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2 BOARD OF DIRECTORS YOl. 48 NO.2 AND EDITORS
MANAGING BOARD Editor Mike Levine Business Manager David DeWan
SENIOR BOARD Circulation Director Bob Large Features Editor Norm Rubin Advertising Manager .. Ralph Schmitt Publicity Manager . Bill DelHagen Executive Assistant .... Dave Cohn
JUNIOR BOARD Literature Editor . Charles Deber Make-up Editor Bob Pindyck Treasurer .John Marshall Art Editor Maurice Scherer Office Manager Bob Calvert Joke Editor Edson Hendricks On Campus Sales Manager Kim Thurston Subscription Manager Dick Homonoff Publicity Assistant . Robby Taylor Photography Editor "Issac the Pizza Hog" Humorist Roy 1. Mumme Tool of Steel Keith Patterson
Sales Office Cat Photography Dave Ellis Art Hawkeye Phos Len Hirschfeld Irv Simon Pete Blankenship Lightning Art Kalotkin Tom Romer Mike Oman Spooner Kitten8 Koe Dakk Tom Sciacca Eric Goldner Super Stubby T om Psoriasis Sue Hesh Wiener Frank Shaw Erica Features Walt Rode Bill Flor Cathy Dan Asimov Joe Dyro Travis Grit Jane Bonnie Gerzog Ed Jakush Barry Jerkin M arc Levenson Publicity Tom Hutzelman Bob Dumlap Mary B. Noel Poduje Carolyn D. F. Nolan P. C. Lindsey Rom Romer John Chang Pete the Meat Mikki Ed Lamon Jeanette E. 1. Ralph Circulation Ken Kumor Dave Seldin Marilyn Lane Jerry Robertson Big Dave Irv Simon Dave Ellis Susan Robertson Lazy Tommy Tennison Woopgaroo Izzy Straus Bob Pilon John Muller Jay E. Ellello G. Jones Steve Stump Steve Borsher My T. Fine Mark Radwin Spastic Twitch Walt Jenkins Pit J. Shelton Reed Steve Haase Pete Angevine Cary Mock Make-up The Corporation: Tom Garvey Walt Kuleck Business Dad Hank Dixon Dave Chenoux Super Salesmen John Chang Paw Follansbod Pete Kendall Wayne Moore Philthy Sux Chick Chotkowski Mike "The Flash" Oliver Walt Eldridge John Bobbitt Jay Nichols Woody Blob Manug Eric Westerfeld Kay Dimes Blankenboat Super Blob The Kingsport Stud
The VooDoo Managing Board felt it necessary to inform you that this issue was copyrighted in 1964. With a little outside help, VooDoo is published monthly (November through June) by said Managing Board at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. This gift to humanity is being released for your consumption on Friday, November 13, 1964, at the ridiculously low price of $.35. If you want to buy this issue on the installment plan, page by page, see our Sales Manager in his apartment at 303 Walker Memorial. For $2.80 ($69.00in PagoPago) we will enter your monthly copy as second class mail at Cambridge, Mass. Don't you feel enlightened now? Yes, jovial Bob, you're right. You are about to enter another world - one of the supernatural where vampires and weirdos roam. Here inhumanity is the norm and human sacrifice commonplace. Yours is the chance to travel back in time to the kingdom of the occult, the world of wizardry, witches, and warlocks. Forsake the realm of L.S.C. and mundane existence, and prepare to enter that of LSD and mysticism. But first, why not read this themeless issue of Voo- Doo.
A friend of a staffer, who be when it is faced with the op- Will Freshman never cease lives down the river a bit, hap- portunity to protect its sheltered to amaze? A 21.01 class was pened to convey the rather amus- sons from having to live in a discussing the symbolism ofCly- ing anecdote of the naming proc- Pusey House. taemn estra's giving birth to a ess of the Harvard dormitories. snake in the Oresteia when some- It seems that when the President one suggested it might be a phal- of the University resigns, passes Then there's the door in lic symbol. Asked a puzzled on, is purged, or whatever hap- Building 7 that read: "Mrs. J. voice, "What's that?" pens to rulers on the other side Buck" - until some prankster of the Ivy Curtain, he is com- got at it with a razor blade. memorated by having the next A t an open-bid fraternity available new dormitory named beer blast a couple of weeks ago, after him. The interesting thing there were included among the is that somewhere between] ohn "decorations" a number of signs Harvard and the present, the bearing the message "GIRLS - Administration has seen fit to ASK YOUR DATE IF HE omit (blushingly?) the name of HAS SEEN MIKE HUNT," one of the Presidents from its or some variation thereof. About residential vocabulary. It's on half of them fell for it, too. good faith that the onl y Harvard University President who has not been honored with a name- sake dormitory is the neglected President Hoar. Honest. \Ve wonder just how self-conscious the unfair Harvard machine will
4 Magazine." Yessir, all those After asking for letters in On Friday, October 30, little uncuts where scenes broke our last issue, we got one from 1964, the graduate chapter of ofT in the middle; and all that a Harvard freshman who said Eta Kappa N u presented a lec- skin! Arms, hands, faces, may- he was trying to join the Lam- ture and discussion on a con- be even an ankle. poon (that's their sorry excuse troversial and heated issue- for a humor mag). Itseems you birth control. The dissertation One of our Junior Board have to submit something and was long in development, from members was taken aback Elec- he wanted to know if he could the time of its conception to the tion Day. As he left the polls at lift our postal information and climax witnessed by several 5:00 p.m., he was accosted by a use that. "That sort of thing hundred fascinated spectators in little girl with a collectiqn can really cracks them up around attendance on the thirtieth. The who asked if he would like to give to "help register the ne- here," sez he... actual content of the delivery was, of course, much too risque groes in Mississippi." for 'us poor souls to hope to For those of you who are Sleepily staring at a MAD print without seeing our efforts motorcycle lovers, we read in a Manual, one of our readers go up in smoke at the hand of recent issue of a cycling maga- stumbled upon something more the censor. Contact the VooDoo zine that a new racing rule has interesting than the usual pro- office for further information on been adopted. It declares that gramming hair. According to the discussion, which was, inci- the men at Michigan: "no decorative attachments on dently, conducted in the Bush riders' safety helmets will be "There is a pleasure in being Room. permitted, for example Mickey made, that only madmen know." We greatly enjoyed seeing l\10use ears or horns." The Congratulations to the pro- "Promises Promises" in "The Mouse ears are expendable but grammers; they have attained a original uncut European version sometimes it's hard to remove blinding glimpse of the obvious. of the movie featured in Playboy the horns.
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Have goods, 603 Mass. ~Ye. Will deliver ---(Q', - TElEFlORA EL 4 7553 • .:-:: 5 The VooDoo Philosophy the first part of a statement in which phos spells out -for gods and people alike - our guiding principles and and editorial credo editorial by Huge Heiffer Contemporary society is under- and that is apostasy incarnate. beer. How well we remember last going a deep and profound moral- We have given this important year's newspaper headline - "Voo- religious-sexual-socio-ethical revo- problem much of our time and D 00 consumes thirty cases per lution. It is apparent in our re- soul-searching thought. We have month! " - and the resulting sneers volting books, revolting movies, seriously reflected on the social and degrading comments it and revolting magazines, such as implications of a new morality. brought from people who had the one you are now holding. We have contemplated the possible once been our friends. Present Many people are revolted by this effects that a new religion would popular opinion seems to view the revolution; they fear a progressing have on the very existence of man- drinking of beer by college stu- alienation from Divine Law. They kind, and the existence of the stars dents as one of the most ignomin- fear a new morality thinking it will and planets. We have even tried ious, reckless, and anti-social ac- take them away from religion; they actual experimentation with several tions known. And yet we wonder fear a new religion thinking it will different sexual ethics, and then if such an attitude is really war- take them away from morality; and considered what a new sexual ethic ranted. Is there really a rational they fear a new sexual ethic think- would do to our entire social, and argument against beer drinking? ing it will be sacreligious and im- even economic order . We have Concerned as we were about this moral. examined the Judeo-Christian heri- problem, we examined it in terms On the other hand another group tage, as well as the approaching of its roots in morality and reli- of people phlegmatically espouse societal schizophrenia from every gion. the view that a new morality is the possible angle and viewpoint. We Popular ethical opinion is based only way to eliminate the dangers realized the necessity of a decision, on our conventional morality, inherent in what they believe is an and at the same time realized that which, in turn, is based on our approaching societal schizophre- a decision - one that would be com- conventional religious doctrine. nia. They feel that a new religion patible with our spiritual as well The strongly anti-alcoholic view- is the only way to eliminate the ec- as physical existence - would be no point that religion takes is certain- cliastical inconsistency that is eat- easy thing to arrive at. But now, ly not surprising when one notes ing at the very fiber of our present after a complete examination of that many Biblical characters were Judeo-Christian religi ous heritage conscience and soul, we have in- turned into pillars of salt because - and that therefore eats at the very deed arrived at a decision, and thus they drank beer. Naturally, then, fiber of our social order itself. a VooDoo philosophy. We have our conventional morality takes a Furthermore, they feel that true decided that we really don't give definite stand against the "citadel enlightenment can occur only with a goddamn. of beer". the acceptance of a new sexual We, however, take a more ra- ethic that will replace the present tional outlook on the morality of self-degrading, anti-sexual sexual WHY WE LIKE BEER beer drinking. It seems to us that ethic that many of us now live by, most of the beer -loving Biblical that is leading to our psychologi- Throughout the years we have characters who were turned into cal imbalance, that is irreconcilable incessantly been plagued by the ad- salt probably would have met the with any doctrine of rational m onishments of our fellow stu- same fate for some other reason thought, that is against free love, dents for our affection towards even if they had abstained from 6 beer. Besides, it is becoming in- our jokes, cartoons, and articles creasingly rare nowadays that because they contained references BAKER '5 SHOES someone gets struck by a bolt of to sex. Criticized and slandered of Cambridge blue lightning as he leaves the as much as we are, it is no wonder grocery store with a six-pack. Even that we desperately cry out for a Better shoes for men, many religious leaders have been justly deserved re-evaluation of the women, and children. willing to admit this fact, and have sexual ethic as applied to college therefore condoned occasional in- humor magazines. For children: dulgements in small amounts of Once again, we feel that the cause BUNTEES beer as being necessary for the sat- of the problem lies in the grasp isfaction of biological needs. that conventional morality has on CHILD LIFE We take a far more liberal stand, popular opinion. All of us know For women: which, to our mind, is more in that many Biblical characters were keeping with modern man's turned into pillars of salt for tell- ENNA JETTICKS search for a greater understanding ing "dirty jokes", and so we real- BASS WEEJUNS of himself and the universe in ize why religion, and therefore OLD MAINE TROTTERS which he lives. We have found no morality, takes the stand it does. EDITH HENRY logical argument against beer, but It seems to us, however, that most we have found substantial argu- of these Biblical characters would For men: ments in favor of - yes - unlimited have been turned to salt for drink- NUNN-BUSH beer drinking. We have found ing beer, even if they had refrained AIR-FILM that if one drinks enough beer he from telling dirty jokes. And be- will be relieved of the oppressive sides, nobody on the VooDoo staff BASS WEEJUNS imbalance of mind and matter. has ever been struck by a bolt of JACK PURCELL TENNIS We have found that if one drinks blue lightning. Therefore we must CLARKS OF ENGLAND enough beer he will be relieved, look for a more coherent and log at least temporarily, of the crush- ically consistent solution which is, ing social pressures that reduce again, more in keeping with our We special ize in co rrecti ve him psychologically to the status search for ourselves and the uni- fitti ng. of a caterpillar. We have found verse in which we live. Your Doctor's prescription that if one drinks enough beer he We have looked everywhere, we carefully filled. will be better fitted for the search have searched our souls as well as for himself and the universe. We the souls of others, we have ex- We carry a complete line have even found that drinking amined every argument, and as a of SELV A dance foot- enough beer will tend to eliminate result we have been able to find wea r, leota rds, tights, the approaching societal schizo- nothing inherently wrong with sex and accessories. phrenia that we mentioned earlier. in the college humor magazine. Sizes for men and women It is for these reasons, it is on On the other hand we have found to 15. these grounds, that we take our a strong argument in favor of the immovable stand: We support, both inclusion of dirty jokes, obscene All widths to EEE. in theory and in practice, unlimited, un- cartoons, and gross stories in our restrained, uninhibited beer drinking by magazine - and that is that they are people of all ages, all races, all sects, aesthetically pleasing. Clearly this and both sexes. is an argument that can be proven wrong by no one, and therefore must be viewed as absolute, uni- BAKER'S SHOES WHY WE ARE GROSS versal truth. Since absolute truth is now clearly on our side we can of Cambridge The attacks we suffer for drink- feel justified in the eyes of our- ing beer are nowhere near as caus- selves, other people, and the Su- 521 MASS. AYE. tic as those we suffer for including preme Universal Order, that it is sex, and allusions to sex, in our all right to be gross. CENTRAL SQUARE magazine. It is hard to express in - Bob Pindyck writing just how hurt we havebee~ EL 4-8883 when people have frowned upon 7 FOOD ORDERS TO TAKE OUT o.. ..a 25 TYLER STREET BOSTON 11, MASS. .~ ~ \Ve hear the present Vatican Council is planning to begin its proclamation with "\Ve, the papal ... " DUTCH CLEANERS 233 MASSACHUSETTS AVE., CAMBRIDGE OPPOSITE NECCO ,. _. - ".'\ TRowbridge 6-5662 --../ :- ~~ : -r ;-~ There was a woman who was extremely annoyed at children who were rude and noisy. She swore that when she had children, they would be polite above all things else.' Finally she got married, and in the course of time became pregnant. Her doctor told her ------she could expect twins in the normal nine-month per- iod. Nine months went by, and nothing happened, 100/0 DISCOUNT so the doctor told her to be patient. Nine more WITH THIS COUPON months went by, and another year, and five years, ON ANY DRYCLEANING ten years, fifteen years, forty-five years, and after thru Nov. 30, 1964 sixty years the woman died, having carried the twins for the whole time. The doctor was interested in her case, and decided to cut her open to see what was the DUTCH matter. Inside he found two little old men with long beards. One of them turned to the other one and CLEANERS said, "No, you go first." 8 It seems these five Tech students were traveling on a bus full of Vassar girls. These five Tech students cr 0.__ --""""\~'\ optical illusion were the only males on the bus. They were, to coin o - eyes can play tricks a phrase, in the fattest of metropoli. One of the Tech students sat down next to a Vas- MERIT OPTICIANS sar girl and said, "Hi honey. How's by you?" . 163 MASS. AVE., BOSTON "Ya got any booze?" she queried. (four blocks from Harvard Bridge) "No," he admitted. phone CO 7 -0498 "So beat it, creep," she explained. most repairs within two hours Chagrined, the Tech student moved away and Merit Jewelers - looked for another girl. ,But when he sat down and Watch repairs on premises. the Vassar girl found he had no liquor, "Beat it, Charlie," she said. This happened a number of times. Thetool look- Central War Surplus ed around the bus and saw that his four friends were having great success because they had remem- LEVIS & lEES bered to bring booze. Because he was liquor-less, sports, camping he was girl-less. Frustrated beyond belief, the lone- and mountaineering ly Tech student threw his hands in the air in dis- equipment may, and cried poignantly: at lowest prices "Vassar, Vassar everywhere, and not a drop to drink! " 433 Massachusetts Ave. Central Sq., Cambridge Student: "I think you're the most beautiful girl in MESHNA'S Monthly Special the world." Coed: "Oh, you'd say so, even if you didn't think NOW AVAILABLE so. " Send for our 72-page Student: "Well, you'd think so even if I didn't say catalogue of surplus elec- so, so we're even." tronic and photographic $100.00 material. MEMORY DRUM, approx. 40 read-write heads, 115 volt 60 cycle motor. John Meshna, Jr. 19 Allerton St., Lynn, Mass. Once, a superstitious young lady was warned by the famous mystic, Madame Dewar, that if she ever C:E:.A.:RLESG.A. TE engaged in sex, she would have a child who would be the most horrible monster the world had ever S.A.N"D'VV'IC:E: & seen. Vowing perpetual chastity, she took an ocean S'U"13 S:E:Ol? voyage to occupy herself. The ship, however, went Opposite Miles Standish Hall down in the South Sea Islands, and the young lady and the crew were captured by natives. The natives, DI l?IET:RO'S l?IZZ.A. giving vent to their primitive tendencies, attempted & S.A.N"D'VV'IC:E: to rape her. She tried to explain the mystic's pre- S:E:Ol? diction, but all her efforts were in vain. Finally, in her frustration, she resigned herself to her fate, cry- corner of Mass. Ave. and Beacon ing out, "Forgive them, oh Dewar, for they know for deliven'es phone 536 - 9528 not what they father." 9 HfRe: Is OUR PANELS REPoRT ON THE CHRISTIAN ENGINE"E'RING- Soc.'E-l' VlAND 'TS MOL"1- HILLIDN DOL..LAR. BVSI"'E'SS .. CHRISTIAN E~H;INEE"RlN6) INC. HARVE=Y BLOTZ, eE's '~TERNI\T'ONl\L... B\J'SINE"SS CHIEF) f.~ P RE=5SES THl? GJ2.ouP's AIMS SIMPLY 0. "To Ul2RY O\lT HE~E ON E~R\H THE Pr2-oJ 6LTS OF THE bIZ-EA.T EN&I~E=EP- IN '"E" SKY." TWI; CROSS OF FORCES Stf OWI\I BEl-UND BLOTz.. Is T....E eE'S WORLDWIDE SYMBoL- . ONE OF C£;'s LARGEST CURRENT PRoJEcrs Is TH~ G~NT ST. JULIOS BgIOb&") SPAN~lN& \'HE UN<.LEs R'Vl=R LENGTHWISE. 13ELIEVIN6- FAITH 1s {;NOVGH To SoPfo£f \HEIR. 5TRVC.TORE:S;> NONE OF THE c.t; EtJG.tI'JE ERS HAS A DEGffE; TH E CO~'AN~'S SAVIN6- \N ~ATEl<\ALS EN~8LES CE To COW~ISTENTLY UN()ER.8ID lTs CO~PETITOIlS eE's PLACEMENT DePARTMENT t eE's ON THE JOB { A CE MAt4 Is A DeDI CATED WORKER. HEY JOE! WALK OVER' HER E WITH THOSE PLAN~! Sitting in a tavern with a humanities professor the other day I heard a tale of woe that I must re- late to you. It seems that a girl the prof was hot Announcing ... The location of over consumed much money in this very bar, and turned out to be a shill instead of a fine companion. .JERRY'S Said the professor, "Immoral, and immoral and BARBER SHOP immoral, creeps in this pretty piece from date to date, to the last dribble of reordered wine.... " 282 Massachusetts Avenue 2 Blocks down Mass. Ave. from M.t. T. "For That Professional Look .... Go To Jerry's" How do elephants make love under water? They take down their trunks. ,/rom. A bird in the bush is worth two in the hand. $5 5 Day EL 4-1160 Mile C_~IfI'1I8 In the Heart of Central Square - Opposite How do you kill a madras elephant? the Police Station. Spit on him till he bleeds to death. Package Rates for SPECIAL TRIPS NO LOWER RATES IN MASS. ELI HEFFRON & SONS, INC. 321 - 329 ELM STREET El 4-8572 Dealers in Surplus Electronic Equipment and Parts. Our Inventory Changes Weekly. Come In and Look Around. We have one of New England.s Largest Inventories of SEM'..CONDUCrOIlS. We hove S.C.R. To -3 To -5 To -18 Zeners. 2 Amp Silicon Rectifiers 500 P.I.V. 6 for $1.00 20 Amp Silicon Rectifiers above 150 P.I.V. 3 for $1.00 Osci IIoscopes Regulated power supplies Voltmeters Signal generators ... etc. Open 7:30 am - 4:30 pm Monday thru Saturday Reflections on the History of Cults by David W Seldin In ancient Africa, near what is now Nigeria, there were once two mighty cults, the Gold Cult and the Ivory Cult. They shared a common border, and each regarded the other as a threat. An attempt to hold a conference in Geneva failed when the Gold Cult refused to leave its own country, saying "Better Gold than cold." This propaganda was part of the non-violent Gold war. The Ivory Cult tried to counteract this with a campaign of "white" lies. The Gold Cult retaliated with yellow journalism, causing the Ivory to reply with a huge volume of propaganda, called Ivory "snow". The time for more drastic action was fast approaching. At this point, it is helpful to explain the ways of the two cults. The Ivory Cult contained a high per- centage of purists; in fact, out ofevery 10,000 mem- bers, 9,944 were pure. Life was not easy, for the members were burdened by many hard tusks. Al- most all things were made of ivory, even locks and spy who came in from the Gold." He brought the keys. Once someone dropped a chain of 88 keys message that the Gold Cult was almost ready to at- on a harp, thus inventing the piano. The Ivory tack. The Ivories quickly armed and marched out Cult had a long and proud history. There had to do battle. The Gold naturally had the upper been 44 cults before it, and thatis why it was some- hand and soon it became apparent that the Golds times called Cult 45. White was the only color that were pounding the Ivories. An immediate total vic- they really accepted, which led to the phrase "just tory was averted only by the action of the bravest you white", now popular with flower girls in of the Ivories, who slew 49 men and then looked England. for his 50th, his Golden adversary. He rallied his The Gold Cultists were an entirely different people. men with the cry "Chase 'em and the Golden flees." They were not as brave as the Ivories, in fact, some The Gold fell back and the battle ended, but the people called them yellow. They were reluctant to Ivory army was crushed. That nightthe Ivory Cult send their entire army out at once, for they were al- took all the worn-out collars which they used to ways worried about the outflow ofthe Gold reserves. hold their elephants together and piled them on the All things were tinted yellow, including their liquids, border. This formed an impenetrable barrier, for so they had hot and gold running water. Intermar- nobody will go near a pile of old elephant yokes. riage did occur, and not all the children were pure- Now the war would have to be fought on the sea. blooded; those which were not had gilt complexes. Each side proceeded to build many ships of war, To preserve the gold, a layer of soot was deposited heavily decorating them with their sacred sub- upon it; in other words, everyone smoked old gold. stances. The fleets met and prepared for a wild bat- They were also an extremely righteous people; sel- tle, but a stiff breeze suddenly filled the sails of the dom was anyone as good as Gold. heavy boats, and the Gold boats overturned and The Gold and Ivory Cults finally reached the sank. The Ivories were saved, however, but only point where they could no longer coexist. The because Ivory floats. Ivories sent a scout into the Gold land. He return- Thus the war was ended, and all the members of ed several days later, coming with the cry "I'm the the Gold Cult were Ghana's. '13 "Beer after beer after beer after beer.... " From a famous television commercial The more I drink of it, the more I think of it - An Essay by Charles Deber that beer is becoming as much a part of the college man's diet as is creamed chipped beef on toast. But that shingle doesn't make you tingle. Not like beer does. It must be profitable to be in the beer business. It seems like all I do lately is drink beer. I mean, we're sitting around, trying to think of something to do that'll serve as a reasonable excuse for not studying, so somebody says, "Let's go for pizza." A fine idea, except that while we're waiting the standard half hour for our pies, we have a couple of beers. Or maybe we went to a seminar over at Harvard, and the thing ended around 9:30 - just about too late for you to get back to your room to accom- plish anything constructive - so we have a couple of beers. Or perhaps it's around midnight, and you're talking to your best buddy about your pathetic sex life, and he realizes that you're likely to talk much more freely if you've got a beer in your hand, so he makes a quick trip to the refrigerator, and sud- denly, you've got a beer in your hand - and so does he. It just seems like it's difficult to go 24 hours with- out having a beer. Of course, there's a guy in every dorm who drinks milk instead, but some day he'll be sadder Budweiser. After all, you never out- grow your need for beer. Beer probably isn't that good for you, from a health standpoint. One thing's for sure - your kid- neys get a workout. It also has a hell of a lot of "Have a beer," advises Mr. Oeber. calories; drinking too much beer can give you a "beer belly". But don't worry, guys. Pot bellies see a close-up of the glass, you'll see a hand lifting are cute. Women love to run their fingers through the glass, you'll see the glass disappear for a mo- pot bellies. Sure. In fact, beer's actually beneficial. ment, then you'll see the glass now only half full of Only one six-pack of beer contains the adult daily beer. And then you'll see a close-up of some guy minimum requirement of ethyl alcohol. with an S.E.G.-type smile on his alcoholic face. It's really a tribute to Madison Avenue that they But you won't see him drink that beer, no sir. can keep coming up with beer commercials that are Then the scene usually switches to some party, so clever~ so enticing. Somebody told me that where there are about three couples, all with that there's some F.e.C. rule or something that you're same kind of grin, all holding full glasses of beer, not allowed to show a man actually drinking beer so full that the beer is pouring out all over the rug. in a commercial; watch carefully next time. You'll How do they think up all those beer slogans? 14 Schaefer is the one beer to havewhen you're having more than one. Hey Mabel, Black Label. Where 1870 1964 there's life, there's Bud. Vote, vote for ~1iss Rhein- gold. A beer that keeps its head keeps its taste. The last beer is just as rewarding as the first. The JAMES I~. llRlNE, INC. beer that made Milwaukee famous. Learn how to hold your beer, my boy, learn how to hold your 29 Brattle Street beer. He asked the man for Ballantine and aren't HARVARD SQUARE they glad he did? Tel. 876-4218 Beer manufacturers simply can't do enough for you, when it comes to ,helping you open the can or bottle. I remember the good old days when you whipped out the old "Churchkey" - shiunksissss, shlunk - and down the hatch. Now you got zip Skis - Skiwear - Skates top, flip top, sip top bottles & cans, and you don't - Bowling - Hockey - ha ve to worry one bit about forgetting the opener. What you do have to worry about, however, is for- - Teams Outfitted - getting the tourniquets. Man, those zip tops are ladies' Sports & Casual lethal. Where there's Bud, there's blood. Wear Beer is quite useful in the respect that it's the one drink that you can afford to purchase enough of to Tennis, Squash, Golf get high on, without having to skip lunch for a week. If you're really down and out, and it is your Drop in and see Brine ~ two specials on squash solemn judgement that alcohol is the only solution, rackets - $6.95 and $9.95. but alas, all you can afford is beer, drink it out of Restringing and Skate Sharpening whiskey shot glasses. After the first 45 shots, my friend, you'll be down - and out. in Our Own Shop Seriously, though, it seems like the image of a man sitting in his "favorite" drinking place, nurs- ing a beer, conjures up a very pleasant picture. It's very "American". It's very "friendly." It means you've got yourself a night out with the boys, away from the wife (who undoubtably drinks milk). It means you're having fun, whatever fun is. And more particularly, beer has come to be associated with college men; beer is the student's drink. Beer equals college. The integral of college, from the first beer to the last beer, equals beer plus a con- stant. Have a beer: it means you're a sociable, friendly student. Go ahead, even if you don't like COOL IT the taste. "It tastes like panther urine," you say. Well, if I was there, I'd ask you how you knew. N ow if I practiced what I preached, then I ought The Wine Cellar, Inc. to terminate this masterpiece, and bop down to my wholesale-retail liquor dealer favorite neighborhood tavern and have a beer. But I fooled you. I've been drinking all the time 922 Beacon St. CI 7 - 8100 I've been writing. And you know what? I just Boston CI 7 - 9300 spilled about six ounces of America's Oldest Lager Beer all over my typewriter. Well, you know what a cool collection of they say: a QWERTYUIOP that keeps its head keeps its taste. wines, liquors, champagnes, beers ..... Beer? Of course. 15 Bill: What's twelve hundred feet tall and hisses? Fred: \Vhat? BEST IN KENMORE SQUARE Bill: The Empire Snake Building? YOUNG'S LAUNDRY Fred: I guess so. Dry Cleaning ~ REASONABLE RATES He had asked her to dance. After awhile she shirts starched - 22c said, "My, but you're a wonderful dancer." pants creased - 60c "And that's without any legs, too," he said. Don't forget - buttons sewn on FREE "Without any legs? I don't believe you!" "Well, come on out onto the balcony, and I'll show you." 607 Beacon St. CO 7-4215 They went out onto the balcony, and he unscrewed his legs. Later on, they were dancing again, and she said, Enjoy the Finest Italiun-American Food "My, for a man without legs you dance very well." and Delicious Pizza "And that's without arms, too." "Without arms? I don't believe it!" Simeone~ So they went out onto the balcony and he unscrew- ed his arms. ITALIAN-AMERICAN RESTAURANT Choice Liquors and Again they were dancing, and she said, "For a Imported Beers man without either arms or legs you are really an exceptional dancer! " 21 Brookline St., Cambridge EL 4-9569 "And that's without a head, too. " (at Central Square) "\Vithout a head? Now that I can't believe!" Open Every Night 'til Midnight- Free Parking Shortly after, had anyone looked out on the bal- Ask About Student Discount Books cony, one might have seen him screwing his head off. The young husband came from the office. THE COOP OPTICAL DEPARTMENT "What's the matter dear?" he asked his wife. Open Mon. - Sat. - 8:50 - 5:30 "You look upset." "Oh, it's been a dreadful day," Take Elevator to 3rd Floor his wife said. "First the baby cut his first tooth, ~ HARVARD COOP. Harvard Square then he took his first step, and then he fell and Expert Fitting of Frames - Accurate, Dependable Work knocked out his tooth. " Sun Glasses Made to Prescription "Well, then what happened?" asked the young pop. Patronage "Then, darling," cried the young wife unhappily, THE Telephone: refund to "then he said his first word!" COOP TI 6.3000 all members 1 SQUASH RACKETS "Anything to say before I hang you?" the execu- Large Variety - All Prices tioner asked the golf pro. Restringing a Specialty "How about a couple of practice swings?" Sneakers ... Shorts ... Shirts. SKI EQUIPMENT large variety .... leading brands TENNIS AND SQUASH SHOP Behind every beautiful woman there's a beautiful 67 A Mt. Auburn Street, Harvard Square behind. Phone TR 6-5417 - Johnny Carson 16 ,.n L.J...:..r _ ~'- .r. ladies and gentlemen (mostly gentlemen, Phos suspects), you are presently staring at Miss Phyllis Ryan, VooDoo's December Doll, caught as she poses in M .I.T.'s breezy Great Court. This 19-year-old lass possesses brains as well as beauty, being a soph- omore honor student at Boston University. Phyllis was on T.V. (you know - the sound box with the picture) in California, where she was First Runnerup in the 'Miss Teen U.S.A.' contest last spring. Rather impressive, when you consider that Phos wasn't even among the finalists. If you happened to be at the World's Fair this summer, maybe you saw Phyllis, who modelled there through the Hart Agency. Phos wanted to model too, but he iust didn't have the Heart. Phyllis lives down in Quincy, Mass., and tells Phos she prefers Harvard men. Phos was not at all surprised to hearthat. After all, a lot of Harvard men like Harvard men. A girl was telling a boy friend that she realized she was very popular, but she didn't know why. "Do you suppose it's my complexion?" "No," he said. "My figure?" "N0." "My personality?" "No." "I give up." "That's it !" Yes : once you add one of our UHF converters to your present TV set and start watching all those Celtics (and A French lady Representative finally succeeded in possibly Bruins) games, you will be too having the brothels in Paris closed down. How- busy to study and almost guaranteed ever, they reopened almost immediately as private to flunk out. clubs. A few days later an elderly gentleman, un- aware of the change, knocked at the door of one of these "clubs." Having had instructions to maintain the impres- sion that he was working for a private club, the doorman first asked, "Active member?" "I hope so," the old man answered. 99$ top-rated, all-channel UHF converter for prime signal areas. BTU-2T top-rated, all-channel UHF converter : for weak signal areas. Once upon a time there was a man who asked a woman to marry him. She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after. BTO-44 low cost, quality, all-channel UHF converter. from $13.20 up Then there was the fellow who had the hobby of collecting stones and keeping them in his bathroom. He had rocks in his head. Available at Overheard in a Zen Coffe-Urn: First Cat: (Very down) Soooo, like ... I bought her a Scotch, y'know? So dig: One sip, man, and CRAIfIIER she's all over me. She says 'Let's widen to your ELECTRONICS,.INC pad,' so we split and she's got her clothes ofTon the stairs, man, and in the kip she was like the end, 817 BOYLSTON ST. PHONE ORDERS baby! She was the wildest! 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TR 6-8807 TRAVELERS' PROTECTION There once was a man from Nantucket ZEISS Who kept all his cash in a bucket; IKON But his daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. Polaroid (Princeton Tiger) '" LOWEST PRICES ANYWHERE II' But he followed the pair to Pawtucket - The man and the girl with the bucket; WOLF & SMITH And.he said to the man Photo Supply Co. TR 6.3210 He was welcome to Nan, 907 MAIN ST., CORNER MASS. AVE CAMBRIDG[ But as for the bucket, Pawtucket. Say you saw it in VooDoo. (Chicago Tribune) Then the pair followed Pa to IVlanhasset, Where he still held the cash as an asset; we specialize in parties open 8am till 11 pm But Nan and the man MAHLOWITZ MARKET, INC. Stole the money and ran, And as for the bucket, IVIanhasset. (nearest market to MIT) (New York Press) 782-786 Main St., Cambridge - FREE DELIVERY - Mama: That's a good boy, Junior, I'm glad to Ales, beers, & wines see you sitting so quietly while Daddy naps. KI 7 -8075 UN 4-7777 Junior: I'm just watching his cigarette burn down MITY FOOD SHOP at Westgate to his fingers. 21 "Eggs! Where's your eggs urday evening, with El Escee at? " serving as usher and curtain- "Eggs? Oh, yes sir, certainly. puller. If you'll just wait one moment, Naturally, not all of the sir, I'll see if I have any in princes wished to see puppets stock. " every Saturday, so in order to The hen scratched through the fairly assess the cost, they each straw, dug in the sand, and paid an "admission" to each peered into the roost. She then show they chose to see; as the flew into the rafters (do hens trip down to the banquet Hall fly?) and scratched around for where the shows were held was a while. From the high perch an inconvenient one, El Escee she called down, "\Vhat color would post in advance what the and size did you want, sir?" coming shows were to be. The farmer shifted his weight The arrangement worked to his other foot and called back, beautifully at first. The princes est gimme whatever you got "J made a habit of attending the there! " shows, an El Escee made grand The hen returned with one low- profits. But soon El Escee took grade egg. "Will this do, sir?" less pride in his productions. "C'mon, now, yo got better'n The curtains were pulled noisily, that. ... Wait! Never mind, THREE LOCAL FABLES and at the wrong times; the that'll do fine." scenery was makeshift. Con- "Do you want to take it now, tracts were hastily made, and The Farmer and his Hen or shall I send it later? If you som etimes the princes would don't mind waiting for a few come all the way to the Hall to Once there was a farmer who minutes, I can ... " find the scheduled attraction had owned a fine hen. The hen pro- "J es' gimme the dang-burn duced good AA eggs every day, cancelled their appearance. In egg, Hen!" order not to lose a week's take, and ate 10 percent less chicken- So the farmer took the egg, El Escee substituted with potato- fee9 than most hens eat. In re- and had poulet sautee for dinner head puppets manipulated by turn for these favors, the farmer that night. gave the hen its own private the kitchen maids, for the princes generally were so lazy they coop. The Prince and the Puppets One day the farmer went to the would pay to see whatever there. coop to collect the eggs. He Once there were five princes was once they had trailed down- found the hen sitting quietly in who lived in the Royal Castle of stairs. the far corner. "\\There are their father, the King of Xam- Matters went from bad to your eggs?" he inquired. prige. They spent their lives en- worse. El Escee would announce "J ust one moment, please," grossed in studying under the the kingdom's best puppeteers to replied the bird (for in fables, learned Enst, the Tutor, that. lure the princes downstairs, but all animals have the power of they might one day be kings often made last-minute changes. verbalization. ) and knights. The technical part of the produc- After some time, the farmer Exciting as the life of a prince tions became laughable. Still, again asked, "\Vhere are the might seem, the five princes the princes were in the habit of eggs? I haven't got all mornin' found the daily routine deadly trooping downstairs Saturday ya know!" dull. So they contracted with a nights. The hen scratched up a divot, Spanish beggar, known as El But one of the princes got to rustled her feathers, and ap- Escee, to hire one of the roving thinking: After all, they were proached the farmer. "\\That bands of puppeteers to come and princes, and they had originally did you want, sir?" entertain in the Castle each Sat- made the contract with El Escee. 22 He depended on them. Surely, there were plenty of capable beg- gars, any of whom would be glad for the revenue. So the princes stopped visiting the Hall. And to amuse them- selves on Saturday nights until they could find a new showman, they took El Escee to a tower and slowly tortured him to death. Th e Pigs and the Keeper Once there was a pen of pigs in a zoo. It was the pigs' duty to spend at least four hours a day performing for the benefit of the city children, doing such things as grunting, rolling in mud, and digging in the cold ground with their snouts. Every day the zookeeper would come and pour some horrible slop in- to the common feeding trough from which they ate. When the pigs complained about the bad food, all the people took their protestations as an additional entertainment of the zoo. But the zoo found expenses hard to meet, and the pigs were told they must work five hours a day to attract bigger crowds. In return, they were given a new slop-bucket; they also were given longer waits for their meals, and decidedly poorer grade slop. In- stead of choice chunks, they were fed a uniform goo of question- able origin. The pigs realized the futility of complaining, and helplessly watched as their meals became sparser and worse. They had to find a way to im- prove their lot. So one day when the keeper stepped into the pen to fill the common trough, all the pigs jumped on him and trampled him to death in the mud. - Levine 23 .I.G. ORMISTON AGENCY RENTALS SALES & SERVICE Typewriters Adding Machines Calculators Special Rates To Students 14 Norfolk St. Central Square Cambridge 864 -0764 NEWBURY DEL & SUPERMARKET 86 Mass. Ave. Boston - a snack or a meal - open 7 days a week 7 am till midnite - meeting place for students - Charlt.e Mun L~ e~ete L~ Sewiu open 7:30 AM to 8 PM MON. thru SAT. 88 MASS. AVE Telephone BOSTON KE 6-9472 lorn Ken Ironies electronic appliance specialists new & reconstructed TV~ • washers refrigerators • radios 2 Brookline St. Central Sq., Cambridge Tel. 868 - 6374 24 Textbook style: The puissance of hydrochloric acid is i'ncontestable; however, the corrosive residue GIFT BOOKS is inharmonious with metallic persistance. Chern. E. style: "Hydrochloric acid eats hell out AT of steel." SPECIAL PRICES buy novv be'ore Very often city people moving to the country feel they know more about farming than the natives. Christmas One city woman, a recent arrival, sent for a native to help her make a flower bed. After digging up a After suitable area and raking it, he asked, "What are Now Christmas you going to plant here, ma 'am? " The American Heritage "I plan to plant salivas here," she replied proudly. Cookbook Simon and Schuster 5 9.95 512.50 "Salivas?" asked the farmer. "You don't mean The American Heritage salvias, do you?" History of World War I Simon and Schuster 12.95 16.50 "Certainly not," she said indignantly. "I mean The Concise Encyclopedia what I say. Do as you're told." of Modern Drama Horizon Press 10.00 12.50 He did. When he'd finished the planting, she ask- The Flammarian Book of ed, "What would you suggest for a border around Astronomy Simon and Schuster 19.95 22.95 this bed?" "Well, I'll you you, ma'am," he answered quick- Gentle Wilderness: Sierra Nevada Sierra Club 20.00 25.00 ly. "If you're going to have this big bed of salivas, I'd suggest that you have a wide border of spit- Horizon History of Christ- 14.95 18.95 toonias around the outside. " ianity Harper & Row The MacMillan Book of Boating The MacMillan Co. 12.50 14.95 Mathematics: Its Content, Methods and Meaning The M.LT. Press 24.95 30.00 Being soft on the Spartans has led to this no-win policy. Of Stars and Men Beacon Press 10.00 12.00 The Spice Cookbook David White 9.95 12.95 Time and the River Flowing: G rand Canyon Sierra Club 20.00 25.00 The Unguarded Moment: Portraits of Genius Prentice-Hall 12.95 15.00 Urban Development in Cen- tral Europe The MacMillan Co. 19.95 25.00 The World of Atget Horizon 17.95 20.00 shop the coop 'or values I 25 ~.J1 D' HM,THIs BY-PRODUCT OF ~ MY PHLOGISTON PRODUCER '(M3~'JA c LOOKS GOOD! 6 Q:~~ ~ I'LL DRINK \T ! GASP! , FEEL 1HE GULP.! GOT TO HURR~! POTION WEAR(NG OFF! ... BUT HE LEFT 1~IS RARE 1952 HODEL GAN MOL1\STRlPE BUTTON- DOWMSHIRT SIZE '5~) 31Ja SLEEVE )WlTH CHA\N LOOP! I'LL SEARCH CAMBRlDGE TO I=IND W110M THE SHIR1 ITS!! 000N) AI A TECH DORM HE'S OUR J LAST CHANCE IT COUlDt-f ,: .. -WE'VE 601 BE THAT ~> •• ,1_ 7; TO TRY! ('( ECCH!) TOOL.' ~ SIGH! THE FAIRYTALE IS COMING TRUE! IlL BE HER FRINCE CHf\RMING' Next month, back to the ra i1road track. A lovely young thing had just been brought into THE the hospital for an operation. The doctors examined her and told her to undress and to prepare for the NILE RESTAURANT ordeal. She did so and climbed onto a wheel table, after which the nurse covered her with a sheet and REOPENS! left. FEATURING TANTALIZING AUTHEN- Presently down the hall came a man dressed in TIC DISHES OF THE NEAR EAST white. He paused when he came to the girl, lifted Lah'm Mishwi (Lamb on Skewers) the sheet, took a look, then dropped it and went on Plain - (Broiled Choice Cubed Lomb) ... 2 Skewers 2.25 his way. Behind him came another white-clad figure 1 Skewer 1.65 with Tomato & Onions 2 Skewers 2.65 who did the same, then a third who repeated the 1 Skewer 1.85 action. with Mushrooms 2 Skewers 2.75 1 Skewer 1.85 "For heaven's sake," cried the girl, "when are with Tomato, Onions & Peppers 2 Skewers 3.00 you going to operate?" The third man in white I Skewer 2.00 cleared his throat and answered, "Damned if I with Tomato, Onions, Mushrooms & Peppers 2 Skewers 3.30 know, lady, we're just the painters." 1 Skewer 2.25 Steak Mishwi-(Choice of Sirloin or Tenderloin Cubedl .hN with Tomatoes, Onion & Peppers .... 2 Skewers 4.75 "I'm wondering -" 1 Skewer 2.75 Jumbo Shrimp on Skewers 2.25 "About what? " Syrian Sausages Mishwi 2.00 "About a fellow I know. He was in an accident Above orders include Syrian Bread, Butter and Choice of Rice Syrian Style, French Fried or Baked Potatoes. and lost both hands. " OPEN I J :30 A.M. - 10:00 P.M. "Well, what are you wondering about? " "I wonder how he feels." just oH parle square 79 BROADWAY, BOSTON tel.: 423-3430 Indmlrialllnd Relilil Phologrllphic Supplies Ferra11ti- DegeJ l11c. 1252 M ..sslIChusells Avenue / Hllrvllrd SqUilre TeJephone / Klrklllnd 7-8600 J ames Stratton began his career in the dishroom at Tech's infamous Walker Memorial. He first served Commons at the age of 17. Since then, he's bussed after Counts, Earls, Dukes, Deans, and even a Grad student complete with harem. Specializing in Now at 43, he's a senior, and still stuck at Walk- er. If you want to find out what the word "barf' Nikon "F" and really means, let James show you. He's a coolie. all its excessories. And after all, they invented the term. All meals are unusual. Only Walker makes them common. Franchised for Nikon, Bronica, Rollei, One more thing: IHTFP has All over the world IHTFP Pentax, • du Pont, Ansco, Kodak, raised prices by 20 percentfrom will follow you. September to June, so you can Exalda, now have less food for more than ever before. Similar ridic- ulous bills in any of our other I.H. T.f.' Exclusive Fine Grain Black locations in Baker, Burton, Grad House and McCormick. See & White Finishing your local Aluminus or call In- I.H. T. F.P - stitute Hacks in The Funniest Places. DSR, RLE, IL 28 TALES OF THE BEACHCOMBER Of all the people in the Wurd family, Jack was by Sandy Navel the strongest. A mountain of a man, he was known all over the countryside. When the epidimic came Be it known that the author of these stories shall on the people, everyone knew that Jack would alone not be blamed for the miscarriages of syntax and be saved. However, the big one was not left out. definition herein contained, this work being the re- The lesser members of his family, however, were sult of a curse put on my house one hundred gen- spared. This, Big Jack explained by shrugging his erations ago for the poor jokes of a most famous shoulders and saying, "The burly \Vurd catches ancestor: Puns DeLion. the germ." Percy and Ivan, two Russians of long ago, were In ancient and mysterious Turkey, ther lived a in front of the Kremlin. Despite Ivan's warnings, falconer who was famed both for his trained hawks Percy decided to venture inside and ask the ruler and his magic hat. The hat was noteworthy, for it for a polio shot. Alas, the Great One was in a ter- would fly off the wearers head at anyone with an rible mood, and all Percy got for his trouble was a iodine deficiency. Fez of a birder flocks to goiter. beating and ~jection. Ivan met him outside the gates and once again repeated his admonision: Grandfather Bleek had died. His estate was left "y ou can't get a Salk, Perce, out of a sour Czar." in the hands of his son and his daughter-in-law. After finding no treasure trove in the walls of the old mansion, the two decided to explore the most The queen was alarmed. Her daughter, the love- complicated system of flues connected to the old fire- ly princess would soon have the throne. The prin- place. After hours of crawling through the maze of cess was quick-witted and attractive, but she went to brickwork, they at last uncovered the sought-after all of the wilder parties and was always involved gold. When they sat down in the living room of" in some scandal or other. On her deathbed, the the old house to count the treasure, they burst out queen spoke to the queen-to-be, and warned her of laughing: each saw how soot-covered the other the consequences of a life of dissipation. Never at was. Messed are the Bleek, for they shall inherit a loss for words, the princess replied, "Come on, the hearth. mother, everyone knows that into each reign some life must fall." A recent survey by nationally famous internists has disclosed an alarming fact. It seems that peo- There are many tales of Mike Fink and the Mis- ple with low intelligence, especially extremely gross sippi barge-polers. I remember the time that Big people, have irridescent livers. After citing a mass Mike gave the other contestants in the race a one of data, the physicians conclude the long report by mile lead and beat them in a seven" mile race. I firmly asserting that every clod has a liver shining. remember, too, the headlines in the papers the next day when the news broke: He Who Rafts Last I entered the doctor's office having great difficulty Rafts Best. Of course there was captain Nathan, with my feet. After a thorough examination of the who when finding himself grounded on a sand bar callous-like growth the carrier of the torch of Hip- took a pole, stepped into the river, and singlehand- pocrates philosophized, "Great aches from little edly pried the boat free. We all talked about toe corns grow." Boater Nate and lever. - H. Weiner 29 Once, in more or less Biblical times, there lived in SAMUEL BLUESTEIN CO. the ocean a little herring. It happened, that for reasons of a psychological nature too abstruse to go SCHOOL & ENGINEERING into here, this little herring did not play and gambol SUPPLIES - TYPEWRITERS with the other herrings but always swam about with SALES an enormous WHALE. All the other herrings SERVICE thought that he was either a terrible snob or a neu- rotic misfit. Finally, when questioned about his be- RENTALS havior, the little herring replied, "After all, am I 1080 BOYLSTON 51. 345 MAIN ST. Corner Moss. Ave. not my blubber's kipper?" BOSTON MALDEN COpley 7.1100 DAvenport 2.2315 1 ELSIE'S "Doesn't your son help you with the farm work?" Hated for the Best Sondwi ches asked the stranger. T a Eat In or to Toke Out "N 0," replied the farmer. "He can't. He's a The famous special Roost bootblack in the city." Beef Sandwich "I see," said the stranger. "You make hay while KNACKWURST - BRATWURST the son shines. " with Sauerkraut or Potato Salad und die feinen Wurstwaren .~ 71 Mt. Auburn St., Cambridge, Mass. Did you hear about the deaf-mute who wore box- ELSIE and HENRY BAUMANN ing gloves to bed so he wouldn't talk in his sleep? EL 4-8362 Well now you've heard it again. I I , I I 11".'.7 1 ~/17ff?/./~ 02.0 I ~Q.I~'t ME~ !o"l%' .. '/ ,Ol~/r"", Z ~OBERl rt)~~q~ "VALTER ~,rt[~! ~g.t" : MACtJAMW S~R'\lER ~US\(; &UNOV JENKINS 11",. 11//1/' I , • , - L:---I () G G 0 0 I I I I (TH E HOU S[ 0 F A THOUSAND SP ECIALS) FENWAY LIQUOR COMPANY 213 Massachusetts Avenue, Boston Next to Bock Boy Theater CO 6-2103 NATURALLY - TECH MEN PREFER THE FENWAY LIQUOR CO. FOR THE MOSTCOMPLETt LIQUOR, WINE & BEER STOCK IN BOSTON Special Attention to M.1. T. Students - Whether A FREE DELIVERY . Always Plent}' of Ice Cubes Bottle or A Case Party t-'Ianning 30 Publi,h~r: STATEMENT OF OWNERSHIP, MANAGEMENT AND CIRCULATION File two copj~. of (A" _/ (ktoHr 1J. 1961: S",." 4J69, Till, J9. U"il,d SI"t,. CtNh) this (orm with your poumurer. T a ar _ Octob r thro h H and once in A •. lOCAtION Of Il:HQWN OHla Of 'UIllCAnON (S,,.,.,,. ,i". eM.',. ,,.11. I" ,wi,) 303 Walker .ellorial, 142 lIemorial Dri,.., Cambridge 39, Kallll. 02139 S. LOCAflONOf 1'HI HlADOUAftUS 01 ClNlUllU$lHnS OfftCU 01 THe "'IUSWIS (N., ,"_'I") 303 Walker lIe.orial, 142 Memorial DriYe, C&IIIbr1dge 39, KaSII. 02139 6. NAMES AND ADDRESSES Of ""IUSHU. fOiTOl, AHD MANAGING fOtTOI PUIU$Hf1 (N._ .... .J.lrruJ II. I. !. Too Doo)(an i Board IDfTOIt tN •• , •••• JJ .. u) 111II:eLuine 362 lIemorial Dr1ve, Cambridge 39, KaslI. 7. OWHEI (1Iew"," .] III '.".'.';IU., it, "III"" ."d .JJ~u "'11" I" fllIIIJ ."J ..t•• i",,,,,Jillltl, ,h,,.,,,,,J,,. ,h, •• "u, ."" .t/. d,./u/' _/ "odIHIJ,n ow''';., .r boldi", , ~rCl'" or "'.,., .f ,.,.1 .",.",,1 ./ ".,1.. II "., 'Il,,,,t! '" " "7-,.,i.". 'N •• "'" ."J .tlt/nul' 0/,6, ;,.Jiri"",,1 .w'"," "",d h, ,i",,,, If .u.",,1II, • p.,.,,,,,.,hip .,. olh,,. ."i"(o,.,.,.,,IId /t,.,.. it, "•• , ."J .dd"u •• , u,,/1 •• l/wl of ,.,h i,.dilidlUll "'11" IH gi.",..) Boston, Mass. "A Truly Unique Restaurant" a. KNOWN BONDHOLDERS, MORTGAGUS. AND OTMER SECURtTY HOlOERS OWNING Ol HOLDING 1 PERCENT Ol MOlE Of TOTAL AMOUNT Of IONDS. MORTGAGES Ol OTHER SECURITIES (If Ih,,., ",., "0"'. ,•• 141') Serving thousands of people each week. The very Finest: • New York style Delicatessen 9. Paragrapht 7 and 8 include, in cues ~here rhe uockholder or securit)' holdei' appens upon che books of rhe company as .Char-Broiled Sirloin Steaks Irust« or in any orher 6duciary relarion. the name of che penon or corporarion for whom such uusc« i•• ning, aho the state. menu in rhe rwo p.ragraphs sho_ the .ffi.nt's full kno_ledge .nd belief as to the circumst.nces .nd conditions under which -Fabulous Gourmet Ice Cream dishes tlOckholders .nd .ecurity holders _ho do not: .ppear upon rhe book. of rhe comp.ny .s truu« •• hold stock .• nd tecuritiet in • capaciry other than rh.c of • bona 6de o_ner. N.me •• nd .ddreues of individuals who a« u«kholder. of a corporation _hich iuelf is a trockholder or holder of bondt, mong.gt:t or oc:her tecuriciet of the publithin, corporation have b«n included eHome Baked Gigantic Strawberry in paragraphs 7 and 8 when the inceresu of such individu.h are equivalenc co 1 percenc or more of che tor.1 amount of lhe nock or securities of the publish in, corporarion. Cheese Cake 1 . HIS ITEM MUST BE OMf'lETED fOR ALL PUBLICAnONS UQPT THOSE WHICH DO NOT CARR'( ADVUTlSING OTHER THAN THE PUIlISHU'S OWN AND WHICH ARE NAMED IN SECT10NS 132.231, 132.232, AND 132.233, ~SUL MANUAL (S"tio,., 41""'. 41"". A,.J 4J,6 of Till, 19. V,.i/,J SlAin C.,/t) in an atmosphere you'll really enjoy. A:::;~:S~~~=S SiNGlE ISSUE HUIEST "EClDlNG 12 MONTHS TO HliNG DATE At moderate prices you'll never believe. 3000 " 000 I. 'AID OICUlATKlN PARTY PLATTERSAND CATERING I. TO n.....SUl5Qlllts IV MAIL.CAtlIU DRIVEn OIlY 0THf1 MfANS 200 200 2. ,,"US THIOUGH AGeNTS. MEWS OU&.fIS. 01 OTHE'Wl$f 2 400 3000 Located between Kenmore & Braemore Hotels 360 600 262-9712 D. TOTAl NO. or COf'IIS DlSTIIlUTtD. (S••• , Ii." !l', B1 •• J CJ POD '- 3526 A"'t- Itt3 After the grand response to our last movie-parody photo feature, we decided to do an even better one (we hope). Who knows, there may even be some- one, somewhere, who likes it! At any rate, we've taken a spanking new movie. It's about a girl who collects the tokens for the M.T.A. By the same token, the title .... Yolks E. \Vaggon, noted anarchist and leader of the plot to overthrow the l\'I.B.T .A. (formerly the NI.T.A.) is found at Park Square Under, buying a (Tune: Just You Wait) token from our heroine Laser Voodiddle. He wears a fez, symbolic of the cause. He proceeds to board 'S just your weigh4 Volks E. Waggon~ Just your the train and thereby overturns it. weight. I am sorry~ but your mass is just too great. I would love to take your money~ But you weigh an English Tonney~ - Too much weight~ Volks E. Waggon~ Too much weight. Oh~ Volks E. Waggon~ too much weight for you to board the MB. T. A.~ Volks E. Waggon~ though I'd love to have a chance to take your fee. But pay as you may~ we could never make head- way With that weigh4 Volks E. Waggon Sad your feight, Volks E. Waggon Too much weight! Laser runs to stop him!!! 32 2 (Tune: Wouldn't It Be Loverly) All I want is you'll stand right there In the part that:s up in the air Just settle in a chair Oh wouldn't it be levelly ! A Train Screech!! And Laser recoils in horror! ! (Tune: Why Can't the English) Heavens, what a noise! This is what the Boston population Gets, when riding into Boylston Station! Why can't these Yankees teach their subways how to turn? Their tracks are all lain crooked, I guess they'll never learn; If you turned as they do sir, withyour automobile ... Why you would be missing your front wheel ! Waggon now recognizes Laser as a fellow foe of the MBTA and is overjoyed. 3 Later at the office, we see Old Yolks at home. He suggests to his First Aide, Herr Pickled Ring, and to his housekipper, l\lrs. Herring, that they include Laser in their plot. They are skeptical! (Tune: Without You) Though she rings up the fares, we doubt you. Though she knows whens and wheres, we doubt you. She knows signals and signs, She knows spurs and main lines, Though she reads the Sunday Times We doubt you. Though she says she:s their foe, we doubt you. She says trolleys must go; we doubt you. In a fez she'd look well, but a once-tolling belle... We doubt you! 33 4 (Tune: Get Me to the Church on Time) They ~regetting harried without warning Ere long our belle is gonna shine. Cut off their service Commutors get nervous Though they ~venever gotten home on time! While Herr Ring protests, "We ain't gonna train no l\loor" (apparently because of her fez), Waggon is adamant. 5 (Tune: I Could Have Danced All Night) I could have planned stall nigh~ I could have plan- ned stall nigh~ Da dee dee da dum more. Good, but tighten up the lyrics a bit. Their first stall-in in the suburbs is unsuccessful since everyone recognizes Laser, who was once Miss Subways, that is A Reign on the Train :l\lade Jamaica Plains in Vain. 34 6 Herr Ring and Waggon decide to disguise Laser. (Tune: I've Grown Accustomed to Her Facel I~ve sewn a costume to her fez To cover up her jutting chin I feel so awtlly unrepenting about making that damn bet Surely I could always call it off again~ and ye~' I ~vesewn a costume to her fez A kerchief to her nose; A costume~ to her fez. 7 (Tune: With A Little Bit of luckl With Voodiddle trains got stuck With Voodiddle trains got stuck For the second stall-in, she laser reputation on the Though not one of these commutors even knew. line. It is successful!! Hurrah!!! Though the trains were stalled for days They ~reso used to such delays That we~llwrithe forever ~neaththe streets of Boston We ~rethe clan who never returned. r------ I want my palm crossed with a Take a typical twenty-one years or over-seer, .::YES full case ofV.D. Ada Vistic, who sums up her feelings about VooDoo I• • as a true profession of faith. A happy medium, she I I am not, nor have ever been, no advocates the purchase of a subscription at the an advocate of necromancy, as yearly rite of $2.80 which is strictly gypsy. She it leads to sin .. warns of the mournful fate of the Yankees who didn't believe the Cards. And, she recalls, the aver- age VooDoo has thirty-two leaves, which is sub- VooDoo stantially more reading matter than the average Walker Memorial palm. So help seance through a difficult period, Cambridge 39, Mass. and buy a subscription to the mag which, though far from handy, is rapidly going palmy. My name is: _ I live at: L I LECTURE SERIES CQ.MMITTEE CALENDAR FRIDAY SATURDAY PETER SELLERS THE 1984 ""RONG ARM OF THE I..; NOV. 13 7:00 9:30 26-100 NOV. 14 5:15 7:30 9:45 ELIZABETH TAYLOR RICHARD BURTON LORD OF I I THE FLIES NOV. 20 7:00 9:30 26-100 NO V. 21 5: 15 7:30 9:45 26-1 00 DARRYL F. ZANUCK'S 11-11: LC>IVGlES-r Long DaY'5 Journey Ilt\)' JOHN WAYNE ROBERTMITCHUM into Night RICHARD BURTON DEC. 4 6:30 9:30 26-100 DEC. 5 6:00 9:00 26-100 THE :C~, "~:~;~~r. VICTORS L,." ',(:c-\I~~: I ' .... I Elke Sommer - Romy Schneider ,",,::~~.,~ Melina Mercouri DEC. 12 6:00 9:00 26-100 The ehad Mitehell Trio Tuesday Evening, November 24 8 PM Kresge Tickets on sale in Bldg. 10, Tuesday, Nov. 17. Maximum of two tickets per activities or staH card. Admission $1.00. he eerie vapor cloud surrounds a world where T temperatures drop down as low as -452 of. Here molecules stand still, some liquids flow uphill, and an electric current encounters virtually no resistance. Cryogenics - the science of ultracold - is an area of major emphasis for General Electric re- search and development. It's important because it promises smaller and faster computers, truly frictionless bearings, better ways to transmit vast amounts of electric energy. Future progress is being shaped by General Electric people in many ways developing jet engines for supersonic aircraft automating in- dustries to increase human productivity ... apply- ing computers to such tasks as helping teachers work effectively with the swelling number of students. These are projects in which college-educated men and women at General Electric are putting their training to good use in meeting people's needs - today's and tomorrow's. Progress Is Our Most Imporlanf Protlue! GENERALe ELECTRIC