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Polyamory Roadmap-2-1.Pdf Table of Consciousness INTRODUCTION: Welcome to the Journey .............................. 9 Genesis, Make Love Not War, Four Kinds of Sex, Road Map, How This Book was Channeled, How to Read This Book White 1. What is Tantra, Anyway? .................................19 Types of Tantra, Colors of Tantra, Sex Magic, Neo-Tantra, What is Shamanism?, Non-Duality in a Nutshell, Moving Meditation, Mindfulness 2. Basic Tools for the Body Temple ................... 29 Breath Work, Boundaries, Chakra System 3. The Shamanic Approach ..................................43 What is Sacred Sexual Healing? Symptoms, Sources, Solutions, Mind is Masculine, Body Seeks Pleasure, The Belly/Womb is Feminine, The Heart Loves 4. Re-scripting Your Reality ............................... 67 Cultural Conditioning, Archetypes, Sex Education, Early Sexual Experiences, Re-Framing Past Pain, Re-Parent Your Inner Child, )RUJLYHQHVV&XWWLQJ&RUGV*UDYLWDWLRQDO3XOO$I¿UPDWLRQV Pink 5. The God-Goddess Within ...................................91 Yin-Yang, Shiva-Shakti, Anima-Animus, Right-Brain, Left-Brain and the Crossover, A Shamanic Perspective, Healthy Male and Female, Etheric Lingam and Yoni, A Gift from Aphrodite 6. Masturbation Meditation ............................ 111 But You’ll Go Blind!, Self-Love, Masturbation Meditation, Sacred Self Healing, Running Sexual Energy, Inner Union, Manifesting the Ideal Mate, Spice it Up, The Great Debate, A Word on Addiction 7. The Tantric Orgasm ........................................ 125 To Cum or not to Cum?, Ejaculatory Choice, The Upward Draw, Breathing it Down to Mother Earth, Exploring the Edge, EC in Sacred Union, Multiple Orgasms for Men, Multiple Orgasms for Women, Whole Body Orgasms, Female Ejaculation or Amrita 8. Modern Dakas & Dakinis ............................... 143 Seeking a Pro, Who Are We?, But What Exactly Do You Do?, Our Services, Shopping for Transformation, On Becoming a Sexual Healer, Ethics—A Touch Subject, Sacred union Red 9. The SHAMAN Method of Sex Magic .............. 165 Does it Really Work?, The First Ingredient is Intention, The SHAMAN Method of Sex Magic, Sacred Ritual, Holding Space, Activate the .XQGDOLQL0HUJLQJ$I¿UPLQJ1H[W6WHS9DULDWLRQV:K\,VQ¶WLW Working?, Conscious Conception 10. The Sacred Spot Ritual ............................... 187 G is for Goddess Spot, Body Armoring, Presence, Presence, Presence, Preparing the Body Temple, Sacred Yoni Healing, Yoni Mapping, Sacred Spot Massage for Women, Closing the Ritual, Divination, Keeping the Container, The “He” Spot massage, Before the Ritual Begins, Sacred Spot Massage for Men, Taboo 11. The Sacred Path of Poly ............................. 209 What is Polyamory?, But isn’t that Swinging?, Poly-Tantra, An Initiation, Why Poly?, Poly Jargon, But Don’t You Get Jealous?, Having Needs is Not Needy, Top Ten Poly Concerns, Negotiating Agreements, Kamala Devi’s 3RO\3UR¿OH%DED'H]¶V5HODWLRQDO3UR¿OH EPILOGUE: Blossoming Into Wholeness .............................231 ABOUT THE AUTHORS ..............................................................233 AFTERWORD ............................................................................245 APPENDIX of Exercises .........................................................251 GLOSSARY of Tantric Terms .................................................265 RECOMMENDED READINGS ....................................................283 Eleven The Sacred Path of Poly As early as kindergarten and all through grade school, Dez felt something was missing. He looked around at the way people were relating and saw a lot of lying, cheating and deception. He was an intuitive young man and even before he understood relationship dynamics, he sensed the underlying confusion, separation and suffering. At the core of his being he knew that something was askew. He started asking, What does it mean to be a boy, a man, a woman, and what does it mean to be in relationship? By default, many people adopt the predominant cultural SDUDGLJPRIPRQRJDP\DQGWKHQ¿QGWKHPVHOYHVO\LQJ cheating and sneaking. This dysfunction makes it clear that people often choose relationship paths that do not match their true nature. Conscious individuals, by comparison, have the personal power to choose an alternative path that aligns with their desire. Sacred sexual relationships take these primary forms: 1. The Sacred Path of Celibacy. 2. The Sacred Path of Monogamy. 3. The Sacred Path of Polyamory. No one path is higher than the other. Some people walk all three paths at different times in their lives. Every LQGLYLGXDOKDVWR¿QGWKHSDWKWKDWVXLWVKLPRUKHUDWYDULRXV points in life. This chapter is dedicated to anyone willing to explore a variety of new perspectives and possibilities in regards to responsible relationship. Since there is a marked lack of support and resources for people practicing non-monogamous 209 Sacred Sexual Healing DOWHUQDWLYHVZHRIIHURXUSHUVRQDOH[SHULHQFHVQHZGH¿QLWLRQV and a road map for common challenges. To begin, ask yourself if the way you do relationship is ZRUNLQJ'RHVLWVHUYH\RX"$UH\RXIXO¿OOHG",IVRH[FHOOHQW ,IQRWKHUHDUHVRPHLGHDVWRFRQWHPSODWHH[SORUHDQGHYHQ emulate. WHAT IS POLYAMORY? Deborah Taj Anapol popularized the term polyamory in her landmark book, Love Without Limits,QDZHHNHQG training, Kamala remembers Taj saying, “Raise your hand if \RX¶UHPDUULHGWRWKH¿UVWSHUVRQ\RXHYHUORYHGDQGDUHVWLOO with that person today. Go ahead, raise your hand.” Nobody UDLVHGDKDQG³7KHQ,FDQGHGXFH\RXSUREDEO\KDYHORYHG more than one person. Polyamory means “many loves” or the DELOLW\WRORYHPRUHWKDQRQH´7DMFODUL¿HGWKDWLWGRHVQ¶WKDYH to be all at the same time. 3RO\DPRU\RUJDOVRGH¿QHVSRO\DPRU\DV³ORYLQJPRUH than one”, and adds that loving may be sexual, emotional, spiritual or any combination of the three, according to the desires and agreements of the individuals involved. The term polyamory is also used to describe people who are currently involved in one or less relationships, but are open to more. ,QWLPDF\DQGWKHQDWXUHRIWKHFRQQHFWLRQEHWZHHQLQGLYLGXDOV and groups of individuals vary greatly. The Sacred Path of Polyamory emphasizes openness, communication and consent. Deception or denying problems in the primary relationship by escaping to another lover can be damaging to self and others. BUT ISN’T THAT SWINGING? The relationship between swinging and polyamory is controversial. Most people agree that polyamory has more to do with emotionally intimate, long-term relationships than with one-night stands. Swinging is generally viewed as a form of monogamy in which two primary partners agree to have casual sex with other couples or singles, no strings attached. Swingers may continue to sleep with the same people for years, but 210 Baba Dez Nichols & Kamala Devi they usually don’t go on romantic dates and/or process deep emotional issues together. Baba Dez believes swingers are a category unto themselves. They have their own organizations, newsletters, conferences and contact networks under the label ”lifestyle”. The interactions of many swingers, as seen online, is often VH[XDOO\H[SOLFLWDQGRYHUO\FRQFHUQHGZLWKVXSHU¿FLDO appearances. Swinging is rarely practiced as a spiritual pursuit. Most polyamory and Tantra practitioners, by comparison, do not approve of recreational sex. Kamala, in contrast, considers swinging to be a subset of polyamory. As long as the individuals are practicing responsible and honest communication, it is only a slightly different love style with a stronger emphasis on sex. The poly and swing communities, in Kamala’s point of view, are allies under the umbrella of open relationships. We have seen many friends and clients who started out swinging and have matured and transitioned into intimate emotional connections. We have also seen many poly people have sexual awakenings that allowed them to let go of their judgment of sex for sex’s sake. POLY-TANTRA $W¿UVWJODQFHSRO\DPRU\DQG7DQWUDDUHQRWLQKHUHQWO\ related. We view polyamory as the practice of responsibly loving more than one, and Tantra as a spiritual path toward being in love all the time. People can practice Tantra without polyamory; people can practice polyamory without Tantra. Tantra, however, dramatically improves our experience of polyamory because it offers philosophy, practices and tools that make loving more than one person easier, deeper and more ecstatic. For several decades, Baba Dez has been walking the sacred path, which at different times has been celibacy, PRQRJDP\DQGSRO\DPRU\,QDUHFHQWLQWHUYLHZKHGLVFXVVHG his practice: ³,FXUUHQWO\HQMR\PDQ\UHODWLRQVKLSVRQPDQ\OHYHOV ,KDYHEHHQIULHQGVDQGORYHUVZLWKVRPHZRPHQIRUDOPRVW 211 Sacred Sexual Healing WKLUW\\HDUV$QGZLWKRWKHUV,KDYHRQO\UHFHQWO\EHHQEOHVVHG by their presence in my life. The ‘now’ keeps unfolding and it is exciting to see who keeps showing up. ³:KHQ,¶PZLWKZRPHQ,IHHODWWUDFWHGWR,SD\ attention to: What is the nature of this attraction? What is the feedback from my heart, my emotions and my body? What is the truth? Where does my desire meet theirs in each new moment? ³+RZGR,VKDUHLQDZD\WKDWIHHOVVDIHUHDOKRQRULQJ DQGVXSSRUWLYH"+RZUHDG\ZLOOLQJDQGDEOHDP,"+RZUHDG\ ZLOOLQJDQGDEOHLVWKLVRWKHUSHUVRQ",QRWLFHZKHUH,ZRXOG want to make the relationship into more or into less than what it is. Making more out of a relationship happens because we want something so much we distort reality. “When we decide to only have sex with a soul mate RUOLIHSDUWQHUZHPD\¿QGRXUVHOYHVLQGHOXVLRQDERXWZKDW a relationship truly is, because our need for sex is so great WKDWZHVXEFRQVFLRXVO\PDNHVRPHRQH¿WRXUFULWHULDIRUOLIH partner, just so that we can have sex with them.
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