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AILY BUL The Daily Bull is probably not suitable for those under age 18 and should not be taken seriously... like that one guy! L DWednesday, March 17, 2010 I recently took up ice sculpting. The Steaming Pile Last night I made an ice cube. Weekly Weather Report, Chrome Addition Straight From You-Know-Where! This morning I made 12, I was By Bryne Judy ~ Daily Bull prolific. Things You Shouldn’t Have Done Over Break ~ Mitch Hedberg So, students, fellows of learning, if with hundreds if not thousands of tiny Coitus Diarrhea you are reading this you have survived pellets of ice at high speed like a subtle The hairdryer incident Alcohol poisoning Airports spring break for better or worse and hint of lime. Yes, the vague, all natural Hookers and Blow Get a Prince Albert made it back to your academic cage. I scents that hail comes in these days re- By Alec Hamer ~ Daily Bull Setting fire to rivers in Ohio Shrink all your laundry wish you luck completing what assign- ally take the edge off the frozen pain. Be Homework Party with clothes on ments you have, and… Some crazy it lemon, mint, spring meadow, or even Like many college-aged kids, Relax Surf 4-Chan w e a t h e r w e ’ v e original, any scent is suf- I decided to go on my per Beat up a cop Snort Chromium annum trip to somewhere been having, huh? ficient to momentarily dis- Join the mafia Get a Bowser Tattoo warm and “exotic”. My fam- I was driving back tract you from the fact that Write for the Lode Your mom ily chose Florida, a state with from a much de- what could probably be Hide your porn Mine for copper an official motto: “Florida: sired vacation des- called the manifestation of Freudian accident Burned Orange County So many old people, so tination with some your non-liquid assets are Watched every Gundam episode Invent 250 proof alcohol little time.” Now this isn’t to of my compatriots being slowly crushed by Crashing into a cop car Attempt to catch H1N1 say that I didn’t have a good when we were sud- the bludgeoning of these Blew up a building Made a twitter account time, it is just now I am in denly assaulted by crystalline marvels. You’ve Start up a WoW account Listened to fireflies? an airport with nothing to a torrent of freezing gotta love those marketing Get your wisdom teeth out Tried out for the NFL do. Unfortunately the “free rain. Shortly after, IT’S RAINING MEN! directors up in the sky, Eaten by Shamu Choose necrophilia or bestiality Wi-Fi” provided by Tampa tornados began HALLELUJIAH! man; they really know Go to Disneyworld Perform your own Colonoscopy Bay International is out, so I springing up and lifted the car into how to throw stuff out there. Get AIDS Auto-fellatio thought what better to do the air. Happily for us, we were able Have a party in your tummy Go to a furry convention than sit about and comment to both save money on gas as the Rain falling up. Sometimes nature Go to Cancun with your family Get a tramp stamp on the oddities around. terrible winds gently carried us home has seizures too. I witnessed one of Go to Cancun with your girlfriend Experiment with makeup at phenomenal speeds and get quite those as the ground opened up many Fall asleep in a tanning booth Currently, I am seated in a the view of the variety of weather- tiny holes from which high speed bullets very uncomfortable stainless based miracles occurring across our of water flung themselves into the sky. steel box where I’m pretty fair land. Here are a few of the oddities Cats and dogs, as well as more clothed THE sure the pay phones used I remember from my voyage through mammals, were driven into the confines to reside. I think that every- the sky. of their homes by these freakish show- body that sits in these things ers. Possible causes include ground thinks they are like heavily in- Scented Hail. Nothing brightens up water finally deciding to fight back, sulated or something. I was the experience of having both one’s one too many flooded basements, or sitting in my box and in the body and one’s worldly goods pelted PIZZA ...see Take that 2012 on back box next to me sat a sales- Mo’ Better Pizza! man who had no idea that I Simon has a cool hat. Nathan & Big O

...see Port of the Airs on back have cool hair. Ruben has a cool cool. 482-5100 DISCOUNT! STUDENT 10% we ID—because MTU your us show and it for ask gotta you But discount no and extra on pizza only Discount remember. won’t off! us piss you if discounts no And coupon. a with or specials on MICROPACHYCEPHA- Sunshine’s Searcher: Herbivorous ABYDOSAURUS LOSAURUS MINMI NODOSAURUS ANKYLOSAURUS ORODROMEUS PACHYCEPHALO- SAURUS BACTROSAURUS PARASAUROLOPHUS PROTOCERATOPS CENTROSAURUS CHASMOSAURUS SAICHANIA DACENTRURUS SAUROLOPHUS DRINKER STEGOSAURUS EDMONTOSAURUS STYGIMOLOCH TARCHIA GIGANTSPINOSAURUS TETHYSHADROS HADROSAURUS HYLAEOSAURUS TRICERATOPS IGUANODON ...Take that 2012 from front show. Few people like working many KENTROSAURUS YAMACERATOPS LAMBEOSAURUS ZUNICERATOPS Richard Nixon’s vengeful spirit which sleepless nights building them. How has never forgiven the world for that fortuitous, then, that the snow which Watergate incident. I witnessed falling seemed to be assembling itself into these construc- fart! Snowfall localized such that tions without the influence of a guid- Bonus: The geologic the frozen water assembles it- ing hand. There has to be a Nobel in Era that dinosaurs self into statues. Everyone loves there for the aspiring mind that figures lived during. shaped colossi crafted from ice and out the mechanism behind that. Brought to you by Jeremy ‘Mr. Sunshine’ Loucks

Happy Water. Acid rainfall, or happy ...Port of Airs from front haps Estonian. I’ve heard that the Estonian mafia is Daily Bull water as I like to call it, is only one of could hear everything he said. He was obviously talking big in this part of town so I think it best to leave them

EDITOR IN CHIEF & BOSS MAN ZE LITTLE the many joys the industrial revolu- to a coworker try… OH NOO!! That was close, I almost alone. I have also seen a number of people buying COMP EDITOR Nathan “Invincible” Miller Liz Fujita tion has brought us. Just think what it got trapped by a Jehovah’s Witness. That was scary. what appear to be giant boxes of cigarettes. Not FACULTY TOTALLY SUCKS ADVISOR MEETINGS MEETINGS would be like if noticeable amounts cartons per se, but like a pack of Marlboros made david_olson_trojan.exe MEETINGS!!! of carbonic acid didn’t periodically Anyway, oh yeah I think the salesman was trying to force for the Na’vi. I wonder if the cigarettes in the boxes Nathan “Invincible” Miller, Liz Fujita, Jeremy “Mr. Sunshine” Loucks, Simon Mused, John Pastore, Matt Villa, Mary Kennedy, Ruben Garcia, pour on us from the sky, to brighten a member of his team (he was an important salesman) are bigger as well, like blunt sized cigarettes. That Kiri Kennedy, Benjamin Loucks, Tyler Botbyl, Lauren Allen, Jon “Big-O” Mahan, Alec Hamer, Phil Pomber, Stephen Whittaker, Sam Schall, our days and color our skin black, on to another team leader. He was going on and on would be insane. Sandra Custer, Frank McGuire, Mike Cardwell, Bryne Judy, and a cache of semi automatic weapons. under which we can frolic and enjoy about her, but it was obvious. She wasn’t really good at ©2010 by the Daily Bull, a non-profit organization. All rights reserved. Articles may be freely distributed electronically or on late night talk the beautiful world as it is. I’ll tell you what she did (obvious from the lewd terms he used to Hmm. Let’s see. Oh, well I fell asleep a while ago shows provided credit is given, and that this notice is included. The Daily Bull reserves the right to refuse any advertisements or guest articles without reason. All opinionated letters sent to the editor (on what I think it would be like; I think describe her). But apparently she is a real cool gal, invest- only to be awoken by the screams of children play- paper or to [email protected]) will be treated as material to be published unless expressly stated otherwise by the sender. Original works Captain Planet would get out of the printed in the Daily Bull remain the property of the creator, however ing in a “porn-o website” but according to him “that’s ing in the play area. Little to my knowledge, it ap- the Daily Bull reserves the right to reprint any submissions in future issues unless specifically asked not to do so by the creator. If you ground again and start breaking walls another story.” Also, she used to sell drugs. According pears to be that they are the same kids that were in keep reading this small text, you’ll dance in Beyonce’s music videos! left and right. That guy’s a dick, much to him this only raises her “coolness” status. Still ponder- the same plane as me on the way down to Florida. The Daily Bull would like to thank the Daily Bull for buying our own damn printer that this publication like Nixon’s vengeful spirit. ing that one. Thrilling. Now I get to listen to their yells and screams is printed on. We would also like to thank the Stu- dent Activity Fee for helping to pay for our paper once again while locked in the flying form of a city and toner costs. Don’t let the strange occurrences What else… Well the salesman left a while ago and now bus with them. What’s more, their mom just stepped Advertising inquiries, questions & throw you off balance, good fellows! two foreign men are occupying his seat. I would pop outside for a cigarette break. Maybe I could recom- comments should be directed to Fall’s weather is just like that some- my head up to get a better look, but I think that would mend her an XXXXXL Marlboro. Shit, the plane is [email protected] times, you have to live with it. be in bad taste. They sounded Eastern-European, per- leaving. Time to go.