3/1/13 Parents of transgender first-grader file discrimination complaint - CNN.com

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discrimination complaint Recommend Tw eet Share By Ed Payne and Ashley Fantz, CNN updated 8:50 AM EST, Thu February 28, 2013 Print Email More sharing

Part of complete cov erage on Special Report: Bullying Transgender child's family fights school

AC360 documentary: The Bully Effect "The Bully Effect," premiering STORY HIGHLIGHTS Coy Mathis and her parents, Jeremy and Kathryn, will be guests on on CNN on February 28 at 10 p.m. ET follow s the personal NEW: "The district firmly believes "Starting Point" live Thursday in the 7 a.m. ET hour. journeys of a number of kids it has acted reasonably and and parents profiled in the fairly," its law yer says (CNN) -- A transgender rights group announced Wednesday that it documentary "Bully." Coy Mathis' parents file a has filed a discrimination complaint in Colorado on behalf of a first- complaint under Colorado's Anti- grader who was born a boy but identifies as a girl. Discrimination Act Our unhealthy love of reality TV bullying updated 2:26 PM EST, Thu February 28, 2013 Coy can no longer use the girls' The filing stems from a decision announced last December by restroom at her elementary A red-faced Gordon Ramsay school officials at Fountain-Fort Carson School District that Coy Mathis gets nose-to-nose w ith an older man and shouts, "Wake The school district says Coy can could no longer use the girls' bathroom at Eagleside Elementary. up!" He calls another chef's use other restrooms in the food "rotten." To us, it's school Mother Kathryn Mathis said she and her husband were shocked. entertainment.

"We were very confused because everything was going so well, and Cooper: Say no to bullying they had been so accepting, and all of a sudden it changed and it updated 4:38 PM EST, Thu February 28, 2013 was very confusing and very upsetting because we knew that, by Some adults may still think bullying is just a youthful rite of doing that, she was going to go back to being unhappy," she told passage, but it seems w orse CNN. "It was going to set her up for a lot of bad things." than in previous generations for many parents, educators and kids. Coy was born with male sex organs but has identified as female since she could express herself, her mother said. The child had attended classes during her kindergarten year with no problems and Could your child be a bully? updated 11:55 AM EST, Tue February 26, 2013 no complaints from anyone at the school, Mathis told reporters at Bullies can be almost anyone, the Colorado Capitol in Denver, where she was flanked by her at any time. And the most likely husband, Jeremy, and four other children. targets of bullies? The bullies themselves. Wearing a girl's winter coat, Coy stood behind her mother. Father finds purpose after son's suicide Afraid bullies would make fun of her daughter, Kathryn Kirk Smalley and his w ife, Mathis said she pulled Coy out of school during winter Laura, endured every parent's w orst nightmare -- burying break. their child. Their 11-year-old Mathis family: We need to protect Coy son, Ty, w as a victim of "In the end, we just want what is the best for Coy," Mathis bullying. www..com/2013/02/27/us/colorado-transgender-girl-school/index.html 1/11 3/1/13 Parents of transgender first-grader file discrimination complaint - CNN.com said about the complaint. "We want her to be able to go When bullying goes high-tech back to school and be treated equally without updated 11:09 AM EST, Thu February 28, 2013 discrimination and harassment." Brandon Turley didn't have friends in sixth grade. He w ould often eat alone at lunch, Attorney Michael Silverman of the Transgender Legal having recently sw itched to his Defense and Education Fund, which is representing Coy, school w ithout know ing Transgender hoops player takes to court said the complaint -- which was filed with the Colorado anyone. Civil Rights Division -- is intended to have an impact beyond a single family or school. Bullying: Personal journeys These snapshots illustrate "For many transgender people, discrimination is a daily w hat children and parents profiled in Lee Hirsch's eye- part of life. Unfortunately for Coy, it has started very opening documentary have early," he said, adding that the complaint is a "test of overcome. Chaz Bono's emotional transition Colorado's Anti-Discrimination Act."

"The world is going to be looking at the school," he said, Faith shaken by gay daughter which can "send a message to the world and teach Bobby Johnson's daughter Kelby came out of the closet at tolerance, fair play and equal rights." age 14. The reaction from their church, he says, w as A girl's life immediate.

2011: Tammy and Mario: Gender journeys For most of the past year, Coy has dressed as a girl. Watch: Victim 'didn't feel the pain' updated 1:13 AM EST, Tue February 26, 2013 Coy's passport and state-issued identification recognize her as Alex Libby overcame female. traumatizing bullying at school. His story is part of "The Bully Effect," airing February 28 at Transgender kids: Painful quest to be who they are 10 p.m. ET.

Kathryn Mathis said she got a call "out of the blue" from the school Fighting for your bullied child in December saying that Coy could use the boys' bathroom, gender- The bullying Jackie Libby's son, neutral faculty bathrooms or the nurse's bathroom, but not the girls' Alex, faced every day w as so facilities. severe that she w orried the emotional toll w ould drive him to suicide. The district "took into account not only Coy, but other students in the building, their parents and the future impact a boy with male genitals using a girls' bathroom would have as Coy grew older," a Watch: Preview 'The Bully Effe ct' letter the family's attorney received in December said. updated 1:06 PM EST, Sun February 24, 2013 Premiering Feb. 28, 2013, "The Bully Effect" is a pow erful "However, I'm certain you can appreciate that, as Coy grows older documentary on a movement to and his male genitals develop along with the rest of his body, at end bullying in America's least some parents and students are likely to become uncomfortable schools. with his continued use of the girls' restroom." Don't tell victims to 'just fight back' In a statement Tuesday, the district's attorney, W. Kelly Dude, said: updated 12:35 PM EDT, Wed October 31, 2012 "The district firmly believes it has acted reasonably and fairly with Many schools are implementing respect to this issue. However, the district believes the appropriate programs that teach empathy and respect for others. But not and proper forum for discussing the issues identified in the charge everyone agrees w ith this is through the Division of Civil Rights process. The district is approach to managing bullying. preparing a response to the charge which it will submit to the division. Therefore, the district will not comment further on this Does it 'get bette r' for LGBT youth? matter out of respect for the process which the parents have The answ er to that question initiated." depends on how you look at it, according to a study published "It's sad that the Mathis family had to file a civil rights complaint in in the journal Pediatrics. order for their daughter to be treated equally," said Herndon Graddick, president of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, in a statement. "The students clearly aren't the only Cartoon Network's anti-bullying flag people at this school who need more education." updated 11:06 PM EST, Wed February 20, 2013 Cartoon Netw ork and Sen. Casey launch a national flag A little-studied group raising program as part of the Stop Bullying: Speak Up Transgender children experience a disconnect between their sex, campaign. which is based on their anatomy, and their gender, which includes behaviors, roles and activities, experts say. Bullying linked to suicidal thoughts updated 10:18 AM EDT, Tue October 23, 2012 For the general public, transgender identity may be a new concept, Amanda Todd, a Canadian teen though many might recall Chaz Bono, the child of entertainers w hose suicide provoked a flood of sympathetic outrage, Sonny and Cher. Born female, Bono underwent a transition in his endured one torment after 40s to become a man. He wrote in his book "Transition" that, even another in the years leading up to her death. www.cnn.com/2013/02/27/us/colorado-transgender-girl-school/index.html 2/11 E 2 3/1/13 Parents of transgender first-grader file discrimination complaint - CNN.com as a child, he had been "aware of a part of me that did not fit."

He appeared last year as a man on "Dancing with the Stars," in part, he said, to destigmatize being transgender.

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Many transgender people report feeling discomfort with their gender as early as they can remember.

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Gender identity is often confused with sexual orientation. The difference is that "gender identity is who you are, and sexual orientation is who you want to have sex with," said Dr. Johanna Olson, a professor of clinical pediatrics at the University of Southern , who treats transgender children. Sponsored Links Children around age 3 are probably not interested in sexual Weird Loophole in Nevada orientation, she said. But experts say some children who look like (FEB 2013): If you pay for car insurance you better read they will be transgender in early childhood turn out to be gay, this... w w w .ConsumerFinanceDaily.com lesbian or bisexual. Visa® Black Card™ Differences in schools Earn 25,000 Bonus Points Plus Get Exclusive Rewards: Apply Now! w w w .blackcard.com School policies toward transgender students vary across the United States. Dealing With Incontinence Learn About This Medical Condition. What You May Be In New York, for example, the law says students can't be Able To Do About It w w w .TreatOAB.com discriminated against on the basis of their gender identity. Buy a link here But in Maine, a court ruled in November that a school district did not violate a transgender student's rights when she was told she couldn't use the girls' bathroom.

Gender nonconformity is not a disorder, group says

Dude, the Colorado school district's attorney, has said there is nothing in that state requiring public schools to permit transgender students to use restrooms intended for the gender with which they identify.

He added that the Fountain-Fort Carson School District adheres to the Colorado Anti-Discrimination Act in all respects: "Coy attends class as all other students, is permitted to wear girls' clothes and is referred to as the parents have requested."

She also has easy access to bathrooms other than the girls', Dude said.

Coy's case will be the first to challenge a restroom restriction under the state's anti-discrimination act, the Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund said.

For now, the first-grader is being home-schooled. www.cnn.com/2013/02/27/us/colorado-transgender-girl-school/index.html 3/11 E 3 3/1/13 Parents of transgender first-grader file discrimination complaint - CNN.com

Girl Scouts accept transgender kid, provoking cookie boycott

Reaction to Coy's story

CNN's online audience has responded to this story with a range of questions and comments, with many saying the child is too young to comprehend gender differences. Mostly, posters said they felt sorrow for Coy as a child who is struggling.

"Just let the kid use the gender-neutral bathrooms. When he/she is a teen, if he is still convinced he is a girl, maybe then you can get into it with the school," said commenter EDM.

"This kid is going to have a hard enough life if he really is transsexual, why start fighting battles now, when he should just be blissfully ignorant"?

Transgender teacher sues school for alleged discrimination

Commenter AlawJ said the story left a "negative impression of the parents."

"My rash view may be unfair, but I remember being that age and have helped raise 9 nieces and nephews. One wanted to be a firetruck and ran around making truck noises. Another one of the boys liked to play dress up with the girls," AlawJ wrote. "My fiance's little brother always wore dresses as well. But, at the end of the day, the parents are there to be the adults and make decisions for them.

"I also am a little weary when you read a story where the parents are filing lawsuits for their 6 year old child's rights."

Editor's note: A previous version of this story quoted certain reader comments that were harshly critical of Coy's parents. We removed these comments because we decided they did not increase understanding of this complex and personal issue.

CNN's Cristy Lenz and Madison Park contributed to this report.

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Transgender kids: Painful quest to be 12k 236 23 9

who they are Recommend Tw eet Share By Madison Park, CNN updated 10:34 AM EDT, Tue September 27, 2011 Print Email More sharing

STORY HIGHLIGHTS Berkeley, California (CNN) -- One of the first things Thomas Lobel

Transgender children feel a told his parents was that they were wrong. disconnect betw een their biology and gender The 3-year-old had learned sign language because he had apraxia, Some children said they felt a speech impediment that hindered his ability to talk. The toddler uncomfortable w ith their pointed to himself and signed, "I am a girl." assigned gender as early as they could remember "Oh look, he's confused," his parents said. Maybe he mixed up the Not all gender nonconforming behavior for kids mean they w ill signs for boy and girl. So they signed back. "No, no. Thomas is a become transgender boy." Hormone treatments exist to help kids transition to the opposite But the toddler shook his head. "I am a girl," he signed back gender emphatically.

Regardless of the fact he was physically male, Thomas has always maintained that he is a girl. When teased at school about being quiet and liking dolls, Thomas would repeat his simple response, "I am a girl." NewsPulse Most popular stories right now

Thomas, now 11, goes by the name of Tammy, wears dresses to Michigan to take over Detr oit school and lives as a girl. city government

Her parents have been accused by family, friends and others of Americans see biggest monthly income drop in 20 years being reckless, causing their youngest child permanent damage by allowing her to live as a girl. Florida man swallowed by sinkhole in bedroom When children insist that their gender doesn't match their body, it can trigger a confusing, painful odyssey for the family. And most of 4 myths about the spending cuts the time, these families face isolating experiences trying to decide what is best for their kids, especially because transgender issues Opinion: No 'Avenger' in sight are viewed as mysterious, and loaded with stigma and judgment. for America

Explore the news with NewsPulse » Transgender children experience a disconnect between their sex, which is anatomy, and their gender, which includes behaviors, roles and activities. In Thomas' case, he has a male body, but he prefers More from CNN Vide o: female things likes skirts and dolls, rather than pants and trucks. Hot air balloon burns, Gender identity often gets confused with sexual orientation. The plummets to ground difference is "gender identity is who you are and sexual orientation is who you want to have sex with," said Dr. Johanna Olson, professor of clinical pediatrics at University of Southern California, Kid hides in locker, tapes who treats transgender children. teacher

When talking about young kids around age 3, they're probably not interested in sexual orientation, she said. But experts say some Teen beauty queen resigns in children look like they will be transgender in early childhood, and porn flap turn out gay, lesbian or bisexual.

Gender nonconformity is not a disorder, group says See cheerleader's half-c ourt tr ick shot There is little consistent advice for parents, because robust data and studies about transgender children are rare. The rates of people who are transgender vary from 1 in 30,000 to 1 in 1,000, What's this? depending on various international studies. From Around the Web Young Boy Forced to Transfer www.cnn.com/2011/09/27/health/transgender-kids 1/11 E 5 3/1/13 Transgender kids: Painful quest to be who they are - CNN.com Like Tammy, some children as young as 3, show early signs of Schools For a Disease He gender dysphoria or gender identity disorder, mental health experts Doesn’t Have red​Orbit who work with transgender children estimate. These children are not

intersex -- they do no have a physical disorder or malformation of Avalanna Routh Shows their sexual organs. The gender issue exists in the brain, though Charisma, Heartwarming whether it's psychological or physiological is debated by experts. Personality on ‘Today… NESN One of the most recognizable transgender celebrities is Chaz Bono, who currently competes on "Dancing with the Stars." Born female to entertainers Sonny and Cher, Bono underwent a transition to become a man in his 40s. He wrote in his book "Transition" that even in his childhood, he had been "aware of a part of me that did not fit."

Many transgender kids report feeling discomfort with their gender as early as they can remember.

Mario, a 14-year-old Californian who asked his full name Health Re source s from not be used, was born female. He dresses and acts like a HealthGrade s boy, because, he said, since he was 2 years old, he 8 tips from an expert on lice never genuinely felt like a girl. How clean hands help manage diabetes "I feel uncomfortable in female clothes," said Mario. "I feel When depression doesn't go away Proud to be 'Born This Way' like why should I wear this when it's not who I am? Why Coping tips for Parkinson's caregivers should I be this fake person?" Can psychotherapy help lupus?

But when a child starts identifying with the opposite gender, there is no way to determine whether it's temporary or likely to become permanent. Sponsored links

"It's important to acknowledge the signs of gender dysphoria, Reno Fibromyalgia Doctor Discover How Power Health In Reno Can Help You End Your especially for children," said Eli Coleman, who chaired a committee Nagging Pain to update treatment guidelines for the World Professional PowerHealthReno.com/Fibromyalgia Association for Transgender Health, an international medical group 3 Early Signs of Dementia meeting this week in Atlanta, Georgia. "By not addressing it, it could Doctor: Know These 3 Warning Signs You're About to Suffer be really more damaging for the child than not." Dementia www.newsmax.com

"It's a very difficult area and there are a lot of children who have Diet Meals for Diabetics gender nonconformity. They will simply grow out of that. Many of Lose Weight & Improve Your Health. Nationwide Delivery to Your Door! them later on identify as gay or lesbian, rather than transgender." www.SeattleSutton.com

The American Psychological Association warns that "It is not helpful to force the child to act in a more gender-conforming way." When they're forced to conform, some children spiral into depression, behavioral problems and even suicidal thoughts.

Your comments: Too young to know your gender?

Do kids know who they are?

Thomas Lobel's metamorphosis can be told in pictures.

After his parents, Pauline Moreno and Debra Lobel, adopted Thomas at age 2, they observed that he was aloof. Shy and freckle-faced, he usually sat in a corner reading a book.

The journey of gender Unlike his two older brothers who were boisterous, athletic and masculine, Thomas was unusually quiet. Because of his speech impediment, he had to go to special education. Despite developing better speech skills, he didn't want to engage in conversation or socialize.

"He seemed so depressed and unhappy all the time," Lobel said. "He didn't enjoy playing. He sat there all the time, not interacting with anybody. He seemed really lonely."

In photos, Thomas appears small with a clenched smile and a glazed and distant look in his eyes. www.cnn.com/2011/09/27/health/transgender-kids 2/11 E 6 3/1/13 Transgender kids: Painful quest to be who they are - CNN.com

Throughout his childhood, Thomas wanted to read Wonder Woman comics rather than Superman, wear rhinestone-studded hairbands instead of baseball caps and play with dolls rather than action figures. And, his parents said, he kept insisting he was a girl.

His personality His situation worsened when Thomas told his parents he wanted to cut off his penis. His parents tried to rationalize changed from a with him, warning him that he could bleed to death. But very sad kid who his request was a signal to them that this was serious and sat still... to a required professional help. very happy littl e After seeing therapists and psychiatrists, the mental health specialists confirmed what Thomas had been girl who was saying all along. At age 7, he had gender identity thrilled to be disorder. alive. The diagnosis was hard for Moreno and Lobel to accept. Pauline Moreno

"The fact that she's transgender gives her a harder road ahead, an absolute harder road," Moreno said.

They have been accused of terrible parenting by friends, family and others, that "we're pushing her to do this. I'm a lesbian. My partner is a lesbian. That suddenly falls into the fold: 'Oh, you want her to be part of the lifestyle you guys live,' " Moreno said.

But that couldn't be further from the truth, they said. People don't understand how a hurting child can break a parent's heart.

"No parent wants to be in this situation," said Lisa Kenney, managing director of Gender Spectrum, a conference for families of gender nonconforming children. "Nobody had a child and imagined this was what would happen."

Transgender kids do not come from lax parenting where adults "roll over" to their kids' whims, said Olson, who treats transgender children.

"The parents are tortured by it," she said. "These are not easy decisions. Parents go through a long process going through this."

Moreno and Lobel allowed their child pick his own clothes at age 8. Thomas chose girl's clothing and also picked four bras. Then, Thomas wanted to change his name to Tammy and use a female pronoun. This is called social transitioning and can include new hairstyles, wardrobe. Aside from mental health therapy, this stage involves no medical interventions. Social transitioning is completely reversible, said Olson, a gender identity specialist.

Every step of the way, her parents told Tammy, "If at any time you want to go back to your boy's clothes, you can go back to Thomas. It's OK." Tammy has declined every time.

She continues to see therapists.

Tammy's room is painted bright golden yellow, decorated with stuffed animals and cluttered with pink glittery tennis shoes. At home, Tammy dances through the hallway, twirling in her pink flower dress.

"As soon as we let him put on a dress, his personality changed from a very sad kid who sat still, didn't do much of anything to a very happy little girl who was thrilled to be alive," Moreno said.

iReport: 'I am transgender, and I want my voice to be heard'

The hormone question

This summer, Tammy began the next phase of transition, taking www.cnn.com/2011/09/27/health/transgender-kids 3/11 E 7 3/1/13 Transgender kids: Painful quest to be who they are - CNN.com hormone-blocking drugs. This controversial medical treatment prevents children from experiencing puberty.

Girls who feel more like boys take hormone-suppressing medications so they will not develop breasts and start menstruating. Boys who identify as girls can take blockers to avoid developing broad shoulders, deep voice and facial hair. The drugs put their puberty on pause, so they can figure out whether to transition genders.

The hormone blockers are also reversible, because once a child stops taking the drugs, the natural puberty begins, said Dr. Stephen Rosenthal, pediatric endocrinologist at UC San Francisco.

But if the child wants to transition to the other gender, he or she can take testosterone or estrogen hormone treatment to go through the puberty of the opposite gender.

This transgender hormone therapy for children is relatively new in the United States after a gender clinic opened in Boston in 2007. Programs for transgender children exist in cities including , Seattle and San Francisco. The kids are treated by pediatric endocrinologists after long evaluations by mental health professionals.

No statistics exist on the number of transgender children taking such medical treatments.

Medical practitioners have to be careful with children with gender identity issues, said Dr. Kenneth Zucker, head of the Gender Identity Service in the Child, Youth, and Family Program and professor at the University of Toronto. Giving children hormone blockers to kids before the age of 13 is too early, he said.

Zucker conducted a study following 109 boys who had gender identity disorder between the ages of 3 and 12. Researchers followed up at the mean age of 20 and found 12% of these boys continued to want to change genders.

"The vast majority of children lose their desire to be of the other gender later," he said. "So what that means is that one should be very cautious in assuming say that a 6-year-old who has strong desire to be of the other gender will feel that way 10 years later."

All of this leads to unsettling answers for families trying to understand their children. No one knows whether a child's gender dysphoria will continue forever or if it is temporary.

The unsatisfying answer repeated by experts is that only time will tell.

Despite the murky science and social stigma that confound adults, Mario, who has lived as a boy since fourth grade, has a simple answer.

"Don't change for nobody else," he said. "Just be you and be happy."

Video produced by CNN's Brandon Ancil.

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