Ashram Life: Heaven Or Hell? Is Community Living All That It Is Cracked up to Be?

spirit ~ FIRST PERSON

Ashram life: heaven or hell? is community living all that it is cracked up to be?

a sceptic investigates

by Arundhathi Subramaniam

irst, a confession. I have a deep and ego collisions, complacency, pettiness, irreverent wit with gravitas, intensity Fvisceral sympathy for Sartre’s line partisanship. In any case, isn’t a with gentleness. Above all, his under- about hell being other people. community that’s discovered or chosen standing of spiritual tradition is keen but I see the point of community, of – however blunderingly — preferable to non-puritanical – a vital stance in times course. The sangha – a fellowship of one that’s imposed or designed? (A bit of growing religious fundamentalism. seekers committed to living in harmony like preferring a serendipitous love over I still have reservations about guru with shared ideals – makes sense to me. an ‘arranged’ marriage, I figure.) The figures. The equation with them is often It certainly seems saner than the notion of a spiritual kibbutz appeals, but too totalitarian for comfort. But I’m awed individual groping for meaning in a state I have misgivings about its workability. by this man’s ability to give of himself of splendid isolation. So it’s not without apprehension that without being patronising. And I do But. And there’s definitely a but. I embark on my visit to the Isha Yoga acknowledge a certain urgency about my Community living, judging by the Centre in Coimbatore. My feelings about interactions with him. A growing trust historical grapevine, has always been a its founder aren’t particularly ambiva- as well. I don’t quite understand it. I fig- mixed bag. There are the inevitable lent, however. Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev ure that it’s based on some primal hunch concomitants – a pecking order, regi- remains one of the most alive people I’ve that he represents a live connection with mentation, self-abnegation. And those met. I’m drawn to his ability to combine a power source into which it makes sense daily irritants – mismatched chemistries, a sharp intellect with compassion, an to plug. But that’s another story.

58 life positive september 2006 I tell myself I should logically have few exactly is the difference between a of frustration,” he concedes, with the problems with an ashram that’s an faceless mob running on auto-pilot and candour that is more credible than embodiment of his vision. When I first a sangha of renamed monks and nuns any dewy-eyed rhapsody. “But I see visited the place a couple of years ago, running according to a guru’s strictures? brahmacharya as a process, and not an I was impressed. Set against the Does a realised master end up becoming irrevocable one. That helps. Besides, the cloud-smudged magnificence of the something of a Big Brother? big advantage of this life is that your spir- Velliangiri hills, the ashram, with its stark I am curious. Sceptical? A little. But itual process, your interiority, is entirely stone and wood décor, exuded an austere also willing to be surprised. taken care of by Sadhguru. Why would beauty. Nothing ostentatious here, but Swami Abhaya is an ashram stalwart anyone in their right mind give that up?” nothing joyless either. who’s been here over 12 years. Something Is there no resentment at being sub- There was also an air of naturalness about his wry humour makes me suspect jected to a life of obedience? “What makes and self-containment that so many of the a mind complex enough to see that dis- me trust Sadhguru,” says Swami with residents seemed to radiate. There was sent needn’t spell disloyalty. He tells me quiet logic, “is the fact that he’s a man no impression of ‘having arrived’, no of how his inadvertent exclamation who values his freedom. That makes me self-important need to prove a point. (‘Oops!’) once started a discussion on confident that he’d never do anything whether there ought to be a systematised to compromise mine.” Bondage or freedom? code of conduct for brahmacharis. And yet, living out one’s entire life in (Nothing ever came of it though. And he Life on the edge obedience to someone’s diktats – how- still says ‘oops’ on occasion, though he For Kavita, an intense 27-year-old who ever visionary – sounds stifling to me. sees that his role, as a sanyasi, has a recently plunged into brahmacharya, life A couple of days into my recent visit, and certain public significance.) He also at the ashram is about adventure, rather I find myself chafing just a little, an assures me that there’s more of an inner than bovine placidity. “It’s about living irrational spirit of rebellion rekindled. It’s party democracy at work than I suspect. on the edge, walking consciously. It not just the Guru Pooja and yoga at 5.30 “There’s always been room here to challenges you to be conscious, alert, a.m. It’s not just the lack of access to my question, to disagree,” he says. every moment. I’ve always dreamt of a daily dose of caffeine. I know my creaky After a Masters degree in computer situation where everyone is fired up and adjustment to these rules could just be science and engineering, he taught at an dedicated to dissolving the limitations of a process of city-slicker-detox. alternative school in Ooty before joining their personality. And here it is. The What unnerves me somewhat is the the ashram at age 25. It was in college that people here are without agendas, vested sight of the orange-clad, tonsured he first met Sadhguru, however, and interests. They don’t merely offer brahmacharis. I find myself self-conscious remembers him as “clean-shaven support; they offer themselves.” about referring to every second person as and jeans-clad, still an awesome and Raised in Detroit and subsequently ‘Ma’ and ‘Swami’. Something about the inspirational presence, but not yet employed as a schoolteacher in Arkansas, uniformity of their appearance also strikes explicit about his future role as guru”. Kavita decided to spend time at the me as cheerless (though I know this could From ashram inmate to brahmachari ashram after doing some courses with well be the illusion of ‘out-group was a journey that took a year.“One day, Sadhguru in the US.“I was already expe- homogeneity’).And I’m unsettled by the Sadhguru called me. We talked for riencing heightened levels of energy, looming persona of the guru – even in his around 10 minutes. At the end of that clarity and vibrancy, and I thought I’d absence. Love and gratitude towards him conversation I knew I wanted to take turn myself into Superwoman here and I understand, even share. But there seems brahmacharya. I don’t remember all he go back! I was also struck by the volun- to be a disquieting air of glazed-eyed said, but I do recall this: he reminded me teers here – their dignity, grace and adoration and hushed reverence. of my college days when my friends were gentleness. Trying to emulate Sadhguru Does my disquiet say more about me always going to see Rajnikanth films. I seemed ambitious. But trying to emulate than my environment? Perhaps. But the never did. ‘Did you ever feel you were these people was an inspiring prospect.” questions start fermenting nonetheless. missing out on something?’ Sadhguru Before she knew it, she’d enrolled for How do the inmates of a collective asked.” The implication was clear: a Teachers’ Training programme and negotiate their space? Is there no renouncing the householder’s life need found her grand ambitions punctured. simmering discontent? Open protest? be no more dire than abstaining from a “It was humbling. I thought I had to While dismantling the ego is the aim of certain genre of cinema for life! climb, conquer, and be the best. But any spiritual community, do people get Have there been crises of faith over the becoming a teacher is about unlearn- homogenised in the process? What years? “There’ve certainly been moments ing, melting, becoming a conduit. I found

life positive september 2006 59 myself growing more childlike, playful, two years ago. “Through my growing it,”she says.“Earlier, there were no rules unrestricted. I liked the change and years, I had a burning quest for in my life, but absolute bondage. Today, decided to stay on.”The challenge is now something authentic,” she muses. I live with rules but few compulsions.” different. “Earlier, I wanted to make Attending an introductory talk by Hazra is in her early 50s, also Lebanese, myself a person of worth. Now I want to Sadhguru was a turning point. “I was and generates a warmth to which I’m unmake myself so something worthy can floored by his logic, his commonsense.” drawn. A deep feverish need for a shine through me.” Two programmes later, she found spiritual guide had preceded her first And does she never yearn for colour, herself feeling more energetic and alive encounter with Sadhguru in Nashville, I ask curiously. Does she never wake up than ever before. There was also a USA. When she met him, she recognised with the urge to wear turquoise blue, for mounting recognition of the fact that she him as the strange figure that had instance, instead of the prescribed orange had discovered an ‘authentic’ master. She appeared to her in a dream not so long or white? Even the thought is unsettling, recalls hastening to meet Sadhguru at a ago and taken her on a ‘cosmic tour’, says Kavita.“There’s nothing wrong with fellow meditator’s home. “I ran to him, as it were. Her journey followed a now- blue, but I know it isn’t for me. That’s bowed down at his feet (though that’s familiar trajectory: an increasing involve- how deep the transformation goes.” entirely alien to my culture) and wept for ment with Isha, followed by the decision And that proves to be one of the recur- a long, long time. He just let me be there.” to move to the ashram. rent motifs of my conversations with Soon, she scraped together her Yes, community living presents its people here: the silent interior transfor- resources and came to Coimbatore to share of challenges. Dorm living, for one. mation initiated by the alchemist guru. spend a few months and do the advanced She shares a room and bathroom with Each one I talk to vouches for it. That four others, but is now used to it. She’s remains, they say, one of the chief rea- v also had her share of yearnings – for cof- sons underlying their allegiance to Isha. fee, for pasta, for books (none of which This is not an easy place to be. It shows It’s not a sanctuary are encouraged in the ashram). But she’s up one’s warts with more clarity than one reached the point, she says, when she might care for. It’s not a sanctuary as as much as a laboratory enjoys them when they’re available but much as a laboratory where the subject doesn’t miss them when they’re not. of experiment is the self. But it’s a place where the subject “Living in an ashram is about breaking committed to growth. And that makes your limitations, not reinforcing them.” the discomfort worthwhile. As Sadhguru is the self. While she still visits the US and once remarked, the growth of all Isha Lebanon annually, she maintains that any meditators was assured; their only choice u other kind of life pales into insignificance was to mature willingly or unwillingly. before this one. “Why do we settle for The other subject that keeps surfacing Samyama course.“It was painful. My old crumbs when we’re all invited to a mag- is the paradox by which commitment (to habits were being demolished, and nificent feast?” she asks wonderingly. a spiritual process or guru), actually yet I felt he was holding my hand Her question stays with me. fosters a process of inner freedom. Each throughout. It seemed like the authentic A magnificent feast? Paradise on earth? of them seems to feel this sense of experience I’d always been looking for.” I admit I still don’t quite see the ashram participation in a common journey – a If Samyama made life seem sudden- that way. But as I sit outside my cottage voyage from compulsion to growing ly simple (“All the emotions that had watching the morning mist swirl around choice. Having watched myself grow a dominated my life fell away, and I felt I the stillness of the Velliangiri mountains, tad less rigid about some of my own could finally breathe”), the Teachers’ some of the fevered questions fall away. habits during my two years of Isha yoga, Training programme brought a freedom I remember the way I once felt in a cab I have a sense of what they mean. It also she’d never known. “I still have garbage on my way to the ashram – the inexpli- brings to mind Sadhguru’s frequent to get rid of, but I’m freer than I’ve ever cable sense that there’s no place else I’d declaration that he will never allow his been. Earlier, my greatest fear was com- rather be. meditators to be enslaved or entangled mitment. Today, I want my life to be an At least just then. by their relationship with him. endless offering to my guru – and I know And for a while, for just a little while, Naheed is wide-eyed, soft-voiced, even that’s not enough. I also know he’s it feels like perhaps I could allow myself Lebanese and all of 24. She left a committed to me in the same way.” to unbelong — and still be home. [ burgeoning career as a stage actor in Is the stage now an abandoned voca- Beirut to train as a teacher in the ashram (Names have been changed to protect the identities tion? “I still love acting, but don’t need of the interviewees.)

60 life positive september 2006