Alabama’s resource for ADOPTION APAC education AND supportive services

ISSUE 61 Alabama SUMMER 2020 Pre/Post The CIrcle of Life Adoption Connections CHILDRENSAID.ORG/APAC A collaborative effort between Children’s Aid Society of Alabama and the Alabama Department of Human Resources.

INSIDE THIS ISSUE DIRECTOR’S NOTE 2

Cover Story Continued 3 Artist: Liberty (Age 10)

Word Search 4 We hear a lot about “identity formation” takes advantage of Simba’s trusting nature in the world of child welfare. But why is it to manipulate him. Children who come important to support children who have been into foster care may not always have been Alabama’s waiting kids 5 abused and neglected in forming a positive neglected or abuse, but when they are, it identity? Isn’t it enough just to keep them safe confuses their understanding of the world and provide for them? The answers to these around them, and makes them vulnerable to Transcultural Placement 6 questions can be viewed through the lens of further mistreatment. It makes them question – you guessed it – Disney’s Lion King movie! that sense of inherent worthiness and lovability. They wonder if they’re still good. Upcoming Online Trainings 7 In the movie, the baby lion prince, Simba, is born innocent and ready to view the world as Scar needs only to suggest that Simba is a good and bountiful place. He has an open responsible for the death of the king, Mufasa, Adoptive Family Groups 7 heart and hope for the future. He is primed to to deflect his own wrongdoing. Simba believe in himself and his abilities. This is the immediately blames himself, and internalizes case with children, too. They come into the his horror and grief over the loss of his father as TTN 7 world needing love and support, and ready overpowering shame. When traumatic things to accept it from those around them. We are happen to children – whether abuse or loss all born with a natural sense of worthiness and – they can easily imagine it must somehow lovability. When caregivers meet our needs, be their own fault. Without support, they we believe it’s because we are good. may begin to view themselves as “bad” or “broken,” and the world as no longer a safe Simba is initially protected by his parents and or hopeful place. his support network, and could never suspect there are characters like his disgruntled uncle Scar or greedy hyenas who might harm others out of their own misdirected pain. Scar continued on page 3  PAGE 2 CONTACT US: A NOTE FROM THE DIRECTOR [email protected] 866-803-2722

Welcome to our summer edition of the APAC newsletter! All of us at Children’s Aid Society of Alabama hope you and your families are doing well. We know the uncertainty of the past months have been challenging for us all. We remain committed to staying connected with you through the midst of COVID-19 and beyond. Our remarkable team continues to offer services in innovative ways to meet the needs of those we serve.

Our group of contributing authors want to take you on a journey through the lens of one of the classic Disney movies, “The Lion King.” Enjoy as you embark on this adventure with them.

It is with a heavy heart that we are not able to host Camp APAC this year. Summer without camp seems unimaginable, as this would have been our seventeenth year. We are sending out our version of “Camp-in-a-box” to the families that had completed the application process. We hope to bring some joy and camaraderie through some of our favorite camp activities and snacks. Please know, we will be planning for Camp APAC 2021 soon and look forward to seeing all of our campers, camp counselors, nurses, and families then.

We want to thank our partners, the Alabama Department of Human Resources Office of Adoption, Heart Gallery, and AFAPA. We express our gratitude for the sixty-seven county DHR offices with whom we have the honor of working alongside as we serve the precious children of our state.

Be a part of finding forever families for Alabama’s waiting children. You might know someone who is thinking about adoption or you would like some brochures to share. Contact us at [email protected], or call 866-803-2722. - Suzie Diamond, LICSW, PIP APAC Program Director

APAC FACEBOOK GROUP Join the APAC Facebook community! APAC hosts a group specifically to support adoptive parents in Alabama. Join the group and jump in the conversation: fb.me/apacadoptionsupport

APAC RESOURCE LIBRARY The largest resource collection in Alabama for Foster/Adoptive Families and Professionals with over 5,000 resources available for free on loan! Call us, or visit our website to get connected: childrensaid.org/apaclibrary PAGE 3 CONTACT US: [email protected] 866-803-2722 Continued from cover story..

Simba assumes others will view him as negatively as he now views himself, and cannot face even those he loves. He decides to run away, never sharing his pain with anyone. Traumatized and grieving children often withdraw, even from those they can trust. They cannot imagine that anyone will understand what they’ve been through, or still love and accept them after something so terrible has happened. It can feel easier to keep others at arm’s length than to take the chance of being rejected when they’re already in so much pain. Hurt children may also lash out to keep others at a distance, but such defenses can be self-destructive because they reinforce a negative self-image, which reinforces isolation.

Simba nearly perishes alone in the desert. When Pumba the warthog and Timon the meerkat find him, they are wary because they believe a lion must be a threat, even in his weakened condition. But they have enough compassion to act against fear, and take a chance on him. They help rebuild Simba’s view of the world as a safe and positive place where he can thrive, with them by his side for encouragement and guidance. Likewise, it requires deeply compassionate foster or adoptive parents to take a chance on some of our hurt children – especially the older ones who have been stereotyped as “damaged,”or even dangerous. Accepting parents who persevere in celebrating the positive can begin to help children repair their view of themselves, and rebuild their identities as good and worthy of love and support.

As he becomes a young adult, however, voices from Simba’s past will not let him forget the pain he has kept hidden inside. Nala, his childhood friend, asks why he won’t open up to a closer relationship with her. Rafiki, the wise mentor, shows Simba that he must resolve any remaining doubts about himself to pursue the life he truly wants. The memory of Mufasa - who loved his son even though he could not protect him - inspires in Simba the courage to claim his true identity, without shame or guilt. Eventually, in order for hurt children to grow up and have healthy relationships with themselves and others, they need to solve the puzzles of their past to the extent possible. Why were they abused, neglected, or abandoned? Who was really responsible? How can they understand and move past anger and sadness over what they were denied? How do they carry on in the absence of what they have lost? Is it possible to become healthy and happy in the wake of so much pain? Artist: Clarity (Age 8)

Simba needs to remember that he came from innocence and goodness, which – like the memory of someone you love and who loves you – never really leave us. But it is only with the support of many unrelated characters in his life that Simba manages to confront and overcome the betrayal and loss he suffered, and to claim his rightful place as a future leader. Adult mentors, service providers, kinship caregivers, foster and adoptive parents must recognize that our jobs go beyond keeping hurt children safe and helping them learn about the world. In fact, our primary job may really be to help them heal from past traumas so they can claim a positive identity, and thereby lead healthier and happier lives.

- Jem Lamb, LICSW APAC Recruiter - Suzie Diamond, LICSW, PIP APAC Program Director

PAGE 4 PAGE 5 Alabama’s Waiting Children

Symara, born March Shelby, born in June 2005, is 2010, is a fun-loving a loving, happy child. She is child with a bubbly interested in watching TV and personality. She has playing with toddler’s dolls. a big heart! She has Shelby is more successful a strong will to help when she has a structured others without being routine that outlines asked or when it is expectations, consequences, needed. She loves and privileges. She is active to have fun and and loves to be outdoors, has a laugh that is playing with family and contagious. She has a friends. Shelby needs a family strong desire to form that will provide consistent bonds with those who structure, patience, and she feels safe with and unconditional love. She who will actively be in would benefit best from any her life. family home, that is loving and nurturing. However, she does likes to be the primary focus in the home.

Quinton & Quin’teona were born in August Samual, born of 2003. They love to July 2008, is a play sports. Quinton free-spirited child prefers baseball and with a bright Quin’teona enjoys personality. He has volleyball. They both a diagnosis of Ring show great aptitude 14 disease, which as athletes. Shopping has caused him to and hanging out with be nonverbal. He friends is one of both needs assistance their favorite things with all daily living to do on weekends. activities. Despite Quinton & Quin’teona this, he is very love spending time with one another and laughing. They would expressive, loving, love a forever family that enjoys spending quality time together energetic, and kind. and having fun.

Tristen, born in June 2005, enjoys playing Dejarvion, born November video games and 2006, likes to be called DJ. He computer based likes to play basketball and educational games. He enjoys the praise ministry at is fascinated with nature church. If he could plan a day and wildlife, so he all about him, he would like enjoys time outside and to go to the park and play related craft projects. basketball. Math is his favorite He is sweet and loving. subject. He wants to be a He is enthusiastic about police officer when he grows telling stories and loves up. receiving attention from adults. Tristen is most easily engaged when playing outside. Tristen loves to be active throughout the day. He prefers to spend his time Visit heartgalleryalabama.com to meet outside. more kids waiting to be adopted or to inquire about any of the children shown here.  / 5 PAGE 6 simba’s Transcultural Placement

Having grown up watching The Lion King almost on repeat throughout my childhood, it quickly became one of my favorite movies. With the catchy songs, captivating storyline, and clever jokes, Timon and Pumba were instantly some of my favorite characters. Because I had always grown up with my family around me, I tried to imagine what it must have been like for Simba to be raised by two strangers from such a vastly different culture than his. Although Simba acclimated quite well to his new found culture, it was undeniable that he stood out in a crowd and looked and acted differently than those around him. The core of his identity was still wrapped up in where he came from, combined with how he had been raised.

For many adopted people, “standing out” and being “different” than their adoptive family becomes their norm. Even if they look similar to their adoptive family, the culture from which they were born still makes up who they are at their core. The reality is that all adoptions are transcultural adoptions as each family and person has a culture unique to them. While some of these transcultural adoptions can be more similar, others, such as transracial adoptions, can be drastically different. I’m not sure that Timon and Pumba were prepared to raise a lion within their own culture as their culture was taught to fear the culture of lions. What they knew was that Simba needed someone to care for him and that they could help teach Simba a new way of living. Simba grew up to be happy and healthy and embraced the new culture that surrounded him. He quickly learned that many of the traits that his birth/first father taught him, such as hunting meat and believing in the stars watching over him, were not going to be accepted in his new culture. Instead, he learned to eat a new diet, such as bugs and plants, and embraced a new spiritual discipline of “Hakuna Matata.” However, this new culture was Artist: Clarity (Age 8) only one part of who Simba had become.

Timon and Pumba struggled, as many adoptive families do, to embrace the lion culture from Simba’s family of origin. However, through much hard work and determination, they learned that Simba needed to embrace the entirety of who he was in order to be the most successful version of himself. The most beautiful part of the story begins when Timon and Pumba helped Simba reconnect with his family of origin and embrace his lion culture. By building these lasting connections with his family of origin, Simba’s love for them grew more and more and their family wasn’t divided. Instead, their family expanded into a new culture – a culture that embraced every part of Simba’s identity.

As an adoptive family, navigating birth/first family connections is not always a simple or easy task. Most of the time, adoptive families are hesitant to maintain these connections for fear that they will lose their attachment with their adopted child. Research shows that embracing every part of a child’s culture and identity by surrounding them with people that are similar to them, grows an adoptive parent’s attachment and connection to their child that becomes stronger over time. Timon and Pumba were terrified to let Simba embrace his lion culture and to know his birth/first family culture.However, they realized that the very thing that they were pushing away was going to bring them even closer together; they learned that Simba’s identity and self-worth was more important than their fears.

- Mollie Peevy, LMSW APAC Pre-Adoption Trainer PAGE 7 Adoptive Family Groups Upcoming Online

APAC offers support groups that meet in person at various locations Trainings throughout the state, providing education and social interaction for adoptive parents and their children. June 25th: *All AFG’s are being held viturally for the month of June due to the Executive Function: The Missing COVID 19 pandemic. We will continue to monitor the situation, and Diagnosis with John Sobraske updates for your local AFG will be sent via email. July 30th: Baldwin County Mobile County TTN - Managing Explosive and 2nd Thursday 4th Friday Behaviorally Challenging Children: A 6-7:30pm @ 3 Circle Church, 6-7:30pm @ Christ Fellowship Collaborative & Proactive Solutions Daphne Baptist, Mobile Approach with Dr. Ross Greene

Madison County Morgan County August 19th: 2nd Thursday Parenting and Working Across Bias with 2nd Tuesday Ed Morales (ethics) 6-7:30pm @ First United 6-7:30pm @ Central Park Baptist Methodist Church, Church, Decatur August 26th: Huntsville Creating Safer, Braver Spaces for our River Region (Autauga, Elmore, Kids: Allyship, Parenting, and Professiona- Lee County Montgomery) lism with Ed Morales (ethics) 3rd Thursday 3rd Tuesday 6-7:30pm @ Cornerstone Church, 6:00-7:30 @ Vaughn Forest Auburn Church, Montgomery For more information visit our website: childrensaid.org/training All Adoptive Family Groups have parent sessions, child groups, and childcare unless otherwise indicated. 2141 14th Avenue South NONPROFIT ORG. U.S. POSTAGE Birmingham, AL 35205 PAID PERMIT NO. 1873 BIRMINGHAM, AL

Connect With APAC

Central Office & Southern Region Huntsville Area Northern Region Montgomery & 103 Mountain Brook Blvd Birmingham Area Wiregrass Area Madison, AL 35758 2141 14th Avenue South 500 Interstate Park P: 256.539.5828 Birmingham, AL 35205 Suite 508 P: 205.251.7148 Montgomery, AL 36109 Mobile Area F: 205.933.3004 P: 334.409.9477 572 Azalea Road, Suite 101 Mobile, AL 36609 Call: 866.803.2722 P: 251.460.2727 Email: [email protected] childrensaid.org/apac

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