19 The award-winning student

newspaper of Imperial College . 03

“Keep The Cat Free” . Issue 1,458 10 ffelixelix felixonline.co.uk New Sabbs announced This week... Computing PhD student After an intense election season, next year’s arrested for fraud Sabbatical team have been chosen , see pages 4 - 5

Students say no to News, Page 2

An interview with dubstep smoking ban and grime producer, MRK1

Music, Page 15

A guide to some of the best short fi lms on the internet

Film, Page 22

The Medics, as always, whomp IC in the JPR Cup

Referendum blocked at Council, and felix survey shows 76% of students oppose the ban, see page 3 Sport, Page 34 2 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 News Editor Kadhim Shubber NEWS [email protected] Imperial tightens security after thefts last month Computing student imprisoned academic year across all UK universi- ties, the UK Border Agency’s (UKBA) Points Based Immigration System stip- ulates, by law, that the College report when a student misses 10 ‘expected interactions’. These can range from ar- ranged meetings with staff to work deadlines. This news is unlikely to benefit the college’s standing with UKBA. Official material from the College states that it is now “a College regulation that stu- dents are required to attend to the satis- faction of the Head of Department”. The College has taken it upon itself to make sure that the scheme applies to non- LLawrenceawrence WWeetmaneetman Live! Editor currently being discussed and will be international students as well. announced over the next few days. The Huxley Building where Computing student Minzheng Du worked The Department of Computing, of There will also be extra campus-wide which Du was a student of, has been Imperial College is inviting local police patrols at weekend and CCTV pictures unwilling to comment on Du’s attend- into college and stepping up weekend will be used to monitor people “tailgat- MMattatt CColvinolvin a fraud offence and given a custodial ance in college before the incident in security after a number of “opportun- ing” others into buildings. sentence, following which he is due to December, casting further suspicion on ist thefts”. The security team will be frequent- be deported from the UK. Since he will the suitability of the regulatory system. Imperial College has reported a rise ly checking offices to see if they have An Imperial College international stu- no longer be present to complete his UKBAs involvement in university in “criminal activity” in the South been left unlocked, locking any that dent found guilty of fraud has been course he has now ceased to be a stu- policy across the country has not been Kensington area, stating that during they find and registering them in a da- imprisoned for six months and threat- dent of the College.” without its share of criticism. February there have been twelve op- tabase along with an inventory of valu- ened with deportation, throwing fresh Questions have been raised as to how Ashley Brown, current Imperial Col- portunist thefts on the South Kensing- ables left unattended. controversy on the College’s policy of Du was allowed to operate illegally out- lege Union President, voiced his disap- ton campus alone - all of which had no Westminster Council currently pro- monitoring students. side of Imperial despite the College’s proval of the introduction of the system evidence of forced entry. vide college with “SmartWater” to Minzheng Du, a 28 year old Chinese stringent policy on ensuring that the in a sabbatical blog post on the union The thefts have largely been in build- mark all of its equipment, and two po- national in his second year of postgrad- attendance of international students website last year, citing that “[it] looks ings which have immediate entrances lice officers have been assigned to as- uate studies, attempted to take an Eng- meets high government standards. set to be an exemplar of incompetent onto public roads, such as Mechanical sisting the college’s security during this lish language entrance examination for Newly introduced for the 2009-2010 bureaucracy”. Engineering, Huxley, Blackett and the time. the University of Warwick on the behalf RSM building. Students and staff are advised to of another person last December. He In order to try and crack down on register personal equipment with the was able to provide falsified identifica- thefts in the Huxley building, local police’s immobilise website, look out tion in order to achieve this; however, police will be setting up “crime preven- for suspicious activity and avoid leav- he made the critical error of providing tion desks” to give out advice and leaf- ing valuables lying around - especially exam invigilators with a passport photo University chiefs’ salaries soar lets informing people as to how they in areas such as college cafés and the that looked entirely dissimilar to his can reduce the likelihood of becoming library. own face. JJoannaoanna CCaiai operate very differently to educational a victim of crime. Anybody who witnesses anything or Du was one of a group of three in- institutions, and therefore offer much In addition to this, Imperial College’s anyone suspicious should contact Col- dividuals who were arrested and sen- higher salaries. security will be patrolling the area lege’s Emergency Security number on tenced in February in connection with The salaries of senior university staff Combined with the state funding more frequently whilst there is a lot of 4444 from any campus phone, or 0207 fraudulent behaviour concerning the have come under scrutiny after it has that educational institutions usu- people movement: at lunchtime and 589 1000 from any other phone. If pos- same examination. A statement from emerged that certain salaries have ally receive, top academics are seeing from 4pm until 6pm when people are sible, try to remember the description the Imperial College Press Office con- doubled or even tripled over the last their pay packets grow, amidst surveys typically leaving College. of any suspicious persons seen around firms that, “an international PhD stu- decade, far overtaking the salary in- showing that two-thirds of vice-chan- Measures for other buildings are campus. Sourced from live.cgcu.net dent at Imperial has been convicted of crease of the average higher education cellors believe tuition fees should be teaching professionals. increased to £5000. 19 The positions that are seeing this The idea of higher tuition fees for Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072. swell in pay are mostly the vice-chan- students will no doubt serve to bal- .

Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, Northcliffe House, 03 cellors within universities, who are ef- ance out the cuts that all universities Meadow Road, Derby, DE1 2BH Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. fectively the heads of the university, as will face, and it is feared that junior Jigsaw font by typotheque.com. Congratulations you Iraqi giraffe twat! well as academic administrators, medi- lecturers will experience redundancies

1,458 .

felix 10 Copyright © Felix 2010. [I owe you, Lizzy! -Ed.] cal consultants and scientists. as a consequence of the salary increase It has been found that there are cur- amongst senior staff as well as the omi- rently 80 vice-chancellors who earn nous funding cuts. This issue of felix was brought to you by: more than the Prime Minister, includ- The universities justify the soaring ing Imperial’s ex-Rector Sir Roy An- salaries of senior academic staff by ar- Editor-in-Chief Editor-in-Prowling Deputy Editor Copy Chief derson, some of whom saw pay rises guing that competition amongst uni- Dan Wan Kadhim Shubber Gilead Amit Sasha Nicoletti of 15-20% last year alone, compared to versities requires an appealing remu- the average higher education teaching neration to attract the best academics Assistant Editors Online Editors Fashion Editor Clubs and Socs Editor professionals’ 45.7% pay rise over ten possible. Therefore, they argue that the Jovan Nedić Ravi Pall Kawai Wong Alex Kendall years. remuneration packages should also re- Charlotte Morris Chris Birkett Politics Editors: This dramatic rise in salary amongst flect these demands. Comment Editors Puzzles Captain James Goldsack senior higher education staff has been News Editor Business Editor Ravi Pall Sean Farres Katya-yani Vyas described as being hidden “behind the Kadhim Shubber Sina Ataherian Charlotte Morris James Lees clandestine world of remuneration Arts Editors committees”. Such committees are set News Reporters International Editor Science Editors Caz Knight Feature Editor up by each university to decide on the £429,000 Rox Middleton Tom Greany Brigette Atkins Rosie Milton Afonso Campos salary of staff by making comparisons Joanna Cai Nathan Ley Lucy Harrold with the salaries of other higher educa- Imperial College Rector’s Alex Karapetian Film Editor Dave Walsh tion institutions. annual salary Alice Rowlands Ed Knock Nightlife Editor Photography Renny Norman The comparable average salary be- Charlotte Morris Ben Smith Holly Farrer tween all the institutions continually Layout Editor Technology Editor Alex Karapetian Rox Middleton increases due to competition between Carlos Karingal Samuel Gibbs What’s On Editors Matt Colvin them for the best staff, as well as there Rachel D’oliviero Catnip Editor Lizzy Griffiths being simply a greater number of uni- £132,923 Music Editors Sports Editors Lily Topham Rhys Davies Ayyub Kamaludin versities. It is also said that these edu- Kadhim Shubber Mustapher Botchway Jamie Beal cational remuneration committees Prime Minister Gordon Alex Ashford David Wilson Coffee Break Editor Travel Editor Richard Howard make comparisons to private and com- Brown’s annual salary Luke Turner Indy Leclercq Charles Murdoch Dylan Lowe Stefan Zeeman mercial organisations, which generally felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 3 [email protected] NEWS Union consider smoking ban on campus Afonso Campos reports on Union Council’s deliberation upon the implications of a campus-wide smoking ban

No smoking a national trend? fter smoking was banned in 2007 in all enclosed public and work spaces, the issue of smoking on campus is one that many universi- A ties began to take heed. Felix research has found that no univer- sity in the UK is fully smoke-free at the moment; some institu- tions, Cambridge University being one of them, even allow smoking in some residence halls. In the United States only around 10% of universities are 100% smoke-free. Most top institutions in the US were notably missing from this list, with no Ivy League currently on it. A report by pub trade magazine, The Publican, found that there was no increase in the sales of food as was expected after the smoking ban came into effect. Contrastingly, Punch Taverns, the biggest public house conglomerate in the country has claimed the increased variety of customers, including families and happier Alice Rowlands (foreground) looks to question John James (background in black) who brought the paper to Council staff. The Union lies somewhere in between these two, as it is part of a university but is also host to a bar running a busy revenue-making he smoking debate had to previously been described as “possibly the sale of tobacco in Union outlets activity. The decision of whether or not to become a smoke-free reach the Union in some the only person (...) seen time and time (including the Shop and Newsagent) campus must take hints from a myriad of industries and organi- sort of manner at some again doing immeasurable good for the could be commercially detrimental to sations to hopefully come upp with a decision that is in touch T point. It turns out it hap- Union”, criticised the call for a referen- its bottom line figure. Other issues with the rest of thee country. pened in the form of a dum through Council by pointing out that were raised were the impos- paper presented at Council this past that never has a referendum been called sibility of moving all smoking Monday. The paper came by way of through this committee, rather than by to the streets outside the Union the Representation and Welfare Board amassing the necessary signatures from building because of possible neighbour meeting where it was proposed by John the student population. complaints that could affect the late li- James, the Deputy President of Wel- Kadhim Shubber, Felix Editor elect, censes held. 24% fare. Council mostly whizzed through pointed out that referendums should The debate was somewhat heated the Sabbatical reports with its usual not be a tool to gauge opinion or senti- and almost completely unmoderated of people at Imperial College rubber stamping before discussing the ment of the student body, but rather a by the Council Chair, which meant that believe that College should be “Smoke-free campus” paper. device for decisive action. Mr Shubber a conversation was going on between a smoke-free campus According to minutes from an RWB suggested instead that a survey be car- those present. Rebecca Coxhead, who meeting, available publicly on the Un- ried out, and that the sabbatical team is the Clerk to Council, had to inter- ion website, the constituents of this find the time to carry out this survey vene and ask members to be quiet and body voted to accept one of the re- on the ground as well as online in an stop talking over one another. solves of the original paper, which was effort to truly engage with and feel the The evening was not complete with- 24% 21% to “lobby college to implement a smoke beat of the student body. Many other out a procedural motion that proposes free campus”. RWB suggested that this people seemed to echo his views that a that there is a move to a vote. While of people smoke regularly of people smoke regularly should take the form of a referendum, referendum is perhaps the wrong way this motion was seconded, it was over- (twice or more a week) (twice or more a week) should Council agree to it. The refer- to go about starting to deal with the is- ruled by the Council Chair. Of note is endum was to propose a “Do you want sue at hand in a formal manner. the fact that several people who were at Imperial College in the UK a smoke free campus?” question. It was also pointed out that the there seemingly against, and rather quite vo- From the get-go, questions and ob- was no research done by the proposers cal about this paper, namely the Equal servations started pouring in from or- regarding implementation of a poten- Opportunities Officer Chris Darby, the dinary council members and observers tial ban on smoking, including neces- CGCU Welfare Officer Alice Rowlands Survey was based on 250 people from several strategic locations on the South present. sary patrolling and staffing. Danny and International Officer Matthew Kensington campus on a single day. Both staff and students are included Mark Flowers, who has been involved Hill, Deputy President of Finance and Fitch, actually all sit on the RWB, the in the Union for many years and has Services raised the issue that stopping body that brought the paper to council.

Durham has enough with the NUS and follows Imperial by withdrawing

SSinaina AAtaheriantaherian the greatest offence. It reads, “Should you fail to listen to our advice [to cancel the event] you will Last Friday Durham University Stu- have a colossal demonstration on your dents’ Union announced the results of hands. The National Union of Stu- their recent referendum on continuing dents, Unite Against Fascism, and oth- the Union’s affiliation to the National er anti-fascist organisations are already Union of Students. Only 1217 students mobilising nationally and organising voted yes, compared with 1295 who coach loads of students to demonstrate voted no to staying in the NUS. This Durham students will not be represented by the NUS, following Imperial’s lead in withdrawing membership at your university on Friday evening. means that Durham will be following This will no doubt bring with it a lot of Imperial College’s lead. Imperial left in negative media attention and if any stu- 2008 after a similar referendum pro- discounts, their bars are competitive, last vote revealed 80 per cent sup- to a shocking letter sent by the NUS dents are hurt in and around this event duced a resounding 70 per cent for the and they are still able to campaign on port for continued membership. Ac- in response to the Durham’s invitation responsibility will lie with you. ‘No to continued affiliation’ campaign. issues which are important to their cording to Durham’s Union, “recent of a British National Party politician “We would appreciate it if you could Durham’s ‘No’ campaign used the students.” events, especially by the NUS Black to a debate on multiculturalism. The outline how you will now proceed with experience of Unions such as Im- Like Imperial, Durham has been Students Officer and the LGBT Of- full text of the letter has been posted this issue and ensure that those stu- perial’s to strengthen their case, “a in and out of NUS membership in ficer, have caused enough students in on the facebook group of Durham dents who are under threat from the number of other unions have disaf- recent years because of inconsistent DSU to come forward to sign a secure University Students for Freedom of BNP’s racist and homophobic princi- filiated and see it as a benefit, not a voting in multiple referenda. For ex- petition to create another referendum Speech. ples will be protected. We await your problem. Students are still able to get ample, as late as November 2009 the about this issue.” That comment refers The last part of the letter has caused prompt response.” 4 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 NEWS [email protected] FRESH FACES AT THE UNION DAN WAN REPORTS ON THE FINAL DAYS OF THE SABBATICAL ELECTIONS 2010 AS THE NEW TEAM IS ANNOUNCED THIS WEEK

Sabbatical

2010

felix coverage

he last few days of this tial candidates initially refused to sign their complaints and by approximately the Returning Officers denied requests of things, 12 hours and 4 days are the year’s Sabbatical Elections off statements demonstrating their 4pm, results for the full set of sabbati- for a late upload of the manifesto and same thing.” were manic as ever as re- satisfaction with the election process. cals were due to go ahead together that picture. Subsequently, Tarasov looked The Union had received another T sults were announced this Although the pressure of campaign- evening. to take the matter to Union Court, complaint from a Presidential candi- past Monday evening in ing was alleviated, the suspense of The initial threat of at least a three Imperial College’s Union highest com- date about the perceived illegal print- da Vinci’s bar. The intense two week awaiting results caused tension that mittee that also has responsibility for ing of flyers by a Presidential rival. election period saw Alex Kendall win surfaced during the day on Monday. It overseeing the annual elections with It was claimed he had produced too the position of Union President whilst was understood that the new Deputy “I’m glad I now get fairness and integrity. In an event of a many A6 flyers that could be account- Heather Jones fought off her four com- Presidents, Felix Editor and Student formal complaint straight to the Union ed for under the official election budg- petitors to become next year’s Deputy Trustees would be announced that the chance to show Court, the Court would have met on ets set for each candidate. President (Clubs & Societies). Victoria evening without the results of the the Thursday evening meaning results Fellow potential Presidential Alex Masding and Ravi Pall won their duels Presidential election. I meant what I said could not have been announced until Kendall’s grievance was less signifi- for their positions for next year’s Dep- Three out of four of the Presidential at least Friday morning. cant in comparison after he was fined uty President (Welfare) and Deputy candidates looked to lodge complaints in campaigning.” Tarasov himself is adamant he wish- £20 for breaking the election’s pedan- President (Finance & Services) respec- with Returning Officers Daniel Hill es to be heard even though he dropped tic rulings. His campaign poster was tively, whilst Meera Ganeshadevan and John James, who were responsi- Alex Kendall, President-elect his final complaint. found by Returning Officer John James managed to stave off the threat of RON ble for administering 2010’s elections. “While I have no one to blame other in clear sight of a voting terminal (i.e. a (Re-open Nominations) to become The rules state that results cannot be than myself, after my request to place computer). Deputy President (Education). There announced until all official complaints day delay to Presidential election re- it online was denied on Tuesday, it Tarasov and Kendall’s complaints was no shock result for Felix Editor as are resolved. By this stage in proceed- sults came to light as Stanislav Tarasov was pointed out to me that, unlike were quickly withdrawn on Monday, Kadhim Shubber acquired the vast ma- ings, the new President of the Union believed he had been “treated unfairly” other candidates who submitted it but the third complaint took some de- jority of votes cast. was said to be announced at earliest on by the Elections committee after for- within 12h after the deadline and were liberation from the candidate whether After voting closed on Saturday Friday 19th March. getting to submit his manifesto and marked late, mine was 4 days late. I or not to follow suit and withdraw it. night, the final candidates’ meeting After the Presidential candidates photo to the Union to put up on voting personally don’t recall the 12 hour time Eventually it was through, and so ten saw the impending threat of delays to were called to a separate meeting, all website. After noticing several days af- interval being specified anywhere, in minutes before da Vinci’s bar enter- the final announcements as Presiden- three candidates eventually withdrew ter the given deadline for submissions, constitution at least. So, in the context tained a full crowd to Imperial’s match

Ravi Pall Heather Jones Meera Ganeshadevan Vicki Masding Kadhim Shubber Deputy President Deputy President Deputy President Deputy President Felix Editor 2010/11 (Finance & Services) 2010/11 (Clubs & Societies) 2010/11 (Education) 2010/11 (Welfare) 2010/11 If you could feature anyone, literally What super-society would you Who would your dream Summer If you hadn’t been elected, what anyone, as a centrefold next year, Ball headliner be? make out of existing societies? would you be doing ? How do you feel about sharing an Erol Alkan, he is undisputably the I would never actually do this, but If I hadn’t been elected I would office with Meera? who would it be? god of electro. He’s sure to appeal combining the food societies to probably have tried to get a job for a It’ll be great. She’s so small I’ll have Dan Wan, but he’d have to be to a lot of outgoing students but to Feast Soc would be pretty amazing. few months and then gone travelling most of the space anyway. She’ll be completely nude, balls and cover all grounds, possibly MGMT or Fulfilling Imperial’s feasting needs to South America.... those plans are my paperweight for all the documents everything , right outside the Queen’s something. sounds epic! now currently on hold. that’ll be piling up on my desk. Tower. felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 5 [email protected] NEWS

How voting panned out The world beyond President Deputy President (Finance & Services) Alex Kendall 1197 (elected) Ravi Pall 1186 (elected) College walls Serge Vasylechko 812 Andrew Bromfield 850 Chris Darby 688 (3rd round) Re-open Nominations 316 Re-open Nominations 243 (2nd round) Stanislav Tarasov 148 (2nd round) Deputy President (Welfare)

Deputy President (Clubs & Societies) Victoria Masding 1043 (elected) Michael Richard s 820 Russia & United States Heather Jones 1073 (elected) Re-open Nominations 462 Joey Ra 723 ussia and the United States came closer this week to an- Deputy President (Education) other nuclear weapon reduction treaty. Emma Beresford 463 (4th round) The U.S. still has over two thousand weapons while Russia has Adam Gill 411 (3rd round) Meera Ganeshadevan 1366 (elected) over three thousand; the two countries last reached an accord Ron the matter in 1991. At that time, both sides agreed to reduce eighty Paavo Schafer 243 (2nd round) Re-open Nominations 679 percent of all weapons and this reduction was finished in 2001. Both Re-open Nominations 216 (1st round) sides have now agreed in principle to reduce their numbers to slightly Felix Editor over 1,500. Sergei Lavrov, Russian Foreign Minister, and Hillary Clinton, The Sabbatical Elections 2010 was run with an STV (Single Transferable U.S. Secretary of State, were due to meet Thursday to discuss the agree- Vote) system. Each voter made 1st, 2nd etc. preferences when voting. ment whilst ministers worked behind the scenes to reach an agreement The candidate with the least votes in the round is eliminated and their Kadhim Shubber 1628 (elected) votes are transferred to other candidates respective of next preference on terms. Still under debate is how the reductions will be verified as vote accordingly. This occurs until there are no more next preference Esther Kang 460 well as the Russia’s displeasure regarding the U.S.’s continuing plans for votes to affect the outcome of the election. Re-open Nominations 308 a European missile defence system. On Wednesday, Ukranian president Viktor Yanukovich promoted Kiev as the place for the eventual treaty to be signed with the hope that Ukraine will be seen as a symbol of progress between Russia and the West. Alex Kendall Union President 2010/11 Israel How did you celebrate being announced as President? Imperial Ale was the obvious choice. I’ll be celebrating properly at the weekend. rocket attack from Gaza killed a Thai person who was working on an Israeli farm. This is the first death as a result What are you looking forward to most as President? of rockets in three years and the thirtieth rocket to be fired Seeing all the Freshers integrate into the Union and College next this year. AThe attack came as the European Union’s top foreign minister, Baroness year. I think a big part of this is making the structure a bit easier to understand so it’s easier to get involved. I also want to dispel the idea Ashton, visited Palestine and Israel to discuss the peace process; she is that Imperial students are apathetic. There is a lot of enthusiasm for the most senior European official to visit Gaza in three years. The peace getting involved, and I want the Union to help everyone more next process came into question last week when Joe Biden, U.S. Vice President, year. also visited the region to re-engage negotiations: nearly simultaneously, the Israeli government announced plans to build nearly two-thousand Who’s your dream act for the Summer Ball? homes in East Jerusalem, an area which has been a major point of conten- Empire of the Sun or MGMT! tion since the Six Day War of 1967. Israel and the U.S. have had extremely heated exchanges over the past week; meanwhile, Baroness Ashton’s visit has put additional pressure on Israel. Gaza has been hurt badly since Eg- pyt and Israel instituted a blockade on the region, put in place because against Girton College, Cambridge on rienced if you’ve only completed one Masding and Meera Ganeshadevan. Hamas refuses to agree to tenets set by international members of the University Challenge, the election re- full year at Imperial, regardless of how President-elect Kendall said he was peace process including Europe, Russia, and the U.S. sults were announced. many meetings you’ve sat in. One day happy with the team he’ll be com- Although many thought the Presi- though,” he said. manding next year. dential Election was down to Alex Ken- Darby was wary of the task ahead of “By the time the President’s elec- dall and Chris Darby, Serge Vasylechko the elected team for next year. tion results were read out, the rest stormed to second place, but fell short “Next year is going to be incredibly of the team were ideal so I lost all of 128 votes to the triumphant Kendall challenging for the Union. I sincerely worry about that. It could have been Iraq in the most tightly contested election. hope that the current sabb team has different.” Tarasov’s mistake, that resulted in a time to train all of next year’s lot to Beit Hall senior Victoria Masding raq’s electoral commission delayed the release of the 7 March blank manifesto on the voting website, their full potential and I look forward took a surprisingly calm approach to general election results. was evident in the final figure as he to another successful year for the celebrations despite a fierce battle be- The two major candidates, Nouri al-Maliki, current prime minis- was beaten by RON, finishing in last Union.” tween herself and Mike Richards for ter, and Iyad Allawi, former prime minister, have been in a heated place with 148 1st round votes. Victorious Deputy President (Educa- Deputy President (Welfare). Ibattle, with results expected to be very close. Allegations of misconduct, A victorious Kendall said: “I’m glad tion) candidate Meera Ganeshadevan “I just had a few drinks and watched I now get the chance to show I meant was delighted despite only doubling University Challenge like everyone particularly vote rigging, have been put forth by both sides. Maliki’s con- what I said in campaigning. Still got RON’s vote count. else. Then I simply acknowledged tingent, called the State of Law, has demanded a complete recount of butterflies and adrenaline though.” “Winning feels great.... It still hasn’t messages of congratulations on face- votes, which the IHEC, the Iraq Higher Electoral Commission, has not When questioned about his compe- really sunk in that I am DPE. I am sure book in my room and had a big long agreed to. Instead, the commission, along with the U.N., states that the tition he singled out Darby as who he it will feel more real once I start train- conversation with a friend about un- election was fair and relatively free of manipulation. Voter complaints was most worried about, but reckoned ing and doing some work,” she said. related topics. I’m saving my celebrat- have been low compared to past elections, including provincial elections that experience counted for a lot in the Heather Jones, who will be in charge ing for a house party!” early this year. The majority of recent complains have come from Allawi end. of Imperial’s 296 clubs and societies After his disappointment of losing supporters, with the most recent available data showing him behind by “He knows the Union very well and next year described the announcement the Felix Editor election last year, cur- 40,000 votes. Maliki supporters’ complaints have reduced dramatically he had a big support group. He was also as “surprising and overwhelming”, add- rent Music and News Editor Kadhim as this data became available. It is currently unclear when IHEC intends the first to put himself up for nomina- ing that “it took a long time to get over Shubber has worked hard all year to tion and someone eager is always go- the shock!” secure the Editorship for this follow- to release the final vote count. ing to be a threat. We get on really well The Sabbatical team for the academic ing year. actually and I hope he’s still around year 2010/11 is a mix of experience in Student Trustees Jaimie Henry, the Union next year, but ultimately I Alex Kendall, Heather Jones and Ravi David Oliver, Melissa Lever and Hoi By Tom Greany don’t think you can call yourself expe- Pall, and fresh enthusiasm in Victoria Yeung were also elected. 6 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 Comment Editor Charlotte Morris COMMENT [email protected] Rhys Davies isn’t sure about fried chicken...

“Not only did the chicken turn paper transparent, but it did strange things to my insides as well.”

rossing the road the other or steam them instead. Kentucky drumsticks as it does breast fillets. Us- with domestic fowl, you’d have to wait or downside-up, or even leftside-right. day, a thought struck me, Steamed Chicken does sound quite ing chickens, that amounts to a crimi- a few million years for the result, but It sweats BBQ sauce. which is the safest thing to appetising. However, maybe they were nal waste of meat somewhere along with a thousand battery hens dosed So KFC succeeded in creating a new Cbe struck by when cross- afraid that unknowing students might the line. And wasting meat is wasting up on penicillin and amphetamines, money-saving fast-food meat. But they ing the road. confuse the KSC on Gloucester Road money, and no self-respecting com- strange things happen on a rather had a problem. What they created, Why is KFC called KFC? It stands with Košice International Airport, pany of any size would be happy with short time-scale. The same holds true no matter how genius in inception, for Kentucky Fried Chicken, or at least, pride of Slovakian aviation. I can un- that. So what did KFC do? They turned for boarders in Public School. KFC was by no stretch of the imagination that’s what I thought. But if that’s true, derstand their concern; it’s a surpris- to that great revolutionary, the force didn’t know what they wanted to cre- a chicken. By no definition could it why shorten it? Easier to fit on a sign, yes, ingly easy mistake to make. that transforms eels into eagles, Evolu- ate and certainly didn’t know what they so be called, not genetically and cer- but McDonald’s doesn’t have any trou- However, an experimental foray into tion! (Cue thunder and lightning). ended up with but knew it would make tainly not legally. They couldn’t sell it ble, and as appellations go, it’s not much the establishment in question led me to At its most mundane, evolution is money, and that was good. And on the as chicken, not unless they wanted it longer. What exactly are they hiding? discount this hypothesis. Not only did simply the accumulation of succes- sixth day, KFC uncreated the chicken with fries and a hefty lawsuit – which Maybe they’re not called Kentucky the chicken turn paper transparent, sive mutations over time. Occasion- and they saw that it was good. went against the whole “make money” Fried Chicken anymore because that’s but it did strange things to my insides ally, a mutation arises that will cause a What they created can’t be accu- business plan. And they couldn’t say it not what they are anymore. But what as well. I don’t want to say that I now chicken to grow a third leg. In the wild, rately described without breaking wasn’t chicken. With people still get- exactly are they not? Are they no have a see-through small intestine per this would be selected against and the language but let’s have a go. It’s...like a ting their genomes in a twist over stem longer Kentucky? As far as I know, the se...but that meal has given me a whole mutation, not to mention the chicken, ball, roughly, with breasts all over. In- cells, they’d blow their telomeres over bluegrass state hasn’t suddenly slipped new perspective on the gastrointesti- would soon die out. However, if you stead of feathers, it’s covered in goose- the world’s first...whatever it was. (over Virginia) into the sea. nal system, quite literally. want a chicken with three legs, you’ve pimples. Fat little legs shoot out at So KFC took the easiest route and Perhaps, in an effort to promote a So what’s left? Kentucky Fried but just won the evolutionary lottery. If in- random angles. Are there fifty? A hun- quietly dropped the Chicken from healthier (not to mention environ- not Chicken? Surely not, that’s pat- stead you wanted a chicken with four dred? Who knows? It moves – it’s free- their name. Goodness knows what mentally friendly and multi-cultural) ently ridiculous. At least, that’s what I legs...well, you just have to wait for range poultry – by constantly falling the C stands for now. With that over, I fast-food option, KFC decided not thought. But the leg:breast ratio doesn’t your number to come up. over. With no visible beak or cloaca, it’s wonder how long it’ll be before Texan to fry their chickens, but bake them, work out. KFC sells ten times as many Normally if you wanted to play God hard to tell whether it’s upside-down Chicken comes clean. JPAM loves his mummy, just not all mums...

“...it seems that a large portion of the press can find no-one better to comment than some self-righteous mum”

ho do mums mocked up in MS paint once a year? interview. opinion, also shared by the entire con- their motives. But how can we expect think they are? Yet whether it’s global climate mod- In forming policies for the next few tinent of Europe, ‘hurtful’. After a to- to have a rational discussion on any- Just because they els, pharmacology, the logistical and years, which experts have the main ken effort at being sensible, Ed Balls thing when the emotive comments of W managed to get statistical merits of using helicopters parties been busily consulting with? didn’t so much cave in as implode. mother of xyz gets thrown into Brit- knocked up doesn’t in Afghanistan – and now whether Well, that would be the eminent Better to keep locking up ten-year- ain’s already potent blend of tabloid entitle them to an opinion on any and children are born fundamentally ‘Evil’. thinkers at ‘Mumsnet’, no less. olds without question, he reasoned puke and child worship. This is made absolutely every subject – when funda- It seems that a large portion of the On Wednesday Maggie Atkinson, – God forbid we put any more of our even worse now that experts face los- mentally their only additional area of press can find no-one better to com- England’s children’s commissioner, precious mums at risk of hurt feelings! ing their jobs if they publicly disagree expertise is not putting a condom on? ment than some self righteous mum was forced to apologise for voicing It goes without saying anyone would with whoever is mum of the moment. Why can’t they just be happy with who is angry for whatever reason. her opinion on Britain’s archaic laws genuinely sympathise with parents Don’t get me wrong, we all love our a box of Thorntons, a bunch of flow- This same mum is also undoubtedly on the age of criminal responsibility. who’ve lost their kids in these circum- mums. However, we also know they ers, a Sex and the City DVD box set or flattered when her favourite tabloid This was because Jamie Bulger’s mum stances, and in the end I’m sure these sometimes don’t know when to shut my personal favourite, a fiver in a card rag comes knocking for an exclusive (now Denise Fergus) found Atkinson’s people are mostly well meaning in up. felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 7 [email protected] COMMENT Stanislav Tarasov isn’t happy about elections “...my complaint was being passed around different committees, being delayed... various contradictory arguments...”

hile the election realise that something is not right. submitted after the deadline below not be unfair to publish their manifes- case was against the Union, so who hype is disappear- I discovered the absence of the will not be published at all”. If we tos and not yours.” But hey, it wasn’t would I be getting support from? Not ing amongst eve- manifesto 10 minutes before the vot- are to trust that, then 12 hours and me who mentioned them and made a signing a ‘no recourse to complain’ Wryone at quite a ing started, and obviously, the first re- 4 days are the same thing. So where comparison in the first place, so that document would mean delaying the rapid rate, for some action was to send an email with the was it said that within 12 hours the has to be relevant. I was advised to election results by at least a week and people more involved with the whole required stuff attached, apologising material would still be published? appeal to Union Court directly, but thus sabotaging other candidates’ thing there is a more notable residue for the late submission. The next day, Nowhere. Was it explained in which for the last 2 days of the week the re- campaigns... left. Probably for some, and unfortu- I got a reply saying that it had been 4 case the material will be submitted turning officer was not in the office. I believe I was treated unfairly, so I nately for me, it is partly negative. days past the deadline, hence NO. and marked “’late”, or not submitted Meaning that the elections would be would encourage President-elect Alex I forgot to submit my manifesto to However, a remark was also made at all? No. over before I could do anything else. Kendall to pay greater attention to the elections website. Even though saying that “unlike other candidates So I was advised to appeal to the Seeing how my complaint was being such small details, and to also get rid there is no excuse for that, other than whose manifestos was submitted Elections Committee. I did, but got passed around different committees, of this bureaucracy mentioned that is just completely forgetting because I within 12 hours of the deadline and a reply about upholding the original being delayed, and how I was being present in the current Sabbatical Of- sent it to felix (the deadline for which were marked late, yours was 4 DAYS decision on the following grounds: “as presented with various contradictory fice. After all, that would mean a more was 2 days earlier) and Live!, what LATE”. Well, the exact citation of the the other candidates are not running arguments. I decided not to fight this personal approach, which is kind of happened afterwards really made me candidates’ pack is “any manifestos in the same elections as you, it would bureaucratic regime – after all, my what people want, isn’t it? 8 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 Science Editors Nathan Ley & Brigette AtkinsAtkins SCIENCE [email protected] One giant leap for NASA What we’ve been RRichardichard HHowardoward waiting for...

Big Barry Obama, everyone’s best friend, recently unveiled that he will be JJamesames GoldsackGoldsack that moderate alcohol consumption trimming the NASA budget, currently could be beneficial to bones. However, standing at $18bn, and allowing only while the National Osteoporosis So- a tiny increase in its pocket money - a Researchers at the University of Cali- ciety welcomes measures to improve mere $1 bn in comparison to the usual fornia, Davis, have found the Holy bone health we do not recommend that $3bn needed to continue on its current Grail; they have discovered that beer anyone increases their alcohol con- path. This will have disastrous conse- is good for you. The drink is rich in sumption on the basis of these studies. quences for George W’s dream of re- nutrients that can help prevent weak While low quantities of alcohol may turning to the Sea of Tranquillity by bones. With almost 7 billion pints of appear to have bone density benefits, 2020, as well as for the $81bn Constel- beer drunk in the UK each year, it is a higher intakes have been show to de- lation Program which was designed to rich source of dietary silicon for much crease bone strength, with an alcohol replace the ageing Space Shuttle Pro- of the population. The researchers intake of more than two units per day gram, due to stop operations by the have concluded that silicon can help actually increasing the risk of break- end of this year. $9bn has already been cut the chance of developing diseases ing a bone. There are also many other spent on the program, and NASA still such as osteoporosis. health concerns linked with alcohol has billions of dollars worth of con- The big question is, which types of which cannot be ignored." tractors to pay off. beer are better? Luckily for real ale Catherine Collins, a dietician at St The President now wants to nurture lovers, those beers containing malted George's Healthcare NHS Trust in commercial companies to take up the barley and hops have a higher silicon London, said that there is no recom- mantle of space travel and develop content than those made from wheat. mended daily intake of silicon as it is rockets able transport astronauts and Light lagers made from grains like hard to prove silicon deficiency due supplies to the International Space Sta- corn or rice have the lowest levels. to so little being needed. "Sources of tion, by setting aside $6bn to help start The research, published in the Jour- silicon do include beer – either alco- up specialist space travel companies nal of the Science of Food and Agri- hol-containing or alcohol-free – and to do the day-to-day remedial tasks culture, examined 100 commercial it's also added as an anti-caking agent of space travel. However, this move by beers and their production methods. to powders such as baking powder. It Obama could leave the USA without a The report says that roughly half of is found in different manned space flight program, leaving the silicon in beer is readily ab- amounts in wa- the hardcore American patriots feel- to us than a human being would. Also, has been exhausted by salesmen eve- sorbed by the body, making ter, so contrib- ing naked and deserted in a contest factor in the fact that food, living quar- rywhere. NASA will still function as it an excellent dietary utes to beer's that the USA has dominated in recent ters, toilets, etc. would also have to be a major developer of new technolo- source of the min- total silica con- years. But do we really need manned transported with a human. gies, but this moving of the goal posts eral. Charles Bam- tent. Silica may space flight? Is it beneficial to science? The only real human presence in by the President could yield a com- forth, lead author of well contribute When J.F. Kennedy set out his vision space is the International Space Sta- pletely different outlook on space. In the study, said: "Beers to bone health for the future, he stated we should go tion. That will be finished (eventually) a comparison with the exploration of containing high lev- but in a mi- to the moon “not because it is easy, but later this year when all the infrastruc- the 16th century, when the explorers els of malted barley and nor way. It is because it is hard”. A great line, but in ture and technology needed to sustain turned from government-backed ones, hops are richest in silicon. not really sig- conjunction with the American Dream, the ISS (resupply missions, astronaut like Columbus et al., to ones of more Wheat contains less sili- nificant com- one that has become very distorted, be- swaps, etc.) will already be in place. commercial nature, like the East India con than barley because it pared with cause in the 60’s it was all about beating Humans can do more than a ma- Company. is the husk of the barley that nutrients that Club Stalin, and in this modern era of chine can: we have intuition, explora- In Obama’s words, he called for a is rich in this element. While we know are scientific cooperation this mantra is not tion would be faster and we can ana- “game change”; this will force NASA most of the silicon remains in essential for needed. lyse a rock by picking it up, looking at to come up with something com- the husk during brewing, signif- bone health The exploration of space is mainly it, licking it and so on, but $81bn for a pletely different and move the space icant quantities of silicon none- and are po- done by robots in unmanned missions human spaceflight (just to the moon) program away from an impractical theless are extracted into wort and tentially which can fly far off into space, crash is a massive amount of money! That’s and unhealthy nationalistic exhibition much of this survives into beer." deficient in into comets and do things which, in equivalent to nine LHCs ... nine!!! of power. This will leave NASA able to Dr Claire Bowring, from the Na- the UK diet general, Icarus could not. In terms of Obama’s “vision” is not the end of update technology that hasn’t changed tional Osteoporosis Society, said: – such as sheer ability to gather information, a NASA and it won’t be the end of the since the 60’s, change the dynamics of "These findings mirror results from calcium and robot in space will be able to go further phrase “developed by NASA” or “made space exploration and explore many previous studies which concluded vitamin D." into the abyss and be far more useful for the NASA space program” which more avenues of discovery.

‘A night of angry nerds’ The approaching dawn Absolutely flawless

On Sunday 14th March, the Preparations for the The ability for hu- Palace Theatre in London’s launch of Akatsuki, mans to regrow body West End was host to an a Japanese satellite parts may no longer event described by Robin bound for Venus, are be confined to the Ince as “a night of angry underway after the realms of Hollywood. nerds.” Some of the finest relocation of the or- The regrowth ability is names in comedy, Ed Byrne biter to the island of believed to have been and Dara O’Briain amongst Tanegashima situated lost through evolution them, joined forces with to the south-west of but may be reactivated scientists and science jour- the country. Akatsuki, meaning ‘dawn’, will be launched by removal of the p21 nalists such as Brian Cox (pictured - he’s a physicist!!!) and from the Tanegashima Space Centre later this spring. gene. Ben Goldacre to push the need for libel reform further into It is hoped that the project will help explain why Venus, a Experiments conducted at the Wistar Institute, Philadel- the spotlight. The event took place to mark the end of ‘Li- planet not dissimilar from our own, turned out to be so in- phia, have already seen regrowth of ear tissue in mice in bel Week’. Highlights included a poem by comedian Tim hospitable. One of the features to be explored is the super- such a way as would leave no trace of the initial wound. The Minchin about scientific ignorance, a live interview with rotation of Venus’ atmosphere which orbits the planet at a removal of p21 causes adult cells to behave as stem cells,

In brief Dr Peter Wilmhurst - currently being sued by NMT Medi- staggering 400km per hour. It is also hoped that Akatsuki meaning a temporary disabling of the gene would allow for cal - and a ‘sing-a-long-a-Simon-Singh-song’ performed by will be the first satellite to capture images of lightning on flawless healing and regrowth. However, as p21 is one of the Ariane Sherine, the woman behind the ‘Atheist Buses.’ Pro- the planet thanks to a camera, specially-designed for the body’s defences against cancer, the side-effects of switch- ceeds from the tickets went to the Libel Reform Campaign. purpose, being mounted on the orbiter. ing off this gene will need to be investigated further. felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 9

Business Editor Sina AtaherianAtaherian BUSINESS [email protected] IC Entrepreneurs Compete in Finals Ahead of their biggest competition of the year, Imperial Entrepreneurs’ Vice President is interviewed by felix

his Friday 19th March, start a technology company. You can Entrepreneurs who may be looking Imperial College Entre- create the next Facebook or twitter to compete next year? preneurs will be holding with these kind of tools! Jonathan Webster’s five favourites T the finals of their Ideas Join our mailing list! Our mailing list & Empowered Competition. Tell us a bit about your own Compa- blog is only getting better and better, Vice President Jonathan Webster was ny, Web-Port. Did you enter it into it’s a fantastic way to keep up to date Move-IT kind enough to give felix a quick inter- the competition? with current entrepreneur networks view about the event. and news. Move-it is a simple kit of self-adhesive cardboard parts, Web-Port (.co.uk) is a start-up I have Next, attend our events in the Au- which transforms a package into an easy-to-use trolley. What were the biggest challenges with my high school friend, (perhaps tumn Term. We put on drinks and very and the best aspects of organising obscurely) centred around cargo man- simple talks, from real entrepreneurs Later London this event? agement. We entered it into Ideas Em- who know what they are talking about. LaterLondon is a smartphone app guide to London powered last year (before I was on the A significant part of my entrepreneuri- The biggest challenge lies in finding a committee) and although we didn’t al ideas and thinking is from attending nightlife featuring dynamic map displays and micro- prize fund! We want the competitions win the competition the experience such events. reviews. to get bigger and better each year, to was fantastic, which drove me to be- If you have an idea, submit it to the help our start-ups succeed and learn. come involved in the committee for competition, and if you don’t – attend Size-Connect So we approach all kinds of companies the society. What the Ideas Empow- our events to meet people with ideas A size recommendation engine for clothing: a revolution for our prizes. eOffice, a very funky hot ered competition did for Web-Port, to get involved. We also incubate for a desking company provide office space, through mentoring and rigorous com- Microsoft Competition, Imagine Cup for online retailers. Connect London, a fantastic organisa- petition rounds, was make it a realistic – who this year provided a list of prob- tion provide mentoring, and our cash and viable opportunity. However in the lems directly faced by charities, and Power-Fi prize is derived from a multitude of process it significantly scaled-up the challenged students to create sustain- Game Controlling Balls: Making a Game Controller out of sponsors who support entrepreneur- size of the business and thus requires able models for success. This is a fan- a Gyroscope. ship. This year it’s been mainly Micro- far more planning and research & de- tastic chance for someone to gain ex- soft and a grant from the Rector. velopment. So we plan to remain quiet perience who isn’t quite ready to push There is a lot of “generic” sponsor- with this for a few years! on with their own ideas yet. Medissential ship available, but accepting them with Medissential is a durable, water-proof, customisable wrist various strings attached runs the risk Jonathan has also been working on Any final words for Imperial’s bud- band that reminds children should they forget continuous- of turning into a careers service when another project: ding entrepreneurs looking to join demand medical products like inhalers. we are actually promoting an “alter- your society? native” so we must always maintain a Yearbook Builder (.co.uk) is a project high standard of sponsors. I have been quietly working on for 3 Imperial Entrepreneurs receive a sig- These companies, all started and run by students here at For example, Microsoft are not so years with a friend in Cambridge. nificant amount of internship offers for Imperial, will be battling it out in the Ideas Empowered generic. They support students & en- It is an online yearbook compiler, start-ups, so you’re not working for a finals: 6-8pm, Friday 19th March. Featuring: press trepreneurs with programmes such as allowing students to very efficiently BIG name, but you are given responsibil- DreamSpark.com and BizSpark.com. and socially create their yearbook. ities for a critical component of a compa- coverage, free refreshments, and brilliant ideas! DreamSpark provides FREE software It has recently come to fruition with ny’s development. Your involvement can to all students with a university email successful trials and external interest. be make or break. These opportunities address – worth thousands of dollars, are fantastic and we need to see Imperial Get more on all of these ideas on younoodle.com. and often provides the perfect tools to What advice do you have to budding students benefit more from these!

Muzaffar Khan delivers talk to ICFS members

n Tuesday, Imperial lar help, and later turned into a profes- felt this to be a more appropriate ap- College Finance Society sion focusing on university students. proach now that we live in an age when hosted former banker To date he has mentored over a thou- almost everything one needs to know O and professional men- sand people, mostly from underprivi- is easy to find on the internet. Finally, tor Muzaffar Khan. He leged backgrounds. But when he went after establishing their thorough ac- delivered a talk on getting a front office to the LSE to gain a Masters in 2007, quaintance with the financial indus- job in the City. He started at the very he met many already successful people try and the firm to which they apply, beginning, explaining that front office who wanted his mentoring. At first he he asked interviewees to explain how jobs in investment banks are the rev- was reluctant, but was persuaded to their employment will deliver a mar- enue-generating ones such as trading, reconsider by their persistence. He re- ginal benefit to the bank. sales and research. alised that he could have more impact Last week felix mentioned this talk The audience covered a broad spec- per student through focusing on peo- and reminded readers of a similarly trum of students and Muzaffar offered ple who had already achieved a lot, by popular event that included Muzaffar’s something of value to everyone. At first persuading them to then try to make a most successful mentee to date, Jan he explained the benefits of sitting at positive difference to society. Sramek. If you attended Tuesday’s talk the front of lectures and gave everyone The reason he talked so much about or missed it, but wish to know more, a minute to do so. He then elaborated his own experiences, he revealed at this go to racing-towards-excellence.com. on this and gave audience members an- point, was because he wanted to struc- This website has contact details for other opportunity. He then conjectured ture his talk like a good interview. He Muzaffar, who will respond to further that the number of people still at the suggested interviewees start by dem- queries. back showed a key difference between onstrating sound overall knowledge of In particular, Muzaffar offers one- students of Imperial versus the LSE. He the financial industry. He argued that on-one mentoring and also runs work- estimated the average IQ at the two in- exhibiting specific knowledge of the shops. These typically last five hours stitutions at 120 and 150, respectively. firm applied to should come next. and are for groups of around eighteen Yet he pointed out that LSE graduates Specific information, such as the students. The general workshop will enjoy higher average salaries and linked absolute necessity of knowing the in- contain similar content to his talk but this to egos rising with intellect. terviewing company inside-out was of- goes into more individual examples Muzaffar’s interest in mentoring fered sparingly as Muzaffar instead fo- from his mentees and those present. students began by helping his younger cused on motivating students to have Imperial College Finance Society Pres- brother pass GCSEs, expanded when the “hunger for success.” He would not ident Craig Young attended one and family friends started asking for simi- have done it this way ten years ago, but felt that it was a worthwhile event. Muzaffar Khan, professional mentor and Principal of Space Energy AG 10 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 PoliticsPolitics Editors JamesJames Goldsack and JamesJames Lees POLITICS [email protected] Brown defends hedge funds from EU

JJamesames LLeesees Politics Editor Hedge funds make their money in France and Germany are leading the a Treasury minister in Brussels to keep the somewhat shady area of alterna- coalition of EU nations seeking to push track of legislation. tive investments. By using a variety of through the change. The Spanish press The move of delaying the vote was Britain and it’s This Tuesday saw Gordon Brown fight financial tools and wizardry, they seek seems to have invented some kind of welcomed by people in the industry off European legislation, which would to create sizeable profits for their in- conspiracy of ‘Anglo Saxon specu- such as Javier Echarri of the Venture involvement have harmed the hedge fund and pri- vestors. Investors are typically wealthy lators’ who are the cause of all the Capital Association who has been vate equity industry. The legislation, individuals who have to meet certain world’s problems, or at least Spain’s. quoted as saying “Further work is An estimated 80% of which set out to force greater disclo- criteria, and in exchange for meet- This makes it more surprising that Mr needed on this draft law and minis- European hedge funds are sure and restrain pay in these sectors, ing these criteria the fund is exempt Zapatero of Spain, who currently holds ters have recognised that”. How much has been seen by the industry and gov- from some regulations which ordinary the rotating EU presidency, agreed to longer British interests can be defend- based in London, along with ernment as being overly onerous. funds have to comply with. postpone the vote. The reason is likely ed from Europe is a key issue for the 60% of private equity firms. Brown has managed to postpone the It is unlikely that Brown would have to be the close ties Brown has built City, but whether it will be a key issue vote on these measures until after the taken action if it was the banks in the with Europe. for the electorate remains to be seen. general election, which many expect firing line. Public anger against the The Conservatives are less ‘in’ with The general election is expected to Approximately $2,702bn to fall on May 6th. The Prime Minis- large banks has somewhat died down Europe so would likely have not been be held shortly after we come back is managed in Europe by ter’s personal intervention on the vote, as the economy recovers, but the able to do this. The Conservative from the Easter break. If by some alternative investment funds which was to be held at a finance min- memory remains. Less people know spokesman for the City, Mark Hoban, freakish political manoeuvre the elec- isters meeting, has pushed back the what a hedge fund is, so Brown is able has said that Brown had to plead for tion is held over Easter, I would im- at the end of 2008. date of the likely British defeat on the to act to defend this incredibly profit- the deferral as he had failed to dilute plore you to read the manifestos of the matter, but has presumably done little able (and taxable) business without the directive at an earlier stage. The parties and remember that who you else. harming his reputation with voters. Conservatives say that they would base vote for genuinely does matter.

Lords vote to bring Government Climate The Beast of down internet pirates Change Exageration Bolsworth strikes The House of Lords has The Advertising Nowadays Dennis passed the Digital Econ- Standards Authority Skinner is quite simi- omy Bill after a 2nd vote (ASA) has banned two lar to most MPs. The which incorporated sever- adverts made by the man who once held al changes. The legislation government to raise the position of chair originally contained the awareness of climate of the Labour Party ability to rapidly change change. The adverts in still maintains some of laws on online copyright question used a nurs- the fire that earnt him without further change of ery rhyme format with the name the ‘Beast of legislation. The form of the a doomsday-esque Bolsworth’. In a House Bill which has now been message of climate of Commons debate passed allows for Courts to change. The ASA ruled over the BA work- force ISPs to block certain that the adverts went ers strike Skinner felt websites which are used for illegal file sharing. The proposals beyond realms of current scientific concensus and as such he had been interupted by the Speaker, John Bercow, and

This week remain controversial and meet opposition from BT, Google and should no longer be used. Ed Milliband, the Climate Secre- asked why “you only stop me and not the others?”. Follow- Facebook who all believe the Bill is unfair and users should be tary defended the adverts saying that he had an obligation to ing an attempt to bring back order from the Speaker, Skin- fined rather than banned if they persistently share files. “to explain how people can make a difference themselves”. ner again jumped in with “you do plenty of interrupting”.

12 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 CULTURE & ArArtsts Editors Rosie Milton, Caz Knight & Lucy HarroldHarrold THE ARTS [email protected] Let the sunshine in... (Revision)(R could drive Caz Knight embraces her inner-hippy at MTSoc’s Hair

a person crazy Tribal-Love-Rock musi- cal. It is perfectly fitting LucyLucy HHarroldarrold Arts Editor then that ICU’s Musical ATheatre Society chose Hair as their spring term o I finally have a little time not grab a pen and paper and have 2010 production – a musical writ- to myself after an incredibly a bit of a doodle. Take a look out of ten by young people, for young peo- manic week of performing your window and draw what you see ple. Daring, absurd, surreal, lewd and S Hair (see the little review (in my case this is an ugly bungalow crude all at once, Hair is also both fun next to this for details on and dog walkers, sigh). If you’re feel- and deeply political, tracking the lives how it went). It was an amazing experi- ing really frustrated why not go a bit of a tribe of New York hippies as they ence but what was even more amazing abstract and start hurling paint-filled rebel against the government, ‘square’ was the response from the audience. balloons. Then sell it to the Tate Mod- parents and the draft. Even Mr Editor-in-Chief Dan Wan was ern and never have to work ever again. With book and lyrics by Gerome seen boogie-ing on stage with the rest If art isn’t your thing you could always Ragni and James Rado and music by of the cast and much of the felix team. do some writing. My blog always fills Galt MacDermot, this colourful and See! Dancing makes everyone happy! up when it’s exam time as I prefer to groovy show began life in 1967 off The end of term is nearly upon us think of anything but Chemistry. Broadway. Fast-forward to over forty and we find ourselves faced with a This week we’ve gone a bit theatre- years later and it has enjoyed lengthy month of revision otherwise known as centric. But we’ve stayed at Imperial to runs on both sides of the Atlantic as Easter. So I thought I’d have a look at do so – yay for Imperial Arts! There’s a well as countless recordings of the what you can do artwise in the tiny ex- review of Hair; I was in that so I’m a bit soundtrack, a film adaptation and sev- cuse for a break your mum makes you biased but Dan did just tell me it was eral awards. And for good reason too. It’s a musical, of course there’s got to be man love take when you’re revising. the best thing he’s ever seen at Impe- MTSoc’s production did glorious My favourite option is to race down rial. There’s also a preview of Noises justice to the forty-odd songs that tie to the piano and pound out a few Off which is set to be just as awesome together the story of the Age of Aquar- after many, many hours of hard work ly wonderful as were the set and tunes. My Dad is convinced he has as Hair but with less dancing. ius tribe. Free love, free acid and free and rehearsals. lighting. Musical director Zoe Hum- to get the piano retuned everytime I I seem to know most of the cast so flowing hair abound but the looming The whole cast were fantastic, phries must also be commended for return to college. Not only can I keep I’ll definitely be going. I’ve also taken threat and arrival of the draft throw managing to sing us numbers such as steering the brilliant band through my mind active with my mad sight- a look at the history of front row seats hippy Claude into moral indecision as “Sodomy” and “I Got Life” (now used the two-hour show that ended in an reading skills but I’m also pounding for all you theatre history fans and an- he deliberates over whether to resist in Muller adverts) at the same time as on-stage, audience-inclusive Be-In to out all my revision frustration. Nice. yone who likes to see the action when the draft or resist pacifism. leaping around the stage, but within “Let The Sun Shine”. If you’re not musically inclined why at a play. Kicking off with the brilliant “Aquar- them some truly incredible voices If you have not got enough “Hair”, ius”, the cast conveyed the vibrance were to be found – Ebitimi Alaibe the West End production begins at and energy of that time with their as tribe member Dionne and Robert the Gielgud theatre on April 1st. own never ending vibrance and energy Felstead as main-man Claude with More than anything this awesome making one marvel at just how talent- Tosin Ajayi treating us to his wick- production should persuade every- ed the cast are, not only wrestling with ed dance moves and James Brown one to indulge in more of MTSoc and science degrees but also delighting us impression. Imperial College’s artistic offerings with impressive voices and acting skills The costumes and wigs were equal- and performances. SORRY MARIO, YOUR GAMING SECTION’S IN ANOTHER CASTLE!

ANOTHER CASTLE ISSUE 4 IS OUT NOW!

GRAB A COPY WHEREVER YOU CAN FIND FELIX!

The vibrant cast of Hair. Missed it? Well wah-wah boo-hoo that was silly. felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 13 [email protected] ARTS Ouroboros, or snake eats tail. WTF? Lucy Harrold takes a look at the history of front row seats from posh snobs to screamy teenagers and beyond

n days gone past, the front row upstage meaning you can't see jack is that now the front row is notorious was the place to be – the most all. The stage will be further above the for being where the desperate fans expensive and exclusive tick- seats to accomodate all the mcgubbins sit (even if they don't realise they are I ets, the tickets that showed you controlling your swanky automated now possibly the worst seats to have). had power and position in the set and the larger ensemble will mean Perhaps another reason why we don't world. In short, theatre-seating hier- more feet for you to stare at! Two want to sit in the front row anymore is achy was simple. The closer you were friends of mine recently found them- to escape the grasps of crazy fan girls. to the front, the more important you selves in the front row of Hairspray And finally to the ouroboros moment were. I guess this has something to do where the view was so bad they had to – audience interaction. I guess Hair with being closest to the stage (and move back a few rows just to see any started this back in the 60s, when front supposedly having the best view) as of the show. In short, only foot fetish- seats were still the place to be and hoity- well as being closest to the stars. ists and those who like peering into toity types were stunned when a hippy So what has changed? Most front the orchestra pit would ever pay full suddenly jumped onto their chair or rows are now taken up by loudmouth price for these seats. gave them a flower. As time has carried teenagers with no theatre dress sense Another reason for the decline in on, interaction has continued and those (I once saw a girl wearing a t-shirt and I blame these people, it’s their fault. popularity can be traced back to Rent. who do not wish for a negative interac- not much else). I think this progres- In an attempt to be hip and "down tion have distanced themselves from the sion is twofold (or maybe three if I can wiv da kids", and also in an attempt to front. Blue Man Group tend to sell off think straight!) and its results also give into small stages connected by walkways money and so wanted huge extrava- honour Jonathan Larson, Rent imple- their front seats cheap and I think they the appearance of ouroboros: that of and seats ripped out in favour of wooden ganzas with sets to match. Into the 90s mented the first lottery ticket system. also provide disclaimers as many of their a snake biting its tail – or in theatre benches and stools. This closed pretty and to the present day we have looked People would line up at crazy o'clock stunts can "leak" out to the front row. terms, well we'll get to that later. soon after opening. His other attempt at at huge automated sets that look pret- in the morning to obtain $25 tickets In Denzel Washington's Julius Caesar, Over the years, set designs have be- completely demolishing the Broadway ty, change within the blink of an eyelid, for the front two rows of the theatre. the production was so bloody that the come vaster if not more imaginative. In was Dude! by Ragni and Rado. The stage and have the potential to decapitate a This idea became a phenonemon with front row were provided with pacamacs the sixties and seventies we saw some and seats were separated into different poor unsuspecting ensemble member Rentheads camping out multiple times to protect themselves from flying blood. of the most amazing designs such as areas such as forest and sky with each with one blow. So what does this sort a week and even creating their own lit- As negative effects like this increase, the the set of Grind that completely rotated area also representing a different price of set mean for sightlines, especially tle universe within these lines. Other value of front row seats decreases (unless between scenes to show the inside and range (Producers know how to make for the front row elite? shows started taking this idea for you're in for a cheap thrill). outside of a club. A pioneer of outland- theatregoers pay more without them For the cheap seats, things get bet- themselves until almost all musicals But we have now come full cir- ish set design was Eugene Lee, one of realising), as the floor was strewn with ter; big sets mean you can see more on Broadway had some sort of lottery cle. The new production of Hair has my favourite set designers if only for feathers and soil. Needless to say this of it from further away and there tend or student rush. Now London is start- brought back the thrill of being in the the way his sets perfectly set the atmos- closed even quicker than Candide. to be larger ensembles hence more to ing to catch on with cheap front row front row. People are now willing to phere of a play. Among his crazy ideas But sets continued to grew, especial- see if you sit further back. For the first seats that tend to be full of screaming pay as much money as they can to have was a production of Candide in which ly through the 80s when the recession class front rowers, things get worse. A teenagers, or worse screaming drama Will Swenson sit on their lap or Gavin the Broadway Theatre was broken up meant people wanted more for their large set means more will be played students. My point about lottery seats Creel molest them. (I would.)

Nothing on? See Noises Off Shamini Bundell has and is still giggling from the experience

hen it comes to a perience as characters discussed their ambitious set which is essentially what play within a play, imminent opening night, real and fake happens in the play. In fact I’m pretty DramSoc’s latest techies wandered around fixing things, sure Nigel smashed the fourth wall in W production takes and copious amounts of sardines were with his foot at one point while falling full advantage of flung around the stage. I’m pretty sure down some stairs. the confusion. Although I set out with the sardines were supposed to be there For a taste of what to expect from the noble aim of relating to you the (they may in fact have been integral to Noises Off you could try checking out witty intricacies of the plot of Noises the plot) but it was usually impossible the photos that accompany this re- Off, at the time I was too busy wiping to tell whether the strings of hilarious view, that is if there are any – at several away tears of laughter to work out ex- screw-ups were really in the script or points I saw the photographer unable actly what was going on. not. to hold his camera steady due to be- Noises Off is Michael Frayn’s smash The play gets off to a slow start and ing collapsed against the stage giggling hit comedy about a bunch of actors at- there is some initially quite confusing – but for some good laughter therapy tempting to put on the not-so-smash- mime in the second act but it doesn’t you’re probably better off going along hit farce ‘Nothing On’. DramSoc have take long for the pace to pick up and and watching it for yourself. joyfully embraced the shabby setting the gags to start piling up. Solid per- of the Union Concert Hall as well as formances from the whole cast carry their own extensive experience with us through as each act grows into a cre- wobbly and suspiciously familiar sets. scendo of farcical events. Tom Veitch Noises Off continues Aided by some impeccable acting for example embodies a consistent tonight and concludes talent, director Fran Buckland has and utterly believable helplessness in tomorrow evening. crafted a beautiful piece of visual thea- his character, while Simon Worthing- tre that is one of DramSoc’s most pro- ton gives the endearing impression of fessional productions for some time. having just accidentally wandered onto If you fancy going in a big Newcomer Nigel Fullerton keeps the the set. group, DramSoc have a audience in fits of laughter, often with- Having watched the dress rehearsal out saying a word, while Gilead Amit’s I am not entirely sure where DramSoc special deal for you! Bring god-like voice is all we need to find ends and the cast and crew of ‘Noth- 20 people along and you can ourselves empathising with the long- ing On’ begins. Director Fran sat in get 20% off the ticket price- suffering director. The whole cast front of me watching the dress with displays a wonderful comic flair that her head in her hands at times while in that’s a bargainalicious £4! barely allows the audience to catch front of her the ‘Nothing On’ director Just as good as the West their breath. sat despairing. I’m informed that set End but a tenth of the price! Watching the dress rehearsal last designer John Winters didn’t sleep for Tuesday was a thoroughly surreal ex- days in order to create the ridiculously 14 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010

MMusicusic EEditors:ditors: AlexandraAlexandra Ashford,Ashford, KKadhimadhim ShubberShubber & LukeLuke TurnerTurner MUSIC OOnlinenline EEditor:ditor: CChristopherhristopher WalmsleyWalmsley [email protected] www.felixmusic.tk Stellar Sweet Symphony IC Symphony Orchestra spaces Joanna Cai out with a fantastic performance of Holst’s The Planets

he concert began with Perhaps it was the numerous fast pas- of team-work amongst the musicians an ICU Dance Company sages that caused a loss in depth of could clearly be felt; and it was heart- and ICSO (IC Symphony sound in other parts, namely the sec- warming to see a full-house of proud T Orchestra) collaboration ond movement. The orchestra con- families and friends in the audience, for a Mexican Huapango tinued to accompany stylishly, which some of whom were forced to sit on which, probably due to my lack of ex- threatened to make the piano sound the steps. perience in the art of dance, made me flat; but again, the flowing scalic piano Each movement transported eve- cringe slightly. The dancing was not as passages were impressively executed ryone swiftly from one planet to an- well synchronised as the music was, and marked the performance as a show other, in such a colourful and dynamic but the orchestra’s high-point of the of great technical ability on Huang’s fashion that it felt almost like a test on concert was yet to come. part. the stamina of the audience, let alone Beethoven’s Piano Concerto No.2 After the interval, came the headlin- the musicians and the conductor. The followed, which the orchestra opened er of the concert: Holst’s The Planets. journey through astrology culminated with elegance and poise, taking its There is no way that a piece of music at Neptune, at the end of which the good time with the sweeping harmo- which spans the astrological solar sys- human voice of a women’s chorus ap- nies. The music was commanding, tem can be thoroughly reviewed in an peared. The chorus was beautifully and although stronger dynamic contrast article of such a small size. The epic authentically integrated into the or- might have helped to build more mo- mood of The Planets was done justice chestral music just as Holst had meant mentum. Nevertheless, this allowed by the ISCO, who had obviously pre- it to be. The sopranos of the chamber the orchestra to fluidly introduce the pared hard for this suite. Their efforts choir sang from the room adjacent to piano. were compensated with a performance the stage, and the door was closed as The attention to detail and accuracy which oozed confidence: the impres- the voices became fainter, eventually of the pianist, Shuang Huang, during sively seismic as demanded from the fading to silence. the technically demanding scalic pas- music had the audience gripped to For someone who has never heard sages must be commended, for she their seats and almost breathless. The Planets in their entirety, I was glad made it look and sound enviously ef- Holst created this music for a large to have done so for the first time played fortless, which it surely was not. Evi- orchestra featuring harps, timpanis by the ISCO because I was genuinely dently, she did not lack the technical and a celesta (which looks like a tall blown away by their talent. I recom- ability to tackle such a concerto, and piano but sounds like a glockenspiel), mend their concerts to everyone, even her performance was thorough and amongst the usual string, woodwind, and especially someone unfamiliar loyal. The phrases in the music were brass and percussion instruments. The with the music. It is a great opportu- wonderfully ornamented, although myriad of sounds were all seamlessly nity to become impressed and inspired more assertive dynamics would have brought together by the conductor, Ri- by our colleagues in a context that we given more shape to the phrases, and chard Dickens, and it was truly a feast might never have seen or imagined would have done more to convince. for the senses. The inspirational sense before. Ooh... pretty space things. Note to self: send a photographer next time

They only want to be your Twin Fantastic one life stand...

energetically jumped around the stage like a colony of ants on a bass sub. The the live and studio recorded material. the Twin Atlantic for their last song, I thought that Twin audience’s reaction to Twin Atlantic Hot Chip Whilst the beats from the stereo can Brixton Academy Atlantic would have a hard time better- was imense and resulted in the only Brixton Academy hardly be blasted, and the majority of 3rd March ing their support’s performance. case I’ve seen of both crowd and band 26th February their songs either make you want to ★★★★✩ Before the headliners even made it pleading for an encore. The majority ★★★✩✩ stare into space and imagine brightly onto the stage, an intense feedback of the last song was performed after coloured dots or, let’s just admit it, are rose, resembling a war-cry from Wil- the venue was permitted to play live just plain emo; they managed to enliven Of the two support bands, Canterbury liam Wallace’s army. This noise grew music and this just added to the punk One day a Hot Chip obsession existed. every song into a fresh, new, and most were by far and away the best of the and grew, creating an almost unbear- feel of the gig, sending members of the It faded and an album was released. importantly danceable interpretation. bunch. They provided a gig that was ably tense atmosphere. Suddenly the crowd wild as they careered into one It faded more and another album was Despite my disgusting ignorance, it miles better than the “High School Bat- feedback was killed, and the opening and other. After the last of the feedback released. A bit after that they played was clear to see that every other devot- tle of the Bands” performance given by riff of Twin Atlantic’s “You’re Turn- had died off and I began to hear more Brixton and I re-acknowledged their ed fan there was enjoying their trium- their opener, Brigade. The poppy, synth ing Into John Wayne” drew whooping than a faint ringing in my ears, I had no existence. Although, this was deeply phant homecoming set as their sweetly laden sound of “Peace & Quiet” along and cheers of satisfaction from a very doubts that Twin Atlantic deserved this unappreciated because I hadn’t heard sounding electro pop created raucous with the beautifully harmonious vocals excited crowd. Three songs in and “Hu- headline appearance and I think they half the songs. waves of bodies in the crowd and spec- of the two singers made sure I couldn’t man After All” ensured that the crowd may have had fun performing too! However, one of the things that truly tators that refused to sit down in the stop tapping my feet. As Canterbury filling the room jumped up and down - Andy Roast is appreciable is the difference between balcony. Oh how naughty.- Lily Le felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 15 [email protected] MUSIC

the Mediterranean via the use of tasty Mezze-style mixes of funk and Middle More than music at Latitude FABRIC 51 Eastern singing. DJ T FABRIC Continuing into this record, the au- COMPILATION daciously named “Jesus Was a B-Boy” atitude festival is back for introduces a hip-hop element while its 5th edition this year and still managing to keep the flow and am- promises to be bigger and The press release for DJ T’s Fabric mix bience of a house mix. Unfortunately, L better than ever. Building informs me that “there are very few like most fabric mixes, the vast eclecti- on the success of the past Where: Henham Park, Suffolk Why would I want to go? who can be fairly categorised as a true cism of collected sounds is the record’s four years it will be a unique experi- When: 15th - 18th July It’s the easiest way you’ll get to see music lover more than ... DJ T.” and his downfall. I found myself wanting to ence bringing together the very best Cost: £155 Florence + TM and also they have CV is impressively filled with own- keep listening to songs of a particular of theatre, comedy, literature, film, po- www.latitudefestival.co.uk awesome Arts and coloured sheep! ing club nights, setting up labels with style. The constant changing of styles etry, dance, art, fashion, cabaret and of self-confessed electronic music obses- and ideas makes feeling the groove of course music for four days in July on sives and creating and editing a semi- a house set or being transported to the glorious Sunrise Coast of Suffolk. nal dance music magazine. The dark Brooklyn for a Hip-Hop extravaganza The music will be the focus for most and Royal Shakespeare Company the many ways to appreciate this di- ambience and oppressive lyrics of the difficult. DJ T is obviously an awe in- people going, and this year’s recently prance around in tutus and call each verse and brilliant festival. opening track provide a beautiful start spiring musicphile and has picked announced line-up is effectively a wet- other “filthy bungs” across the lake. In fact it is a festival like no other in to this obviously eclectic mix. The some groovy, funky and occasionally dream for any indie-rock fan. Flor- You could sit by the waterfront and Britain. Featuring over 700 perform- mix develops tantalisingly slowly, with chilling tracks and this mix works well ence + The Machine will grace the watch degenerate hippies in a per- ers across four stages, it is closer to the more beeps, bass notes and drums be- as an introduction of new artists to stage with their chart-topping brand formance of “Hair: The Musical” or continental European festivals where ing introduced in the next few tracks. anybody wanting to find some chilled, of pop on Friday 16th. Belle & Sebas- get away with a cheeky game of grab- the focus is not necessarily on the few Eventually, DJ T brings in a sunnier, ambient music. As a dance mix, how- tian, one of the better things to come arse at the Masked Ball in the Faraway famous bands headlining, but rather more open ambience and at times I ever, I would prefer something with a out of Scotland along with whisky, will Forest but if you prefer your art a tad on the lesser-known acts that you have felt I had literally been transported to little bit more identity. - Andy Roast bring their wistful pop to the main more freaky, then Latitude has some- never heard of - whether it’s a random stage on Saturday 17th, alongside Brit- thing for you too baby: punk perform- band, theatre performance or purple- ish depresso-pop sensations The xx. ance poet John Cooper Clarke will coloured sheep. (Seriously they paint Brooklyn pretty boys Grizzly Bear diss the Man straight up at the Poetry sheep at this festival – why wouldn’t LAURA TEENAGERS IN and Franco-English beauty Charlotte Arena, and provocative homo-erotic you go??) MARLING TOKYO DEVIL’S SPOKE PETER PAN Gainsbourg will churn out some saucy cabaret troupe Duckie will get you all Latitude is exceptionally well con- VIRGIN BACK YARD songs on Sunday 18th, before Vampire hot and flustered late at night. ceived. The organisers have fully com- SINGLE SINGLE Weekend bring the festival to a close Unless you’re some kind of douche prehended the spirit that made early with kick-ass tunes from their recent then there is definitely something for 70s festivals like the Stonehenge Free “Contra” outing. And these are just you at Latitude Festival, whether you Festival joyous and extraordinary gath- I wish Laura Marling was dead. I joke, I I liked this after three seconds and the headliners, with many, many more are going with your whole family or erings, and assimilated the financial joke! I say this only out of pure love for got bored after three listens. It would (and probably more interesting…) just your ravenous gang of dope-fiend and logistical implications of letting the fact that she still makes me insanely fit comfortably in a Kitsune Compila- bands to be announced. buddies. loose thousands of delirious people in jealous of her poetic command. Love, tion and has a remix by the Horrors to Comedy legends like Emo Philips “More than just a music festival” is a field without it turning into a bloody really! A sinister guitar resonance ac- super-size your super-sceney needs; so and Ardal O’Hanlon (also known as indeed one way of putting it, as you riot. So instead of travelling to some companies her vocals which are more come on kids, pop this on your tape Father Dougal McGuire from Father run across the woodlands among or- shithole in South-East Asia this sum- fierce than ever, and effortlessly gets deck and pretend you didn’t reject Ted) will be sprouting nonsensical side- ange and pink-coloured sheep wearing mer, just go to Latitude – I’ll say it one across the message that she is not here UCL. You know you could have been splitting gibberish on one side of the nothing but your boxers. It may sound more time, they have purple sheep!!! to fuck around. cool and that’s all that matters. forest whilst the Royal Opera House like an acid trip, but this is just one of - Greg Power - Lily Le - Lily Le MRK1 isn’t going to let dubstep go soft anytime soon

Could you give a quick overview been about since the start. We’re all April, for 3 weeks, starting off in Aus- in the next few years? of how you got into dubstep and mates that live in Manchester. We’ve tin at the South by South-West festi- producing? just signed a tune to Defected records, val and then up to Washington, then I reckon that there’ll be a lot more dub- which is a house label but we’re offi- down to Houston, Chicago and then step vocal tunes, which might possibly Well I went to uni, about ten years ago cially signed to Strictly Rhythm which back for another set at South by South- even start going into the charts but now, and I was really into drum and is the UK version, where we have West. Then all the dubstep heads that hopefully they’ll keep dark. Obviously bass. We used to dj drum and bass, or signed a single called ‘Move It’. I don’t are at South by South-West will be go- you’ve had a couple of tunes in the jungle back then, and then my friend know if you remember ‘Reel to Reel - I ing out out to the Miami Winter Mu- charts recently. The sort of tunes that who I’d hooked up with at the time Like To Move It’ from back in the day. sic Conference and I’m playing about you wouldn’t necessarily think were said we should start making tunes. We’ve done a different version of 6 or 7 sets out there. Every night we’re dubstep. Chase and status have had a We started to make drum and bass to- that, gave it to a few people, it got back doing different sets out there like pool couple of tracks on Rhiannas new al- gether on a shit program called ‘rave to the label and eventually went to Eric parties. bum and some of those were dark dub- dj’… from there we started giving our Morillo (owner of Defected records) step tunes originally but because they tunes out and playing them out. They who produced the original. He gave Which artists and which tracks in were made more mainstream you don’t sounded pretty whack but we still it the go ahead, so we signed up with particular should we look out for in necessarily know if they’re dubstep. played them and we were convinced them. We’ve got a few different tunes 2010, or is it hard to tell until after they were good. coming out but thats the biggest one. the Winter Music Conference? Do you see it as a problem having I hooked up with RSJ who lived in mainstream dubstep chart releases? Sheffield where I studied. I used to You own Contagious Records, whats Well that will be what decides it; all the go round and play my tunes to him. lined up for 2010? big DJ’s and producers will be out there I think it depends on what the tune He would say that I should start using Being a dubstep DJ essentially means playing their new tunes and because is, it can be positive. The worst thing proper stuff, at that time ‘Reason’ had I’ve got my album coming out in April you live a life controlled by the words it’s big crowds you’re playing to, it’s would be if we started getting watered just come out so I got my first copy and called ‘Sound of Contagious’. It’s a “whomp-whomp” easy to see how good the tunes are go- down dubstep entering the charts and worked up from there really, got my compilation of all the good Contagious ing down. But from what I’ve listened if that became the dubstep brand. If head around the programme and then releases... well they’re all good so the to recently, I’ve got some Doctor P new it continues being the dark dubstep we moved into cubase and RSJ taught main contagious releases over the past It changes all the time, I often get bored tunes and they’re sounding pretty big with heavy baselines which are out and me a few things on there and I taught few years on CD format. It’s not just of listening to my own tunes but ‘Talk at the moment. He’s a pretty new guy about at the moment and they go into myself really, like I’m doing right now. me on there, there are tunes from peo- to Frank’ is pretty recent and one of my but he’s got a good sound going on and the charts, thats not necessarily a bad I’m just sat here watching some tutori- ple like Skream, Chimpo, Jack Spar- favourite ones. I got the samples from then Chimpo, who’s signed to my la- thing, [it] just depends on who’s vocal- als on how to use ‘Massive’ (a plug-in row, RSJ, just different people. We’ve one of the ‘talk to frank’ adverts, it was bel, he’s got some big tunes. He’s been ising them. Obviously if you get cheesy by Native instruments). got a new Virus album coming out as recently used on the tv programme around for a while but I think that this pop acts covering dubstep tunes then well in April and apart from that just Skins. year he might take off a bit more. Also its not going to give a good image. I How did the group Virus-Syndicate the usual singles by myself at the mo- there’s DZ the American guy, he’s real- reckon it would kill it off pretty quick, (MRK1 and MCs JSD, Goldfinger & ment, MRK1 Where abouts are you playing over ly good and he’s got some great tunes. but if you get reputable artists doing it, Nika D) come about? the next couple of months? He’s constantly releasing them. then it could be a good look. Out of all of your releases, which one Virus-Syndicate is my group that has stands out as your favourite? I go on tour to America on the 10th of How do you see dubstep progressing Interview by Jack Massey RESEARCH FUNDING OPPORTUNITY €1000 per month to research in Europe? More info and how to apply: www.idealeague.org/research/studentgrant ContactContact: Helen Challis, International Office: [email protected]@imperial.ac.uk TWICE YEARLY DEADLINE: 30 APRIL & 30 OCTOBER Find a project related to the IDEA League excellence clusters in: Successful applicants To enable research receive funding for a collaborations between • Energy Deadline: • research placement of the five IDEA League Environment 30 April! • Healthcare between 2 weeks and 6 institutions (listed above) • ICT months • Sustainable Mobility/Transport the easter carnival| 20:00 - 03:00 friday 26 march 2010 cular! y of term specta Come, join us for our last da Inside ‘s‘ DJ Set by Jameela Jamil Playing a great set of modern party tunes sprinkled with indie classics Emma Harkness Jeff Automatic (Club NME)

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Outside Blast your mates in the multiplayer Laser Quest Maze Strap yourself into the Human Gyroscope if you dare! BUY ONLINE NOW buy your tickets online now from imperialcollegeunion.org Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB The Union encourages responsible drinking. R.O.A.R. Student I.D. Required. £5 £7.50 on the door. unionpage

The Results of the Sabbatical Elections 2010 Daniel Hill Deputy President (Finance & Services) You voted in your thousands to elect next year’s Union leaders [email protected] Your new Sabb team

After a 3 week election period, the results of ICU’s Sabbatical Elections were announced in Da Vinci’s on Monday night. A record 19,849 votes cast by 3,393 people have elected next year’s Sabbatical Team. Congratulations to:

President – Alexander Kendall Deputy President (Clubs & Societies) – Heather Jones Deputy President (Education) – Meera Ganeshadevan Deputy President (Finance & Services) – Ravi Pall Deputy President (Welfare) – Victoria Masding Felix Editor – Kadhim Shubber.

Turnout was higher than in previous years with 3,086 students voting in the President election.

In addition to the full-time posts Jamie Henry, David Oliver, Melissa Lever and Hoi Yeung were elected as Student Trustees of Imperial College Union. higher than other Departments in College. Their votes were a major Thanks to all who voted in this very closely contested election. Well reason why the Faculty of Natural Sciences emerged victorious to done to all the winners and commiserations to all the unsuccessful beat the other faculties’ voting turnout percentages: candidates. Faculty of Engineering = 22.9% turnout Thanks for Additional congratulations need to be given to the Departments Faculty of Medicine = 18.1% turnout of Life Sciences and Physics whose percentage turnouts were far Faculty of Natural Sciences = 29.4% turnout voting all you lovely people! Voice your opinions on College life! Take the NSS

Final year students: READ ON! The National Student Survey is your Jonathan Silver opportunity to tell Imperial – and the world – what you really thought Win prizes! Win prizes! of your time here. It really is the big mother of all surveys. It’s Deputy President (Education) funded by the government, and the results go online (Unistats.com) [email protected] for everyone to see. They go into league tables and everything.

What’s more, College actually listen to the views sourced from it. Last year, College set up a committee specifi cally to address issues found in the NSS. It met regularly and encouraged each department to write an ‘action plan’ based on where they did badly.

Go to thestudentsurvey.com to complete the survey. It takes about 10 minutes and it’s mainly multiple choice.

If you’re still not convinced it’s important, we’ve donated eight prizes you could win if you fi ll it in. Up for grabs are: 4 x Life Membership to Imperial College Union (usually costs £98!) 4 x Entertainments tickets to the Summer Ball 2010, which needs no introduction. Take the NSS, head to: thestudentsurvey.com

imperialcollegeunion.org felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 19

TTextext in to 07832670472 CAT-NIP Email in at [email protected] TweetTweet @felixcatnip

CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE? Who’s Going To Win EASTER BREAK: Varsity? Me. With everyone else out knocking balls about, I’ll have the DEATH BY REVISION OR CHOCOLATE? Library all to myself. Bliss! JOKES, LETTERS, OPINIONS  WE WANT THEM ALL! Third Year Biologist Imperial. The Medics think it’s all about the rugby but we’ve Email: [email protected] Text: 07832670472 got the rest of the sports sewn up! Second Year Chemist

Facebook: Felix Fan Page Twitter: @felixcatnip Us. Even if we lose Varsity, we’re still gonna take the JPR Cup! Medic’s Rugby Fan Drunken-Mate Photo Of The Week Got a picture of your mate being an absolute waste of oxygen? Well, get your camera out and email your drunken mates to catnip. felix@imperial. ac.uk Time is the sly fish that slips so easily through our drunken fingers. How can you Trips away are a great way to suspend the normal social graces and be yourself save time: Multitask the important stuff and dump the dross...and your clothes. for a change. Just remember, what happens in Lyon...ends up in Catnip.

Senders must have permission to use submitted photos and accept full responsibility for them

The Best Of “Overheard At Imperial” Overheard something funny at Imperial? Post it on the “Overheard at Imperial” facebook group “My motto is “Never say never.” Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto.” - In the Library

Talking about Heisenberg and his family... A: Heisenberg didn’t have kids. Wasn’t he gay? B: He was uncertain. -Chemistry Students

“Look at all those people in there not having fun! That could be us!” -Looking in on dBs

“JPR, where’s your car?!” - Crowd chanting at Varsity after JPR Williams was charged for drink-driving

“Come on then, I’ll take off my head and f*cking have you!” - Weedy Medic in Medics’ bird mascot suit starting on IC rugby players

“That bloke just got twatted by a half -man-half- bird!” - Spectators to the fracas that (barely) unfurled at Varsity 20 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 IT’S AN EGGSTRAVAGANZA! *GROAN* YOU MIGHT THINK WE’RE JUST INDULGING OURSELVES, BUT YOU’RE WRONG. THIS IS ENTIRELY FOR YOUR BENEFIT. THE FELIX TEAM ‘REVIEW’ THIS YEAR’S EASTER EGG OFFERINGS. EGG-CITING!

Baileys Smooth Dark Chocolate Egg Aero Egg (with Aero Bubbles), £5 & Truffles, £5 Egg ★★★✩✩ Egg ★★★★✩ Extras ★★★★✩ Extras ★★★★★ “Nice nutty hints but too sugary, a bit gritty” Potential use as sex aid? 'No consistency' “I actually came whilst eating the truffles. The egg was good too.” Potential use as sex aid? “A rape aid. Lure your victim in with the ‘I’d rather use it for sex than eat it, to be honest.” truffles.” “Have an Aero bubble bath, then make chocolately love.” EASTER 2010 WINNER!

Divine Dark Chocolate Easter Egg, £5 Cadbury Creme Egg Easter Egg,£2

Egg ★★★✩✩ Egg ★★★✩✩ Extras ★★✩✩✩ Extras ★★★★✩

‘A disappointing bitter after-taste; a sign of bad dark “Chocolate’s a bit salty... Did you already come all over chocolate” this?? Dan... Stop masturbating in the office!!.” “We like the ethical stance of Divine, It’s fair trade” :) Potential use as sex aid? Potential use as sex aid? ‘Creme eggs in bed? Self explanatory...” “Once you’ve gone black you never go back”

Cadbury Caramel Easter Egg, £2 Choices Dairy-Free Confectionary Easter Egg, £1.99 ★★✩✩✩ Egg Egg ★★✩✩✩ ★★★✩✩ Extras Extras ✩✩✩✩✩

“Standard Cadbury shit.” “Weird after-taste.” “Spoiled my Easter.” “Eurrrgghhh!!!”

Potential use as sex aid? Potential use as sex aid? “Fucking useless... I tried... “Lactose intolerants aren’t sexy, I like my girls to be able too sticky...” to digest all sorts of things.”

Green & Blacks Organic Easter Egg, Dark Chocolate,£5

Egg ★★★★✩ Extras ✩✩✩✩✩

“Mmmm Yumm...” “It’s chocolate – no-one cares” “Nice texture”

Potential use as sex aid? “Tastes like my own sperm.. I mean, cocoa powder... yeah, errm... I eat a lot of chocolate- based products.” felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 21

Kit Kat Senses Egg with Senses Bar and Mug, £4 Galaxy Promise Minstrels Egg with Minstrels, £5 Egg ★★✩✩✩ Extras ★★★★✩ Egg ★★★★✩ Extras ★★✩✩✩ “Standard, standard, standard." "Lolz I are in ur offices stealin ur mugz! “Tasted a bit like floor... I LOVE FLOOR!” Brilyent!" “Extras was just packets of Minstrels. Meh...”

Potential use as sex aid? Potential use as sex aid? “Mug in bum? Could try 2 girls and one “Specially designed for prostate arousal.” mug.... and an egg?”

Lindt Gold Bunny Egg with Gold Maltesers & Friends Egg Bunnies, £5 Egg ★★✩✩✩ ★★★★✩ Egg ★★★✩✩ Extras ★★★★✩ Extras

“People think the 'd' in Lindt is silent. It's not. Say it prop- “Extras are just a pack of Maltesers, Minstrels and erly: 'Lin-duh-tuh." Revels.” "It's ‘Lint'" and it's also the only useful thing the Swiss have “I’m glad the Maltesers have friends.” made, ever." [Objection! Dep. Ed.] Potential use as sex aid? Potential use as sex aid? “I RUV WABBITS IN MAI BUM” - Dan Wan “String up the Maltesers and use them as anal beads. “There are rabbits inside but they’re not very rampant.” Then throw minstrels at each other? Oh fuck knows what to do with those stupid Revels.”

MINI - EGG EATING CHALLENGE

It’s like the last day of term at school here in the felix office. Cookies, movies and chocolate. We pitted two equally (un)able adversaries from the office against each other in a timed eating competition. What they have to eat is a full bag of approximately 20 mini-eggs (pictured). They must both unwrap the foil and eat the egg entirely. The Felix Fresher Girls: Lizzy vs Renny They’re both as annoying as each other, but we decided to let them out of their cages for the sake of our own entertainment. They’ve come into our lives this year and insist on playing Robot Unicorn Attack and bullying Editor Dan Wan. We let them do what they do best though: stuff their faces full of chocolate. Renny: 3 mins 17 secs Lizzy: 3 mins 40 secs RENNY WINS!

The Sportsmen: Mus vs Indy Our Sports Editors claim to be the most manly out of all of us. Can they beat small Fresher girls? Mus, the footballer is adamant he can beat fencer Indy. Indy thinks otherwise. After first refusing, “It’ll upset our tummies” they both exclaimed, they took on the challenge... with some embarassing results. Pathetic. Indy: 3 mins 11 secs Mus: DNF INDY WINS! As Lizzy (right)ghghtt)) blamesbl hherr tonguetonggue piercingpiei rcini forf hher slowl pace, RennyR triumphsi Mus struggling.... and failing

Sainsbury’s Belgian Milk Chocolate Egg £2

Egg ★★★★✩ Extras ✩✩✩✩✩

“Nice lickiness, but no extras.” “White spots are hot. I’ve got plenty.”

Potential use as sex aid? “It’s not going to win over any girls quickly. You could probably knock out the girl with it and then do what- ever you want...I just use rohypnol normally though.”

Layout by Holly Farrer 22 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 Film Editor Ed Knock FILM [email protected] ‘Pocket Cinema’ - Short films and where to find them

10 Minutes Je T’aime le John Wayne Logorama La maison en Petit Cubes A Japanese Tourist waits ten A wonderful little tribute/ In a world entirely constructed In this beautifully drawn Oscar minutes for his photos to spoof of French New Wave of commercial and corporate winning animated film, an old develop in Rome. Meanwhile films starring My Family’s Kris logos, an insane Ronald man desperately tries to keep EdEd KKnocknock Film Editor a young boy dodges danger in Marshall who models himself Mcdonald goes on the rampage above his flooded town by the besieged city of Sarajevo after Jean-Paul Belmondo from but the Michelin Men police adding floors to his towering during the Bosnia an War. Over ith the never end- Godard’s Breathless. It’s very aren’t far behind. This film is a house. After dropping his a period of ten minutes, the ing onslaught of funny, even if you don’t know beautifully constructed ,surreal favourite pipe, he explores the boy experiences terror and Hollywood block- what they’re poking fun at. ‘hard-boiled’ heist flick and it submerged building which harrowing tragedy whilst the busters and the http://tinyurl.com/yln572g won the Oscar for best animated brings back tender memories W tourist has the inconvenience of constant barrage short. The climax is one of the of his past life. Imagine The waiting for his film to develop. of comedies and dramas thrust in our craziest I have ever seen. Snowman with an environmental This film will make you reflect direction by advertisements with way http://tinyurl.com/yzkp5c4 theme. on the hardships people are too big budgets, it is very easy to for- http://tinyurl.com/yhngf4v get about the small timers. Short films suffering at this very minute. are vital for new filmmakers to get in http://tinyurl.com/ygkuchb the business and hone their skills. Ani- mated shorts are especially important as the finances required to produce a Miracle Fish feature length film are never small. An eight year boy hides from Making a short film is still a large bullys in the nurse’s office project and is by no means the easy and wakes to find the school option. A story must have a beginning, eerily empty. The films creepy middle and end and condensing all the atmosphere is broken by a nerve- emotions and actions present in a full shattering twist at the climax. feature into a ten minute film requires Highly recommended. Kiwi Alive in Joburg a special skill. Films can range from in- http://bit.ly/doM1CD The Door Kiwi is a youtube favourite This is a classic example of a nocent comedies to dark thrillers and Set in the aftermath of the after being uploaded by the director starting out in the the great thing is you can watch them Chernobyl disaster, a man sneaks Vancouver Film School which wonderful medium of shorts. during your lunch break. back into his recently evacuated has a very large amount of short Alive in Joburg was directed The Internet holds a vast library of town to steal the door from his films made by its talented pupils by Neill Bromkamp and is short films, from Oscar winners to old apartment in a seemingly available on Youtube. A very essentially the prototype for school projects. Some of these have pointless act. A very sombre gentle tale about a humble kiwi District 9. It is interesting been uploaded with the filmmaker’s film which explores death and who simply wants to fly with how the original short film consent whereas others have been how it affects life with a very his stumpy little wings. The was fleshed out for the Oscar naughtily put onto youtube. However French Roast real apocalyptic style. It was animation is rather crude by nominated feature film; all the I’m not going to preach about the In this charming animation, an nominated for an Oscar but today’s standards but it’s hard ideas are in place including ethics of file sharing, instead I have obnoxious gentleman is taught a unfortunately lost to The New not to shed a tear for the poor the alien prawns and the fake trawled the World Wide Web in search lesson in charity. Tenants. critter at the end. documentary style. of my favourite short films and a few http://tinyurl.com/y9yz7vm http://vimeo.com/9758104 http://tinyurl.com/c25evm http://tinyurl.com/yhngf4v classics. I recommend Miracle Fish and Logorama as I swear you won’t have seen anything like them before and I’ve given the URL for each film. Enjoy! Demons, redemption and swordplay

hammy expressions of overwrought being - as a wild mountain boy in the guilt and ultimately, a resolution that Who is even-more-dismal The Wolfman). Max Solomon Kane just seemed far too easy. I can only Solomon von Sydow’s very brief appearance also Director Michael J Bassett imagine that the aerial shot of Kane had me cheering inside and I had a nice Screenwriter Michael J Bassett standing, arms wide, legs at shoulder Kane? ‘Hey! It’s that guy!’ moment with Pete Cast James Purefoy, Max von Sydow, width, asking of the heavens “What do He is a 17th Postlethwaite (Friar Lawrence from Rachel Hurd-Wood you want from me?” was supposed to century British Romeo and Juliet) playing the beautiful be wrenching; it left me unaffected or, puritan looking Rachel Hurd-Wood’s father. if anything, a bit embarassed for James to vanquish All in all, I did enjoy the experience, NNooroor AAbdullatifbdullatif Purefoy, the actor in the title role. all forms of though purely for the hilarity; I defi- Despite all this, there were a few evil, seeking nitely recommend this if you like being positives. I enjoyed the way that visu- redemption able to watch a film, every so often bask in the glory of dual-wielding swords I was quite excited as I went into the al imagery of the scene leading up to to avoid being showing of Solomon Kane. We sat in the climax echoed the story’s open- and, during the climax, paraphrase the comfortable VIP seats and set- ing and there is also some pretty good sent to Hell. He Lord of the Rings, Pokemon and Zero tled in for an hour and three quarters swordplay in the film. The surround- was created Wing, though admittedly this is better of awesome action and maybe some ings and visual effects were impressive by Robert E. done watching the DVD in the comfort thoughtful dialogue - after all, the main given the rather modest $40m budget, Howard and of your own home. If you crave some- theme in the story was supposed to be though the appearance of what resem- his adventures thing with both swords and merit, just one of redemption. What followed bled a Balrog was cause for concern were published watch Gladiator for the 10th time - it’s was an orgy of ‘oh-no-he-didn’t’, pre- (while we’re on this subject, I’ve also in Weird Tales. never not awesome. asskick, trashtalking interspersed with seen Gollum where he has no business felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 23 [email protected] FILM 50 years of Les Cahiers Du Cinéma

ahiers du cinéma (Notebooks on Cinema) is an influential French film magazine founded in 1951 by C André Bazin, Jacques Doniol-Val- croze, and Joseph-Marie Lo Duca. It developed from the earlier magazine Revue du Cinéma (Review of the Cinema) involving members of two Paris film clubs — Objectif 49 (Objective 49) (Robert Bresson, Jean Cocteau and Alexandre Astruc, among others) and Ciné-Club du Quartier Latin (Cin- ema Club of the Latin Quarter). Initially edited by Éric Rohmer (Maurice Scherer), it included amongst its writers Jacques Rivette, Jean-Luc Godard, Claude Chab- rol, and François Truffaut. Cahiers re-invented the basic tenets of film criticism and theory. A 1954 article by Truffaut attacked La qual- ité française (the “Tradition of French Quality”) and was the manifesto for the auteur theory — resulting in the re- evaluation of Hollywood films and directors such as Alfred Hitchcock, Howard Hawks, Robert Aldrich, Nicholas Ray, Fritz Lang, and Anthony Mann. Cahiers du Cinema authors also championed the work of di- rectors Jean Renoir, Roberto Rossellini, Kenji Mizoguchi, Max Ophüls, and Jean Cocteau, by centering their critical evalua- tions on a film’s mise en scène. The magazine also was essential to the creation of the Nouvelle Vague (New Wave) of French cinema, which centered on films directed by Cahiers authors such as Godard and Truffaut. The Nouvelle Vague was one of the most influential film movements ever; it saw film as an art form instead of simple entertainment. The whole medium of film was readdressed by considering screen language, natural scripts and improvisation. The Auteur Theory saw the director take sole responsibility for the quality of his film in the same way as an author of a book. Although Nouvelle Vague fizzled out at the end of the 60’s its spirit was taken up by the ‘Brat Pack’ directors of the New Hollywood movement during the 70’s. If it wasn’t for Les Cahiers du Cinema, the film world would be a lot worse for wear. As part of the 100 Years of Cinema programme, organised especially to coincide with the centenary of the Institut français, 50 Years of Ca- hiers du Cinéma will celebrate this legendary publication. Each decade will be represented through a landmark film. This season also marks the publication of A Short History of Cahiers du Cinéma by Emilie Bickerton, who will discuss her book and introduce the screening of Pierrot le Fou on 23 March.

Programme:

Pierrot le Fou Event of provincial life, Le Beau Serge iss generallygenerala ly regard-reggard-- France/Italy | 1965 | col | 110 mins | dir. Jean-Luc An evening to mark the publication of A Short His- ed as the film that launched the New WWave.ave. Godard, with Jean-Paul Belmondo, Anna Karina tory of Cahiers du Cinéma by Emilie Bickerton, the mon 29 mar | 6.15pm Fed up with his wife and Paris, Jean-Paul Belmondo first full history in English of the legendary maga- heads for the south of France with old flame Anna zine. Emilie Bickerton will give an introduction be- Le Genou de Claire (Claire’s Knee)ee) Karina, a gangster’s moll. Based on Lionel White’s fore the screening and a Q&A afterwards. France | 1970 | col | 105 mins | dir. EricErric Rhomer,Rhomer,, novel Obsession, but mostly improvised as Godard sat 27 mar | 6.15pm with Jean-Claude Brialy, Aurorara Cornu,Cornuu, BéatriceBéaéatrice was inspired by locations en route to the South, this Romand, Laurence de Monaghanan is one of the director’s very best films – a bewilder- Irma Vep One of Rhomer’s most celebratedd filmsfilmms castscasts BrBrialyialyy ing blend of genres and visual styles, shot in sun- France | 1996 | col | 97 mins | dir. Olivier Assayas, as Jérôme, holidaying on Lake Annecy,necy, whwhoo bebeginsggins a splashed colour by Raoul Coutard, with a cameo with Maggie Cheung, Jean-Pierre Léaud light-hearted flirtation with his landlady’sandlady’s daughter,daughteer, by tough-guy director Sam Fuller and an explosive This witty satire on film-making features Léaud as a only to fall for her half-sister andnd developdevvelop anan irre-irree- finale. ‘Pierrot le fou isn’t really a film,’ said Godard washed-up auteur determined to remake Feuillade’s pressible desire to caress her knee.e. on its release, ‘it’s an attempt at cinema.’ silent classic Les Vampires in his own personal style. tue 30 mar | 6.15pm tue 23 mar | 7.30pm Hong-Kong superstar Cheung plays the film-within- the-film’s heroine, Irma Vep (an anagram for vam- Les Glaneurs et la glaneuse (Thee GGleanersleaanners & I) La Femme d’à côté (The Woman Next Door) pire), a burglar who spends most of the film dressed France | 2000 | col | 82 mins | docdoc | dir.dir. AgnèsAgnèss France | 1981 | col | 106 mins | dir. François Truf- in a tight, black, latex rubber catsuit, defending her Varda | cert. U faut, with Gérard Depardieu, Fanny Ardant director’s odd choices to hostile crew members and Why do food producers throw soo muchmucch awayaway whenwhheen Truffaut’s penultimate film pursues several themes journalists. people go hungry? Agnès Varda,da, gleanergleaner ofof im-imm- that the director favored throughout his career, sun 28 mar | 2.00pm ages, follows other gleaners, peopleeople whowho collectcoolleect namely adultery, obsession, amour fou and the what other people throw away, food andand junk.junk.k. ThisThhis ever-thrilling crime passionnel. Bernard (Gérard Le Beau Serge thought-provoking social and poeticoetic dodocumentarycumenntarry Depardieu) and Mathilde (Fanny Ardant) are two France | 1959 | b&w | 98 mins | dir. Claude Chab- has been praised at many festivalsvals andand waswas votedvoto eed former lovers, thrown back together by destiny rol, with Gérard Blain, Jean-Claude Brialy the best documentary of 2001 byy the NationalNational So-Soo- when Mathilde and her new husband move in next Chabrol’s debut feature is a powerful examination ciety of Film Critics. door. Love stories must have a beginning, a middle of male friendship and its consequences with Jean- wed 25 nov | 8.40pm | £9, conc.c. £7 and an end, agree Bernard and Mathilde, who seem Claude Brialy as a student who returns from Paris to perpetually stuck between the second and third of his childhood home to find that his once-brilliant Venue: Ciné lumière at the Institutnstitut français,ffrançaç iss, 17 these stages. friend (Blain) has become an alcoholic after the loss Queensberry Place, London SW77 2DT fri 26 mar | 8.40pm of a child. A bleak and beautifully observed picture 24 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 Fashion Editor KawaiKawai WWongong FASHION [email protected] Spring Make Up Trends Where’s my on trend here. GGabbyabby GentilcoreGentilcore rreportseports Eyes should have a sheer wash of vi- Happyderm? brant colour across the lids; invest in a Spring is here! Now is the perfect time good brush to ensure that the colour is KKawaiawai WWongong Fashion Editor to unearth the latest makeup trends! applied evenly and that the beautiful The catwalks had many of their mod- sheer look is applied to perfection. Pastel els parading down with a fresh pretty eyes were seen all over the catwalks from look. Hair was worn soft and wavy to used to have very troubled I am worth it. Nicole Farhi to Dior. complete the young milkmaid vibe. skin. Greasy, easily irritated One tiny little glitch however, is that Nails can be in a multiple array of Beautiful skin is essential to achieve this and above all, those damning Happyderm is not on sale on English shades, from fun light pastels to strong look. It needs to be dewy and natural, pimples. Just as I thought all soil. Every time I cross the English block brights. OPI’s Hong Kong collec- I and a tinted moisturiser is the perfect tion will give you all of your nail needs. hopes had gone, and that the Channel, the empty suitcase on the bad skin was here to stay, god sent me outbound journey returns with a bil- way to achieve this barely covered look. These affordable nail varnishes are avali- this moisturiser from heaven. It is ex- lion bottles of Happyderm. able from Selfridges. tremely light, non greasy and beauti- Weeks ago I was on the continent. I ‘Rimmel’s lipsticks Spring is an exciting time to experi- fully scented. It is called Happyderm, searched and searched and there was ment with makeup. As the weather im- and it is from L’Oreal. no more. It has quite literally vanished always follows the proves, we can afford to be more daring. The little pink liquid keeps my skin off all shelves. Pharmacies, department Keep the look fresh and fun and there can happy. All the irritation becomes a stores, cosmetic boutiques... None of lastest trends...’ be no wrong. thing of the past. I know cosmetics them stock it anymore. The make-up at Erdem, done by An- ads often boast how their moisturisers Has L’Oreal pulled my Happyderm drew Gallimore, was minimalistic and keep you ‘hydrated all day’. You off the shelves to make way for ex- Lips for day should be pink; any vari- suited the show’s multicolour frocks and I both know it is just a cheesy pensive, and less effective skincare ation of the shade will work from a soft perfectly. line of gimmick. With Happy- lines? rose to a pinky coral. For a bargain buy, Tips to take home - fresh look for the derm my skin is moisturised 24 I can see the red blotches and go for Rimmel as they always follow the day, invest in a good foundation and add hours a day. I glow! My skin glows pimples lurking in the corner, glee- latest trend. colour to your cheeks with a tinted mois- for the first time since puberty! fully await the disappearance of the For the evening, lips should make a turisier. Bright lips - scarlet, fuschia, pink This bottle of joy was only £7 last drop of Happyderm... statement. Deep glossy plums are bang to take you into the night. when I first discovered it. And If you’re from Europe, can you let though the price has increased me know if they still do Happyderm over the year to £10, it is still af- in your country? Email me at fash- fordable. £10 for flawless skin. [email protected]. Make-up Review 2 - Foundation CHANEL PRO LUMINERE want to try a couple of foundations, £44.50/30ML CCharlotteharlotte MMorrisorris try it out on the inside of your wrist, News Strip and see if you can cover up the veins. So last week we looked at primers: This of course, won’t give you much This liquid GGabriellaabriella GentilcoreGentilcore Fashion Reporter what you do with them and what they of an indication of how it will feel on foundation has are for. Now it’s time to look at the full your skin, but you can at least get the extremely fine coverage provided by foundation. colour right. The inside of your wrist particles. It blends When you’re shopping for founda- matches your facial skin tone much well and looks Liam Gallagher Does a Green Liberty of London is Sold tion, the best thing to do is to go to better than the back of your hand, so natural. A bottle Womenswear Collection The infamous London shopping your favourite department store and don’t be tempted to try it out on the can last a year. Go get them to apply the one you want for back of your hand. to a counter and ask Liam Gallagher is soon to be adding a destination for all things quintessentially British has been sold after only a you. Then you can wear it for the rest How do you decide which one is for a sample. womanswear collection to his Pretty of the day and decide how well it stays right for you? You can choose from Green clothing range. He is trying to fortnight of announcing its plans to go up for sale. The premises have sold on, whether the colour tone is right liquid foundations, mousses, com- keep all of his fans happy as Liam stated for you, and how it feels on your skin pacts or tinted moisturisers, so which that “A lot of girls are asking if we will be for £40 million. The brand will use the money to pay off their debts. The (does it make you skin feel greasy/too is better? doing a range for them”. The collection’s dry/break out?). To start with, you need to think about BARE popularity has surprised the cocky business itself may be set to acquire new MINERALS owners too. However, they’re not necessarily your own skin type; normal skin types LOOSE POWDER Britpop singer. right. You need to make the decision can use pretty much anything, but if £17.50/2G to buy it yourself, everybody has their you have dry skin, you need to look at Karl Lagerfeld to Be Replaced At John Galliano to Replace Donatella own sense of style, so a woman who moisturising foundations, which usu- Chanel by Alber Elbaz of Lanvin? Versace at Fashion Fringe works on the make-up counter might ally come in liquid form. Also, dry skin One of these be a fake-tan fiend and give you a far types should avoid powders and pow- infamous An old rumour resurfaced that Alber Christian Dior designer John Galliano more ‘bronzed’ look than what you der finishes as these can make your ‘natural’ Elbaz, creative director of Lanvin, is has replaced Donatella Versace as the want, or what you would normally go skin look flakey and even drier. On foundations, to replace Karl Largerfeld as the head honorary chair person of Fashion Fringe. for. the other hand if you have greasy skin, it takes a lot of of Chanel. Chanel promptly issued He will be helping to select the cream of Also, this may sound obvious but, and are prone to breakouts, you should buffing to apply a statement to crush the rumour: the new British fashion crop. Galliano don’t put your regular foundation on avoid oil-based liquid foundations. correctly, but “replacing [Largerfeld] is not an issue”. said that he hope to find “a rebel genius”. before you try to buy a new one; go OK, so now you’ve chosen the cor- once it’s on it It turns out that, the blogger of Jak shopping with minimal make-up on, rect foundation, how do you apply it? looks great! and Jil Tommy Ton, had overheard The Queen Received the Fashion so that you can really tell the differ- Make sure that your skin is clean and a conversation during Paris Fashion Industry at Buckingham Palace ence between no make-up and the po- your moisturiser has had a chance to Week and misinterpreted it. The prank tential new foundation. soak in properly before you apply your all started with Riccardo Tisci, creative Last week the fashion world was Another good tip for when people foundation, otherwise it’ll slide off MAXFACTOR director , who tricked Tommy into welcomed with open arms by the Queen FACEFINITY are doing your make-up for you, is to fairly quickly. Spot little blobs of foun- COMPACT tweeting the false news. and the Duke of Edinburgh. get them to do half your face at a time, dation on each cheek, your forehead £7.50/10G All levels from the fashion industry - from as in do the left side then the right, so and your chin, and then smooth these Another Model Turned Designer dyers, weavers to designers, models and that you can look in the mirror half blobs together using either a make-up fashion editors: three hundred and fifty way through and see the effects of the sponge or foundation brush. When Model Agness Deyn has launched her The cheap and guests in total were all personally greeted foundation. you smooth them together, make sure first collection through an exclusive cheerful option, by HRH. Although this can be fairly time you use downwards strokes with the sets your liquid shop in Japan last week. The collection The night also saw a mini exhibition by consuming, and after you’ve had your brush or the sponge. We do have tiny foundation is entitled I Am By Agyness Deyn for former students of the Royal Collge of make-up applied you feel compelled hairs on our faces, and you need to brilliantly. Blends Barneys Green. The collection was Arts, curated by the Victoria and Albert to buy the product, don’t! You don’t brush in the direction of the hairs, ie. well and can be created exclusively for Barneys to mark Muesum’s Claire Wilcox. need to buy the first foundation you downwards, to keep them pushed flat applied on the the opening of its Kobe store. try. If you’re rushed for time and you against your skin. move. felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 25

TTechnologyechnology Editor SamuelSamuel Gibbs TECHNOLOGY [email protected] The Touchscreen Patent Wars Simon Worthington looks at the broken world of international patent law as Apple and HTC fight over Google’s Android operating system and it’s use of a touch screen interface

n March 2nd, Apple Inc. sides, are so general as to cover any im- diculous, there seems to have been a that their key design has been copied? ‘gentlemen’s agreement’ between the filed a suit against mobile plementation where the system could You have to wonder though if they SSamuelamuel GGibbsibbs Technology Editor O phone manufacturer HTC be used. For example, the patent for big mobile companies over the past could really be so naїve as to think in which they claimed ten list scrolling covers any touch screen few years, creating a ‘don’t sue me and that creating such an original device of their patents relating to mobile de- device that has a processor, memory I won’t sue you’ situation. As long as wouldn’t set new standards in phone t’s been a short week for technol- vices had been infringed. The case cov- and is trying to move or resize a docu- no-one sues anyone else the system design. ogy here at the felix towers and ers nearly every Android-based phone ment or window. It’s hard to think of a works, because the companies know it You’ve also got to wonder how Ap- I as such we haven’t got a Weekly that HTC manufactures, including the situation where a touch-sensitive ma- only takes a court case for one patent ple think winning this case could pos- Wrap-Up for you, sorry. But Si- new Google-endorsed Nexus One and chine would be trying to move a win- to open the floodgates for themselves sibly help them. Ignoring the fact that mon this week has a good look into the T-Mobile G1. If the case is success- dow without a processor, so this is so to be hit by a load of litigation in retali- this is really bad publicity that could what’s going on with what could be the ful, HTC may have to pay damages to general as to cover any touch screen ation. So why has Apple now decided result in a consumer backlash, it’s very start of the Touchscreen Patent Wars Apple and could be banned from sell- device invented. This means that any to break this unwritten rule? unlikely that Google will simply walk (you heard it here first folks). Apple ing any of the offending phones in the device which does this, violates Apple’s Earlier this February, Google ena- away from this case and leave the mo- Vs. HTC, which is actually Apple Vs. US. The suit was brought to the Dela- patent. bled ‘pinch-to-zoom’, a feature that the bile market altogether. The more likely Google with HTC caught in the cross- ware State Courts in the US, partly be- The objection to situations like this iPhone is famous for, on some of its situation is that they’ll go back to the fire, in a fight over touchscreen inter- cause this claim would not be admiss- is that patents should not cover in- newer Android phones including the drawing board and keep working until action patents. Messy stuff, but check able in other regions such as the EU. ventions that many people could eas- Nexus One. This is technically in viola- they come up with ideas that are even out the article on your left for the in- The patents in question refer to por- ily create independently of each other tion of one of Apple’s software patents more revolutionary than the iPhone. side scoop. tions of mobile phone design which and should not impede development mentioned earlier, and this time Apple You can bet your bottom dollar that Apple’s iPad went up for pre-order Apple pioneered with the iPhone, with of ideas, like the list scrolling example have decided to sue. HTC are liable be- whatever they come up with they won’t this week in the US, with some 50- most specifically to do with touch- above. Clearly though, software pat- cause even though they don’t make the be willing to share with Apple. Does 90,000 rumoured to have been bought. screen technology. The way a user’s ents can and do protect some genu- software they do manufacture and sell Apple really think that it’s the only one Apple’s already warned people in-store finger can slide a list and the ‘pinch- inely good and useful ideas, such as the phone, and so are responsible for who can come up with new ideas? that there’s going to a shortage of the to-zoom’ feature are amongst the con- security or cryptographic concepts its features. It may be that Apple is try- The natural extension of behaviour fabled tablet when it launches on the cepts covered but without any specific that took a lot of work to create. The ing to indirectly harm Google, who is like this is that everyone keeps their 3rd of April. Of course in the UK, we’re detail about how these features should line between trivial and non-trivial now beginning to be seen as a serious new patents and technologies to them- going to have to wait till ‘late April’ be- be implemented. This means that any software inventions is not universally competitor, by stifling its phone busi- selves. It’s ridiculous to think that the fore fanboys can rush to the church of device which makes use of a finger to agreed upon, being drawn in different ness in the US. Compared to other in- next generation of iPods or Zunes Apple and get their grubby mitts on it. move up and down a window would places in different countries. The US dustry leaders like Microsoft or Nokia, could end up with fewer features than Will it be a run-away success? Well if technically be covered by Apple’s pat- system is notoriously lenient on how Google and HTC have relatively few their predecessors because everyone is pre-orders are anything to go by, it’s ent. These ideas are so blindingly obvi- original or obvious the new software software patents relevant to Apple’s so scared of violating patent law and going to be at least as successful as the ous and fundamental to touch screen design needs to be. business and so are limiting the dam- unwilling to pay huge licence fees. This original iPhone launch. design that it’s hard to think they could What this leads to is companies ap- age that any return litigation can do to just stifles innovation and sets back Support documents, that went live even really be classed as ‘inventions’. plying for as many patents as they can them via the same method. progress on mobile technology. Plus, this week, also showed that the iPad is Apple are not however completely to for ideas that are as general as they Some commentators have also sug- all these suits cost money and eventu- treated a little differently by Apple than blame, as in some way they are ‘vic- can get away with, effectively buying gested that Apple may have taken the ally that cost has to pass on to the con- it’s staple, the iPhone. When your iPad tims’ (if you could call them that) of a up patent ‘real estate’ for their own adaption of its original ideas by Google sumers. If Apple really care about the battery needs replacing $50 will buy you broken patent law system. use. Obviously, this can lead to prob- and HTC personally. It’s impossible mobile device marketplace (and they not only a new iPad battery but a whole In the US, software patents are grant- lems with one company owning to deny that the iPhone was a revolu- should, because it makes up a large ma- new iPad. Deal of a century if you ask me, ed for almost any new concept or idea some pieces of a design tion in mobile design. Most phones jority of their income) then they should but then again it’s unlikely to be a new in the software world. The point about and another company up to that point had relied on a hard do the intelligent thing and drop the ‘off the shelf’ variety and more likely a re- patents is that you are only meant to owning the rest, keyboard, navigation keys and a sty- suit, using the money they would have furbished unit. Nothing to sniff at mind be able to patent actual implementa- meaning that no- lus. Apple pioneered many new ideas spent you, because by the time your battery tions of an idea meaning only a par- one has enough that have been universally taken up by is getting tired, so too is the rest of the ticular system of components would patents to make a almost all other touch-screen phone device. Gone will be that perfect fin- be covered by it. However, the patents finished product with- manufacturers. Some have suggested ish and ‘Apple lustre’; so getting all granted to Apple, and many other out licencing. As this is the powers that be at Apple are dis- that back and a new battery for $50 software com- clearly ri- gruntled at working hard to create this sounds great to me. Now all I have panies be- ‘design revolution’ and seeing to do is figure out wether an iPad re- others reap the rewards. Is Ap- ally has a future in my device port- ple simply frus- trated folio. Not convinced myself, yet. 26 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 CLUBS & Clubs & Socs Editor Alex Kendall  SOCIETIES [email protected] MusicTechSoc give us House for Haiti MusicTech takes a bold leap in running an event in dB’s. Their success should inspire more clubs to follow.

C’s Music Technology Soci- licensed bar. Icing on the cake came ety collected just under £350 for from the many intoxicated and merry charity putting on a club night in revellers stopping to say “cheers for the IdB’s a few weekends ago on Sat- awesome music!” on the way out. urday 20th February. Many many The scale and impact of the event many thanks to all who came and/or would have surely doubled, if the event contributed to the event! It was a huge had taken place on a Thursday/Friday success in terms of charity fundraising night. More money would have been for such a new and modest society. collected for a good cause. More peo- However, the more groundbreaking ple would be drawn in by the music for a jive, and the Union would have made even more money on the bar. ‘Letting clubs and So why is it so difficult to for clubs and societies to be given the chance to societies into the un- run a prime-time Union night during the week? ion to put on events Music Tech is not the first society to face rejection when requesting to book creates a diversity of dB’s on Thursday or Friday evenings. Often the reasons for rejection are largely down to money - the Union can entertainment re- never afford to risk losing the modest but steady income from its ‘official’ flective of the diver- scheduled events. However, although this is an understandable cautious sity of the student stance, the case for giving students a chance to entertain their kinsmen is body.’ compelling. Firstly, clubs and societies are ruth- achievement was drawing in a substan- less with their marketing because there tial crowd of boogie-lovers to the Un- are much deeper motivations than just ion on a Saturday night with barely 4 making money. Clubs and societies are days of advertising AND smashing the filled with students passionate about £500 minimum bar spend on the late their activities and keen to share their

passions with others. This passion is precious steady income, but the risk being able to run events in dB’s dur- what comes across when you are per- goes both ways - there is a real oppor- ing the week. Coupled with the full re- sonally invited to club events; passion tunity to draw in spectacular numbers sources of the Union, these events can provokes intrigue and at the very least, (and money) by marrying the efforts only get better. respect for the effort put into whatever and resources of both the paid staff Music Tech hopes to put on many it is on offer. and passionate students. Above all, more successful events offering a more In contrast, Union events are rarely this would stimulate a paradigm shift stylised selection of music than the (ever??) advertised in person or per- in attitude towards what the Union has usual choice put on by the external DJs sonally. I get faceless Facebook invites to offer. on Union weeknights. Hopefully, more to Union events that get deleted on im- I should stress that in order to jus- opportunities for clubs and societies to pulse without a shred of guilt. Further- tify this proposal, clubs and societies provide entertainment to their peers more Union posters on the Sherfield need to show a level of discipline and will arise with the opening of Metric! walkway are often just confusing with maturity in their events organisation. busy colour schemes, randomly-titled This has never been easier than now events and nothing new. with the comprehensive Union Offic- Secondly, linked to the first point, the ers’ Handbook and online wiki pages If you’re interested in what else Union do not give enough marketing rammed full of useful events planning Music Tech Society has to offer support to club events. One has to ap- information. I encourage any other please email [email protected] plaud the efforts enabling club events clubs and societies to publicise their advertising on the Union website, but successful organisation despite not even this does not ensure space on the homepage. Freshers are presented with an ‘official’ Union calendar each year that does not hint at the possibility of clubs and societies putting on events in the week. There should not be such a stark difference in advertising between ‘official Union events’ and club events because the students are the Union. The ‘official’ posters on the walkway should be in regular rotation with both club and society events at the Union - even if they are on a Saturday. Also, the TV screens in the Union could be used for the benefit of clubs and socie- ties too. Finally, and most importantly, letting clubs and societies into the Union to put on events creates a diversity of en- tertainment reflective of the diversity of the student body. Instead of ‘know- ing what the Union has to offer’, why can’t we have a Union where you’re never quite sure of how you’re going to be entertained? Yes, it’s a risk for the felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 27 What’s on... Clubs & Societies Calendar Editors – Lily Topham & Rachel D’oliveiro

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M Fri 19th March Sat 20th March Sun 21st March ICSM Orchestra Spring Concert IC Choir Concert Hindu Society Sanskriti – 7:30pm, St. Stephen’s Church, Gloucester – 6pm, Holy Trinity Church, Sloane Street, – Doors open 7pm Road SW1X 9BZ (just off Sloane Square) – JCR, Sherfield Building – Students free plus free glass of wine! – Concessions £5 in advance/£7, Adults £12 – Members £8, Non-members £10 Others £6 in advance/£15 – Join us for a mouth-watering 3 course meal and – Programme: Berlioz: Symphonie Fan- – Programme: Bach’s St John’s Passion fabulous entertainment to mark the grand finale tastique, Bruch: Violin Concerto (Soloist: – Conductor: Colin Durrant of Sewa Week 2010. All proceeds will be going to Mervyn Chong), Conductor: Christopher – For more info: [email protected] charity. Gray – Tickets are available everyday in SAF at lunchtime. DramSoc present Michael Frayn’s “Noises DramSoc present Michael Frayn’s “Noises Off“ Off“ – 7:30pm, Union Concert Hall, Beit – 7:30pm, Union Concert Hall, Beit – Students £5, Non-students £7 – Students £5, Non-students £7 – Tickets avail: www.dramsoc.org/tickets – Tickets avail: www.dramsoc.org/tickets Mon 22nd March Sinfonietta Spring Concert – 8pm, Great Hall, Sherfield Building Easter Egg Hunt! – Students £3, Non-students £6 – 5pm, Princes Gardens (meet oppo- – Conducted by Daniel Capps, programme includes: site Ethos) Sibelius: Finlandia, Puccini: Extracts from La Bohe- – Members £1, Non-members £2 me, Mahler: Symphony No. 1 Bye bye.... – Easter is coming soon! ChocSoc – More info: [email protected] and TeaSoc invite you to come and Farewell! Last What’s On for the cur- get in touch with your inner child! rent editors..... Join us and enjoy chocolate foun- tain, cakes and fine tea and chocolate Hello to Ziggi the new editor! Keep afterwards. sending in your events to Tues 23rd March [email protected] Wine Evening with FrenchSoc – 6:30pm, Union Concert Hall – Members £7 adv/£9, Non-members £8 adv/£10 – Delicious French wines for tasting, plus cheese and ‘charcuterie’ to be eaten, with Miss Vicky Wine! – Includes musical entertainment, provided by Max McGuire

Thurs 25thh March The 4th Annual IC Short Film Festival Weds 24th March – 7pm, MechEng 220 – Members: £2, Non-members: £3 IC Gospel Choir Concert – Free food and drink on entry! – IC Gospel Choir presents Attention – Featuring short films from London II: The New Man ‘A Gospel Musical’ University students – 7:30 – 10pm, Union Concert Hall – Tickets £5 (£6 on the door) – More info: http://tinyurl.com/ attentionII 28 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010

CCoffeeoffee BBreakreak EditorEditor CCharlieharlie MMurdochurdoch mmmm COFFEE mm..... BREAK [email protected]

The Felix University/ College-Wide Invitational JPR, where’s FUCWIT Tournament League is League Table new and improved, with an iPod nano for both the your car? Teams:Teams: team and the individual with the most points at Harry Potter Trio 235 Points the end of the year. CharlieChar Murdoch Coffee Break Editor The Tough Brets 148 Points 5 points for the 1st cor- rect answers for all puz- The Cool Kids and Fergal 40 Points zles on these pages, 4 arsity this week. Did you no- remastered version of the Monkees points for 2nd, 3 points tice? What with full sized li- 1697 hit ‘Daydream Believer’. It went Individuals:Individuals: for 3rd, 2 points for V ons walking about the place, like so: 4th and 1 point for 5th. countless e-mails and even ‘Cheer up JPR, Matthew Colvin 174 Points Now then FUCWITs, an- more posters, even the ‘worst ACC Oh what can it mean? Sheryl 163 Points swers to sudoku.felix@ Chair ever’ noticed something big was To a coin-sucking Welshman, imperial.ac.uk. Go! going down. With the College side And his shit medic team.’ Kelvin Wong 101 Points having already beaten the Medics once this year, combined with the move to a Fantastic stuff, in fact almost poetic new location, it was guaranteed to be in nature, yet still the much-wanted heated. But it’s not all about the Rug- wave was not forthcoming. College by- I personally love the songs. These were not beaten, and JPR was soon to are not your typical loutish football be told to book his taxi home. College Technical term meaning: CAPABLE (adj.) ‘who are ya’ type, because first off that gracefully reminded JPR that ‘You’re ‘word origin/ history’. Unsurprisingly this word comes from doesn’t even make sense. not driving, you’re not driving, you’re Etymology the joining together of ‘cape’ and ‘able’ For those of you who don’t know, the not driving anymore (anymore).’ Which (hence the pronunciation even though rugby match is called the JPR Williams was rather kind of us, as the very last it looks like ‘cap-able’). It is used to Cup, after the great Welsh and Lions thing we would want is for the poor Being a newspaper, we are very book too heavy), so it is taking some refer to things people can only do, or rugby player. And also for those of you man to have to got to court again. It interested in words down in the felix time to put together but when it is are better at, when wearing a cape. It who don’t know, JPR has recently been was at this point where some members office. Over the years we have been done we think it will make us lots of is widely accepted to originate from in the news for drink-driving. He tried of the crowd realised that if JPR was collecting them together in a book monies. superman, who was ‘cape able’ of to fool the breathalyser machine by banned from driving then he would along with their meanings. We think In the course of their research, our flying when wearing his cape but had sucking pennies, failed to do so, and no longer be needing the red Audi this would be a very popular tool for exceptionally capable researchers to walk to places when in normal received a 17-month ban. JPR is also a cabriolet in which he was stopped the people that want to know more about came across a lot of other interesting people clothes. medic. previous week. Rather than have this words and want to understand us in facts about words, such as where they The chorus of ‘JPR give us a wave’ beautiful car sitting unused, one col- conversation. It’s not quite ready yet, originate from (their ‘etymologies’) If you have a word whose origin you’re soon rang out, and a wave was some- lege member offered to purchase it; there are many words in the English and being exceptionally capable they interested in, send it to us at sudoku. thing JPR was not going to give. How- the best way to set this up would be to language (and even more if you count made notes. We’re not going to include [email protected] and we’ll put ever this was something College had get 1000 people to chant ‘JPR where’s other languages but we agreed to not these in the book so we’re giving some our research team to work on it. Or expected and had prepared a digitally your car?’ over and over again. Classic. include these as it would make the of these to you for free. just look it up in the dictionary.

Eric Hoffer: “Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” Quote of the Week Wordoku 1,458 Wordpath 1,458

Solution 1457 INTERMEDIATE EVIL Solution 1457 ORIGIN: PH HI RO AR OB BU TY IA AC MISO NP AC A I TY AR OB AC IA HI BU RO PH N U L L MISS (LS) AC BU IA TY RO PH AR HI OB DESTINATION: SOUR via BK AM NP D T A S O IA RO PH OB HI TY AC AR BU MISSOURI BU OB AC RO PH AR IA TY HI V O I D SOUP (LS) NP TH BK S D HI TY AR IA BU AC OB PH RO RO IA TY PH AC OB HI BU AR AC PU AM NP BK U O C AR AC HI BU TY RO PH OB IA Well done to last OB PH BU HI AR IA RO AC TY How to play: week’s winner Jacky PA AM C A S Wong. Again this PH KA PH IO KO RR HA IA OB Make a path from the origin word to the destination seems to be a puzzle AM U BK CM PA AC S D HA KO IA OB PH KA RR PH IO word by taking steps between words using one of the you all like to get done. IO RR OB IA HA PH KA PH KO three following methods: Fanbloodytastic. PA U PU AM T O OB HA KO KA IA PH IO RR PH We’ll keep making IA PH KA KO RR IO OB HA PH Letter Substitution: Substitute just one letter. them up. PH IO RR PH OB HA KO JA IA PU BK TH I D O T N e.g. WORD -> WARD KA PH IO RR PH KO IA OB HA Anagram: Rearrange the letters. RR OB PH HA IO IA PH KO KA Scribble box CM TH N I e.g. WARD -> DRAW KO IA HA PH KA OB PH IO RR Wordslide: Replace the current word with a new 4 letter word from any 5+ letter word that contains them both. How to play: Scribble box Last week’s winners: e.g. DRAW -> WING (via DRAWING) Wordoku is identical to Sudoku; we’ve just replaced Intermediate: numbers with letters. Complete the puzzle and then Raj Ghandi No consecutive steps may be made by the same method. send the whole grid to [email protected]. Evil: Harry Potter Trio e.g. WORD -> WARD (by LS) -> WARE (by LS) would You will not get credit for just the word alone. It’s not be invalid. an anagram. Arachibutyrophobia = fear of peanut butter Evil Wordoku is exactly the same... only harder... and sticking to roof of Points are awarded for the earliest SHORTEST valid path there’s a letter missing... that MAY be a duplicate - mouth between the two words. Dubious words will be checked just solve it like normal and insert the letter that you Kakorrhaphiophobia = against the OED. Send your solutions to sudoku.felix@ believe makes the word. And worth double. fear of failing imperial.ac.uk. felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 29 [email protected] COFFEE BREAK Nonolink 1,458 Bridges 1,458

3 2 2 2 2 1 2 2 3 How to play: 3 3 1 1 2 0 3 3 2 2 2 3 0 2 2 3 1 1 1 1 2 1 1 1 Connect all the 2 2 1 1 2 2 ‘islands’ together 2 3 1 2 2 3 2 2 1 1 1 2 4 2 3 4 1 5 4 1 2 2 by bridges 1 1 2 2 2 3 running in direct 1 3 0 3 3 3 3 1 3 2 3 1 1 1 5 2 2 lines, North, West, East and 3 2 1 3 South only, with 4 3 1 no more than 2 2 two bridges connecting any 3 2 1 1 two distinct islands. Every 4 7 3 1 island must have 1 1 2 a total number 4 3 4 4 of bridges from 2 1 1 1 it equal to the 2 1 number on the island and 1 1 2 2 3 3 2 5 1 2 bridges must not cross islands, 1 one another or 1 5 lead to nowhere! 3 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 2 1 1 2 Solution 1457 3 3 Well done to the winner of this fine puzzle last week. The fantastic team was GLT so well done. 2 4 4 2 3 2 2 2 3 1 There were two solutions to last issues puzzle, 3 3 3 2 either was acceptable for points. Here are both of 1 1 them; black lines are common to both solutions, 5 3 2 2 2 green lines belong to the solution submitted by Last week’s winners. Nonogram: Flavia Tang, Slitherlink: GLT our winner only and gold lines belong to the 2 4 4 4 The nonogram’s easy this week so those that miss the straight forward slitherlink should feel alternative solution only. 1 they could give it a go. Please remember that solving and submitting the Nonogram half of this 2 3 3 3 2 puzzle only is acceptable: points are awarded separately. 4 5 5 5 Solution 1457 If you would like to design a puzzle and see it 2 4 How to play: printed in felix but don’t want to do one every week, just send us your ideas to the usual place - 1 2 The numbers at the side represent the size and 2 3 232 2 2 [email protected] and if we like them 1 4 2 3 3 1 2 order of blocks in each column and row. There 1 3 1 3 we’ll print them! must be at least one space between each block. 1 2 11 Then insert the numbers from the box in the top 2 2 left corner into the unshaded cells and proceed as for a normal ‘Slitherlink’: 2 1 2 2 1 “Hi i am pete davis and photos everynite.” All numbered cells must be surrounded by the 3 0 3 31 i would like to know the Thiery corresponding number of edges. The solution name of the bloke with the consists of one continuous line. Any cells without 2 2 beautifully hand crafted “I saw you last week, a number can have any number of edges. 23 2 2 1 pubic artwork he met on you were dancing down ffelixelix chat roulette for a bit more exhibition road carrying See last issue’s solution (right) for more help. 2 1 2 3 2 random play. ” sponge bob Pez and singing Send your solutions to us at sudoku.felix@ 3 3 3 1 A bit wierd ‘‘I’m on a boat I got my imperial.ac.uk flippy floppy’s!” I think ur “Hi lovestruck. I really want awesome.” LLoveovestruckstruck to make a bloody strawberry Okaaaay cheesecake. I jizz into someones mouth then punch “Right. If you are going to them in the nose, and they drink and vomit all over mix the blood and cum in the Union at least fucking their mouth to make it. Any win Varsity. You are a takers.” bunch of useless cunts.” First year chemist Angry sportsman

“Sophie your gash is so “To kirsty the geologist. Do smelly I can’t help but sniff you want to come mining you when you’re asleep. You and dining wiht me? i don’t know but I can’t help want ti take you to the it. This is the only way I can hard rock cafe... later on tell you... ” we can make seismic waves Chloe in your cave ;) Xx” Srsly, the fuck? “The JCR is no place for sex.” 07726 799 424 You know who you are! “Harrrrrow. Is Dan Wan here from fewix. I wook for “The girl who is always in good girw to wove.” the union, thanks for the Dan Wan fb add, i go through your 30 felix FRIDAY 12 MARCH 2010 COFFEE BREAK [email protected] A quickie (crossword) 1,458

1 2 2 3 4 4 5 5 6 6 7 ACROSS 7 7 Meteors (8,5) 17 The bellend (6) 8 Lamb of God (latin) - Snug aide 18 Final drops of drink (5) Solution 1457 8 10 (anag.) (5,3) 21 Swirling liquid shadow (4) 9 First murder victim (4) N A P H A A 8 10 9 10 Chemically powerful - Cruel, R A B B L E R O U S E R S bitter (7) R S A M H P 12 Ermine (5) S C R O U N G E O W E N 12 R U R R G 14 Austrian composer (5) A convincing winner last week in the B A B B I T T M E R G E 16 Stinking brown “gut-end” (7) sturdy frame of Matthew Colvin. Well N S S I 10 11 12 19 [Power] (4) done and all that crap. Keep answers M A G U S S A S S O O N 20 Somnolent phase (3,5) coming in to sudoku.felix@imperial. L D S S A 15 14 13 17 22 Mutually stuck - Gathered goals ac.uk and we’ll keep putting them in. C O E D E P H E M E R A (anag.) (2,11) G E D I O E Crossword by Peter Logg Q U A R T E R M A S T E R 14 16 15 17 DOWN E S R I A D

20 18 21 22 1 Carpet quality (4) 2 Annoying internet adverts (3-3) Scribble box 19 20 21 3 Scorn (7) 4 Once more (5) 5 “Finally!” (2,4) 24 24 25 6 Happens (round here) 9.81m.s-2 (8) 22 11 Off the menu (1,2,5) 13 Those who choose to bum (7) 26 15 Bubble bursted website appendage (3,3)

Trololololololololololololololololololololololo-scopes Let a creepy Russian man from the 60s lull you into a sense infantile arousal. Term over, finally WAN-k time.

Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio

You catch your You start bleeding YAY EASTER! Good “Nice Scorpio girl boyfriend watching from your anus. You excuse to eat chocolate, looking for handsome, pterodactyl porn. are initially con- no? You eat and eat muscular man. Prefer- Realising you’re  cerned but decide  and eat and eat. You go  ably should be well read  unlikely to find you won’t do any- into a chocolate frenzy and have a desire to anyone better at thing unless it seems and black out for a be eaten.” Soon after Imperial you decide to stick with him. You dress too serious. During rugby your “male friend” few days. When you finally come back to your putting out this ad you find a man with a burning up as a pterodactyl and squawk at him the next points at you, proclaiming you’re having a pe- senses you find yourself in a prison. “Why am I in desire to marinade his penis in mustard dress- night. He shuts the door on you and tells you to riod. You realise that the blood is trickling down prison?” You discover several days later that you ing. Fantastic! You meet up and can’t wait to get get out of his house. The photo of you dressed your legs and has soaked your shorts. You go to are in prison because, during your frenzy, you started. Sadly this man is not who he says he is. He as a slutty pterodactyl is all over felix. bed and drown in your own blood overnight. went to the zoo and ate a baby panda. is an undercover officer. Jail for life. Bad times.

Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius

It’s your birthday! You play on Robot You go sky-diving When you first came You have all of Unicorn Attack with the WI. You to Imperial you were your 2 friends solidly for three all jump out of a happy, lovely girl over to celebrate. days. No sleep, no the plane and are with your head in the  Everything’s great  food. You begin holding hands in clouds. That’s how until midnight when hallucinating that a circle as you fall. it was for your first christen your birthday with the contents of you are in fact a robot unicorn. You snap out One by one all the elderly women have heart term. Then you met us, we ground you down your stomach. You wake to find a million traffic of the trip, but then when having sex with attacks and you are holding hands with a by deriding you and taunting you. You stopped signs in your room and trip on one, skewering your girlfriend you have a flashback and stab bunch of dead people. They fall to the ground being happy and friendly. We transformed you yourself in the process; cats violently rape your her in the bajingo with your unicorn horn. and when your parachute doesn’t deploy you into a bitter, angry little munchkin who jumps at body and you die. Cat Aids? Fun, no? She bleeds to death on the sofa. are cushioned by their soft, dead bodies. any occasion to be angry and sarcastic. Job done.

Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn

‘Possibly Oriental Or Alas, the world is so This week you have When you first came Namibian’ and ‘The cruel. You have no your first sexual to Imperial you were Angry Naked Giraffe’ friends, no life, no experience with a girl a happy, handsome are writing this horo- free time. Work is from ChemSoc. It’s the boy with a headful scope mwahwahaha!  mounting up, stress is first time that anyone of sense. That’s how Don’t hate us, we’ve building. It becomes has ever touched your it was for your first been doing computational coursework all week too much for you. You go to your basement penis but unfortunately you ruined the moment by term. Then you discovered these horoscopes and we need some kind of release. We could go and put on a gas mask with the other end of coming as soon as her soft hands touched it. Oh and a sudden sequence of tragic events befell and splaff off in the privacy of our own homes but the tube in your anus whilst simulatanously and also you started farting. It was like a machine you and you lost your penis numerous times. We it’s more fun to spray our bile here. ALRIGHT! SO hanging yourself. Maybe you’ll at least get some gun, bullets out the front, gassey recoil out the transformed you into... well a girl basically. Can FUCK OFF! P.O.O.N. T.A.N.G signing out. Peace! recognition from others when you’re gone. back. LAAAAAME. P.O.O.N. T.A.N.G AWAY! you blame us? Movie?... Dinner?... Sex?!!... Pint? felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 31

(We’ve(We’vvee gonegoonne greengrgreeeen forffor GreenGreen Week,Week, HangmanPuttingPunuttingg thethe cat outouout toto drydryry nonnotot tththataatt wewe weren’twew ren’t greengrg een before...)bbefore...) [email protected] EASTER - The New Drama from HBO TTWATTERWATTER SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 ffs. them kids died from taking drone. now Cammy’s definitely gonna make it illegal Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! yeh. Coz then i can sell it for more! How else dyu think I’m going to pay for the NHS? SexyOsama69 Gor? I’m comin round for a sleepover. i’ve got the complete series of Glee club on DVD.

Barack_attack_l33thaxor I’m comin as well Gor. Is da theme still High School musical? it fuckin better be coz I spent ages making my Chad costume. SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 yeh! I’m goin as Gabriella :D. ur both gona need identity cards. Osie u shud probs change ur name and paint ur beard or sumthin 32 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 BUCS CHAMPIONSHIPS FEATURE [email protected]

Fencing fall short of a double victory

Indy Leclercq Fencing bridge in the final. On the adjacent piste, the Womens’ team began their championships with “Well done, and commiserations!” a semi-final against last year’s winners, That sentence, uttered by one of the Oxford. Indeed, the fixture had some IC fencing club members to the Mens’ history as Oxford pipped the girls to and Womens’ teams upon their return the title by two points last year. Re- to London, pretty much sums up the venge was in the air. Ater beating Ox- fencers’ performances over the BUCS ford twice in the premiership this year, championships weekend. though, the girls made it past the dark Both teams had fenced extremely blues once again, winning 113-101. well to get to the championship finals Celebrations ensued as the IC women’s in Sheffield; making it into the top four team joined the men in the final, the university teams in the country was no girls fencing against Edinburgh. Impe- mean feat. However, falling just short rial were, more than ever, up for the of a gold medal left a bittersweet taste double. in everyone’s mouth. After a short wait, both teams were The men started off their cham- called to the piste for their respective pionships with the semi-final match finals. The men got their preferred or- against Edinburgh University. A lucky der again: foil, epee then sabre. This drawmeant that Imperial were able to time round, though, the foilists got off fence in the order they wanted: the first to a rough start. Trailing by five points match in the foil, the second in sabre for most of the match, an inspired and with epee rounding off the lot. piece of fencing by Auclair got them Rob Shaw, Colin Auclair and captain back to just two hits behind. However, Indy Leclercq started off proceedings IC couldn’t hold on and Cambridge with a very strong match, never losing proceeded to re-forge the gap. The the advantage to eventually win it by match ended on a rather large defeat, seven hits, 45-38. 45-32. Everything was yet to be done to The sabre team, comprised of na- as the sabreurs stepped up to the piste. tional fencers Maiyuran Ratneswaran Unfortunately the Cambridge team and Henry Gann and resident Korean proved to be slightly stronger on the Seung-Wook “Wookie” Lyeo put in a day, edging out Imperial 45-40. The solid performance after a slightly shaky IC boys were now trailing by eighteen Don’t trust the massive grins, they were a bit disappointed. The mascots made it all better later that evening though. start to win by eight hits, 45-37. points overall, which meant that the With the team now ahead by fif- epeeists couldn’t concede more than teen points, the epeeists Marcello Co- 27 hits. The match was unbearably weapon by weapon, until they too were one to swallow, but both Cambridge realized that second in the country lombino, Alessandro Costamagna and tense, but in the antepenultimate bout, left powerless against a very strong Ed- and Edinburgh were the better teams wasn’t, in fact, that bad at all. There’s Ed Gilhead just needed to stay level Cambridge crossed the magic thresh- inburgh side. on the day. Lined up in their track- always next year! with their opponents to win the match. old. The championship was theirs. Disbelief and disappointment tinged suits, looking every inch the part, the The fencing club would also like Imperial never dropped their lead and A similar story was unfolding across everyone’s faces. It was all over. After Imperial fencers accepted their silver to thank Sport Imperial for the huge won the match 45-42, for an overall the hall. The women’s team went into setting their hopes quite high, both medals, (as well as a fair play medal for amount of support they gave us over score of 135-117. They were now to their final full of confidence, but saw teams had stumbled at the very last Marcello Colombino and player of the the entire weekend, from the tracksuits face their premiership rivals Cam- their hopes for a gold gradually eroded step. Settling for second was a hard tournament for Hannah Bryars) and to the mascots...Thanks guys!

didn’t disappoint, but we managed to take the lead straight away before rid- discDoctors make Division 2 final ing the rest of the game out, winning 10-8. Next up were Stirling, which was a very tight match. Nevertheless, Pierre Mcarthy Ultimate frisbee win. More importantly, in the other we managed to stave off our tiredness game in our group, Trinity lost to Uni- towards the end to sqeeze a winning versity of East Anglia, which created point in and set up the final versus Last weekend the discDoctors traded the possibility of a three-way tie. Bath. London for Sheffield and the BUCS Knowing we had to beat UEA to have Last year’s second division champi- Outdoor Nationals, having qualified a chance to winning the group and an ons, their hard work ethic and good for Division 2 . easier route to the final, we started the structure gave them the edge. We put The first game of the Saturday was game very well and took a command- in one of our best performances of the against Trinity College Dublin. We got ing 5-0 lead. UEA didn’t recover form year and still were found wanting, with off to a slow start which allowed them this, and we went on to win the game Bath winning 6-9. to take a decisive early lead, and despite 13-4. Because we trounced the other Slightly disappointed at not winning bringing it back to 8-8 we couldn’t keep two teams in the group, our points Division 2, we are still pleased with the the momentum going, and lost in sud- difference made us top of the group, performances we put in. Special men- den death. avoiding having to play an extra game. tion must go to the outgoing Captain The next game was against Aber- Our Quarter-final on the Sunday was and MVP Magnus Wilson who lead the deen. We showed our quality by scor- against Durham in windy conditions team to the Division 2 Indoor Nation- ing easily and totally shutting down which made playing difficult. We knew als and to second place this weekend. their offence for a comfortable 13-3 that they were a good team and they felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 33 [email protected] BUCS CHAMPIONSHIPS FEATURE

Incredible medal haul for Imperial Judo

After a tiring first day, we were back on the mat for the team events. Our women’s team (Bronwyn, Claudia Craven and Thalia) were unable to progress from a tough pool including Bath (gold) and Oxford (silver). Our men’s team, consisting of Wil- helm, Alex (substitute for Wilhelm af- ter the pools), Ed, Rahul, Ualikhan and Ben, was keen to continue the success of the previous two years where Impe- rial had finished 3rd. A straight 5-0 win against Manchester and a 4-1 against Glasgow placed the team in the quar- ter-finals, where they faced a strong team from Birmingham. After an over- all tie (2-2), a single weight category was drawn at random by the referees: In a nerve racking decisive fight Rahul won with a counter to keep his team in the running for a medal. Once again, in the semi-final, we failed in the near-impossible task of defeating Bath. Now we would fight for the bronze against Loughborough who fielded only four players mean- ing that we only had to win two fights. Rahul Bose & Ben Browne Judo some nice shoulder throws and a huge u66kg and u81kg Dan grade catego- fight for the bronze medal, where he Alex outclassed his opponent then Ed counter in the final. Tomasz Zamac- ries, team captain Wilhelm Kleiminger had narrowly missed out last year. Ed brought us the victory by winning a inski (u90kg) reached the semi-final and Benjamin Browne also faced tough swept his opponent of his feet, scor- hard battle against an excellent Japa- Ten judo players travelled to Sheffield after four comfortable wins then man- opposition and one win from each was ing Ippon to win his first medal at the nese player. Rahul followed with an- last Friday to take on the best from aged to win the semi-final ten seconds not enough to qualify them for the BUCS Dan individuals. other win, bringing the score to 4-1 for across the British Universities in the before time with a spectacular drop knockout stages. Having previously won three indi- Imperial. BUCS Championships. Team Impe- throw. He won the final with a stran- In the u73kg black belt category vidual bronze medals, Rahul Bose was This was the most successful BUCS rial started excellently with Alexander gle to secure the 3rd gold medal for were Edouard Desclaux and Rahul participating in his final BUCS Cham- Championships for the club since Murphy winning a gold medal in the Imperial. Bose. They both stormed through pionships. Using his dynamic judo he started to enter separately from the kyu grade (green and blue belt) divi- In the Dan grade (black belt) division their respective pools, finishing first won six fights and reached the final, University of London. Along with our sion. Alex finished all his four fights our two women’s entries, Bronwyn and winning all their fights by Ippon. where he fought the player who had win with London A at USIST 2010 this with an Ippon – the judo equivalent of Dawson and Thalia Laing, were drawn Progressing well, Ed won his quarter- knocked out Ed. Rahul started really ended a great season for the Imperial a technical knockout. Ualikhan Yesbo- in the toughest round-robin pools of final in a tough fight against a former well, not allowing his opponent to set- College Judo Club. The club would like lov, an ex-wrestler from Kazakhstan, the u57kg and u70kg categories, re- French junior national player. Ed lost tle, but was caught with a drop shoul- to thank Joe Doherty for his coaching dominated all of his six fights in the spectively. Both lost to the eventual the semi-final to a physically stronger der throw, which ended his day with an and Sport Imperial for their support. under 81kg kyu grade category with gold and silver medallists. In the men’s British squad player placing him in a impressive silver medal.

Water Polo : historic first win

hard by pressing them in defence with Ian Welch-Phillips Water Polo quick counter-attacks on offence paid off. A quick flurry of goals including those from Ian Welch-Phillips, Miles For the first time in Imperial College’s Lindsey-Clarke and Tom Gannon with illustrious history, the men’s Water strong defence from Brad Sanders and Polo 1st team won the BUCS trophy John Livesey brought Imperial back this year. It was a hard fought victory, to 12-12 with one minute left on the well deserved after a long season. Un- clock. A strong attack lead to Imperial beaten on the road to the final, the getting the ball to resident GB water- first game of three over the weekend polo player Adam Scholefield, who was potentially the hardest. Our first clinically smashed a shot past Shef- match was against Sheffield Hallam, field’s keeper. With 25 seconds on the who despite coming second in their clock, Imperial’s solid defence stole the semi final had a much stronger squad ball back and held on to end the match than the other teams. This was proved at 13-12. The next day Imperial met true when during our tense encoun- Plymouth, the only team that Impe- ter Sheffield were leading 10-7 going rial did not gain full points from dur- convincing victory of 23-11. The final wardy, Tom Beales-Ferguson and Peter Jamie Lee. Imperial ended the season into the final quarter. However, Impe- ing the semi finals, but again superior game was St Andrews whom Imperial Mason as well as good performances unbeaten with a first BUCS trophy of rial’s tactic of working the opposition tactics of coach Adam Walzer led to a beat 17-13 with goals from Aly Ma- from goalkeeper Vlad Besprovany and IC waterpolo history. 34 felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 SPORT [email protected] American football New decade, new end inaugural season

to stop Surrey adding two scores, to go venue, same story Geoffrey Chow American Football in at the half 12-0 down. The second half saw the Immortals >> Continued from back page Photography by Ian Gillet come out firingThe defence stepped up with the defensive line of Azu Osa- College centre Joe Brown. With the Afiana, Quirin Grossmann and Maciej Medicals down to 13 players for the Kurek snuffing out the Stingers inside remainder of the game, it seemed like Imperial Immortals 8 running game and the defensive sec- the opportune moment for College to Surrey Stingers 18 ondary led by an inspired Thomas get some points on the board, starting Rhoades keeping the pass game in with the penalty in front of the posts. check. With two men extra on the pitch, Scoring has been a weakness for it was expected that College would It’s been a tough first season in the the Immortals this season, but late in take advantage by running at the un- BUAFL for the Imperial Immortals. the 4th quarter, Edward Fisher, play- dermanned back line of the Medicals, Playing vastly more experienced op- ing his last league game for the club, however, some superb defending by ponents with larger squads to choose made sure his team got some points Sharples stopped one such attack. from has meant the team has gone into on the board. A 48 yard touchdown Poor decision-making crept in again, most games as underdogs. However run followed by a 2 point conversion with College deciding to kick the ball in a season that has seen them stead- by Tino Millar, put the score at 8-18 time and time again to the deadly The winning Medicals side, JPR Williams Cup winners 2010 ily improve it was perhaps fitting that and bought the Immortals to within 10 Medicals fullback Nzekwue, who sim- they saved their best performance for points of the Stingers, just as the clock ply glided through the ragged defence. last. ran down ending the game. To add insult to injury, it was the Med- Playing on a Wednesday afternoon So the Immortals ended the season icals who managed to score again with JPR WILLIAMS CUP 2010 after the fixture had been rained off the with a closely contested match and Fisher-Black scoring in the corner that previous Sunday, the Immortals head- have every reason to look forward to effectively finished the game at 29-13 ed down the A3 to Guildford to take next year. A lot of lessons have been to the Medicals. MEDICALS 29 - 13 COLLEGE on a Surrey team still in the hunt for learnt and valuable experience gained Poor decision-making was the TRIES TRIES a place in the Challenge Trophy. The and with the majority of the squad set downfall of the College side, which J. Sharples x 2, J. Fisher-Black, T. Zeal Surrey Stingers needed to outscore the to return, the Immortals have an excel- JPR Williams attributed to their age B. Davies Immortals by 68 points to extend their lent chance to be a competitive team. and relative inexperience compared run into the post-season and their be- One thing is for sure, the Immortals to the Medicals. Nevertheless, it was CONVERSIONS CONVERSIONS lief that they could achieve such a high took everything that their opponents a thoroughly entertaining match, with D. Neville x 3 J. Newton score no doubt spurred on the Impe- could throw at them this year and will JPR Williams commenting that it had rial team. return stronger, wiser and ready for the “more flair and excitement than some PENALTIES PENALTIES The game started rather patchily for fight next season. of the Six Nation games this year”. the Immortals with the defence unable Make sure you’re here next year! D. Neville J. Newton, A. Johnstone

Athletics sweep ULU Champs Football 4s clinch ULU league

Damian Phelan Football volley in at the far post. Aaron Mason (ICSM) cruised to victory by A stirring half time team talk from quite some margin. Marcus Megson left the team in no The 800m was of extra importance this doubt what needed to be done, and the year, with the great John Parlett attending as In their quest for the much cov- front four began to show the neces- a special guest. The men’s winner, taking the eted Division 1 title, ICUAFC 4th sary heart, attacking with both speed Parlett Pot, was Tom Beedell (2.03.8), with XI, IC Football’s flagship Wednesday and guile. Josh powered a header just Sam O’Neil (ICSM) taking second place ULU team, faced a mere ninety min- over the bar after great trickery from (2.04.7). The women’s race was won by Sara utes more, finishing the season with Ahmad on the left, before contriving to Luck of King’s College. The men’s 200m title a tricky tie against Queen Mary’s 3rd miss an open goal, despite having more went to Ajay Mohite (Imperial Medics) in XI. QM had comfortably ejected the time to think than Jon Venables. what was a very exciting blanket finish. 4s from the cup earlier this season, Josh redeemed himself soon after by A real stand-out performance was Darren though were on the receiving end of a winning the ball in midfield and split- March’s excellent 14.33m in the Men’s Triple masterclass in champagne football in ting the defence with a well weighted Jump. The women’s event was won by Kandi the reverse league fixture and a win in through ball to Tom. The striker con- Ejoifor (Imperial Medics) with 10.51m, who this game would guarantee the title for tinued his rich vein of scoring form to afterwards went on to win the women’s Long Imperial. finish across the face of the ‘keeper and Jump (4.92m). The men’s Long Jump title The core squad was depleted by the put IC ahead. Another mazy run from went to St. George’s Sion Whittaker. The absence of long term injury victims Rich (exponent of the world’s worst shot was the last field event of the day, won by Marcus and Raam, as well as recent throw-in) ended in him going down in Sam Coe (Imperial) in the men’s competition Marc-Viven Foé impersonator Lobb. the box easier than John Terry on his Angela Barrett Athletics Jones of Imperial. and by L. Haruna (RUMS) in the women’s. The deadlock was broken midway best mate’s missus. Rich dusted him- The 1500m provided the first track finals The competition was rounded off in ex- through the first half by Ahmad, whose self off and lashed an unstoppable pen- of the day, with a high quality field in both citing style with the 4x200m relays, both of free kick hung like a London fashion alty low to the ‘keeper’s right. For the very first time the University of Lon- the men’s and women’s races. Both provided which were won by the Imperial Medics designer before finding the back of the IC were able to ward off any further don Athletics Championships were held close finishes, with Scott Bastek (LSE) taking team. Whilst their victory was comfortable net. IC came close to doubling their threat with ease, and rapturous scenes indoors, at the fantastic Lee Valley Athletics first place from Imperial’s Sam Murphey with in the women’s race, the men’s was very close lead when a near post corner was too greeted the final whistle as it was con- Centre. As well as individual titles, there was a time of 4.15.3. There was a very large field with UCL only just beaten into second place. much for the ‘keeper to handle and firmed Marcus had led his team to the intercollegiate competition for the UL in the 3000m, but Scott Bastek completed a The final points score gave an emphatic the ball fell to either John or Edward, the first IC Football league win in re- Trophy, and the medical schools competition double with an emphatic victory in 9.22.1; victory for Imperial in the UL Trophy com- whichever is more annoying, inside the cent memory. The team captain led for the enormous United Hospitals Shield. the women’s event was won by a consider- petition, with 403 points. The United Hos- 6-yard box. However, he shanked his the celebrations with champagne and The field events kicked off with the high able margin by Imperial’s Tamsin Cargill. pitals Shield went once again to Imperial shot wide of the post. rumbuccas in the Union and manager jump; the women’s event was closely contest- UCL achieved a fantastic one-two in the College School of Medicine who scored a The 4s were made to pay for their bashing in the Rocket. A fantastic sea- ed, eventually won on countback by Magde- men’s 60m, with Adrian Stamp winning in massive 259 points. Well done to everyone profligacy in front of goal as QM son had been capped with an excellent lena Szuszkiewicz (King’s) from Suzanne 7.0s. The women’s 400m was tightly con- who took part and a big thank you to all the equalised just before half time. A free win and credit must go to everyone Clifton (Imperial), both clearing an excellent tested, won by Laura Carmichael of UCL helpers and officials who worked incredibly kick was swung over from the right and who has played a part in such a suc- 1.55m. The men’s event was won by Chris from Sian Mitchell (ICSM). In the men’s race hard throughout the day. Max,lost his mark-ee. allowing him to cessful campaign. felix FRIDAY 19 MARCH 2010 35 [email protected] SPORT

VARSITY 2010 College 13 - 11 Medics

Rugby Men’s 2nds College 0 - 15 Medics 3rds College 10 -17 Medics Basketball Women’s College 59 - 19 Medics

Football Men’s 1st College 0 - 0 Medics Rugby Women’s 7s 2nd College 3 -2 Medics 1sts College 0 - 15 Medics Netball 1sts College 23 - 33 Medics 2nds College 12 - 38 Medics 3rds College 13 -25 Medics

Hockey Women’s 1sts College 6 - 1 Medics 2nds College 2 - 2 Medics Water Polo College 12 - 9 Medics

Squash Men’s 1sts College 5 - 0 Medics Men’s 2nds College 5 - 0 Medics Women’s College 4 -0 Medics

Badminton Men’s College 7 - 1 Medics Basketball Men’s Women’s College 8 - 0 Medics College 98 - 31 Medics

Hockey Men’s 1sts College 2 - 1 Medics Lacrosse Mixed JPR Williams Cup (1sts) College 13 - 29 Medics College 10 - 11 Medics 2nds College 1 - 2 Medics

Photography by Ian Gillet, Ben Smith, Alex Karapetian, Slobodan Radosavljevic, Chris Walmsey & PhotoSoc members Download our Varsity podcasts Listen to all the interviews with the teams. Listen back to the live commentary from the JPR Williams Cup. Available to Stream and Download from www.icradio.com/varsity 19.03.10 BUCS Championship success >> felixSport pages 32-33

Photography by Ian Gillet

wo tries by Man of the bounce saw scrum half Manyard un- The second half saw a renewed and Match James Sharples at leash Sharples on the wing who com- regenerated Medicals side take it to the a buzzing Old Deer Park fortably ran in the try to give the Medi- College backs. Despite the best efforts T Stadium on Wednesday cals a 5-0. Fly-Half Neville was unable of scrum half Freddie Chalke, who JPR night saw that the Imperi- to score the conversion. Williams gave a noteworthy mention al Medicals retained the JPR Williams After the restart, the College side after the game, the College backs never Same old Cup for the eighth consecutive year. were determined to get some points seemed able to threaten the Medicals, College had the upper hand go- on the board with the forwards in- something which they would regret ing into the game, having beaten and creasing the pressure on the Medicals, later in the game. drawn against the Medicals earlier in eventually earning another penalty Poor kicking and decision making by the season, something that definitely in front of the posts on the 22m line. the College backs eventually led to the added hope to the College support- Medicals first try of the second half, ers that packed the stands of the Lon- with Neville again unleashing Sharp- Medics, don Welsh Stadium. However, Varsity “More flair and les on the wing after College’s fullback, seems to be one of those games where Joachim, was turned over in his 22. A previous performance counts for noth- excitement than successful conversion by Neville gave ing on the night. the Medicals a 15-10 lead early in the The first half was, by all accounts, some of the Six second half. The Medical backs were College’s half, playing some sublime attacking the line with such a high rugby and constantly threatening the Nations games this intensity that it was only a matter of Medicals try line. In a stark contrast time before they would break the line always to previous years, it was the College again, and it was the Medicals centre year” forwards that were dominating the who all but put the game to rest after scrums, with some excellent work by he crossed the line to give them a 22- O’Rourke as well as Louwagie and An out of form Newton managed to 10 lead. Coggrave on their Varsity debut. The strike the upright with the kick, but Despite the upper hand that the sustained pressure from the College was able to recover the ball, giving the Medicals had, the College side were forwards saw them ebb ever nearer to possession back to College. After a few determined to get another try and had winning! the Medicals try line, eventually earn- more phases, College managed to set an extensive period of pressure in the ing a penalty in a kickable position, up a rolling maul in the Medicals 22, Medicals half, which saw penalty after however, kicker Newton was unable to which they managed to push over the penalty being given against the Medi- Imperial unimpressive as the Medics take convert leaving the score 0-0. line giving a well earned try to the Col- cals. With 10 minutes to go, contro- This sustained pressure carried on lege forwards. Newton converted the versy struck after two Medical players JPR Williams Cup for 8th consecutive year. for the rest of the half, yet College kick to give College a 7-5 lead. A pen- were sin-binned, one for repeatedly never seemed able break the game line alty a piece, before the end of the half killing the ball and the second to Ben Jovan Nedic reports on the action from and put the Medicals on the back foot. saw the score-line at 10-8 to College, Davies for a dangerous tackle on the Despite this pressure, the Medicals who were definitely looking the most this years match at Old Deer Park were the first to score after a fortunate threatening. Continued on page 34