The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper issue 1036 www.ussu.co.uk THURSDAY 19 SEPTEMBER 2002 free

NEW PROGRAMME Pilot scheme designed to recognise students non-academic contribution to university life REP SCHEME USSU and RSU launch federal representation USSU & UniS team up to give system | page 8 students ID LOADS OF AS THE UNIVERSITY gears up for By Andy Blair and Scott Farmer to maintaining high and sustainable levels COMPETITIONS Freshers Week, the Students’ Union and five of employment’. Thus, a degree may only University departments have pulled together be a particular student’s starting point. The Dangermouse dvd, to create a brand new scheme for all students Essentially, each session run by the project Association of Graduate Recruiters also free nights out and free to get noticed for participating in training will give a student 5 ID points, and when believe that “employers like people who are clothes! | throughout outside their academic studies. they have gained 20, 40 or 60 points, then interesting, it’s a good idea to avoid blanks The Individual Development scheme is gain their bronze, silver or gold award. on a CV,” “competition for jobs also meant a pilot project designed to award students In essence, points mean prizes. There are that employers increasingly looked at CVs FRESHERS SPECIAL points in recognition of participation in any certain sessions that students will have to for clues to people who were interesting, BUMPER EDITION OF BF well-rounded, and with experience of 28[!] pages of information, opinion and leadership and teamwork in the real world.” plain entertainment | every page Students can gain ID points from the of the ID sessions run through the scheme. have under their belts in order to get each first session they come to, right the way The partners are the Union, UniSport, award and this has been added so that every through their University career, although IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER Marketing & Public Affairs, the Centre for student who gets an award has been party to the first year is a pilot – this is the intention. Learning Development, Educational Liaison participating in certain areas of training. ID will put UniS students on the map and

rd Centre and the Careers Service. Each It is a general assumption these days bring out their employability further to UniS ranked 33 best in UK department has highlighted a list of sessions that it is longer acceptable to think that if future employers. USSU is not trying to The University of Surrey improved its that form the ID programme for 2002/2003 a student has a degree then they will not catch students out, waste their time or ranking in the Sunday Times university and these sessions will be published fully in need to do any more studying/training. The force them to come to anything. Individual guide by eight positions. News | page 3 barefacts next week. A sneak peak of what to Government’s Green Paper on Lifelong Development is designed to give students expect can be found on page nine under the Learning identifies the need for a ‘Learning the information they will need to be a Is it our duty to bomb Iraq? DAVE project which is the Union’s arm of Age’ where ‘equipping people with the successful academically, professionally and Paul Canning asks if we have the right to the Individual Development pilot. right knowledge and skills will be crucial socially. It is time to get some ID. bomb Iraq, even if the UN says it is alright to do so. Comment | page 7

The DAVE project An introduction to the various training ses- sions and learning objectives of the main man DAVE. Union | page 9 This week I shall mostly be... The one and only ents planner for all of your freshers week entertainments. What’s more - it’s in colout! page 17 New approach to student discount deals the.net Retrospective scheme similar to that of supermarket loyalty cards A brand new internet section, giving you some links to wile away those NUS HAVE THIS year changed the way By Paul Wright in-between-lecture hours. page 22 that students get their discount in high street stores like HMV and Topshop. From this Snowing in summer year on, students will need an NUS discount A University of Surrey campus card (used in card to allow selected retailers to swipe the library and for entry to the union on gig A report from the British Universities through when students make a purchase, nights) is still a valid NUS card for proving Snowsports Club summer trip to the in much the same fashion as a supermarket your student status to other student unions French Alps. Sport | page 28 loyalty card. and organisations. For the majority of retailers, students will To get one of these new discount cards, only need to show their discount card to get just pop into the new Students’ Union (downstairs from the main venue) and say a discount. For HMV, however, they will hello to our new receptionist, Alison. It also have to hand over their discount card takes about three minutes to fill in the form so they can have it swiped a la supermarket INSIDE and there is need for a photograph. If you loyalty cards. The final, more extensive get the time then please activate your card barefacts believes: a scheme like this method, employed by Habitat, is to place one cannot work on a national level online as well at nusonline.co.uk - if we get retrospective discounts in an online account, enough students signed up online then the known as an e-wallet, that can be accessed Comment: “meddling third parties Union gets the money due for last year’s through the NUS website and transferred to should not interfere” believes Paul Wright contract from ITM, thereby making the card- the discount card users bank account. issuing efforts a little more worthwhile. 2 NEWS 19 September 2002 NUS claims ‘university more expensive than ever’ National body claims that students will leave university upto £15,000 in debt

IT HAS BEEN claimed by the National Union By Richard Watts of Students (NUS) that studying in the new academic year will be more expensive than ever. in 2002-2003. In a briefing on student finance The NUS says that costs for the year 2002-2003 released to the Students’ Union, it highlights in higher education will be more than £1500 the review of higher education offered by the and that students are likely to leave with a debt government and the proposed date for such a approaching £15,000. The estimated cost of review: Autumn 2002. It claims a responsibility living outside of London has reached £5800 and to “fight against elitism in both further and higher a concern regarding the added temptation of education to ensure that all students have equal substantial overdrafts offered by banks is a worry access and are able to participate based in their to the NUS. ability to learn and not their ability to pay”. NUS president, Mandy Telford, said that many NUS “welcomes the government’s recognition students are having to work up to 35 hours a week that the current student support arrangements in order to supplement their loans and as a result in England and Wales are not working and also were not getting enough time to study. She added: their announcement to review the balance of “Grown-ups are entitled to some leisure time but contributions between the state, parents and the fact is they are being forced into low paid, students as part of the proposed options paper on part-time jobs to do it.” the future of higher education funding”. The NUS president Mandy Telford Student The goals of the NUS throughout the year are get student funding right and to ensure that the finance is a fair system of funding for all, an end to fees, government achieves its policy aims of widening one of the a return to grants, maintaining a system of loans participation and increasing access. p r i o r i t y subsidised at current rates and an end to student A focus on student finance will appear inbarefacts campaigns poverty. It is believed that the government’s in the next few weeks. for the NUS options paper provides an ideal opportunity to

Working at the Royal Surrey County Hospital Signed minibuses advertising USSU across the country Why don‛t you turn your spare time into By Richard Watts and will help to promote USSU as students spare cash? utilising the buses travel to their respective THE FLEET OF USSU minibuses, which commitments around the country, as well as • Competitive rates + Holiday Pay are primarily used to ferry students in their in and around town on the numerous safety • Hours to suit your needs various clubs and societies from Guildford minibus runs performed during big night’s • Access to the Social Club and subsidised food at the to matches, conferences and away-days, out in the week. have all been re-painted and signed as part Fred Wilcocks, who for many years now hospital‛s restaurant of USSU’s image overhaul. has been responsible for the up-keep of the • No previous experience required Some five minibuses have all been adorned fleet and examiner of the minibus tests, will • training & support provided with various USSU and UniS logos (as well continue to test prospective drivers and look • A chance to develop your interpersonal skills and meet new as the usual “how is my driving” question) after the fleet of minibuses. people

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email: [email protected] 19 September 2002 NEWS 3 UniS improves standing in university’s league tables University guide highlights the University of Surrey as one of ‘research-based elite’

ACCORDING TO THE Sunday Times By Richard Watts research, UniS university guide published last Sunday, is of the same the University of Surrey is the 33rd best bias it has become one of the research- caliber as Kings university in the United Kingdom. In the based elite. Electronic engineering and College London, same guide of the previous year, UniS subjects allied to medicine and sociology the University of was ranked 41st and has thus improved all received 5* ratings in the past year’s Nottingham and the considerably in its footing amongst other research assessment” and that “as a result, University of Leeds institutions. Each university and college funding was increased by 20%”. The low to name but three is ranked according to its performances drop-out rate, ranked 27th, at UniS was also esteemed places of in seven distinct areas: teaching quality, applauded: “Surrey has managed to bring its higher education. research quality, A-level entry requirements, drop-out rate below the official benchmark There are nine Paul Wright, the Students’ Union president, employment figures, classification of and well below the national average departments in total of the university that is quoted in the supplement as saying that degrees awarded, student/staff ratio and – no small achievement for a science-based are deemed ‘excellent’ according to the one of the best features of UniS is the drop-out rate and UniS performed well in university.” survey, which was primarily compiled using “small campus with lots of green spaces” the majority of these categories, especially Of the top thirty five institutions, UniS data from the Higher Education Statistics and that the worst feature is “the cost of in the number of graduates employed within students’ average points entry are a clear ten Agency and the Quality Assurance Agency living in Guildford”. In a table of cheap six months of their degree, coming joint first points below that of other establishments for Higher Education; these were business accommodation, Surrey is in fact ranked joint with Robert Gordon University in Aberdeen and so the performance of the university and management, civil engineering, ninth, though this is actually the ‘cheapest (see UniS tops employment story, page 4). in achieving its ranking is really quite economics, education, electrical and university-managed accommodation In its brief synopsis of the university, the exceptional. According to the teaching electronic engineering, materials technology, available’ and thus probably refers to a Stag guide says that UniS “has forged an unusual quality assessment, the position of UniS physics and astronomy, music and finally Hill duplex room. It highlights the range of path...along with its vocational is wholly justified but when considering psychology. accommodation as ‘£37-£72’.

NUS calls on government to fund institutions and not ‘send them to the wall’ New plans are in direct conflict with widening participation agenda, warns NUS President Mandy Telford

The National Union of Students (NUS) has called on the By Richard Watts and the ‘commodification’ of higher education could be the government to increase funding in universities instead of first step down the road to top-up fees. This government taking steps to close some institutions down, following adequate level of funding that encourages all universities to made a manifesto commitment to the country that it would comments last week from the Minister for Lifelong flourish and build on their strong points, not force poorer not introduce top-up fees and NUS shall be holding them to Learning, Margaret Hodge. While the government has institutions out of the sector. that promise. It also made a pledge to widen participation, correctly identified that not all universities are the same We are seeing more and more students having to study but these new plans appear to have little in common with and “they cannot compete on every footing” NUS finds it closer to home because of the phenomenal rise in the cost of that goal.” abhorrent that the government is not prepared to support going to university. Forcing institutions that are doing so much to meet the government’s institutions to close may widening participation agenda. prohibit many students from NUS National President, Mandy Telford, said: “The newer being able to enter higher universities are the ones that traditionally have a greater education because there intake of exactly the students that the government is trying is nowhere to study in the to attract into higher education and to force these institutions locality. to the wall is diametrically opposed to its own widening The NUS fears that such a participation agenda. The government needs to provide an move towards a free market

Buliding completion delayed until mid-December Above: a view from on top of the new buliding. Below: the AP building (l) and the ground floor (r) WITH THE NEWS that the new Business By Paul Wright Management degree has managed to attract 400 new students to Surrey this September comes reports that the brand new £11m September. High winds during the putting building will not be ready to receive them in place of concrete planks hampered until after Christmas. The building, which is construction, as did a national shortage of to be shared between School of Management bricklayers. Studies for the Service Sector and Surrey barefacts is swollen with pride to be able European Management School, will have to release some photographs of the half a 400-seat lecture theatre and extensive completed building works. (barefacts also teaching facilities. does not condone wandering about building Work started on the shared building in July sites without supervision or the correct 2001 and should have been completed by safety equipment. Even in the name of September 2002; all indications now point journalism.) See next week’s barefacts for a to a completion date in the middle of business school feature and more photos. 4 NEWS 19 September 2002 University of Surrey tops USSU begins a brand new employment figures once again clothing range Sixth year in a row on top of table for UniS Being ‘cool’ can be a cheap business, you know.

By Richard Watts THE By Richard Watts THE UNIVERSITY OF Surrey has once The Students’ Union has begun its own again achieved first place in the league EMPLOYMENT range of branded ‘University of Surrey’ table for the lowest unemployment figures. clothing, offering several styles of t-shirts, According to the First Destinations hoodies, zip-up tops and even a fully water- of Students leaving Higher Education TABLES resistant waterproof. Institutions 2000/01 report, published by The clothing, which begins at £7.99, is the Higher Education Statistics Agency institute % unemployed available from the Students’ Union from only recently, just 1.96% of all first degree the reception area and will soon accessible graduates are unemployed within six months on line, so any purchasing whims can be of graduation. More traditional institutions University of Surrey 1.96 % dealt with almost immediately. The range such as Oxford (5.8%), Cambridge (4.1%) is not intended to compete with the clothing and Nottingham (4.3%) do not rank quite Robert Gordon University 2.23% already offered at various outlets on campus, nearly so highly. but instead to offer more variety and style, This result further strengthens UniS’s place Gloucestershire University 2.25% augmenting the current ranges around. at the head of the league table for the lowest Nottingham Trent 2.51% There is a limited stock available, however, average unemployment measeured over the Aberdeen 2.64% so if you do want to grab something, then last six years, where the unemployment you had better do it quickly. Alternatively, figure drops to 1.28%, ahead of the Robert you can turn to the competition section Gordon University in Aberdeen. Oxford Brookes 3.26% for your chance to win your choice of the With the news that the university has Kent 3.32% clothing available. improved its ranking in the Sunday Times Bath 3.75% guide to UK universities (see page three), these figures confirm that the University Leeds 3.78% of Surrey can compete with some of the Hull 3.85% more established university’s in the UK. That the Students’ Union is also performing extremely well with numerous new schemes in place can only help to encourage students figures are for universities in 2001 UniS energy awareness campaign to Guildford. Source: Higher Education Statistics Agency By Richard Watts more institutions have followed suit with two of the three reporting no THE UNIVERSITY OF Surrey has additional cost. NUS Vice President launched its new energy awareness for Welfare, Verity Coyle, said: campaign on order to help combat “Universities now have a fantastic wasteful energy practices. Posters in opportunity to make a real difference. the bus shelters and around campus As we have seen at Loughborough have all appeared urging students and other institutions this is not a and staff alike to consider energy- costly exercise and one from which saving practises in their everyday the benefits could be immeasurable.” chores. Universities currently account for The campaign comes at a time when the 1% of all energy demands in the National Union of Students (NUS) has UK. also started to focus on green issues at universities, especially in the aftermath of the Earth Summit in Johannesburg. In a press release from the NUS, it was 5 TIPS FOR ENERGY EFFICIENCY highlighted that, during the summit, “world leaders missed the opportunity to make real impact on the issue of climate change 1. Switch off your lights whenever a room following pressure from self-serving oil is left unoccupied and when daylight is companies and the USA.” adequate NUS National Environment Campaign Co-ordinator, Steve 2. Switch off pc’s, vdu’s and printers when Bloomfield, said: “Universities you are not using them are huge users of electricity and as the planet attempts to service 2 3. Keep windows and outside doors closed billion more people with electricity, when the heating is on and report problems without increasing the climate, it is of over-heating vital that somebody stands up and leads the way, and that somebody 4. Report dripping taps, minor leaks and should be the UK universities.” overflows Last year, Loughborough University was the first to switch to 100% 5. Do not wash utensils or food under renewable energy, since then two running taps 19 September 2002 COMMENT 5 Do we have the right to bomb Iraq - or is it a duty? WAR DRUMS ON both sides of the However, the $64,000 done is further compound targets. Atlantic rumble on, whilst here we see question remains: do we the suffering of the ordinary To my mind, the bottom line is huge troop movements and political have the right to bomb folk. Insufficient food and that we have little choice. Generally mumblings that make war with Iraq seem Iraq, even if the UN does medical supplies never speaking, I oppose war as a method inevitable. Whilst Britain’s housing boom eventually back the move? impacts on those in power, of conflict resolution: it is ultimately marches on, I don’t imagine that there are For President Bush, the but instead devastates self-defeating, as everyone loses out in many investment companies planning to subject of Iraq is supremely the lives of their citizens. some fashion. There is an absolute must sink their cash into the Baghdad property embarrassing to him. Not The dearth of weapons for an international coalition. The UN market at the moment. Whenever I only did his dad not manage inspectors also means that must impose a deadline for weapons PAUL CANNING see someone on the television talking to finish the job off after the despite what intelligence inspections and then come down on Iraq about a ‘regime change’ in Iraq, I find Gulf War, but America also we have on their weapons like a tonne of bricks if they are not met. it incredible that they make it sound like gave Iraq weapons in order The only thing years of capabilities, the basic facts These efforts are not of course helped putting on a pair of shoes, when in fact to help them with their war sanctions have done is are that we simply do not by the general demeanour of George it will be more akin to finding a parking against Iran. Even worse, compound the suffering of know what capabilities “Dubya”, whose self comparisons to space in Guildford on a Saturday. the Americans encouraged ordinary folk the country has of attack. Churchill are as insulting as tagging the There can be few people that honestly the people of Iraq to rise up Chemical, biological, even Churchill name to a nodding dog in order believe that Saddam is a suitable leader against Saddam after the war, but then nuclear weapons - we have no truly to peddle car insurance, but we can only for any country. Every time I see that failed to give them any logistical support, concrete evidence of any of these. I work with what we have. photo of him in the newspaper, wearing leading to the slaughter and suffering of think we can safely say that they have Ultimately, we have a duty to act: to his 1940’s style hat and holding a shot many well-intentioned Iraqi’s (especially some pretty nasty stuff, and even if they protect the region, long-term global gun aloft in the air, I wonder how he the Kurds). could never strike against the UK or the stability and to repay some of our debt to manages to feed himself, let alone run As if that were not bad enough, the states, several other places in the region the general population of Iraq, who have a country. only thing that years of sanctions have (specifically Israel) could be prime suffered enough from our dithering. The only living proof of someone without a mobile phone “Hello? Yes - I’m in the pub. Where are you?” “I’m standing right next to you.” “Oh yes, so you are.”

LEAVING MYSELF SOMEWHAT open some music. It is selfishness that just isn’t instant enough arrangements before is apparently totally to attack here, I am willing to admit that I on their behalf and it is for some people: they want irrelevant. Is it not exciting to wait at a am the only person I know without a mobile certainly selfishness on my to be able to contact me now bar or arranged meeting place, wondering phone. That’s right - there is no way on this behalf. Just count the number because there is something whether your date will turn up, or whether earth that I can get in touch with someone of “I’s” and “them’s” in this very important they have to your friends might have meant the other via a text message or a free-minutes call article already if you are not tell me (usually along the lines entrance to the train station? I would argue by my own means: I am, if I was to believe sure on that last point. of “I’m nearly there - see you yes - mobile phones take away all the fun... all of those around me, a communicatory So let us back-track here and in a minute”). I keep using ...unless you’re playing ‘snake’ on them, dinosaur. consider some of the reasons the argument that in the day or any other silly game. That people use ICHARD ATTS Now this bothers me very little - in fact, why I should be getting myself R W when there wasn’t any phones moblies is bad enough - that they play as you could probably have assumed, I the new 5540 or the phone with or means of contacting anyone games on them is just sad. quite like it. I even appreciate that in my the function that brushes your I appreciate that a at all, then what did people I coul go on for a long time, but space will role as VP communications and marketing teeth in the morning. First of comms sabbatical without do - but all I get back is “but always win. The selfish aspect of all of this not having a moblie phone is somewhat all, there is the “we can never a mobile phone is we’re not there now, are we?” is so prominent we should not be surprised ironic. What I do struggle with, however, get hold of you” complaint - somewhat ironic True enough, but what is so - remember that the mobile phone (being the is seemingly everyone’s constant attempts one that several people seem bad about applying some of brick that it was then) was, and still is, the to rid me of the old-fashioned ways I enjoy to be missing the point over. As far as I am the approaches of that time and actually icon of the money-making yuppies of the and bring me into this new age. With cries aware, the answerphones I use both work learning to communicate with each and plan 80’s. There is bound to be trouble because of “how else are we going to contact you?” quite well and I am reasonably capable of ahead a little? of this - there has been for the past four years there comes no consideration for the notion calling someone back. I can also do that Reliant. Folks with mobiles seem to be and there will be until finally everyone just that I might not want to be contacted - that, e-mail thing and, last time I checked, had a quite reliant on their phones to make sure lets the phone thing drop. All I ask is that for some crazy reason known only to me, I postal address that people can send letters they will arrive at a place where they know people simply communicate with each other might just want to spend a nice evening with to. their friends will be because they’ve just and not just insist on using their little phones my girlfriend or relax with a good book and Therein lies the problem, though - all of phoned them to check. That they had made as a poor second best

barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is Do you have a complaint against published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. this newspaper? The views expressed within the paper are those of individual If you have a complaint about any item in this authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment, 2002 - 2003 Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about University of Surrey. it. This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, If you remain dissatisfied please contact the editor in chief | richard watts stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express Press Complaints Commission - an independant permission of the publisher beforehand. organisation established to uphold an editorial Code All submissions must include the author’s name and Union of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication. editor | position vacant position vacant | art editor by their decision. deputy editor | position vacant position vacant | sports editor Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. news editor | position vacant position vacant | lifestlye editor Press Complaints Commission music editor | position vacant position vacant | features editor barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. 1 Salisbury Square film editor | position vacant position vacant | photography London EC4Y 8JB literature editor | position vacant position vacant | design editor [email protected] Telephone: 020 7353 1248 Facsimile: 020 7353 8351 WWW.USSU.CO.UK

Printed by South West Wales Publications © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2002 if you are interested in a position on the editorial team or writing for barefacts, please come along to the Adelaide Street, Swansea editorial meeting | thursday | 5pm | media centre or e-mail [email protected] Tel: 01792 510000 6 COMMENT 19 September 2002 NUS discount card, in

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ UNION retrospect, is not on WWW.USSU.CO.UK SO NUS HAVE, in their deal”. Sinking ships comes infinite wisdom it would more readily to my mind, at Congratulations are due to UniS for their seem, decided to change the least. way that students can get At this year’s NUS Convention league-table performance discounts in retailers such as an emergency plenary was HMV, Topman and Comet. In held to inform union officers Although 33rd might not sound like It is difficult to ignore the contrasting the past campus cards (with of how this new system would that impressive an achievement, for the indications given by various statistics NUS logo printed in the top work. Aside from the extra University of Surrey to record such a and the comment of the Students’ right corner) were sufficient PAUL WRIGHT burden placed on unions such position in the UK universities league table, Union president, Paul Wright, regaring enough. But now that is no as ours where the university’s and more importantly to improve so well on accommodation. From his ‘student view’ longer good enough, students registration card doubles its previous performance, is something that perspective, the president indicated that need to have an additional This was not the best as the NUS card, issues everyone around campus should be proud the worst thing about Surrey was the cost NUS Discount Card. solution and smacks of were raised about possible of. of living in Guildford - it is “ridiculosuly The reason for the change being rushed through by privacy infringements that the That UniS is considered ‘one of the research- expensive” he says. Compare that to the is that NUS sold out their the outgoing Committee purchase tracking could allow. based elite’ is a testament to not only the table of statistics which states that Surrey discount ability to a separate The NUS representatives academic excellence of the teaching staff is joint ninth for the ‘cheapest university- marketing company call ITM. ITM now assured the audience that this was not the and students here, but also to the university managed accommodation available.’ Given manage the NUS online website and tied case, as only NUS and the member’s union for focusing so tirelessly on postgraduate the recent history regarding rent prices, it is USSU into a four year term contract to would have access to the data collected from study. Having Tim Brown elected as perhaps a little fortuitous this statistic reflects host ussu.co.uk. The card is required so the registrations - though the opt-out box on the General Secretary for the National so healthily on UniS and, more accurately, a that retailers like HMV can swipe it with the registration forms appears to contradict Postgraduate Committe will ensure that the little misleading to the student who is yet every purchase (much like a supermarket this as it includes ITM in the authorised list. focus on academic study after graduation to arrive. When students are inquired of, loyalty card) and build up demographic It was explained that the third parties, such will not dwindle and that postgraduates are therefore, to divulge some information information on student buying habits. For as HMV and other retailers, would not have represented as comprehensively as their regarding the cost of living, perhaps it is more demanding retailers like Habitat the access to specific personal details but merely undergraduate counterparts. wise to say that, though indeed there is card holder will have to register the card could collate buying pattern data. Results such as these help can bolster some university-managed accommodation online to gain any form of discount - these Our very own Rich Watts asked if there students, especially when it comes to available to rent at £37 a week, there is also will be retrospective discounts that will be would be any support to get the required returning home to their friends and a planned 24% rise in prices over the next collated in an e-wallet and transferred to the number of students to sign up online to a comparing one another’s university and its four years and that, should someone wish user’s bank account at a later date. service that in the short term will only be of relative merits. To say you are of the ‘elite’ to attend UniS, therefore, they need to start Some critics have pointed out that this will use if they shop in Habitat on a regular basis. can be quite satisfying. saving some pennies. only increase student hardship, as students Dervish Mertcan, NUS National Treasurer, will be waiting for the savings to find their commented, “well, a contract is a contract”. way from the online account to their bank It is true that the discounts we as students The new NUS discount card does not work accounts. The time the money is with received are certainly not a right however the online account it gains absolutely no I still believe that this was not the best at a national level interest, whereas a front up discount would solution and smacks of being rushed free up this saved money straight away to through by the outgoing National Executive One of the biggest problems with an (retrospectively, in many cases) and that accumulate interest or reduce overdraft Committee leaving the new team to pick organisation that works and represents at a confusion for new students regarding levels. up the pieces. From a commercial point national level is that it cannot possibly act which is their campus card and which is Others have pointed to the fact that the of view I can definitely see the usefulness in the best interests of every single affiliate their discount card will be rife. It does not cards are a very good way to force students in being able to build up buying habit data, member. Particular cases and specific achieve anything but bemusement and for to register online if the retrospective e- anyone who has placed an online order with requirements are often over-looked in some it may mean not bothering with any wallet scheme takes off with other retailers Amazon will have seen in effect with their favour of a more generic, national set-up sort of discount whatsoever. such as HMV. I guess the thinking is this recommendations. The issue here is that that, accordingly, carries just that little more If the NUS could recognise that in particular would prove that the 30-year contract NUS a national student representative body is weight behind it. cases this scheme just isn’t feasible, then signed with ITM was well worth it, even if facilitating retailers to achieve it and this The introduction of the new NUS discount maybe it is worth having a look at; but the once estimated £50 million income now trend will only increase in future years as card is a prime example of where a national whilst the insistence lies in introducing the looks to be £5 million or less. Some cynics more retailers want more information on project simply does not work quite nearly project on a national scale, students at this prefer the phrase “attempting to salvage the their customer base. as effectively as it is hoped to on a regional university - whom NUS are trying to help level. Here at UniS, we already have a here - will not see much benefit. campus card that is graced by the NUS logo Perhaps the NUS could go to HMV in the and, as a result, receive up-front discounts town centre for us and mention that we What do you think? on its exhibiting at a shop’s counter. already have a joint campus/NUS card and The new scheme will mean that students of therefore could so without this new swipe- Having looked at some of the opinions here, articles or features about any topics you UniS will have to carry around two separate system? Somehow, barefacts cannot see what do you think of our writer’s thoughts? feel strongly about. The e-mail address for cards in order to receive their discount that happening... Do you agree with Paul Wright that discount articles is cards should give a discount up front or are you happy with retrospective money-off [email protected] DAVE sounds like a nice bloke your purchases? Do you think that Gary Bewick has a fair The deadline for article submission is Mon- point when he talks of political correctness day before publication at 5pm. So often, volunteering, skills or any other self-development schemes are always looked upon gone mad or do you feel he is taking the is- If you would like to get involved, then e- as somewhat dowdy and, if truth be told, not very exciting. It’s like having to go to “personal sue a little too plainly? mail the above or come along to the weekly and social education” classes at sixth form all over again. Whatever your opinion, barefacts would editorial meeting at 5pm on Thursday’d in But the work of USSU over the summer months to re-think all of their schemes could be glad to hear it: please send in any letters, the Grant Mitchell Room of the Union. r.w. never be tarnished with the same brush - the federal programme representation system with Roehampton and the DAVE arm of the individaul development pilot project are both as up- to-date and relevant as anything seen before. To not take part would be to miss out on an opportunity which rewrds for the majority of HOUGHT FOR THE WEEK things people do anyway - you just have to look at the planned dj course to see that that T particular statement is true. “You must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.” The fact that it all looks so good is pretty impressive too. RICHARD FEYNMAN (1918 – 1988), PHYSICIST 19 September 2002 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 7 Discrimination against the majority (and the insanity of political correctness)

AFTER GRADUATION, THOSE some American universities or voting rights can be from flights, as passengers were refusing of us who are not looking to take on (including ones as prominent reprimanded or shut down. to board with them, and now the airlines postgraduate study will be job-hunting as Harvard) are adding a In the real world, there are are being sued for racial profiling. Sexual and in the U.K we have laws that prevent sexual preference section to no rules to prevent this kind Harassment laws are another example discrimination on grounds of sex, race their admission forms and of p.c. insanity. of political correctness gone too far. A and sexual orientation, amongst others. the university presidents To broaden things slightly company institutes sexual harassment All well and good in theory, but as a have been quoted as saying I’m of the opinion that policies to prevent itself from getting into white, heterosexual male, I can be at it may be more important political correctness is one court - fair enough you might think, but a disadvantage when it comes to the than grades, depending upon of the most insidious forms when someone is dismissed under these GARY BEWICK job market by managers so scared of various circumstamces. of thought control in effect rules, they could quite probably take the lawsuits that they would find hard to win, To suggest that university at the moment, For example company to court anyway for an unfair and offending the p.c. groups, within admission should not be I’m of the opinion that racial profiling; after the company policy. government, that they may choose a mainly decided by academic political correctness is events of September 11th, the I’m going to end this now and see where coloured, female, or homosexual person prowess is ridiculous, and one of the most insidious U.S Government had to pay it goes; I feel like I’ve just scratched the over me without really caring about who there are signs of it catching forms of thought control to stop the airlines getting surface of the whole p.c. issue, but I’m will do the job better. I’m all for equality, on over here. On campus we sued by families of victims sure you can all think of examples of this but that’s what it has to be: equality for are lucky: the only requirement to join for not stopping the Arabic males from madness in your life off campus, all and not so heavily biased towards a society is union membership and any boarding. Later that week, young Arab Until next time, I will remain politically the minorities. A recent example is that who refuse to allow you membership, males fitting that profile were expelled incorrect and proud.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity | E-mail: [email protected] Does the student newspaper wish to compound prejudice and consolidate the have and have not divide?

Dear Editor, 3 A-Level candidate. There are other equally valid entry them. More graduates in the jobs market place will lead to qualifications, which the article sadly has failed to recognise increased competition and fewer people would be artificially We were concerned to read the article in barefacts issue 1035 (“This situation is true not only of Further Education, which held back from applying for jobs they may be capable of. relating to Widening Participation issues (“Examinations are is to say A-Levels”- barefacts). Equally, the Widening Few would argue that this is a bad thing. meant to be difficult, aren’t they?” barefacts, 12/9/02). Participation target does not assume that all those entering A big challenge that faces the Widening Participation As the Widening Participation team within UniS we would H.E. will join a traditional 3 year degree programme. There agenda is to overcome prejudice and intellectual elitism. like to address some of these issues. are a wide range of other routes to take, including much The Widening Participation team works hard to open In the article the basic premise of Widening Participation has shorter diploma programmes. doors, to bridge gaps and to act as a catalyst for access to been overlooked: that there are many people who have the The claim that exams are getting easier is, as you said, the University for those who have been deprived of the potential to access Higher Education who MAY need more one that is made virtually every year. This does not mean opportunity. Does the Student newspaper wish to compound encouragement than others. it is true. It is very likely that the increase in pass rates is prejudice and consolidate the have and have not divide? There are numerous young people who come from deprived due to many factors, including: better teaching standards, A University should be aware of the issues in the or problematic backgrounds where entering H.E. does not more access to useful information through the internet, surrounding community and be willing to facilitate access seem like an option, often because there is no experience and increased concentration on exam taking techniques. rather than reinforce prejudice! of H.E. within the family. No one has ever suggested that Basically, pupils are better prepared than they used to be. entry standards will be lowered for these people to be given The comment about degrees losing their value if more WIDENING PARTICIPATION TEAM this opportunity. However, it needs to be recognised that not people study for them is equally misleading. Degrees do Educational Liaison Centre | University of Surrey everyone capable of entry will be a traditional 18 year old not become worthless simply because many people have

Dear Editor, “Drinks prices held” claim causes relative uproar EDITORS RESPONSE That the Union has ‘held’ its beer prices In last weeks barefacts the NUS and USSU to the penny across every lager, bitter and seemed to be making a effort to Dear barefacts, real ale is indeed a misleading declaration refrain freshers from “doing drunk”, yet Is the author taking the “students do drunk” – both authors are quite correct in their whilst in Roots over the weekend I read with interest your lead article in the 12 strategy that NUS are whinging on about statements concerning the price of Carling I noticed that for freshers week (at certain September issue, regarding the new Union seriously, and thinking that all the returning in the last few months. times) you can pick up a pint beer range. I was shocked at the blatant students will just have forgotten how much What the article was suggesting, perhaps of Carlsberg for 50p! fib being made, and surprised that no-one beer used to cost because of the drunken a little too implicitly, is that the price of the 1) Surely this, and other special offers aren’t thought that someone would notice. haze of last year? Don’t get me wrong, I’m most expensive lager had not increased this going to help freshers refrain from “doing I quote: “the Union will be selling...... Carling not complaining about the beer prices, but year and that the maximum anyone could drunk” - especially when a pint of most soft at £1.80, meaning that I object to such a big porkie pie being told pay for a pint of lager does not exceed drinks is roughly £1.20 this is the third year in a row that the Union on the front page of an otherwise quality that of the last three years. It was not the 2) How is Roots able to sell Beer this cheap? has held its drink prices”. Hang on a second, publication. intention of the article to be misleading in Did the £2.00 I paid in my only a few weeks previous to this article the way outlined above. freshers week help subsidies this years Carling had been on sale at £1.59. And Yours, As for students “doing” drunk, barefacts freshers? I’m sure three years ago it spentat least a was reporting on the campaign of the NUS, semester being sold for only a quid. WILF D’LAMY with which USSU or any of its practices is LAURENCE HELLYER not associated in any way. This newspaper also has no knowledge of how Roots can P.S. The Union has certainly not held its sell its beer so cheaply, but is happy to drink prices (Carling and soft drinks are There will be a widening participation feature in barefacts of week four; if you would perform extensive testing to check that it is up at least 20p) - how does barefacts justify like to contribute to the debate, e-mail [email protected] all “ok”. this quote? (Unless you compare prices to 3 years ago?) RICHARD WATTS 8 UNION 19 September 2002 Have [responsible] fun oney Welcome to Guildford. It’s a first week away from home. nice, civilised town. There’s a Having a few is fun, but losing river, a castle, a little cobbled your friends, realising you’ve atters high street with a farmers’ forgotten your key, snogging market and lots of rather lovely someone you can’t focus on M boutiques. As towns go, it’s and then being too out of Off-site rent assistance about as safe as they get. But your senses to tell them that you all know that that doesn’t you don’t want to go home Are you living in accommodation that is off campus? mean you can get complacent with them is not. I don’t Are you expecting to get some assistance with the cost TONI BORNEO of this later on in the semester from the off-site rent fund? and take risks that just aren’t VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION think sorting out a condom in If yes, then please read on, because there have been some important changes to the off-site worth it. There are a few AND WELFARE that state is going to be likely things you can all do to make either. So just get happy, not rent assistance scheme this year. my job a bit easier to take responsibility for pathetic. There are better things to do on a The money for the scheme comes from the Hardship Funds made available to the yourselves and avoid unnecessary trouble. Saturday morning than trying to get hold of university by the Higher Education Funding Council. The regulations governing the Stick together – this is a classic parent line. the morning after pill. distribution of the money have been gradually changing and it is no longer possible to help But you’re obviously going to be vulnerable The rest is no big mystery. Keep some everyone who has a high rent to pay – the money now has to be directed to students who on your own. Even boys. When you decide money on you for an emergency taxi. Tell can demonstrate that they are in real financial hardship and most applicants, therefore, to walk home from town, or go home from someone where you’re going if you go out under the age of 25 will have to take out the maximum student loan available to them the Union or even walk to Tesco’s in the alone. Don’t tell strangers where you live. before they can receive money from the fun. early evening, just grab a friend or two and It’s funny. After a few weeks of being This does not mean that financial help is not available in cases of need but that the you’ll be a much less attractive target. really naughty, you kind of wish there was application process will be different. Don’t get paralytic – this isn’t a lecture. someone waiting up for you when you’re If you would like to know more about this, then please contact or call into the Student Of course you’re going to drink – it’s your out…. Advice & Information Service (SAIS).

Student Advice& Information Service (SAIS): Wey Flat 2 | Surrey Court USSU and RSU team up to launch t: [68]9261 | e: [email protected] federal representation system WHAT THE HELL IS A PROGRAMME REP? V - opportunities Q A Do you want to revitalise your life and stand out from the crowd? GOOD QUESTION SQUIRE: IT’S A COURSE REP, BUT WITH A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT NAME words: ali cummings | student support and outreach coordinator words: andy blair If so then you want to become part of V, the University Volunteering scheme. BUT do not Over the last few months, the boffins at the University of Surrey Students’ Union and let the word “volunteering” put you off. Our aim is to prove to you, that volunteering has Roehampton Students’ Union have teamed up to tackle the issue of how students get their finally shed its “do-gooding” image and it is now recognized as one of the easiest ways to voices heard within their departments. The result of this collective head banging is the new gain essential life skills and a means of enhancing your CV. Programme Representative System that is set to run at both UniS and The University of Becoming involved with V is completely free and all we ask is that you give as much or Surrey Roehampton from Semester 1 this year. as little of your time as you can spare to one of our many V opportunities. We have been Following lengthy discussions between both Unions and Universities, the importance of working all summer to ensure that we have created as many fun, interesting and diverse having students who represent their fellow students is undeniable and it also allows the V opportunities for you such as Djing, Horseriding, Marketing, Designing, mentoring, University to gain a greater understanding of student issues as well as ways in which the driving, performing, playing, broadcasting, reading, talking, representing – the list is students can support the developments of courses and departments. endless! Interaction between students and staff is the cornerstone to a successful academic working So what will you gain from V? Apart from the invaluable life experience, meeting new relationship. For those of you who have never heard of the Federal University of Surrey, then people, having fun, making a difference, a great CV (need I go on?) you will receive formal here are the basics: accreditation from the Union or University. You will also be offered the chance to do ‘On the 1st January 2000, The University of Surrey and Roehampton Institute London further training via one of the many skills sessions run by the DAVE Project. entered into a unique and innovative federal partnership and the Roehampton Institute If you want to be the one that stands out from the crowd, then simply come into the London became the University of Surrey Roehampton. Student Union and look for me, Alli Cummings (Student Support & Outreach Co- The two institutions remain legally separate, are separately funded, control their own Ordinator) and sign up or email me [email protected] – its that simple. property, employ their own staff and register their own students, and students will apply and Remember you’re time at university isn’t all about a degree, make a difference to your life be admitted to the two institutions separately. However, under the federal arrangements, there and become part of V! are joint mechanisms for the award of degrees and related academic standards. Degrees and other qualifications will continue to be awarded in the name of the University of Surrey. At the heart of the partnership is the aim to sustain and develop the high standard and reputation of both institutions and to add value to their complementary and distinctive characters and activities.’ Last year, the two Students’ Unions worked together to research possibilities of developing a federal student community and the Federal Programme Rep System is the second initiative to come from this research, the first being the Annual Federal Challenge Cup (sports).

SO WHY BECOME A PROGRAMME REP?

Each programme of study needs a Programme Rep to address the issues effect the students taking it so whatever course/programme you’re on, make sure you have a rep. If you think you could be that rep then speak out and stand out from the crowd. The DAVE project dishes out training for reps with the training being a 5 ID point session that you can put towards a Bronze, Silver or Gold ID Certificate as you go through the year. The two Unions are working together to make sure you get the best from the Federal NOTICES University of Surrey and create a federal student community. Get involved, make a Societies Standing 23rd September 7-8pm Lecture Theatre A difference, get trained, get noticed - be a Programme Rep this year. We think its going to be At least 1 representative of every society must attend well worth it…… For more information, pick up a Programme Reps Handbook (available from Monday 30th Nordic Society AGM 30th September 7-8pm Lecture Theatre A Sept) , pop in an speak to Toni Borneo ([email protected] [VP Education & Welfare]) in the Students’ Union or visit www.ussu.co.uk Scout & Guide AGM 30th September 8-9pm Lecture Theatre A 19 September 2002 UNION 9

The Development Accreditation Volunteering Employability project is brand new for 2002/03 and is brought exclusively to you from USSU. words: scott farmer DAVE is the Unions commitment to developing the soft skills of its members. Graduate employers increasingly sight students inability to draw out the soft skills much needed in a modern employment environment where those skills are increasingly needed. DAVE aims to bring you those skills disseminated through one off training sessions offered throughout the academic year. These sessions are fun, short and delivered by other students from the university who have been specifically trained by NSLP, the National Student Learning Programme. As well as gaining these skills and the ability to draw out what they mean to you now and in the future you also have the chance to get formal accreditation from the university through the ID scheme detailed on the front page of this edition. DAVE’s team are: Toni Borneo, Charlotte Dawson, Bianca Toy and Scott Farmer. If you think you would like to be a part of the DAVE team and have the ability to offer about 4 hours of your time a week; attend a 3 day residential with other trainers from across the country and can deliver lively interactive training sessions then contact Charlotte Dawson or Scott Farmer: [email protected] | [email protected]

WHAT DOES DAVE OFFER? Here is a comprehensive listing of the training sessions DAVE caters for at the moment along with the learning objectives for each session

ASSERT YOURSELF WORKING WITH OTHERS Identify three behaviour1 types Explain what makes13 an effective team Explain the effects of these behaviours on others Understand and have practiced some of the theories around team roles List the benefits of being assertive Practiced team work through some practical exercises. Identify the techniques for being more assertive

UNDERSTANDING EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES 12BECOMING A WEB WIZARD GETTING IT RIGHT! - EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION Understand2 the meaning of Equality of Opportunity Understand web terminology List different methods of communication Understand and give examples of discriminatory behaviour Understand design issues Understand the importance of using a wide14 range of communication methods Demonstrate an understanding that Equality of Opportunity Create a basic web page Develop and demonstrate a communication strategy should be considered in all activities.

LEADING TO THE TOP BETTER STUDYING “THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT” – YOU CAN BE TOO! Understand the functions of leadership Develop an awareness11 of how you learn best identify the customer care experience Completed a task on leadership 3 Learn some effective study techniques identify who our customers are Produce an action plan for improving your leadership Plan to build some of these techniques into your studying strategy 15identify customer expectations from an action plan

WIN/WIN NEGOTIATIONS PLANNING YOUR EVENT LOBBYING FOR SUCCESS Identify negotiation4 techniques and tools Identify the purpose of your event Identify the different ways to lobby Identify the different stages of negotiation List the things that could go wrong Assess your strengths, weaknesses and potential partners16 Have practiced a negotiation strategy Explain the10 benefits of planning and dividing responsibilities. Plan a lobbying strategy and identify evaluation techniques.

IDEAL PRESENTATIONS MAKING MORE TIME! DON’T CRACK! – (DEALING WITH STRESS) Identify what makes a good or bad presentation Identify where conflicts over time occur List the main causes of stress Identify the different elements of a presentation/speech Evaluate techniques for improving time9 management Identify17 situations in which you feel stressed Focus5 on planning, structuring and delivering a presentation Have conducted a time management/prioritisation exercise Have developed some strategies for combating stress. Set a personal action plan for improved performance

MONEY MONEY MONEY SOLVE-IT LEARNING TO LISTEN! Identify your income and outgoings List the stages that lead to effective problem solving Identify the barriers to listening effectively Be able to produce a budget6 Identify various approaches to problem solving Explain how 18to listen actively Plan for a better financial future Have solved a problem8 Practice listening actively

EFFECTIVE MEETINGS List the things to do before , during and after a meeting Courses to join the project in the near future: Understand the different methods of decision making DJing for Beginners: a course designed to start you off on the road to joining the best in Have conducted a meeting and received feedback on your performance club DJ’s 7 Finding your ideal home: a course for those of you dreading the pitfalls of getting your first shared digs. This course will join people up and guide you along the road avoiding dodgy landlords and ensuring your new home is just the one you want. For information, keep an eye on barefacts 10 UNION 19 September 2002 Roll-up roll-up for freshers’ festival USSU evolution almost upon you

By Charlotte Dawson | vp socs + culture companies. It will be broadcast throughout By Charlotte Dawson The Students’ Union is the new face of Union House so if you here any competitions, extra-curricular University training. Details Yes we know, a festival not in a field without get to their stall. All societies will be After £40,000, the loss of a few walls and of projects run by Education Liaison, mud or bands, but hey, when you’ve got exhibiting so if you have any questions or a huge amount to work from all the staff Marketing, UniSport and the Careers Office Freshers, who needs anything else! Friday want to sign-up, just turn up. All the sports in the Union, the new Students’ Union are available here. It is also the base of 27th September is officially re-named clubs will be having a jolly time over at the is ready for launch. The opening of the the Union run Dave Project and Student “Freshers’ Festival” and it’s your chance Varsity Centre (weather permitting – if its Freshers’ Festival is the opening of the new Volunteering in the community. to see what the Students’ Union can do for pissing down, the Sorts Fayre will be at the area. On Friday of week 3 (27th September) With all the new furniture arriving on you. The Freshers’ Festival will be taking University Sports Hall on Campus). Don’t at 11am there will be a ceremony at the Thursday, (day of publication for barefacts) place over two sites. Union House will worry if you haven’t quite worked out where Stag Hill entrance of Union House. Music, it’s beginning to take shape. There will be be full of societies, commercial stalls and the Varsity Centre is, there will be minibuses balloons and entertainment are provided a hot-desk area for students from societies, services for students and the Sports Clubs shuttling from the Freshers’ Fayre in Union and by using this entrance as the main clubs and the Executive to use with access are at the Varsity Centre. This is your chance House. The Freshers’ Angels will be on hand entrance to the Freshers’ Fayre, we hope to the Union server. For everybody else, to see all of the student run sports clubs and again to help you and direct you around the everyone will come along to see the the University Computing Services are societies and sign up to as many (or as few) building. dramatic changes. providing open-access computer terminals as you want. And to top it all off, the official All continuing students are welcome to It is called simply, “The Students’ Union”, that work in exactly the same way as in launch of the new Students’ Union will open attend Freshers’ Festival too. Each year providing all of the services to students that Austin Pearce and the library. With printers the Freshers’ Fayre at 11am (Read all about the number of clubs and societies increase a Student Union should; activities, welfare, and photocopiers, there is everything a club what the new area can do for you in the so come and see what this year’s activities representation, media and training. or society could want to help them increase article in this barefacts). are. Also, if you have just started here on a One of the biggest changes is the re- awareness of their activities. The Grant GU2, the campus radio station, will be Foundation course, Postgraduate course or location of the Sabbatical Officers. We are Mitchell Committee room is still available covering the whole event so if you tune in to via direct entry to second year, come and now situated in a much more open area. for booking, but a new smaller meeting 1350AM on the day, you’ll here interviews find out how we can help you to enrich your In the all-new, Hi-Tec, air-conditioned room is also available. with students, sabbaticals and commercial life at Surrey. Media Centre you will find everyone who’s If you think we are crazy for doing this involved in the running of barefacts, GU2 then think again. Unions are developing 10 REASONS TO GO TO FRESHERS’ FESTIVAL Sign up to societies and sports clubs | Freebies | It’s your chance to see what Student Services there are on and the website. Sports & Societies are now across the country. This repositioning has campus | Meet like-minded people and talk about something other than your course | Freebies | Its your first together in the “cage” and VP Education not just aided the quality and vibrancy chance to buy the new range of casual clothing offered by the Union | Pick up an application form for part- & Welfare has a closed office to provide of University life and enhanced active time work in the Union (Bars & Catering) | Sign up for your NUS discount card for money off at HMV, Top a confidential service. To see any of us, participation and development in support Shop and many other retailers | Freebies | Because all work and no play makes you a very dull student just pop in or come along at the advertised of academic studies, but also increased the surgery times. If you want to make an reputation and appeal of their institutions appointment, please contact the relevant to the students who arrive at University officer directly. In the Students’ Union expecting a more thorough level of you will also find all our non-commercial development during their academic careers. support staff, Andy, Alli, Scott and Kris Keep up to date on developments in here. To look after us and to help with barefacts every week. Next week: lots of any of your enquiries, we have the lovely lovely pictures! Alison Beesley, receptionist extraordinaire. FRESHERS FESTIVAL FRIDAY 27TH SEPTEMBER 11AM TO 5PM official launch of the new students’ union 11am stag hill entrance Freshers Fayre Sports Fayre

venue | union house venue | varsity centre

[the big building with [if wet, then it will be ‘students’ union’ written in the sports centre on on it] campus]

societies sports clubs student services UniSport companies UniS sports league free stuff free stuff 19 September 2002 PROFESSIONAL PAGE 11

THIS IS THE new professional page - a section dedicated to helping you find a career. Each week, we will have Dr Russ from the careers service with his advice, a profile of a student Do you know exactly placement and, from the Alumni office, a profile of a student who has graduated from UniS. what you’d like to do? If you have any comments please e-mail [email protected] A DEGREE OF uncertainty: If you know the answers to what should I do with my these sorts of questions the This weeks careers & skills talks degree? That may sound like business of choosing a career a ridiculous question. After becomes so much easier. It also JOB HUNTING AS A MATURE STUDENT GETTING STARTED* all, you may well have come to takes some of the strain out of MONDAY 23 SEPTEMBER | 1pm LT A WEDNESDAY 25 SEPTEMBER | 2pm LT B Surrey to do a degree which you filling out application forms and Russ Clark will provide practical advice on This workshop will help you to get started if knew would lead to a particular answering probing interview coping with some of the pitfalls, problems you are undecided about your future career. job. All that remains is for you questions. and prejudices which mature students GOVERNMENT ECONOMIC SERVICE* to find the right employer and DR RUSS CLARK What kind of person are you? sometimes face when they graduate. away you go. Sometimes it is What are your strengths and THURSDAY 26 SEPTEMBER | 6.30 PM LT E that straightforward - but not weaknesses? If you have Details of opportunities for graduates with at least a 2nd in economics or a related degree with always. What about all those jobs difficulty in answering these HOW TO GET THE JOB YOU WANT you could consider which For example, do you know questions there are a number TUESDAY 24 SEPTEMBER | 6pm LT F a 50% economics content. exactly what you’d like to do? If take graduates from any of things the Careers Service Glynis Paxton, Careers Adviser, will discuss your degree is scientific, do you degree? can do to help. A chat with a how to go about your job hunting effectively, RAF ENGINEERING go for research, development, careers adviser could be useful. when to do it, how to use the Careers Fair, THURSDAY 26 SEPTEMBER | 6.15 PM LT M analysis, technical writing, information You could try Prospects Planner - a computer and what makes a successful job hunting Details of the role and responsibilities of strategy. professional engineers in the RAF as well as the science ...... ? If it’s engineering, do you program which gets you to think about your training and employment structure. Open to all plump for consulting, contracting, design, interests, skills, abilities and values before engineering and related disciplines. project management ...... ? If it’s human suggesting occupations for you to consider. studies, do you opt for research, management, We also have single sheets of information *Please register with Careers by email [email protected], or in person. finance, teaching ...... ? And what about all called “Your degree in .....” which give you those jobs you could consider which take an idea of the skills you may have picked up graduates from any degree - just how do you through your degree. Finally, the workshops choose what’s best for you! Personality and Career Choice and Getting Of Explanation Therapy The secret lies in knowing what kind of Started focus very much on discovering your person you are. Are you a bit of a loner personal qualities. or incredibly sociable? Are you good with In my next article, I’ll talk about ways you figures or pretty useless? Is writing one of can make the leap from knowing what sort and New Beginnings your strong points or do you run a mile at the of person you are to choosing a career that mention of an essay or a report? would really suit you. I’VE COME TO the conclusion that it’s universal. I thought it was only me that understood things much better when I explained them to someone else. Like in lacement lectures: I’ll vaguely pick up the idea, try to explain it to someone who wasn’t at the lecture and everything will suddenly click. I used to joke in the sixth form that S EAK people didn’t need me to talk to - that they would do just as well if I had a cardboard cut-out of myself at the desk. One of my AUL LIFF P C mates at the time would turn to me and say Toxicology Masters something like ‘What’s 24 times 7?’ and words: philip howard Graduated 1997 I’d wait...1...2...3...4...‘168, isn’t it?’. Nod. Grin. ‘Cardboard cut-out answer’ I’d say. backP and look at it. Analyse it. And over WHEN CHOOSING TO come to the University of Surrey He’d grin and carry on. But that was just the that week, people who’d worked at NPL for in 1992 to study for a Biochemistry with Toxicology degree, start - the New Beginnings in the title is a years learnt things I was being taught, from the course reputation and Professional Training Year option reference to my starting my placement year each other. So I’d say try it. Try explaining where two of the most attractive selling points. It had been my a couple of weeks ago, and the cardboard something you don’t quite understand to ambition for many years to pursue a career in Forensics but I was cut-out answer has resurfaced, in a newer someone who doesn’t understand at all, and conscious of the need to keep an open mind. During the 14 months I spent at the Analytical form. I’m calling it Explanation Therapy. you’ll teach yourself. I think I understand and Forensic Toxicology Unit of St. George’s Hospital Medical School, I was given the ‘It’s just a new version of a problem Explanation Therapy better now, so thanks. opportunity to explore many aspects of both clinical and forensic laboratory work, and shared...’ they all cry. Ah but no. It’s more And so to New Beginnings: I’m having to allowed flexibility to focus on areas of greatest interest. This fluid approach to the placement than that. That makes someone feel better get up early in the mornings, and I have no was instrumental in confirming my choice of career and propelled me toward the final year about a problem. This helps them resolve Internet access to wile away the small hours with a keen sense of purpose and enthusiasm. After completing the course, I continued at it. As I’m sure anyone who’s started a job of the morning. No cable TV either, but I do Surrey for several years, studying for a Unilever sponsored MSc in Toxicology and a period at an institution like the National Physical have my little pc so I’ll be writing a fair bit of postgraduate research with Astra Zeneca, before joining the Surrey Police force as a Laboratory (where I’ve just started mine) over the course of the year (in an attempt to Scientific Support Officer. Following my initial post in the Chemical Treatment Laboratory will tell you, people gabble on a lot at the make up for not writing in my first 2 years of the Fingerprint Bureau, I transferred to the Scenes of Crime department in August 2001 start. In my first week I spent at least 4 days at Surrey. I’ll continue to harangue and and am currently based on division as an operational officer responsible for the forensic being led around the department, standing frequent the bulletin board (go to ussu.co.uk investigation of crime. Among the many exciting opportunities available, the highlight was there whilst information whistled past my and click ‘bulletin board’ - ed) and put my involvement with the cold case review of the murder of a 14 year old schoolboy, Roy ears at a thousand confusions a minute. Nod. forward odd suggestions on topics you may Tuthill, near Dorking in 1968. In the examination of crime scene exhibits preserved from ‘Mmhmm’. ‘Yeah, I see’. ‘And that’s...?’. never have thought to discuss and continue the original enquiry, I was able to recover forensic evidence used in the conviction of Bryan But it has been interesting because the to hurl deep questions from the sidelines. Lunn Field at the Old Bailey, more than 30 years after the crime had been committed. Explanation Therapy kicks in. You stand It’s a good way to keep up with what’s going On a lighter note, the sphere of extra-curricular activities available at Surrey, which and listen for long enough, nudge them on on around campus and allows you that bit of included a year as the Sports Editor of Bare Facts, former Club Captain of the Football Club a little further than they were going to go, anonymity to stretch your philosophical legs and Chairman of UniS Old Boys F.C., make the Surrey Graduate a very attractive option to and they start exploring. The tone goes from without the back-lash of a personal history potential employers. instructional to discursive to questioning, or allegiance. At least, that’s what I think. For more information on careers in Surrey Police or Forensic Science please feel free to exploring. I think when most people are Right, can I book another therapy session, contact Paul on his work email address at [email protected]. forced to explain something they have step same time next week? CHOICES COMPETITION

barearts goes to the tickets for turnmills! theare: likes it! bonza! barearts goes to the dangermouse dvd! cinema: doesn’t like it cripes! nearly as much! easy question! directed by Doug Liman the Bourne identity starring Matt Damon, Franka Potente, Chris Cooper, Clive Owen

Stories about characters with memory loss usually make for good drama, whether the loss explores scenes of poignancy, comedy or action. In Christopher Nolan’s “Memento,” Guy Pearce inhabits the role of a man with short-term memory loss who tries to keep his life in order while avenging his wife’s murder. In Bille August’s “A Song for Martin,” a noted composer-conductor enjoying a late-life marriage is stricken with a swiftly-growing case of Alzheimer’s, forcing his wife, a professional violinist, to give up her career to care for him. “The Bourne Identity” is not poignant or sentimental: thrillers like this usually far from it, in fact; but what it is, is entertaining and a film that deosn’t take itself too seriously. The movie opens as a man (Matt Damon) is found wounded and floating atop the Mediterranean Sea. He has no memory of who he is or how he got there. Tracking down his stored belongings in a Zurich bank from the account number printed on his body, he is shocked to discover that, although his real name is Jason Bourne, he has a series of false passports, a large sum of cash from several different countries, and two guns. Jason soon finds himself, and a down-on-her-luck German student whom he pays $20,000 to for driving him to his apartment in Paris, on the run from CIA agents. After seemingly botching his last job as an assassin working for them, the CIA, led by boss Ted Conklin, wants to wipe Jason out for good to save their own skin. As an internationally-flavored, big-budget vehicle for Matt Damon (2001’sOcean’s Eleven), The Bourne Identity is a success. Unlike the miscalculated Ben Affleck starringThe Sum of All Fears. avoids underestimating its audience and never completely asks for credibility. Most refreshing is an opening thirty minutes that, with only roughly one minute total of dialogue, tells its story fully through the action of its lead character and the tightness of the screenplay. Several of the action scenes boast striking showmanship and technical ingenuity. Matt Damon: unaware of the big thumb about to squash him A chase through the Zurich bank has a hair-raising payoff on the outside ledge of the building; a ruthless fight to the death amidst a deadened field of broken-down cornstalks pumps suspense into its every shot; and the inevitable car chase is the most exciting of its kind since 1998’s “Ronin,” which this film seems to have liberally borrowed from. The sequence in which hit-men are summoned from all over Europe is a particular highlight. If everything moves with expert smoothness for the bulk of the running time, the last half-hour is a bit of a letdown. When Marie exits the story just before the climax, so does the intimately drawn human element that made Jason such a keen lead presence. The final shoot-out is especially disappointing as the movie resorts strictly to cliches without offering up anything new to the pot. If we were to be slightly critical, then elements of the story-line are also left somewhat open. If The Bourne Identity ultimately does not fulfill the promise it so clearly had, but is still good entertainment with a rare brain “So the inventor of the mini was a graduate of the University of Surrey?” in its head; it offers up enough crisp action set-pieces, notable performances, and deliciously offbeat musical cues to weather Franka Potente gives Matt Damon a handy fact or two for a pub quiz its occasional shortcomings. words: richard watts

This time around, writer-director M. Night Shyamalan puts children feel like mirror images of Close Encounter’s Cary the surprise at the beginning of his film, and it’s a subtle, Guffey, who shed a tear for his alien abductors. That Mel shimmering clue: one easily missed and, frankly, one that Gibson is entirely believable as a father and as a father (in might not even be there at all. Such are the temptations Signs the religious sense of the word) is a testament to Shyamalan offered by the maker of The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable: directed by M. Night Shyamalan and shows that, in the same way as he did with Bruce even if there is nothing there to see, the audience still starring Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix, Rory Culkin Willis in Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, he can distort the want to believe that what they are seeing isn’t quite what’s audiences perceptions of what they have come to expect of happening; they are bound to read between the script’s green men? Ultimately, is there any need for an invasion said actors. lines, filling in the blanks with what theythink is taking at the end of a movie when, up to that point, it had been an Not to spoil anything - because however you choose to place rather than watching what’s actually unfolding. interesting observation of a man and his struggle with faith interpret Signs, you wind up at precisely the same point Because there are no dead shrinks talking to kids who and its requirements? - it’s possible that the “invasion” at the end of the film is see dead people, because there are no superfly villains in Probably not. That is what is so disappointing about Shyamalan’s deeper meaning, and somehow symbolises wheelchairs, they are left instead to guess and speculate Signs. It was all just a little bit too convenient and Gibson’s relationship with God, his kids, his brother, his as the film develops: are they really witnessing an alien coincidental – maybe the twist could have been that there dead wife and the man who accidentally killed her. It invasion, a crisis of faith only dolled up in sarcastic though was no real ending... is perhaps him suggesting that to hate God is at least to deeply spiritual latex drag or just a big pile of steaming One minor gripe, aside from the plot, is that whole acknowledge the existence of a higher power. In Signs, pooh? scenes appear to have been lifted from Close Encounters, something comes from above - only it may not be little Just as crop circles appear in a Pennsylvania cornfield including one involving a meal (complete with mashed green men, just a Big Guy who doesn’t need spaceships to owned by a reverend who has lost his wife and his faith in a potatoes) around the dinner table. Even the precocious make contact. That it took little green men in the first place six-month period, TV networks across the world broadcast is the disappointing bit. around-the-clock footage of strange lights in the night sky. Crop circles appear around the globe overnight; the earth’s population begins to panic, fearing the inevitable end of the world. Then there are repeated glimpses of aliens. When viewed simply as a straightforward genre picture, Signs is a somber, low-key kick - the art-house equivalent of Independence Day, except nowhere near as good. It’s those glimpses of aliens that you need to note, there – does a film really need to have images of tall green men with elongated, black oval eyes running around, with large, talon-like nails scratching at pantry doors and small children? Does a film that is supposedly attempting to entertain on several different levels (character, image, faith etc.) really have to acquit itself of any decency by insulting an audience’s capacity of accepting so much with little Macauly Culkin’s brother? A female cop with her hand on my ass? Shit. 19 September 2002 FILM 13

all words: stew fudge Welcome once again to the all new film Classic of the week section, which inculdes the next “classic The title of this movie comes from The plot revolves around Alex, of the week” and the second instalment an old Cockney expression, “as a teenage hooligan in a near- of “In Wit’ Me Mates”, a sort of guide to queer as a clockwork orange,” future Britain, who is captured some old and not-quite-so-old videos you meaning very strange or unusual. by the police and jailed. There he can pick up in any good (or probably bad) The film is based on the novelA volunteers to be a guinea pig for a video store. You’ve got the drinks, you Clockwork Orange, published by new aversion therapy proposed have the munchies and, of you’re lucky, Anthony Burgess in 1962. A by the government to make room you have the friends to sit down with – all Clockwork Orange originally in prisons for political prisoners. you need now is the film...which is where earned an X rating from the ‘Cured’ of his hooliganism and “This casting a shadow the shape of an animal is a lot harder I come in. So sit back and see if you fancy Motion Picture Association released he is rejected by his than it looks on the tele isn’t it?” any of my suggestions. (Of course, if you orange of America for its sexuality friends and relatives. Eventually, don’t, you could always e-mail me and tell and violence. A year nearly dying, he becomes a me: [email protected]). This week, the after its release, Kubrick major embarrassment for the common theme is movies with a twist... replaced thirty seconds government who arrange to Brad Pitt: gets himself a cigarette and a six-pack of the film in order cure him of his cure. Alex’s to get the rating changed to an R. journey from amoral punk to The film caused a scandal when it brainwashed proper citizen forms the “A thousand sit-ups a day?” was released in England and was dynamic arc of Stanley Kubrick’s “Yup” ILM blamed for several deaths and acts future-shock vision of AnthonyF of violence. In 1974, Kubrick asked Burgess’ novel. Incidentally, did you Warner Bros. to remove the film know that Burgess based most of the from distribution in England and Droogs’ slang on Russian, calling it was not shown there (legally) it “nadsat,” which is the Russian again until 2000. Kubrick became word for “teen”, and that the famous incensed that his work was seen as subway scene, in which the old man pro-violence when his intention was gets mugged, was screened in a now for it to act as a warning against it. closed underpass in Leeds.

clockwork Greetings all - this week I would like to test your rapidly decomposing brains with some movies that have truly superb plots and without fail make at least one person in the room go “ I knew it!” The problem with reviewing these types of movies is that you don’t want to give too much away, so just take a chance on my esteemed opinion. Firstly we have a possibly my favourite movie of all time - The Usual Suspects; this film is absolutely brilliant, I can’t recommend it enough…however you have to be sober in order to follow the story and really enjoy this one. Then there is Fight Club; again a great film about a fight club, funny enough, that turns into a terrorist organisation and almost corrupts America…more. This film has something for everyone, a bit of violence (well quite a bit actually), a bit of humour, a great story and a very toned Brad Pitt as eye candy for the ladies. Lastly I feel I must give a mention for Sixth Sense. Although I think Bruce Willis should stick to action movies, he does give a good performance in this fantastic thriller about a young whipper-snapper that sees dead people, directed by the very same man who In wit’ me mates directed this week’s reviewed Signs.

pictures from paLestiNe a view of life under occupation Pictures from Palestine is the resulting work of a two week Magma arts project with the children of Wadi Foquin. Established in 1984, Magma works nationally and internationally to develop creative ability in all disciplines and with all people groups mentoring, generating new artistic material, awakening a vision and bringing people together. Magma has grown out of the recognition that the arts are an extraordinary way of exploring our lives, both spiritual and physical. The stories told in Wadi Foquin and this exhibition demonstrates the persistence of humanity to celebrate life in all circumstances. The beauty and heartache of Palestinian daily life comes alive in these images from the people behind the headlines. Through fabric- work, collage and charcoal drawings, the children tell their story of ordinary lives in extra ordinary circumstances. Pictures from Palestine runs from 23rd September to 4th October at The Theatre in Leatherhead. For information and travel requirements, contact 01372 365120. Admission is free. THE LEWIS ELTON Art Art GALLERY

The current exhibition at the Lewis Elton Art Gallery (the building opposite the entrance to the psychology and sociology department) is a series of paintings by three local artists, each of whom are members of the Royal Institute of Painters in Water Colours. Charles Bone, a former president of the Institute and governor of the Mall Gallery in London, Lisa Graa Jensen and Terry McKivragan all have works displayed there and the exhibition runs until 26th September. Admission is free. Opening hours: 10am-5pm Monday to Friday, 2-5pm at weekends. 16 THEATRE 19 September 2002

THE RIVALS TRAVELS WITH MY AUNT BY RICHARD BRINSLEY SHERIDAN Theatre BY GRAHAM GREENE directed by Knight Mantell directed by Richard Baron starring Gabrielle Drake, Michael Jayston, Kate O’ Mara starring Gary Wilmot, Clive Francis, Jeffrey Holland, Andrew Greenough

The Rivals is a play teeming with mistaken identity, amorous confusion and laughter set in Graham Greene claimed that Travels With My Aunt was the only novel he wrote “for the the 18th century fashionable spa town of Bath. Written by Richard Brinsely Sheridan, it is a fun of it”, and this adaptation is a fantasy-fuelled adventure containing only four actors popular comedy crafted with tools of wit, satire and an array of characters so polarised their playing the 24 characters. It is the story of a rather dull little man from an ordinary London resulting meetings can only be humorous. suburb with not much more on his mind than how best to grow his dahlias. At his mother’s The play revolved around one Mrs Malaprop, an infamous queen of the dictionary and funeral he meets his redoubtable and flambouyant Aunt Augusta and life soon takes a turn well-to-do lady. She soon becomes horrified when her niece falls in love with a penniless for the madcap better (including secret agents, money launderers, art smugglers and Latin half-wit and demands that she marries a much more eligible suitor. Unbeknown to both lovers). lady and niece, the gentleman is one and the same person... Travels With My Aunt is at the Yvonne Arnaud theatre from Monday 30th September. For The production is one by Kate O’ Mara’s British Actores Theatre Company, which has tickets and information, contact the box office on [01483] 440000. enjoyed previous successes with Anthony & Cleopatra and The Taming of the Shrew, and is running in association with the Theatre Royal Windsor. The Rivals is running at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre from Monday 23rd September until Saturday 28th September. For tickets and information, contact the box office on [01483] 440000. Prices start from £11 (not including concessions).

LIFE X 3 BY YASMINA REZA directed by Jennie Darnell starring Belinda Lang, David Haig, Serena Evans, David Elland

To see familiar stars of the Yelland of Dalziel and Pascoe it has to compete little due mately, the male charac- television screen acting to such a magnificent, witty script and, it would have to be ters’ careers as astronomi- in front of you and per- said, masterful acting. cal physicists was always forming is an interesting Working loosely to the same formula as the Gwyneth going to lead to discussion proposition: at first, you Paltrow release Sliding Doors, Life x 3 is exactly that: three of the meaning of life cannot help but think of different scenarios flowing from the same initial situation. and what worth all of this the characters that they Henri is a struggling physicist who relies on Hubert for the life really is; you get the have portrayed on screen possibility of a promotion. His uncertain and somewhat feeling, perhaps, that the and thus any performance unassertive manner is counterbalanced by Hubert’s ar- point is merely the fact they give on stage loses rogant, brash nature and, throughout the play, his suitability that the mundane can be so somewhat of its effect. As to Henri’s wife Sonia is constantly referred to (to the point exciting - Hubert even say as much: “it is precisely exciting the experience of theatre of suggested aldutery). This is further added to by Henri’s because it is so mundane.” That a small child is trying to over-rides you, however, so undeniable similarities to Hubert’s wife, Ines. This seem- go to sleep throughout the entire play is a testament to this. the individual fades to the ing mix-up in marriage arrangements contributes perpetu- An intensely yummy evening during which, whether you distance and the character ally to the play and compliments the main career-based plot like it or not, you do end up discussing quite what you - that which was previously with the majority of the humour originating from exchang- think about galaxies and the such-like. The focus on wot- so elusive - comes to the es between the various mis-matches. Hubert’s chauvinism sits and chocolate fingers in the play, therefore, allows you fore, projecting their woes, peaks, gestures, grimaces and is also a fine source of wit and sarcasm; comments such as a comfortable exit point at which you can discuss how good any other subtle characterisations that simply do not carry “what we need is women you can switch off every once in the actors were and that it is nice to see them in real life. on television. a while” exemplifying his usual tone to his wife. Incidentally, the change between each scenario was really Life x 3 is a perfect example of how the play itself is The problem with a play having such finely funny mo- quite stylish - employing both music and quite dashing enhanced by, instead of overshadowed by, its prominent ments in it is that, by the time the sentimentality comes lighting effects - and show that the beauty of this produc- cast. Boasting Belinda Lang of 2 point 4 children fame, around, you are always looking for the next laugh, slightly tion, which originated at the National Theatre, is in its sim- David Haig and Serena Williams of The Thin Blue Line (the queasy that more serious issues and uncomfortable silences plicity: four actors, one set and metaphysical ponderings of former a star of Four Weddings and a Funeral) and David are starting to pepper the dialogue more frequently. Ulti- an infinitesimal kind. words: richard watts

“Life x 3” is running at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre until Saturday. For tickets, contact the box office on [01483] 44 00 00. Tickets are available. Other Listings Lunchtime recitals Guildford Institute talks

There will be a free concert for all staff and A talk will be given by Hugh R. Edgar new students of the university on Wednesday entitled “Life in Service 1905-14” at he 25th September in the PATS studio one at Guildford Institute in Ward Street on 5.30pm. It will be performed by the Gemini Wednesday 25th September at 2.45pm. Mr Ensemble, of which Ian Mitchell is the Edgar was the butler in eth recent channel director and is a unique opportunity to meet four documentary The Edwardian House the University’s new artists in residence. and his talk will focus on this amazing It is an informal event in the intimate experience. An architect in real life, he has surroundings of Studio One where they will designed several well-known building in and be playing pieces by Grainger, Milhaud, around the area. Bach, Bartok and Maxwell Davies. Admission is free, but a ticket is required. They are available now from the performing arts building. 19 September 2002 LITERATURE 17

AUTHOR OF THE WEEK Literature Roddy Doyle classic | grapes of wrath | john steinbeck A former school teacher, Roddy Doyle is one of the premiere literary voices of modern Ireland. His novels, all dialogue-driven character tales of Dublin’s working class, are First published in 1939 family lose their tenant farm in Oklahoma acclaimed for their wit, honesty and lack of sentimentality. Moreover, critics praise Although many of his works deserve note, they join thousands of others, traveling the Doyle as a pillar of what the Washington Post calls “the Ireland of the EU...more U2 than including Of Mice and Men and Tortilla narrow concrete highways of the Mid-West lovelorn tenor, more working man than Quiet Man.” His adaptations of his books for film Flat, John Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath toward California and the dream of a piece and television have boosted Doyle’s popularity in America, drawing comparisons to the is perhaps his work most deserving of the of land to call their own. Each night on the playwrights Brendan Behan and Sean O’Casey. title “the Great American road, they and their fellow migrants Doyle’s students at the working class school where he first taught were the inspiration Novel”. Steinbeck’s tale of recreate society: leaders are chosen, for his first novelThe Commitments. Self published, the bawdy tale of a young band the Joad family’s travails unspoken codes of privacy and “committed” to bringing soul music to Ireland spread by word of mouth and established through the Dust Bowl not generosity evolve and lust, violence Doyle as gifted writer of ensemble dialogue and urban colloquial speech. The novel was only manages to evoke and murderous rage erupt. In such an international success which Doyle co-adapted, now infamously due to that scene for the the hardship of the Great a way does Steinbeck unleash screen in 1991. Directed by Alan Parker (Pink Floyd’s The Wall, Mississippi Burning), the Depression and its effects his cutting criticism of American The Snapper and The Van, were similarly well received, often praising Doyle’s ability to on the American people as democracy and plea for America skillfully portray women and family relationships. Doyle set these three books in working a whole, but also acts as to aspire to the spiritual ideal of class Barrytown (based on the North Dublin of his childhood) and had each feature a a stinging indictment of democracy it once held. member of the cantankerous Rabbitte family. Penguin published them in one volume, The laissez-faire capitalism and A portrait of the bitter conflict Barrytown Trilogy, in 1995. The Van was nominated for the Booker Prize in 1991 and a cry for a more vibrant between the powerful and the from this point, Doyle considered leaving the teaching profession, finally quitting on the democratic community. powerless, The Grapes of Wrath tells of publication day of his next novel, Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha. The story of Padraic Clarke, In stark and moving detail, the lives one man’s fierce reaction to injustice and an adventurous boy whose parents’ marriage is crumbling, reached #1 on the New York of ordinary people striving to preserve of a woman’s quiet, stoical strength; it is Times Bestseller list and won the Booker Prize in 1993. The Los Angeles Times called it “a their humanity in the face of social and a landmark of American literature - one masterwork of shadowed indirection that shows us how being a 10-year-old is a full time economic desperation are portrayed with that captures the horrors of the Great job.” Critics also compared Paddy Clarke to James Joyce’s Portrait of the Artist as a Young sympathy and conveyed simply through Depression as it probes into the very nature Man An admirer of Joyce, Doyle nonetheless felt uncomfortable with the praise. the use of symbolism. When the Joad of equality and justice in America. The Woman Who Walked into Doors represented a sobering departure from the ribald comedy of his earlier work. The book is told almost as a confession, as protagonist Paula Spencer relates her courtship with Charlo, an abusive man who has been killed while The University of Surrey Book Circle is an informal group that meets in the Willow committing a kidnapping. Critics and readers alike praised Doyle’s skill in dealing with a Room of Wates House approximately once a month to discuss a book of a member’s controversial gender issue from a female point of view. The novel grew out of Family, a choice. Many of the books discussed are modern novels but classics, non-fiction books 1994 mini-series he wrote for BBC television. Its release made national news in Ireland of interest or volumes of poetry are sometimes chosen. Ideas and reactions are shared on as statesmen, critics and viewers rebuked Doyle for what seemed an unnecessarily harsh a Monday from 5.30-7pm. The Book Circle is open to staff, students and members of the portrait of domestic violence. public and new members are always welcome. Doyle’s next novel, A Star Called Henry is the first volume of a planned historical trilogy The first meeting will be on Monday, 23rd September (week 3), at which The First Man by entitled The Last Roundup. It tells the early-life story of Henry Smart, a soldier in the 1916 Albert Camus will be discussed. Easter Uprising who later becomes an assassin for the IRA. Again, the novel made the best- The First Man offers an incredibly moving account of Camus’ poverty-stricken childhood seller lists and received almost universal critical praise. Doyle also made headlines a few in Algeria, the love of his silent mother and the remarkable figure of an old schoolteacher months later by penning his first original screenplayWhen Brendan met Trudy, a romantic who saved him from ignorance. Camus was working on a manuscript version of the book comedy released in the United States in early 2001. when he was killed in a car accident with hid publisher Michel Gallimard. The First Man Book To Start With: The Barrytown books are ideal leisure time or before bed reads. was first published in 1995 to international acclaim. If you like Roddy Doyle try: James Joyce – the original Irish voice. Books for future discussion include The Birth of Tragedy by Frederich Nietzsche, Touching the Void by Joe Simpson and How to Be Good by Nick Hornby.

free stuff! free stuff! free stuff! free stuff! free stuff! Competition[s] free stuff!

Well, we’re here once again: there are priz- we were hoping for some clever stuff, but Anyway, what I am getting at is that I think will be announced next week, because the es to be won and, according to the number instead we got the usual (which, for the you should enter this week’s competition, deadline for entry is on Tuesday of week of entries that were received last week, no- purposes of not influencing little children, becasue you could win one of two copies of three. The judge will be a random member one seems to want to win anything. There we will not include here). The moral of this the new Dangermouse dvd. (I think it may of the public plucked from the streets. were no more than three entires for last story being lost somewhere along the way. be the only dvd, actually, but never mind). week’s fandabidosi prize of a Muse dvd and Please note that the prizes have been do- Incidentally, we are also giving away some fridge magnets. nated by the very kind souls at Quite Great! free USSU clothing, which is so wonder- Now, not wanting to win the Muse dvd I Publicity and that lots of videos and dvd’s fully exhibited in the news section. For can half understand: why would you neces- and the such-like were released at the start your chance to win any one of the range of sarily want a live concert of one of the most of this month (in all good stores). clothing, it goes a little like this: exciting bands around at the moment when you have more important and pressing In order to win the prize, simply answer what does USSU stand for? issues to be dealing with? But the fridge this question: magnets? Come on people, get a grip Again, send in your e-mails to here and show me some endeavour - the what was the name amount of fun to be had with a set of fridge of DM’s sidekick? [email protected] magents... An example story, perhaps? There was and it you’ve won then we’ll let you know this time when there was a party hosted by Wednesday of week three. at my very own humble abode and it was (The only catch with the last bit is that decided that, in order to see what sort of you may have to have your picture taken people we had in the house, we’d get them and will therefore have to look smiley each to write something on the fridge using Q and happy and shiny and teh such-like. A (you guessed it) fridge magnets. Now, If you think you know the answer, then e- trauma, I know, but what the hey - everyone thinking it to be a farily intelligent bunch, mail [email protected]. The winners should live a little), 18 MUSIC 19 September 2002

Of all the bits in barearts, it’s probably the music bit that most people have qualms with. We’re still not quite sure what to do with it, so if you have any suggestions then please Music let us know. Even better, why not tell us what you are listening to and see what everyone else thinks. Same as last week, you’ll notice. SPACE WALK If you enjoy chatting about music, be sure to log on to the bulletin board - a muzik sec- lemon jelly | XL tion awaits especially. bb.ussu.co.uk

LUKE SLATER Long associated with not only tender, i can complete you | mute soothing music but sleeve-work and visual excellence, Lemon Jelly return to the For a man hailed by many as one of musical affray with this gentle journey into SINGLES the “heroes” of the techno scene after space. its stagnation in the mid-90’s, this is a Swirling strings and continual crescendos surprisingly poor effort and a strange so often typify ‘ambient’ music, and so POSITIVITY choice for a single. After receiving yet to experience Lemon Jelly is to discover suede | epic more critical acclaim for his latest album music that does not just have to be put on Alright On Top, this single is extremely in the background but instead can replace a The press-release reads that it is “time to disappointing for a supposed innovator. conversation and hold your attention for the get excited again” because of the return Innovation is just about the last word I entirety of its duration. of Suede. Positivity, the first single from would use to describe this slice of 80’s That their artwork will capture your the album A New Morning, does not quite, styled synth-pop. Derivative beats and crap attention in a record store is granted – to unfortunately, reach anywhere near the vocoders make me wonder if Luke has just purchase the disc and actually listen to it, heights of “exciting” and is instead not- discovered Dance-Ejay on his Dads PC. therefore, will be no less than a pleasant quite three minutes of tired, repetitive riff. four surprise. eight Reminiscent of She’s in Fashion, it is hard to see if Suede have moved on at all from Head Music and suggests that they are beginning to sound the ten year old history they have accumulated. We wait to see if the album has any new surprises. four

WASTED & READY Above and below: smug ben kweller | 679 OPEN HEART ZOO NEVER BE ALONE martin grech | interscope The endless comparisons to Weezer, and in simian | source particular their lead singer Rivers Cuomo, This second single from teenager Martin is the stuff of justification: lyrics such as A hybrid, if ever it was possible, of Japan Grech’s imminent debut album is both “I have lost control – all I want to do is and Pulp, Never Be Alone takes a wee dramatic and accomplished in equal rock and roll” recalling Blue Weezer and element of electronica and adds that measures. Fans of Jeff Buckley will enjoy the days of Buddy Holly as readily as Ed slightly driving, Common People drum beat the obvious similarities in their falsetto Harcourt’s She Fell Into My Arms. Beyond with the line “we are your friends: you’ll singing styles. The grand sounding strings those associations, however, lies an ability never be alone again” such that your head give Open Heart Zoo an unusual feel, to arrange a song such that, when the solo nods and your toe taps. A nice feature of imagine any imposing song from cult acoustic guitar and voice returns, you this single is the instrumental second track, movie Scarface. The decision to license the cannot help but to listen to Kweller’s ode to which, on closer listening, reveals just how song for use in an advert is questionable; his ‘slut’ girlfriend and feel like it is being much the vocal line actually contributes to one thing however is clear, Grech is no said only for the first time. this otherwise simple track. Not exactly wannabe Moby. A bright future beckons. Arguably Rivers Cuomo; potentially Elliot resounding, but quite entertaining. six eight Smith. six + half

TURNMILLS COMPETITION COMPETITION barefacts has 5 Pair’s of VIP tickets to giveaway for The Gallery. All the tickets will be for the night below - so if Turnmills offers the most innovative selection of resident you want to go, then enter: quite easy. DJ’s to have ever graced the UK club scene. Namely, Roger Sanchez, Tall Paul, Danny Rampling, Fergie, J Majik, Tom Plus lucky runners-up will receive a Duty Free Records Goody Stephan, Sister Bliss, Fabio, CJ Mackintosh, Lottie and bag - containing lots of CD’s by Tall Paul, Fergie etc!!! Norman Jay. Charming, cosmopolitan and forever endearing... Turnmills is the most established Student Nightclub in London FRIDAY 4TH OCT ‘02 and every weekend of the year we host the most legendary and THE GALLERY diverse club nights ever seen in the capital. Just ask Roger Room 1: NICK WARREN | MARCO V | GUY ORNADEL | MARGARET DYGAS Sanchez what he thinks: “Turnmills is my house!” DARREN CHRISTIAN Room 2: LATINAIRES Presents...ARIEL | EL NINO | OLI SABILL FREE STUDENT MEMBERSHIP (PORTUGAL) | ADRIANO (BRASIL) | ANGELA (CHILE) | GUILLERMO

Turnmills is offering FREE Student Membership to all of our In order to win the night out, simply answer the following Q: weekend club nights. This includes The Gallery on Fridays, City Loud, Metrogroove, Roach, In Session and Release Q >>> The Gallery celebrated its birthday in April, Yourself on Saturdays. This amazing offer entitles Students to cheaper admission, full access to the Membership Bar, plus but how old were they? 6, 7 or 8? the luxury of walking straight to the front of the queue. Look out for more great competitions in the following weeks Simply let Turnmills know you are coming down to the club, in barefacts from Turnmills, plus an exclusive interview with go to the Membership desk and exchange your details for your Roach resident DJ Tom Stephan Student Membership card. 19 September 2002 MUSIC 19

WE ARE THE BOGGS WE ARE THEY THREW US ALL IN A TRENCH AND PUT A the boggs | arena rock MONUMENT ON TOP the liars | blast first With an opening track that brings back ALBUMS hearty memories of Swamp Thing – the Touted in Q magazine as a tip for the dance track that was popular some time in This week’s offerings are, admittedly, a little top shelf, but it goes without saying that these top, New York’s The Liars debut album teh nineties – it is easy to dismiss The Boggs will be the bands you may very well talking about it in a few months. That’s what we’re is an exciting affair that borrows equally (who really do leave themselves open to here for... from Pavement, Modest Mouse and, more attack with a name like that) as tremolo- commercially (though tenuously), The Jam. picking, folk nonsense. Which wouldn’t be words by: alex read THE REMOTE PART Aside from the thirty-minute final track and so inaccurate a description. simon robinson idlewild | parlophone some decidedly rubbish (or good, depending On the first listening, ‘We Are...’ never jon swarbrick | duncan hills on the way you feel about pretension) song really gets going (apart from in a barn- matty b | richard watts A lot of potential buyers of this album will titles (‘grown men don’t fall in the river, just dance sort of way) and, due to a restricted have probably already made up their mind like that’ and ‘this dust makes that mud’ for instrument line-up, comprising of guitar, HATE whether they like or dislike Idlewild; On the example), the music here is ok – not for all, slide guitar, banjo and drums only, tends the delgados | mantra basis of this album I ask you to give them but more for those who can read between to sound a bit monotonous. That the voice one more chance. The Remote Part is a the lines of restricted melody and seeming tends to mumble the majority of the lyrics The Delgados return with the follow up to positively streamlined album weighing in at random crescendos. in a way that makes Thom Yorke sound the critically acclaimed The Great Eastern. thirty-eight minutes in length. Idlewild have It is all a little university band-like and thus positively coherent doesn’t really help Hate is a darker more epic affair pierced progressed faster and more noticeably than not that far from something you could once things along much. by moments of sheer beauty and childlike many current guitar bands. The wildly over have expected from a Sunday night here at Several listens later, however, and your melodies. Produced by Dave Fridmann, populated American-angst genre previously USSU, but should melody find its way to the opinion soon changes: instead of dismissing who has also worked with Mercury Rev such a major influence with Idlewild has lead singer Angus Andrew’s voice, then all The Boggs simply as a fad, you find yourself and the Flaming Lips, Hate has a similar been thankfully remodelled here in favour may be well in The Liars’ world. six singing some of their choruses and realise sound which at its greatest paints an of a that, though not everyone’s cup of tea, there epic landscape such as The Light Before more educated less two-to-the-penny sound. is a certain charm to their simplicity and, We Land and Coming in from the Cold The evolution is by no means at the one would have to say, retrospection. which both provide moments of euphoric expense of the bands credible music history. That the album was made in two days and escape. However, there are moments With the “heavy” dial turned down a notch all songs were written by one band member throughout, where it seems there has been or two the emphasis has now moved is ultimately exposed in the repetitive nature too much attention to detail and it can end towards allowing Roddy Woombles vocals of the work, but when put into a room with up sounding over produced which takes and lyrics an audience, I dare say the minimal set-up away some of the heartbreak and emotion. more space, a positive move no question. can only contribute to an exciting, White This aside, Hate provides moments of true The changes are a clear reflection on the Stripes-type experience. six beauty that should not be ignored. seven improved self-confidence resonating among all band members Lets ‘ave it! Any band operating in the UK must evolve to survive (except seemingly Oasis), Idlewild have shown once again how they improve with every new album. seven

THE ZOO compilation | twisted nerve

Wack it out Wednesday this is about as indie as it gets! Badly Drawn Boy’s Twisted Nerve label has turned out label compilations before but never like this! Ok enough exclamation marks. The theme here BLADE GREEN RISING is animals and the Zoo? like I said very, the levellers | eagle very indie. One glance at the track listing will have the average listener searching for With its socialist realist artwork and Chancellor’s anything by Badly Drawn Boy, frankly no bountiful fiddles and mandolins, this matter how I try and dress it up most bands seventh studio album is very much a back- NIGHTMARES ON WAX Challenge on Twisted Nerve are at best sporadically to-the-roots affair for Brighton’s finest. mind elevation | warp interesting/good. Let’s all pray the polar Even the title refers to an early Levellers bears don’t bite and the skip-button God is song that eventually turned up on the Now - before you start, I know it is neither George Evelyn returns with his fourth studio watching but not listening. You can only ‘Special Brew’ compilation of early singles music nor art, but I feel it my duty to tell album, his first since 1999’s Carboot Soul, admire the great community that is Twisted and demos. Perhaps it’s a feeling of being you that Chancellor’s Challenge will now and we find him doing pretty much what Nerve but label quirkiness is simply not out of time that has prompted the band be moving to a Thursday evening. I will re- he’s always done; making chilled-out, a strong enough pull alone. The reckless to rethink their approach and move away peat: Chancellor’s Challenge will be mov- leftfield, downtempo music for smokers variety in songs makes reviewing the from the mainstream pop of ‘Hope Street’ ing to a Thursday (which, for those of you everywhere. Not surprising really for a collection as a whole quite challenging, towards a more muscular, gutsy approach, who are unsure, is the day after Wednesday, man who is a former judge of Amsterdam’s I found myself loving some songs and evident on ‘Pretty Target’ and the which itself is usually in the middle of the Cannabis Cup. However, while the music is hating others perseverance is a virtue. I outstanding opening track, ‘Four Winds’. week). “nice” enough, Mr Evelyn seems to have like monkeys in fact the orang-utan is my The folky element in the band’s music that If you could all please adjust your diaries reached a point where he has nothing left favourite animal but jeez I don’t want to has been there right from the beginning is accordingly so that you can still participate to do inside the boundaries of the genre, listen to monkeys squabbling on record. more marked on this album, and there’s in theis weekly challenge then I would be hence the addition of vocals for this album. Maybe I’ve totally missed the point? five a refreshing emphasis on organic ‘real’ very much obliged. While it’s clear he is trying to take some sort instruments over ‘artificial’ programming You may also like to note that your new of new direction this time, Mind Elevation and other electronic ornamentation. It’s quiz-master will be one Charlotte Dawson. just doesn’t possess the same mesmerising actually quite reassuring how the Levs, I am not sure what her qualifications are beauty of his last two efforts Carboot Soul despite all the odds, continue to plough an for this role, though I am sure that she is and Smokers Delight. If it weren’t for the increasingly unfashionable furrow. They’re adequately equipped for such a role. vocals, this record would have felt distinctly already in danger of becoming the Fairport like “Nightmares On Wax by numbers”. Convention of their generation, such is the As it is, the album will still satisfy fans of CHANCELLOR’S CHALLENGE band’s enduring refusal to compromise Bonobo, Air, Lemon Jelly and their ilk even with the commercial imperatives of modern though it has nothing very original to offer. ITS THE SAME - ONLY ON A THURSDAY marketing. A welcome, and actually rather six 8PM ONWARDS brave, return to form. six 20 FESTIVAL SPECIAL take 2 19 September 2002 The alternative review

Another look at the weekend known commonly to all as Reading | words (all 3244 of ‘em): andrew malek

A stationary queue of traffic along the Lee’s suicide earlier this year. The sound A329 can only mean one thing : It’s time is muddy, and it’s near impossible to make for the Reading Festival again. Time for Friday out what the frontman is saying, but the overpriced, foul food, typically dismal was indicative of the type of audience they crowd fill in every word to every song for English weather, at a place where going were playing in front of, but they did well those of us who aren’t familiar with their 5 days without a shower is socially and left the stage with applauds of respect. material. I’d assume this means they put acceptable, but on the upside, there are Back to the Evening Session stage for NEW on a good show, but to me the band is just hundreds of bands from every different FOUND GLORY (****) then, one of pop as annoying as they were when they got genre to look forward to. Friday is indie punk’s elite forces at present. Their lack of booed off supporting the Chilis at Wembley day on the main stage, and since the festival old material is noticeable, playing nothing 3 years ago. They sound like a poor version tent, even if it is because it’s pissing it has materialised into a more heavy rock from their debut album ‘Nothing Gold Can of the Foo Fighters, so three stars is quite down outside. Everyone sings along to her oriented occasion, FENIX TX (**) manage Stay’. Their set is therefore divided into an achievement, and the most they’d ever early 2002 hit ‘Bad Babysitter’, and it’s a to pull a crowd far bigger than they are half new ‘Sticks and Stones’ and half not- get from me. Most of the crowd has already testament to her following that at a Rock worthy of in the Evening session stage. so-old-but-not-new ‘Self Titled’. You can left the tent when they decide to come back festival some of the crowd are familiar with Maybe it was just the appalling sound in the feel the energy in the tent, especially when on and hammer out ‘Just a Day’, including her other material. It’s still raining outside, tent (a flaw that was to make me avoid the the band close on their recent Top 40 hit me who rushes across to the dance tent so a quick jog over to the dance stage evening session stage whenever possible) ‘My Friends over You’, sending the 6000- to witness the genius of APHEX TWIN means we can catch nu skool breakbeat DJ which made them sound like every other strong crowd bouncing merrily on their (*****). Words on this page can never do and Fatboy Slim labelmate FREQ NASTY pop punk band, but their total lack of stage way over to the main stage for WEEZER his set justice, and I would have probably (****) In all honesty, I’m not the biggest presence and wannabe pop star attitudes left (*****). The weather holds up for Weezer’s given him ten stars if it wasn’t for the fan of this particular style of music, but for a thoroughly unimpressive start to the set, enhancing their sing along summertime fact that I had to leave half way through. those who are more appreciative seem day. Over on the main stage, THE DANDY anthems. Frontman Rivers is far more to be enjoying themselves. He keeps the WARHOLS (***) are playing to an excited happy than he was at the series of low key crowd dancing for the duration of his hour dates they did last summer in London, and long set, moving into more commercial their set is far more diverse, including a territory towards the end which even has storming rendition of ‘My Name Is Jonas’ me bopping my head to my surprise. Chart from the Blue Album. However it’s ‘Hash bothering alternative dance act ‘THE LO Pipe’ which predictably makes the crowd FIDELITY ALLSTARS’ (***) are next up, go wild. Strangely, Rivers insists on getting and sound like dance music for people who the crowd to chant “Weezer”, but when listen to Oasis. It’s an emotional time in the Clearly a man not limited by these crazy they’re belting out old favourites like ‘Surf Evening Session Tent, as FEEDER (***) things called genres, he is one of the true Wax USA’ and ‘Undone’, we are more make a live return. This is one of their first creationists of our time. Blazing drum and than willing to oblige. As soon as Weezer appearances since former drummer Jon bass beats layered upon techno rhythms finish, the skies open and it begins to pour, blast out from the tent, slapping everyone so it’s over the shelter of the Carling stage who went to watch the Strokes on the gathering of indie kids who are lapping up to see PRINCESS SUPERSTAR (****). * = lame main stage in the face and proceeding to their trumpet infested pop rock. The fact The new queen of poppy hip hop who has kick them in the balls. The perfect end to a that a lot of the crowd only recognised “that been likened to Eminem flows well, with decent day’s music, and time to rest up for Vodafone song” aka ‘Bohemian Like You’ raunchy lyrics to an appreciative and full ***** = fantastico tomorrow.

Saturday. The Punk Day. For one day only the dance stage gun drumming. It takes the soundman 3 songs to discover becomes the ‘Concrete Jungle’ stage, last year offering the that the microphone isn’t working, but the stage show best in punk and ska, but this year giving way to the more Saturday generates so much energy in the pit that the lack of vocals emo stylings of bands on Vagrant Records. LIGHYEAR is irrelevant. The set loses its pace towards the middle, as (**) a British band on Household Name Records draw taken a shit in over a week? No thank you, so it’s off to the he slows down for recent single ‘Addicted to You’, but a packed tent which forces me to watch them from the Evening Session stage to see THE ICARUS LINE (*), who not for long. Word has reached Alec that they have been outside. It’s sunny, they’re chirpy and silly, but in all truth have been critically acclaimed as the future of music told to turn it down, and the volume is against regulation there are several bands this weekend who will do the ska/ by some. If this is the future of music, I’m going to stop levels, so Alec responds in the only way he knows how : punk thing far better than them. Credit to them for trying listening. The only reason I can see that this band has LOUDLY. After ranting about the police and the obligatory though. Los Angeles, California outfit GOLDFINGER (*) even ‘made it’ is their association with controversial band- ‘Fuck Tony Blair’, he delivers two songs more reminiscent are veterans of the pop/punk scene, but they don’t show slagging and Fred-Durst-email-address-giving internet of ATR material, true to his Digital Hardcore roots, and the any signs of it in this performance, and within 3 songs I’m site buddyhead.com. About two songs into their set I start crowd leave the tent happy. Over to the main stage for THE walking out of the Evening Session stage to head for the to amuse myself by watching the lights above the stage HIVES (**). This is another band built on hype, and to be Main Stage to see LESS THAN JAKE (***), who are a rotate for half an hour until they end their awful noise. honest, I’m fed up of the Strokes/Hives/White Stripes and very good band in the right venue. The Main Stage of the Noise is about the best word you can use to describe they all sound the same to me. Since Universal Records Reading Festival is not the right venue, and despite having ALEC EMPIRE (****), who follows the Icarus Line. For made them a multi million pound offer, causing them to twice the number of members as those who don’t know, he is the abandon the label who brought them to fame from their most bands, they fail to fill the driving force behind Atari Teenage humble beginnings in Sweden, they have lost all sense of stage. They play a peculiar set, Riot, and therefore the whole reality, and the singer is extremely cocky. Just a few of his drawing from their most recent Digital Hardcore movement. The self-appreciating remarks from his band’s boring set are: album ‘Borders and Boundaries’ relatively empty but dedicated tent “Thank you... or perhaps I should say, you’re welcome”, and ending with ‘Al’s War’, when gives a roar of anticipation as Nic “It’s an exchange of services, we play the music and you you feel that more material from Endo (sampler) takes to the stage clap”, as well as taking credit for the good weather and that Pezcore and Losing Streak would and does her sound check. Alec, “The admission price is a lot of money to see bands you have better suited the occasion. ‘A’ and his drummer and bassist soon don’t like... and some you do, for example The Hives”. Oh are up next on the main stage. Bad follow and the outfit launch into how wrong he is. I venture into the Concrete Jungle stage English pop rock sung by a man a tirade of screaming samples, for the first time to see THE GET UP KIDS (*****), who who sounds like he hasn’t crushing guitars, and machine live up to all expectations. They open with new material 19 September 2002 FESTIVAL SPECIAL take 2 21

from ‘On a Wire’, but SAVES THE DAY (****). They fail to disappoint the strangely enough, doesn’t. Grohl owns this festival, and as soon as they break 3000-capacity tent, and whilst they have ditched their punk he knows it. Despite it being the most busy I’ve ever seen into ‘Holiday’ from roots in favour of the more commercial stuff during their the main stage, packed solid all the way back to the other 1999’s ‘Something To live shows, the crowd happily bounces along to ‘At Your stages, it feels intimate, and the band connect with the Write Home About’, the Funeral’ and sways to ‘Freakish’. Unfortunately, all I catch audience on a level unrivalled by anyone else. They aptly crowd erupts. The band of Jimmy Eat World’s set is their opener, ‘A Praise Chorus’. end their set with ‘Everlong’, dragging it out as long as seem to realise this, and Last year they came over, unknown beyond the minority of possible, the crowd singing along throughout (of course), proceed to play more emo fans, and played a little gig at the tiny Garage venue and the music dies out to an explosion of fireworks in the from ‘Something...’ in Highbury. This year they’re second headliners on the night sky. than they have done Evening Session stage. Just goes to show what a solid at recent European record, not to mention the right PR and label pushes, can festivals, showing a do for a band. Had enough emo for the day? Good, then true connection with the it’s time to run over to the punk tent for NO USE FOR A audience and their 40 minute set is over far too quickly. NAME (*****). Competing with J.E.W., I honestly thought There was a lot of speculation as to whether ASH (***) the tent would be empty. No sir, it’s as packed as it’s been would play, after a bus crash in America. However they for the rest of day, if not more, everyone singing along as do take to the Main Stage, against doctors orders but to they belt out the classics like ‘On The Outside’, and even the delight of some 40,000 fans. America has humbled new tracks like ‘International You Day’ are treated like Ash, as Tim Wheeler tells the crowd how nice it is to be old favourites. Undoubtedly the band of the weekend, and back where “everyone knows your fucking band”. The probably the only band of the weekend who the whole bad thing about this is that everyone knows your fucking audience enjoyed, the mighty FOO FIGHTERS (*****) setlist, having probably seen the band several times on the led by Dave Grohl (formerly of Nirvana fame), provide the ‘Free All Angels’ tour. A far more exciting prospect awaits perfect end to the day. They open with a new track from at the punk tent, in the shape of MTV2 loved up emo kids ‘One By One’, which threatens to kill the excitement, but

What a way to start the Sunday. DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN (****) blasting through a SLIPKNOT (***) autograph all day are now at the main stage. Whilst I really can’t see some totally unmelodic grindcore metal. To their minority of followers, they play a great how this band have gotten so far based on their music, their 9 man monster of a stage show set, whilst the 10,000 other people in attendance look on with a “what the fuck” expression is certainly something to behold, and quite possibly the biggest surprise of the weekend in their faces. Whether you like them or not, their set be talked about for years as the is that I actually stayed for their entire set. Okay, I confess to having liked them in May first time a band has taken a dump on stage, and thrown it into the crowd. Ironically, ‘99 when they came out amidst all the hype, and sure, I owned their self titled album and his excrement was not the biggest pile of shit on the main stage all weekend. RAGING went to their first UK gig, but once you get past the hype and the image, there really is SPEEDHORN (*) churn out some kind of noise, but after the poo-flinging antics of DEP, nothing in their clichéd lyrics and 9-piece-who-sound-like-a-4-piece sound. They can still nobody’s really interested, so a brisk walk over to the Evening Session stage and we’re cut it live though, and all the 12 year olds who came down for the day just to see them in line for UK Skacore’s finest, CAPDOWN (****). Definitely a band on the leave happy. Time for some punk now. Those of you who think I’m talking up and up, Capdown from Milton Keynes have been touring the toilet venues about the Offspring who played the main stage next are sadly mistaken, for of the UK for years. 2 years ago they were playing a support slot at a pub in I’m talking about brummie geezer with a mockney accent, Mike Skinner of Kingston to 3 people, today they’ve pulled a crowd of about 4,500 in an early THE STREETS (*****). The band, consisting of a DJ, bassist, drummer, afternoon slot. They don’t disappoint, and even play out a few new tunes and and backup vocalist, all take to the stage, and the packed tent erupts when a cover of Rancid’s “I wanna riot” for those who’ve seen them 20-30 times in Skinner staggers onto the stage and starts chatting over ‘Turn the Page’. Two the past year. SPARTA (***) who follow, are best known as ‘that band with giant video screens either side of the stage portray images of his take on life the guys who used to be in At The Drive-In’, and they sound like a second on the streets in London like sharing a spliff with a homeless man on a bench rate ATDI, totally lacking the energy and the quality of their former band’s in a park. Everyone knows the main has astounding lyrical ability, he’s even songs. Local boys HUNDRED REASONS (****) are treated like heroes. The been called the British Eminem, but he even manages to create an original ‘emocore’ saviours bring an original sound, sandwiched between 2 Nu-Metal sound through the music with his unique twist on UK garage, fused with his bands on the lineup, and by the looks of things they can’t quite believe how far they’ve love of old-skool bands like the Specials and the Clash. He even goes into a cover of the come in the past year. Their strong, distinguishable sound comes through in ‘I’ll Find former’s well-known hit ‘Ghost Town’ after ‘Let’s Push Things Forward’. Who needs the You’ and ‘Silver’, and unlike a certain Canadian pop-punk hypocripunk of the Offspring when this really is Punk as fuck. After a bit of drum n bass outfit who played yesterday they truly are All Killer and No from DJ ANDY C (****), it’s over to the main stage for THE PRODIGY (****). They Sunday Filler. Puddle of Mudd are up next on the main stage. Run, run haven’t played Reading in a long time, and the crowd have been waiting for this day. The for your hearing’s sake!!! Into the Radio 1 tent to check out most noticeable thing about their set is the immaculate lighting show. Frontman Keith is ‘THE SHINING’ (*), who are almost as bad as Puddle... They think they’re Oasis, ‘nuff demanding of the crowd, and they do whatever he commands. Quite simply he has the said. The tent is only about one tenth full, and fills up gradually through their set, but only audience in the palm of his hand, and even when they cover Madness’s ‘Nightboat to because the REEL BIG FISH (****) are up next. The kings of ska/punk, some may have Cairo’ after teasing us with a bit of ‘Out of Space’, the crowd is totally responsive. Oldies been doing it longer, but nobody does it as well as RBF. Still reeling from the news (no pun but goodies like ‘Poison’, ‘Firestarter’, ‘Breathe’, and ‘Smack My Bitch Up’ go down a intended!) that their drummer has had a death in the family, they aren’t their usual selves, treat, and even though they display some arrogance during the set, we’ll let it slide. but even on an ‘off’ day for the fish such as this, they still put on one heck of a show. 6,000 smiling faces can’t be wrong, some rude skanking ensues to quite possibly the best cover song of all time, ‘Take On Me’, and as the band leave the stage, the whole tent empties alternate.tuesdays on account of NOFX starting over on the main stage. But what’s this? On the way to the main stage I hear garage beats coming from the dance tent, and it’s my favourite novelty garage act OXIDE AND NEUTRINO (****) filling in for a last-minute cancellation by People Under The Stairs. Neutrino’s on top form throughout, and strangely enough at a rock festival, during an unannounced performance, the So Solid boys get 1000 kids dancing like it’s the Coliseum in Vauxhall. “Make some noi-oi-oi-oi-oiiise”. Brilliant. The lazy Sunday evening slot is perfect for INCUBUS (***) on the main stage, playing their acoustic infested lounge room rock from LIVE ‘Morning View’ and the slower stuff from ‘Make Yourself’. But whilst the chillout is nice, it’s the more rocking moments in the set which keep the crowd entertained, and it would have been students’ union nice to hear more from ‘S.C.I.E.N.C.E’ than just ‘A Certain Shade of Green’. The 20,000 little hoodie wearing ‘maggots’ (as they like to be called) who have been queuing up to get contact | [email protected] | www.livesoc.com 22 COMMUNICATION 19 September 2002 GU2 Radio The University of Surrey Students’ Union Radio Station Hello people! including the unmistakable media corner where GU2, barefacts and Web will be hanging Week by week I shall be filling you in on what out. Come and sign up to get involved this year. There are many opportunities, we can train GU2 is all about, so continuing on from last you in whichever aspect of radio, journalism or design you choose, so ask away. Last but week………..I pointed out that there would be not least, GU2 will also be broadasting a live CAGL from the union on the Saturday night, some noticeable changes to the radio station so if you feel you can’t possibly drag yourself down to the union for one more night of internally and of course this influence what all drinking (lazy people!) then listen on the radio instead. You could always buy a different of you get to hear. Firstly, a brand spanking coloured light bulb especially for the occasion? new training facility (studio 2) is approaching completion. When the station was first built, it After the peak of freshers week, GU2 will be working towards building a more full was always intended that this room would be a schedule, but for the time being, here is an outline of what you can expect to hear at various duplicate of the first studio, but believe me it is different times of the week….any names mentioned at this point are to be confirmed. even better. Great news for presenters new and old who can get more experience and practice away to their hearts content, but of course this means that you will all be guaranteed an even better quality of broadcasting from GU2, now that presenters no longer have to battle with several keen trainees peering over them whilst they are trying to deliver the best ever radio show! The new facility will also be used to broadcast live sessions from time to time. Curious? Come and see for yourself. This week GU2 are madly preparing for this years launch---on Sunday 22nd. So if you’re staying in your room trying to avoid the manic moving in crowds, then stay in the comfort of your own room and listen to what’s going on on the rest of campus. Alternatively, you j-team.biz j-team.biz could just swing by car park 4, or nearby to listen AND look because we’ll be broadcasting - from there live….come and join in if you dare. If you miss it, don’t panic because there team will be many other opportunities during freshers week to check out what the GU2 crew are up to. On Monday night, GU2 will be launching the freshers festival from Chancellors with the j-team presenting from 7-10 pm. Throughout the week there will be microphones floating around in everyone’s general direction…so approach one (there should be a person on J the end of it!) and be keen to speak up and share your wit with the rest of the university. On Friday come on down to the union for freshers fayre to have a look at all of the stalls,

the.net words: mr tea bringing you the randomness from cyberspace Welcome to the second ever J-Column, as it is affectionately known! So much news this week which generally breaks down into the title above. rd words: Chris “funkyberry” Hunter Show 1: On Monday night (23 ) the J-Team Classic will be presenting a special show live from ‘Chancellors’. Between the hours of 7 and 10, there will be an outside radio broadcast As far as I’m concerned, there is only one place to start - in honour of the first day of the ‘Fresher’s Festival’ in association with the long awaited re- www.rathergood.com! This site has flash animations of such launch of ‘j-team.biz’. Mental and I will serve as a warm up for the Fresher’s disco. It will things as Tales of the Blode, Jaime and the Magic Todger, and the only be the Fresher’s second day at University and we intend to embarrass them suitably! Giant Bee. They also film themselves blowing up and rocketing We will have the usual stunning music and have loads of fun and games at the ready! teddy bears, animating misheard song lyrics, and providing a very Show 2: Back to the ‘Classic’s usual slot of 7-10 on a Thursday night (starting 26th), enjoyable place to waste time. this will be the first full show of the semester. There will be tonnes of new madness Next, if you ever as a kid played with BB Guns and watched the mixed in with all our much-loved old shenanigans! New features to look forward to will Terminator movies, then www.pipersprecisionproducts.com is the include; Bob-a-long-to-a-song, where listeners are invited to call in and sing a song on air site for you. On this site is the mother of all BB guns – The M134 – however no words are allowed apart from the word ‘Bob’. There will also be debuts for minigun cannon! There isn’t any info yet on this latest model, ‘Classic Film Of The Week’ and ‘When Is The Sun Gonna Rise?’. We will also be proud to but its little brother has a laser sight and fires 1200 rounds per introduce a new regular caller – but you will have to tune in to find out who it is. Of course minute!! Anyone fancy starting a tin can collection? we have kept some of our tried and tested favourites, including; ‘Best Mate Of The Week’ Sometimes I get rather depressed and unmotivated with myself. This is until I look at the “Life in Pictures” on and ‘The Queen’s Speech’. www.kimble.org. Kim Schmitz (Kimble) is an eccentric hacker and ex-stockbroker who has One Shopping List: As you may have seen, there is quite a bit of J-Team merchandise made a lot of money, and has had a very extravagant lifestyle – right up to getting arrested being worn around campus these days. I am incredibly proud to tell you that there are over just before he was going to commit a very highly publicised suicide… anyone smell publicity one hundred shirts about and also a fine selection of ‘hoodies’. The demand was very high stunt? Photos make for great motivation or a change of Windows wallpaper. last semester, so we are ready in waiting for more orders. There is a whole new ordering If you ever thought your PC was a load of crap, then here is someone that has taken this system, in which one fills in an order form and receives their product within 28 days – how evaluation to the limits. On www.envador.com/Photos/ToiletPC the guy has actually built official! There are order forms floating about, but the best bet is to collar Mental or I and a working PC into a toilet! It takes a special breed of geek to take case modding (modding is get one off us. The soon to be finished, sexy new, j-team.biz will also have an online order where you do weird things to your PC case to make it stand out) to this extreme! form! So what’s on offer? Well apart from the ‘Original’ black, honorary member, polo Finally this week is the sad (but very funny) tale about how shirts there are a couple of other options. We have decided to produce ‘Special’ polo shirts not to get rid of a full size whale that washes up dead on where one can select their colour as well as name. There has also been an unprecedented your beach. The Australian Highway Division thought have your say demand for our ‘Old Skool’ polo shirts, which housed the pre-launch GU2 logo! We they had the answer by using dynamite… although believe the item of the semester will be the ‘Hoody’. The hoodies come in a large range of as this short video clip of the news report shows ( colours and are of a very snug quality! Oops and I can’t forget the ‘Best Mate’ key rings off www.perp.com/whale ) they perhaps should have this extensive shopping list! So there we have it, what to spend your student loan on – oh, asked Smarties first! and how to look cool. The J-Team Classic will return to your 1350AM wireless on Thursday 26th September from 7pm. Be there for the re-launch of j-team.biz, the official J-Team website! 19 September 2002 INTERACTIVE 23

So the new interactive section is still may affectionately one day be known) Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? here, youll notice. The crossword is is still bloomin’ difficult. Not to worry, Ok - so we still haven’t got the life-lines or any dramatic music to make the atmosphere still a little big (which I’d like to say because the answers can be found. You tense. Indeed, there is still no money actually involved; but don’t let that stop you - com- was on purpose so that you can make just have to look for them. I would give pete as if you were sitting in a sticky leather chair and check your answers on the bottom of as many mistakes as you like, though you a hint, but there is not enough room. a page somewhere in this paper (depending on whether I’ve remembered to put them there that would be a lie) and that the million or not) ‘pound’ question on WWTBAM (as it [email protected] £100: what does the letter ‘e’ stand for in the abbreviation “e-mail”? a: easy | b: electronic | c: european | d: elephant Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz

£200: during World War II, what were U-boats ? I wonder how many people sit there, look at the lyrics below and just go “oh yeah, that’s a: aircraft carriers | b: submarines | c: destroyers | d: merchant ships so and so, and this one’s...” – I wonder how many people listen to music for the lyrics and how many are there only for the melodies. I wonder if cats, or animals in general, have the £300: the flowers of the common forsythia shrub are normally what colour? same appreciation of music that us bipeds have and I wonder if maybe musicians should a: red | b: blue | c: yellow | d: purple make allowances for those less conscious than ourselves. These things I think about so that others don’t have to. £500: in the Highway Code, what shape are the signs that give orders? a: circular | b: triangular | c: hexagonal | d: rectangular 1. “I could make those people dance and maybe they’d be happy” 2. “I can’t walk out because I love you too much” £1k: in which city was Joan of Arc burned at the stake in 1431? 3. “If I made you feel second best, girl – I’m sorry” a: reykjavik | b: rouen | c: rochdale | d: rome 4. “Please don’t ever make her blue” 5. “If you’re so funny then why are you on your own tonight?” £2k: what was the name of the world’s first test tube baby? 6. “So very high just like a dragonfly” a: louise brown | b: sharon evans | c: lucy bryant | d: sharon fuller 7. “Tan me hide when I’m dead, Fred” 8. “Played a bit of football; fell into the Union” £4k: what was the name of the winged horse of Greek mythology? 9. “For all the things you know tell me why the river doesn’t flow” a: silver | b: beelerophon | c: champion | d: pegasus 10. “You can’t go on thinking nothing’s wrong”

£8k: where is Michelangelo’s painting “The Creation of Adam”? a: st. mark’s cathedral | b: sistine chapel | c: national gallery | d: louvre

£16k: what was the nickname of King George III? WORD a: farmer george | b: gentleman george | c: jolly george | d: sailor george Another week and another crossword. I have already received com- plaints that last week’s was too difficult. Sorry. £32k: by what name is acetylsalicylic acid more commonly known? X a: vitamin c | b: aspirin | c: vinegar | d: baking powder

£64k: in which building did Queen Victoria marry Prince Albert? a: windsor castle | b: buckingham palace | c: st. james’s palace | d: westminster abbey

£125k: which famous actor played the killer of PC Dixon in the film “The Blue Lamp”? a: dirk bogarde | b: stanley baker | c: jack warner | d: alec guiness

£250k: who was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979? a: desmond tutu | b: amnesty international | c: the dalai lama | d: mother teresa of calcutta

£500k: which team won the first Scottish FA Cup final? a: dundee | b: rangers | c: queen’s park | d: vale of leven

£1m: the four noble truths are central to which religion? a: buddhism | b: islam | c: hinduism | d: judaism

across down 1. oxford river [4] 2. latin american dance [5] 4. caribbean country [5] 3. alcoholic drink [7] 01 - 02 - 03 9. middle eastern capital [5] 4. displaying male and female 10. declines [7] characteristics [13] park lane sheraton | london 11. flight of steps [8] 5. doubtful [4] tickets on sale soon! 12. fruit [4] 6. perspicacity [7] 13. US state [13] 7. ointment [6] 17. cable [4] 8. sparkling wine [4] 18. rough dwelling [3,5] 14. dry up [7] 21. italian food parcels? [7] 15. give in [7] strictly black-tie | diamonds optional! 22. relative [5] 16. close of day [6] Organised by the students of the in support of: 23. letting agreement [5] 17. admonish [4] School of Management Studies for 24. stopper [4] 19. breakfast food [5] the M.E. association the Service Sector cherry trees answers somewhere in the paper 20. spanish painter [4] 24 STARS & PERSONALS 19 September 2002

Warning: early morning up liquid provided - ALMOST ACCURATE flasher spotted in the negotiable rates. vacinity of 184 Guildford ASTROLOGY avenue, do not approach this Wanted: replacement for words and predicting: rich watts man he is armed dangerous! broken toy who should be working Tuesday and FARHA! Thursdays but can’t keep Virgo Pisces away from the Be brief in all exchanges with Yeah – whatever. Like you’d Has anyone got Personals student life. Must strangers. (Better prediction to listen to me anyway. Never-the- a mobile going like internet follow next week) less, it is my greatest pleasure spare? If so please contact surfing and hate lie ins to tell you that today you will be th tall [email protected] person sitting in front of the short person Wanted a recount on votes Libra at the cinema and that for all the popcorn Hey girlies, do you like my at Hockey EGM.....it was Your faith will be questioned said short person puts in your hair, it won’t new varnished bar? Never discrimatory. I never had a when one of the university matter - you’re still taller . mind the quality, chance. Gary Love (stinky) chaplains cannot explain to feel the smoothness. you why all of the participants at the Last Aries WANTED; a large dose of Supper were sitting on only one side of the Being influenced by your Big shout out to the Spiers commen sense (not the Beaker table, though they will console you with the surroundings is not necessarily 2 massive! And would the kind) for Mr Mohammed Bo to fact that they had orange juice for starters. that bad a thing, though if you guy living downstairs - lay help him keep his job!! insist on working in the Early Learning off the wacky backy? I’m Scorpio Centre as your chosen means of earning waking up each morning vandalism reported: Somewhat disappointed that spending money, don’t come crying to me feeling a little funny... ‘sleepwalking’ man urinates you have been set a piece of when your wooden train set breaks and you in bedroom – claims not to coursework already, you will put your foot through a mini trampoline. “Wey 2 go for it Neil” know anything about it. reek revenge on the socially inept lecturer You will notice the perks of staff-discount by Sparkiegeek (with silly enough to require work so early on are not always perky. . assistance from Ickle Sarah) Wanted:A queue jumper ticket in the term by asking them for a pint in There was a young man named for saturday nights at the Chancellor’s and insisting they wear the Taurus Neil, Royal Surrey A&E. Call ankle-swingers and brown cardigan they The last time you fell asleep on looking for a lass on Wey, Fragile on 01483 broken seem to prefer as their choice of attire. one of those long escalators on he’d heard her moans, so today Sagittarius the London Underground, you threw some stones, did so on the left hand side and therefore not knowing they were going The propensity for proved somewhat irritating for those folks astray! personals writers to not Sagittarius who like to rush everywhere. Being a little be so succinct has not Your birthday cannot be until more considerate on your travels this week, And then when the stones hit gone unnoticed. poems for late November and so the therefore, will result in positive energy home, heaven’s sake! next you’ll stars have chosen not to reveal flowing past you during your shopping trip his mistake was shown- be wanting poetry corner... anything about your fortunes this week. to Covent Garden. for he’d thrown too high, so Sorry. That’s the problem with these Adam said hi Wanted: Footballers who can celestial bodies - up and down. One day Gemini no-one knows if he went home drink. From anyone who can they are all information, then next they turn The unfamiliarity of a lecture alone!!! (drink) there back on you. Very difficult to earn a theatre will finally become living, I can tell you. apparent when you realise you I hope everyone who is “Right I’m off home to are facing the wrong way during the lecture freshly back from placement cook for my lady, best go and cannot find the first page of your new, is aware of how rapidly now, I’m feeling drunk on Capricorn 150 wide-ruled notepad, even though it’s unpopular you can become a pint” Mr David “Jonah” Inter-galactic military exercises just the other side of the cover. Having these days by not listening Jones and solar flares all negate also forgotten to buy a pen of any sort (oh to 1350AM GU2! DO IT! each other in your neck of the how it was easier when your parents bought wanted: on carpet cleaner. woods such that the first few days back at things for you at the end of the holidays) Check out the all new must be able to remove university will not be half as exciting as you will have to write your notes in saliva. singing and dancing j- urine. you had previously hoped. Apart from the team.biz! (www.j-team.biz) fiver you will find on the floor tomorrow. Cancer Baileys and Lager....hmmmmm And then there will be that member of the Deciding that the lay-out of TEXT The J-Team about yummy....down it goes, and opposit sex you have admired from a far for your room is not at its most ANYTHING now on (+44)(0)7732 oh look there it is again such a long time now that they have in fact space-efficient can be quite an 88 53 57 given up on you and just want to snog your exhilarating feeling, especially wanted: one house officer to brains out. Compliance is suggested. when you can see in your mind’s eye the Zoe. You are THE get up! work sunday nights... most effective use of space using clever furniture positioning. Re-arranging your At Surrey we’re proud of WANTED an injury - for a room at three in the morning, however, is our fine mallards. These player in danger of playing Aquarius not quite so exhilarating for your next-door amazing creatures will be a full season. Any offers Supposing that the LEA have neighbour, whom you should probably the centrepiece of our tour welcomed posted off your grant cheque, remember has a Celine Dion cd (a ‘CD of the campus.... Be sure reasoning as to whether you cd’) that could be played very loudly at any to pick up your ‘Surrey What’s the difference should spend a large fraction of it on that point in the day. Duck Mug’ from the bookshop between Sheep and Hula luxury item you have wanted for a while before you leave. Ugles 1&2 Hoops? could prove difficult when considered Leo Sheep doesn’t need dip for against actually eating properly for a Try and find that clotheshorse Adam, my ‘semi-drunken 2am IS to love him significant proportion of the semester. you were given for your phone calls’ friend - ugle Think nutritionally. birthday by the aunty with a ugle ug ug ugle! Love, Sarah Birthday girl S, think you Aside from that quandry, washing towels glass eye and arthritic fingers – she had xx :) are special - do you think is the somewhat strange highlight of your read about the national shortage of the the same? P. week, because that new washing powder things and pre-empted it with her snazzy Wanted: Rawson 2 Fresher you bought leaves you with a nice smell in purchase for your benefit. Honour her willing to do Jeremy’s i’d much rather be in your nose and a fresh feeling on your skin. dedication to your clothes-drying with a washing up every day for hereford Thus, you will also be taking impromptu special, post sick-on-duvet-after-heavy- the next year - washing showers as well. night-out launderette trip. 19 September 2002 ConC & LATW 25

Back again due to popular demand [?], Caught on Camera is back to point the finger at people who have been, well, caught on camera. May we take this opportunity to say once aught again that should your face be the one circled in any one of the pictures here, then you will be the proud owner of a free ticket to the Union for a FNO (the one after the week the paper comes out). Remember, if ever you have any pictures you want included, then drop them in to the barefacts A office or e-mail them to C [email protected] M E

R all pictures this week from funkyberry.com

Would you rather have the answers in the same week’s barefacts or the week after? Let us

The Cars – “drive” – Cars The

A 10. song” riverboat “the – Scene Colour Ocean know: [email protected]

Lenny Kravitz – “fly away” 7. Rolf Harris – “tie me kangaroo down, sport” 8. Gomez – “whippin’ piccadilly” 9. 9. piccadilly” “whippin’ – Gomez 8. sport” down, kangaroo me “tie – Harris Rolf 7. away” “fly – Kravitz Lenny

were always on my mind” 4. Bobby Vee – “take good care of my baby” 5. The Smiths – “i know its over” 6. 6. over” its know “i – Smiths The 5. baby” my of care good “take – Vee Bobby 4. mind” my on always were

: : Quiz Lyrics 1. Don Maclean – “american pie” 2. Elvis Presley – “suspicious minds” 3. Pet Shop Boys – “you “you – Boys Shop Pet 3. minds” “suspicious – Presley Elvis 2. pie” “american – Maclean Don 1.

insight | 7. balsam | 8. asti | 14. shrivel | 15. succumb | 16. sunset | 17. warn | 19. bacon | 20. goya goya 20. | bacon 19. | warn 17. | sunset 16. | succumb 15. | shrivel 14. | asti 8. | balsam 7. | insight

2. samba | 3. sangria | 4. hermaphrodite | 5. iffy | 6. 6. | iffy 5. | hermaphrodite 4. | sangria 3. | samba 2. down: bung 24. | lease 23. | uncle 22. | ravioli 21. | cabin log

X : across : word 1. isis | 4. haiti | 9. amman | 10. refuses | 11. stairway | 12. ugli | 13. massachusetts | 17. wire | 18. 18. | wire 17. | massachusetts 13. | ugli 12. | stairway 11. | refuses 10. | amman 9. | haiti 4. | isis 1.

: a]. a]. : £1m [ c]; : £500k [ d]; : £250k [ a]; : £125k [ c]; : £64k [ b]; : £32k

ife After The Womb [

WWTBAM: : a]; : £16k [ b]; : £8k [ d]; : £4k [ a]; : £2k [ b]; : £1k [ a]; : £500 [ c]; : £300 [ b]; : £200 [ b]; : £100 [ words: rich w Answers Upside-Down Life After the Womb has,L quite unexpectedly, come across a bit of a scoop: whilst out walking recently in the Welsh wilderness of moss, bluebells and damp leaves known more commonly as Devil’s Bridge (a place where static caravan sites are the preferred choice of location amongst the older generations for relaxing weekends), a rather old piece of paper, looking a little tattered around the edges, was found and therefore read. To my utter surprise it seemed, and was later confirmed to be by the British Archaeological Society, a transcript of the meeting in which the invention of LADYMEAD the wheel actually took place, some few thousand years ago in a place apparently not too far from where I was walking. It’s not everyday you have an opportunity to RETAIL PARK read things like this, and so what follows, therefore, is an extract from that very same piece of paper found within a couple of feet of three sheep and a leek:

“The next item on the agenda is Pete Wheel’s idea. Now, if you don’t mind, Pete, keep it short – I’ve got to go and kill a buffalo before the wife gets home and haven’t had chance to sharpen up my spear yet.” “Ok, well – basically guys, we’ve been having real problems getting from a to b. Clearly the square thing isn’t working and as far as the triangle goes - well, bumpy WE ARE CURRENTLY SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC PEOPLE to say the least, agreed? So I was looking through my book of geometrical shapes (WHO MUST BE OVER 16) and it suddenly hit me: the bloomin’ ‘circle’, or, as I’d like to call it, the ‘wheel’. It looks like it might cut out the bumpy aspects of a journey, is a reasonably sound engineering structure due to the symmetry of its shape and would work well both to work with four- and two- wheel vehicles as well. Hell, I was even thinking as a bit of fun we could try just the one wheel, like a ‘uniwheel’ or something, and attempt FULL TIME | PART TIME | WEEKENDS | EVENINGS balancing around on it. What do you all reckon?” “I’m afraid I have my reservations. For instance, the only things we have at the moment for moving around are legs – not wanting to trim your loincloth or anything, Pete, but a wheel doesn’t look much like a leg, does it? Are you not trying to be a * Hours to suit * Full Job Training bit radical here – I mean, that whole man flying in a big tin thing you came up with a * Free Meals * Management Opportunities few months ago really made a few of us think you’d gone a bit mammal, you know.” “I see your point and realise that the man-in-the-air thing was a bit silly, but what I’m * Free Parking after here is something that is going to last – we don’t want some people in future years trying to reinvent this idea all the time do we? Can’t we just try it?” “I propose that we take a vote on it – remember last time we had something like this, old Neanderthal didn’t like our decision one bit and has been missing ever since, simply because we didn’t ask him. All those in favour of Pete’s wheel, raise your £4.50 per hour clubs now...I make that seven. All those against...”

That’s as far as the transcript went – the majority by which the idea was passed never did reach the light of day. Still, thanks to Pete “the caveman” Wheel, we can now all take for granted moving from here to there comfortably, roaming the country in cars, enjoying leisurely bike rides along the canal with loved ones and, most importantly, Call Kyle on [01483] 539822 0r [07904] 389413 watching clowns juggling on unicycles while their pants are on fire. Thank goodness for innovation. 26 SPORT 19 September 2002

A Day In The Life Of... Dan Oliver The nature of the fitness nothing to urgent just some membership forms to mail out industry means that you to potential members and meeting confirmations. do not adopt a 9 – 5 work As Many UniSPORT users may have noticed we have pattern. At UniSPORT, changed or Administration system, the direct impact is that Quantum Fitness Club all memberships are processed in the sports hall reception we operate a varied shift therefore I can now spend more time Personal Training, timetable. Her follows writing fitness programmes, fitness assessments and a typical Monday for a concentrate 100% on running the gym effectively. Fitness Club Manager. 1pm – 2.30pm Quite a busy period in the gym (lunch time) therefore 10.30/11am particularly important that I am available for technique Mondays are normally adjustments or any equipment advice, it is also a good time staff, looking o.k. have got quite a few signed up to help a pretty hectic day as I to meet and greet customers. instruct. Arrange to meet a Personal Training client to Dan Oliver: bloody good chap need to sort the weeks 2.30pm run through her assessment results, very important to keep timetable making sure all shifts are covered. I try to arrive a Need to complete a couple of programmes ready for everyone informed and to monitor progress. little early and prepare equipment ready to meet first client collection later on in the week. Fitness programmes can 4pm who is booked in for a fitness assessment. The assessment be quite time consuming depending on each individuals A full gym Induction group of fifteen people are booked in comprises of core components of fitness ranging from requirements. Working in UniSPORT, particularly the gym so will need to run them through the Video prior to going Blood Pressure to Body Fat composition, each assessment means that it is a very social job, which is great, continually up to the gym. Because we have to talk through the video generally lasting about one hour. speaking to a diverse range of people. There are some real instructing users on safe practice and correct technique 12pm characters who train here!! adherence, it can occasionally go a little pear shaped Check emails, a high percentage of internal communication 3pm depending on how the information is blurted out. Went is passed by email so for my time planning and organisation Preparation for Fresher week, have to arrange staffing for 2 well today, quite a responsive group which makes it more it is essential that I keep a close eye on any new mail, weekends full of inductions. On the phone to all qualified enjoyable for everyone. 5pm Prepare for Circuit training class, if you do not know what Circuits is then come down to the Sports Hall and try one out, you will love it!! Can get between 20 and 50 participants all working at their own intensity levels, try to keep every motivated with a fun-ish environment. It is nice to keep the day varied by teaching on the programme and can act as a little release from the gym. 6.20pm Clear Circuits tie up a few lose ends, get on my bike and cycle home!

We accept all major credit cards

freshly made pizzas, pastas, ice creams, des- serts, drinks and lots more minimum amount for delivery: £7.50 last order for delivery taken @ 11:30pm Any regular standard or BIG MEAL DEAL 2’S SPECIAL Pizzaman now open in Union House Any large Popular or Speciality 2 Regular Popular or Speciality speciality pizzas for only Pizza, 1 Garlic Bread, 1.5 Litre Pizzas, 1 Portion Potato Wedges next to the barefacts office Bottle of Drink OR 1 Portion BBQ chicken wings £4.99 £11.99 £13.99 Sun and Tue- collection only collection or delivery collection or delivery

for our full menu listings and products visit our website Any large standard or LARGE DOUBLE DEAL REGULAR DOUBLE DEAL Buy any Large Pizza and get Buy any Regular Pizza and get speciality pizzas for only a second Large Pizza up to the a second Regular Pizza up to www.pizzamanonline.co.uk same value for only the same value for only £7.99 £6.00 £4.00 offers valid until 31.10.02, vouchers not to be used in conjunction with any other offers, side orders only delivered free Sun and Tue- collection only collection or delivery collection or delivery when purchased with a pizza, menu items subject to availability, prices may be subject to change without notice, 19 September 2002 SPORT 27 Welcome to UniSPORT Courses at UniSPORT and UniSPORT is the sport and recreational department and we are here to give you as much opportunity to participate in sport, exercise and dance as possible. Club Workshops

A reminder to all continuing students that enrolment for dance, sport and exercise courses WHAT IS THERE TO DO? start from week beginning 23rd September (next Wednesday!) These 5 or 10 week courses are cheaper with you UniSPORT card and certainly great value for money with our Pick up a UniSPORT timetable, which can be found in court receptions, Teaching Block, excellent teachers. Lecture Theatres, Varsity Centre or the Sport Centre for information and venues for clubs, classes and courses. Alternatively visit the Sport Centre or Varsity Centre and pick up a You can try any of the follwing: leaflet on classes and courses in Dance, Sport and exercise. Jazz Dance Capoeira FREE WEEK: 30TH SEPTEMBER TO 6TH OCTOBER Street Dance (and much more dance) Squash This is your chance to taste any of our classes and courses. Look at the programme put on Yoga your dancing shoes or lycra and join in. Tai Chi You can sign up for any of the courses from the 23rd September at the Sport Centre. Golf Pilates FORTHCOMING EVENTS Feldencrais (movement method) Etc. etc. st th National Squash Week: 21 – 28 September @ the Varsity Centre Plus the 5 week Club workshops including activities like climbing, netball, badminton, th Curry Night: 4 October @ the Varsity Centre basketball, volleyball. Canoeing, trampolining... Quiz Night: 7th October @ the Varsity Centre Latino Evening: 11th October @ the Varsity Centre National Squash League UniSPORT Guildford vs Lexden (National League Champions) CHANGE OF SHOES PLEASE 22nd October@ the Varsity Centre Tango Workshop: 27th October on campus Both the University Hall and the Sports Centre Hall have been re-vamped! Please carry a clean pair of trainers to take part in activities at both centres. We would like to keep them For all the latest information on classes, courses, events and news visit our revamped looking good as well as being safe for you. website: www.unisport.co.uk NEW! Walk for fitness and experience a new vision of life on the campus. Join us next Tuesday with a reporter from the Times Newspaper.

WHEN + WHERE? Tuesdays at 1.05p.m. Senate entrance

WHO? Suitable for people of all ages, sizes etc.

WHAT IS THE CLASS? Lakes (Terry’s Pond) Mountains (up Cathedral Hill) Wild Life 9goslings to green woodpeckers) and Nordic Pole Walking are all part of the “walking for fitness” this autumn

WHERE? yes, your own campus.

WHY WALK WITH POLES? 1.Nordic Pole Walking is up to 40% more efficient than walking without poles. 2.It intensifies the upper body muscular activity and raises the heart-rate up to an aerobic level at which fat is burned. 3.Releases muscle tension and can ease pain in the neck and shoulder region.

www.unisport.co.uk 28 19 September 2002 SURREY PRIDE Skiing in the summer

Yes, that’s right, skiing and snowboarding in the summer. While most of the population was headed for the beach a coach load of the UK’s finest, well, maddest, skiers and boarders headed to the French Alps. The British University By Tigger Snowsports Club (BUSC), Summer Session 2002 was about to begin. a lake, tops off, sun cream Allow me to answer a few common questions: “How can on, played on (and off) the you go skiing in the summer?” Go to a resort with a glacier. pedalos, had a barbeque, and “So you’re skiing on a giant iceberg that got stuck on the top generally chilled. The week of a mountain millions of years ago?” Something like that. was turning into the most “So you’re skiing on ice all the time?” No, the glacier is so surreal ‘winter sports’ trip high it snowed when we were there, in July. “Any good?” It we’d ever been on. was ‘Yo’ The final day bought with it The focus of the week was big air. Each day we headed for the BUSC big air competition. the snow park; kickers all over the place, spines, hips, rails, Loads of prizes were up for halfpipes and an airbag jump for practice - the best snow grabs, you just had to show park I’ve seen. Professional coaches were on hand to point your stuff. The five present The sun. Some skiing. Whilst the sun is out. Nice us in the right direction and add to our vocabulary. Switch, members of the UniS Snowsports Team did not fail And we all lived happily ever after.... NOT. Well, not until safety, mute, lui kang; all were possible if we could get to disappoint. Andy Discoed it off the jump in 70’s gear for we get back out to the Alps! Next up will be the main UniS control of our skis / board and ‘go big’. a Line (wicked make of nu-skool skis) t-shirt and frisbee. Snowsports Tour during the last week of the Xmas break. Summer in a skiing resort isn’t all about things you can Tigger collected both Option and Natives t-shirts for a switch This year we’re off to Tignes, one of the largest ski domains do on snow. Les Deux Alpes offered us an impressive array 180 attempt. Stavros picked up goggles and an Ezekiel shirt in the world, and as per usual expecting north of 100 of you of afternoon activities. Luge, archery, crazy table pool, golf for a 360 attempt. But relatively speaking Bunsen took the to join us. Any level of skier, boarder, blader, or drinker(!) course and driving range, trampolining, football, outdoor mick as he walked off with a pair of twin-tip Rossignol skis is welcome. In fact with such a large group it’s ideal for swimming pool, ice skating, volleyball, basketball, tennis, courtesy of Wasteland for ‘going big all week’! Do we know beginners; we guarantee you will not be the only one. For a 140m bungee jump, white water rafting, mountain biking, how to win all the toys or what? more info call the Snowsports Hotline: 0795 107 4570. ..., I could go on. On the second day we headed down to Welcome back from

Come and join the fun at the Varsity Centre England Squash Regional Centre of Excellence

Sunday 22nd September A couple of notices concerning the sports facilities on campus Squash Open Day Juniors 11am - 1pm | Seniors 2 - 4pm At this, the start of a new academic year, there are a couple of things we would like you to Free Coaching | Exhibition Matches | Play the Stars know about:

1. We are operating right next door to a building-site with traffic-lights, dirt, mud and lorry Monday 23rd September implications Squash Virgins! 2. We are in the process of completing a major boiler replacement that leaves us 12:20 to 1:00pm temporarily with no hot water, apart from a few electric showers Never played squash but always wanted to learn then here is your opportunity have 3. We have had to replace our management/membership system. We have been using the a go old one since 1984 and were very familiar with it. We do not yet have all the answers on Schools Roadshow* | 1st Team Training (come & watch 6 - 8pm) the operation of this impressive new system Tuesday 24th September Although things may well appear unfriendly, less welcoming and more inefficient, we are Schools Roadshow trying very hard to minimise the inevitable inconvenience. I would like to sincerely apologise to any people who have been adversely affected to date. Wednesday 25th September Please try and allow a little extra time if you are coming to take part in a class, because we Schools Roadshow* | Improvers Workshop (12:20 to 1:00) are experiencing some hold-ups. All old cards will need to be replaced before you will have Squash Surgery full access to our buildings and services. This can be done at either the Sports Centre or the Frustrated with your game and need the doctor’s advice! A free workshop with Varsity Centre (The Varsity Centre has the advantage that you can relax with a cold drink or SRA coaches to improve your game. one of our outstanding real ales, while you wait for your lunch to be freshly cooked) The Varsity is not currently suffering from the other disadvantages mentioned above. Thursday 26th September Schools Roadshow* | 1st Team Training (come and watch 6 - 8pm) Please look at our web site for more information on times and charges. www.unisport.co.uk Friday 27th September May I please remind you that we are unable to sign people up on our many courses until the week beginning 23rd September. Freshers - Student Club Exhibition & Coaching | Coaching Workshop 12.20 - 1pm I would also like to draw your attention to our Free Week - September 30th until October 6th - where all classes and courses will be run at no charge. This will give you an opportunity Saturday 28th September to see those you may wish to join. Open Juniors Graded Tournament | Open Seniors Handicap Tournament

(These may not appear quite the same as the following week when the courses start properly, * Schools Roadshow times arranged to suit school timetables because there may well be greater numbers for some of them that may have implications, but For more details contact the Varsity Centre tel. 01483 505271 or email you should be able to get an idea of the kind of class and the teacher.) [email protected]