MESSAGEWinterWinter 20182018 YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL Winter 2018 MESSAGE EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Jeffrey C. King ART DIRECTOR Alan Bell PHOTOGRAPHY Alan Bell Jeffrey C. King Louis J. Smith III BoiRevolution BOARD OF DIRECTORS Joel Byrd, M.D. 5 6 Garry Gregory LA’S HOTTEST URBAN SOCIAL CLUB Jeffrey C. King Roger Quinney, Ph.D. Young Black Gay Men 18-29 Years of age Earl Wooten ON THE COVER Greg Wilson Quarterly Social Events Community Outreach/Condom Distribution Message is published quarterly by In The Meantime My Life My Style Men’s Group, Inc., 2146 W. Health Education Empowerment Series Adams Blvd., Los Angeles, 10 16 California 90018-2039. Mailing address: P.O. Box 29861, Los Angeles, California 90029-0861, 323-733-4868, Throw It In The Bag [email protected], Drop-In Social Discussion Groups www.inthemeantimemen. The Dawning of a New Day org, Facebook: Jeffrey King. by Jeffrey C. King ........................ 5 © 2018 In The Meantime LIFE Men’s Group, Inc. All rights Personal and Professional Development Trainings reserved. I Realized Time Was Running Out The slogan “Creating Unity by Charles McWells ...................... 6 and Affirming Our Common Bond” is a trademark of In The Bridge The Meantime Men’s Group, Resource Linkage and Referral Service Inc. Views and opinions The Boy on His Way expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of In by Louis Smith III ........................ 8 The Meantime Men’s Group, In The Meantime Get Tested Inc. Publication of the name or photograph of a person HIV Testing and STI Screenings/Peer Navigation does not indicate the sexual No Longer a Victim orientation or HIV status of by Greg Wilson ......................... 10 the person or necessarily constitute an endorsement of In The Meantime Men’s Group, Inc. or its policies. Message BoiRevolution Staff ................ 14 is designed for educational purposes only and is not engaged in rendering medical advice or professional Reading Is Fundamental ........... 16 facebook.com/BoiRevolution2017 services. Some photographs in this publication use professional models. ITMT in Pictures ....................23 Winter 2018 | MESSAGE | 3 In The Meantime The Dawning of Wants to Be Your a New Day Charity Personal Tester Begins at Home By Jeffrey C. King We are proud to announce the launch of our homegrown s we stand on the brink of a BoiRevolution youth-focused new year, I am reflecting on initiative. We are encouraged by A what will go down in the In the community’s response to our IN THE MEANTIME The Meantime annals as one of the MENtorship project and the way that most ambitious years ever. 2017 LA’s leading men have stepped up to was filled with new and innovative the plate to support younger men. Our approaches to outreach and program seniors deserve better treatment and Get Te st ed implementation. We provided more attention. ITMT plans to amplify extensive support to other community our programmatic and social support Insti HIV Test Results Available in 1 Minute initiatives while fueling those specific efforts to engage and address their to In The Meantime. needs. Our theme for 2018 is “Char- In The Meantime offers our deep- CALL FOR SPECIFIC TIMES AND LOCATIONS ity Begins at Home,” and we plan to est thanks for your continued support, increase our fundraising efforts to and we wish everyone a Happy New subsidize our ongoing programs and Year! 818-441-1216 or 323-733-4868 services. ITMT will focus on strength- In The Meantime Wellness ening our infrastructure and building Jeffrey C. King is Founder and Executive 2146 West Adams Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90018 our capacity to reach even more men Director of In The Meantime Men’s Group, InTheMeantimeMen.org of all ages. Inc. Winter 2018 | MESSAGE | 5 and calling shots as an Assistant Vice thing far worse than the stepfather I President of an investment banking loathed. firm; the next day I was in the lock- Permanent recovery would mean down unit of a drug rehab in East setting aside everything I thought Manhattan. I knew, accepting that there was I “did a geographic” and moved Something greater than me and that I Realized Time to New York on the theory that I my survival depended on surrender- wouldn’t be able to get high in a city ing to that Something. The nine-year where I didn’t have any connections. journey to discover these truths has Was Running Out (Right!) I moved back to L.A. because been aided by sponsors and thera- living with Mom would help me stay pists, sober friends and church. sober. (Really?) But most of all, I have been A Lifelong Journey to From 1986 until 2008 I was in and helped by an acceptance of myself— out (mainly out) of recovery. I can’t flaws and all. Self-Acceptance remember how many times I’ve been arrested on possession charges. I Charles McWells is currently the Commu- destroyed every single personal rela- nity Services Manager at the Los Angeles Centers for Alcohol and Drug Abuse. He tionship I had, ran up over $50,000 in manages a substance use debt and contracted HIV because of disorder outpatient the risky sexual behavior I en- program in down- By Charles McWells country’s most prestigious colleges. gaged in when high. I’ve stared town Los Ange- For a long time, the experiment down the barrel of guns, was les. He can be reached at on’t you smoke none of that was an unmitigated success. I drank nearly stabbed by a scissors- cmcwells@ stuff, or you’ll wind up like and smoked weed every day and wielding junkie in McArthur lacada.com. “Dyour stepdaddy.” dropped acid, smoked hashish and Park and was beaten by My grandmother’s voice was as took “magic mushrooms” whenever a mob of dope dealers in clear as if she were standing there they were available. But despite being Pacoima. next to me. But she was dozens in a constant state of intoxication, I of miles away. And I, having finally managed to graduate with academic n 2008, I realized time reached adulthood, could do whatev- honors. Within a few months, I had was running out. I was er I wanted for the first time in my life. moved to Washington, D.C., to begin a I50 years old, 80 pounds What I most wanted at that moment career as a political economist with a underweight and suffering was to fit in. To be not-Black, not- major brokerage firm. Reagan had just from hallucinations every poor, not-gay. To fit in with the rich, been elected, and the stock market time I got high. The person white, preppie college freshmen who was at the beginning of a long boom. I was living with gave me an had congregated at one end of the For the first few years, I made a ultimatum: move out and live on dorm building—laughing and rough- lot of money and received a num- the streets, or go back to rehab. housing as they drank keg beer and ber of high-level career promotions. If I’d taken the first suggestion, I’d smoked commercial marijuana. Drugs, sex and disco fueled the probably be dead by now. “Why not,” I thought. “When in nightlife that I found myself a part of. This was my fourth rehab, and Rome, do as the Romans.” In those days before AIDS and crack, from the start I vowed to do And that’s how my drugging and D.C.’s Black elite ran the city after things differently this time. drinking started—as a mid-1970s sundown, after the white Federal gov- First, I had to be experiment; a way to see if I could fit ernment workers went home to the honest. I had to real- in with people who seemed so differ- suburbs of Virginia or Maryland. ize that my lifelong ent from me. As for my grandmother’s One of those Black power- effort to ‘fit in’ had warning—well, winding up like my brokers turned me on to free-basing. only succeeded stepfather was the furthest thing from It was love at first puff. For the next in taking away my mind. After all, he was an unedu- three years, every penny I would earn, everyone and cated, drugged-out alcoholic, while I borrow or steal went up in smoke. It everything that was a former student body president all happened so fast. One day I was was dear to and national forensics champion wearing Brooks Brothers suits, taking me, turning me who had been accepted to one of the annual vacations in the Caribbean into some- 6 | MESSAGE | Winter 2018 Winter 2018 | MESSAGE | 7 The Boy 2146 on His Way The West Adams By Louis J. Smith III Group Proud fathers stand up to the forefront at birth The weak run to hide Constantly fighting against the roaring tide When knocked down as little boys They are comforted with toys Hugs and kisses are given without second thought This type of love cant be bought Crawl, walk and run He has so much fun A great time for him to play Small, he will never stay Destroying everything in his sight Sad, he grew up learning how to fight Soon to lose his identity when father leaves out the door Internally kicking and screaming on the floor Unanswered questions of why All Head pointed to the endless sky Taught that adult tears bring shame Fellowships His heart wants to blame Hiding pain behind anger 12-Step The orange jump suit shows the result of his danger Recovery Meeting Veiling his lonely soul that longs to be free Bricks stacked high, slowly forgetting the stable tree He cant wait to walk out the gate One Hour Statistical isolation is not his fate Backs have turned and true hues shown Speaker/Participation Meeting Cascading from above, his thrown To reclaim his stay Nothing can stop the boy on his way 2146 W.