The Full Marty
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She is gone. Not just for the weekend or a few days on the road. The Full But gone for good, or at least for the next six months, to a place of her own, a furnished condo in the San Fernando Valley where he will not be Marty allowed to see her, or call her, or even send her a note. It’s for the best, their therapist says, the only chance to save a relationship that no one but the two of them has ever understood. A trial separation, that’s all it is, and an amiable one at that. He still thinks of her as a goddess, she still laughs at every joke he tells. But, at the moment when Shirley Jones drives away from the blue-painted Beverly Hills home where she has lived for the past 40 years, Marty Ingels isn’t thinking about any of that. All he knows is that she is gone. “I just packed Shirley’s things in the car,” says Ingels, 64, a comic Marty Ingels, Shirley Jones: actor who was a television regular in Hollywood’s Oddest Couple the 1960’s, a frequent talk show guest and star of his own sitcom (1963’s “I’m Dickens, He’s Fenster, co-starring John Astin). His voice, on the phone, is still shaky with tears. “We cried and kissed and hugged,” he says. “ We’ve been crying for the last two days . And then we said goodbye.” March 4, 2000 They have been, for the last 26 years, Hollywood’s oddest couple By JOE RHODES : America’s straight-laced sweetheart - Mrs. Partridge, for God’s sake! -- in love with a loudmouth clown, the kind of guy who would always put the lampshade on his head and the product of Jack Cassidy ‘s whoopee cushions on the dining marriage to dancer Evelyn Ward). room chairs. The question -- sometimes unspoken, sometimes Claiming that the children asked out loud --came up whenever were intentionally trying to drive him they were in public together: What and Shirley apart, Ingels went public could she possibly see in him? with their dispute in a fashion that was outrageous even by Hollywood “The thing you have to standards. When Shirley, who remember about Shirley is that cherishes her privacy and had everywhere she goes, they sprinkle specifically told him not to turn their rose petals in her path. They adore problems into a public spectacle, her,” Marty says, “And everybody was out of town, he would invite says to her, ‘Why did you marry that news crews and busloads of tourists maniac?’ It’s because she needs to gather on their lawn. With mariachi someone like me. If she married bands playing n the background, he someone who was just another would pose, wearing a top-hat with version of her, she would bore “Husband” emblazoned across the herself to death.” front, with his arm around a life-size cut-out of Shirley, a promotional “I love crazy men, it’s as item from her “Partridge Family” simple as that” Shirley, now 65, days. He would give the tourists t- would say just weeks before the shirts and candy and perfume that separation began. “I like smells like chocolate. He let them unpredictable men, I like men that pass around the Academy Award make me laugh. I like men that are Shirley had won for Best Supporting bright and sensitive and not the run Actress in 1960’s “Elmer Gantry.” of the mill. But that also makes for problems.” And then, in the midst of mugging for every camera he could The problem this time, or at see, he would talk about the most least part of it, has been Ingels’ intimate details of his disintegrating decision to go public about his long- marriage, blaming it all on Shirley time struggle with his stepchildren and her kids, who he often referred ,Shirley’s sons from her first to as “the stepchildren from hell.” marriage to Broadway star, Jack Cassidy -- Shaun, 42, the former “The kids won’t speak to me, “Hardy Boys” star and teen idol, now they won’t let me see my a successful producer and grandchildren (Shaun has 3 kids, screenwriter, Patrick, 39, an actor Patrick 2) and I may be losing and singer, and Ryan, 34, a set Shirley, too.,” he was saying, ‘Telling designer.. (David Cassidy, 49, my story may be all I have left.” Shirley’s Partridge Family co-star, is We talked for hours in the den police station. I gave them money. I of their home, his sentences often bought them houses. Maybe I’m not tying themselves in knots -- part the best hugger and kisser, but I shtick, part rant, part introspective loved their mother and I wanted to be pain. The chaos of his personality the best stepfather I could. was as visible as the incredible mess he’d made of the place, papers and “But to them,, I’m the bad guy. magazines and pizza boxes piled on They’ve accused me of everything every surface , covering counters except genocide, They accused me and tables and most of the floor. of stealing Shirley’s money (which Shirley, at that point, had not moved Ingels claims is nonsense because, out but , looking at the impenetrable for much of their marriage, he was clutter, some of it years in the earning more from his celebrity making, it was hard to imagine how brokerage business -- serving as a she possibly could have stayed. middleman between various companies and the stars they The kids, he says, particularly wanted to hire for commercials and Shaun, never really gave him a promotional appearances -- than she chance. From the time they first met was from acting.) The accused me of him, they referred to him as “the undermining Shirley’s career and of goon,” so unlike Jack Cassidy, who sleeping with everybody short of the had died in an apartment fire, two Harlem Globetrotters. And for the years after he and Shirley were last three years, they’ve told her that divorced. Cassidy, unlike Ingels, I am not welcome in their homes. was charming and refined, but also They are basically forcing Shirley to distant and self-absorbed. Marty, on choose between her husband and the other hand, came on too strong, her children. And that’s not fair to too obviously desperate to win their her.” affection and respect. (All three brothers were asked “They were beautiful and to comment for this story. None of talented and they could charm your them chose to respond.) pants off,” he says, “but they were spoiled Beverly Hills kids and here “I’m tired of my sons being comes this Jew putz from New York bashed by him, “ Shirley would say suddenly telling they had to take out when asked about Marty’s remarks. the garbage and feed the dogs and “I won’t have them portrayed of bring in the firewood They’d never villains. And I’ve told him (Ingels)that had anyone do that before. I won’t abide it. I just don’t want it in print anymore and what WILL cause “For 25 years I took care of a divorce will be if this fucking article those kids. I was at every single high runs. school game, every single parents’ night, every rehab center and every “My sons are not the reason a Learning Annex presentation of for this,” she continues. “The reason “An Unforgettable Evening with is the marriage itself. We’ve grown Shirley Jones & Marty Ingels,” apart in a lot of ways.. I’ve become where, among other things, they are more set in my ways and he’s supposed to “reveal their recipe for become more emotional, and he’s creating a successful relationship.” always been an emotional roller Shirley doesn’t want to be there, but coaster anyway. It’s been difficult, Marty had signed a contract and but age does that to people.” insisted they had to go. He comes out wearing the top hat, embracing the cardboard “Shirley has always said that if Shirley, just as he had on the lawn. we could just be alone on a desert “I welcome you,” he says, “to an island, we wouldn’t have any evening with Hume Cronyn and troubles at all, “ Ingels had said, that Jessica Tandy.” night in the cluttered house. “We only have problems when there are other He schmoozes, he banters, people are around. We go to a party he tells a few off-color jokes, even and I end up telling jokes, dancing on though Shirley had asked him not to. the table, embarrassing her in some The room is decorated with blown-up way. She always tells me not to try tabloid headlines about the two of so hard, to stop trying to buy them and a photo from a recent everyone’s love. performance of “Love Letters” they’d done together, where he’d held up a She told me once, she said sign that read “Still Together” and ‘Martin -- she calls me Martin when she held up one that said, “Don’t she loves me -- I love everything Believe It.” about you, but I approve of nothing you do.’ She’s always whispering in He talks about his neuroses, my ear, ‘Think David Niven,’ and I his shortcomings, his desperate try. I’m thinking David Niven, but Pee need to be loved. He talks about how Wee Herman is what always comes when his first marriage ended, he out.” became agoraphobic, spending weeks and weeks unable to get off --- section break the floor.