Ford Thinking Neck Minnit Time Has Come Today

Nikki Addison waxes lyrical about everyone’s Olivia Chrisp discusses the good ol’ turtleneck; Caitlin Abley answers Brad Pitt’s age-old favourite space smuggler Editor resists making Austin Powers reference question, “Ohhh, what’s in the box?” [1]

ISSUE TEN CONTENTS

6 12 NEWS COMMUNITY

PARKING UP THE PREJUDICED PETERS WRONG TREE Calling Uncle Winnie out on Green walkway proposal hits his racist rhetoric pothole with University

15 23 LIFESTYLE FEATURES

STIR CRAZY MEAN MEMES

Craccum has you sorted for the The toxic relationship between simplest of student meals memes and journalism

30 35 ARTS COLUMNS

FANNING YOURSELF WHITE HOUSE WHACKOS Jordan Margetts welcomes you to the world of Night Vale Rachel Berryman on Trump’s fanart Twitter & Spicer’s statements

[3]

EDITORIAL

Catriona Britton Samantha Gianotti

“Kiwi” Confusion

We want to put an end to all the rumours sur- At this point, either the woman is pulling ol’ That’s probably because she’s wearing a black rounding the meaning behind Harry Styles’ ab- Styles’ leg (classic surprise baby gag), or they’re dress and pretending to be a silhouette, Captain solute banger of a track, “Kiwi”, from his epony- playing a game of Chinese Whispers and Styles Fucking Obvious. mous debut solo album. Rumours were rife that is so unbelievably pissed that he mishears, “I’m “Hard candy dripping on me ‘til my feet are this song may be about a secret romance Styles smashing your Baileys and one of your Guinness” wet” had with a Kiwi lass. Well, let us clothe you in because she’s a drink-stealer and a fucking tank. Styles and the mystery woman must be in a white, dunk you in the Waikato River and wash “It’s New York, baby, always jacked up” hot location, like the grimy portal into Hell that away your thoughts tainted by parasitic internet Styles, or maybe this woman, do drugs some- is Code. In her sweaty palm, outstretched over rumours. Follow our certified line-by-line anal- times in New York (read: that one time in Auck- poor Styles’ Yves Saint Laurent heeled boots, ysis of the track that makes us dab in the office land—you can’t hide from us when you call your is a cluster of an old person’s version of Eclipse with such heavy metal, head-banging force, our song “Kiwi”, bro). mints—sticky Werther’s Originals, which she pretty necks get a little bit of whiplash. “Holland Tunnel for a nose, it’s always backed usually keeps in a little ziplock bag just in case “She worked her way through a cheap pack of up” she has to converse with an elderly person in a cigarettes” Sounds a heck of a lot like someone’s snorting supermarket checkout line. She’s probably swiv- Clearly, this woman has not called Quitline. a lil bit of cocaine, if you ask us. Styles uses a clever elling one round in her mouth, pretending like If she’s working through a pack of cheap cig- metaphor here to describe the state of their noses she has all gums and no teeth. So seductive (sung gies per day, she probably has a hacking cough. and keep us off the scent of his true whereabouts like 50 Cent in “Candy Shop” ayooo). Smoking seems to be her future. (again, not very effective). He compares traffic “And now she’s all over me, it’s like I paid for it” “Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect” jams in the Holland Tunnel—the highway tun- At this point we think Styles may be insinu- Obviously her drink of choice is 42 Below. nel that runs beneath the Hudson River between ating that this woman is acting like a stripper. We We’ve never ordered a vodka and intellect be- Manhattan and Jersey City, opened in 1927 and have never known Chinese Whispers to descend fore. We usually go for vodka and mum-danc- renamed in memory of the chief engineer, Clif- so dramatically into this kind of comparison. ing-at-cousin’s-wedding, or vodka and non- ford Milburn Holland, whose untimely death in It’s more likely the woman is conducting a frisk stop-pee-train. 1924 meant he never saw the tunnel completed— search, because she dreams of her fifteen minutes “And all the boys, they were saying they were to their blocked-up nasal cavities. We can only of fame on Police Ten 7. into it” imagine their noses are bunged up like when you “It’s like I paid for it, I’m gonna pay for this” LADS, LADS, LADS. play that children’s party game where you stick Stop insisting on paying this woman, Styles! “Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck” your face in a mound of flour and pick Jaffas out It is not her intention, we’re sure. Let us tell you Either Styles has his beer goggles on, or he with your teeth (just us?). how plausible it is for a Kiwi woman to dream has never watched Shania Twain sing “She’s Not “When she’s alone, she goes home to a cactus” about being a cop. We have never missed an ep- Just A Pretty Face” in a bumblebee-yellow Body Sometimes we go home to pricks as well. She isode of Dog Squad, Women in Blue, Police Ten Glove rash-top. ain’t nothin’ special, Styles. 7 or Motorway Patrol. We understand you’re a “She’s driving me crazy, but I’m into it / It’s “In a black dress, she’s such an actress” kind chap, but this is not the time to be paying getting crazy, I think I’m losing it” We too feel like different people when we for something. Styles is experiencing the negative side effects wear black dresses. One time, we both wore And there you have it. The rumours can be of infatuation, which we call “One-Directioneri- black dresses on the same day and immediate- put to bed. When Styles returns to our shores tis”, named after the fans who too stepped blind- ly started taking turns re-enacting Samwise in December, we suggest you keep your peepers ly into the sinking sands of unwanted seduction. Gamgee’s speech at the end of The Lord of the open around Code. He’s a sly old dog, but dogs “I think she said, ‘I’m having your baby. It’s Rings: the Two Towers. mark their territory and he’s sure to frequent this none of your business’” “She sits beside me like a silhouette” location again to piss or get pissed. ◆

[5] NEWS

Auckland Uni Lobbying Against Green Proposals BY ELOISE SIMS

Environmental group Generation Zero Street), Auckland Transport would “open- cerns in a letter dated November 2013, by have claimed both Auckland Transport ly” defy the Council by making Linear insisting the University of Auckland was and the University of Auckland are lobby- Park “impossible” to construct. “not consulted” in Auckland Transport’s ing against a proposal to create a new park Auckland Transport note on their formulation of the proposals. In the let- in the inner city, apparently due to fears website that such an option “will make it ter, Dixon directly addresses the Linear over the impact the park would have on difficult to reduce the number of lanes on Park proposal—claiming it would impose bus lanes. Victoria Street, as part of a planned future “unacceptable impacts on the other parts “Linear Park”, a project proposed by upgrade of Victoria Street” (referring to of the CBD.” Generation Zero, Greater Auckland, and Linear Park), but still claim it is their first “It undermines the CCMP (City Cen- Bike Auckland, is a design to link Albert choice due to its “excellent access” oppor- tre Masterplan) to the Learning Quarter, Park and Victoria Park via a green walk- tunities. and threatens major adverse impacts on way and cycleway. According to Greater Auckland, senior our operations.” Leroy Beckett, Auckland Director of leadership at the University of Auckland Yet Generation Zero have called the Generation Zero, said in speaking with has caused Auckland Transport to “ditch” claims “confusing”—particularly, as they Craccum that the proposal is “a key part of a second bus route option that would save have pointed out, a bus route option that giving the city back to people.” Linear Park—having been lobbied by the is outbound on Wellesley Street (Option “Our CBD is dominated by roads University from behind the scenes since Two) would actually provide “the most di- and car parks designed to serve people in late 2013. rect route for students.” cars—but the number of people who drive As part of a Local Government Of- In response, they have launched a cam- to the city is dropping, and the number ficial Information and Meeting Act re- paign to save the proposed CBD Green of people who bike, walk and take public quest, six previously confidential letters Space, called #SaveLinearPark. In a matter transport is skyrocketing.” between Auckland Transport and the of weeks, nearly 1700 Generation Zero “We need to redesign the city around University of Auckland have been made members made submissions to Auckland the changing ways it’s being used, and en- public. Transport using an online form—so many, courage more of that positive change.” In a 2013 letter obtained by Craccum in fact, that Auckland Transport have said While Linear Park has attracted some through Greater Auckland, Vice-Chan- they will take 4–5 weeks to report on the prominent backers, such as Mayor Phil cellor Stuart McCutcheon voices his con- feedback. Goff, recently the plans have been thrown cern for a bus route proposal that would Beckett is delighted by the response, into turmoil by Auckland Transport’s de- save Linear Park—claiming increased bus but warns both Generation Zero and stu- cision to open consultation on their Mid- traffic on Wellesley Street would “sig- dents at the University of Auckland need town bus route. nificantly adversely impact our science to act now if Linear Park is to be saved. Greater Auckland claimed in a recent research programme” due to the “sensi- “In 4–5 weeks, we will know if our ef- blog post that if Auckland Transport were tivity of the equipment involved e.g. to forts have worked.” to go with their preferred option out of vibration.” “[However], there is still a lot of work the available bus routes (which enters via Professor Jennifer Dixon, the Depu- needed to save the park in the long term, Wellesley Street and exits via Victoria ty-Vice Chancellor, voices further con- even if we dodge this bullet.” ◆

[6] NEWS Top Countries For Migrant Workers Caucasian— NZ Herald Data BY MARK CASSON

Migrants from Asia have copped a lot of who believed the gap in work visas was due “It doesn’t bother me where they’re from. criticism in recent years, not only for trav- to migrants from China and India tending New Zealand is an open country, and I be- elling to New Zealand to work, but also to favour other visa options. lieve we can benefit from working migrants.” for housing market price increases (despite “They are more likely to transition to Bruno Martis, an Indian migrant, a mere 2% of Chinese property investors permanent residence through temporary agrees with Maralit that diversity is crucial buying houses in Auckland). work and study visa routes using options to New Zealand’s development. However, a New Zealand Herald investi- such as the transition to work provisions.” “If migrant workers have the right skill gation of immigration data has recently con- The question still stands on whether and experience, companies in New Zea- cluded that most immigrants with a working migrant workers are causing a problem land can benefit a lot from it.” visa are not actually from Asia. According to within New Zealand’s society. “They bring in a different culture, and the data, the top five migrant countries were With migrant workers travelling all ways of thinking, which can help improve the United Kingdom, Germany, the United the way from the UK, United States, Ger- things that can work for any company.” States, South Africa and Australia. many, South Africa and Australia, parties Martis is highly opposed to scaremon- Although Australians don’t need a such as New Zealand First have begun gering anti-migration political rhetoric— working visa to work in New Zealand, the to question if New Zealanders are losing as epitomised by Winston Peters’ latest United Kingdom and Germany made up a their jobs to foreigners. attack on the “immigrant reporters” work- huge proportion of migrants with working Yet University of Auckland student, ing for The NZ Herald. visas—with 16.6% for the UK and 8.8% Lovely Maralit, says migrant workers bring “In terms of migrant workers taking up for Germany. more benefits than harm to Aotearoa. jobs for recently graduated students, I don’t According to The NZ Herald’s anal- “I feel as though migrant workers do think it’s fair for them—but again, migrant ysis, the number of migrant workers has shed light on our society.” workers are important to New Zealand as increased significantly in the past 12 years. “They may be providing competition they contribute to the economy.” The study shows that in 2004, 16,787 for students studying here within the “There are still a lot of jobs out there, so working visas entered the country, whereas working world, but employers wouldn’t I see no problem with migrant workers.” just last year, 41,576 working immigrants pick anyone out of the ordinary. Because Migration is still certainly set to be a hot arrived in New Zealand. they are from overseas, employers would issue for this year’s September elections, with The NZ Herald interviewed Massey select potential workers based on their ex- both National and Labour promising cut- University sociologist, Paul Spoonley, perience and what they can offer.” backs if elected. ◆

Australian Labour Party Slammed for “Racist” Advert BY MICHAEL CALDERWOOD

The Australian Labor Party’s (ALP) new “Anyone who sees it will know exactly I think we need more diversity and I will TV campaign ad—which promises to what’s wrong with it,” Albanese said. speak to the Labor Party about that." “employ Australians first” and features La- Despite being a member of the ALP Na- Later, on Twitter, Shorten admitted bor Leader Bill Shorten standing next to a tional Executive, Albanese claimed that he the comments were a “fair cop”. group of mainly white people—has been “hadn’t seen [the ad]” before it was shown. “Some people have pointed out the lack of slammed as racist by critics. Many Labor MPs represent some of the most diversity in the ALP’s video about local jobs… Key Australian Senate crossbencher multicultural electorates in Australia. A bad oversight that won’t happen again.” Derryn Hinch said the ad was stupid, tell- Shorten responded to the criticism The advert was premiered on Channel ing ABC Radio that “the ad could [have while speaking to reporters in Canberra, Nine in early May, as part of the ALP’s overall been] for the Ku Klux Klan.” saying that he did not believe the ad was campaign to “Employ Australians First”. Shorten also received criticism from racist, but would seek a review of it. This is not the first time the Party has within his own party about the ad, which "I am not in the business of making faced accusations of racism, after former was set to air in marginal seats. Speaking to ads," Shorten told reporters. Northern Victoria candidate, Imran Syed, reporters in Canberra, frontbench Labor MP "We have too many rorts in the visa sys- lost his endorsement from the party due to Anthony Albanese called the ad “a shocker”. tem. I had a look at the final product and his controversial social media posts in 2015. ◆

[7] NEWS

Otago Uni Student Convicted Of Underage Sex Offence BY ELOISE SIMS

CONTENT WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS decision that Benny then appealed in the said in speaking with Craccum. DISCUSSIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT High Court. Benny’s counsel, Campbell “He clearly committed an illegal act, A former University of Otago student has Savage, said he fought against Benny’s name which saw him taking sexual advantage of lost his bid to keep his name suppressed, being publicised out of fears it would nega- a child, and must be held accountable for after being convicted in February of pro- tively impact on his “career prospects”. this reprehensible action. There is no am- curing sex from a minor. However, Justice Dunningham ruled biguity surrounding this case.” Dan William Benny, 26, paid $50 to a that while the conviction would certain- Winn also claimed Benny’s case raised thirteen-year-old girl for oral sex services on ly “prompt surprise and inquiry from a serious questions as to how tertiary institu- March 11th 2016. The offence occurred when future employer and client”, such a sit- tions respond to sexual assault—after details Benny, then a high-school football coach and uation was not tantamount to extreme emerged that one of Benny’s professors wrote Law student at Otago, was getting money out hardship—and therefore dismissed the him a court affidavit calling him a “top stu- of a South Dunedin ATM at 11:30pm. appeal. dent” with an “impressive academic record”. The victim approached Benny and his “With the passage of time, [the convic- “It is… necessary that influential in- male companion with her fourteen-year- tion and publicity] is likely to be overshad- stitutions like universities who hold im- old friend, “clearly drunk” and requesting owed by his level of professional expertise,” mense power show they, genuinely, have money for food, according to High Court Dunningham concluded. zero tolerance for sexual violence within Justice Rachael Dunningham. After “some The University of Auckland branch of student communities.” negotiation”, Benny agreed to pay $50 Thursdays in Black, a student movement “Thursdays In Black work towards a for the minor to perform oral sex on him, against sexual violence, have welcomed world without rape and violence, which which took place in a nearby car park. Benny’s sentencing—but say his case epit- we believe is possible by changing dialogue In February, Judge Kevin Phillips sen- omises the common refrain that sexual of- from a grassroots level.” tenced Benny to three months’ communi- fenders’ future careers will be “marred” by

ty detention and 100 hours community their convictions. IF YOU FEEL PERSONALLY AFFECTED BY ANY work for the offence, which he accepted. OF THE CONTENT IN THIS PIECE, RESOURCES “In this case especially, the career pros- AND SUPPORT SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE However, crucially, Phillips ruled Ben- pects of Dan Benny are irrelevant,” Harriet THROUGH THE THURSDAYS IN BLACK WEB- SITE: HTTP://WWW.THURSDAYSINBLACK.ORG. ny did not qualify for name suppression—a Winn, Thursdays in Black spokesperson, NZ/SUPPORTSERVICES

Bill English: The Man Ran-Walked Away With My Heart GINNY WOO OFFERS SOME THOUGHTS ON OUR PRIME MINISTER’S FRANKLY BIZARRE VLOGGING HABITS

Being Bill English must be tough. I mean, The jury is still out on whether Max Key some kind of Instagram influencer, but being a stand-in Prime Minister is no easy is remembered as a campaign-ruiner, or without the constructed charm. gig when your predecessor was a bad boy some much-needed comic relief. John The result? Bill English has owned up who disregarded copyright laws and let Key’s “doddering dad struggling with rais- to being a “run-walker,” the sort of man China drop fat stacks of cash on some ex- ing both his kids and the nation” schtick who jogs lightly down small hills and tremely idyllic dairy farms. was fun to watch, if frustrating. pants convincingly enough to garner lit- Some might think that good ol’ Billy’s On the other hand, it seems as if En- tle sighs of sympathy from those forcing way of running the country bears little glish’s handlers have been counting on him themselves to sit through his vlogs. similarity to John Key’s. But the naysay- having much more of a rustic appeal. The sheep shearing was admittedly a little ers are likely operating with alternative Forget the days of being shoul- niche, but Bill being too unfit from months of facts—you’d have to be blind not to real- der-to-shoulder at parties with foreign cheap pints to make it up a slope is one that ise that Bill and John are equally mediocre property investors; Bill’s impassioned appeal should strike at the heart of every Kiwi. in relating to the average public, and there- to those in the heart of the nation has been Whether this ministerial vlogging is fore equally ineffective. equal parts sheep shearing and inoffensive going to make a difference to National in Sure, the two have their differences. [News Editor’s note: very, very, very offen- the polls remains to be seen, but at least John Key had a much more flamboyant sive—and I’m English] Kiwi cuisine. we can all be momentarily comforted by and metropolitan approach to appealing The latest of his good-natured attempts the fact that running a half-marathon is to Kiwis—he focused on big business re- to endear the people to him has been to re- as unattainable to Uncle Bill as it is to the lationships and trickle-down economics. cord (via video) his morning routine, like average millennial. ◆

[8] NEWS

Minister Shuts Down Call For Mental Health Review BY LAURA KVIGSTAD

Minister of Health, Dr Jonathan Cole- The report’s author, Marianne Elliott, Mental health teleservices such as man, has shut down political organisation responded to the critique saying “we are Lifeline, a 24-hour suicide prevention ActionStation’s recent appeals for a com- pro-democracy, and we think in healthy helpline, and Youthline, a free counselling prehensive review of mental health ser- democracies there is space for debate, cri- support service, faced serious government vices in New Zealand. tique and, yes, protest.” funding cutbacks in 2016. ActionStation, which campaigns and Director of Campaigns for ActionSta- This has resulted in these organisations fundraises on political issues, recently tion, Laura O’Connell Rapira, stated that relying more heavily on fundraising rather released the “People’s Mental Health Re- the report’s power lay in the fact that “it than government funding in order to keep port” on the state of mental healthcare activates your empathy” for mental health their doors open—and nearly led to the in New Zealand. The report detailed the patients. The report claimed that in Febru- Auckland branch of Lifeline closing en- personal accounts of over 500 individuals ary 2016, $140 million was cut from the tirely, if not for the work of an anonymous who accessed mental health services or mental health budget. benefactor. worked within mental health. However, Dr Coleman stated that this Currently, Lifeline does not receive Of these, 464 accounts focused on is not the case, and instead claims that any government funding, but continues challenges they had experienced receiving mental health funding has risen by $300 to manage an average of 15,000 calls every or providing care. million under National’s leadership. month. Following the report’s release, over A survey conducted in March of 6,000 Since 2008 there has been a 60% rise in 12,800 people signed an open letter re- employees in healthcare services found New Zealanders accessing mental health questing for the Government review of that nine in ten people working within services. This is estimated to continue ris- mental health care. Dr Coleman claimed the healthcare industry felt they did not ing, with the World Health Organization he did not want to discredit the voices that have the staff or resources to provide New stating that by 2020, depression will be the were within the report—however, insisted Zealanders with the healthcare that was second leading cause of world disability. members of ActionStation were “left-wing necessary. Both Labour and Green parties are in anti-government protesters”. 82% of the participants in the survey support of ActionStation’s proposal for a Dr Coleman also suggested ActionSta- claimed the Government’s current level of review, with Labour proposing a $43 mil- tion had a hidden agenda to change Gov- health funding was affecting their work- lion increase in funding towards mental ernment. load and work pressure. health services over a two-year period. ◆

[9] NEWS New Policies, New Look—New Labour? BY LAUREN WATSON

The Labour Party held its National Con- of mental health patients has increased by mental health, with Young Labour Pres- vention in Wellington last weekend where 60%. In comparison, the funding for these ident Matt van Wijk citing his “pride” in it discussed plenty of proposed policies, services has only increased by 18%. the new initiatives. with a dash of banter and a whole lot of As Ardern explained, Labour intends "Since 2013, youth mental health pol- subtle shade at National. to invest $40 million into increased access icy has been a stated priority of Young Important new policy platforms in- to counselling, increased interventionist Labour. We have consistently pushed for clude a mental health initiative put for- powers for GPs, and the tag line, “A nurse increased support through the party con- ward by Deputy Leader Jacinda Ardern, [in] every secondary school”. In current ferences, and by lobbying MPs,” van Wijk and the grant of $2000 towards insulation Government policy, nurses are currently said in speaking with Craccum. coming from Labour Leader Andrew Lit- only funded for decile 1–3 schools, and “That, along with strong caucus advo- tle, off the back of him closing a specula- some “special” cases. cates and strong public support, is what tion tax loophole. This initiative stands in clear contrast has won this policy. We're proud to have These two initiatives—with their main to National’s previous reduction of $1.7 consistently led the internal party debate.” appeal to young renters—were the clear billion of funding to the Health Budget, New Zealand currently has the highest focus of the conference. which Labour intends to reverse entirely. rate of youth suicide in the OECD, yet Ardern explained her mental health While some have argued creating a decreases in funding have meant mental initiative with emotional conviction, greater need for nurses will create a staffing health charities such as Youthline and talking about her very close family friend crisis, the New Zealand Nursing Associa- Evolve are struggling to keep their doors who ended his own life. tion stated in a press release this year that open. If elected, Labour’s mental health “Behind every single entry in the suicide many new nursing graduates are struggling policies will not directly affect students at statistics lies not only a life lost, but a com- to find a placement. the University of Auckland, as new mental munity shattered," she explained—citing Young Labour has taken much credit health programmes are likely to be rolled that over the past nine years, the number for the Party’s renewed focus on youth out directly into high schools themselves. ◆

World News Wrap PATRICK NEWLAND TAKES US THROUGH WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED IN THE PAST FEW DAYS OF WORLD NEWS

“You're fired.” ongoing investigation into the Trump fected the value of the business. President Trump surprised many last week campaigns ties to the Russian Govern- when he fired the controversial Director of ment. While there is no evidence to sup- Football the FBI, James Comey. Comey had been port this theory, the timing has been called Chelsea Football Club has won the Pre- heavily criticised in the lead-up to last year’s suspicious—coming just days after Comey mier League in one of this year’s great Presidential election, with many Demo- requested the White House for more re- sporting roller coasters. After winning the crats calling for his resignation over his sources into the investigation. League in 2015, the club finished mid-ta- handling of the Clinton email scandal. ble last year—only to finish back on top of Trump’s decision was apparently based Back Up In The Air England. on recommendations made by Deputy At- Stock in United Airlines has hit a record Last week also confirmed that Arsenal torney General Rod Rosenstein, who ex- 5-year-high, only months after a video of F.C. would fail to make the Champions plicitly called out Comey on his very public a passenger being forcefully removed from League for the first time in over two de- approach to the case—which was celebrat- one of their aircraft went viral—causing cades. It is still unknown if Arsene Wenger, ed by the Trump campaign at the time. the stock to go into free fall. their coach of 21 years, will be back next Despite White House Press Secretary Investors interpreted this as a buying year, with his contract up for renewal. Sean Spicer insisting this was the key rea- opportunity, however, as low fuel prices At the bottom end of the League, Mid- son for Comey’s dismissal, Trump himself and a stronger US dollar have helped the dlesbrough's short time in the top flight ap- later stated that he had already made up carrier significantly improve its profit mar- pears to be over, along with Sunderland and his mind to fire Comey before Rosen- gins. Hull. [News Editor’s note: the indomitable stein’s recommendation. The stock has now corrected—and Swansea City have also avoided relegation af- There has been speculation that Com- while the incident may have been seriously ter a thrilling victory over Sunderland, which ey’s removal was in response to the FBI’s bad publicity for the airline, it has not af- we can all be thankful for #uptheswans.] ◆

[10] [11] COMMUNITY

Winston Peters’ policies are racist; so why are politicians so afraid to say it? By Ginny W

Winston Peters’ stance on public policy is doing what everyone else is doing. He’s just both a pleasant surprise and an indictment all in racist. It’s senseless to mince words here; any- pandering to what the New Zealand people one. ACT is the only party outside of the bland one conveying his numerous (bordering on want,” has been the general attitude, and while inoffensiveness of National’s non-stance that has slanderous) remarks made about race, under I can see why that’s the most convenient solu- commented on the xenophobia that is rearing its the pretense of being hard on immigration, as tion to come to, I have to ask: why? head in New Zealand politics, and for once, this anything other than racism is being wilfully ig- Let’s ignore the elephant in the room a.k.a political outlier has taken the high road. There- norant about the reality of politics in New Zea- the fact that the above statement only works if in lies the problem, really: that the unpopular land. I’d be willing to take the criticism down what Kiwis want is to foster uninformed and opinion in politics this year is one that is openly a notch to “racially biased”, but that’s just the racist attitudes. There’s a lot to unpack about critical of populism, and that the parties with more politically correct way to say that some- that statement, but this is about Peters and the largest proportional representation in Parlia- one has openly shitty ideas about the intersec- why his political counterparts have found it so ment are choosing not to speak up. tion of race and government. hard to decry his words as what they are—rac- Refusing to hold Peters responsible for the Whether or not you’re a Winston support- ist. Interviews with both the Labour Party and evidently racist nature of his comments is symp- er is immaterial. You probably remember the the Greens resulted in an incredibly forgetta- tomatic of a bigger problem with the attitudes comments that he made just shy of a month ble pat on the wrist: Jacinda Ardern refused to and policies being marketed this election year. ago insinuating that the ethnicity of reporters comment when asked if Peters was a racist, and Yeah, the parties are happy to go through the for The New Zealand Herald was grounds to Metiria Turei barely let the R-word escape her motions and take the requisite jabs at one an- discredit their work relating to immigration mouth before asserting that Peters’ attitude was other on everything from Bill English’s ill-fat- statistics. The gist of his accusations was that hardly a deal-breaker. Turei is certain that the ed spaghetti pizza monstrosity to discussions the fact-based article drawing on numbers Greens are in Parliament because they’re com- about minimum wage, but an openly criticised from Statistics NZ was essentially propaganda mitted to working with people that they stand and objectively-maligned set of remarks from a because it posited that Asian migrants weren’t in ideological opposition to, but surely modern politician framing his rhetoric in Trump’s signa- the top concern for local jobs, and the reason members of the party (like the admirably for- ture style has been largely met with radio silence. for that conclusion was because the article was ward-thinking Chlöe Swarbrick) are tired of the “He’s just doing what everyone else is doing. He’s written by reporters of Asian descent. low-hanging fruit of preying on racial tensions? just pandering to what the New Zealand people Sure, everyone and their mother was quick It’s interesting that the Greens wouldn’t want,” sounds a lot less convincing when the to condemn Peters, but there was a damning welcome Donald Trump to our fair shores, public backlash to Peters’ commentary has been lack of his critics telling it like it is. Dame Su- but they seem more than happy to allow the decisively fierce and principled. san Devoy and Bill English made thinly-veiled populist attitudes that led to Trump’s elec- I’m not going to tell anyone to throw the comparisons between NZ First’s head honcho tion to fester uncriticised. Yes, politics is baby out with the bathwater. This isn’t some sort and Trump, but they only went as far as label- about compromise, and the reality painted by of character assassination of Winston Peters. ing him “sensationalist”. Mainstream reporting Turei where everyone is all smiles despite their The man’s had enough shit slung at him over the trumpeted the fact that Peters was out of touch, differences, is hardly one that is unreasonable past few weeks, and maybe a little bit more se- and that he was buying into the tried and true or unrealistic. However, politicians have long lective shit-slinging is what our other politicians “Alternative Facts” method of discrediting his thrown barbs at one another in the form of have to be on the receiving end of before they opponents in an election year. Winston Pe- clandestine affairs and accusations of foreign start choosing to bench policies on immigration ters—your harmless, old-fashioned uncle. The bribes that have far more sticking power than that deal with absolutely none of the nuances of fact that anti-Asian immigration sentiment the word “racist”, and everyone’s ended up back race. Hell, one of Ardern’s responses to Peters had been a popular rallying cry for politicians in bed with one another as soon as the status being called racist was to say, “He knows what across both the left and right spectrums made quo demanded it. he’s doing.” What does it say about us New Zea- it even easier to dismiss Peters’ diatribe as the It’s telling that ACT’s David Seymour has landers when outward racism is seen as some knee-jerk reaction of someone whose biggest had the clearest, verbal criticism of Peters—he sort of intelligent political manoeuvre? I’ll tell crime was being resistant to change. “He’s just called him an “old-fashioned racist”, which is you what, it’s bloody embarrassing. ◆ ART BY ISOBEL GLEDHILL (@ISOBEL_G) ART

[12] COMMUNITY The Birds & The Bees Upcoming Rebecca Hallas looks at our lacklustre approach to gender and sexuality in NZ schools Community While here in New Zealand we’ve made great strides programme challenges conventional dichotomies Events in our support of the Rainbow community and is- of gender and gives students the opportunity to sues surrounding sex and consent, we still have a long analyse social norms critically. They talk to issues Guess who’s back, back, way to go. In a 2014 report by the Greens regarding of consent and agency so that students are able to back, back again? It’s the experiences of Rainbow youth in schools, some engage in healthy intimate relationships with others of the findings were disturbing. It was found that founded upon respect. AUSA Backbenches! education on gender and sexuality does not form They aim to empower high school students When: Monday 29th May, 5:30pm– a part of the core curriculum in high schools across to implement their own initiatives within their 8:30pm New Zealand, and almost half of the principals sur- schools to ensure that every student feels valued veyed were unwilling to address whether or not they and included. Their job is to coach the students Where: Shadows Bar were aware of homophobic bullying in their school. in developing these initiatives and challenge them Price: Free! Furthermore, only 10% of principals responded af- along the way. Their programme is delivered by firmatively that their school had a support group for university students who are fun and engaging Age restrictions: R18 Rainbow students. and who understand the struggles teens are facing Event info: “Run as part of AUSA What can be done? While there is a clear need during this formative time in their lives. Ultimate- Politics Week since 2012, AUSA for implementation of mandatory education on gen- ly, Birds & Bees aims to instil a sense of empathy so Backbenches is a staple of the AUSA der and sexuality within all New Zealand schools, in that every member of their community feels that events calendar! Come to Shadows the interim it looks as though it falls to volunteers in they matter. Bar to see some of your favourite the community to keep fighting the good fight. This MPs battle it out!” is where you, dear reader, can step in to help. If you’re interested in educating young people THEY WANT YOU! More info at: www.facebook.com/ about issues of gender and sexuality, care about in- Birds & Bees are seeking expressions of interest from AUSAStudents/ forming the younger generations, or just generally anyone wanting to be involved in this team! What want to make a difference in the lives of teenagers experience do you need? None! This group is perfect across New Zealand, then joining Birds & Bees for you if you want: Unleash your inner Tarzan in an could be perfect for you. • Students to celebrate diversity; evening spent with • To challenge rape culture; Dr Jane Goodall • To instill in students the ability to critically anal- st ABOUT BIRDS & BEES yse social norms; When: Saturday 1 July, 6pm–9pm Bird & Bees is an organisation that provides sex • To help young men express themselves fully and Where: Logan Campbell Centre, and wellness education to high school students in challenge conventional ideas of what it is to be a 217 Greenlane Road West, Epsom Auckland. Their mission is to provide education man; about gender, sexuality, consent and healthy, loving • To give back to your community; and/or Price: $59 student tickets! relationships that is LGBTQ+ friendly and pro- • To get some sweet cred on your CV! Age restrictions: All ages motes diversity. Students who participate in their programme gain a deeper understanding of their If any of this sounds like you, please email Libby Event info: “When we ask our- own and others’ sexual and gender identities. Their at [email protected] ◆ selves ‘what separates us from oth- er animals?’ we question both our differences and our similarities – a challenge to which the famed ethologist Dr Jane Goodall has de- voted her life. In 2017, Dr Goodall tours New Zealand to help us revis- it this eminent yet elusive question and how we can all transform hope for our planet into action that is positively impactful for all. This event will consist of a 20-minute CHARITY/ORGANISATION OF THE WEEK lecture by Dr Goodall, followed by a 40-minute conversation between World Wide Fund for Nature New Zealand, or with local communities, and in partnership with Dr Goodall and a special guest WWF New Zealand, is on a mission to stop the deg- government and industry, using the best possible host, and an audience question and radation of the planet's natural environment and to science to advocate change and effective conserva- answer session.” build a future in which people live in harmony with tion policy. To support them, check out their web- Tickets available at: eventfinda. nature. This is achieved by working on the ground site: www.wwf.org.nz ◆ co.nz ◆

[13] LIFESTYLE What’s On GUIDE TO… Why K Rd is the Best Part of AKL Sampha Most students have ventured up to K Rd at one point and just having a grand ole time. With a heap of bars STUDIO THE VENUE or another, but this diverse and multifaceted street to choose from and some simply fab clubs—Family British singer-songwriter Sampha is play- has so much to offer that it’s impossible to be taken Bar and Neck of the Woods, anyone?—you’re bound ing at Studio The Venue this Wednesday in all at once. to have a good night. th 24 May. Making waves in the soul and Food: K Rd is home to many of our finest eateries. Architecture: Make sure you look up next time you electronic music world, Sampha’s tunes There are great cafés, from the quirky Revel to the stroll the street and take note of the beautiful pink are captivating, reflective and trance-in- trendy Bestie, and delicious lunch options (see: Fort and blue building on the corner of Pitt Street and ducing. Catch him before he makes it big. Greene and Lord of the Fries). For those with a big- K Rd. Saint Kevin’s Arcade is another gorgeous ad- ger budget, be sure to pay Coco’s Cantina a visit for dition, with tiled floors and huge windows looking Like Sex Italian food that’ll knock ya socks off. over Myers Park. The more mod side offers the min- BASEMENT THEATRE Fashun: K Rd is known for its vintage stores and imalist Ironbank. Take a peek inside this gem and while they may be on the expensive side, the selection discover a hidden garden. Exposed Theatre’sLike Sex is an award-win- is good. For seconds of contemporary brands hit up Vibes: It’s the vibe on K Rd that makes it the best. ning show—a crazy carousel that tears into Paperbag Princess, the Red Cross and Thriftway. For Just far away enough from the CBD to lose that sense the tropes of teenage sex and sexual politics true vintage, check out Vixen and The Bread and of urgency and busyness, K Rd is relaxed and chill. It in a witty and sharp manner. It runs from Butter Letter. boasts a creative vibe, with art, music, tattooing and 24th May–3rd June, and tickets are available Nightlife: When the sun goes down, K Rd really fashion being integral parts of the area. It’s a place you from iTicket. Check out our article in the comes to life. The street transforms at dark, with can go to escape the bustle of Queen Street and be Arts section for a promo code just for Crac- crowds milling on the footpath smoking, drinking free of judgement and pressure. ◆ cum readers!

The Stolen Flowers of Auckland An Ode to the Turtleneck RAILWAY STREET STUDIOS By Olivia Chrisp Artist J M Henderson’s latest exhibition is showing at Railway Street Studios until All rise for the honourable turtleneck, making its you sit at home with spaghetti bolognese on your June 6th. Each piece in the collection in- annual return as a wardrobe staple this winter. A fa- I Love Paris t-shirt from 2008.) The bonus for us la- corporates collaged flowers that have been vourite of art students and cold necks alike, it seems zybones out there is that the turtleneck of 2017 is picked and “borrowed” over the last three like the buzz around these long-necked loungers just understated, everything about it says STOP APPLY- years. Admission is free, so get there! won’t let up. Time travellers in their own right, there is ING THAT FOUNDATION AND JUST WALK a turtleneck to be found in every era. They just didn’t OUT THE DOOR, YOU FOOL. However, the ac- want to miss the party. Don’t worry turtlenecks, I get tual achievability of that laidback look is up for debate. Stir Fried IX FOMO too. Fair warning to those potential turtleneckers out VARIOUS LOCATIONS Gone are the days when turtlenecks were the staple there wanting to dip your feet into the promised land, of your grumpy Year 1 teacher who looked about 100 stay well clear of the trap laid by a brilliant yet fashion- Stray Theatre Company’s annual short years old. Now you’re more likely to see them warm- ably lacking Steve Jobs. A turtleneck and baggy jeans comedy festival is back with Stir Fried IX. ing the neck of an Elam grad, often paired with a set does not a perfect couple make. Other honourable With eight original plays written, acted of well-worn Doc Martens. They’re like something out turtleneck mentions go to Rick Astley in his “Never and directed by students, this R18 show has of an Osh Kosh catalogue that we might’ve worn in Gonna Give You Up” vid—a black turtleneck with a everything—from musicals and puppets to the mid-90s. Enter the mustard yellows and millenni- trench coat, looking only slightly like you might find toddlers and Trump (not mutually exclu- al pinks to make us all look like the 5-year-olds we act him in a dark alley saying “Hey, do ya wanna buy a sive). This year Stir Fried IX is a travelling like. watch?” Iconic. Nor can we forget Ron Burgundy who show: Kings Arms Wednesday 24th–Thurs- But there is another type of turtleneck floating famously brought us to the joys of rich mahogany so day 25th May, The Tuning Fork Friday 26th around right now. One for the “minimalist” girl. now you too can feel like a “big deal” whilst repping May, Shadows Saturday 27th May. Tickets Yeah—the one you see at your 8am lecture with an your turtleneck this winter. are available through their FB page. obscene heavenly glow around her. You know if you A rare gift from the fashion gods, it is an item see that girl, wearing a thin black turtleneck, that she that is both practical and stylish. With endless possi- Tiki Taane Mahuta likely has an artisanal candle she burns on the reg, and bilities for actual warmth and the successful elimina- ASB THEATRE can be found drinking prosecco mid-week in low-lit tion of scarves from any outfit (which are the widely bistros. Her turtleneck is code for “Yeah, I’ll peruse an accepted nemesis of this weird Auckland humidity). In celebration of NZ Music Month, catch art gallery with you, or perhaps you’ll join me at this THANKS, TURTLENECKS. We’ll try and do ya the amazing Tiki Taane Mahuta at ASB new boutique coffee shop”, while autumn leaves fall in proud. ◆ Theatre on Monday 29th May, combining slow motion around her. aerial theatre, hip-hop and kapa haka, Lifestyle Editor’s note: Additional turtleneck pro—has the A casual flick through Instagram will reveal these word “turtle” in it. and award-winning music by Tiki Taane turtleneck-wearing goddesses in their natural habitat, Editor’s note: May we not forget Colin Firth’s gloriously chunky and Shapeshifter’s Sam Trevethick. Tick- Love Actually posing for polaroids in front of white walls. (While turtleneck in . We would like to bury our faces ets are $50–$60 for students. ◆ in it.

[14] LIFESTYLE CAFÉ REVIEW Misters Top 5… 12 WYNDHAM ST Local Musicians By Nikki Addison to Embrace If you’re into organic, free range wholefoods, then have the option to add meat, tofu and other you’re going to love Misters. Tucked away from accompaniments, as well as choose from a range the madness of Queen Street, Misters is a lovely of scrumptious sides. I chose the Lebanese bowl Sal Valentine and the place to enjoy a healthy breakfast or lunch and with chickpea and herb falafel, and it was 10/10. Babyshakes grab a quick snack. The café itself is beautifully The bowls might seem expensive—$15.90 SALVALENTINEANDTHEBABYSHAKES.COM decorated, with exposed brick walls, polished each—but they are big, and can be taken away You have to see a live show to understand wooden floors and an entire wall of plants thanks to their compostable containers. just how talented these guys are and experi- (YAAAS). The service is friendly and profession- All of the bowls have a vegan option, and ence the raucous energy their performances al, the coffee delicious and organic, and the range a good vegan option at that—no token single create. A ten-piece jazz band with a commit- of house-made juices and smoothies to die for. item to appease vegos here. Additionally, the ted 1940s aesthetic, Sal Valentine and the The food doesn’t disappoint, either. Based cabinet is full of raw sweet treats, most of which Babyshakes will transport you to another around a series of “bowls”, Misters’ menu allows are vegan too. I sampled a raw mint chocolate time and place. for a lot of variety. Eaters can choose from five slice, which was divine. different bowls—at the moment Lebanese, Ital- If you’re looking for somewhere that has ian, Mexican, Japanese and Lao, though they healthy, unique meals and isn’t too far from Raiza Biza change seasonally—which all contain a delicious campus, definitely give Misters a try. You’ll be a RAIZABIZA.COM assortment of fresh, nutritious ingredients. You regular in no time. ◆ Rwandan-born rapper Raiza Biza blends introspective lyrics with soulful music to create one damn fine sound. He made waves in the underground rap scene with his early single “Pyramid”, and is keeping that shit up with the more recent pearler “Dream Some- thing”.

The Gramophone Band A Simple Veggie Stir-Fry THEGRAMOPHONEBAND.COM Ever wish you were born in the Roaring In honour of Stray Theatre Company’s annual 1 green or yellow pepper, cut into sticks Twenties? The Gramophone Band are like comedy show, we’re going back to ba- 100g baby sweetcorn, cut into halves Stir Fried something straight out of Fitzgerald’s deca- sics with a quick and easy stir fry recipe. A stir 1 piece of ginger, grated and peeled dently described decade, with a sultry blend fry is the essential student meal and perfect for 2 tbsps hoisin sauce of swing, ragtime and jazz. all those only just braving the kitchen. Healthy, 2 tbsps soy sauce fast and delicious this recipe should be one of Method the staples of a student diet—and it has far 1. Heat a wok on high heat and add the oil. The Miltones more nutritional value than a simple pack of 2. Take the onions, ginger, garlic and stir for THEMILTONES.COM two-minute noodles. one minute, before turning down the heat. For a foot-stomping good time, check out The If you want to add meat, double check in- (Don’t burn/brown the vegetables.) Miltones. A mixture of Americana, blues and structions online, but generally you should 3. Add carrot, red pepper, nuts and baby sweet- Seventies rock, their music is fresh, invigorat- cook the meat first and set it aside before cook- corn and stir-fry for around five minutes. ing and authentic. Led by the gutsy vocals of ing all the vegetables. Then you return the meat 4. Whilst the ingredients are cooking, toss them in frontwoman Milly Tabak, these guys will bless to the wok, and throw it all together. the pan—moving them around with a wooden the ears of Fleetwood Mac, Ryan Adams and The vegetables for this meal can be prepared spatula. Don’t clutter up the wok, and chase the Neil Young fans. and refrigerated for 24 hours, before chuck- ingredients around the pan—always moving. ing them in the wok and stirring them up for 5. Add the hoisin, soy sauce and 1 tablespoon a no-hassle, end-of-day meal. Similarly, stir-fry of water and cook over a high heat for a cou- David Dallas can be saved for the next day’s meal. ple more minutes. It may be earlier, simply DAVIDDALLAS.CO.NZ Ingredients check to see that the vegetables are cooked, Former UoA student David Dallas has been 2 tbsps sunflower oil (you can also use rice bran, but aren’t too soft. a key player in the NZ music scene for about canola or olive oil) 6. You can experiment with the liquids and in- ten years now. With the recent release of his 40g peanuts or cashews clude other sauces and flavourings, such as fourth album, he deserves a fresh listen. If 4 spring onions, diced sweet chilli sauce or even lime juice. you loved his old stuff, mellow hip-hop tune 1 carrot, cut into small sticks 7. Pair your stir-fry with rice or noodles (even the “This Is It” will have your head nodding in 1 red pepper, cut into sticks two-minute kind), or eat it by itself. Enjoy! ◆ no time. ◆

[15] FEATURE ART BY SALLY FRASER (@ICKUS_) BY SALLY ART

[16] FEATURE

YELLOW PERIL, YELLOW FEVER Helen Yeung and Wen-Juenn Lee have a chat about what it means to be an Asian woman in New Zealand, both past and present

Helen: Hey WJ, one of the perks of growing en are both familiar and different. It's clear that sation that are unfamiliar, Knives was a Cana- up as a woman of colour in New Zealand is they’re part of a bigger narrative of the fetish- dian-Chinese Catholic high school student the number of conversations we’re able to have isation of Asian women, a fetishisation that who was so unbelievably innocent, passive and whenever it comes to stuff like racism and sex- is often laughed off and dismissed, but which desperate that she did anything for her love in- ism right? affects you, me, and other Asian women today. terest. Who, surprise surprise, was a white male This brings us to the burning question, I guess: of course.) Wen-Juenn: Yup, people can't get enough of what were your experiences as an Asian girl like being honest about racism and sexism. That's growing up in New Zealand? WJ: Innocent, passive and desperate—I think New Zealand politics for you, definitely not that’s accurate. I guess that’s also where the in- sensationalising race or immigration! H: So, when I was 14 and hopelessly crush- tersection of race and gender come in? Wom- ing on a boy that skateboarded on weekends, en are seen as passive, but Asian women are H: It's so frustrating! I mean, it’s obvious that my teenage girl heart was obviously shredded especially passive. I was waiting at the crossing these problems are huge in this day and age. into a million pieces when I heard him say to one day when an older man came up to me And like you said—look at the state of New a friend, “Asian girls are ugly as fuck, I’d never and asked, “Do you want to come back to my Zealand’s politics right now. Everyone wants date someone Chinese.” When I was 18 and house? It’s just across the road.” Of course, this to talk about people of colour, but none of made the decision that I was into long-haired operated on the basic level of a man’s skewed the coverage is positive. It sucks. That’s why I boys that, mind you, probably showered once sense of entitlement to a woman, in the same think it’s really important to uplift the voices of a week (which I totally regret) his friend told way a man would catcall—“It’s just a compli- women of colour right now, and to be honest, me, “He only likes you because he has yellow ment!” But I also think it operated on the level it’s great that you’re here chatting to me about fever.” I mean these polarising comments prob- of what kind of woman I represented to him, a this topic. ably have little shock value to some people, but woman that was subservient, passive, and sexu-

they were definitely defining experiences for ally adventurous. Would he have asked some- ART BY DAPHNE ZHENG (@BREAKFAST.EXPRESS) WJ: Yeah, I second that! I guess to start things me when I was going to a predominantly white one that looked like him, someone that looked off, I think it’s easy for others to treat my expe- high school on the Shore. like his sister or mother? riences as an Asian woman in New Zealand as It was already bad enough that I was being A few years ago, my mother came back from these small, isolated incidents. “Maybe it wasn’t treated like the holy reincarnation of Knives a tramp in the Marlborough Sounds. I asked race,” people say. “Maybe it wasn’t gender.” But Chau from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. That her how the walk was, and instead, she told when I compare my experiences to yours, it’s 2010 cult favourite every “alternative” kid was me that an elderly man patted her, and her Jap- cool to see that our experiences as Asian wom- into? (For those of you following our conver- anese friend’s head. “It was weird,” she said. “I

“Look at the state of New Zealand’s politics right now. Everyone wants to talk about people of colour, but none of the coverage is positive.”

[17] FEATURE don’t think he would have done it to a Pākehā I experienced as a teen. I’m scrolling through said, “It’s because he’s into Asian girls,” and I woman. He kept on patting my head, and say- Facebook one night and I see a swarm of white didn’t feel so flattered anymore. It wasn’t that ing how lovely I was. I’m a fully grown woman boys I used to go to school with not only liking he liked my humour, or my taste in corduroy; it for goodness’ sake.” The indignancy, the anger; pages like “Aesthetically Pleasing Asian Girls” was the fact that I was Asian, that I represented this was something I could identify with. East and “I'm dead inside and I like Asian girls”, but to him his wildest, anime dreams. Southeast Asian women are lovely, and cute, and passive, tagging a bunch of random Asian girls in them. Asian women are objects of desire or disgust. and kawaii. My mother can be patted at, I can You know, it really took me back to a time We are objects to be looked at, to be critiqued; be propositioned on the street; I think the ste- where I was extremely afraid of being alienat- to be seen primarily for our race, and what that reotypes, both gendered and racialised, have a ed and never had the confidence to bring up in race represents. strong influence on how people perceive and conversation how I felt towards this issue—the treat Asian women. fetishisation of East Asian women, and women H: So true! I mean a lot of people perceive cat- of colour in general. This time I knew I had to egories of race, ethnicity, gender and sexuality H: You’re totally right about this, I’ve seen speak up about it! But I was super disappoint- in distinct groups, when in reality these mark- many grown East Asian women being treated ed really, because all I was welcomed with were ers are always intersecting and playing a part as “passive objects”. When my mother used to multiple comments that could easily pass off as in our personal experiences. I got to a point in be a volunteer helper for my primary school verbal harassment, plus being slammed with high school where I just stopped dating anyone trips, even the younger kids treated her differ- the fact that I shouldn’t be the spokeswom- because I constantly felt like I was devalued and ently—they would come back to me and make an for all Asian women. So there I was again, objectified as this hypersexualised, fragile “ori- fun of the way my mother talked, all in all they brought back to a time where I felt belittled ental” doll. just never took her seriously as they would to and invisible. Did you have similar experiences a white woman. It’s crazy how these racial ste- growing up? WJ: We are either hyper-sexualised, or com- reotypes are perpetuated by children at such a pletely sexless. There is no in-between. My young age. I mean, I know a lot of people think WJ: It’s interesting that you bring up personal sexuality, your sexuality, a woman of colour’s that these stereotypes aren’t as relevant any- experiences in which being an East Asian wom- sexuality is inextricably tied up with race in a more, but really they’ve infiltrated all parts of an had made you feel both undesirable and way that cannot be undone. Many people think New Zealand society. Which is really the rea- fetishised in different instances. I feel the same that the fetishisation of Asian girls is a compli- son I decided to publish this conversation in way. When I was in Christchurch, my crush, ment—it’s just a matter of preference, as pages Craccum. in all his seven years of masculinity, asked me, like “Aesthetically Pleasing Asian Girls” proba- Anyway, fast forwarding to 2017 where I’ve “Why do your people eat dogs?” Of course, bly claim. But fetish and undesirability are two moved on from the traumatising encounters this isn’t the same as someone telling you that sides of the same coin. What were people's re- Asian girls are ugly as fuck, but it’s reminding sponses when you decided to speak up against you that you are different, that someone—and the Facebook page? even worse, that someone you admire—sees you first and foremost for your race, for what H: The response to my Facebook status was your race means (Chinese barbarians who better than I imagined to be honest. I received eat dogs? I have no idea), for your rep- a lot of support from my friends and people resentation of a group of people, and around the Auckland community, which I’m not for your individual worth as a so grateful for! Putting that aside though, it person. While I had learnt to made me think how good it would have been know him, and grown to if I had this kind of support in high school; if like his charisma—po- schools actually made an effort to address how tent at age seven— dangerous these two words were in the every- and his intelli- day lives of East Asian girls—yellow fever. I re- gence (Spelling member how commonly this term was used by Bee champ); students back in high school. If any boy liked what did he see an Asian girl, it was yellow fever, obviously. when he looked at Honestly, teachers were lurking around 8/10 me? times during these conversations yet they did When I was older, my nothing to put an end to it. I think we need to friends told me a boy liked me. stop normalising this idea in society. I mean And I thought it was funny, and I can someone tell me what’s so appealing about probably felt flattered, but then they using a term which compares the obsession

“It wasn’t that he liked my humour, or my taste in corduroy; it was the fact that I was Asian, that I represented to him his wildest, anime dreams.”

[18] FEATURE men have with Asian women to a viral disease can come out of her mouth. You know what, WJ: You never hear about the dreams, the de- carried by mosquitos? I sleep better at night knowing my vagina did sires and the downfalls of a “token” Asian fe- On top of all the responses, I noticed lots its part in the world by elevating a racist, white male character. She’s just the stressed and anx- of people had the misconception that fetishis- woman’s career as a comedian. Thank you, ious nerd like Jill “Mouse” Chen in The ing East Asian women was something based on Amy Schumer, for using people of colour as Carrie Diaries, or Glee’s Tina Chang, “natural attraction” and having a “preference”. stepping stones to your fame. who is afforded little to no solo Which is completely not true—as if all of this performance, or plot to the same appeared out of thin air! People should realise WJ: And she’s lauded as a feminist icon! It’s in- level of intricacy that is offered to that this racial fetish is built entirely on a colo- sane. It’s like Lena Dunham, who wrote about the other main characters. What nial sense of entitlement. It’s like an East meets her visit to Japan in a super Orientalist essay popular culture is teaching West narrative where the woman is always seen called “Sayonara”. One thing I remembered me is that I am a back- as an “oriental mystique”, so gross. We’re practi- was how she described a Japanese girl with her ground character. I will cally reduced to stereotypes. Tiny almond eyes, “hands like paper cranes.” Nice. We’re so del- never have the same petite figures, long black hair, drinks green tea, icate and fragile. And we have tight vaginas! complex story as my you name it. It’s comments like these that are harmful to other friends; my story an Asian woman’s perception of herself, and is limited to the appre- WJ: Exactly—it’s not a preference and it’s not to people’s perceptions of her. We’re never ciation and fetishisa- a compliment when it comes from a long his- well-rounded, complex or contradictory char- tion of the colour tory of the Orientalisation of the East by the acters. We’re simplified to exotic tropes, to a of my skin, and West. We are products of white male fantasies fantasy of subservience and passiveness that for what it that have no bearing on reality. Your comment Lena Dunham and Amy Schumer perpetuate. represents to about yellow fever reminds me of something The danger of this single story, to paraphrase Western, I heard the other day. Someone said, “I have Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche’s Ted Talk (she is male fanta- jungle fever.” And it’s not the same thing, I un- my idol), is that stereotypes are not only incor- sies and de- derstand, but it’s the idea that people of colour rect, but incomplete. sires. are fetishised; the myth of the black and potent male body (it’s just jungle fever!) and the pas- H: I’m actually in the midst of reading her H: Exactly what you say, sive Asian female body stem from the sexual book Americanah right now, Chimamanda is it’s like the colour of my demonisation of the “other”. You don’t get a such an inspirational writer! Getting back to skin, my body and my “preference” for white people because that’s the what you were saying, Asian girls practical- facial features define me hegemonic norm—it just remains unnamed ly have little to non-existing roles in popular as a whole. Being racial- and invisible. American culture. We’re supposedly in this ly fetishised is dehumanising and de- “feminist” era of TV where breakthrough grading not only to us East Asian women but H: While looking up some articles last week, shows like Lena Dunham’s Girls or last year’s all women of colour! It’s crazy that we can be I actually came across this stand-up on Com- release of the final season ofGilmore Girls, are reduced down to a visually pleasing aesthetic edy Central with Amy Schumer. The descrip- meant to provide strong, empowering voices or even a single ironic meme. I hope there’ll tion being “Amy Schumer explains why she for women. As much as I support the increas- be more open conversations in future about can't compete with an Asian chick”. She lists ing representation of women in the media, it’s these issues, especially in schools. Because I’m reasons like they’re good at maths, they have sad to say that both shows offer barely any em- not going to lie, being labeled as a “submissive, silkier hair and I’m like, okay I’ve heard this powerment for women of colour. They practi- oriental doll” for the majority of my teens before. But what came next was quite uncalled cally feature an all white cast! Safe to say both really made me doubt my self worth for the for. Not only commenting on how Asian shows offer a menial representation to women longest time. To all the people out there who women cover their mouths modestly when like us; we’re ditzy personal assistants, the maid have said to me “Fuck, you’re annoying”— they laugh “because they know men hate that doesn’t speak English, the obedient girl- fuck, I’m hardly annoying for finally having when women speak”, she talks about how they friend or we’re some “ethnic mystique”. Just like the courage to speak out about my identity. “bring it home for the win” with the “smallest how you mentioned before, we’re packed into a I hope all women of colour in future can feel vaginas in the game”. Well, then again, I guess single narrative and made into two-dimension- safe speaking about similar issues and feel em- there’s no surprise that something like that al characters. powered to reclaim their identities! ◆

[19] FEATURE ART BY CAITLIN WATTERS ART

[20] FEATURE

Avoiding the Glitterati Nikki Addison on Harrison Ford’s hearty and ongoing career

Harrison Ford is 74 years old. 74 years old and acting roles because he displeased the producer that cultural instant." still acting, still flying planes and—dare I say— after playing a bellboy. When the producer in- Ford’s connection to Lucas led to the role still looking rather handsome. Ford’s career as structed him to perform his bellboy duties like which made him a superstar: the sexy, arrogant an actor and producer has spanned over five a movie star, Ford said he felt he should per- smuggler-slash-pilot Han Solo in Star Wars decades, beginning with his first uncredited form them like a bellboy. This is just one small (1977). Shockingly, Ford was never actually role in the 1966 filmDead Heat on a Merry- example of Ford being badass and sticking to supposed to play Han Solo—Lucas hired him Go-Round. He is now one of the most respect- his guns. to read lines for actors auditioning for the part, ed actors in Hollywood and one of the finest In 1967 Ford finally received a credited act- but ended up liking his readings so much he of his generation. In 1997 Ford was ranked ing role in the western filmA Time for Killing. cast him in the role (praise Jesus). Ford played number one in Empire magazine’s “Top 100 Signing a contract with Universal Studios, he the anti-hero perfectly, proving that under- Movie Stars of All Time” list, and in 2016 he appeared in several television roles and films neath his independent, tough-guy exterior—“I was named the highest-grossing actor in Amer- into the 1970s. Still dissatisfied with the roles take orders from just one person: me”—he ican box office history. Harrison Ford, people. he was receiving, Ford trained himself to be- really did care for his new friends. Ford won He’s not just a once-great actor now deemed come a professional carpenter so he could the hearts of people all over the world with his irrelevant as so many are. Far from it. Ford is a provide for his wife and two children. During deep voice, classic good looks and patronising legend, proving that a love and talent for the art his time as a carpenter, he worked for various “Kids”, and the film solidified his face and name can lead to a long and healthy career. He also celebrities and even became a stagehand for in the acting world, giving his career the recog- shows that it’s possible to circumvent becoming blues-rock band The Doors (again, badass). nition it deserved. mere Hollywood glitterati (a.k.a being famous Thanks to the attention of producer Fred Having witnessed Ford in Star Wars, di- only because you are rich and/or attractive) by Roos, Ford managed to obtain an audition rector Francis Ford Coppola gave him a small upholding his career and maintaining dignity with George Lucas for the 1973 filmAmeri - part in his seminal filmApocalypse Now (1979). as an actor. On top of all this, Ford seems to be can Graffiti. Lucas took a liking to Ford and The war epic is notorious for the various issues just a grounded, upstanding human. Without hired him to play the part of drag racer Bob it encountered during production, including further adieu, I look at his admirable life from Falfa, forging a relationship that would greatly sets being destroyed by extreme weather and past to present. influence Ford’s acting career. Keeping up his lead actor Martin Sheen suffering a severe heart Ford was born in Chicago and became in- “stick to your guns” attitude, Ford only agreed attack. Despite the problems it faced, Apoca- volved in the Boy Scouts of America from a to the role on the condition that he wouldn’t lypse Now is commonly regarded as one of the young age. Achieving the organisations’ Life have to cut his hair to the flattop style outlined greatest films of all time. It was nominated for Scout ranking, he laid the foundation for a in the script. After some discussion, Lucas al- Best Picture at the Academy Awards and Gold- “do it yourself ” attitude and passion for the lowed Ford to wear a Stetson, which became en Globes, and was awarded the seventh place outdoors. In high school, Ford’s interest in his character’s trademark feature. A coming-of- on Empire magazine’s “500 Greatest Movies the media grew as he became the first student age film focusing on the antics of post-World of All Time” list (FYI, Raiders of the Lost Ark to broadcast on the radio system. It wasn’t un- War II baby boomers in the Sixties, American made number two—but I’ll get to that later). til he took a drama class in his final year of a Graffiti follows a group of senior-year teenagers Set during the Vietnam War, it follows Sheen’s Philosophy degree (sidenote: smart) at Rippon over one night as they cruise around their lo- character Captain Willard as he embarks on a College, however, that Ford realised he had a cal town. The film was a box office success and mission to assassinate renegade soldier Colonel natural talent for acting. The reason he took a garnered broad critical acclaim, receiving an Kurtz (Marlon Brando). Ford plays Colonel drama class? To overcome shyness. Oh bless. Academy Award nomination for Best Picture. Lucas, a member of the military intelligence After college, Ford moved to Los Angeles Writing for the Chicago Sun Times, film critic who gives Willard his orders. While the role and got a job playing uncredited bit parts in Roger Ebert called the film “a brilliant work of is minor in comparison to Sheen’s, it showed films for Columbia Pictures (bit parts involve historical fiction”, stating that “no sociological that Ford could hold his own among A-grade interaction with lead actors and less than five treatise could duplicate the movie's success in actors and established him as more than a one- lines of dialogue). He struggled to find bigger remembering exactly how it was to be alive at hit-wonder.

[21] FEATURE

After Apocalypse Now, Ford returned to After Blade Runner, Ford starred in the al-life hero. In 2004, he became chairman of his role as Han Solo in the sequel The Empire third instalment of the Star Wars franchise, the Young Eagles, a programme created to Strikes Back (1980). Like its predecessor, the Return of the Jedi (1983). Two years later, he provide children with flight experiences and film was a box office smash. A year later, Ford played the lead role of Detective John Book in aviation education. The programme is funded starred as archaeologist and professor Indiana the successful 1985 crime thriller Witness, and by volunteers and has flown more than two Jones in Lucas’ epic creation Raiders of the Lost in 1997 he starred as the President of the Unit- million children. Ford did have a frightening Ark (1981), directed by Steven Spielberg. Indy ed States in hit action filmAir Force One. crash in 2015 when his plane suffered engine is the ultimate hero: gorgeous, intelligent, wit- As his career progressed, Ford continued to failure, but thankfully came out of it with only ty and a great fighter. He can ride horses, un- star in a number of films. Taking a look at his a broken ankle and pelvis. Earlier this year, he cover ancient artefacts, stand up to Nazis and work in recent years, it’s clear that his age hasn’t also landed on a runway in California, jokingly enrapture a class of college students all in a day’s slowed him down at all. In 2011 he starred in admitting his mistake: “I’m the schmuck who work. Such talent. Ford’s portrayal of Indy saw sci-fi western (yes, that’s a thing now)Cowboys landed on the taxiway”. the character become one of the most famous and Aliens, and in 2013 he played the baseball As well as flying, Ford is a philanthropist and beloved film heroes in history. With his team executive who signed Jackie Robinson in (again, bless). He is the Vice-Chair of non-prof- signature leather jacket, fedora and bullwhip, 42. The following year, he had a small role in it environmental organisation Conservation completely rational fear of snakes and great Sylvester Stallone’s “gun fun” filmExpendables International, whose goal is to protect nature, lines: “It’s not the years, honey. It’s the mile- 3. In 2015, he returned as Han Solo for Star and a spokesperson for non-profit group Re- age”, it’s no surprise that in 2003 the American Wars: The Force Awakens, and also appeared in store Hetch Hetchy, which is committed to Film Institute named him the second greatest romantic drama Age of Adaline (let’s just men- rehabilitating Yosemite National Park’s Hetch hero of all time (after Atticus Finch inTo Kill tion the actor who plays young Harrison Ford Hetchy valley to its original condition. He has a Mockingbird). While Raiders of the Lost Ark in this movie—a truly uncanny resemblance). publicly encouraged involvement in Earth- is my personal favourite of the original trilogy, With a host of films under his belt and Share, an association of American environ- follow-up filmsIndiana Jones and the Temple of more in the works, it is evident that Ford is an mental and conservation organisations, for Doom (1984) and Indiana Jones and the Last actor who is here to stay. We can still talk about over two decades. Ford also serves as a trustee Crusade (1989) are definitely worth watching. him in the present-tense. Rather than saying on the Governing Board of the Archaeological Because, Harrison Ford. Ford was a legend, as we say about so many old- Institute of America, supporting professional In 2008 a fourth film was added to the er actors, we can say Ford is a legend. And he archaeologists and increasing public awareness franchise. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the isn’t just still acting—he’s still killing it. As well of the importance of archaeology. Crystal Skull focuses on a much-older (but still as the old actors who are remembered for their On top of all that, Ford is a lifelong Dem- fabulous) Indy and his archaeological explora- great roles but deemed irrelevant in modern ocrat, claiming that he and his brother were tions during the Cold War. What could have Hollywood, there are those who continue to raised “to be liberals of every stripe”. He pub- been a potentially disastrous addition is actual- act, but in bad parts in bad films. Ford has man- licly criticised the Iraq War in 2003, telling the ly an enjoyable and exciting watch. Known for aged to escape both labels by choosing a range Australian Associated Press that “I don’t think doing most of his own stunts, Ford didn’t dis- of roles, from intentionally silly (Expendables military intervention is the correct solution. I appoint, showing that, at 65, he’s still got it. In 3) to serious and complex (Age of Adaline). He regret what we as a country have done so far.” In 2016 it was officially revealed that a fifthIndi - won’t just be remembered for portraying Han 2015, Ford called out Donald Trump, respond- ana Jones film is in the works, due to be released Solo and Indiana Jones, but for acting—and ing to the presidential candidate’s comment in 2019. Ford is set to return as Indy, which will acting well—as long as his health allows him that he loves Ford in Air Force One. “He stood put him at the ripe old age of 77 upon the pre- to. It is this drive to continue showcasing his up for his country,” Trump told the New York miere. But who else could play Indy? Just Ford, expertise as an actor that has enhanced the lon- Times. “Donald, it was a movie,” Ford said in people. Just Ford. gevity of Ford’s career and garners him so much an interview with Studio 10. “It’s not like that A year on from Raiders of the Lost Ark saw respect. He could easily live comfortably for in real life. But how would you know?” Yes, Ford play another iconic character in Ridley the rest of his days without acting, yet chooses Ford. Yes. Scott’s sci-fi hitBlade Runner (1982). Set in to continue doing so. That is true passion, and It’s rare to not have a celebrity pussyfoot a dystopic future, Blade Runner follows Rick that is admirable. In the scheme of aging actors, around their stance when it comes to politics. Deckard (Ford), a special police operative Ford, along with other greats like Morgan Free- Rarer even for Hollywood’s aging elite set, lack- known as a blade runner, who is tasked with man, Anthony Hopkins and Robert De Niro, ing loud and proud modern agitators, to openly hunting down rogue replicants (manufactured holds his head high. condemn the actions of a man who indubitably robots banned from Earth after being deemed Ford’s personal life also deserves recogni- is acting in their interests. Harrison Ford isn’t dangerous). Ford is perfect as Deckard: weary, tion, because not only is he an incredible actor, the only one to have spoken out against Trump, focused and uninterested in the grimy, futur- he is an incredible person too. As mentioned but when those inundated with fame have been istic world around him. The film is complex earlier, Ford flies planes. As in, currently still mostly content to wait it out and to try and and cinematographically stunning, earning it a flies planes. He began training in the 60s and find the good in policies that target society’s name as one of the best sci-fi films ever made. is a licenced pilot of both helicopters and air- most vulnerable, it’s refreshing that at least one A sequel, Blade Runner 2049, is due to be re- planes. Ford owns several planes and has pro- of the glitterati’s older generation hasn’t com- leased later this year with Ford reprising his vided rescue aircraft on numerous occasions pletely lost touch with reality. role as Deckard and Ryan Gosling taking the during his duty time with the Teton County So, to sum it all up, at 74 years old Harrison lead as LAPD Officer K. Gosling and Ford… Search and Rescue and at his personal ranch Ford is still the shit. He acts, he flies planes, he who could image a better pair? This is one to and nature reserve in Wyoming when hikers sasses out the now-President of America. Ford watch out for. became lost or dehydrated. Yes, he’s also a re- is, and always will be, very relevant. ◆

[22] FEATURE

TOXIC MEMES FOR JOURNALISTIC TEENS Hamish Liddy looks at the sinister side of memes and clickbait journalism

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS DISCUSSIONS OF SELF-HARM AND SUICIDE

The NZ Herald recently published a caution- in May 2016. The article then focused on the mainstream news outlets. The stories, all pub- ary article in response to a Police Facebook apparent high suicide rate amongst teens who lished in a single week in a range of languag- post warning parents about the danger of a were members of a certain group on VKontak- es, carry almost identical content as published menacing new app. Allegedly, there is a social te (a Facebook-like Russian social media site), in a follow-up article by The NZ Herald. The media game originating in Russia, now sweep- a meme-style association of blue whales and an handful of pictures of the accused all show a ing Europe and targeting at-risk teens around apparent connection to self-harm. young man apparently photographed on the the world. The game, Blue Whale, supposedly Despite failing to demonstrate a causal link same day; he is wearing the same outfit in every challenges teens to complete a series of bizarre between teenage suicide and social media use image. The NZ Herald did not respond to my or grotesque online and real-life challenges be- (come on!), the Russian tabloids ran with the tweet request to cite their information sources fore culminating in encouraging victims to take story. By November 2016 one outlet claimed or to provide video evidence of the supposed their own lives. that a man named Philipp Budeikin had been confession. ART BY JOSH HART (@VRIJKOTTE) If this sounds like a good-old fashioned ur- imprisoned after confessing to encouraging de- One explanation for the spread of this idea ban legend or an episode from the new season pressed teens, who he referred to as “biomass”, is like-farming. Picture this: a brand-new and of Black Mirror (great show btw), you’re not to kill themselves. At some point this month, near-empty profile pops up in your feed asking alone. As always when the internet confronts these details synapsed across western Europe you to like share and comment to be in to win me with something fishy, my first port of call and found their way via the United Kingdom an amazing prize. Most often, due to the nature was fact-checking website snopes.com. Digging onto the Waikato Police Facebook page. of your social network, it will be something deeper than the tabloid reporting on the issue, Searching for “Philipp Budeikin” returns that appeals to you. Tiny houses were the latest Snopes found out that the story first popped hundreds of results mostly from tabloid, blog to get my hopes up. The pages’ creators profit up on a Russian language news website back and social media sources along with a few by selling them on once they have hoovered

[23] FEATURE up enough gullible clickers. It turns out that Fast forward a few thousand years and peo- does not take a supercomputer to do some ba- opportunists in Russia and elsewhere have ex- ple in the developed world have mostly stopped sic source checking. ploited the notoriety of the Blue Whale story shitting directly into their drinking water. San- The image thatNZ Herald published with to achieve the like-farming goal. itation systems and healthcare advances have their latest article about the Blue Whale phe- In the way that millennials are drawn to av- made living on top of each other much safer, nomenon was taken from an English language ocados, brunch, free-range Kombucha and 90s but technology continues to bring us ever clos- Russian news website called The Siberian Times. throwbacks, vulnerable teens have interests in er together. Where cities promoted physical UK tabloids The Sun, and The Daily Mail ran common too. Disturbingly, copycat pages and density of thousands or millions, online com- the same image. I decided to check out this rep- apps will disperse most readily amongst the munities now bring billions of brains together utable news source. Two of the first headlines very people the Waikato Police and NZ Herald into a near telepathic web of unfiltered sharing. read “Get out of my puddle: angry otter attacks are trying to protect. The viral spread of ideas We blurt feelings and opinions that normal tractor in funny video” and “Ancient Mummy seems an unstoppable force and the kind of barriers would prevent us from telling our ‘with 1100 year old Adidas boots’ died after she awareness campaigns intended to curb harmful neighbours; we pick up and run with ideas we was struck on the head” (when The Daily Mail information are often patently counterproduc- would laugh off if we heard them from a bloke published the same story twelve months earlier, tive. at the pub. the boots were 1500 years old). Perhaps calling When Richard Dawkins first coined the Like pathogens in the city, the ideas that it a news site is being generous. word “meme” in his 1976 book The Selfish spread best on social media do not spread for The Blue Whale meme seems particularly Gene, he imagined it as a replicating unit of in- any reason other than how good they are at good at invading police social media pages— formation (the term is from ancient greek “mi- spreading. The qualities that make certain me- police posts prompted news coverage in both meme” meaning “imitated thing” and short- mes likeable and shareable apply to all content, New Zealand and the UK. The pattern is rem- ened to match “gene”). Like a gene is a unit of which there is no shortage. As of May 2013, iniscent of parasitic lifecycles moving through of genetic information transmitted from one 4.75 billion pieces of content were shared daily one type of host to the next. Speculation on organism to the next with high but imperfect on Facebook alone. The extremely short gener- whether the game has reached our shores is fidelity, a meme was proposed as the equivalent ation time means that ideas adapt rapidly and pointless now—sharing the details of game for human ideas—the only other replicating those that evoke extreme emotions like love play via every major new source in the country entity Dawkins had observed in the world. The and hate profit at the expense of the average. means it is here now whether it existed in the theory has its critics, but it serves a purpose in Social media has captured our attention first place or not. this argument and like all good memes, it has so completely that traditional media outlets If nothing else, these stories serve as a warn- passed its only test: survival and reproduction. struggle to compete. News agencies embed ing to digest news more carefully, consider the The original idea was more broadly appli- their articles in our feeds, they design headlines sources and think before sharing. There is no cable than what we now construe as memetic. to compete with viral content. The reliance on doubt a sad kernel of truth in a story about The smallest unit of transmissible information clicks for advertising revenue over reputable young people being harmed by online content. not being the image itself, but elements of the information drives a race to the journalistic Maybe the mythical Philipp Budeikin really image that together make up its message. It bottom. Articles that attract comments are was arrested—since I started writing this ar- operates much like a spore carrying genetic in- valuable whether positive or negative—both ticle he has now been blamed for a death in formation to a new host. The smaller elements is better. Media outlets can even save on con- Kenya. Sometimes raising awareness might be may also confer reproductive advantages if tent generation by repackaging existing social the most sinister form of slacktivism that func- they mean they are more likely to be liked and media stories with a proven track record of tions only to encourage the spread of harmful shared. The proof of this lies in how elements engagement. or hurtful information. So, cover your mouth from successful memes frequently recombine When national institutions republish when you cough, wash your hands and keep with others to spread further and faster yet. shocking viral conspiracy theories without fact your nasty memes to yourself. ◆ In the span of a few years, memes have evolved checking (also known as fake news), it threat- from a few black-bordered imitations of mo- ens the very nature of democratic discourse. If you want to talk through concerns or strug- tivational posters to entire pages dedicated to This is on top of the polarising of public opin- gles in your academic or personal life, the categorised memes with a memetic naming for- ion by the love/hate social media effect and University offers free counselling sessions for mulae like “X Memes for Y Teens”. removal of politeness barriers. The question is enrolled students, and reserves slots for urgent This phenomenon of cultural transmission how to reverse the alarming trend; what is the on-the-day appointments. The number of ap- is by no means limited to social media and oc- sewerage system and handwashing equivalent pointments students may need ranges widely, curs whenever people form social networks. for malicious stories? and by contacting the Health and Counsel- When advances in food production technolo- Well-funded public interest journalism ling Services you will be assisted in finding gy first enabled people to live en masse, many of would be a start, freeing outlets from the cy- the right help. All counselling is confidential. the advantages of living in early cities were the cle of producing maximum clicks for mini- For urgent on-the-day appointments, phone same as we now seek in online social networks. mum cost. Artificial intelligence (AI) holds (09) 923 7681. To book a free counselling Cities offered friends, romance, economic op- some promise too. An AI system could soon appointment, fill out the questionnaire on the portunities, entertainment and a sharing of be designed to identify and remove fake news Counselling Services page on the University ideas in arts, culture and technology. Ideas sud- by monitoring patterns of engagement and website. denly spread and developed more rapidly than tracing the point of origin, but intervening in ever before, but so did disease. The proximity the spread of ideas represents a hazard to free Lifeline also offers a free 24-hour helpline 7 of thousands of humans created the perfect speech. Any potential system would be prone days a week for counselling services and those breeding ground for pathogens. to bias and open to manipulation. That said, it that may be at risk of suicide: 0800 543 354.

[24] ARTS EDITORIAL

Are you even an Indian if you haven’t been pinched by your mother while at a dinner with family friends? With Anoushka Maharaj

Of the many magnificent things aboutMaster of Aziz meeting with his friends. Rather than en- mean separation from others. None, one of them was Aziz Ansari’s impeccable gaging in prayer, where his parents find their The “Thanksgiving” episode, for example, ability to portray the joy received from consum- centre and their meaning, Aziz finds his own is dedicated entirely to people of colour. It is ing delicious food, and another (arguably more sense of unity and culture in his friendships— possibly the warmest and most intimate epi- important) aspect was the tender yet profound and that is just as significant and beautiful, be- sode, where we see Denise and her family of depiction of family and relationships. cause our relationships are a huge part of what powerful black women struggle with coming to Aziz often abstains from being overtly po- makes life meaningful. terms with her sexuality. The inclusion of Dev, litical, which is no easy feat for an Indian with There is an inevitable frustration that comes who has been sharing Thanksgiving with them Muslim immigrant parents living in current-day with being a minority who has broken new for the last 15 years, is kind of funny and sweet, America—but also one of the best things about ground in film or television, because as Hasan but mostly is a celebration of shared culture and his original work. Because when he does delve Minhaj so aptly put it during his monologue illustrates the diverse concept of family. into these tricky waters, it isn’t gratuitous; it at the White House Correspondents Associa- Some actors take their heritage with them is done with care, nuance and creative insight. tion dinner—“everyone is going to expect you to into any role (like the late Om Puri), and there One such moment is with the episode “Reli- be the mouthpiece for the entire group.” During are some who are less obvious about it (like gion”—a possible elaboration from the wildly a SXSW panel, Mindy Kaling was asked why Mindy or Aziz), but their celebrations manifest popular “Parents” from season one—in which there weren’t more women of colour on the in different ways. We should not expect a suc- the episode opens with child-Aziz learning that show, to which she responded, “I’m a fucking cessful person of colour to save their entire com- it’s forbidden to eat pork, before he takes a bite Indian woman who has her own fucking net- munity, though it is fair to expect them to be re- of bacon anyway with Tupac’s “Only God Can work television show, okay?” which, while an sponsible with their representations—and this Judge Me” serenading this iconic rebellion. enormous accomplishment, does not mean is owed in part to the fact that we impose a lot Later, we see Aziz attend events with his that responsibility should fall on her alone to of what we are missing onto our film heroes. I parents who are being overly cautious because incorporate more women or people of colour didn’t know that I was lacking a unique sense of their family friends are in town (classic). When into television. “I have four series regulars that comfort until I saw lives similar to my own de- he later tries to admit to eating pork and not are women on my show, and no one asks any of the picted on-screen—and this comfort is owed to being “really religious”, his mother pinches him, shows I adore—and I won’t name them because people like Mindy Kaling and Aziz Ansari, who they leave, and he is treated to a lecture that they’re my friends—why no leads on their shows manage to balance rich cultural significance actually holds a lot of significance. While his are women or of colour, and I’m the one that gets with a depiction of lives that are multifarious. parents simply don’t understand why he would lobbied about these things.” Mindy is one of my heroines—not just be- renounce the religion that they are so devoted What makes Master of None so insightful cause she smashes the “women aren’t funny” to, Aziz mentions that his relationship with Is- and brilliant is that it allows Indians to tran- stereotype into dust, but because she is unapol- lam is marred by the public perception it is giv- scend cultural barriers placed on them by white ogetic about her accomplishments and who she en—“like being called a terrorist, or being pulled folks. It gives them the chance to dictate how is as a person. It’s the opposite of what you are out of line at airports”. they want to be seen—including perceptions of taught to believe as a woman—let alone as a While Aziz shouldn’t be expected to repre- microcosms like religion or family. This doesn’t woman of colour—to acknowledge that you are sent all Indians, or Muslims (or all children of mean completely disregarding their history or beautiful, funny and successful, and have made immigrant parents, for that matter), he does a background, but is a unique way of incorporat- great strides in a field that has been dominated remarkable job of depicting Islam in a way that ing these aspects of these realities into what has, by men. it is so often denied, but more than deserves— for so long, been considered “the norm”. The fo- Ultimately, though, the responsibility to as the centre of a community filled with friend- cal point of Aziz’s relationships are not that they change the world does not lie with one per- ship, love and unity. It is also worth commend- are interracial, but that they are as possible and son—it’s up to all of us. And in order for us to ing that Aziz is candid about who he is—his life complex as any other part of life—and despite see our histories celebrated, we must celebrate is void of strict religion, so the parallel narrative the fact that we all have our own ethnic histories them first, with as much honesty, affection and depicted while his parents attend mosque is and cultural ties, their existence doesn’t have to courage as we can muster. ◆

[25] ARTS INTERVIEW ART SUPPLIED BY LIKE SEX ART

[26] ARTS INTERVIEW

The Kids Aren’t Alright: An Interview With the Director of Like Sex Grace Hood-Edwards chats to director Chye-Ling Huang about her upcoming show at The Basement Theatre.

CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT THE PLAY? SO THIS IS A PLAY BASED AROUND HIGH SCHOOL- ERS, AND TEENAGE PERCEPTIONS OF SEX. WILL IT as well as conversation revealing rape culture in Like Sex is an exploration of sex and social pol- RESONATE WITH STUDENT AUDIENCES? New Zealand and general misogyny. itics. It’s about the messy way we are thrown I hope so! Nathan Joe’s script is based on real ex- into these experiences without the tools to nav- periences and the cast have investigated deeply into YOU’RE THE FOUNDER OF PROUDLY ASIAN THEATRE. WHAT IS THAT, AND WHY DID YOU igate sex in a healthy way. The play is reflective their own experiences too. We’re obviously not CREATE IT? WHAT DOES IT DO, AND WHY IS IT IMPORTANT? of this—it’s wild, messy, chaotic and naughty. high schoolers anymore, but my hope is that our We play a lot with games, tropes and sound- research and honesty will resonate, not only with PAT was created by James Roque and me a few scapes. young people, but with any human who comes to years ago to enable Asian creatives to tell their the show. Sex is a pretty universal force in anyone’s stories in theatre. Theatre in New Zealand is life whether you’re engaging actively or not, which dominated by white stories and practitioners IT’S EPISODIC. WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT MEAN? is why it’s always compelling and interesting. and we saw a massive lack of representation The characters are based on stereotypes, and for Asian actors and storytellers. Being Asian they each have a sexual encounter with the actors ourselves, we were compelled to create HOW DID YOU GET INVOLVED IN LIKE SEX? person before and after each scene. It doesn’t our own opportunities as we knew they would Nathan and I know each other from workshops and follow a strict story structure like the hero's be a struggle to find in the existing landscape general theatre work. I was asked to direct, partly journey. It’s more about how the characters of New Zealand theatre. We put on shows, based on the kaupapa of Exposed Theatre this year bounce off one another and are influenced by run workshops, do play-readings to connect for supporting grads from drama schools. Nathan these interactions and pressures from the group Asian creatives and empower them through and I are both interested in discussion around sex as a whole. So as opposed to following one this platform, to create great work and repre- with our work currently, I’m writing about it in or two main characters, we see slices of seven sent our talents with the goal of a more inclu- my own play and also directing a short doco called different characters equally that spark a wider sive theatre community as a whole. Asian Men Talk About Sex. It’s a good fit. conversation. SO EXPOSED THEATRE IS ALL ABOUT OFFERING SO AM I RIGHT IN SAYING THIS IS YOUR DIRECTO- OPPORTUNITIES TO NEW GRADUATES. WHAT IS RIAL DEBUT? WHAT IS THAT LIKE? THE CAST LIKE? CAN YOU TALK ABOUT WHY A SHOW ABOUT SEX AND SEXUAL POLITICS IS NECESSARY IN TODAY’S Yes! It’s fun. It’s a challenge but I feel confident We cast from a group of about 30 auditionees, TIMES? in my cast, and I’m really happy to be able to and it was tough. After juggling the basics of New Zealand’s toxic masculinity and rape experiment with them. I’m still figuring it out, availability etc., I’ve cast based on a warmth culture is something that has a growing but the unknown is also thrilling. What might and openness to delve into the topic of sex, a awareness, but is still way less talked about work in the room might die on stage, and that’s group who can really project each other and than it should be. There needs to be a radical exciting. It’s learning, but in front of three also be silly and supportive. Theatre makers change in the school system at an early age weeks of audiences. and people with great ideas or the ability to run that deals with teaching consent in and out with an idea without layering judgement, and of relationships and sexual health that isn’t WHERE DO YOU HOPE TO GO FROM HERE? people unafraid to give feedback. dry and skewed towards a cis, hetero narra- To create more works with POC creatives and to tive. Sex-ed should cover pleasure, mastur- fill the landscape of theatre and film with POC AND FINALLY, WHY SHOULD WE COME SEE LIKE SEX? bation and positive experiences instead of narratives and characters. I’m a writer and an ac- Sex is fun, interesting, weird, confusing and being a scare tactic where abstinence is the tor and these have always been my goals. We need always great to have a yarn about. The show is answer. inclusivity, representation and to upskill POC very alive and theatrical and fun, and hopefully Culturally we’re not great communica- creatives so that we can no longer be ignored. De- confronting, too. Our sound designer has some tors—men aren’t allowed to have feelings, and colonise theatre and storytelling in general. women’s pleasure and Queer sex dynamics aren’t bloody great games for us to play and the cast taught at all. Wellington High and “Roast Bust- WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO YOU AS A DIRECTOR? are gold and run with it all the way. As the au- ers” are the worst end of the spectrum, but those WHAT STORIES DO YOU WANT TO TELL? dience we have some things for you to contrib- are only a couple of well publicised instances— POC stories—especially Asian New Zealand ute with too—come along and be part of the where no repercussions happened anyway. We narratives. By this I really mean empowering and conversation! ◆ can’t get better without conversation, and there’s enabling Asian creative to tell their stories, what- a lot to cover in an hour show. I hope that this ever they may be. There is no “Asian narrative” as USE PROMO CODE “SEXCODE” FOR A DISCOUNT show will spark confronting, awkward and open such. Narratives around sex also interest me—the ON TICKETS. ONLY 50 AVAILABLE. chats about sex and sexuality. things we’re missing are joyous, healthy sex stories

[27] ARTS REVIEWS

Get Out Common Kings Master of None FILM REVIEW BY NIKKI ADDISON GIG REVIEW BY BRENNAH CROFSKEY Season 2 TV SHOW REVIEW BY GINNY WOO It’s been talked up as the best horror movie of I listen to Mai FM on a regular basis, and I’m the year, but don’t let that scare you—Get Out is usually struck with shitty songs featuring Lil Master of None’s second season picks up where more psychological thriller than pure terror. This Wayn e—but every so often they decide to gift the first season left off—Aziz Ansari’s affable is one of the most important films to come from me with an old school jam, or even perhaps a reg- and cynical main character, Dev, is happily either genre for a long time, and its difference is gae beat. transplanted to Italy, where his biggest worry is immediately made clear. After the release of Common Kings’ “Lost swilling grappa and nursing a puppy-dog crush We meet Chris (Daniel Kaluuya), a young In Paradise”, I was honestly hooked. The ability on a beautiful, wholesome woman. However, African American photographer and Rose (Alli- for one song to make me feel like I was destined where the first season excelled was in its frank, son Williams), his white girlfriend as they head to leave my phone at home and go to the beach almost intimate, portrayals of life in New York as “upstate” to visit Roses’ parents. “Do they know (okay, maybe not that extreme in motivation) a 30-year-old adrift. I’m pleased to say that the I’m black?” Chris asks, instantly signalling his in such shitty, cold-ass weather was addicting. episodes set in Modena serve as an entrée of sorts awareness of colour. Rose reassures Chris that When I arrived at the Powerstation for the gig, to the main course of the show, but whether or her parents aren’t racist, but something is clearly I was cringing—mainly because the band was not the meal satisfies is another story altogether. amiss when they arrive. The family is too friendly performing at the same place Lil Yachty was go- The entire season has a strong focus on food, and the African American staff are robotic and ing to play. Overall though, the venue was nicely whether it’s in the form of Dev’s new job as a host cold. Things get weirder when family guests be- set out with bars on both levels of the place and a on a British Bake-off type gig, or in the use of gin eyeing Chris up like a prize. decent-sized stage. food as a metaphor for reconciliation. Dev and Revealing more will spoil the film, but from The whole space came alive when some ran- Arnold (played by the bumbling and aptly-cast- here the tension builds until it’s deeply unset- dom rapper came out and decided to show us ed Eric Wareheim) bro out over a rustic cheese tling and, at times, downright creepy. The film some of his “cool” jams alongside remixing some factory, a montage of Thanksgiving dinners gives keeps things fresh by avoiding common horror massive hip hop hits. Then, as we were all still us an insight into Denise’s coming out and the film tropes and predictability. By positioning an waiting for the actual good music to come on, thawing of her relationship with her family, and African American as the hero, not the comedic another guy showed up and decided to play us at the centre of it all is Dev—a grinning, aimless sidekick (there’s one of those too; he’s damn fun- more songs that were just totally unnecessary but reality TV show host, mooning after yet another ny), Get Out breaks one of the biggest tropes of somehow still giving me mad festival vibes. romantically-unattainable woman. all. There are some definite scream-worthy mo- When Common Kings finally decided to There’s a lot to unpack in the show. While it ments though, so if you’re a horror fanatic, don’t come out onto the stage I knew I had spent my often suffers from the Netflix curse of trying to lose hope. $60 well, especially when they played some of invoke a sense of old-school nostalgia that never The acting alone putsGet Out above other their crowd pleasing songs like “24/7” and “Al- really existed in a shiny, bingeable form, it tries horror films. Kaluuya is completely convincing coholic” before smashing out massive hit singles incredibly hard and that effort results in a pre- as the sweet boyfriend and Catherine Keener like “No Other Love” and of course, the jam dictably successful emotional pay-off. is chilling as Rose’s soft-spoken mother. Where “Lost In Paradise”. Apart from missing out on Master of None hits all the right notes when it really shines, however, is in its relevance. The hearing a couple of their other tunes like “King- it isn’t too bogged down in making us dig deep film has a real message to share, one which is in- dom Come”, the concert overall was definitely about the meaning of love, but the flashes of ge- creasingly pertinent to contemporary society. We a good one, especially because it was an inside nius that made its first season so memorable are are physically confronted with racism as Chris is venue that brought everybody together in a melt- few and far between. ◆ othered by every white character. But not only do ing pot of reggae, funk and even carried some we see the whites’ othering of Chris, we feel his elements of hip hop when they played their own constant consciousness of being black. cover of “The Next Episode” on the bass guitar. A socially relevant film that speaks to our Ultimately, really talented musicians and time, Get Out makes its point in an original and great cheap booze—what more could you effective way. Two words: WATCH IT. ◆ want? ◆

[28] ARTS REVIEWS

Comedy Fest 2017 Powerplant Harry Styles (May 3rd and May 10th) Girlpool Harry Styles GIG REVIEW BY GEORGIA HARRIS ALBUM REVIEW BY HELEN YEUNG ALBUM REVIEW BY ANOUSHKA MAHARAJ

As part of my long-postponed New Year’s Resolu- Los Angeles folk punk band, Girlpool, consisting Who’d have thought that seven years after the tion to engage in more of Auckland’s arts and culture of duo Harmony Tividad and Cleo Tucker, has formation of baby boy band, One Direction, and scene, I decided to attend some Comedy Festival since developed from a DIY band to one that is re- one year after the announcement of its permanent shows. Overwhelmed by the number of options and nowned in the independent music scene. hiatus, that I would be reviewing the solo work of the layout of the festival programme, I decided to just Their first self-titled debut EP was released certified “hottest in the band”, Harry Styles? pick a night and go. My SO and I got advice from an on Bandcamp in 2014, with debut LP, Before The Our first introduction to the new and im- infectiously enthusiastic Comedy Club intern, who World Was Big, released the year after. In the LP, proved mop-God came in the form of the poi- insisted we attend Comedy “Seminar”, Success With Girlpool showcases a range of songs radiating com- gnant and vaguely reflective “Sign of the Times” Wome n, at Basement theatre. mon themes of identity, feminism, friendships and and the aptly titled romance of “Sweet Creature” The three comedians—Scotsman Ross Mills, the frustrations of growing up as a teenager. In the (which sounds suspiciously like “Blackbird”, but Fijian-born Inosi Colavanua and Kiwi Harry Thom- track “Cherry Picking”, the two lament about a whatever). After a stint onSNL , and an expansive son-Cook—shared their “tales of dating disasters, young relationship that’s drifting apart. In “Ideal interview with Rolling Stone, it was evident that he underwhelming approaches and examples of what World”, the duo continues to showcase the realities was confident in his eponymous debut and ready not to do”. A mix of deadpan and slapstick delivery of entering adulthood, with lyrics such as: “I took a to assume this new independence. made the show cringey, original, awkward and hilar- walk down the street / found nothing / beneath my Thankfully, this LP is a solid piece of work—it ious. feet” and “I was taught what to believe / now I'm only has been constructed with care and courage and The following week, we went to the Classic’s fes- certain / that no one is free”—referring to the skepti- is a miscellany of classic influences. Obvious gems tival edition of Big Wednesday, which featured 10 cism one experiences as they start looking for them- include the slick, vibrant “Carolina” and “Wom- comedians from across the festival. Chris Martin was selves in the world. an”, which reminds me a little of Arctic Monkeys the vibrant host, and had the audience in the palm This year, the band’s world has definitely be- with its cool, rock and roll vibes. of his hand from the get-go. We made the amateur come bigger as Girlpool released new album Pow- It isn’t flawless, of course—outside tabloid-fu- mistake of sitting up the front, and experienced first- erplant. Although it still has a common theme of elled analyses of tracks like “Kiwi” or “Ever Since hand his sharp wit and off-the-cuff comedy style navigating through life and a journey of self-discov- New York”, you’ll find lyrics that are strewn to- (although he did make one unoriginal Colombia-co- ery, as shown in the track “Corner Store”, with the gether haphazardly. But it doesn’t diminish the al- caine link my date was unimpressed with). lyrics: “I get lost at the corner store / I’m picking up lure of tracks like “Meet Me in the Hallway” or the Big Wednesday was a roller-coaster ride of come- things I’ve never seen before”, the duo have entered a closing track, “From the Dining Table”, which are dy styles. Humour varied from high-brow, to dark, to more mature world, as reflected in the album’s con- the gentlest and most contemplative tracks (and incredibly crass (willies and vaginas, anyone?). It’s im- sistent tracks and instrumentation. therefore my favourites). The lyric,“We haven’t possible to condense into this review, but content in- Moving on from their teenage selves, age has spoke / since you went away / even my phone misses cluded intimate revelations, alternative perspectives definitely contributed to Girlpool’s ability to ar- your call / by the way” was so earnestly sung that on topics like colonisation, and plenty of the out- ticulate emotions and the realities of the world. it had me swooning and simultaneously broke my rageous, taboo-filled material Kiwis love so much. Self-defined through the title of the track “It Gets stoney, spellbound heart. Standouts included UK comedians Lou Sanders and More Blue”, they sing of: “The nihilist tells you / that While this album couldn’t be dubbed “origi- Chris Martin, as well as the local acts who were un- nothing is true / I said ‘I faked global warming’ / just nal”—because he sort of just replicated music that beatable for relatability. to get close to you”—reflecting the truths we are ex- he likes—it is undoubtedly sincere, a triumph for Although I only attended two shows, for about posed to and how we are often deceived by people an artist whose beginnings were in the rigidity of $30 I saw 14 comedians from all around the world, in the adult world. a competitive music show. It might seem reductive perform some incredible stand-up comedy. The Ending with the track “Static Somewhere”, Girl- to call this LP “exuberant”, but that’s the feeling Comedy Festival isn’t just about the laughs—cel- pool sing of their hopes and aspirations: “I wonder it seems to invoke—Styles, whatever his musical ebrating our own and overseas comedians is im- what it's like / to sit and watch the sunrise”—perhaps failings, is proud and happy to have created some- portant for our country’s cultural health, and it also wondering what will become of them in the future thing that is purely his own, graceful and indica- makes for a great atmosphere on a night out. ◆ and all the things that might come along with it. ◆ tive of a delightful musical future. ◆

[29] ARTS FEATURE ART BY CAITLIN WATTERS ART

[30] ARTS FEATURE

Fanfare: Art and Inclusion in Welcome to Night Vale By Jordan Margetts

It’s 4am and I’ve been surfing the web for like art isn’t new, the way the original podcasters 5 hours. I work the graveyard shift at a sad call have accepted it is. They’ve bought fan art from centre (you know the kind: concrete walls, cu- Deviant Art patrons—one particularly cool set bicles, broken chairs, bovine colleagues, BYO that’s now merchandised is “Night Vale Tour- milk for your instant coffee). I usually try to do ism Board” postcards depicting various scenes something vaguely productive—read books, from around the town. finish essays, write myCraccum articles on time. Now I haven’t done any kind of longitudi- I usually fail. nal research, but outside of 50 Shades of Grey I’m not sure if you do this, but sometimes this must be one of the most successful fan I kind of start obsessing about some person/ enterprises ever. Any hysterical fan of a series show/thing and just google them for ages. I madly scribbling illustrations in the dead of once spent about thirty straight minutes look- night and hoping for a few seconds of approval ing at pictures of Stephen Fry’s face. Once I just from the internet has got to be drooling over googled “famous people smoking”. That was the idea that the creators of the show might ac- about an hour of my life. Another time it was tually, in nerd-lingo, “make it canon”. “Allison Janney young”. And I think there’s something especially This time it wasWelcome to Night Vale cool about this idea. Podcasts barely existed (WtNV). A podcast I’ve definitely written when I was in high school. And even a fictional about before. The basic contention is some- FIG 1: BY “DEVILEATSCAKE” one was bound to be a minor affair. Internet art thing along these lines: imagine the kind of has existed for ages (and it’s nice to see it isn’t Stephen King-esque small American desert (1) there are a whole lot of immensely talent- just “Jessica Alba nude” sketches)—but the fact town where things go bump in the night. ed people online who do not have enough to that a new medium is combining with fans to Imagine that any conspiratorial, supernatural, do, and (2) that internet fan art has this weird advance a project, to flesh out a world, is kind scary, spooky, or just weird goings-on that a sort of collaborative potential that I haven’t of exciting. With all our talk of the internet jumpy teen (or jumpy writer of airport novels) thought about before. That second point is making us bored and distracted and probably might imagine, turn out to be true. Then pack- pretty vague, here’s what I mean: the narrator dead on the inside (looking at you Facebook), age this world through the sonorous voice of a of WtNV is a specific actor after whom the there’s something beautiful and charming charmingly oblivious radio host giving weekly protagonist is named. The actor, Cecil Bald- about watching a community of fans actually “community news”. There’s something spooky, win, is pretty particular looking—tall, thin, create something. Anyway. Google “Night Vale and charming, and Pynchon-esque about a completely bald, with deep set eyes and a weak Fan Art” if you have a spare hour. ◆ world where every conspiracy theory is true, chin. This is well known. The podcast troupe, and leads only to further, weirder and more after all, have toured the globe giving live per- fantastical theories. I’m far from the only fan. formances (I got into it literally ONE WEEK In fact, WtNV has been outrageously popular after they visited Auckland). But the internet since about its second season (2013). doesn’t care—the narrative voice has been giv- WtNV has been so outrageously popular en dozens of visual personas. Cecil has been a that a phenomenon usually reserved for Har- Native American with a long braid and broad ry Potter, or weird porn, has cropped up: fan set shoulders, an anime-ish drawn Asian guy art. I’ve spent maybe five hours browsing this (you know the angular, extremely unrealistic fan art. There’s everything: from an incredibly eyes we all remember from Dragon Ball Z and detailed map of Night Vale (fictitious titular Pokemon), a hugely tall African American in a town in which the podcast is set), to picnics green waistcoat, an Albino whose face isn’t at- where the narrator and his boyfriend (the show tached to his head (Figure 2). is made by elite New York liberals, and is very The internet community has crafted whole inclusive—Figure 1) sit about sipping purple extra-narrative scenes and icons. Cecil is almost wine and kissing, to terrifying Ralph Steed- unanimously depicted with a third eye in the man-like sketches of librarians terrorising teens middle of his forehead (the Illuminati one). (you’d have to listen to the podcast for that one Carlos (his scientist lover) is almost always to make sense). ethnic, sometimes Latino, sometimes black, This browsing orgy raised two thoughts: sometimes Jewish. And while the advent of fan FIG 2: BY “KINOMATIKA.TUMBLR.COM”

[31] Pride Week

What a week! Pride Week has been and gone that assignment and devote two hours of your as I did. and it was amazing - we had an awesome life to it! All of these awesome groups can be Don’t forget to check out Politics Week for Rainbow Expo that showcased the variety of found on the UoA website in the clubs section. more awesome events run by AUSA! clubs for queer/rainbow students on campus, Two other groups who helped out tons Isabella xo ◆ a fantastic night at Drag Queen Bingo with were Ending HIV and EquAsian. Ending HIV Shavron and Yurii, and our Mardi Gras Party came in and did free HIV testing during the at Shadows featured the incredible Auckland Rainbow Expo, and also put on two really City Scoundrels! We also held a small poetry informative classes about HIV treatment in slam, where we heard from some truly moving Aotearoa and safe anal sex. Check out their poets. website at endinghiv.org.nz for more info on Overall, it was an awesome week of events. staying safe and getting tested! EquAsian came Lots of our on-campus groups got involved along to the Rainbow Expo and also support- and ran their own events - on Tuesday, UniQ ed our Global Queer Students’ Coffee Group. put on a games night and Trans On Campus We also popped out to our satellite cam- held a symposium with one of our own Mas- puses to spread some cheer! At Epsom and Tā- ters’ students (Hannah Rossiter) presenting maki, we held free morning teas, and at Graf- her work on trans communities in Aotearoa ton we held a free afternoon tea (and gave away and also an interesting presentation from all those Easter eggs left over after the cyclone Catherine Powell about her work on gender no-show!) to show our support for the queer diverse students in tertiary institutions. Hid- communities out there! den Perspectives (previously Rainbow Arts) Also a big shout-out to the lovely feature screened the classic Carol for us, complete with writers who submitted pieces for Pride Crac- popcorn and a panel discussion - if you haven’t cum - you all did fantastic work and I hope ev- seen it, you should definitely procrastinate eryone enjoyed reading your articles as much

[32] COLUMNS

Quarter-Life With Crisis Caitlin Abley

Time After Time Each week Caitlin, disgraced former-editor-in-chief, tackles an item from her list of Twenty Things To Do In Your Twenties and tries to pass it off as journalism.

Last week I accidentally re-watched the 2015 JUDY AND EXECUTIONER. “What’s Forrest Gump’s Bebo password?” clanger Terminator: Genisys. Two viewings 23-year-old me: FATE OF THE FU- “1FORREST1” down and I still don’t really get the plot—Jai RIOUS WITHOUT. A. FUCKING. 23-year-old me: The marginally less terri- Courtney from Suicide Squad (Pooicide Squad DOUBT. I WILL BEAT YOU LIKE ble magazine I’ve been making for the last amirite) goes back in time and bones Emilia A CHEROKEE DRUM IF YOU DIS- three years, with an equally terrible name. Clarke from Game of Thrones (Game of Poos AGREE. amirite) and defeats evil-Google while Matt 6. Favourite work of fiction. Smith from Doctor Who (DOCTOR POO 2. A photo of your celebrity crush. 13-year-old me: Pride and Prejudice, by AMIRITE) looks on and doesn’t really get that 13-year-old me: Gerard Way from My Jane Austen. involved and then maybe Jai Courtney from Chemical Romance, but specifically when 23-year-old me: A printed and stapled Divergent (Diver-shit amirite) becomes the he’s dressed as a HUNKY World War Two PDF of Carry It In My Heart, the stagger- father of Arnold Schwarzenegger from Jingle soldier in the video for “The Ghost of You”. ingly beautiful Jesse Eisenberg/Andrew All The Way (shan’t defile this perfect movie) 23-year-old me: Cole Sprouse as Jughead Garfield fanfiction. in some mindfuck time warp. I may have some in Riverdale, who now that I think about 7. A treasured object. details wrong, but the movie isn’t worth un- it could definitely front an emo-revivalist 13-year-old me: derstanding, I promise. What it did make me band and I am very on board. My carefully curated CD think about, in a convenient-word-count-wast- collection and the digital camera I got for ing-prologue kind of way, is the fickleness of 3. The song you want played at your funeral. Christmas—bet they’ll be really valuable time, and how I can feel the sands of my youth 13-year-old me: “The Ghost of You” by My ten years from now. trickling through my fingers like… Well, like Chemical Romance, stored on a blank CD- 23-year-old me: That top that I borrowed sand through my fingers. Hence, for my chal- ROM. Bury me with a picture of the Way from my mum and got nail polish on and lenge this week, I chose: brothers cut out from Dolly magazine. now need to hide in a time capsule to delay Make a time capsule. Bury it. Dig it up in 23-year-old me: “We’ll Meet Again” by her finding it. ten years. Johnny Cash, stored on a Spotify link. Bury 8. A brilliant invention. Because I hate that I’ll have to wait ten years to me with a picture of Johnny, inked into my rummage through the capsule, I decided to pull own flesh. 13-year-old me: A colour-coded flowchart a Terminator Genisys and mess with time in a detailing exactly how every single Adam 4. A favourite item of clothing. way that doesn’t really make sense, but every- Sandler movie is connected. one just goes along with it anyway. I’m making 13-year-old me: My grey Chucks with the 23-year-old me: A colour-coded flowchart a time capsule as my current 23-year-old self, plaid patches sewn on, and my Kathmandu detailing exactly how every single Adam to bury and recover in ten years, but I’m also long-johns that I tried to pull off as black Sandler movie is connected. putting together what I think my 13-year-old jeans, with very little success. 9. A description of where I want to be in ten self would have buried to be uncovered by me 23-year-old me: My beloved fluffy dressing years. now, at 23. gown, the one that’s the colour of a ball- sack. 13-year-old me: A successful music jour- 1. A ticket stub from your favourite movie of nalist on tour with Fall Out Boy, with a the year. 5. Something you made. house, a fiancé (preferably Sawyer from 13-year-old me: HOT FUZZ WITH- 13-year-old me: The absolutely terrible Lost) and a border collie waiting for me OUT A FUCKING DOUBT. DON’T “comedy” magazine I made in English class, back home. JUDGE ME, YOU’RE NOT JUDGE called Kaboodle! Contains such “jokes” as: 23-year-old me: Alive. ◆

[33] COLUMNS

With By Popular Michael Clark and Demand Kimberley Francisca

Ode to Hamilton Part II: Why Hamilton Wouldn’t Exist Without Hip-Hop Each week Michael, long-time writer and all-round teddy bear, tries to persuade you to take pop culture seriously.

Watching videos of Hamilton in preparation Many people have described hip-hop as Hamilton down as the fastest musical on of this article, I told my friend who is helping an anthem of defiance, against the police and Broadway. This reflects Hamilton’s own de- me write this that the stage show is a bit more against the un-atoning authorities that put termined urgency and his ability to talk and chaotic than I first imagined. I expected visual them in a poor position without help. Mi- write fast. Hip-hop is the perfect genre for elation through elegant patterns; backup per- chael Eric Dyson calls it “pavement poetry”; this as it is fast paced, and requires fast talking formers obviously placed to highlight the star it “vibrates with commitment to speaking for (the faster, the more impressive). As Miranda or a point of focus; a non-rotating stage, and a the voiceless”. Denis Wilson says it has an “us- says “the story would have been impossible bigger space. Yes, she said, it was chaos, but it against-the-world profile”. Hip-hop is, as our to tell at a more conventional pace: It would was a “carefully constructed chaos”. man Lin-Manuel Miranda describes it, “the have to be 12 hours long, because the amount Hamilton isn’t neat. There is no single fo- music of ambition, the soundtrack of defiance, of words on the bars when you’re writing a cal point in the play. The story jumps from whether the force that must be defied is pov- typical song—that’s maybe got 10 words per Aaron Burr to Alexander Hamilton to Eliza erty, cops, racism, rival rappers, or all of the line.” Using the mode of hip-hop music as vo- Hamilton and back again, allowing you to above.” Hip-hop was born out of the fires of cal lubricant, we are able to get a sense of who sympathise with each of them. Leitmotifs and sociopolitical defiance and will remain a force the character of Hamilton is. lyrical repetition are used at irregular times to of rebellion and disruption. If Hamilton is the hip-hop artist then the signify the notion of the past as a random as- So when Miranda uses the music of hip- rest of the dancers are the street party that he is sortment of events rather than a constructed hop and a predominately non-white cast in his DJing. In the ‘70s, street parties were a big part narrative. In short, Hamilton disrupts. It was historical musical, you know he’s not doing it of the solidification of the hip-hop movement. designed to disrupt. And this urge to disrupt just for the novelty. Certainly, we can relate the DJs would set up their equipment on the street runs right through Hamilton’s essence all the character Alexander Hamilton back to that of powered by siphoning electricity out of street- way to its core; the music and the culture of a hip-hop artist; an idealist who struggles with lights, letting people dance and gather in a hip-hop. authority, who wears his me-against-the-world tight, packed, space. The “carefully constructed The hip-hop movement is a collection of ex- badge with pride, and never accepts failure. chaos” that we saw was a recreation of a street pressive forms of art—rap, DJing, breakdanc- Discriminated against due to the circumstanc- party with the small, revolving stage packed ing, and graffiti art—that stemmed from the es of his birth, he only uses this as fuel against with dancing cast members used to emphasise South Bronx district of New York in the 1970s. his detractors. He is rarely sitting; he is, literally the chaos of a dance party space. Each step is Each of these forms have since evolved beyond and metaphorically, on his feet. He is always in loose yet passionate and with the intention of their roots, but during the time, they shared the a rush in writing, talking (think the song “Guns servicing the music. Each movement is to serve connection of being the artform of the shared and Ships” which clocks a tremendous 6.3 the benefit of the street party and not the main black experience. It is a movement pulled to words per second), politics, and war. character. motion by the aftershock of racial discrimina- The always-moving-forward, fast-paced The examples continue but there is one tion laws in the ‘40s and the systemic racism nature of hip-hop music fits perfectly with that Kimberley has spent most of her time re- that bled through to the late ‘70s and beyond. Hamilton’s disposition. Hamilton, on aver- searching: the duplicitous nature of Hamilton; The subculture solidified as a pushback against age, contains just over 20,000 words over the incongruity theory, setting up patterns and the institutions that intentionally or systemi- course of two and a half hours clocking in at then breaking them. Next time on By Popular cally silenced minorities. a resounding 144 words per minute, pinning Demand. ◆

[34] COLUMNS

With Wired In Rachel Berryman

Stop in the Name of Love Each week Rachel, social media enthusiast and online lurker extraordinaire, keeps you in-the-know about what is topical and trending across the world wide web.

I’m sorry. I tried. I did. For five long weeks, I’ve dismissal letter, Comey had, “on three separate so perfected by the current administration, that been suppressing the urge to wax irate about occasions,” informed Tr*mp that he was “not problematises recent comments from Twitter’s Tr*mp. But—to my profound dismay, not to under investigation”. creator, Jack Dorsey, about Tr*mp’s frequent mention the detriment of my mental health— Jeepers. use of the microblogging platform. Though he he’s unavoidable. Without fail, each time I log One need not look far to see just how se- wields the power to disconnect Tr*mp from into Twitter, he’s managed to surpass the absur- verely the announcement frazzled those at the the Twittersphere, where his presence is often dity of his last digital tirade, publishing some- top rungs of the administration: according to decried by users panicked about the potential thing even more nonsensical, offensive and/or the Washington Post, on Tuesday 9th May at repercussions of his erratic tweets, @jack told incriminating for the world to see. 5.40pm, White House Press Secretary Sean Sunday TODAY: Which isn’t to say a bunch of other, exciting Spicer leant out his office doorway and bel- I believe it’s really important to hear di- things didn’t happen online last week. Euro- lowed the news of Comey’s dismissal at the rectly from our leadership. And I believe vision 2017. TheRiverdale finale. The largest journalists skulking around outside, before it’s really important to hold them account- international cyberattack in history (okay, that promptly returning to his desk to send out able. And I believe it’s really important to last one’s not exciting so much as terrifying, the official press release. As reported by Julia have these conversations out in the open, but bear with me). But, both online and off, Glum at Newsweek, “At 5:41pm, reporters be- rather than have them behind closed each of these events was overshadowed by the gan to tweet the bombshell, and by 5:44pm doors. So if we’re all to suddenly take these incredible drama currently unfolding at the Spicer's statement explaining that Trump's platforms away, where does it go? What White House, sparked a couple of weeks ago decision came at the recommendation of At- happens? It goes in the dark. And I just by Tr*mp’s abrupt firing of the FBI Director, torney General Jeff Sessions and Deputy At- don’t think that’s good for anyone. James Comey. torney General Rod Rosenstein had arrived in What this optimistic rationale overlooks, how- It came as a surprise to practically every- inboxes.” ever, is the marked lack of transparency and one involved—not least to Comey, who learnt What strikes me about this account is not accountability exhibited by Tr*mp’s Twitter of his own redundancy from the TV screens only the dichotomy it evokes between the alac- activity. Indeed, the only direct response au- that flashed the news as he addressed a room rity of social media and the sluggishness of ye thored by Tr*mp over the past two weeks was of FBI staff in Los Angeles. According to the ol’ electronic mail; but also its reproduction directed to comedian Rosie O’Donnell, when official letter of dismissal, Tr*mp’s decision was of a motif that has come to characterise the he retweeted a tweet of hers (“FIRE COM- shaped by recommendations from the Attor- administration’s relationship with its staff, the EY”), commenting, “We finally agree on some- ney General and Deputy Attorney General, press, and the millions across the world unable thing Rosie.” who both felt that Comey was no longer “able to take their eyes off the terrifying headlines Tr*mp isn’t logging into Twitter to begin a to effectively lead the Bureau”.1 By echoing this they incite every day. Directly after Spicer told dialogue with the American people. Rather, his sentiment, it would seem Tr*mp also felt that the White House correspondents the news, he use of the platform is largely unidirectional; a Comey wasn’t up to the task of leading the immediately returned to his office, followed by waiting podium where he can immediately, in- federal investigation into the Tr*mp administra- aides who locked the doors behind him. What ternationally broadcast any thought that enters tion’s possible collusion with Russia during the better illustration of the lack of transparency his mind, all the while ignoring those in his @ 2016 election—even though, as he noted in the and accountability repeatedly exhibited by a mentions demanding evidence or explanations. cohort more than willing to take to the micro- That isn’t a “conversation” befitting a healthy

1 Later, the Tr*mp administration would cite Comey’s phone, but adamantly against answering those and prospering democracy, Jack; it’s the mono- (mis-)handling of the Clinton-Weiner emails as specific who dare to interrupt their script? logue of a demagogue. And I just don’t think evidence of his incompetency, but even that mangled It is this highly calculated act of avoidance, that’s good for anyone. ◆ justification begged the question,why now?

[35] COLUMNS

How to Talk With About Sport Mark Fullerton

Here’s How Bernie Can Still Win The Presidency! Each week Mark, disgraced former-editor-in-chief, tries desperately not to add to the interminable string of Super Rugby articles but ends up writing an interminable article about Super Rugby.

No, he can’t. He couldn’t, and he was never going Rugby competition will once and for all throw land side in the final (see above). Boomfa! to, but that didn’t stop Facebook news feeds be- itself into the abyss of unrespectability should the After the demolition of the Hurricanes’ scrum ing clogged with the same headline, the same shit Lions win. Boomfa! at the hands of the Crusaders, Chris Rattue wrote about electoral colleges and such. I guess once he “With all due respect to the Lions, who play a an article criticising the way New Zealand rugby lost, and then once Hillary lost, they didn’t have nice brand of football and aren't a bad team at all, commentators refuse to criticise their own teams. too much else to write about. It was a done deal. it will be ridiculous, bordering on wrong, should they Maybe he should take a look at his colleagues, who She went into hiding, and Bernie bleated on for a end up being crowned Super Rugby champions in have quite spectacularly run out of things to write. few more weeks before also fading away. The peo- 2017.”5 Maybe that’s what happens when you write a “This ple writing things just ran out of things to write Honestly, Gregor Paul, Herald on Sunday rug- Is How The Finals Would Look If The Competi- about. Boomfa! by writer, get cunted. His argument, greatly flawed tion Ended Today” piece EVERY. FUCKING. Much the same is happening right now with and grossly unfair, is that the Lions have a much WEEK. BOOMFA. the coverage of the Super Rugby.1 At the time easier run to the finals than any other team due but while all this shit is going on women’s sport of writing2 the New Zealand conference is fair- to their avoiding playing any New Zealand teams has received a fairly major boost yay! ly open. The Blues, however unlikely it is, could in the entire regular season which should, appar- Women’s sport has always had a pretty shit jump the Highlanders and make it to the playoffs ently, render the 46 points they have accumulated deal. Abby Erceg left the Football Ferns because for the first time since 1875. But overall the cov- (second only to the Crusaders on 50) completely she wasn’t being paid enough, and then there was erage has gone stale. Once-respectable sports jour- irrelevant. Boomfa! the utterly humiliating experience of the women’s nalists have resorted to bizarre “what-if ” scenarios, What not-so-young Gregor has left out is the T20 team on their way to the T20 World Cup last particularly concerning the potential rise of the fact that in the 2016 iteration the Lions DID face year, forced to schlepp it in economy class while one-win relegation-doorstep Melbourne Rebels. all the New Zealand teams and STILL finished the men got to go business. ON THE SAME Mathematically this is possible, if one discounts the regular season atop the Africa 1 conference FUCKING FLIGHT. the fact that one of their five remaining games is and second in the overall standings, defeating the Thankfully, the ICC has recognised the im- against the Crusaders juggernaut and another defending champion Highlanders in the semi-fi- portance of the women’s game to an extent that requires a fifteen-hour flight across the Pacific nal and falling to the Hurricanes at the final hur- should leave rugby and football crying in shame.7 Ocean, neither scenario particularly lending itself dle. So, as not-so-wee Greggles so nicely put it, As the White Ferns prepare for their tilt at World to a victory.3 Boomfa! the Lions are not a bad team at all and play a nice Cup glory, they can do so safe in the knowledge These are fairly harmless hypothetical articles brand of football. If the Lions have proven them- that the ICC will stump up for business class and that really only serve the purpose of POINTING selves able to finish on top of the conference while Suzie Bates and the team can proudly turn right OUT HOW SILLY THE CONFERENCE also having to face New Zealand teams, how can upon boarding, all memories of the left-turn to SYSTEM IS HAHAHA LOOK AT THE SIL- you argue that just because they’re topping the ta- povo-ville cast from their mind. Furthermore, the LY PEOPLE YES OK WE FUCKING GET IT. ble without having faced New Zealand teams they World Cup prize money has been increased from What is truly offensive, and reeks of arrogance,4 is don’t deserve to be there? The best of a bad group a pitiful $290,000 to $2.9 million—still not quite the other new favourite topic of Herald and Stuff is not necessarily the worst of the best group. the $3.2 million for the men’s Champions Trophy writers the country ove—the idea that the Super Boomfa! held a few weeks later, but a tenfold increase is fair- The other key oversight from the Greasor ly notable. Strangler is that to make the quarterfinals is not It is worth noting that these changes are via the 1 This isn’t another article about how shit the Super to win the entire competition,6 and the way it’s ICC, not NZ Cricket, which is a load of shit. Rugby conference system is. It can’t be, because I, like the entire western quadrant of the galaxy, don’t know shaping up we’re looking at 50% of the final eight Remember the last time the Black Caps won how the fuck it works. being from Kiwiland. According to the Paulpoise, the World Cup? Never. 2 Wednesday last week—damn the vagaries of student deadlines, amirite! the Lions won’t meet a New Zealand side until the Remember the last time the White Ferns won 8 3 The Rebels are almost certain to get cut, but the semi-finals (see above) and, if they win that, will the World Cup? I do. The year 2000. ◆ Southern Kings are making that decision a tad hard— almost definitely go on to face another New Zea- the Kings have now won more games this season than they have in their entire history, including a rousing 7 These developments even have their own name, the take-down of not-long-ago-champions the Waratahs on 5 Important phrases to note: “Nice brand of football”, Velvet Revolution, which is fucking badass. their home turf. “Aren’t a bad team at all” 8 I didn’t. I was only seven. I hated cricket. I didn’t watch 4 but not really coz kiwis are humble and shit right. 6 This Is How Bernie Won The Presidency! my first game of cricket until 2015. I am a fraud.

[36] Baby’s bottom sudoku Kisses and Quizzes QUESTION MARK’S CORNER EASY (ONE POINT) 2 3 6 8 1. French President Emmanuel Macron met his wife in a rather unusual fashion—how? 9 5 1 7 2. U-boat is another term for what type of vehicle? 3. Camp Rock saw which two Disney stars come together in a wondrous 7 4 tale of music, love and friendship? MEDIUM (TWO POINTS) 2 9 5 4. Kendrick Lamar released an album on Good Friday—what was it called? 7 4 5. Yemen borders which two countries? 6. “O for Awesome”, the infamous Wheel of Fortune gaff, was said by whom? 1 3 4 7. “Unobtanium” features prominently in which 2009 science fiction film? 3 2 HARD (THREE POINTS) 8. Algeria is the largest country in Africa—true or false? 9. “Lose Yourself ” has been pumping in a Wellington courtroom for the 6 5 7 1 last few weeks, but what was the name of the supposedly plagiarised track that the National Party used in their election ads? 9 8 7 1 10. Lacrosse was first developed on what continent?

ROCK SOLID SUDOKU Herald’s Heroes Every week we’ll trawl the comments section of the NZ 4 2 6 Herald Facebook page to find the hilarious, the repulsive, and the outright absurd. 3 4 9 2 5 7 6 1 8 2 9

2 9 4 6 1 7 4 2 1 8 7 6 3 7 The “what the fuck are you talking about and why are you doing it in a very

public forum” drunk.

Eminem-esque” 10. North America North 10. “ 9.

Jonas 4. DAMN 5. Saudi Arabia and Oman 6. David Tua 7. Avatar 8. True True 8. Avatar 7. Tua David 6. Oman and Arabia Saudi 5. DAMN 4. Jonas (also why is it that such a vast number of facebook commenters insist on 1. She was his drama teacher at high school 2. A submarine 3. Demi Lovato and Joe Joe and Lovato Demi 3. submarine A 2. school high at teacher drama his was She 1. using ellipses instead of full stops… it must be an old person thing… still...

Answers it’s annoying and shit… and there’s really no reason for it...)

[37] the people to blame.

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