The Spooky Eye (Halloween Edition, 2019)
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The Spooky Eye ANOKA-RAMSEY STUDENT NEWSPAPER SPECIAL HALLOWEEN EDITION BY THE CAMPUS EYE OCTOBER 2019 Headlines We Didn’t Turn into Stories Nerd sells soul to pay for gaming console. Satanists offer a hell of a deal. Casper refuses to help an old lady cross the street, loses reputation as Friendly Ghost. Bela Lugosi not dead, but continues to live as Dracula and doesn’t vant people to know. Leatherface posts chunky stew recipe on Yummly.com. Yelp review to Camp Crystal Lake shows signs of living. Illegal aliens from South America tunnel into Area 51 find real aliens. Aliens still missing. Men in Black report increased rates of neutralizer use but no one remembers why. Alzheimer’s newborn vampire finds that drinking blood sucks. Page 2 sports Rams Beat Hogwarts in Annual Quidditch Match Evie Kastner, staff writer About 10 feet above the Ano- About three hours in, the Rams 20. There was movement from ka-Ramsey soccer field on Oct. led 100 to 90. The Hogwarts were Hopper. Finally, Hopper stood 31, was the annual quidditch 10 points away from tying the up and put his hand in the air and game. The Anoka-Ramsey Rams game. Hopper was getting clos- there it was; he had the snitch. quidditch team was defending its er and closer to the snitch to end The crowd roared in excite- championship title against the the game. The Hogwarts beaters ment, what an amazing way to Hogwarts team. The two rivals were being more aggressive than end such a long stressful game. faced off in a four-hour game ever before, trying to get Hopper The Rams quidditch team re- with the Rams winning 120 to 90. off his stick. tained its championship title. As soon as the game started Stag hit the bludger straight at the Rams’ star chaser Larry Lit- Hopper. The crowd went com- tle scored 10 points. Hogwarts pletely silent as Hopper stood beater Basil Stag played a mean on his broom stick to quickly game. Stag directed the bludger grab the snitch. Suddenly Hopper Little and Stag fly towards the bluger in the annual quidditch towards Rams seeker Harry Hop- was hit and fell all the way to the match on Oct. 31 held at the per numerous times. ground. Ten seconds go by, then Anoka-Ramsey soccer field. TEKASHI69 RATS OUT STUDENT COMMITTEE Meme by Jonathan Ness Page 3 Sample Name, Staff Writer Top 10 reasons to sell your organs In a world where students are constantly faced with financial stressors, selling your organs to that guy Damien in the trench coat over in the art wing doesn’t sound half bad. Here are our top ten reasons to give Damien your spleen, lung, liver, appendix or whatever else you can spare. Anthony Erickson and Jonathan Ness, staff writers 1. If you ever want to get into 3. Working with sketchy people 5. Everyone else is doing it, so 9. We told you to do so. And if a state university, selling your now can build your underground you should too. Peer pressuring there’s anyone in this world you spleen is the way to go! connections for your career. How is now being featured in news should listen to, it’s The Campus else do you think politicians get articles. Eye. so corrupt? 2. Ever look through Amazon, depressingly gazing at the things 6. You won’t need to take food 10. It’s Halloween, live a little. you can’t afford? Well by selling 4. As an organ donor, you’re from the Campus Cupboard Life is short, and even shorter your kidney, now you can buy already giving away those pricey anymore. Leave the good stuff when you sell too many organs! them all. However this limits organs for free. Who cares about for the rest of us. how much alcohol can be con- that unfortunate spoiled kid who sumed so we personally do not needs a kidney? You just got recommend this option. yourself a brand new Ferrari! 7. Damien is single ladies. It’s time to mingle! 8. You can finally afford all those pricey streaming services. How can you binge Umbrella Academy without selling a testicle? Page 4 The Real Housewives of Transylvania Anthony Erickson, staff writer The creators of The Real Dark—Most memorable for Countess Elizabeth Linda Blair—Famous for Housewives are set to make a her beehive hairdo, gothic dress, Bathory—The terror of 16th her role as the possessed little special Halloween miniseries. and cavernous cleavage, Elvira century Hungary, who murdered girl, Regan, in The Exorcist, The series will star some of the was the hostess of Elvia’s Movie hundreds of women and is said Blair is utterly terrified for taking most iconic starlets in all of Macabre during the 1980s. On to have bathed in virgin blood to on this project and has since horror. this show, Elvira would pres- retain her youthful shimmer, is fired her agent. She was quoted “We thought the other season’s ent B-Rated horror flicks while back for a resurgence. as saying, “The contract is so air- offering her dark and sarcastic The countess wasn’t available tight that a fart would never pass sense of humor in-between com- for comment, as she has a strict from it. I don’t know if I should mercial breaks. bathing regime. Still, it’s been bring a gun or Father Merrin. She jumped onto the opportu- hinted she will be promoting her I’m probably going to die.” She nity when she heard Mrs. Voor- new cosmetic line, most nota- can do everything, folks, from hees would be a cast member. bly her vanishing cream. That horror to comedy. She says she wants to under- sounds like a recipe that can Hopefully everything will be stand the secret behind how her solve the murder that was done ok, considering everyone in the son, Jason, keeps returning from to Angela Lansbury’s skin. cast is either fictional or dead, the dead. Presumably, to help (minus Blair). resurrect her deceased career. Bride of Frankenstein— cast members were all lifeless It was hard to understand how human beings. Why not keep the Bride of Frankenstein was going? It’s worked before,” the really feeling about the oppor- show’s creators said in an email. tunity to star alongside all these We tracked down these famous big named female celebrities, but horror movie characters stars and she sure did scream a lot. one real-life horror to find out A lot, and it wasn’t enjoyable. what motivated them to agree to But how would you feel if a be cast in the show. mad scientist brought you back from the dead to be the inamo- Mrs. Voorhees—The rata of murderous psychopathic mother of Friday the 13th’s monster? linchpin character Jason Voor- hees, and probable cause of his mounting psychiatric bills, will be joining the all-out cast. She expressed her silence by repeat- ing over and over, “You see, Ja- son was my son, and today is his birthday,” while sitting in front of a grinding wheel, sharpening an ax. She doesn’t need to say a lot for members of the press leave her alone. Elvira, Mistress of the Page 5 Local Halloween Haunts Compiled by Karissa Anderson, multimedia staff and David Letellier, staff writer Wabasha Caves, St. Paul Jack-O-Lantern 215 Wabasha St. South Spectacular, Minnesota Zoo Through Nov. 3 Go visit tha haunted caves and hear about the eyewitness spirit sightings. Sandstone caves located on the south shore of the Mississippi River, in downtown St.Paul. Ghost & Graves Tour ($30) Fridays: 6:30, 7:00, 9:30 p.m. Sundays: 3:00, 4:30, 5:30 p.m. Abandoned Anoka state hospital. Image by MattsRadShow Lost Souls Tour ($10) The former state hospital At the Dairy Queen in St. Sundays: 12:30 and 3:00 p.m. in Anoka is said to be haunted Anthony, workers have experi- in the tunnel and in the nursing enced things missing and have No tours on Halloween. Go check out the beautiful building. Things have happened heard their names called out. 5,000 illuminated carved pump- such as cold air blowing, and They have also experienced kins. This is the second year the mysterious sounds which people cold spots and lights blinking St. James Hotel, Red Wing Minnesota Zoo has hosted this had experienced while visiting in and out. These occurances 406 Main St. event. these areas. happen the most around closing The zoo suggests arriving The tunnel may be locked time. Want to get into the Halloween early. down, but you can go to the If you like to check it out, spirt? Go spend a night or two Anoka County courthouse and you may have to ask the city for at the St. James Hotel, Don’t let Sunday-Thursday: 7-10 p.m. ask if you can see it. permission before bringing ghost the beautiful aesthetics of this Adults $18, Children (3-12) & haunting equipment. hotel fool you; there have been seniors (65+) $16 Billy’s Bar and Grill in sightings of spirits. downtown Anoka is haunted $155-179/night Friday and Saturday: 7-11 p.m. on the third floor. A person has Adults $20, Children & seniors, reported seeing a lady staring at $18) him from a third-floor window when he was across the street. She waved at him. When he went to get a friend, she wasn’t there any longer. Billy’s Bar and Grill St.