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 1: SELF-ESTEEM AND STEREOTYPING Self-esteem Stereotyping is a theme that you will see addressed throughout Take It EASY as it effects pre-teen socialization in so many ways. A stereotype is a simplified and/or standardized conception or image with specific meaning, often held in common by one group of people about another group. They are typically generalizations based on minimal or limited knowledge about a group or person. Stereotypes ignore the uniqueness of people by portraying all members of the group the same. An example is the way that youth are portrayed in the media as thugs, bullies, gang members etc. While there are many young people involved in these crimes, it is inaccurate to stereotype all youth as criminals.

Negative stereotypes not only affect how adults see pre-teens but also influence how pre-teens see themselves. Sensing that the rest of the world doesn’t respect or understand you does little to foster a healthy, positive sense of worth. In the comprehensive youth report, Canada’s Teens: Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow, one youth from Montreal, aged 15, sums up the feelings of many teens: “Today’s youths are intelligent but some adults don’t seem to think so. We are people too. Youth are discriminated against and that’s not right. To get through to young people, you have to listen to them, to trust them, and respect them” (Bibby, 2001).

SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM The age of pre-teens can be a very confusing and frustrating time. Changes to their bodies, interests, and their social relationships cause them to question who they are and how they fit into the dynamic and confusing world around them. This is a time of increased self-awareness, self-identity, self-consciousness, preoccupation with image, and concern with social acceptance (Slater & Tiggermann, 2002).

Adolescence can be marked by severe psychological and emotional challenges (Durham, 1999). They want to come to grips with their new place in community, their new thoughts, and their new feelings.

While these changes are occurring with both young men and women, it has been found that females experience a more difficult time with this transition than with males. Pre-teen girls are more likely to feel anxiety about their physical attractiveness, body image and self-esteem. They become more insecure and self aware of the changes that occur.

A young person who has low self-esteem may not want to try new things. He or she may frequently speak negatively about his or herself, saying such things as, “I’m not smart”, “I’ll never learn how to do this” or “What’s the point-nobody cares about what I do anyway?” The pre-teen may become easily frustrated, give up easily or not want to take on new activities at all. Young people with low self-esteem tend to be extremely critical of and easily disappointed in themselves.

15 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 1: A pre-teen with a healthier self-esteem tends to enjoy hanging out with others. They are Self-esteem at ease in social settings and like to take part in group activities as well as independent initiatives. When challenges arise, they are able to work toward finding solutions. They voice their confusion or discontent without degrading themselves. For example, rather than saying, “I’m an idiot,” a child with a healthy self-esteem might say, “I don’t understand this.” He or she tends to know his or her strengths and weaknesses and accepts them.

While raising and maintaining self-esteem ultimately falls to the individual, creating challenging, affirming, caring atmospheres where pre-teens can take risks that help them learn about themselves and develop positive paradigms about themselves is the special responsibility of parents/guardians, teachers, peers, and youth care workers. A holistic approach to improving the pre teen self-esteem by addressing school/work and community will be much more effective in the long run than an individual approach (Canadian Mental Health Association, 2007).

GOALS The objectives of approaches, strategies, and activities for the topic of self-esteem will help Club members: • To understand the meaning of self-esteem • To recognize the factors that influences self-esteem • To experience positive feedback themselves • To play a role in giving feedback and building self-esteem of others

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 16 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 1: WHAT DO PRE-TEENS THINK? Self-esteem Give pre-teen Club members opportunities to discuss what they think self-esteem is, if it is important to them and to others and how to make the Club a place for caring about self-esteem. Discussions about how members can be involved in being positive with each other may help in their understanding of how we are influenced daily by those with whom we come in contact. It is important to recognize the major influence significant adults have in the lives of members, but as youth care workers are very aware, the emerging power that peers have with fellow youth is staggering.

The more information and direct research on self-esteem that members do themselves, the more interested they will become in the outcomes. Things that you can do to encourage Club members are to: • Come up with creative ideas for self-esteem activities. Provide Take It EASY examples. Encourage them to choose what Take It EASY activities they would like to participate in. • Design a self-esteem survey and canvass all Club members about self-esteem issues. Collect quotes, stories, and concerns from participants and post them on a Club self-esteem board. • Interview staff, volunteers, peers and family to find out their thoughts and ideas on developing and nurturing self-esteem • Initiate a discussion about the ways in which the Club, the staff and Club members already contribute to positive self-esteem in themselves and others. This is affirming to Club members and helps them to see that they are already involved in the development of the self-esteem of others.

WHAT ABOUT STAFF? Club staff are usually the major caretakers of the self-esteem of members. Attending to personal and professional self-esteem of staff members is also an important part of the work done at the Club. It is essential to have a healthy self-esteem to work with pre-teens, and it is the right of all staff to be affirmed, supported, and given feedback about the job they do and the people they are. • Offer support and nurturance to other staff in the Club in a way that is direct and consistent with your feelings. It can have a profound effect on staff members. • If you hear colleagues talking negatively about themselves, make sure you remind them of their strengths. Remind them that their own self-perception trickles down to the self-perception of their members. Positive role modeling! • Offer one compliment directly to a colleague at the Club each day or week so that they recognize that they are appreciated and well liked. Let fellow volunteers and staff realize that you are there for them if they need support. • Publicly recognize a staff or volunteer by coordinating a staff/volunteer of the month award. These kinds of awards are always great for the ego!

17 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 1: There may be times when you need to boost your self-esteem. A few tips for self-affirmations! Self-esteem • Quiet time: Go try some yoga or meditation. Let your mind escape the stress of everyday life. • Pat yourself on the back! You are ultimately in charge of your self-esteem. Treat it well! • Ask significant people in your life for hugs, love letters, time etc. You are worth it! • Create positive self talk in your own head that cuts through some of the negativity you hear on TV, on the internet, in newspapers, at work or in your circle of friends • Make time for creativity, play and laughter. The right side of your brain is a wonderful place to go to feel good about yourself.

ONE TO ONE/AND GROUP PROCESSES Role Modeling: One of the key ways of helping develop positive self-esteem in pre-teens is for those other people in their lives to model positive, healthy and non-biased behaviours. Comments such as “I wish I was thinner” or “I wish I was smarter” are said by many people without really thinking. However, these kinds of comments stick in young people’s minds and influence their own way of thinking about their self-esteem. Be aware of what you say about your own appearance and abilities. It is important for staff to be aware of that they are viewed as roles models and important to Club member’s development. Be a positive role model. If you are excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, Club members may eventually mirror you. Take care of your own self-esteem, and you will be a great role model.

Creating Empowering Atmospheres: This is the kind of atmosphere where staff and members can learn about each other. You may find yourself working against peer pressure where there is little or clear communication, compassion, confidence or calmness. It has been suggested that pre-teens experience 8-10 negative statements or gestures to every one positive statement in their homes and 16 negative statements for every one positive at school. It has also been suggested that it takes from 6-12 positive statements or gestures to counter every one positive effect on self-esteem (Miller and Telljohann, 1992). This may seem discouraging; but remember, we all want to belong, to find a place where we are accepted and honoured. It is a basic human need. Compliment, encourage affirm, and give attention to Club members, every interaction counts.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 18 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 1: Expanding Self-Esteem: Self-esteem Cheslow and Taylor (2005) identify ways staff and parent/guardians can help to foster healthy self-esteem in their members: • Identify and redirect Club members’ inaccurate beliefs. It is important for educators to point out pre-teens irrational ideas about themselves, whether they are about perfection, attractiveness, ability or anything else. It is important to work with members to set more accurate standards and be realistic in evaluating themselves with a healthier self-concept. Inaccurate perceptions of self can take root and becomes reality to a young person. For example, a very good student who is challenged by math may say, “I can’t do math. I’m a bad student.” Not only is this a false generalization but also it sets the student up for failure. An effective response might be: “You are a good student. But math is just a subject that you may need to spend a little more time on.” • Work with Club members to become involved in constructive experiences. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programs in which an older child helps a younger one learn to read can do wonders for both children. • Make the Club a safe haven for youth. Always monitor for signs of conflict and tension at the Club. Be aware of inner Club arguing and bullying. Remind the members that there is a zero-tolerance policy in terms of discrimination, prejudice etc.

Reframing: Reframing means rephrasing your words so they come across a different way.

Watch what you say: Pre-teens are very sensitive to words. Remember to praise members for a not only a job well done, but for their effort. But be honest. For example, if a member does not make the school volleyball team and tells you about it, avoid saying, “Well next time you should train harder and then maybe you will make it.” Instead say something like, “Well it’s too bad you didn’t make the team but I am so proud of you for trying.” Remember to reward effort and completion instead of outcome.

You may find yourself in a situation with a member where you have to be firm. It helps to work things out in the most positive frame possible to give members a chance to cooperate. Without meaning to we can sometimes set them up for negative responses by insisting that 1) we are the power police and they have no say and 2) they have few choices but to resist. These messages can be worded to help them work with or against us, and ultimately have a real strong impact on their feelings of empowerment and their sense of themselves.

If you find yourself saying things like: “Don’t take the basketballs outside!” Stop fooling around and cleanup!” Reframing would sound like: “I’m counting on you to keep the basketballs inside.” Or “OK, I need a cleanup team to work with me here.”

19 Unit 1 C. Community Outreach

Section 1: “Governments, parent/guardians, youth, schools and communities need to work Self-esteem together to support the development of nurturing environments and community spirit to promote well-being in young people.” (National Crime Prevention Council, 2007)

Because the issues facing pre-teens are complicated and intertwined, so is the approach to ensuring their healthy development. Rather than focusing on one group to meet the needs of pre-teens, there should be a joint effort. The institutions that shape adolescent experiences should all be involved, including family, schools, health care, social services, justice and recreation.

School connections: Developing links with the schools and school board in your area, contacting administrators and principals to discuss ways in which the Boys and Girls Club staff can work with school and school board staff in the area of self-esteem development is key to community outreach. Some specific ways to develop those links might be to: • Share materials and resources on self-esteem, such as books, curriculum, videos etc. • Take part in service programming together when the issues relate to self-esteem • Attend parent/guardian programs put on at the school where self-esteem is discussed • Invite schoolteachers and administrators to workshops for Boys and Girls Club staff on issues of self-esteem • Offer to work with school board staff on the development of self-esteem curriculum and resources • Create opportunities for teachers, parent/guardians and Boys and Girls Club staff to talk about developing consistent approaches to the self-esteem of youth.

HELPFUL HINTS FOR PARENT/GUARDIANS (Think about sending this home in a newsletter)

What parents/guardians can do for pre-teens/teenagers? Teenagers are undergoing major changes in their lives as they prepare for young adulthood and their self-esteem can often be shaky. • Parents/guardians can help by showing that you believe in them and by encouraging them. Teenagers may deny it when you tell them that they look good, but they take in your message. Don’t let their sometimes-not-interested reaction put you off. For example, ‘You look really great with your hair that way, Jack’. ‘You’re just saying that because you’re my mother. You’re biased’. ‘Well I'm your mother and I’m very proud you’re my son’. Expect some help at home—even if it takes some explaining that it is part of belonging to the family. This says to your teenager that he is valued and needed as part of the family. • Try and take an interest in your teenager’s interests. For example, try to find something you like in their music. Ask them about the words of the songs and what they mean, but don’t criticize. • Listen to their opinions without always having a better or wiser answer. Help them to explore their own ideas. Let them know that they don’t have to have the same opinions as you.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 20 Unit 1 C. Community Outreach

Section 1: • Ask their help or advice sometimes. Show that you don’t have all the answers. Self-esteem • When something is really important to them, sometimes go out of your way to help them achieve it, even if you don’t think it matters. • Take an interest in their schoolwork, hobbies and sport and let them know that you are proud of their achievements. • Keep them involved in the family. Expect them to attend special family celebrations and occasions, even if they don’t stay around for long. • When they make mistakes due to ‘trying their wings’, see them as mistakes to learn from. Let them know that is how most of us learn to do better. • Welcome their friends into your home so you can get a chance to get to know them. • Hang in there. When young people are the most difficult to live with, it is usually because they are not feeling good about themselves. This is the time they need to know that you are hanging in there with them. Source: http://www.parentlink.act.gov.au/parenting_guides/all_ages/self-esteem

PARENT/GUARDIAN INVOLVEMENT AT THE CLUB Some parent/guardians are very much involved in programs at the Club, while others show little or no interest. Inviting their input through some of the homework activities or through information forums or panels may be a way of involving parents/guardians.

Involving parents/guardians is a challenge! Work with a range of ideas and strategies that invite parents/guardians, through their child’s involvement to become interested in the programs at the Club. Ask yourself these questions:

If I was a parent/guardian, would I feel comfortable at the Club? Would I feel welcomed when I come in? Is there a space for me? Although it is a Club for boys and girls, we can have a more positive influence on youth if the parents/guardians are involved and working with us. They may need some help and support. Remember that your skills and expertise in working with pre-teens may be helpful to them.

When do parents/guardians hear from Club staff? Is it only when there is a problem? Calling parents/guardians to say good things about their pre-teens involvement in a program can be helpful in developing the relationship the parents/guardians have with Club.

Does the Club offer educational or support programs for parents/guardians? Does the Club utilize the parents/guardian’s knowledge and experience of being with children? Does the Club ask for volunteer time from parents/guardians to work on special projects with Club members or use parents/guardian’s professional or personal skills in Clubs program?

They may be more willing to spend time with a group of pre-teens if they feel they have something specific to offer.

21 Unit 1 D. Programming Ideas

Section 1: UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF SELF-ESTEEM Self-esteem • Talk to members about the importance of being kind to themselves and to others. Have them research websites such as “Random Acts of Kindness (www.actsofkindness.org)” and “Pay it Forward (www.payitforwardfoundation.org)”. Talk about the concepts and brainstorm ideas for participants to take part in kindness initiatives. • Have members choose a personal quality theme of the week/month. E.g. compassion, courage, humour, kindness, wisdom. Read about it together, talk about it, and even create an event about it. Discuss ways members see this quality in their own lives and in each other. • Ask members to think of or bring in lines from movies, books, videos, songs etc. where one person says something good about another person. The person with the most lines wins a prize. • Have members make a list of what helps boys to develop self-esteem and what helps girls develop self-esteem. Compare lists. • Electricity! Ask members to stand in a circle holding hands. The leader (does not have to be a staff) passes a hand squeeze to the left. It passes around the circle as fast as possible. Try it with eyes closed. Try it in both directions. Talk about how the members felt to be part of the group.

RECOGNIZE THE FACTORS THAT EFFECT SELF-ESTEEM The Power of Words: Ask the pre-teens how the following statements make them feel…. • Teacher says: “I expect more from someone your age.” • Friend says: “I like being around you because you make me feel happy”. • Mother says: “You’re not going out looking like that”. • Father says: “Act your age, not your shoe size”. • Someone teases you: “You’re skinny”.

Talk about how some of these statements could be rephrased to be less harsh and harmful on our self-esteem. • Sign Survey. Ask the pre-teen members to take a tally of all the signs at school, in the community and even at the Club to see how they positively or negatively affect self-esteem. • Invite members to plan their “Perfect Day” with 5 things that they would like to have happened to make them feel good about themselves. Discuss the similarities and differences in the group. • Tangle! Get the members to stand in a bunched up group. Put both hands in the air. On the signal everyone grabs 2 hands of different people. When everyone is set, all step back and see where they are and whom they are attached to. The group tries to untangle without letting go and without hurting anyone. Invite the group to create friendship slogans out of cardboard, decorate them and hang them up in the Club room e.g. The Best Way to Get a Friend is to Be One!

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 22 Unit 1 D. Programming Ideas

Section 1: Place open-ended statements in large print on flip chard paper or newsprint on the wall of the Self-esteem Club room. Give each person a pen and ask him or her to finish statements in a positive way. One thing I feel good about is… I am always… I’m glad I… People like me because… I’m happiest when I ….

ACTIVITIES TO ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE • Accentuate the Positive: Break the group into twos or threes. Have them focus on one member at a time. Ask the group to focus on one participant and tell them all the positive things they can about the person. Encourage the participants to focus on behaviour rather than physical traits. Every comment must be positive. No put downs are allowed. • Create a “Me” Commercial: Have participants write a two to three minute television commercial. The topic is why someone should hire him/her. The commercial depicts the member’s special qualities. After they work on these, the participants present their commercials in front of the group. Encourage applause and praise for the presenters! • Create a Laughing Board where crazy pictures from magazines, accompanied by balloon comments or silly poses from member’s family albums are posted. Be sure that these are not pictures that are embarrassing to members but are seen as fun and funny. • Get new members to get to connect with each other by using a clustering technique. State a category like: favourite color, best rap group, favourite TV show, etc. Get members to yell out their responses and to find people with the same response. Members then exchange names and information. Come back to the large group and try to remember 5 new names. • Brag Time: Invite members to get into groups of 3-4 and talk about a time they did a positive thing they were proud of…or one random act of kindness that they have done. • Standing Ovations: Discuss the idea of having standing ovations for a job well done or a good decision made by a member of the group. Every now and then applause is an affirmation that can’t be denied. • Invite each member to create a collage of prints, drawings, paintings, or writing that represent things they do best. Offer a prize for the one that is most innovative. • Attach a piece of cardboard or construction paper to each members back. Give each member a pen/marker and get them to write one compliment on everyone’s back. When all are through they can read their own compliment sheet.

23 Unit 1 D. Programming Ideas

Section 1: PLAY A ROLE IN GIVING FEEDBACK TO AND BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM IN OTHERS Self-esteem • Use a bulletin board or graffiti wall in the Club to advertise when you “Catch someone at something good”. When staff or other Club members see something good they can write it and the name of the person on the wall anonymously. • Secret Friends. Everyone in the pre-teen group gets a name of someone else in the group on a piece of paper. They become a secret angel to the person whose name they got. They can do things for them, leave little notes, and bring them treats. The object is not to spend money and not to let them know who their angel is. After one month the winner is the secret angel who did the most interesting special things without money and who remained secret. This idea may be a good one for a community activity. Be angel to a senior citizen! • As a group make a Talking Stick. The talking stick was used in Native North American tribes at council meetings. It was used as courtesy not to interrupt a chief when he was speaking. The talking stick was then passed to the next council member who wished to speak. When you are having discussions in the group, use the talking stick as a way for individuals to get airtime and for others to listen. The only person who can speak is the one holding the stick. • Create a Special T-shirt for someone having a birthday or coming back to the Club after an illness or long time away. Get T-shirts from a discount store. On a white T-shirt, use different coloured markers and ask all members to write positive greetings to that person on the T-shirt.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 24 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 1: Websites: Self-esteem Dove’s global Campaign for Real Beauty aims to change the status quo of body image and beauty and offer in its place a broader, healthier, more democratic view of beauty. The website offers great resources, activities and educational information on body image and self-esteem for women. www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca

The Random Acts of Kindness™ Foundation inspires people to practice kindness and to “pass it on” to others. They provide free educational and community ideas, guidance, and other resources to kindness participants through their website. www.actsofkindness.org

The Girl Event will educate, entertain and inspire girls; empowering them with excellent tools to establish a healthy sense of self worth. The event is an interactive and energetic experience open to girls between the ages of 13 and 18. http://www.esteemdream.com/girlevent/index.htm

The Pay It Forward Foundation was established in September 2000 by author Catherine Ryan Hyde and others to educate and inspire students to realize that they can change the world, and provide them with opportunities to do so. http://www.payitforwardfoundation.org/

Get Loud.ca aims to inform and inspire Canadians about global humanitarian issues, as well as providing unique education tools to help engage and motivate young people in compassionate and works changing initiatives. Educators can find extensive resources that integrate global justice issues into their classes. Get loud features over 30 educational plans and fact sheets and provides useful and meaningful resources. www.getloud.ca Books And Print Materials: Canada’s Teens: Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow: Reginald W Bibby. (2001). Toronto: Stoddart Publishing The author conducted two national surveys on Canadian young people and adults in the year 2000, interviewing a total of 3,500 people. He also conducted youth surveys in 1984 and 1992 asking similar questions to the 2000 survey and continues to have conversations with Canadians aged 15 to 95 every 5 years to keep his study updated. Bibby takes the reader through a time warp by exploring the opinions of teens over the last three decades, starting with today’s Generation X.

Friends, Cliques, and Peer Pressure: Be True to Yourself: Christine Koubek. 2002 This easy to read book will desensitize parents/guardians and educators to the pressure that adolescents encounter and provide practical advice for handling peer pressure. This book deals with a very timely subject matter. The book includes personal interviews with young adults.

25 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 1: No Such Thing as a Bad Kid: Charles Applestein. 1998 Self-esteem This book looks at the reasons behind and ways to respond to challenging behaviour of troubled children and youth.

Body Pride: An Action Plan for Teens Seeking Self-esteem. Cynthia Stamper Graff. 1997 Includes fun activities for youth on ways to develop self-esteem.

Perfect. FRIEND, Natasha Milkweed. 2004. In this novel, Isabelle Lee, grieving for her recently deceased dad, assumes others–especially fabulous, friendly Ashley–have charmed lives. Discovered purging, Isabelle is sent to a therapy group with–surprise!–Ashley, and their ensuing friendship creates the crisis that, with the help of an empathetic teacher and growing family candidness, leads to a wonderfully satisfying, poignant conclusion. Friend knows middle school kids and delivers beautifully. Audio Visual Materials: Building Teen Self-Esteem: 2000 Canada AM Series

Gifts of Self-Esteem Parenting Video 2005 Secrets of successful parenting to build confidence, courage and self-esteem in your children. Four ways to tell you children you love them. Key points in developing high-achievers. What to do if you’ve done wrong in the past: the key to a happy family life.

What I Like About Me: Building Self-Esteem DVD 2005 Jen, a photographer, is working on a special project in Mrs. Lester’s class. She’s helping the students put together an album called “What I Like About Me”. Jen is taking pictures of each of the kids showing what they like about themselves. She helps each one recognize that they are special in their own way, that they should appreciate their own accomplishments, and that it’s all right to feel proud of who they are. Other Useful Resources (Websites, Books, DVDs etc): Use this space to jot down other useful resources you come across.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 26 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 1: Bibliography Self-esteem Bibby, R, (2001) Canada’s Teens: Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow. Stoddart Publishing. Toronto

Crocker, J., & Wolfe, C. T. (2001). Contingencies of self-worth. Psychological Review, 108, 593-623.

Durham, M.G. (1999) Girls, Media and the negotiation of sexuality: A study of race, class, and gender in adolescent peer groups, Journalism and Mass Communication Quarterly.

Dove’s Real Beauty Campaign www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca

Greenberg, J. (1992) Health Education: Learner Centered Instructional Strategies

Life Planning Education, Advocates for Youth, Washington, D.C. (www.advocatesforyouth.org)

Loomans, D. (1994) Full Steam Ahead. CA: HJ Kramer Inc.

Miller, D. and S. Telljohann. (1992) Health Education in the Elementary School. Brown Publishers.

National Crime Prevention Council of Canada (1995) Clear Limits and Real opportunities: The Keys to Preventing Youth Crime. Ottawa, ON Canada.

Pay It Forward. www.payitforwardfoundation.org

Pincus, D. (1992) Sharing: Improving Interaction Skill and Increasing Self-Awareness, Columbus. OH.

Sheslow, D. (2005) Developing Your Child’s Self-Esteem. Kids Health for Parents. Nemours Foundation. http://kidshealth.org/parent/guardian/emotions/feelings/self_esteem.html

Slater, A., & Tiggemann, M. (2002). A test of objectification theory in adolescent girls. Sex Roles, 46(9/10), 343 – 349.

Wong, R. Go. Charles, Murdock, S. (2002) Best Practices for Outreach and Retention of Middle School Youth in After School Programs, University of California Cooperative Extension.

27 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 1: Interview About Me Self-esteem Time: 1 hour (divided into two sessions) Kind of Activity: Homework Objectives: To develop members’ self-esteem by receiving positive feedback from others. Materials: pens/pencils, paper Numbers: 1 minimum

INSTRUCTIONS: Session 1: • Tell members that sometimes people who are close to us know more than we do about our strengths and what makes us special • Explain that participants will choose four adults or other teens that know them well and interview those four people. • Choose four people who know you well and have them name three things they like best about you. Write them down. • Then write down four things you like best about yourself.

Session 2: Ask the participants to share their interviews with the rest of the group.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How did it feel to learn what other people like about you? • Did you learn about some strength you did not know you had? • Were you disappointed that no one listed a strength you consider important? How can you make people more aware of that strength? • Did more than one person name any of the same positive qualities?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

(Source: Life Planning Education, Advocates for Youth, Washington, D.C)

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 28 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 2: Pay It Forward Self-esteem Time: 1 hour Kind of Activity: Process and Discussion Objective: The participants will investigate individuals who have created great changes in the world in the areas of government, science, medicine, education etc. Materials: Flip Chart Paper/Markers Numbers: Minimum 2-5.

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Begin an “Extraordinary Hunt” and challenge the members to find individuals who have a positive impact on society. Encourage them to be flexible in their thinking, i.e. both females and males, various races and cultures, different continents, historical/living, etc. 2. After gathering a large list, have members brainstorm thoughts they may have on characteristics/skills /talents these individuals had that made them extraordinary. 3. Discuss with the members resources that might be used to find information on the various individuals such as books, magazines, internet, museums, organizations. 4. Members, depending on grade level, will work in teams to research an individual and prepare a presentation on a specific person. It is important that members work in teams to reinforce the concept that one person may be the initiator but together everyone accomplishes more. 5. Have participants think about: What was the impact this individual had on society? Was the impact localized or did it spread? Is that impact still being felt? If so, how? What mega skills did this person exhibit (i.e. confidence, goodwill, determination, insight)? 6. Have participants present their individuals to the group. Afterwards display information, photos, quotes etc on poster boards around the room. QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How did these extraordinary people inspire participants?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

(Source: Pay It Forward Foundation www.payitforwardfoundation.org)

29 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 3: Promise Card Self-esteem Time: 30 minutes Kind of Activity: Homework/Reflection exercise Objective: To set goals for developing self-esteem. Materials: A journal or notebook. Numbers: Minimum one.

INSTRUCTIONS: Write down a promise to yourself to build your self-esteem. No one else will have to see what you have written.

Try to make this as specific as possible. For example: • I will do a reality check when I read magazines. • I will stop calling myself fat. • I will hold my head up high when I walk into school. • I will think before I speak. • I will make eye contact with myself in the mirror.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: How will you meet your promise? Read your Promise sheet in a month, or every week, as a reminder.

Follow Up: • Set a specific time to look at your promise card. • Share your promise card with a friend so you can support each other.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

(Source: Dove’s Real Beauty Campaign. www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca)

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 30 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 4: T-Shirt Symbols Self-esteem Time: 35-45 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Materials: Newsprint and markers or board and chalk, drawing materials (crayon, markers, coloured pencils) Numbers: Minimum one.

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Point out that throughout history people have created images of themselves and displayed them on shields or banners to express power and strength. Today, people wear T-shirts to display their group membership, values, and beliefs. 2. Explain that participants will create T-shirt designs that illustrate individual strengths and skills. 3. Distribute blank pieces of paper and instruct pre-teens to draw a design, symbol or picture that answers one of the following questions and symbolizes something personal. (Display the questions you have prepared?) • What or who do you value most in life? • What are three things you do well? • What would you like most to be remembered for? • What is one important thing you have done in your life? • What do your friends really like about you?

4. Give verbal examples of illustrations for the T-shirts. For example, in one space a band member might draw an instrument to illustrate one thing she or he does really well. A teen that looks after younger siblings after school might draw children or toys to represent her or his contribution to family. 5. Allow as much time as possible, reserving 10 minutes for discussion. Suggests that pre-teens complete their T-shirts at home if necessary and return them to the program for display. Conclude the activity using the Discussion Points. QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What was it like to think of positive, important things about yourself and share them with others? • What is one thing you learned about yourself as you did this? • What is one thing you learned about someone in your group? • Are there any major differences in boys’ and girls’ T-shirts? If so, what?

*Note: It’s a good idea to have a short conversation about what “values” are. Use examples to make it more concrete for the younger kids.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

(Source: Life Planning Education, Advocates for Youth, Washington, D.C. www.advocatesforyouth.org)

31 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 5: What Makes You YOU? Self-esteem Time: 1 hour Kind of Activity: Process or Homework Objectives: To help youth understand the factors that affects their self-esteem. Materials: Handout of quiz. Numbers: Minimum One.

INSTRUCTIONS: You are changing and so is the world around you. It may be hard to feel really good about yourself-emotionally and physically. Who helps you feel good about yourself and your changing body? Where do you get your ideas about what looks good and what doesn’t? Take this short quiz to find out. Write down whether you strongly agree, agree, somewhat agree, disagree, or strongly disagree: • I think my family helps me shape views about the world and myself. • I think television and magazines help me shape views about the world and myself. • I would say I am satisfied with the way my body looks. • If I could change something about the way that I look, I would: • I have a mentor: someone special in my life that helps me when I have a problem.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What was it like to think of positive, important things about yourself and share them with others? • What is one thing you learned about yourself as you did this?

DID YOU KNOW? • One half of women around the world see family relationships as having the greatest impact on their self-esteem. • Two thirds of women believe that they are expected to be more physically attractive than their mother’s generation. • Dissatisfaction with body image increase as girl’s progress to adolescence. While 75% of girls 8-9 years old say they like the way they look, only 56% of girls 12-13 feel that way. • One third of all girls 14-17 old think they are overweight and 60% are trying to lose that weight. • Over 50% of girls 11-15 years old say that their mother helps them the most when they have a problem.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

(Source: Dove’s Truth about Beauty Study; Girl Scout Research Institute, 2002)

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 32 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 6: Obstacles and Bridges Self-esteem Time: 15-20 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Use for a Torch Club meeting. Objective: The participants will identify some of their personal obstacles to feelings of positive self-esteem. Materials: Obstacles and Bridges Sheet, Pens/pencils Numbers: 1 minimum 20-25 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: “I’d like us to talk about self-esteem for a minute.” (See Handout)

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Does anyone know what that is? (Feeling good about yourself, being liked, how you feel about yourself, etc.) • What gives us good self-esteem? Where can we get it? • Does everyone have it? Why or why not?

“Sometimes there are things that get in the way of us feeling good about ourselves. They are like invisible obstacles. Do you know what an obstacle is (barrier, wall)? You can run into them anytime. They block you from feeling OK. For example: It could be something like thinking you’re not smart at math. No matter how well you do, you still think you can’t and it becomes an invisible wall or obstacle to feeling good about yourself. Sometimes you can get over or around invisible obstacles and sometimes you can’t. Other times you can make bridges for yourself even if you get stuck feeling bad. Like, if you try a bit harder in math, get better marks, you begin to have different thoughts about it. It becomes a bridge.”

“Here is a list of situations I want you to look at and see if they are obstacles or bridges for you in feeling good about yourself. Put an “O” by the obstacles and a “B” by the bridges.” Pass out the sheets and a pen/pencil to every participant. Give them 5 minutes to fill them out.

“When you are finished go back and put a “C” by those obstacles you can change into bridges. “ Close with a discussion of the biggest obstacles for participants and how are they going to make the obstacles bridges.

Note: Use visuals where possible. For example, use a picture of a bridge where participants can put their strengths, image of an obstacle or road block where they could put their struggles, image of a detoured road where they can try change.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

33 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 6: Handout Self-esteem Obstacles and Bridges Handout Place an “O” next to the items you think are obstacles or blocks to you. Put a “B” next to the items where you think you have built a bridge.

Scared of looking stupid

Lack of self-confidence

Scared of failure

Not enough money

Not smart enough

Too proud

Too bored

Not good looking

Scared of making a mistake

Too aggressive

Too passive

Too outspoken

Too self-centered

Not cool

(Add your own)

(Source: Take it Easy, Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth (1996)

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 34 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 7: Honesty Line Self-esteem Time: 10-15 minutes Kind of Activity: Ice breaker or Process Activity Objective: The participants will discuss how honesty influences self-esteem in others. Materials: Honesty Line Situations, Masking or electrical tape Numbers: 2 minimum 20-25 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Depending on the numbers of participants, cut a strip of tape that will cross the floor or pavement and allow all participants to stand along the length of it. “We are going to play a game called the Honesty Line. One end of the tape you see on the floor will be the “Truth” end; the other end will be the “Lie” end. I am going to read out some situations and I want you to stand up on the line at the place you think you should go depending on your response in the situation. If you would respond to the situation by telling the whole truth you might go right up to the end of the tape near “Truth”, or you might be in the middle or closer to the “Lie” end. How would you respond in these situations?”

2. Read out the situations one at a time and take time for discussion in between. When all situations have been read out, discuss the activity.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What was that like? • Was it hard to decide where you would stand? • Were you influenced by your friends? • Did you answer honestly? • Is it difficult to be honest with friends in these kinds of situations? Why? • Can you think of any other situations that would be difficult? • Is honesty important to people’s self-esteem? Why? • Close by asking everyone to stand on the Honest Line where they would like to be able to stand when responding to situations like those in the game.

Honesty Line Scenarios: 1. You call for a friend on the way to a school dance. Your friend looks bad and has a haircut that does not appeal to you. Your friend’s clothes are out of style. 2. You are doing your homework at a friend’s house and you copy the answers to the homework in your notebook. The teacher notices the next day and asks you if you copied the homework from your friend. 3. One friend who you like OK seems to hang around a lot. Another friend who you really like wants to do something on Saturday. The first friend calls to ask what you are doing on Saturday.

35 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: 4. You are asked by staff at the Club to help out with a project. It seems the project is mostly Self-esteem cleaning up and working at the Club which is really not what you want. The staff asks you if you would like to keep working on the project. 5. Your parents/guardians ask you to clean up your room on the weekends. It is Sunday afternoon, the room is a mess but you want to go to the basketball game. As you leave your Mom asks if your room is cleaned up. 6. You get a shirt as a gift from your aunt. You don’t like the shirt as soon as you look at it. She asks you if you like it. 7. A person you really like and want to impress starts gossiping about another friend of yours. This person turns to you and asks you if you agree with the gossip. ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

(Source: Pincus, D. (1992) Sharing: Improving Interaction Skill and Increasing Self-Awareness, Columbus. OH)

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 36 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 8: Treasure Chest Visualization Self-esteem Time: 15-20 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Activity Objective: The participants will identify some of the important/treasured things in their lives. Materials: Treasure Chest Visualization Numbers: 2-4 minimum 20-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: “This is called a ‘visualization’ activity. That means that you are going to see a picture you want to see when I read a story. It’s like having a TV set in your mind. You will be closing your eyes and relaxing in a chair or on the floor. When the activity is over we can talk about what you saw. Ok, relax where you are sitting or lie down on the ground, floor etc.” Turn the lights down and close doors, if possible, to keep noise out. • Read Treasure Chest Visualization. Be very selective about the use of visualization exercises. It may uncover memories of abuse and assault etc. or be scary for younger members.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Did you see a picture? • Did it seem like you were there? • Did you have things in your treasure chest? What was one thing you found? • What did you decide to take when you left? • Why are these things important? (Who gave them to you? What value?) • Can people be treasures? Why? Why not? • Were any of your treasures people?

Close with a discussion of how our treasures make us feel good.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

37 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 8 Handout: Self-esteem Treasure Chest Visualization (Read slowly) Remember, this is a visualization activity, you will imagine the whole story that is being read out loud in your mind with your eyes closed. I will read the outline of the story and you imagine it. Relax in your chair or on the floor.

Warning: Sometimes people find this exercise hard and scary. It may make you think of things that are not ok for you. I want you to feel comfortable to leave the room if you have to. These visualizations aren’t for everyone.

Ok, close your eyes… start to notice how you are breathing and slow it down just a bit… think of a nice warm day… the sun is shining and you are sitting on the grass… imagine that you can feel the warm air… and the sky is blue… There is no one around and you like the peacefulness.

Now you imagine yourself getting up and you begin to walk toward a group of trees… these trees are swaying in the wind… you walk slowly and you get closer and closer… You finally get to the group of trees and you decide to sit in the shade… you notice a part of the ground is disturbed and you can see something just below the dirt… It is an old box cover… you go over to it and push away the dirt… The more you push away the more that the box is uncovered and it seems to be a chest of some kind… like a treasure chest… this is your own treasure chest full of your own personal treasures… things that are important to you.

As you pry the lid of the treasure chest back you see the inside… and there are your personal treasures… it might be a computer game or a favourite book… it could be an earring or a T-shirt… these are your favourite things. Look at each one of them closely… Take each one out and hold it for a moment… think about what each one means to you… who gave them to you? Or how you got them… have you had these treasures a long time or a short time?

Now you have to leave and you need to close up the lid again… but before you do you can decide to take two of your treasures with you… only two… choose them now and place them outside the chest… close the chest lid… push the dirt around the lid again… gather your treasures and stand up… walk slowly back to your spot in the grass… walk away from the trees… feel the warm air and the breeze… sit down on the grass… look at the two treasures you have brought back with you… breathe deeply… and after you take another breath you can open your eyes.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 38 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 9: Self-Talk Self-esteem Time: 30-40 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Objective: The participants will practice some “self talk” techniques. Materials: Self Talk Scenarios Numbers: 2-4 minimum 25-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: Use your own words to cover the points in quotation marks.

“Our minds can sometimes get us in trouble. We can know a thing but we are influenced by old habits of thinking bad thoughts about ourselves and we are also influenced by what other people say. For example, did anyone ever make one mistake in something and think they were the stupidest person in the world? We are more ready to believe the worst about ourselves than the best. Why is that?”

This applies not only to how we feel about ourselves, but to what we know and who we are. “Sometimes what other people say we believe to be true instead of listening to ourselves. We need to learn some positive “self talk”. Positive self-talk is when you hear yourself or someone else saying negative things about yourself, you stop and think about it in a more positive way and then put in a new positive thought in your mind about yourself. Take this situation: “Terry is very good at Guitar Hero. Terry is playing Guitar Hero one afternoon and makes a mistake. Terry thinks, “That was a stupid mistake. I’m a wimp at this game. I can’t play it!!” (Negative self-talk)

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How does Terry feel after this kind of self-talk? • Will Terry play the game again? If so, how do you think Terry will feel playing the game • Have you ever heard this kind of self talk in your own head? • “Let’s try it another way. Let’s say the same thing happens but Terry reacts by stopping and thinking differently about the situation. Terry’s positive self talk might sound like.... “That was a mistake. I lost focus for a minute. I’m going to concentrate harder at this.”

FURTHER QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What does Terry feel like after this kind of self-talk? • Will Terry continue the game? • What does this kind of self-talk have to do with self-esteem? • Would it be hard or easy to start to think positively? Will you try it yourself?

Self-Talk Scenarios Activity Read the scenarios from the self-talk handout. Get the group as a whole to change the scripts to positive self-talk. Close with summary about self-talk and ask each participant to try at least one positive self talk technique during the next day.

39 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Report back to the group. Self-esteem Variation: Use role play to capture the lesson of this activity. For example, two volunteers could act out a skit where one is “Negative Neddy” who always thinks negative thoughts about himself and role play the scenario. The children watching can come up with positive words and replace “Negative Neddy” in the skit and reply the role themselves or they could offer a solution to a “Positive Polly”.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 40 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 9: Handout Self-esteem SELF-TALK SCENARIOS 1. T.J. takes first prize every year at the track meet. Because the school is now in a zone sports program there are more competitors for the best at the meet. T.J. takes third prize this year and says:

“I’ve lost it! I can’t run anymore. I’m finished as a track competitor. I’ll never make the high school team.”

Positive self-talk:

2. Jamie is a member of the Torch Club. The staff changed the night of the meetings and it looks like Jamie won’t be able to come because of baby-sitting duties at home. Jamie is frustrated and says:

“They don’t care about me at that Club. They did this on purpose so that I wouldn’t be able to go!”

Positive self-talk:

3. Pat would like to go on the class day trip tomorrow. Pat’s parents didn’t get the permission slip in on time and it looks like Pat won’t be going. Pat thinks:

“I never get anything I want. They always forget the things that are important to me.”

Positive self-talk:

41 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 10: The Telegram - Two parts Self-esteem Time: Part 1: 10-15 minutes Part 2; 10 -15 minutes (one month apart) Kind of Activity: Process Activity Objective: The participants will write goals for themselves for a one month time period. Materials: Scrap paper and envelopes Numbers: 2-4 minimum 20-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: Use your own words to cover the points in quotation marks.

PART 1: “Today we are going to write goals about our self-esteem. A goal is something you hope you can do or accomplish. It will be a change in how you think or act. There may be one thing that you would like to feel better about. Sometimes you can just change a habit or change the way we feel. If you could change one thing about yourself or feel better about one thing, what would it be? It can be mental, emotional or physical.

How are you going to accomplish that? I want you to take a minute and think about it.” Pass out sheets of scrap paper and envelopes.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Is there something you can do to change the way you feel about yourself? • What do you have to think, or do or say differently to make that happen? • Can you do it in one month?

“Write the goal down on this paper and place it in the envelope. Address the envelope to yourself and I will send it to you in one month.”

PART 2: When telegrams have been sent out ask participants to bring them in.

FURTHER QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How did it feel when you got the telegram? • Did you remember the goal? Had you worked on it? • Do you feel better about something related to your self-esteem? What? • How did you do it? • Was your goal realistic? • Will you work on goals like this again? • Close with a summary about goals and about how they might feel if the goal wasn’t attained.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Note: Ensure that participants understand that the goal of the activity is to focus on self-esteem Source: Greenberg, J. (1992) Health Education: Learner Centered Instructional Strategies

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 42 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 11: “I Am” Statements Self-esteem Time: 15-20 minutes Kind of Activity: Process or Ice Breaker Activity. Objective: The participants will list their positive characteristics about themselves and other in the group. Materials: Scrap paper, Pens/pencils Numbers: 5-6 minimum 20-25 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: Use your own words to cover the points in quotation marks. Pass out scrap paper and pens/pencils.

1. “This is an activity that will make you think of your own personality and also what you know about other people’s personalities. I want you to write as many positive characteristics as you can think of about yourself on the sheet of paper. Leave some space at the bottom of the sheet. Do not put your name on the paper. I’ll give you 3 minutes.” 2. When the participants have finished their lists, collect them, mix them up and tape them around the Club room wall. 3. Ask the participants to circulate around the room and to write at the bottom of each sheet who they think the person is who wrote that particular list. 4. When they have completed this task, each person can go and collect their own list.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Did people guess who you were? • If they guessed someone else, did you realize that you were like that person? • Are you different on the outside to friends and classmates, than you are on the inside? • Are there qualities that people don’t see? Why not • Was it difficult to think of positive characteristics? • Close by asking participants to turn the sheet over and write two positive characteristics for which they would be definitely recognized.

Note: This activity works well in small groups or in pairs.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

(Source: Greenberg, J. (1992) Health Education: Learner Centered Instructional Strategies)

43 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 12: Hats at Large Self-esteem Time: 30-40 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Objective: The participants will recognize their need for positive affirmation and learn creative ways to ask for it. Materials: Hats (old, unused, recycled), Construction paper, string, pins, scissors, markers, scraps of material, beads, etc. Numbers: 2-5 minimum 25-35 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: Ask members to bring in old hats from home that are not going to be used anymore. If they cannot get hats from home, then buy or ask for donations from a used clothing store near the Club. Have two hats per participant and all above materials ready for the activity.

Discuss the following: 1. Feelings of self-esteem need to be nurtured, like plants need water. Sometimes we need to advertise how we feel and what we need. Today we are going to create a fun way to ask for what we need; a hug, some applause, or special treatment etc. Choose one hat from the pile or one that you brought from home and create a special hat with a message. E.g.: “I need a hug hat”, “Hooray for me hat”, “Handle with care hat” or whatever you want to create that sends a message to family, friends etc. Make the hat as funky as you like, it’s your way of saying what you want. When you need to send a message you put on the hat.” 2. Take 20 minutes for participants to create one or two hats they are happy with using the materials you collected.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Are all hats the same? What are the differences? • What kinds of things are people asking for when they wear their hat? • Do you think you will wear the hat at home? At the Club? • Close with a contest for the best decorated the most creative and the funniest hats.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Loomans, D. Full Esteem Ahead, 1994

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 44 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 13: Meditation Self-esteem Time: 15-20 minutes for learning to meditate (3-5 minutes for meditation itself) Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Objective: The participants will identify a tool they can use to relax and to get in touch with their feelings. Materials: Tape of soft music or nature sounds, Tape player Numbers: 2-5 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: Use your own words to cover the points in quotation marks.

“How many people know what meditation is? Have you ever heard of a person meditating? What does it mean? (Concentrating, kind of sleeping, praying, etc.) Meditation is relaxing your mind. Letting your mind stop thinking for a few minutes. This can help people to think more clearly and to become aware of how they feel. Today we are going to meditate.”

Ask the participants to sit comfortably on a chair or on the floor/grass. “It is good to do this for a few minutes every day so that you get into a habit of meditating. It can be in the morning after you get up or before you go to bed. Make a special place in the house or your room for meditating. There are 5 steps to meditation.

Let’s start with breathing: 1. Sit comfortably but upright. There should be silence. 2. Notice your breathing. Breathe in and out slowly. 3. Focus your attention on an object (Place a candle or flower or stone in front of the group) 4. Sing, chant or repeat a phrase. (Sing a line of a song or repeat a phrase or number) 5. Let thoughts come in and go out. (Do not concentrate on them) • Talk about these techniques when you go through the meditation with the participants. • The meditation should only last 1-2 minutes for the first session. Increase the time as you use the activity more and more frequently.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How did you feel? • Was it difficult to concentrate? • What thoughts came into your mind? • Did the time seem long? • Would you use this meditation technique to help you think clearly? • Close with a summary of the points of meditation and try to include it in many activities in the future

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

45 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 14: Nurturing Game Self-esteem Time: 5-15 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Objective: The participants will give and receive positive feedback about themselves and their value in the group. Materials: None Numbers: 2-4 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: Use your own words to cover the points in quotation marks.

“Self-esteem is such an important part of each of us. Yet we don’t spend very much time nurturing it. We need to hear how other people feel about us and to receive the compliments without denying them.”

All members sit in a circle. One person is singled out for nurturing.

“Everyone else in the group states out loud and to that person how and why they value that person in the Club, as friend etc. The nurtured person can only reply with a ‘thank you.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How does it feel to say those things to the person? • How does it feel to hear and receive positive feedback? • Would you like to do this exercise when we get together? Have meetings? • How do you think it affects self-esteem? • Close with a decision about continuing and choosing a person for nurturing for the next time.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 46 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 15: Scavenger Hunt Self-esteem Time: 20-30 minutes Kind of Activity: Ice breaker or Process activity Objective: The participants will discuss qualities and interests they identify in each other. Materials: Scavenger Hunt sheet, pens/pencils Numbers: 2-6 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: Use your own words to cover the points in quotation marks. • “This is a scavenger hunt. I will give you a sheet of paper and you have to find someone who fits each item on the sheet. Try to get as many different people as possible. The first one to get them all filled in wins the game. • Give the group lots of space and about 10-15 minutes for this game. Pass out a Scavenger Hunt Sheet and a pen/pencil to all participants.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How many were able to get all the spaces filled in? • Are there any spaces not filled in? • Who got the most people to sign their sheet? • What did you learn about people here that you didn’t know before the game? • How is this game linked to self-esteem?

Close with presentation of prizes for the winners.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

47 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 15: Scavenger Hunt Self-esteem In the blanks on the left get the name of the person who fits that description. Try to get as many different names as possible.

has the longest hair in the group.

has a pet cat.

plays a musical instrument.

has the longest last name.

was born in another province.

is allergic to something.

has flown in a plane.

has been a member of the Club for 5 years +

likes rap music

has seen a live play.

is a good friend.

is an only child in the family.

is wearing something green.

(Source: Miller, D. and Telljohann, S. (1992) Health Education in the Elementary School)

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 48 UNIT 1:

Section 2: DEALING WITH VIOLENCE

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth Unit 1 A. Background

Section 2: Violence has been defined as any physical, emotional, verbal, spiritual or sexual aggression DEALING WITH or perpetrated on one person by another or by a group. It is the exertion of power over VIOLENCE someone else against their will. It can be hitting, punching, yelling, threatening, insulting or it can simply be controlling the space around a person (Men for Change, 1994; YWCA, Community Action on Violence Against women, 1993) the term violence has evolved, and now includes non-criminal behaviours such as bullying and non-physical behaviours that cause others harm.

Victims of youth violence in Canada are rarely hurt by people they do not know, but most often, by other youth, their girlfriends/boyfriends or family members. Violence by females usually peaks at an earlier age, while violence by males tends to be more frequent and harsh. Youth violence affects not only its victims, but also society at large. It adds to the already pre-existing negative stereotypes and connotations of youth, which ultimately results in a youth’s own negative perceptions of themselves.

Physical fighting and bullying are also common amongst youth. In fact, bullying has become the most commonly identified form of violence in schools (Joong and Ridler, 2005: RESOLVE 2002). In surveys conducted by Canadian researchers and the Toronto Board of Education, 20% of children in grades 1 through 8 reported that they had been involved in bullying more than once or twice during the term, and 23% of boys and 8% of girls reported bullying. Boys and girls were equally likely to be bullied (Pepler, Craig, Zeigler, Charach, 1993, 1995, 1997). Additionally Canada ranks poorly (26th out of 35 countries) in bullying prevalence among 13 year olds (www.prevnet.ca). What are the main risk factors for youth violence? INDIVIDUAL FACTORS: The principal personality and behavioural factors linked with youth violence are: • Hyperactivity • Impulsiveness • Poor behavioural control • Attention problems • History of aggressive behaviour • Low educational achievement

FAMILY INFLUENCES: The home environment is a key factor in the development of violent behaviour in youth. Some of the key factors associated with youth violence are: • Poor supervision of children by parents/guardians and harsh physical and verbal punishment to discipline children • Parental/guardian conflict in early childhood • A low level of attachment between parents/guardians and children • A mother who had her first child at an early age • Experiencing parental/guardian separation or divorce at a young age

50 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 2: • Having parents/guardians who are not actively involved or who are emotionally distant DEALING WITH • Low socioeconomic status of family VIOLENCE SOCIAL, POLITICAL AND CULTURAL FACTORS: • Living in an area where there is a high crime rate, gang culture or an easy access to weapons • Low levels of social cohesion within a community have been linked to higher rates of youth violence • Factors such as income inequality, rapid demographic changes in the youth population and urbanization have all been positively linked with youth violence • Cultures that do not provide non–violence alternatives for resolving conflicts Source: World Health Organization, 2007

PREJUDICE AND DISCRIMINATION Prejudice can be defined as attitudes or opinions about a person or group simply because the person belongs to a specific religion, race, nationality, or other group. Prejudice involves strong feelings that are difficult to change and involves pre-judging. For example, a person who thinks, “I don’t want to be on the same team as that (name of an ethnic group, nationality or religious group)”

PREJUDICE OCCURS ON A DAILY BASIS. For example: • Some people are called hurtful names or are excluded from participating in events • Some people are unfairly excluded from jobs, neighbourhoods, bank loans, Clubs, educational opportunities and social event; • Some people are attacked and beaten • Some people’s homes, places of worship or cemeteries are vandalized • Some people are unfairly paid less than others for doing equal work

Such instances of prejudice are quite common. If we are to have a fair and just community, it is our responsibility to stand up against such discrimination. It is important that we educate our children and youth on the negative implications of prejudice in communities, schools, Clubs homes or places of work.

Despite the best efforts of many parents/guardians and educators, children still learn prejudice and practice discrimination. How does this happen?

Children and youth learn prejudice by living in and observing a community where prejudice exists. They are highly influenced by what people around them do, think and say. The ideas and messages conveyed by mothers, fathers, coaches, friends, peers and teachers all affect a youth’s socialization. A youth may see that some people they know won’t interact with members of certain groups, or that members of specific groups rarely hold a position of power within their schools or community. They may overhear racist jokes, stereotypes about a group of people or other biased communication. If nobody addresses these acts

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 51 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 2: of exclusion, a young person may grow up thinking that discrimination is the norm, and that DEALING WITH people who have been discriminated against deserve it for some reason. This is why it is so VIOLENCE essential to address issues of prejudice and discrimination when and wherever they occur, to stand up for inequities, and let young people know that such ideas are unacceptable in a democratic society.

Often young children do not know the meaning of the words they use, but they do understand using certain phrases will get a reaction from the people they use them on. Children need to understand that hurtful language can be as bad as physical violence. When they do say abusive things they should understand they have made a mistake and that it is important to know when and how to say sorry. A discussion might include the following concepts:

“You were angry at Leroy and you called him a hurtful name. You need to know that words can hurt. When words hurt people, they don’t get cuts or bruises but they are hurt on the inside. You may have been really upset at something Leroy did but instead of telling him what you didn’t like, you called him a very mean name. If you told Leroy what you didn’t like, it might have helped him to change his behaviour. Name-calling is unfair. It hurts people and doesn’t solve anything.”

In an effort to educate the name caller, be careful not to ignore the youth who has been called hurtful names. They may need to be reassured that their race, religion, gender, accent, disability, sexual orientation or appearance do not make them deserving targets. Source: Anti-Defamation League, “What to Tell Your Child About Prejudice and Discrimination”,2008.)

BULLYING Bullying has been defined as a pattern of repeated aggressive behaviour, with negative intent, directed from one child to another where there is a power imbalance. Bullying is different than other types of aggressive actions. The following characteristics make it a unique behaviour. • Power: Children who bully get their power through physical size and strength, by status within a peer group and by recruiting support of the peer group. • Frequency: Bullying behaviour is intentional and repeated. This is why children become terrified of their bully in anticipation of the repeated act. • Intent to Harm: Children who bully generally do so knowing that their act will result in verbal or physical abuse.

Bullying often starts out in playful, joking ways. However the act soon becomes more hurtful, evolving into name-calling, ridicule, personal attacks, and embarrassment. “Roughhousing” eventually turns into punching, kicking, restraining and beatings (Ross, 1998). A bully just doesn’t become a bully and they are not born that way. Young people become bullies for different reasons. A bully is sometimes bullied or abused at home. They have little or no self-esteem, which they got by being a victim. Some bullies may see it as a way of being popular or making themselves look tough and in charge. Some bullies do it to get attention others might be jealous of the person they are bullying. Other bullies may have been victimized themselves.

52 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 2: Children who are bullied are usually more sensitive, cautious, and anxious. They typically DEALING WITH withdraw from confrontations, and when faced with conflict, they are gripped by fear. VIOLENCE Their social isolation is what makes them vulnerable, and it is also the most damaging result of bullying. Children who are bullied often develop a negative view of school, and eventually their school achievement suffers, (Fried and Fried, 1996)

The Bullying Behaviours chart provided below outlines the various forms bullying can take. When determining whether certain behaviours are defined as bullying, consider whether or not it: • Is repeated over time • Is intended to hurt • Involves a power imbalance

BEHAVIOURAL OF CONCERN OF SERIOUS CONCERN CATEGORY

Physical Aggression • Pushing • Threatening with a weapon • Shoving • Defacing property • Spitting • Stealing • Kicking • Intimidating telephone calls • Hitting • Mocking

Verbal Aggression • Name Calling • Racist, sexist, or homophobic taunting • Giving Dirty Looks • Daring another to do something dangerous • Teasing • Verbal threats against property • Gossiping • Threats of violence or inflicting bodily harm • Embarrassing • Coercion/extortion • Inciting hatred • Racist, sexist or homophobic alienation • Setting up someone to take blame

Social Alienation • Setting up a student • Public humiliation to look foolish • Malicious rumour spreading • Excluding from group

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 53 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 2: GENDER DIFFERENCES IN BULLYING DEALING WITH Until recently most bullying research has looked mainly at boys and led many to believe VIOLENCE that boys, being naturally more physical, are more likely to be involved in bullying than girls. However, taking all forms of bullying (physical, verbal and social) into account, (girls 22%) and boys (27%) bully in relatively equal numbers.

Both boys and girls tend to bully in ways that harm what each gender group values most. For boys who value physical dominance, bullying is more likely to take physical forms of kicking, hitting, pushing, shoving, and threatening. Likewise, since girls generally value relationships, their bullying behaviours are more likely to involve acts of social alienation, spreading rumours, withdrawing from friendships, and ignoring.

CYBER-BULLYING Cyber-bullying involves the use of information and communication technologies such as email, cell phones, pager text messages, instant messages, defamatory web sites, and defamatory online personal poling web sites, to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behaviour by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others.

How is cyber-bullying different than other forms of bullying? Cyber-bullying, like other forms of bullying, is about human relationships, power and control. Those who bully others are trying to establish power and control over others that they perceive to be weaker than them. Those who bully want to make victims feel that there is something wrong with them.

While bullying is something that is often missed by parents/guardians and educators, cyber-bullying is even more so. Young people are often communicating in ways that are unknown by adults and away from their supervisors. Cyber-bullying is also different in that is a particularly cowardly form of bullying. Cyber-bullies can more easily hide behind the anonymity that the internet can provide. Cyber-bullies can communicate their hurtful messages to a very wide audience with remarkable speed on such outlets as Facebook, MSN Messenger and My Space. It is often outside the reach of schools as this behaviour usually happens on home computers, internet cafes or via mobile phones.

Victims of bullying are often fearful of telling others about being bullied because they fear that bullying may actually become worse if they tell. Victims of cyber-bullying are often also afraid to report to adults about being cyber-bullied, as they also fear that adults will over react and take away their phones, computer and or internet access.

CYBER PREDATORS An online predator is an Internet user who exploits vulnerable people, usually for sexual or financial purposes. Adolescents and the elderly are most often the victims of online predators. Online victimization of minors can include requests to engage in sexual activities or discussions by an adult; unwanted exposure to sexual material; online harassment, threats or other aggressive communications that are not sexual in nature but cause distress, fear or embarrassment.

54 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 2: One of the attractions of the internet is the anonymity of the user, and this is why it can DEALING WITH be so dangerous. A child does not always know with whom he or she is interacting. Often VIOLENCE we think of pedophiles as having access to children out on the playground and other places, but because of the way the internet works, children can actually be interacting on their home computers with adults who pretend to be children.

The most common means by which sexual predators contact children over the internet are through chat rooms, instant messages and email. In fact, 89% of sexual solicitations were made in either chat rooms or instant messages and 1 in 5 youth (ages 10-17) had been sexually solicited online (Nansel et al., 2001).

TIPS FOR PRE-TEENS ON HANDLING CYBER BULLIES Because most incidents of bullying occur off adults’ radar screens, it’s important that young people learn to protect themselves online and respond to cyber bullying among peers when they encounter it.

1. Guard your contact information. Don’t give people you don’t know your cell phone number, instant messaging name or e-mail address. 2. If you are being harassed online, take the following actions immediately: • Tell an adult you trust - a teacher, parent/guardian, older sibling or grandparent/guardian. • If you are being harassed, leave the area or stop the activity (i.e. chat room, news group, online gaming area, instant messaging, etc.). • If you are being bullied through e-mail or instant messaging, block the sender’s messages. Never reply to harassing messages. • Save any harassing messages and forward them to your Internet Service Provider (i.e. Hotmail or Yahoo). Most service providers have appropriate use policies that restrict users from harassing others over the Internet - and that includes kids! • If the bullying includes physical threats, tell the police as well. 3. Take a stand against cyber bullying with your peers. Speak out whenever you see someone being mean to another person online. Most kids respond better to criticism from their peers than to disapproval from adults. Source: Be Web Aware http://www.bewebaware.ca/english/CyberBullying.aspx

WHAT CAN BE DONE TO PREVENT YOUTH VIOLENCE? Conflict is an inevitable part of life. It is a normal response to two or more opposing ideas, values or concerns. It is important to educate people, especially children around an understanding of conflict as challenging but useful; not to be scared of it but to learn skills that bring solutions to conflict. Communication skills, assertiveness skills and negotiation skills are necessary to resolve conflicts.

Conflicts usually arise because of a scarcity of resources, e.g. toys, money or someone’s attention, because of conflicting needs for power or esteem or because of a difference in values. Feelings of anger and frustration are understandable in a conflict situation.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 55 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 2: It is important that children recognize that feeling angry is ok, becoming violent because DEALING WITH of anger or frustration is not. Intimidation and threat of violence are tools used by those that VIOLENCE lack communication skills, assertiveness skills and negotiation skills in order to frighten others and feel a sense of power. Learning skills to deal with conflict and power inequities are necessary for youth, so that they feel safe in their world. Many conflicts can be resolved by discussion, some more easily than others. So that feelings of frustration and anger do not escalate to violence, methods of intervention need to be employed.

A variety of approaches have been tried to reduce violent behaviour among young people. The most common approaches involve changing individual’s understanding, skills, attitudes and beliefs in terms of conflict. These types of programs often take place in schools or organizational settings and are developed to help young people manage anger, resolve conflict, and develop the appropriate social skills to solve problems. Take It EASY is an example of a program that seeks to develop pre-teens ability to both understand and resolve conflict before it turns to violence.

Another common set of prevention strategies addressing youth violence focuses on early intervention with children and families. These programs educate parents/guardians with information about child development and teach them how to effectively discipline, monitor and supervise children as well as how to deal with family conflict and improve communication. Parents/guardians and family based interventions are seen as the most promising strategies for producing long-term reductions in youth violence.

GOALS The purpose of approaches, strategies and activities for the topic of Dealing with Violence will help Club members: • To understand the complex nature of violence • To understand the range of feelings in a conflict situation • To recognize that feelings are valid, that violent behaviours are not. • To develop skills in communication, assertiveness and negotiation. • To increase understanding of conflict and the importance of conflict resolution. • To increase confidence in dealing with conflict situations in new ways.

56 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 2: Empowering atmospheres are ones which are accepting of the individual’s culture and values, DEALING WITH are affirming of the individual’s rights and person hood, are non-threatening and safe, and VIOLENCE are those which challenge individuals to take calculated risks. Violence or threat of violence in pre teen’s lives does not help create the kind of atmosphere in which they feel empowered. Before you get started on your “Dealing with Violence” programs and activities consider how you can involve the youth in naming the problems and identifying the solutions. Remember the more they are involved the more likely they are to be invested in the solutions.

SOME THINGS YOU MIGHT TRY: Ask pre-teen members how they feel about violence and what they think they can do about violence in their lives.

Talking to participants about bullying. Have they seen it happen at their schools? How common is it? How about cyber-bullying?

Offering them an opportunity to express their own fears and concerns about violence in specific ways. Questionnaires, brainstorming sessions and open discussions may help them get at the problems and possible solutions.

Using ideas like peer mediation programs and getting youth involved in the design of rules and regulations of behaviour for the Club. Allow for the members to share in some of the power, which adults have traditionally had in terms of dealing with discipline and authority, at home, in school and even in Boys and Girls Clubs.

The following approaches for dealing with violence and conflict in the Club are meant to be a support to what staff are already doing, as well as some tips and hints for conflict management and conflict resolution.

ONE TO ONE/AND GROUP PROCESSES Role Modeling: As a staff member, how you deal with you own feelings of anger and frustration, how you react to conflict in your own life and how you resolve conflicts at the Club is one of the most important ways, you can have of impacting the member’s behaviours’. Be aware at all times of modeling appropriate reactions to violence and conflict.

What’s Your Conflict Management Style? Conflicts can arise at any given time at the Club, (between Club members, between members and staff, between members and their parents/guardians, between staff and parents/guardians etc.) There are many ways that you might have of handling conflict, depending on the issue and the people involved. Some people deal with problems and situations by avoiding them. They might always give into other people, or just ignore that the problem exists. Others attack the problems head on and try to make other people see it their way or do what they want. The best way for you and youth participants to work through problems is by understanding how the other person feels and working through both sides of the story.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 57 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 2: Remember that your style isn’t set in stone-it can change depending on the situation. DEALING WITH If your current way of managing conflict doesn’t seem to work, try another way. Everyone VIOLENCE can learn to deal better with situations, people, or things that make them angry. No one plan will work perfectly for every problem or situation, but here are some ideas that the BAM Guide to Getting Along (2007) suggests:

Take a moment: Stepping back from the whole situation gives everyone a chance to settle down. When you are having a problem with someone, first take some time to understand your own thoughts and feelings. What’s really wrong? For example, do you feel like you are not getting enough respect? What do you want? Why? Next, take some time to work out the problem with the other person. Choose somewhere quiet away from other participant or youth and give yourself enough time.

Agree on the problem: Get feelings out on the table. Take turns telling your sides of the story. Use caring language. You can’t deal with a problem unless you know what’s going on and what everyone is thinking. Challenge the members to think about ways to discuss the feelings in an assertive but not aggressive manner in order to get the feelings out. E.g. “Tell me how it felt.” Or “Can you say how you feel?”

When it’s your turn see how calm you can be. Speak slowly, softly but firmly. No assertive comments like (If you don’t be quiet, I’ll….), because they can raise the problem to a really bad level! No need to get excited or mad! Think calm thoughts.

Sending “I” messages, telling a person directly how you feel when their behaviour has an effect on you or your feelings is an assertiveness skill, which will be covered in the activity section.

Try giving your point of view this way: I feel (angry, sad, or upset) when you (take my stuff, talk to me that way) because (it’s not fair, it hurts my feelings).

This really works to get people to listen because they don’t feel like you are judging them. Think about the difference: You could say “You always take my stuff!” or “I like to be able to find my stuff when I need to so maybe in the future you can ask me.”

For some members this technique may feel awkward. Discuss with the group why it feels strange or uncomfortable to make these statements.

When it’s the other persons turn, let them explain. Listen. Don’t interrupt. Everyone deserves a chance to talk. Show that you hear them. And most importantly, if you have done something wrong be ready to say you are sorry.

Think of solutions: Take turns coming up with ideas to solve the problem. Think creatively. Usually there are lots of possible options. Next, talk about the pros and cons of each approach.

58 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 2: Make a Deal: Once you have agreed on a solution. Talk about the details. What are you DEALING WITH going to do to make this work? VIOLENCE Daniel: Okay, I will try not to interrupt you when you are doing your workshop.

Matt: And, I will try to give you plenty of opportunities to talk and share your ideas.

Know when to get help: Sometimes a problem can get very serious. If you can’t work out the problem, ask another person to mediate. Sometimes a supervisor, a peer, a religious advisor, a parent/guardian can help calm things down so you can safely talk out the problem with the other person.

Helping member’s deal with their feelings: Dealing with feelings in a healthy positive way may help members to redirect or resolve issues before they become conflicts and the conflicts become violent. One good approach to helping members deal with their feelings is the following three-step process:

CONFLICT MEDIATION Mediation is a process, which can be used to resolve conflict. It involves another person, who acts to facilitate discussion of the two perspectives, aids in brainstorming possible solutions, and affirms compromise and resolution. Some research would categorize resolution of conflict as “unjust”, especially for the victim of a conflict, who might be traumatized by the re-victimization process of mediation (Bennett, 1991). This does point up the need to be selective about the cases and incidents called to mediation. Conflicts, which involve physical or sexual abuse or harassment, should not be considered for mediation.

Parents/guardians, teachers or other adults in life do most conflict mediation with young people. Boys and Girls Clubs staff and volunteers often find themselves with a role to play in mediation and conflict resolution. The Approaches section has more information on staff’s further development of these skills.

When to use it: • When the problem is too hot to handle for the people involved • The argument has been going on too long and needs to be resolved.

The basics of mediation: 1. Let people know you are not there to judge or to be a problem solver. You are there to help them work through their problems. 2. Keep the discussion confidential and make sure everyone knows that. 3. Make an agenda and time frame so that people know when they will be able to speak and when they need to listen. 4. Set a few ground rules to help the process move along smoothly (e.g. no interrupting, no name-calling). 5. Make sure it is a safe space for people to express their feelings. 6. Each member tells their story, the other listens.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 59 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 2: 7. Paraphrase the story; either you or members themselves should do this. DEALING WITH 8. Find areas of agreement or solutions that might work. Ask the members to offer ideas VIOLENCE for solving the problem. 9. Evaluate the solution at an agreed upon time. (Source: Youth Action Network, 2007)

CROSS CULTURAL CONFLICT MEDIATION Cross Cultural Conflict Mediation means finding a way to sort out a problem or conflict between two or more people or groups that was either caused by cultural differences, or is more difficult to resolve because of cultural differences. A cross-cultural mediator is IDEALLY from a different cultural background from the people involved in the dispute.

When to use it • When the problem is too hot to handle for the people involved • The argument has been going on too long and needs to be resolved • Participants aren’t hearing each other out because of cross cultural differences

The Basics 1. Use the same basic process as conflict mediation 2. Also be aware of cross-cultural elements 3. How does each person’s background affect the way they communicate? How do they express their feelings? How does this affect the other person? 4. Find out how different cultural backgrounds may have caused or contributed to the conflict. Ask each person to speak a bit about his or her background and how it affects the way they would deal with this conflict. Point out differences in thinking. Source: Youth Action Network, 2007

PEER HELPERS Peer helping is based on the idea that young people often seek out their peers when they are experiencing some frustration, worry or concern. Children and adolescents want to help each other, yet they often do not know what to do or how to do it. The trend of having peer helping programs has increased dramatically over the last fifteen years. Peer projects now exist in schools, colleges, universities, hospital, agencies and corporations. Peer helpers may be trained and supervised to provide a variety of services such as: • Listening and understanding • Friendship and support • Decision making assistance • Tutoring and academic help • Role modeling for younger children • Mediation and conflict resolutions • Problem solving assistance

60 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 2: What are the benefits of peer helping? DEALING WITH Peer helping assists children and adolescents to feel capable, understood and responsible. VIOLENCE Peer helping teaches young people decision making skills to help combat negative peer pressure and provides pre-teens with communication skills to understand others and be understood. In addition, peer helping enables youth to learn action skills to prevent substance abuse, enhance self-esteem, reduce loneliness, promote health and support academic and personal achievement.

What Peer Helping is not! Peer helpers do not make decisions for others. They may suggest options or alternatives, identify potential consequences, or share their experiences, but they do not give advice or tell others what to do. Peer helpers do not provide therapy or treatment. Peer helpers are trained to identify the limits of their assistance and are required to refer individuals with concerns beyond their limits to the peer helper supervisor.

PEER MEDIATORS Peer mediation is a resolution technique that is used successfully in schools all over Canada and the United States. Peer mediation is defined as a voluntary process for resolving conflict. Members who have been trained in mediation assist those members in dispute to reach a mutually agreeable solution. The role of the peer mediations is to help the two people find a win-win solution. They do not judge or counsel but listen carefully while each person tells his her/his side of the story. Then the peer mediators encourage them to come up with ideas to resolve the conflict (Van Gurp).

Who mediates whom? Mediators should be the same age/grade or older than the disputants. Do not expect younger members to mediate older ones.

GENERATING INTEREST Before developing a peer mediation program, it is important to clarify its purpose and limits. Mediation allows a safe environment for empowering young people to communicate and resolve conflicts. By learning simple techniques to deescalate a conflict situation or bring resolution to a problem they become an added resource to those who find themselves intimidated by or victims of violence.

It is never used when there is a potential for harm or when there is a recognizable power difference between students. Peer mediation does not replace consequences for behaviour.

Parents/guardians, students and staff members should be made aware of peer mediation as one of several strategies that may assist in creating a positive learning environment.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 61 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 2: You may want to invite the Torch Club or some members of an after school group to DEALING WITH discuss the ideas of developing a peer mediation program. Whatever group was identified VIOLENCE as interested would be involved in the development of the program as far as possible. Members could take weekly or monthly turns as mediators or minor conflicts and disputes in the Clubs and on program outings. All members of the group could be part of the same training so that everyone is aware of the role and responsibilities of peer mediator. There are resource persons in the community who could be contacted about advice in setting up a peer mediation training program. These are only guidelines for training peer mediators. A full scale training program lead by skilled resource people would be helpful in developing a program for the Club.

62 Unit 1 C. Community Outreach

Section 2: SCHOOL CONTACT AND NETWORKING DEALING WITH  Try to involve the school community of administrators, teachers, counsellors and home VIOLENCE and school association, etc. in any programs related to violence prevention and or conflict management that are going on at the Club. There are many elementary schools that offer conflict resolution and peace curriculum in the classroom.

Find out what is going on at schools and discuss ways that both the school and the Club can work to support augment and affirm each other’s programs. This will have a greater effect on the participants than just a one-dimensional program. Be careful to discuss resources and materials that you are using so that there is consistency but not needless and boring repetition of the same videos and activities. There are programs like a peer mediation training that the school may not be able to initiate because of time and resources but that may be beneficial to them for use at the school, on the playground, etc.

Look for examples of youth who have struggled to overcome oppression throughout history and work with the BGC to create an original dramatic performance based on their experiences. See if you can perform it at the school or in collaboration with the Drama department.

Talk to your local schools. Find out what they are doing about bullying at their schools. Consider possibilities where Take It EASY participants can work with schools to coordinate “No Bullying” Days, Pink Shirt Day and other awareness raising campaigns.

Encourage older BGC members to “buddy” with new kids at the school by getting to know them and by helping them with any problems.

COMMUNITY/CLUB RESOURCES: • Using local resource people to come in and talk about violence and its repercussions has a great impact on youth. These may be professional community helpers like police officers, probation officers, women’s shelter workers or it could be community residents who have experienced violence in their own lives. Inviting someone from the native community to talk about the aboriginal approach to violence, crime and punishment will offer members as different perspective. • Brainstorm with participants’ ways they can address violence concern in their own communities. Encourage them to speak up against name-calling, stereotyping, bias and prejudice. • Community forums and panels create an opportunity for the Club to be at the forefront of education about issues like violence that affect youth.

PARENT/GUARDIAN INVOLVEMENT It is important that we recognize the family home as a unit and invite the parents/guardians to be a part of the effort at the Club to assist pre-teens in their struggle with anti-violent behaviour around them. • Let the parents/guardians know if you are doing any activities, events, etc. that relate to violence or conflict management. • Send home a listing of conflict resolution, anti-violence, bullying resources that might be useful for parents/guardians to use with children

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 63 Unit 1 C. Community Outreach

Section 2: • Remind parents/guardians of the dangers and incidents of cyber bullying and violence DEALING WITH opportunities on the internet. Encourage them to discuss these problems with their children. VIOLENCE • Invite parents/guardians to a panel discussion on violence in the community

Try to find out about parents/guardians who are encouraging their kids to “fight back!” Some parents/guardians have strong values about violence, particularly when their child may be caught in a fight or in a conflict. They will tell their child to fight back, even to get the “first punch in” to establish power, to protect their child from a beating or because this is the way they have learned to deal with violence in their own lives.

It can be difficult to affirm the processes of conflict resolution and mediation when parents/ guardians tell their children to fight back. It is important for staff to involve parents/guardians in their initial development of programs on dealing with violence, to tell parents/guardians the reasons this kind of programming is important for youth and to offer information and education for pre-teens and parents/guardians (together) to learn about a different way to deal with conflict. If staff find themselves at odds with a parent/guardian in dealing with a violent situation, try to: 1. Discuss these kinds of potential situations with your Director/Manager and Board and create a policy regarding these situations with parents/guardians (Encouraging non violence responses, no fighting policy). 2. Be clear in any statements from the Club about this policy. 3. State it clearly in any conversations with parents/guardians and invite them to discuss it with you and the Director/Manager when convenient.

Disclosures of violence in Club Families: Family living is often a potential place for violence and the learning of violent behaviours. If you suspect that there is violence, or if you have seen or heard of any indications of physical, emotional or sexual abuse in a family you are obligated to contact the Department of Community Services in your area. The responsibility of investigation lies with the staff of the department. If any pre-teen/teen discloses an incident of physical, emotional or sexual abuse to you, you are obligated to report that disclosure.

HELPING PARENT/GUARDIANS UNDERSTAND HATE ON THE INTERNET Consider sending a newsletter out to parents/guardians encouraging them to help their children deal with online hate and violence through discussion and education. The Anti-Defamation League (www.adl.org) addresses some common questions parents/guardians have.

1. As the parent/guardian of an internet user, what are some things I can do about online hate? ADL suggests that parents/guardians become active participants in their children’s internet exploration. Ask questions that foster discussion about what your child is seeing on the Internet. Show an interest by asking your child what he or she has found online or visit sites together. Encourage your child to ask questions about material he or she does not understand. Something as simple as having your child’s computer face the door can give you information about your child’s travels on the internet.

64 Unit 1 C. Community Outreach

Section 2: 2. How accessible is hate on the internet to my child? DEALING WITH Very. Using simple search tools, young internet users can easily find hate propaganda VIOLENCE if they are looking for it. They may also stumble upon such propaganda inadvertently. Searching for activity pages suitable for kids might land a child at the white supremacist site devoted to children, complete with coloring pages and a crossword puzzle. There are many misleading extremist websites that may lure unsuspecting children, and they are on the rise. One site created by a member of the neo-Nazi National Alliance, hides its racism behind “A Historical Examination” of Dr. Martin Luther King’s life. An informative and factual website concerned with the Holocaust such as the site prepared by the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, may be listed in Web directories alongside dozens of sites prepared by Holocaust deniers.

(Source: The Anti-Defamation League. www.adl.org)

Some other ideas for parents/guardians to help protect pre-teens from online violence: • Establish online rules and an agreement with your child about Internet use at home and outside of home • Recognize that chat rooms are the playground of today’s sexual predator. Try to monitor your children’s time in the chat rooms. • Implement software tools to protect your family from the intrusion of inappropriate content and sexual predators. • Monitor the amount of time your child spends on the Internet, and at what times of day. Excessive time online, especially at night, may indicate a problem. Remind your child that internet is a privilege, not a right. • Report any content or activity that you suspect as illegal or criminal to local law enforcement.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 65 Unit 1 D. Programming Ideas

Section 2: Strategies to Deal with Violence and Anger DEALING WITH UNDERSTANDING THE NATURE OF VIOLENCE VIOLENCE • Help your participants become more sensitive to other people’s feelings. Studies indicate that caring, empathetic pre-teens are less likely to be violent. Check out the library. Share stories and books with Club members that help them to understand the points of view of other people. Watch movies or television shows that demonstrates and encourages tolerance and kindness and speaks out against violence. • Organize a Non-Violence Day or week with the pre-teens at the Club. Get them to decide what activities would be interesting to try, like: a poster contest with prizes for the best non violent secret, a drama presentation about the lives of people like Ghandi, Martin Luther King. • Ask the Torch Club to sponsor a story writing contest where someone is being blamed for something he/she did not do. Use the best stories as the situations for role-plays, where Club members get to act out the story in a way that clarifies the problems and resolves the conflict. • Offer a Bulletin Board in the Club to the pre-teens for a collage of newspaper articles about conflict. Get members to read the papers and bring in articles they find. Create discussions around the bulletin board about which conflicts were resolved and which were not. • Invite the Homework or Computer Club to do a dictionary or encyclopaedia search on words of their choosing that relate to conflict like war, violence, power etc. Discuss what they find. • Review the following types of anger and discuss people’s styles. What are some positives and negatives about particular styles? • Bottle and Blast: You bottle up your anger and then let it explode. • Bottle and Cap: You bottle up your anger and keep it inside brewing. • Bomb scare: You usually explode right away. You have a bad temper. • Cold Shoulder: You are cold and usually give people the silent treatment. • Nag: You are constantly nagging someone to do something. • Kick the dog: You misdirect your anger and take it out on something or someone else. (Source: www.ywcatoronto.org) • Create a Group “Gripe” Wall, using flip chart paper and markers to allow people to write about a conflict, about their feelings and/or about an unfair situation they might be involved in. You may want to develop some rules together for the wall (no names of the writer or others involved in the situation, no obscenity, and no erasing or other graffiti).

66 Unit 1 D. Programming Ideas

Section 2: UNDERSTAND FEELINGS IN A CONFLICT SITUATION DEALING WITH • Ask Torch Club members to draw an Anger Thermometer; they can make it as large as VIOLENCE they want. Place it somewhere in the Club where members can see it. It should signify the degrees of feeling from 0 — I am not happy, to 10 — I’m going to blow. When someone becomes aware of a member’s anger or frustration in a situation ask them to point to the degree on the thermometer that expresses their feelings. Allow them to talk about their feelings openly. • Ask members to suggest ways to learn about managing anger. Help them to organize an anger management education session with a resource person in the community. Get members to invite parents/guardians to come with their kids to this session. • Suggest that Club members bring empty glass jars and covers from home. Each jar can signify a feeling…angry, afraid, frustrated, sad, etc. Paint or decorate the jars, place small stones in each jar and then put them in a safe but visible place in the Club. Whenever someone has a feeling they want to deal with they can open the corresponding jar and take out a stone. The stone helps them to identify and acknowledge the feeling.

FEELINGS ARE VALID, VIOLENCE IS NOT • Reaffirm the no fighting rule in the Club whenever possible and when conflict situations arise within the Club. At the same time affirm it is natural to have conflict and to have powerful emotions in a conflict situation. Club members could make new NO FIGHTING signs for the Club. • Work with the members on guidelines of non-violent behaviour for activities, special group meetings and outings so that members have an investment in what goes on. Create a contract together for each person to sign related to these guidelines and refer to it when conflict arises. Make it a firm rule that no person should be excluded or teased on the basis of race, religion, ethnicity, accent, gender, disability, sexual orientation, or appearance. • Suggest to pre-teens that a “Steam Room” (a room or corner of a room in the Club) could be equipped with a punching bag or large pillow, where members can blow off steam. Members can go with staff. It should not be a punishment area. Get members to decorate the corner with signs and drawings about feelings and conflict. • Work with the pre-teens on a DIS-Stress day! Organize a workshop for youth on dealing with stress: an idea might be to invite a masseuse in to the Club to teach members about hand and neck massage/relaxation and let them practice on each other. Brainstorm techniques for managing stress and ask members to create a skit about the most stressful day imaginable. The group then acts out their skits and the best group gets a prize. • Offer to facilitate an ‘Anger Group’ for pre-teens, this could be a 20-30 minute support and gab session once a week using listening, affirming and problem solving skills to help members deal with situations where they feel angry. The key objective would be to allow feelings to be identified and acknowledged and to create non-violent alternatives to dealing with them. • Invite the members to bring in lyrics and tapes of pop songs about feelings of fear, anger, frustration, etc. and play one or two a day and discuss the situations and feelings.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 67 Unit 1 D. Programming Ideas

Section 2: DEVELOP SKILLS IN COMMUNICATION, ASSERTIVENESS, AND NEGOTIATION DEALING WITH • Organize a peer mediation group made up of pre-teens or teens (See approaches VIOLENCE section for information on peer mediation) • Ask members to create a cartoon script for a new super hero who does not use any violence to deal with conflict. This could be a strategy in which communication and negotiation skills could be used by the members and displayed in a drama or art show at the Club. • Ask members to bring in situations from their favourite TV sitcoms which show how bad communication leads to conflict. Get them to discuss the reasons why sitcoms are written as communication “foul ups” and get them to redesign scripts. • Have members and staff build a new table or recycle an old table in the Club with a paint or varnish. Signify this as the PEACE TABLE IN THE CLUB AND PUT TWO CHAIRS AT THE TABLE. This is where members can go to work out problems and invite staff or peer mediators to help

UNDERSTANDING CONFLICT AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION • Discuss local and regional problems with the members and brainstorm ideas for conflict resolution. Encourage members to write a letter as a group to Municipal representatives, MLA’s and MP’s stating the solutions they feel might work. • Create a “Solve It” box for the Club room or Club hours. When conflicts arise in the pre-teen group they that seem to be difficult to solve; members can put their ideas in the box anonymously. All ideas are then discussed to find a resolution. • Work with the members of the Torch Club or after school group to create a game called the Judge. Based on the TV show get ideas for conflicts, get members to play the roles of Judge, Defendant and Prosecution. Have the members act out the situations. • Celebrate the peaceful negotiations and resolutions that occur between members when conflict arises. Draw attentions verbally to those who were able to work it out and even present them with special citations or prizes. • Increase Confidence in Dealing with Conflict Situations in New Ways • Invite peer mediators to identify situations at school or in the community where they could feel comfortable mediating conflicts. Brainstorm the ways they could get support from other pre-teen members of the Club to mediate conflicts outside the Club. • Organise a “Forget the Fists” Club. Those who use negotiation and resolution techniques outside the Club will be caught forgetting their fists by other members and put on a list at the Club. This listing will be visible to other members. • Ask the Keystone Club or the teen Club members to a pre-teen group meeting to discuss ways of supporting younger members in dealing with conflict outside the Club.

68 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 2: Websites: DEALING WITH The Bully: A discussion and activity story on bullying VIOLENCE www.bullybook.com

The National Crime Prevention Strategy, part of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness Canada, is focused upon community-based early intervention efforts that deal with the root causes of crime and victimization. http://www.psepc-sppcc.gc.ca/prg/cp/index-en.asp

The FREDA Centre for Violence Against Women and Children: The FREDA Centre is a joint collaboration of academics at Simon Fraser University, the University of British Columbia, and community and women’s organizations working at the grass-roots level. Reports available: www.harbour.sfu.ca/freda/reports/repindex.htm

PREVNet: is a national network of Canadian researchers, non-governmental organizations (NGOs) and governments committed to stop bullying. http://prevnet.ca/

YOUCAN: is an organization focused on youth-led initiatives in non-violent conflict resolution and violence prevention, both nationally and internationally. http://youcan.ca

Bullying Awareness Network http://www.bullying.org

Media Awareness Network www.media-awareness.ca

Cyber Bullying http://cyberbullying.ca

Deal.org www.deal.org Books: Coloroso, B. (2002) The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander, Harper Collins

Ludwig, T. (2004) My Secret Bully, Tricycle Press

Ludwig, T. (2006) Just Kidding, Tricycle Press

Van Gurp, H. (2007) Peer Mediation: The Complete Guide to Resolving Conflict in Our Schools. Portage Main Press

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 69 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 2: Print Materials: DEALING WITH Alternatives to Violence: A Therapeutic Group Program for Male Youth Who Are VIOLENCE Abusive Towards Females, by Mark Totten, Louise Manton and Don Baker (1995). Available from the Youth Services Bureau of Ottawa - Carleton, 1338 Wellington Street, Ottawa, Ontario K1Y 3B7. Tel: (613) 729-1000; Fax: (613) 729-1918

Healthy Relationships: A Violence Prevention Curriculum (1994). Available from Men for Change, P.O. Box 33005, Quinpool Postal Outlet, Halifax, Nova Scotia B3L 4T6. Tel: (902) 422-8476; Fax: (902) 425-1862

Preventing Crime by Investing in Families and Communities: Promoting Positive Outcomes in Youth Twelve to Eighteen Years Old (1996). Available from the National Crime Prevention Council, 130 Albert Street, 8th Floor, Ottawa, Ontario K1A 0H8. Tel: (613) 941-0505; Fax: (613) 952-3515

Promoting Healthy, Non-Violent Relationships: A Group Approach with Adolescents for the Prevention of Woman Abuse and Interpersonal Violence, by David Wolfe and Bob Gough (1994). Available from the Youth Relationships Project, Department of Psychology, University of Western Ontario, London, Ontario N6A 5C2. Tel: (519) 679-2111 ext. 4726; Fax: (519) 661-3961

“Taking Action on Homophobia and Violence,” in Taking Action on Violence in the Lives of Young Women: A Youth Leader’s Kit (1995). Available from Community Action on Violence Against Women, YWCA of Canada, 80 Gerrard Street East, Toronto, Ontario M5B 1G6. Tel: (416) 593-9886; Fax: (416) 971-8084

Parent Abuse: The Abuse of Parents by Their Teenage Children (1996). Available from The Parent Abuse Project, Captain William Spry Community Centre, 10 Kidston Road, Halifax, Nova Scotia, B3R 2J7. Tel: (902) 479-1111 Audio Visual Materials: “Youth Violence: What’s Out There” (1995), a video produced by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, deals with different forms of youth violence and non-violent methods of conflict resolution. It is available from Friday Communications, P.O. Box 91511, West Vancouver, British Columbia V7V 3P2. Tel: (604) 986-0252; Fax: (604) 986-0277 Other Useful Resources (Websites, Books, DVDs etc): Use this space to jot down other useful resources you come across.

70 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 2: Bibliography DEALING WITH Anti-Defamation League. (2008) What to Tell Your Child About Prejudice and Discrimination. VIOLENCE Bennett, J.C. (1991). The Injustice of Nonjudicial Remedies to Address Childhood Violence. Psychological Reports. 68 (3), 1043 - 1046.

Charach, A., Debra P. & Zeigler, S. (1995). “Bullying at School: a Canadian Perspective”. Education Canada, 35 (1): pp. 3-18.

The Bully Roundup” (2007) www.bam.gov

Cahoon, Peggy (1988). Mediator Magic.Educational Leadership. 45 (4), 92-94.

Canada Health Network (www.canadian-health-network.ca), 2007

Ministry of Education. Focus on Bullying: A Prevention for Elementary Schoools. British Columbia, 2005. http:www.bced.gov.bc.ca/sco/resourcedocs/bullying.pdf

Fried, S. and Fried, P, Bullies & Victims: Helping Your Child through the Schoolyard

Battlefield. M. Evans and Company Inc.

Joong, P and Ridler,O (2005) School Violence: perception and Reality. Education Canada. 45, 4 (61-63)

Men for Change (1994). Healthy Relationships: A Violence Prevention Curriculum. Halifax, N.S: Halifax County Bedford District School Board.

Nansel, T. and Overpeck, M. et al. (2001) Bullying Behaviour Among US Youth Journal of American Medical Association.

Pepler, D. J. and Craig, W. 1997. Bullying: Research and Interventions. Publication of the Institute for the Study of Anti-social Youth Resolve (2002) Prevention programs addressing bullying and conflict resolution www.ucalgary.ca/resolve/violenceprevention/English/ reviewprog/bullyintro.htm

Pepler, D., Craig, W., O’Connell, P., Atlas, R. & Charach, A. (2004). “Making a Difference in Bullying: Evaluation of a Systemic School-Based Programme in Canada”. In Peter Smith, Debra Pepler and Ken Rigby (Eds.) Bullying in Schools: How Successful Can Interventions Be? United Kingdom: University Press, pp. 125-139.

Ross, Peter N. 1998. Arresting Violence: A Resource Guide for Schools and Their Communities. Ontario Public School Teachers’ Federation,

Schmidt, F. and A. Freidman. (1994) Creative Conflict Solving for Kids. Peace Education Foundation. FL.

Youth Action Network, “Fire It Up”. Toronto, 2007 www.youthactionnetwork.org

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 71 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 1: The Bully Roundup DEALING WITH Time: One hour VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Discussion Objective: To educate youth on ways to cope with bullying. Materials: None Numbers: Any number

INSTRUCTIONS: Read the article below “Bully Beware” to learn about ways you can teach youth participants to stay out of trouble. Post it up on your bulletin board or think of a creative way to share it with Club members. If your Club has access to the internet participants can play the interactive board game to test their bully smarts! Visit: www.bam.gov

Newsflash: Bullies aren’t all big and muscular. Bullies come in all shapes and sizes-and it’s not like you can tell who they are by what they look like. You can only tell a bully by their actions-they can make themselves feel powerful by threatening, embarrassing, or hurting others. But there are things you can do to stay out of their way…

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

72 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 1 Handout: Bully Beware DEALING WITH TIPS FOR DEALING WITH BULLIES VIOLENCE • Don’t be afraid to tell an adult if you’re being bullied. You are not a snitch if you tell an adult that someone is hurting you. • Make friends and lots of them—there’s safety in numbers. A bully is less likely to approach you if you’re surrounded by friends. Try to be friendly and respectful to everyone-smile at someone if you make eye contact in the hallways, and if you dig someone’s cool new shoes, tell them. • If a bully is talking badly about you, keep in mind all the good stuff you know about yourself. Do things that you are good at. Can you spell like a dictionary? Enter a spelling bee. Run like the wind? Join the Track team. Sing like an angel? Join the choir. Try something new. You may discover a talent you never knew you had. • Stand up for yourself! Practice what you might say if someone starts picking on you. Saying the words a couple of times will make you feel sure of yourself. One word to the wise: Never start a discussion or argue with a bully, even if you’ve got a zinger that’s begging to be zung. You just want to get them off your back, not make them angry. • Check out the way you act and be aware of your body language. How you carry yourself can bring on a bully. Slouching, looking at the ground or feet and fidgeting makes people think that you are afraid or nervous. Try to walk with your head up, make eye contact, and smile. • Ignore insults or name calling. It’ll be hard, but stay calm and don’t let them see you sweat. Take a deep breath and try not to show that you are upset or angry. Above all, don’t believe for one second what they’re saying. Bullies feed on attention and are just trying to get a reaction from you. It’s easier to give them the brush off if you don’t them get under your skin. • Have a few one-liners in your pocket to pull out if you need them. Things like, “That’s funny, but enough already okay?” or “I don’t do this to you. You should really think about that” can diffuse a tense situation and keep you out of harm’s way. While you’re coming up with one-liners remember that you’re trying to take the wind out of the bully’s sails, not add fuel to the fire. Embarrassing the bully in front of everyone will only make things worse! Source: The Bully Roundup (2007) www.bam.gov

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 73 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 2: Cyber Dance DEALING WITH Time: 15 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Icebreaker (used to determine how much pre-teens use the internet) Objective: To assess how much students utilize internet technology and to get participants talking about how much or how little they use internet technology including cell phones. Materials: None Numbers: Minimum five.

INSTRUCTIONS: Conduct a brief survey to determine the extent to which students utilize internet technology. Have students form a circle and ask them to step into the middle if they have ever sent or received an email, and then step back out. Repeat this process using the prompts below. • Step in if you’ve ever played games with other people online • Step in if you’ve ever chatted or Instant Messenger with friends online. • Step in if you have been approached by someone online that you don’t know. • Step in if you’ve ever posted a journal entry or a message online. • Step in if you’ve ever been harassed by someone online. • Step in if you’ve ever visited a Web site that helps you to make new friends. • Step in if you have your own cell phone. • Step in if you have experienced a crank phone call • Step in if you use the internet at least a few times a week. • Step in if you use Facebook or My Space to communicate with friends.

NOTE: While some of the items in this survey may seem too advanced for younger teens, the reality is that children as young as five are exposed to adult technologies via older siblings and marketing. Sites such as Club Penguin and WebKinz, introduce young children to online games, virtual shopping, social networking and buddy lists. The survey above will help you to learn who among your students is already active and who remains inexperienced with regard to internet communication

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Anti-Defamation League. “Cyber-bullying: Understanding and Addressing Online Cruelty”. www.adl.org

74 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 3: Emoticons DEALING WITH Time: 20 Minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Process Activity Objective: The participants will increase their awareness about the damaging power of the Internet to spread hurtful words. The participants will learn and practice strategies for responding safely and positively to online bullying and social aggression. Materials: Emoticons Handout, How to Handle Hurtful Messages Handout, Scenarios: Online Bullying and Social Aggression Handout, Copy the symbols from the handout, Emoticons, onto a large sheet of chart paper. Alternatively, copy the handout onto an overhead transparency. Copy the information from the handout How to Handle Hurtful Messages onto a sheet of chart paper, Cut the handout, Scenarios: Online Bullying and Social Aggression. Numbers: Any number

INSTRUCTIONS: • Introduce students to the Emoticons prepared prior to the lesson. Describe to participants how these symbols are used to convey feelings in electronic communications and make sure that students understand what each one means. • Ask participants if they have ever experienced hurtful words or mean behaviour while on the computer and allow several students to share their experiences, making sure they do not reveal the names of others who may have been involved. After each anecdote, ask how the participants responded and how the incident made the individual feel. Invite them to indicate their feelings by sticking a small Post-it with their names next to the appropriate emoticon introduced earlier. • Review with participants the information in the handout, How to Handle Hurtful Messages. Depending on the age and ability of your students this can be done by distributing copies of the handout to each student, writing the information up on flip chart or reviewing the information verbally. • Have participants practice responding to the situations in the handout, Scenarios: Online Bullying and Social Aggression. Scenarios can be read aloud and students can respond out loud or hand groups of 3-4 cut out scenarios. Ask group to read their scenarios and discuss positive responses, drawing upon the strategies reviewed earlier.

DISCUSSION: Reinforce with students that although some people use the internet to hurt others, most people use it for positive purposes. Suggests that the internet can be a wonderful tool for making people feel connected and cared for.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Anti-Defamation League. “Cyber-bullying: Understanding and Addressing Online Cruelty”. www.adl.org

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 75 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 3: Handout DEALING WITH VIOLENCE :-)  Happy

:-( Sad

:’-( Upset (crying)

: - || Mad

: - @ Furious (screaming)

: - D Laughing

=: O Frightened

: - / Confused

: -O Surprised

> O Hurt (ouch!)

76 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 3: Handout DEALING WITH HOW TO HANDLE HURTFUL MESSAGES HANDOUT VIOLENCE Online bullying and unfriendly messages can make us feel sad, angry, ashamed, and confused about how to respond. The following tip will help you to make positive choices when saved with online bullying and other hurtful messages.

These tips can help you to make good choices when faced with hurtful online messages: 1. Do not talk to strangers online. 2. If you receive a bullying message: a. Do not answer, but save it. b. Sign off on the computer right away. c. Tell a grown-up about the message.

If you receive a hurtful message from a friend or classmate: • Talk to an adult about it. • Think before answering. Sometimes it is better to share your feelings face to face. • Remember that the people reading the message can’t see or hear you. Use emoticons to express feelings of happiness, sadness, confusion etc. • Don’t write in all capitals (it’s like shouting) or use your words in ways that carry anger. • If you answer online, be careful with your words. Remember that you can’t take them back. • Keep the message private. Never pass around messages that might hurt others.

Source: Anti-Defamation League. “Cyber-bullying: Understanding and Addressing Online Cruelty”. www.adl.org

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 77 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 3: Handout DEALING WITH SCENARIOS: ONLINE BULLYING AND SOCIAL AGGRESSION HANDOUT VIOLENCE 1. You find out about a website created to make fun of you. It includes embarrassing photos and nasty comments about your family because they are from Mexico and speak English with an accent. It also includes your email address and encourages visitors to send mean messages to you. How do you respond? 2. You have been receiving hurtful e-messages for the past few weeks from an address you don’t recognize. At first they just include insults about being fat, so you ignore them. But now, they are coming more and more often and include threats that make you feel unsafe. How do you respond? 3. Your parents/guardians agree to hold your birthday party at your favourite laser tag place, but because of the expense you are only allowed to invite three friends. One of your classmates is angry that he isn’t included and posts a mean message about you on his online journal. Other kids at school spread the posting around and it finally lands in your inbox. How do you respond? 4. A group of girls have created a private chat room where they talk about what they’re going to wear at school and make social plans for the weekend. You try to join, but are rejected. When you IM a friend to ask why you have been excluded, she replies that some of the girls think you’re weird because of the thick glasses you wear. How do you respond? 5. You are IM- ing one evening with a friend, who asks you what you think of a classmate. At first you don’t reply, but she keeps asking, writing things like, “Isn’t she stuck up?” You finally write back that you agree and then get an angry message from the classmate, who has been secretly sitting beside your friend the whole time. How do you respond? 6. After telling your friend a personal secret and making her swear not to tell anyone, you read about your secret in another classmate’s online journal. How do you respond?

Source: Anti-Defamation League. “Cyber-bullying: Understanding and Addressing Online Cruelty”. www.adl.org

78 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 4: Safety Planning DEALING WITH Time: One hour VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Process or Homework Objective: Participants will develop their own safety plan to use if they are ever abused in any way. Materials: Flip chart, blackboard or wall. Pens. Handout of “My Personal Safety Plan” Numbers: 4-5 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Discuss the importance of developing a personal safety plan in case members get into situations where they are threatened. 2. Review a series of situations in which participants would need help. Examples might include: • A stranger follows them. • Mom is assaulted by her partner. • Someone is being sexually abused. • A stranger is asking uncomfortable questions in a chat room and wants to meet up. • You are alone and someone comes to your door and tries to push way in. • A bully has been bothering you at school.

3. Have students brainstorm safe solutions including: • Yell “No” and scream if someone tries to grab you. • Phone the police, • Phone the Kids Help Line (1-800-668-6868)

This is also an excellent way to role-play. Working in groups with assigned scenarios asks students to put together a short skit to show a safe method of dealing with the situation. When discussing this activity, ensure that the participants hear answers to the following question: • Who can I go to when I need help? • A: someone you can trust. If one person is not able to help you or doesn’t believe you, don’t give up. Keep trying to find someone you trust such as a teacher, a friend, a neighbour, relative, nurse, and counsellor of doctor.

Have students fill out their own personal safety plan on the following sheet.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 79 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 4: Safety Planning Handout DEALING WITH MY PERSONAL SAFETY PLAN VIOLENCE • Stay out of the way if the fighting is near you. • Ask an adult you trust to help you. • Find someone who is willing to listen and believe you. • Everyone will know that it is not your fault.

People I can trust:

1.

2.

3.

4.

Where can I go to get help?

1.

2.

3.

4.

Phone Numbers I can use to get help:

1.

2.

3.

4.

Source: Roots of Equality: Ending Violence Against Women 2007 (www.rootsofequality.org)

80 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 5: Leave Me Alone! DEALING WITH Time: 30-40 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Process Objective: Participants will define the term violence and identify different types of violence. Materials: Flip chart, blackboard or wall, Flip chart paper or large pieces of paper with the following descriptions: hitting, poking, mocking a classmate, shoving, writing a negative note about a classmate, pinching, leaving someone out of a group, blocking someone’s way into a classroom. Numbers: 4-5 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Discuss: “Today we are going to talk about violence, about what it is, how it affects us and how it hurts.” 2. Put the headings “physical violence” and “emotional violence” on the board. Using the large strips of paper, have students classify the strips under the correct heading. 3. Role Play: Organize the members in groups of 4 (or smaller if need be) and assign one large strip to each group. Each group will create a skit to portray the action that they have. 4. Each group will present their skits. The other members of the class will observe and try to identify the threat and decide if it is physical or emotional violence. 5. Hot Seat: Invite actors to take turns on the hot seat in role as the character they played. The other students would interview them. For example, if students played victims of a violent act, ask them to describe how they felt when they were being hit or called names.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Roots of Equality: Ending Violence Against Women 2007 (www.rootsofequality.org)

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 81 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 6: Types of Violence DEALING WITH Time: 20-30 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Good for use in ‘anger group’ sessions. Objective: Participants will categorize everyday situations into the three types of violence/abuse. Materials: Violence/Abuse scenarios School Survey Sheets Numbers: 4-5 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: Today we are going to look at the kinds of violence and abuse that exist in our world. There are three different kinds of violence/or abuse, Physical, Emotional or Verbal and Sexual. Which of these categories do the following stories fit into?” 1. Ask for volunteers to help categorize the stories and to tell why they think they fit into that category. Scenarios: • John shoves Tyson into the lockers in the school hall. • Jason tries to put his arm around Meagan’s even though she has said no in the past. • Greg is told repeatedly by his Dad that he is stupid. • Lori tells Jennifer that she is going to beat her up for going near her boyfriend. • Allison, age one is left alone overnight by her Mom. • Kara leans towards Melissa at snack time and snaps her bra strap. • A group of girls is doing a craft together. A few of the girls make fun of another girl’s sweater but then tell her that they’re just kidding. • Bobby repeatedly pushes Jenna out of line and then takes her spot. • Shawn calls Brian a loser and tells him that his team is going to lose because Brian is on it.

(Add your own scenarios to the list!)

“All kinds of violence and abuse are bad, none of these activities is better than another”.

2. Invite the participants in teams of two, to take a School Survey sheet and to record the times that they witness violence at their school. Bring back the completed sheets for a discussion on another day. 3. Close with a discussion of the types of violence and the kind of effect it has on a person’s life.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Could any of these situations been avoided or handled in a different way? Which ones? • How could they have been handled differently? • How do you think that John, Meagan, Greg, Jennifer and Allison feel?

What is the effect of the violence on their self-esteem, on their development and on their lives? What would be the effect on them if things had been handled in a different way?

82 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Note: You may want to introduce this activity with a short discussion about what DEALING WITH violence/abuse is and the different types that exist. VIOLENCE If you are not used to speaking about sex and sexuality in front of the kids, then prepare yourself!

The younger kids may not be sure of what “sexual” means and they may also not understand “sexual violence”. Know in advance how far you and your pre-teens are capable of speaking about this. It’s always helpful to have a quick conversation about how our bodies are for us only and only we can decide who can touch us. You can also talk about personal space and how just because someone isn’t hurting you (like pinching or hitting), doesn’t mean that it’s okay for people to make us feel uncomfortable by getting too close or by making comments about our bodies.

Variation: You could turn the examples and types of violence that they belong to into puzzle pieces. The pieces are then mixed up and each child receives an example and a type of violence. They then take turns reading out their examples and guessing what type of violence matches up with it. They will know if they’re right if the two puzzle pieces fit together. Then the group can use the discussion questions with every example and discuss “what could “person x” do if they wanted to find help?”, “Where or who could they go to?”

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Healthy Relationships: Violence Prevention Curriculum, 2nd Edition. Men for Change. 1994. Halifax County Bedford District School Board, Halifax County, NS.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 83 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 6: Handout DEALING WITH School Survey Sheets VIOLENCE

DAY OF THE WEEK PHYSICAL EMOTIONAL VERBAL VIOLENCE VIOLENCE VIOLENCE

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

84 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 7: Movie Preview, Thumbs up/Thumbs Down DEALING WITH Time: 15-20 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Objective: Participants will assess the violence content in well-known movies. Materials: Movie preview sheets, Pencils, Flash cards with names of recent movies pre-teens may have seen. (I.e. Transformers, Hell-boy, Ironman, The Incredible Hulk) Numbers: Minimum 1 Maximum 15-20

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Provide each participant with a Movie Preview sheet. 2. Discuss: “You will each be judging the violence content in each of the movies which I flash up on these cards. Write the name of the movie and check the appropriate box of high, medium, low or no violence to score. Don’t worry if you have not seen the movie.” 3. When each participant has read over the sheet begin to flash the cards with the names of movies you have chosen for the game. When the cards have all been shown ask the participants to check over what they wrote. Discuss the violence level in these movies.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Which movies were judged to have the highest violence content? • Which movies had the lowest violence content? • Were there any with no violence? Were they better or worse than those with violence? • Are live action movies more or less violent than cartoons? • What are the reason producers put violence in movies? • Would movies be any good without it? • Does it have any effect on people who go to see it? • Close with a discussion about ratings of movies for violent content. Do participants think it is a good idea?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 85 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 7: Handout DEALING WITH Movie Preview Sheet VIOLENCE

NAME OF HIGH MEDIUM LOW VIOLENCE NO VIOLENCE MOVIE VIOLENCE VIOLENCE

86 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 8: Rules, Rules, Rules! DEALING WITH Time: 5-10 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Ice Breaker or Process Activity. Objective: Participants will identify the importance of rules of fair play. Materials: A ball (NOT identifiable as a game ball, i.e.: a soccer or basketball) Numbers: 4-6 minimum 20-25 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Place the ball on the ground or floor in a large space PREFERABLY OUTSIDE. 2. Discuss: “There will be prizes for the winners of this game. You have 2 minutes. No questions, please. 3. Let the 2 minutes pass without answering any questions about the nature of the game. 4. Then call all the participants together in a circle.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What happened here? • Was the game easy or hard to play? Why? • Are rules of a game important? • What happens if there are no rules? • Can conflict happen if there are no rules? Why? • Close with a summary and a discussion about violence and rules in sport.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Creative Conflict Solving for Kids Fran Schmidt and Alice Friedman. 1985. Grace Contrino Abrams Peace Foundation, FL

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 87 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 9: Growing a Feelings Tree DEALING WITH Time: 20-30 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Objective: Participants will identify and categorize feelings under specific headings Materials: Paper or Styrofoam cups, sand or Plaster of Paris, 5 small tree branches, Paper, scissors, glue, string, crayons Numbers: 1 minimum 10-1 2 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Have materials gathered into 5 piles so that each member or a team of participants have a cup, some sand or Plaster of Paris to fill up the cup with, a tree branch, some paper, scissors, glue and string. 2. Discuss: “Today we are going to talk about feelings. Sometimes our feelings are hard to name. We just feel mad, sad, glad or bad and we don’t know what we really feel. That’s because there are some feelings that have branches to other feelings. Like anger, it has branches to feelings like hurt, frustrated, rejected... do you know what they mean? Well, all those feelings can lead to anger. Let’s talk about some feelings as trees, and they might include joy, anger, fear, resentment, loneliness and then we can talk about other feelings as the leaves and branches, like if joy is the tree, then excitement, praise, accomplishment are some of the branches and leaves. Let’s talk about all kinds of feelings and then see what tree they fit on.”

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What feelings might lead to feelings of fear? (Ridicule, surprise). Feelings of Anger? Fear? Resentment? Loneliness? • Does everyone have these feelings? • How do you know when you have one? • Direct the participants (alone or in teams) to choose one of the above “tree” feelings for their cup. The participants can decorate the cup in any way they choose putting the name of the feeling on the cup. Ask them to fill the cups -full of sand or Plaster of Paris and stand the branches up in the sand. The feelings discussed and listed from the discussion become the leaves. • Cut out leaf shapes from the paper. Direct participants to draw or print the feelings on the leaf shapes and attach them with string to the appropriate tree.

Close by asking the group who has had any of these feelings lately and why?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

88 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 10: Feelings Cards Game DEALING WITH Time: 30-40 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Ice breaker/Introduction or Process Activity Objective: Participants will recognize feelings as valid reactions to everyday situations. Materials: Feelings Cards (Each card can be made up separately and represents an everyday scenario where feelings may escalate to conflict). Numbers: 4-6 minimum 10-1 2 maximum (Make up more card for a larger number of participants)

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Create 10-12 situation cards from the scenarios listed below. After each scenario be sure to write: How would you feel and what would you do? 2. Discuss: “I’d like you to sit in a circle. As you can see there is a pile of cards face down in the center of the circle. Each of you will get a chance to read one or more cards at their turn. The first participant picks up a card and reads what it says out loud. He/she alone states how they would feel and what they would do in that situation. No one else talks. The next person takes another card and reads what it says out loud and states how they would feel and what they would do. And so on, and so on, until the first 4 people have had a turn.” 3. After 4 participants have had a turn the group gets to react to each of the 4 scenarios and to agree or disagree with the feelings and to discuss what they would do. After a short discussion period go on to another 4 cards. Repeat.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • (During the game) What do you think about what the first, second, third, fourth person said? Would you feel the same way? Would you do what they said they would do? • Are there other feelings people might have in those situations? What are they? • Are there other ways to deal with the situations? What are they? • (After all participants have had at least one turn and all the cards have been used) • Do people have feelings in every situation? • How do feelings effect what happens? Do feelings count? • Can feelings cause conflict? How? Why? • Close with a role play of one of the situations that caused the most controversy.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 89 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 10: Handout DEALING WITH FEELINGS CARDS SCENARIOS HANDOUT VIOLENCE 1. You are in the drug store with a friend. You notice your friend taking a bottle of pills and putting them underneath their coat. How do you feel and what do you do? 2. You are told to stay with your brother on an afternoon when friends want you to play ball. How do you feel and what do you do? 3. You notice that a classmate is threatening another classmate for lunch money. How do you feel and what do you do? 4. You are being bugged by a friend to skip school on a day that you have an important test. How do you feel and what do you do? 5. You are being teased about your weight by a group of kids at school. How do you feel and what do you do? 6. Your parents/guardians tell you that one of your friends is a bad influence and says that you can’t see them anymore. How do you feel and what do you do? 7. Your best friend in class is caught for cheating on an exam. How do you feel and what do you do? 8. You want to go on a Club trip but your parents/guardians don’t have the money. How do you feel and what do you do? 9. You call someone you really like to talk and they cut the call short and hang up. How do you feel and what do you do? 10. You worked really hard to finish your project and then forgot it on the day it was due. How do you feel and what do you do? 11. Your Mom has a new job. You have to be home early every day for a month to do homework and to start supper. How do you feel and what do you do? 12. You are picked last to be on a ball team on sports night at the Club. How do you feel and what do you do?

90 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 11: Firing Line DEALING WITH Time: 5-10 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Ice Breaker or Process Activity. Objective: Participants will assess feeling responses in a role play situation. Materials: One role play situation (Below) Numbers: 4-8 minimum 20-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Place students in two lines opposite each other to form a pair and at arms distance apart from their neighbour. One line is the “A” person and the other is the “B” person. All pairs act out the situation at the same time. (This will be noisy). 2. Discuss: “We are going to see how it looks and feels to give and get responses in a short role play. All of you will do this role play with the person opposite you. All pairs will do it at the same time. The left line is the “A’s” and the right line is the “B’s”. I will read a scenario and give you 30 seconds to act out your response.” 3. “A’s”: You are in the cafeteria at school with your friends. Everyone is laughing and talking. You are trying to open a ketchup packet. Suddenly it opens and squirts all over “B’s” sweater. Go!” 4. Call time in 30 seconds. Ask the pairs to stay in line and in role.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • (Remind participants to respond one at a time) How did it feel to be “ B’s “? What did you do? • How did it feel to be “A’s”? What did you do? • Was there any listening going on? • Were there any surprises in the way you dealt with the situation? • What was your body language like? What does that tell you? • Was this conflict?

“Now “A” and “B” will switch roles and I will repeat the scenario.” Call time in30 seconds.

DEBRIEF: • How did your feelings change when you were on the other side? • How did it feel? • Would you change anything you did or said now that you have been on the other side? • Did this new experience change the conflict? • Close with a suggestion that pairs shake hands.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Getting to Win/Win Schmidt, Fran, 1994. Grace Contrino Abrams Peace Education Foundation, FL.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 91 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 12: Dealing with Feelings DEALING WITH Time: 30 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Process Activity Objective: Participants will identify, acknowledge and share feelings by working through a case study situation. Materials: Scrap paper, pencils, Flip chart paper, Case study and Case study Questions Sheet Numbers: 3-4 minimum 10-15 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Discuss: “This activity will help us to figure out how we feel and what we can do about some of the feelings we have “ 2. Using the Three Step Approach to Dealing with Feelings (see Approaches section on this topic) outline the process for the participants: Identify Acknowledge and Share. 3. Read the case study to the group. Give out pencils and paper. 4. “Individually write down all the feelings that you think the person would feel in this situation.”

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What feelings did people write down? (List on flip chart, e.g. hurt, rejected, embarrassed, angry, resentful.) • Are all of these feelings OK to have? • Are there any feelings that would not be OK? • What can we do with the feelings? Is there a good and bad way to share them?

1. “Using the Case Study questions, get into groups of two and write “I” messages for the person in the case study. Each group will report in a few minutes.” Call the groups back in 3 minutes. Get each group of two to report one “I” message each. 2. Close with a summary of the Three Step Process for Dealing with Feelings. If Jessie does not confront the ‘friends” now what will happen to the feelings?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

92 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 12: Handout DEALING WITH CASE STUDY FOR DEALING WITH FEELINGS VIOLENCE Situation 1 is geared for a younger 8-12 year old group: Jessie is in the washroom at the Club. Two friends come in thinking that they are alone. “Did you hear about Jessie?”, says one. “No, what?” “Well, I guess it must be true. Jessie has been pretending to like A.J. but calling and going around with Chris.” “Are you sure?” says the other. “Well, someone told me, so it must be true.” “Wow. “

They both leave the washroom without seeing Jessie.

Situation 2 is geared for an older 8-12 year old group: Jessie is in the washroom at the Club. Two friends come in thinking that they are alone. “Did you hear about Jessie?” says one. “No, what?” “Well, I guess it must be true. Jessie has been doing it with A.J. for a couple of weeks. It makes me sick, because Jessie spends a lot of time at the Club with Chris.” “Are you sure about them doing it?” “Well someone told me, so it must be true.” “Wow. “

They both leave the washroom without seeing Jessie

Case Study Questions: Instead of staying in hiding, Jessie comes out to talk to the two “friends”.

Jessie could say:

l feel when

l feel because

l feel and I’d like you to

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 93 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 13: Anger Alley DEALING WITH Time: 30-40 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Process Activity Objective: The participants will suggest non-violent alternatives for dealing with anger. Materials: Flip chart paper or newsprint, Markers, tape. Numbers: 2-4 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: Discuss: “We are going to talk about anger, which we all know lots about. Then we are going to look at some ways to deal with anger.”

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: 1. What is anger? 2. Where does it come from? 3. Is it OK to have it? 4. How do you know if someone is angry? 5. Are there good and bad ways to show it? 6. Why do people often choose the violent way to show anger? 7. How can we learn to do it differently or non-violently? 8. What would get in the way of doing it differently or non-violently? 9. Create a listing on the flip chart of non-violent alternative ways to deal with angry feelings (Count to ten, punch a pillow, take a walk, talk to someone, write a fantasy letter about your feeling, etc.) 10. Give out flip chart paper and markers. 11. Each participant chooses one of the alternatives listed and draws someone actually using this alternative. These are then hung around the Club room to help create an alternative Anger Alley. 12. Close with a discussion of which of these alternatives would be the easiest or hardest to try the next time you were angry.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

94 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 14: Anatomy of Anger DEALING WITH Time: 15-20 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Ice breaker Activity Objective: The participants will identify varied displays of anger as assertive, aggressive or passive. Materials: Flip chart or blackboard, Marker, chalk Numbers: 2-5 minimum 20-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Discuss: “We are going to take a look at the three types of anger. Anger is OK, it’s just that there are ways to share it that lead to conflict and violence and other ways that do not. Anger has many forms. 2. We are going to start with your own experience with seeing anger expressed. It could be personal or it could be what you have seen at school, in your neighbourhood, or it could even be what you have seen on TV, in videos or in movies. “ 3. Brainstorm a listing of expressions of anger on the flip chart. Use as much paper as necessary. 4. “The three general types of anger expression are: aggressive, passive and assertive. a. Aggressive anger is expressed in lashing out and hurting the other person, verbally, emotionally or physically. b. Passive anger is expressed in avoiding the situation and fuming inside. This may lead to holding a grudge or thinking about getting even. c. Assertive anger is communicating directly in a non-threatening way, saying what you feel and what you want. Variation: Place the three types of anger on a flipchart so the kids can reference them easily during the activity. You could also create a handout with the definitions on them so the participants can take it home.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: 1. How does anger feel to you (i.e. stomach ache, head ache)? 2. Do you feel anger coming on before you explode? 3. Which of the expressions of anger that we listed are aggressive? 4. Who suffers in this case? 5. Which are passive? Who suffers in this case? 6. Which are assertive? Who suffers in this case? 7. Is there more of one type of expression of anger than another? Why? 8. How does each expression of anger lead to conflict? 9. Close with a summary and discuss who is more likely to show aggressive anger, boys or girls? 10. Who is more likely to show passive anger, boys or girls?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Healthy Relationships: Violence Prevention Curriculum, 2nd Edition. Men for Change. 1994. Halifax County Bedford District School Board, Halifax County, NS.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 95 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 15: Feelings Charades DEALING WITH Time 20-30 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Ice Breaker or Process Activity. Objective: The participants will create, assess and validate feelings through interaction in role play situations. Materials: Charade cards, stopwatch or timekeeper Numbers: 4-8 minimum 12-15 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Divide the group into two teams. 2. Make up charade cards from the handout sheet. 3. Discuss: “We are going to play charades; Feelings Charades. The game is designed to help us see how feelings look and feel. Each team will take turns trying to guess the feeling in a charade situation while one member acts out the charade. Which team wants to start?” 4. Use a stopwatch or timekeeper for the accurate accounting of times. Give prizes for the winners.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Were these feelings easy to guess? Why? Why not? • Did the feelings seem to match the situations? • Would any of these feelings lead to conflict or violence? • How would you prevent that from happening? • Close with a prize presentation to the winning group.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

96 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 15: Handout DEALING WITH CHARADE CARDS VIOLENCE Guess the feeling: 1. You have just gotten a bad report card. You feel ashamed! 2. You hear a bad rumour about yourself that is not true. You feel mad! 3. You like someone in your class who ignores you. You feel rejected! 4. You hear you are getting a new video game. You feel excited! 5. You have just been told by a friend that you are invited to their party. You feel proud! 6. You are being told by your parents/guardians that you can’t go to a friend’s party. You feel frustrated! 7. You overhear classmates say they think you are stuck-up. You feel hurt! 8. You are told by an older kid that they are going to beat you up after school. You feel scared! 9. You have to wear cheap sneakers to school and the Club. You feel embarrassed! 10. You are on a sports team that just won a close game. You feel happy!

Source: Healthy Relationships: Violence Prevention Curriculum, 2nd Edition. Men for Change. 1994. Halifax County Bedford District School Board, Halifax County, NS.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 97 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 16: Developing Skills in DEALING WITH Communication, Assertiveness, Negotiation VIOLENCE Time: 10-15 minutes Kind of Activity: Ice breaker or Process Activity Objective: The participants will identify and demonstrate listening and reflection skills. Materials: None Numbers: 3-6 minimum 12-16 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Divide the group into pairs. Each pair sits facing one another. 2. Discuss: “This is an exercise on how well we listen. To really listen to a person you have get on their wavelength and not be thinking your own thoughts. If we are really good at it we can almost tell the story back word for word. That’s called reflection. It’s part of good communication skills. “ 3. “I want each of you to think of something that happened to you recently that made you really mad. Each one of you will get a chance to tell a story of what happened. First, I want you to decide who speaks first. When you have decided, let me know by putting your hands in the air. If everyone is ready I would like the first person to tell the other person the story, don’t leave anything out. The other person just listens. Then the other person repeats the story as closely as possible. So it means you really have to listen. Start when you are ready. “ 4. Give the groups 5 minutes. When they are finished, open it up for discussion.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What was it like to have someone else listen so closely? • Was it easy or hard to repeat all that the other person said? • Could you get on their wavelength? • How did it feel when the person got the story right? • Do you think it changes things if people really listen? How?

“Now switch and listen to the other person’s story. Start when you are ready.” Repeat the same questions. Close with a summary of reflection and ask participants to try it at home or with a friend in the next day or two.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

98 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 17: Behind my Back! DEALING WITH Time: 20 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Icebreaker or Process Activity Objective: The participants will recognize that communication needs to be direct to be useful. Materials: Diagram/picture sheets, Blank sheets of paper, pencils Numbers: 4-8 Minimum 12-16 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Discuss: “We are going to be doing a fun exercise on communication. What does communication mean?” Brainstorm ideas about communication. (Getting a message across, telling something to someone etc.) “I want you to work in pairs. Sit back to back and far away from your neighbours. I will give one of you a sheet of paper with a picture on it. I will give the other a blank sheet and a pencil. The person with the picture will try to explain to the other person how to draw the picture. The other person will draw what they think they hear. You can ask questions but do not turn around. Keep your chairs back to back. Start when I hand out the sheets.” 2. Circulate and help the speakers where necessary. Give the group 5-10 minutes to do the drawing. 3. When the time is up get the pairs to compare drawings.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How did you do? Did the drawings look alike? • What kinds of things helped you communicate better? • What questions did you ask? Did that help? • Does it sometimes seem in your own life like you can’t understand what people really mean? • Would asking questions help? • What things might get in the way of good communication? • What did you learn about communication?

Close with a summary of what helps communication happen. Ask the group if they think world leaders communicate well. Why or why not?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 99 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 17: Handout DEALING WITH PICTURE COMMUNICATION VIOLENCE

100 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 18: My Bill of Rights DEALING WITH Time: 10-20 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Ice Breaker or Process Activity. Objective: The participants will identify the rights they enjoy as pre-teens. Materials: Bill of Rights sheet, Blackboard, flip chart or paper on a wall. Numbers: 3-5 minimum 20-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Discuss: “You hear a lot of talk about the rights we have in Canada that other people in other parts of the world don’t have. Can you think of some of those rights?” 2. Brainstorm on board, flip chart or paper or verbally list the different rights that members bring up. (Right to vote, right to freedom, right to free speech, etc)

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How many of these apply to you? • Can you think of any more rights that you have? • Are there any times and situations when you feel you have no rights? • Do you have a right to protection from violence? Do you have a right to respect? Do you have a right to be treated fairly? • Do you have these rights everywhere, like school, home, city or town streets? • Pass out the Bill of Rights sheets. “Develop your own Bill of Rights that applies to you anytime, anywhere! “

Close with a large sized summary “Bill of Rights” that everyone agrees on and display it in the Club.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 101 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 18: Handout DEALING WITH MY BILL OF RIGHTS VIOLENCE

BILL OF RIGHTS

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

102 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 19: The Pictures Game DEALING WITH Time: 20-30 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Objective: The participants will create negotiation sequences in a drama presentation. Materials: None Numbers: 6-9 minimum 15-18 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Discuss: “Does anyone know what negotiate means? (To decide something or to help people to decide an issue between them) Negotiation is when two or more people in a conflict situation give and take so that there is a good decision. That is not easy but it is sometimes the only way to get to a decision that everyone likes. Sometimes people need an outside person to help them negotiate, someone who doesn’t care what decision is made. Can you think of any negotiations you have been part of in your life?” 2. Divide the group into small groups of three (or four, if even number). 3. “Each group is going to present a situation like a series of three pictures in a row, one at the beginning, one at the middle and one at the end of a negotiation. As you make each picture you stop for a moment so we can see the picture. From your pictures we are going to try and guess what your problem is and how you negotiated a solution. For example, two people at school want the same locker (Picture I). The teacher comes by, who is the negotiator (Picture 2) and gives the locker to one student for half the year and the other student for half the year (Picture 3). OK?” 4. “Sit and talk in your group about a situation that you know of or one that you make up. 5. Think of a situation where people are in a conflict and they have to negotiate. You will each take a part and act it out together. Think about the situation. I’ll come around and help if you need me. You can practice your pictures together before the presentations.” 6. Each group is given 2-5 minutes to show their pictures about a negotiation. The rest of the group acts as audience and tries to figure out what the pictures meant.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What kinds of situations were easy to work out? Which were hard to work out? • Which kinds of situations need another person to help negotiate the decision? • What did you learn about negotiation?

Close with a summary of negotiation and prizes for all groups.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 103 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 20: Cooperative Musical Chairs DEALING WITH Time: 5-10 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Ice Breaker or Process Activity. Objective: The participants will play cooperatively in a musical chairs game. Materials: 10-12 chairs (depending on numbers) Music tape and audio tape player Numbers: 6-8 minimum 18-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Place the chairs in circle facing out. 2. Discuss: “This game is something like musical chairs except that we will only take the chairs away, not the people; so you will have to double and triple up. I’ll play some music and then stop. 3. Find a chair or a lap. Everyone is responsible to keep everyone else on. If anyone falls off, the group loses and we begin again. Let’s see how many chairs we can eliminate. Here we go! “ 4. Play the music at intervals and remove one chair at every stop. Play until the group can sit down on as few chairs as possible.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What was the key to helping people stay on? • Was everyone cooperating? • What happened if people did not cooperate? • Is this game more or less fun than musical chairs? • What does this game teach you about competition and conflict?

Close with a round of applause for the group.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

104 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 21: Values in Conflict DEALING WITH Time: 20-30 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Objective: The participants will assess their values related to conflict situations. Materials: Values statements sheet, 4 cardboard values signs (Strongly agree, Agree, Disagree, Strongly disagree) Numbers: 4-6 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Make the 4 cardboard values signs and place them on the wall around the perimeter of the room. 2. Discuss: “This is an activity about conflict, about how we really feel and think about it. On the walls you can see the signs that say Agree, Strongly agree, Disagree and strongly disagree. 3. When I read a statement from this sheet you go to the sign that says how you feel. For example: If I say... Boys and Girls Clubs suck... you would probably all go to the strongly disagree sign. Right? Got it? 4. There are no signs that say I don’t know! You have to make a choice. Try not to be influenced by your friends. When you get to the sign that you want then we’ll find out whose where and why. Let’s go! “ 5. Read the statements on the Values Statements sheet. When the participants get to their signs ask them why they are there. Discussions between groups of participants is good, but watch the level of conflict. After every statement is read ask the group to come back together.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What was that like? • Did you find that you were influenced to go with your friends? • Did you change your mind when you heard other people speak? • Did you learn anything new about conflict and violence?

Close with a summary of new ideas that came out of the activity and the discussion.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 105 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 21: Handout DEALING WITH 1. Conflicts are stupid. VIOLENCE 2. In every conflict there will always be a winner and a loser. 3. As long as there are people on earth there will be conflicts. 4. Violence is always part of a conflict. 5. A conflict can be as small as an argument or as big as a war. 6. Violence breeds more violence. 7. Violent people are born that way. 8. I’d like a world where there are no conflicts.

106 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 22: The Ref! DEALING WITH Time: 15-20 minutes VIOLENCE Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Use with camping groups and sports teams. Objective: The participants will make judgments about specific conflict situations. Materials: Flip chart, Case Studies, Pencils/pens Numbers: 4-5 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Discuss: “Conflict is like rain. We may not like to see it but it is going to happen. 2. Can we come up with some rules that would make conflict fair, and that would help those in conflicts to fight fair?” 3. Brainstorm some of the rules. (Attack the problem, not the person; treat people with respect) Write them on paper to keep in the room. 4. “When you don’t follow the rules in a game you are given a foul. What is a foul in a game? (A foul would be any way in which person did not play fair.) In life a foul could be blaming, hitting, not listening, bossing, threatening, and putting down the other person, name calling or other things. Sometimes fouls make it difficult but not impossible to resolve conflicts. You be the referee in the case studies on these sheets. Circle the words and actions that are fouls.” 5. Divide the group into groups of 3-5. 6. Pass out the three case studies to each group 7. Give the groups 5 minutes to respond. Discuss the responses. Be sure to name the actions or fouls.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Do people use fouls often in these case studies? • Is it like that in real life? • What were our rules of fairness should people remember? • Can all conflicts be resolved if people fight fair?

Close by rewriting a case study together that has no fouls.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 107 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 22: Handout DEALING WITH VIOLENCE CONFLICT PURSUIT Role play 1 Alex would like to go to the Wake-a-thon at the Boys and Girls Club on the weekend. Alex mentions this to T.J. who has been suspended from the Club for one month for fighting. T.J. starts to yell at Alex saying, “You think you got something special going on because you can go and I can’t? I’ll get you ... when I do; you won’t be talking about that no more.” Just then, Jordan comes by and asks, “What’s happening? Players: Alex, T. J. and Jordan

Role Play 2 Sam and Del are friends. They get along fine unless Sam’s friend Terry comes over. One day, Terry and Sam were playing Nintendo when Del came in. Del starts to talk to Sam and Terry turns to say, “Del can’t play, you know?” Del says, “Why not?” Terry says, “Because it’s my game and I say so…that’s why! “ Del turns toward Terry with a mean look. Players: Sam, Teny and Del.

Role Play 3 Mel is one of the older kids in Grade 8 who come down to the Elementary school at recess time to grab lunch off of one of the little kids in Grade 2 and 3. Jessie is in Grade 6 and gets really mad when Mel comes to the school. One day Jessie walks in front of Me and says, “What do you want here?” Mel takes one look and says “None of your business. I got something to do here, so move it.” Then 2 more Grade 6 kids come over to see what’s going on.

Players: Mel, Jessie and 2 more Grade 6’s

Adapted from: Creative Conflict Solving for Kids Fran Schmidt and Alice Friedman. 1985. Grace Contrino Abrams Peace Foundation. FL.

108 UNIT 1:

Section 3: BODY IMAGE Unit 1 A. Background

Section 3: What do we mean by body image? It is a person’s self-concept or picture of him/herself Body Image related to physical ability, size, color, weight, strength and general appearance. Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention states a person with a positive body image has a true and clear perception of their body shape, celebrates and appreciates the shape, and understands that one’s physical appearance says little about ones character and value as a person. On the other hand, a person with a negative body image feels awkward and uncomfortable in his/her own body. The person has a distorted perception of body shape in which one perceives parts of the body unlike they really are. They feel awkward, unattractive and see their body shape as a personal failure (EDAP, 1999).

Body image rests on a comparison we make of our bodies to an ‘ideal’ body subscribed to and described by our culture. This ‘ideal’ body image most commonly presented in popular culture is able bodied, thin, fine featured and beautiful. Additionally, this ‘ideal’ is supported and perpetuated by the advertising, fashion, cosmetics and diet industries (Szekely, 1988). Young people are persistently affected and influenced by their desire to achieve these ‘ideal’ body images portrayed in popular culture through the media.

Media is an influential and consistent factor in the lives of young Canadians. As of 2003, it was estimated that 99% of Canadian households owned at least one color television; 61.2 % owned at least two (Statistics Canada, 2005) It is a strong basis for constructing meaning in their everyday lives. Young people look to the media to help them define, explain and shape the world around them. Without processing it, they tend to make comparisons of themselves with images seen in the media. Pre-teens, because they have not reached the cognitive level to critically analyze and determine reasonable levels of realistic goals, are more vulnerable to media images (Hargreaves and Tiggermann, 2003). Often, they will attempt to mirror themselves to popular images seen in the media.

The portrayal of over glamorized models shown in magazines, televisions, and movies sends the message that in order for a female to be successful she must be attractive and thin. The world has little tolerance for fat! Our culture’s obsession with thin ideals is played out in the media via models and actresses who may have eating disorders themselves, who may have personal trainers to help them maintain a thin body, and whose bodies, as portrayed through airbrushing and camera angle techniques, may not even be their own (Botta, 1999).

These messages have a detrimental effect on adolescents, especially young women. Because as Pipher (1994) says:

“Girls have strong bodies when they enter puberty. But these bodies often soften and spread out in a way that our culture calls fat. Just at the point that their bodies are becoming rounder, girls are told that thin is beautiful, even imperative.”

Pre-teens are experiencing self-discovery and are developing physically in ways that surprise and embarrass them. These physical changes are consistent with normal growth and development, but when the ideal is thinness in the extreme, or muscle bulk impossible for a 12-year-old male to attain, and then young people can become upset and depressed

110 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 3: about their bodies. Youth are influenced as much if not more than adults in relation to their Body Image bodies because they are so unsure of themselves and so vulnerable in the area of self-esteem. The acceptance of the media’s presentation of the ideal body image can result in more than just lowered self-esteem and confidence. Attempts to achieve the media’s vision of the ideal body form can lead to dangerous and health harming actions. In order to maintain this standard, adolescents can go to extremes. Let’s look at some disconcerting facts presented by Beyond Stereotypes, the global study commissioned by Dove of 3000 women and girls: • 1 in 4 teen girls practice some form of eating disorder. • 30 % of Ontario girls 10-14 years old and deemed to be a healthy weight based on BMI are dieting to lose weight. • By grade 6, 1 in 4 girls have been on a diet. • The body fat of models and actresses portrayed in the media is at least 10% less than that of healthy women. • 13% of girls aged 15-17 have taken part in behaviour such as compulsive eating, throwing up or refusing to eat.

SCARY ISN’T IT? Women are more likely to have eating disorders than men. However, men can’t be ignored. • It is estimated that there is one male with anorexia for every four females, and one male with bulimia for every 8 to 11 females • Health Canada found that almost one in every five boys of grade 10 either were on a diet or wanted to lose weight • While young women tend to be “fixated on weight” and “thinness,” men tend to be more concerned with building a muscular body “shape” (Roloff, 2004).

The challenge for those working with pre-teens in the area of body image is to help them look at and begin to deconstruct these cultural images and include a varied and broad range of normal in the experience of changing and growing body size, shape, weight and strength, Celebration of difference in colors and ethnicity and a development of an understanding of those differently-abled will assist them in a goal of inclusiveness. The emergence of a positive body image during the pre-teen years has implications for development and maintenance of a healthy self-esteem.

GOALS: The approaches, strategies, and activities in the Body Image section will help members: • To understand the influence of the ideal body image culture. • To recognize their own weight, strength, and size preoccupation behaviours. • To appreciate the differences in body color, size, strength, weight and ability. • To affirm their own body image.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 111 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 3: Many issue related to body image have to do with our own recognition of the influence Body Image of cultural structures in the society in which we live. Patriarchy, racism, repressed sexuality and the experience of living in a visual world have been some of the major contributors to:

1. The objectification of women’s bodies (and in recent year’s men’s bodies) 2. The prejudice in society towards those of different culture, race and ability 3. The preoccupation with physical weight, size and strength

CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING: What are the messages about body image that members find at the Club?

What kind of pictures are on the walls, bulletin boards? Do they depict only young, white, thin and able-bodied persons or are the pictures inclusive of race, ability and size?

Who are hired as staff and volunteers? Is there an affirmative action program or policy? Do staff and volunteers represent a broad range of ages, races abilities and sizes?

What are the verbal messages at the Club? Are jokes tolerated from members and staff about those who are from different cultures? …those who are fat or thin? Those who are handicapped? Is there discussion of diets and negative feelings about body shape?

Are the games and sports based on size and strength or skill and intellect? Would boys who are not fully developed or who are naturally small in structure be given equal access? Do girls get to play the games where strength and physical ability are key?

At times feeling good about our own bodies is a tough road to walk, especially as we are all part of a repressive body image environment. It is even more difficult to help pre-teens navigate around the potholes to find out who they are and what value they have in this world. Some of the following approaches are meant to help you in your work with pre-teens around issues of body image.

One of the primary messages staff need to understand and need to get out to pre-teens is that trying to strive for the perfect body in the cultures in which we live is not something we need feel guilty about; we are a product of the culture and will always find it hard to fight the messages. What we need to help them do is take a close look at the messages of the ‘ideal’ body image culture and at the underlying values that it represents a kind of deconstructing of the cultural image.

Deconstructing cultural messages is a great skill to teach young people. Explain to them that to “deconstruct” is to decipher or to take apart and is an important tool to have when reading newspapers, magazines, watching TV or movies…Take for example, “Women need make up to look pretty”. The following steps might help them to deconstruct the statement:

1. Identifying the message (What is being said here) Women’s faces are not acceptable as they are. 2. Uncovering the real intent (What is the real goal here?) To sell make up, a billion dollar a year industry.

112 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 3: 3. Recognizing the messenger (Who is selling what?) The cosmetic industry of manufactures, Body Image promoters, distributors. 4. Challenging the message (What is the truth?) Women’s faces, like men’s faces are acceptable without makeup. 5. Living with the new message (What does this mean for me?) Do I want to start or continue to wear make up? And if so, what are my reasons?

These issues are as important for males as they are for females. How males think of them- selves, value themselves and value females has a great impact on the continued structure of the body image culture. Messages for males to deconstruct might include: “Boys have to act tough to be real men.”

RACISM The following points about prejudice and racism in the Clubs are relevant to the 8-12 year olds. It is at this age we can hope to explore and challenge the social values that uphold discrimination between majority groups and people of color.

The term racism is broadly used to refer to the ideology of superiority of a particular race over another. This notion of superiority comes to permeate social structures, practices, attitudes, beliefs and processes that in turn become the vehicles for transmitting and perpetuating this ideology. Racism can be personal, cultural or institutional and these often interrelate.

The continuance of racism in our society is made worse by the role of media and popular culture in the reinforcement of stereotypes, and the creation of images. By representing racial groups in specific ways on an ongoing basis, these mistaken ideas are maintained throughout communities of all colors and age groups.

For the media, transmitting and perpetuating cultural standards and myths has become a principal function (Henry et al. 2000). The Canadian Ethno cultural Council reported in 1995 that:” The relative absence of minority men and women in the Canadian media is remarkable.” Even more damaging however, are the negative stereotypes, which are created of racialized groups. Many minority groups are portrayed as drug dealers, gang members, prostitutes, alcoholics etc (Henry et al, 2000).

Unlearning racism is a monumental task. Racism exists in your Club because racism exists in society. We need to acknowledge that we all need to be in on the fight to stop racism all together.

Anti-racist education is an educational approach that seeks to challenge inequalities. In addition to celebrating culture and difference (i.e. multicultural education) issues of power, justice and inequality are included within the educational framework to help members understand and deal with racism, prejudice, and stereotyping. An anti-racist approach does not ignore the existence of racism or racial discrimination and actively challenges their expression and effects. Someone who adopts an anti racist approach will attempt to identify and change those things in school an society that lead to negative discrimination, intended or unintended against people on their basis of their race or ethnicity.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 113 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 3: The Education for Race Equality Organization (2007, www.antiracisttoolkit.org.uk) points Body Image out characteristics of effective anti-racist education, which will be useful to integrate into your Club activities and approaches.

Anti-racist education: • Develops critical thinking • Incorporates multicultural education, which celebrates difference and diversity but moves beyond that to assist the learner with an understanding of discrimination based on ethnicity, nationality, culture, faith, language and color. • Makes links to other forms of inequality and discrimination for example those based on gender, class, sexual orientation, religion, disability, age. • Assists in breaking down barriers of them and us and in understanding why it is important for this to happen • Explores positive ways of tackling discrimination and creating change at all levels to ensure a fairer and more just society.

What is an anti-racist ethos? An anti-racist ethos is one which: • Acknowledges the existence of racism and the need to educate learners to identify and act against racism • Encourages and enables the challenging of any form or racism • Values and celebrates difference and diversity • Seeks to include racial and ethnic variety in an equal and respectful manner • Is sensitive to varying approaches of learning among various communities and individual learners • Takes positive steps to bring about a racially and ethnically inclusive environment

There is a common myth that schools and organizations only needs to use an anti-racist approach when there is an ethnically diverse population or when racial bullying exists. However, racism and discrimination are around all the time.

The Understanding Prejudice Organization (www.understandingprejudice.org) offers some tips for helping young people to understand racial stereotypes: • Look closely at the media images youth see. What messages do they send concerning gender, race, and roles? As a role model speak up against the stereotyped characters, and explain why you disapprove? Ask youth to compare images of race they see on television with the people they know in their community. How do they differ? • Deconstruct the media reality. Talk with members about the actors on the programs they watch such as Heroes, Gossip Girl, and One Tree Hill. Are those characters typical of young people today? Remind them that there are three billion women who don’t look like supermodels and only a small percentage of that who do! • Critique other media. Look at the ads for cars, clothing and sports equipment in magazines, newspaper, online and billboards. Talk to members about how the product is glamorized and which audiences are targeted. Who is represented in these

114 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 3: ads as the consumer? Why are certain ethnic groups linked to certain products? Take Body Image a look at running shoe ads for example. Ask: why are black athletes often portrayed as “shooting hoops” and goofing around the gym, while the white athletes are showing doing serious training. • Use history as a tool. Help your child understand the real life history behind many fictionalized stories. While it is true that there was a real life Pocahontas, she was a thirteen-year-old girl when she met John Smith, not a grown woman and she didn’t look anything like the small-waisted, long-haired character of the Disney film.

Source: http://www.media-awareness.ca/

DISABILITY AND INCLUSION Canadian children and youth with disabilities are a diverse group. Some live in big cities, others live in rural areas. Some live in two-parent/guardian families while others live in single family homes. Children and youth with disabilities also come from various ethnic and faith backgrounds. Even though we categorize them under one heading, they are not a uniform group with the same needs.

There are also many kinds of disabilities. There are learning disabilities, behavioural or emotional conditions, disabilities affecting mobility, sight, and hearing as well as intellectual disabilities. Children and youth with disabilities may also experience differences in severity of disability.

Historically, people with disabilities have not been included in society. They were placed in institutions away from their families and communities. Today, however, people with disabilities are living in the communities in which they were born and today we speak about inclusion as a vehicle for actively including them in society.

One of the core values of the Boys and Girls Clubs of Canada is inclusion. This means that we strive to create environments where all children are welcome and feel that they belong. What is inclusion? Although the following definition was written with schools in mind, it still provides an excellent example of what it means:

Inclusion is a fundamental belief that considers each person an important, accepted member of the school and community. Inclusion is characterized by an attitude of problem solving to discover what is possible…not placing blame, getting stuck or giving up. Inclusion is ‘solution-oriented’…Inclusion is something that changes over time – it is a series of small adjustments, not just a replicated model. Inclusion creates opportunities for people to learn together.

Inclusion starts with the values in communities. Inclusive communities value children and youth with disabilities for the roles that they play. They recognize that the responsibility for being included in the community does not rest with the family, the individual or disability and service organizations, but within the infrastructure of the community and all its members.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 115 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 3: Boys and Girls Clubs can play a significant role in including children and youth with Body Image disabilities in programs and activities. Inclusion is both an attitude and a word of action and change. It involves: • Valuing all children and youth equally. • Increasing the participation of all children in, and reducing their exclusion, from programs and activities (at Clubs). • Planning, preparing and having the necessary supports to ensure a child can participate to his/her full potential. • Restructuring the cultures, policies and practices in Clubs and communities so that they respond to the diversity of all children and youth. • Reducing barriers to learning and participation, not only for those who have been labelled as having “special educational needs”.

Inclusion Strategies Having children and youth in your programs at the Club is one step on the road to inclusion, but it more than just their physical presence. Here are some strategies for creating a meaning and inclusive environment: • Attitude is key! Believe that all children/youth can participate. Focus on present potential and future success. • Promote independence. Independence builds self-esteem. Children/youth learn independence by doing, not by watching others do for them. • Accept alternative products. If an activity requires a writing product, allow for variations such as verbal responses. Or ask a peer/friend to write answers down. Be creative! • Explore technology. Technology enables many children and youth with disabilities to actively participate in activities and communication. • Adaptation. Create and/or choose materials that make the activity accessible to all the participants. Plan and consider all differences in abilities including speaking, sight, hearing, movement, reading, writing, attention, memory and organization skills. Adapt the amount of time you allot for an activity. Use various visual aids, plan more concrete examples, and provide hands-on activities, place participants in cooperative learning groups. • Positive Peer Power. A Club member’s peers are an excellent resource. A peer can be helpful to teach, provide support, and be a friend.

116 Unit 1 C. Community Outreach

Section 3: There are a number of organizations in the community working to increase the profile of Body Image those who are differently abled or who are in racial or physical minorities. These organizations are very interested in offering information, services and education opportunities related to body image messages to youth. They may offer guest speakers, panel presenters, posters and audiovisual material that you can use in a program with the members.

You may want to work with a particular group in a relevant “issue” area during their organiza- tions education week or month, e.g. National Eating Disorders Week, International Women’s Day, or Black History Month. Talk to the organization about working together. Link interested BGC members to the organization to coordinate joint educational initiatives and activities.

Library connection: Perhaps your local library could be persuaded to develop a book listing or display one or more of body image issues, this could include one of the specific topics involving young women and weight preoccupation or young men and steroids. The members could be involved in the development of the display or you might do a field trip to get some books on these subjects. Club members could contact relevant organizations (see Resources section) to order posters, brochures etc.

Parent/Guardian Involvement Involving parent/guardians in issues of body image may be more difficult than issues related to violence and self-esteem. The following ideas may be helpful in getting parents/guardians interested:

1. Remind parents/guardians that their comments can have a huge impact on their children’s body image. Teasing and negative comments about a child’s eating habits can be hurtful and can cause children to develop unhealthy relationships with food. 2. Send home library listing of books on body image; encourage them to review these books with their children. 3. Involve them through homework assignments or activities on body image that the members bring home (See strategies and Activities sections) 4. Invite parents/guardians to plays, etc. that the members or the Club organize where the issues relate to body image. 5. Ask parents/guardians who you know have dealt with body image problems, a disability, and weight preoccupation, racism to be involved in your program as a guest speaker, a panel presenter or a facilitator to share their perspective on the body image issues. 6. Give parent/guardians a chance to support the program at home by letting them know that you are dealing with body image education at the Club. Encourage them to follow up on discussions, etc.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 117 Unit 1 D. Programming Ideas

Section 3: Understand the Influence of the ‘Ideal’ Body Image Culture Body Image • Have the members discuss how body image is portrayed in music videos and in hip hop culture? • Have them come up with their own rap/dance that portrays healthy and positive body images. • Bring in magazines so that members can create collages called the “real man and the “Ideal” woman. Discuss the collages in terms of how women and men are portrayed in the media. • Tape a portion of the TV programs Fashion Television or Americas Next Top Model and bring it to a Torch Club meeting or after school group. Ask the group to comment on the body size, age and color of models, and the process of making a model look how she does. • Get the members as a group to think of as many games as they can that can be played by anyone of any ability or disability. If there are few or no ideas try to create a game that could be played by anyone of any ability. • Ask the members to try and find pictures of people who are blind, in wheel chairs and who are over normal weight in magazines and newspapers and bring them into the Club. Discuss the ease or difficulty in finding these kinds of pictures in the media. • Make a list of all the latest brand name clothes, jeans, hats, sneakers, etc. that are in style. Talk about what makes these clothes so “hot”. Now list the clothes form 1-2 years ago that used to be hot and why they have gone out of style. Discuss the difference in attitudes. • Get the members to write a 30 second commercial about a product of their choosing. It must be targeted for a broad audience in terms of size, race, ability etc and have a message that promotes healthy body image for everyone.

Learning to Recognize Size, Strength and Weight Preoccupation Behaviours • Have them consider how many times they think about weight and physical appearance during the day? • Ask the members to do a survey of their parents/guardians, aunts, uncles, and neighbours etc to find out if there is anyone who has ever been on a diet. Bring in the results and compare male and female responses on a chart. Discuss reasons for differences (See Activity Section) • Make a list of all the sports in which athletes have taken steroids or who have tested positive for illegal substances. Discuss the use of testing for steroids in Olympic Games. • Create a display board or wall in the Club where there are articles, headlines in newspaper, magazines or TV ads that suggest bad messages for kids and adults about their bodies. Call it the Bogus Body Image Board.

118 Unit 1 D. Programming Ideas

Section 3: Appreciate the Differences in Body Color, Size, Weight and Ability Body Image • Divide the group into smaller groups and have each group write a two-minute story in which the characters have different body images. You can assign a specific body image issue, i.e.: size, disability, etc. or you can let the group chose. Each group then acts out or reads their story to the group. • Research and discuss how body image is viewed in different countries and different cultures? Is thin the ultimate look for women globally? How about clothing? How does dress differ for men and women around the world? • Ensure that when teams are forming for sports or other activities that there is a mix of color, size, weight, and strength on each team. • Invite a panel of people of all ages who are differently abled to the Club to talk to pre-teen members about their lives.

Affirm Their Own Body Image • On scraps of paper get members to write two things under the headings, “I feel good about my body when….” And “the parts of my body I like best are…”. Attach two large sheets of paper to the wall and have the members paste or tape their answers under the two headings. Discuss the similarities and differences without naming names. • Suggest that members make a list of people who have physical limitations but who have been able to get ahead in their careers, sports, etc. Perhaps invite the person to the Club for a special event. • After a game or sports activity, get the members to sit on the floor in a circle and one at a time give one compliment out loud to the person beside them about the way they played the game, showed skill strength, used their body well, etc. • Ask the pre-teen members to share a story about a time that they did something physical that they didn’t think they were could do. • Ask the group to create anti-racism slogans and then choose the best one and have them made up as buttons. Selling the buttons can be used as a fundraiser.

Physical Activity, Young Women and Self-esteem There is a good evidence to suggest that sport, active living and physical recreation/edu- cation can have a positive effect on self-esteem in adolescent women. Efforts to enhance self-esteem in adolescent females through sport and physical activity should focus on fun, skill development and cooperation (instead of wining) and activities should be realistic and achievable. Self-esteem is enhanced through the development of positive social interaction during sport and physical activity events, the feeling of support from a coach or leader, a sense of mastery of a physical skill, and a more positive body image.

If Boys and Girls Clubs are serious about bolstering young women’s self-esteem, they must confront gender inequities that are embedded in the policies and practices of the system. Here is a checklist of ways that can make physical activity more inclusive, accessible and empowering for young women.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 119 Unit 1 D. Programming Ideas

Section 3: Promotion and Communication Portray sport, active living and physical education as coopera- Body Image tive, inclusive activities that encourage young women to develop a positive, active self-image. • Use multicultural visuals of both sexes in all promotional materials and cover both men’s and women’s events. Show a variety of shapes and sizes and depict young women succeeding in non-traditional activities.

PROGRAMMING • Use non-sexist language in all communications. • Promote a healthy body image and healthy behaviours in all aspects of the programs • Provide physical recreation programs that emphasize fun, social opportunities and skill development • Provide training sessions on gender specific needs and influencing self-esteem to coaches and leaders • Provide accessible skill development opportunities for young women who are disadvantaged or physically challenged.

POLICY • Examine the policies and practices of your organization. Does your Club promote gender equity and positive self-esteem? Does it forbid harassment, abuse and negative practices? • Enact policies that prohibit harassment based on gender, age, ability, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity or marital status. • Provide affirmative action programs and professional development opportunities that encourage women to take on leadership and coaching roles. • Help the group to understand healthy physical activity and dispel the no pain, no gain myth. Explain that moderate physical activity, i.e. 30 minutes a day of moderate physical activity, (brisk walking, bilking, dancing, etc) can help to manage weight, make you feel good and reduce stress. • Discuss how much physical activity is needed each day to keep healthy. What are three activity groups (endurances, flexibility, and strength)? Ask the group to list activities that are active and enjoyable but don’t necessarily involve team sports. How can we make time in our daily routine for physical activity? • It assists in breaking down barriers of them and us and in understanding why it is important for this to happen • It explores positive ways of tackling discrimination and creating change at all levels to ensure a fairer and more just society.

120 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 3: Websites: Body Image Body Positive.com: This is a website for parents/guardians about the dilemmas surrounding child weight issues. It includes many helpful external links on issues related to weight and body image, including eating disorders, discrimination and bullying. The site provides online resources including websites, live chats, newsgroups and other cool stuff. www.bodypositive.com

Body Image Health.org: This site provides tools for preventing problems with body image, eating, fitness and weight before they start. It also includes the model for healthy body image and a book for parents/guardians. www.bodyimagehealth.org

Food Play Productions produces national award winning live theatre shows and videos for children and pre-teens that deal with issues of nutrition, eating disorders, tobacco prevention, fitness and media literacy. www.foodplay.com

Girls Inc. This organization inspires girls to be strong, smart and bold. It includes many projects addressing health, physical safety along with other competencies. www.girlsinc.org

Understanding Prejudice is a web site for students, teachers, and others interested in the causes and consequences of prejudice. On their website you will find more than 2,000 links to prejudice-related resources, as well as searchable databases with hundreds of prejudice researchers and social justice organizations. www.understandingprejudice.org

MNet’s work is based on the belief that to be functionally literate in the world today – to be able to “read” the messages that inform, entertain and sell to us daily – young people need critical thinking skills. MNet focuses its efforts on equipping adults with information and tools to help young people to understand how the media work, how the media may affect their lifestyle choices and the extent to which they, as consumers and citizens, are being well informed. MNet also provides reference materials for use by adults and youth alike in examining media issues from a variety of perspectives. http://www.media-awareness.ca/

Project Participate provides families, educators, administrators and therapists with simple strategies to increase the active participation of students with disabilities in school programs. The tips and strategies are readily and easily adaptable to the Club environment. www.projectparticipate.org

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 121 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 3: Books and Print Materials: Body Image 100 Things Guys Need to Know. ZIMMERMAN, Bill. Free Spirit. 2005 A snappy self-help guide with enough of a comic-book flair to appeal to guys, this title has a full chapter on body image. Boys will be comforted to read about how insecure other boys are about the numerous embarrassing body changes that never seem to be “normal.” Other chapters look at self-respect, family and school issues, relationships, and the future. Get ready–this book has the potential to disappear

Born Too Short: The Confessions of an Eighth-Grade Basket Case. ELISH, Dan S & S. 2002. In this much-needed boy’s view on growing up, short, talented 13-year-old Matt is overcome by jealousy when his best friend (the school hunk) writes a smashingly successful, albeit musically dreadful, school play. Upon wishing Keith ill, Matt’s life picks up, while Keith’s begins hitting walls. In time Matt gets a girl, and Keith recoups his losses.

The Skin I’m In. FLAKE, Sharon Hyperion. 1998. Sometimes being darker, poorer, and smarter are the problems, as Maleeka discovers at her urban middle school. New teacher Miss Saunders, wealthy, overweight, and just as dark, is on a corporate sabbatical. She’s determined to help Maleeka, who survives socially by being a virtual slave to the school’s most popular girl. Maleeka’s painful steps toward self-respect are ironically and effectively tied to a journal she writes in the voice of an African slave. Audio version available from Recorded Books.

Fat Chance NEWMAN, Leslea. Putnam. 1996. Offering a great deal of girl appeal, this diary chronicles three and a half months in an eighth-grader’s pursuit to become the thinnest girl in school and handsome Richard Weiss’s girlfriend. Average to the core, Judi is caught up in shallow values, including emulation of Nancy Pratt, whose twig figure is achieved by bulimia. Sucked into this “easy” solution for losing a few extra pounds, Judi eventually receives help from a teacher, a counsellor, and a mother who finally pays attention.

Middle School: How to Deal. BORDEN, Sara, et al. Chronicle. 2005. Five San Francisco middle school girls collaborated on this delightful self-help book with a hefty, upbeat chapter on body image. They cover balancing the desire to look a certain way with the reality of individual differences; responding to weird things boys do or say; eating healthfully; and dealing with bras, periods, and peer pressure. Colourful anecdotes and intelligent, hip language keep readers’ eyes on the prize–maintaining a healthy body image and body while navigating middle school.

Female Body Image: A Hot Issue. DiBATTISTA, Rosemary Genova. Enslow. 2002. Six tidy chapters look at issues ranging from historical to media-generated images to changes women make to alter themselves. A colourful, glossy layout helps readers perceive how females have been manipulated to strive for an ever-changing, unachievable perfection that varies by culture. Real pluses include great photos and bright insets with useful questions and information.

122 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 3: Body Image. FITZHUGH, Karla. Steck-Vaughn. 2004. Body Image An excellent layout on colourful glossy pages makes this overview a great introduction. Chapters are brief and build upon one another, including the phenomenon of “physical culture,” body basics (build, fitness, body dysmorphia, and eating disorders), skin issues (piercing and tattooing among them), puberty, medical and cosmetic surgery, and getting help. Charts, anecdotes, graphs, and informative insets provide additional appeal. Audio Visual Materials: Dying to Be Thin (Nova Series). video or DVD. This video looks at young American women who are falling victim to anorexia and bulimia— ballet dancers, actresses, and others. There are interviews with people being treated for anorexia, including a 14-year-old girl and college students, who talk about their struggles to overcome a life-threatening desire to be thin. The causes of eating disorders and treatments are discussed.

Real People: Eat Right! Have a Healthy Body Image. 2000. video or DVD. In a relaxed, informal exchange, a group of middle school teens discuss with psychologists how they feel about body image, media and peer pressure to be thin, eating disorders, and addiction to exercise and drugs to improve physical appearance or increase athletic performance. One teen relates her journey with anorexia and her road toward recovery.

Understanding Anorexia and Bulimia. video or DVD. Human Relations Media. 2003. Hosted by a young Caucasian male and an African-American female, this program explains the causes, warning signs, symptoms, and health risks of these eating disorders. A dietician and ethnically diverse male and female youngsters provide information. The stories of three young adults are presented: a female recovering from anorexia, a male bulimic, and a girl whose eating disorders resulted in her death. Exercise bulimia is also discussed by athletes and coaches. Other Useful Resources (Websites, Books, DVDs etc): Use this space to jot down other useful resources you come across.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 123 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 3: Bibliography: Body Image Arnett, J.J. (1995) Adolescents uses of media for self-socialization. Journal of Youth and Adolescence. 24 (5) 519-533

Botta, R.A. (1999) Television images and adolescent girls body image disturbance. Journal of Communication, 49 (2) 22-41

Buffin, D. (1992) The Best You Can Be. Red Deer Alberta Health Promotion Unit

Durham, M.G. (1999) Girls, Media and the negotiation of sexuality: A study of race, class, and gender in adolescent peer groups, Journalism and Mass Communication Quarterly.

Harrgreaves. D. and Tiggerman, M. (2003) The effect of thin ideal television commercial on body dissatisfaction. Journal of Youth and Adolescence. 32 (5)

Henry, Frances et al. The Color of Democracy: Racism in Canadian Society. Toronto. Harcourt. 2000

Jordan, Glenn & Chris Weedon. (1995). Chapter 9, Making a Difference, Asserting Power: the Cultural Politics of Racism. In Cultural Politics: Class, Gender, Race and the PostmodernWorld, pp. 251-314. Oxford: Blackwell.

Pipher, M (1994). Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls. Grosset/Putnam, New York

Roloff, Mark (2004) Males and Eating Disorders presentation at 2004 National Eating Disorders Association Conference.

Szekeley, E. (1988) Never Too Thin: The Women’s Press

124 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 1: Ken and Barbie Images: Let’s Talk Reality! Body Image Time: 1-2 hours Kind of Activity: Process and Discussion. Objective: To encourage discussion on the impact of mass media on body image Material: Magazines

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Cut out 3-4 pictures from various magazines of typical thin models-both men and women. Cut out 3-4 pictures of regular looking people doing regular things. Alternatively the group members can cut out pictures themselves. Tape on wall or chalkboard. 2 .  Divide group into 3 or 4 small groups. Have them discuss the different groups of pictures.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How do the model images affect the way young people see themselves and others? • Do we see the same images on television? • Why are so many actors portrayed as perfect looking and thin? • Is there really such a thing as the perfect man or woman? • Why are these images often unrealistic and unhealthy? • Why do media images make us feel bad sometimes?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 125 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 2: The Perfect Woman/The Perfect Man Body Image Time: 10 minutes Kind of Activity: Ice breaker or Process Activity Objective: The participants will describe their idea of a perfect man and woman Materials: None Numbers: 2-4 minimum 25-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Ask the group to describe the perfect woman. What does she look like? Be sure that both boys and girls have input into the description. 2. Then ask them to describe the perfect man. What does he look like? 3. Often you will get the “ideal” image as answers for both of these questions. The perfect man or woman is not culturally or racially diverse, is not differently-abled, and is not fat, too tall or too small. (If the responses do represent diversity ask the group to compare their answers to the image in magazines.)

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Is there really such a thing as the perfect man or woman? • How come we think we know what it looks like? • Where do the images of perfect come from? • What do you think it would feel like to look perfect? • Are there big differences between the perfect man and the perfect woman? Why?

Close with a discussion of the influences on us to be perfect looking.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

126 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 3: The Ad Campaign Body Image Time: 15-20 minutes Kind of Activity: Process or Homework Activity Objective: The participants will identify some of the media/ad methods for selling products related to body image. Materials: The Ad Campaign Sheet, Pens/pencils, Prizes Numbers: 2-3 minimum 25-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Brainstorm with the group on how the media affects how we think about our body image. How about advertising? Ask them if they can give an example of a TV commercial or a magazine ad that tries to sell something by exaggeration or trickery?” 2. Get the participants to give as many examples as they can. 3. “There are some methods of advertising that use young, good looking people with good bodies in their ads. How would that sell products? Sometimes the ad companies use sports or movie stars to get their message across. Why would they do that? What effect would that have? What other tricks do the advertising companies use?” 4. Pass out the Ad Campaign Sheets. Ask the members to work in teams of 2 and find the words on the right side of the sheet that correspond to the sentences on the left. Offer some type of prize to the winning group. Go through the sheet with the group and correct answers.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What methods do advertisers use to sell products? • Do you think people are influenced by the ads? Why? How? • Is advertising good or bad? • How can people learn to look at advertising differently? Will you?

Close with a summary and giving out of prizes.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 127 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 3: Handout Body Image ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN SHEET

• Advertising has influence on . • Advertisers use the (TV, radio) to get their message out. • Some ads use people like and to sell their products. • Sometimes an ad can be a . • Using a to sell a product is one method of an ad campaign.

MEDIA

TRICK

ACTORS and SPORTS STARS

BODY IMAGE

GOOD LOOKING BODY

128 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 4: Your Body is OK Body Image Time: 20-30 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Objective: The participants will discuss issues of weight, strength and size preoccupation in case study scenarios. Materials: Your Body is OK Case Studies Numbers: 3-6 minimum, 20-25 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Explain to the group, “As you grow and change, especially in the next few years, your body will grow with you. Some will think that their bodies are not growing fast enough and others will think they are growing too fast. Already there are people here in the Club who are not happy with how their bodies look. It’s too bad! And it’s because we are influenced from outside to compare ourselves with the ‘ideal’, and although we know we can never reach it, we still try. So we need to be patient and stay healthy and be on the lookout for all the things that can make us feel bad about our bodies, and avoid them! “ 2. “Sometimes it’s hard to talk yourself into feeling better about your body, but if you had a best friend, who felt bad you would probably want to help, right? Well, I have some case studies here to help you give some advice to a friend. I’d like you to work in groups of 3-4 and each group will get one case study to work on. There are 5 case studies. We’ll come back at the end and discuss your advice.” 3. Pass out the case studies, some groups will have the same one, then get feedback from all those who had the same case study during the discussion. 4. Give the groups 5-8 minutes and then call them back to talk about the cases.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What kind of advice did we hear people giving in the case studies? • Do you think that if these were real people they would take the advice? Why? Why not? • What do you say if a friend talks about their body in a negative way? • Would you take this advice from a friend? Would you take this advice if it were you?

Close with a discussion of the way each participant will respond the next time a friend talks in a negative way about their body.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 129 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 4: Handout Body Image YOUR BODY IS OK CASE STUDIES Frankie is the smallest person in the class. Over the past 2 years Frankie has not even grown an inch. It has meant that Frankie is always the last to be picked for teams, the one everyone ridicules and now Frankie is making ‘small’ jokes too. You are Frankie’s friend and you don’t like what is happening. What advice do you have as a friend?

You think your friend Pat is in trouble. Pat has begun to feel fat, skip meals and when you are out anywhere refuses to eat. You honestly don’t think the weight is a problem. Pat has begun to look tired and doesn’t have energy to do anything. What advice do you have as a friend?

Jessie has been playing basketball for four years. In the past year Jessie has started to grow taller very fast. Jessie’s basketball performance is off because of the height change and it has made Jessie very self-conscious. Jessie quit the team this week. What advice do you have as a friend?

Nicky and Jordan are best friends. They went to a sleep over at another Club last week and noticed that people were looking at them because they were hanging out together. Someone was talking about the black and white “tag team” and it was Jordan and Nicky they were talking about. What advice do you have for these friends?

Jamie uses crutches for walking because of spina-bifida. Jamie cannot do many of the activities and sports at the Club and is always sitting out. Mel and Lucky sometimes want to include Jamie in stuff so they try and push Jamie into being involved. This has ended in fights between the three of them. What advice do you have as a friend of all three of them?

130 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 5: Words hurt! Body Image Time: 10 -1 5 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Objective: The participants will recognize the impact of words used to ridicule others. Materials: None Numbers: 5-10 minimum 20-25 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. “Today we are going to look at how calling people names can hurt. When people’s bodies change they go through times when they may be smaller than their friends, taller than their friends and heavier than their friends. Others may want to use these times to make fun of them.” 2. Ask participants the following questions: a. What are some of the names that can make people feel bad about their bodies? (Fatty, wimp, beanpole, etc.) b. Why would people call others hurtful names? What makes them do it? c. How do you think it makes them feel? 3. Divide the group into two/three depending on eye color. Get the blue eyed participants to form a group and leave the room for 3 minutes. The brown/black eyed participants all sit in front. This group has 3 minutes to make up some negative names for blue eyed people that have to do with eye color. All others (gray and green eyed participants) are observers. 4. When the brown/black eyed group have their list, ask the blue eyed group to come back into the room and to stand at the front. The brown/black eyed group then can call out the names to those in the front of the room. The blue eyed group cannot say anything. After a few minutes, get the whole group together.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What was that like for the blue eyed group? • What did the observers notice about both groups and about the feeling in the room? • What did the brown/black eyed group feel like? • Is eye color something you can change? How would you feel if this was the thing that got attention? • Would it hurt more or less to be called a name because of your weight, height or shape? • Is calling people names prejudice?

Close with a discussion of the ways you can respond when you hear someone calling a person a name.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 131 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 6: Picture Perfect Body Image Time: 15-20 minutes Kind of Activity: Ice breaker or Process Activity Objective: The participants will compare pictures of themselves throughout their lives and identify similarities and differences in human development. Materials: Pictures that the Club members bring from home, Brown paper or newsprint, Tape, pens, markers Numbers: 4-6 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: Be mindful of those in the group who do not have pictures to show

1. “Today we are going to talk about how the body color, size, shape and even weight are determined at or before birth. Does anyone know what it is that makes us different? (Genes). Remember difference is special. It is what makes us all unique. 2. Even though we are all different we grow in much the same way. 3. “You were asked to bring in pictures from home that shows you at different times in your life from birth to now. These pictures will be used in this activity. I’d like each of you to take a large piece of newsprint and tape your pictures in on the newsprint. I’d like you to write captions for each of the pictures. Think about what makes you unique! You can tell a story or use lines from songs. 4. Give the group 10 minutes to do this. 5. “Now who would like to show us your pictures and read out your captions to the group?”

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How did it feel showing the pictures to everyone? • Would you have been able to guess the right people for the pictures? • How are the pictures similar? How are they different? • Did people’s bodies change? How? • Will people’s bodies continue to change?

Close by getting the participants to put their baby pictures in a pile and see if the group can guess the identity of the person that goes with the picture.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

132 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 7: A World Full of Me Body Image Time: 15-20 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Use with after school group or younger members. Objective: The participants will discuss and value the differences in body shapes, sizes, colors and abilities. Materials: World Full of Me Visualization, Scrap paper and pens/pencils Numbers: 2-3 minimum 20-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Ask the participants to sit comfortably in their seats. “Today we are going to do a visualization activity. Do you remember what that is (a TV set in your mind)? Ok, I am going to read out a story and I want you to pretend you are in the story. Get comfortable in your chair or on the floor.” 2. Turn down the lights and read the A World Full of Me visualization. 3. Use visualization exercises with care. They may bring up memories of abuse of assault or be scary for younger members. 4. When the visualization is over, ask the group to get into small groups of 3-4 and list, on the scrap paper provided 3 things that were good about ‘A World Full of Me’ and 3 things that were not so good about ‘A World Full of Me’. Give them 5 minutes. When the time is up ask the groups to report their findings. Discuss the responses.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What was it like in that world? • Was it good to have everyone the same? • What did you miss in that world? • How does it make you feel about people’s differences now?

Close with a suggestion that the participants go home and talk about the experience with their parents/guardians.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 133 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 7: Handout Body Image A WORLD FULL OF ME VISUALIZATION Warning: Sometimes the visualization can make you feel funny or scared. If you don’t like it you can leave. Visualizations are not for everyone and it’s OK not to participate.

This is a visualization that is a story where your imagination is the TV set. You get to imagine the whole thing in your mind with your eyes closed. I will read the outline of a story and you imagine it. Relax in your chair or on the floor.

Ok… close your eyes… notice your breathing… slow it down just a bit… breathe in and out… I want you to picture yourself sitting in your room… on your bed… no one else is around. You feel good… you have had a good day… but you notice that this is a very different world… there are things that make it different but you can’t really tell what they are yet.

Now get up from your bed, there is a mirror on the wall, go over to it and look in the mirror at yourself. You like what you see… you look and feel pretty good. Now go into the main part of the house or apt. where you live (if you have to go downstairs picture yourself doing this)… your parents/guardians are home getting supper ready… you can hear their voices....you go into the kitchen and you look at them…what you see is a shock… it is yourself… they both have your face and body and look just like you… remember this is a very strange world.... (And this is only a story). Your parents/guardians look just like you, how did this happen? You are all alike… your brother(s) and sister(s) come in the back door… you run to tell them what has happened… as they come in you notice that they look exactly like you too… no one is surprised… they just don’t seem to care. Everyone is alike in this world.

You run to your friend’s house as fast as you can… you knock on the door and when your friend answers you see yourself again, face… body, everything. Everyone looks like you, the same hair, eyes, and smile… all like you. When you go to the Club that day, everyone is the same… they all look just like you… It is the same at school and on the street… This is a world where everyone has the same face, the same shape, the same expressions…

Now I want you to just keep your eyes close for a minute and think of everyone here in this room being just like you… your friends have your body and face… new members who come to the Club look like you… even the staff and volunteers are just like you. Think about that for a minute… (time) and then when you are ready, open your eyes and come back to this world again and to the group.

134 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 8: Your Secret Recipe Body Image Time: 10 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Activity Objective: The participants will create a formula for healthy body image. Materials: Your Secret Recipe Outline on Bristol board or Newsprint, Markers Numbers: 2-5 minimum 20-25 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. “How many people here know what a recipe is? Today we are going to create a recipe for healthy body image. What does a recipe need? (Ingredients, stuff to make it with), and then what? (How to make it, the method) ok so we need ingredients and then a step-by-step method telling us how to make it.” 2. Go and stand near the outline on bristol-board or Newsprint. 3. “Now I want us make a list of all the things that go to make healthy body image. We’ll put those words on the sheet under the word “Ingredients”. So what do you think are the ingredients?” (Self-confidence, feeling good about yourself, accepting you are unique, liking yourself etc.) 4. Write those on the outline. 5.“Now you take all these ingredients and put them together. How? What steps do you need to go through to make a healthy body image? We’ll put that under “Method”.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Would this recipe work? • Does each person have their own recipe? • Do we need anything from other people to make it work?

Close with a summary of the ingredients and method.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 135 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 8: Handout Body Image SECRET RECIPE OUTLINE A good recipe for self-esteem includes some of the finest ingredients and then it takes a special combination of those ingredients to make it work.

Ingredients:

Method:

Source: The Best You Can Be. Debra Buffin and Jackie Carey, 1992. Red Deer Regional Health Unit, Health Promotion Department

136 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 9: Feeling Good Inside and Out Body Image Time: 15-20 minutes Kind of Activity: Process or Homework Activity Objective: The participants will identify when they feel good about themselves. Materials: Picture Frame for Feeling Good Inside and Out, Markers, crayons, coloured pencils/pens. Numbers: 1-2 minimum 20-25 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. “Today we are going to talk about our own body image. Sometimes it’s good to draw or write how you feel about yourself. You get to do that now. I’ll pass out a sheet that looks like a picture frame. I want you to draw what activity you are usually doing when you are using your body and you are feeling glad you have one. You might be playing a sport or dancing or trying on clothes or just sitting around. Try to get the feeling in there too!” 2. Pass out the Picture Frame Sheets and lay out the coloured pencils, markers, crayons etc. 3. Give the participants about 5-10 minutes to do the drawing.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What are you doing in your picture? • How did you feel when you drew it? • How many activities do you do that make you feel glad you have a body? • Does this have anything to do with body image?

Close with a display of pictures on the wall of the Club room.

Note: It’s a good idea to have a discussion at the beginning of this activity about body image, what it is and how it is different for everyone.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 137 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 9: Handout Body Image PICTURE FRAME FOR FEELING GOOD INSIDE AND OUT

138 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 10: Pass it On Body Image Time: 5 minutes Kind of Activity: Ice breaker or Process Activity. Objective: The participants will state qualities they value in their body image. Materials: None Numbers: 3-6 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Ask all the participants to sit in a circle. 2. “This activity is to help us see what the really special qualities are each of us have, especially those which our bodies give us. At times people think an activity like this is boasting, but it is really designed to give our bodies a cheer for what they do for us.” 3. “Each person in turn around the circle will get to say their favourite sport or recreational activity and what particular skill they think they have or are working on in that activity or sport. Talk about how your body has helped you to develop that skill. For example, if you are learning to skate, you may want to say that your ankle strength is improving because you don’t fall down quite as much as you used to. OK who wants to start?”

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How did it feel to say those things? • Would it be better if someone else had said them? Why? • Do you think about how your body works for you on a regular basis? • How do you give it praise? Does it need praise?

Close with a summary of what participants identified as skills they are developing and give a cheer for the skills and the bodies that learn the skills.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 139 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 11: Body Image Goals Body Image Time: 15 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Activity Objective: The participants will identify goals for maintaining a healthy body image. Materials: Goals Sheet, Pens/pencils Numbers: 1-3 minimum 25-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Body image is our picture of ourselves in our bodies, how we feel, how we look, how we think others feel about us. It is a good idea to think about how you feel now and how you want to feel in the next few years. 2. Does everyone know what a goal is? (a thing you want, an objective you want to achieve.) We are going to look at setting some goals for how to keep a healthy body image. For example, if you want to try and be more accepting of how you look, that would be a good goal. Then you have to be specific about how to make it happen. Maybe you could say that you would try to do some positive self talk (See Self-esteem Section) when you think negative thoughts about your body.” 3. “So, a goal includes where you want to go and how you want to get there. I am going to pass out sheets on setting goals for a positive body image. Try to set 2 or 3 goals for yourself and then write down how you can reach the goal.” 4. Give the group 5 minutes to set their goals. 5. Close with a summary and suggest that they take these goals home and put them up somewhere so they can see them every day.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

140 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 11: Handout Body Image GOAL SETTING SHEET Goal #1

How to make it happen

Goal #2

How to make it happen

Goal #3

How to make it happen

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 141 UNIT 1:

SECTION 4: GENDER ISSUES

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth Unit 1 A. Background

Section 4: What is gender and what does it have to do with us? Gender Gender is everywhere. Our identities are the way we see ourselves; our freedoms, Issues expectations, rights and possibilities are all influenced by the way others see us, and how they act in relation to us. However, some may argue that gender is not the way in which we see each other socially. The issue of gender tends to be so natural and so normal that it does not always seem to affect us.

Gender can be described as the ways in which we understand and live as male and female. From birth, our social and cultural context offers us meanings, limits and possibilities of being a ‘man’ or a ‘woman’. The World Health Organization offers a useful summary of this:

Sex refers to the biological and physiological characteristics that define men and women. Gender is not biological. It refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviours, activities, and attributes that society considers appropriate for men and women. Put another way, male and female are sex categories. Feminine and Masculine are gender categories.

Society defines a set of behaviours or rules that are assigned to each sex and with which they remain somewhat, loosely connected. We are socialized to these roles throughout our lives through relationships with various social institutions like the family, school, church tradition and the media. Gender awareness involves looking at the way in which femininities and masculinities have certain ideas, practices and expectations attached to them in different cultures. Furthermore, gender awareness involves looking at power and inequality in society.

Think about the differences. Some examples of sex characteristics: • Women can menstruate while men cannot. • Men have testicles while women do not. • Women have developed breasts that are usually capable of lactating (producing milk) while men have not. • Men generally have bigger bones than women.

Some examples of gender characteristics: • In most countries women earn significantly less than men. • In Vietnam many more men than women smoke because female smiling has not traditionally been considered appropriate. • In many African countries more boys attend school than girls. • In areas of the Middle East men are allowed to drive cars while women are not.

Source: Gender Matters: http://www.eycb.coe.int/gendermatters/chapter_1/1.html#1

143 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 4: CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING: Gender On what issues and in what ways do you think sex and gender are confused? Issues Why do you think this is? Think about your current work in a youth context? Why is gender awareness necessary? a. For yourself b. For the pre-teens you are engaging with c. For your organization

Remember that gender is a sensitive issue. Understandings and feelings about gender and gender issues can often be deeply personal and approaching these issues can trigger memories and feelings about past or current experiences. Different cultures can view gender roles in very different ways and pre-teens might have dramatically different ideas of how men and women should behave. Be aware of the diversity of the participants and their family experiences. Before engaging in discussions such as these with your youth group, you need to think carefully about how to conduct them sensitively and responsibly.

Maybe as a starting point for discussions on gender ask participants to share where their own idea of gender roles stem from (i.e. how the roles are set up in their families and communities).

GENDER, MEDIA AND STEREOTYPING The media has a profound effect on shaping and maintaining gender stereotypes (Pipher, 1994). While there are exceptions to media representation of men and women, the media tends to conform to traditional gender roles. In television and film men are represented as career focused, lazy, sexists, and rarely are they presented as caregivers. Women on the other hand are often portrayed as stereotypical caregivers, supporters of friends and family, and are often love struck! (Wood, 2005).

Stereotyping is dangerous and destructive. There is pressure for boys or men to act in certain ways. Physical stamina and build is very important in becoming a man, and it is often used to prove one’s manhood. From movies, television shows, music videos, sports activities (like ice hockey, football and wrestling), and certain initiation rituals, men get the message that to be a real man, you must be tough.

Stereotyping encourages young men to play the ‘tough’ role, which can lead to violence and bullying. These stereotypes push an unhealthy message on boys and young men: when you get hurt, keep it in, don’t cry, don’t tell anyone. These kinds of messages discourage young men from showing their true feelings and communicating openly with family and peers.

A stereotype clearly confirms the idea that if you are a girl or a boy, a woman or a man, you must play up to these specific roles, and do them well. This concept takes away from the idea that we use personal choice in determining our own interests and skills. It also discourages men from participating in women’s work such as interior decorating or child care and limits women from choosing roles that have typically been “male” such as engineering and carpentry.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 144 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 4: It is important for young people to understand the negative implications of believing in Gender stereotypes. Young women need to understand that looking like a movie star or supermodel Issues is not realistic. Remind them that those women spend hours under the skilled hands of makeup artists and hair stylists. A huge effort goes into making them look that way. It is not healthy to be as skinny as many of the models out there. They also need to know it is not a natural role for them to be subservient and submissive to men. Young men need to understand that they don’t need to accept these stereotypes either.

Parents/guardians, teachers, educators need to take an active role in helping young people understand and interpret the messages portrayed in the media. They need to engage in critical, active viewing to mediate the negative effects of media. Open dialogue can help adolescents gain a better grasp of realistic and attainable goals. As well girls are more likely to make positive choices if they are informed about the dangers associated with attempting to attain unrealistic body images.

COMMON STEREOTYPES OF MEN IN MEDIA The Media Awareness Network report, Boys to Men: Media Messages About Masculinity, identifies the most popular North American stereotypes of male characters. Let’s have a closer look at how men are often portrayed in popular culture:

The Joker: is a very popular character with boys, perhaps because laughter is a part of their own mask of masculinity. A potential negative consequence for this stereotype is the assumption that boys and men should not be serious or emotional.

The Strong, Silent Type: focuses on being in charge, acting decisively, reserving emotion, and succeeding with women. This stereotype reinforces the assumption that men and boys should always be in control and that talking about one’s feelings is a sign of weakness.

The Big Shot: defined by his professional status. He is the “epitome” of success, embodying the characteristics and acquiring the possessions that society deems valuable. This stereotype suggests that a real man must be economically powerful and socially successful.

The Action Hero: is strong but not necessarily silent. He is often violent and aggressive but portrayed as heroic.

The Buffoon: Can anyone say Homer Simpson or the Family Guy? The buffoon commonly appears as a bungling father figure in TV ads and sitcoms. Usually well intentioned and light-hearted, these characters range from slightly inept, to completely hopeless, to sexist when it comes to dealing with their family and their careers.

TALKING TO YOUTH ABOUT GENDER STEREOTYPES Images of men and women in the media are often based on stereotypical roles of males and females in our society. Because stereotypes can affect how children feel about themselves and how they relate to others, it’s important that they learn to recognize and understand gender stereotypes in different media. Here are some tips to help young people understand how boys and girls and men and women are portrayed in the media.

145 Unit 1 A. Background

Section 4: • Start talking about gender stereotyping early on. Familiarize young children with the Gender concept of stereotyping (simple, a one dimensional portrayal of people based on Issues generalizations on gender, race, age, etc) and help them understand the role gender stereotypes play in storybooks, cartoons they enjoy. Point out non-traditional heroes and heroines in children’s media • Look at how boys and girls are stereotyped in advertisements and in movies and TV programs. Talk about how these images are limiting to children, who may feel they aren’t normal because they don’t fit the mould, for example a girl who plays sports aggressively or a boys who likes reading and singing. • Ask kids to think about how realistically males and females are portrayed in the media. Ask them to compare the images of men and women they see on TV with people they know in real life. Are the standards for attractiveness the same for men and women? Are females generally more concerned about personal relationships while men are more concerned about their careers? • Talk about the differences in video games designed for young men and women. Look at the images of men and women in games designed for boys. Who are the aggressors and who are the victims? What about games where the women are the shooters— is this a step forward for women? Why do so many girl specific video games promote stereotypical interests such as make up and fashion? • Look at gender portrayal in popular music. Discuss the marketing of male and female musical artists. How does it differ? What role does attractiveness play in the promotion of female artists? Is it the same for male artists? Talk about the sexism and violence directed at women in some music lyrics and videos. • Look for strong realistic portrayals of men and women. The media can provide engaging, positive and non-traditional role models for boys and girls. Counter the many stereotypical gender portrayals kids are exposed to with media portrayals of sensitive men and strong women. Source: Media Awareness Network. Talking to Kids About Gender Stereotypes (www.media-awareness.ca)

GOALS: The approaches, strategies and activities in the Gender issues section will help the members: • To recognize the value of each gender • To become aware of male and female sex role stereotypes • To begin to understand gender inequities in society • To value and reaffirm their own gender

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 146 Unit 1 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 4: One to One/and Group Processes Gender Program Planning: Program staff work hard to develop programs, which respond to the Issues needs and interest of Club members. The following points may be useful as a checklist for gender bias:

1. Needs Assessment: Separate boys and girls when asking for input in your program development to see what different interests they have. If you use a questionnaire for this input, make sure you get the members to indicate whether they are male or female. Ask yourself the question “who are our programs for?” 2. Competition between sexes: In some cases it is good to pit boys against girls in healthy ways, events and activities where there is equal chance of victory; for example, which group can raise the most money for a wake-a thon? In sports and in areas where either males or females may have an advantage this is not a healthy challenge: for example which torch Club team can win a tug of war? Keep males against females to a minimum. 3. Program Delivery: There are many ways in which we inadvertently favour one group or gender over the other. Many studies have been done with teachers, physicians, childcare workers and counsellors that indicate that we all operate with bias when we offer education, information or even when we ask questions.

Some questions to keep in mind when you are doing programs with groups of children • Do you ask boys and girls the same kinds of questions? • Do you commend girls as well as boys for their input? • Who has a voice in discussions? • Do both boys and girls have equal airtime? • Who do we listen to when they do talk? • Do we give equal time for boys and girls topics? • Who do we have come to speak to groups? Are they predominantly one sex or the other? • How do we encourage equal access to all programs? • Who gets the most attention in the Club at drop in times? • Who gets junior counsellor status at summer and day camps? • Are there activities and events that are in themselves creating sexism or bias in members? • Do stereotyped expectations of boys and girls creep into our programs in any ways? • Are the books, stories, and dramas told at day camps or during activities about one gender in particular? Are heroes always males? Are victims always female?

147 Unit 1 C. Community Outreach

Section 4: • Find community agencies and organizations that are committed to gender equality Gender programs and women’s rights. See if they can send a staff member to the Club to talk Issues about gender roles and stereotypes. • You may want to explore the idea of using the community work and events that the Torch Club or after school members are involved in to initiate discussions regarding gender issues: • When the members are working with the elderly in the community it might be an opportunity to discuss how gender and male and female roles were the same or different in years past than they are in more recent years. Perhaps the elder members of the community or a seniors group may want to come into Club for a panel discussion about these issues. • Family patterns are changing. Many single parent/guardian families are headed by women and more men are working in the home as caregivers. These issues may provide another opportunity to discuss male and female stereotypes. Members of your community may be willing to come and talk about these and other gender phenomenon with the Club members.

SCHOOL INVOLVEMENT • Have members conduct interviews with math and science teachers to get their opinions on how young women engage in Math, Science and Technology as compared to young men? • Have members keep their eyes open for biases, discriminatory or stereotypical resource materials at their school library.

PARENT/GUARDIAN INVOLVEMENT • Talk to parents/guardians about policies and initiatives Club staff are trying to put in place related to gender bias and sex role stereotyping. Some reactions from parents/ guardians will be positive and others will be negative, however, these changes are as important to the Club as racism polices and initiatives are developed and implemented, the Club will need support from parents/guardians. There may be ways to involve parents/guardians in dialogue and discussion about gender bias that help to alleviate their resistance: • Ask those parents/guardians who are positive thinking about these issues to help plan ways to bring the issue to the attention of other parents/guardians. • Create resource information about the gender stereotyping and bias and have it available for parents/guardians when they drop in to the Club. • Get parents/guardians who volunteer for Club activities to read over policy made by the Club related to sexism and gender bias. • Invite board members to take time at board meetings (where parents/guardians are in attendance) to discuss new initiatives that the Club undertakes in relation to gender issues. • Have members discuss gender issues with their parents/guardians through homework activities or in presentations or skills presented at the Club.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 148 Unit 1 D. Programming Ideas

Section 4: RECOGNIZE THE VALUE OF EACH GENDER Gender • Challenge the members to make a listing on Bristol board of all the accomplishments Issues of famous men and women, both living and dead. These individuals could be sports figures, inventors, educators, etc. Place the board in a strategic spot in the Club. • Open a discussion with the Club members by asking them the questions, “What’s good about being a boy?” and “What’s good about being a girl”. Get answers from both sexes about each of these questions. • Around Fathers and Mothers Days get the members to write, draw or dramatize the value of mothers and fathers in a family. (Be sensitive to the feelings of those in single parent/guardian families). • Organize a contest in which the boys collect newspaper items for one week about the women in the news and the girls collect newspaper items about men in the news. Have a prize for the most items and discuss the results of what we found. • Make a list of five things that girls/women have done or contributed to the Club in the past and 5 things that boys/men have done or contributed to the Club in the past.

BECOME AWARE OF MALE AND FEMALE SEX ROLE STEREOTYPES • Ask the members to create skits in which boys play the women and girls play the men. The skits should poke fun at male and female roles and/or relationship issues. These skits could be used at concerts or special events. • Organize one day at a camp or at the Club where males do or take on all the “traditionally” female roles or jobs and females do or take on all the traditionally male jobs or roles. Talk about the member’s reactions to the change. • Make up pink and blue ribbons for special events, which will designate those who are members of your Club. Each ribbon will have the same information on it. Ask the members to choose a ribbon. Discuss which of the sexes choose pink and which chose blue and why. • Organize a career day or evening for the members and invite people in the community in non-traditional professions/jobs to talk about their experiences.

BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THE GENDER INEQUITIES IN SOCIETY • Research how gender roles impact women’s health, education, and economic independence in countries around the world. How about in Tanzania, India, or Fiji? • Ask the Torch Club or after school Club members to do a survey of what jobs are done in the home by women/girls and men/boys in their families. Bring in the responses and make a large graph for the Clubroom wall. Discuss the results or findings with the group. • Along with the Club members, create two collages of pictures from magazines. One should include pictures of men and the other, pictures of women. Ask the members to compare the images and the activities of the two groups of pictures. Which group is doing things? Are men or women more active? Why or Why not?

149 Unit 1 D. Programming Ideas

Section 4: • Invite the Torch Club or after school Club members (both male and female) to do some Gender volunteering at a neighbourhood daycare center or Club daycare. Discuss reactions and Issues experiences by both boys and girls to the idea of being involved in childcare. • Gather information/statistics on work force inequities in pay for equal work or work of equal value (the differential in salaries between men and women). Discuss the possible reasons for these differences with members (Information available from the Advisory Council on the Status of Women).

VALUE AND REAFFIRM THEIR OWN GENDER • Visit websites like CEDAW and UNIFEM. Find out what these international organizations are doing on International Women’s Day. Plan activities at your Club around similar themes, you will be surprised at all the great posters, brochures, and resources that you can order online from these organizations. • Suggest to boys at the Club that they organize a weekend or day trip for “boys only” accompanied by a male staff. As well as planning activities and sports to do on the trip, this could be an opportunity for the pre-teen boys in the Club to talk about issues, which affect them as males. • Have a Big Brothers/Big Sisters day when members can invite someone younger but of the same sex from their neighbourhood or family to a day at the Club. All events and activities are organized around same sex teams. • Get boys to make a list of activities or work only girls can do: get girls to make a list of activities or work only boys can do. Compare and debate lists.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 150 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 4: Websites: Gender Gender Matters offers general and academic information on gender. This is a good re- Issues source for background information on gender and culture, gender and history, etc. http://www.eycb.coe.int/gendermatters/contact.html

PFLAG Canada is Canada’s only national organization that helps all Canadians who are struggling with issues of sexual orientation and gender identity. PFLAG Canada supports, educates and provides resources to parents/guardians, families, friends and colleagues with questions or concerns, 24 hours a day, 7 days week. PFLAG Canada has a great list of links to resources, websites etc: http://www.pflagcanada.ca/en/index-e.asp

Guide for Girls is a tool that is downloadable for free from the above website. It aims to help girls prepare for all kinds of life’s challenges. http://women.gov.ns.ca/pubs2007_08/Guide4GirlsRev.pdf

The Miss G Project: An in-progress collection of resources for educators trying to incorpo- rate women’s and gender studies materials into their classrooms. Some of the lessons are adaptable to Club situations. http://www.themissgproject.org/teachers/ Books and Print Materials: The Girls’ Book of Wisdom: Empowering, Inspirational Quotes from over 400 Fabulous Females. Dee, C. (2005) Dee has gathered a collection of “empowering and inspirational” quotations from over 400 famous women and grouped them into 44 categories such as “Friends,” “Perseverance,” “Happiness,” and “Leadership”, each chapter begins with a short motivational piece by the author, who encourages readers to take control of their lives by learning from the words of wisdom to follow. The women whose quotations are highlighted include Anne Frank, Rosie O’Donnell, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Jackie Joyner-Kersee.

Gender Blender, Nelson, B. 2006 Reminiscent of “Freaky Friday,” this novel is the story of former best friends Emma and Tom, who mysteriously switch bodies. Now, Tom must learn how to put a bra and avoid getting kissed by Jeff M., while Emma just can’t believe she has a… thingy.

Guyness: Deal With it Body and Soul. Pitt, S. 2005 What does it mean to be a guy? A lot of guys feel pressured to fit a certain image of masculinity, or guyness. No matter what you do, there may be times when you feel like you don’t fit in. This book can help, whether you’re Mr. Nice Guy, a wise guy, or a witness. • Guyness 101 looks at ideas about masculinity • The Conflict Counsellor offers advice for tough situations • Quizzes test your ability to stand up to stereotypes • A resource guide puts more help at your fingertips

151 Unit 1 E. Resources

Section 4: Girlness: Deal With it Body and Soul. Peters, D. 2005 Gender It’s hard enough being a girl. Then you start getting all these mixed messages about Issues femininity, or girlness. Look this way, act that way - there’s a lot of pressure. This book can help, whether you’re an in-girl, an out-girl, or a witness. • Girlness 101 looks at ideas about femininity • The Conflict Counsellor offers advice for tough situations • Quizzes test your ability to stand up to stereotypes • A resource guide puts more help at your fingertips

The Girl’s Guide to Life: How to Take Charge of Issues that Affect You. Dee, C. (2005) Self-esteem, political awareness, cultural stereotypes, and sexual harassment are but a few of the matters presented, all of which are fortified with suggestions for actively involving readers in expanding their horizons in school, at work, and at home or helping them learn more about themselves as individuals. Bibliography: Gender Matters. 2005. http://www.eycb.coe.int/gendermatters/contact.html

Media Awareness Network, 2007. www.mediaawareness.org

Pipher, M. (1994). Reviving Ophelia-Saving the selves of adolescent girls. New York. Ballantine Books

Wood. J. (2005) Gendered Lives. CA. Wadsworth/Thompson Learning. Other Useful Resources (Websites, Books, DVDs etc): Use this space to jot down other useful resources you come across.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 152 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 1: Exploring Gender in Your Family Gender and Community Issues Time: Interviews with up to five people plus presentation and discussion time. Kind of Activity: Process and Discussion Objective: To explore how different families and individuals perceive gender roles. Materials: Paper, pens, flipchart. Numbers: 5 minimum. No maximum.

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Different cultures view gender roles in a variety of different ways and you all may have VERY different ideas of how men and women should behave. It’s healthy to share these ideas and compare how gender changes from society to society, community to community and from family to family. Even if you don’t agree with what other members are saying please remember rules of respect and fairness. 2. Ask members to conduct interviews with friends, neighbours, teachers and even themselves on gender roles. Have them consider the following questions to start. • Are tasks with in your home assigned by gender? Are some things traditionally done by women and some by men? Which ones? Is that changing? How? • Are both boys and girls encouraged to stay in school and continue onto college and university? To excel in school? In which subjects? • Are both boys and girls encouraged, or expected to work outside the home? In what kinds of jobs? • Are both genders expected to express emotions freely? Are some emotions more appropriate for one gender or another? If so, which ones? How are they typically expressed? • How are children cared for? How do parents/guardians share responsibilities and tasks? • Is one gender supposed to be obedient to the other? In what ways?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

153 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 2: Boys Should Be...Girls Should Be... Gender Time: 1 hour Issues Kind of Activity: Process Objective: Participants will learn about the dangers of gender stereotyping what the media’s role is. Materials: Flip chart paper, magazine photos of a thin woman and a muscular man to show Numbers: Minimum 5

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Write “Act like a Man” at the top of the flip chart paper and record student response, and attempt to record student’s own choice of words. If their responses are too wordy, ask them to simplify for display purposes. If the offers are slow to come, ask them to discuss the topics in pairs, then share with the group, or make specific prompts by asking what it means to “Act like a Man” in sports, business, family etc. 2. Ask participants: What does it mean to act like a man? What words or expectations come to mind? (E.g. men don’t cry, men are tough, men are strong) 3. Draw a box around entire list. Suggest: “We’re going to call this the Act like a Man box. Inside the box is a list of attitudes and behaviours that boys are pressured to adopt in the process of becoming men in our society. Men and boys are not born this way; these roles are learned”. 4. Next, write “Be Ladylike” at the top of another sheet of flip chart paper and record student responses. Ask your participants: 5. Ask: What does it mean to be ladylike? What words or expectations come to mind? (e.g. girls are polite, girls are clean, girls like to wear dresses) 6. Draw a box around entire list. Suggest: “This is the Be Ladylike box. It’s full of stereotypes, just like the Act like a Man box. Women also learn to conform to very specific roles and expectations as they grow up being female in our society.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Where do we learn these gender roles? What people teach us these stereotypes? • Where do women learn these messages (You may prompt discussion by writing ‘magazines or movies’ on board)? • What names or put downs are directed at boys when they don’t fit into the box. • What names are women called? • How does it feel when we are called these names? • What do you think the person who is using these put downs is feeling? • What are some situations where you may be pressured to “Act Like A Man” or “Be A Lady”? • How might these stereotypes lead to violence? Note: Allow students to be blunt in their slang in this educational context.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 154 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 3: What Card Were You Dealt? Gender Time: 1 hour Issues Kind of Activity: Process or Icebreaker Objective: This exercise will raise awareness on how people are treated differently, and on how value can be based on status, gender, etc. Materials: an old deck of playing cards (2 through 10, jack, queen, king and ace, with 2 the lowest card and ace the highest) Black cards (spades and Clubs) are boys and red cards (hearts and diamonds are girls, stick pins, safety pins or Velcro, and “What’s your card worksheet? “(One for each youth)

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Instruct youth to walk around as if they are at a party, greeting people and carrying on light conversation. They are, however, supposed to treat people according the value of the card they have on their backs. “Low” cards are not cool and the people wearing them get ignored or snubbed. People wearing high cards are important and are treated nicely. Black cards are boys. Red cards are girls. 2. After this has gone on long enough and the youth have been able to guess where they “stand” have them sit and write down their reactions to the game, using the “What’s Your Card” worksheet, and how they felt during the game (depending on their status). It’s important that you are listening attentively so that you can reflect on what you heard youth say. 3. Discuss their reactions and then go onto make parallels with society. Ask questions such as: a. Who do they know is treated like a low status person? Who is treated as high? 4. What are characteristics of a high card male? 5. What are the characteristics of a high card female? a . How do the characteristics of a high card male and female perpetuate stereotypes of what we are told a girl or boy are supposed to be? b. Do you agree or disagree with how status is assigned in society? Who does it benefit? And who is disadvantaged?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

155 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 3: Handout Gender WHAT’S YOUR CARD WORKSHEET? Issues

WHERE DO YOU STAND? HIGH MEDIUM LOW

Were you a male or female?

How did people treat you?

How did it feel to be treated that way?

How did you treat people with a high card? Was it different for a boy or a girl?

How did you treat people with a low card? Was it different for boy or a girl?

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 156 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 4: Overboard! Gender Time: 5-20 minutes Issues Kind of Activity: Process or Homework Activity Objective: The participants will assess the value of specific gender roles in a crisis situation. Materials: Overboard! Story 1 and Values Sheet, Overboard! Story 2, Pens/pencils Numbers: 3-6 minimum 20-28 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. “Today we are talking about the value of both men and women in a crisis situation. I am going to read a story and then I want you to rate the value of those people on the list to the crisis situation. I want you to do that in a group but first, listen to the story.” 2. Read out the Overboard Story. 3. Divide the group into small groups of 3. Give each group a values sheet. 4. Give the groups 10 minutes to decide on their list.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Who were those people that your group chose? Why? • Why didn’t your group choose the others on the list? • Were you all in agreement? • Who do you think the men were? Who do you think were women? • Could they all have been women? Men? • Did you make decisions based on men in the crisis? Or on women? • Is there value in having both men and women in a crisis? What value?

Close with a reading of Overboard Story 2.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

157 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 4: Handout Gender OVERBOARD STORY 1 Issues This is a fairy tale. It never happened in real life. You are the captain of a sailboat which has been out at sea for the last few hours. Most of the people on the boat are people that you don’t know. One of the crew gives you some information about some of them. But suddenly a wind comes up and the boat starts to rock. You warn people to sit inside and to get to a lifeboat if any problems occur. You go forward to tie rigging. As time goes on a storm comes up and the sea begins raging. You are trying to get the boat under control when a gigantic wave hits the side of the boat. The boat goes over and all those on board are in the water. There has been time for one lifeboat to be untied and those people in the water get in the lifeboat. You see a desert island in the distance where people can rest until rescue. When everyone is in the boat you begin to row. You think about setting up shelter and a food and water station and a medical center for those who were injured or swallowed water. Others will have to find a way to get help. Your one other crew person is injured. You are nearing land and you need to set up a group of 5 who can get things done. Who can help you in this crisis?

Values Sheet This is the list of people and their abilities: 1. A doctor who delivers babies. 2. A young tennis champion. 3. Two friends who run their own farm. 4. A middle aged blind person who has a short wave radio station at home. 5. A rock star. 6. An elderly person who was once a carpenter. 7. A nursing student 8. An airline pilot 9. A homemaker with 2 children. 10. A political candidate.

OVERBOARD STORY 2 Just as you are about to land the boat on the island you hear the roar of an overhead engine and see a sea plane in the distance. You are able to hail it and within a few minutes you are putting people into the plane and then radioing for more help. By the time the sun goes down you are all safely back at shore and talking about your narrow escape from crisis. This was certainly a day to remember!

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 158 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 5: Gender Riddle Gender Time: 5-10 minutes Issues Kind of Activity: Ice breaker or Process Activity. Objective: The participants will discuss the issue of sex role stereotyping. Materials: Gender Riddle (Located in the Instructions below) Numbers: 1-5 minimum 25-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. “First thing we are going to do is solve a riddle. Do you know what a riddle is? (A kind of story with a funny ending that you have to figure out) Each person gets to try to solve it alone and then we can try it in groups if you don’t get the answer. Here’s the riddle. A father and his son were involved in a car accident in which the father was killed and the son was seriously injured. The father was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident and his body taken to the local mortuary. The son was taken by ambulance to a local hospital and was immediately wheeled into an operating room. A surgeon was called. Upon seeing the patient, the surgeon exclaimed “Oh my God, it’s my son!” Can you explain this? 2. The father who was killed was not the boy’s stepfather, nor is the surgeon the boy’s stepfather. Think about your answer to the riddle and keep it to yourself. Answer: Who is the surgeon? (The boy’s mother) Who got this answer?

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Why is this story such a riddle? • Can women be surgeons? Are many women surgeons? Why or why not? • Are there some jobs that are usually thought of as masculine? Feminine? • Can both men and women perform these jobs well? • Why do you think some jobs have been known as only women’s or men’s jobs? • When we think of certain jobs or certain activities as only male or female it is called sex role stereotyping.

Does that mean that the sex or gender of a person decides what they are allowed to do?

FURTHER QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Do you think that it is fair to make a person’s gender decide what he or she can do? • Are there things that kids or teens can do or not do just because they are male or female? • Is that fair? Is there anything you can do about it? Close by suggesting that the group make up another riddle like the surgeon and her son.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Health Education: Learner Centered Instructional Strategies. Jerrold Greenberg, 1992. Reprinted by permission of Wm C. Brown Publishers; Dubuque, IA

159 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 6: New Age Ads Gender Time: 20-30 minutes Issues Kind of Activity: Process Activity Objective: The participants will identify new positive images for male and female, free of stereotypes. Materials: Bristol board or construction paper, a pile of magazines, glue/tape, markers or crayons Numbers: 1-5 minimum 15-25 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. “Do you remember when we talked about sex role stereotypes? Do you remember what those words meant? Sometimes the pictures we see on the internet, TV and in magazines suggest there are gender limitations on what men and women can do. Today, we are going to be looking for pictures that show us all the different things that men and women can do, that have no limits. We will make new ads in place of the old ones. Use the construction paper or the bristol board for your ads.” 2. Ask the members to find pictures in magazines or newspapers that show men and women in roles, jobs or activities that are not ‘stereotyped’. Help them to find these kinds of images in the magazines.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What difference is there in the new and old ads? • How do old ads make men and women appear? • How do these new ads make them appear? • Do you think these new ads will sell the product? • Why don’t the advertisers use these kinds of pictures all the time?

Close with a display of the new age ads and try to come up with catchy slogans for each one.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Health Education: Learner Centered Instructional Strategies. Jerrold Greenberg, 1992. Reprinted by permission of Wm C. Brown Publishers; Dubuque, IA

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 160 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 7: In A Box! Gender Time: 5-10 minutes Issues Kind of Activity: Ice breaker or Process Activity. Objective: The participants will assess and categorize various sex role stereotyped paraphernalia (clothing, toys, uniforms etc.) Materials: Either bring in the items listed below or pictures of the items: Baseball mitt, bunny slippers, doll, teddy bear, dinky toy, flowers, tools, writing pad, hair curlers, football helmet, music tape, building blocks, make-up case, sweat shirt, pool cue, etc. (make-up case, sweat shirt, pool cue, etc. (Other pieces of clothing or articles of leisure to be added or substituted). You will also need: Three large boxes, one labelled ‘Boys’, one labelled ‘Girls’ and one labelled ‘Both’. Numbers: 3-5 minimum 25-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. “Today we are going to talk about labels. How do some things get labelled female and other things get labelled male? 2. In front of you there are three boxes. I will hold up an item (or a picture of an item) and I would like you as a group to decide in which box I should put the item in. It might be clothing or a toy or something of use to a person. When you see the item you might disagree with each other, and that is ok. Discuss why you think the way you do for a few minutes and then decide as a group in which box the item should go.” 3. Hold up the items one by one and give the group time to talk and decide where the item should go. When the group decides on a place, do not challenge the decisions made by the group.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Some items thought of as only for girls/women or only for boys/men? Why are some items for both boys and girls? • Is it wrong for a boy or man to want to do something that we think of as a girl/woman thing? • Is it wrong for a girl or woman to want to something that we think of as a boy/man thing? • Do you think boys or girls find it harder to do things that seem to be connected only to the opposite sex? Example? • Challenge the group on one or two of its decisions. • Why did you decide this goes in this box? • Could it ever go in another box? When? Why not?

Close with a challenge to each of the members: “Has any girl here ever wanted to do something that others said was only for boys? Any boy ever wanted to do something that is only for girls?”

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Thinking, Feeling, Behaving; An Emotional Education Curriculum for Children. Ann Vernon, 1989. Research Press, Campaign ILL

161 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 8: Stereotypes ‘R’ Us Gender Time: 10-15 minutes Issues Kind of Activity: Icebreaker or Process or Homework Activity Objective: The participants will assess attitude statements related to stereotypes and discuss how stereotyped attitudes affect behaviour. Materials: Stereotype Attitude Sheet Numbers: 2-5 minimum 25-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. “Today we are going to talk about how gender stereotypical attitudes can affect how you think and behave. Do you remember what gender stereotypes mean? (When some people think that others should act in particular ways just because they are a man or a woman.) 2. “Now this activity involves you. You need to be thinking about stereotypes, OK? When I call out a statement I want you to indicate whether you think it is a stereotyped statement or not. If you think it is a stereotype of men/boys or women/girls, thumbs up; if you don’t think it is, thumbs down. Do you know what to do? OK let’s start!” 3. Read out the statements on the Stereotype Attitude Sheet.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Did everyone think the same way about these statements? Why? Why not? Were some of them stereotypes? • Are males and females both living with stereotypes? • How do these attitudes affect how people act? Give me an example. • Do kids have these attitudes or do only adults have them? • Do kids your age need to think about these attitudes? Why or why not? • What problems might develop if people think in stereotypical ways?

Close with the final statement and ask for thumbs up or down sign.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Note: Clubs reported that this activity works well with Activity #12 Fairy Tale Revisited.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 162 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 8: Handout Gender STEREOTYPE ATTITUDE SHEET Issues 1. Boys are better at Math than girls 2. All girls are oversensitive and emotional 3. Girls are better cooks than boys 4. Boys are better at all sports than girls. 5. Girls are only concerned about the way they look. 6. Boys will pick a fight but girls will try to get along. 7. Girls like children and boys don’t. 8. Boys can’t be responsible. 9. Girls try to be cute for boys not for themselves. 10. Boys and girls can never get along or be friends.

Save for closure: Boys and Girls Club members are terrific!

Source: Pincus, D. (1992) Sharing: Improving Interaction Skill and Increasing Self-Awareness, Columbus. OH.

163 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 9: Whose Job is it? Gender Time: 15-20 minutes Issues Kind of Activity: Process Activity Objective: The participants will identify and discuss those tasks that have been socially designated as male and female. Materials: Scrap paper, Pens/pencils Numbers: 3-5 minimum 25-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Divide the group into males and females. Give each group a sheet of paper and a pen and get them to work together as a group. 2. “Girls, I’d like you to list all of the jobs or tasks that girls or women do that you would like to ‘give up’, that is stop doing. Boys, I’d like you to do the same thing. 3. List the jobs or tasks that you do as boys or later, as men that you would like to ‘give up’. You have 3 minutes. Start now!” 4. Give the groups 3 minutes only. 5. “Now, I want you to turn the sheets over and write down what tasks or jobs of the opposite sex that you would like to adopt or to try. You have 3 more minutes.” 6. Bring the groups together for a large group discussion.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What were those things girls wanted to give up? What did boys want to give up? • What tasks did boys want to adopt? What tasks did girls want to adopt? • Are there tasks that no one wants to do? Who should do them? • Why is it that certain tasks are seen as female and others as male? • Why do these jobs seem to stay the same even though some people would like them to change?

Close with a discussion of who does these tasks in the members’ families?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Adapted from: Health Education: Learner Centered Instructional Strategies. Jerrold Greenberg, 1992. Reprinted by permission of Wm C. Brown Publishers; Dubuque, IA

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 164 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 10: TV Times Gender Kind of Activity: Homework and Process Activity Issues Objective: To assess the extent of gender inequity in television. Materials: TV Times Survey Sheet, Pens/pencils Numbers: 4-6 minimum 20-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: Part 1: “This is an activity I want you to do at home while you are watching TV and then bring them back next week and we can talk about them. It is a survey sheet to see if you can find out how televisions shows are portraying roles of males and females, about who does what in the home and at work. See who can get the most information, but don’t spend all your time at the TV. Give out the survey sheets to the participants.

Part 2: One week later get the group back together with their survey sheets completed. Talk about what members discovered in terms of how gender is portrayed in television shows. Have members share stories of what they saw on television. After all participants have had at least one chance to reply engage the group in a discussion about what they found.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Who works in the home? Who works outside the home? • If both work, who takes primary responsibility for looking after the children? • Who brings in the most money? • Who makes the most decisions in the family? What kind of decisions are they? • If the parent/guardian is single, is it a male or female as head of the household? • Does the single parent/guardian work? Where do they get money? • Did you see any difference in how men and women are treated in society? • Do they have equal power in the family? At work?

Close with a discussion of the participant’s favourite TV shows and why.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Adapted from: Health Education: Learner Centered Instructional Strategies. Jerrold Greenberg, 1992. Reprinted by permission of Wm C. Brown Publishers; Dubuque, IA

165 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 10: Handout Gender TV TIMES SURVEY SHEET Issues Name of the TV Show?

Who works? (Inside the home)

Who works? (Outside the home)

Who cares for the children?

Who makes the most money?

Who makes the decisions in the family?

Single parent/guardian? Which gender?

How does he/she make money?

How does society treat the men and women on the show?

Other things you notice

Name of the TV Show?

Who works? (Inside the home)

Who works? (Outside the home)

Who cares for the children?

Who makes the most money?

Who makes the decisions in the family?

Single parent/guardian? Which gender?

How does he/she make money?

How does society treat the men and women on the show?

Other things you notice

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 166 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 11: Is it Mr. Clean? Gender Time: 20 -30 minutes Issues Kind of Activity: Ice breaker or Process Activity Objectives: The participants will reconstruct ads and commercials that depict women and men in stereotypical roles. Materials: Props and clothing for dramatizations, Commercial or ad situations Numbers: 4-8 minimum 15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Divide the large group into 2-6 small groups. 2. Ask the group how men and women are usually portrayed in commercials. What are women usually doing? How about men? 3. Give each group a commercial or ad situation. Give them 10 minutes to put their commercial together. Call the groups back and ask them to show the rest of the group what they came up with as a ‘new’ commercial.

Commercials/ads: 1. Mr. Clean commercial. It is usually a female in the lead role of cleaner. Change to Ms. Clean with a male in the lead role as cleaner. 2. Midas Muffler Man “You are talking to the boss.” Make it the Midas Muffler Gal with a female mechanic. 3. Dimetapp Cough Medicine. “It’s easy on coughs and on kids.” The son is hiding and Mom is chasing him around the house to get him to take medicine. Put a Dad in place of Mom. 4. Car sales...Wood Motor’s Ford ... Where else! Put female in lead as car salesperson. 5. Tide. Gets the dirt out! Mom is usually the one doing the laundry. Change this to Dad. 6. KFC Chicken Pot Pie House full of teen boys, with Mom getting and putting away a load of groceries and fixing pies for the boys. Change the boys to teen girls with Dad getting and putting away groceries. 7. JVC Handicam Dad is taking picture of his son playing soccer. Make it a daughter playing soccer. 8. Foot locker. “How do you call for the ball?” A bunch of teen boys playing basketball, make it teen girls.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What did you learn about stereotyped roles? Close with a discussion of the participant’s favourite TV shows and why.

Close with a challenge to any group to identify a commercial or ad they have seen and change the gender message.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

167 Unit 1 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 12: Fairy Tales Revisited Gender Time: 15-20 minutes Issues Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Good activity for Torch Club members. Objective: The participants will redesign fairy tales in a less stereotypical style. Materials: Books or Stories such as: Hansel and Gretel, Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Beauty and the Beast Numbers: 1-5 minimum 20-30 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Today we are going to look at some of the fairy tales that you learned when you were a child. Some of them have been made into movies, so you may know those better than others. I am going to name a fairy tale and I want you to tell me what the basic story was about. Then we are going to try to see what stereotypical ideas there are in the story and maybe even change things a bit.” 2. Name 2 or 3 of the fairy tales above and ask the group to give a summary of the fairy tale. Then ask the following questions about the stories.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Who are the villains in most of these fairy tales? Why are they women? • Who are the heroes in most of these fairy tales? Why are they men? • Who needs to be saved nearly every time? Why do women always need to be saved? • Why do men always have to be the ones to save women? Would it be OK if they were scared too? • Are these fairy tales stereotyped? Why or why not? • Now, could we change them to be less stereotyped and yet make a good story?”

Give the group time to discuss their ideas for changes and then add them together to make a new Fairy Tale.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 168 Unit 2

Teens Unit 2 Table of Contents

Section 1: Self-Esteem 172 Background 175 Facilitation Tips for Staff 180 Community Outreach 181 Programming Ideas 184 Resources 187 Activities

Section 2: Body Image and Gender 204 Background 207 Facilitation Tips for Staff 209 Community Outreach 210 Programming Ideas 212 Resources 215 Activities

Section 3: Sexuality and Healthy Relationships 227 Background 232 Facilitation Tips for Staff 236 Community Outreach 238 Programming Ideas 240 Resources 242 Activities

Section 4: Violence and Behaviour 262 Background 269 Facilitation Tips for Staff 270 Community Outreach 272 Programming Ideas 273 Resources 276 Activities UNIT 2:

Section 1: SELF-ESTEEM

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth Unit 2 A. Background

Section 1: “I’m overweight.” “I’m too thin.” “I am not smart enough.” “I can’t make anyone happy.” Self-Esteem “I’m useless.” Have you heard these phrases at your Club? Probably--this is because youth struggle constantly with their self-esteem. Self-esteem begins to develop very early in life. For example, as a child/youth tries, fails, tries again, fails again, and then finally succeeds, he or she is developing his or her own ideas about capabilities. Subsequently, they are creating a self-concept based on their interactions with other people. This is the reason why social interaction is so important to helping a young person form positive, healthy self-perceptions.

Self-esteem is all about how much people value themselves, the pride they feel in themselves and how worthwhile they feel. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself has a large impact on how you behave and treat yourself and others. Young people who feel good about themselves seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures. In contrast, young people who have low self-esteem, challenges can become sources of major anxiety and frustration. Young people who think poorly of themselves may have a hard time finding solutions to problems. If they have feelings of poor self worth, they may become passive, withdrawn, or depressed.

There are many ways young people can start to feel poorly about themselves-a lot of times they may just find they are out of balance and their lives seem overwhelming. Some factors that might add to one’s feelings of low self-esteem include: • Life is throwing a lot of challenges at them (family problems, difficult school work, grief, moving house, changing schools, being bullied, going through divorce) • They have to make big life decisions (like which parent/guardian to live with, whether to end a friendship/relationship, whether to leave school, to experiment with drugs, which university to go to, etc.) • They are just not coping (with school, with friends, parents/guardians, with recent changes, etc.) • They don’t have a lot of support from other people (they don’t have many friends, new to neighbourhood, can’t speak English very well, etc.)

Low self-esteem is unfortunately a constant in many young people’s lives, especially those who experience clinical depression, anxiety, phobias, psychosis or who have an illness or disability. In these cases it can be very difficult for these youth to feel good about themselves when they have to cope with all sorts of feelings and behaviours that are hard to control. For these young people it’s easy to get caught up in feelings of poor self-esteem.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 172 Unit 2 A. Background

Section 1: If you have members who seem to be feeling chronically down, talk to them about the following: Self-esteem • Have they felt sad for several weeks but don’t know why? • Has something bad happened but they still haven’t been able to get rid of feelings of sadness or anger? • Are these feelings accompanied by not wanting to eat or wanting to sleep all the time? • Do they feel very positive one day and isolated and alone the next? If they answered yes to these questions you may want to encourage them to see a doctor or therapist to talk about the cause of this depression and low self-esteem. If you think this may seem overwhelming or intimidating to them suggest talking to a guidance counsellor, doctor or a school/youth health center nurse.

SELF-ESTEEM AND STEREOTYPING Stereotyping is a theme that you will see addressed throughout Take It EASY as it effects youth socialization in so many ways. A stereotype is a simplified and/or standardized conception or image with specific meaning, often held in common by one group of people about another group. They are typically generalizations based on minimal or limited knowledge about a group or person. Stereotypes ignore the uniqueness of people by portraying all members of the group the same. An example is the way that youth are portrayed in the media as thugs, bullies, gang members etc. While there are many young people involved in these crimes, it is inaccurate to stereotype all youth as criminals.

Negative stereotypes not only affect how adults see youth but also influence how youth see themselves. Sensing that the rest of the world doesn’t respect or understand you does little to foster a healthy, positive sense of worth. In the comprehensive report, Canada’s teens: Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow, one youth from Montreal, aged 15, sums up the feelings of many youth: “Today’s youths are intelligent but some adults don’t seem to think so. We are people too. Youth are discriminated against and that’s not right. To get through to young people, you have to listen to them, to trust them, and respect them.”

173 Unit 2 A. Background

Section 1: Youth empowerment programs run by Boys and Girls Clubs offer opportunities for youth Self-esteem to identify value and use their self-esteem in ways that enrich their lives. As individuals reach the teen years they need affirmation and support and at the same time they need challenges that help them test themselves in social, emotional and physical ways. Playing on a team, learning about teamwork and sharing power and skills, going to leadership meetings, learning about taking responsibility for events and activities, doing community work, learning about the needs and concerns of others, all of these activities help to shape an individual’s sense of themselves in the world.

Boys and Girls Clubs also offer a staff person. This is ideally someone for the youth to talk to about issues that concern them -- a non-judgmental ear for a young person to use to check out their own thoughts, ideas and dreams. Programs are designed in order to assist youth in the development and maintenance of positive self-esteem and to create opportunities for them to accept their growing personal and social power.

GOALS The goals of the Self-esteem section are to help Club members and staff: • Increase their understanding of self-esteem • Recognize and affirm their own strengths • Develop techniques for raising their own self-esteem • Develop self respect and respect for others

This section will also help staff to: • Recognize their role in helping young people to develop and improve their self-esteem • Explore how self-esteem and behaviour/attitude of young people are related

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 174 Unit 2 B: Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 1: Before you get your members to start talking about self-esteem, let’s review some Self-esteem fundamental facilitation tips…

ACTIVE LISTENING: Learning to become an active listener is a great tool for effective communication with young people and others! As you learn to be an active and engaged listener start to be aware of how other people engage in conversation or discussions with you. Are they really listening? What signs do they give you that they are paying attention? Are you able to finish all your sentences before they cut in? You will be surprised at how many people-from young people to adults do not actually engage themselves in active listening.

To be an active listener: • You must be open-minded and attentive with the person that you are having the conversation with. You must try to talk very little, reserve judgment and avoid giving advice. Remember a lot of time people just want to vent!! They aren’t looking for more input. • As an active listener, you must want to help and listen. Rather than judging, trust that the person with whom you are speaking can work through his/her own problems. Everyone has unique problems and situations and they often need to work through them in their own way. Encourage problem solving and communication rather than coming up with a solution.

TIPS FOR COMMUNICATION WITH DIVERSE GROUPS Boys and Girls Clubs are often comprised of youth from a variety of cultural, ethnic and religious backgrounds. For example, you may have youth from low socioeconomic backgrounds, youth who are recent immigrants to Canada, youth from a variety of religious affiliations. In these diverse situations be aware of how you communicate. Also, question any assumptions that you make about the members you are working with. • Focus on members interest and concerns, not your own. Talk about activities that youth can do that are low cost or free. • Don’t get too personal. Discussions about family should be approached carefully because of cultural differences and familial personal barriers. • Don’t assume that all the members understand and comprehend everything you are saying. Ask them to summarize what you have talked about. This will confirm that they have understood. • Encourage and praise youth • Be patient about waiting for a response. Allow members sufficient time to respond. • Be aware of differences in non-verbal communications (gestures, degree of eye contact, personal space, etc.)

175 Unit 2 B: Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 1: TIPS FOR WORKING WITH NEWCOMERS TO CANADA Self-esteem • Repeat new ideas by using different words to explain them • Avoid unnecessary or difficult words • Use facial and hand gestures to emphasize the meaning of words. • Don’t exaggerate or distort pronunciation. • Don’t shout or speak more loudly than normal.

(Frontier College, Working with Teens to Build Student Success)

TALKING TO YOUTH ABOUT SELF-ESTEEM It is important to get youth involved in talking about self-esteem by creating an avenue for their voices to be heard. Give youth the opportunity to discuss what they think self-esteem is, if it is important to them and to others and how to make the Club a place that prioritizes and understands the importance of self-esteem. They may not want to talk about self-esteem in a conventional discussion but try to use innovative ways to get them to talk about their issues.

Making sure that the members are involved in the planning/delivery phase of programs helps to create an environment which encourages fun and hands on learning, as well as it enables them to develop their leadership skills. The more information and direct research on self-esteem that members do themselves, the more interested they will become in the outcomes. Think about implementing a member led approach. Having programs that are ‘member led’ is just what it sounds like—working with members in planning, brainstorming, decision making and learning as much as possible. Consider the following: • Ask a few volunteers each session to assist you in preparing for the next session-this can include members making choices about what discussion questions you will focus on, what materials you will use etc. • Take a short time at end of discussions to brainstorm next session activities-you may want to solicit feedback/ideas from all group members. • Encourage members to lead their own sessions on different self-esteem topics. • Invite members to think of creative ways to conclude sessions and celebrate what they have learned about themselves.

By standing back and letting members drive the conversation and create their own experiences, you will give them the opportunity to feel more ownership of the process and their involvement.

Greek legend has it that when Odysseus left to battle in the Trojan War, he left his son in charge of a family friend named Mentor. When the goddess Athena came to visit, she took the disguise of the Mentor upon herself, encouraging Odysseus’ son to leave the palace, venture out on his own and discover more about his father. The mentor’s support and encouragement prompted a life changing experience for young Odysseus.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 176 Unit 2 B: Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 1: In Ancient Africa, prior to the time of the Greek and Roman invasion, when a child was born, Self-esteem each village shared the responsibility for raising and educating the child in the customs and traditions associated with that village. While the child had contact with all the villagers, there was always one older child (not a family member) who would be assigned the responsibility to ask questions and listen carefully to the younger child. In Swahili (one of the oldest languages on our planet), this person was called “Habari gani menta”, which in English, means, the person who asks, “What’s happening?”

MENTORING In Unit One of Take It EASY we spoke about the benefits of staff role modeling. Mentoring is similar, but the facilitator tends to play a more involved role. Many Club members see staff as mentors especially as their relationships with them grow. Without even really trying BGC staff are often major players in fostering the self-esteem of their members. Their daily interaction with members can have a direct influence on how members perceive themselves, model behaviour and develop their own self-esteem.

What is mentoring? Mentoring has a long and valued history…here are a few glimpses into the origin of the term: Today mentoring is defined as a “mutual learning relationship in which both the mentor and the mentee gain knowledge”. A mentor is a positive role model who provides guidance (in the case of BGC members) in making choices that will help them succeed in their lives. Mentors become valued friends who share new ideas and opportunities. The mentoring relationship helps members to further develop positive self-identity.

Mentoring is about listening and role modeling. It is not about counselling or giving advice. As a mentor you will have an effect on young people’s ideas about friends, school, family and their future. As a mentor, you will also be setting an example. Be on time and come prepared to Club meetings, activities and events. It is important to show respect for your Club, your peers, your colleagues, your school etc (including following rules about clothing, tattoos, bandanas, electronics, cell phones, IPods, language and behaviour). By doing this you are setting a great precedent that youth will want to model after. Be aware of what you say about your own appearance and abilities. Remember you want to be a good model for positive self-esteem.

A challenging factor in being a mentor is establishing the fine line between being a mentor and being a staff supervisor. Be aware of the boundaries and keep some distance. Don’t exchange phone numbers or email addresses with members. Keep your contact within the Club.

COPING WITH DISCLOSURE Because of your role as a mentor, students may tell you about abuse or other dangerous situations-especially when addressing discussions on self-esteem. As a mentor and staff member-your role includes helping to keep members safe. If, in your honest judgment, you believe that a member may not be safe, either because of their behaviour or someone else’s, you must report this to your Boys and Girls Club supervisor immediately.

177 Unit 2 B: Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 1: If a student discloses an abusive situation to you: Self-esteem • Listen without detailed questioning • When s/he is finished talking, tell them that you have to tell someone else what they disclosed to you. • That you will try to help her/him. • Remember that you cannot counsel the student. Leave this job to trained professionals. • Offer assurance to the member that you believe her/him. • After the member has left, write down everything she/he has told you.

A student may ask you to keep their discussion confidential. In this situation, it is best to be upfront and say that you will try to respect confidentiality but if someone is being hurt, you will have to share this information. The member can then decide whether or not to tell you, understanding that if the conversation reveals that they or someone is at risk, you will take appropriate actions (reporting it to Club supervisor, etc).

CREATING EMPOWERING ATMOSPHERES Not only are youth future citizens and leaders of tomorrow but they are active and contributing members of society NOW. Nationwide research funded by the Public Health Agency of Canada revealed one of the most common youth concerns is that their voices are not heard, respected or taken seriously by adults. Research shows that youth who have opportunities for meaningful participation in their communities are less likely to engage in risky behaviour. They tend to have higher self-esteem, be more physically active, and show a greater commitment to friends, family and communities.

You may find yourself in a situation with a member where you have to set boundaries and explain the consequences of certain behaviour. It helps to work things out in the most positive framework possible to give members a chance to cooperate. Without meaning to we can sometimes set them up for negative responses by insisting that 1) we are the power police and they have no say, and 2) they have few choices but to resist. These messages can be worded to help them work with or against us, and ultimately have a real strong impact on their feelings of empowerment and their sense of themselves.

It is by questioning; expressing and having their opinions taken seriously that young people develop skills, build competencies, acquire confidence and form aspirations. In order to empower youth to take part in BGC activities and play a meaningful role in the Club, staff need to be very aware of how they communicate with youth. As discussed above, adults often speak to young people in derogatory ways using disrespectful means of communication. Be aware of some common communication blunders that may have a negative impact on creating an empowering atmosphere.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 178 Unit 2 B: Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 1: Self-esteem

BLOCKER EXAMPLES HAZARDS These comments may make other people feel….

• Advice • Pushin“Why don’t you…” • Unable to work through the problem themselves • “What I would do is…”

• Moralizing • “You should…” • Guilty, resentful

• Ordering • “You have to..” • Angry, resentful

• Warning • “You better start… • Angry, like doing the opposite

• Argument • “Yes, but..” • Like giving counter-arguments • Inferior

• Criticism • “You’re too…” • Defensive, retaliatory, that they believe your judgments

• False Praise • “That was the best..I’ve • That your comments are insincere ever seen…” • That they cannot live up to your expectations

• Teasing • What a keener! • Retaliatory • Embarrassed

• Analysis • You’re acting this way • Frustrated because… • Afraid of further analysis

• Sympathy • “I know just how you feel” • Misunderstood

• Changing the • “Let’s not talk about • That their problems are not important subject those sad things”

(Brackenbury. C (1995) Adapted from Peer Helpers Plus)

HELPFUL HINTS FOR PARENT/GUARDIANS An interesting point relating to adolescence is that as time spent with family decreases, the amount of conflict with parents/guardians increases. Parent/guardian-youth relationships often change and the level of warmth and closeness between parents/guardians and their children may often decline during their adolescence. Young people seem to spend more time with their friends and peer networks and less time with their families. They share their personal feelings, inhibitions, and secrets with their friends and relationship partners as many parents/guardians slowly become excluded from these “inner’ discussions.

179 Unit 2 C: Community Outreach

Section 1: Parents/guardians can help their youth by providing support when they need it. This may Self-esteem mean that parents/guardians will need to be patient and understanding as their relationship with their youth changes and they start to lean more on their friends and less on them. Parents/guardians may feel better when they understand that this is a sign of maturity and a natural process. They can further accept this change by knowing that their children still need them. They can guide them into making good academic decisions, realistic career goals, and plans for the future. If parents/guardians focus on providing the support that they need during this time, it will help their adolescent transition through social development changes with less stress and with more positive outcomes.

PARENT/GUARDIAN INVOLVEMENT AT THE CLUB Some parents/guardians are very much involved in programs at the Club, while others show little or no interest. Inviting their input through some of the homework activities or through information forums or panels may be a way of having them feel as though they are involved (sometimes, involving parents/guardians can be a challenge!) Work with a range of ideas and strategies that invite parents/guardians, through their child’s involvement to become interested in the programs at the Club. Ask yourself these questions:

If I were a parents/guardian, would I feel comfortable at the Club? Would I feel welcomed when I come in? Is there a space for me? Although it is a Club for boys and girls, we can have a more positive influence on youth if the parents/guardians are involved and working with us. They may need some help and support. Remember that your skills and expertise in working with youth may be helpful to them.

When do parents/guardians hear from Club staff? Is it only when there is a problem? Calling parents/guardians to say good things about their youth’s involvement in a program can be helpful in developing the relationship the parents/guardians have with Club.

Does this Club offer educational or support programs for parents/guardians? Does the Club utilize the parents/guardians experience of being with children? Does the Club ask for volunteer time from parents/guardians to work on special projects with Club members or use parents/guardians professional or personal skills in Clubs program? They may be more willing to spend time a Club activities if they feel they have something specific to offer.

Parent/guardians and self-esteem: Often parents/guardians have a hard time communicating their love and support to their children because of their own lack of self-esteem. The Club may be able to help create opportunities for parents/guardians to learn strategies for improving their communication skills about self-esteem and in the process learn something for themselves. • Promote a book on self-esteem (See resources section) in each newsletter from the Club to parent/guardians. • Host a parent/guardian and youth event focused on self-esteem. • Offer space for a parent/guardian support group that focuses on various parent/ guardian issues. • Choose activities on self-esteem that have a homework component, so parents/ guardians and youth have a chance to discuss the issue.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 180 Unit 2 D: Programming Ideas

Section 1: UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF SELF-ESTEEM Self-esteem •  Have members come up with a community activity or Club event that promotes kindness, sharing and compassion. Discuss how this type of activity can aid in creating positive self-esteem. • Find Club members who have a track record in volunteering and have them speak to the rest of the group about what they have learned from their experience and what they contribute to the groups they volunteer with. • Invite representatives from non-profit organizations such as food banks, volunteer sending organizations, HIV/AIDS programs, etc and have them speak to Club members about the value of volunteering. Discuss with Club members how their contributions can make a change in other people’s lives. • Connect with a youth organization or mental health organization and arrange for someone to come in and talk to young people about fighting depression, overcoming chronic low self-esteem, drug problems etc.

ACKNOWLEDGE AND AFFIRM THEIR OWN STRENGTHS • Have members interview each other for 3-4 minutes about their interests, etc. Give enough time for each person to talk to 3-4 people. Then choose one member to come to the front of the group. Ask everyone who interviewed that person to reveal something they learned about her or him. When you have completed the first, go on to another member. Remind them to keep things positive. • Invite group members to bring something to the next group get together which is very meaningful for them or symbolizes how they see themselves. Staff can bring along something as well. • Design collages using pictures, words, symbols clipped from magazines that represent things they enjoy doing, places they have been, people they admire, careers they desire… • Organize a resume writing session. Bring in resume writing books and examples of various resumes (the library will have lots of books to help you out!) Ask the youth to think about their abilities, interests and experiences and help them to develop a resume or letter of introduction. Use them for getting summer or part time work. You can ask someone from Service Canada or from a business program to talk to the group.

DEVELOP TECHNIQUES FOR RAISING THEIR OWN SELF-ESTEEM • Talk to members about ways to stand up for themselves if others are criticizing them. Talk to members about finding non-violent ways of asserting themselves. • Contact some yoga/meditation groups and see if a yoga instructor will volunteer to do a session with Club members. After the session the instructor can share how meditation and yoga can impact self-esteem and healthy being. • Challenge participants to put together a program for the rest of the Club members on self-esteem issues like problems with parent/guardians, saying no to alcohol and drugs, relationships etc. They may want to make it a drama or role play program that gets the younger members interested in the issues.

181 Unit 2 D: Programming Ideas

Section 1: • Discuss with members the idea that we all have and need support systems in our Self-esteem lives. Get them to identify their own support system or begin to seek out a small group of peers and adults who can offer them support and help them work out their feelings and decisions.

DEVELOP SELF RESPECT AND RESPECT FOR OTHERS • Ask members to monitor when other members are putting themselves down. Self put-downs should be discouraged at all times!! • Sit down with the Club members and list the kinds of things they argue about with their parent/guardians, teachers, coaches etc. Reverse roles in a role-playing situation and get the youth to play the adults and the staff to play the youth part. • Supply pens, pencils, and paper for each person to write a letter to someone they have a grudge against or are angry with. The letter should address their feelings as well as possible solutions to the problems in the relationship. They do not have to send the letter. Alternatively they can store it in a safe place or even destroy it. Discuss the value of working through this process. • Watch some of the YouTube videos listed under Audio Visual resources at the end of this section. Discuss. Come up with a plan to develop your own Club video, song or play on self-esteem, relationship building and respect for others.

EXPLORING SELF-ESTEEM: FINDING BALANCE Talk to members about ways to tell if they might be out of balance….Are they: • Feeling down, depressed, stressed, sad, worried, scared, angry, confused irritable, bored? • Feeling low in energy? • Feeling nothing (feeling like nothing matters, not caring about big life decisions, not feeling for other people)? • Eating differently (eating less, eating more, binge eating, worrying about food, eating unhealthy)? • Sleeping differently (can't sleep, sleeping too much, staying in bed all day, falling asleep at school)? • Getting into trouble and having problems with parent/guardians and teachers (ignoring curfews, getting into fights, teasing others, taking drugs, drinking too much, being disruptive in class, deliberately breaking rules, skipping class, suspensions, being grounded, trouble with police)? • Addicted to something (coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, attention, thrill seeking, gambling, and obsessed with a person)? • More sensitive than usual (to other people’s criticism, to unpleasant/sudden/loud noises, to disappointment, to teasing)?

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 182 Unit 2 D: Programming Ideas

Section 1: DISCUSS WAYS TO GET BACK IN BALANCE: Self-esteem Set goals: Make a list of aims for the day, week or month They should try to make time for themselves. This may include not only fun things, but things that are relaxing, things that they have been meaning to get done, or things that make them feel good. Suggest that they make timetables that include how much time they want to spend studying, doing exercise or sports, doing chores and seeing friends/family.

Set good Boundaries: Set good boundaries with other people. This means being able to say “no” to other people sometimes, rather than always doing what others expect them to do (lending friends study notes, sharing lunch money, covering up for friends). Explain that while doing what other people expect may feel like the something they need to do, it may also send others a message that they don’t care about themselves. This can cause friends and peers to take advantage of them and take them for granted.

Help Others: Helping others is a great way for young people to help themselves and can make them feel great at the same time! With all the pressure in our lives these days to perform well at school, to be a good athlete, to look perfect, it’s easy to become a bit too self focused. And that’s not healthy. If you become too self-focused you can wake up one day and realize that you don’t feel a part of your community or family, or you are missing out on developing good friendships. Depending on how much time young people have, here are some ways they can help others: • Offer to walk family pet (or their neighbours) • Reach out to a family member or friend that seems down • Ask one of their younger siblings how their school work is going, and whether they can be of help • Offer to make dinner one night • Give a seat up on the bus to someone who looks, elderly, tired, sick or pregnant • Join a volunteer group

183 Unit 2 E. Resources

Section 1: Websites: Self-esteem What Kids can do: this website presents stories about young people’s making positive change in their lives and their partnership with adults. Also looks at great stories on mentoring successes and young people making real change. http://www.whatkidscando.org/

Me to We is a new kind of social enterprise for people who want to help change the world with their daily choices. Website explores the power of socially responsible consumerism, volunteering, youth action and helping others. http://www.metowe.com/

Media Awareness: this website examines media portrayals of ethnic and visible minorities, Aboriginal people, girls and women, boys and men, gays and lesbians, whiteness and white privilege, and persons with disabilities. Website offers great resources and interactive activities. http://www.media-awareness.ca/

Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty aims to change the status quo of body image and offer in its place a broader, healthier and more democratic view of beauty. The website features online workshops where girls can work through activities and quizzes and receive a self-esteem certificate. Also offered are great self-esteem videos, blogs, interactive games and activities. www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca

Chalk It Up’s website offers fun and interactive activities and information that will help young people find out more about themselves and the relationships they have with family and community. Website topics include peer relationships and belonging, self-esteem, communication, support and being isolated. http://www.abc.net.au/talkitup/chalkitup/default.htm

Created in 2002 to address the critical nationwide problem of low self-esteem among adolescent and pre-adolescent girls, uniquely ME! The Girl Scout Program is designed to foster self-esteem in girls, ages 8-17. The core program curriculum, which integrates the latest research from the Girl Scout Research Institute, consists of activity booklets that guide girls through simple exercises that help them understand and build self-esteem. http://www.girlscouts.org/uniquelyme/

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 184 Unit 2 E. Resources

Section 1: Book and Print Materials: Self-esteem Bibby, R. (2001) Canada’s Teens: Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow. Stoddart Publishing, Toronto What's going on with young people today? What are their experiences with violence, sex, and drugs? What do they value, enjoy, and worry about? How do they feel about family life, spirituality, cyberspace, and Canada? How do they compare with youth of the past, and with their parents/guardians and grandparents today? And how are they going to turn out? Reginald Bibby addresses these important questions by drawing on his unparalleled nationwide surveys of young people and adults spanning the years 1975 through 2000.

Beck. D (2007) My Feet Aren’t Ugly: A Girl’s Guide to Loving Herself From the Inside Out In this funny, honest book, youth expert and mentor Debra Beck provides in-depth examples and exercises to develop the tools you need for self-confidence. Learn how to have fulfilling relationships, make good decisions for yourself, respect yourself and others, and love your- self for who you are. Beck uses personal anecdotes from her youth, as well as stories about the young women she knows and works with to illustrate her points and provide examples. She covers topics that include resisting peer pressure, being kind to your body, developing healthy habits, personal responsibility, eating disorders, suicide, and physical intimacy.

Wiszowaty, R. (2008) My Masai Life Growing up in suburban Illinois, Robin Wiszowaty never pictured herself hauling water on her back four times a day up a dusty footpath, or living in a tiny hut made of cow dung. She never pictured herself meeting terminal patients in an AIDS ward, playing with starving street children in Nairobi’s slums or kayaking down the Nile’s crocodile-infested waters. Yet in her early twenties Robin embarked on an incredible journey that would shake her from complacency, take her to unimaginable places and change her life forever. Follow Robin’s remarkable voyage as she joins an impoverished Maasai family in rural Kenya and travels through some of the most remote areas of East Africa. Audio Visual Materials: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpFBKeuKf7M You Tube Search: Teen Truth: Body Image (3 Minutes) Using the series' signature student-shot style, TEEN TRUTH: BODY IMAGE presents real youths, parents/guardians, physicians, physiologists, and an entertainment professional discussing how celebrity, media, sports and peer influences can shape one's body image and ultimately lead to dangerous habits. Teasing and exclusion led Emily to develop an eating disorder and Kayla to binge eat her way to obesity; while Nolan's desire to be bigger, stronger and faster ended in health hazards due to performance enhancing drug use. In the end, this affecting film challenges viewers to think differently about how they see their body image and the body images of others, and ultimately empowers them to find true strength and beauty from within.

185 Unit 2 E. Resources

Section 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwC6ywTtDyk Self-esteem You Tube Search: Truth About Body Image (9 Minutes) Eleven very different young people explore ideas of "beauty" and "good looks" damage youth physically and psychologically. Explore the complex world of social pressures faced by youth caused by body image issues resulting in depression and suicide.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHynDpYv1Gw&feature=related You Tube Search: Teenage depression (Jester Productions) (4 minutes) This short video presents facts and information about youth depression. Other Useful Resources (Websites, Books, DVDs etc): Use this space to jot down other useful resources you come across.

Bibliography Bibby, R. (2001) Canada’s Teens: Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow. Stoddart Publishing, Toronto

Brackenbury, Cheryl (1995). Peer Helpers Plus. Markham: Pembroke Publishers Limited.

Uniquely Me, The Girl Scout/Dove Self-Esteem Program for Self-Esteem, 2008 http://www.girlscouts.org/program/program_opportunities/leadership/uniquelyme.asp

Working With Teens to Build Student Success (2006), Frontier College http://www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/studentsuccess/learning/files/workingTeens.pdf

Kids Health Hotline, (www.kidshealth.org) Signs of Unhealthy Self-Esteem, Steve Dowshen and Brian Mesinger

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 186 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 1: Let’s Talk about Self-Esteem! Self-esteem Time: 1 hour Kind of Activity: Discussion-Debate NOTE: Objective: The participants will learn more about what self-esteem is and how low/high Please see self-esteem can develop. Take It EASY Materials: Just a comfortable place to sit and chat! Unit 1 for Numbers: 5-10 other great INSTRUCTIONS: self-esteem Begin with 5-10 minutes of yoga stretches to get people to relax and mellow. Discuss with activities. members the following questions.

1. Who can tell me what self-esteem is? 2. Is there a difference between self-esteem, smugness and conceit? 3. When we say someone has high self-esteem what do we mean? 4. Do you think you have to prove yourself in some way to deserve high self-esteem? • That you have to be great at something? • That you have to be popular or part of the in crowd? • That you have to be good looking and athletic? 5. Where does high self-esteem come from? Why do you think some people have high self-esteem and others have low self-esteem? 6. What causes low self-esteem? 7. When you make really good choices for yourself, how does that make you feel? Does it raise your self-esteem? Do you think making good choices for your self could help you raise your self-esteem? Give an example. 8. What about when you make poor decisions? 9. Have you ever made yourself feel bad by comparing yourself with others? Why not? What can happen when you compare yourself with others? 10. Can we sometimes be too critical of ourselves? What happens when we do that? Is self-criticism sometimes good for us? 11. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Nobody can make you feel poorly without your permission”. Have a group discussion about that quote. What does it mean? How true is it? Can you think of situations when this quote would be useful to remember?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

187 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 2: Empowerment Self-esteem Time: 1 hour Kind of Activity: Interviews-Discussion-and Creative Exercise Objective: The participants will think about recent accomplishments that they are proud of. They will also consider how to reach out to other people. Materials: Fun items for the High School Kit Numbers: 1-10

INSTRUCTIONS: Wow—you’re in high school! No matter how you feel about that, you can’t deny that your life has changed a lot since middle school, and even more since grade school. Your body is changing in ways you may or may not be able to see, but more importantly, your mind is developing at an incredible rate—literally. Some experts believe that the brain grows as much during the youth years as it does when you’re a toddler learning to walk and talk.

Everyone has accomplished something they are proud of, but young men and women sometimes hesitate to speak positively about themselves. Often you hear young people criticize their appearances saying things like, “I’m too skinny”, “I’m so fat,” or “I’m so ugly.”

Ask three people who know you well to identify one or more accomplishments they think you have achieved in the last year. Were there things they brought up that you had forgotten about, or maybe not thought of as an accomplishment until they framed them as such?

Activity: Now that you’ve survived the early high school experience, reach out to other students and help them benefit from your experience. Create some “Help for High School” kits for middle school students who are about to enter ninth grade. Alternatively you can also put together a Club/Community Kit for members that are new to the Club and community.

You might include a more detailed map of the high school with some landmarks and descriptions of extracurricular activities, sports activities, volunteer activities etc. Make a small set of “What to do if” tips, such as, “What to do if you are late for class—don’t have someone to eat with—you need extra academic assistance—you need someone to talk to. Add other fun and inexpensive items that can help ease anxiety when they begin a phase of life that you have already mastered. You can put everything in a simple brown bag that you decorate, or something fancier.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 188 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 3: Friends: Encouragement/Doubt Self-esteem Time: 1 hour Kind of Activity: Process and Discussion Objective: The participants will examine quotes and apply them to modern language to see how they might be used to encourage a friend or yourself. Materials: Paper and Pens Numbers: 2-10

INSTRUCTIONS: It’s easy to get discouraged and doubt yourself when there are so many things going on in our life. If you’re like most young people — going to school and getting an education is just one of many activities you have to do in a typical day. Friendships need attention, too, and sometimes, you can even become discouraged about them!

At the same time, our friends can be a great source of support and encouragement, and vice versa. Think of some ways in which friendship can be used to encourage another person.

Activity: Work with the group. Put each of these quotes into modern language to see how participants can use them to encourage friends and fellow Club members.

Quote: “Prosperity provideth, but adversity proveth friends” Queen Elizabeth 1 Q: What does this mean? A: We find out who our real friends are in hard times.

Quote: “A true friend is one who knows all about you and likes you anyway.” Christi Mary Warner Q: What does this mean? A: Real friends do not judge other friends. They appreciate all sides of your personality.

Quote: “A friend is one who walks in when others walk out” Walter Winchell

Quote: “Your friend is your needs answered” Kahil Gibran

Quote: “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Quote: “Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.” Eleanor Roosevelt

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source: Uniquely Me, Girl Scouts/Dove, 20080

189 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 4: Body Language Self-esteem Time: 10-15 minutes Kind of Activity: Interactive/Role Play Objectives: The participants will demonstrate body language techniques to foster and develop self-esteem Materials: Handouts: Body Language Scenarios Numbers: 2-5 minimum 20-25 maximum Discuss: “Part of acting assertively is learning to look assertive. This is not aggressive, but assertive. What’s body language? (Its how you use your body when you communicate). What does assertive look like? (Standing or sitting up straight, eyes up and on the other person, body stance is open) Did you know that 55% of any communication between people is body language that is non-verbal communication? And another 28% is tone of voice. What you say means so little, only 7%.

INSTRUCTIONS: • Tell the group that you would like them to try some body language stances and see what communicating assertively looks like. You will need a few volunteers to role-play situations. • Read the scenarios and ask volunteers to role-play a non-assertive stance and then an assertive stance as a response to each situation. Remind them that you do not want to see aggressive behaviour. • Give the group and individuals affirming responses when the stances they demonstrate are particularly good. When all the situations have been read begin a short discussion about body language.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How did you feel when you were given non-assertive responses? • Assertive responses? What was the difference? • What body techniques help you to act assertively? What face and body actions make it work? • Do you think that your body can send a message even if you are scared to say it? • What is the difference in theses stances and aggressive stances? • Do you think you will be more sensitive to body language in the future?

Close with a discussion on tone of voice and how it can affect communication. Take one or two of the situations and ask them to try and be assertive with their tone of voice. Also get them to role play non-assertive voice tone to show the difference.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 190 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 4: Handout Self-esteem BODY LANGUAGE SCENARIOS • Your father has told you that you are grounded for the weekend. • Your friend is flirting with your boyfriend/girlfriend. • Your teacher has asked you to stand up in front of class to read your essay. You are not comfortable with this request as you have a fear of public speaking. • You and your friend are walking down the hall. A group of older students stops you and demands your IPOD. • You want to go on a Club outing but your parents/guardians don’t have any money to pay for it and they tell you that you need to find a part time job. • You are being teased about your weight by a group of kids at school. • You worked really hard to finish a school project on the day it was due but then forget. Your teacher is telling you that you will lose 20% for handing it in late.

191 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 5: Who am I? Outer Identity Self-esteem Time: 1 hour Kind of Activity: Interactive Walk About, Process, Discussion, Creative Drawing Objective: The participants will explore concepts of “outer’ identity and self-esteem. They will consider the many aspects of their “outer” identity, the uniqueness of their identity and the different ways that people identify their identity. Materials: Handout: Mind Map Numbers: 1-10

INSTRUCTIONS: Discuss: “Your identity is developed as you grow up relating to particular people in your life and relating to different experiences that you have. For example: You may identify as Canadian because you are a citizen. You may identify as a student because you are a student. And if you join a sports team or a Club you may identify as a “team/Club” member.” • Complete the Mind Map to answer certain things about yourself. • Have the members look at what they have written. We can call this their identity or their sense of who they are. These are some identity terms to help you out:

Girl/boy Student at... Musician

Member of… (Club) Niece/nephew of... Religion/Spirituality

Brother/sister of… Athlete Scout or guide

Daughter/son of… Band member Keystone/Torch Club

• Have the members circulate around the room with their mind maps and look for others who have similar identities. Have them find two people whose identity is most similar to/most different from their own. Discuss. • Have them draw or create symbols of how their identity has changed over the years. • To help spur on ideas have them look at photos of themselves in the past.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 192 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 5: Handout Self-esteem MIND MAP: OUTER IDENTITY Complete this mind map to answer it about yourself….

I AM

193 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 6: Who am I? Inner Identity Self-esteem Time: 1 hour Kind of Activity: Process and Discussion, Creative Drawing Objective: This activity is designed to raise awareness of how we perceive ourselves and others. Inner identity is more about the way you feel, how you act and what you think and say. This stuff is a lot more subtle and hard to identify than one’s outer identity! Materials: Handout: Identity Map Numbers: 3-10

INSTRUCTIONS: Have Club members complete the Mind Map to answer certain things about themselves. For guidance refer members to some inner identity terms below. Inner Identity is about: • Personality • Cultural background • Feelings and thoughts about ourselves and others • Emotional responses to life • How we respond and deal with stresses and challenges • How we communicate • How we respond and deal with others in our lives • How connected we feel to other people • Our friends and family • Our relationships

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 194 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: These are some examples of inner identity terms: Self-esteem Very Verbal Emotional Non-energetic Artistic Depressed Computer geek Loyal Caring Shy Outgoing Trustworthy Positive about self Quiet Distant Hard on self Logical Laid back A loner Energetic Loves animals Wild Loud Quick to anger Hardworking Friendly Loves to learn Unreliable Affectionate Likes to keep busy A good friend Compassionate Blunt

Discuss: Have the members circulate around the room with their mind maps and look for others who have similar identities. Have them find two people whose identity is most similar to/most different from their own. Discuss.

Which parts of their own identity do they feel most positive about?

Have them draw or create symbols of how their identity has changed over the years… To help spur on ideas have them look at photos of themselves in the past.

Since this can be an emotionally charged exercise ask a volunteer to finish the activity with a relaxation game, comic relief, or appropriate music.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Source : Chalk it Up

195 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 6: Handout Self-esteem Mind Map: Inner Identity Complete this mind map to answer it about yourself…

I AM

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 196 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 7: Self-Esteem: Where does it come from? Self-esteem Time: 1 hour Kind of Activity: Process and Discussion, Creative Objective: The participants will talk about how a person’s self-esteem develops positively and negatively, especially in relation to youth pop culture and trends. Materials: Wish List handout, Julia’s Perspective on Body Image Handout Numbers: 1-10

INSTRUCTIONS: Content: “Our relationship with our parents/guardians and family has a lot to do with self-esteem. The way parents/guardians encourage, support and show affection from birth helps you to have a healthy view of yourself. Your family and friends and the wider community give you positive or negative messages about yourself. You also give yourself messages about your own worth-all the time. This is known as self-talk.”

Self-esteem and body image can also be highly influenced by popular culture and advertising. Young people sometimes think they can’t be attractive or popular without cosmetics, high fashion clothing, high-end gadgets such as blackberries, IPHONES, IPODS, etc.

Have members fill out their wish list. • Tick those wishes that are likely to come true. How many of those wishes do you think would be shared by your friends? Cross out those wishes that are out of the question for you. What are the likely alternatives to your wishes? Which of these wishes will affect your self-esteem? Why? • Next cut out nine wishes, toss them together and with the other members form groups of the same/similar wishes (i.e. Taking a limousine) • Discuss the influence of current youth culture regarding what people want to wear, their music preferences, or where they want to have the event. Discuss the result.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

197 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 7: Handout Self-esteem WISH LIST HANDOUT Reflect on what you think your life might look like when you are twenty years old. On this grid describe the elements that you wish for when you reach this age.

HOME CLOTHES FRIENDS

TOP THREE FAVOURITE JOB/ACADEMIC MUSIC PERSONAL ITEMS

APPEARANCE HOBBIES OTHER

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 198 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 8: Julia’s Insight Into Body Image Self-esteem “Those two words have caused much hurt, sadness and pain among teenagers. The concept of body image involves how you should look and it’s everywhere; on movies, TV shows, in magazines with gaunt, waif models, in shops, displaying their clothing on size six mannequins and probably everywhere else you look.

It’s hard not to give in to its pressure. Mostly because you don’t even know you’re doing it. It has become so much a part of your life that you find yourself caught up in this vicious circle of looking right. You find it difficult to remember otherwise. There are common traps for us teenagers, but we need to remember that there are two different paths for every dilemma we are faced with. When talking about body image there is what I might desire and what is probably going to happen. Here are some examples.

DESIRED SITUATIONS PROBABLE SITUATIONS

• Body Piercing: Belly, eyebrows, ears • Infections, pain, unwanted holes when trend changes

• Buying latest fashion trends and • Spending excessive amounts brand name clothing of money on clothes that will go out of style quickly

• A great tan • Skin cancer, freckles, sunspots, sunburns, wrinkles

• Being thin, trim and muscular • Continuous dieting, obsession over weight, eating disorders, excessive workouts, steroid use

• Material goods such as expensive • Spending excessive amounts cell phones (Blackberry, IPHONES) of money on a phone and not being able to keep up with bills, wanting a new phone as models are upgraded

199 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: Self-esteem • Can you think of personal examples where your desire has been quite different from your reality? • Do you agree or disagree with Julia’s view of body image? • Write a letter to Julia telling her how you agree/disagree with her? • Have members design a collage using magazine pictures, their own drawings, photos, etc, representing their self and how they see their youth culture.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 200 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 9: Put Downs! Self-esteem Time: 10-15 minutes Kind of Activity: Reflection/Discussion Objective: The participants will list the put downs that they have encountered in their lives and discuss how they impacted their self-esteem. Materials: flip chart or blackboard, marker Numbers: 3-5 minimum, 25-30 maximum

Discuss: “We are going to be talking about self-esteem and how put downs can affect how a person feels about themselves. I want you to think for a moment about put downs you’ve heard about youth or about yourself or ‘put downs’ you’ve heard people say to each other. They may come in the media, from parents/guardians, from peers, anywhere. Have members fill out their wish list.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • What are put downs? What is the difference between a personal and a general put down? • What do people mean to do when they put you down? Does it work? • Do personal or general put downs hurt more? • Does it matter who or where the put down comes from?

“It sounds like everyone here has heard these put downs at some time or other. They make a mark on us that we may not even be aware of. You sometimes hear of people aged 45-50 classmates. They don’t really go away unless we decide to put them away.”

FURTHER QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Who does it hurt when we hold on to these put downs? • Why do we continue to hold on to them? • What prevents a person from letting go of a put down? • Does it help your self-esteem to hold you or to let you go? • How can you let go of put downs if you want to?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

201 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 1: Activity 10: A Little Respect! Self-esteem Time: 10-15 minutes Kind of Activity: Icebreaker or Homework Activity. Objectives: the participants will identify ways in which they want respect from others. Materials: Scraps of paper, pens/pencils

Discuss: “I’d like you to think about what kind of respect you want and what kind you give to others. Take a pen and some paper and write a response to these points. In terms of respect….” • My parent/guardians can show respect by…. • My teachers can show respect by…. • My friends can show respect by…. • My partner (boyfriend/girlfriend) can show respect by….

Now turn the paper over and write on the other side. In terms of respect for others… • I will show respect to my parent/guardians by… • I will show respect to my teachers by…. • I will show respect to my friends by… • I will show respect to my partner by…

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How was respect shown to you? How did you show it to others? • Is this usually what you get from others? Why or Why not? • Is this usually what you give to others? Why or Why Not?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 202 UNIT 2:

Section 2: BODY IMAGE AND GENDER

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth Unit 2 A. Background

Section 2: In the Body Image chapter in unit one of Take IT E.A.S.Y! there is comprehensive back- Body Image ground information on body image basics. This section will focus more specifically on body and Gender image and how it is influenced by pop culture, advertising and sexuality. Body image is a person’s self concept or picture of him/herself related to physical ability, size, color, weight, strength, and general appearance. Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention states a person with a positive body image has a true and clear perception of their body shape celebrates and appreciates the shape, and understands that one’s physical appearance says little about ones character and value as a person. On the other hand, a person with a negative body image feels awkward and uncomfortable in his/her own body. The person has a distorted perception of body shape in which one perceives parts of the body unlike they really are. They feel awkward, unattractive and see their body shape as a personal failure (National Eating Disorders Association)

Gender socialization can have detrimental effects on the mental and physical health of young men and women. Self-esteem of young men and women is most often linked to external facts such as appearance, performing for others, and responding to the needs of others for their approval. We need to encourage young men and women to develop their self worth in ways that are not appearance focused.

BODY IMAGE, SEXUALISATION, AND MASS MEDIA Consider the following: • A four year old girl in the play area of her preschool begins swinging her hips and singing, “Baby, I’m your slave. I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave.” When her teacher goes over to talk to her about it, she volunteers that she learned the song from her 8 year old sister. The words are from a highly popular Justin Timberlake song. • Abercrombie and Fitch, a clothing store enormously popular with youth mail out catalogues and decorates its stores with photographs featuring nude and seminude young people in a variety of sexy poses and positions, including in threesomes. • Halloween Costumes for young girls are so suggestive and risqué these days that Newsweek ran a story titled “Eye Candy: Little Girl’s Halloween Costumes are Looking More Like they were Designed by Victoria’s Secret Every Year. Are We Prudes or Is This Practically Kiddie Porn?” • An Axe hair/body spray commercial for men features male models with athletic physiques that are rare in the common man. Furthermore, they are often computer enhanced and airbrushed. In the commercial, these models are fitted with bad wigs and attempt to pick up girls. The girls blow the good-looking men off and viewers are told, “If these gorgeous models can’t pick up girls because of their hair — what chance do you have?”

204 Unit 2 A. Background

Section 2: Media is an influential and consistent factor in the lives of today’s young people. It is a strong Body Image basis for constructing meaning in their everyday lives. Young people look to the media to and Gender help define, explain and shape the world around them. The portrayal of over glamorized models shown in magazines, televisions, and movies sends the message that in order for a female to be successful she must be attractive and thin. A narrow definition of femininity and sexuality encourages girls to focus heavily on appearance and sex appeal (hence Victoria’s Secret thong panties for tweens!). Women are portrayed as sexually desirable only if they are young, carefully polished and groomed, made up, sprayed, scented—rendered quite inhuman. Men are portrayed as not only strong but with six-pack abdominal muscles. These images define what is sexy and more important, who is sexy!

Young people learn to associate their physical appearance and buying the right products not only with being sexy but also with being successful as a person. Marketing to young people is everywhere. From the minute they wake up until the time they go to bed they are bombarded with commercial images. According to Levin and Kilbourne (2008), the goal is to turn young people into shopaholics starting at an early age. Take for example, the financial success of Bratz dolls. There is a full line of Bratz doll dressed in sexually revealing (or practically non-existent) clothing. Bratz make up, real life Bratz clothing. MGA Entertainment, producer of the Bratz dolls, has licensed a line of Bratz clothing for young girls, including a matching hip hugger thong and padded bra set! Furthermore, companies offer virtual worlds surrounding their products where young women can enter a virtual world where they can earn “money” so they can go shopping, get their hair and makeup done, and buy fashion clothes to go to dances with fantasy boyfriends.

Young women’s self-esteem and body image can be highly influenced by popular culture and advertising. They start to think they can’t be pretty without cosmetics, high fashion clothing, high-end cell phones and IPODS.

Source: So Sexy, So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood, Levin, D. and Kilbourne, J, 2008

BODY IMAGE AND WEIGHT PREOCCUPATION One of the major concerns of Canadian health care providers is the rising trend for females (and now) males to be preoccupied with weight. Bingeing, purging, and vomiting behaviours used to control weight in the early teenage years can lead to serious conditions like anorexia and bulimia. Some youth may be in the early stages of bulimic or anorexic behaviour. Staff also have a responsibility to bring any behaviour that may be life threatening to the attention of administration and/or parents/guardians. Learning some of the characteristics of anorexia nervosa and bulimia may help staff to feel more comfortable about eating disorders.

Anorexia Nervosa: is characterized by a significant weight loss resulting from excessive dieting. Most women and an increasing number of men are motivated by the strong desire to be thin and a fear of becoming obese. Anorexics consider themselves to be fat, no matter what their actual weight is. Often anorexics do not recognize that they are underweight and may still feel fat at 80 pounds. Anorexics close to their death will show you on their bodies where they feel they need to lose weight. In their attempts to become even thinner, the anorexic will avoid food and taking in calories at all costs, which can result in death.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 205 Unit 2 A. Background

Section 2: Here are some signs to look for: Body Image • Noticeable weight loss and Gender • Excessive exercise • Obsession with food, calories, recipes • Excuses for not eating meals • Unusual eating habits (picking at food, cutting food into tiny pieces) • Complaining of being too fat • Guilt or shame about eating

Bulimia: is characterized by a cycle of binge eating followed by purging to try to rid the body of unwanted calories. Purging methods included vomiting, and laxative abuse. Other forms of purging can involve excessive diuretics, diet pills and enemas. Bulimics do not feel secure about their own self worth. They usually strive for the approval of others. They tend to do whatever they can to please others, while hiding their own feelings.

Here are some signs to look for: • Binge eating • Bathroom visits after eating • Vomiting • Laxative, diet pill or diuretic abuse • Weight fluctuations • Swollen glands • Harsh exercise regime • Mood swings and depressions • Tooth decay • Avoidance of restaurants and other social events

GOALS: The Body Image section will help members to: • Understand the influence of the ideal body image culture • Recognize their weight, strength and size preoccupation behaviours. • Appreciate the differences in body color, size, strength, weight and ability to affirm their own body image.

206 Unit 2 B: Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 2: When facilitating meetings on body image, staff’s role is to help member’s achieve a level Body Image of comfort with and amongst the group, feel good about their bodies and minds and and Gender encourage them to set and achieve reasonable goals. Here are some general tips for creating an open and positive atmosphere. • Creating a safe space for sharing can be challenging. One way to help relieve member’s anxiety about opening up is to lead with your own story or experience. Remember it should always be clear to the group that if someone shares a personal story it won’t be repeated outside the activity. • Focus on each member’s special skills and characteristics-use positive reinforcement. • Be sensitive to cultural and parent/guardian values. • Suggest — don’t dictate. • Help each member develop a sense of belonging within the group, encourage girls to participate in activities. • To keep from influencing the groups, don’t be too quick to express your own opinions. However when only one side of an issue is presented during discussion, be sure to offer other points of view. • Music can be inspiring and help young people to open up and relax! Come up with a group play list that can be played in the background during activities. Gender Specific Programming YOUNG WOMEN’S PROGRAMMING: One approach to dealing with gender and body image issues which has been successful in many areas of Canada and the US is girls discussions and support groups. The youth years are a very important time in which programs must be made available to girls to help defuse the influences of culture on their feelings and decisions about gender, food, appearance, weight and their bodies.

As young men and women mature they experience things differently, chart different pathways to problem behaviours, and face different issues and challenges. Therefore the models for responding to girls and boys needs must be different in order to be effective and gender specific.

To get these women programs or activities started: • Have an open discussion with the females in the Club about the idea of a women’s group. Share information about the goals of the group. Let them know it will offer them some time to talk about issues of body image, feelings and relationships to food and weight. • Discuss issues important to the girls. Do a needs assessment or an issue survey to find out what they would like to talk about specifically. Let them organize time and space and take ownership over the program!

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 207 Unit 2 B: Facilitation Tips for Staff

Section 2: Creating Surroundings that Value Females Body Image Create an environment that values females. Try to provide books, magazines, posters, and Gender videos, wall decorations, music and other items that celebrate females’ current and historical achievements and contributions to the world. The surroundings should enhance a girl’s understanding of female socialization, honour and respect the female perspective, respond to girls’ diverse heritages and life experiences, and empower young women to reach full potential.

Staff facilitators can try the following visualization to assess or help plan an appropriate women’s space in the Club.

Get out a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Close your eyes and visualize your girl’s program. Open the door to the place where the program is located. On the left side of the piece of paper write down as fast as you can as much as you can remember about what is in that room from ceiling to floor (allow three minutes). When complete, write on the right hand column how the items listed make you feel. How does the physical space make you feel? What are your emotions when you walk out of this room? What is missing from the room?

(Source: How to Implement Guidelines for Effective Gender Based Responses, Patton. P and Morgan. M, 2004)

YOUNG MEN’S PROGRAMMING: Talk to the male youth at your Club and ask them about specific body image issues that they would like to address. Consider male only workshops focused on steroid use, puberty, muscle building so that the young men are more comfortable without the company of female members. Don’t assume that male members will want to take part in the same activities as the female members. Your best bet is to talk to them and find out how the Club can spin the activities and programming to best reflect their interests as well.

208 Unit 2 C: Community Outreach

Section 2: Although school programs are beginning to deal with relationship issues, sexual harassment, Body Image abuse and assault, the underlying problems of gender inequality and body image issues and Gender are not dealt with in most school curriculum. It may be helpful for Boys and Girls Club staff to reach out to youth organizations that focus specific programming around issues of body image and gender. • Ask these agencies for information that would supplement the strategies and activities in this chapter and call on their people and material resources to make the issues real for the youth. • Offer space at the Club for these and other agencies connected with these issues to hold community meetings about initiatives on gender, media and body image. If these agencies do not have representation in your community, then work with the members to hold a meeting to form a local interest group on issues of body image, gender bias, women’s rights, sex role stereotypes etc. • Talk to members about organizing events on International Women’s Day and other gender equality anniversaries.

Parent/guardian INVOLVEMENT The following is a list of sample questions that may be useful when assessing your parent/ guardian involvement in programs. Take some time to think about the answers, discuss with fellow staff and supervisors and come up with some ideas on how to get parents/guardians more involved. • How often is there contact between the Club and parent/guardians? • Is parent/guardian contact for predominantly positive or negative reasons? • How are parents/guardians made to feel welcome at the Club? • How are parents/guardians encouraged to express their opinions/needs to the Club? • What mechanisms assist parent/guardians and youth with coping and problem solving around body image issues? • What common goals unite parents/guardians and Club staff? • How are parents/guardians informed of program activities?

Consider having a parent/guardian meeting to introduce parent/guardians to staff, the Club, and the program itself.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 209 Unit 2 D: Programming Ideas

Section 2: Understanding the Link between the Ideal Body Image, Mass Media and Culture Body Image • Do an audit of shopping mall mannequins in store windows. What are they wearing? and Gender What are their body shapes? How are they accessorized? • Go online, to a department store or look in magazines for high brand clothing such as Gucci, Louis Vuitton and Prada? What kind of prices are these items selling for? Discuss with group why people would pay thousands of dollars for a small purse? • Ask for volunteers to do some online research regarding the black market for fake brand name clothing and accessories? Ask them to examine where these items are made? By who? How does this market potentially affect the human rights of some people? • Ask friends and family whom they would most like to look like? And why? Have group discuss answers and examine the patterns that may emerge. • Talk to young people about their favourite television shows. Ask how the actors are portrayed physically? Do the characters in the television shows mirror their own friends and realities?

Desexualizing Body Image • Talk to the group about the differences between a healthy body and an unhealthy body? Talk about the risks of being overweight and underweight? Despite both characteristics being unhealthy why is that people who are underweight are seen as having less of a problem? • Collect fitness Club brochures and mail-outs? What messages can you see in the pictures and advertising? Are the Clubs portrayed as primarily places to get in good shape or venues to meet other young, sexy people? • Have Club members find highly suggestive/sexual advertisements in magazines. Discuss problems with some magazine advertising in which both women and men are captured in photos being overly sexual? How are the women portrayed? How are men portrayed? Is the sexuality related to the product? What demographic (age/gender/ethnicity representation) do you think the promoters are aiming to attract?

Understanding Differences in Body Image Representation • Sometimes we judge ourselves and our friends in comparison to the media’s representation of an ideal body image. Sometimes young people are mean to others because of how they look or dress and many of us want to change this type of behaviour. What are some steps that you can take to make the change? • Do some online research on how different cultures/ethnic groups view body image? Is thin the ideal body image for women everywhere? Is a muscular male physique important everywhere? How do the characteristics of thin and muscular differ? Why might muscular be seen as a strength in some cultures and thinness a weakness?

210 Unit 2 D: Programming Ideas

Section 2: • Recently some modeling/fashion companies have spoken out against waif like models Body Image and representation? Do some research and present to the group what companies are and Gender saying about this? Was it easy for you to find information on this new outlook? Are lots of fashion industry companies following suit? • Watch some of the YouTube videos listed under Audio Visual resources at the end of this section. Discuss. Come up with a plan to develop your own Club video on self-esteem, relationship building and respect for others. • Bring in the video “Mean Girls”. Watch it with the group. Ask the group to talk about ways in which they can address this type of bullying and disrespect for others.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 211 Unit 2 E. Resources

Section 2: Websites: Body Image Media Awareness Network: This website offers resources, activities, videos and articles and Gender about media literacy issues such as body image, stereotyping, gender and violence http://www.media-awareness.ca/english/index.cfm

Kids Help Phone is Canada's only toll-free, 24-hour, bilingual and anonymous phone counselling, referral and Internet service for children and youth. Every day, professional counsellors provide immediate, caring support to young people in urban and rural communities across the country. http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/en/informed/sub_giimage.asp?sec=3&sb=2

Uniquely Me: Created in 2002 to address the critical nationwide problem of low self-esteem among adolescent and pre-adolescent girls, uniquely ME! THE GIRL SCOUT/DOVE SELF- ESTEEM PROGRAM is designed to foster self-esteem in girls, ages 8-17. The core program curriculum, which integrates the latest research from the Girl Scout Research Institute, consists of activity booklets that guide girls through simple exercises that help them understand and build self-esteem. http://www.girlscouts.org/program/program_opportunities/leadership/uniquelyme.asp

A Guy’s Guide to Body Image: This website offers resources on boy’s issues around body image including steroid use, bullying, delayed puberty, height and weight. http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_body/beautiful/male_bodyimage.html

Much Music: offers some great documentaries, blogs and webcams for youth to learn and speak out about self-esteem. http://www.muchmusic.com/tv/specials/muchtalks/bodyimage/

Girls Incorporated is a national non-profit youth organization dedicated to inspiring all girls to be strong, smart, and bold. With roots dating to 1864, Girls Inc has provided vital educational programs to millions of girls, particularly those in high-risk, underserved areas. Today, innovative programs help girls confront subtle societal messages about their value and potential, and prepare them to lead successful, independent, and fulfilling lives. http://www.girlsinc.org/girls-inc.html Books and Print Materials: Kater, K. Healthy Body Image – Teaching Kids to Eat and Love their Bodies Too! Kathy Eating Disorders Awareness & Prevention [email protected] www.edap.org

Levin, D. and J. Kilbourne (2008) So Sexy, So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood The authors highlight the extent of a hypersexual consumer culture and the way in which advertisers and media use sex to drive a wedge between parent/guardians and children and to create demand among children for consumer goods.

212 Unit 2 E. Resources

Section 2: Zimmerman, B. (2005) 100 Things Guys Need to Know Body Image A snappy self help guide with enough comic book flair to appeal to guys, this book has and Gender a full chapter on body image. Boys will be comforted to read about how insecure other boys are about the numerous embarrassing body changes that never seem to be normal. Other chapters look at self respect, family and school issues, relationships and the future.

Olson, R. (2008) This is who I am: Our Beauty in All Shapes and Sizes. Artisan Books. Photographs and essays on women, body image and compassion. Audio Visual Resources: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwC6ywTtDyk 3 minutes You Tube Search: Truth About Body Image Truth About Body Image. Eleven very different youth confront how popular ideas of "beauty" and "good looks" damage youth physically and psychologically. Explore the complex world of social pressures faced by youth caused by body image issues.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rSjh52fGTg 1 min. 30 seconds/ You Tube Search: Dove Self-Esteem Fund One of Dove’s many workshop videos on body image and self-esteem. Videos from Dove are excellent starting points for discussion and activities.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSMmVLGlxRE 3 minutes You Tube Search: So What: Shake What Your Mama Gave You Youth respond to media pressures about body image and what makes people beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=polYzYnNFYI 3 minutes 25 seconds You Tube Search: Teen Sex and Body Image: Teenage Depression and Suicide The speaker, Tollie Schmidt lived his life as the “fat” kid. His weight reached over 500 pounds. Losing over 300 pounds of fat, Tollie struggled with bulimia and became a personal trainer. The video addresses self-esteem and teenage depression.

Two great links to introduce Club members to the basics of yoga. http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/exercise/yoga.html http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3vLZqPZxZE

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 213 Unit 2 E. Resources

Section 2: Other Useful Resources (Websites, Books, DVDs etc): Body Image Use this space to jot down other useful resources you come across. and Gender

Bibliography: Beyond the Basics: A Sourcebook on Sexual and Reproductive Health (2005) Canadian Federation for Sexual Health http://www.cfsh.ca/files/Publications/Beyond_the_Basics_(website_excerpt).pdf

Levin, D. and J. Kilbourne (2008) So Sexy, So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood

Media Awareness Network. http://www.media-awareness.ca/english/index.cfm

National Eating Disorders Association http://www.edap.org/

Patton, P and M. Morgan (2004) How to Implement Guidelines for Effective Gender Based Responses

Rice, C. Promoting Healthy Body Image: A Guide for Program Planners. Best Start Ontario Prevention Clearinghouse http://www.calarice.ca/Body95.pdf

We Can End All Violence Against Women Youth Workshop Facilitators Guide www.wecanbc.ca

214 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 1:Mapping Your Body Image Body Image Time: 30 minutes and Gender Kind of Activity: Creative, Discussion and Process (in pairs preferably) Objective: The participants will define and discuss the term body image. NOTE: Materials: Newsprint, markers, masking tape Please see Take It EASY INSTRUCTIONS: Note: It is important to assess whether individuals in a group are comfortable with this Unit 1 for exercise. You may want to describe the activity to the group and ask their opinions about other great doing it. Or to avoid making participants uncomfortable, let everyone know that they can body image choose not to participate in the exercise and provide them with an alternate activity. and Gender activities. 1. With the help of the group, define the term body image. They should come up with a definition that includes the following: • Your perception of your body • How you feel about your body • How you think others perceive your body 2. Hang on the wall sheets of newsprint as long as the tallest person in the group. Ask the group to break into pairs and have them take turns tracing each other’s body shape onto the paper. Then instruct each person to write their feelings about their bodies on the paper outline. Ask them to write messages about body parts including their hair, nose, face, skin, legs, hands, feet etc. When everyone is finished stand back and view the body images. Discuss them. 3. Take another large piece of paper and hang it on the wall. Ask participants to write affirming messages about their bodies; messages they would like to say to people who put them down, to advertisers, to family members, to friends and to themselves. Discuss the underlying roots of body image problems: • Social values, including ideal images of beauty and sexiness • Judgments/feedback from others • Actual occurrences the body (physical and or sexual abuse, accidents, illness) • Gender socialization (women, and increasingly men, link identity to appearance) • Major life events (e.g. adolescence)

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 215 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 2: 4. Ask: How can we improve body image? Body Image • Focus on non-appearance characteristics (talents, abilities) and Gender • Focus on parts of our appearances we like • Write to magazine editors expressing your objections to the lack of diversity in their magazines • Organize a discussion group with peers • Discuss frustrations with members of your family and or friends • Plan and implement a body image awareness event at your school/community center

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

(Adapted from Rice, Carla (1995) Promoting Healthy Body Image: A Guide for Program Planners)

216 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 2:Far Away in a Different World Body Image Time: 30 minutes and Gender Kind of Activity: Reading, Reflection, Discussion Objective: The participants will describe how the media affects perceptions of and feelings toward body image. Materials: Story Starter handout

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Explain that there are billions of people living on the earth, each one unique in color, size, features, and personality. Each one of us has traits that make us unique. Some of us are small, some are big; some of us are fair; some are dark; some of us are girls; some are boys. Tell participants to look around the room at other members. Look at all the differences among just the people in this one room. 2. Explain that the people we see in the media represent only a small percentage of the different types of people that live in the real world, and this is a problem. When we see the same type of people each time we turn on our TV or open a magazine, or when we are told in advertisements that it is better to look like one type of person than another, it can make us dissatisfied with the way we look—with our body image. 3. Ask participants to think about the people that they see on TV and in advertisements in North America. a. What are some words that you would use to describe the women? b. What are some words that you would use to describe the men? c. What is the message that these images tell us about how people should look? d. Think of your own family and friends—do they look like the people you see in the media? 4. Explain that, in truth, very few people look like those you see in the media. In fact, some of the people in the media don’t look anything like their media image, because their photographs are touched up to make them look more attractive. Or they are filmed using lots of makeup and special lighting. Did you know that special computers can take a picture of someone and give him or her longer legs, or even make them thinner? Like it or not, many of us are influenced by these people, and our feelings about how we look can be affected by the people that we see in the media. 5. Distribute the story, “A Different World”. Allow sufficient time for participants to complete the handout. 6. Complete the handout after participants have finished their stories; discuss how they felt in their “alien worlds”. 7. Conclude the activity by relating this “alien” experience to the pressures to conform to a certain look that exist in our own world.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Adapted from Beyond the Basics: A Sourcebook on Sexuality and Reproductive Health Education

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 217 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 2: Handout Body Image A DIFFERENT WORLD and Gender This is a story about a strange vacation you took to another planet in a distant solar system. It tells of the day you were discovered by a spacecraft of aliens and taken away to a strange world. These aliens, considered ambassadors to the alien planet, were really huge; they weighed about 400 pounds. At first you thought they were ugly. Yet when you arrived at their planet you found that all the aliens were striving to be huge—they didn’t want to be skinny!! In fact, the largest were considered the most beautiful by this society. When you opened a magazine or tuned on a television, all you saw were enormous aliens. You also saw advertisements and commercials promising to help the aliens become even bigger! Please write an account of the vacation.

How did you first encounter the aliens? What was your reaction to their size? What was their reaction to you?

What was the inside of their spaceship like? Were you afraid? How long did the trip take you? How far away was their planet from the earth? Did you meet any creatures your own age when you arrived? Did they view you as a strange creature? Did they ask you questions?

Write about a commercial that you saw featuring a product that promises to make its customers larger. What is the product that they are selling? Is it a special cream that makes them larger or a reverse exercise machine that adds on pounds instead of working them off? And what does the commercial promise will happen when they become bigger? Will they be more popular? Will they be more successful and become presidents of large galaxy companies? Will their lives suddenly become more exciting than the lives that they have now?

Why were the most famous and admired creatures also the largest? How did the thinner aliens feel about their bodies?

Describe the feelings you had after being on this planet for a few months. Did you start liking the way the aliens looked? Did it make you feel better or worse about your own body shape? When and how did you leave? What did your experience tell you about social pressures to be a certain size or shape? If you could give one important message to the people on earth about body size what would it be?

218 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 3: Image Gap Body Image Time: 30 minutes and Gender Kind of Activity: Reflection, Discussion and Process Objective: The participants will describe self-image and self-image problems and apply a problem solving approach to negative self-image. Materials: 2 handouts: “Image Gap: Problems and Strategies,” “How to be Your Own Best Friend”

INSTRUCTIONS: Discuss the following: 1. What do we mean by self-image? (How we see ourselves) 2. What is our ideal self image (how we see others?) 3. The difference between self-image and ideal self-image can be called our image gap. 4. Is there a big gap between how you’d like to be and how you see yourself? 5. How does this gap feel? When does it become a problem? How do you try to solve the problem? 6. There are two basic approaches to solving an image gap problem: we try to change the way we are, or we try to change the way we see ourselves (e.g. we become more accepting of ourselves) Example: I wish I was…more attractive.

Strategy 1: I could change the way I see myself by being less critical, not comparing myself to others so much and focusing more on my strong points (for example: I have nice hair…) • How does the strategy make us feel about ourselves? • When is one type of strategy more appropriate than the other?

Discuss the Serenity prayer below: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference! • Instruct the participants to complete the handout “Image Gap: Problems and Strategies.” • Distribute “How to be Your Own Best Friend”. Discuss each point. Ask participants to remind themselves of these points over the following week, perhaps posting their sheet in the room. They could keep a journal for the week, in which they make a note of any times they are able to be their own best friend.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 219 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 3: Handout Body Image IMAGE GAP: PROBLEMS AND STRATEGIES and Gender Part A: Choose three qualities that represent an “image gap problem” for you. Think of all the ways you could try to solve each problem and then decide which one creates the best strategy:

Problem Possible Best Strategy Strategies

• I wish…

• I wish…

• I wish…

Part B: Answer these questions truthfully. The first question requires a little more care and thought, so try to spend more time on it.

1. What do you like best about yourself?

2. What did you learn from this exercise?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

220 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 3: Handout Body Image HOW TO BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND and Gender 1. Know yourself: Accept your strengths and your weaknesses. Everyone has both! 2. Accept help: Some problems are too big to solve alone. Confide in someone you trust, and lighten the load. 3. Go gently: Don’t be hard on yourself. Be careful not to expect too much or ever over react to your mistakes. 4. Be true to you: Don’t try to be someone else. Be proud of who you are. Pay attention to your own thoughts and feelings, and do what seems right for you. 5. Control self -talk: Listen to the voice inside your head. If you hear put downs (I’m so stupid, I’m not worth it, I should be more like him or her…)….STOP!! Take a deep breath and change the tune to “Everyone makes mistakes”, “ I deserve it” 6. Take time out: Spend some time alone enjoying your favourite music, reading a book or magazine, or writing in your journal. 7. Stay active: When you walk, run, dance or play hard, your body gets rid of nervous energy and tension. And when you feel fit and strong, you’re ready to meet life’s challenges.

Source: We Can Campaign, www.wecanbc.ca

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 221 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 4: Activity 4: Mirror, Mirror Body Image Time: 30 minutes and Gender Kind of Activity: Interactive, Creative, Discussion and Process Objective: The participants will describe the connection between body image and self-esteem. Materials: A mirror for each participant

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Ask participants to find a partner. Pairs should sit on the floor, knee to knee. Ask participants to write as many observations about the person in front of him/her as possible within the next two minutes (e.g. big brown eyes, sparkling smile). Have them put their pieces of paper aside. Assure them that this paper won’t be shared. 2. Now alone, participants should lift a mirror to look at themselves, and with another piece of paper, record everything they observe about themselves within the next two minutes. 3. Participants then tally the number of positive comments they recorded about their partners and the number of positive comments they recorded about themselves. Instruct them to do the same with negative or neutral comments. 4. Ask youth the following: a. How did it feel to do this activity? b. What did you notice about the tallies? c. Why can it be difficult to not believe what others say about us? d. Why is it easy to see the good in others and not in ourselves? e. Do you think it is possible to give yourself positive affirmations when looking in mirrors rather than focusing on the negative? 5. Encourage participants to write a positive physical or personality trait for each negative trait they wrote about themselves.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

222 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 5: What has your body done for you lately? Body Image Time: 30 minutes and Gender Kind of Activity: Discussion and Process Objective: The participants will identify ways to improve their body image and understand different ways of “seeing” their body. Materials: Transforming Body Image handout

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Introduce and discuss the concepts of “instrumental” and “ornamental” body views. a. An instrumental view sees the body primarily in a functional way, appreciating what it does for the individual. b. An ornamental view is one in which the individual experiences the body in terms of how it appears to others, judging it on how it looks, relating to it primarily as an object. 2. Discuss the relationship between body image and self-esteem. 3. When we relate to our bodies ornamentally, we become vulnerable to the opinions of others and to social images of perfection. 4. When we related to our bodies instrumentally, on the other hand, self-esteem tends to be more within our control. 5. Distribute the Transforming Body Image handout, Give participant’s time to complete and reflect upon the activity. 6. Conclude by pointing out how difficult it can be to develop an instrumental view of our bodies, particularly when our society often places so much value on appearances. However, an instrumental view is an important step towards healthy body image and healthy self-esteem.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 223 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 5: Handout Body Image TRANSFORMING BODY IMAGE HANDOUT and Gender 1. Can you remember a time when you liked your body? When did you learn to worry about your appearance?

2. Do you diet, weigh yourself, punish your body, or spend a lot of time worrying about your appearance? How d you think this affects you? What do you think you can do about it?

3. Do you hide yourself in baggy clothing? If so, why? How often do you wear clothing or shoes that are uncomfortable (even physically harmful)? How does this affect you?

4. Do you judge yourself on the basis of appearance? Do you believe you would be better or more capable, if you were thinner, muscular, or more attractive? How can you stop judging your body?

5. Do you have primarily an ornamental or an instrumental view of your body?

6. List three things you can do to develop a more instrumental view of your body?

a.

b.

c.

7. List four things you like about yourself? List four things you like about your body?

a.

b.

c.

d.

224 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 2: Activity 6: The Real You Body Image Time: 30 minutes and Gender Kind of Activity: Discussion and/or Role Play Objective: To encourage young people to see themselves and others beyond their physical appearances. To explore positive characteristics/values in role models. Materials: Newsprint, markers, masking tape

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Introduce the activity by asking the group what keeps us from being true to ourselves and reaching our goals? Generate some discussion in the group. For example sometimes we lack confidence or are anxious because we may feel we are not accepted. As a result people sometimes change their behaviour or appearance to fit in. 2. Have the group discuss the saying “you can’t always judge a book by its cover”. Meaning there is a lot you can’t tell about people based on how they look—like how he/she feels and what he/she values. Explain that each member around the circle will take a turn completing the sentence: “One thing you can’t tell about me from the way I look is….” 3. Ask the group to consider role models that they admire for “what they do” and not how they look. Have them write their names down or post a picture of them on the wall. To make the activity more interactive have them role play their chosen role model and provide verbal hints if necessary. 4. Have members volunteer to talk about why this person is a role model and how their own values and characteristics might be similar to their role model. 5. To close have members discuss how they can be positive role models to younger men and women by displaying their “real” selves.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 225 UNIT 2:

Section 3: SEXUALITY AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth Unit 2 A. Background

Section 3: Expressing one’s sexuality is based on a collection of beliefs, attitudes and behaviours for Sexuality an individual. Sexuality is more than just body parts and what we do with them with other and Healthy people. If that were the case, people that choose absolute abstinence (no kissing, touching, Relationships masturbation, outer course or intercourse) would not be sexual. However, the reality is that everyone is sexual in their own way.

Young people who choose to abstain still have a sexual being, a sexual orientation, dreams, desires, a personal body image, the need to experience caring, values and attitudes that guide their choice of behaviour. Their personal choice based on their own sexuality has led them to avoid certain behaviours. They are expressing their sexuality by choosing to abstain-the same way others choose to take part in a variety of sexual activity.

SEXUAL HEALTH The term sexual health means different things to different people. People’s understanding of sexual health is influenced by community values and attitudes as well as personal experiences, beliefs, and customs. Many people think the term sexual health refers to physical aspects of reproductive health—things such as fertility, contraception and sexually transmitted infections. The Public Health Agency of Canada’s perspective on sexual health is based on the World Health Organization’s definition:

Sexual health is a balance between emotional, mental, physical, spiritual and societal dimensions of sexuality and encompasses respecting, protecting and fulfilling the sexual rights of all people, which include the right to pursue a satisfying, safe, and pleasurable sexual life and being free of discrimination, coercion, and violence, as well as guilt and shame.

Club members, family and even staff may find it difficult to discuss youth sexual health because they confuse the terms sexual health and sexual activity. Many people in society are uncomfortable with the fact that young people are sexually active. In order to discuss and encourage the promotion of youth sexual health, we need to separate the concepts of sexual health and sexual activity. Sexual health is the capacity to enjoy, control, fulfill and understand one’s sexuality. Therefore all youth have the right to sexual health. Finding a balance between differing views and sensitivities can make planning policies and sexual health promotion activities a challenge, especially when working with youth from various cultural, ethical, and religious backgrounds.

Gender is closely tied to sexual health, as it serves to help shape the different roles and expectations that are considered ‘normal’ for males and females. This is a significant issue in relation to sexual health because the way in which we understand gender norms and expectations will influence how we act as sexual beings. For example young heterosexual males who are expected to be knowledgeable and experienced about sex may feel intimidated to seek sexual health information and services. Alternatively, socio-cultural standards pressure young females to be the gatekeepers of sexuality by denying sexual advances of young males and to appear inexperienced or unknowledgeable about sex. The high rate of sexual violence against women illustrates the gender based power imbalances, expectations and norms that interact to influence males and females behaviours and ultimately their sexual health. 227 Unit 2 A. Background

Section 3: SEXUALITY AND SELF-ESTEEM: Sexuality Self-esteem-how valuable, lovable, worthwhile, and competent we feel-is crucial to accepting, and Healthy maintaining, and enhancing sexual health. Healthy self-esteem is important to healthy Relationships sexuality. Healthy self-esteem includes: • The ability to develop healthy relationships • The acceptance of one’s sexuality • Awareness/acceptance of personal limitations, vulnerability • The ability to accept responsibility for behaviour • Feelings of competence, independence, self control, respect for others

Individuals with low self-esteem are more likely to: • Be influenced by peer pressure • Pick partners or friends who mistreat them • Stay in negative friendships or relationships because they are afraid to be alone • Be easy prey to an abuser • Abuse alcohol/drugs • Experience negative body image or develop an eating disorder • Become sexually involved in order to keep a partner • Have unsafe sex and be at risk for STI’s • Take chances with pregnancy • See early parenthood as a way to feel loved and important

EXPLORING YOUR GENDER IDENTITY AND SEXUALITY Here is a quick rundown on two frequently misunderstood terms:

Sexual Orientation: Refers to one’s sexual and romantic attraction. Those whose sexual orientation is to people of the opposite sex are called heterosexual and those who sexual orientation is to people of the same sex are called homosexual (or lesbian or gay) and those whose sexual orientation is to people of both sexes are called bisexual.

Gay: A man who is romantically/sexually attracted to or involved with other men; also used as an umbrella term for everyone who has same sex romantic/sexual attractions or relations.

Lesbian: A woman who is romantically/sexually attracted to or involved with women.

Transgender: Is an umbrella terms that includes people who do not fit traditional male or female role and expectations and who identify with a gender other than the one assigned to them at birth. TG does not imply any specific form of sexual orientation. Individuals in the transgender community express themselves in different ways. This can include adopting the clothing and or behaviours of the opposite or both genders, use of hormones, and or gender reassignment surgery (sex change).

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 228 Unit 2 A. Background

Section 3: Some people ask, “Isn’t transgender just like being gay?” No. Transgender describes Sexuality a person’s internal sense of gender identity. Sexual orientation describes person’s feelings and Healthy of attraction toward other people. Transgender people have some issues in common with gay, Relationships lesbian, and bisexual communities but gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation. You have a right to be you!!

People express their sexuality in many different ways: There is no right or wrong way to be. You have the right to identify with the gender and sexual orientation of your choice without fear of discrimination in education, healthcare, social and political participation, and to live free of verbal and/or physical assault.

SEXUALITY AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Relationships, including friendships and dating relationships, are part of what makes life fun and interesting. However, relationships can sometimes become unhealthy and unpleasant to you or other people involved, both emotionally and physically.

What is a healthy relationship? • You and your friends or dating partner have fun together, feel good about each other and influence each other positively. • You spend time together doing activities like going to movies, hanging out with groups of friends, at each other’s houses. • You respect and trust one another. You listen to each other’s thoughts and feelings. Even if you argue or disagree sometimes, you can talk things out and reach a compromise that works for both of you. • You don’t negatively pressure one another. You accept each other’s right to say no or change your mind, without giving each other a hard time. You understand that it is important to not abandon old friends or activities just to hang out with one person.

What are risky or unhealthy relationships? Unhealthy relationships are relationships that hurt one or both of the people involved. They may hurt physically or mentally.

Consider some of the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. Talk to members to see if any of the statements describe their relationships. Your friend or dating partner: • Is jealous or possessive of you and gets upset when you hang out with other friends or they can’t get a hold of you at any given time. • Is controlling and tries to make your decisions for you. • Is violent or mean and loses his/her temper a lot. • Pressures you to engage in behaviour you may not be comfortable with (having sex, doing drugs, lying to your friends/parent/guardians) • Makes you feel guilty and blame you for his/her own problems.

229 Unit 2 A. Background

Section 3: What is abuse? Sexuality An abusive relationship may include any of the signs listed above. Some youth and adults and Healthy think that a relationship is not abusive unless there is physical fighting. However, there are Relationships other types of abuse that young people need to know about. Below is a list of different types of abuse, which can affect your friendships and relationships.

TYPES OF ABUSE EXAMPLES TYPES OF ABUSE

Physical Abuse • Hitting • Cuts and bruises • Shoving • Broken bones • Slapping • Concussion • Punching • Death • Pushing • Low self-esteem • Beating up • Depression • Fear of Partner

Emotional/Mental Abuse • Limiting contact with friends • Low self-esteem • Blaming • Loneliness • Controlling decisions • Depression • Insulting partner • Fear of Partner • Constantly policing and questioning partner

Sexual Abuse • Name calling • Low self-esteem • Making fun of partner in public • Depression • Yelling or swearing • Embarrassment • Criticism and put downs • Fear of Partner

Verbal Abuse • Forcing partner to have sex • Fear of partner • Forcing partner to perform sexual acts • Pregnancy • Injuries • Depression • Low self-esteem • Sexually transmitted infections

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 230 Unit 2 A. Background

Section 3: If young people are in this type of relationship they should be encouraged to talk to their Sexuality parents/guardians, guidance or community counsellor, school or health center nurse, and Healthy or trusted friends. Relationships Why? • Abusive relationships are unhealthy emotionally. Young people may lose their self-confidence and find it harder to have future relationships. It can negatively affect self-esteem. • Abusive relationships are unhealthy physically. They can cause people to have trouble sleeping, headaches, anxiety attacks, lack of appetite and stomach aches. Emotionally it can make people jumpy, nervous, sad, anxious, depressed and angry. • Most importantly you deserve to be in a relationship that is healthy and fun!

Talk to young people about how to get out of an unhealthy relationship… Some people need help getting out of an unhealthy relationship. They might be afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings or making them angry. Have them talk to a parent/ guardian, counsellor, friend or other trusted person about their relationship. Talk to them about developing a safety plan in case the situation becomes volatile.

Here are some tips on making a safety plan. Talk to young people about: • Telling a trusted adult • Telling the person who is abusing them that they want out of the relationship. They should consider telling them over the phone so they cannot act out physically against them. • Keeping track of any violence or harassment. This will be important if they ever need to get police involved. • Calling 911 right away if they are ever afraid that this person is going to hurt them.

GOALS: The objectives of approaches, strategies and activities for the topic of Sexuality and Relationships will help Club members: • To explore and expand member’s understanding of sexuality • To develop capabilities for their maintenance of healthy relationships • To increase their capacity for making conscious decisions regarding sexual activity that will enhance their well being • To explore their values and attitudes related to sexuality and sexual issues

231 Unit 2 B. Facilitation Tips For Staff

Section 3: Although most Canadian parents/guardians are in favour of their children receiving Sexual Sexuality and Reproductive Health education, it is important to involve them in your activities. This will and Healthy not only clear up any misconceptions about the content and the goals of the program, but Relationships will also give parent/guardians an opportunity to provide input and to offer their support. You might involve parents/guardians by: • Sending a letter home that describes the course/program. • Show them the materials you are using. • Provide information about where students and parent/guardians can get follow up material (i.e. obtain fact sheets, pamphlets, etc from local health units, sexual health centers, etc) • Organize an information session for parent/guardians about talking to their children about sexuality

EMPOWERMENT AND SEXUALITY In creating an atmosphere of openness for discussing sex and sexual issues at the Club, staff can offer youth a place to digest, think about and explore the problems, choices and decisions they face as they grow and develop as sexual beings. Their communication with parent/guardians on matters of sex is more likely strained if not nonexistent and although many youth do talk to parent/guardians about relationships, there are often issues that they may want to discuss with a less intimate, less authoritative person in their lives. Information sources used by youth, like peers and media are often confusing and inadequate. School based sex education programs usually included in the health curriculum offers facts with some attempt at decision making strategies, but very few of these resources offer the same peer support and trusting environment that a Club can.

Young people should be encouraged to consider what sexuality means to them. Sexuality, contraception, and STI’s are complicated issues and Boys and Girls Club staff may not feel comfortable leading discussions on the topic. It is vital to look at your own comfort level with sexuality. Ask yourself: • How comfortable am I with the topic? • Do I have the support of my supervisors and colleagues? • What are my personal boundaries and how will I address them? • How will I react if a student discloses pregnancy, abuse etc? • How will I handle hard to answer questions?

Everyone has topics with which they are more or less comfortable. Acknowledging your own awkwardness will make students feel more comfortable, knowing that this is a difficult topic for everyone to discuss. Also members will figure out if you are uncomfortable and may in turn become less attentive and receptive to your information.

Some staff might be uncomfortable with conveying their own judgments or values upon the members. Deal with your own values and attitudes about sex and sexuality on an ongoing basis but keep your own values out of discussions with the members.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 232 Unit 2 B. Facilitation Tips For Staff

Section 3: You have a responsibility to the members to facilitate the learning, not get them mixed Sexuality up with your own perspectives and opinions. This can be addressed by talking about and Healthy facts rather than values. Relationships For example: • Value: I think every woman should have access to abortion. • Fact: Abortion is a legal procedure in Canada. • Value: I do not think abortion should be an option for any woman. • Fact: Abortion is an option for women in Canada. • Value: Too many youth are sexually active. • Fact: Many youth are sexually active.

Here are some helpful hints for staff in the area of sexuality: 1. You do not have to know all the answers! Using good education and counselling techniques, asking good questions and challenging the responses can help facilitate learning and reflection on any topic. But it is helpful to know where the answers can be attained…so try to keep track of resources in sexuality that is useful. Be honest about what you know and what you don’t know! 2. Take whatever opportunities are available to increase your skills. Attend workshops related to sexuality, pregnancy, sexual orientation, homophobia, AIDS etc. Contact HIV/AIDS, teenage pregnancy, and gay and lesbian associations and ask for resources, posters etc. Club staff are encouraged to solicit the support of trained health promoters and sexual educators. These experts will have the skills and knowledge necessary to engage young people in healthy discussion while respecting gender, sexual orientation and religion. 3. Help to create a place of privacy, confidentiality, safety, honesty and integrity for one to one or group talks about sex. Take it seriously, monitor discussion for sensitivity, and create rules to make everyone feel comfortable. 4. Programs need to be responsive and inclusive to men and women and to sexual orientation. Culture should also be considered when planning programs. 5. Youth can be involved in deciding what the sexuality program or the activities concerning sex ought to look like, what particular topics they may want to spend time on and how they may want to have these activities and topics unfold.

It is important that those working with youth in the area of sexuality education need to: • Take into consideration the target group, with their specific needs, values and behaviours • Collaborate with youth in the development of programs

233 Unit 2 B. Facilitation Tips For Staff

Section 3: • Account for gender differences and design some parts of programs for male and female Sexuality groups alone and Healthy • Include peer to peer strategies where possible using drama, discussions etc Relationships • Incorporate needs of high risk youth for smaller group strategies and one to one discussions

Making Programs Relevant to Sexual Minority Groups Community based organizations like the Boys and Girls Club have an opportunity to reach sexual minority or lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender adolescents. Rather than neglect and or stigmatize these adolescents, organizations can model openness and teach both adolescent peers and mentors how to respect and appreciate differences as well as similarities. It is important that staff and Club workers consider how they can create a safe, supportive and welcoming atmosphere for sexual minority adolescents. • Learn more about the challenges LGBT adolescents face with their peers, families and community (e.g. bullying, segregation, isolation) and how they develop their identity. • Seek out personal stories of what LGBT adolescents actually experience • Display safe space rainbow stickers in offices or on doors of Clubs • Create a supportive atmosphere for youth to explore and talk about their sexual identities with adults • In the case of a youth making an anti gay remark to friends, have a one on one discussion about the impact of these comments with him or her

Provide adolescents with information about local or national resources within the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender communities when appropriate.

Making the Programs Relevant to Young Men How can young men learn to be sexually responsible? The reasons why some males do not seem to be involved in sexual decision-making may be the same reasons they do not feel comfortable in sex education sessions. Society supports the status quo that suggests that men are not important in reproductive or sexual decision making processes and only create problems for females. To really involve young men in programs, staff need to promote ways to show them the important part they can play in relationships and parents/guardians of the future.

To involve young men in discussions of sex and sexuality, programs need to: 1. Be inclusive and non judgmental asking questions of them, soliciting their ideas and responses from their perspective 2. Use resources and materials that show young men as well as young women making sexual decisions, displaying friendship and affection. 3. Use case studies, role plays etc. that offer males a chance to be involved in decisions.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 234 Unit 2 B. Facilitation Tips For Staff

Section 3: 4. Include experiences, concerns and fears that males have about their bodies, their Sexuality performance and their responsibilities and Healthy 5. Try to challenge sex role stereotyping in the group so that boys are no always left Relationships to defend their own gender’s patterns, such as not crying or being emotional, being strong and not easily hurt, etc.

Programs need to be responsible to all cultures There are differences in the reproductive culture and values of Canadian youth. Ethnic and cultural backgrounds influence people’s thinking about sexuality, gender, and sexual health. No system of belief is better or worse, however, they are different and programs need to acknowledge this. Questions that staff may want to ask themselves in planning sex education that is relevant to all cultures are: • Are materials and resources culturally relevant? Are there diverse images of a variety of youth? Or does the material represent only Caucasian Canadians youth? • Are realistic attitude and behaviour changes suggested in the objectives of the program being accepted by all the youth? • Are their assumptions being made about any of the minority cultures in the program in the program? • Are different cultures represented in the planning processes when programs in sexuality are being developed?

Responding to Crises Sometime students will disclose pregnancy, a sexually transmitted infection, abuse, suicidal thoughts, and gay/lesbian orientation during a discussion about sexuality. It is important that you: • Know where to send the student for help • Make a commitment to get the student the help he/she needs • Try to have a back up person you can refer them to (public health nurse, community health worker, etc)

235 Unit 2 C. Community Outreach

Section 3: INVOLVING COMMUNITY MEMBERS Sexuality When working in the sensitive area of sexual and reproductive health, as in all other health and Healthy issues you will get the best results when community organizations and key community Relationships leaders are involved. This can be difficult when you are working with mixed cultures/religions and facing cultural/religious differences in opinions where sexuality is discussed. People from different cultures have different ways of looking at the world and different traditions that affect how they feel, think and act. Your program needs to be culturally appropriate. Respecting other cultures is essential whether you are teaching, counselling, providing health services or running workshops. It is important to learn a little about the history, culture, and traditions of the people you are going to work with.

Boys and Girls Club staff can be at the forefront of a movement to create spaces and opportunities for youth to deal with the challenges of sexuality in ways that have meaning to them. The research suggests that a multifaceted approach to dealing with youth sexuality and sexual decision-making has the potential for success.

The following ideas may help staff get the community involved in outreach: • Meet with high schools teachers who are teaching sexual education and discuss ways that the school and Club could work on a broad approach to programs for youth including peer education training and development, parent/guardian education and more. • Inform and involve the community of any sexual health programs and initiatives so that they can support and participate in BGC activities, campaigns etc. • Survey parents/guardians and students to determine their needs and beliefs about sexual and reproductive health education. This information will help BGC’s to help and promote their programs. Consider the broad spectrum of views and beliefs in the community, maybe invite members, students, parents/guardians and teachers etc., into the discussions about ways to show or demonstrate respect for all religions and faiths as recognized in a democratic society. • It may seem like issues related to sex are not hot topics anymore, however, sex education needs to be constantly updated and relevant for today’s youth. • Approach agencies in your area like Planned Parenthood and explore the possibility of establishing clinical services in or near the Club for those youth needing medical information and counselling, for example a birth control or a STI clinic one day a month. • Offer to co host an in-service education day for teachers, group leaders and Club staff on issues of sexuality for youth during a school based in service day. • Organize community forums on a regular basis for the discussion of concerns related to sex and sexuality that the community would like to address such as sexual harassment, sexual assault, abortion, etc.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 236 Unit 2 C. Community Outreach

Section 3: PARENT/GUARDIAN INVOLVEMENT Sexuality Parents/guardians may find discussions about sexuality one of the most challenging and Healthy and disturbing parts of their parenting role. Communicating about sex can be the most Relationships profoundly uncomfortable thing that a youth and parent/guardian can do together or it can be a great way for them to get to know one another in a more personal way. Think about sending out a newsletter with some great advice for parents/guardians in dealing with sexuality issues.

It could include tips to: • Start with re-educating yourself! Parents/guardians might want to start at the local bookstore or library. Look for a book on talking to young people about sexuality. You can also call your local member Canadian Federation for Sexual Health. Ask for pamphlets and other materials that will help you talk to your youth. • Pick a good time and comfortable place. Choose a time when you both are relaxed and have time to talk. It’s also important to be in a private area where you both feel comfortable. Some find it easier to talk while walking the dog or doing the dishes. This may help relieve some nervous energy and gives your youth the opportunity to ask uncomfortable questions without having to make eye contact. • Share your values and beliefs and respect those of your youth. The values you live by and the discussions you have are important. Encourage and support your teen(s) to figure out his or her own values and beliefs. This will assist your teen(s) to set his or her own limits. Stress the importance of clearly being able to communicate to a partner. • Respect each other’s privacy. Make it clear that you want to discuss information, choices and opinions—not their sexual experiences. You do not have to share your personal experiences unless you are comfortable doing so and can use them as a teachable moment. Focus on the facts. • L i s t e n . Try to listen calmly even when there is a difference of opinion. If you really listen to your teen, you’ll learn a lot about what they think. Being honest and a good listener will go a long way in building trust between yourself and your teen.

237 Unit 2 D. Programming Ideas: Strategies

Section 3: EXPLORE AND EXPAND THEIR UNDERSTANDING OF SEXUALITY Sexuality • Research interactive websites that focus on youth and sexuality. Many of the and Healthy organizational internet activities are interactive and can utilize the question/answer Relationships technique or case study based approach where members input personal information about their relationship behaviours and the computer program gives them a read out of the kinds of problems they may face, helpful solutions, resources, etc. • Bring in appropriate music videos, play them and discuss the sexual messages in the video with the group. Discuss the absence of protection, messages to men and women about what is expected of them with regards to sex and where different cultures have different ideas about what sex means in a relationship • Place a question box in the Club office for members to use to ask questions about sex. If you are unsure or uncomfortable in responding to the questions, invite a local facilitator from a community health organization.

DEVELOP CAPABILITIES FOR THE MAINTENANCE OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS • Bring in appropriate music videos, play them and discuss the sexual messages in the video with the group. Discuss how some women and men are portrayed in music videos and how these messages might be a harmful influence on relationships. Some examples include: Akon’s Smack That, Jay Z’s Big Pimpin’, Beyonce’s Freakum Dress and Britney’s Slave for You. • Bring in someone from a local Sexual Assault Center (for a listing of rape crisis centers and transitions houses by province and territory you can visit the Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centers. Have them discuss options in case of sexual attack— including medical attention, filing a police report and getting counselling, emergency contraception or post exposure prophylaxis. • A police officer can also be invited to the Club to discuss abuse in the community and how it is handled, why it occurs etc. •  Have the group or individuals create an anti-abuse symbol or poster for their Club and/or community. • Brainstorm with the teen group ideas they have for “What does a healthy relationship look like?” • Ask an assembled group of youth at the Club what options a couple have to having a good time if they choose not to have intercourse/sex.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 238 Unit 2 D. Programming Ideas: Strategies

Section 3: INCREASE TEEN’S CAPACITY FOR MAKING HEALTHY DECISIONS REGARDING SEXUALITY Sexuality • Challenge Club members to write scripts that give both male and female youth some and Healthy ideas about talking to partners about delaying sexual activity, about getting birth control Relationships and STD protection, about revealing a pregnancy. Use the scripts in a dram or peer education production. • Plan a field trip to the local drug store or to the doctor’s office to learn about birth control. Ask the pharmacist or doctor to talk to the group and discuss what steps are involved in accessing birth control (This type of outing will require most likely require parent/guardian approval. Also, be aware of cultural boundaries and norms of your participants and their families. Discuss how to make this work with your supervisors). • Invite a panel of older youth who have chosen various options of pregnancy to come to the Club to talk. Scenarios might include someone who has been involved in an adoption process, a single mother who kept her baby, and someone who got married and raised the child with a partner.

EXPLORE THEIR VALUES AND ATTITUDES RELATED TO SEXUALITY AND SEXUAL ISSUES • Invite a representative from an appropriate organization that does HIV testing to come into your Club as a guest speaker. You may want to invite someone who is HIV positive to speak to the teen group as well or make it a panel presentation. • Celebrate World AIDS Day (December 1st) with involvement in the march organized your town or city. Make posters or banners to be used on the day showing the support of the Boys and Girls Club on the march. • Bring in an empty beer or liquor bottle. Set it in the middle of the table where the group is gathered. Get each person to write a piece of paper one way that alcohol or drinking can have a negative effect on a teen relationship or sexual decision-making.

239 Unit 2 E. Resources

Section 3: Websites: Sexuality Planned Parenthood: This website is a great resource on dating, birth control, teen pregnancy, and Healthy and gay/lesbian/transgender and queer discussions. It offers educational tools for parent/ Relationships guardians and educators. http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teen-talk/

Advocates for Youth champions efforts to help young people make informed and responsible decisions about their reproductive and sexual health. Advocates believes it can best serve the field by boldly advocating for a more positive and realistic approach to adolescent sexual health. http://www.advocatesforyouth.org

Books and Print Materials: Gravelle, K. (2006) The Period Book: Everything You Don’t Want to Ask. Bloomsbury Press

Levin, D. and J. Kilbourne (2008) So Sexy, So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood

Madaras, L. (2003) The What’s Happening to My Body Book for Boys. Newmarket Press, New York

Madaras, L. (2003) The What’s Happening to My Body Book for Girls. Newmarket Press, New York

McDougall, B. (2006) My Child is Gay: How Parents React to Coming Out

Framework for Action: Youth Sexual Health in Nova Scotia http://www.gov.ns.ca/hpp/publications/FINAL_Framework_Booklet.pdf

Beyond the Basics: A Sourcebook on Sexual and Reproductive Health (2005) Canadian Federation for Sexual Health http://www.cfsh.ca/files/Publications/Beyond_the_Basics_(website_excerpt).pdf

Creating Safe Space for GLBTQ Youth: A Toolkit www.youthadvocates.org

Audio Visual Resources: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXLu1p15Rvw You Tube Search: Girls, Sexuality and the Media (4 minutes) Girls, Sexuality and the Media: A youth-produced video documenting a Reel Girls annual project entitled "the Wall of Shame," which challenges young women to talk back to the mainstream advertisers and their demeaning images of women.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CWMCt35oFY&feature=related You Tube Search: Sexism, strength and dominance: A portrayal of masculinity in Disney Films. Sexism, strength and dominance: A portrayal of masculinity in Disney Films. (6 minutes 52 seconds)

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 240 Unit 2 E. Resources

Section 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZ061KXEdZg Sexuality You Tube Search: Men Walk a Mile (Men Walk a Mile in Her Shoes to Protest Sexual Violence) and Healthy (2 minutes and 35 seconds) Relationships Men in high heel shoes walked down Ventura Boulevard to protest sexual violence. With the tough financial times, violence against women seems to be on the rise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvE5RWeCXr8 You Tube Search: Gay and Lesbian Wedding (42 seconds) Gay and Lesbian Wedding Promotion in Canada: Other Useful Resources (Websites, Books, DVDs etc): Use this space to jot down other useful resources you come across.

Bibliography: Beyond the Basics: A Sourcebook on Sexual and Reproductive Health (2005) Canadian Federation for Sexual Health

http://www.cfsh.ca/files/Publications/Beyond_the_Basics_(website_excerpt).pdf

Creating Safe Space for GLBTQ Youth: A Toolkit. 2005. www.youthadvocates.org

Framework for Action: Youth Sexual Health in Nova Scotia http://www.gov.ns.ca/hpp/publications/FINAL_Framework_Booklet.pdf

Health Canada, Canadian Guidelines for Sexual Health Education (Ottawa: Health Canada, 2003).

241 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 1: Sex, Sexy and Sexuality! Sexuality Time: 30 minutes and Healthy Kind of Activity: Icebreaker or Introductory Activity Relationships Objective: The participants will define the term sexuality and differentiate it from the term sex. Materials: Flip chart of Blackboard, Newsprint and Markers

INSTRUCTIONS: • Divide the large group into 3 smaller groups (if numbers are appropriate). On the flip chart write the words Sex, Sexy and Sexuality. • Ask the group to break into smaller groups and work in separate areas of the room. • Each group will get a piece of chart paper and a marker and will select someone to be the recorder. • The recorder should write down everything that people in the group say when they think of each of these three words—sex, sexy, and sexuality. • A more interactive approach would be to have members mime or act out different things they think of when the words are said. Remind members to keep their activities respectful!

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 242 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 2: My Sexual Bill Of Rights Sexuality Time: 1 hour and Healthy Kind of Activity: Process or Homework Relationships Objective: The participants will design in small groups (or as individuals) a bill of rights and responsibilities for sexual or intimate relationships. Materials: Sexual Bill of Rights/Responsibilities Sheet, Pens/pencils

INSTRUCTIONS: Background: This activity is about relationships. Many people feel that they have no rights in a sexual partnership. They feel they should do everything and anything their partner wants. This type of feeling has to do with self-esteem and feeling like we are important enough to believe and say what we want.

Briefly review the difference between rights and responsibilities. Give the group 3-5 minutes to list some of these rights. It might help to give them an example of a right such as “Saying no to sex and not feeling guilty”. Get them back together as a large group.

Ask: What rights did you come up with?

Ask the group to turn the sheet over and fill out the other side coming up with responsibilities. Repeat the procedure as above.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: 1. Was it harder to list responsibilities than rights? Why? Why not? 2. Are there differences in what female and male groups think sexual rights and responsibilities are? Why? Why not? 3. Do these rights change as you get a steady sexual partner? 4. Do the responsibilities change as you get a steady sexual partner? 5. What are the reasons people don’t take their own and other people’s rights seriously? 6. What can you do to make sure your rights are protected?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

243 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 2: Handout Sexuality SEXUAL BILL OF RIGHTS and Healthy Relationships

SEXUAL BILL OF RIGHTS

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 244 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 3: What’s Up with Television? Sexuality Time: 15 minutes and Healthy Kind of Activity: Individual activity followed by large group discussion Relationships Objective: Participants will describe how the media depict and influence our values. Materials: Flipchart or blackboard

INSTRUCTIONS: Explain that this activity gives participants the opportunity to explore the effect and influence of the media in the development of their personal values

1. Distribute handout and discuss 2. Conclude by pointing out that the development of our values and attitudes does not occur in a social vacuum: the media may influence our perceptions and behaviour. While we may learn one set of values from our family, friends, school, culture and religion, the media, especially television, sometimes depicts a lack of respect for persons, abuse of sexuality, violence and stereotyping.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

245 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 3: Handout Sexuality TELEVISION VALUE ANALYSIS and Healthy Choose a television show that emphasizes the following: Relationships

CHARACTERISTICS NAME OF TV SHOW NAME OF TV SHOW TO LOOK FOR:

Honesty

Dishonesty

Beauty

Wealth

Violence

Disrespect for People

Power

Respect for People

Commitment

Respect for Property

Casual Sexual Relationships

1. Beside the name of the show use a plus (+) or a minus (-) to indicate whether this is a positive or negative example.

2. Choose two of your examples (one positive, one negative) and describe an event that illustrates the value. Use the other side of this sheet to write your answer. Prepare to discuss your answers with the larger group.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 246 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 4: Values Voting Sexuality Time: 45 minutes and Healthy Kind of Activity: Interactive and Discussion Relationships Objective: Participants will explore their values regarding relationships and sexuality. Materials: Values Statements List, 3 signs AGREE, DISAGREE, UNSURE, masking tape Flipchart or blackboard

INSTRUCTIONS: Post the three signs around the room leaving enough space for participants to gather beneath them.

1. Choose six to eight of the statements from the Value Statements list to read aloud. 2. Explain that this exercise is designed to explore personal values, and give the following directions: 3. Read several statements out loud, one at a time. (Most of the statements are about relationships, dating and sexual behaviour) 4. Go and stand under the sign that represents your response to the statement (Agree, Disagree, Unsure) 5. When everyone is standing where they want to be, ask for a volunteer to explain why they chose the position they are standing under. Congratulate those willing to stand alone. 6. When the first statement has been fully discussed, go on to the next one. Timing is important — don’t drag out the discussion, but make sure most of the points have been heard. 7. End with these discussion questions:

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • How easy was it to vote on these values? • Which statements were the hardest for you? Why? • If your parents/guardians voted on these statements, would their votes be similar to or different from those of this group? • How many of you have talked to your parents/guardians about these issues? • What happens when your family’s values are different from your own or your friend’s values?

Conclude by pointing out how understanding our values and what’s important to us, even when they differ from the majority, is an integral part of decision making and fostering healthy behaviour

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

247 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 4: Handout Sexuality VALUES STATEMENTS and Healthy 1. Ninth and tenth graders should be allowed to have parties at home without supervision. Relationships 2. Most 15 year olds are too young to go “out” with someone alone. 3. Someone who comes to school wearing sexy clothing is asking to be sexually harassed. 4. It’s ok to make comments about someone’s body, unless they say they don’t like it. 5. When a girl is out with a guy, it is really up to her to make sure things don’t go too far sexually. 6. Guys should only use condoms when they are having sex with someone who has had many sexual partners. 7. It’s irresponsible for youth to have sex without using protection from pregnancy and STI’s. 8. Talking someone into having sex before they are ready is taking unfair advantage of them. 9. Having sex with someone you don’t really care about is wrong. 10. Choosing not to have sex is the best choice for teenagers 11. A girl who carries condoms in her purse is “easy” 12. Youth are too young to be good parents/guardians 13. Youth fathers should be forced to pay child support 14. When faced with an unintended pregnancy, a woman should have the right to choose abortion.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 248 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 5: Values Voting Sexuality Time: 45 minutes and Healthy Kind of Activity: Small group process activity Relationships Objective: Participants will discuss sexual decision-making skills. Materials: Papers and pens.

INSTRUCTIONS: Introduce the activity by pointing out how it can be very confusing to decide when you are really ready to do a new thing. In order to consider how we make decisions, consider looking at something that is most likely a current possibility for many of your members… getting their license.

Point out that they are legally able to try for their driver’s license when they turn 16. Some may rush out to get their license on their 16th birthday; others may wait a year, and still others may not have access to a vehicle or the means to get their learners permit.

1. Ask: How many want to drive sometime? How many want to get their license? 2. In groups of four, instruct participants to: a. Make a list of all the reasons they can think of as to why a teen would want to get their drivers license. b. Make a list of all the reasons they can think of as to why a teen might not be in a rush to get their license. c. Your group has the power to give or refuse a driver’s license to a 16 year old that you test. Identify the 3 most important factors that would influence your decision as to whether this person is ready to be licensed to drive. 3. In making decisions as to whether or not to become sexually active, there is no license or official age. For some people, it is very clear-they won’t have sex until they are in a lifetime commitment or a stable relationship. For many others it can be confusing. 4. Ask: how many of you think that they want to have sex sometime in their life? How many are very definite about when the right time would be to have sex? 5. In groups of four, instruct participants to make a list of all the reasons teen might want to have sex. a. To demonstrate love for partner b. Desire, curiosity c. Feels good. d. Need to feel loved e. Social pressure (from partner, perception that “everyone’s doing it”) 6. Make a list of all the reasons youth might refrain from having sex. a. Worried about pregnancy, STI’s b. Religious/cultural values c. Not ready, not the right person d. Family expectations e. Waiting until marriage/lifetime commitment’

249 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: 7. If society issued a license for young people to have sex, how might people qualify for one? Sexuality What would people need to know? What skills need to be developed? and Healthy  a . STI prevention knowledge Relationships b. Contraception, pregnancy prevention knowledge c. Communication skills d. Negotiation skills 8. Use the following questions to further help young people decide whether they are ready for sex: a. Will I feel good about myself if I have sex now? b. Does my partner want to have sex now? c. Am I being pressured to make a decision? d. If the relationship breaks up, will I be glad that I had sex with this person? e. If we have sex, will I use effective birth control and/or STI protection every time? f. Am I afraid of anything g. Am I prepared to deal with the consequences of not practicing safer sex?

Conclude by pointing out that the decision whether or not to have sex is not one to be taken lightly. A number of issues (e.g. STI and pregnancy prevention) and skills (communication and negotiation) need to be considered. The decision whether or not to become sexually active or to cease being sexually active (if you said yes once, does not mean you have to say yes again) is one that each individual needs to consider.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 250 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 6: Question and Answer on Sexuality Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity and Healthy Time: 1 hour and 1 ½ hours Relationships Objective: To allow participants to ask questions, hear from and empathize with GLQBT people and address and assist participants to move beyond stereotypes Materials: Panel composed of youth and young adults who are openly gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender

INSTRUCTIONS: In preparation for the session, contact one of your local sexual health/gender/Gay and Lesbian organizations. Ask for assistance in assembling a small panel of at least two or more individuals who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and/or transgendered. Be ready to explain the purpose of the workshop, to share this activity outline with the organization, and to brief them on your organization and participants in regard to creating a safe space for GLBTQ youth.

Engage an expert facilitator to moderate the discussion. The moderator will control the room, the audience’s questions, the panellist’s interactions, length of discussions on any one point, etc. Prepare your own questions for the expert panel just in case your participants have few or no questions.

It is possible, that one or more participants may come out (disclose their sexual orientation or gender identity) to you or the group because offering this activity may signal that you are a safe person to talk with or that this is a safe space. You can be very helpful by giving him her/him a list of community resources such as agencies, support groups and websites for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender youth.

1. Hand out index cards and identical pencils or pens to all the participants. Say that each panellist will share his/her own story with the group. As they listen participants can write on the cards any questions they have about sexual orientation, gender identity, homophobia or other issues. If they do not have any questions after this point, please have participants write “I have no questions” and have them hand in their index cards. (That way everyone will fill out a card and all who do have questions can remain anonymous.) 2. Introduce the expert panel by first taking a few minutes to talk about the purpose of the panel. 3. Introduce the moderator and explain that he/she will indicate who is to speak next, that time is up for discussion of a particular point, when a member of the audience may ask a question, when someone is out of order. 4. Turn the session over to the moderator who will begin by introducing the panellists and then giving each panellist about five minutes to tell his/her story. 5. After the panellists have spoken collect he participant’s index cards and hand them to the moderator. The moderator will read the questions aloud, one at a time, and ask one of the panellists to respond.

251 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: Sexuality • Did you learn anything new today that changed your views on GLBTQ people? and Healthy • What affected you most about the panellist’s story? Relationships ACTIVITY COMMENTS

Source: 2005. Creating Safe Space for GLBTQ Youth: A Toolkit

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 252 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 7: The Girl With No Name Sexuality Time: 40 minutes and Healthy Objective: To increase awareness of and empathy with people who are transgender Relationships Materials: The Girl with No Name handout, blank paper and markers

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. On a large sheet of paper write the following questions: What was the story about? What is being transgender? What obstacles faced Dallas? Why did it take Dallas a long time to become the person she wanted to be? 2. Ask the participants to get comfortable. Tell them that you are going to read them a story about someone whose feelings and experiences are often invisible to most people. Then, read the story The Girl with No Name to the participants 3. Ask the participants to count off, so that they wind up in small groups of about four individuals each. Each group will discuss the story using the questions that you wrote up on the paper beforehand. 4. Ask everyone to reassemble. Discuss the story as a group, going briefly over the four questions with the entire group. Make the point that everyone’s life has a story and that knowing this story can help us understand and care about people-both those whose lives are similar and those lives are very different from our own. End with the Discussion Questions.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Have you ever felt sure that you wanted to be someone other than who you are (such as to be rich instead of poor, to have a different skin color, or different gender or to be from a different family)? • Were you able to tell anyone else how you felt? How did they react? If you couldn’t talk about how you felt. Why not? • Have you ever known anyone who wanted to be the opposite gender? Were you supportive? Why or why not? • What are some things you can do to be supportive of people who are transgender?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

253 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 7: Handout Sexuality THE GIRL WITH NO NAME and Healthy I was perhaps 15 years old. The rest of the family had gone on an outing, and I had decided Relationships not to go-the excuse long forgotten. I was sitting on the floor of the living room wearing a purple dress (I had my own by that time) experimenting with my face. And for the first time, I got it right. Looking in the mirror with my typically male haircut, I would ordinarily see a boy and only a boy. In that dress, with Cover girl skin and Maybelline eyes, my hair blended into a wig. I saw a very pretty, an almost beautiful girl. I didn’t (and this is important) see a boy dressed as a girl. I saw a girl!

I remember thinking. “This is who I want to be, this is who I probably should have been”. But I also remember thinking that it couldn’t be. I was looking at a fiction, a fabrication, a creature created out of cosmetics and fancy women’s clothing. The girl in the mirror was a fantasy, and I could see no way to make her a reality. The girl had no name. In the end, she wound up in a paper sack, which I hid under a loose board in the attic.

My parents took me to a psychiatrist…In my shame and denial, I led him to think that the cross dressing was not very important and had just been an experiment. And he went for it, telling my parents that I was just going through a phase. It’s a phase that is still going on now, at age 46. I entered adulthood as a man instead of as a woman, Married a woman, grew a beard, went to college. I got weak in the knees every time I saw a beautiful girl (because I wanted to be her so much) and finally got divorced.

I started by acknowledging that I was at the very least a cross dresser. I quit worrying that my pumps or wig would be seen, or that I would be spotted wearing them. One by one, I told my friends and acquaintances, Step one…Step two was to ask myself whether I wanted to be a woman. I already knew the answer to that one.

Step three was to take an honest look at myself to determine if it would be possible via surgery, electrolysis, and hormones to ever pass convincingly as a woman. I refused to be a man in women’s dress. I took careful stock of my body. I didn’t at all like what I saw. My body had moved in undesirable directions since that day I found that single hair growing on my face. I was too hairy, too big, too this, not enough of that. I made a list and then scratched off things that could be changed with hormones, electrolysis, and surgery. I looked at what was left and thought, “Just maybe…”

The girl with no name now has a name-Her name is Dallas. It is in fact, the name she had all along, one of those names, which turns out to work perfectly well as a woman’s name, thank you. She is finally a creature of flesh and blood rather than a fantasy. She is not a notion of a woman, not an imitation for a woman, not a man’s idea of what a woman should be, but a woman, with all the virtues and wants, the rights and privileges thereto— a woman who can be raped, who can be strong, who can bake, and change the spark plugs in her car. It is she who I see in the mirror every morning instead of the boy I once was. Finally, at long last, thank God. It’s over.

Source: Creating Safe Space for GLBTQ Youth: A Toolkit

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 254 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 8: The Rape of Mr. Smith Sexuality Time: 45 minutes and Healthy Kind of Activity: Reading and Discussion Relationships Objective: Participants will identify their attitudes concerning sexual violence. Materials: “The Rape of Mr. Smith” Handout

INSTRUCTIONS: The Rape of Mr. Smith is intended to highlight the notion of “Victim Blaming” in cases of rape. Often times women are challenged according to how they were dressed, how many different sexual partners they have had in the past, or for putting themselves in “risky” situations (i.e. alone at a house party, walking across campus at night, etc). While these scenarios are seen to be funny in the case of Mr. Smith’s robbery, women are often challenged according to the role they played in the rape while the assailant’s involvement is excused or overlooked.

1. Have volunteers read “The Rape of Mr. Smith” aloud. 2. How many people found the scenario to be humorous or ridiculous? 3. Why is it easy to find this scenario humorous yet it remains appropriate to ask such questions of a woman who has accused a man of rape? 4. Ask participants what the point of the story was and how it relates to sexual violence. Responses should include: a. Blaming the victim for getting robbed is absurd. However, it is not absurd in our culture, to blame the person who was raped for the rape. 5. Ask participants how we develop attitudes about what is right and what is wrong behaviour. Point out that some ideas of how to behave and what to expect in a relationship are hurtful and some are helpful. 6. How are other groups within our society blamed for their own oppression?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Beyond the basics: A Sourcebook on Sexuality and Reproductive Health Education

255 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 8: Handout Sexuality THE RAPE OF MR. SMITH and Healthy In the following fictional court case, a holdup victim is asked questions by a lawyer. Relationships “Mr. Smith, you were held up at gunpoint on the corner of First and Main?”

YES.

“Did you struggle with the robber?”

NO

Why not?

HE WAS ARMED.

“Then you made a conscious decision to comply with his demands rather than resist?”

YES.

“Did you scream? Cry out?”

NO. I WAS AFRAID.

“Have you ever been held up before?”

NO.

“Have you ever given money away?”

YES, OF COURSE.

“And you did so willingly?”

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT?

“Well, let’s put it like this, Mr. Smith. You’ve given money away in the past. In fact, you have quite a reputation for charity. How can we be sure that you didn’t want your money to be taken by force?”

LISTEN IF I WANTED…

“Never mind. What time did this hold up take place Mr. Smith?”

ABOUT 11PM.

“You were on the streets at 11 pm? Doing what?”

JUST WALKING.

“Just walking? You know that it’s dangerous being out on the street that late at night.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 256 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Weren’t you aware that you could have been held up?” Sexuality I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT. and Healthy Relationships “What were you wearing at the time?”

LET’S SEE…A SUIT.

“An expensive suit??”

WELL–YES. I AM A SUCCESSFUL LAWYER, YOU KNOW.

“In other words, Mr. Smith. You were walking around the streets late at night in a suit that practically advertised that you might be a good target for some easy money, isn’t that so? I mean, if we didn’t know better, Mr. Smith, we might even think that you were asking for this to happen, mightn’t we?”

257 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 9: Love and Infatuation Sexuality Time: 45 minutes and Healthy Kind of Activity: Large group activity Relationships Objective: Participants will recognize the differences between and the relative importance of love and infatuation. Materials: Flipchart/blackboard. “The Six Stages of a Relationship” Resource Sheet.

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Inform participations that they are going to look at the differences between love and infatuation, also known as love and lust. 2. Divide participants into two groups. Give each group a piece of paper or flipchart paper with the questions “What’s the difference between love and infatuation?” written on the top. Ask each group to brainstorm as many differences as possible. Remind participants that in a brainstorming activity all responses are acceptable and should be written down. 3. Reconvene the large group. Go around the room asking each group for one difference and post them on newsprint. Continue until there are no more suggestions. If necessary, use examples of differences from the list given below. • Love develops gradually over time. Infatuation occurs almost instantaneously. • Love can last a long time. It becomes deeper and more powerful over time. Infatuation is powerful but short lived. • Love accepts the whole person, imperfections and all. Infatuation flourishes on perfection—you have an idealized image of your partner and you can only show your partner your good side. • Love is more than a physical attraction. Infatuation brings out jealousy and obsession. It causes you to neglect other relationships. • Love survives arguments. Infatuation glosses over arguments • Love considers the other person. Infatuation is selfish. • Love is being in love with a person. Infatuation is being in love with love. 4. Explain that you will be giving an oral test with ten questions requiring yes or no answers. Ask participants to record their answers on a piece of scrap paper. Participants may apply the questions to a past, present or fantasy relationship. It is important to stress that there are no right or wrong answers, that they will not be required to share their answers, and that this activity is not meant to pass judgment on people or their relationships.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 258 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: Activity 10: Cycle of Abuse Sexuality Time: 45 minutes and Healthy Kind of Activity: Discussion Relationships Objective: Participants will create a story that demonstrates the repetitive nature of the cycle of abuse. Having young people understand the cycle of abuse is necessary for them to be able to recognize the warning signs of an abusive relationship and to help them understand that abusive behaviour often repeats itself. Materials: Flipchart/blackboard. Markers

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Start the discussion by first describing the cycle of abuse on the board. Remind young can be berated, criticized, scolded etc by women. For a more interactive activity ask two volunteers to act out each stage. Definitions and examples should be given for each stage: a. Happy or romantic stage: In this stage, the relationship is going well. The partner is often loving and attentive. If abuse has just occurred, the partner is often apologetic and asks for forgiveness. b. Tension Building stage: Increased conflict occurs during this stage. c. Explosive Stage: This is the stage where the actual abuse occurs. 2. Describe a scenario that serves as an example of the happy or romantic stage of the cycle. 3. Ask each person to add to the story, describing the subsequent stage in the cycle. For example, a story might be: Facilitator: Mike and Catherine go to the movies together, he buys her popcorn and they have a great time (Happy /romantic stage). Person 1: Mike tells Catherine that she shouldn’t be hanging out with other friends and stares angrily at her when he sees her with her friends. (Tension building) Person 2: Mike sees Catherine talking to another male friend. Later when they are alone, he grabs her arm, pushing her against wall and says, “Don’t ever let me see you talking to that guy again. You are so useless.” (Explosive) Person 3: Mike writes Catherine a letter saying that he really cares about her and that is why he got so upset at her. He says he is sorry and it will never happen again. (Happy/Romantic) 4. The story continues until all group members have participated at least once. 5. Ask questions as the story is being developed such as: How do you think she feels about Mike? What is Mike thinking? Why would someone, such as Catherine, remain in an abusive relationship?

259 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 3: DISCUSSION: Sexuality Using the story lines provided by the group the facilitator should emphasize how complicated and Healthy abusive relationships can be. Participants should understand that even smart and intelligent Relationships girls/women sometimes remain in abusive relationships. Some potential reasons include fear that the abusive behaviours will actually get worse when they try to leave the relationship, confusing possessiveness for love, not realizing that the controlling behaviours are actually abusive, and not wanting to be without a boyfriend. Furthermore, some young men and women believe they can help their partner become a better person.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 260 UNIT 2:

SECTION 4: VIOLENCE AND BEHAVIOUR

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth Unit 2 A. Background

SECTION 4: In unit one of Take It EASY for pre-teens there is comprehensive background information VIOLENCE AND on violence and behaviour as it relates to bullying, with a focus on cyber bullying. Unit two BEHAVIOUR of Violence and Behaviour for older youth focuses more on exploring some of the underlying roots of violence and how it influences violent youth behaviour.

Violence has been defined as any physical, emotional, verbal, spiritual or sexual aggression perpetrated on one person by another or by a group. It is the exertion of power over someone else against their will. It can be hitting, punching, yelling threatening, insulting or it can simply be controlling the space around a person. The term violence has evolved and now includes non-criminal behaviours such as bullying and non –physical behaviours that cause others harm.

Children and youth in Canada (and around the world), are significantly affected by violence in their homes, schools, communities, and institutions. A nationwide Canadian study “Seen, Heard and Believed: What Youth Say About Violence” claims that the majority of violent acts experienced by young people are perpetrated by people who are part of their everyday lives. These people play important roles in these young people’s lives and could be any of the following: parent/guardians, schoolmates, teachers, employers, boyfriends, girlfriends, relatives, coaches. Physical fighting and bullying are also common amongst youth, however, as bullying is increasing; physical violence is relatively rare, because their tormentors are smart enough to know it will get them into trouble (Dr. Vaillancourt in McIlroy, 2010).

There is little doubt that violence is the greatest threat to the healthy development of children and youth. Children and youth who have been exposed to violence have shown a range of developmental problems including anxiety, depression, school failure, and antisocial aggressive behaviours. Preliminary evidence shows that bullying can produce signs of stress, cognitive deficits and mental-health problems (McIlroy, 2010). As such, they also become accustomed to violence and as they grow, they may repeat it within their sibling and peer groups.

Unfortunately violence against women, especially domestic violence-both physical and sexual-committed by males is still pervasive in Canada and around the world. At least one in three women is beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused by an intimate partner in the course of her lifetime, according to the United Nations. Some of this abuse begins when women are still very young and they often hide the incident because of shame and guilt. Very few women, even as they get older, actually officially report their abuse, despite the health consequences. Instead they reach out to friends, neighbours and family members. Children and youth who are affected by violence or who live in situations of community, partner or family violence require interventions that will reduce their chances of being further victimized and/or becoming perpetrators of violence themselves.

262 Unit 2 A. Background

SECTION 4: The principal personality and behavioural factors linked with youth violence are as follows: VIOLENCE AND Individual factors BEHAVIOUR • Impulsiveness • Poor behavioural control • Hyperactivity /Attention problems (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) • History of aggressive behaviour • Low educational achievement

School Factors and Academic Achievement: • Aggressive and disruptive classroom behaviour • Poor peer relations at school • School conditions (too many students in small classrooms with minimal supervision) • Imposition of strict behavioural routines and conformity may trigger anger, resentment, etc.

Family Factors and Childrearing: The home environment greatly influences the development of violent behaviour in youth. Some of the key factors associated with youth violence are: • Criminal history or antisocial personality in a parent/guardian • Lack of supervision • Harsh and continual physical punishment of children by parents/guardians • Parents/guardians who support the use of aggressive behaviours by children and fail to teach non violent ways of resolving conflict • Parental/guardian conflict in early childhood • Parental/guardian abandonment/rejection of child • A mother who had her first child at an early age • Experiencing parental/guardian separation or divorce at a young age • Low socioeconomic status of family

Social, political and cultural factors: • Depictions of violence in mass media • Neighbourhood instability (Living in an area where there is a high crime rate, gang culture or an easy access to weapons) • Low levels of social cohesion within a community have been linked to higher rates of youth violence • Factors such as income inequality, unemployment, rapid demographic changes in the youth population and urbanization have all been positively linked with youth violence • Cultures that do not provide non –violence alternatives for resolving conflicts

Source: Report of the American Psychological Association of the Commission on Violence and Youth and World Health Organization, 2007

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 263 Unit 2 A. Background

SECTION 4: Use of Alcohol and Drugs VIOLENCE AND Drinking excessively plays a key role in violent incidents involving youth. Alcohol can often BEHAVIOUR lower ones inhibitions regarding violent behaviour. According to reports by the American Psychological Association, a large percentage of recent youth homicides and assaults that occurred in their homes, either the perpetrators, the victims or both, had been drinking excessively.

Other drugs can also contribute directly to violent behaviour; the use of drugs is considered a prevalent factor in interpersonal violence. This is because some drugs are both addictive and expensive (e.g. cocaine, heroin), many drug users get involved in violent crimes to pay for their addiction. Due to the fact that many drugs are illegal and have become valuable commodities, drug dealers frequently become involved in violence related to all aspects of the trade, and youth who are involved in selling and dealing drugs have a larger risk of becoming involved in violence.

VIOLENCE AND MASS MEDIA In recent years, there is much documentation to prove that watching extensive amounts of violence on television is connected with increased acceptance of aggressive attitudes and aggressive behaviours. (Source: Report of the American Psychological Association of the Commission on Violence and Youth).

Children’s and youth, who have been exposed to violence in the mass media, particularly at young ages, most noted are changes in individual attitudes and behaviours toward violence. Even young people who do not take part in violent behaviour are significantly affected by viewing violence in three primary ways:

Viewing violence: • Increases the fear of becoming a victim of violence, resulting in an increase in defensive behaviours and mistrust of others; • Desensitizes young people to violence, which results in disinterested and hard attitude towards violence directed at others and a decreased likelihood to take action on behalf of victims when violence occurs; • Viewing violence increases viewer’s appetites for becoming involved with violence or exposing themselves to violence.

Film and television industries can be credited for showing a more varied positive range of roles for women and ethnic minorities. However, portrayals of women in victim roles and ethnic minorities in aggressive and violent roles is still very common and adds to already negative stereotypes of these groups. Ethnic minority group continue to be portrayed as criminals, gang members, or delinquents who tend to display some type of antisocial behaviour.

264 Unit 2 A. Background

SECTION 4: Consider the following: One fine spring afternoon, fifteen year old Matt burst onto the street VIOLENCE AND with a sawed off shotgun, just as the friendly neighbourhood cop was riding by on his BEHAVIOUR bicycle. Matt shot the cop, commandeered the bicycle, broke off his lock, and streaked down the street firing indiscriminately at passersby. In the chaos, a car exploded, flinging a flaming construction worker across the street. Blowing away the driver of a car with his shotgun, he dragged him onto the sidewalk and peeled off in the car. He spotted a young woman in a very short mini skirt on the side of the road and ordered her to get in. He drove to a remote spot and raped her in the backseat of the car. Then his mother ruined everything by calling up the stairs and asking him to set table. Matt was playing the video game Grand Theft Auto.

Sexual violence in the media includes explicit sexualized violence against women including rape, images of torture, murder and mutilation as well as the non-explicit sexual aggression shown on commercial television and cable and on video games.

Gender and Violence Cutting across boundaries of race, religion, culture, ethnicity, education, income and geography, violence against women threatens the health and well-being and violates the rights of millions of women and girls around the world. The issues of gender inequality and violence against women are closely connected. Gender inequality remains one of the root causes of violence against women. When women are denied access to education, employment, information and knowledge it affects their abilities to make decisions (such as being able to make a living on their own and/or escaping situations of violence and dominance). Ending violence against women is central to the promotion of gender equality.

Violence against women is any act that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering. This includes an is not limited to: threats of such acts whether in public or private life, physical, sexual, psychological and economic violence, harassment or intimidation; sexual abuse or rape, including marital rape; battery; domestic violence; forced prostitution; burning or throwing acid; female genital mutilation; infanticide; violence in armed conflict; systemic rape; sexual slavery; forced pregnancy and forced marriage.

Where does Violence against Women Happen? Violence against women persists on a local and global scale. It is estimated that one in three women have been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused by a male in her lifetime. Despite many successful actions by women’s organizations over the past three decades, the scale and severity of violence against women is increasing. Sexual violence and assault are about power, control and manipulation on the part of a stranger, acquaintance, family member, friend or partner. It can happen to or be inflicted by women or men and includes the following, but is not limited to: • Any unwanted touching or act of a sexual nature committed through physical force • Being forced to watch or participate in unwanted sexual activity • Any unwanted verbal comments of a sexual nature • Rape (forced penetration of vagina or anus)

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 265 Unit 2 A. Background

SECTION 4: Under Canadian law women have the right to say no to any form of sexual activity with their VIOLENCE AND partner, an unfamiliar person or a spouse. Sexual assault is never a women’s fault. Rape BEHAVIOUR is about power and control, not about the perpetrators sexual desire. It is an act of violence. No one has the right to pressure or force women to engage in unwanted sexual activity. This message needs to be communicated to Club members!!

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered And Queen Youth (Glbtq) Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered and Queer (GLBTQ) youth are vulnerable to violence that ranges from harassment, threats, and vandalism to assault and murder. Their vulnerability is a direct result of widely accepted prejudice against people of homosexual orientation. GLBTQ youth are more susceptible to falling victim to harassment and hate violence if they reveal their sexual identity, but are also in danger of self-directed psychological issues if they do not.

If GLBTQ youth make their sexual orientation known, they may feel as though there are a limited number of options for them to feel comfortable in society and within their comfort zones such as their home, school and the Club. Sometimes, GLBTQ youth feel as though once they’ve revealed their gender identity, (and if it doesn’t match heterosexual views of society), they might feel as though they have a greater risk of prejudice and disapproval from adults and peers, and their vulnerability to violence at home, and hate violence in their communities is increased. Youth who fear such reactions may keep their sexual orientation a secret, choosing instead to stay quiet, and this may leave them isolated from other youth, and cut off from positive social supports.

Except for hate crimes, the factors of social and economic inequality - rather than ethnicity - is what places many young people at risk for becoming victims of violent behaviour. Certain groups of children and youth-notably girls and young women, GLBTQ youth—are placed at increased risk not because they are women or their sexual identity but because of biases, discriminatory behaviour and inequalities of power in the society around them (Report of the American Psychological Association of the Commission on Violence and Youth).

Violence, Alienation and Gangs “To be known as the tough guy is better to not be known at all”

In the Canadian study, “Seen, Heard and Believed: What Youth Say About Violence” youth tend to see their neighbourhoods and communities as places that neither accept nor provide for young people. They complained that there is nobody listening to them, that adults “don’t have time for their kids, for what they are saying…they don’t even want to listen.” In the report, young people felt that adults are primarily focused solely on their own needs: “They are too busy building up the community for the older people to make money to worry about having things for their kids. They felt that as a result fewer resources were focused at young people. “There aren’t any places for teens to go-not even dances.” As well, many of the youth complained about adults negative stereotyping of young people: “Just because I live in a bad neighbourhood, I’m told I’m bad. You can’t blame kids for doing bad things when you keep telling them they’re bad.”

266 Unit 2 A. Background

SECTION 4: As a result, the youth feel bored, disrespected and disempowered. That means that their VIOLENCE AND path to social acceptance, empowerment and self-esteem might potentially be found through BEHAVIOUR gang membership and violence. They had the following to say: “We might do violent things to feel good about ourselves.” “You feel powerful when you put others down.” “Youth gravitate toward gangs because they are looking for acceptance.” Boys and Girls Clubs are a great way to keep youth involved, make them feel as though there is a place for them to go, to feel empowered and respected.

Youth Gang Involvement: What are the risk factors? The vast majority of young people never get involved in crime or joins gangs. Those who do join gangs tend to have specific risk factors that influence their involvement and membership in gangs.

Gang violence results from a variety of factors such as disputes over girlfriends or boyfriends, territorial boundaries, rumours, bad looks (i.e. perceived hostile or disparaging facial expressions), ethnic tensions, and drinking or drug use.)

Risk factors can be defined as life events or experiences that are associated with an increase in problem behaviours, such as drug use or gang activities. For example, being the child of a single parent/guardian who is often absent from the home and lacks adequate support can be considered a risk factor. The negative influence of a friend or sibling can be another. Long term studies of adolescents in Canadian and American cities suggest that the most important risk factor for gang involvement include: • Negative influences in the youth’s life • Limited attachment to the community • Over reliance on anti social peers • Poor parental/guardian supervision • Alcohol and drug abuse • Poor educational or employment potential • A need for recognition and belonging

Gang warfare can also be greatly attributed to factors of racism and discrimination amongst other ethnicities and minorities.

Xenophobia, Racism and Prejudice Canada is a unique country in the way that its population is made up of people from all over the world, each group bringing a history of their own ancestry and culture. While this mosaic brings with it a rich diversity and a unique Canadian culture, it also creates tension and racial problems that have resulted in intolerance, discrimination, and racism and ultimately in incidents of violence. Many of the issues faced by Canadians can be connected back to events from many different parts of the world (e.g. tensions may exist between Canadians from different Arab or Middle Eastern countries, depending on their religious background; between different ethnic groups from various countries in South East Asia, etc). On the other hand, certain problems faced by many Canadians have arisen from the cultural environment of Canada itself (e.g. Canadian history has shown many conflicts between the government and the Aboriginal groups).

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 267 Unit 2 A. Background

SECTION 4: An issue related to Canada’s cultural mosaic and multiculturalism policies is that of xenophobia. VIOLENCE AND Although Canada is home to a large variety of cultural and ethnic groups, the underlying BEHAVIOUR belief is that there exists two groups consisting of us and them which can sometime lead to tensions and bad feelings towards new Canadians, or Canadians in visible minority groups that are perceived as outsiders. The term “Xenophobia” describes this phenomenon whereby the dominant group of a country feels a fear of foreigners, their customs and culture. This phenomenon can also include 2nd generation Canadians who feel resentment against new immigrants from their home countries. http://www.unac.org/yfar/index_e.htm

Most people have heard racial slurs about “immigrants not speaking English”, “not being able to drive” or “stealing our jobs and overcrowding our schools” or members of a minority group being told to “go back home”. However, it is well documented that immigrant participation actually enhances the Canadian economy, and that the majority of jobs are filled by recent immigrants tend to be low paying with difficult working conditions. Furthermore, it may be the case that the person being told to “go back to where they came from” was born and raised in Canada.

Forms of racism and xenophobia can be heard amongst in our schools, neighbourhoods, communities, and even our Clubs. Intolerance against certain religious groups, ethnic tensions, and racial divides all exacerbate incidents of violence and in particular youth violence and light the fire for gang warfare and violence.

Racial and xenophobic youth violence is a condition of ignorance and lack of education. People’s thinking is easy to influence, and with a lack of information young people can be easily misled. The first step in eliminating racism is shedding light on false perceptions and stereotypes that are commonly held. While people have the freedom to think what they want, there are some misguided and destructive ideas that need to be sorted out. http://www.unac.org/yfar/index_e.htm

Let’s examine some of the following myths: Racism should be permitted as everyone has the right to their own thoughts and opinions. Racism doesn’t harm anyone physically. Racist actions, which arise from racist beliefs, are a violation of both the Canadian Constitution and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Racism leads to violence. By not recognizing each other as equal, racism allows people to justify harming others.

Racial Stereotypes are not harmful. Stereotypes are natural and cannot be eliminated. Stereotypes are ideas, which often lead to feelings of prejudice, which further lead to discrimination and acts of unequal treatment. Many experts have long noted that whatever thoughts we have will eventually manifest themselves in our actions and in society.

Racism is an underlying issue that is deeply embedded in our society. All great changes in society have started at the level of the individual. Each individual has the power to influence themselves, their peers and others around them. Don’t tolerate racist jokes! Stick up for other young people being discriminated against. Small steps do make a difference!

268 Unit 2 B. Facilitation Tips for Staff

SECTION 4: What Can Be Done to Prevent Youth Violence? VIOLENCE AND Conflict is an inevitable part of life, and is a normal response to two or more opposing ideas, BEHAVIOUR values or concerns. It is important to educate people (especially children and youth) about how to understand how a conflict can be a challenging but useful learning experience, and how working together can help problem solve to find a solution. Communication skills, assertiveness skills and negotiation skills are necessary to resolve conflicts, and can all be developed through having a conflicting experience.

Most often, conflicts can arise over a scarcity of resources, e.g. in a young person’s life it could be over toys, money or someone’s attention. These conflicts can arise due to the conflicting need for power or esteem or because of a difference in values. Feelings of anger and frustration are evident in a conflict situation. It is important that children recognize that feeling angry is ok, becoming violent because of anger or frustration is not. Intimidation and threat of violence are tools used by “the more powerful” to victimize the less powerful. Learning skills to deal with conflict and power inequities are necessary for youth to develop in order for them to feel confident and feel safe in their world. Many conflicts can be resolved by discussion, (some more easily than others). Discussion is important so that feelings of frustration and anger do not escalate to violence, and methods of intervention need to be employed.

A variety of non-violent approaches have been used in attempt to reduce violent behaviour among young people. The most common approaches involve changing individual’s understanding, skills, attitudes and beliefs. These types of programs often take place in schools or organizational settings and are developed to help young people manage anger, resolve conflict, and develop the appropriate social skills to enable appropriate problem problems abilities. Take It EASY is an example of a program that seeks to develop young people’s abilities to both understand and resolve conflict before it turns to violence.

Another common set of prevention strategies addressing youth violence focuses on early intervention with children and families. These programs educate parents/guardians with appropriate information about child/youth development and attempt to teach them how to effectively discipline, monitor and supervise children/youth as well as how to deal with family conflict and improve communication. Parents/guardians and family based interventions are seen as the most promising strategies for producing long-term reductions in youth violence.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 269 Unit 2 C: Community Outreach

SECTION 4: Youth violence is a complicated problem with many risk factors including individual beliefs, VIOLENCE AND behaviours and environmental factors as discussed above. The complexity presents many BEHAVIOUR challenges and obstacles for those who are working to prevent youth violence. Involving the community in your Club activities will help you and the intended participants to see that there is support within their community. When community members are asked to take part in these programs, they develop a sense of ownership and responsibility in the program. They want the program to succeed and are more willing to invest the effort and resources needed to sustain it. Furthermore involving the community also makes it easier to attain the resources and the volunteers you need to carry out your activities.

So what can you do to involve the community in planned Club activities?

Community Surveys Think about reaching out to the community members to assess how they feel about youth violence in their neighbourhoods. As a project for youth to find out, you can have Club members design a survey and talk to residents, community leaders, school staff, police, health workers and parents/guardians. For example, ask teachers how they perceive violence in their schools and classrooms and listen to their ideas for reducing it. Talk to youth in as many community sites as possible, including churches, supermarkets, basketball courts etc. The surveys will help Club members to assess community member’s beliefs, knowledge and opinions on youth violence. And may even help you come up with some ideas for interventions.

Consider formalizing the survey and presenting it at a Club conference/board meeting, neighbourhood meeting, or even send the findings out to parents/guardians and community in a newsletter. Look to the list of community resources below for ideas on groups that may assist you in making this happen. Think about involving other local organizations and agencies that know about the youth in your communities and have an interest in preventing youth violence at a social, legal or health level.

Plan a Community Roundtable or Discussion Forum Help community members see youth violence as a priority, but also as a public problem and concern. Community members may be more than willing to begin a discussion about gangs, drugs and gun violence. However, encouraging them to talk about violence within their family, schools and in their own neighbourhoods may be more challenging. These may be considered more “private” matters and people may be less inclined to speak of them. Work with other community groups to provide a safe forum where people can talk about the impact of youth violence in the community as a whole and look at it within their own families.

Remember that effective community mobilization happens within the cultural context of a community. Efforts to address youth violence need to be compatible with diverse cultural norms. When designing programs goals and methods, listen to community voices, which reflect its cultural attitudes and traditions. Integrate them into your dialogue and your activities.

270 Unit 2 C: Community Outreach

SECTION 4: Here is an extensive list of resources you may want to look to when planning activities, VIOLENCE AND campaigns, workshops, conferences, etc. BEHAVIOUR • Mental health agencies • Police departments • Schools, including alternative schools • Neighbourhood associations • Tribal associations • Volunteer Service Organizations • Big Brothers/Big Sisters • Other youth Clubs • Churches and other religious organizations • Media outlets including newspaper, radio and television • Colleges and universities • Domestic Violence Organizations • Youth Shelters

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 271 Unit 2 D: Programming Ideas

SECTION 4: Understanding the Nature of Violence VIOLENCE AND • Show clips of Video game violence using examples such as Mortal Kombat, Grand Theft BEHAVIOUR Auto or Soldiers of Fortune. Discuss depictions of violence and how they might impact youth behaviour. Organize a formal debate between Club members on “Violence in Video Games” • Ask Club volunteers to research public violent incidents in their communities. Look at violent incidents in your city but also in schools. What is the prevalent type of violence? Is there a lot of gun violence? Sexual violence? Gang Violence? • Ask a police officer to come into the Club and discuss youth violence in your area and on a national scale. • Ask Club members to research Music lyrics and find examples of music that condones violence or that speaks out against it. Bring in the songs and play them and then discuss with group. Solid examples can be found in ‘gangsta’ rap lyrics.

Understanding and Assessing Racial Violence, Religious Intolerance, and Xenophobia and Celebrating Tolerance • Organize an anti-violence day at your Club and bring it out into your community-maybe even your school! Shine the spotlight on local initiatives and programs that promote respect, tolerance, and conflict resolution and community action. • Work with school council, anti-racist Clubs and teachers to organize a Youth and Violence roundtable. Invite key community members from religious, political, business, law enforcement, and media groups. • Conduct an essay contest on respect and tolerance at your Club. Have the winning essay read and posted at a Club event. • Play Kanye West’s “George Bush doesn’t care about Black people” clip (http://www. youtube.com/watch?v=GTjNInBA7JQ) and the International Women’s Day activities in Toronto (www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8TBK0J7ndM) Based on the above examples lead a brainstorming session on what advocacy means. Ask participants to think about a time when they spoke out about something. • Hold a Culture Celebration Day where dress, activities, decorations, food etc reflect different cultures from around the world. • Have youth create a call to action: help them understand that change begins at the local and individual level and then moves nationally and globally. Examples include: hosting a youth forum, a march against violence, Club event, poster campaign, etc.

Recognizing Gender Influence in Violent Behaviour • Invite a representative from a Women’s shelter or Rape Crisis Center in to your Club to discuss violence against women at the local level. • Coordinate Club activities, campaigns, conferences, fundraisers etc on International Women’s Day: Focus on violence against women. • Discuss how gender inequality is connected to gender violence. Brainstorm the relationship between the two terms.

272 Unit 2 E. Resources

SECTION 4: Websites: VIOLENCE AND Don’t Laugh BEHAVIOUR www.dontlaugh.org

The Bully Problem Solver: Download manual and music to use with a free video on bullying www.bullybook.com

Bullying Canada: A website that focuses on creative ways to understand and discuss bullying. This website is also where young people can speak out about bullying and victimization. The website offers resources, chat lines, activities and information about bullying. http://www.bullyingcanada.ca/

Artists Against Racism: This organization and website explores ways to spread messages of anti racism and discrimination via art. http://artistsagainstracism.com/

Oxfam has information on how to get involved in a number of anti violence against women campaigns. These campaigns take place in Canada and globally. These campaigns are a great way for Club members to tap into the bigger picture. http://www.oxfam.ca/what-we-do/themes-and-issues/womens-equality/16-days-of- action-against-gender-violence

Leave Out Violence (LOVE) is the leading not for profit youth violence prevention organization in Canada. LOVE helps youth who have lived with violence end violence in their lives, and then become community leaders of violence prevention. LOVE is creating a youth led movement against violence by teaching credible youth how to use their voice and become champions against violence. Since LOVE began in 1993, these young leaders have reached hundreds of thousands of children, youth and adults reducing violence in schools, neighbourhoods and homes http://www.leaveoutviolence.com/english/index.htm

Get A Life: This website is focused on gangs in Alberta however it offers solid information on gangs for parents/guardians and educators. http://www.getalife.ca/

The Community Solution to Gang Violence is a Canadian based organization comprised of citizens. Educators, community organizations and government. These groups collaborate to address gang violence in their communities. The website has a huge array of resources, activities, research documents on gangs and youth. http://www.csgv.ca/

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 273 Unit 2 E. Resources

SECTION 4: Books and Print Materials: VIOLENCE AND The Kit: A Manual by Youth to Combat Racism and Violence (2002) United Nations BEHAVIOUR Association of Canada: This is a user friendly manual with great information, activities, resources on racism and discrimination in Canada and way to combat it. http://www.unac.org/yfar/index_e.htm

Seen, Heard and Believed: What Youth Say About Violence (2006) UNICEF, Canadian Council of Provincial Child and Youth Advocates, Save the Children Canada http://www.unicef.ca/portal/Secure/Community/502/WCM/WHATWEDO/ ChildProtection/pdf/Seen_Heard_Believed.pdf Audio Visual Resources: http://www.getalife.ca/html/straight_facts_on_gangs.html A great short online film that looks at ten facts about gang life in Canada.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWCo7sE7bbU 3 minutes and 28 seconds You Tube Search: A Cyber Mentor Shares Her Experience Cyber mentor Georgia shares her experiences with bullying and her involvement with the Cyber Mentors programme. Georgia and her mom talk very openly about how Georgia was badly bullied, but with help from her school and from Beat bullying, Georgia turned her life around. Four minutes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Wcx2qM5C4g 9 minutes 8 seconds You Tube Search: ABC News Bullying An ABC news episode looks at bullying incidents in and out of schools and online with a focus on “mean girls”. Nine minutes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBQyvMLIuQk 3 minutes 58 seconds You Tube Search: Gang Violence in Vancouver A rapping video that comments on gang violence in Vancouver.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S431OMgKTnA 2 minutes 26 seconds You Tube Search: CBC News and Adrian Johnston CBC News episode on Adrian Johnston, who was gunned down in Toronto at the age of 14 in 2008.

274 Unit 2 E. Resources

SECTION 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VAosP34_SY VIOLENCE AND 4 minutes 33 seconds BEHAVIOUR You Tube Search: Ashley’s Story Youth Workin’ it Out San Francisco’s GLTQ "Youth Workin' It Out" digital storytelling projects. These stories are told from 7 young people from San Francisco active in the Gay-Straight Alliance Club at their school. Over three months they got the opportunity to create and capture what is important to them and who they are These short films can be used to start discussions with students about Coming Out, Day of Silence, Depression, Sexual Abuse, War and Violence. Other Useful Resources (Websites, Books, DVDs etc): Use this space to jot down other useful resources you come across.

Bibliography Anti Defamation League. (2008) What to Tell Your Child about Prejudice and Discrimination

Faze Magazine, January 2010. http://www.fazeteen.com/winter2003/hate_it_change_it.html

The Kit: A Manual by Youth to Combat Racism and Violence (2002) United Nations Association of Canada http://www.unac.org/yfar/index_e.htm

Levin, D. and J. Kilbourne (2008) So Sexy, So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood

Men for Change. Healthy Relationships: A Violence Prevention Curriculum Halifax County District School Board

McIlroy, A. (2010, March 11). Beyond the blow to self-esteem, bullying can hurt the brain, too. Retrieved March 11, 2010, from The Globe and Mail: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/ news/technology/science/beyond-the-blow-to-self-esteem-bullying-can-hurt-the-brain- too/article1497054/?cmpid=1

Seen, Heard and Believed: What Youth Say About Violence (2006) UNICEF, Canadian Council of Provincial Child and Youth Advocates, Save the Children Canada http://www.unicef.ca/portal/Secure/Community/502/WCM/WHATWEDO/ ChildProtection/pdf/Seen_Heard_Believed.pdf

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 275 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: Activity 1: Types of Violence VIOLENCE AND Time: 20-30 minutes BEHAVIOUR Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Good for use in “anger or conflict” sessions. Objective: Participants will categorize everyday situations into three types of violence/abuse. Materials: Violence/abuse scenarios, School Survey Sheets Numbers: 4-5 minimum —15-20 maximum

INSTRUCTIONS: “Today we are going to look at different kinds of violence and abuse that exist in our society. Three types of violence include physical, verbal and sexual. All of them are closely connected but for simplicity they will be separated.” • Brainstorm different examples of all three abuses. • Hand out, write on board or read different scenarios. • Ask members to help categorize scenarios and discuss. Is it always easy to categorize violence? How does it overlap at times? Why is that significant? • Hand out School Survey Sheets. Invite the participants in teams of two, to take a School Survey sheet and record the times that they witness some form of violence at their school. Bring back the completed sheets for discussion on another day. • Close with a discussion on the different types of violence and the kind of effect it has on a person’s life, self-esteem and behaviour.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

276 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: Activity 1: Handout VIOLENCE AND SCENARIOS BEHAVIOUR 1. John shoves Tyson into the locker at school and tells him he should go back to whatever country he came from. 2. Meagan’s teacher tells her she looks very ‘spicy” in her mini skirt and that he dreamt about her the evening before. 3. Greg’s mother repeatedly tells him that he is stupid and useless. 4. Kelly and Sara roughly surround Ashanta after school. They take off her sari and demand that she stop wearing it. 5. Steve spray paints the word “fag” all over Kevin’s locker. 6. Ismail is beaten up for reading his Koran on a park bench. 7. A new gang at school threatens Leroy that he has to join or he will be sorry. 8. Jason tries to make out with Carly even though she is shoving him away. He keeps telling her that she wants it and that her “no” means yes to him.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 277 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: Activity 2: Handout VIOLENCE AND SCHOOL SURVEY SHEET BEHAVIOUR

DAY VERBAL ABUSE PHYSICAL ABUSE SEXUAL ABUSE (PROVIDE EXAMPLE) (PROVIDE EXAMPLE) (PROVIDE EXAMPLE)

1

2

3

4

5

278 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: Activity 3: Handout VIOLENCE AND YOUTH VIOLENCE ACTIVISTS: KATHRYN KINLEY BEHAVIOUR Hand out case study and discuss! Some of Kathryn’s greatest accomplishments emerged from one of the most challenging periods of her life. When Kathryn was 16, she was violently assaulted by a group of girls her own age in her small Winnipeg community. Her sense of trust and security were shattered. While she was recovering in the hospital, some of her friends found out who was responsible for attacking her and offered to retaliate against the group, but Kathryn refused. She knew that lashing out would not make her feel better or safer. It would only lead to more wounds and leave unanswered the only question that she really had: What had made people her own age want to hurt her, and how could she prevent it from happening to others?

Slowly Kathryn gathered the courage to take more meaningful action to change the growing culture of violence among youth. She was soon accepted onto Team Youth, a pilot project consisting of motivated youth who conduct workshop and discussion groups at high schools, with the goal of identifying and finding solutions to the issues surrounding youth violence in Manitoba.

To begin a session, Team Youth facilitators first explain that their purpose is to ensure that every students voice is heard, then lay out the ground rules to be followed during the workshops, such as the need to show respect for the views of others. In order to put new participants at ease, Team Youth members often share some of their own stories. Discussing her attack was not always easy for Kathryn, but opening up to educate others has helped her to heal and to create something positive from a terrible experience. Combining the insights of students from diverse communities and backgrounds has also resulted in some eye opening discussions. Working together, participants have been able to identify issues such as racism, poverty, boredom, stereotypes and a lack of expectations as factors contributing to problems among their age groups.

Kathryn is also a member of the Manitoba Youth Parliament, working to influence provincial policy concerning youth issues. Her activities have given her the satisfaction of tackling the issue at the root, in the hopes that fewer people will have to encounter the pain and fear of violence first hand. Speaking out about the issues has helped her to regain the confidence that she lost in the attack and to transform on her most difficult experiences into a moment of leadership, growth and social change.

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 279 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: VIOLENCE AND 1. Have you read about similar bullying incidents where group violence has been perpetrated BEHAVIOUR against an individual? 2. What did you think about Kathryn’s decision not to retaliate? Did she get justice? 3. How were the Team Youth meetings helpful to Kathryn and her peers in discovering the root causes of youth violence in their communities? 4. Try to imagine yourself in a position similar to Kathryn’s. How could your group make your feel comfortable talking about a difficult experience that relates to your issue? How could they turn it into an empowering experience for both you and the team? 5. Brainstorm a list of group norms or ground rules to make your meeting more effective and encourage everyone to participate freely and share their different experiences. http://www.fazeteen.com/winter2003/hate_it_change_it.html

280 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: Activity 3: Evaluating A School’s Human Dignity Policy VIOLENCE AND Time: 20-30 minutes BEHAVIOUR Kind of Activity: Process Activity. Objective: To discuss and understand more how disrespect for human dignity can result in conflict situations. Materials: Handouts: Evaluating A School’s Human Dignity Policy

INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Hand out” Evaluating A School’s Human Dignity Policy” 2. Discuss.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: 1. Should public schools protect students and teachers from being offended on the basis of race, gender, handicap, ethnic group or religion? 2. Does the Human Dignity Policy violate the First Amendment of the Canadian Constitution? 3. What educational values are being enhanced or diminished by this policy? 4. Should the degree of free expression permitted be different in an elementary school, high school, and a college or university? 5. How can respect for human dignity be promoted and enforced in public schools?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 281 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: Activity 3: Handout VIOLENCE AND EVALUATING A SCHOOL DISTRICT’S HUMAN DIGNITY POLICY BEHAVIOUR A secondary school in X county adopted a Human Dignity Policy in response to concern about a high school distributing copies of an offensive handout to students in a government class. The handout, targeted at African Canadians, and asked such questions as: Number of children on welfare, number of legitimate children—if any: married, unmarried, living together, number of times arrested, etc.

Students and teachers were disgusted by the handout and deeply offended by its racism. Shortly after the incident, the school board adopted a Human Dignity Policy that stated:

The Board of Education, recognizing that we are a multi racial, multi ethnic school district, believes it is a part of our mission to provide a positive environment in which respect for the diverse make-up of our school community is promoted. A major aim of education in the school district is a respect for diversity.

In accordance with this aim, the school district will not tolerate behaviour by students or staff that insults, degrades, or stereotypes any race, gender, handicap, physical condition, ethnic group or religion.

Appropriate consequences for offending this policy will be specified in the student code of conduct of each school building. Staff members offending this policy will be disciplined in accordance with provisions of the employee agreement with the school board.

Applying the Policy For each of the following situations, determine whether or not the Human Dignity Policy has been violated. If you think it has been violated, suggest what the appropriate consequences should be for each violation.

1. During recess, a third grade girl shouts “boys are stupid and mean” to a boy on the playground after he sticks out his tongue at her. 2. During a class discussion on affirmative action in 11th grade law class, a white student says, “if blacks would just work hard like my ancestors did, they would be able to get jobs based on merit. Black people are just using affirmative action to mask their laziness.” An African-Canadian student responds, “That is a typical racist comment—whites just don’t like affirmative action because they want to make sure African-Americans are locked out of good schools and jobs.” 3. While giving a speech in a speech competition, an 8th grade student opens with what he considers a joke. The joke makes fun of the intelligence of Polish people. Polish students in the class are offended. 4. After much discussion, a high school principal decides not to put the annual Christmas tree on the roof of the school in December. Many students and staff are disappointed. A teacher says to her students, “the reason we don’t have a tree this year is because the Jewish teachers raised a fuss.” The teacher then proceeded to list the names of the Jewish teachers for her students.

282 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: Activity 4: Addressing Problems of Diversity Today VIOLENCE AND Time: 30 minutes BEHAVIOUR Kind of Activity: : Discussion (Option for role play) Materials: Handout: Addressing Problems of Diversity

INSTRUCTIONS: In the handout are three contemporary problems of diversity. As a group, imagine that you are in the situations described. Decide how you would address each problem. Develop a plan for each using the Diversity checklist.

Review Diversity Checklist on board:

Diversity Checklist: Problem Solving (A B L E) Problems among groups, like other problems, can be confronted and solved. It takes skills and patients to tackle many problems. Use the tips in ABLE to help you solve problems.

Analyze: Take a good look at the problem. Discuss it with others. What are your goals? What results do you want to achieve? Are there any outcomes that you want to prevent? Write down the goals in order of importance.

Brainstorm: What could you do to achieve your goals? Brainstorm a list of ways you could respond to the situation.

Limit: Limit your list to those items that have the most promise. Try to get your list down to no more than five items.

Evaluate: Weigh each option. Is it likely to achieve your goals? What other results might it have? How might other people respond? Based on your goals, select the best options.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 283 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: Activity 4: Handout VIOLENCE AND ADDRESSING PROBLEMS OF DIVERSITY TODAY BEHAVIOUR Case 1: Whose Dance is it anyway? Last year students from various ethnic cliques disagreed over the choice of music at the school dances at a Toronto High School. Whenever, members of one group didn’t like the music, they would refuse to dance and make fun of the people dancing. The school admin- istration has grown so concerned that it has threatened to cancel the dances if the conflicts continue. You are members of the dance committee. How would you address this problem?

Case 2: Are you following me? A local store in Calgary carries student supplies. Many minority students complain that store security guards follow their every move within the store. The guards haven’t stopped anyone yet, but the students feel intimidated and harassed. You are students at a school close to the Calgary store. How would you address this problem?

Case 3: Is Bad News Good News? KXXX - TV covers the local crime in Sherbrooke, Quebec. Lately, this popular station has increased its focus on violence and youth crime. Now, the KXXX news van only comes to Sherbrooke’s poorest and minority neighbourhoods when there is a murder, robbery, or drug arrest. Young people and parents/guardians are complaining that the televised violence does not accurately reflect what is going on in their community. You are community members. What would you do to address this problem?

284 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: Activity 5: Defining Violence against Women VIOLENCE AND Time: 45 minutes BEHAVIOUR Kind of Activity: True and False and Discussion Objectives: To introduce the topic of violence against women and to demonstrate the scope and severity of the issue. Materials: Overhead transparency of “True and False” statements or handouts

CONTENT: Which of the following statements are true? 1. Globally, one in five women has experienced physical or sexual violence or abuse by a male. 2. Among women aged 15-44 years, gender based violence accounts for more death and or disability than the combined effects of cancer, malaria, traffic injuries and war. 3. Strangers outside the home usually perpetrate violence against women. 4. In a single year 96,400 Canadian women, seeking safety from an abusive spouse or ex-spouse, were admitted to shelters. 5. In Canada only 30 percent of women who have experienced physical violence and less than 10 percent of women who have experienced sexual violence report these offences to the police. 6. Over a five-year period in Canada, half a million children heard or witnessed a parent/guardian being assaulted. Once participants have guessed whether the statements are true or false, go through the correct answers together.

Correct answers: True: 2, 4, 5, and 6 False: 1 and 3 • False: Globally, one in three women has experienced physical or sexual violence or abuse by a male. • False: Women are more likely to be victimized by a friend, family member or intimate partner, than by a stranger.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: • Did these statements surprise you? Which ones and why? • Have a discussion on whether the general public knows about this problem and why violence against women is considered by most people to be a private not public matter.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 285 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: Activity 6: Women and Violence in the Media VIOLENCE AND Time: 45 minutes BEHAVIOUR Kind of Activity: Process Objectives: To explore how issues of violence against women are portrayed in media in Canadian society. Materials: Handout of newspaper article

CONTENT: Hand out newspaper article with title covered up. Ask participants to skim through article or read it out loud. Once the participants have finished reading the article:

Ask: How would you characterize these actions (violence, abuse)? Ask: Think of an appropriate title for this article.

Once the participants have called out their answers, uncover the title of the article.

Ask: What do you think of the title? Ask: Is domestic dispute an appropriate way to classify these actions? Ask: Does the language used to report the incident have any impact on how the public views the issue of violence against women?

Discuss the following three points: • The article does not connect the single instance of violence to the wider issue of violence against women • The article does not make any connections between violence against women and gender equality • The article does not suggest that violence against women is a public issue

Use of Language in Media Reporting: Characterizing an act of violence against women as something less significant like domestic dispute or family violence poses several problems. Not only do worlds like domestic and family suggest that these instances of violence are private matters (as opposed to public issues), but also this kind of language separated the single instances of violence from the wider societal issues of violence against women.

Think about other issues of gender based violence that are justified as private matters?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

286 Unit 2 F. Activities

SECTION 4: Activity 6: Handout VIOLENCE AND NEWSPAPER ARTICLE HANDOUT BEHAVIOUR DOMESTIC DISPUTE ENDS IN INJURY, SERIOUS CHARGES Windsor, Ontario: Neighbours quietly watched as a Windsor woman was taken away on Sunday evening, after her boyfriend allegedly ran over her with a minivan—twice The 46 year old accused male was arrested at the scene. Police were called to a housing complex on Sunday at about 3:30 pm for a domestic disturbance. The couple was arguing over a cell phone when the male allegedly hit his girlfriend with a mini van said police.

The victim was standing next to the car and the vehicle was reversing, said staff Sgt, Steven Bodri, “As a result of him reversing he struck her and I guess she fell down.” “He then proceeded to drive, causing further injuries.”

The 40-year old victim was immediately transported to hospital with a suspected fractured arm and leg. While she is expected to make a full recover, Bodri said police take this kind of offense very seriously. “Any domestic violence incidents are serious”

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 287 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 7: Personal Reflections VIOLENCE AND Time: 45 minutes BEHAVIOUR Kind of Activity: Process Objectives: Encourages participants to think about violence against women in the context of their own lives. Materials: n/a

CONTENT: Tell participants that this activity is meant to provide them with an opportunity to reflect on the issues that have been discussed so far, as well as enable them to think about violence against women in the context of their own lives. Tell participants that in a moment you will ask them to close their eyes and listen to a series of statements. Ask participants to clap when they agree with or have had experiences similar to those described in a particular statement. Tell participants that should they choose not to participate in the clapping exercise that they can use this time to quietly reflect on the statements that are being recited. Facilitator should pause after reading each statement to allow participants time to reflect.

PERSONAL STATEMENTS: 1. I have heard the word rape used as a joke. 2. I have felt angry towards the portrayal of violence against women in the media. 3. I have heard my friends use negative comments towards women and have let these comments slide. 4. I have been uncomfortable walking home alone at night. 5. I have treated women differently based on the way they were dressed 6. I know of someone who has been involved with violence against women but did not know how to approach him/her. 7. I have heard people say a woman deserved something because of how she acted or how she dressed.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

288 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 8: Messages About Sex and VIOLENCE AND Gender in Pop Culture BEHAVIOUR Time: 45 minutes Kind of Activity: Process Objectives: To explore and discuss the messages of violence in video games. Materials: n/a

INSTRUCTIONS: Read the following paragraph out to the Club members. One fine spring afternoon, 15-year-old Matt burst onto the street with a sawed-off shotgun, just as the friendly neighbourhood cop was riding by on his bicycle. Matt shot the cop, commandeered the bicycle, broke off his lock, and streaked down the street firing indiscriminately at passersby. In the chaos, a car exploded, flinging a flaming construction worker across the street. Blowing away the driver of a car with his shotgun, he dragged him onto the sidewalk and peeled off in the car. He spotted a young woman in a very short mini-skirt on the side of the road and ordered her to get in. He drove to a remote spot and raped her in the backseat of the car. Then his mother ruined everything by calling up the stairs and asking him to set table. Matt was playing Grand Theft Auto.

(Source: Levin, D. and J. Kilbourne. So Sexy, So Soon. 2008)

DISCUSS: • Have any members played Grand Theft Auto or similar video games? • How do you feel about the scene that was read out from Grand Theft Auto? Are these types of media messages dangerous to young people? • Should there be a ban on these types of video games? Why or why not? • Should the video game industry or regulatory commissions manage the level of violence better? Why or why not? • How is gender represented in the scene above and in other video games you have seen? What type of role do women usually play? How are women dressed in these games? • How are playing video games different than watching movies?

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

Take It EASY • Empowerment and Self-Esteem for Youth 289 Unit 2 F. Activities

Section 4: Activity 9: "Youth Workin' It Out" VIOLENCE AND Time: ongoing BEHAVIOUR Kind of Activity: Process, Creative Filmmaking/Drama Objectives: To encourage participants to develop a short play, poem, story, digital story of how they may experience violence (in their own lives, in their communities, in the media). Materials: Access to computer to watch YouTube videos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VAosP34_SY

CONTENT: Watch the San Francisco GLBTQ Program's "Youth Workin' It Out" digital storytelling projects found on the above You Tube link. These stories are told from 7 young people from San Francisco active in the Gay-Straight Alliance Club at their school. For over three months they had the opportunity to create and capture what is important to them and who they are. These short films can be used to start discussions with students about coming out, depression, sexual abuse, and violence.

Brainstorm with the group how they can go about doing a similar creative project. Work with them to come up with ideas. Possible options might include individuals and/or groups writing poems, photographing images, creating a video, a rap song, digital story.

ACTIVITY COMMENTS:

290