Chancellor search narrowed down to six terrible choices and Tinky-Winky. crack and I do too, so that really I.C. Weiner Students were surprised to learn T HE P OINTLESS speaks to me," said UWSP freshman . that they had heard of at least a few Whitney Houston. of these jerks. The final decision on the chancel The final six candidates for "I support Gumby because he's lor will be made by some even bigger the next University of Wisconsin bendy and can change into anything," douche-bags than the ones previously Stevens Point chancellor have been said UWSP senior Peter "Dangle" mentioned, sometime this summer. announced. They are: Gumby, Steve Johnson. We could tell you exactly when, but from Blues Clues, Gossamer the "I am going to support Steve you don' really care do you? No, Cl) Hairy, Bacon and Eggs, the Predator, from blues Clues because he loves didn't think so. ~ ' u I --~..... z - H Cl) z 0 iZ C) ]~ ~ Cl) H s:
>-4 ~ E-1 H ~ Cl) l'.:t:: r:i::l Gumby Steve Gossamer :> "Chancellor Nook is such a blockhead. Right, "Crack is Great! I support getting more of it H Pokey?" atUWSP." "Blaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!" z ::, Bacon and Eggs Predator TinkyWinky "Sizzle sizzle, fry fry! Bring it on down to " ... " Editor's note: This interview resulted in "Tinky Winky! Tinky Winky! Teletubby bye Omletteville! Everybody loves us." the tragic loss of reporter Jesse Ventura due bye!" to disembowelment. Serial theft: "I just wanted some Cocoa Puffs." Hippie Dippie Chick Determined as unrelated to the Students, government officials THE POINTLESS burning garages and tool sheds, these and soccer moms alike now fear for burglaries have a disturbing pattern the safety of this breakfast staple. of their own. Panic spreads among the populace Thursday Justin Perry, a student of the with thoughts of waking to a morning Reports of theft have begun University of Wisconsin- Stevens craving for Cheerios that cannot be April 1,2010 pouring into the Stevens Point Police Point, currently living off campus fulfilled. The milk swipings also affect Department over the past several said, "I was thirsty. Thirsty for some those not directly stolen from, weeks. These crimes strike at a calcium ... when I realized the milk Volume 54 Issue 22 vulnerable time for the city as it has was gone. When I saw they left my recently been plagued with acts of TY, computer, Xbox and everything See "Milk" Pg. 7 arson. else ... l was pretty angry." . News 1-2 Sports 7-8 Comics 11 Newsroom • 346 · 2249 Business • Ins 1d e, ._ > )I Pointlifc 3-4 Arts & Culture 9 Classifieds 12 346 · 3800 Advertising • 346 · 3707 I T ll~ Wu:: ( Sci. & Outdoors 5-6 Letters 10 2 April 1, 2010 News UWSP The Pointer Patrick Swayze haunts dance studio and pottery classes KITTENS! Babi lncornerstone appearance in "Dirty Dancing: Havana when they noticed things were not how ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, THE POINTLESS Nights." Swayze just couldn't stay away they left them. from dance. "Our stereo was on the ground with • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Classes at the University of Wisconsin the 'Dirty Dancing' soundtrack in it," Stevens Point resumed Monday morning said one of the dance coaches. "Also, 'I after break and students were suspicious had the time of my life' had been written as to what took place in the art rooms in red lipstick across one of the studio Percival Pussbottom Evidence suggests that Patrick located in the Noel Fine Arts Center. mirrors." Swayze' s ghost appeared in the Noel Fine "All of the clay is missing for The Stevens Point Area Police THE P OINTLESS Arts Center and Health Enhancement our figure modeling class," said an Department said there were no signs of Center over spring break. anonymous art major. "Our professor finger prints in either of the buildings that Last September, Swayze lost his year told us to just go home because there was had been tampered with, but they are still long battle with pancreatic cancer. nothing we could work on without it." looking. Swayze was well known for his The only clay remaining in the room "It may have been a coincidence that acting roles in "Dirty Dancing," 1987, and was a half-created vase on the pottery the clay was missing and a song was "Ghost," 1990. He also made a cameo wheel. "The piece looked as if someone playing in the NFAC, but there was a ripped the top portion off," said an plastic baby in the comer of the dance assistant professor. "The oddest part was studio," said a sophomore dance team Apparently Swayze is reliving his that the song Unchained Melody, by the member. "That is just crazy." past roles in the spirit world. Righteous Brothers, was replaying on the Investigations are still under way, CD player in room 148." but as of right now only assumptions can Another area on campus that was be made. If Patrick Swayze' s ghost really tampered with was the dance studio in did haunt various rooms on campus, he the Health Enhancement Center. The really must have had the time of his life. UW-Stevens Point dance team arrived to the studio for an early morning practice ·p,D{Jt!M ,R[ se "Jfda,, plOM al{l ~UJlilOl{S (asnOl{ SN JO ){Jeq a4l Uf POJ aa.Jl e) surna1p Jfda JO J!BI SN Ol ){Jeq palea.JlaI pue a1a4 ~ JJO MafAialU! al{l lilJ u01awe:) ~ ,;){Jed ){Jeus e pue ···uon -~ -eJ!dSUf paau I adel "padsa}l nas ON ~ -l{HM S{J!'.),, AW aw ~UfIH jWOW AaH,, ; 'uo1awe:) pfes ,,'lUBM a1doad al{l ~ lBl{M MOU){ I 'uew xas pue l{leaa11 a ·walSAS IElS µnelUa:) i, J! e4dw al{l lif laue1d llIElS!P e uo wn~ James Cameron will make erotic 3D epic -BlqOUil l{HM panu dNS ~lI!){U!S e uo over the weekend. UMOp o~ Aal{l se 1a4lOl{Jea ~lifAOI S~lifaq UEWill{ pue fA,BN al{.L "l{lt?ap After this year's Academy Award l{Jnw se lSnf l{HM lnq 'pawal{l AUBJ for Best Picture went to "The Hurt -no1a 'IElBAV pue J!UEH.L JO dn 4sew e Locker" James Cameron felt like he ~~ell! daa){ I uosea1 awos IOtl got the shaft. His 3D epic "Avatar" ·uo1awe:) P!ES 11'.Apoq was the first film ever to gross over pa)J:EU iw 'Ielt?AV UIOIJ ~UJ:SS!fil ~UNl $2 billion and packed theaters with A{UO al{l seM lt?l{l ){U!l{l I 'a£ lif a1doad college students under the influence al{l Ol nasiw ~Ufiq Ol alli!l s ,H,, of drugs across the U.S. ·afAOW al{l lI! Cameron is refusing to let the a101 ~Ufpea1 al{l aq p1noM a4 parupap Academy downplay his brilliance as UOiaWE:) S{a!UEQ ){JBf JO amoq UilJ a film-maker and has decided to give e Ialft! pue 'S!l{l ~Uf1ea4 uodn the shaft as good as he got it.* ·ss-e){Jef-e a){H ~lI!){U!M al!lJM uosfp-ew "I'm making a porno bitches, s1a){oou5 lUapms dSMil pfes ,,'JJillS they give my little gold dude to poo~ al{l l{HM alli!l Sfl{l A{UO 'naM my ex wife, are you kidding me?" Se ll:?l{l op mM AlOlS S!l{l ams ill,I OS said Cameron, "I'm going beyond the '~UfAOW seM IBl\?AV Uf AIOlS aAOI a4l Academy ... what? ...Yeah I've had a 'WIH Mau S!l{ IOJ palpXa ill,I,, few drinks what of it? I'm still going ·1a~~og_ AJiad lUapfsa1 {BJOI pfes ,, to shove it in the Academy's face no.,{ lB uaa1Js a4l JO lilO ~Uf)J:Od w1u when I get a: Woody."* S!l{l lif ~U!l{lAUE llIEM inea1 noA op Cameron, who spent twelve years 'H lilOq-e ){U!l{l lSil~ UaM 'Q£ al{l pue making and not making "Avatar" is 'aaIJ IOJ aUf{UO l{Jll:?M ueJ I 2ll!l{laWOS going to bypass making the film's IOJ GI$ ied Ol 2Ufo~ lOU w,1,, sequel to make his first erotic 3D epic. "lUaWUft?l The new movie entitled "Take That," -Ialua l{npe Olllf alilluaA s ,uo1awe:) is apparently missing characters, a lnoqe palpxa Uft?wa1 s1a410 aI!l{M =0 paruJs a1e sueJ ,,IElBAV,, awos plotline and monetary backing. s. "It'll come, all of it, everyone," ,, ·wod aAOI a1doad 'AplBI eQ) said Cameron, "I'm not worried, this laUiallI! al{l uo uaaq noA aAt?l{ 'nasH uC't1 ~ eQ) ('t1 Tinley Winley ~ THE POINTLESS •' :•.t: -:~ .. ' • ·•• .; ,--. / -~ ·: '. ' ·' ::r I W::U- :I C .g 1 l:loO z C 'II 3: .,, :::: q>oiif Global warming causes "O N.._._z 3: ::U >"'z ::a 0~r -o -c ~ i. .._. m> :! < :-1 l'l - increased hours of daylight C c;;; I O j Ill Ill ~IO 0 ) ~ zo -I :::0 The United States warming threatens to make their global warming will be referred to "O :v z Ez CZ ::r C ('b ~::lz~ en n ID 2' experienced the first race extinct. as global lighting," said Gore, who g- "ti "' cil111-u 2. -;i real effects of global "I'm so hungry, but it's too revealed that sunglasses are the ,::ao::u gi ::, 'Tl - Ill ~~o r+ -· warming this month light to feed," said one vampire remedy. "If you can't see the light, )fll -.., 8 r Ill I~ ' ID ID with increased hours of who is withering away to nothing it can't get you," said Gore. . 2c®111::ui8 "''<"' :!:I ozen - I o==u=u daylight around mid- in a cavern in the Grand Canyon. The sunglasses cure is catching ~~~> iii 1'11 I~ m III o 3: ·~I e March. The daylight U.S. citizens are longing for on. Gore claims it will prevent zz ::a:V3:en n c, has been overwhelming both the night and the bite marks future TTS cases and save the O Ill O "'Ill riii for many, and people on their neck. vampire race. Putting sunglasses ~ g Ill :c : ~. around the country "I would take teeth in my neck on plants will prevent overactive n are being diagnosed over this ball of fire in the sky any photosynthesis, according to ~ 0 :~I~ ::a z .. with Twiddling Thumb day," said one woman who was Gore's speculations. During a n l'l Syndrome, a serious disease that committed last week. press release last Monday he also C: ::, z is giving mental hospitals more When Gore isn't at home revealed that wo .._. =- ~ business than ever before. surfing the internet for remedies, he invented = t'D 1--4 Experts are calling "daylight he can be found standing on a crate sunglasses. < PJ ~ z~ t'I) i,.- G) savings time" the most obvious on the sidewalks of New York with = I-'• 0 0 evidence of global warming's his hands raised to the heavens. ~ = = z ~oq ~ ~ - existence as it continues to pose "The sun will linger in the =-' "'O . i a great threat to humanity. The sky until 7:15 tonight," said l"D 0 .,. l'l O ~ extra hours of daylight leave many Gore yesterday, to the horror of I-'• ~ l"D feeling helpless and alone. bystanders. = t'D ;-. ~·~ - "I don't know what to do When he isn't prophesying, ;- ~ = lat Cl.) ~ ~ooo~~~Et-~>nno'e~o..>on o~~e::,-n~nn>ono~~~eEt-n~~ -I 0 ::r 0 with all this free time," said one Gore enjoys driving his Hummer, rt O" ro ro !3 o 2. o ro S S:: o Ill C E; rti o . ...,...... 2. ro S:: o 'S ...., ]" ~ ~ e_ ~ g d § ~ ~ ~ ID ~ ~~~ ,...... "ti 0 Wisconsin man. "My kids want not recycling and leaving all the e;.g Pl . ~ %~ ...., ~ (!l ~ ~ 0.. ~ s O ;;- 0.. >--3 2;. ~ g. ~ ~ ::i ::i ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ro ~ ~ o' ro ~ !3 ~ 0 .., ·:"'" ~ 0 '< "O ~ 0 . ;:;· ~ ro ...., ~ ...... i;l 00 s:: ::,- ~ ~ n O ro 00 < 0 ~ 0 ::t 0 me to read to them when I get lights on in his house, all the time. ~· a '( a a 5· l'T1 n ro 00 oo oo o Ill ..... ~ ;!J. 0 _ oo n ro ..., S:: 00 ro ro 00 o.. ,... ::, .... . 0.. sii n : ~ =- s:: ~ ~ ::,- 0.. >--3' Sl) g ..-r ::,- 0 ro ~ n ~ < ,OO!-;QJ'"d"'"'bOQ) OO"'C'"dOJC 0 0 a, ~ ~ 00 ;:.... '"d ro OJ C bO C OJ ..C: o o C ..0 ·!'.:l OJ OJ OJ ..C: ..... \,\if ]~.8-5~] ..... Q) . of the global warming theory. more than ; F u o 0 ,.c:'"d .... 0 ,.o ..... ,;:jeQJi-...... ~ u ~ >, '"d~> ...... c: lo; "' "'c oo-oro ...... QJi-.o i::.>QJ I-< ' Q) Q) .... ro ::s Experts are pointing their likely act ;:, ,.. Q) .... . 00 Q)B> 'aJ8~~~z..... roQJ oe, .... i::::8~~0000,... QJOQJQJ oo~ .,...QJQJ,.._, C ~ 1- The Nun industry has been booming have been making plans to expand in order for the past few months due to the troubled to fit in all the new sisters. Here in Stevens economy. With so few jobs hiring and other Point the newly developing buildings will now jobs cutting employees, people have gotten include a holy swimming pool complete with back in touch with their faith during these hard slides. times. (Why turn to God? One might ask.) And Not only has the nun population grown the answer is because God will provide you but the monks are right behind the sisters in with free clothing, food and shelter in return their numbers. Bob Faulkner, a new monk to for a vow committing one's life to prayer and the ministry, had joined as a way to save himself. religion. "I was in debt and by turning to God Sister Sally, a newly committed nun tells he had helped by taking that debt away," said about her new life, "In hard times like these we Faulkner, "I am grateful too for this new begin gotta do what we gotta do in order to survive. ning and it's great not having to worry about It's actually pretty sweet being a nun. All you all that other stuff that I had to worry about." have to do is pray, walk around and meditate all Faulkner was previously a factory worker day and you've put in a day of work right there." who had lost his job from massive layoffs. He Nuns ·have little need for coverage in is a recovering alcoholic and has been able to insurance because of owning virtually nothing change his ways by turning to religion. and having the monastery providing all that "I don't know what I would've done with they need. However, the health care ministry out religion. I mean sure, I can't do some stuff coverage is rated number one compared to that I used to do but it's for my own good I'm other companies and industries. sure. All a part of God's plan and he usually "It's very peaceful and my high has good plans," stated Faulkner. blood pressure has dropped signifi These new increases of nuns and monks cantly, states Sister Sally. "Religion have some people a bit worried about an upris has really turned my life around and ing that might take over the country. With thanks to God I'm in better health. about. 50% and still increasing numbers of Sure the clothes are a bit dated but I the population becoming nuns and monks can get used to it." this theory may very well be true. But if that With the growing nun popula is the case who will be in control, the Monks tion, the convents and monasteries' or Nuns? NOT HAVING JOBS, PEOPLE TURN TO RELIGION (I) (I) Vl Scientist finds why blondes Malibu Barbie THE P OINTLESS have more fun A recent study at irradiate the Midwest Institute of the cranium Behavioral Studies (MIBS) has leading to revealed that there is scientific truth a shrinkage of to the.old adage "blondes have more the brain. Over the fun." Dr. Thomas Jarvis, PhD, stated millenia this has caused in a press conference outside of the modern . blonde the MIBS headquarters building in brain to have the size Kenwo~d, Michigan, "We have too and density of the average long taken for granted the notion that walnut. This finding coupled blondes do indeed have more fun. with another that found that My team sought to find the scientific this phenomenon only occurred validity of this phenomenon." in the female human caused the Jarvis and his team found the team's doctor of gender studies, answer to be both anatomical and Dr. William F. Huxtable, to remark neurological. When comparing CAT that the modem blonde woman scans of all subjects, one common is comparable to a "dinosaur with trait was shared by those subjects breasts." with blonde hair. "Their brains were The different phenomena between significantly smaller," said Jarvis. genders is attributed the differences in According to the team's research, the the structure of the skull itself. "The brain of the average blonde brain blonde female skull has become nearly was up to 75 percent smaller than the translucent after so many thousands average human. This discrepancy of years diation," said Huxtable. f the brain itself " blonde ma ' skull has adapted d grown increas gly thicker and so the modern male skull is nearly · etrable by any s urce known to en asked b a raven-haired rter if he t ought his team's · s w at all sexist, Jarvis removed his spectacles and said, this "I always find science to be very, devolution of brain size to the very sexy, madam." He then protective abilities of hair itself. winked and concluded the press Over millions of years, the lighter conference. A statement from a human being's hair color MIBS has stated that Jarvis became, the fewer ultraviolet. and his team will continue rays from the sun were kept their studies of unequal off of the head. If hair became levels of enjoyment by light enough, these rays the increased elation would penetrate the achieved by females in scalp and general. http://pointer.uwsp.edu Science & Outdoors April 1, 2010 . 5 "\:eJ,<]~.6.VJ.~...11111 t+- ~J.VG)teVJ,e.;,.=~~<]~eV t>Ue~ '\oi¢VG)t~ =~~<]J.~ .6.~G)~e~.;,. ft' ...11111 l'\.Ue~¢7 +-t.6.G)~V [>J.~t QQ'\oi.A.•V t.6.-+¢eJ.,.c:>~Ue lJ ...IIIIIV~~.6....11111 ::::ieG)':!. Af~ THE POINTER ¢'\oi¢~~·.6. Vtt'~•~tV t+- ~t~ -+.6.t•• tc:> Advertising Manager ...... Rachel Anderson Advertising Assistant ...... Erica Hagar Convenient and Affordable Business Manager ...... Nathan Rombalski Public Relations University of Wisconsin ...... Nichole Bailey Colleges Online Courses Faculty Adviser ...... Liz Fakazis Fully-transferable UW courses taught EDITORIAL POLICIES totally over the internet by UW professors. The Pointer is a student-run Looking for an affordable way to earn newspaper published weekly for the University of Wisconsin- Stevens Point. college credits this summer? Get ahead The Pointer staff is solely responsible for with your educational needs by earning content and editorial policy. No article is available for inspection credits with the online courses available prior to publication. No article is through the University of Wisconsin available for further publication Colleges Online. Not only will you earn without expressed written permission of The Pointer staff. credits towards your degree, you will The Pointer is printed Thursdays have the flexibility to still enjoy your during the academic year with a circulation of 2,500 copies. The paper summer vacation. is free to all tuition-paying students. Non-student subscription price is $10 Registration for the Summer Semester is per academic year. open until May 21 Letters to the editor can be mailed or delivered to The Pointer, 104 CAC, Find out more online: University of Wisconsin - Stevens online.uwc.edu/landing/uw Point, Stevens Point, Wl 54481, or sent by e-mail to [email protected]. We reserve the right to deny publication of any letter for any reason. We also reserve the right to edit letters for inappropriate length or content. Names will be withheld from publication only if an appropriate reason is given. Letters to the editor and all other material submitted to The Pointer becomes the property of The Pointer. 6 April 1, 2010 UWSP The Pointer Science & Outdoors Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers coming to UWSP to fight hippies, teach Comm 101 Megatron Decepticon isn't worried about the hippies, but is THE POINTLESS more concerned with teaching. "Fighting we know," Scott said. The original members of the "Hippies are harder to take down Mighty Morphin Power Rangers are than puddies or some of the other set to teach Comm 101 and clean monsters Rita sends our way, but up the hippie infestation starting the there's not many things more scary 2010-2011 school year. than freshman girls." Since 1996 Rita Repulsa, the Some students are looking empress of evil, has been sending forward to the Rangers arrival for hippies to plague productivity and slightly different reasons. personal hygiene at the University of ''I've never been too concerned Wisconsin - Stevens Point. with the hippies," said Eric Carlow, "Getting the Power Rangers here senior. "I just hope Kimberly doesn't to put an end to this problem will be have a 'no student' dating policy." a Godsend," said Interim Chancellor She doesn't, Scott said. Mark Nook. "Rita Repulsa has to go." Kimberly Hart, the Pink Ranger, In order to qualify for a special declined to comment. grant to fund the rangers, UWSP The biggest concern Mayor Triceratops! Saber-toothed Tiger! Mastadon! Pterodactyl! Tyrannosaurus Rex! had to give them a teaching position, Andrew Halverson had about the Nook said. arrival of the Power Rangers was the the mechanic and unofficial mascot lucky again," Nook said. "The rangers "What better place to put them potential damage to the historical for the Power Rangers. are a blessing and won't disappoint." than Comm 101 ?" Nook said. "My structures in the downtown area "The zords have all been Other members of the Power first choice was to put them in the from epic battles using the Rangers' destroyed at one point or another," Rangers include Zack Taylor, Trini philosophy department, since they famous Megazord. Five said. ''I'm not sure. I've sort of Kwan, and Billy Cranston. aren't real teachers anyways, but we The Megazord is the combination lost track of things. I've been a little Repulsa was· unavailable for felt that Comm 101 needed more of the five rangers' Dinozords and is depressed and lonely lately. Aye-yi comments. help." a mechanical suit over 30 stories tall. yi-yi-yi." Since being a Comm 101 instructor "We can't have something like Repulsa hasn't made a giant won't take a lot of time or effort, there that ruin the charm of Stevens Point," hippie since the attack in 2005 and will be plenty of opportunities to Halverson said. "We will be keeping a was vanquished only by students start reducing the growing hippie very close watch on them." chasing it away with shampoo. numbers on campus, Nook said. The Megazord hasn't been used "I don't think we will be that Jason Lee Scott, the Red Ranger, for quite some time, said Alpha Five, The King of Pop Returns - as a CYBORG Just when the world thought it of Jackson. He decided was over, they were wrong. On March to take a recess and 31, in California, a team of biomedi take some time out of cal engineers succeeded in bringing his busy day to give Michael Jackson back to life. the Jackson situation Jackson was recently revived full consideration. from the dead with the use of genetic 11 Out of all the engineering and ~ionics. Although entertainers they half-human, Jackson still moves as could bring back they fluidly as in the days of Thriller. ''I'm got him. Marvin Gaye so pumped to be back. I've changed or Bob Marley would my skin, nose and other bodily organs have been my choice," I would rather not discuss, so I feel said Obama. that me becoming a cyborg is just Citizens don't the next step in my evolution," said know how to feel Jackson. about a return to life Head genetic engineer, Vladimir as a cyborg. "I can't Jones, was the one with the idea to believe the King of bring the King of Pop back to life. "It Pop is back. It's amaz wasn't his time to go. I grew up as ing he's a cyborg. Can : young child in the hood listening to average people get MJ. I had my first kiss to Billie Jean," down on that?" said said Jones. Ramone . Sanders, Family and friends are confused UWSP Student. about Jackson's sudden reappeaT Many other stu ance. Some don't know if they should dents are wondering if be afraid or relieved by his return. they can also become "Well this takes the pressure off of my cyborgs. Imagine breast incident," said Janet Jackson. what this would do to Jermaine Jackson is already pro the world of sports? moting the Third Reunion Tour. "I "Jackson should not be feel that this will be a chance for us the only person with to give the fans what they want. A superhuman strength cyborg and his four brothers is clas or spectacular dance Micheal Jackson is now scarier than ever to children under the age of eight. sic," said Jermaine Jackson. moves," said UWSP Many government officials were junior, Barry White. outraged over the shocking news. Jackson's new Among many of them was the manager, Don King, tacle this world has ever seen," said Tickets will go on sale April 1. Ticket President of the United States, Barack has stated that Jackson will continue King. prices range from $100 to $10,000. For Obama. with the This Is It Tour immediately. This Is It Tour: Cyborg Edition further information visit www.this President Obama was shocked "This is the biggest thing since color will be starting on April 7 in Los isnotittour.org. when he heard news of the reviving television. It will be the largest spec- Angeles, Calif. at the Staples Center. http://pointer.uwsp.edu April 1, 2010 . 7 From \\Milk" Pg. 1 Pointer to End striking· dread and a touch of After 41-Years regret into the heart of all residents. "I never have milk in my fridge. Jack Mehoff But I kind of want milk in my THE POINTLESS fridge now," Michael More, UWSP student, said. However these thieveries seem On January 4, the faculty tribunal_., uncontained by Stevens Point's voted 3-2 at the Founders Room of borders and similar reports have Old Main: with readership lagging arisen across the state. Doug and more students turning to Ryddner, a student at UW- Madison contemporary digital media in recent briefly explains his encounter with years, the decision was inevitable. the serial milk thief. After the University of Wisconsin "I had foggy eyes that morning Stevens Point's Pointer's illustrious and didn't know what I was 41 year history, the Pointer will finally looking for, so I thought I'd walk shut down its presses following the to the kitchen. It was about 6:30 printing of this issue. a.m. I decided I wanted eggs. And Stevens Point residents take action to protect the milk. Though members of the Pointer if I had eggs, I wanted bacon. were on hand to defend the campus Then I thought, I'm going to need publication, the faculty tribunal As the number of incidents While local and statewide ultimately ruled in favor of a more a tall glass of orange juice. Then I climbs, Wisconsin residents are no officials continue their search for the contemporary option, to the dismay remembered we don't have this, but longer the only parties concerned. milk bandit, Wisconsin inhabitants of the Pointer team, including Editor we always have milk. We' re never The milk industry began a campaign are taking their own action to protect in-chief Jacob Mathias. out of milk. So I walked to the fridge to raise national awareness of the the milk. Erin Mueller, Stevens Point "This is bollocks, they want to - because it usually has the milk. It's milk thievery epidemic by altering resident said, "I have a guard cat, replace one of the most traditional usually on the top shelf, but it wasn't. their notable slogan to Got Theft? Get trained just for the occasion. My forms of media with a talk show," I was starting to sweat now. I looked Probation. fiance Marcus is a milk fiend. He said Mathias. "Print isn't dead, at the lower shelf. I looked twice. It Given the widespread nature of drinks like two gallons of milk a and besides, we already have STY wasn't there. It was gone. The milk these milk burglaries, many believe week. We always have milk in the [Student Television Station] for that." was just gone," he said. this to be a product of organized house. Come to think of it. .. several In spite of the protests, the crime. Others point the finger at gallons. Hmm ... " majority of the faculty tribunal friends. Harrison Batzler, a student at enthusiastically favor the change, - UWSP said, "It's all bulls*** anyway. citing progress as a driving factor. Ben is behind it all with Bobby's help. Communication department head I saw them drive away in the white Jim Haney, who had voted in· favor STEAK NIGHT Le Baron." Friends, roommates and of the move, argued that while this family members remain suspects. new news outlet will be a live video broadcast, it will be a completely President Obama different beast than STY. "It will be all faculty, all the announced yesterday that time," said Haney. "One of our June 11 will mark the first SGA dissolves itself: "Nobody biggest inspirations has come from national steak night. Steak such modem shows as The Daily Night will consist of steak cares anymore," says Asbach Show and The Colbert Report! We need authority, so we'll have faculty~ intake, steak dancing, steak Rosy Palms and Seymour Butts popsicle idea seems like a way better members behind the desk." night songs and more steak THE POINTLESS use of our time and talents anyway," Details of the Pointer's intake. said former president-elect Wilson. replacement have yet to be finalized, "It's about time this Former vice-president-elect however Dean Haney hopes that the Dustin Klein was even more talk show will begin broadcasting becomes a national by the end of April, with a publicity In a stunning tum of events, the passionate on the subject. holiday," said Jeremy campaign to be launched later this University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point "We tried to give students a voice month on STY as well as local campus Larsen, a long time steak Student Government Association and their voices told us loud and radio station, WWSP 90FM. ~ night celebrator. "This i~ a clear that they care even less about voted to dissolve itself on Thursday Even as most students may SGA than most if its members do. It big f-ing deal" April 2, by a vote of 16-0-2. The remain unaware of the upcoming "We're going to steak near unanimous decision marked was time we stood up for them and changes, some students believe that night. We're going to eat a historic night in which the SGA got rid of the SGA once and for all. the end of the Pointer will not make a parliament came to a consensus that I would like to thank everyone who it right. Steak is such a difference. "There's a college paper? they "pretty much don't do anything supported us over the past two weeks I guess it does make sense. I mean, treat. It is the world's best and therefore should dissolve." and one day, I know we made you all who actually reads it anyway," said meat," sang Tori Mittelman "It's about time. I've been pushing proud," said Klein. sophomore Terri Bichon. "I wouldn't as she gobbled down a 20 them to pass this legislation for over a "People really don't like have known about it anyway. Sorry, oz. porterhouse with a side year. It's pretty obvious that nobody government that is run by students but I don't read the Pointer." cares anymore," said former SGA cause most of us don't know what Ending its 14 year run, the Pointer of pork. president Scott Asbach. we're talking about anyway. Just ask began life in 1994 when then-student . For more information "I'd just like to say that we all Katie Kloth. That's why we decided Ralph Kramden petitioned UWSP on steak night tradition visit wear tin-foil hats and make music to do this popsicle thing instead," said officials to begin a campus paper www.steaknight.gov/bigf with our armpits. I'm excited that we former SGA vice president Nathan that the student community could be proud of, with his motto: "a book ingdeal.html will have a lot more time now to focus Schultz. on the new business we are forming "At least this will finally get that smart stork can make it to the moon, · store that will exclusively sell dill-hole Jeff Decker off my case," said pointing the way to future." es in the DUC and it's going former SGA advisor Laura Ketchum "I don't think anybody really --... alled 'Have an ice cold, wet, Cifti. "Now I can spend more time knew what Kramden meant, and yes, I'm sorry to see it go, but UWSP has dreamsicle.'" with my boys, finding them pet always focused on progress," said Just a few weeks ago, Mike lizards and iguanas. I am also looking A Haney. "I know students have every forward to advising the former 'Wil~n and Dustin Klein had won faith that we're making the right members of SGA to use 48 flavors on the lllfl!llection for SGA president and choice, and I'm sure Ralph Kramden their new venture. No more, no less." vice president. Their feelings on the agrees that this is the right thing to decision to dissolve SGA: Unfortunately, Jeff Decker could do." "Well we had a good two-week not be reached for comment, due Continued on Page 14. run. Of course, one of those weeks to suffering from an unbearably was spring break, but still, no one can crippling case of the Mondays. take that away from us. This whole ~ c:i>~ ~l:9t . c:i>~ ~ . ~ ....~ ~ ~ -1> - - o,., ,6*1~c:i> o ~~Yo~-Y._ .,...c:i> ~ ~ ~ '°" ....c:i> 9~ ~"1. ~ ~ ~o '>o ~9 "Y.> fo • .s> ,I~ *'-• 9 .,..,0 ? 0 79, ·•t;, ~. • ,, » "' "'9 .....;;.. 9 ".\,~> /•1,. ..,..,, • • ••>, \::> • "o • ··'>< ·,-, -o 9 A °D > n • • >, >, T<, • lA"o ~ c:i><,) ....c:i> ....~ "1'°&,. ~ ~0- 01. 0~ ~ ~(;, 7,P. ?o... • =~ . ",r '.; '<, 0 rr er+-+- 0- (') 0 ~ C\) .a .a Q bars away C: ·- Q "'C ,- ~i 0) Q rt- "'C O ·- ·- a, 0 0) 0) 0 0) C: (') 0>2~] q ' >"0) >"0) ('):2 ,-- er o ,- er C\) ,- "" rt- Q C\) ~ 0) "E C\) :e "! er:C g E ' C\) Last mon~ er o._ (') I E o,Qc:O) 0) +- ...... a C: +- 0 (') Q r:-+-+- > ,- ·- C: a,- C: Q+- Q 0) 0) the University ·~ 000,:.- 0) a, 0 r:- C: ,0 "E :2 0) ·- 0 Q Wisconsin-Stevens :e C\) er ~ r: ·--~.a 0) C\) C: - er Q c: c: er Point made history by ~.§.9 C\) er o :t: "'C 0 C\) a, 0) 0) C: C: :2 being one of the few o= .f: 0) "'O +- ,-Qo,C: E :2 0 C: >-- "! C\) C: .a Q 1i C: +- > 0) I 0 C: ,- campuses in the country "'C 0) C: +- 0) C\) .a 0) C: ~~ 'C\) 0) Q .a to be completely alcohol Q O·- -o +- .f: C: free for an entire week >= ,- ~ .a ,- ·- .a >" 0) ,-._Q rt- .a :2 ,- 0) (') :2 0) "'C Q end. +- C\) ,- "'O +- O>-ar- Q._ 0) C\) >" C\) C\) - Due to the lack of "ii X rt- >" ~ I alcohol sales at local bars ~ and liquor stores during the weekend of February ·pgiugqJ OOl IJJJ l, uoa 12, owners began to rethink their locations. .AIJJPIJ Jql Ol JJ!U gq Ol JAUq ·giuI l!q u q8noqiiu 'giqu "Operating in college noA SAUS iuqi MUI ou S! J1JqJ, -nIUA JA01d AUUIDJ Il!M s1J8UUlJ towns is just not worth it any more," said co-bar OZ .IBW -61 qa~ saJSJd lJA\Od JO JUJJ 8UOIJJ!l 1nOA ,.. manager at Joe's. "I was always hesitant about open ii das - El ~nv O~.IJA ing a bar in the area because ·q8noqi I was a college student once; lq8!U AJJAJ UM.Op spunq Jql ·gino1 Ald I know how they tip. Now by having a completely dry snnd oqM. 1oqq8!JU Jql UO -dns U!UUl Jql U! SJOA!AlnS AUU weekend, I am willing to JAJ uu dgJ)l p1noM I ·)lggM. glUU!Ullglxg Ol s1ugmg~JOJU!gJ wash my hands with the whole college kid thing." S!ql ne5A 10J 8u!qiou 'fuos iq8no1q suq ssOI l!UH ·1!uq 1noA As soon as the talk of closing 81 qa~ - OZ UBf snJ.IBnby ql!M Jinuq Jql 8u!SOI J1u noA down Joe's occurred, other bars in the area decided to call it quits too. ZZ ~ny- El fllf oa'I - Mug Shots, Graffiti' s and the Cabin will ·s1noA l, US! Aquq Jql inq no longer be located in downtown Stevens Point as of April 1. "We are moving to the 'iuuu8J1d s,Jqs 'fuoM. i,uoa ·8uo1M. Al Madison area where there is more activity. 61 Uff f - ll JaO U.IOJJ.IdB3 -JlJidUIOJ Jl,AJql J! UJAJ ')lll!ql Point is such a small area that there is no room for a business like ours anymore," said a bar s1gqio iuqM. oi AUtlJJJUJ UJlS!'l tender from Graffiti' s. ·nu lU op UUJ noA 8u!qlOU S! ll fllf - ll Ullf .IaJU83 "It was just a matter of time after Joe's _.,, announced its closing that other bars would fol J1Jql gsnuJgq Ansom 'pg8uuqJ low," said a student from the university. Soon gq l, uuJ l! iuqi iou 'JlUJ 1noA ·s! iuqi UOSJJd all of the bars will be gone and Stevens Point will start experiencing sober semesters rather P!OAU oi 8u!qlAuu op t uuJ noA qJ!qM ssgn8 guo J)lUJ, ·uos1Jd than just weekends. Jao - AON SllJ.IBJJ!~US guo 8u!ll!)l pun Jidogd JAY 8u! Other bars in the downtown area, such l z ii as Buffy's, Guu' s, Sugar Bar and Outfit are in -punoM ooz Jql UIOlJ gduJsg trouble as well. "The downtown life will dimin ·pg1y 8uqig8 1noA Il!M '1g8q PIO-JUJA-~ u 'sgiqqgd ish now that some of the more popular bars are leaving. Other taverns may not be able to afford U!UidXJ lq8!UI qJ!qM. ')!JOA\ lZ unr - lZ ABJ\1 JUJWa~ to stay open," said a regular at the Cabin. lU SlUJJ Jquumo1 J8UU1lS lOJ Due to the alcohol-free weekend in February, local liquor stores and gas stations collaborated )lJJM. IUUI1ouqu uu .gq U!M s!qJ, ·iuJUIJJUidJ1 guy u S! S!llO N and agreed that it is a waste of time and money AON - JJQ OJd.IOJS )lJnqJ 'JJUUp!n8 lOJ pOQ Ol to continue to have a liquor license, said a Kwik . lZ ti Trip employee. pJ)lOOI ugyo gAuq noA Jl!l{M "From that one dry weekend, we lost more ·uoqJgs AJUfil!qo s,1Jdud Jql oi ABW - .1dy sn.1nBi money than citizens did during the Great oz oz Depression," said a local liquor store owner. "If UO!l!PPU IUnsnun moA JOJ JUIUJ another weekend like that happens again, we noA iuu18 U!M. AUpOJ, vsn JqJ, ·)luJ1q 8upds UIOJJ "qsu1,, would have had to close down anyway." Partner's Pub and the Final Score are pushing 'JJ!l lnOA ql!A\ 8u!qlAUU pgqsnd iuqi JO P!l lJ8 noA JJuo )lJJM. to be classified as restaurants only, taking away -UIOJJU t UJAUq nOA q8nOqlJy pJXUIJJ u JAuq PinOJIS noA the entire bar scene. The future of socialization at UWSP is in jeop El JJQ - El das B.IqJ'] 61 .1dy - lZ .IBW sa1.1v ardy. A rally will take place at 5 p.m. on Thursday in the Sundial with the hopes of regaining the SS31J.Nl0d 3HJ, trust of local bar owners to keep the fate of alcohol consumption alive in the area. a6ed :p various superpowers among team 11·allflnoi rooq:>s pro aurns aql 01 ){:>Ills members. l! a:>UfS H lU:> Ol p-eq aM os '.,.sA-eJd The accident was caused by a1A1saa.IJ mo l{l!M p-eq ){OOJ sn JO lSai a BioCorp truck driver who fell aq1 ~Uf){l?Ul Sl?M H ·daars Ol watp 1nd asleep at the wheel, veering over AJdlll!s p.rn~ lUfOd atp JO A:>m!punpai the center line and crashing aql asn-e:,aq ll{~!l pm! l}aJ SlaMa!A into the team's caravan ~UfSOJ aiaM aM ·pMOl:> aq1 as-eard Ol spilling its contents on MO\{ pm! urna1 atp uo ~UfSU:>OJ l.U!lS ,<$"' .;s."' d both the vans and their pm! 1-eai la~ 01 paau aM Mou lnq ~~e"- ~ e ,, passengers 'o~ H aas 01 aurnqs -e s-eM n,, 'P!l?S v o-0' Th . accident XO:) U,){:>O~,, AUUOf pll?MlOtl e:, .-.•~ e 11 ,o ,•\. ~~e,"-e:, occurred just ·uomsod aql aAl?S ~o-· .~f"> ~~o Abed Nadir NCAA's major focuses will be on THE POINTLESS tweaking the tournament's FinaI- Four Saturday, with ideas ranging from advancing the two teams with the best-looking uniforms to airing the semifinal games live on Beijing standard time. The NCAA promises not to rest on the tournament changes until the worst possible ideas have been .;,. reached. "We're really focused on basketball right now because we figure there really isn't much more damage we can do to college football at the moment," an NCAA spokesperson said. "It could mean a lot of late nights of burning the • midnight oil, but I think everyone here is committed to making all of our major college sports as ridiculous as possible." tournament as presently There is also speculation that constructed is pretty the NCAA has begun talks with much perfect," Guerrero the National Football League about said. "65 teams seem switching its annual Thanksgiving to be just the right Day football lineup to live Division"" amount in terms of III women's field hockey. The NCAA preserving the reward that is making could not be reached for comment it to the tournament, and I think as a on this matter amid reports that committee, we took one look at each executives were busy investigating a other and said this could easily be small fire that started in a wastepaper watered-down and made worse. It basket in the human resources office. was really a no-brainer." More details on both matters to Guerrero added, "We are a little follow in the coming weeks. embarrassed that it took us this long to figure out, quite frankly." Sources claim that one of the ....,_V, ro .c 1- -1< ,., ·t.. •. ,·. 12 April 1, 2010 UWSP The Pointer Classifieds HOUSING Spranger Rentals 2 BR Duplex Upper, Garage, Free Wash/ University Point Apartments For Rent Now accepting rental applications for Dry. Great location next to Mead Park and 2 BR Very spacious Apt the upcoming 2010 fall and spring semesters. the WI River! $200pp, Heat included, June 1, 3 and 4 bedroom Available June 1, 2010 The Partners Apt. are quality 715.326.1212, [email protected] Washer/ Dryer hook-up 3 bedroom units In unit washer and dryer Parking, water/sewer located 2 blocks from UWSP. All units in 2 bedroom and 4 bedroom included, close to campus clude dishwasher, refrigerator, stove, micro student rental available. Microwave, walk in closets (715) 570-6600 wave, air conditioner and onsite laundry. VIP Great location and price, cards for residents 21 and older to receive please contact Mike at Sign up now for Discount - special drink prices at Partners Pub. For a 715-445-2862 for EMPLOYMENT personal showing contact 2010-11 'school year. (715)-216-8722 Dave at 715 341 0826. [email protected] Need more income? email [email protected] SUMMER HOUSING Full or part-time flexible hours. website sprangerrentals.com Across street from Old Main. Call now for an interview: Nice single bedrooms, each remodeled. 1.800.441.6420 New Pointer Place Townhomes Individually keyed deadbolt locks. Speci.al for groups of 5 or 6, 1 year new, Charter cable ready in each bedroom. ride the city bus free to and from campus, Partially furnished. 1 bus stops right outside the door and Campus 2 01 O SERVICES • $425 plus utilities for all summer. is last stop before campus, 341-2865 or entalHousingSectio large single bedrooms, [email protected] 2 1/2 baths w/dual vanity, Students! laundry in apt, 2 refrigerators, APARTMENT Do you need assistance on a dishwasher, microwave, Anchor Apartments ConNeXTion research project, literary explication, internet hookups in each room, or other academic pursuits?? FREE HEAT, 2010/2011 School Year Rental Guide Ph.D. student available for help. FREE PARKING, One to five bedroom newer and Reasonable rates; guaranteed results. FREE SNOW & LAWN CARE, remodeled units 1 block from Call 608-790-3748 3700 Doolittle Dr, campus and YMCA. Professional Leave message. call Nicole@252-6169 for a showing management. Rent includes heat and water allowance. 3 BR Duplex Lower, Special Feature: 4 bedroom/ WHILE OUR large remodeled kitchen, Garage, 2 bathroom townhouse a Free Wash/Dry. Side by side refrigerator/freezer Great location next to Mead Park and the with ice-maker. FREE ARTICLES WI River! $250pp, Heat included, June 1, Extra refrigerator/freezer, front-loading, at convenient., 715.326.1212, [email protected] high efficiency laundry, AREFUNNY dishwasher, free heat and water. friendly retailers. - ONE BLOCK FROM CAMPUS Very low electric bill. For 2010-11 School Year. Duplex on Main Bedrooms also have ceiling fans, spacious OUR ADS Street. Showing to groups of 4 or 8 students. closets and privacy locks. Plenty of space, parking. Cheap rent. Will Call 715- 341-4455 ONLINE rent soon. Call Bryan 920-277-844 ARE NOT ANY LARGE I TWO ORIGINAL TRIPLE 2-TOPPING PIZZA TOPPERSTIX™ Sll.-99 I Sl5.99 . 18" PARTY SIZE FOR ONLY $3 MORE I . I Act • M• you'r, sMi hUntr,, bmu,i, 1h1< o«tt t'lllrn 05102/10 $ Att •1:ilo yoo'n, '1\N :U.111lr'f, btc,o,. ,lu, t!ftt oxp;rn ilS/ll2/iO • ~. "'~ ~)\' carried by the truck .remains realized and tested his new found V e,e'- V .:1e ~v ?,Q ~~ \.e<. ~'b ~ e,O ,pY ->....,?>~ a mystery, its effects on super human strength. Drover has -~""'-e>0 <:,i::::,...,•...,...e"""' ~q,~ o"~ :o\\ -,_'- A..., sai~ Murphy._ . '¢>.">°"~¢_-o- ~v~~e ~e ~eiJ, ~~ ,(\'3\~ ..ill,"\ ~'-..,. Aside from rmpress1ve new 01 anp ~ ~e o- #"' ~~e:, . ~e ~ t ~~ '3-:, powers of team members who 0 ~ve:,~e:,i::::,..~ ,§'4i~e · ''. ~,,,p '3~ >" ~""'- will form the "super-group," other "