The Backwards Bucket List In 2007 Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson starred in a movie about two guys given a terminal diagnosis who meet in the hospital. Jack Nicholson is a billionaire who owns the hospital and Morgan Freeman is an auto mechanic who ends up in the room with the wealthy man as he learns the consequences of his policy that there are “two beds in every room, no exceptions.” Most of us have heard the phrase, “kick the bucket” to mean “to die”. Growing up on a farm, if the cow “kicked the bucket” over, you lost all the milk. Not sure that is exactly the origin of the phrase but it works for me. In the movie, Morgan Freeman’s character introduces the idea that a therapist has suggested making a list of things you’d like to do before you die. I’m not sure how prevalent this idea was before the movie but you hear about it now. This list of experiences is referred to as a “Bucket List”. In the movie, money becomes no object because Nicholson’s character funds the trips to see the pyramids and to race cars and go sky diving and all the adventures the pair have. I suppose the original idea is to dream big and then to be able to focus our energy on making those big dreams manifest. It is a way to draw a map to live life fully. I have nothing against big dreams and grand adventures. But if you follow the movie, there is a moment atop the pyramids that Morgan Freeman’s character asks two questions that refocus the movie and the whole idea of the bucket list. The first question is “Do you know joy in your life?” Hopefully, most of us could answer that question with a “Yes!” The second question is a bit tougher. “Has your life brought joy to others?” It is a very different measure of our life. The media and social pressure encourages us to measure life in grand gestures, big adventures and milestones of economic success. The Bucket List was one last measure of these kinds of experiences. The questions about joy, however, turned the focus from the outer onto the inner. What gives you joy may not be grand or exotic or even something you can plan. And the ways we bring joy to others also may not reside in grand gestures and exotic adventures. And we may not think too much about either one until some event prompts us to reflect upon our lives. As the years begin to pile up, “coming of age” takes on a different meaning. It may no longer mean the transition between adolescence and adulthood—it may be that transition as aging begins to cause us to reflect more and to worry less about being productive and more about being at peace. The Bucket List was a movie about that later “coming of age” and the Bucket List was a device Morgan Freeman’s character thought would give significance to his life. 1

He would have these experiences to hold out as a measure of his life. Yet the end of the movie is not some exotic location but in the ordinary living rooms where each man is loved for who he is. Several years ago I had the idea of the Backwards Bucket List. There were a couple concepts around the original Bucket List that caused me to pause. First, my experience has taught me that the much anticipated planned event is often not my greatest source of happiness. Maybe it’s because we can put such unreasonable expectations on events like Christmas and Disney vacations—they seemed doomed to disappoint. Or it rains the whole time you are in Paris or at the beach. I am just cautious about the idea I can plan a peak experience. Second, the idea that my life is incomplete or somehow lacking without some experience on an arbitrary list discounts my ability to live a full life without a travel planner. I think it was this second point that really got me thinking about the Backwards Bucket List. So here is the idea: Instead of looking at your life and seeing what is missing that you feel is so important to do before you die, look at your life and see all the things you’ve done that were really wonderful. If you had known it would be so good, you would have put it on your bucket list to do. Looking back and seeing a full life, what are some of the amazing things you’ve done that were a source of joy? What are some ways your life brought joy to others? Two things arise for me when I work on my Backwards Bucket List. The first is gratitude. Whenever my attention moves away from what I don’t have to what I do have, I am overwhelmed by gratitude. I find focusing on what I have and the experience of gratitude to be a “chicken and egg” kind of situation. Mostly I like to think that I live with an “attitude of gratitude”. God is my source and God or Spirit or the Universe is a source of infinite good and therefore I anticipate the good will continue flowing into my life. It is easy to see all good I already have. And yet I’m human. No need to pinch me. I am flesh and blood. Every now and then I come upon a “pitiful season”. A time, hopefully short in length, during which I can only see what is missing in my life. Every donut has a hole. No matter how much we have, there is something else. A wealthy person doesn’t have health. A healthy person doesn’t have love. A loving couple longs for children. The big family needs money. In the pitiful season, it is easy for the empty spaces to expand until all we can see is empty. If we make a Bucket List during the pitiful season, the list will be long and our life will seem lacking.

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To end the pitiful season, I turn to the task of listing my blessings and appreciating what I have. Do I have these things because I’m grateful or am I grateful because I have these things? Does it matter? Gratitude is a metaphysical magnet. Being truly grateful goes beyond the temporary reaction to receiving something and infuses our consciousness of each moment. Staying aware of what we have keeps us open to the continued flow of good. It is this attitude of expectancy that keeps the Backwards Bucket List from becoming a trap for living in the past. In my gratitude for the wonderful experiences in my life, I expect those experiences to continue to happen. I anticipate and look for the good in my life. Which is a sort of unexpected and not entirely logical benefit of my Backwards Bucket List. Because the things on my Backwards Bucket List have taught me I cannot always plan the peak moments, I am more present to what is happening right now in my life. Every day I am aware that something that happens today, upon reflection, could end up on my Backwards Bucket List. So pay attention to the life you are living right now and savor the moments whether they seem grand or ordinary. There are a couple things on my Backwards Bucket List that I wish I had a few more memories of—that I wish I had been paying a little more attention to. I wish I had been a little less focused on the petty annoyances and more focused on the wonder unfolding. So besides gratitude for what I have and the benefit of being present to my life, the third thing I have gained in my Backwards Bucket List is an appreciation for who I am and the work that God is able to do through me. In the synopsis of The Bucket List movie it says the two men both have a need to come to terms with who they are and what they have done with their lives. This is fairly common in those of us “coming to this later age” time in our lives. But I would venture to say that had I been exposed to this Backwards Bucket List at age 25 or 35, it might have led me to a greater sense of myself and a greater sense of contentment with my life. The paradox at work here in me is that loving who we are and appreciating what we have does not remove the incentive for more but places in us a natural expectancy of more without the struggle. Appreciating what I have been able to do with God’s help gives me confidence that I can be more of my true self and I can accomplish more without the struggle of believing that “without the more” I am unworthy or lacking. Does that make sense? Right here, right now, I have a pretty wonderful life and I expect to continue to build upon that wonderful life. At no point could my life end and it would have been less than a meaningful life.

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There is no list I have to get through to make my life have meaning. And yet, I anticipate there will be new wonders to add to my Backwards Bucket List. I encourage everyone to create a Backwards Bucket List. Whether you have a “Bucket List” or not, everyone can do a Backwards Bucket List. Start at the beginning. We were born! Yeah! I guess that is sort of where my Backwards Bucket List begins because there were multiple times, beginning with my birth, when the guys in white coats with degrees were not optimistic about my chances to add to my Bucket List. Every time I proved them wrong and overcame a health challenge, it was a new experience on my Backwards Bucket List. Being sworn in as an attorney in Missouri was a Bucket List moment. It was the culmination of years of both working fulltime and studying full time. It was an acknowledgment of competency because I had to pass the Bar exam to get there. I was a moment of inclusion as I stood on equal ground with my classmates and peers. I am not known for always doing the ceremonial things but I am glad I did that one. The first moments with each of my children is on my Backwards Bucket List. Two of those moments took place in airports and one in the Intensive Care Nursery. Vastly different moments, each one was the beginning of a unique relationship of mothering for me. My girls both bonded with me instantly; my son sat in the middle of SEATAC international terminal negotiating whether he would let me mother him or not. It is still a negotiation! My meeting with Eckart Tolle and my time with Dr Maya Angelou are priceless Bucket List experiences I did not really plan and could not have purchased. Two summer evening concerts outdoors at Starlight: one with George Benson; the other with Susan Teduski, Buddy Guy and BB King. Perfect evenings and extraordinary music—it is difficult to force those convergences and when it happens it feels like a Bucket List experience. You reflect, “Yes, if I had a Bucket List, that would have been on it!” So you put it on the Backwards Bucket List, grateful for the opportunities your life has given you. We had a family vacation to Portland one summer. My kids were at pretty good places in their lives. We were at a beautiful waterfront Marriott and as it turns out, there was a huge Blues festival across the street in addition to the Little People’s conference at the hotel. It was a great city with an amazing rose garden and Japanese garden. It was time with a dear friend who died of a heart attack a year or so later.

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We explored the volcanic renewal at Mount Saint Helena. That was one of those Bucket List experiences. Not sure in the planning I would have said, “This will be a Bucket List vacation” but there it was. Most of the stuff on my Backwards Bucket List you won’t find on the “Bucket List” articles online. The online lists focus on bungee jumping, sky diving, hot air balloons, the Grand Canyon and the pyramids. I’ve seen the Grand Canyon but I have to say that I treasure a picture I have of my daughter in a field of wild flowers in the Rockies as much as seeing the Grand Canyon. The summer family camp when the evenings ended with a bonfire and s’mores is on my Backwards Bucket List even if I never jump out of a plane. I would still like to see Paris but it is not a measure of how I value myself or my life. I hope each of you will consider making a Backwards Bucket List. Let yourself open in gratitude to the many wonders and opportunities you have been blessed with already and anticipate wonders and opportunities to continue to unfold. Allow yourself to see the ways God has worked through you. You are endowed with those 12 spiritual faculties so acknowledge times you’ve demonstrated wisdom, faith, imagination and all the other powers. And stay present to the life you’re living day by day. As you build a Backwards Bucket List, notice how being present to your ordinary days makes them extraordinary and reveals the potential for Bucket List experiences.

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