101425 Overseas Hwy. • PMB #628 • Key Largo, FL 33037 • 305-304-2837 • www.theconchtelegraph.com • June 2013

Inside:

Attractions Hunk of the Month... Russ Cullen Art Box Artist of the Month... Dillon Endico Bartender of the Month... John Brehm, Bayside Grille

Map Getting From Here to There

What’s Hot & What’s Not Circle of Love Bracelets on Sale to help Brittney Baker Coast Guard and CSHS Boating Safety and Seamanship Course First State Bank Appreciates Foster Parents

All the Buzz Coco-Nut Funnies Mangrove Galley

Conch Characters Captain Spencer Slate and two of his “pals.” Slate does a “Creature Feature” dive twice a week - at 8:30 AM on Fri- days and Sundays. Tamed and nurtured for over 25 years, Captain Slate’s “pets”have been seen in over 60 TV shows, Business in the Keys including 60 Minutes, Discovery, Animal Planet, and Ripley’s Believe It or Not. Photo by Frazier Nivens, Ocean Imaging.

at the Saturday, June 29, 8pm-Midnight Captain Morgan Beach Bar where Captain Morgan is $5 all the time! Sunset Celebration on the Beach! Key Largo's Best Music Schedule HappyHappy HourHour Monday-SaturdayMonday-Saturday 4-7,4-7, wewe restrest onon SundaysSundays Live Band • $5 Captain Morgan Drinks Open 5-10pm Captain Morgan Girls • $5 Ciroc Vodka 2 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013 June 2013 • The Coconut Telegraph • 3 Coconut Telegraph Cast of Characters: Articles Editorial: Circle of Love...... 2-3 Rotary Club of Key Largo Come Hungry! June 2013 Editor/Sales/Distribution Rotary of Key Largo Welcomes New Members...... 3 Welcomes New Members Volume 8 Issue #76 In Memory of Charlie Ecenbarger...... 5 Denise Malefyt 10% OFF WITH THIS AD Art Box Artist of the Month: Dillon Endico...... 7 Prestige Publishing, Inc Mangrove Galley: Pork with Mustard Sauce...... 8 101425 Overseas Highway Advertising It's clean, it's fast, it's delicious!!! PMB #628 Production Hunk of the Month: Russ Cullen...... 9 Great breakfast, great lunch, great everything!! Key Largo, FL 33037 COC-TEL Bartender of the Month: John Brehm...... 11 Sue Beal 6 am - 2 pm • 7 Days Phone 305-304-2837 Getting from Here to There - map page...... 12-13 MM 99.7 Bayside 99696 Overseas Highway, Key Largo Guitarist Slick Aguilar Waits for a New Liver...... 14 docsdinerkeylargo.com • 305-451-2895 Deadline Sovia-Crandon Named New VNA/Hospice Director...... 15 Capturing the Thrill: Do What Excites You...... 16 for the Anglers Club & Ocean Reef Radio Coconut Telegraph’s USCG/CSHS Offer Boating Safety/Seamanship Course...... 17 June issue is Animal Shelter Pets for Adoption...... 18 (L-R) Jennifer Miller, Incoming Rotary President, Patty Sparks Representative Holly Raschein, Katrina Lavine, Rotary President Monday First State Bank Appreciates Foster Parents...... 19 The Rotary Club of Key Largo inducted two new members June 24, 2013 Conch Characters...... 20 into their Club in May: Representative Holly Raschein, from the Business in the Keys...... 21 Florida House of Representatives and Patty Sparks of ST Sparks Contact Denise at Coco“Nut” Funnies...... 22-23 Construction. Both woman are very active in the community STREAMING LIVE! 305-304-2837 and are role models for their civic involvement. Over 3 million listeners Dear Anny Bannanny...... 23 [email protected] The main objective of Rotary is service – to local communi- Profile of a Stalker...... 23 ties and throughout the world. Key Largo Rotary meets at the www.KEYSFM.com Hilton Key Largo every Wednesday at 7:30 am. Further Informa- Studio Call-in Line (305) 367-3533 31 Ocean Reef Drive C-204 Business Office (305) 367-0097 North Key Largo, Florida 33037 tion can be found at www.keylargorotary.org. Editorial: Circle of Love OPERATED BY MEMBERS FOR MEMBERS SINCE 1994 Just when 23-year-old Cor- advantage and that is what dad, commutes al Shores graduate Brittney has kept her alive and got her one and a half Baker’s dream of becoming a through several surgeries and hours to the hos- dolphin trainer was about to infections already. pital, roughly 130 come true, she had a tragic car Brittney is the child of miles round trip, accident. John and Jennifer Baker of and her mom Jen- the circle positive and loving.” By the time you have this Key Largo. Jennifer Baker is nifer follows after work. You The bracelet pictured newspaper in your hands she the manager of Dolphin’s Cove can imagine the expense, just comes in a beautiful mesh will have been in a coma in ICU and her husband John is cur- in gas alone. There is no time jewelry bag with a tag at- at Jackson Memorial Hospital rently only employed part time. to stop and make a sandwich tached featuring a photo of in Miami for 2 months. She Over the years the Baker because every minute, every Brittney . Suggested donation is being treated for massive family has been active in so second, with Brittney counts. is $10 each. These make great Hand Cra ed Paddle Boards head injuries and multiple many community benefits and The expense is astronomi- gifts too. If you would like to broken bones. As soon as she events - they are too numer- cal but if it was your child or be part of the “Circle of Love” Custom Board & Art Work is stable enough she will need ous to mention here. Jennifer loved one you would do it too. please contact me (305-304- to have spinal surgery to re- Baker is the type of person There is a site on Facebook 2837) or Judy Curtis (305- pair a broken back. Brittney who won’t say no. She will not “Britt’s Battle” where people 394-0249). Stand Up ~ Get Zen was tossed about that car like give up until she finds a way to can donate money to help with The Florida Keys are com- a rag doll and her recovery is make it work. It is that kind if Brittney’s medical expenses posed of a series of over 100 Authentic going to be a very slow pro- character and determination as she does not have any in- miles of fragile islands that Custom cess, if she recovers at all. that she has passed on to her surance. In an effort to help have weathered many storms. The accident happened April only child, and I believe, this Jennifer and John with their We enjoy our paradise but Wooden 7th at MM 100. Most people what has kept Brittney alive traveling expenses we are when hard times befall one or Paddle Boards would not have survived such a and fighting. going to be offering “Good all of us we pull together as horrific accident but Brittney Every day since the ac- Karma” bracelets to be worn as there is strength in numbers. has youth and strength to her cident John Baker, Brittney’s a “constant reminder to keep Every one of us counts. Now Taking Christmas Orders Disclaimer The Coconut Telegraph © 2006-2013 is published monthly by Prestige Publishing, INC. All Telegraph assumes in good faith that all editorial and advertising material submitted are vonboard.net rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent of the original property of the advertiser. The Coconut Telegraph may not be held responsible the publisher. The Coconut Telegraph welcomes written articles, photos, and artwork of for errors, omissions, or for circumstances beyond our control that may affect the distribution 817.343.4254 local interest to be used and/or edited at the discretion of the publisher. The Coconut schedule. 4 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013 June 2013 • The Coconut Telegraph • 5

Sundowner’sSundowner’s takentaken fromfrom IslandIsland TimeTime CruiseCruise

Check out Ballyhoo’s new menu! “Hook to Fork” fresh fish! Craft Beers Southern Hospitality

In memory of our friend, Charlie Ecenbarger. 6 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013 June 2013 • The Coconut Telegraph • 7 Bobbe Brown Art Box Artist of the Month: Bobbe Brown Dillon Endico Every Wednesday night at Gilbert's Visual Communicator Every other Friday afternoon at Gilbert's Born and raised in the Florida Keys and having spent Every other Friday night a lot of time in the mountains at the VFW of the west, Dillon Endico's has a great respect for the Available for any type of gig, land he walks on and the call for booking info. amazement it presents him. 305-360-1127 This amazement and respect combined with the beautiful, strange and spectacular moments of life is what Check out this drives his creativity. old photo of Gilberts, Dillon's drawings and posted by “Homestead.” paintings are rooted in obser- vational work that stem into the imaginative world of story and wonder, while always growing through struggle to create something meaningful and true. He describes him- self as “a drawer, painter and visual problem solver.” Draw- ing and painting are the medi- ums which he chooses to explore his life and express his thoughts. 305-451-1133 Dillon is available for freelance or commissioned assignments, and is inter- Waterfront Tiki Bar, Restaurant, Motel & Marina 107900 Overseas Hwy ested in any other creative Monday thru Friday www.gilbertsresort.com RAW BAR open every day! HAPPY HOUR 4pm - 7pm or visit us on facebook opportunities. He can be KEYS ADVENTURES Gilbert's Breakfast Nook New Tiki Beach Bar Now Open!! Father’s Day reached at dillonendico@ Serving Breakfast Daily Sunday - June 16 gmail.com. View more of his WATERSPORTS 7am - 11am JUNE ENTERTAINMENT Join us at Gilbert’s! art at one of his websites: Guided Waverunner SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY http://dillonendico.tumblr.com. Tours! 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Or, stop by the Art Box to Rentals! BOBBE BROWN LUKE & DAVE 1-5 2-6 see his work on display. VIVA OPEN JAM NITE KARAOKEE BOBBE BROWN LUKE SUMMER GLEN 6-10 6-10 6-10 BAND THE REGS ROXCELLA NEW! Boat Rentals 2-7 6-10 7-10 2-7

9 10 11 12 13 14 15 - Paddleboards & Kayaks 3 FEET OPEN JAM NITE KARAOKEE BOBBE BROWN LUKE SUMMER GLEN STEVE WEBB LUKE & D AVE 2 6 6-10 6-10 6-10 BAND 1-5 THE REGS 6-10 HOURLY, DAILY OR WEEKLY! CLOSER GYPSY ROAD 7-11 BAND 2-7 We Deliver! • GGreatreat Rates! 7-11

Large Ride Areas! 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 BOBBE BROWN LUKE & DAVE OPEN JAM NITE BOBBE BROWN Call to reserve your ride time! STALKING KARAOKEE LUKE SUMMER GLEN 1-5 2-6 6-10 6-10 MILDRED 6-10 BAND 6-10 LOOSE CANNONS PUSH (302) 293-7199 2-7 7-11 7-11

(Reservations suggested, but not required) 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 OPEN JAM NITE KARAOKEE BOBBE BROWN LUKE SUMMER GLEN STEVE WEBB LUKE & DAVE www.keysadventureswatersports.com MR.NICE GUY 6-10 6-10 6-10 BAND 1-5 2-6 2-7 6-10 THE VIBE COLBERT 7-11 7-11 Let’s Get 30 July 1 MICHAEL TRIXX MAGIC SHOW SATURDAYS AT SUNSET THE REGS OPEN JAM NITE 6-10 2-7 $7.95 Daily Food Specials Monday-Friday Wet!! Happy Hour 4-7 Monday-Friday 107900 Overseas Hwy, Key Largo 8 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013 June 2013 • The Coconut Telegraph • 9

The Mangrove Galley Pork with Mustard Sauce Hunk of the Month Medical Terms and Redneck Definition by Sandi Mieszczenski 1 large onion, peeled and sliced Russ Cullen Artery - The study of paintings pat of butter Attorney Extraordinare! Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria 1 ½ to 2 pounds of pork (you can use an inexpensive cut Barium - What doctors do when patients die such as pork shoulder blade or pork chops.) Benign - What you be, after you be eight vegetable oil 1 tablespoon of flour Caesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome 1 beef bouillon cube melted in one cup of water Cat scan - Searching for kitty 1 tablespoon of yellow mustard Cauterize - Made eye contact with her salt Colic - A sheep dog pepper Coma - A punctuation mark Melt the butter in a large skillet. Add the onion and Cyst - To give someone in need a helpin' hand sauté until soft. Remove from pan. Pat the pork dry with Dilate - It sure beats dyin' earty paper towels to remove the moisture. Heat the oil in the Enema - Not a friend As boaters, my husband and I are always looking for same skillet and brown the pork on both sides. Sprinkle Fester - Quicker than someone else easy and delicious boat meals. This recipe is one of the flour over the meat, return the onion to the pan, stir our favorites. Serve this pork dish over rice or noodles in the bouillon mix and mustard. Stir well. Cover and Fibula - A small lie and enjoy! simmer ½ to 1 hour until the meat is tender. Add salt and Impotent - Distinguished, well known Sandi’s recipes are featured monthly pepper to the taste. in the Coconut Telegraph. For previous issues go to Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work http://www.theconchtelegraph.com. Serve with a green vegetable and you have a great meal. Medical Staff - A doctor’s cane Morbid - A higher offer Nitrates - Rates of pay for working at night, normally more money than days Node - To have been acquainted with Outpatient - A person who has fainted Pap Smear - To insult or belittle your own father Bayside Blues Concerts & Beach Parties Pathology - The study of trails Concert Showtime: 6:30pm Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis Bayside Grille continues the greatest music schedule ever presented in Key Largo! Post Operative - A letter carrier SATURDAY JUNE Josh Smith Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery One of the most diverse blues rock guitarists of recent years. 5 Jimmy Thackery said of the 14-year-old, "Josh is three heartbreaks Rectum - Crashed 'em and totaled 'em away from being a true blues guitar genius." At 15, won Florida Jammy Award and XS Readers Choice for best Secretion - Hiding something blues band. Josh has played such high profile gigs as backing Seizure - Roman emperor Mick Jagger at the Grammy Awards in 2011 and the Kennedy Center Honors in December 2011. Tablet - A small table SATURDAY Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport JUNE Anni Piper Australian Blues Superstar 15 Best New Talent' at the 2005 Australian Blues Music Awards Tumor - One plus one more nomination for 'Best Female Vocal 2004 ABC Radio competition, top five finalist in the 2010 Musicoz Awards and many more Urine - Opposite of you’re out accolades for this blues singer songwriter. "Anni Piper has arrived, and you would do well to invite her in." "Sticks" Randall Ierna, Ranluron Music, BMI (USA) SATURDAY - JUL 6 TUES & WED - JUL 16 & 17 SATURDAY - JUL 27 Joel DaSilva Debbie Davies Rockin Jake & the Midnight Howl Award-winning singer, song- Band Shared stages with writer, guitar player of extra- A dynamo performer BB King, The Fabulous ordinary talent. Top blues artist from New Orleans, five Thunderbirds, The who in 1997 and 2010 won Best time Award Winner for Black Crowes, Los Lobos Contemporary Female Blues Artist. Best Harmonica. and more! Capt. Morgan Beach Party on Sat. June 29 (See page 1 for details) Checkout our CAPTAIN MORGAN BEACH BAR www.keylargoblues.com where Captain Morgan is $5 all the time!

Waterspout over Bahia Honda Bridge. Photo contributed. MM 99.5 Bayside, behind Cafe Largo 10 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013 June 2013 • The Coconut Telegraph • 11 SHIT HAPPENS Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List Bartender of the Month: John Brehm at Bayside Grille Taoism: Shit happens. The Coconut Telegraph's Bartender students across the nation so it is Confucianism: Confucius say, “Shit happens.” of the Month John Brehm is a bar- really quite an accomplishment to be Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit. tender extraordinaire... and so much chosen.” Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not. What is the sound of shit happening? more! Brehm, who was born in Miami When John is not at Bayside Grille Hinduism: This shit has happened before. and raised in the Keys (where his or Cafe Largo he is at home working or Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah, kill the person responsible; family has resided since the 60s), is spending time with his family. He and and blame Israel. also Robert DiGiorgio's (owner of Cafe his wife Amy have a four-and-a-half Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. Largo and Bayside Grille) right-hand year old, and another on the way, due on Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else. man. "When John is not behind the bar Halloween. They own and operate their Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen. at Bayside serving our specialty own company, "Ugly Fish Apparel." If Episcopalian: It’s not so bad if shit happens, house-made cocktails, he helps manage you are looking for screen printing, as long as you serve the right wine with it. the businesses. He orders food and heat press, direct garment printing, Methodist: It’s not so bad if shit happens, liquor, keeps the place running vinyl signs or just about anything like as long as you serve grape juice with it. smoothly and you can even find him that, they can do it. You can email them Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is happily cooking in the kitchen of either at [email protected] for a quote. just as good as shit that happens to another. restaurant," says DiGiorgio with a John would like to invite everyone Here John is pictured with his Infused Bloody Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is Mary Vodka. It is a mouth-watering combi- just as bad as shit that happens to another. smile. to stop in and try a specialty signature "John recently completed the drink. The signature infusions available nation of herbs and spices. Just add tomato Lutheran: If shit happens, don’t talk about it. industry's most prestigious bartender at press time (they may vary day-to- juice for an incredible Bloody Mary, which is Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, also pictured above with a smoked paprika course, “BarSmarts Advanced.” The day) are: unless you are born again. (Amen!) rim and fresh lime. course was designed exclusively for Bing Cherry Infused Whiskey, Register: www.REEF.org/lionfish/derbies Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us? Pernod Ricard and is an invitation-only, Cucumber-Jalapeno Infused Tequila, with horseradish, jalapeno, garlic, pickle, Calvinism: Shit happens because you don’t work. This summer we also have two, free Lionfish Collecting and Handling comprehensive mixology education.” Pomegranate Infused Tequila, Key Lime onion, and celery. Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday. Workshops where you can learn about lionfish and obtain a permit to “It is the premier certification in Infused Rum, Pineapple-ginger Infused John's favorites are the Havana collect them in the FL Keys Nat’l Marine Sanctuary & Preservation Areas: Creationism: God made all shit. the United States," says DiGiorgio, and Rum, Bacon Infused Bourbon, Home- (jalapeño-cucumber tequila) Margarita Tuesday June 4 – Key Largo • Wednesday July 10 – Key Largo Secular Humanism: Shit evolves. he adds, "the BarSmarts Advanced made Hibiscus Simple Syrup, and The and the Ultimate Bloody Mary. This is www.REEF.org/lionfish/workshops. Christian Science: When shit happens, don’t call a doctor - pray! course only has about 2000 graduating Ultimate Bloody Mary Vodka Infused a must-do for my bucket list! Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit. Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit. e Domestic Abuse Shelter Key Largo Utopianism: This shit does not stink. Barajas Named First State Bank MON Darwinism: This shit was once food. 11am-7pm Outreach Oce could use your help. Capitalism: That’s MY shit. e Pink Plaza Suite #235 -- mile marker 103 Bayside TUE-FRI Employee of the Quarter (103400 Overseas Highway, Suite 235, Key Largo, FL 33037) 9am-5pm Communism: It’s everybody’s shit. Please come by and see us, and if you can, bring a donation: (305) 451-5666 Feminism: Men are shit. Sonia Barajas, First for her initiative, work Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can’t live without us... State Bank of the Florida ethic, and positive attitude. Commercialism: Let’s package this shit. Keys Tradewinds Branch Raised in Key Largo and Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden. Teller, was named the Bank‛s a graduate of Coral Shores Idolism: Let’s bronze this shit. Employee of the Quarter High School, Barajas Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit IS. worked for First State Stoicism: This shit is good for me. Bank of the Florida Keys Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening! from 2007-2011 as a part- Mormonism: God sent us this shit, and this shit is going to happen again. time Teller for the Key Wiccan: As it harm none, let shit happen. Largo and Tradewinds Scientology: If shit happens, see “Dianetics”, p.157. Branch Offices. She Jehovah’s Witness: May we have a moment of your time to returned in 2012 to the show you some of our shit? Tradewinds Branch as Moonies: Only really happy shit happens. Teller. Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama. “Sonia‛s pleasant atti- Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit! tude and dedication to her Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time. customers and our Bank have Church of SubGenius: BoB shits. made her a valued employee Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not. and we are proud to recog- Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS. nize her as Employee of Atheism: I can’t believe this shit! the Quarter,” said Laura Nihilism: No shit. Brown, Assistant Vice Narcisism: I am the shit! The Pirates on the Water would like to thank everyone who donated, President Key Largo and e Domestic Abuse Shelter (DAS) is a non-prot organization, providing comprehensive services for individuals and families And of course we must add... helped and attended... making the MASH benefit event for the experiencing domestic and sexual abuse in the Florida Keys. Our mission is to reduce the incidence and minimize the impact of Tradewinds Branch domestic and sexual abuse in Monroe County by directing victims and abusers to appropriate, e ective programs and services. Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time! Good Health Clinic a huge succes. Above, Judy Curtis in character. Manager. 12 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013 June 2013 • The Coconut Telegraph • 13

Book your next event! Open to the Public • Capacity 250 • Event Planning Available Hall Rental - call 305-852-1872 Decorating & Catering Packages - call Joyce 305-619-2259

ELKS ENTERTAINMENT Fridays This Month: Merilee Dodge Karaoke 8-11pm

1st Annual Ladies Dolphin Tournament —Guaranteed Prize Money— SATURDAY - JUNE 8th Visit website or call for info 305-852-1872 Come join the fun! MM 92.6 Bayside • Tavernier www.floridakeyselks1872.com Like us on Facebook! elkstavernierlodge

Check us out! Happy Hour The Buzzards Roost Monday—Friday on Facebook from 4-6pm • at the bar

Fresh Seafood, Island Favorites - and - Cold Beer, a Great Selection of Wine and a Full Liquor Bar!

305-453-3746 • www.Buzzardsroostkeylargo.com MM 106.5 Oceanside in the Garden Cove Marina Nex L! THE FLORIDA KEYS’ ONLY Monthly Sat. July 6th GLASS BOTTOM SNORKEL BOAT! RESERVE NOW! This is something the ENTIRE family can enjoy together! Our two 3' by 9' viewing windows will give you a spectacular view of our reefs... without getting your feet wet. After the tour Polynesian Luau we anchor the boat. Snorkelers have up to 45 minutes to snorkel the Christ Statue or the beautiful shallow reef while passengers in the anchored boat continue viewing the reef. & Pig Roast Party • DIVE • SNORKEL Premier Key Largo • TOUR Sunset Celebration! • GET CERTIFIED Live Music! • HAVE FUN! The Keys’ ONLY Glass Bottom Combination Snorkel Boat! Located in Key Largo, we are the closest With three boats, we make sure your voyage Our highly quali ed sta oers Daily Happy Hour at the Bars dive operation to the Christ of the Abyss experience is kept personal, relaxed, and exclusive. PADI, NAUI, SDI, TDI, SEI, DAN statue, the Elbow, and the 510’ Wreck of the And... a visit to Key Largo is not complete without certi cations and more... so start or & Waterfront Ledges Spiegel Grove. Check the website for our the world famous Creature Feature! continue your dive education here! schedule; we feature 2 trips every day. www.captainslate.com Private Parties & Sunset Weddings! MM 106: 51 Garden Cove Dr Key Largo, FL 33037 (305) 451-3020 99470 Overseas Hwy., Key Largo, FL 33037 Operating since 1978, CAPTAIN SLATE'S ATLANTIS DIVE CENTER is the oldest dive operation in the Florida Keys operating in the same location. MM 99.9 Behind Largo Motors • 305-453-5004 • www.snooks.com 14 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013 June 2013 • The Coconut Telegraph • 15 Jefferson Starship Guitarist Mark “Slick” Aguilar Sovia-Crandon New Development Waits for Liver Transplant Director for VNA/Hospice Mark “Slick” Aguilar has my coach, because he knows Visiting Nurse Associa- funding sources that will been the lead guitarist in what I am going through,” tion and Hospice of help to fulfill our Jefferson Starship since said Slick. the Florida Keys mission, which 1992 and he is only the third David Crosby and some of is pleased to includes providing person to hold that position Slick's other famous friends welcome Kim for all who need in the 40-year history of jumped onboard to perform a Sovia- care, to include both Jefferson Airplane and benefit concert at the Great Crandon as the indigent Jefferson Starship. This American Music Hall in San the new 1st Place Team: CONTAGIOUSand working year marks 28 years Slick Francisco on February 24, Develop- poor.” The Big Chill, viewed from the water, on a beautiful Key Largo afternoon! has played with Paul Kantner, 2013. 100% of the proceeds Good News for Keys Music Lovers ment Kim‛s Marty Balin, and company from the ticket sales and Director. other profes- since he started with them in merchandise went directly If you love the kind of music usually found only in big city Kim brings sional accom- 1984. Before 1984, he was towards Slick's ongoing medi- concert halls, rejoice.HONDA There isCIVIC cause for COUPE celebration Si-201 from HP over 25 plishments lead guitarist with David cal and day-to-day living the Lower Keys to the2.4-liter Upper Keys! The DOHC Florida Keysi-VTEC® Concert years of include WCTH/ Crosby and before that, with expenses. Association announces an impressive six-concert offering leadership Thunder Coun- KC & the Sunshine Band. His Besides David Crosby, for 2013, at a great price of $85 for all six concerts, making experience, try station man- melodic and tasteful guitar Jefferson Airplane/Starship the cost of each individual show about $14! most recently ager and regional playing has soared the music singer Marty Balin, Country as Executive sales coordinator for of Jefferson Airplane & Joe McDonald and Big Director and Chief Clear Channel Communi- Jefferson Starship longer Brother and the Holding Operating Officer for the cations South Miami Dade/ than the Airplane‛s legend- Company were all scheduled Good Health Clinic in Taver- Florida Keys market group; ary Jorma Kaukonen and to play. nier and as the Florida Keys President and CEO of the Starship‛s Craig Chaquico Other fundraising efforts Congressional Aide to U.S. Homestead/ Florida City combined. are also in the works. Hofner Congresswoman Ileana Ros- Chamber of Commerce; Last fall, Slick was diag- Guitars has generously 6 SPEED Lehtinen for the past 6 years. Executive Director of the donated a HA-GA04 acoustic nosed with Hepatitis C. Due 4-cylinder engine Leather-wrapped steering wheel “We are fortunate to Deering Estate Foundation; to complications of this dis- guitar which was autographed Close-ratio 6-spd. manual transmission Textured aluminum pedals have Kim join our team at Vice President, Marketing ease, his liver is not function- by the stars of the benefit Helical limited-slip differential Deep-bolstered sport seats with red stitching this exciting juncture in our and Public Relations for ing properly. Doctors have Time is significant for before but with the way the and raffled after the show. EPA-estimated fuel economy 360-Watt AM/FM/CD premium audio system history, as we move forward Homestead Air Force Base given him a 50/50 chance of Slick, his family and friends. situation is, I have no other A second guitar, a Fender (City/Hwy./Combined): With 7 speakers, including subwoofer to ensure we remain the Federal Credit Union; and survival in the next two years Squire Bullet was donated by 22/31/25 mpg Power monitor screen dominant provider of home Conference Center Liaison “It‛s going to be a pretty source of income.” 14" Premium wheels Tachometer w/sequential rev-limit indicator if he does not receive a liver heavy duty operation and the It should also be noted the San Francisco Guitar health, hospice and palliative for the Dept. of Defense at Center store. It was also Body-colored deck Iid spoiler Available Honda Satellite-Linked transplant. recovery could take 9 months that Slick is not paid any type Chrome exhaust finish Navigation System care in the Florida Keys,” Homestead Air Force Base. This news has forced to a year, plus someone has to of royalties from the bands autographed by the stars of Fog lights With Voice Recognition, XM® Radio said Jody Gross, President/ Kim resides in Key Largo Slick to step back from doing be with me 24/7,” he said. or individual artists he plays Slick's benefit and auctioned Bluetooth®* Hands Free Link® & FM Traffic CEO of VNA/Hospice. and will be located at VNA/ what he loves, which is play- Continuing to speak with. He receives straight online to the highest bidder. “Unlike other providers, we Hospice‛s Tavernier office. ing music, and put his effort, For more information or Excellent Condition - 2012 are a charitable organization openly, Slick shares his pay at a flat rate for doing a For more information call 305- attention and ambition to donate, visit Slick's that covers the entire thoughts for seeking help in gig and that is how he earns ONLY 4,300 MILES $20,000 294-8812 or 305-852-7887 or visit towards surviving. “I have website:slickaguilar.com/ County. Kim will facilitate the form of donations so this his pay. As if facing one's www.VNAHospiceKeys.org. been in this business for 35 will be possible. “I do have own mortality, suffering from Get well, Slick! Call Eric Beattie 305.304.5081 the development of new years. I am now unable to insurance but it will not be a debilitating illness and tour with Jefferson Star- to enough to cover all of the losing the job you love was Miami ship. I had been hospitalized expenses. I am a working not overwhelming enough, American Legion Post 333 - Key Largo for ten days while they were musician and right now Slick is now faces a monu- Burger King on tour. If I had gone on tour Traffic because of my health, I‛m not mental amount of medical and Light with them, it probably would Walgreens working at all. Being a musi- day to day living expenses, Sunday Breakfast U.S. 1 -ATLANTIC OVERSEAS HWY BL. have killed me. The doctors CVS cian is a great job and I love with no source of income. He Flashing Yellow have me on several different what I do but not all of us may alsohave to relocate to 9 - 11am • $6 Light

MM 99.2 Bank Capital meds and what that is basi- are paid like Paul McCartney. another state to receive the HOMESTEAD AV cally doing is keeping me alive EAST DRIVE It‛s a decent living but not transplant. Check our Daily Wall Post for Special Events! Fire until I can get a liver trans- enough to cover something as Slick talks to David The Post e Legion ALWAYS has something going on!!!! Station needs your plant. I have spent a lot of big as a liver transplant. Crosby every few days. David to Key West time planning and being evalu- Donations in any amount are had a liver transplant several support! Happy Hour 4 to 7pm daily ★ ated so when a liver becomes going to be helpful. I‛ve never years ago and provides SEAGATE BLVD

OCEAN BAY DRIVE OCEAN BAY Pilot available, I will be ready.” had to do anything like this friendship and support. “He‛s 2 Seagate Boulevard • MM 99.6 • Key Largo • 305-451-0307 House 16 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013 June 2013 • The Coconut Telegraph • 17 Forty five students in Mr. Coast Guard Station Capturing the Thrill Richard Russell‛s Commercial Islamorada Petty Officers Coast Guard and Coral Shores Fishing Course recently com- teamed up with Jim Marcotte Do What Excites You pleted an intensive, eight- CG Auxillary Public Education High School set precedent week Boating Safety and Sea- Staff Officer and his teach- Playing it small in order to fit in with HOME OF THE ORIGINAL TUNA NACHOS manship course at CSHS. ing team to present the com- in offering Boating Safety a group robs the essence of your self. The course was the brain prehensive course. child of Mr. Russell and Chief The students were and Seamanship Course Warrant Officer Jaret C. Mats, awarded Coast Guard certifi- Welcome the commanding officer of cates of completion and will Coast Guard station Islamo- be issued Florida State safe Summer! rada. boarding cards by The stu- the FWC. Summer is a great time to dents were This is the book your party on the Ocean drilled in all first time such an at either location. aspects of outreach has been seamanship made in a public including rules high school and is Lunch & Dinner served daily at both locations. of the road, prompted by the Breakfast served daily at the boat handling, high maritime Islamorada location only. weather, accident/incident marine elec- rate we have The students pictured are the certificate earners from the tronics, Federal and state boat- here in Monroe County. commercial fishing classes split between the 3rd and 4th Check in at the Island Grill and say hello. ing laws, and aids to navigation. Plans are now being made period at Coral Shores High School. There were too many to fit Each human life has the to do more of what excites We look forward to seeing you! Special presentations were to present an expanded pro- in one classroom! In the orange shirt is their teacher, Mr. Rich- potential to be dramatic, you, even if your choices put on by Mary Tagliareni gram in the fall that will ard Russell. Men in uniform are Jaret C. Mats (C.O. of Station thrilling, and awe-inspiring. requires you to make certain (Deputy Director of the Na- include hands-on training Island Grill at Mandalay • MM 97.5 • Ocean View Islamorada and James T Marcotte, the Public Education staff NOW Our lives are, in truth, ours sacrifices, your daily life will tional Marine Sanctuary) and aboard CG AUX boats. officer for the AUX flotilla attached to station Islamorada. WITH TWO Island Grill at Snake Creek • MM 85.5 •Beach Setting Key Largo Islamorada to design. Each day, we make soon be imbued with exhila- Officer Bob Dube of the FWC. LOCATIONS: 305 852-0595 305 664-8400 choices that influence the ration, pleasure, and optimis- character of our experi- tic anticipation. ences, and our decisions To understand what determine whether our excites you, you may need to paths are rousing or tedious, observe and ponder your breathtaking or tiresome. reaction to the activities, We can create an exciting events, circumstances, and life by simply doing what concepts that make up your excites us whenever the life. What makes your pulse opportunity presents itself. race, what makes you want Your passions may ebb and to get out of your chair and flow, and what excites you take action? Try to avoid one year may not excite you getting too wrapped up in the next, but when you make life‛s details; their tedium excitement a regular part of may cause you to plod your existence, life becomes through your existence more fun and more fulfilling. unaware of prospective If you are somebody excitement. that tends to live practi- Once you have created a cally, excitement may over- substantial list of what whelm you at first. To ease excites you, find ways to the anxiety that prevents integrate each item into you from incorporating all your routine. You will soon that you find exciting into find yourself riding a wave your life, acknowledge that of excitement that lifts you you are alive right now in up and makes life truly this time and every moment worth living. What excites matters. When you choose you in your life?

Reprinted from DailyOM - Inspirational thoughts for a happy, healthy and fulfilling day. Register for free at www.dailyom.com 18 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013 June 2013 • The Coconut Telegraph • 19 First State Bank Appreciates Foster Parents

Take it from the NFL’s Jimmy Johnson... First State Bank of the Wesley House is dedi- Tina’s Terrific! Florida Keys supported cated to promoting and Wesley House Family Ser- enhancing the safety, well- vices with a donation of 50 being and development of JUST CHILL reusable “going green” shop- children by educating, sup- Specializing in ping bags as gifts to thank porting, and meeting the The Keys’ hottest spot to chill local foster parents in honor needs of families. Color & is renowned for of National Foster Parent For more information Highlights terrific island dining and a Appreciation Month. visit www.wesleyhouse.org. complete waterfront entertainment and the Latest Haircut Trends complex that suits your every mood. Indoor/Outdoor Restaurant Offering Cinderella Salvation Army Family Store Sports Bar with 30 Flat Screens SHOP • DONATE Hair Extensions MM 99 Bayside NFL & NCAA - Best Place to View All the Games Key Largo Giant Screen on the water! Free Consulation Two Tiki Bars • Raw Bar • Enrico’s Pizza Pool & Cabana Club • Live Entertainment Daily Jet Ski and Water Sports Rental See Tina at Linda Lee’s Hairport Tuesdays: Ladies Night with Jimmy Ray and Michael Trixx 103200 Overseas Hwy (Plaza 103, by Num Thai) Pictured L-R: First State Bank SVP/Branch Administration Manager 451-3455 Check out the New Martini Bar: Daisy Naseiro, Zeena Ram, Wesley House Licensing Counselor, and Visit the store, or call 305-872-5744 for prompt and courteous pickup New Martinis, New Wines, New Menu & Live Music First State Bank SVP/Senior Lender Jeff Smith. Friday & Saturday: 5pm-Close Adopt a Key Largo Animal Shelter Pet Don’t forget to honor the Meet a few of the animals who are currently available for adoption at the Key Largo Animal Shelter. If you are interested in taking one of these men in your life! adorable furry friends home stop by or call. The Shelter is located at mile marker 106 Oceanside; phone 305-451-0088.

Siren Roy Esmerelda Paco Ashley

The Keys’ Hottest Spot to Chill On the water at MM 104, Bayside, Key Largo Mia Carlito Bella Peter, Paul & Mary 305-453-9066 • www.jjsbigchill.com Father’s Day is June 16th 20 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013 June 2013 • The Coconut Telegraph • 21 Conch Characters Business in the Keys

From Personal Watercraft to Yachts — Repairs or General Maintenance — Protect your investment! 305.924.0018

Cathy and Buffy don festive hats for Congressman Joe Garcia and Bob Karaoke at Gilbert’s Resort is back Servicing the Upper Keys the Kentucky Derby Party. Thomas at the American Legion on again every Tuesday night with Jim. Memorial Day. Welcome back! Sheriff Rick Ramsey cleans up the side of the road in Islamor- ada. Thank you Sheriff Ramsey!

Island Time Cruise with Singers and Songwriters. Photo by Cheryl Talbert.

Jon Dreaver from the Art Box painting with Pasta Panteleo Jim Hill & Tim Dee "Trop Rock" for Project Inspiration at the duo at Sundowners during Florida Keys Children's Center. Music Fest. Dwayne McGregor at Bayside Grill for Happy Hour.

Singers and Songwriters at Sundowners - Jim Half- penny, Gary Philips, Alan Truesdell & Taylor Moore.

Income Properties for Sale • Oceanfront Estate Islamorada Thank you Ted and Vivianne for entertain- Bayview Properties ing the folks at the American Legion BBQ to benefit Oklahoma tornado victims. Knotts and Schinella and friends every Tuesday Mac Arnold and Plate Full of Sherry Zwerdling night at Steamers. Join in for a great jam! Blues at Bayside Grill in May. Licensed Real Estate Agent 305-664-6551 [email protected] 74452 Overseas Highway, Islamorada, Fl 33036

Time to relax at Snook’s Bayside - what a beautiful day on the water! Cecilia Lauren & Ocoee Rive Band at Sundowners. 22 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013 June 2013 • The Coconut Telegraph • 23 Coco‘Nut’ Funnies

MONTANA STATE TROOPER

In most of the United States there the gear shift into ‘drive’ and hit the is a policy of checking on any stalled gas. vehicle on the highway when tem- Dear Anny Bannanny, The car’s speedometer was show- peratures drop to single digits or below. My ex-boyfriend keeps following me. He calls me all the time. ing 20-30-40 and then 50 MPH, but it About 3 AM one very cold morning, was still stuck in the snow, wheels spin- He goes to the club I belong to, asking about me. He just won't Montana State Trooper Allan Nixon ning. Trooper Nixon, having a sense of leave me alone! I have a restraining order on him but he still #658 responded to a call: there was a humor, began running in place next to won't quit. He just got out of jail again and I am ready to pull my car off the shoulder of the road outside the speeding (but stationary) car. The Great Falls, Montana. He located the driver was totally freaked, thinking the hair out. What can I do to get this obnoxious loser Sambuca and car, stuck in deep snow and with the trooper was actually keeping up with beer guzzling drunken flabby idiot freak off my butt? engine still running. Pulling in behind the him. This goes on for about 30 seconds, Yours Truly, car with his emergency lights on, the then the trooper yelled, “PULL OVER!” trooper walked to the driver’s door to Ex-Buca Babe Profile of a Stalker find an older man passed out behind The man nodded, turned his wheel The Stalker Profile Breakdown: as erotomania, paranoia, schizo- and stopped the engine. Needless to the wheel with a nearly empty vodka Dear Ex-Buca Babe, • 1/3 ex-spouses or lovers phrenia, and delusional thinking. bottle on the seat beside him. say, the man from North Dakota was arrested and is probably still shaking his It sounds to me like you are doing the right things. He is a • 1/3 acquaintances Stalkers are above average The driver came awake when the head over the state trooper in Mon- STALKER! Make sure all your friends know this and tell them • 1/3 strangers intelligence. They will often go trooper tapped on the window. Seeing tana who could run 50 miles per hour. to ingenious lengths to track they should refuse to talk to him about you. You need all the the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, down a victim, or obtain infor- and the state trooper standing next to Who says troopers don’t have a support you can get! This is the Keys, Babe, there are plenty of his car, the man panicked. He jerked sense of humor? mation they're looking for. In fish in the sea. addition, stalkers many times Have you seen all the hunky fishermen we have? Good golly, use their intelligence to throw JOHN McKINNA is a local put your little black dress on and go find yourself a big one. Please Note: others off their trail. For musician, a best-selling author, Attach yourself to him. Not only will flabman stay away but you example, a stalker in Florida and a published, syndicated New Email Address will have fresh fish to savor every night on your dinner table and allegedly tapped into his victim's cartoonist. We feature his for the Coconut Telegraph: telephone line and then called cartoons every month in the the hunky fisherman flopping around on your bed like a fish outta [email protected] Coconut Telegraph! water. Yee-ha, you go girl! But seriously…. himself in an effort to make it Anny Bannanny dated a stalker once years ago. It took me a look as though the victim was harassing him. few moves and trading in cars to get rid of the guy. Eventually he Stalkers are usually loners. will realize he will just keep getting arrested if he lives in this Most stalkers don't have any county, so he will have to move. Contact your local Domestic There are certain traits relationship outside the one they Abuse Center for advice. If you see him following you, drive which stalkers seem to have in are trying to reestablish or the straight to the Sheriff's Department. Statistics say that 76% common. Typically the stalker is one they have imagined exists of women killed by their intimate partners were stalked by their an unmarried white male. Stalk- between them and their victim. partners beforehand. Stay safe! ers are frequently rejected Stalkers don't display the Sincerely, lovers and often are chronic discomfort or anxiety that failures in social or sexual people should naturally feel in Anny B. relationships. certain situations. Normal Stalkers won‛t take “no” for individuals would be extremely an answer. At the bottom of embarrassed to be caught I’m not sure their heart they still believe following other people, going that’s what they mean by “reduce that the victim will eventually through their trash looking for the wine.” “come around.” Because they information about them, leaving have little sense of self or obscene notes and other inap- identity if they are rejected, propriate behavior displayed by they feel as if they have noth- stalkers. Stalkers however, ing. Consequently, as long as the don't see this as inappropriate continue pursuing their victims, behavior, but only as a means to the stalkers can convince them- gain the person's love. selves they haven't been com- Some stalkers believe that if pletely rejected yet. they can attach themselves to Stalkers display an obses- famous or important people sive personality, and they may some of this fame and impor- have an additional disorder, such tance will transfer to them. 24 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2013

Open Every Day Open Every Day from 11 am from 11 am

RESTAURANT & TIKI BAR Not just businesses were aƒected by the aftermath of the disaster. Individuals and families were hurt as well. If you lived and worked in the NEW! WE DELIVER - MM 112 TO MM 98 FLORIDA KEYS in April 2010 there’s a Live Music & Entertainment: good chance you have some money coming to you. Mondays: Thursdays: Service Industry Night Country Night 9pm-12am 8pm-12am William A. Becker Consulting, LLC is the Drink Specials: Buy 1 Get 1 Late Night Menu largest claims assistance company in the Keys. Late Night Menu Fridays: We’re here to help you! Tuesdays: Caribbean Night Live Music: Knotts & Live Music 7-11pm To date over $10 MILLION has been awarded to our clients. Schinella 6-10pm Late Night Menu Find out if you’re eligible! Sundays: Allen Truesdell 2-6pm To get started, stop by, call or email us! Club Limo soon at Steamers! YOU CAN SWITCH TO US QUICKLY AND EASILY  Hosted by Limo Bob WE WILL GET YOU PAID Food & Drink Specials HAPPY HOUR SPECIALS: Key Largo Ask what’s on for today! $1 Pork Chop $2 Draft Beer Pink Plaza, MM 103.4 COCKTAIL SPECIALS $3 Well Drinks THROUGHOUT THE WEEK 103400 Overseas Hwy. , Suite 200 $4 Call Drinks HAPPY HOUR: Mon-Fri 4-7 $5 Bartender Special CONSULTING, LLC Contact Jim Mahley 305-849-1962 107690 Overseas Highway, Key Largo • 305-396-7353 “FROM THE KEYS FOR THE KEYS” [email protected] MM 107: YACHT CLUB DRIVE EXIT at Jewfish Creek Bridge

REDUCED OCEAN VIEWS LEGAL DOWNSTAIRS

GREAT SUMMER FAMILY RETREAT...... PRICE REDUCED......

PRIVATE OCEANSIDE ESTATE HOME - Located on a very private ocean side Key Largo street. GROUND LEVEL HOME WITH POOL All the CANALFRONT MOBILE - OWNER Concrete home, with a concrete roof... plus a connecting upstairs added living space. OCEAN VIEWS, FINANCING 2 bedrooms, fenced yard, designer upgrades in this 3/2 home. Wood & tile and 120 feet of canal front —DEEP WATER ---DIRECT OCEAN ACCESS.... also a downstairs apartment, floors, high ceilings, crown molding, beautiful 60 foot dock. Call for financing details. and a separate workshop area. Plenty of space for all the family. Call today to see this unique property. Won't last long! kitchen & more! A must see!!

DO YOU WANT TO GET MONEY BACK AT CLOSING? LIST OR BUY WITH THE WASMUND TEAM

CALL US FOR DETAILS!! 3-BEDROOM CANAL FRONT MOBILE PORT LARGO POOL HOME - short sale - OWNER FINANCING - CANAL FRONT MOBILE SUMMER SPECIAL!! OWNER FINANCING Fenced yard on a 60' lot. magnificent 4 bedroom home 3 baths Updated carpet, kitchen, air conditioning, and Updates to the interior. Great room for a Gourmet kitchen. Travertine floors, many more. Screened porch, fenced yard, on a great family. Call for the financing details. upgrades and custom details. Spacious! 60' lot. Call for financing details. OVER 3 MILLION VOLUME SOLD THE FIRST QUARTER.....WE GET THE JOB DONE!! BROKER/OWNER The Wasmund Team OWNER Tropical Realty Of The Florida Keys, Inc., MM 103 bayside We're a Mother-Daughter Team and we handle your real estate needs with integrity and professionalism. Over 30 years of combined sales in Jane: 305-451-2214 the Keys gives you the opportunity to have our experience work for you. Wendy: 305-394-1376 CRS, GRI, Short Sale Specialist [email protected] • wwwthewasmundteam.com GRI NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO LIST YOUR HOME, CALL US TODAY!