FSU Parent Handbook

a parent handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol

Rob Turrisi, Ph.D. Prevention Research Center The Pennsylvania State University a parent handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol A Compilation of Information from Parents, Students, and The Scientific Community

Rob Turrisi, Ph.D. Prevention Research Center The Pennsylvania State University

Dear FSU Families, Introduction ...... 7 At Framingham State University, the safety and well-being of our students is our number one Improving Communication in General ...... 8 priority. On occasions when our students do find themselves struggling physically or emotionally, alcohol is often a contributing factor. Communication Pointers...... 10 Alcohol abuse is, unfortunately, all too common on college campuses. It’s one of the main reasons the University elected to become a dry campus several years ago. Nevertheless, we recognize The Initial Conversation ...... 11 that excessive drinking takes place both on and off our campus and we must work together as a community to stop it. Communication: The Short Response...... 12

This handbook is one way we hope to engage parents and families in helping us in this effort. Developing Assertiveness...... 13 The recommendations within have been used by many universities across the country and are supported by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. We hope you will find the strategies outlined helpful as you think about how to speak most effectively with your own student. Talking About Alcohol...... 14

Below are some key points to remember: How Alcohol Works in the Body...... 15

• The transition from high school to college provides parents with an optimal time Why Students Drink...... 17 period to talk about this issue with their son or daughter. Why Students Do Not Drink...... 19 • Research suggests that discussions just prior to starting college lead to lower alcohol consumption during the first year. Binge Drinking: Drinking to Get Drunk ...... 21 • Talking with your son or daughter lowers the risk they will experience serious alcohol-related consequences. Did You Drink When You Were a Student?...... 23

Alcohol abuse is a serious problem that can have severe consequences. We hope this handbook For More Information...... 25 will make it easier for you to discuss these issues with your son or daughter. By working together as a community, we can stop excessive drinking at Framingham State and continue to foster an environment that enables students to thrive socially and academically.

Best wishes, F. Javier Cevallos, PhD President Framingham State University

A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 5 Introduction

The Problem of Alcohol Consumption and Binge Drinking in College-Age Students Alcohol is the most misused and misunderstood drug in our society. Although college-age students are under the legal age for drinking alcohol, NATIONAL SURVEYS SHOW: it is important to remember that alcohol is the most widely used drug by this age group. (See box at left.) 9 out of 10 experiment with alcohol One of the results of the misuse of alcohol in this age group is binge drinking. Sure, we have all heard about “frat parties” and crazy spring break 7 out of 10 trips and assume that these are just another part of the college experience. drink regularly, and Although part of the college experience, binge drinking has been consistently associated with higher incidences of unplanned sexual activity, 3 out of 10 sexual and physical assaults, date rape, injuries, trouble with campus and will be problem drinkers local police, and alcohol-related driving injuries and fatalities. For example, consider this account from a college freshman: By the time males are 18 years old, 1 in 4 of them are “My friend had a drinking contest with her boyfriend. They considered to be binge-type heavy drinkers (they drink once each had five shots of Wild Turkey, two beers, and then started a week or more and have five drinks at one time). a ‘power hour’ or ‘century’ - one shot of beer per minute for 60 minutes. My friend began falling down and looked ill. She laid down to go to sleep and began throwing up for two hours straight. She rolled over and almost choked on her vomit.”

This account from a college student is more common than you may believe. Episodes such as this can be avoided through parents helping their students as they attend college. Time and time again we have heard some parents say, “There is just no use – they will do what they want anyway and don’t care what we say.” This grossly underestimates the influence that parents can have – YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

Families are quite different from one another and we have written this handbook to reach a wide audience. Consequently, there may be some sections of the handbook that you can relate to better than others. This is okay. Not all families are the same and we tried to respect those differences.

By reading this handbook and talking with your son or daughter, you have the opportunity to reduce the likelihood he or she will experience the negative consequences associated with binge drinking.

A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 7 Improving Communication in General

In this chapter, we discuss general issues about communicating effectively with your son or daughter. In all communication processes there are two important aspects: the style in which the material is presented and the content of the material. You may find that some parts of the chapter apply more to you than other parts.

Beginning A Dialogue

The first step in effectively talking FEAR OF HEARING ANGER ABOUT NOT FEAR OF THE STUDENT THINKS THEY ADDITIONAL with your student is simply A LECTURE BEING TRUSTED PUNISHMENT ALREADY KNOW IT ALL CONSIDERATIONS getting the talking started. Such conversations will not necessarily Many students are open to talking Some students interpret a request Another common objection focuses Some students don’t want to talk There are other objections that you occur in a single sitting, but often but the last thing they want to to talk as a sign that you do not trust on fear of being punished. Studies because they think they already might get, although these are the will evolve over multiple times. As hear is a one-way lecture from their them. Studies show that when teens show that when teens fear punishment know everything there is to know major ones. Sometimes you will hear a parent you must take active steps parents about right and wrong. feel they can trust their parents and are they communicate less often with their about a topic. Even though students more than one of them from your to establish the dialogue that is so Studies show more drinking goes on trusted by them they tend to drink less. parents. In turn, these teens tend think they know everything, they son or daughter. The central themes important to both you and your in teens who come from homes where You will need to offer reassurance to drink more often and are more often do not. Don’t let this objection in your response should be that of student. When the time is right, you parents tend to lecture too much. that you are not suspicious and are likely to experience alcohol-related deter you in your pursuit of caring about the student, wanting will want to suggest to your student doing this to help them, not attack consequences. communication. to understand the student, and that you would like to talk with her Student Objection: them. wanting to help the student, while or him. Don’t expect your student “I know what you will do if we talk. Student Objection: Student Objection: at the same time respecting the to agree. In fact, many students will You’ll lecture me like you always do. Student Objection: “Sure, talk with you and you won’t let “I’ve heard it all before. We don’t student’s privacy and desire to be respond with a negative reaction. Then if I argue you will interrupt me.” “What’s the matter, don’t trust me?” me go out. Forget it.” need to talk.” independent. The example parental responses we gave illustrated these Here are some common negative Parental Response: Parental Response: Parental Response: Parental Response: “You’re right. This time I won’t lecture. “I trust you. But this is a very “I promise that I won’t be that way. I “You probably already know quite themes. They may not work well for reactions that students have when your particular son or daughter and I will listen to what you think. I want important issue and I think we need will listen to you. I’ll take what you a bit. It would make me feel better parents try to open a dialogue you may need to adapt them to his about sensitive topics and a few to change things now that you are to pool the information we know to say seriously. I’ll be straight with you if we talked it through. Besides, it heading to college.” make sure you deal with everything and you be straight with me.” would help me to better understand or her particular personality. But ways other parents find useful in if you have open communication dealing with them: effectively and that you know what how things are different from when I to expect and what to do. To do that, was your age.” channels, you are more likely to we need to talk to each other.” help your student. Most of all, be constructive in your responses, not defensive or angry.

8 A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 9 Some Communication Pointers The Initial Conversation

Here Are Some Do’s and Don’ts Studies Have Shown Make Most students have heard comments like “kids getting drunk is terrible” from Be Prepared to Answer other adults and from the media. You should NOT start your conversation Questions About Your A Difference in How Students Respond: with statements such as this. Keep your comments short and remember that you don’t have to say everything. This is the beginning of a conversation. It Own Behavior probably is best to begin with a statement that conveys open-mindedness LISTEN COMMUNICATE DIRECTLY AGREE TO DISENGAGE and then ask your son or daughter questions and his or her experiences. Talk If you truly establish a dialogue with Permit the person to speak without Don’t talk about important things Agree to temporarily stop if things about your own experiences and opinions about how they have changed your son or daughter, then he or interruption. Listen to what he while absorbed in another activity, don’t go well. Wait until both over the years. As you tend to open-up, so will your son or daughter. Keep she will probably ask you questions or she says. Sometimes, it is good such as reading the newspaper, individuals can talk in a calm, direct distinctions between facts and opinions: “My opinion is…This opinion is about your past behavior. Did you to paraphrase. “Let me see if I watching television, or doing the fashion. based on facts. This opinion is based on these experiences. This opinion is drink alcohol when you were a understand you. It sounds like you dishes. based on these observations.” student? If it was okay for you to do, feel that…” With paraphrasing, you USE APPROPRIATE why isn’t it okay for me to do? Did don’t agree or disagree, you interpret. TRY TO APPEAL BODY LANGUAGE Ask your son or daughter what he or she thinks. Listen while trying to you ever get drunk? You need to be TO COMMON GOALS How you position yourself as you talk understand, without defensiveness. Suspend critical judgment. Even prepared to answer such questions VERBALIZE RESPECT Students need to be reminded that can send important messages about if your student says what you want to hear (e.g., “I don’t drink now, let and in ways that the student will not Whenever you can and it is you are on their side. Whenever your attitudes or possibly convey alone drink to get drunk”) don’t think that this means you don’t have to decide that it is permissible to drink. appropriate to do so, convey respect possible, common goals should something you are not trying to talk. Your goal is not just to reassure the student through talking but to the other individual (e.g., “I admire be emphasized and should serve convey. to help expand your student’s thinking. You want to help him or her Before initiating a discussion with what you have done and how you as the basis for your guidance and your son or daughter, you should AVOID DEBATE MODE deal with the range of experiences that your son or daughter is likely to are coping”). People want to be recommendations (e.g., You both encounter in college. take some time to think about respected and will be more willing to want them to be healthy and safe). Sometimes conversations become the kinds of questions he or she talk to those who respect them. Tell structured so that people feel Try to think of thought provoking questions that can be asked in a is likely to ask you and what your your son or daughter you are proud AVOID COMMUNICATION they must “defend” their position. supportive, non-threatening way. For example: Do you know kids who responses will be. of them for being able to handle “STOPPERS” The entire conversation turns to drink a lot? How has it affected them? Have you ever been offered alcohol these tough situations. There are single statements that will a mini-debate. If you sense the by someone you knew? (If so) what did you say? (If not) what would you close anyone down (e.g., “Anyone conversation has turned into a say? What if someone really pushed you? What would you say if they said… CHOOSE A GOOD TIME who drives drunk is crazy;” “No one debate, try suggesting that you both Is there another side to this view? Do you see any risks? Do you have any Choose an optimal time to bring up in this family would ever consider approach matters from a different concerns? Ask questions; don’t lecture! This is probably the single most and discuss problems. Don’t do it doing that”). angle. Also avoid statements that important aspect of communication. People like to talk about themselves when the other person is rushed or begin with “you” (“You did this…”). and their opinions. People like to explore logic and details. has a commitment elsewhere. Wait CONFLICT IS NATURAL They often make the other person until you both can have a relaxed, Realize that conflict is natural. We feel attacked. They do not like to be told what to think! calm discussion. Perhaps you could are not identical to one another. take your child to lunch or out for We all have different beliefs and some ice cream where you could values, therefore disagreement both sit down to talk and listen to is a natural thing. We should use one another. conflict as an opportunity for growth and for learning about each other rather than treating it as a negative experience.

10 A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 11 Communication: The Short Response Developing Assertiveness

A number of parents who we have Parents need to respect this and can create a time where you will When your son or daughter begins COMMON PRESSURE LINES interviewed express frustration not force communication at a bad have his or her undivided attention. college it is likely that they will form at their inability to get their son time. Let it drop and bring it up later. Perhaps taking him or her out to a entirely new social groups. The Students are exposed to a wide range of pressure lines to try to get them or daughter to talk at length on Try to structure a time to talk when quiet dinner or some other place most influential reason why new experiment with drugs or alcohol. Here are some examples of what they any issue. They swear that their the student is apt to be open to it. where a “one-on-one” conversation students drink is because of social might hear: son or daughter has a vocabulary Students are often tired at the end can be effectively initiated will work. reasons. Friends can influence comprised mostly of “Okay, Mom,” of a hard school day or an athletic your son or daughter in two major “I dunno,” “Whatever,” “If you want,” event, and this may not be the best ways. First, there is active social Come on, everyone has tried it. You’ll have an incredible “Sure, okay,” “Not now,” when it time to try to start a conversation. influence, which occurs when time if you do. comes to parental conversation. Or the student may be preoccupied a friend explicitly suggests that If you won’t drink with us, Some students use these responses with something else. Think about your son or daughter engage in then why are you hanging out Come on, take a drink. It will when they don’t feel like talking your student’s schedule and how you some behavior (e.g., “Let’s go get with us? get you in the mood. because they are busy, tired, or drunk”). Second, there is passive simply not in the mood. Maybe the influences such as when they think It’s all part of growing up Everyone is doing it. student thinks he or she is just going everyone is doing it and that it is and being in college. to hear yet another lecture from the an acceptable thing to do. Part of You’ve been working too hard. parent. Maybe the student thinks reducing social pressure is not only We drank once before, so You deserve to go party. that the parent will start nagging at helping your son or daughter resist what’s the problem now? him or her, yet again. The student active influence attempts but also You can study tomorrow. may think the parent just doesn’t helping your student to put into You will love it! understand them. perspective the fact that (1) not everyone is necessarily doing it, (2) even if people were, this does not Students need to develop adequate as “It’s just not for me, it’s not what make it right or a good thing to do, responses to such pressure lines. I want” or “I don’t drink” will work and (3) friends may respect your What they need most are simple quite effectively. We have evaluated son or daughter for not drinking. but effective “one liners” that will a wide range of possible responses diffuse the pressure without making and students clearly prefer simple, There may be times when your a big scene or issue about it. It is straightforward “outs” to the son or daughter may be put in difficult for parents to provide such pressure situation. Encourage the situations where he or she is responses to the student because student to think about such “one pressured by one or more peers parents usually are not aware of liners” beforehand to be prepared if to perform behaviors she would the current language that students he or she finds himself or herself in rather not engage in. For example, use with one another. It is probably an uncomfortable situation. he or she may be pressured by more useful for parents to tell their someone to have a drink when your students that they will probably be son or daughter doesn’t want to. exposed to pressures to drink and for Students need to develop skills to the student to try to think of short resist such pressure and affirm their yet effective responses to pressure own values, beliefs, and attitudes. attempts. Often such simple phrases

12 A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 13 Talking About Alcohol How Alcohol Works in the Body

Alcohol is the most misused drug in our society, although most people do not even consider alcohol to be a drug. Alcohol is a drug that is absorbed In the media it is suggested that What is common to all individuals It takes only a single episode of intoxication to experience life-changing consequences, accidents, arrests, etc. into the bloodstream from the most individuals can have one drink and all situations is that alcohol We are not so naïve that we think that parents talking with their sons and daughters about alcohol use will put an stomach and the small intestine. It per hour and maintain sobriety. depresses the brain and slows down end to alcohol consumption in college students. However, you should do everything in your power to minimize is broken down by the liver and Unfortunately, this is a dangerous major functions such as breathing, odds of them being at risk. then eliminated from the body. rule. For individuals weighing over heart rate, and thinking. This is one There are limits to how fast the 200 pounds this might be true, but reason why alcohol is so dangerous. PARENTAL RELUCTANCE TO TALK WITH STUDENT ABOUT DRINKING liver can break down alcohol for most females and males, even If an individual drinks too much and this process cannot be sped ½ drink per hour could lead to alcohol, his or her breathing or MYTH FACT up. Until the liver has had time to intoxication and the bad things that heart rate can reach dangerously break down all of the alcohol, the go along with it (fights; accidents). low levels or even stop. Over 90% of students try alcohol outside the home before alcohol continues to circulate in My son or daughter is not interested in drinking. graduating from high school. the bloodstream, affecting all of As alcohol reaches the brain, a the body’s organs, including the person begins to feel drunk . The brain. Nothing can speed this up. exact nature of this feeling can vary Although most students do learn about alcohol in their considerably from individual to My son or daughter has learned about the negative Not exercise, drinking coffee, etc. classes on health, we have found that many important individual and even within the same effects of alcohol in school. Nothing. issues never got covered. individual from situation to situation.

Unfortunately, the reality is that many students at this At this point my son or daughter should know better. point in their lives are still uninformed about how powerful a drug alcohol can be. Physical and Psychological Effects Alcohol is measured in terms of and speaking. This is what is known People are notoriously bad at The results of the American College Health Survey blood alcohol content. In popular commonly as a “black-out”. The estimating how drunk they are. In My son or daughter won’t listen at this point. revealed that parents were the number one source that press, you may see reference to person is awake, but the brain is cases where they are very drunk, it students turned to for important information. terms such as BAC or BAL. A BAC of focusing on other more important is indeed obvious. But more often 0.1 percent means that 1/1000 of tasks such as breathing and keeping than not, people get to the point the fluid in the blood is alcohol. This the heart and blood going. where they are impaired but do may seem very small, but it does not not realize it. Study after study Most students DO NOT know how IN YOUR TALKS THERE Third, students drink for a variety of Finally, you need to make clear take much to achieve this level. For has demonstrated that people are drinks influence the blood alcohol ARE SEVERAL TOPICS reasons. If you address this directly, your willingness to help your son example, a 150-pound female who extremely poor at guessing how level. In fact, they have many THAT YOU SHOULD then he or she will be better able or daughter find constructive consumes 5 drinks in 2 hours will sober they are. misconceptions about how drinking BE SURE TO ADDRESS to think through the choices she/ alternatives to drinking. have a BAC near 0.1. A 115-pound affects BAC. Students tend to think he makes when confronted with female who consumes 4 drinks in 2 that the impact on BAC of additional First, you should talk about how “positive” motivations. hours will have a BAC near 0.1. At a drinking affects the body. Students BAC of 0.1, most students will be drinks is smaller after more drinks need to know how drinking on a Fourth, you need to discuss reasons very drunk. Their thinking, vision, have been consumed. This is wrong. given occasion will affect them. for NOT drinking and the many hearing, reaction time, movement Each additional drink adds the same negative consequences that can and judgments of speed and amount of alcohol to the blood Second, you should make clear result from drinking. distance will be seriously impaired. whether or not that drink is the first your own position concerning your It is likely that the brain will not or fifth drink. student’s drinking, exactly what is form new memories even though okay and what is not. the person is completely conscious

14 A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 15 Reasons Why Students Drink

Many accidental deaths occur from mixing alcohol with other drugs. Even drugs that you can buy without a It is important for parents to recognize that there will be “positive” reasons (at least from the student’s perspective) for prescription, such as aspirin or cold remedies, can change the way alcohol acts on the body. why they choose to drink. If parents only choose to focus discussions on the negative aspects of drinking, ignoring the positive aspects, they run the risk of losing credibility in their son’s or daughter’s eyes. Also, you need to help your son

ALCOHOL (beer, wine, liquor) or daughter put these “positive” motivations in perspective so that they do not start to drink because of them. Here are EFFECTS: MIXED WITH: some of the major ones that research has shown impact drinking behavior. Antibiotics Extreme drowsiness, decreases effectiveness ADDS TO A CELEBRATION as have sex with someone that, if MAKES IT EASIER TO EXPRESS Antihistamines Extreme drowsiness, causes temporary depression Some students believe that drinking sober, they would choose not to, or FEELINGS/LESS INHIBITED is one way to celebrate a special going further sexually than they are Another reason students give for Aspirin Stomach and intestinal bleeding occasion. For example, a friend may interested. Second, perpetrators drinking is that they believe that High Blood Pressure Medicines Dangerously lowered blood pressure suggest to your son or daughter that of sexual assault use alcohol to alcohol helps make it easier to they have a few beers after finishing render their victims incapacitated express feelings or talk with people Narcotics Extreme slowing of brain activities, breathing slowed down or stopped an important assignment. It is and unable to fight back. Alcohol to whom they are attracted. Parents important that you talk with your might prevent them from being need to be sensitive to how difficult Non-Narcotic Pain Killers Stomach and intestinal irritation or bleeding son or daughter about alternative able to recognize red flag behavior it is for students to communicate Extreme slowing of brain activities, breathing slowed down or stopped, ways of celebrating such as: (1) in perpetrators. Finally, there is in a new environment where they Sedatives & Tranquilizers heart slowed or stopped suggesting that your son or daughter considerable scientific evidence are unlikely to know anybody. go shopping for something special to indicate that students are much Parents should point out that while (e.g., clothes, music, sporting goods); more likely to engage in unprotected often releasing inhibitions, alcohol Some parents allow their sons or HERE ARE BELIEFS THAT Fresh air will help you become sober (2) suggesting an outing, such as intercourse if they have been actually could cloud judgments, daughters to drink a controlled MANY STUDENTS HOLD dinner, that would include a few drinking, thereby increasing the making students think that they are A quick walk will help you amount on certain occasions, such WHICH ARE NOT TRUE: special friends; and/or (3) offering to chances of an unintended pregnancy communicating better when, in fact, become sober as holidays and family functions. Still have friends over for a small dinner or a sexually transmitted disease, they are not. Often times alcohol Black coffee will help you other parents believe it is all right for party (without alcohol). Encourage such as AIDS. interferes with communication become sober Going from dark lighting to bright students to drink small amounts of lighting will help you become sober your student to tell you about about what is okay and what is LOWERS STRESS alcohol, as long as he or she does so Exercise will help you become sober significant things that happen in his not. We know that sexual assault is in a responsible fashion. Your own Drinking milk before drinking or her life and then try to help him or Another reason students give for almost never a miscommunication orientation as a parent is a matter Eating food will help you will allow you to drink as her celebrate positively. drinking is that alcohol helps reduce but a deliberate choice on the of your own values. However, if become sober much as you want worries. Parents should talk with perpetrator’s part. you are going to permit your son or MAKES YOU FEEL SEXIER, their sons or daughters to find out daughter to drink alcohol in certain Taking a cold shower will help you Putting a penny in your mouth ENHANCES SEXUALITY about what worries them and help contexts, then you must be clear become sober will lower your BAC Some students believe that the student directly confront these about exactly what these contexts drinking alcohol adds to sexual worries in a realistic fashion. Parents are and what constitutes responsible experiences, but it is important to can also point out the need to behavior. Studies consistently These myths are important to dispel because students may decide warn your son or daughter about confront problems directly rather show that when parents permit to drive drunk after engaging in such activities, thinking that the the dangers in mixing alcohol and than avoid them and note that the their sons or daughters to drink sex. First, because alcohol impairs problem does not go away because activity has “sobered them up.” In fact, the activity only creates a they tend to drink more often and judgment, students may do things you drink (and, in fact, it may heavier outside the home. temporary illusion of sobering up and in some instances increases that they may regret later on, such become worse). drunkenness.

16 A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 17 Why Students Do Not Drink

PEER PRESSURE HELPS MOOD Many students choose not to drink and the reasons they cite for not doing so can form the cornerstone of your Another important reason why Many students believe that alcohol conversations about the disadvantages of drinking. Before discussing these, we must interject a word of caution. If you students drink is the influence of will help them get in a better mood. HERE ARE try strong scare tactics with students by inducing a great deal of fear about negative consequences, then your efforts friends. Your son or daughter may They should know that it is normal SOME SUGGESTIONS feel pressured to drink. This pressure to feel sad and stressed at times. might actually backfire. Research has shown that when faced with highly fear arousing information, some people will 1. Try to meet three can be direct, as in the form of They should also find alternate ways often “turn off” to it and not pay as much attention to it. This is because such information and thoughts are anxiety someone handing him a beer at a to regulate their mood without new people. provoking and people are motivated to avoid anxiety. Why think about something when it is unpleasant to do so? party, or it can be indirect, such as alcohol or other drugs (e.g., caffeine). 2. Try to find individuals who In addition, strong scare tactics will often result in a loss of credibility. If you paint a picture based solely on the dire when he or she wants to be part of a Exercise is always a good alternative share common interests group and that group experiments to help improve one’s mood. It is also other than drinking. consequences of drinking and a student fails to see such consequences materialize when he, she, or a friend drinks, with alcohol. Parents CANNOT important to explain to your son or then the student will infer that you were wrong or you were exaggerating the consequences. Discuss the negative choose their student’s friends for daughter that the “high” from alcohol 3. Try to think about topics consequences in a matter of fact, honest, and straightforward fashion. them. However, parents can help is accompanied by extreme lows as for conversation before their son or daughter understand well. going to the party to the dynamics of peer pressure and keep the focus of the DRINKING IS ILLEGAL DRINKING MAKES SOMETHING TO DO stress the importance of being his or conversation away from Students generally know that drinking alcohol under the age of 21 is illegal. YOU SICK OR PASS OUT Some students get bored and her own person. Finally, parents and drinking or not drinking. However, the general perception is that they will not get caught by the Alcohol is an irritant to the lining of turn to alcohol as a means of students can talk about situations authorities and suffer any legal consequences. The fact is there is some truth the digestive system. If too much is getting excitement out of their that could come up, such as a friend 4. Never drink from a glass to this perception. If, as a parent, you try to convey to your student the idea consumed, an individual will vomit lives. To confront this, you can introducing alcohol at a party, so that has been out of your that there is a high probability of being caught when in fact there is not, then and the effects on the system can offer alternatives that your son that students can anticipate how to sight. Unfortunately there you will probably lose credibility. Instead of taking such a position, we have be felt for days (frequently referred or daughter can pursue. Some react. are some predators who found it useful simply to remind students about the many ways that they to as a “hangover”). Nobody at a examples include getting involved use drugs to facilitate may get caught. Drinking at parties often leads to public disturbances and party or a social function likes being FITTING IN in sports, hobbies, music, dance, committing sexual assault. complaints to police, who will arrest all at the scene who are intoxicated. around someone who is sick. This Often the highlight of the day after games, reading, and school clubs. is complicated by the fact that the drinking are the post-party war Students could also become What happens if authorities catch a student? This varies from community to sickness one experiences often stories about who drank the most involved in volunteer activities that community and judge to judge. However, there generally will be substantial happens suddenly and with little shots, who blacked-out, and who are associated with causes they costs in legal fees. There will be family embarrassment, since many such warning. had the worst hangover. Although really care about, such as protecting arrests are routinely reported in newspapers (not as headlines, of course, but some students view these outcomes the environment or promoting in smaller sections labeled “Police Reports”). The student will also probably as badges of honor, our findings literacy. This is a good way to meet experience embarrassment, as he or she is publicly associated through the suggest that hangovers, black-outs, others with similar interests and newspapers with getting caught for alcohol consumption. Prosecution in and heavy drinking are associated also to feel good about themselves. court may require the parent to take time off from work, thus costing the with accidents, unsafe sex, arrests, Many students go to parties or have family money. Our experience has shown that students rarely have thought missed work, failed courses, and parties as a means of entertainment. about even half of the above consequences and that making them more general victimization. It is important Drinking frequently occurs in such aware of the implications of an arrest may have deterrent value. to understand that the data shows settings and it is important that that perpetrators of sexual assault you provide suggestions on how target people who are incapacitated students can enjoy themselves by alcohol. without alcohol.

18 A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 19 Binge Drinking: Drinking to Get Drunk

DRINKING CAN LEAD Binge drinking refers to individuals who set out to get drunk on a given TO PREMATURE DEATH occasion by drinking five or more drinks in the course of a short period of Excessive alcohol consumption time (e.g., over the course of two hours). Binge drinking is quite common can have serious negative physical in both high schools and colleges. Almost 30% of high school students have effects. Among other things, it engaged in binging. Many colleges report rates as high as 60%. There are causes damage to the liver, kidneys, EXAMPLES OF SIGNS THAT MAY BE INDICATIONS times when individuals will plan to binge drink (e.g., Let’s go out and get brain, and cardiovascular system, OF A DRINKING PROBLEM INCLUDE: hammered!). However, there are numerous occasions where individuals will which are all long term in nature. only plan on having a drink or two, but get carried away by drinking games, There are however, countless parties that get out of hand or someone buys a round of drinks, etc. Binge instances of students that have had drinking has serious risks. Consider these quotes from a sample of fatal accidents or unsafe sex and Needing A Drink To Have Using Alcohol To Help Solve college students: contracted a sexually transmitted Fun Problems disease following a single night of Forgetting What Happened Sneaking Drinks “I went to a fraternity party off campus. “A girl I know got so drunk that a heavy drinking. Unfortunately, it is I had at least 12 shots of liquor and friend and I had to carry her for While Drinking also not uncommon for individuals Finding Reasons to two mixed drinks. That night, I went several blocks, trying to keep her from who vomit from heavy drinking to Drinking To Feel Better Continue Drinking home with this guy I did not know ... burning us with a cigarette. Since choke to death. The guy and his roommates carried then, she has gotten as drunk every About Oneself me home. I went to the hospital for weekend.” DRINKING MIGHT LEAD TO BEING Having Difficulty Stopping alcohol poisoning and rape. I blacked AN ALCOHOLIC Bragging About Tolerance out. I never pressed charges because “In a crowded party, I accidently Most students have negative images Ability To Socialize he used the condom in my wallet.” nudged someone. I apologized but the of alcoholics and most do not Drinking Fast or Only When Drinking guy hit me anyway, making my mouth want to become alcoholics. Most “Guzzling” Drinks “I was having a great night. I drank bleed.” students are also convinced that at least 15 beers. Then I blacked out. they can control their drinking and Drinking In The Morning This is not unusual for me. Another will not become alcoholics. Experts time, I became violent, smashed distinguish between three types of Some individuals pass through stages from social drinking to problem bottles and got in tons of trouble.” drinkers: social drinkers, problem drinking to alcoholism. For others, the addiction may occur after only a few drinkers, and alcoholics: drinks. Some students are genetically disposed towards alcoholism and can become problem drinkers relatively easily. Many students cannot articulate These accounts sound shocking, but chances are they have happened to your the differences between a social and problem drinker. son or daughter or someone he or she knows. These experiences alone should convince you of the potential risks of binge drinking. Binge drinkers are more likely to have been insulted by others, been in a serious argument or quarrel, been pushed, hit or assaulted, had one’s property damaged, put themselves in situations where they are more susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV, been injured or had life threatening experiences, driven while intoxicated or rode in a car with an intoxicated driver. We also know that perpetrators target individuals that are incapacitated by alcohol. No one deserves to be sexually assaulted no matter how much they drink.

20 A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 21 Did You Drink When You Were a Student?

You need to emphasize to your son or daughter how powerful a drug alcohol can be and how quickly binge drinking It is highly likely that in the course of your discussions with your son or daughter, you will be asked if you ever drank as a can lead to dangerous results. By discussing the reasons why students drink, why students choose not to drink, and the student. The fact is that most parents did drink in their youth, which creates a dilemma. If you answer no, then you are basis of good relationships, and by providing your son or daughter with skills on how to resist pressures from others, not being honest with your son or daughter. If you answer yes, then you are being hypocritical. At the same time you you will be helping your student develop the foundations that are necessary to reduce the probability of binge drinking. are telling your son or daughter not to drink, you admit that you did. You are, in an indirect way saying it is permissible to drink because you did it. And if you drank as a student, how can you turn around and punish your son or daughter for RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT Binge drinkers tend to disagree Binge drinkers tend to associate drinking? How should you answer questions about your own drinking as a student? INDIVIDUALS TEND TO BINGE with many of the reasons why some with others who tend to binge drink DRINK FOR MANY REASONS. students do not drink indicated (e.g., Everyone at my age is doing it, We believe that honesty is important a mistake. Use your experiences SOME OF THESE INCLUDE: earlier (e.g., drinking makes you sick). My friends will think I am strange if and that you should not lie to as an opportunity to discuss I do not drink, It can’t be that bad if your student. Ultimately, this can some of the negative things that Binge drinkers tend to have generally Binge drinkers tend to believe that everyone is doing it). undermine effective communication. happened. Relate how drinking positive expectations about the there is nothing else to do, but Some parents establish a “ground led to an embarrassing moment types of activities where binge go get drunk on weekends and rule” at the start of their discussion: or an unpleasant consequence drinking is more likely to take place associate with others who hold the They will talk about anything but will for the parent, making salient the (e.g., bars, fraternity/sorority parties). same belief. not answer questions about their fact that drinking has negative Some of the more commonly held own use of drugs or alcohol as a consequences that the parent has beliefs include: I will be able to meet student. The parent tells the student personally experienced. Stress that new people, I might meet potential that this rule does not mean that the just because the parent behaved sexual partners, and I will get to parent drank alcohol as a teenager foolishly and was lucky enough to hang out with my friends. nor does it mean that the parent did escape serious consequences does not. Rather, the parent’s behavior not mean that the same fortune will Binge drinkers tend to agree with as a student is not relevant to a befall the student. many of the reasons why students careful consideration of the issues drink indicated earlier (e.g., drinking surrounding the student’s current Unfortunately, there is no good adds to a celebration, improves use of alcohol. This strategy works scientific data about how best to mood). well in some families but not others. handle this issue and psychologists are divided on what they Students may be convinced that recommend. You should use your their parents are hiding something own judgment about what you think and resent the fact that the parent will work best given your own past won’t talk about it. How can the and your knowledge of your son or parent expect the student to talk daughter. about his or her behavior when the parent refuses to talk about the parent’s behavior as a student?

While this strategy may work for some families, it may prove to be ineffective for others. An alternative approach is to admit use, but to state in unambiguous terms that it was

22 A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 23 For More Information

WARNING SIGNS OF RIDING WITH A DRUNK DRIVER If you would like more A POTENTIAL PROBLEM Even if your student never drinks, she/he may be faced with a situation where information about alcohol Most parents underestimate the a decision must be made whether or not to ride with someone who has and drug use in young adults, drinking activity of their sons been drinking. This is just as dangerous as driving drunk. As a rule your son FRAMINGHAM STATE UNIVERSITY or daughters. If you think your or daughter should not get into a car with someone who has been drinking you can contact the following RESOURCES & SERVICES son or daughter might have a and should be knowledgeable about effective alternatives (e.g., calling a organizations for many drinking problem, here are some taxi, asking someone else for a ride home). You should develop an explicit FSU Health Center - (508) 626-4900 suggestions for ways in which you agreement with your son or daughter that he or she never rides home with useful materials: www.framingham.edu/student-life/health-center/index can help: someone who has been drinking. Again, it is almost impossible to judge how FSU Counseling Center - (508) 626-4640 drunk or sober someone is once the person has been drinking, so it is best not www.framingham.edu/student-life/counseling-center/index • Do not turn your back to ride with someone regardless of the number of drinks that person has had National Institute on FSU State Police - (508) 626-9111 on the problem. or how sober the person seems to be. The student should be aware that the Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism www.framingham.edu/student-life/university-police/ techniques for “sobering up” (e.g., drinking coffee) do not work (see our earlier • Be calm when discussing FSU Wellness Education - (508) 626-4693 discussion) and that they should not rely on these to make a friend a “safe and www.niaaa.nih.gov the problem. www.framingham.edu/student-life/wellness/ sober” driver. Make sure your son or daughter always has enough money for a NIAAA College Drinking Mental Health Screening • Let your son or daughter know taxi ride or for public transportation. Encourage them to ride with other non- Changing the Culture http://screening.mentalhealthscreening.org/support that you are concerned and drinking friends or call home. University Alcohol & Substance Abuse Policy are willing to help. www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov PREVENTING A FRIEND FROM DRINKING AND DRIVING www.framingham.edu/Assets/uploads/about-fsu/human- • Do not make excuses or cover Your son or daughter may also be faced with a situation where his or her best National Council on Alcoholism resources/_documents/alcohol-and-drug-use-policy.pdf up for your son or daughter. friend has been drinking and intends to drive. In these cases, your son or and Drug Dependence daughter should try to stop his or her friend from driving. Many students are • Do not take over your www.ncadd.org reluctant to do so because they feel that it might prove to be embarrassing or COMMUNITY RESOURCES & SERVICES student’s responsibilities but that an argument might ensue, or even a physical confrontation. Our research Alcoholics Anonymous provide him or her with the suggests that less resistance will result if: Adcare Hospital of Worcester- (508) 799-9000 means to take responsibility www.alcoholics-anonymous.org adcare.com for himself or herself . • Students do not try to take their friends’ keys away Advocates Substance Abuse Services - (508) 628-6300 • Students try to arrange for a friend to drive Substance Abuse and advocatesinc.org • Do not argue with your son or Mental Health Services Genesis Counseling Services - (508) 620-2992 daughter if he or she is drunk. • Students arrange for their friend to stay over Administration genesiscounselingservices.org • Students try to reason with their friend • If your child stays out late, www.samhsa.gov Addiction Referral Center - (508) 485-4357 stay awake for them when ALCOHOL AND SEXUAL ASSAULT theaddictionreferralcenter.com possible, to show you care and Talking to you child about alcohol use is also a good time to have a Spectrum Health Systems Inc- (508) 898-1570 are interested in what they are conversation about sexual assault. Over half of all college sexual assaults spectrumhealthsystems.org doing. involve alcohol and alcohol is the number one drug used to facilitate sexual Massachusetts Substance Abuse Hotline- (800) 327-5050 assault. Perpetrators use alcohol as a weapon to incapacitate potential victims Smartphone app- addiction and intentionally target people who have been using alcohol. We often teach http://recoveryboxapp.com/ our children to avoid strangers in alleys, however 85% of all assaults are committed by someone the victim knows. Talk to your kids about consent. Make sure to emphasize that consent must be asked for and received before sexual activity occurs and consent is not valid if someone is intoxicated or incapacitated by alcohol.

24 A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 25 Notes Notes

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26 A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students About Alcohol 27 Office of Residence Life Framingham State Univeristy 100 State Street PO Box 9101 Framingham, MA 01701-9101

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