The Backwards Bucket List In 2007 Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson starred in a movie about two guys given a terminal diagnosis who meet in the hospital. Jack Nicholson is a billionaire who owns the hospital and Morgan Freeman is an auto mechanic who ends up in the room with the wealthy man as he learns the consequences of his policy that there are “two beds in every room, no exceptions.” Most of us have heard the phrase, “kick the bucket” to mean “to die”. Growing up on a farm, if the cow “kicked the bucket” over, you lost all the milk. Not sure that is exactly the origin of the phrase but it works for me. In the movie, Morgan Freeman’s character introduces the idea that a therapist has suggested making a list of things you’d like to do before you die. I’m not sure how prevalent this idea was before the movie but you hear about it now. This list of experiences is referred to as a “Bucket List”. In the movie, money becomes no object because Nicholson’s character funds the trips to see the pyramids and to race cars and go sky diving and all the adventures the pair have. I suppose the original idea is to dream big and then to be able to focus our energy on making those big dreams manifest. It is a way to draw a map to live life fully. I have nothing against big dreams and grand adventures. But if you follow the movie, there is a moment atop the pyramids that Morgan Freeman’s character asks two questions that refocus the movie and the whole idea of the bucket list. The first question is “Do you know joy in your life?” Hopefully, most of us could answer that question with a “Yes!” The second question is a bit tougher. “Has your life brought joy to others?” It is a very different measure of our life. The media and social pressure encourages us to measure life in grand gestures, big adventures and milestones of economic success. The Bucket List was one last measure of these kinds of experiences. The questions about joy, however, turned the focus from the outer onto the inner. What gives you joy may not be grand or exotic or even something you can plan. And the ways we bring joy to others also may not reside in grand gestures and exotic adventures. And we may not think too much about either one until some event prompts us to reflect upon our lives. As the years begin to pile up, “coming of age” takes on a different meaning. It may no longer mean the transition between adolescence and adulthood—it may be that transition as aging begins to cause us to reflect more and to worry less about being productive and more about being at peace. The Bucket List was a movie about that later “coming of age” and the Bucket List was a device Morgan Freeman’s character thought would give significance to his life. 1 He would have these experiences to hold out as a measure of his life. Yet the end of the movie is not some exotic location but in the ordinary living rooms where each man is loved for who he is. Several years ago I had the idea of the Backwards Bucket List. There were a couple concepts around the original Bucket List that caused me to pause. First, my experience has taught me that the much anticipated planned event is often not my greatest source of happiness. Maybe it’s because we can put such unreasonable expectations on events like Christmas and Disney vacations—they seemed doomed to disappoint. Or it rains the whole time you are in Paris or at the beach. I am just cautious about the idea I can plan a peak experience. Second, the idea that my life is incomplete or somehow lacking without some experience on an arbitrary list discounts my ability to live a full life without a travel planner. I think it was this second point that really got me thinking about the Backwards Bucket List. So here is the idea: Instead of looking at your life and seeing what is missing that you feel is so important to do before you die, look at your life and see all the things you’ve done that were really wonderful. If you had known it would be so good, you would have put it on your bucket list to do. Looking back and seeing a full life, what are some of the amazing things you’ve done that were a source of joy? What are some ways your life brought joy to others? Two things arise for me when I work on my Backwards Bucket List. The first is gratitude. Whenever my attention moves away from what I don’t have to what I do have, I am overwhelmed by gratitude. I find focusing on what I have and the experience of gratitude to be a “chicken and egg” kind of situation. Mostly I like to think that I live with an “attitude of gratitude”. God is my source and God or Spirit or the Universe is a source of infinite good and therefore I anticipate the good will continue flowing into my life. It is easy to see all good I already have. And yet I’m human. No need to pinch me. I am flesh and blood. Every now and then I come upon a “pitiful season”. A time, hopefully short in length, during which I can only see what is missing in my life. Every donut has a hole. No matter how much we have, there is something else. A wealthy person doesn’t have health. A healthy person doesn’t have love. A loving couple longs for children. The big family needs money. In the pitiful season, it is easy for the empty spaces to expand until all we can see is empty. If we make a Bucket List during the pitiful season, the list will be long and our life will seem lacking. 2 To end the pitiful season, I turn to the task of listing my blessings and appreciating what I have. Do I have these things because I’m grateful or am I grateful because I have these things? Does it matter? Gratitude is a metaphysical magnet. Being truly grateful goes beyond the temporary reaction to receiving something and infuses our consciousness of each moment. Staying aware of what we have keeps us open to the continued flow of good. It is this attitude of expectancy that keeps the Backwards Bucket List from becoming a trap for living in the past. In my gratitude for the wonderful experiences in my life, I expect those experiences to continue to happen. I anticipate and look for the good in my life. Which is a sort of unexpected and not entirely logical benefit of my Backwards Bucket List. Because the things on my Backwards Bucket List have taught me I cannot always plan the peak moments, I am more present to what is happening right now in my life. Every day I am aware that something that happens today, upon reflection, could end up on my Backwards Bucket List. So pay attention to the life you are living right now and savor the moments whether they seem grand or ordinary. There are a couple things on my Backwards Bucket List that I wish I had a few more memories of—that I wish I had been paying a little more attention to. I wish I had been a little less focused on the petty annoyances and more focused on the wonder unfolding. So besides gratitude for what I have and the benefit of being present to my life, the third thing I have gained in my Backwards Bucket List is an appreciation for who I am and the work that God is able to do through me. In the synopsis of The Bucket List movie it says the two men both have a need to come to terms with who they are and what they have done with their lives. This is fairly common in those of us “coming to this later age” time in our lives. But I would venture to say that had I been exposed to this Backwards Bucket List at age 25 or 35, it might have led me to a greater sense of myself and a greater sense of contentment with my life. The paradox at work here in me is that loving who we are and appreciating what we have does not remove the incentive for more but places in us a natural expectancy of more without the struggle. Appreciating what I have been able to do with God’s help gives me confidence that I can be more of my true self and I can accomplish more without the struggle of believing that “without the more” I am unworthy or lacking. Does that make sense? Right here, right now, I have a pretty wonderful life and I expect to continue to build upon that wonderful life. At no point could my life end and it would have been less than a meaningful life. 3 There is no list I have to get through to make my life have meaning. And yet, I anticipate there will be new wonders to add to my Backwards Bucket List. I encourage everyone to create a Backwards Bucket List. Whether you have a “Bucket List” or not, everyone can do a Backwards Bucket List.