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DESTINY TO WRITE MY LEGACY 1-7

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

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des·ti·ny (d s t -n ) n. pl. des·ti·nies 1. The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined; one's lot. 2. A predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control: 3. The power or agency thought to predetermine events: Destiny brought them together.

leg·a·cy noun /ˈlegəsē/ legacies, plural

1. An amount of money or property left to someone in a will

2. A thing handed down by a predecessor . - the legacy of centuries of neglect

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DESTINY TO WRITE MY LEGACY 1-7

DEDICATED TO MY WIFE

LIANNE MOWLES

& TO ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS

-X-

ALSO IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY NAN & GRANDAD

MARION & JOHN MOWLES -X-

CONTENTS BOOKS 1 – 7

1. DESTINY TO WRITE (EXTREME EDITION)

2. DESTINY TO WRITE (CLEAN EDITION)

3. HATE TO LOVE YOU

4. MY BUTTERFLY EFFECT

5. EVEN ANGELS WILL FALL

6. MY RESURRECTION 11.1.11

7. A STAR IS BORN

+ INCLUDES POETRY BY: GARY MOWLES, EVE MOWLES, CHLOE POOLE, SHAYLEIGH DUDSON

DESTINY TO WRITE

EXTREME EDITION

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

CONTENTS

1. DESTINY TO WRITE 2. HEAVEN 3. CONVICTION 4. CONVICTED 2 HELL 5. CONVICTED BUT 3 6. MERRY CHRISTMAS 7. ME, MYSELF & I 8. DROWNING IN THE RAIN 9. BEGINNING TO END 10. BURNT OUT 11. YOU‟RE THE REASON 12. BODY 13. YOU WERE SO BUSY 14. STORMY NIGHT 15. AROUND THE WORLD 16. THE DARK 17. MURDER YOUR DREAM 18. CHANGE ME 19. FUEL TO MY FIRE 20. FINISH YOU REMIX 21. FAIRYTALE CHEATER 22. GAME, SET & MATCH 23. SOLDIER ON 24. UNBREAKABLE 25. UGLY FORGOTTEN PAST 26. PLEASE TAKE A SEAT 27. GUARDIAN ANGEL 28. BACK IN 2 (HEAVEN) 29. SLEEPING AS I WRITE 30. PIER PRESSURE

DESTINY TO WRITE

Since you were a child your nightmares have shaken you, leaving you left shivering through the night; You use to wake and write them down sealing them in pen, your poetry became your only guiding light.

It was your journals to start with logging each emotion you ever use to feel; Then that turned into this poetry your now reading, creating words as strong as solid steel.

At times things seemed impossible, the books have witnessed them all; They have been by your side through battles, and they have helped pick you up from your fall.

I remember lying in hell, total darkness with nothing and nobody, all I had was paper and this pen; It got me through my darkest hours, when boys have to grow up to become men.

You have used this pen to make all of your dreams come true; You have books upon books of memories, a whole lifetime entitled the destiny of you

The battle is now over, the war has been won and you no longer have to fight; You have finally found your way through the darkness and realised, it was your destiny to write.

HEAVEN

It‟s November the 1st, 2011; Everything has turned so white because I have died and gone to heaven.

I walk along the white fluffy clouds and I am faced with a huge golden gate, as it creak‟s open I feel no more pain; I hear the plucking of a guitar, as I glance up I realise its coming from Kurt Cobain.

Everything is so bright, I rub my eyes as walking towards me is such a beautiful glow; Then they come into focus, I can‟t believe it, its Princess Diana and Marilyn Monroe.

I keep walking, and as I make it to the corner I am faced with the notorious B.I.G and the legendary Tupac Shakur; To my surprise there being taught how to play football, by that old English lion Bobby Moore.

In the distance I hear the words echo out “Turn your lights down low” and I smile as I smell the weed coming from Bob Marley; His shaking his dreadlocks and jamming, in a private concert for Brandon and Bruce Lee.

Elvis and John Lennon are sitting on a white bench still writing so many songs with flare; This time they have a new dance act, it‟s the legendary Fred Astaire.

I hear two girls‟ whisper “Hiya sexy” as my jaw nearly drops and falls from the sky; As standing in front of me is the beautiful Aaliyah, and her new best friend Lisa Left Eye.

I hear a microphone scream out “I have a dream” as I look up on the stage there stands Martin Luther King and Malcolm X; In heaven they are Jam Master Jays MC‟S, as he smashes up the decks.

My Nan and Granddad glide towards me as they hug up and say “Hello”; Then my Granddad introduces me to his new best friend in heaven, it‟s the Godfather, Marlon Brando.

I hear marching and floating past is all the English soldiers who died in World War 2; I thank them all for my freedom, and for a life I‟ve lived so true.

Then standing in front of me is the big man whispering “welcome my Son your pain is over, up here all you will ever feel is our love; It‟s time to say goodbye to the earth now, as your new home is with us in the beautiful blue skies above”.

CONVICTION

(PART 1)

I finish my day the work has got me up in a sweat; I get my lunch box and things together and walk home past the club that we met.

I turn up my MP3 as the beat kicks in real true; I‟m listening to our favourite song, as I hear Konvict I‟m straight away reminded of you.

I can‟t wait to get home to see your body like a race car, smooth, sleek and so unique; I smile to myself as I‟m walking, I feel so happy and so complete.

I get to my door the key fits without even a creek, I kick my trainers off and make my way to our room; But you thought I was working late, as I am home way too soon.

If you ever had a moment that when you‟ve seen it you know everything from that second in your life would be different, if you have then you will know just what I mean; Thinking back now and I‟d give anything to just forget that night, and all what I had seen.

I see you both bare in my bed, red mist just completely covers my eyes; All I can remember then was seeing blood, and hearing sickening blood curling cries.

I scream out “FUCKERS ARE YOU READY FOR THE CHOP”; My girlfriend cries out “PLEASE PLEASE DON‟T DO THIS I LOVE YOU PLEASE STOP”.

I below out “HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOVE ME JUST THE WAY I LOVE YOU; EVERY WORD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS A LIE, NONE OF IT IS TRUE”.

I press my kitchen knife right up against her new man‟s already mashed up face, I stare into his eyes with no fear as he just whimpers away; I look up at my girlfriend, she‟s crying, screaming “JUST LEAVE US ALONE OKAY”.

I cry out “I‟M GONNA KILL YOU AND HIM YOU FUCKING LYING CHEATING SKET”; She just smiles and says “IS THAT JUST ANOTHER IDOL LITTLE THREAT”.

The red mist now has turned so bright as I scream out to her “WHY”; I bring down my knife and stab it straight through her new boyfriend‟s eye.

I cut away his face and tear it all off complete; I throw the flesh out of our flat window, as we hear his face splat down on to our street.

You‟re trembling, you‟re white with fear, I thought in my mind you would always be here forever; I know you didn‟t think you would get caught cheating, but you‟re fucking dumb, not clever.

She whimpers out “LETS TALK ABOUT THIS PLEASE IT REALLY WASN‟T PLANNED”; I scream out “I DON‟T WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS, I JUST WANNA BURY YOU, HIM AND MY HEAD INTO THE FUCKING SAND”.

I remember my tattoo read out your name in Chinese or some pig Latin, I take my blade and hack it from my arm till I see it no more; I drop my bloody knife and skin, as we hear it mash down onto our lovely laminated floor.

I look around our bedroom, it‟s just turned into a horror show of red; My girlfriends still crying as she looks at her new boyfriend lying in our bed dead.

I cry out “DID YOU LOVE HIM” and she trembles out a “NO; I WAS JUST FUCKING HIM BECAUSE I‟M A DIRTY LITTLE HOE”.

I must be going insane, my hearing must be deceiving me, I turn and look at you, and you just turn away; I scream “YOUR SUCH A LYING LITTLE BITCH”, she cries “I HATE YOU AND I‟M GONNA CALL THE POLICE ON YOU TODAY”.

I smash the telephone and throw it from our penthouse suite; You just stand there screaming, as I throw your new boyfriend out the window so he and his face could re-meet.

You make a run for the door but I get in your way; You make a play for my knife so I just push you away.

You scream out “YOU CANT DESTROY ME YOU FUCKING TWAT, YOUR JUST A YOUNG LITTLE BOY; I‟VE CHEATED ON YOU LOADS OF TIMES AND I‟VE PLAYED WITH YOU LIKE A TOY”.

I explode and lunge, stabbing her straight through the neck; I pick her up by round the throat and throw her out the same window, as I scream out “JUST DIE YOU FUCKING STUPID LITTLE SKET”.

I crawl to the window, from the 10th floor I‟m really struggling to see; I can make out your two bodies, I look down at myself, I‟ve got your blood and flesh dripping all over me.

I stand looking into the mirror, one reflection is all that I can see; I feel infected by you two, as your blood oozes down all over me.

I hear in the distance the sounds of sirens they have come to take me away; I don‟t know whether to run or hide, so I decide to just drop to my knees and pray.

But god wanted no part in this horror, my prayers fell onto deaf ears; My life just flashed away, as I heard the judge sentence me, to a minimum of 60 years.

My prison has bars that are made of solid steel, I cannot escape them, they sink in just how far I‟ve fell; As I hear the metal bars closing my first night, I realised I had just fallen into hell.

CONVICTED 2 HELL (PART 2)

I‟m sitting in my dark grey cell, as my criminal record reads out double homicide; This prison has got me trapped thinking of you, so now I‟m contemplating my very own suicide.

My bars keep me contained, the inmates run their own law; I get told when to speak, and I‟m never warned who to ignore.

The showers have become a cold part of my day; Before it was my only place I could try and wash my tears away.

The inmates can force their eye stare, just so they can have a reason to fly; The biggest thing you miss in prison is just lying back, and feeling the sun in a beautiful blue sky.

Nothing in prison is cosy and nothing feels the same without you; Part of me wishes I never came home that night, and then I wouldn‟t have known what was true.

I‟m so numb the only pain I can feel is now just driving me insane; My love for you is like a disease, in prison you are the cancer to my brain.

I must escape my prison walls or I will just die; I‟m haunted by your memory every night, as in my dreams your voice always echo‟s out to me why.

I miss seeing that twinkle in your eye, I miss your smile, and I even miss your sweet perfume smell; You were so heavenly to me, but now I have just been convicted to my own living hell.

CONVICTED BUT 3 (PART 3)

I‟ve been inside my prison cell for close on a year; I still get my nightmares, every night my white sheets are always soaking up the fear.

Time is all I have inside this breathing cell; I just can‟t stare at these dark grey walls anymore, I need to escape from this hell.

Lights out at 9pm as everyday has rung true; I tie my sheets together, I can either try to escape or hang myself, and tonight I must decide between the two.

I‟ve got to weigh up just what my life means to me, you have a choice, either die because of love or try to live down to hate; Fuck it I can‟t handle it anymore, I‟m gonna leave it down to fate.

If I live through all this I want to be more like me and less like you; I‟m going to escape this prison, and escape you to.

I wait all night for day break to come then I will make my play; I think out the perfect plan and realise, just how easy it would be to get myself free today.

Garden duty starts just after breakfast, I pretend I haven‟t got a care; But under my cap I‟m sweating and paranoid, why do the screws have to always stare?

I work my way till I slip away from sight, I get to the fence and squeeze my way under and through; At last I am free but I am still a whole eternity away from you.

I‟m miles from anywhere, I know I only have minutes before the alarm bells start to ring, but for now I am free, I feel like I am flying up so high; Just before I start running I stop for a second, lay back and feel the sun in that beautiful blue sky.

I hear the alarm bells sound as I run as fast as my legs will go; My heart is pumping so fast now, but where do I turn I really don‟t know.

I hear dogs barking, they are so close on my heels; I have to get free from my ghosts and guilt, I realise I really need to get myself some wheels.

I make it to a run-down truck as the sweat just pours away from me; If this is my final hour, I‟m going to go out fighting, as that‟s the only way I can be free.

This truck is so old it must have been made in 1964; I hot wire the beast and smile, as I hear the old engine roar.

Police cars and two helicopters join onto the chase as I push the truck to 124; The machine can‟t go any faster, as my foot is pushed right down to the floor.

I turn on the radio as the sound of the sirens is making me sick; As the beat kicks in I laugh, as my speakers ring out KONVICT.

The adrenaline over flows my veins as I look into the rear view; I see so many police cars and lights, I look into my eyes and all I see is a faded reflection of you.

I keep flying down the track at top speed, I must make it away from here; All of a sudden your ghost is standing in the middle of the road, your image just strikes my heart with fear.

My brakes lock, I try to steer away from you; Then my truck started to flip that‟s when I saw my destiny, I just wish it wasn‟t true.

I come to and my truck is hanging over the edge of a cliff, one false move and its game over for me; I glace out my window but your ghost is the only thing that I can see.

You whisper “YOUR TO LATE, IT‟S TIME NOW TO SAY GOODBYE”; And as I reach out my window to touch you, my truck just rolls over and falls from the sky.

As I fall my life is just flashing me by, I‟m reminded of all the good times between me and you; The second before my truck hits the ground and explodes, I look over and scream as it‟s your ghost I am sitting next to.

Now I feel no pain, I don‟t even see the light, all I ever wanted was to just leave my cell; But even in death we are still apart, as you belong in heaven, whilst I belong in hell.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

I‟m all hugged up under my big Spiderman duvet, I can‟t sleep as its Christmas eve, I don‟t know the time cause I can‟t even read; My big Sister whispers from the bottom bunk “let‟s go see the presents, hold my hand and I will take the lead”

We creep hand in hand down the stairs and make our way to the big red door; But when my Sister turned the handle and it opened, it wasn‟t Father Christmas that my Sister and I saw.

It was Mummy and Daddy, Daddy was making Mummy cry; He kept smacking her in the face as he screamed out that he wanted her to die.

Daddy looked like a huge bear, his face was red his hair was wet; I felt my Sisters hand shaking in mine, but Daddy hadn‟t noticed us standing there yet.

Daddy slaps and punches Mummy until I see blood and her eyes just roll away; She slumps to the ground in a heap, as I scream out “MUMMY I LOVE YOU, PLEASE GET UP AND SAY THAT YOU ARE OKAY”.

Daddy‟s face turns, but his so big I can‟t even see; Before I know it my Sisters lying on her back, as Daddy then lays his fists into me.

He has punched me in the eye and nose, there‟s so much blood I couldn‟t even see; My older Sister is screaming for help, she‟s crying out “PLEASE, PLEASE PROTECT ME”.

Through the blood I see my Daddy kicking my big Sister, as his fists beat down so hard on to my eye; I am only 5 years old but I was so afraid that me and my Sister were about to die.

This next bit makes me shiver to remember but a struggle that I‟ve had to bare; My Daddy smacks us both till were standing up, then drags us upstairs by our fucking hair.

He throws us onto his bed, I cuddle up to my older Sister as we both shake in fear; I look into my Sisters eyes, she‟s petrified and blood has now replaced her tear.

My Daddy takes off his belt, it had a huge silver Harley Davidson buckle, I pray he doesn‟t use that end, I mean I pray, I beg, I wish, but none of it helps, the buckle smashes me straight into my back and knocks me flying; My Sister starts to scream as we hear our Mum banging on the locked bedroom door crying.

Daddy ignores our screams and he doesn‟t seem to hear our Mum banging at the door; Then he smashes the buckle into my Sisters face and she fly‟s down to meet me on the bedroom floor.

We scurry under the bed to just get away; My Mum‟s still screaming and banging, I pray that she is going to save the day.

Daddy‟s arms run under the bed trying to get me and my Sister out, we both cry for forgiveness we even try to beg; Then my Sister screams out so loud, as my Daddy grabs a hold of her leg.

Daddy pulls and pulls, I hold my Sisters arms back, my Sister digs her nails into the carpet, she‟s trying everything to keep out of harm‟s way; Then she starts to scream again, as I watch her finger nails just bend and completely tear away.

I grab her hands, we lock eyes once more, she‟s crying, she‟s praying, I just wanted to get her out of there; I remember all I could think is its Christmas morning and she‟s only 7 years old, why is life so unfair.

Just then I hear a huge bang, Mummy shouting and Daddy just lets go, we hear them running down the stairs and a car screeching away; Then I hear nothing but silence, I‟m shaking, but I turn to my big Sister to check that she is okay.

We hear someone walking up the stairs, my Sister cuddles me, so scared with who it might be; Then someone kneels down and smiles, were saved it‟s our beautiful Mummy.

We both crawl out from under the bed as she cries and wraps her arms around us, her lips tremble out “I am so sorry all that was meant for me”; I look past all her blood, tears and pain and kiss her on the cheek, as I whisper out “Happy Christmas Mummy”.

ME, MYSELF & I

This year all I‟ve relied on is me, myself & I; I feel like an aeroplane again, but this time I have been shot down from the sky.

So many years have been wasted it feels as if I‟ve had my head just buried in the sand; Why couldn‟t you just tell me you were going to hurt me, and tell me all about the things you had planned?

I‟m now stuck in a world that seems to have lost its entire colour; I get that feeling every day, and at night my dreams show me that you now love another.

You really don‟t know what it feels like to be me; I may have my eye sight back but without you in my life, it‟s just so hard to see.

People tell me the time will soon heal me over and that I have to live again before I die; It‟s just so hard to do when all you have to rely on in life, is me, myself & I.

DROWNING IN THE RAIN

My memories are fading, the stars have just replaced your smile; I am through being angry and upset, but I still feel stuck here in denial.

I‟ve tried so hard to make this black ink describe just how I feel, but I‟m so lost without you here; My life is like a wheel in a car, but I can only go forwards, I cannot reverse, change lanes or steer.

You broke my heart, but it‟s my fault for letting my guard down and for letting you get in so close; If love was a medicine then I have had my final dose.

Why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave our love down to a vote; You will never know what it feels like to come home to an empty house, to find your partner‟s suicide note.

I remember it made my heart skip a beat when I read your goodbye letter, saying your time on this earth was done; I dropped everything at once, I couldn‟t believe just how fast I could run.

I make it to your place by the water as you sit on the edge with your pills and your pain; I take off my coat and wrap it around you, I don‟t know if I‟m crying or if it is the rain.

You burst into tears and hug up like it was my very last hug goodbye; I look into your eyes, they are blank, like you had already prepared yourself to die.

Now its years later it‟s flipped reversed, and it‟s me sat on the edge feeling all of this pain; But I know you will not come and save me, so I am just drowning in the rain.

BEGINNING TO END

Everything that has a beginning must have an end; I‟ve wrote so many lyrics about you, I done all of this so my heart had a chance to just heal and mend.

I am splitting myself into two, half of me is pulling back so scared to say goodbye to my past; The other part of me is running forwards, so afraid of wasting my life and finishing last.

I put all my love and energy into one person, now that one person has gone I feel totally lost at sea; Every morning when I wake up and look into the mirror, a broken reflection is all that stares back towards me.

My insides are broken and my body has lost all that mattered; I am still trying to glue together my heart, but it‟s like a fragile china vase that isn‟t just broken, it‟s completely fucking shattered.

My tears still fall when I think about you, but I bottle up my feelings and to the outside world I pretend; But as I said at the start of this poem, everything that has a start must have an end.

BURNT OUT

As I lay back I hear your name echo across this smoked filled breeze; This green plant has rooted me to the spot, so all my life can do right now is freeze.

I am drifting away, my ceiling has now turned into my floor; I feel so lost without your love, it‟s too strong a feeling to just forget and ignore.

My cherry has burnt out, I need a spark to re-ignite my glow; They say I am meant to be feeling high, but all I ever feel is low.

What comes up must come down, but when your sinking you can so easily forget what it feels like to be flying up so high; Just try to remember a drug can make you float, but only life can give you the courage to fly.

YOU‟RE THE REASON

You‟re the reason there are no clouds or stars in the sky; You‟re the reason for making a full grown man want to give up, and just break down to cry.

You‟re the reason my cornflakes have no milk; You‟re the reason my clothes are made from cotton, when they should be tailored in silk.

You‟re the reason I cannot fly; You‟re the reason I am sat here every single night asking an empty book why.

You‟re the reason for making me sad; You‟re the reason for making Usher write love songs like “you‟ve got it bad”.

You‟re the reason I am still falling; You‟re the reason for when I wake up all I ever hear are the cockroaches crawling.

You‟re the reason I have no change or money; You‟re the reason I am so wound up because you think all this is funny.

You‟re the reason I will now never get into heaven; You‟re the reason for acts of terror, like when the World Trade centre‟s got knocked down, back on 9/11.

You‟re the reason for causing so much pain; You‟re the reason for days of horror, like when all those children got murdered up in Dumblane.

You‟re the reason I phoned in sick; You‟re the reason my manager sacked me, for calling him a prick.

You‟re the reason I have to stay at home every single night; You‟re the reason I hide away because I do not want to fight.

You‟re the reason it now always rains; You‟re the reason my favourite shirt is now covered in my red blood stains.

You‟re the reason I have to smoke; You‟re the reason my lungs are packing up which is causing me to choke.

You‟re the reason I feel shot down; You‟re the reason my smile has flipped reversed, and has turned itself into a frown.

You‟re the reason the sun hides behind a cloud; You‟re the reason I have to keep my music low when it should be playing out loud.

You‟re the reason there‟s no sugar in my tea; And finally you‟re the reason I turned my back on my life‟s destiny.

BODY

I want to look inside myself to see just how messed up I am, I‟m going to be the doctor, but I haven‟t got to cut myself to see; I am going to close my eyes and let this pen do all of the operation for me.

I drift off and enter my brain, it looks such a fucking mess; Wires going here and there, as all my blood vessels are pumping, they look in such a fucking stress.

I travel further down and come to my eyes, they are the windows for me; They have made me watch everything, they are responsible for giving me every single memory.

I enter my chest, my lungs are the very first thing I see; They are black with smoke, and it looks as if these cigarettes are slowly killing me.

Just behind my lungs I find my heart, and its busy sewing itself back up together; I get a horrible feeling and realize, there‟s no way I can see this heart lasting forever.

So now I‟ve looked inside myself the autopsy is complete; I have to stand up now, and this time I am going to use my own two feet.

YOU WERE SO BUSY

You were so busy crying your own tears to see or feel my pain; You were so busy cheating you didn‟t see me standing there in the rain.

You were so busy texting you didn‟t see me leave; You were so busy trapping me, you almost forgot that I had to breathe.

You were so busy destroying our memories you forgot our goodbye kiss; You were so busy starting your new life, I was no longer a person that you had to miss.

You were so busy covering your own dirt you never saw me cry; You were so busy packing your suitcase, you didn‟t feel my heart stop beating and die.

You were so busy treating me like a failure you forgot it was you who changed me; You were so busy altering my life you had forgot I had a destiny.

You were so busy hurting me by stabbing me in the back; You forgot all I had taught you by remembering, the best way to defend yourself is to attack.

STORMY NIGHT

It‟s raining so hard as the water pours down over my face; I am sitting on our bench now, can you remember our favourite place.

It‟s the middle of the night as the rumbling storm is moving over head; I‟m swigging from my bottle of vodka again, I‟m so fucked I don‟t know whether I‟m alive or dead.

My mind is working on over load as the sky lights up just before the crash of thunder; Where are you? I can‟t help but to care and wonder.

I am completely soaked through as the rain beats down so much harder, I look up, but dark is all I can see; I still can‟t shake the feeling of the old you and me.

I crack open my last bottle and drink it down neat, as I ask myself the question why did you leave? What did I do so wrong to you; I glance up and there you are, I must be dreaming this really can‟t be true.

I jump up trying to run but I fall down, and all I hear is the pouring rain; As I lay on my back looking at the clouds all my heart can feel again is pain.

I lay there for what seemed to be forever just feeling the rain attempt to drown me; Then it just stops, and a beautiful star shines down on me.

I just lay there staring, its beauty takes my breath away; Then I hear my Nan‟s voice whispering “please stand up now my child and say that you are okay”.

I whisper out “I just don‟t know what to do, I‟m afraid which way do I go”; The star just twinkles and echoes out “my child, I think that you already know”.

“You can‟t just lay there and give up for I am so proud and I know just what you are going through; Just remember you‟re never alone for I will always be here to just care and watch over you”.

AROUND THE WORLD

From England to Wales, Finland to Spain; I can travel from Russia to China, but there is no place in this world I can run to escape you or my pain.

Everywhere I go your memory follows me, from Japan to Australia from Italy to the U.S.A; No matter what language I talk in I still have to miss your love each and every single day.

Denmark to Sweden from Germany to France; I can still feel myself dropping to my knees, just begging for one last chance.

I would walk across Africa, I would swim across the Atlantic sea; If it meant I had that last chance, where I could be with my destiny.

From Argentina to Peru from Mexico to Brazil; I wish instead of feeling this pain, love was the only emotion that I could still feel.

I would climb the highest mountains in India, I would brave the freezing winds in the arctic ocean; I would even visit a witch doctor in New Zealand, and drink his antidote for love from his home made voodoo potion.

I would brave the wars in Iraq, the Great White Sharks in the Pacific sea; I would even fight the bears in Canada, and jump into Niagara Falls, if I had just one last chance to touch you and see.

I would walk the Great Wall of China like it was a stroll in the park, I would run up all the pyramids like they were sandcastles on the beach; I would visit every church in the world, and sit there listening to every single vicar on this planet preach.

I would take on a gladiator in the coliseum, as the sun sets on Italian Rome; Without you in my world I feel like the alien E.T, and all I want to do is phone home.

I would fly us up to sit upon a cloud so we could see heaven and watch our world just drift us by; At last you have become a star, whilst I have become the sky.

I would make my way to the top of the Eiffel tower, I would sit myself on the crown on the statue of liberty just to prove my love for you as well; I would even dig a hole so deep you could feel the heat rising up, as I take on the devil for you in hell.

I guess what I am trying to say is there is no place in this world that I wouldn‟t go, to have you back and sharing your life here with me; The world is such a huge place, but the day I met you my world shrunk because I had finally found my destiny.

THE DARK

My fire has gone out, I am trying everything to re-ignite my spark; I feel so scared and alone, I wish I could see the light but all I can see is the dark.

Stop blaming everyone else, I am sure there are people out there who have suffered a much worse fate; I am so afraid you have given up on yourself, but please remember it is never too late.

Just like your smoke you live to blow it all away; It‟s like talking to a brick wall with you, why can‟t you just listen to what these verses are trying to say.

Listen to these words, your life is only your responsibility; I wish you would stand up and be counted now, so that you could live your life to the best of your ability.

Get up, move on and make people remember you and your voice; Your destiny is in your own hands right now, so please remember you do have options and you really do have a choice.

So stop waiting for someone to save you, it‟s only you that holds the key; Only you can save your life, because remember living in the dark is so very far from your destiny.

MURDER YOUR DREAM

If the truth be known you cheated on me with a pathetic little fag; His disappeared since that night, you don‟t know, but it was me that took him away you stupid fucking slag.

So many times you asked me where he had gone, as you haven‟t heard anything from him not even a peep; I just smile to myself as I say “I put him underground as he said he needed a long sleep”.

I watch your eyes fill up as you turn and walk away; I close my eyes and my memory replays all that happened to him that day.

I wrap my towel around his face, which is soaked in chloroform; As he falls asleep I whisper in his ear “when you wake up boy, you are going to wish that you were never born”.

He comes to as I finish tying him up to a chair; He starts to scream straight away saying “PLEASE LET ME GO, I DON‟T LOVE HER, IT WAS JUST A SEXUAL AFFAIR”.

I shout “I AM SORRY I THINK I‟VE GONE DEAF I REALLY CANNOT HEAR”; Then I lunge forward with my razor blade, and hack off his right ear.

He screams for me to stop as I then slice off his left ear; His crying so much now, I just smile as I wipe my blade, which is covered in his blood sweat and tear.

I shout out “I BET YOU DIDN‟T THINK ABOUT THIS AS YOU JUST STUCK YOUR COCK IN MY WIFE”; He starts crying again as I whisper “don‟t worry mate, all I‟m going to do is take away YOUR life”.

I take my razor blade and I take away his nose; As I scream out “I BET YOUR FUCKING SORRY NOW FOR FUCKING HER AND FOR ALL THE SHIT THAT YOU CHOSE”.

I pick up my petrol can and splash the fuel across his cut up face, as he screams out to cry; I use my blade to remove his eye lids, and stab my razor right through his blood shot weeping eye.

His screams echo across the warehouse as he lays bleeding in his petrol style bath; His crying so much again, whilst I just stand away from him and laugh.

His begging, pleading for me to show mercy and to just let him go; I shout out “I‟M NOT FINISHED YET MATE, BUT WHEN I AM TRUST ME, YOU WILL BE THE VERY FIRST PERSON TO KNOW”.

Now he looks petrified as he sees me pick up my second can of fuel, as I cover him again I whisper “I bet your regretting the day you ever met that slut”; He just keeps crying as the petrol pours through his fucked up face, and sinks deep into his cut.

I make a petrol trail leading to the warehouse door as I spark my cigarette, now his screaming, begging and praying; But I‟m just enjoying my fag, I don‟t even listen to a single word that soon to be dead cunt is saying.

I get down to two‟s on my cigarette, as I echo out “DICKHEAD ITS NOW TIME TO SAY YOUR GOODBYE”; As I flick my fag down flames ignite him and he goes down to hell screaming “WHY”.

CHANGE ME

You spent so long trying to make me change I had forgot just who I was meant to be; You spent so long trying to mould me into the man you wanted, that when you left I had forgot just who was the real me.

You made me change all my friends as you said they just held me back; But really all the time you were just planning my fall, and setting me up for the ultimate stack.

You moved me away and changed my point of view, you had me trapped thinking you and your family were all that mattered; Then you just changed your mind, leaving me with a life and heart that was completely fucking shattered.

Why is it boy that you can never ever learn; Why didn‟t I just listen to Usher sing, when my speakers rung out you should let it “BURN”.

I never once asked you to change, all I cared about is that you were happy and that I could make you smile each and every single day; But all I can remember now is your goodbye, as everything else has just faded away.

I have changed from the lad I was when I met you, he was young happy and full of lust; Into this man standing in front of you now, who just feels so helpless, and so full of hate and distrust?

FUEL TO MY FIRE

Search within yourself, reach inside and pull out the best you can be; You aren‟t blind anymore so open your eyes, I‟ve made you strong, so that you can live your life and be free.

And as for you, did you really think I was just fucking your pussy, in fact I was fucking all these new girls that I see; Sometimes I had to move so fast my friends had nicknamed me the new Muhammad Ali.

You silly little girl don‟t you realise that you cannot play a player; In the club that time I was fucking that girl, whilst Lil John and Usher just sung out Y-E-A-H.

It‟s always been you that gives me the fuel to my fire of hate; I wish I had just spat in your face, all them years ago back on our very first date.

I‟ve got no job, no money, fuck I haven‟t even got a home; But I‟m still having more fun than with you, at least I haven‟t got to listen all night to you moan.

I wouldn‟t have been so angry if you had just left me alone and told me the truth, you didn‟t have to pretend; But now you have turned into my enemy, and I no longer class you as my best friend.

FINISH YOU… (REMIX)

Who am I kidding in my last book saying that I will no longer say nasty shit about you; I have to speak my heart now, and that‟s exactly what I intend to do.

I want to burn you for always claiming that you were the one; I want to chuck you on my BBQ if I‟m honest and cook you like a steak until you are well done.

I know you were depressed, but you claim it was me who gave you the depression; But I was the one living with a fat moody bitch, so just what gave you that impression.

You even told my friends you got so fat and you somehow blamed that all on me; But I couldn‟t stop you eating, you just ate absolutely everything that you could see.

My GOD what did I ever see in you, you‟re just another fucking ugly rat; With your goofy teeth and your cellulite, you look like splinter from the turtles but fat.

You use to make life so hard you truly had me done; You even claimed to be a model, but if that was true then it must have been for crufts or pedigree chum.

So just leave me alone you fucking silly fat bitch, the only emotion I‟m now left with is hate; The next time I go shark fishing I will ask you to come, and I will use your fat ass as the bait.

FAIRY-TALE CHEATER

You‟re just a fucking fairy-tale cheater, you make me feel fucking sick; You said it was all an accident, what do you mean, you just fell over naked and landed on his dick.

I should have listened to all my friends as when they looked at you they all just said tut-tut; They all knew you from school, but as a lying deceitful slut.

So lying is something that you have always done; It‟s the end for you now, you have no more friends left, not even one.

You use to make fucking you so hard, but sex isn‟t a problem like a crossword that you have to try and solve; You got so fat that when I fucked you missionary, I kept burning my ass on our ceilings light bulb.

Don‟t you dare try to test me lyrically because you know I am nothing but pure class; When I use to finish fucking you I‟d roll over four times, and I‟d still be stuck on your fat ass.

I will drag you from heaven into hell, you want to hurt me so I will destroy you; You use to be my Cinderella, but now I‟m stamping all over your fairy-tale glass shoe.

Just so you know I fucked your best friend, I felt nothing for her I just knew you would be wishing that it wasn‟t true; So there‟s your fairy-tale ending bitch, but this time there‟s no happy ever after for you.

GAME, SET & MATCH

I can look at your picture now without the butterflies trying to lift me away; I have moved my life forwards, and it is no longer you I think about when I wake up each and every day.

Your name doesn‟t scare me anymore, I do not look at you as somebody I should avoid; I am over the pain and loss, and over all the precious little things you had destroyed.

I can stare into your eyes now, and I wouldn‟t even have to look away; You could even beg me for forgiveness, but I wouldn‟t even listen to a single word that you had to say.

When I lay in bed now you are no longer the love that guides and helps me through; You are no longer even a nightmare, my mind now draws a blank, when I lay here and I think of you.

I have said goodbye to you in my own little way, and I no longer feel attached; I have erased your love from my memory bank and finished you, it‟s over, game, set and match.

SOLDIER ON

I am standing like a soldier on the front line, confronting all my demons in the blink of an eye; I am fighting my way through the doubters, who want to watch me fail and fall from the sky.

My back is pressed up against the wall, I have built up all of my pain and I am ready to unleash the fight; The demons will no longer scream at me when I lay down to sleep at night.

With each stride I take forward the haters try and push me back; But I have grown so much stronger, and now I know the best way to defend myself is to attack.

The night is dark, as black as black can be; No colour now enters into my mind, the darkness is the only thing I can now see.

Punch your way through until you see the light and your pain has all gone; Just keep marching through my Son, it‟s time now to soldier on.

UNBREAKABLE

My heart is pumping again, it‟s all sewn up and all that‟s left is a memory and a scar; There‟s even a twinkle of confidence, which will make me shine out like a star.

I am smiling again and my hair is cut so nice and neat; I have to say sorry to all of my haters, the pathetic little cunts who thought I was destroyed and beat.

With each day I get stronger, with each minute my confidence shines through; The doubters tried to finish me off, but I still have courage to just stand here and scream out “FUCK YOU”.

I am unbreakable, I feel so strong you could stab me again or even smash me over the head with a huge metal pole; Nobody is going to stop me this time, unless she is a sexy pussycat doll.

I am bouncing, high on life but in my wallet I do not even have one single pound; I feel like I am in the title fight of my life, but I refuse for this to be my last and final round.

UGLY FORGOTTEN PAST

Somehow you have made me forget all the people who had held me back in my ugly forgotten past; I have moved my life forwards so quickly there is now no way we could ever lose or finish last.

So called friends tried to destroy me, I‟ve been homeless, I‟ve watched friends die, I‟ve even been stabbed in the chest; But I still don‟t need any armour as my body and this pen is my very own bullet proof vest.

Doubters and haters tried to bring me down and I laugh as I keep disappointing them by always landing on my feet; Remember what goes around comes around you bitches, now you‟re looking at your own life laying in the gutter on the street.

All you haters ever did was talk total utter shit; You claim to be the big man, but you are still living at home sucking on your Mother‟s ugly sagging tit.

To me you are all already dying and each time you do I just grow stronger inside; The man you all know is finished, his gone, in fact I just buried him alive.

All I ever heard was you stutter like you had turned yourself into an older version of Gareth Gates; You walk around thinking you‟re the dogs bollocks, but in reality your just a Billy no mates.

I have books upon books of memories whilst your drugs make you forget what happened just last night; You are pathetic and weak, whilst I still have the courage to use this pen to fight.

You didn‟t get an invite to my wedding, you won‟t ever get to see my Daughter or Son; Now let‟s see how much you like your fucking reflection, when all that stares back towards you is someone looking fat, stupid and dumb.

I am not going to name names even I wouldn‟t sink that low; You all just disgust me, so now I‟ve said my piece I think it‟s time for me to go.

Any damage you did to the old me I healed myself before smashing off my cast; So haters you will have to try harder, as you are all now just a tiny, little piece of my ugly forgotten past.

PLEASE TAKE A SEAT

I thought I was going to be a Daddy, I thought my destiny was nearly complete; Then I heard the nurse say them same four words “please take a seat”.

Last week I had seen your heart beating like you were a little butterfly; But today the fluttering had stopped, part of me had left this world to die.

The nurse explained what we were looking at, what happened next, in truth it went in one ear and out the other I couldn‟t really say what she had said; Until her very last ten words rang out “I am so very sorry but your baby is dead”.

As the words sunk in I thought of all the things we would now miss; I have to stay strong for my beautiful wife, so I lean over and give her a kiss.

Midwives try to explain again, no heartbeat equals our little baby has died; At this point all the walls caved in, I felt like I was being buried alive.

The fresh air hits me as we walk out after saying our goodbye; I make it to the car and breakdown, I tried to talk but all I could do was cry.

They say time is the greatest healer, people who say that really couldn‟t ever understand or know; How can you say goodbye to your baby, when you haven‟t even said hello.

I am so sorry I couldn‟t save you, my hands now tremble instead of holding you real tight; All that has survived is your memory, you‟ve become just another star at night.

I will say this now so that it will never be forgotten, my Wife is the single strongest lady that I have ever seen; In fact if our little family were footballers, she would defiantly be the captain of our team.

I guess this is it, another sorry goodbye which I wish I never had to write; You will always remain in our hearts baby, and you will be in our prayers each and every single night.

GUARDIAN ANGEL

This poem goes out to all the people who have ever lost somebody that they love; The people who can only talk to their loved ones, through the beautiful skies above.

I‟m writing this letter to remember a special lady, without her guidance and smile I found it hard to change from a boy into a man; She left this world six years ago now, this poem is dedicated to my wonderful Nan.

She was always smiling, she had a glow about her that could warm your coldest room; As I sit here writing all I can think is why god took her away so soon.

In 2009 I got married, everyone was so proud and they were all hugging up to me and kissing; In my heart I was thinking of you, my Nan was the only lady in my life now missing.

I stood at the altar so afraid, nerves were tearing me apart; I kept looking around to find you, but you weren‟t there, which left me with a happy but sinking heart.

It was always my dream for you to be at my wedding, but in spirit and memory was the only way you could see; Nan why did you have to leave so soon I wish you could have seen me happy.

All of your family were there, we made it a day to remember and I dedicate all my happiness to you; You must be my guardian angel as you made the sun shine that day, and all of my other dreams come true.

-x- Miss you always –x-

BACK IN 2 HEAVEN

I am still living my life in the beautiful blue skies above; Every day is full of happiness, up here even the haters show there love.

Since the first day I came here so many new faces have entered through that golden gate; Some people are old and ready, but some people‟s lives were cut short by their fate.

One day not so long ago thousands of people were seen queuing up all at once at the front gate into heaven; As they walk past I hear them talk about the World Trade Centres, the date was 9/11.

As the clouds drift past Michael Jackson slides backwards teaching the Moonwalk to Patrick Swayze; In the corner Heath Ledger is chatting to a new angel in heaven, it‟s the angelic Britney Murphy.

To many new faces join us each day Jade Goody, Proof, Corey Haim the beautiful Iris Dudson to name just a few; The old faces are still here as well, to my Nan and Granddad I could never write a poem about heaven without including you two.

A familiar face appears, it‟s my Uncle whose life was cut short by the 5:15 train; My thoughts turn to my family, as without him there I doubt their lives will ever be the same.

Laughing echoes across the clouds as Norman Wisdom entertains the masses, along with Bernie Mac; Steve Irwin is jumping all over the place shouting “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE SIZE ON THAT”.

There‟s too many names to mention but each day thousands of peoples fate is cut short, everybody‟s destiny is to die; But our paths brought us all together to live as one, up here in our beautiful blue sky.

SLEEPING AS I WRITE

I have so many problems running through my mind, all of these dilemmas were started and caused by you; I am going to close my eyes again, and let this pen tell me just what I have to do.

As this pen starts to move I drift into a sleep, unaware of the words that I write; The stars are not fading anymore, for they are shinning out so bright.

You have to move on, you have achieved so much in such a short amount of time; You have your whole life ahead of you, remember you aren‟t Cinderella waiting for the midnight clock to chime.

Slow things down, take a step back and enjoy being the new you; If you move any faster you will make even more mistakes, than you were ever supposed to do.

Stop acting so tough all the time, you are only human who can ask for help, but you have so much of this attitude and bad feeling; It‟s turning your life inside out and upside down, making your floor turn into your ceiling.

You do have emotions but you release all of your anger and pain through this pen and onto this page; Stop hiding in the back ground, it is your time now to take to the centre stage.

I have made you immortal so live your life with no fear, some people have money, but my gift to you was this pen; You will realise someday it has given you the courage and strength, to make you stronger than a thousand men.

So stop blaming your problems on your past, I know you were destroyed, but you needed to go through that so your destiny could get underway; Open your eyes now my child its morning, and just trust whatever this pen has had to say.

PIER PRESSURE

Tomorrow I plan to change and make everything okay; I will go and get a job, pay my bills and I will live to fight another day.

Tomorrow I plan to be nice, polite and sweet to all; Because I am fed up of being dragged down, and taken for a fool.

But tonight I have to go out, I cannot let my friends down; They all want to get drugged up and start a massive fight in town.

I want to stay in but I really have no choice, I pretend I am asleep when I hear them call my name, when they ring my mobile I say that I am sick; But they knock on my door and say if I don‟t come out, I am the one that‟s the prick.

I shout “I WILL BE OUT IN A BIT I JUST HAVE TO GET CHANGED”, so I stand up, the reflection in the mirror is somebody I don‟t know; The real me is a fighter, but my reflection is packing up to go.

The boys come over and tell me we are going to beat up a group of lads, and their girlfriends to; My brain is racing, as my friend gives me a pill, and says “HERE THIS WILL HELP YOU THROUGH”.

I swallow it down whole with just a swig of beer; My friend says “THERE WELL CHEAP AND WE CAN CALL IF WE NEED ANYMORE GEAR”.

I just want to go home and sit in silence by myself, I need a miracle to get me out this mess; But I can‟t talk to my mates, as there all bouncing around in a stress.

My friend shouts “ARE YOU UP FOR THIS WHIST SHOWING ME A KNIFE”, but I couldn‟t reply I was grinding my teeth; I was off in a daydream, somewhere over the Great Barrier Reef.

Then I felt a pain and something was not right; I felt my body go limp and my heart squeeze real tight.

I saw this light and all my pain had gone, I thought I was okay until I looked down at my feet; To see my body lying white and still, in the middle of the street.

All my family arrive at my funeral whilst I am stuck between worlds, everyone whispering what a waste; But all of my friends are sitting at home now, just hanging their heads in disgrace.

THE END

DESTINY TO WRITE EXTREME EDITION

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO

LIANNE MOWLES CHLOE POOLE SHAYLEIGH DUDSON -X-

AND IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY NAN & GRANDAD

MARION MOWLES & JOHN MOWLES

-X-

DESTINY TO WRITE CLEAN EDITION

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

CONTENTS

1. GOODBYE NAN 2. STAR IN OUR SKY 3. IN YOUR HANDS 4. FORGIVE ME BABY 5. MY BETTER HALF 6. 10:22 7. MACHINE 8. TRUE MEANING OF LOVE 9. ETERNAL BLISS 10. I‟M AFRAID 11. WALKING AWAY

GOODBYE NAN

6am the phone rings, my heart just skipped a beat;

It‟s not my normal alarm clock, which has woken me from my sleep.

The bad news breaks along with my heart;

I feel a tear roll down my cheek, I fear that is just the start.

I stand up by the mirror and let out a huge sigh;

I glance up into the glass and watch my eyes fill up to cry.

I wonder if she knew how much we loved her, I think the answer is yes;

Every time I saw Nan she seemed so happy, her life was free from stress.

But now that she gone there are so many things I wish I had said, I would trade anything for that chance to have given her my goodbye kiss;

I may have taught myself to love, but until today I never really taught my heart how to miss.

I will miss seeing you watch Dirty Dancing and Grease, I could hear it every time that I walked through your back gate;

I wish I hadn‟t cancelled my visit on the day you died, but maybe that is what they call fate.

You use to say are you hungry, I always answered “no”, you always replied “I‟ll get you a drink and a little something to eat”;

You would come back into the living room with your entire fridge, crisps, cheese straws, biscuits, even your Sunday meat.

God must have needed a new angel or maybe my Granddad was still waiting for you up in the sky;

I will just say farewell Nan, as this could never be classed as a GOOD bye.

-x- Dedicated to Marion Mowles –x- 20th May 2003

STAR IN OUR SKY

This one is dedicated to my Uncle who died January 11TH 2010;

Death seems to be getting closer, as the years growing from a boy, slowly turns us into these older looking men.

As you get older the more people pass away;

My heart has to go out to my Auntie, who has to plan a funeral for the following Wednesday.

The pain she must feel is unbearable knowing for death there really is no antidote;

I can feel her pain from miles away, imagining her torture as she reads her husband‟s suicide note.

My prayers go out to my Uncle, whose life must have been full of so much hate and pain;

That‟s why on Monday 11th January 2010, he took his own life by jumping in front of a train.

I hope he is at peace now, it‟s just such a shame nobody got a chance to help or even say goodbye;

Before he moved away, and become just another star in our sky.

IN YOUR HANDS

Sometimes at night I look up at the blanket of stars and I wonder if you are still looking down on me;

Please god I need your help, so that I do not ruin my own destiny.

When I was low and feeling the warmth of hell, it was only you that shone your guiding light;

But the stars are slowly fading again, when they use to shine real bright.

You gave me this gift and taught me the pen is so much mightier than the sword;

But why can I only write about sadness, I never wanted to lose all I had adored.

Why can‟t I write about success, happiness and fun filled times of joy;

When I open my eyes and see the page, I do not feel like a man, I feel like a young, helpless little boy.

One day I am hoping all these words will click into place and I will see the plan you had set out for me;

My life is in your hands now my lord, and it is only you who is in control of my destiny.

FORGIVE ME BABY

Forgive me baby for I have to walk away;

You will always be in my dreams every single night when I pray.

I‟ve watched you grow up into a beautiful baby girl, but it‟s now time for me to leave;

It‟s breaking my heart and crushing me so tightly I‟m even struggling to breathe.

The first day I met you, you were only 3 weeks old;

I remember taking off my jacket and wrapping it around you, as I didn‟t want you to get cold.

I am sitting here thinking just how do I tell you that I am never coming home, as you would never understand my long goodbye;

How can something so small make a grown man want to breakdown and cry?

I am going to miss you waking me up everyday, I am going to miss seeing you laugh whilst playing Peek-A-Boo;

But most of all I am going to miss my new little best friend, and I will always be thinking of you.

MY BETTER HALF

How did I ever let another women break my heart and destroy me, why didn‟t I just learn;

Why I didn‟t I just listen to Usher sing, when my stereo blasted out “YOU SHOULD JUST LET IT BURN”.

You were the down to earth type, the serious one, whilst I just tried to make you laugh;

Now that you have gone I‟ve realised, you really were my better half.

You plus me equals two, but if you take one away it just leaves me;

I maybe all styled out, but without you in my life I feel like the D without the G.

I am pulling myself up so that time doesn‟t just pass me by;

I thought we were made for each other, you are a star, whilst I am the sky.

I now am only half person I could have been if we had stayed together;

I will still be all I can be in life, but you could have made me so much better.

10:22

I saw you in my dream last night, it felt just like you were there;

I reached out to touch you, I could almost feel my fingers running through your hair.

You kept saying the same thing over and over “I am missing you;

I am so very sorry, but I am still very much in love with you too”.

I couldn‟t reply, my mouth just wouldn‟t move, I see you cry, my heart just melts in two;

I manage to move my lips and whisper “not matter what, I will always love you”.

I realise I‟m dreaming as your face is fading away, I don‟t want to wake up and have to say another goodbye to you;

Then I feel a vibrate and a beat kicks in real true, I‟m wide awake now, ahhhhhhhhhhh, why did I set my alarm for 10:22.

MACHINE

I feel like I am a robot, I am Turning into a machine, as a human all I wanted was to be loved and cared for, but there‟s not a hope of that now, the human me is dying and a machine will take my place;

I will no longer have my eyes, my nose or even my mouth, in fact I will not even have my face.

My tears will never again been seen, my laugh has just faded away, I have no use for the sun now, my days have just disappeared into the dark where nobody can see;

My heart has stopped beating now, and its oil not blood that I can feel flowing through me.

My brain has switched off and it‟s erasing my memory bank;

I‟m back to 18 years old now, it must have been then when my world truly sank.

I can feel my skin tightening up, my hair has fallen out, and my bones are turning into steel as my life just flashes me by;

I‟m 16 years old now, off to Ibiza, it‟s the first time I felt my body fly.

Big brown eyes are replaced with dots of red;

It won‟t be long until the machine breaks out, and the human me will be dead.

I can feel inside, that my heart is being covered over in tin;

My life flashes to my 13th birthday, but I can‟t tell you what‟s happening, as my inner light has flicked to dim.

The last of my memories have faded and a machine is finished to take my place, nobody can hurt me now as no more of the human me exists, I‟m nothing but a déjà vu to the people that I met;

The machine takes over from now on with all of my goals and ambitions all programmed to an automatic set.

TRUE MEANING OF LOVE

You make my heart skip a beat every time that I hear your voice;

Before I met you my life was so empty, but your love has at last given me the power of choice.

At last my life is climbing so high and that is all because of you;

I haven‟t even kissed your soft lips yet, but I already know my destiny is just simply us two.

You‟re already my best friend in the whole entire world and my heart is beating out for more;

Today I realised how much I loved you, in my life you are all that I adore.

We go together like two peas in a pod, even more so like Mango and ice cream;

You are the love of my life and I feel like I am living inside of a beautiful dream.

You remind me of the stars as you are so far far away;

One day I promise you I will be there to kiss you, each and every single day.

I wake up early every single morning, I cannot sleep, and instead I watch the sun rise into the beautiful blue skies above;

I thank you for showing me such care, and for teaching me the true meaning of love.

ETERNAL BLISS

I thought I knew what love was then one day I was truly swept off my feet;

All of sudden I didn‟t feel like half a person anymore, and for the first time in my life I felt happy and complete.

Any scars or wounds that had ripped my heart open can no longer bring me down anymore;

Your love has healed all my hurt and pain, you are the love of life and my miracle cure.

I use to sit by myself and watch the sun set, right the way through the night until the sun rise;

My life will now be full of happiness, I never want to hear anymore goodbyes.

I am so use to looking in the mirror and seeing only me;

But now my reflection has doubled, when I look into your eyes my future with you is all that I can see.

Time is now standing still and any worries I had fade away when we kiss;

My love for you has made me strong again, and I am now living in eternal bliss.

I‟M AFRAID

It‟s time I confronted all of my demons, it‟s time to open my chest to reveal my heart;

It‟s time to show my darkest secrets, all I am afraid of, from the end back to the very start.

I‟m afraid of being heartbroken, I‟m afraid my insecurity‟s will control my future just like they did in my past life;

I‟m still afraid of being stabbed again, by some coward who chooses to carry a knife.

I‟m afraid of the dark, I hate not being able to see;

I‟m afraid of falling, I‟m afraid of simply not living up to the man that I am destined to be.

I‟m afraid I will let my wife and family down, when I promised I would be a success;

I‟m afraid I will stop smiling and I will buckle under this stress.

I‟m afraid there is no heaven, I‟m afraid this right here is all we got;

I‟m afraid of losing love and having to sit there with a daisy repeating the words “she loves me, she loves me not”.

I‟m afraid of death as it‟s shrouded in black;

I‟m afraid I couldn‟t save my Granddad when he had his fatal heart attack.

I‟m afraid of my phone ringing from a family member in the middle of the night;

I‟m afraid of being lonely, I‟m afraid of losing my guiding light.

I‟m afraid of dying, I‟m afraid of watching the people I love pass away;

I‟m afraid when I wake up it will be my last and final day.

I‟m afraid of opening up to people, I‟m afraid of showing my heart;

This maybe the end of this letter, but to all I am afraid of, it‟s just the very start.

“THE THINGS WE FEAR THE MOST HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED TO US”

WALKING AWAY

My dreams have shown me that to be happy I have to now walk away;

I am praying I am not making the biggest mistake of my life, but my heart is beating so hard and leading the way.

I am sorry to all my family and friends that I leave behind;

I have fallen head over heels in love, the sort that fills you up with butterflies, and I cannot get her out of my mind.

Some people will say I am being selfish, packing a suitcase and leaving without so much as a goodbye kiss;

All I can do is apologise, but my destiny is calling and it‟s not an offer that I could just dismiss.

My fate is already mapped out, I was starting to give up, and I had no idea where my true love was hiding and where I had to look;

Then one night my destiny appeared in front of me as I sat searching through Facebook.

I‟ve been blown away, the tear across my heart has totally healed, I can feel the passion pumping again through my body and mind;

I finally understand what people mean, when they say that love is blind.

So this is it my bags are packed, I am now ready for the bright new day;

I thank you all for loving me, and for giving me the courage to just walk away.

THE END

DESTINY TO WRITE CLEAN EDITION

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO LIANNE MOWLES CHLOE POOLE SHAYLEIGH DUDSON

-X- IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY NAN & GRANDAD

MARION & JOHN MOWLES -X-

HATE TO LOVE YOU

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

HATE TO LOVE YOU

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

DEDICATED TO MY WIFE

LIANNE MOWLES & TO ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS -X-

ALSO IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY NAN & GRANDAD

MARION & JOHN MOWLES

CONTENTS

1. LETTER FROM HEAVEN 2. ONE DARK NIGHT 3. WHY 4. I WISH 5. CUPID‟S CRUEL CURSE 6. I‟M SORRY 7. UP AND DOWN 8. HATE TO LOVE YOU 9. BODY AND MIND 10. MELTED AWAY 11. LOVE IS BLIND 12. LITTLE SKET 13. ROCK BOTTOM 14. CROSSROADS 15. DREAM TO GET AWAY 16. I APOLOGISE 17. FINAL DAY 18. AMERICAN DREAM 19. JUST FOR ME 20. OVER YOU 21. HIGH IN THE SKY 22. LORD GIVE ME A SIGN 23. RISE UP 24. CLOUD 9 25. LOVE AND CHERISH 26. LOVE WITH A STAR 27. WIFEY 28. CHLOE 29. SHAYLEIGH 30. 11/1/11

LETTER FROM HEAVEN

I met my wife to be back in the year of 1941;

I had just come back from Normandy, you were assigned to be my nurse, after I was shot down by that Germans Lugar gun.

You nursed me back to health by simply using your smile;

We use to walk and talk for ages, holding each other‟s hands, each and every single mile.

The War still rages as my calendar hits 1944, that is until mankind released Hiroshima‟s atom bomb;

I maybe an English lion, but thinking to the future, I can only see that ending as wrong.

1945, the war has finished, we move back to the country, and we got married in the month of September;

Thinking back now as an old grey man, we made memories that year, memories that an eternity will remember.

Its 1962 now, my beautiful wife has just given birth to my first son, we are complete just watching him grow;

Today a famous actress died, Norma Jeane Baker, or I say Marilyn Monroe.

1963 Is a year I would rather forget, my tears still fall as I remember it was the year my baby boy caught a rare illness and tragically passed away;

It rocked our lives and part of me died that year, it was on the same month a mystery man shot JFK.

The year passed, my wife fights her night terrors, which soaked our sheets in fear;

I would lay awake all night, stroking her hair and wiping away her tear.

1964 was mostly spent walking hand in hand on the beach, making each other smile, which makes me feel so alive;

We sit in the Café for coffee, whilst a black and white TV shows us a new Motown group, named the Jackson 5.

In 1965 our leader and icon Winston Churchill dies as my reflection shows me a man starting to get grey;

My wife still looks so beautiful, she can brighten up any darkened day.

Today our fellows across the pond landed on the moon;

My skin is starting to feel wrinkly, in fact my face now represents a prune.

The next 10 years are spent living like we were living in a fairy tale;

My wife and I are soul partners, a team which could never fail.

1977 as the king of rock dies, a film called Star Wars hits the silver screen;

I adore my wife with all my heart, even after all these years, she is still the prettiest lady the world has ever seen.

Its 1980, the news bulletins ring out John Lennon has died, shot whilst his poor wife was a witness to see;

In 1981 another true musical legend passes away from Cancer, this time it‟s the charismatic Bob Marley.

My wife is flicking through the holiday brochures in 1986, her dream has always been to go on a Caribbean cruise;

I say “maybe next year my dear, then we will have more money to choose”.

If I had only known time waits for no man, as my life crashes down in 1987;

My beautiful wife had caught the Cancer, and now she lives as an angel up in heaven.

The year lasted forever, making just one cup of tea, sometimes I forget and keep making you breakfast in an empty bed;

How can I say goodbye to my life, I just wish it was me who was dead.

I try to ease my pain by walking by the sea;

I reach out my hand to hold yours, but I am alone, our past has become just a distant memory.

Your side of the bed is empty, your clothes all hung up nice and neat;

I feel only half the man I use to be, I guess the word would be incomplete.

Sat there is an empty chair, every time I glance over my heart starts to fall;

Its 1989 now, the year which means the collapse of the Berlin wall.

When I stroll along the beach now it‟s so quiet, no sound apart from the waves crashing down in the sea;

I sit in the same café we used to have coffee, but this time they have a colour TV.

Our house is dead quiet now, night times are the worse, and there is just too much space in our double bed;

My dreams replay our entire lifetime, and echo out the last words that you and I had said.

You told me that you loved me, I replied that “I love you to”;

Then you closed your eyes for the last time, as I reached over to give my goodbye kiss to you.

The reflection in the mirror now shows me a broken grey man who always feels the cold;

Its 1995 now, it‟s my birthday today, I am 82 years old.

The years are spent alone now, no New Year‟s Eve parties as Big Ben welcomes in 1997;

This is the year Princess Diana passed away, I hope she is at peace now along with my wife and son, watching over us from heaven.

The winter of 98 seemed be stuck in a winter freeze, which felt like it would never end;

I feel the warmth of angels, with messages of my wife they send.

I dream of my wife each time I fall asleep, if I‟m honest I don‟t want to ever wake up from my dream;

I can even see heaven, it‟s the most wondrous sight my eyes have ever seen.

Its new years eve of 99, my pulse starts to fade as my chest feels real tight;

I feel myself drifting away, towards a glowing guiding light.

I see my Wife, her eyes melt me back into two;

I whisper “I am coming my love”, you reply “we have been waiting for you”.

My time on this world is over, my autopsy will read, time of death 11:11;

I have to leave you all now, as I finish writing you my goodbye letter from heaven.

ONE DARK NIGHT

The night is drawing to a close as we make our way home;

We are going to have to walk as we are all skint, and have no credit on our mobile phone.

We laugh and joke all the way until we get to a dark street;

We see a group of lads walking towards us, my two friends just look down at their feet.

The group of six men block our path and say;

“You twats we want your fucking jewellery or were going to stab you up, unless you want to try and run away”.

My brain is racing, I‟m contemplating just what to do;

I look up and my mates are gone, as four of the blokes are looming over me shouting “so you think you‟re hard do you”.

I say “no” but there‟s not a chance I am going to run away;

As I‟m talking I ask god to give me the power to destroy these cowards today.

The biggest man makes a move for my jewellery, I scowl and push him away, I look into his eyes for what seemed to be forever, that‟s when I see a flash of steel;

I look down at my chest, he has stabbed me, and I‟m sorry but I cannot describe in ink just how much pain I feel.

I see this dark handle sticking right out from my chest, time plays no part in this night;

He pulls the sharpened screwdriver from me, as his face just turns so white.

His mates tuck tail and run, as he waits for me to fall to the ground;

I just stare into his eyes, I do not even make one single sound.

He has stabbed my breast plate, which just so happens to be the only thing to save my dream;

Now this man is standing in front of me and I‟m so angry, the red mist descends so intense it makes me scream.

He runs away as fast as his legs will go;

It‟s now me chasing him, he tried to take my life, so now I want to cut off his blood flow.

I hear sirens everywhere as he bursts though some garden gate, locking himself into someone‟s garden shed;

I remember smashing on the door screaming “get the fuck out of there, you‟re dead”.

From behind I hear my friends that had run away before;

They have brought the police with them, but I‟m still banging away onto this garden shed door.

The police drag me away, an ambulance crew is waiting to treat my pain;

I cry out “I don‟t want to press charges”, even now I can feel the anger rushing through my heart and brain.

The police drag him out the shed, as he tries to just shield his face from me;

I scream out so loud “see you soon, you‟re fucking dead you pussy”.

The police want a statement before I make my way to the hospitals A&E;

I just say forget about it, I‟ll get my own revenge, just you wait and see.

As the meat wagon closes on him, the ambulance doors close tight shut on me;

The paramedic does a check, looks me in the eyes and says “boy, you have been so lucky”.

One inch higher, one inch lower he would have taken your life away its true;

As I hear them words echo through my head, I thank god and whisper “I survived all this and that‟s all because of you.

WHY

Why do some things have to change, every decision we take in our lives can take us down a different path;

It can change your future, bring you to your destiny, it can even bring about a change, turning a cry into a laugh.

Some people call these regrets, others call it fate;

I could have saved my Granddad, but I had already left and the ambulance arrived just a few minutes too late.

If only I had stayed for dinner or I had just said no to going out with my friends, when I saw him sad like he was ready to cry;

But instead the last image I have of him is me on the bus, as he waved me his last goodbye.

Destiny can blow you off your feet like a force unknown to mankind;

My Nan dies the night I am meant to visit, but I cancelled to go clubbing, which leaves me feeling lost, empty and blind.

Why did I choose to walk down that pitch black street, the night that I got stabbed in the chest;

Why did god save me, why is it that I am blessed.

Even arguments which tear families apart all shape the life that we all live today;

I remember laying alone in darkness, instead of saying amen I was asking why as I pray.

Why does the world still have people starving, why does terrorism still tear people‟s lives apart?

Why is the world facing the end, when it should be celebrating the start?

Why do some people laugh when all others can do is cry;

Our destiny is already mapped out by a question which is quite simply, WHY.

I WISH

I wish time would stand still, I wish life didn‟t have to fade away;

I wish I didn‟t have to ask god for so much help, I wish my own heart still had the courage to beat and save the day.

I wish I wasn‟t alone, I wish I still had my friends to guide and help me through;

I wish the dark didn‟t scare me, I wish my memory wasn‟t full of images of you.

I wish your love didn‟t die;

I wish I could say that everything in my life is perfect, but I would just be writing a lie.

I wish my pain would just drain away;

I wish my mind could just forget you, and forget all of the things that you use to say.

I wish my life didn‟t have to start so late;

I wish my dreams were in my own hands, and not left down to an uncontrollable fate.

I wish I was still lying next to you, I wish your hug still held me secure;

I wish my body could just let you go, but my heart is still crying out for more.

I wish I could stop my watch ticking my life by;

But most of all I wish I could just grow my angel wings back, so that I could jump off this planet and fly.

CUPID‟S CRUEL CURSE

I never thought that the day would come;

The day me and you, were no longer classed as one.

It seems so weird knowing that my heart may no longer ever mend;

I guess I just think it‟s sad to see this relationship come to an end.

Mostly I blame myself which just makes my pain worse;

I am so fed up of always being the one that falls into love, and then falls under cupid‟s cruel curse.

I don‟t think you realise just what you have done;

I can‟t believe I‟ve been so hurt by somebody that claimed to be the one.

I miss your love that made me feel so strong, it made me believe that I could fly;

But now that you‟ve gone I want to move away, and just live my life in the sky.

I still love you, but my heart hides so that nobody else will ever know;

I just haven‟t got the power to say goodbye to you, and to just let you go.

I will never hear your voice again and that makes me sad;

I‟ve just thrown my CD out the window, as I was so fed up of hearing Usher sing “you‟ve got it, you‟ve got it bad”.

I have to try and lift my curse as I am so fed up of cupid trying to blow out my dream;

I am so angry inside that when I explode, my friends across the globe will hear this English lion scream.

I‟M SORRY

I‟m sorry for all the nasty things that I feel I have to say;

Truth is you are still in my prayers every night when I pray.

I‟m sorry for all the tears I have ever made you cry;

I am just finding it so hard to forget you and to just say goodbye.

I‟m sorry if I didn‟t show you enough love and care;

I feel so empty having to live my life every day without you there.

I‟m sorry for being me and for not being enough;

I‟m sorry for acting weak now when I should be acting tough.

It doesn‟t matter how many times I say I‟m sorry, my life will now always be off track;

But most of all I‟m sorry for still wanting you back.

I‟m sorry for still writing about you, and I‟m sorry that I still think about you when I look at the bright stars above;

And last but no means least, I am so sorry for still being in love.

UP AND DOWN

Life has so many up‟s and down‟s, it confuses me so very much;

My life is like a heart monitor, I just wish I didn‟t still miss her touch.

When you‟re down you can‟t see light at the end of the way;

But you have to keep on walking and trust me you will make it through each and every single day.

Pretty soon if you‟re strong, you‟ll be well on your way back up to being you;

But when you are just remember about this time, as this one nearly killed you.

In this world if want to get somewhere quick then you have to go alone, If you want to slow down then you have to join together;

I just hope things look up soon, as I can‟t just flat line forever.

“LOVE IS GIVING SOMEONE THE POWER TO DESTROY YOU BUT TRUSTING THAT THEY WILL NOT”

- BOB MARLEY –

HATE TO LOVE YOU

I hate the fact I still love you, I hate the way you have made my heart feel;

I hate the way you have changed me, I hate being soft, I hate not being made from steel.

I hate our memories, I hate your fucking face;

I hate the fact I have to be nice, when all I want to do is drown you in mace.

I hate thinking about your laugh, I hate thinking about your annoying goofy teeth;

I hated taken you out to dinner, when they should have cut you up and served you as the fucking beef.

I hate our holiday video, I hate the clothes you brought me to wear;

I hate your body and mind, I hate the fact that you left me in despair.

I hate the way I keep falling down, maybe I need Paul Mckenna to hypnotise you out of my brain;

I hate being alone and I hate feeling all of this pain.

I hate the fact I am still writing about you, I hate the way you still infect my mind;

I hate the way you destroyed me and left me here feeling lost and blind.

I hate how nothing you said to me was ever true;

I hate the fact I am still writing, but I guess I hate to love you.

I hate the way you fucked up my life, I hate the fact you twisted with my fate;

But most of all I am just angry, as the only emotion I am now left with, is an uncontrollable HATE.

BODY AND MIND

Who am I, I don‟t know where I am supposed to go;

I feel like I have a blood clot inside of me, and it‟s just stopping my heart from getting its blood flow.

My legs are buckling under the pressure and my blood cannot circulate;

I am trying everything to just save my life, but I think that it is too late.

I am trying to shock myself back to life, everyone is standing clear;

My heart is slowly giving up, and it‟s stopping me from caring about the people who I hold close and dear.

My ears have your name ringing, I can feel them closing up;

My brown eyes have stopped blinking now, and even they are closing themselves tightly shut.

My body and mind has done all that it can to detox you from my brain;

But none of it helps at all, it just seems impossible to flush out all of my pain.

MELTED AWAY

If love was a fire then we have just melted away, our love has slowly turned into ice;

My brain feels like it‟s going to explode soon, your grip is crushing me, like my head was stuck in your vice.

You have left me here feeling like a little worm on a big fucking hook;

You brushed my life under the carpet then turned away, and never even glanced back to look.

Confidence is all you need in life to survive, I just wish that they sold it in a shop;

Maybe I should just listen to Q-TIP sing again, so that way I could learn just how to breathe and stop.

If the truth be known I am still missing my inspiration, I feel drained like I‟ve lost my sense of touch;

I know I promised I wouldn‟t write about you anymore, but I didn‟t realise my heart would still be missing you this much.

Saying goodbye is so very easy to write;

But nothing, I mean nothing can prepare you for the loneliness I still feel, every single night.

LOVE IS BLIND

I am so fed up of writing about you, I feel like I am just chatting total shit;

I spend all this time thinking about you, but I bet you don‟t even think about me, not even one single little bit.

The contradiction I‟m living is torture, you have filled me up with nothing but love and hate;

Half of me wishes you were still my destiny, but my other half is so glad that you were not included in my fate.

One day I can love you and your memory can fill me full of desire;

But the next day you disgust me, as in my reality you are just another liar.

The truest saying I‟ve ever heard is “out of sight, out of mind”;

I just wish my life was more simple, but I guess it‟s down to love being so blind.

Seconds turn to minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days and now months into a year;

I now have to finally forget you, and use my own hands to dry that year long lonely tear.

LITTLE SKET

Can you remember that very first night that we met;

I explained to you about being hurt in the past by a lying, cheating little sket.

When I saw you the other day I felt nothing, not hate, not love, not even a care;

You asked me if my heart still misses you, but I have no organ beating inside of there.

I find it quite ironic to say the least, that now I am telling all my new girlfriends how I have been hurt through and through;

You have changed absolutely nothing in my life, and now I know just how to forget you.

You‟re just a silly little sket, who in reality has no hold at all on me;

I finally have my eye sight back, thank you lord for giving me the power to see.

The curse has been lifted, I am no longer in love;

I can now fly free and soar up high, into these beautiful blue skies above.

ROCK BOTTOM

So this is what low feels like, before I was just scrapping along the bottom, I‟m so far down I cannot even see;

Rock bottom is just another word, I feel like I‟m being held down so hard I cannot even breathe.

I feel so trapped, I cannot escape, and the air is being forced out of me;

My lungs are collapsing as I feel the rock of the bottom crushing into my face, so black is now the only colour I can see.

I wish I had wings so I could fly far away, a bird is what I dream to be;

The pressure and pain of the bottom is too much, I feel I have the weight of the world forcing down on top of me.

I have to break free, these walls are closing in way to tight, bars are the only thing missing to make my prison seem more true;

I‟m so low I can feel the warmth of hell, and the only person I can think to blame is you.

CROSSROADS

So much time has passed for this to remain so clear;

You have to start living again, so dry your eye of that lonely tear.

Your beauty took only seconds to fall in love when we first met;

But now that you have gone its taking me forever to get over you, you‟re just so hard to forget.

I am standing at the crossroads in life, I‟m looking at which way to go, front to back left to right;

I am trying so hard to move forward but I am still blind, you have taken away my sight.

I try everything to clear my mind, Vodka and Whisky to name but a few;

But you cannot drown in pain, so instead I am just left with a hangover, and a screwed up memory of you.

Just be patient and let time be the best way to heal;

You will find someone else, and you will forget all about how your last love made you feel.

DREAM TO GET AWAY

You better remember what goes around comes around, you should think really carefully about that;

Because I think your destiny will hurt you now, and place you with a heartless, cheating twat.

I‟ve heard all about your dirty night in the hotel;

I didn‟t know you were a prostitute and your arse hole was something that you would sell.

Your poker face well and truly had me done;

You told me that you loved me, before you took everything away and left me with none.

I now spend most of my time asleep so that I can dream, it‟s the safest place for me to be;

It‟s a whole new world away from you, which you will never get a chance to take away and see.

I can be whatever I want to be in my dreams, even if outside it‟s raining more than ever;

I can spend the night looking for Rihanna, so that I can stand under her umbrella.

Even my dreams are fed up of thinking about you, your memory makes my brain feel sick;

So In my dream I jump into my Ferrari Enzo as my speakers blast out “konvict music”.

Every morning when I wake, I realise I am not all washed up, I am just creating a new me like I was Frankenstein;

But the difference is this is nobody else‟s life now, as this one is all mine.

I APOLOGISE

I‟ve never met another girl just like you, I still wear your diamond ring around my chain;

I think it‟s time to take that off now, as its burning my skin and acting like a magnet for all of my pain.

I‟ve used my pen to take my revenge on you, and for that I sincerely apologise;

But I was just heart broken by you, as I heard all about your cheating and your lies.

Maybe I‟ve been looking at all this in totally the wrong way;

Maybe each love is just an adventure, which would mean now that I am single, I can be the one to go out and play.

I want to travel the world, there‟s so many things that I want to see;

But I don‟t need you to hold my hand anymore, because all I need now is me.

I know that nobody will ever love you just the way I did, and I think deep down that you know it;

I can‟t help but to write all this down, but remember I am not famous rich rap star, I am just a poor excuse for a poet.

FINAL DAY

Is it really time for me to say its game over, is it really time for me to leave;

My heart has not just broken this time, it‟s melted away and I am struggling to even breathe.

I could see the light at the end of life‟s tunnel, and I was so close to spending the rest of my days living inside of a beautiful dream;

But now the walls have all caved in and it‟s dark again, all I can do is scream.

All I have is pictures and a memory that reminds me just how close I came to being free;

But I am told that is all in the past now, and the only person I have to hate and blame again, is me.

The world I am living in is torture, I just do not have a clue what to do;

I cannot watch the TV or listen to music, as all I am then reminded of is you.

It‟s so dark I can‟t even see this pen moving on the page;

My body has no emotion left, so my pen is trying to remove all of my internal rage.

My body has no energy, I cannot even hear my heart pound;

The only thing moving is my hand, the rest of me is slowly sinking underground.

If the truth be known I am closer to the end than people must think;

It‟s time to decide and make your choice my son, it‟s either swim or quite simply you‟ll sink.

I am so tired, I am half asleep. I still haven‟t glanced up at the page to see what words have been wrote;

Your love and passion has died my son, so I am here to help you write your suicide note.

You won‟t realise it until the morning but part of you has already died;

You fell asleep over an hour ago, hugging your journal as you cried.

Your brain is sleeping but your hand is awake, desperately trying to wake you up so you can see what has been wrote;

But you are dead to the world, you‟re exhausted, you have a pain that I am afraid will never have an antidote.

I watched your soul leave you yesterday, and I felt your pain when you were told your love no longer wants you back;

I rested my hand on your shoulder, but you had no heart beating, to administer a deadly heart attack.

I will introduce myself before I go, I am the man who created you and I gave you this gift to write;

I am the power that wakes you, when your nightmares shake your soul each and every single night.

Your prayers echoed an eternity and I reached out to stop your fall every time I heard your prayer;

But I am sorry my son your time is now over, I can no longer give you the courage or care.

I will give you one last day to save your life, and then your new destiny will be up here with me;

It‟s the only way I can ease your pain, and the only way I can stop all of things that you have to see.

Use your last remaining hours wisely my child, I will give you the privilege of saying your goodbyes, as I cannot help you find what you seek;

I am watching over you right now as you dream, clutching your journal as tears are rolling down your cheek.

I was going to wake you up to take you now, but you just stay in your dream world for now my son, then when you wake your new destiny will come into play;

I am so so sorry my child, but when you wake in the morning, it will be your last and final day.

AMERICAN DREAM

In America I have just committed a 187;

I told you I would hunt you down, and now I am kicking you both onto your stairway into heaven.

I once swore that I would see you in intensive care, or should I say I.C.U;

Your face turned so white, when you opened the front door to me as I shouted out “HAHA, I‟VE FOUND YOU”.

You dropped to your knees as you just turned real blue;

The last words you heard before you died, was me screaming out “BITCH, FUCK YOU”.

I was your last image right before your last breath;

I wrapped my hands around your neck, before introducing you to my new best friend, death.

I kick your limp body through your porch as a car pulls into the driveway, and in the car sits your new man;

Cheeky bitch had run away with a computer geek, his name was American Dan.

I pick up the biggest knife I could find, as I dump your body on to your living room floor;

I decide I am going to ambush the cunt, so I hide myself behind his front door.

I hear the car door slam shut, and footsteps walking towards the door;

I then hear him scream, as he sees your dead body lying face down on the floor.

He checks your pulse, then seconds later he hugs you as he cries;

I kick the front door shut from my hiding place, and shout out “HELLO YOU FUCKER, SURPRISE”.

Red mist descends down, and I leap towards him like I had changed into a wild animal;

I stab the knife straight through his neck, bite into his face, my hatred has turned me into a cannibal.

I spit out parts of his face, as I hear him gargle on his blood, then he pulls himself towards his love with his last ounce of power;

As he closes his eyes I whisper “if it‟s okay with you mate before I go, I had better use your shower”.

I wash the blood away and quietly close your bathroom door;

I turn to you both and smile, as I see you both lying dead on your living room floor.

I whisper goodbye to you both before I go, as I wipe my finger prints away;

As I close your front door tightly shut, I shout back “GOODBYE YOU FUCKERS, AND HAVE A NICE DAY”.

JUST FOR ME

It‟s time to start again, brush myself down, pick myself up, and try to think she was just a friend;

All she did was lie to you, in a love that was make pretend.

I am better by myself, I will never have to worry anymore if someone is cheating, or if they are going to break my heart;

I just wish I had seen this coming, so I could have stopped it from the start.

At the moment 75% of me hates her and wants to snap her fucking neck;

But the other 25% of me is crying, but why, all over some fucking cheating sket.

The future has to be bright, because it‟s too dark down here, no light anyway but up, so that‟s the way to go;

And don‟t stop until you reach so high, that the people look like little ants below.

Be a soldier, just don‟t give up, you lived happily before her and you will be happy again;

Confidence is all you need in life to try and heal your pain.

When we met I said I would never trust, but I was a fool and I did, getting over you was just so hard to do;

Just keep smiling my child, because no matter what, nobody can take that away from you.

OVER YOU

Is my life disappearing into the dark where nobody else can see;

I have to start living again, and this new life can be based all about me.

For the first time I‟m going to be selfish, I don‟t give a fuck who stands in my way, I will walk all over you, whilst I stand up tall;

You may be screaming but my ears hear nothing, nothing at all.

The next time I see you, you won‟t believe it‟s me;

You will look onto my eyes, but I‟ve made myself blind, so that I cannot see.

I know you‟re going to try and hurt me, which is a mother fucking joke;

If you even try to grab my dreams away, my hands will be introduced to your throat.

You are nothing to me, you‟ve changed from my other half, into a scar with a scab with an irritating itch;

I don‟t love you anymore, to me your just another annoying, skanky little bitch.

HIGH IN THE SKY

Well you have reached the top, and the people are looking like little ants below;

But the problem is you moved so quickly, you left everybody behind, and now you‟re struggling to decide which way to go.

You have reached for the stars, but you are still falling down, feeling that the sun may never again shine;

All hope has failed, because I have already lost all which was mine.

I remember this lonely feeling, I remember it with a disgust and hate;

How has my life changed so quickly, is this all part of my destiny and fate?

Life goes on, so many people have tried to plug that saying into my brain;

But my mind is over flowing with confusion, and it‟s driving me fucking insane.

How can life go on, when your heart has drained itself dry;

But I can‟t reach up any higher, as I am already living up high in the sky.

LORD GIVE ME A SIGN

Lord you have seen me through my darkest hours that I have ever had to face;

I feel like I have just let you down, and I have fallen from your grace.

Pain has rocked me, my brain and heart have even turned their back, and at times I thought I was just going to die;

Lord I haven‟t forgot, I know it‟s only you, that every day gives us all that beautiful blue sky.

You‟re sitting up there shining so bright;

You have watched over me my entire life, you have been my only guiding light.

It was only you that time that stopped me from falling;

When I was at my lowest point, I praid every night, I just had no idea you would ever hear me calling.

I put my hands together as I start to pray;

When I wake up each morning, it‟s only you that gives me the courage to face my darkened day.

I am sorry for all the nasty poetry I felt I had to write, I was just upset as I had lost all which was mine;

I really need your help right now, so please lord, give me a sign.

RISE UP

Every night I lay here, all I am faced with is another night full of silence;

I have no one in my life but god, to give me help and guidance.

I‟ve never heard anyone say that they are proud;

I feel my heart is disappearing, as my face just floats away onto this lonely cloud.

I‟m not sure if I‟ve fallen asleep, but my phone rings and I answer “who is it”;

A voice echoes down the phone, “Its god, and I‟ve come down just to visit”.

He goes on to say he has heard me calling;

As he reaches out his arm through my phone and says “I want you to use my hand to stop you from falling”.

A tear rolls down my cheek as his voice echoes out “Son you are special, I gave you this gift and I am so very proud;

But I need you to believe in yourself, so that you can rise up from this crowd”.

Before I go your Nan wants you to know that she loves you, and she watches over you with all of her heart;

Just try to remember this isn‟t the end for you, it‟s just the very start.

I‟ve got to get away and find myself, it‟s time to open my eyes to all that I can be;

I have to thank you all for making me strong again, and for guiding me to my destiny.

CLOUD 9

The butterflies are still beating their wings, making me drift closer and closer to you;

My love for you is growing, thank you god, for helping me find a love so true.

I feel like the luckiest man alive, forget winning the lottery, money could never buy me this feeling I have inside of my heart;

I think last night whilst I was sleeping, cupid sneaked into my dream and shot me with his dart.

I would walk the 400 miles to you without a doubt, and when my legs ache I wouldn‟t even complain;

You must be a doctor, as when I speak to you and hear those words, I no longer feel in pain.

My life has now turned into a day dream, I am up on cloud 9;

You have made me the happiest man on the planet, I am all yours and you are all mine.

My past may have been so low, but I know with you my future can float up so high;

I can promise you one thing already, I am going to love you until the day that I die.

LOVE AND CHERISH

The earth has stopped spinning, the sun seems to now be just permanently stuck in the sky;

For I have found my destiny, and I will now never feel alone when I cry.

I will never take this love for granted, I will treat her as if she were royalty, she will not feel like a Princess but more like a Queen;

I am so happy as I am with the most beautiful lady that I have ever seen.

Before I met you my heart had just turned itself into ice, it made me feel so empty and cold;

But your love has truly melted me, you don‟t have to try and sell yourself to me, for I am already sold.

I‟ve found my movie love, the sort you only see on the cinema screen;

You make my life seem so simple, somehow you have made me forget all of the pain that I have ever seen.

I had built up a barrier around me that I thought was as strong as solid steel;

All it took was one smile from you and it collapsed, I wish you could see just how much love I now feel.

We get on so well, it‟s as if we have been together forever, I am lying here thinking just how I ever lived my life without you guiding my life;

Now my fate has finally found you, I know you are the lady who will be my future Wife.

When the vicar says “I now pronounce you Husband and Wife” I will probably feel so happy I will want to burst out to cry;

I will whisper in your ear softly as we kiss “I am going to love and cherish you until the day that we die”.

LOVE WITH A STAR

Don‟t look for answers in the dark, just keep following the light, admire all you have achieved so far;

I have given you an angel, you have fallen in love with a star.

Her beauty sometimes blinds me to the outside world, as all I need is right under this roof here with me;

Its strange how life just clicks into place, I guess that‟s why they call it destiny.

Fate must have brought us together, any other time would be a totally different life;

I wouldn‟t be sat here today happily married, to my beautifully stunning wife.

So we cannot forget the past, as it‟s what shaped our futures destiny;

We had to go through pain and loss, so we could find the path set out in life for you and for me.

I will never have any regrets in life, I wouldn‟t change a single moment in time;

I wouldn‟t trade my life for fortune and fame, as all I want is already mine.

I was in the right place at the right time, ready to catch a star which was falling;

My prayers and dreams have all been answered, so someone up there must have heard me calling.

WIFEY

I thank you for being you, I thank you for all you have done for me, your love truly saved my life;

I thank you for the best year ever, and I thank you for being my wife.

You are my guardian angel, you simply stop me from falling down;

In my eyes you are a Princess, just living your life without a crown.

I love you with all my heart, so much more than this ink could ever explain;

You must have been a nurse in a past life, as no matter what my illness you simply ease my pain.

19 months ago we first met, 76 weeks nearly to the day;

In 532 days we have achieved so much, 12,768 hours it‟s been, since 2008 the 31st of May.

I would do anything for you, I will protect and keep you safe for the rest of your life;

A year ago I asked you to marry me, and now you are my beautiful loving wife.

CHLOE

This little story is dedicated to a wonderful young lady, it‟s to my Step Daughter Chlo;

Please remember me and your mum will always be here for you, whichever path in life you decide to go.

You can be whatever you heart desires, a midwife, a singer even a maker of toys;

Just don‟t let yourself be distracted, by Justin Bieber wanna be boys.

Sometimes I shout and it can seem like I don‟t care, but I would never want to make you sad;

I only do this because I love you, and I am still learning just how to be a Dad.

We use to chat on MSN when your Mummy was busy, you all seemed so very far away;

I think we should all start being grateful of each other, as we get to spend all this time together, each and every single day.

You‟ve grown up so fast, you don‟t seem that much younger than me;

This poem is dedicated to my wonderful Step Daughter, an angel, the poem is called quite simply Chloe.

SHAYLEIGH

I am going to write you a story, a story all about a beautiful Princess named Shay;

She looks just like an angel who can brighten up your darkest day.

Her hair is dark and wavy, her eyes have just a little hint of green;

I have heard her mother is the most beautiful lady this world has ever seen.

She is only 6 years old, but she is as smart as somebody aged at least 10;

She has the strength and courage of 20 little girls, in fact she is stronger than most men.

I will help teach her how to deal with the pain life throws her way, Her Mum and I will teach her how to show love and care;

I pity the first boy that breaks your pretty little heart, so I will send out this pre warning, boys you had better beware.

So remember when you‟re feeling low that I will always be here for you;

I hope I don‟t let you down baby, as I want to make all of your dreams and ambitions come true.

11 / 1 / 11

Today should have been your birthday, but instead you are being watched over for us in heaven;

This should have been the day you were born, Tuesday 11th January 2011.

There is no nursery in our room, no congratulation new born cards, which leaves a heart feeling empty and sad;

There is no chance of holding you, and there is now no way I could ever be your Dad.

Today was meant to be the greatest day of my life, greeting you into the world would have made me the proudest man alive;

I would have always made you smile, but I would have always been there to hold you when you cried.

I know my Nan and Granddad will be watching over you, until we arrive one day in heaven;

Your birthday will now never be forgotten 11th January 2011.

THE END

HATE TO LOVE YOU

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

DEDICATED TO MY WIFE

LIANNE MOWLES & TO ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS -X-

ALSO IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY NAN & GRANDAD

MARION & JOHN MOWLES

My Butterfly Effect

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

MY BUTTERFLY EFFECT

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO MY WIFE LIANNE MOWLES

TO ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS

YOU ALL PLAYED A PART IN MY BUTTERFLY EFFECT.

--X—

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MARION & JOHN MOWLES

--X—

“NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM”

MY BUTTERFLY EFFECT BY BARRY MOWLES

Butterfly effect

n (Physics / General Physics) the idea, used in chaos theory, that a very small difference in the initial state of a physical system can make a significant difference to the state at some later time

[from the theory that a butterfly flapping its wings in one part of the world might ultimately cause a hurricane in another part of the world]

CONTENTS

1. 2087 2. PRISONERS OF WAR (PART 1) 3. PRISONERS 2 WAR (PART 2) 4. LIVE THE DREAM 5. LETTER TO MY NAN 6. MY ANGEL 7. DESTINED TO BE 8. FAMILY TREE 9. WORLD TRADE 9/11 (PART 1) 10. WORLD TRADE (PART 2…DEAR DIARY ) 11. EVERY SINGLE HEARTBEAT 12. MY BUTTERFLY EFFECT 13. THANK YOU 14. MY BEST FRIEND 15. SUPERMAN 16. PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD 17. THE THINGS I HATE 18. DESERT ISLAND (PART 1) 19. DESERT ISLAND TOGETHER (PART 2) 20. FELIX JAMES MOWLES – 1943 21. BABY, GOODBYE 22. ALCOHOLIC 23. MAKE IT OFF THE BEACH 24. CRADLE TO THE GRAVE 25. MAKE A CHANGE 26. MY GOODBYE KISS 27. THE END

2087

The clock has stopped, the year is 2087; My life is flashing me by, as I climb my stairway into heaven.

My wife and son are at my bedside saying their final goodbye; I tell my son I am so proud of him, as I watch a tear fall from my Wife‟s eye.

November 2086, we walk hand in hand from the hospital, our lips tremble after being told I only have 2 months left to live; This cancer has finally beaten me, my will power has nothing left to give.

I am 80 years old in September 2080, whilst my son celebrates his 50th year; Watching him grow into the man standing before me has been a blessing, happiness is now responsible for me crying this tear.

A mass earthquake hitting 12.8 drowns Japan in March 2073; The maps will now have to be re-written as the country now belongs to the sea.

2065. it‟s now time for me to put this pen down and for me to retire; In March of this year thousands of people perish in L.A‟s greatest ever forest fire.

The early part of the 2060‟s were spent exploring with my wife, but all the parks had gone, replaced with just another home; Kids walking around listening to the new craze of music, on their virtual mobile phone.

The streets go on for miles now, where use to stand trees now lays concrete; It‟s been years now since that day when we felt the grass beneath our feet.

A moment in history, as America are the first to send a manned mission to Mars; 2058 was the year Earths fossil fuels disappeared, making science look for a new home for us in the stars.

2055, I‟m starting to feel old, grey hairs starting to show; My wife still looks so amazing, she will never lose that loving glow.

2051 was the year the world watched on, as Russia offered the first 30 day space holiday, a cruise to the stars; It was the same year BMW and AUDI, manufactured the world‟s first flying cars.

Endangered animals are starting to fall from the planet, never to been seen again; No more tigers, no more elephants, no more sharks and no more rhinos, all lost forever, made extinct by men.

In June 2047 Mount Vesuvius awoke, wiping Italian Naples away in the world‟s most violent volcanic eruption; Just under 3 million people died that day, reminding us all of a broken planets wrath of destruction.

2042 was a year I will never forget, as Arsenal won all 4 trophies, as well as England winning the world cup in the USA; My 12 year old son and I watched the final against Brazil, making memories which would stay with us until my dying day.

The summer of 2040 shows my little family on holiday in San Francisco, taking pictures of us all overlooking the golden gate; My Son bugging us every second to go to the cinema, to see virtual reality Toy Story 8.

September 2035 is my Sons first day at school, it feels so surreal as we watch him walking away, turning back to wave us goodbye; I put my arm around my beautiful Wife, as I watch her eyes fill up to cry.

Its 11:11am on the 1st of November 2030, my amazing wife has just given birth to our first baby boy; We named him Dylan, and when I held him in my arms it brings me a new definition to the word joy.

A flash takes me to March 2030, we have just finished decorating our first proper home, and I am covered from head to toe in paint; My glowing Wife walks in smiling as she announces “I am pregnant, I did a test, as I was 2 weeks late”.

1st of August 2025, I watched my stunning wife to be walking down the aisle, as I stood waiting for her to say those words I do; It was the happiest day of my life, a day to remember, when all of my dreams came true.

My 21st birthday in 2021, my fiancé surprises me with a cruise around the Caribbean Sea; In Kingston town I fought back my nerves, knelt down, and asked her to marry me.

Love makes me float like a butterfly, but pain can sting you like a bee; On the 10th of May 2019 my Mother passes away, and my girlfriend helps me scatter her ashes out to sea.

Christmas 2018 over dinner, my Mother announces she has a disease that starts with a C and in more ways than one ends with an R; Over the years technology has moved forward, but a medical cure is still just that bridge to far.

2017 was the year I glanced up and I locked eyes with my future Wife; It was like meeting my best friend, my soul partner, the person who I was destined to share my life.

2013 was the year Prince William was crowned as the new king, and to combat terrorism he will personally do all that he can; The government cause mass rioting on the streets, by enforcing a complete immigration ban.

A day in British history was the 21st of December 2012, when al Qaeda hijacked 3 planes, with the pure intent of malice; They bring down the planes into Big Ben, London Bridge and into Buckingham palace.

14,421 people died that day, sadly the dead included Prince Charles and the Queen; Images the news broadcast that night were the most surreal pictures my young years has ever seen.

March 11th 2011 over 10,000 people die, as a tsunami and an 8.9 earthquake brings Japan shaking to its knees; Our planet is breaking, ice caps are melting, and we have already cut down over 30% of the world‟s trees.

My 10th birthday is spent with my Mother and friends, making sandcastles and splashing in the sea; We had fish and chips on the promenade, then to the cinema to watch Toy Story 3.

June 2009 my father packs a suitcase with no goodbye, he didn‟t even talk; My Mother is upstairs silent, as the news headlines announce the loss of the inventor to the moonwalk.

Summer of 2007 was the first time I felt my body fly; My Mum and Dad take me to Florida, I felt like I was an eagle soaring high up in the sky.

September 2005 was my very first day at school, I remember I missed my Mum and all I wanted to do was cry; She let go of my hand at the door, as I turned back to wave her goodbye.

On my 1st birthday all I can remember was everyone watching the television, whilst I just sat there and played; They were watching a film about aeroplanes flying into buildings, and all they kept saying was the same words “World Trade”.

Its September the 11th 2000, everything is so bright, shadows of people all seem to be smiling with joy; Somebody places me into a pretty ladies arms, as she whispers out “Hello my little boy”

Then everything goes dark, from black into a soft shade of blue, it‟s the same colour as the sky; I have made it up in to heaven, my life has just flashed me by.

PRISONERS OF WAR (PART 1)

It‟s the 14th of May 1942, I just found a pencil and a dirty piece of paper lying on the floor; Everyone is crying, whilst Daddy whispers to my distraught Mummy “we are just prisoners of war”.

It‟s so cold my feet seem to be soaked with red; My Daddy covers my ears with his hands, everybody is screaming so loud asking if their families are dead.

It‟s so dark, through the wooden walls I see soldiers all dressed up in there army outfits; A security light scans across the yard illuminating a sign at the gates, reading Auschwitz.

The door flies open, taking out the youngest children, they didn‟t see me as I was hiding behind my Daddy‟s leg; A stern faced soldier pulls a baby from crying ladies arms, as she drops to her knees to beg.

But the soldier turns away, the babies and children leaving their parents without so much as a goodbye hug; Through a gap in the wooden walls I see loads of empty holes in the ground, which have already been dug.

Through the wooden slates I watch as the demons pick up the babies by their tiny legs, smashing their innocent skulls against a wall made from brick; The tiny bodies are then just tossed into an open grave, as I turn away feeling sick.

I must have fallen asleep, I remember dreaming of home, feeling the grass beneath my feet as I run; My reality hits home as my eyes open, I‟m lying on my Daddy‟s lap, feeling the warmth through a gap in the walls from the sun.

Daylight changes nothing, except maybe my point of view; Daddy is stroking my hair as he whispers in my ear “I am so sorry I couldn‟t make all of your dreams come true”.

It‟s the first time I‟ve ever seen my parents cry, this cold floor seems to be flooded with everybody‟s tears; We hear choking screams and banging coming from another building, as Daddy once again puts his hands over to cover my ears.

After a few minutes the banging stops, as did the screams, silence then fell across the camp; We all watch on as the bodies are dragged out of the building, my tears fell as my heart sank.

I see the soldiers lining up dozens of men and women back to back over a huge hole, their hands and feet tied together with wire; Each soldier then picks up his gun, takes aim, and then in turn they all begin to fire.

Screams and gunshots sound out echoing through my head; The soldiers calmly put down their weapons, kicking the bodies into the waiting hole, but some of them poor people aren‟t even dead.

One soldier lights a flaming torch, igniting the bodies as smoke fills the sky; With this pen I send a prayer to god “please don‟t let this be the day that I die”.

The door to our hut swings open, a group of soldiers shouting that we need to strip naked for showers, after which they promise us all a hot drink; My Mummy and Daddy hold me close, but as we are marched naked into the other building my heart begins to sink.

We are being told to walk forwards, as we enter, the door slams shut behind us, Daddy picks me up and holds my Mummy‟s hand; As we walk further into the building I realise there are no showers in here, just huge tubes on the ceiling, I really don‟t understand.

A strange smell is starting to fill the room, my Mummy and Daddy cuddle me against a wall as everyone starts to scream, banging on the windows and locked door; Some people are coughing up blood, and crashing down on to the floor.

My Mummy‟s tears have turned blood red as we all begin to once again cry; My Daddy has just kissed my forehead as he whispers to me “I‟m so sorry but this is goodbye”.

I glance up, shaking Daddy “please wake up”, but he just slumps down to the ground; Blood starts dripping from my eyes as I shake my Mummy, but even she doesn‟t make a single sound.

Everything is quiet now, my eyes are closed so I cannot see the words that I write; I feel my body is drifting away, it has lost its will to fight.

Everything is so dark, images of my life are flashing me by; With my last ounce of power I cuddle up to my Mummy and Daddy, as I whisper out to them “Goodbye”.

PRISONERS 2 WAR (PART 2)

It‟s the 14th of May 1942, my daughter is writing, so I take off my jacket and sit next to her on the concrete floor; I try to comfort her, everyone is crying as I whisper to my Wife “we are just prisoners of war”.

It‟s so cold, so I cuddle my beautiful family, tonight they will have to use my shoulders for their bed; I cover my Daughters ears with my hands, as everyone is screaming out so loud, asking if their families are dead.

It‟s getting dark, I cuddle my Wife as we watch our beautiful Daughter peaking through a gap in the wooden walls whilst writing, using my matches for a lamp; This morning we were free, but tonight our home has turned into the Auschwitz concentration camp.

I jump up hiding my Daughter behind my legs as the door flies open, soldiers pulling out the youngest children without them even saying their goodbye; One soldier pulls a baby from screaming ladies arms, as she drops to her knees to cry.

The soldiers slam the door locking it tight, as I glance behind me and give my shivering Daughter a hug; She whispers in my ear “Daddy, why are there empty holes in the ground outside, that have already been dug”.

My Wife starts to get hysterical, I hold her tightly, kiss her on the forehead, she cries out “why is life so cruel and unfair”; Just then my Daughter turns around feeling sick, I rub her back and hold back her hair.

My Daughter and Wife fall asleep in my arms, I stay awake all night, thinking maybe there was more I could have done; My little family awakes, as we see the light piercing through a gap in the wooden slates from the sun.

I feel like crying, breaking down but as I look at my Daughter I think I must somehow stay strong for you; I stroke her pretty brown hair, as I whisper in her ear “I am so sorry I couldn‟t make all of your dreams come true”.

My Wife starts to cry as she kisses us both, I couldn‟t hold back my tears; Then we hear banging and screaming coming from the next building, so I once again put my hands over, to cover my Daughter‟s ears.

We all listened in silence, after a few minutes the screams died, until we realized what all of the banging was about; We all watch on through the gaps in the walls, as in turn each soldier drags yet another dead body out.

We stare in disbelief as the soldiers line up dozens of elderly Husbands and Wives back to back, their hands and feet bound together with wire; The hairs on my neck stand on end, as each soldier picks up their riffle, takes aim, then in turn they all begin to fire.

Just then our hut door swings open, the soldiers from before are back, shouting we all need to strip naked for showers, after which they promise us all a hot drink; I pick up my Daughter and hold my Wife‟s hand, there is so much crying and shouting, I couldn‟t even think.

A soldier shouts for us all to walk forwards, the door slams shut behind us, I pick up my Daughter again and hold tighter on my Wife‟s hand; As we walk further into the building and see no showers, just fans on the ceiling, it dawns on me what the soldiers have planned.

I start to smell gas, my Wife and I cuddle our shaking Daughter in the corner, as everybody starts to scream, banging on the windows and locked door; I try to cover my Daughter‟s eyes, as people are coughing up blood and crashing down on to the cold concrete floor.

I kiss my Wife and tell her I love her, I see tears of blood as we cry; I kiss my beautiful Daughter‟s forehead, as I whisper out to her “I am so sorry my child, but this is goodbye”.

Everything then goes black, the last memory I have is hearing my Daughter cry; I found a piece of paper and a pencil in heaven, so I thought I would write you this letter from the sky.

LIVE THE DREAM

My prayers have been answered, it‟s now time to live the dream; I think how much all my doubters must hate that, I can almost hear them scream.

I am living in a dream, I couldn‟t really say if I am writing asleep or awake; Someone just kicked me up the arse, and it shook my body like a 7.9 life changing earthquake.

I never thought I would make it, my ambition was once placed to the back of my brain; All I cared about was surviving, but now it‟s started, my life will never again be the same.

Everything has clicked into place, the pain of the past now has a reason, so I could write about it for you today; I now believe in angels, as someone up there must have been listening each time that I pray.

I feel invincible, all I want is to be the best that I can be; So I can carry on writing life‟s memories, with all the images my eyes have had to see.

We all have a reason to live, we each have a destined path called fate; Stand up and be counted, you only have one life, you can‟t afford to just turn up to late.

Make each moment count, weather you are feeling high or low; Just believe in yourself, and your destiny will guide you on the path you have to go.

Sometimes I thought I was not going to make it, as I sat alone in the dark; Looking up at the stars, swigging from a bottle of J.D, as I sat on my bench in the park.

I looked at life like it was a ladder, sometimes haters would knock me down, leaving me to blend into the crowd; But I kept climbing higher, until I reached so high, I was living on that number 9 cloud.

I‟ve seen heaven, it‟s the greatest sight my eyes have ever seen; I made it through the darkness, and it‟s now time for me to live the dream.

LETTER TO MY NAN

I am writing this letter to my Nan, sending it up into heaven; No matter how much time has passed, I still miss you, from 2003 until this second in 2011.

When you left us I think part of me also passed away; Your birthday is still remembered each year, it falls on the 10th of May.

The only comfort I find to your passing, is knowing Granddad isn‟t up in heaven alone; I know it sounds sad, but I still have your telephone number stored into my mobile phone.

I still have all your letters and cards you sent me, even the one I received the week before you died; Before when I looked at them I smiled, but after you passed away I read them, all I done was cried.

My entire life I can never remember one single time that I heard you raise your voice, be nasty or even shout; I wish I hadn‟t cancelled my last visit, I still question myself, why did I have to go out?

People aren‟t around forever, one chance, that‟s all that we got; Your death rocked us all, we were a family that had well and truly lost the plot.

You were always there for us, I‟ve never even heard you say the word NO; Maybe Granddad was waiting for you, maybe that‟s the reason that you had to go.

When I was down you use to visit my dreams to try and stop me from falling; I prayed to you each night to guide me to my destiny, and you must have heard me calling.

I still use your memory for all of my motivation; I just want to make you proud Nan, because you are my inspiration.

I just hope you and Granddad are at peace together, guiding me from the boy I was into this man; This letter is dedicated to an amazing Granddad, and in memory to an unforgettable Nan.

MY ANGEL

Our eyes are never closed, it‟s our eye lids that drop like a goodnight curtain call; In every mans shadow stands an angel, holding out a hand to stop you from your fall.

It was only my angel who pulled me back from the brink; She reached down and saved me, as I was drowning in this ink.

I write so many letters, words from the heart, so that my future family will never have to miss me; I just want people to remember my name when I‟m gone, saving me a place in history.

I keep swimming, but my doubters are under the waves trying to drag me down; But their hatred keeps me moving forwards, my destiny isn‟t for me to drown.

This pen moves without me knowing the next word that I am going to read; I close my eyes as my angel takes over my hand, and this pen begins to bleed.

DESTINED TO BE

For the first time in my life I am doubting myself, am I truly destined to be a writer; For so many years I‟ve struggled to survive, maybe I am just destined to be a fighter.

I use to be alone for so long, I didn‟t talk, all of my words came out of this pen and onto this page; I didn‟t even leave my room, my walls had turned into an over sized cage.

I‟d fall asleep using this paper as a pillow, when I woke the page would be full of subconscious feelings from deep inside my heart; That is how this poetry started, right the way back to the very start.

At first I found it weird, is it really possible to produce poetry whilst I slept at night; I use to dream of angels, who told me I had a destiny to write.

Hours turned into days, days into weeks, I was still alone, in fact I can‟t even remember using my voice; One morning I awoke to words on a page, saying in my life I had to make a choice.

I had to choose, either lay there and die alone or break free from that cage, and be the man I was always destined to become; As I opened my door for the first time I had to squint and protect my eyes, as I was nearly blinded by the sun.

During that time I had created a whole brand new me; I took my first steps in becoming the person writing this letter for you today, the man I was always destined to be.

FAMILY TREE

Time is all we have, the countdown isn‟t going to stop until we reach to live in the sky; I try not to fall out with my family, in case they pass without me having a chance to say my goodbye.

One thing I‟ve learnt is you can‟t take your family for granted; Your family is a tree which started hundreds of years ago, from one single seed planted.

When you lose a family member it‟s like taking the engine out of a car; Gravity will keep you rolling forwards, but without their guidance in life, you just wouldn‟t get that far.

Generations of families are forgotten, some may have been soldiers, writers and some may be lost forever at sea; But without them being your past, you wouldn‟t be you, and I wouldn‟t be me.

Every one of us has something in common, we will all feel love, loss and pain; Whatever your skin colour, religion or beliefs, in our hearts we are all just the same.

You can‟t choose your family, if it wasn‟t for them you wouldn‟t even have a destiny; Your life is one of many branches, so never stop climbing your family tree.

WORLD TRADE 9/11 (PART 1)

The plane touches down at J.F.K, where we are greeted by the sun; It‟s the first day of our vacation, the date is Monday the 10th of September, 2001.

We drop our suitcases at the hotel, before heading straight out to sight see; I hold my girlfriends hand as we walk, she has no idea tomorrow I will ask her to marry me.

I‟m thinking for the ideal destination to ask her, an unforgettable proposal to sweep her off her feet; Then it comes to me as I glance up towards the heavens, and see the World Trade centre‟s standing proud, at the bottom of the street.

I say in the morning we will go to the top and watch the sun as it rises into the sky; She kisses me gently whispering “that would be a dream come true”, as I watch her eyes fill up to cry.

Back at the hotel, I quickly hide the engagement ring in my bag before she walks back out of the bathroom, turning out the light; We lay in each other‟s arms until she falls asleep, I kiss her on the forehead and say “I love you baby, goodnight”.

I‟m awake before my alarm sounds, nerves are over-whelming my heart; Today is Tuesday the 11th of September 2001, today is a new beginning, a brand new start.

Its 8:30am when we make our way out the hotel and to the bottom of the World Trade; The sun is shining so brightly, this is the day dreams could be made.

It dawns on me, in the rush I left the engagement ring back in our hotel room; I tell my beautiful girlfriend “I‟ve forgotten something, you make your way to the top and I will catch you up real soon”.

I run as fast as my legs will go, I pick up the ring, and glance at my watch, the time now is 9 „o clock; I make it back outside and smile, as I see the World Trade centre‟s shining at the end of our block.

As I make my way down the street I run through in my mind how I will propose and declare my undying love; My thoughts are disrupted, as I glance up to see a huge plane flying really low in the blue skies above.

Time then moved in slow motion as my heart seemed to be drained of all of its power; I watch on helplessly as the plane flies directly into the World Trades North facing tower.

Screams are coming from the building as smoke and flames lick up at the skies; The roof top where my girlfriend will be waiting is surrounded in black smoke, as sirens sound on the streets, drowning out their cries.

I make it to ground zero, the police push me back, pieces of the building are falling all around me, as everyone starts to cower; Police officers hold me down facing the skies, as another plane crashes into the second World Trade tower.

Panic sets in, even the emergency services look petrified, and nobody knows just what is going to happen; I over hear fire fighters say they cannot reach the top floors, as smoke blocks out the sun in lower Manhattan.

People are hanging out of the windows screaming, everyone is being pushed back as bodies start to fall from the sky; Those poor souls chose to jump, instead of staying up there in the black clouds to die.

Fire fighters tell me there is no way to the top, a dead tone is all I get when I try to call my girlfriends phone; I feel so helpless standing here, as I think she is up there dying all on her own.

Everyone starts to run as the South tower starts to crumble, but I didn‟t know which way to turn; The building crashes to the ground in a cloud of dust, as the first tower still continues to burn.

I open my eyes, the air is thick with dust, and it seems to be chasing people down the street; The force of the collapse was so immense it knocks us all straight off of our feet.

I squint my eye‟s through the ash just in time to watch as the North tower comes crashing down onto my dream; Its falling confirms my worst nightmare, my love is dead, and all I could do was scream.

Everyone is still running away, but I‟m running back towards the mass of rubble, fumbling blind through the smoke; I put my hand over my mouth, coughing, this ash is causing me to choke.

I drop to my knees as I find what was the top of the North tower, all that‟s left Is the stars and stripes of America‟s flag; I remember I still have my girlfriends engagement ring, safely stored away in my bag.

The diamond sparkles, as I lay back trying to look through the ash so that I can see the sun; This date will now never be forgotten, Tuesday the 11th of September, 2001.

WORLD TRADE 2 (PART 2…DEAR DIARY)

I hold my boyfriend‟s hand real tight as the plane bounce‟s down onto the runway at J.F.K; It‟s the 10th of September 2001, which means the beginning of my very first New York holiday.

Our hotel is amazing, but I hear the shops on Fifth Avenue calling me; I love my boyfriend so much, at last I have found my destiny.

We walk hand in hand in the sun, until shadows make us stare into the skies above; The World Trade Centre‟s tower over us, as I hug my boyfriend tightly, dear diary I am so in love.

My boyfriend whispers “in the morning we will go to the top of the World Trade, and watch the sun rising into the sky”; I kiss him gently and say “that would be a dream come true” and my eyes fill up to cry.

We make it back to the hotel, I relax in the Jacuzzi bath, before going to bed and turning out the light; I lay in my boyfriend‟s arms falling asleep, as I feel him kiss my forehead whispering to me “goodnight”.

My eyes open, I am so excited as through the curtains I see the rising sun; Dear diary, today is Tuesday the 11th of September, 2001.

By half past eight we are walking down the block, making our way to the bottom of the World Trade; The sun is shining so brightly, this is the sort of day that dreams are made.

Just as we are about to enter the World Trade Centre my boyfriend panics, his left something back in our hotel room; He says “I have to go and get it baby, you make your way to the top and I will catch you up real soon”.

I kiss him on the cheek, as I tell him to hurry up, he smiles and says “I will darling, see you later”; I slowly make my way through the North towers lobby, and enter the closest elevator.

After what seemed an eternity the lift door opens, and I make my way to the top of the tower; I glance at my watch wondering where my boyfriend has got to, he has been gone almost half an hour.

The view takes my breath away, I close my eyes and feel the wind brushing through my hair; I walk towards the barrier to try and see my boyfriend, but the people look just like little ants crawling all the way down there.

As I take in the view I notice a plane flying really low, in fact it‟s heading right this way; Fear freezes me to the spot, my legs wouldn‟t move, I couldn‟t even try to run away.

I stare petrified as I watch the plane come so close, an image that seemed so surreal, it felt like a never ending dream; I thought the plane would turn at the last second but it didn‟t, and all I could do was scream.

The impact rocked the tower, knocking me back straight off of my feet; Even from all the way up here, I could hear screaming and shouting from down there on the street.

I try to crawl away as everyone on the roof top is screaming, I call out to my boyfriend, I‟m praying that he made it up here okay; Thick black smoke starts to engulf the roof, blocking out sunlight from the day.

I make it to the elevator, hitting the button, but the doors never open; Flames and smoke cover the broken stairwell, as I crawl back to the roof top choking.

I can make out the sound of sirens from down below, but the noise is faint, being drowned out by thousands of peoples cries; I make it back to the barrier, just in time to watch another plane crash into the opposite tower, after falling from the skies.

I scream out for my boyfriend, I pray, I beg for him to come and tell me that everything is going to be alright; But no one answers my calls, as I crouch down on the ground choking, the smoke is so black I couldn‟t tell if it was the day or the night.

Through the smoke I see people standing on the edge, waving their arms, I scream as someone decides to jump from the skies; I watch as a woman holds her baby in her arms, trying to calm her child as she cries.

I hear a massive rumble like an earthquake, through the smoke I see the second tower smash down to the streets in lower Manhattan; I realize I am going to die, as I break down into tears screaming “why did this have to happen”.

I lay back, and through the smoke I can just about make out the blue of the sky; Through my prayers I say goodbye to my family and boyfriend, as I cover my face with my hands and cry.

The floor starts collapsing, my body begins its long fall towards the ground, as my soul rises up into heaven; I am writing this letter from the skies, dedicated to all the fallen souls who passed away during 9/11.

EVERY SINGLE HEARTBEAT

Eight years ago we lost you, you passed away in the month of May; No matter how much time passes, I still miss you like it was just yesterday.

Heaven gained an angel, as I lost my Nan, my Father lost his Mum; You left us on the 20th of May, as the skies were illuminated by the sun.

You died as the sun rose into the beautiful blue sky; I felt my heart breaking, as I didn‟t even get a chance to say my goodbye.

Even after all this time a tear still falls, part of me has died, a part I will now always have to miss; Tears are rolling down my cheek even now, in fact I am crying as I write this.

No words are ever going to bring you back, I just want to send this letter up to the heavens, as without you the word family is incomplete; I will miss you with each and every single breath, and with each and every single heartbeat.

DEDICATED TO MARION MOWLES

-X- GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN –X-

MY BUTTERFLY EFFECT

I cannot change the past, but it‟s time for me to sit down and reflect; If I went back and changed one single part of my life I wouldn‟t be here, it‟s what I like to call, my butterfly effect.

The slightest change in the way you live your life can alter your entire destiny; Some people call this fate, but we are all in charge of our very own chaos theory.

You can try so hard to step off your path, but your destiny already knew what you were planning to do; One day it can break your heart, but then the next day it can make all of our dreams come true.

From the second you are born your life is already planned out on god‟s movie screen; Your destiny already knows your ending, and all the memories you will have ever seen.

All your small changes and choices sculptured your life, there is no looking back; There is no such thing as regrets, just someone who has strayed off their track.

Fate will guide you to the path you are meant to lead, but deep down it is your choice which path you select; You can turn your back on your destiny, but you can never escape the butterfly effect.

THANK YOU

I want to take this opportunity to thank the family and friends who never turned me away; A letter to say thank you for guiding me into the man writing this letter for you all today.

To my Nan and Granddad, although you are no longer here I still feel your presence when I look up to the skies; You taught me the true meaning of family, but you also taught me the true meaning of sorry goodbyes.

To my Mum & Step-Dad, although my past rocked us, you tried your best to steer me away from hanging with the wrong crowd; Your boy has all grown up now, I just hope no matter what, I always made you proud.

To my Brother Ben, I‟ve looked up to you my entire life, you and Tracy gave me a place to live, when I had nowhere else to go; For that I will be forever grateful, more than any words could ever show.

To my little Sister Jo, embarrassing as it sounds, my memory replays you singing me to sleep, “remember me this way”; We use to play and talk for hours as children, it seems just like yesterday.

To my little Brothers, Andrew, Robert, Phil and Lisle watching you grow into men makes me feel old, as I remember watching you as babies who would cry; I will always be here for my Brothers and Sister, until the day that I die.

To my Dad, you can always make me laugh, I know I‟ve let you down at times with the choices I made, ones I maybe now regret; One great memory of you I take is from Nan‟s, it was pouring outside, you said “I‟m taking them swimming”, her sweet reply was “ooo lovely, at least they won‟t get wet”.

To Lexus, a.k.a Damien Hobbs, we have been mates for what seems a life time, this verse is for a friend and artist for which I wish to pay homage; I laugh at some of the memories we have made, like when I threw that firework into college.

To Wayne Martin, you stayed true whether I was up or down, you are the most ambitious man I have ever seen; Your beliefs enlightened my inner spirit, like Martin Luther King, you always have a dream.

To Darrell Brett, you gave me a way out of a situation, you helped pull me back from the brink; I laugh as I remember you going stupidly white, and then throwing up all in my bathroom sink.

To Rob Barnes, you were always there for me, when other so called friends would fail; I remember you getting wasted on my Birthday, after drinking my home made “Boom Boom” cocktail.

To my friend Chatty, you gave up your Christmas day with your family, so that I didn‟t have to spend the day on my own; During my darkest days you would hold me up, as gravity was pulling me down like a stone.

To my Godfather Gary, for having faith in me, and for being the first person to ever buy my book; This may sound so simple, but some of family and friends haven‟t even bothered to look.

To Marion and Roy, I want to thank you both for treating me as one of your own, and for loving me like a son; I promise to love and protect your Daughter for a life time, until my time on this planet is done.

To my wonderful step Daughter‟s, Shayleigh and Chloe, I thank you for simply being you, even though sometimes you drive me mad; I promise to help guide you on to the right path in life, and I promise to always love you both as a Dad.

To my soul partner, my best friend, my inspiration and Wife Lianne, You truly saved my life by loving me, you changed me from the lost boy I was, in to this happily married man.

To all my family and friends who support me, without you all I wouldn‟t have been able to make all of my dreams come true; There are too many names to mention, but this letter is dedicated to you all, just to say I thank you

MY BEST FRIEND

No matter what you have my back, my heart is yours, not just for a lend; You are my soul partner, the part that completes me, and you‟re also my best friend.

It took me years to find you, and now that I have there is no letting go; You gave me wings so I could fly high, instead of dragging my feet down onto the streets below.

After all these years together, we still chat and talk like we were back on our very first day; I remember the very first moment I kissed you, it was on Saturday the 31st of May.

That was 3 years ago now, 1095 days of love that will now always guide and shape my life; That‟s why you are not only my best friend, you are also my beautiful, loving Wife.

You are the perfect role model for our Daughters to become; You hold everything together as a wife, and you are always there for your children as a Mum.

This poem is dedicated to my Wife, and with this letter my love I will send; I thank you for inspiring me, and I thank you for being my best friend.

-x-DEDICATED TO LIANNE MOWLES–x-

SUPERMAN

I can move with the wind, I can fly up high in the sky; I have stab proof skin, and there are no tears when I cry.

I can move so fast, sound cannot even catch me; I can fly with the speed of light, so I am already living my destiny.

I can see into the future, its tiny whispers appear to sound so loud; I can choose anywhere to be my home, I can even make my bed inside of a cloud.

I will never get any older, my skin will never age; My heart is a recluse, that‟s locked itself away in a cage.

I can move mountains, I can tell if someone is a liar; I have a heart made from ice, and words so cold it could extinguish every single fire.

I can walk on water, and from the ashes I can rise above; I may not be human, but I still need to feel love.

I am immortal, creation was my master plan; Keep your eyes on the heavens, Who am I ? I am SuperMan.

PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD

I am sitting here waiting for this ink inside my brain to absorb; The ink flows through my veins, and spells out “the pen is mightier than the sword”.

Your body is a machine, your engine, your heart; Your blood is flowing ink, as your brain spends its life tearing these verses apart.

Your hands are your tools, as your fingers vice this pen; You spend your entire lifetime writing about lost boys, who turned from Peter Pan into men.

Your eyes read for you when you awake from the dark night; Your memory bank stores all of your books in one place, My Butterfly Effect, Hate To Love you and Destiny to Write.

Don‟t give up, never stop fighting, let life be your eternal reward; Your destiny is already written, it spells out the phrase, “the pen is mightier than the sword”.

THINGS I HATE

Like an ink filled Volcano I am ready to explode, over all the things I hate; The little moments that annoy me, the things I won‟t miss when I walk through heaven‟s gate.

I hate people that use me, you must be a stupid fucking degenerate; Who the fuck do you think you are, I‟m not a joint, that you can just puff puff pass around and share it.

I remember who helped me, who didn‟t, and pretty much who is and isn‟t a twat; Some of you claim to be an idol with fans kissing your ass, but I think in reality, you just lick your own ass like my cat.

Some of you helpless fuckers walk around like 50, claiming you are so close to being the next number one; Jesus Christ you faggots, you still live at home with your Mum.

I hate twats that drive past, music blasting, top down, sun glasses on, just circling round and round the block; I think you are just over compensating yourself, because the pathetic size of your cock.

I hate friends that are fake, just like George Michael, stab you in the back as soon as you are turned; I hate old fashioned sayings that are so obvious, like “you play with fire, you will get burned”.

Hate to love the fact Osama Bin Laden is dead, the twat responsible for killing all them souls during 9/11; They say he sank down to hell through the sea, whilst all of his victims rose up and entered heaven.

I hate old people who are rude, then have the cheek to witter on about the youth of today, if only they knew; The other day I was waiting in Tesco to be served, and some old bitch pushed past me, standing oblivious in my place, at the front of the queue.

I hate men who beat there Wife‟s or girlfriends, but then in front of a man they are all like “o dear, I‟m so sorry mate”; Grow some fucking balls you cunt, I think you get the picture now, of just some of the things I hate.

DESERT ISLAND (PART 1)

I kiss my Fiancée goodbye, taxi to the airport for the 05:15 plane; If only I knew what I do now, I would have held her for longer, if I was the candle, then she was my flame.

The speakers introduce the captain, who announces “we are flying at 40,000 feet, there is a storm up ahead, but I will make it as smooth as I can”; I put my earphones back in, and glance over to the couple sitting next to me, a nervous looking women, and a petrified looking man.

I thought nothing of it, as the beats flow inside my brain; The seat belt light illuminates, as a turbulent wind flickers the cabin lights, and shakes the floor of the plane.

I close my eyes, waiting for the wind to release us, this is the reason I‟m a little scared of flying; I open my eyes, look around, and as I take my earphones out I hear a chorus of screams and crying.

My heart skips a beat, as the captain echoes out “please follow the precautions, in case of an emergency landing”; Everyone is panicking as all the cabin lights go out, surely this is some sort of miss-understanding.

I glance around the cabin, some people are crouched down, head between their legs, some are calling their loved ones on the phone; My stomach starts to turn over, as our plane starts to fall from the skies like a stone.

I frantically fumble through my bag looking for my mobile, as my brain is overrun with fear and emotion; As my fiancée picks up the phone with a sweet “hello”, the plane crashes down into the ocean.

Its pitch black, as salty water slaps across my face, my mouth tastes the sea; I feel around in the darkness, as claustrophobia starts taking a hold of me.

The plane has split into two, I swim my way through the gap, as the plane starts to sink below; I grab on to a broken crate and scream into the waves “HELLO”.

Blood starts dripping from my head, the wind and waves drowning out my shout; I drift in and out of consciousness, and then I must have passed out.

My eyes flicker, sand is sticking to my lips, my god I am alive, but at what cost; I lift myself from the breaking waves to see a tiny island, I‟m surrounded by the ocean, which echo out I‟m lost.

I drop my hand baggage onto the sand, as I shout “HELLO” into the tree‟s & plants, which are wildly overgrown; I spin around to face the seas again, but the only sound I hear is the crashing waves, which break the news that I am alone.

I search through my bag, pull out my phone, but water has flooded the screen; I pull out my soaking wet journal and wallet, inside there‟s a picture of my Fiancée , I stare at the photo for hours, just like it‟s the very first time I‟ve seen.

The sea water dripping down my face, like tears dropping into the sand; Where are all the other passengers and rescue team, I really cannot understand.

I sit there scanning the horizon, waiting to be saved; I take off my ring my fiancée gave to me, and read the message she had engraved.

It read “together forever”, I hope that engraving is true; I may be surrounded by beauty, but beauty cannot even exist without you being here with me to.

I just sit there watching the sun as it drops out of the sky, being replaced by the moon; I look to the stars above and pray I will be back with my fiancée real soon.

I must have fallen asleep, as the sun awakes me, still no sign of that rescue plane; I stand up and scan the horizon, but nothing has changed, everything still looks the same.

My mouth feels so dry, water, water everywhere, but not one single drop to drink; The sand is burning the bottom of my feet, I can feel myself starting to sink.

I pick up my journal, which has dried out in the sun; All the pages are smudged clear, all of my life‟s work has been undone.

So I pick up my pen, there‟s total silence, so I talk to my book, but the pages don‟t reply; I see thousands of feet in the air, planes making their lines, up high in the sky.

The days passed until the sun rises on day four; I have no strength to move, as I lay on the sand, making an external grave on the floor.

Just then I hear a noise coming closer, sounds like a helicopter, where could it be; I run along the beach screaming “HELP”, then it comes into focus, the hero‟s to save my destiny.

In the helicopter my saviours tell me I was the only person to survive; I cannot wait to see my Fiancée, and to tell her that I am alive.

I am taken to hospital, treated for dehydration; I ask the doctors for a phone, to call my inspiration.

But instead they bring in the police, and a British embassy liaison Officer; They say I have news about your Fiancée, so I tremble out “why, what‟s wrong with her”.

My heart sinks, as they explain upon hearing of the plane accident she rushed out in a flash; The police tried to stop her to calm her down, but I am afraid she was involved in a fatal car crash.

I gag, the hairs on my back stand on end, my bottom lip trembles, as I whisper “so you‟re telling me she is dead”; I glance up, and through my teary eyes, I see them nod their head.

I pull out my I.V, push past the doctors & police, all I want to do is die; I run up the staircase until I reach the roof, as I scream up to the heavens “WHY”.

We were destined to die on the same day, but I wasn‟t there to save you or protect; But because I got on that plane, changing my destiny, I had unravelled my very own butterfly effect.

I stumble to the edge of the building, lonely tears are falling, I step off the ledge, if there is a god he better hurry up and teach me how to fly; But no wings appear on my back, but I see my Fiancée as an angel, as I am falling through the sky.

I whisper “I don‟t want to be alone, I don‟t care if I die as long as we are back together; I promise to hold your hand for an eternity, with a love that will last forever”.

The ground then turns into clouds, as my angelic Fiancée echoes “I am right here waiting for you”; Heaven is a desert island, but this time its population is two.

DESERT ISLAND TOGETHER (PART 2)

I kiss my Fiancé goodbye, he is flying away on the 05:15 plane; Our love is the spark that ignites us, if I was the candle, he would be my eternal flame.

The front door closes, I stand up by the window waving him goodbye; I know he will return in a week, but that doesn‟t stop me from having a little cry.

I lay back in our bed, staring at an empty pillow, as his side of the bed goes cold; In three weeks time we are to be married. A lifetime together, from being young to growing old.

I take off my engagement ring, the engraving reads “Together Forever”, I hold that saying and ring so close to my heart; Today is the first time since we met that we have ever been apart.

I lay there watching the sun rise through my bedroom window, it has such a beautiful glow; My phone rings, the caller I.D reads my sexy fiancé, so I pick it up and say “HELLO”.

There was no reply just a loud crash, then a buzzing down my phone; I tried to call him straight back, but all I kept hearing was the dead tone.

I kept trying to call, as the subconscious part of my brain started to threat; My fingers start to tremble, and my palms begin to sweat.

After what seemed to be hours of trying, there is no response, I just don‟t know what to do; I text his mobile for the hundredth time writing, “BABY, WHERE ARE YOU”.

I glance out my window, as my heart begins its free fall dive; The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, as I see a police car pull up into my drive.

I turn away quickly pretending not to see, I shake with fear as I hear KNOCK KNOCK on my front door; I open it slowly, and as they ask to come in, my first tear rolls down my cheek splashing on to the floor.

As we sit down I‟m shaking, I whisper “please don‟t tell me what I think you‟re going to say”; The officer puts her hand on my knee replying “I am so sorry, but your partner was involved in a tragic plane accident, earlier on today”.

I can‟t breathe, the walls cave in around me, as I tremble out “so you‟re telling me he is dead”; I glance up, and through my tears, I see them nod their head.

I jump up grabbing my car keys screaming “I NEED TO SEE HIM, I NEED TO BE BY HIS SIDE”; Before the police could stop me, I was in my car starting up the engine as I cried.

The Police run out my house shouting “PLEASE COME BACK, YOU ARENT IN THE RIGHT STATE OF MIND”; But I am already roaring off down the street, for they say that love is blind.

Floods of tears overwhelm my face, the rear view mirror shines back a broken women as it reflects; If I had held him for longer, or convinced him not to go, I would be changing my butterfly effects.

The world then seemed to move in slow motion, as I clear my eyes I see a lorry heading straight my way; It‟s too close to avoid it now, as darkness descends upon my day.

In super slow motion I feel the truck hit me full force, as I fly through the window screen; I lay on the bonnet of my car facing the heavens, it‟s the most amazing sight my eyes have ever seen.

I hear sirens in the distance, but I am already floating up with angels, to take my place high in the sky; Heaven gives me wings, lifting me up, revelling the effect of a butterfly.

I search the clouds for my love, but somehow you are not yet here; I sit on my cloud waiting for you, whilst I cry this lonely tear.

THE END

FELIX JAMES MOWLES - 1943

It‟s Friday the 12th of March 1943; I have just married my high school sweet heart, if my soul held a lock, then she would hold my key.

On Sunday I fly out on a special mission, so secret my newly wedded Wife has details, but she doesn‟t really understand or know; As she sleeps in my arms at night, I stay awake, eyes wide open, just wishing that I didn‟t have to go.

I spend the Saturday with my love, having a picnic on the meadow under our tree; Then we watch the sun set, as we walk hand in hand by the sea.

I lay awake all night, stroking my Wife‟s hair as she sleeps, until through the curtains I feel the warmth from the sun; I kiss my beautiful Wife‟s forehead, and then stare into my mirror, whose reflection shines back only one.

A horn outside beeps twice, as a single tear falls from my eye; But I have to stay strong now, as today it‟s my job to navigate a Halifax bomber, through a hostile German sky.

We arrive at the air field, Operation Iridium was now about to secretly get underway; The pilot and I are informed, we are to drop a spy over Czechoslovakia, then make it back to base later that same day.

We take to the sky with a roar, as I feel my body lift up with the flight; I pull out and kiss a picture of my beautiful Wife, before wedging it behind the dashboard light.

The flight across the Channel goes smoothly, but as we cross the German boarder shots illuminate the sky; I look at my Wife‟s picture as I pray, “I am only 19 years old, I am too young to die”.

We dodge and weave through the puffs of smoke, before the front of our Halifax lights up from a direct hit; Flames mixed in with the smoke, as screams come pouring out from the cockpit.

The plane starts falling as I reach to the dashboard, grabbing the picture of my beautiful Wife; The ground moves even closer, as the flames flicking past me, are flashing back my life.

My dream then ploughs down into flames, and flashing past is my destiny; The last memory is of my Wife, and then the flashing stops on, Sunday the 14th of March 1943.

I leave my Wife a widow, but my heart stops beating whilst it is still full of love; This is Felix James Mowles, 161 squadron, writing this letter, from the beautiful blue skies above.

DEDICATED TO FELIX JAMES MOWLES DIED 14/03/1943, AGED 19 years old DURNBACH WAR CEMETRY, GERMANY Grave (7.D___21-23)

R.I.P TO A TRUE ENGLISH LION

--x--

BABY, GOODBYE

It‟s the 9th of April 1980, it‟s our anniversary today, married for 37 years; The juke box plays out our wedding song, I hold my Wife‟s hand and kiss away her happy tears.

We go to the same restaurant down the lane, as we did all those years ago; The candles light up my beautiful Wife‟s face, shining such an amazing glow.

I clasp her hand as I whisper “even after all these years, I am still in love with you”; Her eyes light up, as her smile replies “o sweetheart, I‟m still in love with you to”.

I open my Wife‟s car door for her, before I sit myself behind the wheel; Its wonderful how floating like a butterfly, can really make you feel.

Driving home in the dark, when I see two bright lights come speeding my way; I swerve to avoid a collision, before a flashing light turns the night back in to the day.

I must have passed out, as I come around I am laying in my bed at home; I hear my Wife downstairs crying, as she speaks to her Mother on the phone.

I sit by my Wife holding her hand, but she just pulls it away; It‟s so cold in here, I can see her breath, even though it‟s the middle of the day.

She gets up walking past me, like I am not even there; She has our wedding photos spread across the kitchen table, there are pictures of me everywhere.

I walk back into our bedroom, to find my Wife cuddled up in my dressing gown, on my side of the bed, watching our wedding DVD; As I sit down next to her she whispers, “I am so sorry I couldn‟t change your destiny”.

I put my arm around her, kiss her gently, as she turns out the bedside light; I see tears roll down her cheek from behind her closed eyes, as she whispers out “baby goodnight”.

The sun rises upon on a new day, as ringing wakes us, it‟s her Mother back on the phone; My Wife starts crying again, as she whimpers out “I don‟t want to be alone”.

She creeps slowly downstairs, making just one cup of tea; I sit down next to her asking her “what‟s wrong”, but she won‟t even look up at me.

Whilst looking at my picture on the table she whispers, “Baby I miss you so very much”; I try to calm her down by stroking her hair, but it seems like she cannot even feel my touch.

She walks around dressed in black, a veil to catch her tears as they cry; I‟m standing by the front door, as she glances back, whispering “goodbye”.

As the car pulls away I run after her, she doesn‟t look back once through the rear viewing window screen; I chase them for miles, until they reach the crematorium, this is all starting to feel like a dream.

I walk through the chapel, as my Wife sits crying on the front row; Sitting next to her is my Mother, then Brother and finally at the end, sits my Uncle Joe.

I don‟t understand what is going on, so I walk up to the coffin to see; My heart stops, the church goes cold, as the name on the casket reads “ME”.

My life flashes past, as memories replay up until the moment that I passed away; I turn to see my beautiful Wife, whose eyes seem to be looking over my way.

A bright light appears, piercing through the roof, revelling a stairway to the sky; The light draws me closer, I blow a kiss towards my Wife, as I whisper out “baby goodbye”.

ALCOHOLIC

Drink one, I order a pitcher of Vodka and Red Bull; It doesn‟t give me wings, but my glass is half empty, it is never half full.

Drink two, I order a Rum and Coke, with a double Whisky chaser; My Girlfriend may have upped and left, but 5 of these Aftershocks can easily replace her.

Drink three, I order a Bacardi over ice; I still can‟t believe my Girlfriend broke my heart, not once, but twice.

Drink four, I order 10 shots of Sambucca, to flush away my pain; Alcohol replaces my blood flow, to try and detox my brain.

Drink five, I order another jug of Vodka and Red Bull, this time it makes my body fly; Blood shot weeping eyes, revel a man trying so hard not to cry.

Drink six, I order a bottle of Tequila, lemon and some salt; I may be drowning in drink, but this time it isn‟t my fault.

Drink seven, I order a Brandy and Coke, I feel so strong, as I congratulate myself for making it so far; Another shot of Whisky later, I feel like I can try and raise the bar.

Drink eight is quickly followed by Drink nine, and then follows drink number ten; I make friends with my fellow raver‟s, when in fact we are just a group of random looking men.

Drink eleven, I order a bunch of Aftershocks, which totally flip reverse my brain; I lay my head onto the bar, whilst my Girlfriend‟s memory drives me insane.

Drink twelve, I order a taxi, but I cannot see my feet, let alone a car; I fall back facing the night skies, looking at a white blob in the air, which once resembled my star.

Drink thirteen and fourteen are my last, as I swig back a Malibu and Coke, washed down with a treble Gin and Tonic; As I fall into the taxi, my liver echoes through my body screaming “HELP, MY OWNER IS A FULL BLOWN ALCOHOLIC”.

MAKE IT OFF THE BEACH

It‟s the 6th of June 1944, as the wave‟s splash over, washing down on me; I hold my journal tight, as we approach the beaches of Normandy.

It is my mission to log and record all the soldiers that die; Mist and fog hides the beach at first, as dark clouds drift across the morning sky.

The metal door falls open into the waves, as the soldiers wade through the sea, trying to make it to the sand; Bullets immediately fire into the waters, as all the other boats shore up onto the land.

Everywhere I look I see flashes of light, followed with screams of pain; I hide behind the piling dead bodies, as I store away their dog tags, I had just removed from their chain.

A solider next to me is screaming for help, his eyes lock with mine, his begging for me to save his life; He screams “I DON‟T WANT TO DIE, I HAVE 2 DAUGHTERS, A SON AND A WIFE”.

As I reach my hand out to his, a bullet flashes past, tearing through his chest; I pull him a little closer, as I grab his dog tag and place it with the rest.

Blood starts seeping down the sands, making their way back to the sea; The waves seem to break with red, as they crash down in front of me.

I crawl from my hiding place of bodies, the air is filled with screams and cries; Some of the wounded are saying there prayers, whilst some of the less fortunate souls, are already saying their goodbyes.

Another scream for help sees me running, but I feel a flash tear through my dream; I have been shot through the back, as blood and pain makes me drop to my knees and scream.

Silence falls across the sands, as my journal tumbles away, just out of my reach; I rise up into the heavens, as I finally make it off the beach.

CRADLE TO THE GRAVE

Writing is my destiny, to the ink I am a slave; I will sleep when I am dead, Writing from the cradle to the grave.

Life is for living, so go out there and live your life; Use this ink for protection, you don‟t have to walk around with a knife.

Writing dreams, for generations to read; But if I were to cut myself, ink pours out when I bleed.

My pen is a weapon, fighting off my demons at night; The blank pages shine out, turning into my guiding light.

No matter how low you are reading this, remember one day you will again be high; Your destiny is already written in the stars, which light up in the sky.

Keep on moving forwards, live your life to the extreme; Tomorrow is still a day away, but first you need to have a dream.

Dust yourself down, life is only for the courageous and brave; Keep writing, never stop, from the cradle to the grave.

MAKE A CHANGE

It‟s time we made a change, and that change had better start off with me; The skies are getting warmer, the ice caps are melting, causing rising in the sea.

Endangered animals we take for granted, will pretty soon disappear forever from the wild; I just hope we can look at ourselves when we hear our children, tell that to their future grandchild.

Technology has built computers, robots and even put men on the moon; But we still have starvation in the world, and a cure for Cancer doesn‟t seem to be appearing anytime soon.

Global warming heats our planet, but we don‟t have a spare one sitting in reserve; We cut down rain forests without ever stopping to think, of all of the animals that we may disturb.

People fight in wars, when surely they should just be grateful to be alive; Governments around the world filling their pockets, with that pathetic excuse, they have tried.

Fossil fuels are running out, disappeared completely by the year 2080; Earthquakes still leave thousands homeless, in the Caribbean side of Haiti.

They say Nasa is looking for another planet in the galaxy, for us to destroy; But we aren‟t playing marbles, this is our children‟s lives, not just some replaceable toy.

Terrorism haunts our daily lives, just look at the London bombings, and ask the U.S.A; Al Qaeda threatens a world, as did the I.R.A

The cold streets of our cities are littered with the homeless, who have no place left to go; Perhaps a little love, is all that we need to show.

Forest fires burn America, as violent tornadoes teach houses how to fly; I imagine God isn‟t too happy, if he is watching over us from the sky.

Our world is breaking beneath our feet, simply because we do not show enough care; It‟s our children‟s children I feel sorry for, a broken planet we leave you, and that just seems to be so unfair.

Dolphins caught in nets, Sharks and Whales hunted to extinction from our sea; Life isn‟t a cage, life means to live free.

Are we facing the end, or will God set up some sort of exchange; Actions speak louder than words, it‟s time now to make a change.

GOODBYE KISS

Many years ago I wrote I would die on the 1st of November 2011; That date is getting so close now, the countdown has begun, before I rise up and into heaven.

If this is the end, did I do my best, or did I just under achieve; I hope I made all of you proud, and in life I really did succeed.

I don‟t want to die, but I guess everybody‟s destiny is to pass on, only your legacy can span an eternity; I am sorry to my family, and to my Wife, I can only hope heaven can be a touch of your beauty.

This cannot be my last year, for I have only just been born; My heart has only just started beating, I am not ready to leave my Wife and family to mourn.

I want to grow old with my best friend, I want to be an amazing Dad; This poem is for when I pass away, this letter is dedicated to my wonderful Wife and Daughters, the best family a man could ever have.

Remember me happy, smiling making you laugh, not cry; I will be watching over you all as you sleep, watching from my beautiful night sky.

Lips shake, hearts stop, fingers tremble with fear; Death is lonely, nobody here to dry your tear.

I will be greeted by my Nan & Granddad, who will hand me my unborn baby boy; His eyes will be the same as mine, in death even heaven can hold its own joy.

It melts me away thinking I will never again feel my Wife‟s touch; Never again will I be able to hold her, I am going to miss you so very much.

Tears are rolling down my cheek, like rain dropping from the sky; It destroys me knowing I will be watching over you from heaven, and I cannot reach out to hold you, when I see you cry.

I want to grow into an old man, making memories everyday as we walk hand in hand by the sea; If my past had made my heart a fortress, then it was only my Wife, which ever held my key.

I hope I made my Mother and Fathers proud, I thank them for the best Brothers and Sister; To Marion and Roy, please look after everyone for me, I knew I cherished your Daughter, from the very first second that I kissed her.

In all honesty this pen and paper could never really describe how I wish I am wrong, my destiny isn‟t over for many years to come; But if this is it, game over, I love all of you so dearly, each and every single one.

Tears are rolling down my cheek now, smudging on to this goodbye kiss; I may have taught my heart to love, but I never had a chance until today, to teach it how to really miss.

-x- I love you all –x-

THE END

The end is upon me, the ink is drying up, and my pen is empty, feeling full of neglect; I scratch through the paper as I finish writing, My Butterfly Effect.

Included are letters from heaven, which fell down to me from the sky; I hope some of the letters made you laugh, but I hope some of the letters also made you cry.

We each have our own butterfly effect, every day we make small choices which can shape our future destiny; It‟s the butterflies that makes you, you, and it‟s the butterflies who make me, me.

Each person has a path, some stray and some don‟t; I hope your life is perfect, but remember things can change, so don‟t ever think that it won‟t.

Each story shows how life can change, from the smallest choice you made in the past; In life we walk so slowly, whilst the planet spins around so fast.

I want to thank my friends and family for supporting me, and with this final letter my love I will send; My Butterfly Effect is over, as the ink spells out its final two words….. The End.

MY BUTTERFLY EFFECT

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES 2011

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EVEN ANGELS WILL FALL

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

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EVEN ANGELS WILL FALL POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

-X-

DEDICATED TO

LIANNE MOWLES

TO ALL MY FAMILY & FRIENDS WHO NEVER GAVE UP

-X-

an·gel noun /ˈānjəl/ angels, plural

1. A spiritual being believed to act as an attendant, agent, or messenger of God, conventionally represented in human form with wings and a long robe . - God sent an angel to talk to Gideon . - the Angel of Death

2. An attendant spirit, esp. a benevolent one . - there was an angel watching over me

CONTENTS

1. JOHN. B. SELWOM (PART ONE) 2. JOHN. B. SELWOM (PART TWO…2 VOICES) 3. JOHN. B. SELWOM (PART THREE…A FALLING ANGEL) 4. WELCOME TO HELL 5. THE SHIP OF DREAMS 6. KING OF POP 7. FINGER OF GOD 8. CHILDREN OF TOMORROW 9. GREAT WHITE 10. THE UNDEAD 11. EVEN ANGELS WILL FALL 12. HATE ME 13. ME & MY SHADOW 14. LITTLE ANGEL 15. GRANDAD 16. WORDS 17. ENGLISH LION 18. BLITZ 19. RE-VERSE 20. TO BE A STEP DAD 21. SAY MY GOODBYE 22. TEACH ME HOW TO FLY 23. THE DARKNESS 24. THE LAST POEM

JOHN. B. SELWOM (PART ONE)

I lay in my bed, my chair is pushed against the door, so that my Father cannot walk into my dream; I hear shouting downstairs, then a slapping noise, followed by my Mothers scream.

I hide my face under the pillow, trying to drown out her cries; The shouting softens, as darkness descends across my eyes.

I must have fallen asleep, as I am awoken by the sun; I creep downstairs for breakfast, where I am greeted by my beaten looking Mum.

Her eyes are black, her lips tremble a darkened shade of blue; A tear rolls down her cheek, as I give her a hug, whilst whispering “Mum, I love you”.

Each night for as long as I can remember, my Father would take his anger out on me and my Mother; I would hide my bruises under my shirts, whilst my Mum used make up for her cover.

The next night the screaming started again, slaps and cries rise up through my bedroom floor; In the morning I ask my Mum why she has a bleeding nose, her reply as always was, “I walked into the kitchen door”.

The years passed, as I got older I got wiser to the pain; Then on my 18th birthday, my life changed, from that night things would never again be the same.

For the first night it was quiet, no noise, in fact it was the first night in years that I could dream; No cries, no shouting, not even one single scream.

I creep downstairs in the morning, open my living room door, my Father is reading a note, his face is completely blank, like he has lost all sense and meaning; That‟s when my world changed, as I turn around to see my Mum, hanging from a rope, swinging from the ceiling.

My heart drops through my body, I frantically lift her legs, but her feet are a long time cold; My Father just sits there whispering “she should have done what she was told”.

I lay my Mothers limp body on the floor, gently resting down her head; I scream at my Father echoing “it‟s your fault she‟s fucking dead”.

He leaps to his feet, wrapping his huge hands around my throat; His piercing blue eyes stare into my soul, as he reads out her suicide note.

It read “I love you, I am so sorry but I have to leave, as the darkness is all I can see”; My Father lets go of my throat, whilst saying “there you go, it wasn‟t my fault, she didn‟t even blame me”.

I just sit beside my Mother, as I hold her cold hand and stroke her hair; I cry as the police arrive with the undertaker, whilst my Father is still sat down in his fucking armchair.

I wave goodbye to my Mother, as the private ambulance pulls away, and the police go to their next port of call; Tears over whelming my face now, getting darker as they fall.

For the next few days I don‟t leave my room, I don‟t eat, I don‟t sleep, and I see demons when I write; Each time I close my eyes, the dark side becomes my new light.

The day of my Mother‟s funeral arrives, as clouds and rain fills the sky; I sit in silence at the back of the chapel, watching my Father on the front row being consoled, as he pretends to cry.

My Mother‟s ashes are sat at the head table, whilst I prop up the bar sipping on Red Rum; My Father puts his hand on my shoulder, and says “tomorrow I am going to spread your Mother‟s ashes, do you want to come”.

After another sleepiness night, my Father and I make our way to the white cliff tops by the sea; My Father carries my Mother‟s ashes, as dark voices inside my head, bring out the hatred in me.

As he stands on the edge, I stand behind him wishing he would just die; I kick him full force in the back, and watch on in slow motion, as he tumbles off the cliff, and falls through the sky.

I kneel down on the edge, I see his body crushed on to the rocks below; I could see his head was split in two, even his insides were splattered out on show.

I feel no guilt, as he took away all which was mine; I pull out my mobile phone, my hand trembles as I dial 999.

The ambulance arrives along with the police, that‟s when I turned on my crocodile tears and cried; I whimper out “I can‟t believe he has left me alone, now my Mother and Father have both committed suicide”.

I arrive home, demons controlling my dreams, as my memory replays my Mother‟s ashes scattering out as the urn fell; My Father screaming through my night terrors, that he has saved a place for me in hell.

A few months passed, nightmares tear my dreams apart, driving me insane; Through the walls I hear my neighbours next door fighting, once again the dark voices put murder on my brain.

My next door neighbour is a twat, he cheats on his girlfriend, and beats her until she is black and blue; The voices inside my head echo out “you got away with murder once, maybe you should make it two”.

(TO BE CONTINUED…)

JOHN. B. SELWOM (PART TWO…2 VOICES)

I try to ignore the voices, pushing me to the dark side; But through the walls, I hear my neighbour screaming, and smashing noises as she cried.

Just then I hear my neighbour slam his front door, swearing and shouting as the alcohol in his system makes his route down the street uncertain; My black eyes rage for justice, as I stare at him through a gap in the curtain.

The voices screaming inside my head, as I pick up my kitchen knife, making my way out into the dark; As I creep down the street, I hear my neighbour still swearing, as he sits on a bench in the park.

I creep up behind him, as I silently pull up my hood from my coat; I pull out my knife, and as he turns around to scream I slice my blade deep across his throat.

He tries to call for help, but blood just pours through his hands, as he turns around I see his eyes full of tears, ready to cry; As he collapses on the floor, he manages to gargle out “why”.

I kneel down next to him whispering “this is the price you pay for making someone you love so sad”; As he closes his eyes, I whisper “when you reach hell, do say hello to my Dad”.

I creep back through the darkness, quietly closing my front door; As I walk through to the kitchen, drips of blood fall from my knife, making a red trail on the floor.

I clean the knife, wrap it in a towel, before hiding it under the sink; I strip naked, turn on the shower, all I can see is blood every time that I blink.

I stand in the shower for hours, just trying to wash my hands clean; I get myself dry, before throwing my bloody clothes into the washing machine.

I lay in bed just staring at the ceiling, every time I hear a car go past my heart skips a beat; After a few hours, just as the sun begins to rise, I hear sirens sounding, and its coming from the park down the street.

I peak through my curtains, just to try and scope a little peak; The police knock on everybody‟s door asking for information, I reply “I have been here alone all night, asleep”.

As the police walk to the next house I close my door, I can hear my heart pound; The voices in my head are laughing, as my body slumps down to the ground.

I can hear through the walls my neighbour crying, as the police console her for her loss; The voices inside my head question, why is she so upset, as her boyfriend never even gave a toss.

I run to the bathroom, emotion making my heart feel sick; I look in to the mirror, black eyes stare back at me, as the voices ring out through my head, “pull yourself together you prick”.

When I close my eyes blood and death is all that I can see; The voices inside my head echo out “you got away with murder not once, but twice, maybe now we should try and make it three.

(To be continued…)

JOHN. B. SELWOM (PART THREE…A FALLING ANGEL)

A few weeks have passed since the murder of my neighbour, our street has turned into a reality C.S.I; I am now a recluse to the sunlight, I only leave my house when darkness fills the sky.

The news shows me the ongoing murder investigation, the police have no witnesses, as they plead to anyone with any information to come forward; The voices inside my head laugh, as they are offering a twenty thousand pound reward.

That evening I sit in my local bar, just watching the world pass me by; Over by the pool table a couple start arguing, before suddenly in front of everyone he slaps her across the face, making her run away and cry.

My black eyes roll back, as my hand grips tightly around my glass; I sit there breathing deeply, waiting for this anger to pass.

I stare at him across the room all night, until the landlord rings the bell, calling time at the bar; I hear his mates say “do you want a lift home”, I smile as he replies “nah it‟s okay I‟ll walk, I don‟t live that far”.

I watch him leave, 60 seconds later I walk out just the same; I see him staggering a few yards ahead of me, as he approaches a darkened lane.

I reach down to the grass verge, picking up a discarded brick; Adrenaline pumps through my heart, as screaming voices inside my mind are making me feel sick.

I creep closer and closer, trying so hard not to make a sound; Then he stops right in front of me, as I smash the brick through the back of his head, his lifeless body crashes down to the ground.

I throw the brick into the bushes, pull up my hood, just then flashing lights is all that I can see; I turn around to find the police standing there, for weeks they must have been following me.

They shout “JOHN WE KNOW ITS YOU, NOW PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD, AND SLOWLY LAY FACE DOWN ON THE FLOOR”; I turn and run as fast as my legs will go, as my black eyes begin to pour.

Sirens sounding all around me, lights brighten up the night; I keep running forwards, but the voices want me to turn around and fight.

I run until the roads turn to grass, the sirens are now sounding further away; I drop to my knees as I reach the white cliff top, but all I see is a falling angel, when I clasp my hands to pray.

Sirens are getting closer now, as a helicopters spotlight shines down on the definition of me; The voices echo through my brain, “welcome to your destiny”.

I stand on the edge of the cliff top, I shout to the heavens, but my Mother never heard my call; The voices inside my head whisper “in the darkness, even angels will fall”.

As the police pull up behind me, I step off the edge, angels waving me goodbye as I fell; I keep falling past the rocks, through the ground, until the voices all scream out “WELCOME TO HELL”.

THE END

WELCOME TO HELL

I have fallen through the sky, murderous memories flashing past me as I fell; As I hit the ground, I am greeted by black iron gates, with a sign reading out, Welcome to hell.

The gates creek open as I get to my feet, screams are echoing through my head; Thousands of graves are all unearthed, staggering around are the walking dead.

The gates slam shut behind me, followed by a whispering scream; The ground beneath me flows with blood, I try to pinch myself, but this is far from any dream.

My heart has stopped beating, as I see hanging from a tree choking, the dictator Saddam Hussein; Thomas Hamilton is being tortured by demons, for murdering all those innocent children, up in Dunblane.

I see two men hanging over a fire pit, as they come into focus I see one of them is Al Qaeda‟s, Osama Bin Laden; I don‟t recognize the other man at first, until he screams, I realize it‟s the Russian leader, Joseph Stalin.

I see hundreds of rapists crying, as they are tied down naked, awaiting the arrival of Gary Glitter; I see a man surrounded in gas, and as the smoke clears, I realize it‟s the Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler.

I keep walking as I see buried in a shallow grave, Doctor Harold Shipman lying next to the monster Fred West; Lee Harvey Oswald sits crying on the floor, repeatedly whispering “why didn‟t I wear a bullet proof vest”.

A familiar face appears, as I see John. B. Selwom linked together with his Father; The devil joined them to the hip, fusing their bones forever with lava.

The blood road goes on for an eternity, everywhere I turn I hear blood curling screams and cries; No sun or stars up above, darkness now rules the skies.

The demons lock eyes with me, and come walking my way, as the stench of rotten corpses is all that I can smell; As the shadows drag me through into the ashes, they scream out “WELCOME TO HELL”.

THE SHIP OF DREAMS

Its Wednesday the 10th of April 1912, I hold my Son‟s hand as crowds of passengers are acting all frantic; My Son and I stand quietly at the waterfront, waiting patiently to board Titanic.

Today is a new beginning, the first day of our new life; Last week my Son had to say goodbye to his Mother, whilst I had to say goodbye to my Wife.

In my hand I hold three tickets, but only two of us are here today; Her fever got higher and higher, until one morning I kissed her goodbye, just as she passed away.

As we walk up the ramp boarding the ship, my Son turns around whispering “Mummy, I will miss you, I hope you like your new home in the sky”; Just then floating past us, was the most beautiful butterfly.

Hustling and bustling through the hallways, finding our cabin way down on the decks below; We hear a loud horn blast three times, which means it‟s time for us to go.

My Son looks sad, sat on the bed, his bottom lip trembling as his eyes drop a single sorry tear; I kneel down in front of him whispering “what‟s a matter Son”, he replies “I just wish that my Mum was here”.

I hug him as tears fill my eyes, but I promised myself to never let him see me cry; I swallow the lump in my throat, as I tremble out “I know Son, and so do I”.

We walk up on deck, everyone is waving goodbye to their loved ones, and the air is filled with excited whistling screams; I pick up my Son and say “make a wish and it will come true, as we are board the ship of dreams”.

He closes his eyes tight, before opening them back up saying “done”, I ask him what he wished for, a new bike or to live forever; He just shakes his head and says “nope”, I just wished that me, you and Mum, were all back together”.

The days are spent teaching my Son the gift of how to read and write; As the sunsets over the horizon, I would lay awake, whilst the ship cuts through the waves at night.

I was writing in my journal in the middle of the night, when a crunching, crashing noise makes my pen slip from the page, I can hear shouting coming from the deck up top; Shudders rumble through the decks, and then the engines stop.

My Son sits up in his bed, rubbing his eyes with both hands, asking why people were shouting from the upper deck; I tell him to lie back down, whilst I go up top to check.

Whispers echo through the hallways, the unsinkable ship is going down, after crashing into a berg made from ice; I can‟t believe what I am hearing, so I have to ask them twice.

I run up to a group of white star cabin crew, asking them what‟s gone wrong; They say “just make your way back to your cabin, and put your life jacket on”.

I run back to my cabin, my Son is looking so scared, I say “we need to get up on deck and find a life boat”; I try to talk calmly, but it‟s so hard when you have a lump in your throat.

I put my life jacket around my Son, pick him up and rush through the hallways, where we are greeted by a crowd of passengers, all shouting behind a locked gate; The crew members all shouting for us to stay calm down here, strangers are now in control of our fate.

After hours of pushing, screaming and shouting, all the trapped passengers overwhelm the hallways, pushing forward, causing the gate to fall; People start to scream, as we see the water come trickling down our hall.

The door crashes open to the fresh air, people running and screaming as all the life boats have gone, full of the rich, leaving all of the poor; People are panicking, pushing children over, and just leaving them to cry alone on the wooden floor.

I kneel down in front of my Son, and as I tighten up his life belt our eyes lock, his blue lips tremble “Daddy, what are we going to do”; I hold him tightly and whisper “no matter what, I promise I will never let go of you”.

Waves start to break over the front of the ship, making their way up to the hundreds of people praying; There is no place to run, as my Son asks “Dad, why are all the musicians still playing”.

The waves are getting closer, we keep backing away, but on a ship there are only so many places to hide; The front of the ship disappears into the sea, as I crouch down protecting my Son as he cried.

Titanic starts to sink to the depths, causing the rear of the ship to soar high into the sky; I try to hold on to the barrier, as my Son screams out “Daddy, please don‟t let go of me, I don‟t want to die”.

We slide down, splashing into the freezing waves, as we face the stars, looking up at the rear of the ship, sitting upright hundreds of feet in the air; I grab my Sons life jacket as I swim, pulling him into the darkness, until the skies light up from another red flare.

All the lights go out, leaving my Son bobbing in the darkness whilst I tread water, trying to keep my head from a watery grave; Whistles and screams echo out, hundreds of people splashing in the darkness, each have a dream to save.

Rumbling splashing noises drown out our cries, as the ship of dreams sinks to the bottom of the Atlantic Sea; I try to hug up to my Son as he cries out, “Daddy I‟m so scared, please don‟t leave me”.

It‟s so cold, I can‟t feel my legs, my Son has stopped crying, as he looks towards the night sky; His purple lips tremble out “look Daddy, I can see a butterfly”.

I hold him close as I tremble out “no matter what happens, I will not let you go, not now, not ever”; His head doesn‟t stop facing the stars as he whispers, “Daddy my wish is coming true, me, you and Mummy are all going to be back together”.

Tears fall from my eyes, as I cry “Son please don‟t say that, we are going to be alright”; No reply leaves his lips, as darkness descends across my night.

I hold him tightly, shouting “please Son wake up”, his freezing body just bobs in the water, as his head falls back further to face the sky; I hold him tighter, begging him to wake up, as I break into tears and cry.

I can‟t hold on any longer, but I promised my Son I would never let him go; My hands tremble, as I take off his life jacket, I kiss him gently on the cheek, as we sink down beneath the waves below.

The stars become a blur underneath the waves, I close my eyes, as the water turns into clouds, I see my Son and Wife walking towards me, as I drop to my knees to cry; My Son whispers “Daddy my wish did come true”, as I finish writing you this letter, from my new home in the sky.

KING OF POP

This letter is dedicated to my icon, people put him down but the cream always rises to the top; This letter is in memory of Michael Jackson, also known as the king of pop.

If I rewind time, I mean all the way back to the very first music video I had ever seen; The images would play me a man throwing his hat into the crowd, whilst he sung out Billie Jean.

He could pull off dance moves which left nations in disbelief, jaws on the floor, unable to talk; I remember sliding backwards on my kitchen floor, trying to mimic his moonwalk.

He was the first black man to appear on MTV, his ambition opened the doors for an entire new music culture; He was found not guilty in court, but that didn‟t stop people trying to pick at him like a vulture.

His childhood was spent entertaining the world, instead of toys, he had a microphone, which made him so unique; His entire life was spent in the spot light, and you have the arrogance to call him a freak.

Some people say he was crap, I ask how over a billion fans can be wrong; He didn‟t sing about how rich he was, or how he was gangster, he just tried to bring the world a little closer through his song.

I had tickets for his final concerts in London, after hours of clogging up the phone line; But tragically the king of pop passed away, on Thursday the 25th of June, 2009.

An irreplaceable genius has gone, an icon and legend, I don‟t care what any other doubter will say; I send this letter to the heavens, in loving memory of my hero, M.J.

FINGER OF GOD

It‟s Monday the 3rd of May 1999, as the rumbling clouds in the distance take over the skies of spring; My beautiful Wife is making dinner in the kitchen, whilst I push our Daughter on her garden swing.

The skies start to get darker, my Wife calls through the kitchen window “dinners ready”, just as dark clouds block out the suns array; We sit at the table watching our T.V, as a news report announces “residents of Bridge Creek be aware, as a violent storm is heading your way”.

My Wife and Daughter are so excited, as our little town got a mention on the news; But my worrying frown stops them laughing, as my precious family are too special to lose.

We all look through the kitchen window, the skies are rumbling as rain and lumps of hail have already started falling; The news report in the background, has just issued our town with a severe tornado warning.

Now my Wife is looking petrified, and my young Daughter starts to cry; I walk into my front garden, as the darkness has now completely engulfed our sky.

As I scan the horizon I have to look twice, as I cannot believe just what I see; The clouds in the distance are rotating, as its movement nearly hypnotizes me.

I watch on as the rotating cloud twists it way slowly down to the ground; Silence fell across the fields, until my heart skips a beat, as I hear our town‟s tornado sirens sound.

I sprint back into our house, pick up my crying Daughter and hold my Wife‟s hand; As we run across the garden to the storm shelter, my Wife screams “what is going on, I really don‟t understand”.

The winds make me struggle to open the door to our shelter, as we turn around to a monstrous twisting cloud heading our way; My young family falls into safety, as the roaring finger of god starts blinding out the day.

The wind pulls me away from the door, as my Wife screams from the depths with worry; I can feel the huge twisting cloud over me, whilst my Wife is crying out “DARLING WHERE ARE YOU, PLEASE HURRY”.

I try crawling back towards my love, but the vortex drags me back, as I scream “BABY, PLEASE JUST CLOSE THE DOOR”; Tears are being pulled from my eyes, as the twisting cloud rips my body from the floor.

I hear my Wife and Daughter screaming, begging, and echoing into the clouds as they cry; The dark winds are on top of me now, as they lift me high up into the sky.

My soul stays up in the clouds, as I watch my body drop like a falling angel back towards the ground; Heaven is a lonely place, and silence is the only sound.

CHILDREN OF TOMORROW

It‟s time to stop to think about the children of today and tomorrow; Every child should have the right to have dreams full of happiness, instead of nightmares full of sorrow.

In Africa, 15 children die every minute, 22 thousand tiny souls will leave this planet today; No miracle cure comes to save them, each night when they pray.

8 million children a year die of poverty, they didn‟t even have a chance to live out their dream; Over a billion children worldwide have to drink diseased water, just because they can‟t get access to the clean.

Over 800 million souls will go to bed hungry tonight, tummies rumbling will be their only lullaby; Some Mums & Dads kiss their children goodnight, not knowing if it will really be goodbye.

Disease rages in the developing countries, most children become orphans, losing the their families to AIDS and H.I.V; Surely every child on this planet deserves a chance, to choose their own fate and destiny.

Today in the U.K over 1.6 million children live in severe poverty, I can‟t believe its 2011, and humanity waited this late; Considering we are classed as Great Britain, we don‟t appear to be doing so great.

Mothers that survive have to watch on in agony, as their children are so starving all they can do is cry; They look to the heavens for hope, but there are no answers falling from the sky.

In the time it has taken you to read this letter, at least another 30 children left this world for the grave; Actions speak louder than any words, this poem is dedicated to all the children we should have taken the time to save.

GREAT WHITE

I swim through the Oceans, never stopping, sneaking up on my prey in the dark; Screams travel from the beach, through the waves echoing “Help, it‟s a Great White Shark”.

I glide through the water with ease, never sleeping as I patrol the shores; We are hunted to near extinction, mainly because of some old film called “Jaws”.

I will never die from Cancer, to disease I am immune; Thousands of my kind are caught daily in fishing nets, pulled from the Oceans way to soon.

Lions rule the plains, but in the Ocean I am king, I wear the crown; But still humans hunt us, cut off our fins, before throwing us back, as we sink to the depths and drown.

My species has been on this planet since the dawn of the dinosaurs, we were part on Gods original master plan; But after 65 million years of evolution, we are on the brink of extinction, all because of man.

My teeth can cut through bone, my eyes never blink, as they roll with the same colour of the night; The Oceans are my playground, in the Seas I am top of the food chain. Who am I? I am natures Great White.

THE UNDEAD

Its Friday the 9th of April, 2015, as the sun pierces through my boarded up windows, shinning across my bed; Another sleepiness night, as all I could hear was the screams ringing out from the undead.

It‟s been Eight days since the news broadcasts stopped, Six days since I had to wipe the blood away from my dying Wife; As her eyes closed, I kissed her goodbye, but then she woke up screaming, as she came back to life.

Her eyes rolled red, her nails and teeth digging into my coat; I tried to stop her biting me as I cried, I wrapped my hands around her throat.

She kept fighting like a wild animal, snapping her jaws, as I reach to the kitchen work top, grabbing a knife; I bring the blade down, stabbing it through her eye, as I said goodbye to my Wife.

I remember kneeling next to her crying, as silence takes over my home; Now Six days later I am living in the darkness, boarded up windows and doors leave me a recluse, who is trapped living on my own.

As the sun reached into the skies, the streets go quiet; For the first time in weeks I unlock my front door, as I am greeted by scenes which resemble the aftermath of a full scale riot.

I don‟t want to go out, but it‟s either starve as a recluse, or fumble through hell to find some supplies; I take my first trembling steps into the deserted streets, as the sun beats down from the silent blue skies.

The streets of London are so quiet, burnt out cars and taxis litter the roads, the pavements are free from people‟s feet; All the shop windows are smashed, as I walk down a silent Oxford Street.

Litter blowing through the city, the spring breeze brings the smell of death; Torn up corpse‟s stream across my path, images so horrifying they make me sweat, and take away my breath.

The clock on Big Ben stands still, the London eye is stuck motionless reflecting the sun of the day; I stand at the entrance to Westminster station, but an eerie darkness is all I feel sweeping up from the subway.

Walking in a daze, as over the Thames I see a deserted Millennium Dome; After hours of walking I see Buckingham Palace, no flag is flying, which means the Queen cannot be home.

Time plays no part in this world, the sun starts to hide behind the buildings, as shadows reach out to me, like I am living inside of a dark dream; Echoing cries screech out from the darkness, it‟s like the streets themselves are trying to scream.

I run as fast as my legs will go, echoing screams seem to be chasing me, why did I leave getting home so late; I feel the sweat pouring from me, as it drains away my fate.

I feel grass underneath my feet, as I run frantically into Hyde Park; The moon has now replaced the sun, as thousands of screams echo through the dark.

Staggering dark figures walk towards me from every direction, I drop to my knees to cry; I clasp my hands together and pray, “Please God give this fallen angel wings, and teach me how to fly”.

I scream out as teeth and nails rip into me, tearing my soul apart; I see the stars through clouds of blood, as I feel the final beat echo from my heart.

After what seemed to be hours of darkness, my eyes open, but all I can see is red; I scream into the night sky, as the thirst for blood takes over me, I am now one of the undead.

EVEN ANGELS WILL FALL

Sometimes you have to realize that even angels will fall; If my life was a movie set, the director would be shouting “That‟s a wrap”, as it time for my curtain call.

The words have been written, sealed for an eternity to read; Ink has taken over my soul, which leaks out when I bleed.

My heart is beating slower, I once asked God to send me a sign; These books were my message, as my pen starts to flat line.

Wishes can come true, if you sit on a river you will just float down stream; But if you stand up and fight against the current, you can slowly wade your way forwards, to achieve your dream.

Tears flow through my pen turning into ink, writing on a blank page; Some letters were inspired by happiness, and some letters were inspired by rage.

I never gave up on my dream, even though sometimes people said I was destined to fail; Now those same people are hanging their heads, as my destiny did prevail.

People use to laugh at me, when they saw me sat there, eyes closed with a pen and a piece of paper; But I moved my life on, whilst they are still sat in the same place, all these years later.

But I have to stop writing now, as the ink is just running dry; Sometimes you have to stop for a second, enjoy the moment, because even angels can fall from the sky.

HATE ME

You can hate me all you like, writing is so much more than just words written on a page; I haven‟t put myself onto a pedestal, I have put myself onto the centre stage.

Just like Halloween, I am a surprise trick or treat; Some people expect me to fail, but I am a cat, who always lands on his feet.

You can hit me, my chin isn‟t made from glass; I can turn the other cheek, so you haters can kiss both sides of my ass.

If my life was a car, I may have crashed, but you were wrong to ever write me off; You must have been dropped on your face as a baby, because now you resemble “The Goonies” character Sloth.

You walk around thinking you are so fucking fantastic; I know you won‟t be offended by this poem, because you can‟t even read, you stupid fucking spastic.

Jealousy is such a horrible trait, you just can‟t stick seeing the success of another; You think I know nothing about life or women, why don‟t you go and ask your Mother.

You act like a hermaphrodite Princess, like Jasmine, Belle or Snow White; You spout so much bull shit, that when you talk, all that falls out is complete shite.

It‟s not my fault you‟re an inbred, your Mother is also your Sister, but you just carry on living in denial; Your fucked up life is too confusing for poetry, so just go ahead and call Jeremy Kyle.

Your hatred pushes me forward, you are so far behind, it is now impossible for you to alter my destiny; You give me the fuel to my fire, by simply hating me.

ME & MY SHADOW

I will always have your back, I will follow you wherever you have to go; I am the darkness by your side, it‟s us against the world, just me & my shadow.

Just like an identical twin, I will mimic every single action you do; If you throw a punch, I will throw a punch, at exactly the same time as you.

Even when it‟s dark I am still by your side, hiding in the pitch black; I would clutch my chest to, if God was to administer us with a deadly heart attack.

I have guided you since the day you were born, from the very first second you came out into the night; If you turn your back on the Sun, it‟s the shadow of darkness that will be your new guiding light.

Just take one step at a time, I will lead the way, all you have to do is follow; I am walking into the darkness hand in hand, with just me and my shadow.

MY LITTLE ANGEL

It‟s Friday the 8th of August, 2003; My little baby is two weeks old, as we rush her into A&E.

My Father is driving us, whilst I‟m sat in the back crying, my Daughters breathing sounds more like a pant; As I glance through my teary eyes, we finally arrive in Royal Glamorgan hospital, Llantrisant.

Doctors and nurses rushing around, as they hook my tiny baby up to a machine, running an E.C.G; Tears overwhelming my face now, I can hardly even see.

The Doctor seems to be walking in slow motion, as I sit in the waiting room praying “Please Lord, just a least give my little angel a chance”; The Doctor says my baby has two heart defects, and we have to be rushed to Bristol Children‟s hospital, in the awaiting ambulance.

Sirens screeching, as the ambulance crew keep telling me to hold on tight; Blue flashes streak through the back, shining out so bright.

Before I know it we arrive, being rushed through wards, as they put tubes down her nose, they plug her tiny body into yet another machine; Wires hanging everywhere, the scariest images, my eyes have ever seen.

After what seemed hours of tortuous thoughts, tearing my mind apart; The Doctor enters the room and says, “Your Daughter has a narrowing of the Aorta, and a large hole in the middle of her tiny heart”

He says “we will operate first thing in the morning, you just make sure to enjoy tonight”; Tears roll down my cheek, as I sit there until the sun rises, holding my baby real tight.

I didn‟t want the night to end, I begged “please God, don‟t let my little angel die”; As I see the sun creep through the window, they wheel her away, and all I could do was blow her a kiss goodbye.

She was gone for over Five hours, but it felt more like a year; I sat there staring at the clock, as down my cheek dropped another petrified tear.

The Doctor walks out, as my heart drops, but relief overwhelms me as they have opened her tiny Aorta with total success; I feel a weight drop from my shoulders, relieving all my stress.

They say we have to wait until she is older and stronger, until they can patch up her tiny heart; The weight lifts back onto my shoulders, this isn‟t the end, it is just the very start.

I sat with my baby in intensive care, until one day a lady walks in representing “The British Heart Foundation”; They gave me something money could never buy, and that was hope and inspiration.

My baby made it to her First birthday, and the Doctors successfully sealed the hole in her heart; It is all thanks to the Doctors, and “The British Heart Foundation”, that me and my little angel, will now never have to be apart.

My baby is now Eight years old, and it‟s all down to the research “The British Heart Foundation” did discover; I thank them for my Daughters life, and I thank them for getting a chance, to simply be a Mother.

DEDICATED TO

SHAYLEIGH DUDSON & LIANNE MOWLES -X-

GRANDAD

It‟s Monday the 17th of July, 1995, I sit on the sofa reading the paper, as my beautiful Wife walks in with my cup of tea; I see butterflies fluttering outside in the morning sun, as I look down the garden checking out my Avery.

My Wife and I make plans for my retirement, which is just over a week away; After a lifetime of working, I wonder just how I will spend each and every single day.

My Wife truly is my other half, after a lifetime together we are no longer two people, we are bonded as one; My Wife fussing around making cheese straws, as we prepare a welcome for my Grandson.

I watch on smiling, as she runs the Hoover across the floor; The doorbell echoes through the hallway, it‟s my Grandson waiting patiently at the door.

He has grown so big, as I offer him a seat; My Wife is still fussing, as she offers him the entire kitchen to eat.

We laugh and talk for the day, catching a moment in time; My Grandson is just like me, as I look into his eyes I see a legacy which is mine.

I say “we will have Fish and Chips for dinner, why don‟t you stay and have tea with us”; My Grandson replies “thank you, but I am going out with my friends tonight, and it won‟t be long before I catch the homeward bound bus”.

I walk with him to the bus stop, whilst I push my bike, so I can fetch home our tea; As he hugs me goodbye I whisper, “Don‟t leave it so long, before you come back and see me”.

He boards the bus and runs to the back, so he can wave me goodbye; As the bus pulls away, tears start to fall from the sky.

I get our dinner and quickly ride home, trying to get out of the rain; As we sit eating our Fish and Chips, my chest feels discomfort, which then turns into pain.

My Wife looks worried as she says “darling, are you alright”, I tremble out “I will be fine, I think I just need something to drink”; As she runs into the kitchen, I feel my heart squeeze real tight, as my body starts to sink.

My plate smashes down onto the floor, as my Wife rushes back in, lights flash past my life; I grab my chest, as I crash down to the floor, I see heaven through the eyes of my angelic Wife.

Everything is going dark, tears fall from my eyes, as I don‟t want to say goodbye to my love; I hold my Wife‟s hand, whispering “I love you”, as my soul rises up into the beautiful blue skies above.

I write this letter from the heavens, watching over a family who would make any man proud; I seal this letter with a kiss, as I watch it float down from my cloud.

DEDICATED TO

JOHN MOWLES

A FATHER, A GRANDAD, A FRIEND WHO WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN -X-

WORDS

Its strange how words can act with the force of a tsunami, sweeping across the land; Words can take off like a G6, unlike anything I had ever planned.

Words can bring people hope, and lift people up when they are down; Words can flip reverse into a smile, after spending so long as a frown.

When I write things down they just make sense, like the apprentice has become the Jedi; I taught myself how to write these verses, and I taught myself how to make these letters fly.

Our history and destiny is written in the stars, words that can inspire a nation; Some words can make you laugh, whilst some words can move you forward, giving a little bit of motivation.

Letters turn into words, words into sentences, and then sentences into this rhyme; Words don‟t cost you anything, except maybe a little time.

The writing is on the wall, for the entire world to see; I just sit there watching this pen move, as my angels finish writing, yet another letter for me.

ENGLISH LION

My soul now belongs to the Welsh dragons, soaring high into the blue skies flying; But blood still flows through my veins, pumping the heart of an English lion.

In the year 1305, shame was brought on our Country by King Edward the first, to our Scottish neighbours he broke his royal promise; The power must have gone to his head, before it was beaten out of him, by William Wallace.

Modern Briton rose up through the ashes, as Winston Churchill inspired a nation to victory in World War 2; The Nazis all fell over, as Hiroshima blew.

In 1966 the World Cup roared, with three lions on a shirt; But since then penalties have been our undoing, equalling 40 odd years of hurt.

Today our country is run by public school boys, who really haven‟t got a clue; All of their wishes were granted, whilst the rest of us all struggle, in making of our dreams come true.

But that doesn‟t stop our Saint Georges flag soaring into the blue skies flying; As a nation we should all join together, and roar like an English lion.

BLITZ

It‟s the 12th of September 1940, clouds of smoke plumes over the sky; The roaring engines of the German bombers echo out, as overhead they fly.

The air raid sirens are sounding, which force us to hide under my bed; My Mum wraps her arms around me, as I pull my arms up covering my head.

I hold my pencil in my hand writing this letter, as crashes seem to be leaving our city broken, damage which could never be repaired; I turn facing my Mum, as her teary eyes and trembling lips, whisper out I‟m scared.

My Father is away at War, it‟s been Two weeks since me and my Mum stood in the doorway waving him goodbye; My Mum tried to be strong and bite her lip, but I could tell that deep down all she wanted to do was cry.

The crashing of buildings fight for noise against the constant sound of sirens, explosions mix with screams of rage; A plane flies over our house so close, it shakes my pencil from off its page.

A mass crashing noise makes my Mum scream, as all of our windows implode, smashing in pieces all over the floor; The explosion was so loud my ears went deaf, as I watch on in silence, bricks and glass come crashing through our front door.

The dust and rumble clouds like mist, creeping down to our hiding place under the bed; I see my Mums lips moving, she was crying, but I couldn‟t hear the words she had just said.

I cry out “MUM”, but even I cannot hear what I was trying to say; My Mums mouth looks like she is shouting, but I can only just about lip read her words “baby are you okay”.

I am shouting at the top of my voice, as I feel blood come trickling down and out from my ear; I see my Mum start to panic, but my world has become silent, as I drop a single lonely tear.

I don‟t know if my Mum can hear me when I shout, so I use this pencil and paper to reply; My Mum looks over my shoulder at my page, as I write “MUM, I CANNOT HEAR ANYTHING, AM I GOING TO DIE”.

She just pulls me close kissing me gently, everything is so quiet, as I feel her tears roll down her face and onto mine as we weep; I close my eyes to a complete silent darkness, until my pencil falls back to sleep.

RE-VERSE

The heart monitor flat lines, I sink down to a constant sounding beep; I drop off this world, as even angels will someday have to fall down to sleep.

An electric pulse shakes back down the defibrillator, as the doctor shouts out stand clear; Watery cries roll back up my cheek and into my eyes, like a patiently waiting tear.

The paramedic‟s rush me back outside into the lifting rain, as blood pours back into where the knife had cut; They lift me back into the ambulance, as the open doors are slammed back shut.

Speeding down the road backwards, as the blue lights are flashing the other way; Through the rear view window, I see the stars and moon sink, as the setting sun lifts back up into the day.

The paramedics pull me off the stretcher, laying me back onto the ground; As the ambulance reverses backwards and away, the sirens become just another distant sound.

I lay on my back on the grass, as a dark figure stands over me, unsaying the last words that he had just said; As I get back to my feet, the knife pulls out from my chest, which seals the hole back up which bled.

The dark figure puts his knife back up his sleeve, as he shouts “GIVE ME YOUR WALLET, AND YOUR FUCKING MOBILE PHONE”; As he steps back into the shadows, I pace backwards, walking down the dark alley all on my own.

As the rain lifts back into the sky, I pull down the hood from my coat; I walk back through my front door, and un-write the poem I had just wrote.

I lift my cigarette back from the ash tray, re lighting itself, as the smoke drifts down back into the paper; I pick up my box of cigarettes, seeing only one fag left, before I un-think of going to the shop later.

I unfold the letter, un-lick the stamp, put away the envelope, until this poem is no longer ready to send; I put my pen down, sign my name, before finally reading out the last two words on the page, which spells out the end.

TO BE A STEP DAD

To be a Step Dad isn‟t easy, but the good always outweighs the bad; You couldn‟t hold them as a baby, but at least you can hold them today, if they are sad.

You missed their first steps, you wasn‟t there to carry your baby out of the hospital, the first time they felt the sun; You were not there to see the candles blown out, for birthday number one.

You don‟t know what their first word was, or the first food that they tasted; Somehow you wish there was a way to turn back time, so we could try and witness all the years, we have missed and wasted.

They might not be your biological children, but human nature and love, still makes you look at them as your own Daughter or Son; You missed out the first time there eyes lit up, back on Christmas number one.

But instead of looking back, I look to the future and thank my destiny, for the best pre-made family a man has ever had; I try to remember that anyone can be a Father, but it takes real man to be a Step Dad.

SAY MY GOODBYE

Have I really seen heaven, is it nearly time for me to die; This letter is dedicated to all my family and friends, in case I never got the chance, to say my goodbye.

Most of the wishes I ask for when I write my letters have all come true; So maybe I will write a wish to live forever, so that I don‟t have to leave a single one of you.

I just pray my legacy has reached out to you, I hope my letters show enough love to earn my pass into heaven; I am counting down the days, as I once wrote I would die, on Tuesday the 1st of November, 2011.

The 5 books I leave behind are like a journey, a journey through my life; The letters are sealed for an eternity in ink, all dedicated to my inspiration, my soul partner, my best friend, my beautiful angelic Wife.

The letters will give you a chance to sit down and reflect; Everything I did in my life, lead me to this moment in time, it‟s what I like to call, My Butterfly Effect.

If you were to read between the lines, you would see through my eyes, as ink flows through my body like rain; The ink has over taken my mind, which is slowly drowning inside of my brain.

I promise you won‟t be alone, I will be wrapping my angel wings around you, every single time I ever hear you cry; I will be watching over you for a lifetime, on my number 9 cloud in the sky.

I will watch over you all, as best as I can; I walked into this tunnel of poetry a boy, but I am walking out the other side as a man.

You kept me moving forwards, you taught my heart how to fly; I am just thankful I at least got this chance, to write and say my goodbye.

TEACH ME HOW TO FLY

Sitting on the roof top staring across the sky; I am so close to heaven right now, I wonder if I asked God nicely he would teach me how to fly.

People walking down below, like little ants crawling along the street; I am sat on the edge of this roof top, legs dangling over, with a fresh pair of Nikeys on my feet.

I have it all, except the girl that I love; I asked God for guidance, but silence is all that fell from his blue skies above.

I turn to music for answers, as my earphones beat out Lexus singing that I “LOVE HER TO MUCH”; I keep seeing her face in front of me, but it is just too far away to touch.

It‟s been one week exactly since we laid her down to rest; If this life is an audition for heaven, then I have simply failed its test.

My memory replays her crossing the road to meet me, but she was in the wrong place, at the wrong time; A hit and run driver took away my dream, as I held her in my arms, I lost all which was mine.

The sun is setting over the horizon, whilst I pluck up the courage to jump; My heart is beating through my chest so fast, as it echoes through my body with a thump.

I have lost my best friend, which nobody can ever replace; As I sit staring at your picture, a tear drops down my cheek, splashing onto your photographic face.

I have a pain which no Doctor could ever cure, for love there is no medicine or antidote; I stand up on the edge of the roof top staring at the skies, as I tightly grasp this suicide note.

Just as I start to fall I blow a kiss towards the sky; As I hit the ground, angels lift me up into heaven, and they teach me how to fly.

THE DARKNESS

Hold onto the darkness, hold onto the night; Hold onto your dreams, as you walk off into the light.

The darkness will be waiting for you at every single turn; The darkness is unforgiving, it will never give you a second chance to learn.

If you stand still in life the darkness will swallow you, just like black quick sand; The shadows loom over your dreams, as they stretch across the land.

Evil thoughts flow through your brain, that is the darkness wanting you to fall; You can try to pray to God, but sometimes in life he is just too busy to take your call.

Try to keep on the right path, believe me the dark side is full of nothing but utter emptiness; Never close your eyes, because if you do, you will fall into the realm of darkness.

THE LAST POEM

I can‟t believe this is going to be the last poem I ever get to write; These blank pages were like my best friend who sung me a lullaby, when the darkness consumed me at night.

This pen has become an extension of my body, over the years it‟s been fused to my hand; My time is now up, its game over, as my hour glass of life has just completely run out of sand.

To you it‟s just a pen and a blank sheet, waiting to be filled with a verse; To me these words have consumed my heart, as the ink has become my addictive cruel curse.

If it wasn‟t for these verses, I wouldn‟t be here writing a dream; The ink starts to fade away, as my pages begin to scream.

I thank you for saving my life, but this pen is refusing to write the word goodbye; My pen starts to leak over the page, as tear of ink start falling from the sky.

I followed my destiny and it lead me to this moment, as this last poem floats away to the heavens taking flight; As this final letter reaches into the clouds, my angels whisper “IT WAS ALWAYS YOUR DESTINY TO WRITE”.

THE END --X--

EVEN ANGELS WILL FALL

THE END 2011

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

DEDICATED TO MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE

LIANNE MOWLES -X-

ALSO IN LOVING MEMORY OF

MARION & JOHN MOWLES

“DREAMS REALLY CAN COME TRUE” -X-

MANY THANKS TO ALL MY FAMILY & FRIENDS FOR SIMPLY BEING YOU -X-

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MY RESURRECTION 11/1/11

™

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

WEBSITE http://poetrybybarrymowles.yolasite.com/

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email [email protected]

res·ur·rec·tion n. 1. The act of rising from the dead or returning to life. 2. The state of one who has returned to life. 3. The act of bringing back to practice, notice, or use; revival. . Resurrection Christianity a. The rising again of Jesus on the third day after the Crucifixion. b. The rising again of the dead at the Last Judgment.

MY RESURRECTION 11.1.11

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

MY RESURRECTION 11/1/11

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

DEDICATED TO MY INSPIRATION, MY WIFE

LIANNE MOWLES & TO ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS

ALSO IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY NAN & GRANDDAD

MARION & JOHN MOWLES

MY RESURRECTION 11.1.11

11.1.11

THE SPEECH THAT CHANGED MY LIFE…

KEEP MOVING FORWARD

“You aren‟t going to believe this, but you use to fit right here, I‟d hold you up and say to your Mother „this kid is going to be the best kid in the world, this kid is going to be somebody better than anybody ever knew‟.

And you grew up good and wonderful; it was great just watching, everyday was like a privilege.

Then the time came for you to be your own man, and take on the world, and you did. But somewhere along the line you changed, you stopped being you, you let people stick a finger in your face, and tell you you‟re no good.

And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame… like a big shadow”.

Let me tell you something you already know, the world isn‟t all sunshine and rainbows, it‟s a very mean and nasty place. I don‟t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees, and keep you there if you let it.

You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life, but it isn‟t about how hard you hit, it‟s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward… that‟s how winning is done.

If you know what you‟re worth, go and get what you‟re worth, but you got to be willing to take the hits, not pointing fingers saying you aren‟t where you want to be, because of him or her or anybody.

Cowards do that, and that isn‟t you!!!

You‟re better than that”

-ROCKY BALBOA–

MY RESURRECTION 11/1/11 CONTENTS

1. MY RESURRECTION 2. THE PEN 3. HERE IN HEAVEN (11:59) 4. MY ADDICTION 5. LIFE 6. THE MACHINES “THE END IS NIGH” – (PART ONE) 7. LIFE 2 THE MACHINES “PEACE OR WAR” – (PART TWO) 8. THE MACHINES BREAKING 3 – (PART THREE) 9. THE MACHINES 4 – (PART FOUR) 10. SHOOTING STAR 11. IF I HAD… 12. STREETLIFE 13. CLOSE MY EYES 14. REMEMBER MY NAME 15. CREATURE OF THE NIGHT – (PART ONE) 16. CREATURE 2 THE NIGHT – (PART TWO) 17. CREATURE FLYING 3 – (PART THREE) 18. TIME 19. THE MOON & STARS 20. WORLD TRADE: FLIGHT 11 21. MOMENT IN TIME 22. HAPPY 65TH BIRTHDAY 23. POETRY IN MOTION 24. FALL IN L.O.V.E 25. BEHIND MY SMILE 26. UP IN SMOKE 27. FIRST KISS 28. THE GAME 29. WITHOUT YOU 30. LIFE TO DEATH, AND BACK AGAIN – (THE END)

MY RESURRECTION

It‟s time for my resurrection to begin, it‟s time to breathe new life on to this page; It‟s time to let the ink flow again, and to release this pen from its cage.

They say home is where the heart is, my heart is now in love; I‟ve spent my time in heaven, I am just the resurrection sent back down from the beautiful blue skies above.

God gave me angel wings and he taught me how to fly; He gave me a gift then sent me home, it just wasn‟t my time to die.

I have seen heaven, beauty now has a whole new sense and meaning; My world turned upside down and inside out, in fact my floor has become my ceiling.

Time plays no part in heaven, the sun always shines and the darkness never steals the day; You can spend your life living in a daydream, just watching the clouds drift away.

A smile now greets me from my mirror of reflection; I have risen from beyond the grave to bring you, My Resurrection.

THE PEN

I was brought back to life, as I sat there chewing the bottom of my pen; The ink trickles to the back of my heart, pushing my dreams wide open.

It feels like I am giving mouth to mouth to the ink, as I hold the pen tighter as if I am giving CPR; The pen has been by my side through it all, I never thought together we could make it this far.

Blank sheets stare back at me, looking so clean and white; Thousands of words and verses scream through my dreams, when I close my eyes at night.

There are so many ways to write, communication is life‟s key; The difference is when I pick up the pen, I am writing my destiny.

Without the ink in my life my name was blown away with the wind; I now know I was given a gift I must use, “Forgive me Father for I have sinned”.

I took all I had for granted, but now the pen and I have our target set firmly in our sight; The ink and I have a destiny, and that destiny is for us to write.

HERE IN HEAVEN (11:59)

It‟s Tuesday the 1st of November 2011; Staring down from my cloud I realise, I don‟t belong here in heaven.

I stood at the gateway begging for just a little more time; The hands on my clock no longer move, a never ending minute which is stuck on 11:59.

I see my Nan & Granddad sitting with all my lost family and friends, they all reaching out for me to stay; An angel whispers through my mind “you‟re destiny is not yet over, I think you have just lost you‟re way”.

I stand motionless at the top of heavens stairway in the sky; I look down watching my life, as angels wipe away their tears, and wave me goodbye.

I slowly walk down the stairway, with each step I move a little further away from heavens light; As I take my first step back into the world, my angels echo out “Remember, it was always you‟re DESTINY TO WRITE”.

MY ADDICTION

These words are my life and curse, as the ink itches through my blood feeding my addiction; The pen and I have spent so many years together in our prison cell, writing these letters with conviction.

If my pen runs dry I will use my blood, if my paper runs out I will start writing on the wall; This addiction brings back the voices, and when I start writing I hear my angels call.

Hours are spent in a haze, as a scribbling pen scratches away; My veins are pumping full of ink, which spells out that these verses are here to stay.

Searching everywhere for another hit, another letter to give me my high; These words can lift me up like smoke, floating away like a butterfly.

Crouched down in a dark alley way, loading my syringe pen with ink; The stars are reaching out for me, trying to pull me back from the brink.

Our critics sent us to rehab, and served the ink and I with our eviction; I think I must be suffering from a relapse, as this writing has become my inescapable addiction.

LIFE

Life is like a rollercoaster, it has its up‟s and down‟s, but it‟s your choice to scream or to just enjoy the ride; Life is a onetime event, there is no time to push your hopes and dreams to one side.

Success doesn‟t just fall onto your lap. Life is hard like trying to ice skate up hill; Life is full of choices, just like in the Matrix we all have to choose to take that red or blue pill.

Life moves so fast, our time will never slow down or stop; We spend our entire lives climbing life‟s ladder, but where do we go once we have finally reached the top.

Life gives no second chances, life can lift you high but then within minutes crash you back down to the ground; If your life was a boxing match, would you be entering into the 1st, the 10th or are you just facing up to your last and final round.

Life is too short to tell your dreams that they have to wait; I was born to write these verses for you, it was my destiny, my butterfly effect, my uncontrollable fate.

Please don‟t take your life for granted, just try to remember that heaven is only ever just a single missed heartbeat away; Each morning is a new beginning, the rising sun equals, the start of a brand new day.

DEDICATED TO MY LITTLE SISTER JO BATES -X-

THE MACHINES “THE END IS NIGH” (PART ONE)

It‟s Monday the 1st of November 2021; It‟s been 7 days since the machines rose up, blocking out the sun.

Instead of asking is this going to happen, we should have been asking when; The end of days is getting closer, as the machines patrol our neighbourhoods, it‟s now machines verses men.

They came down in the middle of the night, whilst the nation was in the land of nod; A patiently waiting force was given the touch of life, from our god.

I close my eyes so I can reverse these memories back to where it all begun; It was the night of the 25th of October, as my bedside clock told me it was a quarter past one.

A piercing bright light turned the starry night into the day; I open my curtains scanning London‟s horizon, as I wipe the windows condensation away.

A rumbling sound like thunder echoes through my empty street; Then an unnatural shaking like an earthquake, knocked me clear off my feet.

Everything then went quiet, the light descends back into the dark; I see people coming out of their houses in dressing gowns, all staring towards an enormous metal object, which has crashed down in the park.

An eerie silent breeze blows through my bedroom, as I open my window; I see hundreds of people step backwards, as the metal object starts to glow.

I turn on the TV, surely there must be something about this on sky; These metal objects have been spotted all across the world, as they show a picture of a bearded man in the darkness, holding a sign which reads that “the end is nigh”.

Every city in the world is reporting the same enormous metal objects, there is no escape; I watch on through my bedroom window as the police cordon off the enormous glowing object, with their red tape.

I try to call my parents, but all the mobile phone networks are down, helicopters overhead are starting to make me feel wary; Facebook and Twitter are still not working, as I try to contact my family and friends, on my Blackberry.

I spin around as the news reporter says “there seems to be movement coming from the metal objects”, so I stare out my window to look; The glowing light is getting brighter, as the ground underneath me shook.

The sun starts its steady climb into the sky, shedding light across the park; Everyone starts backing away, as the huge chunk of metal lifts itself up from the ground, casting a shadow of dark.

I watch on in disbelief as the monstrous metal object continues to rise, towering taller than anything I have ever seen; People start to panic and runaway, as the same images are flooding in from around the world, through my television screen.

The metal figure is all I can see, as it reaches up high into the sky; It glows like chrome metal standing on two legs, with a huge strip of light on its head, resembling an eye.

Screams of desperation sound out through the streets, which are echoed from around the world through my TV; The ghostly white face of the news reporter stutters out, “what, what, what could they be”.

My heart is racing, where do I hide? Where do I run? But for now the machine stands motionless in the park, just blocking out the sun.

I nervously walk outside onto my street, people running everywhere, sounds of army helicopters and planes are dominating our sky; I look across the road to see a bearded man staring back at me, he is holding a sign which reads out that “the end is nigh”.

TO BE CONTINUED…

LIFE 2 THE MACHINES “PEACE OR WAR” (PART TWO)

For hours upon hours the mechanical giants stood motionless, as the world doesn‟t know if to prepare for peace or war; Governments are speechless with ideas, causing riots and looting, as citizen‟s board up their windows and door.

Mass hysteria has over whelmed the cities, as fires rage, shop shelves are stripped bare; But still the metal giants stand frozen to the spot, as they just scan the skyline with an unbreakable stare.

The mobile phone networks are always reading SOS, and a dead tone is all I can hear through the phone box, when I call my parents back home; They are miles away, out of reach, with no working cars left on the streets I realise I am stuck here on my own.

Scientists chatting 24/7 on the TV, each have their own ideas of what is going to happen; Every city across the planet has their own metal mystery, not just London, but Hong Kong, Berlin, Madrid, and New York‟s sleeping giant is standing tall over Lower Manhattan.

Then one night the history books had to be re-written, as the dormant giants all started to creak and rise; Panic ignites around the streets, and the air gets swamped with thousands of screams and cries.

As the news reports flood in from around the world, crunching metallic creeks echo through my window from over the park; The machines have awoken, as their shining spotlight illuminates, piercing through the dark.

The giant machine turns around, slowly pacing towards London‟s city centre, stepping on trees and buildings like they aren‟t even there; Fear has frozen me to the ground, as I watch on through an unblinking stare.

In the distance I see the machine grind to a stop, I cover my ears as through the giants spotlight screeches out a piercing sound so loud; I see the brightest flash of white light in the distance, as into the air then rises, a mushroom shaped cloud.

The giant machine starts slowly creaking further away into the smoke, the war against the machines has begun; Dear diary this is a date in history, 2021.

TO BE CONTINUED…

THE MACHINES BREAKING 3 (PART THREE)

The TV goes black as all the lights go out, clouds of smoke and ash fall from the skies, blocking out the early morning rising sun; I throw my diary into my bag, and through the falling darkness I run.

I run past panicking families, as ash drops through the sky like snow; People are running in every direction, not knowing which way to go.

Thoughts, worries and fears run through my mind, I just want to get anywhere but here; After miles of running I am alone, as down my face pours sweat, mixed in with tear.

I try to get my bearings, as I have no clue where I am, so I clamber through the trees to reach higher ground; The cold breeze whistles through the darkness, surrounding me in its lonely sound.

I stand up scanning the horizon, every direction I look bright white mushroom clouds lift up into the distant sky; I glance towards the heavens, as overhead the army fighter jets fly.

Through the falling ash I see dozens of the giant machines, as they destroy entire towns and cities with their piercing blinding light; Nothing and nobody can stand in their way, this is now an extermination, with a sole purpose to eliminate every living creature in sight.

I crash down to my knees praying towards the darkened sky; I open my eyes, and resting on my clasped hands sits an ash covered butterfly.

A spot light scans across the ground in front of me, as in the distance I see a mechanical giant heading over my way; I turn to run, whilst the sun fights against the clouds, trying to introduce the sunlight back into the day.

I fight my way through the trees and darkness, looking for somewhere to hide; I can hear the machine getting closer, with each and every single creaking stride.

I hear the machine right behind me, as I turn around I slip down the hillside splashing down in the mud; I scurry under a fallen tree just as a giant metal foot crashes down, it‟s dripping and oozing with human blood.

I am covered from head to toe in this mud, as I crouch shivering under a tree; The machine towers motionless in the darkness, its spotlight searching the wilderness, with a mission to end my destiny.

After what seemed to be an eternity the machine creaks off into the darkness, trees falling in its wake; With each step the giant‟s footsteps shake the ground beneath me, just like a mini earthquake.

Fear has paralyzed me to the spot, as I lay shivering in this mud on the floor; Silence falls back through the smoke, as the rising machines have declared war.

I slowly get to my trembling feet, scraping the mud away from my jeans; I need to try and find my parents, as without heart we are mere machines.

TO BE CONTINUED…

THE MACHINES 4 (PART FOUR)

I walk for days through hostile burning neighbourhoods, the once high skyline has now tumbled to the ground; The flickering flames burn bodies and buildings, as the screaming cries has become just another distant sound.

After what felt like an eternity of walking, I arrive at where use to stand my parents street; Smoke and ash lingers over the rumble, as blood and tears trickle down the road beneath my feet.

Tears overwhelm my face, I didn‟t even get a chance to say goodbye to my Father and Mum; My eyes open once again back on this tragic day, its early evening on Monday the 1st November, 2021.

Exhaustion trembles through my body, as I slump to my knees outside my parents crumbled home; The whistling wind echoes like voices, as I lay back into the descending darkness all on my own.

I lay on my back facing the skies, drifting in and out of sleep, before the clouds around me glowed; My heart skips a beat, as I stare through the darkness I see a giant machine staring back at me, from the bottom of the road.

Fear freezes me to where I had fallen, exhaustion and thirst has drained my will to fight; I face the skies praying for an angel to save me, as the mechanical monster uses its piercing beam to illuminate the night.

I close my eyes and blow a whispered kiss towards my waiting Father and Mum; I scream into the white light, as the immense heat makes me feel like I have just been thrown into the core of the sun.

I sit at heaven‟s gate writing this letter, the machines now rule the land, whilst humanity has made a new home in the sky; I will seal this letter with a kiss, and watch it fall down like a lonely drop of ink, who has just written his goodbye.

SHOOTING STAR

My instinct is kicking in and all I can do is write; Before I was just shouting into the darkness, but now I can illuminate the skies, just like a shooting star at night.

Don‟t you dare try to tell me that I cannot make it, these words and verses can take me wherever I want to go; I may not be perfect, but at least I have the courage to put my life and poetry out on show.

When I close my eyes this pen can write its own verses, which I then copyright as mine; These words can soar up high just like a shooting star, spelling out the phrase “it is you‟re time to shine”.

Haters doubt my odds of being a success, they try to turn my happiness into yet another negative grief; But I know I will succeed in life, I have my faith, my hope and an unbreakable belief.

Whatever we do in life we all have a dream that we are each trying to live and save; These words will still be sealed in ink for an eternity, giving the effect that I am writing this letter from beyond the grave.

I write in a lonely place, eyes closed so nobody can ever say you only ever made it because of me; Fate will push you in the right direction in life, but it‟s only you who can chase you‟re destiny.

I have already proved all of my doubters wrong, secretly nobody ever thought I would make it this far; I blow a kiss towards the skies, as I watch this letter flash across the heavens, onboard my shooting star.

IF I HAD…

Its Tuesday the 11th of September 2001, my 6am radio alarm has just introduced the start of a brand new day; Through my bedroom window I see the rising sun glimmer across the Big Apples skyline, before it shines across the face of my beautiful fiancée.

I kiss her gently on the forehead as not to wake her, after a quick shower & shave I stand facing my reflection, straightening up my tie; I pick up my briefcase and keys, before blowing a kiss towards my sleeping angel, whilst whispering “goodbye”.

For the first time ever my car starts on the first attempt, as I reverse down my driveway the radio speakers beat out Eminem‟s “Stan”; I make my way slowly down my street, and send a wave towards my mail man.

It must be my lucky day, as a green traffic light greets me at the end of each and every single block; For the first time in a month I won‟t be late for work, as my car radio echoes out “it‟s Tuesday the 11th of September, the time is now 8 o‟clock.

The bustling streets greet me after parking my car, walking into the giant shadows leaves me stuck in the morning shade; Towering over me is the building where I work, may I present to you all, the North tower of the World Trade.

A tired looking businessman asks me to hold the elevator, before we make our way up to the 76th floor; I grab myself a coffee as I stare across Manhattans skyline, looking over all that I adore.

My mobile phone vibrates, a text from my Fiancée, I smile as it reads “YOU’RE LOVE MAKES ME FEEL JUST LIKE A BUTTERFLY”; Just then a flash of blue through the window attracts my attention, it looks just like an aeroplane, flying dangerously low across the New York city sky.

It felt like someone had just pressed the pause button on life, as everyone‟s frozen eyes are glued on the only object moving, this giant falling plane; Fear freezes me to where I stand, as regrets, goodbyes and prayers are all echoing through my brain.

A silent tear falls down my cheek, my heart beat is racing and it‟s pulsating to attack; Just then a wave of immense heat and pain engulfs my dreams, then everything goes black…

- IF I HAD… -

Its Tuesday the 11th of September 2001, as my 6am radio alarm is greeted by me slapping down the snooze; I see the rising sun glimmer across the Big Apples skyline, and then across the face of my beautiful Fiancée, this is too special a moment to just ignore and lose.

I kiss her gently on the forehead and give her a hug, as she slowly opens her eyes up from the night; She stretches and yawns, whist I whisper “morning beautiful, did you sleep alright”.

She lies in my arms as we watch the sunrise, until she says “you better move your ass & get ready, or your boss will put your head on a stake”; I jump up not realising the time, my Fiancée is laughing as I shout out “Fuck it I‟m not rushing, what difference is half an hour going to make”.

After a quick shower I stand facing my reflection, as my future wife straightens up my tie; She giggles and says “stop panicking, your only half an hour late” before giving me a kiss goodbye.

My fiancée is laughing again, as my car is just not willing to start; I shout out “babe, stop laughing and help me, it‟s only morning and my day is already falling apart”.

Pacing the front lawn awaiting my over priced taxi to arrive; In this concrete jungle everyday is a struggle, to just succeed and survive.

The word unlucky would sum up my morning so far, as the silent taxi driver conveniently hits every single red light, causing yet another wait; I can‟t believe how late I am, as the taxi radio echoes out “it‟s Tuesday the 11th of September, the time is now half past Eight.

The bustling morning streets greet me as I jog down the block, the giant buildings shadow hides‟ lower Manhattan in the shade; I check my watch for the hundredth time, its 0845am, as I finally make my way towards the entrance into the World Trade.

Just as I reach out to open the entrance doors, a flash of blue from up above attracts my attention, it‟s an plane flying dangerously low across the New York sky; The world then fell into silence, as people stood motionless facing the heavens, mouths open, and throats dry.

It felt like someone had just pressed the pause button on life, as everybody‟s frozen eyes are glued on the only object moving, this giant falling plane; Fear freezes me to the concrete, as worry, fear and panic rushes through my brain.

Fear brings me to my knees, as a thunderous smashing explosion blocks out the morning sun; Flames mix in with metal and glass, as they fall from the heavens I cover my head with my arms and run.

Panicking citizens are running everywhere, as the emergency service sirens blend into all the screams and cries; As I run through the manic streets, I see another plane come crashing down into the second tower, after falling from the blue skies.

I run until my legs give way, I‟m shaking like a leaf, as I sit watching the burning towers I think, if I had arrived to work on time that could have been me; This letter is dedicated to all the victims of 9/11, who couldn‟t alter their destiny.

STREETLIFE

The sunsets on the 951st day of me living alone homeless on the street; I sit motionless on the floor for hours upon end, unblinking eyes staring forwards, the same level as hundreds of passing feet.

Heads turned the other way, passersby never lock eyes with mine; The rain continues to fall from the heavens, slowly smudging away the words from my sign.

“Hungry, Cold and in need of a warm drink”; The rain soaks me to the bone, as my body begins to sink.

Sat here sliding down at the bottom of life‟s ladder, thinking where did it all go so wrong; All I have now is time, minutes seem like hours and the freezing nighttimes feel so empty and long.

My head is bowed down facing my battered shoes, as my soles sink down into the concrete; The rain drowns out my tears, as all my hopes and dreams are washing away down the street.

Voices echo through my mind, as my tears are constantly falling; I feel like I am screaming into the rain, but nobody can hear me calling.

The freezing winds reach inside my chest, wrapping itself tightly around my heart; My life flashes through the falling rain, breaking my soul apart.

A warm light pierces through the darkness, lifting me gently into the skies without even a sound; As my soul rises up through the clouds, I watch my body slump and tumble down to the ground.

I watch on from the heavens, as everybody carries on walking past my cold body, they could never really understand my pain; Angels lift me higher into the sky, as I leave my life just drowning in the rain.

CLOSE MY EYES

I close my eyes as dreams drift me off into the night; This page is my pillow, my mind is asleep whilst my pen still continues to write.

My body surrenders to the darkness, as my brain works in partnership with my hand; The ink floods over this blank page, revelling just what my destiny has planned.

I fall deeper and deeper into my sleeping silence; These words aren‟t just verses put together, they were written to give you hope and guidance.

You have written you‟re destiny, but I do worry that one day your imagination will just run dry; These words have consumed you‟re heart so much, that ink now rolls down you‟re cheeks when you cry.

The silent pen moves across this letter, as dreams flow through you‟re sleeping brain; My angels sit up on their clouds reading you‟re verses, as their tears fall from the heavens they turn into rain.

You‟re destiny has brought you this far, you have nearly made it, but you have to keep on fighting; You know what you have to do to succeed, and that‟s to just keep on writing.

It was angels who altered you‟re destiny, giving you the chance to write your very own resurrection; You will never stand alone in life, if you look closely in the mirror you will see angels, standing next to your reflection.

Keep the faith, and one day soon I promise you will get you‟re break; The sun is starting to rise now, it will soon be your time to wake.

It‟s my time to leave you now, as the sun slowly creeps its way into the early morning skies; Just try and trust what I have written for you my child, as it‟s now time for you to open up your eyes.

REMEMBER MY NAME

This is just the beginning, this isn‟t the end, there is no need to cry; Just promise me you will always remember my name, when you see a shooting star in the sky.

My doubters are now eating their own words, just hanging their heads in shame; I just hope that when I am gone, the stars will spell out my name.

I smile each time I complete another letter, another chance to prove all of my haters wrong; I kept my feet firmly on the ground, whilst they have their heads in the clouds, just like “Cheech & Chong”.

I write these words with a pen, not a pencil, so these verses will never have to fade away; You should never judge a book by its cover, but instead judge it by what the enclosed verses have to say.

I try so hard to give these letters feet, so that they can stand up on their own; So called friends may have turned their backs on me, but these pages were always by my side, so that I never had to feel alone.

Nobody wanted to help me when I was down, but now I am climbing so high everyone seems to want to stand by my side; This pen and paper has always been there for me, catching my tears of ink when I cried.

These words are my guiding light, drawing me closer to my destiny, just like a moth to the flame; I don‟t write these verses to become rich and famous, I just want people to remember my name.

CREATURE OF THE NIGHT (PART ONE)

Today is my birthday, I am 361 years old; I stand on the beach awaiting the sunrise, it is now time for my destiny to unfold.

I take off my shirt and throw it on to the sand, as the horizon slowly starts to illuminate with rays of light from the sun; The piercing brightness slowly starts to burn away my skin, as it flashes back my memories to where this all begun.

Pages of the calendar flash in front of me, before my memory stops on Wednesday the 15th of July, the year is 1665; A great plague is sweeping across the land, which has left me the only one of my family, to still be alive.

I just had to say goodbye to my Mother, as she whispered “I love you” with her very last wheezing breath; I run through the streets of London, just trying to escape the Black Death.

I run until I feel grass beneath my feet, no longer the streets cold mud and stone; Tall trees tower over me, I am a 15 year old boy who is sat here crying all on my own.

A whispering voice echoes through the darkness, causing my body to freeze; The hairs on the back of my neck shiver, as I see a tall dark figure hiding amongst the trees.

My heart is racing, but as I get up to run I see the dark figure vanish from the shadows, and reappear as if by magic by my side; His pale white face shines in the moonlight, I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came out, no matter how much I tried.

His eyes roll a dark shade of black, I stand there shivering as the dark figure opens his mouth, revelling sharp teeth like a wild animal ready to fight; I manage to tremble out “what are you”, before a whispering reply echoes “I am the creature of the night”.

Fear takes over my very soul, as I stand shaking like a nervous wreck; The creature leaps towards me, plunging his sharpened teeth into my pulsing neck.

I gargle out screams of pain into the dark skies of night; I can feel my body start to go limp, as my head starts to feel real light.

The monster then drops me to the floor, as my soul starts to sink into the ground below; I lay on the grass feeling my life drain away, as I watch the creature creep back into the darkness, and become just another shadow.

I close my eyes as I drift off into a darkened dream; Just then an over whelming pain rushes through my veins, and all I could do was scream.

I feel my heart stop beating, as my skin turns so pale and white; My sharpened teeth pierce through my gums, as my memory reminds me, this is the moment I was reborn, and came back as a creature of the night.

I rise to my feet as a new dawn begins to break; I hide myself in the shadows, as this new thirst for blood keeps my soul awake.

The morning sun starts to burn through my skin, so I run into a cave and use the shadows of darkness to hide; The smell of death seeps from me, as I sit there shaking just waiting for this new thirst for blood to subside.

As soon as the sunsets I slowly make my way back to my old home; I wish my family were still alive, I don‟t want to face an eternity on my own.

The torch lantern street lights illuminate the pathways underneath; I silently sneak through the darkness, as my tongue rubs up against the sharpened sides of my teeth.

I walk for hours through the streets of London, my feet are covered with excrement and mud; Dark voices are echoing through my mind, itching my thirst for blood.

In the distance I see an old man walking towards me, from all this way back I can still somehow hear his beating heart; My black eyes roll back into the darkness, but this isn‟t the end, this is just the start.

TO BE CONTINUED…

CREATURE 2 THE NIGHT (PART TWO)

The old man walks past me, I can feel his heart beating so much stronger; The thirst for blood has now taken over me, I cannot hold the demons back any longer.

I jump towards him, snapping his head to the side, as I plunge my teeth deep into his neck the air becomes filled with his gargling cries; I feel his blood trickle down my throat, as his soul floats up into the starry skies.

After my first feed, killing became easy, picking off the old and the weak; The plague gives me an unlimited supply of victims, and as for the citizens of London, their future is starting to look bleak.

Days turn into months, as the plague, starvation and these unexplained deaths are striking the streets with fear; Then one night all that changed, the date was Thursday the 2nd of September, and 1666 was the year.

A great fire swept through the streets of London, as plumes of smoke covers the skyline engulfing the skies; Burning buildings crash to the floor, as the streets themselves start echoing with thousands of screams and cries.

As panicking citizens fight the fires back, I make it to the River Thames, and sneak onboard a ship destined to a faraway place; The ship steams off into the distance, as my goodbye tears are streaming down my face.

For centuries I travel the world in darkness, watching our planet change in time; My body still resembles a 15 year old boy, when in fact today is my birthday, I am now 309.

After all these years away I finally see the skyline of London in the distance, so much has changed, as tall buildings and lights now dominate the starry skies; My body still looks so young, but inside my dammed soul grows a mind which is so old and wise.

My skin is still so smooth to touch, when I feel my face I sense a young soft completion; I can stand by any mirror in the world, but I could never see my own reflection.

I sit by the River Thames just watching the moon and stars shine; Over the water I hear people cheer and celebrate, as Big Ben welcomes in the new year of 1959.

My memories keep flashing me by as I sit writing in my diary, through the centuries these blank pages have been my only friend; As my mind flicks faster through the years, I get even closer to the end.

TO BE CONTINUED…

CREATURE FLYING 3 (PART THREE)

My memories are flashing faster now, an eternity of loneliness all locked away and stored; Years of my pain speed in front of my eyes, just like I am watching my life in fast forward.

In 1978 a miracle happened, as I went into a building called a cinema, and watched the sun rising across the silver screen; As I sat there tears rolled down my cheek, it was the most wondrous sight my dark eyes had ever seen.

Confusion overwhelms me in the 1980‟s, as I watch a movie about vampires, people walking around the streets dressed up to look just like me; If only they felt the pain and loneliness I feel each night, they would be so grateful they didn‟t have to share my destiny.

As I walk the streets at night I see two teenagers driving a car, blasting music, laughing and joking with his mate; I just sit on my own watching the world pass me by, wishing there was some way of changing this lonely fate.

My memories flash forward to a new millennium, as fireworks light up the sky; In two days time I will be 350 years old, and all I want to do is die.

I don‟t want to be alone in the dark anymore, I just want to be able to rest in peace; An eternity of dark days and nights, leave me just longing for a release.

One day my life changed as I picked up a poetry book, I remember the date, it was the 1st of November 2011; My tears fell onto the page, as the author wrote how he had a destiny to write, and how he had died and gone to heaven.

I remember thinking if I had just one last wish, it would be to see the rising sun; Today is my birthday, I am now 361.

My life has finished flashing, as I stand on the beach feeling the rising sun slowly burning my skin away; An entire lifetime of memories shine so bright, as I feel the sun welcome back the present day.

The sun melts through my flesh, but although the brightness is burning me I still feel so empty and cold; As my dreams turn to dust, the world says goodbye to a boy who still only looks 15 years old.

As my body turns into ash, the morning sea breeze lifts me up and out to sea; I am no longer a creature of the night, I am a creature that is flying free.

THE END…

TIME

Our time is precious, no matter how rich you are time is one of the only things that money cannot buy; Time is the only thing separating us from a life on the ground, to a life up high in the sky.

Seconds turn into minutes, minutes into hours, then tomorrow today will just become yesterday; Time is here one second then replaced the next, as we spend our entire lifetime just watching our time drift away.

Some people wish time would just stand still, some wish they could turn back the clock; Some people never chase their destiny, they just sit there waiting for the door to their dreams to unlock.

Time can get you through grief, time can even heal a broken heart; Time can bring you hope, but in the same breath time can tear you‟re dreams apart.

The hands on the clock tick past, since the day you were born the countdown in life had begun; Even the darkness cannot fight time, each day it has to surrender to the sun.

After time people are now reading my verses all of the world, Japan to America, Australia to Africa and from Spain to France; Its crazy how after some time these words can reach out so far, when some of my so called family & friends haven‟t even given these letters a second glance.

We all try to fulfil our destiny, before towards the heavens we climb; You‟re dreams don‟t have to cost you a thing, except maybe a little time.

THE MOON & STARS

I close my eyes trying to contact the heavens, through these verses is the only way I can try to speak to my Nan; I wish I could see into the future, so I could examine my blueprints of Gods master plan.

Nan am I going to make it, am I really going to make you and our family proud; I keep dreaming of you, seeing you‟re angelic face upon a cloud.

Am I following the right path, is writing these letters really what I am destined to do; In life are we only ever granted one wish, or is there a secret in making each and every one of my dreams come true.

I wanted to tell you that you were right, this heart of mine has made me stronger than 1000 men; I know a man isn‟t supposed to cry, but I would give anything just to see you again.

There were so many things I wish I had the chance to say; Why can‟t I conquer time travel, reversing the years back to Tuesday the 20th of May?

Why did the heavens take someone so special, why do tears still fall on to the page each time that I write your name; Why have my tears turned into ink, flooding across this page like rain.

If I could turn back the hands of time I would hug you, and try to explain just how special you are; Without you watching over me in life, I would have never made it this far.

When I close my eyes to write, I feel you standing by my side; I can almost feel you wiping away my tears, each time that I cried.

You truly are my guardian angel, I may write these letters but it‟s only you who taught these verses how to fly; I watch this letter float up towards the moon & stars, as I whisper out “goodbye”.

DEDICATED TO MY NAN, MARION MOWLES -X-

WORLD TRADE: FLIGHT 11

We arrive at Logan airport, awaiting American Airlines flight number 11, flying direct to L.A; I sit in the airport lounge watching my Husband hold my beautiful sleeping Daughter, I can‟t believe that she is 6 years old today.

The airport speakers announce “WOULD ALL PASSENGERS FLYING WITH AMERICAN AIRLINES ON FLIGHT 11 TO L.A.X, PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE GATE TO BOARD”; I hold my Daughters hand, as towards the bright blue skies we soared.

The seatbelt light goes off, as my Daughter starts to draw our plane with fairy wings, flying through the sky; I ask her why her plane has wings, she giggles “Silly Mummy, it‟s not a plane, it‟s a Butterfly”.

I see my Husband smile, I whisper “I love you”; He leans over our Daughter, kisses me gently, replying “I love you to”.

Just at that moment our life‟s changed, as shouting cries echo through the cabin, bursting into our little family dream; I could see 5 dark strangers attacking the cabin crew, knifes to their throats, as violent threats are the only reply to their scream.

My Husband picks our Daughter up, cuddling us closer together, as the mad men force their way into the cockpit, they are now in control of the plane; A tear rolls down my cheek, as I look into the eyes of my little family I realize, from that very second our life‟s would never again be the same.

My Husband pulls us both in closer, as I tremble “don‟t worry baby, everything is going to be alright”; I swallow the lump in my throat, as my Husband holds us both real tight.

Violent screams echo from the front of the plane, I glance around the cabin to see all shivering passengers crouched down on the floor; I feel the plane swerve, changing its direction, as in my shaking arms I hold all what I adore.

As I hold onto my family, fear overwhelms my heart, a contemplation of just what was going to happen; As I stare through the tiny window I frown, as in the distance I can see a familiar skyline, its New York‟s Lower Manhattan.

I shake my Husband with a trembling hand, stuttering “baby isn‟t that New York”; The plane starts descending through the skies, as my Daughter whispers “shhhh Mummy, the nasty men told us all not to talk”.

Everything moves in slow motion, as through the window I see the World Trade Centre‟s, towering high up into the skies; The plane continues to descend from the heavens, as the cabin becomes filled with all the passengers panicking goodbyes.

I kiss my family with shaking lips, as panic overwhelms my soul with fear; I tremble out “I love you” as from my eyes falls its final tear.

Just then the plane crashes straight into the unsuspecting tower, I close my eyes, holding my family tight, as bright flames of light engulf our flight number 11; This letter is dedicated to all the lost souls, for spending the last 10 years as angels up in heaven.

“YOU FLEW INTO HELL, NOW YOU FLY WITH ANGELS” 9/11 10TH ANNIVERSARY 11/09/2001 – 11/09/2011

MOMENT IN TIME

It has been 378 months since my tongue first became twisted, mixing these verses up to rhyme; It has now been 11,519 days since life gave me my first gift, a single moment in time.

33 weeks ago an earthquake shook Japan, so strong it brought a nation to its knees; It has been 235 days now, since the land was swallowed, left drowning under the seas.

It has been 3,650 days since the skylines changed, shattering dreams beyond repair; It has now been 87,600 hours, since the worlds eyes were stuck glued on one city, with a silent unblinking stare.

Time can also reunite nations, as nearly 22 years ago the Berlin Wall fell, that‟s 8,030 sunrises, almost to the day; But time moved on, rains fell, washing a violent history away.

It has been 348 months since E.T lifted a glowing finger to the silver screens, needing to phone home; Just 168 weeks earlier, Michael Jackson sung to the world, just “leave me alone”.

102 months ago heaven had a vacancy for an angel, so they employed my Nan; It was about the same time in life, I acted more like a lost boy, and less like Peter Pan.

It‟s now been 48 years since the grassy knoll shot J.F.K; 22,236 weeks have now passed, since Frank Sinatra first belted out “My Way”.

We all have our own moment in time, it was 1,512 weeks ago that my very first wish came true; It has now only been 7 minutes, 15 seconds, since I started writing this letter for you.

In 24 hours time a new day will leave today in the past, you have your moment, whilst I am busy writing mine; Our history will never repeat itself, as we are only ever here, for just a single moment in time.

HAPPY 65th BIRTHDAY

MARION DUDSON

This letter is dedicated to my Mam, on your 65th birthday; I will seal this letter with a kiss, and send our love your way.

You always put everybody else first, leaving yourself last; You are my best friend Mam, my future, my present and my past.

You are everything a Mother should be, you calm me down when I feel like I am losing the plot; You give me strength and courage, by knowing that you will always be here for us, no matter what.

You simply define the word Family, you somehow hold us all together; You are everything I try to be in life, and for that I promise to love you forever.

You truly are a perfect role model for your Daughters & Grandchildren, I aspire to be you in each and every single way; I will seal this letter with another kiss, and wish you a happy 65th birthday.

DEDICATED TO MARION DUDSON ON HER 65TH BIRTHDAY -X-

POETRY IN MOTION

These verses aren‟t just poetry, this is manipulating words of a different style and class; I have moved my life forwards so quickly, all my doubters can do now, is just sit there staring at my ass.

My life writes its own kind of poetic justice, with each letter I move faster, it‟s just like watching a poetry in motion; These blank pages are falling all around the world, stirring up a commotion.

Writing has become a part of me, this ink is pumping strongly through my heart; This pen has now been fused with my D.N.A, so that we will never have to be apart.

Music, movies and everyday life gives me just some of my inspiration; As these letters fly across the globe, they never seem to get lost in translation.

I hope these verses reach out to you, just like a message in a bottle thrown deep into the ocean; I watch these words get carried away with the waves, setting my poetry into motion.

FALL IN L.O.V.E

We spend our entire lives searching for love, out of 6 billion people we have to somehow find just one; Years are spent walking around in the darkness, searching for a warmth that is only ever comparable to the sun.

Some people throw these 4 letters around to quickly, endless nights spent listening to fakes tell their lies; But once they have used you, they just pack up and say their goodbyes.

Heartbreak can hit you like a hurricane, squeezing your lungs free from air; For a broken heart there is no medicine, an emotional pain for which nothing else could ever compare.

The legendary Bob Marley once wrote, “Truth is everyone is going to hurt you, you just got to find the ones worth suffering for”; Finding love can flip reverse your entire life, turning your ceiling into your floor.

Love can stretch across the world, for true love there is nothing that we would not do; It‟s crazy how 3 simple words can alter your destiny, just by simply hearing someone whisper “I love you”.

Love can make new memories, when you close your eyes you can immediately picture their face; Memories can last for an eternity, reminding you of your first kiss, the date, the time and the place.

Love can make you float like a butterfly, but love can also sting you like a bee; No matter where you are in life, we will all end up in the place we were always destined to be.

Love can only work if your reflection shines back two, sometimes you have to just sit there and watch love walk away; No matter how much you cry, no matter how much you wish, you can never rewind time back to Yesterday.

Love can overwhelm your heart, quickly turning into an obsession; Without your love to guide you, your life can suddenly sink into a pitch black depression.

It‟s the little things in life which can ignite a love to fall; It doesn‟t matter if you are rich or poor, old or young, true love will one day find us all.

A true love never really dies, it stays with us even when our souls rise above; We are all destined to make our dreams come true, just as we are all destined to someday fall in love.

BEHIND MY SMILE

Am I ever going to make it, or am I just living in denial; As the pressure builds up all I can do now, is just hide behind my smile.

This ink tries to convince me that everything is going to be alright; As the world sleeps, my pen stays awake still continuing to write.

Hours are spent arguing with this pen, just how can we make this next letter even more heartfelt than the last; The ink is busy trying to write my future, whilst I am still learning from the mistakes that I made in the past.

I‟ve spent so many years writing, even my dreams are starting to rhyme; Is it really my destiny to write, or am I just wasting my time?

Two voices echo through my mind, one whispers words of hope, the other just brings me doubt and confusion; This pen is starting to run dry, whilst I ask the heavens for yet another ink transfusion.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel, or are these verses written to only enlighten me; I don‟t just doubt myself as a writer, I am doubting my entire destiny.

I keep questioning myself, how can I do this all on my own; Even though these verses are being read across the world, for some reason I have never felt so alone.

I put my heart and soul into each letter that I write, deep down I know that is all that I can do; These verses may have climbed up into heaven, but I just hope they have somehow reached out to you.

My wish and ambition is simple, I just want to be the best that I can be; We all have a dream in life we chase, the same way as we all have a destiny.

I look up to the heavens asking for guidance, I‟ve called on my guardian angels so many times I have their number locked on speed dial; My dreams are waiting patiently in the background, as the belief in myself is left, trapped behind my smile.

UP IN SMOKE

They say life is precious, yet I still blow my years away each time that I smoke; The dark tar slowly trickles down through my body, causing me to choke.

My lungs are screaming out “PLEASE, JUST GIVE US A CHANCE TO BREATHE”; My heart struggles to beat through the smoke, so it‟s packing its arteries up to leave.

Hands shaking as my nicotine demons scream, keeping me awake; All the ex-smokers in the world echo out, “giving up was a piece of cake”.

It‟s just so easy to fall into its trap, most people only drown in smoke when they are pissed; But when I am standing at heaven‟s gate, I will wish I could reverse time, reliving all the years I would have missed.

We all have our own cruel addictions in life, everybody has their own little habit or vice; But I bet if we could turn the clock back to where it all begun, over half of us would stop and think twice.

Death isn‟t the sort of character you would ever want to intentionally provoke; We all need to remember that each time we spark up, we are just watching our destiny go up in smoke.

FIRST KISS

The dawn of a new era has begun, its Saturday the 31st of May, 2008; An unavoidable chain of events has brought me to this moment in time, some would call it destiny, and some would call it fate.

Today I am leaving my home town, for I have fallen in love with an angel who I haven‟t even met; Nerves are overwhelming my heart, but if I don‟t leave today I will have to live with a lifetime of regret.

The taxi drops me at the bus station, just as the blue skies welcome the rising sun; I take a deep breath as I step on to the coach, the first day of my destiny has finally begun.

The coach pulls away as I stare out the window, but there is nobody waiting to wave me goodbye; As the coach leaves my home town in the distance, I swallow the lump in my throat so that I do not cry.

With each minute that passes my future gets closer, as my past just moves further away; The butterflies in my stomach show no sign of softening, which spells out that the nerves are here to stay.

I try to calm myself down, as I hear the thumping sound of my heartbeat; My head is resting on the window, as white lines flash before my eyes, staring at a continual blur of road markings, down there on the street.

It‟s starting to all feel so real now, as a new city skyline up ahead means that I am almost there; After hours of sitting still, my bum has become glued to this chair.

The coach pulls up into the station, through the glass I see an angel, but the tinted windows mean that she cannot yet see me; Heaven has sent me an angel, re-sculpting my destiny.

Jellied legs step off the coach, as a soft voice breaks through the silence, whispering “are you okay”; I tried to talk, but for the first time in my life an angelic beauty had taken my breath away.

The heavens had sent me an angel to share a life changing moment, far too precious to ever miss; Just then the world around us moved in slow motion, as we leant forward, and shared our first kiss.

---x---

Somebody much wiser than me once said, “If you haven‟t found somebody worth dying for, then you haven‟t really lived”, only now do I realize just what they meant; Angels walk amongst us every day, but this one was Heaven sent.

DEDICATED TO MY WIFE, LIANNE MOWLES -----X-----

THE GAME

Old fashioned writers say “sticks and stones will break your bones, but words can never hurt”, well I am here to put that saying to the test; My Resurrection is nearing its completion, as hundreds of poets give up, just laying their pens down to rest.

Posh, old so called poets scratch their heads, worrying that their verses no longer sound relevant, and somehow I am the one to blame; They need to remember that sometimes the players change, but the game always stays the same.

If your destiny is to write, there is no such problem as writers block; Your acting like it‟s the first time you‟ve read the word Fuck, why is your mouth wide open? Why are you in shock?

Just because your Daddy paid for you to go to university, it doesn‟t make you anymore of a man; You‟re words are just getting blown away with the wind, as you‟re written shit hits the fan.

Critics going weak at the knees reading these letters, this industry is now mine to take control; You try to respond with some over elaborated phrase, well now you are just sounding like an arsehole.

I am not one of your stereotypical poets, I try to write my lyrics like music without a beat; You act like the world‟s greatest writer, when in reality you would have to jump up high, just to be the same level as my feet.

My posh doubters are still trying to put me down, apparently private schooling makes them upper class; I am sorry but are you bent over whilst you speak, because to me it sounds just like you are talking out of your ass.

Doubters sounding like giants behind their computers, but then when I see them, they just slink off hiding their face; My destiny isn‟t to compete with you haters, my destiny is quite simple, I am here to take you‟re place.

You tried to destroy me, but as My Resurrection nears its conclusion, all you can do is just hang your heads in shame; I don‟t think you underestimated yourself, I just think that you underestimated The Game.

WITHOUT YOU

They say behind every successful man, stands a lady, making all of your dreams come true; The sun would stop shining, the stars would lose their glow, if I ever had to live my life without you.

Without you there to hold my hand, I couldn‟t even walk, let alone write; Without you feeding my courage, I would lose my will to fight.

Without you in my life, my body would be left with nothing, except maybe a fragile beating heart; Without you guiding me to my destiny, I wouldn‟t be almost there, I would be right back at the very start.

Without you time would stand still, as everyone moves forward I would be left behind; Without you I would be lost searching for a replacement, which I know I would never find.

Without you I couldn‟t breathe, without you I would still be scratching away at my external grave in the ground; Without you music would lose its beat, and the world would lose its sound.

Without you there to catch me I would still be falling through the sky; Without you I would lose my angel wings, without you I wouldn‟t have learnt how to fly.

Without you my days would be lonely, facing the night time of darkness all on my own; Without you this house is just bricks filled with memories, without you I wouldn‟t know where to call my home.

Without you my dreams would turn into nightmares, without you the skies wouldn‟t be so blue; They say behind every successful man stands a lady, and standing behind me, is you.

DEDICATED TO MY WIFE LIANNE MOWLES -X-

LIFE TO DEATH, AND BACK AGAIN (THE END)

I wonder where I would be now, If I had never picked up this pen; My life has now gone full circle, this ink has taken me from life to death, and back again.

This pen has taken me into the heavens, as angels paved the world beneath my feet; My path through life has already been written, my destiny is now almost complete.

These verses are coming to an end, lying bare on this page for the world to read; The words are fading further away with each sentence that I write, as this pen has no more ink left inside to bleed.

Writing these letters isn‟t just a hobby, it‟s my dream and my lifestyle choice; For years I shouted into the darkness, and now after a lifetime of writing you can finally hear my voice.

I hope these verses have lifted you into another dimension, into another moment in time; We each have a destiny to fulfil in life, and you have just been reading mine.

As my pen goes cold the words disappear, it‟s time to say goodbye to yet another best friend; It was always my destiny to write, but even destinies have to come to an END.

My angels are watching over me each time the mirror shines back from my reflection; I will seal this letter with one last kiss, and thank you all for reading, My Resurrection.

-THE END-

™

2011

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

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res·ur·rec·tion n. 1. The act of rising from the dead or returning to life. 2. The state of one who has returned to life. 3. The act of bringing back to practice, notice, or use; revival. 4. Resurrection Christianity a. The rising again of Jesus on the third day after the Crucifixion. b. The rising again of the dead at the Last Judgment.

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POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

My Resurrection 11.1.11 ----- Poetry By Barry Mowles -----x-----

A STAR IS BORN

DESTINY TO WRITE

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

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STAR

NOUN, ADJECTIVE, VERB,STARRED, STAR·RING. noun

1…Any of the heavenly bodies, except the moon, appearing asfixed luminous points in the sky at nig ht.

2…Astronomy. Any of the large, self-luminous, heavenly bodies,as the sun, Polaris, etc.

3…Any heavenly body.

4…Astrology. A heavenly body, especially a planet, consideredas influencing humankind and events.

5…A person's destiny, fortune, temperament, etc., regarded asinfluenced and determined by the star

A STAR IS BORN

2011

DESTINY TO WRITE

2011

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A STAR IS BORN

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

DEDICATED TO MY WIFE

LIANNE MOWLES & TO ALL MY FAMILY & FRIENDS ---X---

ALSO IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY

NAN & GRANDAD

MARION & JOHN MOWLES ---X---

CONTENTS

1. SOMETIMES 2. CRASH (PART ONE) 3. CRASH II (PART TWO) 4. OLD & WISE 5. IF I DIED TONIGHT 6. INSOMNIA 7. JOURNEY INTO HEAVEN 8. DEAR MUM 9. WHISPERS TELL LIES 10. IMMORTALITY 11. REMEMBRANCE DAY 12. THANKS TO YOU 13. ROLE MODEL 14. MARILYN MONROE (PART ONE) 15. MARILYN MONROE II (PART TWO) 16. CONFESSIONS OF A POET 17. IF YOU WERE TO LEAVE 18. THE YOUTH OF TODAY 19. KISS FROM MY CLOUD 20. MY FINAL GOODBYE (THE END)

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SOMETIMES

Sometimes I am weak, sometimes I am strong; Sometimes I think that I am right, even when I am wrong.

Sometimes I think I need to stop living up there, and start living…

…Down here; My eyes are closed as I sit in silence, patiently waiting for my angels to reappear.

Sometimes I struggle to show my emotion, that‟s why my tears of ink fall through this pen; Sometimes I wonder, when was it Peter Pan grew up, and my lost boys turned into men.

Sometime the sun doesn‟t rise, instead rain fills the skies of dawn; Sometimes I stare into the darkness, as the night sky spells out that a star has been born.

Sometimes I lay awake under the stars, fulfilling my destiny to write; Sometimes the ink runs dry, draining away my will to fight.

Sometimes I lose my direction, stuck thinking just how did I ever make it this far; Sometimes I thank the heavens for sending me an angel, secretly disguised as a star.

Sometimes you think you are reaching the end, when really you are just approaching the start; Sometimes the walls of life can cave in around you, separating your brain from your heart.

Sometimes life can give you a natural high, but sometimes life can knock you back; Sometimes people will tell you to defend yourself, and sometimes the best way to do that, is to attack.

Sometimes people will doubt you, sometimes people will watch on from the shadows, praying that your dreams do not come true; And finally sometimes we blame our doubters for failing, but sometimes the only person you can really blame, is you.

CRASH (PART ONE)

My eyes open on a new day, it‟s Wednesday the 11th of November, 2009; As I open up our curtains, I am welcomed by the cold winter sunshine.

I turn around to see my Wife smiling, we have now been married for 7 years to the day; High school sweethearts since we were 15 years old, best friends in each and every single way.

Years spent together, as I grew from a boy into a man; We made memories full of happiness, since the very first moment that our love began.

Holding hands for an eternity, stuck in a reflection which always shone back two; Heaven truly did send me an angel, secretly disguised as you.

I whisper “you stay wrapped up warm, whilst I go to the shop, and bring you an anniversary breakfast in bed”; As she whispers out her loving goodbye, I lean down and softly kiss her forehead.

As I get into my freezing car I glance up to the bedroom window, to see my beautiful Wife waving me goodbye; I blow a kiss towards my angel, as she pretends to catch it from the sky.

I put the radio on to keep me company as I drive, a never ending love is now responsible for putting this smile on to my face; My destiny has brought me to this single moment in time, a destiny for which I would never replace.

The icy roads are empty, as my radio speaker‟s play out Eric Clapton singing “tears in heaven”; A shiver runs down my spine, as the dashboard clock reads out the time, 11:11.

Just then my wheels lock, my car skids violently across the black ice hidden on the road; My car starts to flip and roll off the tarmac, as the ground got darker the skies above me glowed.

With each roll the car makes another memory of my life flashes me by; I feel my tears fall as I scream to the heavens, “please don‟t take me, I don‟t want to die”.

My car comes to a rest on its roof, as I tremble out a lost goodbye towards my love; I feel an angel rest their hand on my shoulder, as my soul starts to rise up into the heavenly blue skies above.

As I climb higher and higher into the sky, I watch on as my car ignites into flames, turning my dreams into ash; It was never my destiny to live, it was always my destiny to crash.

TO BE CONTINUED…

CRASH II (PART TWO)

My eyes open into a new day, it‟s Wednesday the 11th of November, 2009; I see my loving Husband open up our bedroom curtains, as I am welcomed to another morning by the cold winter sunshine.

A sweet smile glows across my face, as today is our 7 year anniversary; I rub my hands across my stomach, as through my mind are ideas for our unborn babies‟ nursery.

High school sweet hearts since we were 15 years old, he truly is my best friend in each and every single way; I can‟t believe he is going to be a Daddy, it‟s my secret anniversary gift, which I finally get to tell him today.

Years spent together, as I grew from a girl in to a Wife; Years filled with happy memories, alongside my soul partner, my destiny, my life.

We will hold hands for an eternity, our reflection will now always shine back two; Heaven really did send me a guardian angel, an angel secretly hidden inside of you.

You whisper for me to stay wrapped up warm, whilst you drive to the shop and treat me to a lovely breakfast in bed; I whisper “you‟re so sweet my darling”, as he leans over to softly kiss my forehead.

I stand up by the bedroom window, waving my Husband goodbye; I see him blow me a kiss through the window screen, as I pretend to catch it flying through the sky.

I watch him drive off down our street, until his car rolls out of sight; I climb back into my warm bed to finish this book I‟ve been reading, it‟s all about a boy, who had a “DESTINY TO WRITE”.

As I read I smile, I can‟t wait to tell my Husband that he is going to be a Dad; I remember I have an anniversary card hidden in my drawer, so I sign it “To the greatest Husband, any Wife ever had”.

I jump up, as the radio alarm goes off, Eric Clapton is singing “Tears in heaven”; A shiver runs down the length of my spine, as my alarm clock shines out the time, 11:11.

A feeling sinks through my body like a stone, a gut feeling that something has gone wrong; The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, as the radio alarm starts playing out our wedding song.

I try to ring his mobile phone, but for some reason all I hear is a dead tone; My palms start to sweat, my heart starts to melt, as I plead to the ceiling, “please don‟t leave me on my own”.

Just over an hour has passed since he left, as I pace the bedroom carpet, running to the window each time that I hear a passing car; Questions constantly running through my mind, why has he been gone so long, the shops aren‟t even that far.

I continue to wear out the bedroom carpet until I hear a car pull up, my heart skips a beat, as I breathe “thank god he is alive”; I run towards the bedroom window, but my heart begins to fall, as I see a police car pulled up into my drive.

An over whelming surge of heartache pulls me helpless to the floor; Teardrops start to burst, as “KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK”, Echoes from my front door.

I swallow the lump growing in my throat, and tremble my way down each stair; Dread flows through my body, whatever the policemen want to say, I do not want to hear.

My shaking, shivering hand opens the door, as a soft consoling voice says “can we please come in”; My heart starts to cry, if life was a race, then I was never destined to win.

Tears overwhelm my face, as I cry out, “PLEASE, JUST TELL ME, IS MY HUSBAND DEAD”; The walls around me all cave in, as through my teary eyes, I see them nod their head.

Pain courses through my veins, as my dreams disappear in a flash; It was never my destiny to be happy, It was always my destiny to crash.

THE END

OLD & WISE

I stand staring into the mirror, this once young boy has now grown so old & wise; The more years that flash past, the more times you have to say you‟re sorry goodbyes.

When I turn around now my past is but a pin prick of time, getting further and further away; When exactly was it Peter Pan needed to start shaving, it must have been about the time, I no longer went out to play.

It‟s strange how music can go from new to classic in a heartbeat, just like Usher‟s hit “you‟ve got it bad”; I can even start to see grey hairs appearing, as my reflection shines back an image, which is beginning to resemble my Dad.

I mean for fuck sake I am walking around in a cardigan and slippers, I must be getting old; I spend all this time writing, whilst telling kids to do as they were told.

My years in school now seem so very long ago, hands covering over my ears protecting myself from the bell; When I was 5 years old I‟ll now confess, it was me who stole all those children‟s toys, they had brought in to show & tell.

Some people said they would always be there for me, I fell over on that presumption; You carried me along your road of life, before kicking me to the curb, right on spaghetti fucking junction.

You poured your life around me before moving on, leaving me stuck where I was glued; But you forgot, this destiny is all mine, it was never yours to intrude.

I have spent so many years writing that this pen now moves with the speed of light, just leaving the smoking smell of burning ink; Even after all this time you doubters cannot drown me, for I was destined to float, whilst you were always destined to sink.

If my past was the night, then my future is the dawn; The heavens cried out for an encore, and in exchange, A Star Was Born.

IF I DIED TONIGHT

Is my clock about to stop, what if this is the very last poem I will ever get to write; I guess I had better let this ink say my goodbye, just in case I died tonight.

For years I watched on as the calendar changed, secretly hoping that this day would never come; But now I am just 24 hours away, my final countdown has begun.

Many years ago I wrote I would die on Tuesday the 1st of November, 2011; You can even check this premonition out for yourself, just look up one of my old poems called “heaven”.

Sincerely I hope that I am wrong, and I am just a superstitious old fool; But if this really is the end, then I was right, sometimes even angels can fall.

What makes it worse is my last day just so happens to fall on Halloween, people walking around dressed as the dead; Nightmares are shaking through my soul, which turns the ink inside of me RED.

I am trying so hard to turn my watch back, so that midnight hour will never get a chance to chime; Nature is busy leaving me hidden messages, as a crow sits waiting patiently on my washing line.

Why is time moving so fast, when normally it would tick past so slow; Don‟t get me wrong I don‟t fear death, it‟s just I really don‟t want to go.

I don‟t want to leave my family and friends, plus this book isn‟t going to write and sell itself; Without me here to guide this ink, these pages will just be collecting dust, upon someone‟s shelf.

People will think I am morbid, but these lost souls are the ones who will never get a chance to tell their loved ones goodbye; Maybe I will become an angel, or maybe I will become just another star in our sky.

To everyone who stood by me, I thank you, For everyone that doubted me, I have learnt how to forgive and forget; If it is really my destiny to die tonight, then at least I can say I lived my life without even one single regret.

Even if the worse happens, I will never truly be gone, all you have to do is open up this book to hear my eternal voice; I wish I didn‟t have to write this letter, but it‟s down to necessity, not choice.

In the future when people mention my name, always remember that I fulfilled my destiny to write; I guess it‟s now time for me to say my goodbye, just in case I was to die tonight.

INSOMNIA

I lay drifting into the darkness, as my eye lids slowly close, patiently waiting for my midnight curtain call; A couple of seconds pass before I jump up, as through my dreams I fall.

Every time I close my eyes screaming verses echo through my nightmares, just driving my dreams insane; This ink poisoning has become my disease, acting just like a cancer inside of my brain.

Just lying there staring at a dark ceiling, as shadows creep closer from every corner of the room; My body starts sinking into this mattress style coffin, as my bed slowly begins to resemble my tomb.

This house is silent, no noise, apart from the sound of this pen scratching its way through the night; As an entire nation sleeps, my pen stays awake, still continuing to write.

Tossing and turning in my bed, before I take my lighter, cremating this duvet into ash; Blood, sweat and tears flow through these pillows, as they fly out the window, to rest in peace with the trash.

Doctors offering pills, whilst internet forums suggest maybe try counting sheep; But for fuck sake, I already live in Wales, I am just trying to get to sleep.

JOURNEY INTO HEAVEN

Time moves on, as we blow a kiss goodbye on 2011; I drift off into the clouds, to revisit some of the lost stars, who now watch over us all from heaven.

Thousands of waiting souls litter the stairway to the skies, as I slowly make my way through that pearly gate; Nate Dogg is creating a new sound, as he teams up with Jimi Hendrix, remixing a classic “Regulate”.

Michael Jackson is holding onto Christopher Reeve, desperately trying to get Superman to teach him how to fly; Next to them sits Marilyn Monroe, who is getting new beauty tips from Aaliyah and TLC‟s, Lisa “left-eye”.

Music is pumping from every direction, as The Notorious B.I.G takes to the mic, alongside his new best friend Tupac Shakur; They are presenting a dance off, as Heath Ledger and Bruce Lee are the first stars to take to the floor.

Jimmy Saville sits shining on a step, trying to fix another dream to come true; I see my Nan and Granddad walk towards me, as they whisper “we are so very proud of you”.

Amy Winehouse now looks happy, she can even break into a smile; I have to pick my jaw up from the clouds, as Britney Murphy now looks even hotter, than she did in “8 mile”.

Laughter echoes across the heavens, as Bernie Mac entertains his crowd; The poet Dylan Thomas is reading my book, as he whispers to me, that I am doing Wales proud.

Corey Haim is still acting like a lost boy, as Kurt Cobain teaches him how to play his guitar; River Phoenix watches on, as angels are busy building their next shooting star.

Bob Marley is Jammin‟ out an acoustic set, as the white clouds around me echo “No Women, No Cry”; Thousands of African children sit with Princess Diana, as she helps them make a brand new home in the sky.

Relationships are blossoming in heaven, Frank Sinatra is now with Elizabeth Taylor, as Patsy Cline eyes up Marlon Brando; Elvis Presley just got married to Grace Kelly, whilst Patrick Swayze dirty dances with Jill Dando.

Martin Luther King is discussing progress with Malcolm X, as Steve Irwin searches for God‟s creatures down there on the floor; Bobby Robson is busy talking football, with our world cup winning captain Bobby Moore.

John Lennon is still writing classics, mixing up a new style with a little help from Jam Master Jay; The godfather of soul James Brown joins up with Big Pun, to remix Frank Sinatra‟s anthem, “MY WAY”.

Norman Wisdom is busy dancing around with Fred Astaire, as they are entertained by the legendary Freddie Mercury; Ryan Dunne is still fooling around, as he finds a new Jackass member, in Brandon Lee.

A voice echoes from above, it‟s now my time to go back, and join the sleeping dreams of the night; As I fall back through the clouds, the voice faintly whispers “we all have a destiny, and your Destiny is to Write”.

My eyes open, I am lying in my bed, my pen in my hand, as my alarm clock reads the time 11:11; I have used this pen to re-write my dreams, as I finish writing, my journey into heaven.

DEAR MUM

31 years ago you gave me my first breath, and I became your second son; This letter is dedicated to the lady who gave me my greatest ever gift, so here it goes, Dear Mum.

When I was a child I would follow you to every single place that you went; In my eyes you were the first angel I ever saw, in fact I thought you were heaven sent.

I remember my first day at nursery, when I saw them huge doors close and through the glass you waved me goodbye; The teachers tried to make me smile, but all I could do was cry.

Pretty soon after I started school, a memory replays of me having my ears syringed, as I screamed at all the traffic noise; I have to say sorry for embarrassing you, that time I stole all of my new class mate‟s toys.

You are the strongest lady I‟ve ever met, you even had the courage to take me, my Brother and Sister to another country, following only your heart; You had the strength and character to draw a line on your past, and to build a brand new start.

The years went by so quickly, as you stood by us watching us grow; I really do love you Mum, I just wanted to let you know.

When we fell down you picked us up, you taught us wrong from right; When we cried you held us, as you whispered “everything is going to be alright”.

As I got older I acted more like a fool, and I know a few times I broke your heart; My life suddenly turned into a house of cards, and everything I touched started to fall apart.

Truth be known you are still my weakness, I only ever shed a tear when I see you cry; You taught me how to write my very first words, and you taught me how to fly.

You kept all of your children safe, as the years pass you watch on as we spread our wings taking flight; All 6 of your children has a destiny, and it just so happens my destiny is to write.

It was you who gave me the strength and courage to live my life, my way; I want you to know I miss you, but my heart fell in love with an angel, many miles away.

Your Son has finally made it through the darkness, he has at last found a way to make all of his dreams come true; But I know I wouldn‟t be sat here writing this letter if it wasn‟t for my Mum, so this poem is my way of saying thank you.

I will seal this letter with a kiss, and sign it from your second Son; I dedicate these verses to an angel, An angel who is my Mum.

WHISPERS TELL LIES

Doubters I can still hear your lying whispers, haters I can still feel your knife digging into my back; But I don‟t need to hunt you down, my pen will still find you as this ink is up and ready to attack.

If you don‟t like poetry I respect that, if you don‟t like me I will understand that to; They say keep your friends close, but your enemies even closer, I kind of think that saying was aimed at you.

You seem to think that you‟re just born then you die, but you forgot all about the bit in the middle; If you have a dream then chase that dream, life isn‟t really a complicated riddle.

I really hate fake people, you make me feel fucking sick; In front of me you are all smiles and kisses, and then behind closed doors you‟re the world‟s biggest prick.

My dreams have already arrived, whilst yours will properly just turn up late; Each day I set myself a mission, whilst you just sit at home and masturbate.

Some people can shout and scream, but venom flows through my hand and into this pen; The question isn‟t AM I going to make it, the real question is WHEN.

You walk around thinking you‟re a star, when in reality you‟re just an overweight, balding knob; You say putting on weight is all part of growing up, NO, it‟s because you put too much fucking food into your gob.

My god you have got so fat, you look just like the McDonalds arches, turned over on its side; If I were you I would avoid Alton Towers, as your ass is to fat to get on any ride.

If you want to hate me, then go ahead and hate me, just don‟t come crawling back, expecting all to be forgotten; With a fag hanging out of your mouth and a turkey neck, you are beginning to resemble Dot Cotton.

Writing expels my demons, I already have my ticket into heaven, and I used this book as my deposit; I think it‟s time you stopped hiding, and finally stepped out from your closet.

You get up, you put people down, then you go back to sleep, each day the same continual Patten; Don‟t get me wrong I would love to knock you the fuck out, just like my company had changed names to, “Poetry By Ricky Hatton”.

On the outside I am silent, but if you crack me open, you will find my gift, just like a Kinder Surprise; Don‟t you dare listen to those whispering shadows, as we all know that “Whispers Tell Lies”.

IMMORTALITY

After 31 years, 210 days and 15 hours of writing, this last book signals that the end of MY LEGACY is almost in sight; I have made these verses immortal, fulfilling my “DESTINY TO WRITE”.

If you want to succeed in life, you need to stop digging up silent answers from the ground; But how can noise even exist, if there is nobody there to hear the sound.

How could I ever die, when I am already dead; Immortality is my lonely gift, as “see you soon”, were the very last words that my Nan said.

When I was low I asked the skies to take me, but its those life changing moments that makes boys become men; I asked my angels for an answer, and from the heavens fell this paper and pen.

I was handed another chance of glory, another chance to re-write history and discover the real me; Go grab yourself a thesaurus, and look up the word “DESTINY”.

Some people said I would never become a writer, but now in their hand sits my book; You doubters may keep chasing me, but I will never even glance back to look.

I tattoo the words “IMMORTALITY” through my skin, for I will never die, there will be no need to mourn; People are standing breathless, as they watch A Star Being Born.

REMEMBRANCE DAY

A silence sweeps across the land, as poppies blow in the wind, lifting prayers and dreams away; It‟s the 11th of November, 2011, as we honour all the fallen soldiers, on this 93rd Remembrance Day.

Some words can bring you hope, but these verses are to remember all of the dead; Many years have passed, as the poppies make the once violent fields now flow a new shade of red.

The first guns fell silent in the 11th month, on the 11th day, during the 11th hour; Over 16 million people lost their lives during World War 1, remembered today only by a little red flower.

Across this fighting planet World War 2 wiped out over 60 million dreams, leaving an entire generation of heroes to now rest in peace in heaven; Is it just a coincidence that we remember our saviours, on the angelic date of 11, 11.

Fighting wars isn‟t just a distant memory, as so far 387 British lions have lost their lives on the battlefield in Iraq; Leaving families torn apart, as loved ones pray to the skies for their fallen angels to come back.

These guardian angels fell trying to keep our countries freedom, as it‟s only those brave souls who gave you the gift to live your life, your way; So wear your poppy with pride, and thank all the lost heroes on this 93rd Remembrance Day.

THANKS TO YOU

I couldn‟t have made it all on my own, some people stood by me, whilst some pretended that they just didn‟t have a clue; To everyone who reads these verses, this letter is my way of saying Thank you.

As a kid I lost my way, but my destiny didn‟t come included with a Pre-installed Sat Nav; Instead of dreaming about all the things I have yet to achieve, I try to focus on all the things that I have.

I wish I could thank my Grandparents in person, but instead I will dedicate this book in loving memory of them; Now you are finally reaching the end, you will see for yourself, that dreams really can be written with just a pen.

I want to thank MOST of my family and friends, for always standing by my side; I have to give a special thanks to this paper, for mopping up these tears of ink each time that I cried.

I am sending a heartfelt thank you to all my Brothers, Sister and to each and every single Cousin, Uncle and Aunt; If writing this book has taught me one lesson, it‟s that there is no such word as can‟t.

Without my Wife and little family around me, this pens inspiration would just run dry; As each letter climbs up higher, My Legacy moves another step closer to writing its final goodbye.

These verses are in honour of all my unsung heroes, the people that read these letters each time this ink revels yet another rhyme; My Legacy may span for an eternity, but I was only ever here for a single moment in time.

From Mothers to Fathers, In-laws to Outlaws, and to friends old and new; Without you touching my life, I would be in a totally different place, and for that this letter has been written in dedication to you.

DEDICATED TO EVERYONE WHO IS READING THIS LETTER I THANK YOU -X-

ROLE MODEL

I write about butterflies, angels, heaven, space and time; I may not be the perfect role model, but even our icons aren‟t always the type of stars that shine.

Our modern day celebrities are what our future children will aspire to be; Maybe someone should tell that to England‟s captain, the racist cheater John Terry.

The child star Macaulay Culkin got arrested for smoking the herb, which proves that he should have never been left Home Alone; Even Paris Hilton spent a few hours in prison, before crying that she wanted to go home.

Tiger Woods didn‟t just hit a hole in one, in his spare time he potted 9 women from the rough; Chris Brown thought by beating up Rihanna, his paper gangsters would think that he was tough.

Ashley Cole is twice the fool, firstly greed made him leave Arsenal, before his cheating made Cheryl do a runner; In my eyes he was once a legend, but it just so happens this poet is a Gunner.

Gary Glitter tried to claim he was the king of rock and roll, when in reality a monstrous paedophile secretly hid behind his smile; Bill Clinton says Monica Lewinsky just dropped her pencil under his desk, I guess even presidents can live in denial.

Wayne Rooney loves his older women, but he dribbled past all the MILF‟s, and dived head first into a 55 year old Nan; I just found out Jamie Lee Curtis is a hermaphrodite, so now I‟m confused, is she an actress or actor, a women or a man.

OJ Simpson got arrested before being found innocent, on the charge of murdering his Wife; He sat in the courtroom smiling, as hiding in his back pocket sat his blood stained knife.

George Michael claims he wasn‟t masturbating in that toilet, he simply had a hard on, whilst he was having a wee; Drew Barrymore spent so many years on drink and drugs, but I think that‟ is just because she missed E.T.

Hugh Grant thought it would be Divine, to get caught with his trousers down; A line of crack appeared across Whitney Houston‟s face, after being put there by her Husband, Bobby Brown.

Let‟s not forget about Ryan Giggs, winner of sports personality of the year 2009, an award that he won whilst he played away; Only true stars shine out 24/7, no matter if it is the night, or if it is the day

I may not be the perfect role model, but a true star will always produce its very own light; Already written in the skies is your destiny, and mine reads out that I have a “Destiny to Write”.

MARILYN MONROE (PART ONE)

Time in life can flash us by so quickly, whilst in heaven time moves so very slow; This letter will take you on my journey, from how I was born Norma Jeane, but died as Marilyn Monroe.

I took my very first breath on Tuesday the 1st of June, 1926, in the future they will remember this date, as it was the day they said a star was born; It was 09:30am to be precise, with a new life broke a new dawn.

My Mother named me Norma Jeane, in Los Angeles County Hospital, as the skies are illuminated by the golden sun; Smiling faces all around me, as another destiny has begun.

The more time that ticked by, the more my Mother seemed to cry; As I blew my candles out on my second birthday cake, my Father slammed the door whilst screaming out his goodbye.

My Mother couldn‟t stop crying, she wept for days, those days soon turned into weeks, as I sat on the floor playing on my own; Then one day 4 men in white coats took my mom away, and I was taken to live in a foster home.

For 5 years I never saw my Mother, I had a new family who nurtured me to grow; Then on my 7th birthday we heard someone banging on the door, as my Mothers screaming voice echoed through the wood, “Pack your bags Norma, it‟s time for us to go”.

The hospital had somehow released my Mother, but still all she could do was cry; One minute she would be happy and smiling, then the next she would scream out that she wanted to die.

The next morning the same 4 men in white coats came back, they lifted her away, I tried desperately to hold her hand, as tears streamed down my face; I was sent to live with my neighbour, a friend of my Mothers, a wonderful lady named, Grace.

For 2 years I was a happy smiling 8 year old, Grace was like an angel, she would say “One day Norma you will be the biggest star, the world has ever seen”; We would spend hours watching movies in our local cinema, as I dreamt of living under the lights and glamour, shining through that silver screen.

After that summer things changed, Grace met her future Husband in 1935, and after the wedding he didn‟t want me around, so I was left in an orphanage home; I use to cry myself to sleep, as I was so afraid of facing the darkness on my own.

Over the next 2 years I had 4 different foster families to meet, to love, before once again I had to say my goodbye; It‟s now my 11th birthday, and the only thing I‟ve learnt from life so far, is really how to cry.

I was allowed to move back in with Grace and her Husband, just because I had nowhere else to run; During the night Graces Husband would sneak into my bed whilst she was sleeping, I would just lay there crying wishing I was back home with my Mom.

I would go and visit my Mother in hospital, I begged her not to send me home, if I had just one wish I prayed this request is the one she would grant; That night I moved away once again, this time to make a new home with my Great Aunt.

It was the worse few months of my life, I was only 12 years old and I felt like I had fallen into hell; Each night my 20 year old Cousin would climb into my bed to touch my shivering body, and even after all this time I still feel intoxicated by his smell.

One day I plucked up the courage and walked away, I walked for hours until I was back looking over my sleeping Mom, I remember leaning over to kiss her; Just then an angel appeared, in the form of my Mothers Sister.

At last I was happy, I had found a home, I felt safe, I could finally look forward instead of always looking back; But then 4 days after my 16th birthday, my Aunt suffered from a near fatal heart attack.

She was too ill to return home, and I was still too young to live there on my own; Once again the loneliness surrounded me, feeling lost, with no place to call my home.

In 1942 now aged 16 years old, I was forced to move back in with Grace and her monster Husband, each night I wished for that door to stay shut; Fear tore me to pieces, as all my trust in humanity started to seep through each cut.

In the August of 1942 I met my very first love, my neighbours son, and after a few weeks I moved in with his family, as Grace and her monster packed up and left, without even checking if I was okay; But finally I had found the love I craved for, that is until World War 2 threatened to take this new found love away.

He enlisted into the merchant marines, one week after we were wed; 3 months later he left to fight in the Pacific, whilst I sat at home petrified of receiving a telegram, informing me that he was dead.

I was back living with my Mother in-law, whilst the man that we loved was away fighting in this terrible war; I found myself my first job, making parachutes, as I day dream of flying up high, instead of being a star just sat down here on the floor.

Then one day a newspaper photographer visited our factory, he wanted to use my picture in that nights Evening Gazette; As the very first camera bulb flashes before my eyes, it produced the sort of light I would never forget.

The next week my dreams started to come true, as I am called to audition for a top modelling agency, they loved me, but my dark hair had to become almost white; As I gazed upon my new reflection, I felt like I had been reborn, moving away from the darkness and into the spotlight.

My Husband returned home from war a different man, angry and upset that my life had now changed its course; I guess in the end all those camera flashes altered my destiny, and in 1945, I filed for a divorce.

The next few months were spent in a flashing bright haze, time now ticked by at the speed of sound; The cameras started recording my every move, as I was being turned into a star, lifted high up from the ground.

Hollywood were busy creating a whole brand new me, as reporters and photographers tell me that the shining lights of stardom is where I was always destined to go; Into the darkness fell Norma Jeane, as into the light walked, Marilyn Monroe.

I take my first shaking step into the spotlight, this is a new beginning, just like a star still shining at dawn; The red carpet beneath my feet begins to glow, as the headlines across the globe report that a, Star has been born.

TO BE CONTINUED…

MARILYN MONROE II (PART TWO)

My life had become a whirlwind of light, as my face started to appear across that silver screen; I moved away from the darkness to stand up tall in the spotlight, a once lonely girl was now just living out her dream.

In December of 1953 the magazine Playboy printed its first copy, and yours truly was on the front page; The curtain on my world had finally been lifted, at last my life was living on the centre stage.

Camera flashes make the red carpets shine, as the following month I fell head over heels in love, Joe DiMaggio this verse is dedicated to you; I had finally found happiness, in the year of 1952.

We were married in San Francisco, on January the 14th 1954; I had finally found my knight in shining armour, as everywhere we went another red carpet was rolled out on the floor.

Marriage illuminated by the lime light was tough, everyone knowing our secrets, papers busy printing my picture whether I cry or smile; The mirror is trying to convince my reflection I am still the real me inside, I guess even stars can live in denial.

I was living on cloud 9 until I fell down in September 1954, I was asked to attend a photo shoot, and to let the subway wind blow up my dress; My Husband was standing in the crowd, as I watched his jealousy turn into a violent stress.

He dragged me down the street as I cried, but his anger had no remorse; After just 8 months of marriage we went our separate ways, and once again I was filing for a divorce.

Surrounded by people who claim to care, but nighttimes were the worse as so many tears drained away, trying desperately to heal this broken heart; I started to search for a message in a bottle, as the sleepless nights tore my dreams apart.

My management employ doctors to feed me pills for breakfast, lunch and tea; I feel like I am screaming into the darkness, but for some reason nobody can ever hear me.

In 1956 I was tired of being lonely, I just didn‟t want to face the darkness all on my own; In the July I met my future Husband Arthur Miller, he made my heart melt away after I thought my past had turned it into stone.

For a few years I felt that loving feeling again, but those flashing cameras still kept me awake each and every single night; The doctors fill me to the brim with sleeping pills, as my dreams slowly fade away, just drifting out of sight.

Hours spent arguing with my Husband, as the spotlight followed us at every turn, leaving us no place to run away and hide; Another chance of happiness crumbles away, and no one will ever know just how many tears that night I cried.

I can‟t believe I am now 35 years old, whilst the world blows a kiss goodbye to 1959 I wonder what next does fate have in store for me; A teardrop rolls down my cheek as I sign my name, sealing the end of divorce number 3.

Sleeping pills are drowning in the champagne bubbles, as therapists consult doctors, who try to figure out just how to patch up a broken dream; I felt like I was crying behind this mask of make-up and blonde hair, I guess I was just missing Norma Jeane.

I was invited to perform at The White House in 1961, I remember the date, It was the 19th of May; The T.V cameras started to sweat, as I sung many happy returns to our President, J.F.K.

Some things I can tell you, but there are also some things that I can‟t, heaven doesn‟t rescue enemies of the state; I am a strong believer in the saying “What will be, will be”, you may call it destiny, but I will just call it fate.

Depression pulls me down, as behind these closed doors the pills and alcohol fight against my pain; I lay alone in a silent house, as my tears flow across this bed like rain.

Through my teary eyes I see my dreams take the form of these pills, lying spread out across my bed; I stare into the mirror searching for the lost Norma Jeane, But that part of me is already a long time dead.

My picture is on every front cover, but my shadow casts an image of an angel about to fall from the sky; My pills are now being chased down with even more bubbles, as my tears refill the glass, each time that I cry.

All these empty pill containers roll off the bed, as my eyes flicker in a dizzy haze, my body starts to get that sinking feeling; I fall back onto my pillow, as I watch a new bright spotlight gradually appearing through my ceiling.

The spotlight gets brighter, my pain fades away as I hear angels whisper that it‟s time for me to go; I may have started this journey as Norma Jeane, but on August the 5th, 1962, I entered heaven as, Marilyn Monroe.

THE END

R.I.P NORMA JEANE BAKER 1926 – 1962 -x-

CONFESSIONS OF A POET

It has been 31 years, 220 days since my last confession, some of these regrets I could have avoided, and deep down I know it; The words are now sealed in ink for the world to read, these are the confessions of a poet.

I have etched my moment into time, but most of my dark nights were caused by my own self infliction; I remember standing in the dock sweating, just searching the ceiling for an answer as I awaited my conviction.

I will confess, I am still afraid of the dark, I have been since that night I was stabbed through the chest; Then in 2003 I felt a pain like never before, as we laid my Nan down to rest.

Her death shook me like an earthquake as I stumbled down my path, every night wishing heaven had just taken me instead; But I couldn‟t die again, as my heart was already a long time dead.

Nightmares swamped my dreams, as images of blood and death mix in with messages falling through the night; At first I was afraid, but after all these years of listening, it was just my angels telling me that I had a “Destiny to Write”.

I started writing down my dreams, but it wasn‟t until I read them back it dawned on me, each dream had its very own little riddle or rhyme; Each time I picked this pen up the voices would stop screaming, I think someone in heaven was trying to send me a sign.

My life was like a puzzle spread across the floor, but I only started to see the bigger picture as I slowly joined all the parts back together; And as I place this final piece of the jigsaw down, I see the image of this pen writing out the word “Forever”.

I use to sleep in hell, just hanging over the edge of despair, with only this pen to pull me back from the brink; As the world around me loaded their syringes up with Morphine, I sat on my own reloading this pen up with ink.

Every night I asked my angels to protect me, as the drug dealing demons circled, waiting for me to fall; This pen wrote me over a 1000 prayers, and someone up in heaven must have heard me call.

I confess I use to cry myself to sleep, as hours were spent wishing that I could somehow rewind time; But now I realize I had to walk through the darkness, so that one day I could shine.

You have to break eggs if you want to make an omelette, but unlike writing if we choose to walk the wrong path in life there is no way we can go back and erase a certain date; So pick yourself up, dust yourself down, because trust me there is one fight that cannot be won, and that is you verses fate.

You only have one shot at life, there are no second chances, and you just can‟t afford to blow it; We all have regrets we want to confess, and these verses are, The confessions of a poet.

IF YOU WERE TO LEAVE

My life would collapse if you weren‟t there to pick me up, destiny would become just another word if you were to ever leave; My body would begin to shut down, as my heart stopped beating my lungs would forget how to breathe.

The lights around me would fade, the sun would slowly lose its shine; Minutes would seem like hours, as I slowly lose all sense of time.

Each star would lose its twinkle, the sky would simply lose its glow; I would be lost with no direction, I would have no place to go.

All my hope and inspiration would crumble, just like a biscuit kept too long in my tea; I would be left alone in the oceans to drown, as I bob around totally lost at sea.

I would no longer be able to face the mirror if this reflection ever faded back into one; No longer would I look up at the moon and stars, or even again feel the warmth from the sun.

The heavens would no longer be blue, instead rain and grey would completely cover our skies; My music would be stuck on a loop, as The Streets keep echoing through my earphones that it‟s time to “Dry your eyes”.

My life would become so lonely, I would probably just sell my soul to Satin, he could have this destiny; My angels would pack up and fly away, as I would turn to the dark side and start practising illuminati.

My smile would fall at the same time as my tears, the darkness would slowly consume my heart; My fate would become just another nightmare, as demons tear my dreams apart.

No matter the weather, no matter the time of year, my heart would forever stay cold; My hand would feel so lonely, without having yours there to hold.

I would become a recluse to the light, the truth about the existence of angels I would never again believe; This ink would just drain away, If you were to ever leave.

THE YOUTH OF TODAY

Our modern world is changing, and everyone is busy blaming the youth of today; But how can we blame the future, when it was us who made their world this way.

Our street corners are full, as our children think that it‟s okay to walk into the darkness with a knife; When did we stop teaching our kids that the greatest ever gift, is quite simply LIFE.

Footballers earning a million pound a month, whilst children in Africa sit crying their hunger pain; Pier pressure is weighing down our future generations, as they begin to buckle under the strain.

Our children are now living in a virtual world, with MSN, Facebook and Twitter, they no longer need to speak face to face; If only they knew time was so valuable, and a lost childhood is the one thing that no one could ever replace.

Girls desperate to be thin, as their air brushed idols kneel at the toilet throwing up their breakfast, lunch and tea; A silent generation sits texting on the latest mobile, whilst playing their PS3.

Faces hide behind hoodies, but not all youngsters want to go out and cause a riot; Each of us is born with a hidden gift, but our future children have just forgotten how to find it.

We are leaving a broken planet to our children‟s children, whilst our Governments just spout hot air, adding to our global warming; With the worlds ice caps still melting, and our wildlife slowly disappearing, this is starting to sound more like a global warning.

Older generations demand respect, but its one way traffic, as respect back is something they do not show; Instead of teaching our children how to fly, we tie them down with yet another ASBO.

Frustration and neglect flows through the streets of this concrete jungle, the one place that we now all call our home; Bullies and racists still torture their victims, leaving them to cry in the shadows, all on their own.

Plastic surgery changing bodies, changing faces, as the years pass the dreams we all had as children slowly fade away; Before long the dawn of a new generation will begin, and no doubt people will still be blaming, The youth of today.

KISS FROM MY CLOUD

On the 10th of May I took my very first breath, my parents named me, Marion Rosina Dyer, the year was 1937; I am sitting on my cloud high up in the skies, as I write you this letter from heaven.

Sometimes I know you feel down, I reach out but cannot touch you, each time I see you cry; This ink is my way of contacting you, as I know we never had the chance to say our final goodbye.

You have to stay strong, for the gates to your dreams are about to open, you need to stand up tall; I hear your prayers echo through your dreams, I just wanted you to know that I always hear your call.

I‟ve seen your future, to the stars is where you were always destined to go; You are finally standing up in the light, after so many years of crawling through your tunnel, chasing only a distant glow.

I don‟t want any of you to blame yourself for not being there at the end, it was simply just my time; We each leave a legacy in life, my Children and Grandchildren are mine.

I felt no pain on the 20th of May 2003, when an angel lifted me gently up and into heaven; Your granddad and I will now mark this date down in history, as A Star Was Born, in 2011.

In your dreams you always ask, if we will ever see each other again; Yes, is the answer to that question, but only your destiny can decide when.

Please pass on this message of love, to my Daughter Sharon, And my two Sons, Tom and Gary; To all our Grandchildren who we miss so much, Alex, Jason, Lisle, Ben, Joanne, and Barry.

We now spend our days watching over our ever growing legacy, a family that would do any parent or Grandmother proud; I wish I could be there with you all, but instead I will just blow out, one final goodbye kiss from my cloud.

DEDICATED TO

MARION ROSINA (DYER) MOWLES 10/05/1937 – 20/05/2003

JOHN MICHAEL ALEXANDER MOWLES 16/08/1930 – 14/07/1995

MARRIED St MARY‟S CHURCH, HADLEIGH 31/12/1955

NOW TOGETHER FOREVER

-----X-----

GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN

MY FINAL GOODBYE (THE END)

The words are finally coming to an end, just as this pen rolls off the table, crashing down onto the floor; My pen then stands up on its tip, and takes a bow, As these pages scream out for an encore.

These verses are my legacy, I have finally fulfilled my destiny to write; Pages upon pages are filled to the brim with my memories, all dedicated to my angels, who watch over me at night.

So many years, so many words, all sealed together in this ink like glue; My fate has brought me to this exact moment in time, just to write this final goodbye letter to you.

People say “don‟t tell me the sky is the limit, when there are footprints on the moon”, but I won‟t stop until I leave my mark on a star; You can‟t tell me that isn‟t possible, as I have already made it this far.

The ink is slowly starting to fade, but between the lines the message still reads out so clear; I watch this pen begin to cry, as it drips its very last ink filled tear.

This pen is starting to get weaker by the letter, as my paper has soaked up all of its light; After 11,530 days of writing, the end is almost in sight.

My final book is about to close, fulfilling a promise once sworn; These letters have taking me full circle, the end result, A Star Was Born.

As I move ever closer to the end, this star appears to get brighter, just like an ink filled supernova; All that‟s left to do is write one last verse, and then My Legacy is over.

I put my pen down, and seal this letter with a kiss, before I blow these last remaining verses up towards the sky; I have finally finished writing My Legacy, And I have finally finished writing, My Final Goodbye.

-----THE END-----

THE END

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

-2011-

THE END

THANKS FOR READING

A STAR IS BORN

POETRY BY BARRY MOWLES

-2011-

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DESTINY TO WRITE (EXTREME)

DESTINY TO WRITE (CLEAN)

HATE TO LOVE YOU

MY BUTTERFLY EFFECT

EVEN ANGELS WILL FALL

MENDING BROKEN HEARTS (CHARITY BOOK)

MY LEGACY COLLECTION 1-5

MY RESURRECTION 11.1.11

A STAR IS BORN

DESTINY TO WRITE – MY LEGACY 1-7

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2011

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INTRODUCING POETRY BY:

ACID TRIP TO NOWHERE MOOR (BY GARY MOWLES) THE WELSH BARD (BY GARY MOWLES) STEP SON (BY EVE MOWLES) LITTLE SWEETHEART (BY CHLOE POOLE) ADHD (BY SHAYLEIGH DUDSON) WEDDING DAY (BY CHOLE POOLE)

Tis Thirteen past the hour of March, Sky's have turned a cold, red, amber glow. Oak and Elm trees play rugger in the dunes, As Fuzzard birds circle menacingly below.

Jaffa, the Buddha man, deep in trance, Eye's shut, wide open, whilst searching Heavily fortified Chara-bangs, on turf less hills, That have no shining black moon eye's.

Passing Aretha with her glowing hair, Her fluid spills through crackled Orbs, As Siouxie Sioux watches from Cliff's kaleidoscopic, wall less wall's.

Lance turns Doughnuts on 45 degree shores, Commanding raids to search their stores, of Cooling ale, in cold sinked water, to Quench their thirst that rages within.

Cocooned in bags designed for sleep, Warmed by pre-charcoal trunks, Devouring tin's of anything that moves Around there canvas bunks.

Bodies, horizontal, To Earths, rough carpeted floor, Lid's falling slowly over orbital globes, Tis time to dream Of their ACID TRIP TO NOWHERE MOOR

THE WELSH BARD

BY GARY MOWLES

My Godson, the Welsh Bard. When it comes to poems about life, Good days, bad days and when times were hard, Mental images of pain and strife, There‟s no one better than „The Welsh Bard‟.

His descriptions of past events Flows through his scribe with ultimate ease, His exquisite verse is so intense, It could bring the reader to their knees.

He writes such beautiful, moving lines, A boy genius I hear them cry, One of Suffolk‟s most talented minds, „Perfection‟ that no one can deny.

Now I give you my kindest regard, My favorite Godson „The Welsh Bard‟

STEP SON

BY EVE MOWLES

So much talent flows from the fingers of my step son; I love your poems so much that I too was inspired to write one.

I do not pretend to have any skill; But the more that I practice I‟m sure I soon will.

You write from the heart and with so much emotion; How you write so many verses I simply have no notion.

I tend to find it easier to write poems that rhyme; But it‟s not always easy to find words to end every line.

Well I have run out of time and no longer can tarry Cos there aren‟t many words that can rhyme with Barry.

LITTLE SWEETHEART BY CHLOE POOLE, AGED 14

I am going to tell you about my Sister, she has A.D.H.D; But even though she has got this problem, she is still much braver than me.

When she was just a tiny baby, she had a hole in her heart; When I saw her with tubes and an oxygen mask, it tore me apart.

She was my first baby Sister, I loved her from day one; But when she had trouble breathing, and went to hospital, that‟s when the worry begun.

She was in for a very long time, but when she was out she had a tube up her nose; She was so skinny, you could tell by looking at her tiny clothes.

I would cuddle her until she fell asleep, and Mammy would put her in her cot; I know have an amazing strong Sister, I can‟t believe how lucky I got.

She can be naughty on times, but it isn‟t her fault; God help when she‟s in high school, she‟d be sent home for a verbal assault.

No matter what she is my crazy little Sis; I can‟t go nowhere, without getting a big sloppy kiss.

I love her so much, I will always have her back; Anyone who tries hurting her, they can look forward to a smack.

I can get stressed with her sometimes, and we will argue and shout; But she can make me smile, even when she will ignore me and pout.

I‟ll always be there for her, always here from the start; Even when she is 23 or older, she will always be my little sweetheart.

-X- CHLOE POOLE, AGED 14 (FERNDALE, WALES, UK)

A.D.H.D

BY SHAYLEIGH DUDSON, AGED 7

I got a lovely Sister, she’s happy all the time, my Sister has a lovely Sister to, which is me;

I also love my family, and I have A.D.H.D.

I am 7 years old, I got brown hair, I got a boyfriend, and his name is Timmy;

I love my Mammy and Daddy, and my family helps me with my A.D.H.D.

I wrote this poem for my family, Shayleigh

SHAYLEIGH DUDSON , AGED 7 (FERNDALE, WALES, UK)

WEDDING DAY

BY CHLOE POOLE, AGED 14

ROSES ARE RED

VIOLETS ARE BLUE

Barry made Mammy happy,

And me and Shayleigh too.

CHLOE POOLE, AGED 14 (FERNDALE, WALES, UK)

The end

2011

DESTINY TO WRITE

MY LEGACY 1 - 7