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The Bacon [Spoof] Northwestern College, Iowa NWCommons The Beacon, 2006-2007 The Beacon 4-27-2007 The aB con [spoof], April 27, 2007 Beacon Staff Follow this and additional works at: https://nwcommons.nwciowa.edu/beacon2006 This News Article is brought to you for free and open access by the The Beacon at NWCommons. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Beacon, 2006-2007 by an authorized administrator of NWCommons. For more information, please contact [email protected]. inside this issue Northwestern College engaged & underage PAGE 4 PDA pit to be created PAGE 7 facebook workstudy Bacon PAGE 8 Official newspaper of the SGA Fan Club, the Dutch Underground and people named after breakfast foods April 27, 2007 Freak May blizzard strands NW students BY SMILEY SPELLERMAN Iowa with snow and wind for the Under the tremendous weight or what I was trained for when I professors tried to brave the storm WAL-MART GREETER entire next week, stranding NW of stress and disappointment from became an RA,” said one Coly RA so that their students could leave The sound of thudding punches students for their first week of the postponed summer, the men as he shook his head, still confused as soon as the storm cleared, but and hopeless crying echoed summer vacation as they made up broke down. RA’s in the male about what had happened that to no avail. through the howling winds of a final exams. dorms were in shock as suddenly week. “I tried to get to school in order freak May blizzard that started Residence life staff tried to keep while attacking a player in a Halo The women’s dorms started to give my students their finals, Sunday, May 6—the day before students calm, but with emotions video game, one guy began to out almost the same way, with but it was impossible. My husband Northwestern‘s final exam week. running ragged, it wasn’t an easy cry. Others looked up surprised, tears and hysterics over the storm. used all his strength just to open the The blizzard assaulted Northwest job. but soon tears began to pour all However, those emotions soon front door. I tried carrying bricks in across the room. turned to anger and catfights as the all my pockets, so that I wouldn’t Emotions spread girls took out their anger on their be blown away in the wind. When l i k e w i l d f i r e friends. Staff took the initiative I finally realized that I couldn’t see and male dorms to safely take care of the rage my driveway when it was five feet were full of and let the girls use dorm lobbies away, I gave up. There was nothing disappointed, for informal wrestling matches I could do,” said one professor. c r y i n g m e n , on mattresses. It seemed to help Finally, after a week of blizzard holding tissues take care of the women’s energy conditions, the winds began to and each other and anger as they wrestled or die down to reveal horrifying as they worked cheered on their friends in their circumstances. Snow was drifted through their own fights. as high as second floor windows e m o t i o n s . Outside, it seemed that the in some places, tree limbs had been Residence life heavens and earth were having blown through car windows, and staff didn’t know their own fight. With over four the Abominable Snowman handed what to do, and feet of snow and winds ranging out yellow snowcones to anyone left the men alone from 50 to 75 mph, visibility was who dared leave their residence. It to work through decreased to six feet. During the was May 17 before all exams were t h e i r i s s u e s week of finals, email after email finished, all roads opened to traffic themselves. was sent to students as professors and students could leave for home PhOtO by A. bEthlEhEm CrUiSE Even the squirrels are stuck in Orange City with no place to go. “This was not postponed final exams until the with memories of a storm they what I expected weather cleared. A few determined would never forget. Study abroad in a truly cultural experience: Orange City by PEAChES AND KUEhN directors are hoping to place Chicago Semester,” said junior Bitsy World in Le Mars. that students will experience Dutch trASh FiNDEr participants in the homes of Orange Lil’Flirter. “But as I discover all I The semester will begin with a heritage at its finest. Taste homemade ethnic City residents. They hope this will can do through the OC Semester, week long seminar class that will Program participants will be delicacies. Watch children perform allow students to become more I’m looking forward to spending introduce students to the city and able to choose from a wide variety traditional dances in intricate and closely connected with the culture. another semester in Iowa.” enlighten them on the history of of classes including Introduction authentic costume. Listen to the Not only will the program foster a The OC Semester will offer the Dutch community. During this to Dutch, Dutch History, Dutch music of an age-old culture. Tour a love and appreciation for the Orange students a number of amazing week trips will be taken to The Myths & Legends, Business in a giant windmill and slip on your very City residents and community, it will learning and experiential Dutch Bakery, Woudstra’s Meat Dutch Community, Learning to be own pair of wooden shoes. Think also provide an alternative for those opportunities, including trips to Market and The Old Factory. Classes Thrifty and Marriage and Family you can’t afford this kind of cultural students who were not accepted Perkins in Sioux City, a rafting will begin the following week. Before Age 25. The Orange City experience? Think again. for other study abroad programs. journey down the mighty Floyd The semester will culminate with and NW libraries will be available Earlier this semester “I was really disappointed to be River, bonfires in nearby Alton and a Orange City’s annual Tulip Festival for student use. Northwestern announced the put on the waiting list for the tour of the Ice Cream Capital of the the third weekend in May. It is here Though the classes may be establishment of its first study challenging at times, students abroad program–destination need not worry about devoting Romania. The school is now all of their efforts to class work. quickly acting on plans for a There will be a wealth of time second program. Destination? to enjoy sunbathing on the Orange City. “I can’t believe NW’s campus green, taking we didn’t think of this sooner,” in movies at Holland Plaza said Study Abroad Guy Smug Theater, enjoying a fun meal Charleton. “I guess we just with friends at the famed Pizza take for granted the culture Ranch and playing lava tag in and vast opportunities that Kinderspeeland Park. surround us.” If you’ve ever considered the Beginning spring of 2008, adventure of studying abroad the Orange City Semester will or are seeking a way to meet offer students an affordable cross-cultural requirements, means of immersing themselves the OC Semester may be just in a unique culture. Living what you’ve been looking for. accommodations are still being To find out more about Orange made. Though dormitory PHOTO BY GAB A. GALE City, check out http://www. housing is a possibility, program Students on the Orange City study abroad program enjoy sunbathing on the NW campus green. orangecityiowa.com. 2 BURLESQUE April 27, 2007 A critical eisegesis on the vital issue of heterosexuality by PEAChFUZZ who aren’t eunuchs or set aside Rome. Greece. Persia. JACK bUtt for the kingdom should “accept” Ancient Israel. A long time ago, back room God does not approve of marriage. Aren’t we all called to in a galaxy far, far away, the WITH A. bETHLEhEm CrUiSE homosexual relations. But he also dedicate ourselves to the service Galactic Republic fell because does not approve of heterosexual of God? Without exception? Anakin couldn’t keep his hands When i survey the glorious organ pipes.... unions. God does not want Wouldn’t this imply that Christ off Padme. It’s only a matter of Just the other day, I was in chapel, enjoying the angelic sounds of the anyone to have sex. Ever. It says must have only been talking about time before God brings similar worship team and the melodious musical accompaniment offered by the so clearly in the Bible. Here; let NON-Christians when he said judgment against the nations glorious organ. your eyes be opened. that it is good to marry? today unless we repent of our “When I survey the wondrous cross, on which the Prince of Glory Jesus said that to lust after a If this sounds like too difficult heterosexual ways. died,” I sang out in my most worshipful voice. woman is to commit adultery with a teaching for you, Jesus has given God doesn’t like sin. When As I sang out my worship, I looked up towards the heavens to lift my her in your heart. This goes for you the option of becoming a people keep reproducing, they worship to my crucified savior. Well, not the heavens, per se. Actually, I any and all woman that you could eunuch. keep making more people who looked up towards the organ. lust after. He never specifies any Yes, there’s hope! You can can sin more.
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