ME and YOU DID YOU KNOW November 4, 2012 by Christine Cole
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ME AND YOU DID YOU KNOW November 4, 2012 by christine cole You left a hole in my heart November 4, 2012 by christine cole when you went away. You changed my life Did you know how much you were loved? with what you didn't say. Did you know how often you were thought of? I loved you deeply, Did you know how much I prayed for more than words can convey. you? That love will last forever, Did you know how much I wanted to save day after day. you? Did you know much I cared? Nothing can replace you, Did you know how often I dared? only memories now stay. Did you know how often I dreamed? Pictures of you, Did you know how your life seemed? That will never fade. Did you know that you were my special one? Dreams of you Did you know any of this when you picked when you were a babe. up that gun? Laughing and smiling, Did you think of me before you pulled the nothing to do but play. trigger? Did you ask for forgiveness from your life- When you used that gun, giver? you blew my life away. Did you cry silently like I do now? Pain and hurt, Did you really want to live, but did not follow me every day. know how? Surreal is your passing and to you I pray, Please be at peace now or its all for nay. YOUR BROTHER THAT GUN November 4, 2012 by christine cole November 4, 2012 by christine cole Lost and alone, Evil is the only word you can use betrayed by your decision. to describe a tool that makes everyone Red hot anger, lose. his only transition. Illegal they're supposed to be, But you can get them almost for free. A lifestyle revved up to blunt his emotions. Underground with no licence, Sleep not forthcoming, stored away for the thrill. not even with potions. But what makes you think, that its only furry things they kill? Joy not found anywhere, except on the river. If I'd known how you felt, Fishing is his solace, your intentions to use, peace just a sliver. that tool that you bought to destroy that long burning fuse. Hard on the throttle, almost face painting he says. Hair trigger they say, Companions look out one flex of a muscle. for that reckless caress. There goes your life and we now start to struggle. A job that is empty, where once he took pride. Polished and cleaned, Days off work, ready to play. If only he'd cry. Not for hunting though, but for that devastating day. Your brother still loves you, walking alone in his head. Put away that gun Wishing you were here and come to me, and not now dead. I want you to be happy, laughing and free. INTUBATION MINE November 4, 2012 by christine cole November 4, 2012 by christine cole One flick of a switch, one turn of a knob. Headaches and high blood pressure, Remove the tube, hair loss and weight gain. can you hear me sob? This and more I suffer because your passing is causing me pain. Adrenaline for your blood pressure, when I said to you, Bizarre behaviour and erratic dreams, Your brother and sister manic episodes and pictures of the past. are nearly due. All make my brain dizzy, How long will this last? Your head was bandaged around that bullet hole. Sunday morning I wake at 3, Your face was swollen, that phone call I try to forget. but I could still feel your soul. The picture of you on the riverbank when death and yourself met. You were still breathing when I arrived. My sweet boy, I love you so, I touched every part of you, my pain is nothing compared to yours. but for life you could not strive. Please be at peace now and let your soul soar. Your beautiful body, so perfect and still. No blood, no gore, no more unreachable hill. The machine turned off, you're gone an hour later. My beautiful son, no more will you falter. BLACK DOG November 4, 2012 by christine cole We hoped and prayed you'd make it through, Your life was one big party, a grown man we wanted. or at least thats what they thought. Our darling son to beat his demons, Your dad and I knew better though, the black dog to be hunted. depression is what you caught. You lost your licence at 2am Money you gave to all your mates, on a drive that was just stupid. you could never keep it all. 5 times over the legal limit, I've lost my phone, one of them said, we could not believe you could do it. “cheers mate, I'll get you one, just make sure you call”. We always loved you dearly, still do and always will. You loved a beer on weekends, But our son we will not see again but drunk is how you'd stay. till its our turn to walk that hill. You'd stumble home blind as a bat, happy for those two days. You gave up the pot for more than a year, found a hatred for what it did. You looked at your life and stood firm, ANGEL but just replaced it with more beer. November 4, 2012 by christine cole Your dad and I would talk about you, worry and concern our fear. I wonder where you are now, We knew you'd come undone one day, I wonder if you're free. but we didn't think you'd not ever be here. I pray that you're at peace now, I pray that you can see. You wrote your car off one weekend, that beautiful blue ute. I hope that you're okay now, White upholstery, sparkly paint, I hope that you can love. you thought that car was beaut. I dream that you're an angel, I dream that you're above. 5am on a dirt road, grog and pot on board. I wish that you walk beside me, Ashley in the passengers seat, I wish that you can hear. down the road you soared. I wish that you can see me, I wish you hold me dear. Around a corner and into a tree, we nearly lost you then. I love you very much my son, Your dad and I could always see I love you with all my heart. your life was just a whim. I love you till the end of time, One day we will not be apart. PSYCHICS SUICIDE November 4, 2012 by christine cole November 4, 2012 by christine cole On a quest to find him, to hear his messages from the grave. What were you thinking Where is he now, what does he feel? on the riverbank that night? For these answers I crave. So alone in your life, nothing but fright. The first one said you were sorry for that stupid act you did. Did you weigh up your choices I did not seek her comments, or care not at all? you spoke to her ad lib. Did you see nothing good, nothing left but to fall? The second one said you were angry, that your brother may be hurt. Did the pain in your soul The sound system up high flew off the drive you to your death? wall, Or was it the grog Scotty's dope plant gone in a spurt. that took your last breath? The third one was the weirdest, Did you make a plan she said you had beautiful eyes. to say your goodbyes? For 250 dollars, Or was it spur of the moment she could fill my head with lies. that took the light from your eyes? The fourth one was the best, Are you still in anguish, made me feel more at peace. thats what I want to know? I won her reading at auction, Or are you at peace the internet a beast. no more so low? She said you told her I was beautiful, particularly when I smiled. Not much chance to do that, since you travelled a million miles. You see me sit and think, she said it makes you sad. That my life is at a standstill, God, I feel so bad. My son, I know you're with me, a psychic I don't need. To feel your love and presence, your ghostly comfort that I heed. FUTURE November 4, 2012 by christine cole Your death has left me shaken, I get too emotional my nerves badly affected. with the triggers and the flashbacks. Tremors in my legs and hands The hospital floor is not my intent, Cannot be corrected. with its kindness that it lacks. Tranquility, peace and love I jump at every turn, is what I look for now. Every noise seems so loud. Temporary solitude might take me there How can I give a needle? but still I question how. How can I ever be so proud? I know that its not right Nursing was my desire, to shut myself away. But I couldn't save my son. Isolate myself completely, I question my ability, is not the way to stay. the work no longer fun. Mental Health was what I wanted, Caring seems to be gone for now, but god what a joke. will I get it back? You are gone my son forever, Patience is lost as well, bad thoughts were your cloak. how do I get back on track? I knew that you suffered, Time will not heal this wound, I knew that you tried.