Letter from the Letter fromEditor the Editor Miriam Liebermann | Miriam Liebermann

Rosh Hashanah, 5768 September ‘07

My Dear Friends, I’ve so much to share with you, where shall I begin? It’s now 7:00 a.m. Did I ever share with you that I’m very much a morning person? Well I’ll do it now! I’m definitely a morning person. For as long as I can remember I’ve started my day much earlier than others. I’ve even tried to switch my inner clock. There are times when I go to sleep much later, but I always arise early. Truth is, I love the morning hours. The world is peaceful, tranquil, beautiful. My house is quiet. I find these to be the most productive hours of the day. Let me share with you this particular morning.

I arose at about 5:00. With a cup of coffee, I started my reading, perusing various journals searching for items to share with you for this issue. I found such incredible material, that I literally feel like I’m floating. I feel so elevated, so blessed.

Shall I tell you why I love the morning? Forgive me, I’m basically just writing away, sharing with you my thoughts as they arise. No particular order. I’m strongly aware that every morning is a new Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei beginning. Truth is, yesterday was not such a great day for me. I was feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities and obligations, and was not coping well. It’s absolutely amazing that I can go to sleep, wake up 7 hours later and find myself a new person, greeting the new day with enthusiasm, joy, and much joie de vivre! Now isn’t

1 that a miracle!!! What a blessing that each day we have a chance to heartbroken over this. I love every tree, every blade of grass. Last start anew! And as if each day isn’t enough of a beginning, we have summer, when I’d walk out of my cottage, down the hill, I’d see Put on your rose colored glasses and do your utmost another major opportunity each month! We say the blessing for the blue wall of a new house, but till then was a ravaged half acre the new month anticipating a new beginning, new opportunities, of land, pitted and scarred. It was terribly upsetting. I returned this to view the situation from a different angle. new ‘Mazal’. And what about Rosh Hashanah coming up- the summer to discover that this area turned into a field of wildflowers! Try and anticipate all possible positive outcomes. most substantial beginning of them all! It’s truly a beautiful tract of land now! Last summer, those flowers were laying in wait, just waiting to make their appearance. Rabbi Boruch Leff in the Yated, ‘Toward a Meaningful Shabbas’, What I had seen as a ravaged parcel of land, was really a work in discussing the traditional Shabbas nap, and the value of a night’s of art in progress. I just had to put on my rose colored glasses sleep, presents the relevant verse from Tehillim (30:6), “In the and patiently wait it out. evening one lies down weeping, but in the morning – joy!” We must experience for ourselves the reality of that concept, and be Now for an even more powerful example which I read this aware of the miracle involved, in order to appreciate it. morning, in the Jewish Observer, October 2003; highest degree! Most of us don’t have a plot of land available, “And just how does a person acquire faith?” asked R. Sanders. but certainly we all have windows. What about creating your R’ Wolbe gestured to the many sefarim, books on Mussar, on ethics, But for now let me continue with my morning. I read for about Mrs Sudy Rosengarten of Bnei Brak, writes the story of Mrs. own window garden this year? Research your flowers. Find out that lined his table, “Kasuv kahn.” (It’s written here.) I encourage an hour or so. By 6, I’m out the door with my sneakers ready for Rutie (Bernfeld) Glick who was eight years old during the war. what grows well in your particular climate. For hummingbirds, you all to visit your local Judaica library or bookstore. There are my morning ‘power walk’. Had a great walk. Go inside to get my Mrs. Glick and her family were part of the Kastner transport, plant tubular flowers! Don’t forget a bird feeder and bird bath so many beautiful, inspiring books that are available for us. These weights, return to the porch, and look up. I’m about to start my in which a million Hungarian Jews were to be exchanged for if at all possible. books can be our lifeline, the lessons within can help anchor us routine and lo and behold- there’s this huge deer sitting just feet trucks. Little Rutie and her family landed up in a Basunderlager, when life gets stormy. We do our best to share with you words away from me watching me so intently! I just realized that there is an autonomous camp where there was no forced labor, but they This summer I embarked upon a new project. I led a writing of inspiration and encouragement. But of course, we are limited a lesson to be learnt from deer. He didn’t take his eyes off me for a suffered terribly from the lack of food, and from the dreadful workshop here among my friends. It was fascinating to see how in space. Do not deprive yourselves. Make a point of perusing minute. He watched me with such intensity as I went through my lineups morning and night. Being part of this special group, they it evolved. It landed up becoming a support group, a therapy these inspiring tomes. lifts and raises. Although at some point in my routine I generally were given distinct privileges. Rosh Hashanah was approaching session for those participating. There were several women who stretch down to touch my toes, I didn’t dare bend down. I didn’t and they obtained permission to set up a Shule. Rutie’s mother were almost haunted by certain relationships in their lives. Joining The Naroler Rebbe passed away this summer, just two months want to lose eye contact with him! offered to sew a curtain for the closet in which they would place the group provided them with the license, the permission- if you before his 100th birthday. He was known for his concern for his the Sefer Torah. Now, they only had to find material with which will, to finally gather together all their jumbled thoughts and put fellow Jew. When he would daven for his own health, he would Believe me, I performed with much greater intensity and to create this curtain. They were garbed in rags by now… Rutti’s them down with pen and paper, thereby, finally able to express beg Hashem, “Ribono shel Olam, help Klal Yisrael…and I am also enthusiasm knowing that I had such an attentive audience! He mother asked Rutie and her friends to go collect the yellow stars how they are really feeling. This became a very therapeutic hour a Yid.” May I use his words, and may we all collectively echo his didn’t blink an eye. Do deer blink? I have to check that out. I did from all their fellow Jews… for the participants of the group. Again, as always, I urge you all to words, as we beseech Hashem in the coming weeks. There are so see one ear flutter for one second. But that was it. He was the take pen to paper. Write. Writing releases the pain. Writing allows many in need of yeshuos, refuos, nechamos, so many desperate most perfect, well behaved audience of one that a speaker or “Why should we collect those cursed badges of shame?” you to put things into perspective. Writing enables you to rise for their personal miracle. Please, Hashem fulfill those dreams, performer could dream of! my sister Suri said in distress. “Thank G-d we don’t have above the issues, seeing them from an objective light. wipe away those tears, and don’t forget about each one of us- to wear them anymore.” after all- I am also a Yid!! After about 10 minutes or so he arose and gracefully strode off, I’ve another suggestion for you for the new year. Several years looking back over his shoulder at me for another 5 minutes or so. “But Surale, just think of all the yellow-gold thread I’ll find in ago I placed in my kitchen a giant size bulletin board. This has There are so many fabulous items in this issue of A TIME. I always When he was quite a distance away, he turned to look at me for a those Magen Davids! We’ll take each one carefully apart, and become my favorite spot- this board is all me!! I tacked onto the have my personal favorites as I’m sure you also do as you read short while. I waved goodbye! from all of the thread make one gigantic Magen David that board my favorite photos of family and friends; those photos that through these magazines. I love the long articles on Succoth that we’ll sew onto one of the white sheets…Suri, we’ll have the add meaning and depth to our Yom Tov. I’m thrilled with the But that’s not all… There was a concept that I read about bring a smile to my face and tug at my heart! I have hanging here most beautiful paroches in the whole world. And our Shul will letter of SRC in our Mail Box. That’s my message! That’s my girl!! this morning that I wanted to share with you and amazingly, personal letters and notes that inspire me and warm me up; I have be a Holy of Holies.” And the internet string included in this issue and the responses the perfect demonstration of this concept was literally lying at here hummingbirds and flowers. I have here cartoons that make to the dilemma posed, are extraordinary. There is so much chizuk my feet as I walked up the hill, back to my cottage at 6:30 this The lesson… whatever we go through in life, whatever life me laugh. Sayings that move me. Poems that stir my soul. This within these pages. I can feel it. I can taste it. I can live it!! To all morning. Let me explain. Rebbetzin Assaf discusses how nothing throws us, we must do our utmost to transform it into a positive, is my personal spot. When I read through papers and magazines the A TIME family- an enormous thank you!! Thank you for being in this world is inherently good or bad; all depends on how we use growth experience. In psychology we use the term ‘reframing’. looking for items to share with you, I’m also on the lookout for there for one another. As Hakodosh Boruch Hu looks down from this item, on how we view it. Wine can be sanctified when used Put on your rose colored glasses and do your utmost to view the items for my personal bulletin board. This project brings me much as Kiddush; it can also be misused and lead a person to the state situation from a different angle. Instead of being negative, try and joy and satisfaction!! You may want to embark on a similar project. the heavens, He can’t help but observe the incredible ties that of drunkenness. The egel hazahav, the golden calf was certainly a anticipate any and all possible positive outcomes. I must tell you; Let me know how it goes! exist here within our A TIME family. Hashem will note the ahavas misuse of this animal; the Korban Pesach used the same animal, I’m really talking to myself now. Every morning I give myself a pep chinam, the chessed, the caring and concern displayed for all; the On Tisha B’av this past summer I had the privilege of hearing R’ but elevated it to the nth degree. And now for the example that I talk! “Come on Miriam! It’s a brand new day! A new beginning! achdus, the ties that bind, and with these invaluable zchusim, may Gavriel Sanders speak. He shared with us details of a very moving encountered this morning. This deserves a new paragraph! You can do it!!!!!” Hashem bless you all. May this coming year be the year of yeshuos and powerful visit he had with R’ Shlomo Wolbe ZTL, several years for all. With the utmost sincerity, and most fervent wishes for a Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei I’ve been in the same bungalow colony for 25 years now. Yes, Speaking of new beginnings, a lovely A TIME family member, an ago. He inquired from this great sage and Mussar giant, “There year overflowing with health and happiness, 25 years!! Our cottage is up the hill, in the corner, very private, English lass, recently wrote to me describing her beautiful garden. are so many conflicts, so many problems, so many challenges we beautifully situated, surrounded on 3 sides by woods. At least, for She later sent me photos which made me exceedingly happy. She all face in our lives. How shall we cope?” R’ Wolbe responded, Ksiva V ’chasima Tova, 24 years it was surrounded on 3 sides. Last year, another cottage writes how much joy she and her husband derived from planning, slowly and with great emphasis, “Adam tzarich emunah.” was built and the woods in front of me were destroyed. I was planting, and cultivating this plot of land. This is nurturing of the (A person must have faith.) Miriam Liebermann Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

2 3 Helpline: 718.437.7110 Phone: (718) 686-8912 • Fax: (718) 686-8927 www.ATIME.org • Email: [email protected] Services 24 Hour Hotline • A TIME Publications • Book & Audio Libraries Committee For Halacha & Technology • Family Builder Program Helpline • Individual Therapy • Insurance Advocay & Support 18 15 39 56 51 Medical Referrals & Research • Menorah Adoption Project National Mediacal Conferences • Online Support Network Peer Support • Pregnancy-Loss Support Program Refuah Network • Seminars/Educational Events Shabbos Near The Hospital • Support Groups • Weekend Retreats • Founder & President: Rabbi Shaul Rosen Editorial ROSH HASHANAH | Disclaimer: Director of Medical Affairs: Rabbi Aron S. Jacobowitz Editorial 48 The Power of Tears Director of Development: Rabbi Josh Zern Unfortunately, there were 1 Managing Director: Abraham Kupferstein a number of errors that 6 Timeline 51 The Key Ingredient… Kavanah Director of Member Services: Brany Rosen appeared in the summer YOM KIPPUR Director of Community Outreach: Linda Franco issue. They were not the 8 Introducing A Time ‘cross the Globe • fault of the editor. 10 Mailbox 54 Let Us Exchange Forgiveness Board Of Directors We will do our utmost to 12 Rabbinical Letter 55 An Experiment for the New Year Moshe Blum • Naftali Einhorn • Yechiel Eisenstadt • Benyamin Feit bring you a magazine of Shabsi Fuchs • Rabbi Aron Grossman • Avi Hager • David Jacobowitz • Alter Katz the highest quality. SUCCOS Rabbi Dovid Lefkowitz • Rabbi Sendy Ornstein • Moshe Dov Stern 56 And You Shall Rejoice Rabbi Aron Twersky • Rabbi Naftuli Weiss • Shmuel Zafi Please keep in mind though Chizuk that although we aim for 58 Hakafos Rabbinical Dean 14 Facing the Challenge perfection, man can never Yom Tov Tidbits Rabbi Binyomin Landau achieve total perfection. 16 A TIME Menorah Adoption Project 59 Rabbinical Directors Perfection is the realm 60 Succos Mamash of the Almighty. 18 Of Windows and Wishes: Rabbi Tsvi Ausch • Rabbi Shmuel Fuerst • Rabbi Shmuel Meir Katz 65 To Sing and Dance A Gathering of Hope Medical Advisory Board Thank You. 67 The Power of Prayer Samuel Bender, M.D •.Alan Berkeley, M.D. • Mike Berkley, L.Ac., D.A. - SES MEDIA 21 Seasonal Thoughts: Jessica Brown, M.D. • Natan Bar-Chama, M.D. • Jerome Check, M.D. 70 Riding the Waves Owen Davis, M.D. • Dan Goldschlag, M.D. • Marc Goldstein, M.D. Heavenly Happiness 73 I Will Solve my Riddle with the Harp Richard Grazi, M.D. • Victor Grazi, M.D. • Jamie Grifo, M.D. 24 A New Month Lawrence Grunfeld, M.D. • Joshua Huwitz, M.D, • Nachum Katlowitz, M.D. 78 Reflections from Bais Lechem Harvey Kleinman, M.D. • Zalmen Levine, M.D. • Prof. Bruno Lunnenfeld 27 Touched By A Prayer: Ellyn Modell, M.D. • Steven Palter, M.D. • Darius Paduch, M.D. Andrei Rebarber, M.D. • Zev Rosenwaks, M.D. • Carolyn Salafia, M.D. A TIME was founded in Memory of: Prepare for Battle Daniel Salzman, M.D. • Mark V. Sauer, M.D. • Geoffrey Sher, M.D. Medical Jonathan Schiff, M.D. • Peter Schlegel, M.D. • Sherman Silber, M.D. h ” b ruzi tprho r ” c v ” g nrsfh rw • v ” g tvri r ” c hrnhw rw 31 According to Plan 72 Daunting Dilemmas Michael Silverstein, M.D. • Daniel Stein, M.D. • Andrei Vidali, M.D. 32 A Thought for The New Year Aron Weinreb, M.D. 74 Dr. Neal’s Group 33 Blessed New Year Support Services Advisory Board A TIME, a non-profit organization that supports and educates those in the Jewish community experiencing infertility, publishes this 76 Weight Loss and Teshuva Sara Barris, Ph.D. • Joy Stimmel, CSW • Myriam Kalchstein, CSW newsletter 4 times annually (April, June, September, December). A TIME does not assume responsibility for the kashruth or reliability of 34 Where are you Going? Living with PCOS Wendy Wasserman, CSW any product or establishment advertised in its pages. We reserve the right to reject any advertising for any reason. We shall not be held 79 liable for non-publication of any submitted advertisements. • To advertise please call (718) 686-8912 37 To Live Like a Jew Staff 80 Ovulation Detection Staff Advisor:Blimy Steinberg Office: A TIME, 1310 48th Street, Suite 406, Brooklyn, NY 11219. Postmaster: Send address changes to A TIME 1310 48th Street, Suite 39 Misscarriage or Rebirth 82 Ask the Doctor Helpline Coordinator: Esty Zafir 406, Brooklyn NY 11219. All rights reserved. Reproduction by any means without prior written permission from the published is strictly Shabbos in the Hospital Program Directors: Chaya Kar, Vivienne Moskowitz prohibited. Due to divrei Torah contained herein, the magazine should be wrapped before discarding. 41 True Happiness 86 Stress, Biofeedback & The Reproductive System Pregnancy-Loss Program Coordinator: Malky Klaristenfeld A TIME welcomes your signed letters, articles and poems. All suggestions, comments and constructive criticisms are welcome. All 44 A Prayer for the Year 89 Complementary Therapy for Infertile Women Director of Volunteers: Reizy Eigner, Chevy Jacobs submissions become the property of A TIME and may be edited for lenght and clarity. Articles and letters published in A TIME express

Director of Gemach Services: Chaya Kar the views of the individual writers and may not necessarily represent the views of A TIME. Please address all correspondences to: Content 46 Chazoras HaShatz 90 Forum Director of Community Affairs: Alter Katz A TIME 1310 48th Street, Suite 406, Brooklyn, NY 11219 email: [email protected] Medical Consultant: Vivienne Moskowitz Office Manager:Faigie Dasheff Bookkeeper: Goldy Goldfinger Administrative Assistant: Ruchy Reinman Insurance Advocacy: Raizy Weiss In-House Therapist: Miriam Kalchstein Hashgocha: Chany Oestricher 73 74 27 46 54 Mailing Coordinator: Gitty Green Library Coordinator: Shaindy Blau Chani Blumenberg Helpline Staff Shaindy Blau • Shanie Feit • Elky Miller • Feigy Schneid • Faigy Singer, RN Miriam Tisser • Elky Miller • Chaya Kar • Vivienne Moskowitz • Goldie Blum Devoiry Langsam • Esty Bernstein • Chevy Jacobs Magazine & Publications Editor-In-Chief: Miriam Liebermann Assistant Editor: Malkie Klaristenfeld Hebrew/ Yiddish Editor: Rabbi Aron Grossman Design & Production: SES Media Inc. the Sephardic Bikur Cholim and the Sephardic Center is very valuable to us. Any one interested in being involved through the Sephardic community, please contact Linda at A TIME at (718) 686-8912, X 224.

A TIME truly values our partnership with many community based organizations. Again and again we are so impressed with the general, communal support for A TIME. Wherever we have been, Baruch Timeline Hashem, we have been welcomed with great enthusiasm and blessed with incredible support.

Raizy Eigner and Chevy Jacobs, our directors of volunteers Dear Friends, have several key positions open. If you love to give and have I am thrilled to formally introduce you to our Menorah Adoption extra time ,please call them at 718 686-8912, x 200. Program. Alter and Yetty Katz, co-founders of this program have spent hours upon hours making this a reality, We thank all the wonderful I would like to share a beautiful thought with you, heard from R’ people involved, especially, Mrs. Goldy Goldfinger who was the driving Yissochar Frand at our last Shabbos retreat. The worst thing that any force behind it all. Mrs. Sabena Septimus, CSW, will be coordinating Yid can do is to give up hope. This is a lesson we should all bear in this program. It is our hope that with this program we will be mind as we approach the Day of Judgment. Yom HaDin is nothing to instrumental, with Hashem’s help, in bringing more joy into the lives of take lightly. It is serious business. If we honestly understood, what it was many! To reach the Menorah Program, please call 1-877 Menorah. about, we would be scared and frightened. Our Sages tell us that after the destruction of the Bais Hamikdosh, all the gates through which prayers At our recent breakfast for the incredible A TIME volunteers, I would travel were closed, except for the Gates of Tears [Bava Metzia 59a]. attempted to summarize what an amazing year it had been. Reviewing The Kotzker Rebbe asked: If the Gates of Tears never close, then what is our collective accomplishments while addressing such a remarkable the purpose of the gates? A gate implies that some enter while others group of leaders, innovators, and Baalei Chesed was absolutely can not. He answered that tears of desperation don’t get through. When awesome! What an amazing group of women I addressed in that a person cries because he feels he needs the help of Hashem, when the room. We had about 150 women, each with a crew of their own tears represent the innermost and purest of a person’s thoughts , those within their respective communities. I’ll summarize my own review tears have terrific power. But not if they are tears of helplessness and with a few choice words: “Great Year! Many thanks to all of you!” We hopelessness -- those tears don’t get in and that is why the gates are concluded the breakfast by watching a review of the recent A TIME necessary. No matter how desperate and overwhelming a situation may Chinese Auctions held simultaneously in several neighborhoods. seem, a Yid cannot give up hope. Most impressive. We all left feeling privileged to be a part of such an incredible family. The Izbitzer Rebbe once commented that the reason all Yidden are called after the Shevet Yehuda (Yehudim) is because when Yosef Mazal Tov to Linda Franco on the birth of her son, Jack Nathan confronted his brothers and planted the incriminating evidence, all the Franco. We wish Linda much nachas and joy. May Hashem bless her brothers, except for Yehuda, gave up hope. Only Yehudah remained for her continuous efforts on behalf of her community and Klal Yisroel. Linda is the founder of the super popular A TIME website. On a recent optimistic and positive, and that is the attitude that must typify all review we had 11,000 hits in five hours! I personally love to see how Jews. As frightening as the Yom HaDin should be for every Jew, there quickly support is given; within mere minutes people are responding. is a difference between fright and hopelessness. We enter the Day of We thank our very busy moderators who work behind the scenes all Judgment somber and afraid, nervous as if we were entering a Court. day to keep our site running so effectively. But we cannot enter the Yom HaDin without the attribute of Yehudah -- the attribute of hope. Bonnie and Joey Setton, Linda’s relatives, graciously opened their beautiful home for A TIME, hosting a very lovely and exciting bake Succos is called Zman Simchaseinu, the time of our happiness. sale. May Hashem bless them with much Simcha and Bracha. We This happiness is one that our Avos were privileged to experience. thank the very generous and unique Syrian community for believing It is a time for us to experience this same happiness. It is a time in our mission.They genreously contributed towards the bake sale in when we all can feel assured that our prayers on Yom Kippur were zechut of a Refuah Shlema for Mark Chalme. May Hashem send him fully accepted. It is a time for us to rejoice as we perform the many a complete and speedy recovery. commandments associated with the Yomim Tovim. We should all

take this opportunity to rejoice, to serve Hashem with great happiness 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei We have serviced the Sephardic community for over ten years and merriment. May this Succos truly be a season of happiness for each and we have been zoche to share many simchot with them. It is and every one of us. astounding to see the number of our member couples double yearly when years ago it was so hard to ‘go public’. May we continue to be Shana Tova Umesuka, successful shlichim and share in the joy of life. Our relationship with Brany Rosen Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

6 7 hree years ago, a group of women experiencing primary Introducing: infertility decided to step out of their solitude and start supporting each other. An informal get-together was British איש את רעהו יעזורו ולאחיו יאמר organized under the theme of Branching T- for ‘a nisoyon shared is a nisoyon halved.’ These get-togethersחזק developed into the London A TIME organization. What started as social gathering has grown into a network of friendship and support. In February 2005, Rabbi Shaul Rosen and Rabbi Naftula Weiss honoured the London A TIMERs with a short visit to Stamford Hill. Warm words ‘cross the of chizuk were conveyed over a gourmet meal, which also marked the Yorzheit of the Manchester Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Yehuda Zev Segal zy”a. This was the first event that was attended by both men and women. Globe! In July 2006, Rabbi Shaul Rosen and Rabbi Naftula Weiss returned with Rabbi Binyomin Landau and met with many of the London Rabbonim. A fascinating audio-visual presentation was made in order to familiarise the Rabbonim with the medical advances in the field of fertility treatment. The London A TIMERs were also privileged to be addressed by Rabbi Naftula Weiss and Rabbi Shaul Rosen.

On occasions, the women’s get-togethers have featured esteemed speakers as a source of additional inspiration. Rebbetzin N Schlesinger encouraged us through an insightful discussion on utilising the power of teffila. Rebbetzin Rochme Jungreis from New York, in May, 2007, touched the primary group with her passionate words regarding successful relationships. Her positive attitude and stirring message were warmly received.

Rabbi Dr Boruch Brooks from Zir Chemed in Yerushalayim, lectured in July 2007 about the importance of ensuring that all the basic investigations are carried out, as well as starting with minimum invasive procedures, before diving into more advanced treatments. His lecture was followed by a lively and highly informative question and answer session.

What’s up with he South Florida chapter recently enjoyed a very successful A TIME London has grown into a recognised organization, offering kick-off event! Over 35 Rabbis, Rebbetzins and therapists the following services: A TIME were hosted for an all day event at the Young Israel of Greater Miami in North Miami Beach. During the morning session, South Florida? Social gatherings where women experiencing primary infertility have TRabbi Jacobowitz addressed all the participants on general aspects of the opportunity to get together in a relaxed and friendly atmosphere. infertility. Then following a fantastic Chinese lunch, the women joined Brany for information on the emotional aspects of infertility and where Shiurim by chosheve rabbonim providing pre Yom Tov chizuk to to locate assistance while Rabbi Jacobowitz gave a detailed lecture couples. to the participating Rabbis on “Reproductive Health from Birth to Menopause.” The afternoon then wrapped up with a Q&A session with A library containing many infertility related books, in addition to questions fielded by Dr. Scott Roseff, Reproductive Endocrinologist cassettes and CD recordings of most of A TIME’s events that have from Wellington and Dr. Susan Schiff, L.Ac., Acupuncture Physician taken place ‘round the globe. from Delray Beach. A TIME London is developing contacts with fertility clinics and has The overwhelmingly positive feedback from the attendees was so been instrumental in guiding couples along their fertility journey. A TIME London is slowly sprouting into a spreading branch. With the To arrange a visit to the A TIME strong that additional rabbinic educational events are already in the 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei planning stages. Local support groups are also slated for various South nourishment it receives through its New York roots, it continues to London Library, Call Henny: Florida neighborhoods in the near future. If you are interested in grow, season following season. With continued siyata dishmaya, it is To020 8802 7646 joining us for these events or have other A TIME programs you would our fervent wish that the tree should continue to blossom, providing To find out more about A TIME like to help create for the South Florida community, please contact us shade and support to all who need it, until Be’ezras Hashem, they are London’s network of support Call: at [email protected] or 561-212-2163. fruitfully blessed. 07973 286 827 Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

8 9 Dearest A TIME sisters, admit that prior to getting involved with others, I was very self-centered, even in my marriage. Though we were dealing I never had the guts to send in this letter until now and I with both male and female infertility, I felt like I was suffering don’t know if I ever will. I am afraid of inadvertently hurting much more than my husband was and elicited his sympathy any of you and I certainly wouldn’t want to do that. However, (READ: Pity!) all the time. Volunteering made me see a bit even if I never send this out, I do want to put my thoughts on beyond myself and these powerful lessons will hopefully last a paper. lifetime. At the A TIME Shabbaton (2 years ago), I sat in the lounge There is a happy ending to my story. B’chasdei Hashem, we with about five other women. We’d never known each other were blessed with a child. No, I don’t claim to know the reasons before but we became fast friends. We had so much in common. for all the pain and all the joy but I do know that I am thrilled We were all women who were full of energy, intelligent, and that I picked up on the message that Rikki tried to give. Mailbox we all felt very unfulfilled. Recently, I saw an ad in the paper that read: “Volunteer. The Yes, being an infertile woman in a fertile world can make life you change may be your own.” For me this couldn’t ring one feel almost like one has done something wrong to deserve to truer. Dear A TIME, be so different. In different words, we all expressed the feeling SRC of futility that comes with infertility. Here we were, perfectly Going through IVF for the first time, I felt confused with our capable women, sitting idle and just waiting – waiting for Dear Miriam, results. That was until I made the first phone call to Vivienne “The Moment”. We commiserated and complained but we had Moskowitz… no solution to the worthless feelings we felt. I think we can shake hands on being nature lovers! I really enjoy your magazine and have gained a great deal I truly have no words to thank Vivienne and all the A TIME Another A TIME’r, Rikki (name changed) joined the of inspiration from it. Your ongoing message about finding staff members. I felt as though I had a whole team working discussion and asked all five of us a very tough question: What happiness through being involved with things we enjoy inspired together with me, all hoping for our success and helping us WOULD make you feel fulfilled other than having a child?! my husband and I to turn our small overgrown yard into one through every step. I can’t tell you what a load you took off of We looked at her as though she fell off her rocker! I think I was of the prettiest gardens in the town. It was the most wonderful us; really we can’t thank you enough. the one who said it first: NOTHING. Nothing will make me feel project we ever embarked on and watching our fusias open, With much appreciation whole until I have my own child. And I meant it. And I lived spotting a coal tit visit the hanging bird feeder or a starling Rivka K with that attitude. take a dip in our birdbath has an amazing therapeutic effect Rikki looked at me and asked another tough question: Do on us. To the wonderful staff of A TIME, you WANT to feel this way? Or do you want to feel like life is Will you believe me if I tell you that a few months ago a especially Chani and Chaya, worth living? Honestly, I wasn’t so sure. I think I was stuck in heron stopped over on my neighbors rooftop (most probably to between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand. I wanted peep at our garden!) And on shabbos the tiniest bird we’ve ever Thank you so much for all your help in arranging our shabbos to gain my self-confidence and fulfillment back but on the near the center. You really handled every detail – directing us seen flew by so swiftly that we are still wondering if it was a flip side, I didn’t see how I’d ever feel that way unless “The humming bee! Thanks once again for being the source of this to the hotel, taking care of the hashgacha, the food, telling us Moment” arrived. exactly what to expect, and what to bring along, and everything inspiration. I’ve been meaning to thank you for some time and in between. We really appreciated your assistance financially. I could see that more women were congregating around I’m glad to take this opportunity. Not only do you give of yourselves and of your time, but the way and there were about ten of us sitting in the corner of the Wishing you well, you do it makes all the difference. We could never have done it lounge trying to control the many thoughts that were flying F B without you! May the RBS”O, the Ultimate Giver, repay you for through our heads. We never did finish the conversation as the Dear A TIME, all that you do! workshops were just beginning, but the seed had been planted in my brain and in my heart. There was going to be LIFE until Traveling from Monsey in the morning to the doctor can With heartfelt appreciation, our baby would come. be very tough. The service you are providing the Monsey ALZ community is a dream come true! Who would believe that Shortly, after the Shabbaton, I began volunteering for a such a service exists? It’s as if we have a private taxi driver Dear Everyone at A TIME, couple of organizations. I decided to embark upon a career without paying the cost! There are no words to thank you for of chesed and began tutoring a young girl once a week free this tremendous chesed! Our three adorable, precious boys are not so little anymore of charge; I offered to help stuff envelopes for an understaffed and yet we still think of you so often… your support and your Bikur Cholim and I did some odd jobs in the A TIME office. Our infertility journey has now changed. May Hashem help magazine, along with all your services, have provided us that this service and all the services you provide go out of Slowly, I felt my life was beginning to change. No, I still business real quickly! with tremendous chizuk on the long and painful journey of wasn’t cradling a baby in my arms nor was I waiting for school infertility. And as we contemplate embarking on that path yet At this time I would like to thank Rivky; in her capable, buses at the corner, but I was giving and I was feeling good 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei again we know that A TIME will be there for us every step of about that. I no longer had the whole day to brood. I was busy efficient and caring manner she manages this program so the way… with blessings for success as long as Klal Yisroel needs helping others and had less free time. I also was now exposed beautifully. She always has a kind word and nothing is ever a you… to other people’s suffering via the Bikur Cholim office and problem. May Hashem repay you fully for your dedication! Sincerely, though it didn’t take away my pain, it made me realize that Thanks again , Chava there were others who were suffering too. I’m embarrassed to RR Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

10 11 When this dynamic is missing, when a difficulty stops the life- many of my prayers do you want? After a thousand prayers, it is cycle flow, prayers are the same for a seemingly endless period. hard to realize that the next prayer can really tip the scale! The siddur seems to turn stale, the prayers repetitious, the heart turns cold. The eyes no longer offer tears to Hashem. But, wait. Here in the second brachah of Sh’mone Esrei, we are not making a request at all! This is a blessing of praise, not a This struggle continues into the holiest moments request. Here, we strive to recognize God by taking notice of His of the Jew’s year. life-giving kindness in this world. Chaim, whenever we talk, memories of my own encounter with I realize that here, at the one point of Sh’mone Esrei which refers infertility treatments come to mind. It seems long ago, and part of a different world. My struggles were hardly as challenging as yours, to my specific difficulty, I am not voicing a request at all! Instead, I yet the memories are vivid. am focusing on an image of Hashem, as regards my situation.

Allow me to share some prayer thoughts of that time in my life. With this realization, my focus began to change. I know that people are different, and that ideas that stimulate one person will not necessarily inspire another. Still, to me, these were Instead of restating my own needs, I focused on Hashem as a ideas that gave focus and strength. I hope this will work for you, loving kind Father, one who does help. In expressing praise to the as well. matir asurim, I naturally thought of those asurim, who had been helped. My thoughts turned to others, who had successfully put Earlier prints of Rav Chaim Volozhiner’s Ruach Chaim, contained this problem behind them. I pictured a neighbor, proudly holding the Gra’s commentary to the siddur (actually written by his son, his child, after undergoing tests and treatments similar to mine. I Rav Avrohom), printed in the back of the sefer. Today’s prints of thanked Hashem for surprising a friend with a pregnancy during Ruach Chaim do not have this commentary. (Isn’t it interesting that as the seforim are printed in larger and fancier bindings, they the month they had decided to take a break from treatments. contain less and less? Seems to be a metaphor for our society.) Soon, I realized that my situation is a dynamic, ever-changing Rabbinical situation. I began to focus on the fact that the overwhelming There, on one particularly difficult day, I discovered that a phrase of the Sh’mone Esrei, was indeed written for my situation. majority of people like myself, were being helped. My focus was not limited to me; rather it saw the bigger, ever-changing picture. Letter In the second brochah of Sh’mone Esrei, we praise Hashem’s strength. We describe Him as the source of life itself. Prayer generates optimism. However, prayer itself needs | Rav Yisroel Reisman optimism to thrive. When one lacks the optimistic view, the cycle We recognize Him as “Somech noflim, rofeh cholim, u’matir does not begin, and prayer becomes more difficult. The shift of asurim”, literally, one who supports the fallen, heals the ill and frees those who are bound. focus, from my own string of monthly disappointments (not an My dearest Chaim, optimistic feeling), to the picture of a forever helping hand from We last spoke in Yeshiva, many weeks ago. I have been thinking The Gra explained the connection of these phrases to this, above (a cheerful image), got the cycle going. I was talking to about you, and my last discussion with you, before the zman the brachah of mechaya hameisim. These phrases refer to three Hashem, again. ended. Allow me to share my thoughts. As the summer comes particularly difficult life situations; difficulties which seem to to an end, Elul has arrived and the Yomim Noraim will soon be continue endlessly. Somech noflim, recognizes Hashem as the Perhaps most importantly of all, I realized that wherever one who raises families out of the pain of poverty; Rofeh cholim upon us. Jews over the world rediscover their siddurim, selichos life would lead me, the Matir Asurim was waiting for the right recognizes Hashem’s hand in healing the chronically ill; and Matir and machzorim. It is time to fortify the pillar of avodah, prayer. moment, the right prayer. asurim refers to His hand in opening the womb, helping those We have often discussed the unique difficulty this brings to who have difficulty conceiving. Years have passed. The old worries have been replaced with new ones. Hashem seems to remind us, always, that man is only an individuals who have been davening for a specific yeshuah for so There it was, near the beginning of Sh’mone Esrei, a reference actor in a well-rehearsed play. long. As you have pointed out, this struggle with Tefilah turns the to my pain! season of prayer into a time of great challenge in bitachon and I have been zoche to pray for my children’s health, for their faith. For most people, the life cycle seems to have an ebb and Yet, there is more. As I discovered a newfound focus on these success in Yeshiva, for good shidduchim. But, these words in the flow. Problems are solved, and new life challenges arrive. words, I realized that my thoughts were being manipulated, by what I was saying. The Anshei Knesses HaGedolah, authors of this second brachah, forever have a special meaning to me. Everyday, Davening, like life itself, is an ever-changing dynamic of brachah, had understood me (and those like me) very well. Now, I thank Hashem for the great gift He has given me. And I think of interaction with Hashem. One year, individuals daven for their two thousand years later, I began to understand. you, Chaim beseeching Hashem to allow you to focus once again Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei newborn’s health; later for the child’s success in Yeshiva; still on this particular phrase. And I am certain He will. In prayer we ask for Hashem’s help. We have needs and it is to later for his success in Shiduuchim. Certainly, life has its share you, Hashem, the ultimate Provider that we turn. of disappointments for everyone. Still, change always brings Ksivah V ’Chasima Tovah! new opportunities and hopes. This, in turn, creates a new focus Still, it is difficult to make the same request, again and again, I feel fortunate to call you a Talmid, in our prayers. when we are unable to sense a response. Hashem, ad mosai? How Yisroel Reisman Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

12 13 Response from: Mrs. Rivky Sternbuch

When it appears that one year flows right into the next, it may do Your will and sanctify G-d’s name.” Because our request is Facing the be difficult for us to really understand the significance of Rosh one that will make Hashem’s name greater, the angels are forced Every single to allow this request through. We are in essence only looking to ”כבקרת רועה עדרו מעביר צאנו תחת שבטו...“ .Hashana creation passes through the Great Courtroom” in heaven and increase Hashem’s sovereignty, which is the ultimate purpose of all Challenge gets judged separately. You will notice that the words Shana creation, and therefore even those accusers who might otherwise (year) and shinui (difference) contain the same root. Shana, isn’t block our most fervent prayers, turn around to join forces with us an extension from the previous one, it has the potential for shinui. and become our allies. Introduction: No challenge continues just because that’s how it has been until We were given clear instructions as to how to derive the most We often wish that we could present our now; every situation gets reevaluated and renewed. We have benefit from this Yom Tov season. Our first task must be to engage questions and particular dilemmas to our leaders accrued so many more merits; we’ve gone through so much, and in soul-searching, praying, and acknowledging our allegiance for guidance and advice. In this new feature we’ve prayed with such intensity. Maybe, just maybe, this might we will be doing exactly that. We will take our to our all-powerful Father/King. On Succos we celebrate our be the year when our prayers will be answered in the affirmative. forgiveness and strengthen our faith once again. The Torah tell pressing issues, and present them to our teachers Our chances to achieve what we so desire through prayer are at and mentors, our venerable Torah authorities, us in Devorim 16;14, “You shall rejoice on your festival…and you their peak during this Yom Tov season. Whether through fasting will be completely joyous.” Rashi comments that this second who have so graciously made themselves on the Yomim Noraim, or with happiness on Succos, Hashem is available to our A TIME family. Through this new expression of joy is not a commandment but an assurance from waiting for us. column, we hope to fortify ourselves so that we the Almighty. G-d assures us that He will cause us to be happy. will be able to face our challenges with courage A large part of our davening during this time involves crowning When we concern ourselves with others who could use our and equanimity. Hashem as our king and accepting Him as our supreme ruler, and encouragement, our guidance, a yom tov meal, or our positive beseeching Him to reveal His Kingdom over the whole universe. attitude, Hashem repays us with the special happiness that can At this time, it might be a good idea to put aside our natural only come from giving. This will not necessarily make yom tov feelings and tell Hashem, “We want children for Your sake, so easier, because giving certainly is not always easy, but it certainly that we can raise them according to the Torah, so that they will will make it more special and more meaningful.

The following scenario Response from: was presented to our mentors: Mrs. Sarah Rigler

Of course one must daven, but the Yomim Noraim are not just a May I suggest that you reconfigure your Yom Tov this year. The Yomim Noraim are truly a very special spirtual time for all time of tefilah exclusively. These days are also an opportune time Instead of spending extended time with your family which may of us; time for reflection, introspection and davening. It is also a for tzedakah and tshuva, charity and repentance. I personally prove to be a difficult scenario for you, rather go to a place where reminder of another year gone by and another year of my most believe that teshuva is the answer. Teshuva must be an integral someone else needs you. Take it upon yourself to be there for fervent prayers remaining answered. part of the process, along with tefilah. True teshuva indicates a others in need. Visit an old age home, a hospital, a kiruv center. What I find especially difficult is sharing this pain with my real change within ourselves. By making that change, which is truly Assume a communal responsibility this Yom Tov. Be the shaliach nearest and dearest... My husband. difficult for us to do, we are in essence making ourselves, or rather, tzibur, help organize the Shule functions, visit those who can’t remaking ourselves, into a vessel that is now worthy of receiving make it to Shule. This approach will inevitably make you more 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei What can I do to approach the Yomim Tovim with the right the blessings from Above. grateful for what you do have. attitude? What can I do to enhance my davening? In my own personal journey through IF, I was answered in The secret to happiness is giving , giving , giving….. Don’t focus How can I make these Yomim Tovim easier and more special the affirmative the year that I made a commitment that was on yourself, but rather on others. Giving was Reb. Kramer’s coping for myself and my husband? truly difficult for me. tool for infertility and other life challenges. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

14 15 “Regarding the fear of relinquishing the dream of a biological child, it really doesn’t have to be that way,” Mrs. Katz affirms. “Parenting through adoption is something a couple can pursue at any given time, even during their treatment process. It does not simultaneously close the door on medicine. The continuous pursuit of medicine to reverse the infertility diagnosis is up to each individual couple, regardless of whether they have already adopted Menorah Adoption Project a child or not.” As for bonding and loving another mother’s child, Mrs. Katz admits An Unsurpassed Adoption that it took only one telephone call, informing her of an available Resource & Aid Program baby to make her heart and mind click together in a unanimous | Zissy Fried / SES Media desire to adopt. Now, contrary to her previous hesitations, Mrs. Katz can no longer imagine life without her beloved adopted son. David and Judy* spent many years undergoing fertility treatment, “It will come, with time it will surely come,” she says of the bonding attempting every viable medical course in their quest to parent a and loving process. child. When the doctors informed them of the devastating news She could not say the same of the thousands of dollars required that current medicine no longer had anything to offer them, they to take one through the process. Therefore, culling from their refused to resign themselves to life with empty arms and aching own experiences and needs, Mr. and Mrs. Katz contributed to the hearts. Their A TIME therapist began to counsel them regarding formation of the A TIME MENORAH ADOPTION PROJECT. the option of parenting through adoption, something David and Judy had previously declined to consider. At this point in time A TIME, the premier Jewish organization confronting the however, it appeared that this was the only way to finally bring challenges of infertility, already has assigned social workers, guidance light into their lives. They decided to go ahead with the process of counselors, and helpline volunteers to work on the Menorah Project. applying for an adoptive child. Mr. and Mrs. Katz are able to concentrate their maximum efforts on fundraising for this vital cause and have successfully played an To their dismay, they were faced with a seemingly insurmountable important role in placing an impressive number of babies since obstacle; financial restrictions. All monetary funds had already been its inception five years ago. To date, the MENORAH ADOPTION exhausted as they underwent their many treatment protocols. PROJECT provides social workers, lawyers, and legal home studies Now, the State wanted over $1,000 dollars to cover the cost of at substantially reduced rates. A TIME is there for any and every an initial home study that would determine their eligibility to conceivable need. become adoptive parents. Lawyers demanded exorbitant fees as retainers alone, never mind for the actual services that would be By nature of the services it provides, A TIME receives and is rendered. Research regarding cross country adoption listed an constantly receptive to calls about available babies. A TIME acts incurred expenditure upwards of $35,000, sometimes even reaching as the matchmaker between these babies and adoptive parents. A an unfathomable $60,000. Requests about interstate adoption TIME also expends much time and effort to reach out to Jewish promised to empty their pockets of $25,000, although their pockets birth mothers across the United States who are seeking to place had already been emptied of far more than that amount by all their their babies in Jewish homes. doctors and the clinics they had used. At a rate of $10,000 - $15,000, When a couple agrees to begin the adoption process, the A independent adoption proved to be the most economical option, TIME MENORAH ADOPTION PROJECT will present them but still too costly to consider. with a beautiful book that contains a compilation of resources “And then, I wasn’t even sure I was ready to go through with and encouraging articles that can ease their journey towards the process,” said Mrs. Yettie Katz, who like David and Judy was adoption, and help them navigate through the various agencies considering adoption and eventually became the director of A and legal intricacies. TIME’s MENORAH ADOPTION PROJECT. The project serves as a “Once we remove the financial factor, adoption can end with a central resource and network for Jewish birth moms who are seeking baby, whilst medicine might not necessarily be able to do so,” says to place their children in Jewish homes, as well as a guidance and Mrs. Brany Rosen, Director of Member Services of A TIME. A TIME’s financial support program for couples seeking to parent through goal is to remove that financial hurdle by subsidizing as much of the adoption. Like many couples faced with this decision, Mrs. Katz costs as possible. A TIME is also there to ease the rest of the process 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei feared that parenting through adoption meant giving up on the by providing emotional assistance to couples before, during, and chance of parenting biologically. She also harbored worries about after the adoption has been completed. bonding and loving another mother’s child. A TIME’s adoption telephone line is: * Names have been changed to protect privacy 1-888 7-MENORA Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

16 17 • Of Windows & Wishes •

faith. So it is this very Gemara that must penetrate the very core of our impeccable record sometimes makes it so difficult to live up to t our neshamos - Our will is to do Your will. Do we understand that his incredibly high standard. well? Are we aware of how virtuous we really are? Or aren’t? Often, as people get older they become complacent about what Let’s be honest, it is true that we sometimes fail. But this is only on they have achieved in life. If they have become successful they occasion- a temporary slip as we climb a vast, intimidating mountain. are pleased and if not they resign themselves to the situation. The We catch ourselves, though, stop for a second, and continue to climb. drive that they had as young adults, that steadfast belief that they We must not forget our mantra - Our will is to do Your will. The could conquer the world and change things, is lost in the muddle Gemara concludes that the se’or she’be’isah, the yeast in the dough, of everyday life. People tend to become involved in their work an allusion to the yetzer hara, is preventing us from serving Him routine or family’s needs or both. The daily rat-race catches up to better. Why is it that the yetzer hara is referred to as the “yeast in the them and they put aside personal aspirations and dreams to make dough”? The Be’er Moshe explains that this “yeast” is the haughtiness room for the effort that it takes just to make ends meet. Thus, for inside of us all. It is the “I” which causes our hearts to swell with pride many, creativity and drive to improve themselves stalls … and and then arrogance, a certain sense of smugness. sometimes dies altogether. The Maharal notes that when we immerse ourselves in the mikvah I was recently told by a friend of mine that his father-in-law had just we are negating that “I.” Now we are in a situation in which we cannot celebrated his 70th birthday. Wondering what he had done to make survive - we are hopeless and lost. Once we lose that conceit we are it a special event, I asked whether the family had taken a cruise, or ready to become the kind of person Hashem wants us to be. perhaps gone to Eretz Yisrael. The answer was neither. Instead, this 70-year-old man went in another direction. He decided to accept On Rosh Hashanah, our loving Father gives us a chance to do upon himself three small commitments that are not even specifically teshuva. The primary instrument we utilize to bring this about is the spoken about in the Torah: instead of holding that Shabbos is over shofar. A story is told of a year when Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev at 60 minutes past shkiyah, he extended it to 72; he decided to needed a ba’al toke’a. Many lined up to interview for the position, wear his tzitzis out; and he resolved to use only cholov Yisrael. At but none of the applicants seemed to fit the criteria. Finally he chose an age when most adults are complacent, this man was essentially one individual- a simple person from a nearby village. Anxious to starting his life anew. discover why, the others asked him what special kavanos he utilizes When Elul comes and we set out to do teshuva the Almighty just when he blows the shofar. His response was shocking. He explained wants us to be a little bit better, to find a way to beautify ourselves that he doesn’t have any special kavanos. He only thinks about the – and it does not need to be a massive overhaul. It just requires us three older girls he has and that the Al-mighty should grant him the to gather all of our abilities and immerse ourselves in a gathering of necessary means to help them find their proper shidduchim. hope. Know that the impossible can be achieved. Immersion in the We have a tendency to complicate matters more than we should. mikvah is a step towards bringing about a new life, both for ourselves If, as we mentioned before our deepest desire to is to serve the and for future generations. But when we wonder how can we be Almighty then all we have to do is to remove the obstacles that better, and how can we possibly do more, we must not despair! are preventing us from doing so. The word shofar is related to the We are almost there. word shufra - beautiful or shippru ma’aseichem- to better our deeds. The sound of the shofar calls out to us and beckons A Gathering of Hope We must not forget that we are good, very very good. Most of us for us to return. spend so much time doing what Hashem wants. We daven and | R’ Yechiel Spero | learn and do unusual acts of chesed and accept brutally diufficult Nothing less than our very lives depend on it. challenges with unbridled faith. And yes, there are times when we A little more… A little better… stumble. But that does not make us bad, G-d forbid. On the contrary A new life is waiting… ST

t seems so hard to imagine. Here we are again. Another year The Me’or Einayim notes that the root of the word mikvah is R' Yechiel Spero, renowned author and speaker, has become a dear friend of A TIME. We cherish his friendship and are grateful for his generosity and graciousness in has passed us by. And what do we have to show for it? Are we kaveh. While the word kaveh connotes hope, its literal translation Editor's sharing his talents and wisdom with our extended family. Rabbi Spero is the author of Touched By A Prayer I, II, III, IV, One Shining Moment, Touched By A Seder, Note: Touched By A Prayer for Kids, I and II. better? Have we changed? Weren’t we making these very same is “to gather”- as in “to gather together the necessary water” promises to change last year? Are we not just repeating the to form a kosher mikvah; but just as important is the need to sameI sentiments we felt during the last days of Elul? And if this is indeed gather together one’s hopes and dreams, the commitments we the case then how do we dare approach the Al-mighty to ask for our made just a few months before, to be better, nicer and more most pressing needs and wants? Why should he believe that this time committed to handle whichever nisayon might come our way with things would be different? unshakable faith and emunah. Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei We might find that the secret lies within one of the key practices This gathering of which we speak is indeed what we need to purify we employ to attain purification – immersing ourselves in a mikvah. ourselves. The Gemara tells us, Retzonenu la’asos retzoncha…Our will It is customary to go to the mikvah prior to the Yamim Noraim. But is to do Your will… just how is it that this act enables us to become purified? How does But, as we all know, the hardships and suffering which we are asked the immersion in water cleanse our soul? to endure often rattle our convictions to that most basic tenet of Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

18 19 • Seasonal Thoughts •

Heavenly Happiness | Y. Roitenberg |

ecently when we celebrated our seventeenth wedding The flowers that were truly exquisite have long ago withered anniversary, my husband thoughtfully came home and died but the lesson delivered with them lives on. We are still with a most beautiful flower arrangement. Perhaps counting our blessings, trying to feel fortunate and happy. We are for a split second, I might have momentarily thought, learning that happiness does not depend on life’s circumstances, R but rather on how we choose to perceive those circumstances. “This is a nice bunch of flowers but wouldn’t we rather celebrate with a bunch of kids?” There is another anniversary that we all honor and commemorate. The aforementioned lesson on positive However, as my husband handed me the flowers, he simply thinking is actually very appropriate and interconnected to this Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei stated, “Seventeen is the numerical value of the Hebrew word anniversary. Rosh Hashanah, the Day of Judgment, the Day of tov, good. We have been the recipients of so much good, Remembrance, is the world’s anniversary. After the shrill sounds this year and in all our seventeen years together. Let’s focus of the shofar’s blasts we loudly proclaim; “Hayom haras olam”- on the good and enumerate all the kindnesses that Hashem today is the birthday of the world. We also recite in musaf the has bestowed upon us.” familiar verse, "Zeh hayom techilas maasaicha zikoron l’iyom

21 rishon"- this day is the anniversary of the start of Your handiwork, what is good for you. No matter how devastating the situation is, a remembrance of the first day. why are you so brokenhearted that you can't serve Hashem with happiness?" Even if it appears as a misfortune, you crave children The creation of the world began on the 25th of the month of and your dreams have not yet materialized, but tov lach- this Elul; we can calculate that Rosh Hashanah, the first day in Tishrei, situation must be what is best for you. It comes from Hashem and is the anniversary of the sixth day of the creation. Rav Pam zt”l only good emanates from Him. used to describe what happened during brias haolam. Originally, Hashem planned to create the world with only din but on realizing Chana accepted her husband’s words. She then ate and drank. that the world could not exist with din alone He deviated from She was still brokenhearted, but not too sad to serve Hashem. It His original plan and combined chesed with din. was at this point that she deserved to have her prayers answered. On the first day of creation Hashem said “Let there be light” We all step into Rosh Hashanah anxiously waiting to pour the Midrash tells us that the nature of this light was so intensely our hearts out to our merciful Father in Heaven. We have spiritual, too bright for this world. Hashem had to remove it from the world and put it aside for Tzadikim to enjoy in olam haba. so much to tell Him, and so many requests. We want Him to give us our hearts’ desires, to bless us with what we yearn On the third day of creation when Hashem created vegetation, for. Let’s remember though on this Yom Hazikoro,n Day of He decreed that there should be eitz pri, fruit trees where Remembrance, that Hashem wants something for us too. the bark has the same taste as the fruit itself. This is not what Most of all He wants His children to be content, happy with occurred. Instead there was eitz oseh pri, trees that produced what He has given us. fruit. Despite the fact that the bark did not taste of fruit the Hashem could have felt somewhat disillusioned. Nevertheless, when traveling along a detour? Hashem could have created a passuk still says, vayar Elokim ki tov, Hashem saw this and despite the disapointments and shortcomings Hashem looked world without any imperfections but He wanted to teach us how Hayom haras olam – Rosh Hashanah is the anniversary of the proclaimed that it was good. over the entire universe and declared v’henei tov meod. Not only to approach life with a positive attitude and find the good even world. 5768 years ago Hashem taught us how to focus on the good. was it good but all that had transpired was very good. when our dreams have not been fully realized. It is of first and foremost importance to Him that we who are the On the fourth day of creation Hashem intended to create shnei beneficiaries of His endless kindness appreciate the good in every meoros hagdolim- two great luminaries, both equal in size. Instead, Hashem is kol yachol, an Almighty, infallible G-d. Nothing is If we understand this perhaps we can also understand something aspect of our lives. We may not find it at all easy to thank Him there was a meor hagadol -the sun to dominate by day and a meor impossible for Him to achieve. How can we comprehend that puzzling that we read in the haftorah of Rosh Hashanah. When constantly; in fact most likely we may find it exceedingly difficult. hakaton- a lesser light – a moon to dominate by night. Here too there were defects in His magnificent creation of the universe? Chana is brokenhearted and longing for children, Elkana who has It is however well worth the effort. There is a tradition that when at the end of the fourth day the passuk says "vayar Elokim ki tov, children from his wife Penina turns to her and says: “Chana why "Hashem saw what happened and said it was good. Had Hashem so desired everything would have formed and do you cry and why don’t you eat? Why are you brokenhearted? people complain, Hashem says, “You think this is bad, you need developed precisely and exactly as He had ordered. Hashem Am I not better to you than ten children? to be shown what bad really means.”But when we rejoice and feel If we refer to the sixth day of creation the Passuk there states: though, in His infinite kindness allowed these imperfections to blessed Hashem says, “Do you think what you have now is good? I "Vayar elokim es kol ashar asa v’heney tov meod"- And G-d saw teach mankind a profound and all important message. Having a broken heart is one of the ways to become close want you to experience what is really good!” At that point we are all that He had made and behold it was very good. to Hashem and can have its benefits. There are however two deserving of Hashem’s gifts and He bestows on us His bountiful Life does not always work out exactly how we plan, hope, dream different types of people with broken hearts. One has a broken blessings. If we can feel happy even when our dreams don’t Rav Pam explains what Hashem saw on the sixth day of creation. and anticipate. Life thrusts obstacles and challenges at every one heart and a shattered spirit while the other has a broken heart materialize, if we can say even under such circumstance v’hinei He created cattle, beasts and creeping animals and then finally of us. We often have to face disappointments, make adjustments but still somehow manages to live besimcha. Elkanah encouraged tov meod, Hashem will shower on us his blessings in abundance Adam and Chava. On this very day (when animals and man and change our goals. Hashem, Himself at the beginning of time, Chana to be content even with her broken heart and therefore even beyond our own dreams. had only just been created), the snake approached Chava and gave us the strength and taught us how to adapt and change he tried to focus on the positive of “Am I not better to you cunningly convinced her to eat from the eitz hadas the tree of from our original hopes and plans. Hashem provides us with than ten children?” Let’s remember to record the tov that has been bestowed upon knowledge. She in turn persuaded her husband Adam to eat with the wherewithal to survive, endure and even grow from these us. And when we daven; zachrienu bizikarone lifaneicha ufokdienu her. Hashem’s perfect world was now tainted with sin and He When we know that Hashem has given us the ability and situations, so that we can ultimately declare v’henei tov meod. bifkudas yishua v’rachaamim, we can hope that our heartfelt banished, drove out Adam and Chava from gan Eden. the strength and expects of us to find the good in everything that transpires we can easily understand this verse and Elkana’s tefilos will penetrate the sharei shamiyim, reach the kisei hakovod As Hashem reached the climax, the completion of six days of The measure of a person’s success in life is how well he is able reaction to Chana’s pain. Elkana was simply stating a rhetorical and we’ll merit to be inscribed bisefer chayim bracha v’shalom creation, there were so to speak numerous imperfections. We might to adjust when his expectations aren’t met and he is faced with question, "Must it not be that if things have turned out this way, uparnasa tova u’gzeiros tovos y’shuos v’nechomos anachnu v’chol expect to hear some expression of complaint or dissatisfaction. adversity or disappointment. Can he achieve happiness even as bitter and painful as it is to be childless, tov lach, that must be Beis Yyisroel l’chaim tovim u’lisholom. ST

Seventeen is the numerical value of the Hebrew word Tov, Good… When we rejoice and feel blessed - Hashem says 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei Let’s focus on the good and enumerate all the kindnesses “Do you think what you have now is good? that Hashem has bestowed upon us. I want you to experience what is really good.” Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

22 23 For a moment I pause to reflectceruc/// on this prayer, tu,bu hdtk vut Mivarchim Hachodesh…Oh how many months I’ve blessed! I glance around the Shul and see that surely I’m not alone, A New Month Each time pouring out my heart to Hashem and hoping… By: Dare2Dream Mrs. Green has been praying for a Refuah Shelmah quick, - from the A TIME website Only to be met with difficulties and challenges of another test. But her sweet little girl, so precious and kind and pure, Still fades away in the hospital , weak, tired and sick. Yet, once more I feel myself drawn to this Tefillah, Then I glance upwards overcome with a sudden thought, Our ornate Shul is packed with many Asking for endless good health, wealth, joy and mirth, Mrs. Cohen’s shoulders shake with her cries, Hashem too is waiting in pain, for this month to be the one, All have come out this Shabbas to pray, I’m crying, pleading, begging, praying and hoping, Her burden month after month breaks her heart, Whereby His children will take that extra step towards Him. The ladies’ section is overflowing, That this month will be the month….and in nine, I’ll give birth. She’s searching for a husband for her oldest daughter, And all the pain and challenges of exile will finally be over and done. All clutching their Siddurim as they sway. So that her real happiness and joy in life will start. Month after month of shattered dreams, hopes and wishes, Hashem longs to make this month the special month, The chazzan’s voice booms loud and clear, Of hopeful buildups that always end in untold pain, Standing in a corner is Mrs. Bloom all alone, On both, a very personal and much greater scale too, All stand quietly straight and tall, And yet I find myself once again crying and praying, Pouring out her heart to Hashem, that He end her Tzara, To bring us our long awaited for, long prayed for desires, He begins the “Mivarchim Hachodesh” prayer, Finding the strength to welcome the new month, hopeful again. That at last this month brings her husband the new job, To bring the final Geulah, at last, the real dream of every Jew. The heartfelt words repeated by one and all. And all this pain will turn into a Kaparah. I glance around the Shul and wonder, perhaps I’m not alone, I read the words in my Siddur, my heart is racing fast, 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei I close my eyes for a moment to concentrate, Are there others, who month after month, pray as I do? I turn back to my Siddur humbled by the pain and the tears, So many neshamos here all yearning, standing together as one, This is a powerful Tefillah, I know Hashem hears, Crying, hoping and praying, begging, and sobbing sincere, Of this group who came out to greet the new month at last, “Let this month be the month,” is our universal prayer, I whisper the prayer, my face buried in my Siddur That this month will end their troubles, their prayers will be All harboring the same hope, that this month will be, Please Hashem, we are ready…. My very essence uncloaked by my soundless tears. answered, Along with mine too. The very month that Hashem will bring us our desires fast. Please come take us home. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

24 25 • Touched by A Prayer •

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27 After all davening is not over yet! We can say modim with Meir looked up into his rebbi’s soft, gentle eyes and poured out tremendous feeling and kavana! his frustration. He told him how hard he had tried during this past Think about it. With the tefillah of modim, you can still thank Elul to improve and how each time his efforts had fallen short. In Hashem for everything in your life. There is a Sim Shalom that essence, he perceived himself as a complete and total failure. He remains to be said where you can daven for peace – inner peace, had pledged that this Rosh Hashonah would be different and he global peace and everything in between. There is still much to be would rise to the occasion – yet he had not. Meir cried bitterly said. The Yetzer Hara is hoping you’re going to give up, ignore the and hung his head in shame. rest of davening as well, throw your hands up in defeat. Doing that does nothing more than help you defeat yourself. Rav Shimshon sat down next to the boy and related the following The great Rav Yisroel Baal Shem Tov in his Tzavoas HaRiBash incident: “It was during the Yom Kippur War and I was sitting in warns of the “lahat cherev hamis’hapeches”- the revolving sword the emergency room in the Shaarei Tzedek hospital waiting for which is stationed directly outside of Gan Eden. The word one of my children to be seen by a doctor for a cut that apparently mehapech means to turn around. When we turn away from our needed stitches, when I noticed a commotion taking place. Many intended goal, we lose focus. It is this “sword of distraction” which doctors had converged in front of the emergency room doors and prevents us from achieving our goals. appeared to be discussing an important matter. Now that we are more aware of all of the forces trying to turn us away from our kavana, what do we need to do? We need to “I inquired as to what had happened and was told that a soldier do what anyone meeting an adversary does – prepare for battle. had been shot and had been brought to the hospital. The bullet True, we will not win every battle. Distractions, time constraints, was lodged in his leg and needed to be taken out. After the worries – all of these elements will attack us when we try to daven. Now we know how to approach Shemoneh Esrei when we The “Battle of Kavana” faces you every day. Confront it with strong doctor had removed the bullet, he notified the soldier, who had Sometimes the most seemingly irrelevant thoughts pop into our realize halfway through that we have not really paid attention, intentions, be prepared for some losses, but most importantly, been awake during the entire procedure that the surgery was minds, or someone coughs – we never know what or when it is but what if Shemoneh Esrei has come and gone and we have never ever give up – no matter what. complete and he was free to go home. The young man, no older going to happen, but distractions will ‘attack’. salvaged absolutely nothing? What if the entire tefillah has been than 19 years, grimaced in pain as he struggled to slide off the one complete and total failure? How do we recover? How do One very interesting point is brought in the Michtav Are You Ready To Fight? operating table. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead and he Me’Eliyahu (Vol 5, page 24). He quotes Rav Menachem Mendel we move on? The battle is still not over. The Kuntres Hasefeikus, Rosh Hashanah had arrived and Meir Goldbaum, a 17-year looked curiously at the doctor. of Vitepsk in his sefer Pri Ha’aretz which cautions us- don’t be the brother of the Ketzos Hachoshen, in the preface to his sefer, old yeshiva bochur learning in a yeshiva in Ofakim, Israel, was disillusioned regarding your madrega, level, of avodas Hashem. the Terumas HaKri, explains that even if the tefillah has concluded “Home? You think I’m heading home. True, I was shot and lost disappointed. He had worked hard to improve in his yiras Hashem When one thinks he is on a high level and then fails to live up and one had no kavana, that prayer is still not discarded. Rather, this battle, but there’s a war raging out there and my fellow soldiers – both in his davening and learning – but he did not feel that he to his own self imposed expectations, he feels that he has it remains in a corner of sorts and if the next time you daven you need me back on the battlefield.” The brave young man hobbled failed. That lack of satisfaction can create much sadness and had progressed sufficiently for the upcoming Day of Judgement. have the proper kavana, then this tefillah as well is rectified and out of the room and headed back toward the front lines. can in itself be a distraction. ascends to Heaven. It is never too late! As a disciple of Rav Shimshon Pincus zt”l, Meir had begun to This is the nature of the battle. There will be successes and understand what the awe of the High Holy Days meant. Rav Rav Shimshon concluded the inspiring story and looked into the There is a sweet but penetrating story that was told by the inevitably failures, perhaps even a few times in each Shemoneh Shimshon’s inspiring shmussen had made a distinct impression eyes of the vulnerable young man. Chofetz Chaim. Once there was a little girl who was walking in the Esrei. The Kof Hachaim advises that we must not give up on him and resulted time and time again in commitments and “Meir, I’m not going to convince you that you have not stumbled. from having kavana in future brachos just because we missed marketplace carrying a basket of apples. As the girl was walking resolutions to improve in his avodas Hashem; alas, time and again But just because you’ve fallen does not mean you can’t get back out on a few. by a donkey, the basket was knocked out of her hands and the apples fell to the ground, scattering everywhere. The little girl was Meir failed to translate his commitments into action. As a result, up. Losing a battle does not mean that you’ve lost the war. We’re In that same aforementioned essay as mentioned above, the devastated. People walking by helped her gather the fruit while she he felt like a complete and absolute failure. fighting a war in there and I don’t want to head back in without Michtav me’Eliyahu enlightens us that the concept of “Eizehu sat on the ground and cried at her bad luck, moaning that many Rosh Hashana morning, Rav Shimshon stepped outside the you. We need you to fight alongside the rest of us!” ashir hasome’ach be’chelko – who is rich, he who is satisfied with beis medrash for a moment during the chazzan’s repetition of his lot” refers not only to one’s physical wealth, but also to one’s of the beautiful apples were now bruised and useless. A passerby A shy smile formed on Meir’s face and he thanked his rebbi for asked why she was crying, and when he heard the story, he told Shemoneh Esrei and spotted his student in the corner of the personal spiritual journey. In other words, appreciate the spiritual his warm words of encouragement. Rav Shimshon placed his arm her that it was not going to help the situation to cry – she had hallway sitting on a low chair with his head between his knees. accomplishment that you have reached; don’t look at the spiritual around Meir’s shoulder and together they walked back into the level you have not yet attained. We should, of course, always to get up, gather the apples, and keep going. After all, there were Rav Shimshon, with his warm and caring demeanor, approached beis medrash to “fight” alongside one another. strive to do more and do better, but not at the expense of finding some perfectly good apples to salvage! Wiping away her tears, she Meir, placed a hand on his shoulder and asked him why satisfaction in our personal victories. quickly jumped to her feet and saved a good few apples. he seemed so depressed. Fight on, fellow comrade…We need you! ST

There is a Sim Shalom that remains to be said Appreciate the spiritual accomplishment 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei where you can daven for peace – inner peace, global peace that you have reached; don’t look at the spiritual level and everything in between you have not yet attained Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

28 29 According to PlanArriella Rosen

There are no mistakes when Hashem is in charge. Everything is, Baruch Hashem, going exactly according to plan.

Last week I went to visit a prominent Rebbetzin, a woman not completely accepting of Hashem’s sovereignty.” Powerful who had moved across the country to accompany her words, demanding words; yet I related to them completely. husband to his current position, leaving behind married Me! Because this is the truth: when I accept Hashem’s malchus children and many grandchildren. “Was it hard for you?” I unequivocally, my whole existence changes. I look up to Him asked. “Did it take you long to adjust to the new surroundings, and say, ”Hashem, You are in charge. If You, My Father and and to being so far away from your family?” My King, did this, then You must know what You are doing. I Her answer did not take long in coming. “I decided right accept what You did and I will follow whatever plan You have away that I was not going to be a martyr.” She replied. “It set out for me.” would not do anyone any good, least of all myself. I took the Our King knew this was going to happen. He Himself wrote attitude from the beginning that I would have not carry on it into the fabric of our creation, because it was a necessary like that!” she responded. part of our lives. This was not a random accident! This was “But what about those times when the feelings of misery what Hashem planned from before my husband and I were and loneliness just snuck their way in? What did you do then?” born. This was how long he was supposed to live, and this is I persisted. “They didn’t,” she responded firmly. “I made up my how much time I was suppose to have with him. Hashem is mind that this is what I was going to do and then I didn’t look our Father, and I believe that He loves us. I believe that our back. I just went forward and did what I had to.” lives are not over, and that He still has great things in store for As you may have already guessed, my sudden pursuit of us. Baruch Hashem, everything is going according to plan. this line of questioning was not just of passing interest for So, yes, Rebbetzin, you have touched on a deceptively me. I had lost my husband of twenty-three years in a tragic simple key to making peace with one’s circumstances. In order accident, and this would be my second Rosh Hashanah alone. to “decide” not to be a martyr, you were surely calling upon a The Rebbetzin’s no-nonsense approach to her challenge, wealth of inner resources that we all actually have access to, albeit quite a different one than mine, gave me pause. Could as well. It only takes a simple reorientation of the mind, from, one simply decide not to be, as she called it, a “martyr”? Was “I was supposed to spend the rest of my life in ‘anytown’ to it as simple as deciding? Could I, for example, also just decide to stop feeling sorry for myself and move forward? It certainly “Hashem sent me here, so this is where I am meant to be.” Or, was an interesting challenge. from “I was supposed to marry a perfect spouse” to “this is the person I was supposed to marry.”

The essence of our avodah on Rosh Hashanah is tobe 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei mamlich Hashem Yisbarach, to accept Him as King over There are no mistakes when Hashem is in charge. Everything everything that transpires in our lives. In truth, that is our is, Baruch Hashem, going exactly according to plan. avodah in all of life. As the Rav in our shul said before the A kesivah vachasimah tovah to all of Klal Yisroel. shofar-blowing, “The extent to which we feel sad over what has happened in the past year is the extent to which we are Hamodia, September 20, 2006

31 Blessed New Year / Brucha Malka Berkovic

The clock ticks Time to rewind Whilst holding on to some We leave part behind.

Past abound with heroism Hope and song Resilience, persistence, sublimation Taking it all along.

Done with adversity, apprehension Despair and decline Our frailties, our stumbling All once upon a time.

The clock ticks Moments of beginning A Thought Imbued with vigor, enthusiasm for the New Year Toward the forthcoming. Valiant aspirations Many of us We pray for wisdom We plead for courage Difficult as it all seems lose confidence in prayer and G-d send us problems; and G-d gives us We are confident that future because we do not the solution of which danger to overcome Keeps true to our dreams. recognize the answer develops wisdom

We ask for favors Stepping forward 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei We ask for strength We plead for prosperity and G-d gives us About to embrace and G-d gave us difficulties and G-d gives us a brain opportunities. In joyous ecstasy which make us stronger; and brawn to work Those will be the days. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

32 33 way to school. Some might be going to the gym; others to the And then there is one more “advantage” to avoiding a purposeful doctor. Some might be taking their children to the park; others life. By never truly contemplating the finish line we can always would be going to pray. Nothing unusual about that. But if the pretend that whatever it is that we are doing right now is just fine. interview could continue, you’d learn a lot more by asking them a No action of ours really needs to be goal-directed or meaningful. different question: “Why?” We can just wile away the time, indulge in our little amusements, guilt-free. Without an itinerary, we can, by default, just choose the The lady catching the bus might tell you that she is traveling to scenic route and gaze out the window. work. The fellow going to school might explain that he is trying to get a degree in engineering. The gym rat likes to stay in shape and Judaism teaches that living with purpose is not easy. As a matter the patient wants to be healthy. of fact, one of the primary goals of our yetzer hara - the lower part of ourselves -- is to constantly distract us with enticing diversions, But don’t stop there -- ask one more question: “But why?” Why some rather innocent, others less so. All in order to prevent us be healthy and why do you need a degree? At this point you need from realizing why we are here and to dissuade us from engaging to be a bit more careful. Whizzing people may not take kindly in purposeful pursuits. So how do I know what my particular to the “But why” inquiry. They prefer to whiz, not wonder. Your purpose should be? After all, no two people are alike and your innocent query may be pressing some buttons that they would goal and my goal will probably be very different. much prefer never, ever be tampered with. Now you are asking Answering this question requires a lot of soul searching, but my people to seriously contemplate the ultimate purpose of their sense is that your true calling should at least meet these three actions -- how annoying! prerequisites: It must be something that you seem to be naturally good at. It must be something you enjoy. The “why” game, as ominous as it may be, can also be a rather protracted one. Why do we go to sleep? To feel rested. Why should You find it curiously difficult to attain. In other words, we feel rested? So we can work better. Why must we work better? it takes work to get there. If it’s too easy, you may be in To advance in our careers. Why? To make more money. And why the wrong neighborhood. do we want more money? To buy things. And why... Of course, these same questions could apply for career counseling So many of us are zombied into this never-ending carousel of as well, not life purpose. These are just basic guidelines. When aimlessness -- living for the moment, marching proudly toward seeking your own particular calling in life, you need to do more. some obscure, undefined station. So much of what we do appears You need to reach down into a different realm of your psyche to be just a preparation for something else. Life, too often, seems -- somewhere almost indescribable -- and see if you are truly like a giant laundromat. We bring in the clothes, toss them in the moved by the experience. washer, add detergent and bleach, put in a few coins, throw them Most people say, “You’ll recognize it when you see it, when you in the dryer, take them out, fold them, wear them and a week later feel it.” They’re right. When you involve yourself in something you we are back at the laundromat again. Where does it end? enjoy, have talent for, but need a certain measure of exertion and you sense that you are touching something truly sublime, you Probing into the underlying purpose of our actions and decisions probably are. But your antennae must be fully extended, to pick Where Are You Going? is something we are resistant to doing. It takes courage to know up the clear signal. clearly where we are headed and why, because we may not know | Rabbi Yaakov Salomon | exactly how to get there or if our destination is even achievable or Tomoji Tanabe of Japan, at 111, acknowledged the oldest man truly worthwhile. It’s a lot safer to just meander around the block alive today, recently attributed his longevity, in part, to drinking a and pretend to be on the road to somewhere -- as long as we look glass of milk each day. “I don’t want to die,” he explained. An Eye-Opening Way To Open Your Eyes “I have audited every aspect of the Acme Pencil Corporation important. with a fine toothed comb. The firm is indeed doing an enormous We all seem to want to live as long as possible and take great Once upon a time there lived a man who owned a pencil factory. Even more threatening is the realization that we may never lengths to do everything in our power to do so. The question we amount of business. The reason the company is losing money, He manufactured, sold, and shipped millions of pencils every year. really get to where we want to go. So if we design our goals to be need to ask ourselves is, “Why?” ST however, is rather simple. It is costing them three cents to make There was only one small problem. He was losing money. eternally vague or virtually unknown, failure may never need to be each pencil and they are selling them for two cents apiece.” confronted... how convenient. Reprinted with permission from the Aish.com website This puzzled him greatly as business appeared to be brisk. Orders The owner had fallen into a classic trap -- he forgot why he went were coming in. The employees were working hard. The pencils into business in the first place. He didn’t go into business to make were of the highest quality possible. And truck loads of pencils pencils; he went into business to make money. were leaving the factory every day. Even the accounts receivable seemed to be in order. Next time you get a chance, go to a busy intersection, stand Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei on a corner, and watch... just watch. People are whizzing by -- So he called in an accountant who specialized in business everybody doing his own thing. Some are moving quickly, others analysis and trouble-shooting to figure out the problem. For two just sauntering. If you could interview them and ask where they Each of us has been granted a unique and individual mission. weeks this finance maven scrutinized every facet of the operation were going, you’d hear all kinds of different responses. Some of -- big and small -- and then he filed his report. them might be going to catch a bus; others would be on their Hashem gives us exactly what we need to accomplish that goal. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

34 35 To Live Like a Jew / Hakhal

Editor’s note: We actually deliberated “It is over this item. Is this encouraging for our readers? It occured to me that Avraham harder to Avinu’s challenges were prototypes for live like a our challenges today. Do we ask for our particular challenges? Not at all! We cannot Jew fathom the will of Hashem. Hashem is sending each of us on a unique journey... than to The why’s and wherefore’s to be answered die like a in a future life. Let us absorb the lessons painstakingly taught to us by our Avos and Je w.” Imahos of yesteryears.

The question is often asked: why is the akeidah viewed as uniquely Avraham’s trial? While Avraham was indeed being tested, surely the akeidah was a great trial for Yitzchak as well! Yitzchak, when told of his father’s purpose, acquiesced wholeheartedly; indeed, his conduct during those fateful three days leading up to his ascent to the altar teaches us lasting lessons in proper service of Hashem. Avraham and Yitzchak were partners in approaching the akeidah. Why, then, is the trial aspect of the akeidah not ascribed to both? Since it was Yitzchak’s life that was being requested, should the trial not be described as least equally as his? When this question was asked of the Alter of Novaradok, Rav Yoseif Yeozel Horowitz, he replied: “It is harder to live like a Jew than to die like a Jew.” Rabbi Nosson Scherman would explain the Alter’s words as follows: True, Yitzchak faced the challenge. Was he ready to offer his life? But once he stood up to that challenge, his trial would be over. He would not have to deal with the aftermath of his trial. He would ascend to Har Hamoriah, and remain there, having surrendered his life in the service of Hashem – retiring from the scene in blaze of glory. Although the supreme sacrifice of one’s life is not to be taken lightly, such acts of heroism are not uncommon in human experience. Even ordinary people can rise to such greatness: surely Yitzchak would not be expected to do less. The challenge facing Avraham, however, was that after he would carry out Hashem’s command, he would have to go on living. He would have to face an unbelieving world, and his wife Sarah. He would have to continue opening his home to wayfarers and entertaining guests, though they would now most likely be afraid to accept hospitality from the barbarous old man who had killed his own son. He would have to Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei find a way to continue spreading the ways of chessed to a world that would regard him as the greatest of hypocrites. And he would always wonder if his sin of failing to marry off Yitzchak in a timely manner had caused this unspeakable tragedy. Yitzchak had to die as a Jew: but Avraham had to bear the infinitely harder burden of carrying on, and continuing to live like a Jew.

37 Miscarriage or Rebirth / Chaia Frishman

Most people treat the birthing mother as if she had just won the gold in an Olympic event.

Those same people treat the mother who lost as if she didn’t even make the preliminaries.

The birthing mother is fawned over and cared for, as the warrior who has to regain her strength after conquering a land.

The other mother is given care with the message that she needs to be stronger in order to prevail.

The birthing mother is showered with praise and gifts for her initial feat that was brought to fruition.

The losing mother gets a deluge of unsolicited advice about how to prevent this tragedy from reoccurring.

The birthing mother is treated like a hero; While the other is made out to be the underdog.

Yet I consider both women to be mothers.

They both housed souls, whatever period of time that might be.

They both loved a child, be it for nine long months, or nine short weeks.

They both gave of themselves, and yet while the mother who lost never saw the fruits of her labor, G-d did. Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei

A T.I.M.E. #48 • Summer 5766 • 55

39 MARK SURREY, MD HAL DANZER, MD WENDY CHANG, MD SHAHIN GHADIR, MD TINA KOOPERSMITH, MD Little miracles last a lifetime

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True Happiness

| Esther Schwartz |

The Klausenberger Rebbe, Zt”l had a daunting task to accomplish But dear children,” the Rebbe went on, “We have one great aveira in the aftermath of World War II. The small remnant of Jews who to repent for- that we lost our simchas hachaim- and because we were left were broken physically and fractured emotionally. The lost it we must stand here for the next twenty-six hours and cry. Rebbe in his infinite compassion and deep love for fellow Yidden We must ask Hashem to awaken in us a simcha, a happiness- to worked tirelessly to rebuild those shattered lives. want to continue to live.”

He stood up in front of them one Kol Nidrei night a few Brave words. Audacious words to say to fragile, broken souls. years after the liberation and looked through the Machzor. He But the Rebbe knew, that the foundation stone of Yiddeshkeit turned the pages and said, “I don’t understand. Who wrote this is Simchas Hachaim. Ain Hashechina Shora Ela Mitoch Simcha. Machzor? It’s full of mistakes.”He continued, “ Listen carefully Yiddeshkeit could not be rebuilt without Simcha. to what is written here. It says Ashamnu, Bagadnu, Gazalnu…is Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei there any person that went through six years of Gehinnom that A Matter of Perspective can really say this? Did we have the strength to do these aveiros An individual came to the Chofetz Chaim. He cried that his life and go against the Will of Hashem? Was there even one penny was full of despair. He had a very poor and deprived childhood. to steal? No we did not go against Your Will! We were ready to When he married he davened under the Chuppa that his wife be die Al Kiddush Hashem!” an aishes chayil, a baalos middos. Within a short while he realized Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

40 41 that this was not the case. He davened,“ Ribono Shel Olom, You She now gives over this inspiring message to others. “ Ribono gave me hard young years, but I forgive You. I asked for a good Shel Olom, sometimes I feel very far from You. Sometimes life is wife, and did not receive it. I’m asking You for banim talmidei hard and bitter. You sent us into exile, You are so far from us. But chachamim but I saw after a while that I didn’t get this either. we know that You love us, and therefore even when things are So I davened for wealth for my old age. But look,”He said to the difficult we should not be unhappy.” Chofetz Chaim, “My pockets are empty. Hashem gave me the exact opposite of everything I asked for.” We live in times of darkness, time of Hester Panim. We suffer many different nisyonos. It is hard for us to see Hashem’s Presence. The Chofetz Chaim handed him a stamp with his signature on It is difficult for us to find Him. A priest once wanted to test the it. The man examined it carefully and said it was hard to read, intelligence of a brilliant young boy. He brought him to a palace backwards. The Chofetz Chaim dipped the stamp into ink and and told the child to find him. The child went out of the building pressed it onto a piece of paper. The man was then able to and looked up at all the windows. Then he went back into the clearly read the signature. palace, up to the fifth floor, and opened the third door where the priest was. Everyone was amazed and demanded an explanation “In order for the words to be clear on paper, they must be of how he had accomplished the feat so swiftly. The boy explained, backwards on the stamp.” The Chofetz Chaim explained, “Your “ When I looked at all the windows I saw that they were all open. entire life seems like it’s backwards. But after a hundred and There was only one that was closed. I knew that had to be the twenty, Hashem will put your ‘stamp’ into ‘ink’ and it will all be room where the priest was.” clear and easy to understand.” In the complicated world we live in today it seems difficult to Modern day life is full of problems and nisyonos. Shalom find the Ribono Shel Olom. But we can do it if we make the effort bayis, parnassa, family problems, health issues, they’re wherever to look. But first we must master the art of Simchas Hachaim. we turn. We have long lists of the things we want, things we Then it will be easy to find Him. Because “ Ain Hashechina need. Under the Chuppah we daven for health, for children, Shora Ela Mitoch Simcha.” Only where there is simcha can the parnasa, and so on. And we wait for those things to arrive, in Shechina enter. Hakaras Hatov, gratitude, is the key. A person the proper time, of course. Then life shocks us by not turning who makes a conscious effort to count their blessings will out the way we imagined it would be. We are devastated. We surely find much cause for Simchas Hachaim, and thus invites question, “Why me?” But our ancestors asked the opposite the Shechina into his life. question, “ Why not me?” The Crown of Hashem The happy people we encounter are not the people with the A bochur who was on the verge of suicide came to the Steipler picture perfect lives. They’re the people with the picture perfect Gaon, Z”TL. The bachur said he was a failure, he had been expelled attitudes. Because happiness is not a certain set of circumstances. from many yeshivos and had a terrible stutter. The Steipler held the It’s a certain set of attitudes. And it’s the only thing we have control boy’s hand and said with great warmth, “ Mein kinde, I promise over in life. That is not to say that it is easy to have these attitudes. you that when you say a pasuk Chumash, Hashem quiets the Simchas Hachaim is a result of hard work, of daily battles in the entire pamalia shel maaleh, and tzaddikim in Gan Eden because trenches of life. It is an avoda. A goal to work toward. He wants to hear your learning.” The boy was incredulous and The happy Hester Panim- Finding the Light screamed, “ Why? Why?” We have one at the End of the Tunnel people we “ Because,” the Steipler continued, “ Hashem crowns Himself great aveira There is a woman who has had a very difficult life. She had an with a broken keili, broken vessels. How do you allow yourself encounter are unhappy childhood, a difficult husband, and lost her oldest child. to take away His nachas?” The bachur went on to build a to repent for- not the people The youngest child was very sick and could not live at home. Then beautiful life for himself. that we lost her middle son was diagnosed with a serious illness and needed with the to live far away from home for treatment. She called him on the Each life is of supreme importance and beloved to Hashem. our simchas The happy peoplepicture we perfect phone one day. When she hung up the phone she began to weep When Yaakov Avinu ran away from home he was destitute. hachaim- and bitterly because of the distance between her and her son, during He knew that he would end up in the house of Lavan, whose encounter are not the peoplelives. such a difficult time. She picked up the phone again and called the moral standards were the exact opposite of Yaakov Avinu, the because we lost lady whom her son was staying by. She asked, “Tell me, what does Ish Emes. So he picked up a stone and said, “ My situation in They’re the it we must stand 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei with the picture perfect lives. my son do when he hangs up the phone from me? Is he upset? life is like a stone. A stone usually harms. Yet from a stone you people with the Does he cry?” The lady replied that she asked the boy the same can also be built a mizbayach. This stone will become a Beis here for the next They’re the people with the question. The boy replied, “ My mother is really very far from me, Elokim, a Holy House. ”On that very spot the Beis Hamikdash, the picture perfect but I know she loves me. So why should I be upset?” The mother Holy Temple, was later built. Let us take stones, and from them twenty-six hours picture perfect attitudes.attitudes. of the boy cried tears of joy as she hung up the phone. joyously build holiness. ST and cry. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

42 43 accepting things, in not being grateful enough, in not trusting the future. With that faith would come a smile on my face instead of a frown. And the people around me would feel my optimism and be optimistic, too.

My last prayer for the year would be for love. For acceptance and gratitude and faith all look inward, but with love I would look outward, too. I would love my husband enough to let him do things his own way without criticism and objections from me. I would love him enough to help him and support him and make him laugh when he is feeling low.

I would love my family, my friends, and my community enough to let them all be themselves instead of what I want them to be, to put out my hand and give them my heart when they need me, to forgive easily and put judgment and criticism aside, to be sensitive to what they need and to how I can help them without them having to ask me.

I would love Hashem enough to take joy in every single day. I would love Him enough to try to keep all the mitzvos as best as I can, even the really tough ones. I would love Him enough to improve in ways totally contrary to my nature. I would love Him enough to lay down my questions and my anger when grieving for the injustice and the pain I see around me and accept His way or no way at all.

If I could love like that, what a different person I would be. For that love would be the bridge between my world and His world, it would be the celebration of all in me that is divine. It would A Prayer for the Year nurture and nourish the spirituality that makes me glad to be alive. It would confirm the miracle of my creation, my existence, | Katie Green | and the bond between all of us and One of Him.

This is my prayer for the year. I pray for the acceptance, the If I had a prayer for the year, my prayer would be for acceptance. my head, for food on the table, for living in Israel and partaking gratitude, the faith, and the love, or, at least, the tools to help If I knew the gift of acceptance, what a different person I would in the miracle of its existence. I could be grateful for yiddishkeit me develop them. This year I felt so frustrated and guilty about be. I could accept being overweight. I could accept the overdraft and the jewel of Torah. all my failings that I forgot about Hashem’s love. I forgot that at the bank. I could accept that life is full of irritating, inconvenient every time I feel sad about being away from my parents, every If I could be grateful, what a different person I would be. With occurrences that have to be dealt with calmly. I could time I feel claustrophobic in my small apartment, every time I get the gratitude would come such contentment, like a warm, fluid, accept my lot in life. overwhelmed with life circumstances, He sees and understands. stable happiness coming from within. If I could accept, what a different person I would be. He doesn’t just see my failures. He sees when things are hard, and With that acceptance would come such a calm, quiet If I had a prayer for the year, my prayer would be for faith. If when I overcome, He sees when I make the effort and hold back and patience from within. I knew the gift of faith, what a different person I would be. from saying hurtful things. He sees, He knows, and He smiles. So

I would throw away my fear and my anxiety. I would stop it’s worth it to make the effort for Him. 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei If I had a prayer for the year, my prayer would be for gratitude. making woeful predictions about the future. I could let go of all If I knew the gift of gratitude, what a different person I would be. the needless, knotted worrying. If I close my eyes, I can feel Him wrapping us I could be grateful for being given the privilege of caring for my in His cloak of light. ST husband and being cared for in return. I could be grateful for my If I could have faith, what a different person I would be. With wonderful women friends, for my husband’s work, for a roof over that faith would come the release of all the energy I use in not Reprinted with permission from Horizons Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

44 45 The special status of the repetition of the Chazaras HaShatz, Modim De’rabanan.) The shaliach tzibbur himself is charged by besides affording an opportunity to repeat and reinforce our own the congregation to avoid “further delay” and rush through the Shemoneh Esrei, also provides a forum for the tzibur to daven Tefilla. As a result, the intent of the Chazoras HaShatz – to provide in unison. The Arizal writes that Chazoras HaShatz has far more a joint, unified tefilla – is lost. Even worse, those present may be strengths and a higher status than the silent Shemoneh Esrei responsible for making the Chazan’s recitation berachos levatal; recited privately – with an immeasurable difference between if there are not nine people listening attentively to berachos, the them! Chazal hinted to this when stating “If one has davened Chazan’s rendering of them is almost considered to have been in and not had his prayers answered, he should repeat his tefilla” vain. Everyone present is therefore obligated to listen, assuming (Berachos 32). The Vilna Gaon understands this as a reference to that without him, a quorum of people may be lacking. the repetition of Tefilla through Chazoras HaShatz. The Ultimate Benefits Why does Chazoras HaShatz have the power to assure that The Shela writes that those who are chareidim li’dvar Hashem our prayers are answered? The passuk states, “Behold, Hashem, – steadfast in their devotion to Hashem – should place a Siddur the mighty He does not despise” (Iyov 36, 5), which the Gemora before themselves during the Chazoras HaShatz and focus their (Berachos 8b) explains to mean that Hashem never despises – eyes and hearts therein, in order to have full kavana on every word. and always accepts – the tefilla of the tzibbur. For this reason, Although we may have difficulty concentrating while listening Rabbi Shimshon Dovid Pinkus zt”l in the introduction to his throughout the entire Shemoneh Esrei, the benefit from this She’arim Be’Tefilla, suggests why Chazoras HaShatz is recited out avoda is enormous. According to the opinion of some poskim, it loud while the private Shemoneh Esrei must be recited quietly: is considered as if we recited another two Shemoneh Esrei’s, one, The quiet Shemoneh Esrei, due to its importance and great value, in keeping with shome’a ke’oneh – hearing the pronouncement must be hidden and protected from any forces that would harm it of the berachos is the equivalent of saying “Amein,” The ultimate or compromise its effectiveness. Chazoras HaShatz provides these result is that we have now earned the equivalent of reciting three immense dimensions of tefilla that those who talk during Chazoras times 19 berachos, 57 berachos of Tefilla in all! For this reason, one HaShatz are described by the Shulchan Aruch as “a sinner whose should avoid reciting other prayers or studying during Chazoras transgression is too great to bear… He should be reprimanded.” HaShatz. It is worth bearing in mind that the rewards that Chazal To this, the Kol Bo adds: “Woe to those who speak during the attribute to saying Amein properly are astounding. For example: recitation of Shemoneh Esrei, for we have seen numerous shuls “One who lengthens his Amein (and says it slowly) merits destroyed because of this transgression.” entry into Gan Eden.” In sum, by answering Amein, one can gain rewards in both worlds! A bayis – a home – provides protection from the outside. Similarly, a Beis Haknesses, as a House of Prayer, is meant to be It is an uplifting experience to daven in a minyan where all the used specifically for serving Hashem, sheltering its holiness from mispallelim stand quietly, concentrating on the words of the outside forces. Bringing gossip into the Beis Haknesses during the Shmoneh Esrei, answering Amein in unison. Being involved in a services of tefilla is contrary to its essences and – as the Kol Bo true tefilla b’tzibur – a unified effort to beseech Hashem: listening Chazoras HaShatz states – can even cause its destruction. to and reviewing the Shemoneh Esrei one has just recited, reinforces the Tefilla. For this reason Chazal could assure us that, | Rabbi Moshe Halberstadt | Unfortunately, even those who avoid gossip and other through the Chazara, out tefillos will be heard and answered. inappropriate talk may miss out on the opportunities inherent to Consider how we can bring great merit upon Acheinu Bnei Chazoras HaShatz. Sadly, many people view the time when the Yisroel, and ourselves, by rallying minyanim to properly experience shaliach tzibur repeats Shemoneh Esrei as an intermission of sorts, Chazoras HaShatz. This calls for maintaining proper decorum, with A Second Chance – Plus our Shemoneh Esrei, as our thoughts stray during the tefilla, and as during which they might reciteTehillim, catch up or daven ahead, cooperative mispallelim, led by a patient baal tefilla. It is surely These are times when the critical importance of tefilla is obvious, a result we fail to daven with proper kavana… a lost opportunity. put on Rabbeinu Tam-Tefillin, collect or give tzeddaka, or peruse a worth the effort, for as a result, we will be gaining an invaluable so we make an honest attempt to daven with greater kavana: But not irretrievably so. Many of us are simply unaware that the sefer. During any or all of these activities, “Amein” might be recited opportunity to achieve a whole array of Divine blessings that we “Some with chariots, some with horses, but we call out in the same opportunity repeats itself during Chazoras HaShatz – the absentmindedly, informed by a faint awareness of the word of the all so desperately need.. ST Name of Hashem” (Tehillim 20; 8). After all, our key to survival Shemone Esrei of the shaliach tzibbur, who represents us at the shaliach tzibbur. (Of course, he will abandon his sefer or other always has been, and today is, clearly, our power of tefilla. amud – if we but listen, concentrate and answer Amein to his preoccupation long enough to join the tzibbur for Kedusha and Reprinted with permission from The Jewish Observer, May 2003 words. Rabbeinu Yona says: “One who answers amein after every The essence of our tefilla is Shemoneh Esrei, in which Chazal beracha is considered as if he davened a second time.” Moreover, have included thirteen prayers for specific personal and communal Chazal teach us “One who answers Amen after every beracha is needs. More than an obligation, reciting Shemoneh Esrei is an considered as if he davened a second time”. Moreover, Chazal opportunity to beseech Hakadosh Baruch Hu to fulfill all our

teach us: “One who has davened Shemone Esrei and did not have 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei requests; a chance to stand before Hashem and entrust ourselves kavana, and then repeats the Tefilla, is assured that his prayers will to His will; a time to strengthen our emuna and bitachon – our Rabbeinu Yona says: be heard.” All is not lost, for listening to the chazzan and answering faith and trust in Him. Amein during his repetion is in effect a second chance to daven “One who answers amein after every beracha is considered Who would squander such an opportunity in such times as Shemoneh Esrei properly. In addition, it also provides an assurance these? No one should. Yet, as creatures of habit, we often mumble that his tefillos will be heard! as if he davened a second time.” Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

46 47 Our ultimate crying is that of a baby who cannot fully understand its own needs or express them, but knows that if he cries a parent will tend to him.

forfeiting the blessings. We did not show the appreciation The teru’ah aspect of crying is a staccato alarm, an intense for them that Eisav showed. feeling of imminent danger and insecurity. One recognized the dire consequences of sin. This corresponds to the cry of Hagar The Medrash tells us that Nevuchadnetzar instructed expressing her alarm and helplessness at the imminent peril Nevuzaradon not to permit the Jews he was exiling to rest until of her son’s condition. they crossed the Euphrates, lest they have time to weep and entreat Hashem to foil the efforts to exile them. The Medrash The combination of shevorim-teru’ah gives us the final aspect. continues that after crossing the Euphrates the Yidden were given This is the recognition that the state of imperfection itself is cause the opportunity to rest and there, by the rivers of Bavel, they sat for alarm. This corresponds to the cry of Rochel Imeinu for the and wept. Yirmiyahu met them there and found them weeping, glories of the past lost, and the danger to her children in exile, and told them, I would bring heaven and earth to testify that had bereft of their spiritual heritage. you shed one tear while you were still in your land you would not have been exiled. Finally, we sound the shofar a total of 100 sounds corresponding to the 100 cries that Sisra’s mother cried when he did not return This awesome power of crying is reflected in the teru’ah of Rosh from the battle of Devorah and Barak. Perhaps the implication Hashanah that has three different facets; what we call shevarim, is that our ultimate crying is that of a baby who cannot fully what we call teru’ah and what we call shevorim-teru’ah. All of understand its own needs or express them, but knows that if he them are different manifestations of what the Torah calls teru’ah. cries a parent will tend to him. So too we express to Hakadosh It is always preceded by the long unbroken blast of the tekiah to Boruch Hu that we ourselves do not fully know what and how to signify that our crying is not negative, not an expression of our cry like Sisra’s mother who was unsure if her son failed to return hopelessness and abandonment chas vesholom, but rather is because he was tarrying over the spoils of victory or if he was recognition of our dire plight and the resolve and hope that it can perhaps wounded and sick or worse, killed in battle. Hence she be improved. cried 100 cries, the total gamut of different types of crying, from cries of joy to cries of mourning. The Torah readings and haftorahs of both days of Rosh Hashanah contain references to various episodes of crying. The first day we Similarly we sound every combination of cries, the total The Power of Tears read of Hagar who cried out of fear of losing her son Yishmoel. spectrum, and we know that our merciful Father in heaven will be The haftorah records the crying of Chana for the child she was able to discern and heed our cries and tend to our needs. | Rabbi Zev Leff | not able to conceive. The second day’s torah reading records the Akeida, which is embodied in the cry of the shofar itself, and the May our tears mingle with the tears of our mother Rachel and haftorah records the weeping of Rochel for her children in exile. may Hashem likewise declare to us “yesh tikvoh le’achriseich, veshovu bonim ligvulom. There is hope for posterity and your Rosh Hashana is designated a yom teru’ah which the Targum Bechi in numerical value is 32, which explains the numerical value The shevorim aspect of crying is a sighing and weeping for a children will return to their boundaries soon, in our days.” translates as yom yevovoh, a day of weeping. Although there of lev, heart. Crying conveys a total submission, an expression of state of something absent and lacking, an intense recognition are various opinions whether one should actually cry on Rosh helplessness and dependence. In this light, crying in expressing the - Kesivah vechasimah tova. ST that one is being judged and found lacking and incomplete. This Hashanah, the Torah instructs us to simulate crying through value of something lost, has extreme force. corresponds to the crying of Chana for the child she lacked. Hakhel the shofar and the Netziv explains that Rosh Hashanah is also zichron truah, a day not merely to sound the shofar but also to The medrash relates that when Yitzchok told Eisav that he had contemplate and comprehend the concept of this crying. no blessing left for him, Eisav began to cry. The first tear that fell from his eye caused the destruction of the first Beis Hamikdash. The medrash relates that Avraham Ovinu, although he went to The second tear caused the destruction of the second Beis the akeida with a happy heart, and was confident and joyous to Hamikdash, and had a third tear fallen chas vesholom there would 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei be going to fulfill Hashem’s will, he outwardly wept. Weeping is be no Third Beis Hamikdash. Eisav’s strong appreciation of those the manifestation of the deepest inner emotions. Hence crying brochos and his weeping in intense sorrow for their loss is a censure in loshon hakodesh is bechi which has a connection to the and condemnation of the Jewish people who received those word becho, within you. brochos and nevertheless transgressed the Torah, capriciously Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

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Our team of specialists have over a century of combined experience What is the most important ingredient of a good prayer? what was wrong. There is a beautiful story of a young shepherd helping couples achieve parenthood. Certainly there are many halachos regarding how and where boy who did not know how to read, and thus could not daven. one must daven. But there is one main component that must be What he could do, and do beautifully, was whistle. So he did Peter McGovern, M.D • Gerson Weiss, M.D. present in each and every tefillah in order for it to be effective. that; he whistled in prayer to Hashem. That very night, the Baal It must come from the heart. It must be sincere. Mere lip Jacquelyn Loughlin, M.D. • Michael Cho, M.D. Shem Tov stated that Hashem had reversed a terrible decree service will not be effective. One can say each word with great because of that very boy’s sincere and heartfelt whistled prayers.

Satellite Location: articulation, but without the proper feeling behind those words, 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei Aimee Seungdamrong, M.D. Let us delve more deeply into this concept of the emotion and Mountainside Hospital the davening falls flat. 1 Bay Avenue feeling behind tefillah. One of the most famous instances of Montclair, NJ 07042 Generations ago, people would daven by “shmoozing mit der tefillah is that of Chanah, the mother of Shmuel. In fact, many of Call us at 888.770.9080 www.uranj.com Aibeshter” — conversing with the A-mighty, talking to Him, telling the halachos of tefillah are derived from her story, told in Sefer Him what they needed, how their day was, what was right and Shmuel (I, Ch. 1). Chana, married to Elkanah, was childless and

51 there was nothing more in the world that she wanted than a child. Having brought the mysterious letter to each of their respective Elkanah’s other wife, Peninah, had many children but Chanah had supervisors, the postmen had no idea what the next step should none. Desperate, she traveled to the Mishkan to pray for a child. be. The unusual envelope had caused quite a stir in the media and Eli, the Kohen Gadol, saw her praying and misinterpreted her it caught the attention of several government officials. After weeks unusual behavior as the actions of a drunkard. After he realized his of being shuttled from office to office in the Peruvian government, mistake, he blessed her to have a child. That child was Shmuel. the letter landed on the desk of the prime minister himself.Prime Minister Espinoza brought the envelope into his private chamber, Many of the rules of tefillah are learned from the tefillos of grasped his elegant silver envelope opener and gently sliced open Chanah. What was so unique about her tefillah? the small crumpled envelope. Out fell a note written in large lettering. He put on his reading glasses and began to read: The answer to our question is found in a famous and beautiful gematria. The Tur cites R’ Eliezer who states that there are 113 Dear G-d, words in the tefillah of Chanah and there are also 113 words in the My name is Juan Diego but I’m sure You know that accumulative endings of the berachos of the weekday Shemoneh because You know everything. I’m 9 years old and live in Esrei (Baruch Atah Hashem …Magen Avraham, Mechayei an orphanage. I miss my mother and father and really HaMeisim, HaKeil HaKadosh etc.). Significantly, there is also one want a family very badly. Please help me. You’re the only one Who can. word in the Torah that is mentioned 113 times — the word Your son, lev, heart. That is indeed the secret of Chanah’s prayer. When Juan one davens from the heart, one has discovered the secret of of so many others that rise up from the depths of their souls in tasks. Today he had been assigned to wash the kitchen floor and The prime minister wiped the tears from his eyes. Those who prayer, the secret that allows the prayer instantaneous entrance desperate, aching pleas, reach their destination …Perhaps we he hoped it wouldn’t take too long. An hour and a half later, Juan really knew him realized he was a compassionate man. He through the gates of Heaven. can best illustrate this important lesson through the following returned to his room, completely exhausted. He staggered through emerged from his office and immediately met with his advisors to the door, collapsed onto his bed and fell into a deep sleep. In his beautiful story. Rav Shabsi Yudelevitch related this amazing but decide what to do.He discussed the matter with his wife as well, Now that we know what we need to do, we must learn how to dream, he imagined himself living in a posh palace surrounded by true incident. It delivers a poignant message about the sincerity of and they decided to meet Juan. An intense investigation began do it? How do we ensure that our tefillos are from our hearts?The servants and, more importantly, by family — a mother with warm tefillah and what one can achieve through it. and every orphanage in Peru was searched. Finally, the authorities answer comes from the Yaaros Devash, Rav Yonasan Eibeshitz. He eyes and a gentle smile, and a father who playfully wrestled with located the young orphan and brought him by limousine to the observes that the word lev has the same numerical value (32) as his children. Juan envisioned himself as part of this family.“Come prime minister’s residence. Juan’s charming personality won over the word bechi, crying.When one cries, when one’s prayers bring lL on, children, it’s time to get up!” The shouting jolted Juan back the hearts of the Espinozas and to the amazement of all, they took forth tears of pain, of happiness, of need, of longing this depth to reality. The familiar pain in his heart had been growing and Eight-year-old Juan Diego peered out of the window of the a bold and wonderful step — they adopted him. Juan’s dreams of feeling assures that the tefillos have gained instant entry into deepening over the past months, and he made a promise to small Peruvian village’s orphanage where he lived and spotted a had become a reality. Shamayim. As we say in the Selichos prayers — “the gates of himself to do whatever he could to actualize his dream. beautiful scene. There before him was a family of four, impeccably tears are never closed.” dressed. Mother, father, son and daughter walked together as a lL lL There are few cries that equal those of a barren woman. In family, something Juan had never experienced. Orphaned as a young boy, Juan had never known his parents nor his siblings. The Reb Shabsi, in his deep, raspy voice, concluded this incredible Chanah’s case, she knew that she was completely out of options; The postal worker looked at the peculiar letter and placed it on all that was left was for her to simply throw her tzaros onto the only life he had known was the one he had now. The empty cold story with a powerful thought. It says in the pasuk, “Karov Hashem rooms felt more like a hospital than a home for children. Toys the table to get a better look at it. He had never seen anything “lap of the A-mighty.” Hashlech al Hashem yehavecha — throw like it before. The letter was addressed to “G-d.” No return address lechol korav — Hashem is close to all those who call Him,” but He were minimal and in poor condition. The food, though nutritious, your burden onto Hashem, vehu yechalkelecha — and He and no name. The simple solution would have been to open endears Himself especially “lechol asher yikra’uhu — to all those was bland. Sometimes Juan thought that the missing ingredient will support you. Her heartfelt pleas earned a place in Heaven the letter; however, the time-honored custom in Peru was never who call out to Him.” Reb Shabsi repeated this, then looked up, was the tender, loving care he longed for. alongside those of the other matriarchs who all suffered the to open someone else’s mail. Some pointed to superstitions, smiled and invoked the concluding word of the pasuk — “be’emes same fate and also cried about their barrenness — Sarah, Rivkah The harsh voice of the counselor snapped Juan out of his reverie. others to tribal curses that had been placed on the one who — sincerely!”If you call out to Hashem sincerely, like a hopeless child and Rochel.Ultimately, we must know that the cries of these Ordering the children to complete their chores, Juan caught one violates the custom. Regardless, now he was in a quandary as to who desperately needs His help, then He will endear Himself to you women, the whistles of the poor shepherd boy, and the tefillos last glimpse of his dream family and ran to finish his household what do with the letter. and answer your cries! ST

When one davens from the heart, one has “Karov Hashem Lechol Korav — Hashem is close 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei discovered the secret of prayer, the secret that allows the to all those who call Him,” but He endears Himself especially prayer instantaneous entrance through the gates of Heaven. “Lechol Asher Yikra’uhu — to all those who call out to Him.” Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

52 53 ינב םדא יבשוי ךשח תומלצו יריסא ינע לזרבו Let us םאיצוי ךשחמ תומלצו ךשחמ םאיצוי Exchange םהיתורסומו .קתני .קתני םהיתורסומו Forgiveness הז יתפילח הז יתרומת הז ,יתרפכ Rabbi Abraham J Twersky / הז לוגנרתה ךלי ,התימל ,התימל ךלי לוגנרתה הז ינאו סנכא ךלאו םייחל םיבוט An Experiment םיכורא .םולשלו םיכורא One of the disciples of the Chassidic master, Rabbi Elimelech of Lizhensk, for the New Year asked the master for concealed meaning of the Kaparos ritual. What is / Dr. Miriam Adahan Children of Man, really meant by “This is my exchange”? Rabbi Elimelech told him to travel who sit in darkness to a particular inn and to observe the innkeeper, who would teach him and the shadow of death, shackled how the “exchange” achieves forgiveness. Editor's note: in affliction and iron. He removed Dr. Miriam Adahan has long been them from darkness and the The disciple arrived at the inn, and did not get the impression that the my primary mentor. Her many books shadow of death, proprietor was very much of a spiritual person. He noted that he would and broke open their shackles. address so many issues that we deal hurry through his morning prayers, and spend the day serving his customers, with on a daily basis, family relationships, with, whom he engaged in petty conversation. At first he was certain that This is my exchange, personal growth, spiritual development. the innkeeper was one of the holy tzaddikim who must conceal their true Take a look at her handbooks; each one this is my substitute, identity. But the more he observed, the more he realized this could not be this is my atonement. is a gem. "It's All a Gift", may be just the the case. He could not see what it was that the master expected him to gift you need to start the new year off on This rooster will go to its death learn from this simple person. [this money will go to charity] a proper footing. while I will enter and proceed Yom Kippur was approaching, and the disciple was frustrated that he had to a good long life and to peace. not , learned anything about the way Kaparos contributes to forgiveness. Attitude is more important than On the night before the eve of Yom Kippur, after the inn was closed for the facts, more important than the the night, the disciple noticed that the innkeeper fetched two huge ledgers. past, than education, than money, than From the first he began reading a list of things he had done wrong. As he circumstances, than failures, than successes, read his misdeeds, he would heave a sigh of remorse. When he finished his , than what other people think or say or do. litany, he opened the second ledger and began reading: “On this day a cask It’s more important than appearances, talent or skill. It of wine turned rancid, and I took a heavy loss. On this day a hail storm tore will make or break your self-esteem, your home, your life. off part of my roof. On this day my wife fell and broke her leg. On this day one of my cows died. On this day a group of bandits came by and did not The remarkable thing is that we have a choice – every moment of pay for their food or drink.” He continued to recite all the bad things that every day – regarding the attitude we will embrace. We often cannot had happened to him that year. change any of the above mentioned issues in our lives. We cannot change others’ behavior or Hashem’s plans. The only thing we have control over is our When he finished, he closed both ledgers and said, “Master of the attitude as demonstrated by our own thought, speech and deed. Universe!, I know I have done many things that have hurt me. Inasmuch as tomorrow night is Yom Kippur, let us exchange forgiveness. You forgive me This year – make a difference in your own life. Start a Gratitude Notebook. for what I did wrong, and I will forgive You for the things You did to me.” Every day write out – in black on white (writing ALWAYS shows that you take yourself seriously) all that you have to be grateful for. Sometimes all you will When the disciple returned to Rabbi Elimelech, the master said, “A come up with is the fact that you are now in this world, living and breathing. person, must learn how to forgive Hashem. When people suffer adversity Little by little you will build a new attitude. Perhaps by next year, G-d willing, they may , harbor resentments against Hashem: Why did You do this to you will have understood the profundity of this exercise and the changes me? What did I do , that I deserved this? This is actually a lack of faith in it will bring to your life. Divine justice. If we achieve a true faith and trust in Hashem and believe that He is absolutely benevolent, we can accept that everything that Hashem does is, just and good, even though we cannot understand it. That constitutes , ‘forgiving’ Hashem. The achievement of this purity of faith is what can merit our being forgiven.” Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei

Yom Kippur is all about forgiveness. We have to forgive others, we have to accept being forgiven and we have to “forgive” Hashem. ST

Emett Newsletter, Tishrei, 5758 Excerpt from Twerski on Prayer Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

54 55 Even in the darkest hours, there were Yidden who retained the presence of mind to thank Hashem that they were to be the victims, and not the perpetrators, of the most horrendous crime in the history of mankind.

the Shabbos soup goes out, or the weather is not to our liking. The Rebbe understood their heartache. He did not deny their A bottle breaks, spilling wine on our Shabbos suit or on the pain, rather, he quoted the words of the Rambam, who concludes new sparkling white tablecloth which we may not launder for the laws of lulav as follows: another seven days. “The joy which a person feels in performing the mitzvah and Nonetheless, Hashem commands us to be happy – not with our in his love of Hashem, who commanded him to perform the fine clothing, or tasty meals, but with the fact that He has chosen mitzvah, is a great avodah….” us as His people, and bestowed upon us the gift of His priceless The Rebbe went on to explain that the Rambam is talking about Torah. On Succos, we rejoice in our closeness to our Father; all else times such as these, when there is no lack of reason to cry out in dwindles in significance, when we are fully aware of the Ribbono pain; Even so, we have, a mitzvah of ve’somachto bechagecho. No shel Olam’s love for Am Yisroel. We need nothing more. matter how black the situation, a Yid who is firm in his emunah One year, during World War II, the late Bostoner Rebbe, Rav can always look at things from a larger perspective, and find a Pinchas Dovid Horowitz, zt”l, gathered around him the fortunate reason to sing, dance, and declare: Ashreinu, mah tov chelkeinu! refugees who had managed to escape from the fiery furnace of The group in Boston took heart. Slowly, a niggun rose from their Eastern Europe. Each Jewish soul that was spared from the flames lips: “All we have left is Hashem; He is still with us, and He will had his story to tell. And each one carried in his tormented heart never leave Klal Yisroel, Ashreinu, that we are His!” the memory of those he had left behind in the inferno. Even in the darkest hours, even in the shadow of the gas On Succos, the Rebbe invited everyone to his tish for a Simchas chambers, there were Yidden who retained the presence of Beis Hashoevah. But instead of smiling faces and songs of rejoicing, mind to thank Hashem that they were to be the victims, and the rebbe saw all around him eyes brimming with unshed tears, ad not the perpetrators, of the most horrendous crime in the hearts weighed down by fears the lips dared not put into words. history of mankind. “Where are our fathers and mothers, wives and children now? Our revered rebbes, who used to preside over glorious tishen and What has kept us from degenerating into a nation of murderers, And You Shall Rejoice like so many around us, even in our days? Only the chessed tefilos, with hundreds, or even thousands of ecstatic Chassidim, where are they now?” Hashem showed us by bestowing His holy Torah upon us, and | M. Rozensweig | taking us unto Him as His “first born son.” “We who escaped have eaten our fill, we have slept on normal Others die for their religion. The Torah teaches us how to live for beds, with a roof over our heads; what of those still trapped by the our Yiddishkeit – how to live, and to rejoice! beast that rages, unfettered, and vows to wipe the name of Israel The students of the revered Vilna Gaon once approached him The Gaon did not agree. Keeping Shabbos he said, is off the face of the earth? A meaningful and joyous Yomtov to all! ST with an unusual question. “Which of the taryag mitzvos is the a pleasure, once a person becomes accustomed to observing the most difficult to observe?” they asked the sage. halachos involved. In contrast, rejoicing for eight or nine “How can we sing and dance? We want to weep and tear Adapted from Ma’aya Hamo’eid, Rav Sholom Meir Wallach, Bnei Brak, 5765. days, without becoming annoyed or irritated, is a far our garments in mourning!” Yated Neeman, October 6, 2006 His answer amazed them: “The mitzvah of rejoicing on Yomtov, more demanding assignment. as the verse says: “Vesomachto bechagech.” The talmidim were silent. The Rambam’s words seemed At first the talmidim found it hard to believe their ears. Is it so confusing. Was rejoicing indeed a difficult assignment? What difficult to rejoice? To be happy, to sit in the sukkah with one’s

could be easier, and more pleasant, than finding pleasure in the 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei family and guests, and enjoy festive meals – is this a difficult holiday of Succos? mitzvah, more difficult than fasting for twenty-five hours on Yom Kippur? Isn’t a mitzvah like keeping Shabbos more difficult, When they weighed the Gaon’s answer, the talmidim realized with all the details of the thirty-nine categories of creative work the wisdom of his words. Even on Yomtov, things don’t always that are forbidden? go as planned. There are minor mishaps; perhaps the fire under Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

56 57 Yom Tov • TIDBITS • - Rabbi Abraham J Twerski -

Hakafos The Rebbe Sar Shalom of Belz once said, “It is one would hardly consider succos to be a joyous / Rebbetzin Baila Susholz impossible for me to adequately describe to you festival. Rather, it would appear to be rather morose. Excerpt from Insight the importance and significance of dancing in honor of the Torah on Simchas Torah. One thing Not so. A bit of reflection should reveal that if all there The world turns on its axis I can tell you, however – all the prayers that we is to human life is mundane, then our existence is a And moves around a cycle; uttered throughout the year that were found rather sordid affair. Much of mankind experiences at unacceptable by Hashem, including those of the least some suffering, and many people suffer a great Yamim Nora’im, and those shofar blasts that were Each man in the circle, deal. If there are a fortunate few who escape misery, rejected on Rosh Hashanah, are gathered together they face the unpleasantness so common in the later A world in mircrocosm, and delivered directly to Heaven via the dancing we years of life, and ultimately, the prospect of death. Turns around his axis do on this day.” This man faces night, But if we understand that our true, eternal existence Many commentaries interpret the seven days that pain surrounds him, blinds him, we dwell in the temporary succah as representing is in the world to come, and our sojourn on earth But he dances in the circle of the seven decades of the average life span of man is but preparatory for our eternal lives, then life Hope; on earth, which is a temporary dwelling, in which takes on a profound meaning. We have the we prepare ourselves for existence in a permanent opportunity to accumulate merits that will enhance That man faces day, eternal home. If the succah represents our mortality, our eternal bliss. Joy spreads her rays about him, And he dances in the circle Of thanksgiving; Each man a spoke, held by the Torah center, R’ Boruch of Mezhibozh recited the Friday evening thank Him.” He then wept, bewailing the fragility of Wheeled into the same destiny; prayer, “I thank You for the kindnesses You have human thought, which cannot always recognize and done for me and for those You will do for me in appreciate Hashem’s kindnesses. the future.” He paused and reflected, “Why must I This man, that man, thank Hashem in advance?” he concluded, “Perhaps A wise person will recognize that all that Hashem All turning within their own I will not recognize Hashem’s kindesses as such does with us is to our advantage, even when it is Pains and joys; when they occur and will not know that I have to not evident to us. All dance in the sphere of Faith And move toward

The end cycle of Redemption! 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei

R’ Isaac of Zidachow once asked a chassid, did not have any, you would borrow money from “Why are you not happy?” someone, wouldn’t you? Well, you need simchah, and if you don’t have any of your own, borrow some The chassid replied, “I have nothing to be happy from someone else.” There is much simchah in Torah about.” R’ Isaac said, “If you needed money but literature. We can always borrow some of it. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

58 59 cannot naturally support hu man life, or even allow people to dwell in conventional houses. In that environment, Hashem provided for all their needs.

The Malbim, in his commentary on the Chumash, asks the same question, and provides an answer based on the Torah’s name for Succos – Chag Ha’asif, the holiday of gathering in the harvest. He explains that the Torah wants us to remember the very fact that Am Yisroel lived not in houses, but in huts… “so that we should not become arrogant during the harvest season when we fill our houses with all good things, and imagine that Olam Hazeh – this world – is our eternal home and contains our ultimate purpose, the Torah commands us to live in succos, to open our hearts to the fact that Olam Hazeh is simply a temporary dwelling place – an inn, as it were, for guests.

In other words, both the Aruch Hashulchan and the Malbim explain that according to Rabbi Akiva, the mitzvah of succa transmits a powerful message from the Dor Hamidbar – the Generation of the Desert – to our generation. By leaving our houses and dwelling in the succa, we redefine our homes in light of the mesiras nefesh, the self sacrifice of our ancestors who left Egypt.

Leaving the Mundane for the Spiritual The Sefas Emes takes us a step further in understanding the succa’s message, explaining and reconciling the opinions of Rabbi Akiva and Rabbi Elazar:

He explains that Rabbi Akiva focuses on Chazal’s definition of the The mitzvah of succa guides us along the path of the Avos, mitzvah of succa as a commandment to “leave your permanent our patriarchs. Dwelling in the succa, we refocus our desires and dwelling, and live in a temporary dwelling (Succa 2a).Thus, “succos ambitions from the void of Olam Hazeh and this-worldly pursuits mamash” expresses the true freedom that Am Yisroel acquired to the love of Hashem Yisbarach. Those who follow this path Succos Mamash during the exodus from Egypt – the ability to be liberated form deserve the assistance of the Avos, and merit the privilege of the prison of the physical body and the laws of nature, and relate Building our Home by Leaving It - A Matter of Intent sitting with them, so to speak, in the form of Ushpizin, the exalted to Olam Hazeh as a temporary dwelling. This freedom is the essence of the kanfe nesharim, the eagles’ wings on which guests – Avraham, Yitzchak, Ywaakov, Yosef, Moshe Aaron and | Rabbi Fyvel Shuster | Hashem took us out of Mitzrayim. Through the medium of David – who join us in the succa on successive nights. the mitzvah of succa, we liberate ourselves from a self-identity This elevation does not end with the dismantling of our succa. imposed by the laws of nature. By sitting in a hut of plywood As the Sefas Emes explains: mong the various details involved in performing in the succa, we are to remember the anannei hakavod, the and bamboo, we merit the ananei hakavod, an elevated, exalted The mitzvah of succa provided the blessings and enlightenment the mitzvah of “dwelling in a succa” is one binding supernatural “clouds of glory” that surrounded Am Yisroel in way of life. of kedusha, sanctity, to man’s home… since the mitzvah is condition that lends it unusual status. Suuca is one their travels through the wilderness, protecting them from the The Sefas Emes compares the mitzvah of succa to the spiritual performed through the medium of a “dira – a dwelling place” – of those unique mitzvos that requires bearing in elements. Rabbi Akiva, however, maintains that the passuk the blessing of spiritual enhancement remains (after Succos) in mindA specific kavanos-specific thoughts and intentions-in order refers to “succos mamash”, the actual huts in which Bnei Yisroel development of Avraham Avinu. Only after fulfilling the commandment of “Lech lecha,” leaving his homeland and his the person’s dira. His home is enhanced by the mezuzah on the to fulfill it properly. The possuk, “That your generations know dwelled when in the desert. outside and the succa from within. that I caused the children of Israel to dwell in succos when I father’s house, did he reach the level of “ha’aretz asher ar’echa – To summarize the Sefas Emes’s understanding of succos mamash took them out of Egypt”(Vayikra 23, 43), links the mitzvah of succa The Aruch Hashulchan notes that according to Rabbi Elazar’s the land that I will show you” i.e. the ability to see what cannot naturally be seen. (The Sefas Emes points out that commentaries and ananei hakavod, these represent two stages of a process. With with the Jewish people’s remembering, knowing and identifying view, we can appreciate the Torah’s command to remember the 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei with specific aspects of life in the desert on their way from anannei hakavod that surrounded Am Yisroel. According to Rabbi connect the word “succa” with the expression “sacha B’ruach the mitzvah of succa, dwelling in actual huts, we separate ourselves Egypt to Eretz Yisrael. Akiva, however, what are we to gain from remembering that we hakodesh” – to perceive the world from a supernatural, spiritual from the conventional Olam Hazeh –centered life and elevate dwelled in huts? The Aruch Hashulchan answers that by recalling perspective.) When a Jew separates himself from the natural ourselves. In return, we are given the ability to view the world in a Rabbi Akiva and Rabbi Elazar disagree as to the reference of succos mamash, we bring to mind that lofty spiritual level attained order of life by dwelling in a succa, he views the world in a more spiritual manner. This ultimately transforms and elevates the the passuk (Succa11b). According to Rabbi Elazar, when sitting by Am Yisroel when they left Egypt for the desert, a place that different, more spiritual way. environment within our homes for the rest of the year. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

60 61 “Doh Voint A Yid” When he arrived, he greeted Reb Elchonon and asked why Reb Moshe Leib of Sassov once visited the Chassidic Rebbe, he came to the rear of the house, instead of simply ringing Reb Elimelch (know by the name of his sefer Noam Elilmelech) at the main entrance as usual. Reb Elchonon explained that of Lizhensk. Reb Elimelech asked his guest to share a dvar torah he didn’t want to muddy the carpet and furniture in the with him. Reb Moshe Leib asked, “The Torah tells us that Hashem main entrance. ‘Posach al – literally, skipped on – the houses of Am Yisroel on Suddenly the host became very upset and pulled Reb Elchonon the night of yetzias Mitzrayim. To convey that Hashem passed aside. “Rosh Yeshiva” he said, “you are destroying my daughters.” over the houses of Bnei Yisroel, the Torah should have said ‘Posach me’al.’ from this choice of words we infer that when “What do you mean?” asked Reb Elchonon. Hashem examined the houses in Mitzrayim, and saw a house with the blood of the Korban Pesach on the doorposts and lintel, “Much of my life revolves around money,” explained the the Shechina, k’veyachol, ‘posach al’ jumped up and down and gentleman. “I am active in the world of business, much of the danced on that house, and sang, so to speak, “Doh voint a Yid! conversation in my home involves my business, and I furnish my (Here lives a Jew!)” home elegantly because I receive partners and customers here. Nevertheless, I have always tried to emphasize to my daughters The Rebbe Elimelech was so moved by this explanation that that the most important thing in the world is the Torah and he jumped onto his table and began dancing and singing, those who learn it. Now that they see a Torah scholar making “Doh voint a Yid!” himself secondary to carpets and furniture the message I have worked so hard to transmit to them will be destroyed!” The blood of the Korban Pesach represents the mesiras nefesh of When the Boyaner Rebbe z’tl arrived in America, a dinner was The Baranovich Yeshiva was in desperate need of funds, and Am Yisroel to separate themselves from Egyptian society, and to risk “What can I do?” asked Reb Elchonon. “There is only one solution,” arranged in his honor. As the waiters placed ice cream on the table Rabbi Elchonon Wasserman h’yd traveled to a donor who could their lives so as to reach Har Sinai and Eretz Yisroel. Paradoxically, a the host replied. “You must enter the house again through the for dessert, the Rebbe was involved in a discussion with one of be counted on to help the Yeshiva. Unfortunately, Reb Elchonon Jewish bayis is defined by the ability of its inhabitants to abandon main entrance, track mud on the carpets and sit on the furniture his neighbors. Unfamiliar with ice cream, the Rebbe continued was unable to pay for direct transportation to the donor’s home. their physical home for a higher purpose. with your wet, stained clothes.” his discussion and the dessert began to melt. When his neighbor His only option was to complete the last leg of the journey by pointed out that the Rebbe should eat his dessert before it foot, in rain and mud. Reb. Elchonon complied, and in the years that followed, both of A Matter Of Who’s In Charge melted, the Rebbe looked at the frozen confection and remarked, the wealthy man’s daughters married talmidei chachamim. As he approached the wealthy man’s house, Reb Elchonon realized Often, when we observe the joy of a true oveid Hashem fulfilling “A food that tells me ‘Eat me now!’ is not for me.” (as heard from the problem he would face upon his arrival. He remembered the We live in a generation of “home improvement.” Society a mitzvah of learning Torah, we ask ourselves, “I perform the same the Talna Rebbe shlita) lavish furnishings of the man’s home, the thick carpets on the floor, mitzvos. Why don’t I experience even a fraction of that joy?” transmits constant pressure to redesign, refurnish, even to (In a similar vein, the sefer Lapid Eish relates that a plate of and the luxurious upholstery of the furniture. In his current state, computerize our homes and fill them with the latest gadgets and Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe shlita addresses this question with a food was brought to the Klauzenberger Rebbe z’tl during a long soaking wet and mud splattered, he would not be able to enter appliances. The kavana of mitzvas succa, according to Rabbi Akiva, parable. An earthbound observer watching the projection of meeting with dedicated lay activists. After the food sat for a while the house without causing damage. On the other hand, he could succos mamash, reminds us of the true ingredients of a “bayis an astronaut floating around effortlessly in space wonders, without the Rebbe touching it, one of the askonim reminded not turn back. He had come so far, and the yeshiva needed help! ne’eman b’Yisroel, a loyal home in Israel”: one’s willingness “Why can’t I float like that?” He has to realize that, propelled him that the food would get cold. The Rebbe replied, “Who says Suddenly, he thought of a solution. Every great house has two to abandon the physical dimensions of their home to by the tremendous force of his rocket’s engines, the astronaut that I am beholden to the food? Perhaps the opposite is true; the entrances, the main entrance and a rear entrance by the kitchen follow Hashem. has broken free of earth’s gravity. The observer is still held food is beholden to me!”) for deliveries, workmen, and so on. He would enter the house by prisoner by that gravity field, constantly pulled back to earth the rear entrance where there were no expensive furnishings. In this way, the mitzvah of succa provides a fitting climax to should he attempt to float. The mitzvah of succa, as described by the Sefas Emes, provides the avoda that begins with the month of Elul, when we start to us with a powerful means of fighting the gravity of Olam Hazeh, When the wet and bedraggled Reb Elchonon knocked at the say “L’David Hashem Ori” twice a day, emphasizing the passuk, In order to experience the true simcha of avodas Hashem, we and entering a realm of “Simchas Torah.” rear entrance, he was received by a servant, who hurried to bring “Achas sho’alti…Shivti b’veis Hashem kol ymei chayai… I ask must break free of the powerful field of gravity produced by one of the wealthy man’s daughters to deal with the visitor. but one thing from Hashem… to dwell in the house of Hashem Olam Hazeh. Gedolei Yisroel treasure each measure of freedom The blessing of the succa can transform even lavish, She immediately realized that this was one of the rabbanim all the days of my life… ST from this gravity, and struggle to avoid whatever may wealthy homes into a “temporary dwelling,” as illustrated who would occasionally visit her father, and ran to bring pull them back. by the following story: her father to the rear entrance. Reprinted with permission from The Jewish Observer, October 2003

Thus, “Succos Mamash” – the ability to be liberated from the prison 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei expresses the true freedom that Am Yisroel of the physical body and the laws of nature, acquired during the exodus from Egypt and relate to Olam Hazeh as a temporary dwelling. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

62 63 To Sing LET US & HELP YOU Dance TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP Reproductive Medicine Associates of New York is committed to fulfilling your dreams of growing your family. We help you take your first steps by working with you to put together a comprehensive treatment plan so you can reach the ultimate goal of leaving our center with a healthy pregnancy. Our world-renowned fertility specialists and superb team of embryologists, nurses and support staff offer you the best possible fertility treatments available today, administered in a compassionate, supportive setting. We provide a comprehensive list of services from initial evaluations to in-vitro fertilization and pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD). For an appointment at any of RMA of New York’s locations, please call (212) 756-5777. Reproductive Endocrinology Male Reproductive Medicine Alan B. Copperman, MD Natan Bar-Chama, MD Lawrence Grunfeld, MD Jonathan Schiff, MD Tanmoy Mukherjee, MD Benjamin Sandler, MD Psychological Services Jeffrey Klein, MD Georgia Witkin, PhD Eric Flisser, MD Lisa Schuman, LCSW Jane Ruman, MD Reproductive Medicine Associates Reproductive Medicine Associates of New York, LLP Often things don’t go smoothly with us, of New York – 635 Madison Avenue, 10th Floor • New York, NY 10022 • 212-756-5777 where medical and we see others who seem to be ‘riding high’ excellence and Westchester Long Island 15 North Broadway 400 Garden City Plaza compassionate Garden Level-Suite G Suite 107 – like the stones and the chaff, in the sieve. care unite White Plains, NY 10601 Garden City, NY 11530 914-997-6200 516-746-3633 www.rmany.com Yasor Yisrani Kah, Vilamoves, Lo Nesonani… Hashem has and sifted again. We’re big, and more important, so fortunately sorely chastened me, but He has not given me over to death. we don’t get shoved around like the small particles of flour! What a fate!” The gaon, Rav Chayim Leib Aurbach, zt”l, was the father of the late godol, Rav Shlomo Zalman Aurbach, zt”l. he founded Reb Elimelech shook his head. Little did the chaff and the and headed the Shaar Hashomayim Yeshivah in Yerushalayim, pebbles realize what fate awaited them! As soon as the farmer Reproductive Medicine Fairfield County renowned for its study of kabboloh. He would tell over the finished sieving the last batch of flour, he took the entire sieve, Associates of PRODUCTIONConnecticut ONLYRichard T. Scott, Jr., md, facog, hcld following mashal which he had heard from an acquaintance with all its chaff, stubble, and stones, and dumped the entire Norwalk and 6/13/2007Danbury Mark P. Leondires, md, facog whose father had first heard it from the renowned Rav contents onto the ground. Spencer S. Richlin, md, facog Elimelech of Lezhensk, zt”l: 129299-SJ15539 Joshua M. Hurwitz, md, facog The flour however, he guarded carefully, keeping it clean and 800-865-5431RMANEY A farmer took a sack of grain to the local mill, to have it dry until it was kneaded into bread and cakes. In the end, it was Westchester County www.rmact.com7.5” x 4.75” ground into flour. When he returned home, there was still work served to the family as delicious, nourishing food. The best fine John J. Stangel, md, facog Ellen Aronoff v.1 to do. The flour must be sifted, as it had many impurities in it. flour, however, was carefully put aside to become braided challos There always remained small chunks of grains that were not for Shabbos and Yomtov. They were honored with mitzvos and completely ground up. In addition, there was chaff, and often, savored by the farmer’s family, long after the arrogant pebbles The most advanced infertility treatments. small pieces of stone that broke off from the millstones, or and chaff were forgotten. Physicians that always have time. resulted form pebbles that had been mixed in with the grain. “It’s the same with us,” concluded the rebbe. “Often things An occasional hug. The next step was to sift the flour to remove the impurities. No don’t go smoothly with us, and we see others who seem to And most importantly… one wanted to break a tooth by eating a slice of freshly baked be ‘riding high’ – like the stones and the chaff, in the sieve. bread with gritty pieces of stone in it. Meanwhile, life is difficult for us, and we wonder why others are so much better off. Rabbi Elimelch described an imaginary conversation that Hope. might have taken place as the roughly ground flour was tossed “But all we need to do is to remember the words of Dovid around on the sieve: Hamelech, Olov Hasholom, and we will take heart: When

Hashem Afflicts Us, It Is To Keep Us Alive, And He Has Not 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei A little pebble observed the finely ground flour falling through Given Me Over To Death. That thought alone should be the holes of the sieve, and commented to a piece of chaff: “Poor enough to make us sing and dance!” things! First they are tossed around, like us, and then they fall

through the holes and get battered as they land on the hard Adapted from Haggodo Maasei Rav, floor. As if they hadn’t suffered enough, they then get scooped up Rav Sholom Meir Walach, Tevuno, Bnei Brak, 5761

65 The Power of Prayer

| Paula Weinberg |

rayer is referred to as Kol Yaakov, the voice of Yaakov. This is prophet informed him that this was not within his realm; his duty the source of our strength. Esav has the power of the sword was to perform the mitzvah of getting married and having offspring. Pwhile we have the power of prayer. Chizkiyahu davened, and wept exceedingly. The prophet returned, Let’s examine the power of prayer: Leah knew she was destined telling him that Hashem had harkened to his prayers and that he to marry Esav. She cried and prayed with such intensity that not would live another 15 years. Chizkiyahu’s health improved, he only did she not marry Esav, but she married the righteous one, married and did have children Yaakov. Additionally, Leah, the Gemara tells us, had a great desire to The Chazon Ish who was living in E”Y knew nothing about the give birth to the tribes; she merited to mother 6 of the 12 tribes. Holocaust until the war was over. Soon after, the Chazon Ish was told Channah prayed for a child; she was blessed with Shmuel the of the unspeakable horrors that had occurred in the concentration Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei following year.King Chizkiyahu was struck with a serious disease. camps. His words and reactions speak volumes about the power of The prophet Yeshayahu came to him with a message from Hashem prayer. saying that he was going to die. Chizkiyahu knew prophetically that The Chazon Ish, distraught, totally overcome with emotion, his descendant, Menashe, would be wicked. In order to prevent remarked, “Hashem kept this from me. My prayers could the birth of Menashe, Chizkiyahu purposely did not marry. The have stopped it.”

67 I have been intrigued that the reason given for why our Moshe knew when to be verbose and persistent, and when to foremothers were barren is that Hashem desires the prayers of be succinct. He says the shortest prayer in Chumash concerning the righteous.Our nation of Israel was to be formed through Miriam, his sister, when she gets tzaaras: Keil Na, Refah Na individuals who were barren. This was obviously an impossible Lah. Please Hashem, heal her now.Moshe was the greatest of situation. Therefore, we know that something deeper is alluded all prophets. He spoke face to face with Hashem. He received to here. I would like to suggest that Hashem wanted prayer to be clear prophecy. He was on a spiritual level that is incomprehensible a foundation in the formation of the nation.The Bnei Yisrael were to us. We may think, if his prayers were not heard, what hope to be created in a miraculous fashion. Hashem wanted Sora, Rifkah, is there for me? Rachel and Leah to transform themselves. By changing themselves, The Medrash says that Moshe’s prayers were accepted. Hashem said the decree of their barren state would also change, for now to Moshe that he could go in to the Land.The Or HaChaim explained they were different people. that if Moshe had entered the Land of Israel, he would have built the This is an important aspect of davening. We can transform ourselves, Bais HaMikdash. Because of Moshe’s level of holiness, a Bais HaMikdash thereby altering/abolishing the decree that was set upon our original built by him could never have been destroyed. And so, when the people being. The lives of our foremothers illustrate this beautifully. would sin in the future, the nation itself, G-d forbid, would have had to Rifkah and Yitzhack stand opposite each other and daven for be destroyed. Moshe also understood that his not going into the Land children. Both Yitzhack and Rifkah are sterile. Rashi explains that was better for the nation in the long run. Moshe, the faithful and loving because Yitzhack is the son of a righteous person, his prayers were leader relinquished his dream of entering the land, for he could not see heard. Rifkah gets pregnant and has twins, Yaakov and Esav. his people, G-d forbid, destroyed. Moshe decided not to go in because Rochel wants her husband, Yaakov, to pray for her. He is criticized he wanted this condition to remain-- that our people would thrive and for not being sensitive enough to her anguish. We learn that our Only when Adam HaRishon prayed for rain, did it rain and then According to the Seforno, Hashem wanted Avraham to know that survive no matter how brutally our enemies treat us. personal prayers are more potent than others praying for us,and we the vegetation sprouted. the opportunity for repentance is always open to sinners.Therefore Moshe did not need to fix anything in his relationship with Hashem. should not rely upon others to pray for us. In the Gemara Chullin, the same reason is given as before. “The Avraham entreated, “Will You also stamp out the righteous along with That is why Hashem told him to stop praying . The people themselves There is another Gemara that explains further why Hashem craves Holy One Blessed Be He, craves the prayers of the righteous.”We have the wicked? What if there should be 50 righteous people in the city?” needed to change, to grow closer to the Shechina.It is Hashem’s vow the prayers of the righteous. It says that their prayers are compared to examined several notable prayers that were answered in the affirmative. Hashem tells Avraham that if 50 tzaddikim can be found, He will spare that the Bnai Yisrael never will be completely eradicated. Perhaps it is pitchforks. Rabbi Yitzhack asks, “Why are the prayers of the righteous Now let us examine several other prayers. There are 2 notable examples the entire place. But 50 righteous people cannot be found. Avraham the power of Moshe’s prayers that have protected us throughout the compared to pitchforks? As a pitchfork turns the sheaves of grain in Chumash of people who prayed and did not receive what they had persists, asking for 45, 40, 30, 20, down to 10. But there is no one except generations against our many enemies. History has borne out this fact; from one position to another, so does the prayer of the righteous asked for: Avraham and MosheAvraham prayed that the city S’dom for Lot who deserved to be saved. Avraham’s prayers were not answered. we have been brutalized, murdered and terrorized to this day, and turn the dispensation of Hashem from the attribute of anger to the not be destroyed. Moshe prayed to be able to enter and dwell in Eretz The city of S’dom was destroyed. we, Baruch Hashem are HERE!!Moshe Rabbeinu’s passionate prayers attribute of mercy.” Yisrael.S’dom represented the exact opposite of the principles Avraham However, the Pri Tzaddik explains that Avraham’s prayer for the constitute an ultimate display of ahavas Yisrael, love for his brethren, and The Three Keys epitomized. The people of S’dom were selfish, callous and cruel. Contrast salvation of S’dom is what ultimately brought Dovid HaMelech leadership. In Devarim Rabbah on the verse, “The Eternal will open for you His this to Avraham whose middah was chesed--loving kindness. His tent into the world. Although his prayers did not save S’dom, they Conclusion good treasury…to give you rain in its time.” Rabbi Yochanan said, “There was open on all four sides welcoming those who passed by. The episode helped rescue Lot. From Lot came Moav, from Moav- Ruth, and We are praying to the Master of the Universe who can do anything!! are 3 keys in the hands of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, and no creature has preceding S’dom recounts the third day after Avraham’s bris milah which from Ruth- Dovid. From Dovid HaMelech, Moshiach will come. control over them, not even an angel. They are the keys to reviving the we are told by Rashi is the most painful day for an adult. And what was The lesson from Avraham’s tefillos for S’dom is: PRAY WITH ALL The awesomeness of this thought defies our comprehension. Hashem dead, the key to fertility, and the key to rain.” Avraham doing? He was anxiously seeking guests to welcome into his YOUR HEART, FOR THE POWER OF PRAYER IS BEYOND OUR created heaven and earth, the sun, the moon and the stars, every blade of grass, flowers, trees, all the animals from the delicate butterfly What do these three have in common? These three keys symbolize the home. COMPREHENSION! Moshe Rabbeinu davened to Hashem 515 to the gigantic blue whale, every human being who has ever lived very beginning of life. At Techias Ha-mesim, the revival of the dead, all the Back to S’dom….Lot, Avraham’s nephew, chose to live there.Avraham times that he be able to enter the land of Israel. In the end, he died and will ever live. EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!!! All we have to souls will enter bodies and live on to eternity. Rain brings forth vegetation, learns from Hashem that S’dom will soon be destroyed. Hashem has before the Jewish nation entered the Land. Hashem allowed Moshe do is open our mouth and converse with Hashem with all our heart. and the water cycle. The key for children brings about human life. delayed the destruction until Avraham has a chance to intercede on to see the land. He stood on Har Nevo and miraculously saw Each of us has been granted a unique and individual mission. Hashem There is an interesting parallel between rain and prayer. The Talmud its behalf. Our sages explain, “Since Avraham is destined to become the entire land--to the edges of every border. He also saw all that finds a contradiction between verses concerning creation. On the father of a great and mighty nation, and he will teach the values would happen to the Jewish people. gives us exactly what we need to accomplish that goal. And conversely, the third day, the land sprouted vegetation and on the sixth day of kindness and justice to future generations, it is appropriate that G-d How can it be that Moshe’s prayers weren’t heard? How is it what we do not need to achieve our mission, we do not receive. we are told that none of the plants of the field had yet sprouted. share this plan with him. Otherwise people will wonder, ‘How could possible? Moshe is prayer personified.After the Jews formed and May our sincere prayers help end all the suffering and pain in Eretz (Braishis 2:5) This teaches us that the plants started to grow but Hashem have hidden this from him?’ or ‘How could Avraham have been worshipped the golden calf, Hashem wanted to annihilate the Yisrael and bring Moshiach speedily. May our prayers be answered- stopped just before they were about to break through the soil. so insensitive that he failed to pray for his neighbors?’ ” nation. It was Moshe’s prayers that stopped this from happening. l’tovah u’lvracha. Amen. ST

We learn that our personal prayers Pray with all your heart, 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei are more potent than others praying for us, for the power of prayer is beyond and we should not rely upon others to pray for us. our comprehension! Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

68 69 Things are bleak murky Riding and oh so wet. My ocean of tears the Waves pours forth / By: Dare2Dream uncontrollably. I am swept under my ocean of tears.

Riding the waves What did you say Abba? The ocean beckons me closer What did you teach me? whispering its sweet promises, I have forgotten I inched forward slowly, How to ride the waves. Hesitantly I’m supposed to jump up Abba is at my side encouraging me, I know. I dip my feet in scared. Supposed to tackle their strength I watch in awe as he rides the waves. with strength of my own. He turns to me and says he’ll teach me. But I am weak The trick is just to jump on, And the ocean so powerful. Don’t let the waves sweep you under. JUMP! The moment the wave comes your way, I hear you crying. jump on it for the ride of your life. I hear you calling my name softly.

The next wave comes I watch you ride fast, sharp, and strong. your ocean in life. JUMP! He cries! How I long for your strength. I jump! just the right moment! HELP! I’m being swept under. But I hear you Abba. I’m sailing! You’re saying I’m riding the wave! JUMP! It’s exhilirating! You believe I can do it. Amazingly incredible. I sit on the sand and laugh. But I don’t believe in myself.

Today once again I’m surrounded by the JUMP! ocean. JUMP! These waves are not as inviting. You won’t give up. Some of the water gets in my mouth. How can I? Salty. This is the ocean of my tears. JUMP!! JUMP!! The waves come faster, I hear you Abba Sharper, and I’m Jumping! 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei Stronger. I’ve long forgotten how to ride them. Watch me Abba! Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

70 71 tp,j cfbur jhs,h cfbur tp,j I will solve my ),vkho nyì v( nyì ),vkho riddle with the Harp Consider the harp, in the musician’s hand, Noble and erect, proudly does it stand, Delicately formed, etched in swirls and ridges, Strings gracefully riding over polished bridges. Daunting Within the instrument lies the awesome power, To produce enchanting notes, or to turn them sour. And the strength of the music the instrument brings The songs, the expression – lies in the strings. Dilemmas/ Wendy Wasserman, LMSW Those strings are subject to precision and care, For the power is within them, the musician is aware. If they are to let loose, not under any strain, Cold, mute and lifeless the harp will remain.

For the harp to produce its heavenly song, The cords must be taut, stretched tight and strong. Under tension and strain, Question: And then plucked some more, I recently experienced the following painful scenario. I am married for five years and have not yet been blessed with Only then is it brought to the fore. children. Most of the time I am upbeat and cheerful. My younger sister recently got married and is expecting B”H. I heard the news from another sister. When I asked my mother why she had not shared the good news with me directly, she The strings may resist the plucking and pain, replied, “The last time I shared such news with you in the past you went crazy, I just could not handle such a scene again.” But everlasting songs burst forth – ‘twas in vain. I was so hurt. I hung up and cried. How do I tell my mother how much she has hurt me? Will she ever understand how much pain I am in? We are all but instruments in the Musician’s hand, And there are so many things we don’t understand. Sometimes it pulls, the cords are being tightened, Answer: The music seems silenced, Many people, including friends and family, do not understand simply telling them how you feel. The last issue which is vital is the Our hearts cold and frightened. how to effectively communicate when dealing with a couple relationship between couples and their parents/in-laws. Many struggling with infertility. Many people try to avoid discussing parents do not understand the struggle their children are going Crises may tug – life seems so fraught, any topics dealing with pregnancy and children or else they talk through, unless of course, they themselves went through infertility. The musician is pulling – the strings become taut. excessively about their pregnancy and children. However, they do know that they want to be grandparents. Some But the song’s penetrating, couples choose to share details about their infertility while others Listen closely, hear the strains, There are several different issues which need to be addressed do not. This is often dependant upon the relationship between The song of the soul, as momentum it gains. here: The first issue is dealing with a younger sibling becoming pregnant. Although initially one may feel happy for this young mother and daughter. In this particular situation, we really do not For the tighter He pulls, the tenser the strings, couple, deep down, there may be feelings of sadness, jealousy, know exactly what happened the last time mother and daughter The music reaches crescendo, the soul rises and sings. resentment and anger. Often times, these feelings subside after had conversed. However, it is important for the daughter to The pressure, the tension, the vibration, the pull, that initial shock wears away, but they may also continue. Some discuss with the mother at a later date, how she felt after hanging No, the harp is not mute, life becomes so full. women like to help their younger sibling by becoming very up the phone after that conversation. Follow up is crucial. Perhaps involved, while others need to keep a distance. The next issue they could meet over a coffee or snack. The daughter would then The mind can take heed, the heart understand, is the fact that often times siblings, other family members, and have the opportunity to calmly explain how hurt she felt. It is That each pluck is well placed, friends won’t share the news of their pregnancies with you, as they important not to criticize or to point a finger but rather just And each tug is well planned. are afraid of “making you feel bad.” They are not being malicious. be open and honest about one’s feelings. I would also suggest To bring forth within, through test and time,

They are just confused and unsure of how to approach this. While 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei possibly speaking to this younger sibling about how it would have A crescendo of meaning, a melody, its essence sublime. it is more hurtful to find out about the pregnancy from another been preferable if she had called directly with the news.. family member or by seeing her in the streets wearing maternity The strings are in place, may it not be too long – clothing, your friends and relatives know nothing about that. They We have an important role to play. We’re actually in the Before the harp will burst forth in everlasting song! are unsure how to approach that situation. That is why it’s crucial education business. We must teach our family members how to for couples to educate the community and family members by deal with these situations as they arise. / Chanie Feldbrand Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

72 73 "He’s not going to give us a workshop on how to communicate, how to handle our spouses or improve our relationships - he’s going to want us to talk.”

eagerly took notes and asked all their painful questions on a note from my recent surgery and the war scars from the procedure? paper, putting the note in the middle of the pile after disguising Do I follow the advice of the mekubal's shamesh to say Tehillim their handwriting so that no one would guess the origin of this numerous times a day, to go to mikvah daily, to learn more, to note. Each stared into the distance, never making eye contact take on more mitzvos - and which combination will bring about with the doctor as he answered the questions. The questions our first child? were just too painful; striking a personal chord within many of the men. Each question was another reminder of the personal We brainstormed about what to say when well meaning people journey of hope and anguish affecting these young couples along share their brachas and advice. Someone shared a great story with their extended families and friends. about, "Kein Ayin Hara None" in response to how many children As the men got up to leave the evening’s medical program, they do you have. We talked about humor and anger and the funniest were asked to stay for the psychologist who was going to lead a and stupidest things that people said to us. workshop. I overhead a couple of guys say, Should I talk about the fact that my beautiful wife and I talk "He's making a circle. Oh gosh, the dreaded circle, he's not going more about the future than the present? The fact that it breaks to give us a workshop on how to communicate, how to handle my heart to watch her crying her eyes out over Tehillim, at brisim our spouses or improve our relationships - he's going to want us and at chupahs? That we spend hours planning appointments, to talk." His friend replied, "As I've reassured my wife, there's really injections and how to save money for treatments? Should I tell nothing to talk about - there's nothing on my mind!" you how my heart races when we're invited out to simchas or Shabbos meals fearful that the innocent questions will be asked of, Well, what's there to say ... should I talk about the fact that my reproductive system isn't working the way it should? Should "How long are you married?" and "Do you have kids?" Let's not I talk about the morphology, motility or sperm count number forget the brazen bunch that then proceed to inquire about our that invades my thinking and has defined my masculinity for the situation and venture off into their advice for us. past 7 months? Should I talk about the fact that people pityingly Dr. Neal's Group insist that I be kvater at every bris whereby I parade in front of See, we told you, there's nothing to talk about ... my friends and family down an aisle of pitying eyes announcing, As the evening ended after a two and a half hours, and the room nothing's cooking yet? Should I talk about the times I was advised | Dr. Neal Goldberg | emptied out, I looked back at the circle of chairs with great pride to check my mezzuzas by Rabbis, or the brachas and advice from in these men and their respective wives who courageously forge friend and stranger alike? The happiness I should have for all forward with the hope and love that they too will be blessed with It’s been a long time since I’ve had the privilege of leading a thoughts about HaKodesh Baruch Hu’s master plan? Snippets of that Hashem has given me? The questions of which yeshivas my beautiful children to call their own. I look back with the hope that support group for A TIME, and B’Chasdei Hashem, an even longer conversations with my favorite A TIME folks, Brany Rosen, Miriam kinderlach are enrolled in? The fact that the guys in my yeshivah, time since infertility treatment memories flooded my waking Liebermann and Dr. Sara Barris, joined the cacophony of my private even my chevrusa, all have a couple of kids that they carry proudly these young men will continue to help one another in the year existence. Sitting amongst this courageous group of men, many musings, each reminding me that my goal was to speak to the down the streets, up the streets, through shul, the supermarket, to come and will soon be granted the privilege of embracing their of whom I could easily be friends with, many who reminded me brave and radiant young man about how they are doing and leave the park and to camp? Should I mention the pain in my groin beautiful children as they arrive home. ST of my youthful early married years so desperately longing for a them feeling encouraged, inspired and empowered. The most child, I listened attentively to the wonderful presentation by obvious and simple of questions is often the most complicated Dr. Bar Chama. and dreaded for the psychologist about to approach a group of unfamiliar men. My typical emotional and effusive male persona It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about my own once again was pushing me to take the easy way out and have reproductive endocrinology, daily visits to the hospital and an intellectual dialogue with the men staying far away from the 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei surgeries. This haunting, and not too distant past, hovered above discomfort of the emotional! my head and I found myself flooded with painful memories as these men listened on. As I always do before I begin a workshop, This group of bright and warm men, representing the continuum I pondered; should we have an intellectual discussion about the of hashkafic representation came to the men’s workshop last night emotional stages of grief, coping with infertility, or share hashkafic to hear the updates about male factor infertility treatment. They Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

74 75 On some crazy diets I’ve tried, I push myself beyond my limit, my relationships are affected by my lack of sensitivity towards and the first day is very successful. Then the second day is a little people’s feelings? By not going after the instant gratification, I can less successful. Each day afterward is just a spiral path downward look at the big picture and see how my choices will affect me later until the diet has failed me again. on. I can live without the brownie. I can love without the hurt. It’s the same with my unsuccessful attempts to conquer my bad Make Lifestyle Changes - Successful weight loss and teshuva habits. I start my teshuva ‘diet’ and go on a strict plan to stop can really only be accomplished by a true change in my lifestyle immediately. And the first day I am very successful. But just like and behavior pattern. By integrating new habits into my life, I am that crash diet, my teshuva process crashes as well. not just going on a diet that might last a day or maybe if I’m lucky, a month. I am making changes in who I am and how I relate to Crash diets don’t work. Fly-by-night teshuva doesn’t work food. I am also making those soul choices that will transform the either. Losing weight means changing my eating style and pattern, way I relate to myself and others. relating differently to food, and integrating exercise and healthy habits into my life. Doing teshuva means recognizing my behavior Resist Temptation - The easiest thing, of course, is to avoid patterns that don’t work, working on letting go of them, and temptation. But temptation is everywhere (Am I supposed to integrating good character traits into my life. not go to weddings because the schmorg will be too delicious? Stop speaking with friends because we may slip up and gossip?). This year, my list of Rosh Hashanah Resolutions will include: ‘Get By being aware of surrounding temptation, I can be prepared in Shape!’ And I figure, the same basic principles that will get me in to fight it. shape physically, will also get me back in shape spiritually: Get Over Minor Setbacks - There is really no such thing Believe in Myself - I know I can only have the courage and as a major setback. My problem is that I let my minor set-backs strength to try if I think I can do it. Why bother trying to lose turn into major ones. Okay, I had a donut! So what? Get back on weight or do teshuva if I don’t think I can accomplish my goals? I the program. The problem is that I tell myself, It’s all over. I might need to believe in myself enough to really give it all I have and try as well have the rest of the dozen. If only I were able to look at my best to make it happen. So my first step is to believe that no that donut as minor setback and get right back on my diet, it matter what, I know I can do this! would never be such a big deal. The way to accomplish anything Make a Plan - It is very easy to say ‘I want to lose weight,’ or meaningful in life is slowly but surely, little by little, a few steps ‘I want to be a better person,’ but without a clear plan and goal, forward and sometimes a few steps back. I don’t know where I am heading, and I can’t possibly find my Monitor Progress - With weight loss, each week I can weigh way there. With specific planning and setting goals, I can map out myself and see how I’m doing. I can look back and see what’s the right way. working and what’s not. With teshuva, a great way to monitor Take Small Steps - If I take on too much at once, I will burn progress is with ‘Cheshbon HaNefesh’ a daily accounting of the out very quickly. By cutting out all of my favorite treats, or by soul where I sit down for just five minutes each night with a cutting out all possible slander and gossip from my life, I know notebook and pen, and I look back at my day and see where I that I am setting myself up for failure. I am not going to be an accomplished my goals, where I was challenged, and in what areas angel overnight. I need small steps to make changes. So the first I need to try harder tomorrow. day, maybe it will be no chocolate after 6 pm, or no speaking No Giving Up - Sometimes it’s hard and I’d like to quit. That’s Weight Loss & Teshuva about anyone else in any negative way before 2 pm. And once when I pray to God to give me the strength and resolve to I can handle that and move on, I can make bigger changes. Slow persevere, and the clarity to know that my goal is too important | Ayelet | integration is the key to long-term effects. to ever stop trying. Think of the Big Picture - If I live my life wanting and expecting instant gratification, I will often regret my choices later. This year, may we all have success in our endeavors to get in Getting In Shape, Physically And Spiritually And I know the formula to fix the problem. It works every That brownie might taste good now (really good!) but how will I shape, physically and spiritually! ST time: Eat less, exercise more. But as many times as I gain and lose, feel when I weigh myself? That clever and witty yet very hurtful Once again, my clothes don’t fit. Yep, the same ones that fit just eventually I go through the same routine over and over again. remark might bring a few laughs right now, but how will I feel when Reprinted with permission from Aish.com fine three months ago. Perhaps they all shrank? A likely culprit: This pattern of failure sure doesn’t help to get me motivated to the dryer did it. I’d like to believe it myself, rather than blaming try again. This same problem can often sabotage the process of it on chocolate. Such a lovely thing chocolate is, why attach bad teshuva, returning to be the best person I can be. memories to it? Considering I can’t even seem to stay on a diet, how can I honestly say I’ll never repeat my past mistake and stay committed

I’ve been watching my weight. I’ve watched it so well, it hasn’t 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei gone anywhere. Matter of fact, I’ve accumulated more of it, just to a life-changing mission? This year, my list of Rosh Hashanah Resolutions will include: by watching it! These skills are acquired, mind you. No Quick Fix ‘Get in Shape!’ And I figure, the same basic principles that will get The truth is, I know the reasons why I gain weight. I eat too much. With both weight loss and teshuva, it’s not about quick fixes, I don’t exercise enough. Plain and simple, no complications. but about a lifestyle change. me in shape physically, will also get me back in shape spiritually. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

76 77 Reflections from Bais Lechem Mrs. Chana Juravel Living with PCOS

| Sarah Rivka Cohen | Tips 'N Tricks • For side dishes, skip For a woman with PCOS, organization is the key. Particularly when food is the pasta and potatoes. involved. Most of us eat in a very disorganized way. We’re on the ‘see food’ diet Instead, use brown rice, – we see food and we eat it! Some women say they eat food that’s around even buckwheat or kasha. These when they’re not necessarily hungry. are full of fiber and will fill you without making you Do you know what you’ll have for lunch each day? Do you plan supper in the look full. morning? When asked, most women reply in the negative. But if you don’t know what’s on the menu for the day, how can you plan your carb intake effectively? • Meals that are ‘all in one’ How can you be sure that you will have balanced meals? Getting organized is the are my favorites. These meals key to managing PCOS. contain protein, fiber and “You’re going to cry to your mother. vegetables all in one pot. A mother can hear your cries in one minute Let’s start with menu planning Mostly, they are found in I find that working on a weekly basis is easier for me than working on a daily crockpot recipe books but just as she can hear them in an hour!” basis. I do the planning once a week; then I’m free the whole week. I take an you can be daring and create unlined sheet of paper and create a table that looks like this: them yourself. Usually, you can’t go wrong. It was our last day in Israel after a grueling week. Sent on a one minute just as she can hear them in an hour!” Everyone Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday work-relatedmission, there just wasn’t the time we would have exited the bus. Everyone used their five minutes. Everyone BREAKFAST • Keep your menu plans and recycle them. If you liked for touring and visiting the holy sites. Wanting to leave got back on. And ourmother heard our cries. LUNCH on a spiritual high, my husbandand I set our sights on going make 4 weeks worth you can SUPPER use them monthly. Also keep to Kever Rachel the day of our departure. Checking with the There is so much we need to ask of G-d on a daily basis. the shopping lists that go central terminal, the bus schedule seemed to work; we would There are so many hopes and prayers we should extend to Of course, each box is much bigger but you get the idea. Every Motzei Shabbos along with each menu. have an hour at the kever and make it back to Jerusalem in Him, so many tears we should be shedding and so much thanks we should be giving. Truth be told, it could easily be a I pull out my cookbooks and recipe cards and start to plan. I take my personal plenty of time to pack up and get to the airport. Things didn’t • Winter soups made with full-time job. That absorption would be impractical, though. schedule into consideration. Mondays and Wednesday I come home late and I work out quite as planned, though… low-carb vegetables can be And the realization of such can be frustrating. Even the most don’t feel like cooking then, so I plan easy or crockpot suppers for those nights. very filling.You can still make Sundays I like to do something with Shabbos leftovers and Thursdays I don’t like The bus came late due to a new driver and other ideal time, our z’man Tefilla, the designated time for prayer, is your favorite recipes if you cut to use pots so I bake the supper. I also figure out how many times a week I would complications; delays only got worse from there. There was often rushed and our kavana, our intent, is often left unfelt or or substitute the sugar and like to have fleishig/milchig or fish. Then, I begin to write exactly what we’ll have a roadblock, lots of traffic…time was going by and the nerves unexpressed. You wonder if it is even worth the effort. carbs. Many recipes are very for all 3 meals each day. I include any side dishes, soups and main dishes. of all passengers were frayed and fraying more by the minute. adaptable to whole wheat But this wonderful woman offered us such a phenomenal The sun was quickly setting; the deadline for Mincha was flour, soy flour or xylitol (see understanding of how to deal with this difficulty. Even if just As a child, I was Miss Disorganized (with a capital D!) but slowly, I am becoming close at hand. Our hopes of spending quality, tear-filled time more organized, at least menu wise. And the results are astounding. Not only am the Pesach issue). I don’t say a minute is well-spent, our Father will hear. And we will be you should implement these on Tehillim were in question, and having time for any sort of I losing weight more easily but my moods are much better and I feel energized. understood. changes for the first time meaningfulself-expression was a concern. Sugar and carbs give you quick energy but when that initial boost wears off, when your in-laws are visiting Our forefathers in Egypt were not schooled in the words generally one feels very sluggish.Now I no longer nosh half as much because I’m Upon arrival, a full hour past schedule, the crowd on the but you should try it on a lazy of formalprayer, nor were they confident of their eloquence. fuller and if it’s not on the plan, I simply don’t eat it! On this particular chart I bus was distressed. “Will we be given more time?” The frazzled Sunday and most of the time, So they just cried: v’nitzak el Hashem. They issued the most have not included snacks but I have a list of ‘good’ snacks and I allow myself 1-2 driver contacted the Eged authorities and answered in the you’ll be pleasantly surprised visceral of sounds, one reflective of their pain and dependence. of those a day. by the result. negative. Although the arrival was postponed, the departure How long did that cry take? couldn’t be. He needed to get back as scheduled. That left a A side benefit of planning a weekly menu is lower grocery bills. I try to plan my full five and a half minutes at Kever Rachel. Needless to say, Perhaps a minute? Definitely no more than five and a half. menu around extras that I have in my pantry and my shopping lists grow shorter

the passengers weren’t happy. And they all let the driver know But it was a cry that elicited emancipation, geula,redemption, and shorter each week.Try it and let me know how it goes! 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei it. The tension was thick and the driver was distraught. Then a at its truest. It is the cry which defined our eternal bond to Chassidic woman stood up and put it all into context. G-d and assured Him of our potential to be His nation.

“What are you worried about?” she asked the crowd. “You’re It is a cry we can all make. > Organized (adj) having one’s affairs in order so as to deal with them efficiently- Webster’s Dictionary going to cry to your mother. A mother can hear your cries in And it’s all a mother – or Father – needs, to come running. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

78 79 ultrasound, endometrial biopsy, blood tests to measure hormone the physician will need to know the day that menstruation levels, and the basal body temperature (BBT) chart. begins after the biopsy. Maintaining a BBT chart and/or using an ovulation prediction test kit may be helpful in determining Urine Test Kits to the best day to perform an endometrial biopsy and in Measure Luteininzing Hormone (LH) Levels interpreting the result. Several ovulation prediction tests are available at drug stores. These kits use test strips that show changes in the level of Blood Tests to LH in the urine. Once the LH surge has occurred, ovulation Measure Hormone Levels usually takes place within 12 to 36 hours. Urine testing usually Elevated progesterone levels in the blood usually are associated begins two days prior to the expected day of ovulation. For with ovulation. A blood test to measure progesterone can be women with 28-day cycles, ovulation usually occurs on days performed about one week before the anticipated onset of 13 to 15. For women with irregular menstrual cycles, urine the next menstrual period. The LH surge occurs just before testing should be timed according to the earliest and latest ovulation. LH levels in the blood or urine can be measured possible dates of ovulation. If the cycle ranges between to predict when the follicle is mature and ready for ovulation. 27 to 34 days, ovulation usually occurs between days 13 to 20. Estrogen is secreted by the growing follicle and rises rapidly Therefore, testing should begin on day 11 and continue until prior to ovulation. If ovulation is being induced with fertility Ovulation ovulation is indicated or through day 20. There is an 80% chance drugs, frequent estrogen level measurements may be needed of detecting ovulation with five days of testing, and a 95% to determine follicular growth. Detection chance with 10 days of testing. Once ovulation is documented, it is no longer necessary to continue testing during that cycle. Basal Body Temperature Occasionally, ovulation may not occur in a particular cycle. If ovulation is not detected in two or more consecutive cycles, an (BBT) Chart ovulatory problem may be present. The basal body temperature chart helps to monitor the duration of the different phases of the menstrual cycle, and can help determine Ovulation, the release of an egg from its follicle in one of a if and when ovulation has occurred. During the follicular phase, the woman’s two ovaries, is one of the most important factors Transvaginal Ultrasound woman’s body temperature is relatively low. When progesterone in conceiving a child. Once ovulated, the egg is picked up by Follicular growth can be measured with ultrasound, a technique production begins at ovulation, produces a temperature rise one of the fallopian tubes and begins traveling toward the which uses sound waves to produce an image on a monitor screen. with a minimum increase of 0.5 degrees Fahrenheit. An increased uterus. In order for traditional conception to occur, the man This is a painless procedure usually done with a probe inserted body temperature for several days indicates ovulation has must ejaculate his semen, the fluid containing the sperm, into the vagina, but may be done with an external probe placed occurred. BBT charts cannot predict when ovulation is going into the woman’s vagina near the time of ovulation. The man’s on the abdomen. Prior to ovulation, the follicle is thin-walled and to occur; they only confirm that ovulation has occurred after sperm must be capable of swimming through the vagina filled with fluid. As the egg inside the follicle develops, the follicle the fact. Some women will monitor changes in their cervical and cervical mucus, up the cervical canal into the uterus, and up into increases in size. Ovulation generally occurs when the follicle mucus along with their BBT. As ovulation approaches, a woman’s the fallopian tube, where it must attach to and penetrate the egg in measures about 1.8 to 2.5 centimeters. Ultrasound may be cervical mucus becomes more abundant, thin, slippery, and order to fertilize it. The fertilized egg remains in the fallopian tube for useful for timing intercourse or insemination. In women taking stretchy. This is an inexpensive, natural way to help identify a a few days and then continues traveling to the uterus and implants in fertility drugs, ultrasound may be performed on several different woman’s most fertile days. the endometrium(lining of the uterus), where it grows and matures. days during the menstrual cycle so that each follicle can be If all goes well, a child is born approximately nine months later. measured precisely and monitored. Conclusion Ovulation is triggered by a surge of luteinizing hormone (LH) in the Although determining if and when ovulation is occurring might woman’s blood, and occurs approximately 36 hours after the start of Endometrial Biopsy this LH surge. If the egg is fertilized and implants in the endometrium, seem frustrating and time consuming, it is often an essential a pregnancy is established. If a pregnancy is not established, Progesterone, a natural ovarian hormone, helps prepare the step toward achieving pregnancy. It is important that women the endometrial lining that develops in preparation for pregnancy endometrium to receive an embryo. An endometrial biopsy is work with their physicians to decide which method of ovulation

is shed as the menstrual flow. occasionally used to determine if a woman has ovulated, and if the detection is best for them. If these tests indicate that the woman 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei endometrium has been adequately stimulated with progesterone. is not ovulating, or that she has irregular cycles, treatments are Because a variety of problems can prevent or disrupt ovulation During this office procedure, a small amount of endometrial available to correct the problem and increase the chances and result in infertility, often it is necessary to determine whether tissue from inside the uterine cavity is removed and examined of a successful pregnancy. or not a woman is ovulating. There are several ways to detect under a microscope. This test is performed just before menstruation Created 2006 The American Society for Reproductive Medicine ovulation, including urine test kits to measure LH levels, transvaginal is expected to begin. In order to interpret the endometrial biopsy, grants permission to photocopy this fact sheet and distribute it to patients. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

80 81 Varicoceles can affect sperm production, so varicocele A clomid challenge test is used to look for ovarian ag- Arepair is commonly considered as a treatment for male Aing. In some women a day 2 FSH does not accurately re- infertility. In men with azoospermia, varicoceles are rarely, if ever, flect your egg quality. By giving clomid we can often find a high the only cause of such low production. However, research has sug- FSH in someone whose FSH is normal on day 3 embryos are gested that 20-50% of men with varicoceles and azoospermia can graded by cell division. At this point the cumulus cells have al- have sperm return to the ejaculate after varicocele repair. For men ready been stripped off the embryos. Cumulus cells reflect the with sertoli cell only on biopsy, the results are probably even lower. egg prior to fertilization. Embryo quality is the better predictor of So, one can consider varicocele repair helpful for the few men who outcome. A good embryology lab should be able to handle your respond with sperm in their ejaculate or unnecessary surgery for eggs without problem. the majority of men who don’t respond. There is no medical evi- dence that varicocele repair increases the rate of sperm retrieval Lawrence Grunfeld , MD with TESE. (Research actually suggests it makes no difference for TESE success.) The value of varicocele repair needs to be individu- I was diagnosed with (mild) endometriosis through a alized for a couple - it is neither right nor wrong. Qlaparoscopy and had it removed through laser surgery. 1) How much greater are my chances of becoming pregnant now that it Peter Schlegel, MD is removed? My doctor said that endo was the reason I didn’t become pregnant earlier and that now I should be able to become pregnant. Is We recently completed a failed IVF cycle where 22 eggs were Ask the that the case? 2) If I become pregnant is the chances of miscarrying, G-d retrieved; 19 were mature, 11 fertilized with ICSI and all Q forbid, greater if a person has endo or has had it removed? 3) If I became embryos showed fragmentation by day 2. We did a day 3 transfer where pg now, could I have this problem recur with future pregnancies? 4) Is it Doctor 4 embryos were transferred and the results were negative. None of the still considered as if I have endo once I have had it removed? remaining embryos continued to grow to blastocysts. Our only diagnosed issue is MFI due to poor morphology (1 Percent Kruger). My husband Good questions. If your infertility is otherwise unexplained, recently did the SCSA test and is awaiting the results of that. We want it MAY be due to mild endometriosis. If it is, it MAY ben- to try IVF again using my husband’s sperm and I wanted to find out if A efit from the laparoscopy. How many women would benefit from there is anything you can recommend to us to improve our chances. He this surgery is unclear, but it’s probably fewer than half. It is cer- is taking supplements, antioxidants, and is doing accupuncture but other tainly a reasonable option to try the surgery, but if you’re not preg- than that, is there anything else he/we can do?I appreciate your input! nant in 3-6 few months, it makes sense to pursue further fertility Severely fragmented embryos are associated with what options. Endometriosis will not affect the chances of miscarriage. What is ‘Fertile One’? Awe call chromosomal chaotic osaicism. That means that a Neither will the surgery you have had.If you do become pregnant, Q variety of chromosomes have either an extra copy or are missing the endometriosis may return in the future. But first try for a sub- Fertile One is a proprietary collection of vitamins, minerals a copy. It is also referred to as “complex abnormal” aneuploidy. It sequent pregnancy naturally. Only if you have problems getting A and herbs that has antioxidant properties. The effects of is caused either by the egg or by the sperm. I do not believe that pregnant again (or other symptoms of endometriosis) would the herbs has not been well studied, but the antioxidants have the DNA sperm fragmentation test is very helpful in making such I recommend a repeat surgery.You may still have endometriosis been shown to protect sperm in one way or another. There are a diagnosis. after the surgery, but if it was only mild before and was treated, no good scientific studies that show Fertile One will increase the I would recommend another cycle, but this time using PGD, it may not be a problem ever again. If it does become a repeat chances of pregnancy occurring, but its use makes much sense. pre-implantation diagnosis, for aneuploidy. Also I would ask the problem (unlikely, but possible), surgery or other options are embryologists to look very carefully for only those sperm that available. Endometriosis is a process where the lining of the uterus Dr. Peter Schlegel, M.D. appear to be morphologically normal, as well as motile. It could grows in places outside of the uterus. It is not considered a can- I am 29 and have been diagnosed with sertoli cell only syndrome be a difficult and long search. The problem is either with your eggs cer. In the majority of women it causes no symptoms and there- Q discovered through a testicular biopsy (two samples from my or your husband’s sperm, and it is not clear by any means which. fore requires no treatment. In some women, however, symptoms left testicle) (no sperm having been found in my semen analysis). Further like pain or infertility do require intervention. Whether you will I am told I have varicocele (only on the left side) which my doctor has Sherman Silber, M.D. require any further treatment is an open question as I mentioned, 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei recommended be removed to increase the chances of the TESE procedure but chances are that you won’t. being effective. My testicles were normal upon physical examination. I have two questions:. 1. What is a clomid challenge test? How Should I proceed with the varicocele surgery? What are the down Qis it done? 2. I just did IVF and although my eggs were grade 1, Is it necessary to rule out endometriosis before going on to IVF? sides? What are my best chances for success in finding or promoting there was a sticky cumulous on them and there is a concern regarding QMy RE feels that it’s not definite that doing a laparoscopy will the growth of sperm? egg quality. What is a sticky cumulous? What causes it? help my chances at becoming pg. What do you think? Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

82 83 “Necessary”- no, but in some cases, yes! In most cases IVF relief), your chances of making things worse are extremely slim, sometimes also takes out the cells within the follicle which would Awill overcome the fertility problems of endo and allow a and your chances of real improvement and getting rid of your usually manufacture progesterone.You cannot confuse different pregnancy. In some selected cases the IVF will not be successful endo, are very high. meds: for example progesterone by injection, 50 mg may give the unless the endo is treated. Deciding who falls into which category same blood level as 400 mg vaginally. is difficult. Endo cases may include other problems including pain A-2. I totally agree with A-1 here. In general, just because which may need treatment. Many endo cases are progressive and someone may have endo, it does not necessitate a lap. Pregnancy As far as the risk of hypospadias, this issue is complicated by may get worse if not treated. There are some specialists who prefer can sometimes improve symptoms, due to the drop in estrogen the fact that this risk is higher after IVF, presumably due to more to remove all endo prior to doing infertility treatment in order to and increase in progesterone. But, for the most part, PREGNANCY men with poor sperm counts achieving pregnancy with ICSI maximize all chances. In many of these cases, after treatment, IVF IS NOT A CURE FOR ENDO!!!! This is an old school of thought. when pregnancy would otherwise be rare. Much of this data on may no longer be necessary. Others only treat endo as a last resort .like saying that a hyst is a cure for endo (It is not. This leaves progesterone comes from IVF, so there are multiple confounding or are not trained to remove it. In GENERAL I prefer to remove it behind the endo lesions which still produce their own hormones. factors which make determining what caused the problem first but it really depends on the patient and her particular situa- The only way to get rid of endo is to fully cut out all the endo; difficult. I believe that your doctor is right to be conservative, and tion, her presenting problems, options, desires and priorities. not the healthy organs!!). to avoid any unnecessary medication during pregnancy as the safest way to go. Many studies suggest a small increased risk in However, if endo is interfering with one’s quality of life and/or Steven Palter, MD infertility patients of hypospadias, which -although not sounding may very well be the cause of IF issues, and/or is on organs where too nice- is usually correctable. I think you must make a risk/benefit I have been to 2 clinics in NJ already, and both RE’s that I have it can cause long term damage (such as GIT, UT etc), then one decision with your doctors, taking into account your specific been to, have discouraged any sort of lap (they are as sure should definitely look into having a lap. And since you may be a Q medical history. Important questions include: have experienced as they can be that I have endometriosis). I do have what they feel is candidate according to all 3 of these.. I’d urge you to do it. It is true multiple previous miscarriages? If so, have they performed a a 27mm endometrioma on my right ovary. Both doctors have advised that it can cause more IF issues, but this is only if the surgery is not workup and determined that they are not due to some other that getting pregnant is the best course of action, and that surgery can performed optimally! When it is done by those who specialize in cause other than progesterone deficiency? If there is no time for actually aggravate my fertility. Here we are, 3 years later, after several laps for endo, the quality of life improves, as well as the chances of other consultations, you can always stop the progesterone as your failed IUI cycles, and 2 failed IVF cycles. 1st IVF result was negative, (all the conceiving .(fyi-note that stims can make endo WORSE!!)Do take doctor requests but ask that they monitor blood levels to make embryos fragmented; they did defragment 2 embryos for a day 5 transfer) your time to find the best surgeon so that you know you stand sure they stay above 10. but they were still poor quality. IVF number 2 was a chemical pregnancy the best chance of a successful lap! just last month (10 out of 12 embryos displayed arrested development by day 3 so they transferred the remaining 2 of good quality on day 3). My Peter McGovern, MD Has anyone heard of this? When speaking with an mfm question is- how do you feel about surgery? Is it more of a last resort if you specialist about taking progesterone, since mine was found to want to get pregnant? Both my husband and I are 29, but we have been Q There seems to be very little data regarding hormones for men be 11.5, he doesn’t think that there’s any medical basis for taking it. It trying for 3 years to have a baby. Since I have gone off birth control, I have Qthat have been successful in increasing sperm count. My dh’s does raise the #’s but he said it’s like putting a band aid on a wound; just terrible cramping and GI pain during my period, I now miss at least 1 day count is practically zero. He is supposed to go on hormones now. Can covering up some underlying problem that’s still there. He said if it were of work a month. That is why I am considering having surgery to have someone who has done this let me know if hormones have helped in the his wife, he would not recommend it. Then, he also said that progesterone the endometriosis removed. I’m just wondering if most RE’s are on the slightest bit to increase production. increases the risk of a condition known as hypospadia in 1/500 male same page about surgery for endo. My current doctor wants to continue births. This condition requires a urologist to perform corrective surgery. These are very difficult issues. There is some data that using trying IVF cycles. . but I keep not getting pregnant, and now my quality of So, I’m thinking is it worth it? He understands that emotional need, medicines like Clomid can increase or even induce sperm life is suffering. Any insight would be appreciated. A but taking progesterone may just be prolonging s/t that’s bound to production in the testes. However, it works in carefully selected Find another doctor! Any doctor who ignores such seri- end anyway. Has anyone heard this opinion? What should I do? This cases. Often times, though, this is done to improve testicular func- Aous problems is not the correct doctor for you. Maybe decision is keeping me up at night. I have the prescription, and he said tion before a micro-TESE. Still, though, even though there is not these problems are not life threatening, but they are serious- if I’m going to take it, it should be earlier than later. Any suggestions much data, we usually try to induce spermatogenesis with these ly impacting your quality of life, and if your problem is indeed would be greatly appreciated. medications because it does work sometimes. In the other cases endo, then getting pregnant and carrying to term is not nec- described, where counts go from zero to a few million, these may essarily going to solve your problems. Furthermore, there is I will try to help, but there are too many issues raised in be cases of prolactin secreting cells in the brain which stop sperm this discussion to adequately answer in this forum. As al- some evidence that endo can have a negative impact on your A production or the rare cases where the pituitary does not make 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei chances of getting pregnant. ways, I suggest a second opinion from another qualified REI/MFM the signaling chemicals that tell the testicles to make sperm and doctor. Find a board-certified REI near you at www.socrei.org. testosterone. In these cases, we can usually get the sperm count By the way, if you do a lap with a doctor who is a real expert A progesterone level of 11 is fine for a natural pregnancy. High- back to the millions. Hope this helps and good luck. on this, who does excision and knows how to deal with all er levels are expected after fertility drug treatments, and often the anciliarry issues (like making sure that you get decent pain progesterone is prescribed after IVF b/c the removal of the eggs Jonathan Schiff, M.D. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

84 85 Adverse influences of stress on the reproductive system have n They showed no body-weight fluctuation before been reported in animals and human research. There is both pregnancy anecdotal and scientific data to support the theory that stress n They consumed less coffee hinders conception, and published research proposes a possible n They were younger than their spouses and looked younger connection between stress and estrogen, and progesterone levels. than their age n They scored lower on psychosomatic symptoms A Harvard University Medical School study reported that n They had fewer negative life changes 33 percent of women who were taught relaxation by various Coffee consumption and life-changes are known to cause techniques during infertility treatment became pregnant in the stress, and so also do frequent weight changes. It therefore may following six months. The study focused on the psychological follow that women with lower coffee consumption and fewer life dimensions of tension/anxiety, depression/dejection, anger/ changes may be more fertile. hostility, vigor/activity, fatigue/inertia, and confusion/ bewilderment. These traits were evaluated, and measured on the In another study women who were more stressed than Spielberger Scale of Anger Expression. controls were less prone to develop breast cancer (the stress levels were based on self report). In this study, seven thousand There was a significant positive influence of relaxation women were followed over a period of eighteen years. An Stress, Biofeedback treatment on the scales of tension/anxiety, depression/dejection inverse relationship was found between daily stress levels and confusion/bewilderment. There was also a higher level of and breast cancer. The explanation given was that the stress expression of vigor/activity and a significant lower level of both impaired the levels of estrogen synthesis, and the higher the & the Reproductive System state (temporal) and trait (constant trait- character) anger stress levels, the lower the levels of estrogen, and the less the chance to develop breast cancer. An Italian study found “stressed” women undergoing infertility treatments with in-vitro fertilization to have had less chance of Stress is also well known to raise noradrenaline and other Dr. Jacqueline Perle becoming pregnant. In a sample of forty-nine women, stress level stress hormone levels. Among the hormones found to be was measured by the Spielberger State Trait Anxiety test (SSTA), related to stress are cortisol, adrenocorticotropic hormone , prolactin, and growth hormone. It has also been suggested and the Stroop effect task, as well as by physiological arousal that stress influences the level of follicle stimulating signs such as heart rate increase. Tests were conducted just hormone and luteinizing hormone. prior to in-vitro fertilization. In research about PMS it was reported that Pre-Menstrual The Stroop task, identifying the color of a “color-word” such as Syndrome (PMS) (related to hormones and psychological factors), I know how much you must have heard about the connection “black,” written in red ink, requires the subjects to say “red.” The can be treated hormonally. But, it has been found that cognitive- between stress and the reproductive system (including the discrepancy between ink-color and color-word commonly causes behavioral therapy can also relieve those symptoms. past issue of the A TIME magazine). Stress is expressed in a discomfort also manifested in heart rate acceleration. The Subjects very physical way causing stress hormones to be released, these ‘ heart rate was then measured and it was found that women who The basis for treatment with a behavioral technique is that many hormones are numerous, one of them is cortisol. This article is had high “trait” (constant stress) and “state” (stress dependant on of the PMS symptoms are psychological, i.e., anxiety, crying spells, based on a doctoral research on the connection between mind the state one is in) anxiety, and who had the greatest heart rate depression, fatigue and irritability. In a sample of forty-four women and body, between relaxation and the female hormonal system. increase had the least successful in-vitro fertilization. Moreover, between the ages of twenty-two and forty-five, divided into three Who should read this article? Well...everybody. Stress influences groups, one group underwent behavioral therapy, a second group even though some of the more stressed women became all our bodily functions, from fertility to high blood pressure to received hormonal therapy, and the third group was given a pregnant, these women didn’t carry the pregnancy to full term. asthma attacks and diabetes, as well as our immune system. kind of relaxation therapy. The possibility of carrying a pregnancy to full term is dependent When talking about the topic of fertility there is ample partly on progesterone levels. The relaxation group outcome was found to be equivocal— evidence of the influence of stress. The topic of this article is perhaps due to poorly supervised relaxation: The women were first of all a review of some of this scientific data. Then we will In another study of the relationship between stress and fertility instructed on how to relax at home without supervision, and 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei discuss two very practical applications that will G-d willing help conducted in Finland at regular intervals over a period of six most of them dropped out of the experiment. Yet, the behavioral you reach your goal of motherhood. The original purpose of months, one-hundred ninety-one healthy women (without a therapy was found to be very beneficial even three months my research was to help women with short cycles make their history of infertility) who wished to bear children where examined following treatment. The fact that PMS can be treated with both cycle longer so that ovulation will not be missed by the time both psychologically and gynecologically. The women who were a psychological therapy and hormonal therapy might suggest that one has to go to the mikvah. the most fertile typically had the following general profile: these may compliment each other. In studies relating stress and Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

86 87 Complementary therapies in assisted reproduction may diminish the Complementary effectiveness of medical treatment for infertility in women, a scientist will tell the 23rd annual conference of the European Society of Human Therapy for Infertile Reproduction and Embryology in Lyon, France, (Wednesday 4 July). Dr. Jacky Boivin, from the School of Psychology, Cardiff University, Women Wales, UK, will say that her research had also shown that women who hormones by Professor Luine at Hunter college, stress induced It was found that women with Functional Hypothalamic- used complementary therapies were more negatively affected by their by putting rats in a tube for six hours a day, for twenty-one days, Amenorrhea (HA) had lower levels of estrogen, and higher levels May Reduce Chances fertility problems than non-users, and that this could account for the resulted in Ss having higher levels of cortisol. When they were of cortisol, compared to women who ovulated regularly. Of Pregnancy fact that they were willing to use complementary therapies that were stressed and subsequently tested in a maze task that required not proven to improve fertility. memory, they did poorly as compared to non-stressed controls. Perhaps, by lowering their stress levels, these women might be | Science Daily Many women use complementary or alternative therapies (CATs) to When these same Ss were administered estrogen, they responded brought back into a cycle where estrogen levels fluctuate. This resolve fertility problems, even though there is little evidence that they to the maze task as if they had not been stressed. We may assume was indeed found by Berga (2006) in a study where behavioral are effective. However, it is not clear whether people use these to reduce that improvement in memory for the maze test was due to treatment helped 75 percent of twenty women suffering from stress or to increase their chances of getting pregnant. So Dr. Boivin and a estrogen supplement. In a related experiment by Galea, McEwen, Hypothalamic-Amenorrhea, by helping to lower cortisol levels so colleague from the University of Copenhagen, Dr. Lone Schmidt, set out Tampa, et al. (1997), it was found that physically restricting female to study why women made these choices, in the hope of being able to rats for twenty-one days resulted in lower plasma estradiol levels. that they were able to ovulate again. better inform them both of their effectiveness and of other options for The way that stress influences reproductive hormones is related Can we change the levels of cortisol with the help of biofeedback achieving pregnancy and reducing the stress of infertility. to ACTH to cortisol, and to DHEAS (Dehydroepiandrosterone and thus influence the levels of estrogen, thereby altering the They examined the psychosocial and medical profiles of 818 Danish sulfate). ACTH plays a role in the synthesis of estrogen as a length of the cycle? women at the start of their IVF treatment, and then looked at which precursor of pregnenolone. women went on to use complementary therapy in the subsequent 12 In my research I found that when doing biofeedback at the Corticotropin-releasing hormone (CRF) is activated during stress months. The study was the first large scale prospective evaluation of CAT and influences the function of the pituitary gland, where the sexual beginning of the cycle on days 3,4, and 5 we can prolong the use in an infertile population. length of the cycle. What is biofeedback? Biofeedback is a hormones are secreted. The CRF also influences the secretion of “We found that women who went on to use complementary therapies cortisol: As increased level of cortisol reaches a certain threshold, tool that allows you to control your own stress level thru the -- for example reflexology and nutritional supplements -- during their it inhibits the the action of CRF and thus influences the secretion help of a very simple device that is based on Galvanic Skin treatments were more distressed and emotionally affected by their of sexual hormones in the pituitary gland Response (GSR). GSR is an indirect way of measuring stress. fertility problems than non-users”, says Dr. Boivin. “This difference When we are stressed we sweat, and sweat has in it salt. Salt in stress may mean that women used CATs for stress reduction, A study by Berga in 2006 reported that twenty sessions of is a conductor of electricity, therefore a very small electrical and if this were the case it would be important for future research behavioral therapy for women suffering from Hypotalamic to establish whether CATs achieve this goal more effectively than - Amenorrhea (anovulation) caused 75 percent of them current is sent to the tip of the fingers. The more we are stressed conventional psychological therapies.” to ovulate again, as compared to 25 percent in a no- the more the current goes thru. The idea of biofeedback is therapy control group. Berga attributed this improvement to demonstrate that when you use a relaxation technique So far, research shows that psychological therapies are more effective in to lowering the levels of stress and, consequently, lowering you are indeed relaxing. One technique used in relaxation is achieving stress reduction. “But women may be reluctant to ask for this the levels of cortisol. the passed respiration technique. In the passed respiration because of the stigma attached, or perhaps simply because they are not If estrogen levels affect relaxation, then it may follow that technique you are told to concentrate on your breathing, aware of the research”, she says. “We hope that our study will provide a good basis for women to make a decision on whether or not to use CATs biofeedback might be more effective at times when estrogen inhaling and exhaling very slowly. The results of the GSR as compared with other available options. We are currently developing levels are highest at the late follicular and at the luteal measurements are translated into a graph line that goes up phase of the menstrual cycle. brief coping interventions that may be more appealing to people who do the more we relax, telling us we are in the right direction. not want to use conventional one on one or group counselling.” Biofeedback is a tool that is there to teach us to relax not only Lowering stress can be achieved with biofeedback . But the The study also found that women who used CAT had a 20% lower conventional treatment for menopausal “hot flashes” is estrogen when we come to the office of the psychologist but rather to pregnancy success rate over the 12-month treatment period. Our findings with progesterone (progesterone is added to reduce the risk of teach us how to do it at anytime. do not allow us to make a direct causal link between CAT use and cancer). Biofeedback, using the paced respiration technique (to be pregnancy rate”, says Dr. Boivin. “It may be that complementary therapies I also found that it is very difficult to relax at the beginning explained later), has also been found useful in reducing the diminish the effectiveness of medical interventions, as has been shown in frequency of hot flushes. This suggests a connection between of the cycle. Therefore, I recommend learning how to relax previous research. Or it may simply be that persistent treatment failure relaxation and estrogen level. just after ovulation and then to come back and do it again at encourages women to seek out CATs because they are more willing to the beginning of the next cycle. If you do not ovulate, a longer Stress may cause spontaneous abortions perhaps try anything to get pregnant.” relaxation treatment like the one mentioned by Berga could be

because the stress hormones ; adrenaline, noradrenaline The next step for the researchers is to study the same group over a 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei and cortisol influence the metabolism of other beneficial. If anyone is interested in trying this, I would be very five year period and see how many become pregnant in the longer hormones, i.e. a decrease of serum progesterone, and happy to help you, for no cost, until I can clearly prove the term. “It is important to do this because we are concerned that, with an increase of thyroxine-level. Stress also plays a role in efficiency of this treatment. persistent treatment failure, women might become more and more immune function, and immune function plays a role in preventing susceptible to deceptive advertising about ineffective CATs or other the rejection of the embryo. To contact Dr. Jacqueline Perle please e-mail her at [email protected] unproven treatments”, says Dr. Boivin. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

88 89 I just told my DH last night. Imagine how much merit A TIME anything must have, just from the forums alone! (Not to mention their myriad other programs...) Through the forums they enable people Posted June 27, 2007, 11:11 PM to vent, and people to help. They enable people to reach out to Simchah, I know exactly what u mean. I was actually wondering someone who may very well be halfway across the world. It sheds if I’m the only one out there who feels this way. I was told by s/o a new light on “ki ish echod bilev echod” “We are one man with to join these forums, since it’s supposed to be a good source of one heart”, all yearning for the same dream...and doing are best to chizuk, but I find it depressing, not as unexpected said. I do take give each other strength along the journey. other people’s pain to heart. Even seeing that I’m not alone, but that IF is so prevalent, it makes me nuts. Know what I mean? Don’t be depressed Simcha! Be inspired! Continue to inspire others with your simcha in your posts. If you read a post that really Simcha gets u down, then do your best to uplift the poster! Realize that through these forums we are breaking the knots of sinas chinam. Posted June 27, 2007, 11:25 PM forum Perhaps you are chasidish, I’m litvish, someone else sphardi, and I sure do. I sure wish it wasn’t this way. When I first came onto another lubavitch and another person modern.... It doesn’t matter these boards I was shocked to see the number of people, the length here. Here we are one! forum of time, and the severity and vastly different dx that are portrayed here. It’s true they say that ‘tzaros rabbim chatzi nechama’, sharing View the boards as one more means of bringing Mashiach one the pain does bring comfort, but I think in this case you just want step closer. And live up to your name...Simcha always!!! everyone to have their baby already. It kind of makes your own tzarah seem small and insignificant. ChanaK so-so Posted June 28, 2007, 01:12 AM I’ve been a member of these boards now for about 9 years. Yet I Posted June 28, 2007, 12:42 AM must be different from you. I don’t see these boards as sad. I really For the first year or two when I went on this site. I would always view it as a source of chizuk. I always see the glass half full!I am get depressed. I couldn’t take it. I think that I was still in denial about experiencing severe MF. We have been told by three top DR.s to the whole IF thing. I felt I wasn’t doing enough to help my situation. forget about having our own biological children. We have since And I saw all these other people were all into it and really trying hard. adopted.I have noticed that every couple of years we get posts But I learned so much from this site and it gave me chizuk like these, and I will answer you as I have answered them. Many Simcha to really work on the issue and jump into the IF journey. Now people here have no where else to turn to. Medically, they were Posted June 27, 2007, 10:16 PM when I go on, I realize that here are my friends. They understand turned away. Emotionally, they have no one to talk to, except for what I am going thru. ATIME. When people come here they DO come here to vent, Does anyone get sad? I am pretty much addicted to this site because WE understand. WE help them cope. We help them and log onto it almost every evening, except when I was moving. Dare2Dream deal. We help them try to have a happier day. B”H!!!!!I personally, However most of the time I find that I get so sad reading about Posted June 28, 2007, 01:09 AM have no complaints. I have been on this IF road for now 12 years. other people going through this IF journey. I’m always crying at In the beginning of my journey, I posted every night until 4 am! one point or another. Don’t get me wrong. I do get some chizuk Simcha...with a name like yours...you can’t be sad! It’s (Those were the old days, I kind of miss it... know what I mean old especially from the mazel tov section. But sometimes I think it’s wonderful that you feel the pain of your sisters and brothers ATIMERS??). This is my FAMILY. When no one else could help me more harmful than healing to read these posts for me because reaching out over the A TIME boards, and genuinely feel wish a mazel tov to a neighbor, A TIME was there. When I suffered I always sign off feeling very sad for everyone with their different sad for them. May your empathy be a Zechus for you. from a huge blow, from a dispute with a BIL, A TIME was there. diagnosis. Does anyone feel the same or am I the only one? However, I ask you to take a moment and really read these posts When I felt alone, A TIME was there. I don’t think it is sad. Our well. Read between the lines also. Most of them are about people fellow Jews are crying out for help, and WE are there!!! (As we will Unexpected going through truly difficult times, yet read the sublime messages continue to be there) Thank You too. Many of them speak of Hashem, and Rabbanim, and Bitachon. Posted June 27, 2007, 10:35 PM Their posts are filled with longing and pain, and yet at the same Your level of empathy for your fellow Jew is admirable. However, time, Bitachon, faith, hope, joy, strength, humor and love for each tovarena reading your post, I sense that you might be overly empathetic, person struggling as they are. Only a small minority of posts are Posted June 28, 2007, 07:00 AM which causes you to take each and every individual’s feelings, completely depressing, most are a beautiful mixture of the above. One other thing to keep in mind on the upside - MANY people diagnosis and tribulations personally. This is not healthy and in no here on the boards DO, B’H, have successes. They often do not 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei way will such a perspective help you to help the people that you Take a step back and really read! Many times I could cry when share on this board as they don’t want anyone to be hurt by their feel so badly for. Rather, try to be sympathetic to their needs and I read the posts, both from sadness but also from hope and joy. I happiness, but there are B’H many, many successes! That fact take a step back without letting it effect you so deeply. I know it’s feel like shouting “Look Hashem! Your children, who suffer, want helped me when I first came on here and saw all the sadness. difficult; but in the end, you’ll be doing it for the greater good of to reach out and help others in their position, offer chizuk and There is usually a light at the end of the tunnel - it’s just a matter your fellow A TIMEers. Bitachon, to others in similar situations!” It’s uplifting! of how long that tunnel is for each one of us. Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

90 91 fast. I’m too addicted. However, like a lot of you have said, maybe then they will sprout. IF taught me that!!One SIL had her son life in the past, and see that all I did was be miserable! So who I’m still in denial about this whole IF thing. In the beginning when buy new plants and plant them. She wanted him to know am I to complain if I still have the chance of “going there, whiterose I signed on, I noticed all these people who have been here forever the hard work that goes into it. I thought that was amazing! doing that” Thanks for sharing! Posted June 28, 2007, 07:17 AM and know each other. e I was the newcomer but just passing Thanks for listening! I know what you mean Simcha. Sometimes when I am particularly through; but as the months drag on and I realize this is actually not ??? down myself, reading about other’s problems gets me even more a passing through stage, it just gets harder and harder. Of course Simcha I’m thinking, hoping and praying and believing that this cycle will Posted July 06, 2007, 01:49 AM down. There are definitely moments when the tears are streaming Posted June 28, 2007, 10:54 PM down my face. I find that it happened more in the beginning when be the one,. It’s going to be my first IUI and we just celebrated Hi ChanaK I am new to this site (have been TTC for 1 year, 4 I was still in denial about my IF and everything I read here was new another anniversary and as whiterose knows I’m not from the Oh Chanak. I too am a gardener. I got into it in my lonely single unsuccessful Clomid cycles) and have been reading posts for a and traumatic to me. But as ChanaK and Dare2dream and others younger ones... so for our anniversary, besides other celebrations, days when I was searching for dh who didn’t show up till recently, few days... I just want to say that I read your response to Simcha said, there is a lot more to gain - most of the time I am inspired, or we woke up early and finished tehilim throughout the day, so I am so yes, I do understand the whole planting business. By the way a few days a go and it has really lifted my spirits remarkably and entertained, and I always feel welcomed and warm here. So don’t hoping to sign off real soon with good news. On the other hand I always try to plant with children. It’s so much more fun even changed my outlook a lot. Before I read your post I spent the give up on us just yet... I don’t know if at this point I could stand not feeling sad for the though they do kill half the flowers and plants while putting them last few months feeling sad and frustrated, with myself and G-d. others who are going through so much.Thanks for being there for in. But they get such a kick out of it. My nieces and nephews and Since reading your post a few days ago I feel differently. I think me and thanks for listening.Chana k, your story is unbelievable. my friends’ children all come back looking to see if the flowers what you said holds much wisdom for women TTC everywhere. sshira How do you keep up the optimism? G-d Bless!!! have grown and which ones they planted etc.. I call it a garden I want to look back and know I made the most of my life, Posted June 28, 2007, 10:51 AM party, I give them gardening tools etc. despite the challenges! I also told my DH what you said, and he thought it was quite profound, and it also helped to lift his spirits. Simchah, you really echoed my feelings. When I first discovered ChanaK these forums, I was addicted. I read everything posted, searched ShanaB So thank you very much, I am so happy I came across your Posted June 28, 2007, 10:18 PM post now and not in 10 years! Just wanted to let you know old topics, and couldn’t tear myself away. After that stage, I moved Posted July 01, 2007, 09:05 PM on to reading an occasional post because I was getting more and Simchah, You talk of denial. I guess I am still full of it! You see u made a difference to me.. more depressed about all of our hardships, and couldn’t bare if I gave this IF what it wants I think I would crumble! I never Something to keep in mind has already been said by tovarena reading another heart-wrenching post. I think I’m now at the point really allowed myself to believe what I am experiencing. It is but just to reinforce, many cases of IF get resolved--sooner or ChanaK too hard. I am also at the stage in my life where I have been later.I know I’ve heard and I’m sure we all have heard stories of where all of you are my family and I can’t just pull out. I guess I Posted July 08, 2007, 09:32 PM get chizuk from the fact that we’re all in this together and can there done that. You won’t see on these boards the beginning amazing success. So keep in mind that there are many mazal tovs relate to each other in a way that no one else can. In addition, the of my journey, they were deleted. But if you search my posts, out there, written about or not. I just want to add (here’s as good Still-hopeful, thank you! It gives me chizuk to know that I have medical and practical advice we have for each other is invaluable. from way back when, you will see a side of me that I am a place as any) that I daven for ATIMERs as a group as well as all given to someone else. Thank you so much. You have no idea Just the otherday, I was driving into the city for a blood test and proud to see has grown. I would not change this nisayon for women who are trying to bring Jewish children into the world. what your words have done for me! dh waited in the car so we wouldn’t have to worry about parking. anything.It has brought me closer to Hashem, and made me May we all be matzliach. He asked me what I will do if at some point he won’t be able to realize that everything is directly from Him. Even the street accompany me to the dr. I told him I’m not worried, I’ll just ask lights changing to red, so I can arrive earlier to an appt.Life Simcha is a constant nisayon. I think all we can do is try to make it you guys and I’ll get half a dozen suggestions of garages where I Posted July 02, 2007, 06:55 PM can park. I guess what I’m trying to say is that although this all may a better place. I for one, I say this all the time, don’t want to appear on the surface to be depressing, the fact that we’re here for be 67 having my first biological child, and turn to look at my Amen! By the way, is there a way to get names of couples on the each other is uplifting. life in the past, and see that all I did was be miserable! I want board so we could daven for each other??? to look back and see that I made a difference in this world Runaway and made the best of it. And most of all, I DIDN”T WASTE Mindy MY TIME. That is how Iwant to live my life. I really don’t want Posted July 02, 2007, 09:13 PM Posted June 28, 2007, 12:10 PM to think of the negatives anymore. I am tired. Life is so full I can understand your feeling of sadness, because at first when I of wonderful things. I run four such tehillim groups, simcha! If you want to join please pm me. You get 10 prakim to say and 14 couples to daven for. We joined I felt the same way. Part of me was still in denial... I personally love nature!! I plant all the time. I love spring happen to be full now but are anticipating several vacancies in the and check to see if my garden is growing. To me it is like I am As the days, weeks and months passed the boards have become next couple of months so you can get on the waiting list. my backbone. By nature I am more reserved and would not giving birth. Where as some women might run their hands share my feelings of pain and isolation with too many people. But over their abdomen growing, I rub my hands over my soil!!!!! the pain is there, and it needs to be released, what better place And feel for signs of a sprout! Sherlock Holmes can there be than these boards??? Here on the boards I can get This past spring I planted over 300 bulbs! Organized where Posted July 03, 2007, 08:25 AM all the chizuk in the world to help me cope without exposing each would sprout. I have a butterfly bush, gladiolas, calla Thanks ChanaK you have really inspired me. Also dealing my pain to those around me. lilies, hibiscus, dahlias of all sorts, cannas etc.my nephews with severe MF, but not yet told to give up, we still have a

were over swimming at our pool, and searching for frogs. slight chance, but I keep on thinking “what if…. and it kills 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei Simcha (We’re infested) When I came home from shopping, I saw my me. But when I see what you say how wonderful life could Posted June 28, 2007, 08:49 PM beautiful garden that I worked so hard on, DESTROYED! They be after; it really gave me the right injection of emunah. had trampled most of it. I told them what they did was careless What really bolsters me is your hope! Quote: Don’t want to Thank you all for your warm responses. I’d really feel guilty if I and they apologized. Nothing they could do would bring the be 67 having my first biological child, and turn to look at my said good bye to you all now- but don’t worry I’m not leaving too flowers back this year. So I will now wait another year and Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

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Please make check payable to A TIME Or charge to n Mastercard n Visa n American Express D ART Now A Step by Step guide to High Technology Joel Bartzofin, MD R’ Avrohom Blumenkrantz E Surgery for Infertility Steven Spansdorfer, MD R’ Yisroel Belsky Card number______Exp. ____/____/____ F Success With IVF Daniel Goldschlag, MD Name as it appears on card______G The Future: Research and Future Hopes Lewis Krey, MD R’ Tzvi Flaum H Advances in the Treatment of Pregnancy Loss Andrei Rebarber, MD Jonathan Scher, MD Daniel Salzman, MD I For the Experienced Patient Lawrence Grunfeld, MD Alan Berkeley, MD Contribution Form J Marriage: Fostering Great Communication Skills Sara Barris, PhD Myriam Kalchstein, CSW Joy Stimmel, CSW K Male Factor Infertility: More Answers Marc Goldstein, MD Nachum Katlowitz, MD Natan Bar-Chama, MD L Understanding and Succeeding with ART Ellyn Modell, MD Daniel Stein, MD Andrei Vidali, MD I wish to make a tax-deductible contribution to A TIME Enclosed is $ ______M The Adoption Option Alan Britvan, ESQ Dina Rosenfeld, CSW Alter Katz N Alternative-Complimentary Medicine Mike Berkley, Lac Jennifer Wallach Please make check payable to A TIME and send it to: A TIME, 1310 48th St., Suite 406, Brooklyn, NY 11219, Tel: (718) 686-8912 O Gold note Individualizing IVF a Critical Factoer in Determining Outcome Geoffrey Sher, MD

Do you wish to honor someone through this donation? If so, please indicate the name of the honoree: P Silver note Overcoming Obstacles to Expert Fertility Care Richard Grazi, MD 30 The Right Approach Mathew Cohen, MD R’ Moshe Sheinerman ______31 A TIME London R’ Naftoli Weiss R’ Shaul Rosen Y. Stern Do you wish to make this donation in memory of a dear one? If so, please indicate the name of the individual: 32 A TIME Weekend Melava Malka/Siyum Hashas R’ Benyomin Feit Febuary 2005 33 A TIME fundraiser Reb. Zahava Braunstein Mrs. Brenda Katina May-05 ______34 When Life Takes you to Plan B Steven Palter, MD R’ Yaakov Salomon Apr-05 MFMA_ATimeAd11-06.qx5 11/8/06 7:19 PM Page 1

Tape List

35 The Missing Piece Andrei Rebarber, MD R’ Yaakov Horowitz Jun-05 From the Physicians and Staff of 36 Seasons Five Towns Chinese Auction R’ Jonathan Rietti September ‘05 37 Reflections Ehud Margolioth, MD R’ Avigdor Brazil September ‘05 Maternal Fetal 38 Breakfast with the Medical Board September ‘05 39 Exploring the Latest Research Sherman Silber, MD December ‘05 Medicine Associates 40 Does Diet Make a Difference My Journey becoming Jewish Cynthia Stadd, HHC Yael Quittner December ‘05 41 East Meets West Joel Bartzofin, MD Mike Berkley, Lac Feb-06 & 42 Weekend Retreat/Music Michoel Shnitzler Avrohom Fried Feb-06 43 Hachnosas Sefer Torah 2006 R Avrohom Shorr R Shmuel Dishon R Moshe Meir Weiss R Binyomin Landau R Tzvi Ausch Carnegie Hill 44 Purim Celebration 2006 45 Advances in Male and Female Infertility & What Makes the Difference in the Embryology Laboratory Imaging for Women Peter Schlegel, MD Dan Goldschlag, MD Robert Clarke, PhD R’ Allen Schwartz May 3 2006 46 Delightful Insights Pesach R’ Ezriel Tauber Mar-06 47 Understanding PGD Mysteries Unsolved James A. Grifo, MD Jun-06 48 Emunah and Tefilah R’ Avrohom Shor Sep-06 49. Conference December 17, 2006 Keynote Address IVF; present aspects and future promise Dan Goldschlag, MD Special Presentation – Genetics Edwin Kolodny, MD A. IVF; the Next Level Richard Grazi, MD B. Latest Research in Treating Pregnancy Loss Joseph Hill, MD, R’ Yisroel D. Webster C. High Tech Protocols for PCOS Nanette Santoro, MD D. Understanding assisted Reproductive Technologies Alan Berkeley, MD R’ Aron S. Jacobowitz E. Exploring Reproductive Surgery Glen L. Schattman, MD F. Everything You Need to Know About Adoption Douglas H. Reiniger, ESQ, Kathleen Brodsky, LCSW, Alter Katz, Adoptive Parent Advocate G. How the Lab Makes the Difference Alexis Adler, PhD H. Low Tech IVF John Zhang, MD I. New Ideas for IVF Success Alan Copperman, MD Daniel Levine, MD, Gad Lavy, MD J. A Glance at the Future Lewis C. Krey, MD K. Exploring ART for the Beginner Nabil Husami, MD, Joshua M. Hurwitz, MD L. Marriage Fostering Great Communication Skills Sara Barris, PHD, Myriam Kalchstein, CSW, Wendy Wasserman, CSW M. Complimentary Medicine: East Meets West Mike Berkley, LAC, D.A., Jennifer Wallace, RN, HNP N. Advances in Male Infertility Jonathan Schiff, MD, Natan Bar-Chama, MD, Darius Paduch, MD O. Getting Answers for Repeated Pregnancy Loss Andrei Rebarber, MD, Victor Grazi, MD, Sanford Lederman, MD P. Fertility Preservation: Hope for the Future Guiseppe Del Priore, MD, Kutlak Oktay, MD ••• the leading edge in womens’ health ••• Q. Everything you Need to Know on Treating PCOS Jessica Brown, MD Shani Goldner, MS, RD Overview of Advances in ART Male R. The Latest Technology in Male Infertility S. Exploring Surgery for Male Infertility Marc Goldstein, MD Overview in Advances in ART Female Samuel Bender, MD Andrei Rebarber, MD T. Testing Embryos to Maximize IVF Success Lawrence Grunfeld, MD Jane Cleary Goldman, MD Karen Russo-Stieglitz, MD U. Succeeding With ART After Repeated Failure Steven Palter, MD Closing Remarks R’ Aron Shmuel Jacobowitz, Rabbinical Keynote Speaker: R’ Naftoli Weiss Maryellen Hanley, MD Daniel Saltzman, MD 50. Weekend Retreat 2007 Motzei Shabbos CD only Gail Matthews, MD Michael Silverstein, MD 50 Weekend Retreat/Music 2007 51 Chinese Auction Boro Park 2007 R’ Yechiel Spero Maternal Fetal Medicine Maternal Fetal Medicine Carnegie Hill Imaging Chinese Auction Monsey 2007 Mrs. Sara Yoheved Rigler Chinese Auction Lakewood 2007 Reb. Esther Jungreis Associates Associates of for Women Chinese Auction Flatbush 2007 R’ Jonathan Rietti 70 East 90th St. Valley Hospital 70 East 90th St. 52 Appreciation Dinner Professor Lunenfeld David Stern EMD Serono Jun-07 New York, NY 10128 The Kraft Center New York, NY 10128 53 Volunteer Appreciation Breakfast Richard Grazi, MD Mrs. Brany Rosen Jun-07 212-722-7409 15 Essex Rd. 212-722-7426 54 This Is It Richard Grazi, MD R’ Yisroel Reisman Jun-07 55 Male Factor Infertility: Update 2007 Natan Bar-Chama, MD Dr. Neil Goldberg July 18 2007 Paramus, NJ 07652 56 Treatment Options PCOS & Treating Male Infertility Eric Flisser, MD Natan Bar-Chama July 31 2007 201-291-6321 57 New Beginnings New Hope R’ Naftulie Weiss and Eric Flisser, MD www.mfmnyc.com • www.chifw.com ,aucv Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei The essence of Tshuva is not only in regard but to return to his very roots from which to atonement of his past misdeeds, he had been parted. - R' Aryeh Leib M'Gur Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

102 103 לע הליפתה קוזיח קוזיח לע" לכ רעצ וא ןינע ץוחנ םינמדזמש ול ,םדאל ןנחתי דימ הליפתב הרצק ,ה"בקהל ימכו הלועש הלועש ימכו ,ה"בקהל הרצק הליפתב דימ ןנחתי םלוסב שיגרמו םלוסהש ענענתמ ,ויתחת ירה עבטב !העטומ קעוצ אוה דמועל הטמל קיזחיש ול תא ,םלוסה ךכ ימ עדויש שיגרמו תא תואיצמה הטושפה 'הש ךרבתי בורק ונילא ,דימת רמוא אוה ,תוטשפב קוזיחו קוזיחו ונובר לש םלוע – ךתעושיל יתיוק ,'ה אנא השקבב קזחה יל תא םלוסה אלש ."לופא צ"הגה( ש"ר סוקניפ )ל"צז ?ןוכנ

תא" שודקה ךורב אוה יא רשפא עומשל ,ותוא ,ותוא עומשל רשפא יא אוה ךורב שודקה תא" יא רשפא רייצל יאו רשפא ,ששמל לבא רשפא רבדל ."וילא רבדל רשפא לבא ,ששמל רשפא יאו רייצל רשפא יא רובידה אוה ילכה ךפוהש תא ה יא" "רשפא ל "רשפא" ! ינפל םיליחתמש רבדל ותא םילימב תויטרפ הפשבו ,תישיא ,תישיא הפשבו תויטרפ םילימב ותא רבדל םיליחתמש ינפל אוה שורפ ונילעמ ומכ םימשה .םיקוחרה יא רשפא זוחאל ,וב ,וב זוחאל רשפא יא .םיקוחרה םימשה ומכ ונילעמ שורפ אוה ,גישהל ,תעדל ,שיגרהל יא רשפא .ךייתשהל רשפא יא ,שיגרהל ,תעדל ,גישהל עגרב םירבדמש – לכ הז היהנ ,רשפא דועו הברה .רתוי הברה דועו ,רשפא היהנ הז לכ םואתפ ונחנא ,דחי אוה !ינאו !ינאו אוה ,דחי ונחנא םואתפ ינא ,רבדמ אוהו בישקמ ! ינא ,ריבסמ אוהו ביגמ ! ינא ,ענכשמ ,ענכשמ ינא ! ,ץרתמ ,קידצמ טהלתמ – אוהו ןאכ יתא ,ידיל ליכמ תא !לכה תא ליכמ ,ידיל יתא ןאכ אוהו תובושתה תונווגמ שי תובושת תרוצב ,תועושי שיו תובושת תובושת שיו ,תועושי תרוצב תובושת שי תונווגמ תובושתה תרוצב ;תולצה שי תובושת תורצב יוניש תדוקנ טבמה ילש ילש טבמה תדוקנ יוניש תורצב תובושת שי ;תולצה תרוצב לע אשונ ,החישה שיו תובושת תרוצב םייוניש םילחה תלוזב תלוזב םילחה םייוניש תרוצב תובושת שיו ,החישה אשונ לע רשקהב וילעש ,יתרביד שי תובושת תוידימ - שיו תובושת תובושת שיו - תוידימ תובושת שי ,יתרביד וילעש רשקהב רחאלש .ןמז הטונה שאייתהל לבא ,ןלוכ םג הלא רחאלש ןמז תואשונ ןבוחב הזיא ,זמר והירה בורק ןודבאל .ו"ח .ו"ח ןודבאל בורק והירה חוכמש הליפתה ןה ,ואב וליאכ םיחרוט תוריכזמב םימשה םימשה תוריכזמב םיחרוט וליאכ ,ואב ןה הליפתה חוכמש ןייצל תחיתפב בתכמ :הכרבה הנעמב" לע ךתשקב התנפוהש םאו קזחתי דומילב - ךירצד ךירצד - דומילב קזחתי םאו ...םויב ...העשב וננה ךרשבל "...יכ ךרשבל וננה ...העשב ...םויב לבא הלודג רתוי לכמ תובושתה ,הלאה לכמ ,תועושיה רבגתהל לע שואיה - ןיא ןיא - שואיה לע רבגתהל תולצהה ;תולקההו ,הלודג ,הליכמ תיתועמשמ תימינפו יד ,הזב אלא ךירצ דומליש דומליש ךירצ אלא הברה רתוי – איה הבשקהה . הבשקהה לש םשה ךרבתי איה הבוגת תיביטקא ,האלפומ :רמול רוביג" "ינא ! םשה ךרבתי בישקמ ומכ ןמא לטונה ודיל ילכ הניגנ דחוימ דחוימ הניגנ ילכ ודיל לטונה ןמא ומכ בישקמ ךרבתי םשה זכרתמו וב לכ ,ךכ ןנובתמ וב לכ ,ךכ לעפתמו ונממ לכ ךכ - דע דע - ךכ לכ ונממ לעפתמו ,ךכ לכ וב ןנובתמ ,ךכ לכ וב זכרתמו ,ילכהש ,ומצעמ דערנ ליחתמו .ןגנל רובידה כ"שמכ שלחה' רמאי רובג רובג רמאי שלחה' כ"שמכ ה 'ילכ' אוה !ינא םשהשכ ךרבתי בישקמ ,הליפתל הנזאהה 'ינא לאוי( )י-ד , ררביו ומצעל - - ומצעל ררביו , ולש המוד ותואל טבמ ,זכורמ טבמ ,ךירעמ ,רקיימ יונפ אלמו אלמו יונפ ,רקיימ ,ךירעמ טבמ ,זכורמ טבמ ותואל המוד ולש ;בשק טבמ קומע אלפומו קיפמש ינממ םילילצ םידחוימ אוה כה יל םאש ה"בקה ובישחמ לכ לכ ובישחמ ה"בקה םאש םניאש םיאצוי םושב תונמדזה .תרחא תונמדזה םושב םיאצוי םניאש Fall 2007 53 / Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei יא רשפא ריבסהל םילימב תא היווחה .תאזה יא רשפא ךפוהש תא ךכ ,ותוסנל יאדו םג ןתנ ול ול ןתנ םג יאדו ,ותוסנל ךכ ריבסהל הזיא ךרע ,רהטמ ררוואמ בישמו תא שפנה יווישל יווישל שפנה תא בישמו ררוואמ ,רהטמ ךרע הזיא ריבסהל הלקשמ שי היינפל ירמגל תיטרפ תנגומו , העובק ,תפתשמו ה יא רשפא תוחוכה דומעל ןויסנב . םשהל ,ךרבתי ימ ריכמש ,ןיבמ ימו אלש ...ריכמ אלש ימו ,ןיבמ ריכמש ימ ,ךרבתי םשהל בתכמ( והילאמ ה"ח ימ אלש ריכמ - ,ודיגת ךיא אוה יח ??ללכב ל רשפא דומע )65 דומע Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

104 105 הצור תעכ ונתאמ הדובע 'יחבב רשאב' אוה ,'םש השענש יפל דוד ךלמה ה"ע רמוא ויתוליהתב םילהת( )ד,גכ : ךטבש' ךטבש' בטימ תלוכיה בצמהב ונאש םיאצמנ .הב לכ ליטפאק ליטפאקו ךתנעשמו המה 'ינומחני , ראבמו דיגמה ,אנבודמ יכ םשכ םשכ יכ ,אנבודמ דיגמה ראבמו , םילהת םירמואש וליפא טעמב הנווכ עלקנ לא ,לוגה רותימו ,תנעשמהש ,הרזעה תמחנמ תא ,םדאה ךכ םג "ה טבש " – – " רמול וניאד המוד טעמה םירמואש רעצב םיאצויה יקמעמ לקמ ,םילבוחה ךירצ .ומחנל ךירצ ,םילבוחה לקמ ,בלה הברהמ לע ימ .תוחונמ .תוחונמ ימ לע הברהמ ,בלה לשמ רדעל לש םיזיע העותה רעיב ,תובע ובו תויח תוער תוער תויח ובו ,תובע רעיב העותה םיזיע לש רדעל לשמ םיכירצ תעדל – לכד םיישקה תודרטהו םהש ,"תונויסנה" ,תונכוסמו ןיא רדעה עדוי תא ,וכרד לכבו עגר ששוח תעיגפל תעיגפל ששוח עגר לכבו ,וכרד תא עדוי רדעה ןיא ,תונכוסמו םה תודע םמויקל לש ,םייח םייח לש ילעב דיקפת ,הרטמו םיקיזמה םיצרושה ,רעיב עתפל שיגרמ רדעה ולקמב לש לש ולקמב רדעה שיגרמ עתפל ,רעיב םיצרושה םיקיזמה דע ידכ ךכ ורמאש ל"זח הגיגח( ):ה לכ וניאש רתסהב םינפ וניא העורה טבוחה וב וריזחהל ליבשל ,לולסה םע לכ באכה באכה לכ םע ,לולסה ליבשל וריזחהל וב טבוחה העורה .םהמ ,תוטבחבש ירה תא רדעה הוולמ השוחת לש ,הלקה הנה שי שי הנה ,הלקה לש השוחת הוולמ רדעה תא ירה ,תוטבחבש - רמוא לעב תוביתנ םולש ל"קוצז :םינולסמ יוטב" ארונ ימ חיגשמש ונילע וניעו החוקפ ךותמ הגאד ,ונמולשל ןיא ונא ונא ןיא ,ונמולשל הגאד ךותמ החוקפ וניעו ונילע חיגשמש ימ הזכ :ל"זחמ לכ' וניאש רתסהב םינפ וניא 'םהמ ערזמ( ,לארשי םיבזוע ,ונשפנל העורה גאוד ונל .וננוחטבלו ונל גאוד העורה ,ונשפנל םיבזוע י"שר )םש . הנווכה - יכ ימ וניאש רתסהב םינפ םשל המ דרי ךכ ותוא רבדה – ךישממ דיגמה אנבודמ רמואו – ידוהי ידוהי – רמואו ,םלועל ךיאו לכוי עיגהל ןוקתל ךיישה ,ותמשנל םייחש ולאכ האורה תא "וטבש" לש ה"בקה ךורב ,אוה םע לכ רעצה ,באכהו ,באכהו רעצה לכ םע ,אוה ךורב ה"בקה לש םניאש רתסהב םינפ םניא םיאיבמ םושל ,ןוקת אצמנו ו"ח שח אוה החמש תשוחתו ,החוור יכ םג ךותב ךשוחה ןותנ אוה אוה ןותנ ךשוחה ךותב םג יכ ,החוור תשוחתו החמש אוה שח ןיאש ול םוש ,תוחילש ידוהי ךירצ תויהל חמש וקלחב קלח 'ה תחגשהל תיטרפ לש וניבא ,םימשבש יכ דוע אבי םוי האריש האריש םוי אבי דוע יכ ,םימשבש וניבא לש תיטרפ תחגשהל ,ומע היהתש ול תוריהב הנומאה לכהש ושע ואיבהל לא בוטה ,ויניע הזש רעצה באכהו ואיבה ותוא הזיאל בוט הסוכמה ונממ ונממ הסוכמה בוט הזיאל ותוא ואיבה באכהו רעצה הזש ,ויניע ןוקתל ."המשנה .תעכ יכ" לכל םדא םרט דלונש םיעבקנ יאנת םייח תונויסנו וניצמנ םידמל םגש הלילח המדנשכ םדאל וניאש כ"כ ,בוט ,בוט כ"כ וניאש םדאל המדנשכ הלילח םגש םידמל וניצמנ םידחוימ ורבעיש וילע ילע ,תומדא םא הז ןויסנ ינועה וא ןויסנ םלועה הזה אוה רשג לא ,שאייתי אלא ךירצ לבקל תאז ,הבהאב ןימאהלו הנומאב הנומאב ןימאהלו ,הבהאב תאז לבקל ךירצ אלא ,שאייתי לא ,רשועה וא ןויסנ לש ר"הצי השק דע דאמ רעובה וב 'יחבב זחפ - ורבע ,וילע לא ובשת וב המילש ןיאש רבד ער דרוי ןמ ,םימשה אלא לכה .הבוטל ךירצו ךירצו .הבוטל לכה אלא ,םימשה ןמ דרוי ער רבד ןיאש המילש וילע ,ורצי לכש ולא םניא תונויסנ םידעוימה ןוחבל תא בל קר ריתעהל הלפתב ינפל בא םימחרה עישויש לכמ ,הרצ ,הרצ לכמ עישויש םימחרה בא ינפל הלפתב ריתעהל קר םדאה יהמ ,ותגרד אלא יאנת םייח ונתנש ול ידכ לכויש אלמל אצישו הליפאמ הרואל םג יניעל .ירשבה יניעל םג הרואל הליפאמ אצישו ותוחילש ילע ,תומדא לכלד םדא שי תוחילש תדחוימ הלטהש הלטהש תדחוימ תוחילש שי םדא לכלד ,תומדא ילע ותוחילש וילע ,הלעמלמ הנעמלו דרי ,םלועל ןקתל רבד דחוימ דעונש ול ינבב ותחפשמ םיקזחמש הז תא ,הז וא םחנתמש ,ושוכרב ךא יתייהשכ רוחב ריעצ יתלביק םוי דחא הנמזה בצייתהל הבה יחא יערו - לטנ תונמא ונתובא ונידיב דומענו ינפל ינפל דומענו ונידיב ונתובא תונמא לטנ - יערו יחא הבה ,ןקתל המו וילעש ןקתל ןיא םדא רחא םוימ תאירב םלועה לוכי ןאכ ראשנ אלל החפשמ אללו ,שוכר םימעפלו שי םדאל רבח אבצל ,ינלופה עודיכו תורישה אבצב היה תניחבמ חוקיפ שפנ ת"ישה ונרזעיש דומעל תונויסנב םיאבה ונילע תאצלו םהמ םהמ תאצלו ונילע םיאבה תונויסנב דומעל ונרזעיש ת"ישה ...ןקתל לכל דחא שי תונויסנ םינוש ירמגל קרש םתועצמאב בוט קזחתהל ,ומע ךא ןאכ אל היה ול םג תא ,אתורבחה יכ שממ ןה הניחבמ תינחור ןהו הניחבמ ,תימשג יתעסנ דימ םילשחמ םיבוטו .רתוי רוזעיו ה"בקה הכזנש תמאב תוארל תוארל תמאב הכזנש ה"בקה רוזעיו .רתוי םיבוטו םילשחמ אוה לוכי אלמל תא ותוחילש ןקתלו תא לטומה ."וילע ורמא לכ םעה ,ולקסל אלו רתונ ול המב ,קזחתהל קר קזחתיו' ירומל יברו ר"ומדאה רוגמ לעב ירמא'ה 'תמא ל"צז יתשקבו תא די 'ה לכב ,רבד שיגרהל תא ותבהא ךרבתי לכב הדוקנ הדוקנ לכב ךרבתי ותבהא תא שיגרהל ,רבד לכב 'ה די תא דוד הב 'ויקולא , קזחתהש ת"ישהב רשא תורצב אוה אצמנ ררחתשהל ,אבצהמ יברה רמא :יל המ" השעא ירעש םימש ,הדוקנו ברקתהלו וילא לכ ,םימיה הכזנו ונלוכ דחי הנשל הבוט הבוט הנשל דחי ונלוכ הכזנו ,םימיה לכ וילא ברקתהלו ,הדוקנו םדאשכו" עדוי תאז - םלועל וניא אנקמ ותלוזב שיש ול ול שיש ותלוזב אנקמ וניא םלועל ,דאמ בצמבו הזכ לש רצתו דאמ אוה אצמנ ,רתויב חכמ הנומא ."םירוגס ,הקותמו תנש עבוש תוחמש ונל לכלו לארשי ןמא .ןמאו ןמא לארשי לכלו ונל תוחמש עבוש תנש ,הקותמו םיאנת םיבוט רתוי , ירהש םא ול ויה םיאנת וללה בוש אל היה היה אל בוש וללה םיאנת ויה ול םא ירהש , לוכי אלמל תא תוחילשה ,ולש קר י"ע םיישקה תונויסנו םייחה וז אוה קזחתה תוחוכב .םיאלפמ יתרמא יבלב תכלל יברהל רדנסכלאמ ל"צז שקבלו ונממ םייסנ םירבדב םישודק לש ר"ומדאה אקשטוזמ ,ל"צז ,ל"צז אוהש דבוע לוכי עיגהל .!"ונוקתל ירבדכ ה לגד' הנחמ 'םירפא רשאכש ןימאמ הנומאב המילש הכרב ררחתשהל ,אבצהמ ילוא אוה לוכי תושעל יליבשב :ק"לזו - םינמזב" ולא לש ףוס הנשה התליחתו לש השדח השדח לש התליחתו הנשה ףוס לש ולא םינמזב" - :ק"לזו ,והשמ הארשכ יברה תא ,לטיווקה רמא :יל המ ינא לוכי ,ט"לעבה ונא םיגהונ ךרבל הז תא הז תכרבב הלכת' הנש הנש הלכת' ימו ונל לודג דודכ ךלמ לארשי רשא לכ וייח יפוצר תונויסנ - יכ שי רוא לודג הכמ םלענו ךותב ותוא ךשחה זא קזחתי קזחתי זא ךשחה ותוא ךותב םלענו הכמ לודג רוא שי יכ - תושעל םירעשה "םירוגס , לבא אב רפסאו ךל ,השעמ אוה היתוללקו – לחת הנש 'היתוכרבו , רוקמה הכרבל וז אוה אוה וז הכרבל רוקמה , םיישקו רחשמ ,ותודלי רשאכ קחרה ויחאמ ,ןויזבב רחאו ךכ ,ותדובעב והזו קזחתיו' דוד 'הב 'ויקולא , י"עו ותוקזחתה ותוקזחתה י"עו , רפיס ול תא רופיסה םע יברה ,אקרוומ רמאו ול אב ללפתנו ארמגהמ תכסמב הליגמ ):אל( הבש :רמאנ אינת' 'ר ןועמש ןועמש 'ר אינת' :רמאנ הבש ףדרנ לע ידי לואש הצרש ,וגרהל וינב ומקש ,ודגנ םולשבא 'הנומא'ב ,וז לטבתה רתסהה ךפהתהו לכה הבוטל ףוסבל ! דחיב ה"בקהל ילוא םירעשה ,וחתפי ובשי ורמאו םילהת דחיב ןב רזעלא רמוא ארזע ןקית ןהל לארשיל ויהיש ןירוק תוללק תוללק ןירוק ויהיש לארשיל ןהל ןקית ארזע רמוא רזעלא ןב ףדרש ,וירחא תרשרש לש תואלת ,תולפשהו ךותמו תונויסנה ומכ רמאנש םש ךשמהב - וטשפש לע םיקלמעה וכהו ,םתוא ,םתוא וכהו םיקלמעה לע וטשפש - ךשמהב םש רמאנש ומכ תויכבב ,תוארונ רחאלו ןכמ םק יברה רדנסכלאמ רמאו :ול תרותבש םינהכ םדוק ,תרצע הנשמבשו הרות תשרפ( יכ )אובת וללה וחמצ ונל ירומזמ םילהתה םירקיה רשא םתוא רבח ובישהו תא לכ םללש אלו' רדענ םהל ןמ ןטקה דעו לודגה דעו דעו לודגה דעו ןטקה ןמ םהל רדענ אלו' םללש לכ תא ובישהו ינא" האור ןיידע םירעשהש ."םירוגס םדוק שאר ,הנשה יאמ אמעט רמא ייבא אמיתיאו שיר שיקל שיקל שיר אמיתיאו ייבא רמא אמעט יאמ ,הנשה שאר םדוק םינמזב םישקה רתויב ורבעש ,וילע אוה לבק תא לכ רבעש םינב תונבו ללשמו 'וגו לכה בישה 'דוד םש( קוספ )טי .ל"כע ידכ הלכתש הנש .'היתוללקו הנש הלכתש ידכ וילע הבהאב רבחו תולפת תוולמה תא םע לארשי לכב תונש יתיארשכ תא בצמה יתרמא יבלב הצעה הדיחיה חורבל חורבל הדיחיה הצעה יבלב יתרמא בצמה תא יתיארשכ תולגה יפוצר .תונויסנה שרופמו ונאצמ ןכ תדגאב ל"זח תינעת( ).אכ םוחנש שיא ץראל ,לארשי ךכו ,יתישע יתעגהשכ ץראל לארשי יתדמל תוטשפב הארנ ןיאש הנווכה קר השקבב אדירג – יכ' הלכת הלכת יכ' – אדירג השקבב קר הנווכה ןיאש הארנ תוטשפב וזמג היהש וכרד רמול לע לכ רבד םג' וז ,'הבוטל ןכא ךפהתנ המכ ,םינש כ"חאו יתאשנ יתחתפו תא תונח רשבה ,יתושרבש הנשה 'היתוללקו דחמ ,אסיג לחתו' הנש 'היתוכרבו ךדיאמ ךדיאמ 'היתוכרבו הנש לחתו' ,אסיג דחמ 'היתוללקו הנשה ךותמ ורואת לש לעב יכרד' 'םענ ,םינולסמ םילוכי ונא ול ןידה .בוטל יכ תלבקב ןידה – ןיעדוישכ םינימאמו לכש המ הנהו המכ םינש כ"חא ע"ל עיגה רעלטיה חמי ומש דיחכהו ,אסיג ןיא וז קר הליפת םירבדהש םיערה רבכ ויהי ,ונירוחאמ ,ונירוחאמ ויהי רבכ םיערה םירבדהש הליפת קר וז ןיא ,אסיג דומלל לע ךרד ותודדומתה לש דוד ךלמ לארשי תעשב :ןויסנ ה"בקהש ,השוע לכה ,הבוטל ןיקיתממ הזב ,ןידה אליממו לכה תא בור הנינמ הנינבו לש ,תודהיה ןכו תא לכ ,יתחפשמ יננהו אלא םירבדב ןומט ןיינע ,ףסונ :אוהו ה"בקהש בורב ודסח ןתונ ןתונ ודסח בורב ה"בקהש ךכו ונאצמ לצא דוד ךלמה רשאכ בש םע וישנא המחלמהמ ךפוה תויהל .הבוטל ידיחיה יתלצינש לכמ יתחפשמ , ינא ידיחיה יתיכזש לכש ינב חוכ דחוימ לכל ידוהי ,ידוהיו אתעייסו אימשד תדחוימ ברעב ברעב תדחוימ אימשד אתעייסו ,ידוהיו ידוהי לכל דחוימ חוכ ואבו םריעל ,גלקצ ואצמו התוא הפורש ,שאב םהישנו םהינבו ידכנו ירמוש הרות תוצמו םייח !םימייקו שאר הנשה לכויש לטבל תא ,תוללקה םייסלו תא הנשה לע לע הנשה תא םייסלו ,תוללקה תא לטבל לכויש הנשה שאר םהיתונבו ,ובשנ לכו םשוכר דרי ,ןוימוטל רמאנ םש לאומש( ,א הזו םימעפלד המדנ םדאל וניאש ,ןכ לעו ףא ירבד ,ותגאש ,ותגאש ירבד ףא לעו ,ןכ וניאש םדאל המדנ םימעפלד הזו

Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei / 53 2007 היתוללק ,היתוערואמו לחהלו הנשה האבה םע לס אלמ תוכרב תוכרב אלמ לס םע האבה הנשה לחהלו ,היתוערואמו היתוללק ,ל -ד )ו : אשיו" דוד םעהו רשא ותא תא םלוק וכביו דע רשא ןיידע דמוע קוחר ,ותעושימ עדי הנמאנ הזש ,וניא יכ םימעפל םימעפל יכ ,וניא הזש הנמאנ עדי ,ותעושימ קוחר דמוע ןיידע םויה רחאל םינש תובר ינא האור אקודש ינפמ םירעשהש ןמא ןמאו .ר"יכ ןמאו ןמא ןיא םהב חכ .תוכבל רצתו דודל דאמ יכ ורמא םעה ולקסל יכ הז אפוג ,העושיה ןיאו ונתא עדי דע ,המ ךכו היה השעמ ידוהיב ויה םירוגס ינפמ ןכ ,יתלצינ הז אפוג היה העושיה ילש ילש העושיה היה אפוג הז ,יתלצינ ןכ ינפמ םירוגס ויה הרמ שפנ לכ םעה שיא לע וינב לעו ויתנב - קזחתיו דוד 'הב היהש םיבצקהמ םינושארה ריעב שודקה ינב ,קרב ותונקזב םירעשהש ויה ,םירוגס זאמ יתיאר יתדמלו תא רסומה בושחה :תורוקמ יבבלב ןכשמ הנבא קלח( ב קרפ )חכ – – )חכ קרפ ב קלח( הנבא ןכשמ יבבלב :תורוקמ "ויקולא . דוד ךלמה היה זא בצמב השק דאמ ףאו אל רתונ ול השעשכ תא עבשה תוכרב ודליל ,ןורחאה דמע רפיסו ינפל רתויב :ייחב םגש" םירעשהשכ ,םירוגס םה ,םיחותפ לכו המ םילשורי לש הלעמ – ןיעמ תיב .הבאושה תודוהל תודוהל .הבאושה תיב ןיעמ – הלעמ לש םילשורי המב ,קזחתהל רשאכ םדא יורש תעב הרצ ןידע לוכי קזחתהל םיחכונה תא תורוק ,וייח הכו :רפיס דיבעד אנמחר בטל ."דיבע ,ללהלו הורמ אמצל ןויס ,ה"סשת .דועו ,ה"סשת ןויס אמצל הורמ ,ללהלו Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

106 107 םלועה" הזה וניא ,ונלש שי גיהנמ ,הריבל עדויה ץרתל תא םידקנ השעמ :היהש < לכ תולאשה תאו לכ "תוריקחה – היה יבר עשוהי םייסמ תא תא םייסמ עשוהי יבר היה – דחא םירוחבה היהש ףתתשמ עובק ויתוחישב לש יבר יבר ...וירבד תדוקנ םולש ןורדבש ל"צז , לדח עיגהלמ ,םירועשל 'ר םולש רריב יהמ ,עד והזו ונינע יזכרמה לש שאר ,הנשה ש"מכ ל"זח ה"ר( ).וט תבס ?ותורדעה רוחבהו הדוה רפסו העשבש הב םימיקתמ שי תדוקנ“ ”לובג רבעמש הל הל רבעמש ”לובג תדוקנ“ שי ורמא' ינפל תויכלמ – ידכ יניכולמתש 'םכילע ראובמו ק"הפסב ,םירועישה םייקתמ םג קחשמ לגרודכ ,לודג תויהו אוהש םדאה אל לכוי !עיגהל !עיגהל לכוי אל םדאה לובגה – ה"רבש בייח םדאה ךילמהל ךלמה" "שודקה לע ,ומצע ובתכו ןינעמ דאמ ףתתשהל ,קחשמב ןיא אוה לוכי עיגהל .רועשל עיגהל לוכי אוה ןיא ,קחשמב ףתתשהל דאמ ןינעמ דציכ ןישוע ?תאז י"ע עבוקש ובלב ןיאש דוע ...ודבלמ ןיא התוא תדוקנ“ ”לובג הנוש איה לצא לצא איה הנוש ”לובג תדוקנ“ התוא וניקלאכ ןיא ....וניכלמכ הזב לבקמ וילע לוע ותוכלמ .ש"תי יבר םולש ובלש באכ דאמ לע דספהה לש ותוא רוחב – – רוחב ותוא לש דספהה לע דאמ באכ ובלש םדא הצורה ןיבהל תא לכה – שפנ .לארשי לכ ,דחא המ ונלצאש רבעמ ,לובגל ,לובגל רבעמ ונלצאש המ ,דחא לכ ועד דוע – רמא צ"הגה 'ר ןועמש באווש ל"צז - ןיאד ןיאד - ל"צז תחא ןמ :םינשה וא אוהש אצמ תונמדזה חחושל ומע - אוה ןיידע ךותב לובגה לש ’ר אביקע אביקע ’ר לש לובגה ךותב ןיידע אוה בישחמ ומצע ל-אל לוכיבכ לכ ;לוכי ה"בקה קר 'יחב "ךלמ" , אלא אוה םג 'יחבב ןודא" " . תאז ,רגיא המו לצאש ’ר אביקע רגיא רבעמ רבעמ רגיא אביקע ’ר לצאש המו ,רגיא :תרמוא אתיאד תוכרבב ףד( ):ז - רמא יבר ןנחוי םושמ י"בשר רפס" יל ,השקבב ךיא להנתמ קחשמ רודכה ,הזה אוהש אוהש ,הזה רודכה קחשמ להנתמ ךיא ,השקבב יל רפס" ,וא עורג ,ךכמ אוהש ךימנמ םוימ ארבש ה"בקה תא םלועה אל היה םדא וארקש ה"בקהל לכ ךכ ןיינעמ ךתוא דע ןכומש ךנה רתול לע רועשה "ילש שקב ,לובגל אוה ןיידע ךותב לובגה לש השמ השמ לש לובגה ךותב ןיידע אוה ,לובגל תא ל-אה ,ותגרדל ,"ןודא" דע אבש םהרבא וארקו !"ןודא" ,רוחבהמ אוהשכ הארמ ול תונינעתה ?הנכ ,וניבר ךא םג השמל :רמאנ ינפו“ אל אל ינפו“ :רמאנ השמל םג ךא ,וניבר תגרד ...םדאה השקה ןואגה ל"נה המ שודיח םהרבא וניבא וארקב ה"בקהל ,וה" והז קחשמ קתרמ "דאמ , בהלתה ,רוחבה לחהו ראתל !”וארי תומש( ,גל )גכ . > ,"ןודא" ירה רבכ והוארק לכ םיקידצה ומדקש םהרבאל םשב תושגרתהב תא יללכ קחשמה וינזאב לש דיגמה :ימלשוריה ןזחה( ,ןזולמ ’מע )הפ ’מע ,ןזולמ ןזחה( ,"ךלמ" ומכ םירמואש הלפתב תעל' השענ וצפחב לכ יזא ךלמ ןנשי" יתש תוצובק לש ,םינקחש לכו הצובק הכירצ עלקל עלקל הכירצ הצובק לכו ,םינקחש לש תוצובק יתש ןנשי" ומש ?'ארקנ תא רודכה רעשל לש הצובקה ,הביריה תוצובקה תודימעמ תודימעמ תוצובקה ,הביריה הצובקה לש רעשל רודכה תא ץריתו - הנהש ראות ' ךלמ ' םיחבשמש וב ,ה"בקה אוה םש ,רעוש רמושה לע רעשה אלש סנכי רודכה ,ודעב ךכו תומחלנ תומחלנ ךכו ,ודעב רודכה סנכי אלש רעשה לע רמושה ,רעוש לאשומה ךלממ רשב םדו ןיאש ול םוש תוכייש תישיא םע לכ תוצובקה וז ,וזב לכו העילק רעשל ביריה איה !"לוג" !"לוג" איה ביריה רעשל העילק לכו ,וזב וז תוצובקה דחא ,ומעמ כ"אשמ 'ה ןודא ' שיש ול םידבע ושמשל לכלו דחא הציבקה החילצהש רבצל תא רפסמ 'םילוג'ה יברמה דע דע יברמה 'םילוג'ה רפסמ תא רבצל החילצהש הציבקה דחאו דיקפת ,דחוימ ירה לכב תע השועש דבעה ןוצר ,וילעב םויס תעש קחשמה איה ."תחצנמה איה קחשמה תעש םויס שי ול דבעהל רשק םע וינודא ןפואב .יטרפ והזו המ שדיחש שדיחש המ והזו .יטרפ ןפואב וינודא םע רשק דבעהל ול שי םהרבא ,וניבא ' לכש דיחי דיחיו ךירצ ריכהל תא ומוקמ אוהש יבר םולש רשא בישקה תונינעתהב וירועתל םיטרפמה םיטרפמה וירועתל תונינעתהב בישקה רשא םולש יבר 'יחבב ,דבע שיש ול תוכייש תדחוימ םע 'ונובר . לש רוחבה הולש תא וירבד תועונתב םידי ,תושגרנ וברק ,וילא ,וילא וברק ,תושגרנ םידי תועונתב וירבד תא הולש רוחבה לש רמאו ול קיתממכ :דוס קיתממכ ול רמאו ףיסוהו םש - םשב ר"גה ןושמש לאפר שריה ל"צז – – ל"צז שודיחהש לש ןומזפה ןודא' 'םלוע , אוה הזב קלחהש ןושארה שי יל ךליבשב הצע ,הבוט ךיא חצנל !קחשמב חצנל ךיא ,הבוט הצע ךליבשב יל שי אוה גילפמ ותוממורב ויתובגשנו לש ןודא ,םלועה אוה היה רוחבה הטה ןזא תבשק ךותמ הכרעה ותמכחל לש יברה – יברה לש ותמכחל הכרעה ךותמ תבשק ןזא הטה רוחבה אוה הוה אוה היהי הראפתב .'וכו הראפתב היהי אוה הוה אוה אוב" לא שרגמה העשב ףאש דחא אל ,אצמנ ילוא ,הלילב ,הלילב ילוא ,אצמנ אל דחא ףאש העשב שרגמה לא אוב" כ"חאו ונא םירמוא אוהו' ילא יחו 'ילאוג , 'יפ אוהש ןודאה ילוא תעשב רקב ,תמדקמ זאו רעושהשכ וניא בצנ חתפב חתפב בצנ וניא רעושהשכ זאו ,תמדקמ רקב תעשב ילוא ,ילש ונייה אוהש – רידאה בגשנהו ילב תישאר ילב תילכת עלקת המכ "םילוג" !ץפחתש יבר םולש םייס תא וירבד וירבד תא םייס אוה ילא . אוהו םג רוצ' ילבח תעב 'הרצ – אוהש הנופ רוסמו תעורתב ,ןוחצנ ולאו רוחבה רעפ תא ויפ המהדתב טיבהו וברב וברב טיבהו המהדתב ויפ תא רעפ רוחבה ולאו ,ןוחצנ תעורתב לכל תורצה תוגאדהו ,ילש לכש דחא לוכי תונפל ןודאהל הזה טבמב עתפמ – עתפמ טבמב לכב תע ,הרצ אוהו חיגשמ לע לכ םינינעה םיכרצהו םיטמפה םיטמפה םיכרצהו םינינעה לכ לע חיגשמ אוהו ,הרצ תע לכב לש לכ דיחי .דיחיו אוה ךרבתי יח םע .םדאה המ" המכחה – טעבל תא רודכה רעשל רעושהשכ ,ונניא ,ונניא רעושהשכ רעשל רודכה תא טעבל – המכחה המ" תאז לוכי לכ דלי ,תושעל ןיא ךכב םוש אתובר םושו ,םעט וא וא ,םעט םושו אתובר םוש ךכב ןיא ,תושעל דלי לכ לוכי תאז ןפואבו אלפנ אטיב תאז צ"הגה 'ר ןושמש סוקניפ ל"צז קופס וא תאנה !"ןוחצנ תאנה וא קופס תוארהל לדבהה ןיב יוג ןימאמ ידוהיל ,ןימאמ םאד לאשנ לכ לכ לאשנ םאד ,ןימאמ ידוהיל ןימאמ יוג ןיב לדבהה תוארהל דחא :םהמ ןכיה אצמנ ארוב ?םלועה "…ההא" םהמה יבר םולש – ועמשה" ךינזא המ ךיפש ,רבד ,רבד ךיפש המ ךינזא ועמשה" – ןיא וז המכח עלקל 'לוג' ןיאשכ ,רעוש זא לק תושעל תאז ןיאו ןיאו תאז תושעל לק זא ,רעוש ןיאשכ 'לוג' עלקל המכח וז ןיא תבושת יוגה :היהת םיקלאה אצמנ !םימשב אצמנ םיקלאה ךכב םוש קופס ןוחצנו ! םג תכלל רועשל הרות ןיאשכ םוש םוש ןיאשכ הרות רועשל תכלל םג ! ןוחצנו קופס םוש ךכב וליאו תבושת ידוהי :היהת ה"בקה אצמנ הפ – !יתא – הפ אצמנ ה"בקה בוכע יותפו וז אל ,המכח אקוד רציהשכ עירפמ דמועו חתפב חתפב דמועו עירפמ רציהשכ אקוד ,המכח אל וז יותפו בוכע יכ' ימ יוג לודג רשא ול םיקלא םיבורק וילא 'הכ וניקלא לכב בלה רומשל לש עלקת 'לוג' זא ךירצ ץמאתהל עלקלו .הרטמל .הרטמל עלקלו ץמאתהל ךירצ זא 'לוג' עלקת לש רומשל בלה וניארק .'וילא וניארק יבר םולש דרפנ רוחבהמ תודידיב ריתוהו ותוא דדומתהל דדומתהל ותוא ריתוהו תודידיב רוחבהמ דרפנ םולש יבר התעמ רובענ דצל ינשה לש ,עבטמה הז ןכש ,םילאוש ומצעב הכרעמב אוהשכ ריכמ רבכ תא ביואה עדויו תא תא עדויו ביואה תא רבכ ריכמ אוהשכ הכרעמב ומצעב םילאוש קר המ – המ ה"בקה הצור ...?ינממ םילללכה …בטיה םילללכה Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei / 53 2007 תמאבו םיתעל םדאה ומצעב המתמ תעדל - המ ה"בקה ה"בקה המ - תעדל המתמ ומצעב םדאה םיתעל תמאבו הבה ןנובתנ םירבדב , ןוכנ ! םג ונחנא םיצור עלקל ,'לוג' לבא לבא ,'לוג' עלקל םיצור ונחנא םג ! ןוכנ , הצור ,ונממ יכ יפל תואור ויניע - בצמה יושכעה עלקנש ,הכותב ,הכותב עלקנש יושכעה בצמה - ויניע תואור יפל יכ ,ונממ הצור והומכ ןיאשכ' .'רעוש .'רעוש ןיאשכ' והומכ וייח ייח ,רעצ רעצה קחוד ,ותוא הוולשה ונממ ,האלהו ןיא ול ול ןיא ,האלהו ונממ הוולשה ,ותוא קחוד רעצה ,רעצ ייח וייח תחונמ תעדה ,שפנהו אל ללפתהל יאדוו אל דובעל ותדובע םירמוא היהישכ לק ,רתוי םייח אלב ,םיישק יזא הדובעה הדובעה יזא ,םיישק אלב םייח ,רתוי לק היהישכ םירמוא ךרבתי ומש ,תואיכ םאו ןכ לאוש - המל הז ?יכנא הלפתה לכה היהת ןפואב ,תמלושמ לבא רוכזנ תאז - ה"בקה ה"בקה - תאז רוכזנ לבא ,תמלושמ ןפואב היהת לכה הלפתה Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

108 109 הזל איבנ היווח תדחוימ חשש יבר עשוהי ןמסיו ,ל"ז הכזש הכזש ,ל"ז עיגהל ליגל האמה ,רתויו תעלו וימי םינורחאה הלע הינמרגמ הינמרגמ הלע םינורחאה וימי תעלו ,רתויו האמה ליגל עיגהל ץראל :לארשי ץראל יתודליב ויה ירוה ולעש זנכשאמ םירד הנוכשב השדחה השדחה הנוכשב םירד זנכשאמ ולעש ירוה ויה יתודליב תלחנ' .'העבש היה הז תנשב ,ב"מרת הפגמו הארונ הצרפ הצרפ הארונ הפגמו ,ב"מרת תנשב הז היה .'העבש תלחנ' ,הנוכשב הליחתב לפנ הב יבא ,ל"ז קסעש תושמשב תיבב תיבב תושמשב קסעש ,ל"ז יבא הב לפנ הליחתב ,הנוכשב תסנכה ,הבש הפוקתו הרצק רחא ךכ םג הרטפנ ילע .ימא .ימא ילע הרטפנ םג ךכ רחא הרצק הפוקתו ,הבש תסנכה יתראשנ םותי .דומלג .דומלג םותי יתראשנ רבדה עדונ ונתחפשמל ,הינמרגב ,ידודו חא ,ימא עיגה עיגה ,ימא חא ,ידודו ,הינמרגב ונתחפשמל עדונ רבדה ןאכל ידכ וניבשהל הלוגל ינפסאלו לא .ותיב אוה עיגה עובשב עובשב עיגה אוה .ותיב לא ינפסאלו הלוגל וניבשהל ידכ ןאכל לחש וב גח ,תוכסה רומאו היה רוזחל דימ ירחא .גחה ימיב ימיב .גחה ירחא דימ רוזחל היה רומאו ,תוכסה גח וב לחש גחה ונרקב ודחי לצא לכ ילודג ,םילשורי תחמשבו הרות ינחקל ינחקל הרות תחמשבו ,םילשורי ילודג לכ לצא ודחי ונרקב גחה ידוד ללפתהל תיבב תסנכה יתב'בש 'הסחמ ריעב הקיתעה הקיתעה ריעב 'הסחמ יתב'בש תסנכה תיבב ללפתהל ידוד לצא יבר ףסוי םייח ,דלפננוז ירחא רבכש קיפסה עומשל לע לע עומשל קיפסה רבכש ירחא ,דלפננוז םייח ףסוי יבר לצא תחמש הרותה הלודגה לעו וידוקיר םיאלפנה לש קידצה יבר יבר קידצה לש םיאלפנה וידוקיר לעו הלודגה הרותה תחמש ז"הועב םילאוש ףסוי םייח דלפננוז תעשב .'תופקה'ה תעשב דלפננוז םייח ףסוי ליגר היה יבר ףסוי םייח לכ ,ויתונש םג ימיב ותונקז רשאכ רשאכ ותונקז ימיב םג ,ויתונש לכ םייח ףסוי יבר היה ליגר רתכ תונברה לש ריע שדוקה רבכ היה חנומ לע ,ושאר ףוסאל ףוסאל ,ושאר לע חנומ היה רבכ שדוקה ריע לש תונברה רתכ תא לכ ידלי תיב שרדמה דקרלו םהמע ךשמב תועש ,תוכרא ,תוכרא תועש ךשמב םהמע דקרלו שרדמה תיב ידלי לכ תא קר המ אלו !המל אוהשכ רש תא ןומזפה ןיא' 'וניקלאכ ,שידיאב םידליהו םינוע םינוע םידליהו ,שידיאב 'וניקלאכ ןיא' ןומזפה תא רש אוהשכ וירחא .הלהקמב וירחא םג ינא יתפרטצה לגעמל ,םידליה יברו ףסוי ,םייח ריכהש ריכהש ,םייח ףסוי יברו ,םידליה לגעמל יתפרטצה ינא םג תא ירוה יתחפשמו עדיו ,יתמתיתהש ינברק ,רתויב אוה ספת ספת אוה ,רתויב ינברק ,יתמתיתהש עדיו יתחפשמו ירוה תא תא ומוקמ לגעמב ךומס ,ילא טישוה יל תא ודי הרוהטה ונדקרו עד ,ךל ינב - ינב ,ךל עד .ודחי קידצה ימלשוריה יבר ףסוי םייח דלפננוז :ל"קוצז "הלאש" , השוריפ םנשיש םירבד םהש םירורב ,םדאל םלועה" הזה המוד הרעמל ,הכרא תלקועמ ,הכושחו ,הכושחו תלקועמ ,הכרא הרעמל המוד הזה םלועה" ז"הועה המוד הרעמל הכורא תלקועמ ...הכושחו ונשיו רבד םייוסמ וניאש רורב ,ול אליממ לע המ רורבש ול – הנהו עתפל רצע יבר ףסוי םייח תא לגעמ םידליה םדאהו אצמנה וב המוד שפחמל ,תורצואה לכ וימי אוה ,לאוש ,לאוש אוה וימי לכ ,תורצואה שפחמל המוד וב אצמנה םדאהו ךרדה אוצמל תא חתפ הרעמה תאצל הנממ רואל !םלועה אוה אל ,לאוש לעו המ אלש רורב ול אוה .לאוש ,ודוקירמ להקה ךישמה דוקרל םע ירפס ,הרותה אוהו הנפ שקבמ "שפחמו , , :ילא הל'עשוהי" – יכו ךיא ריבסת תא ,ןינעה יכ ונא םירמזמ םירמזמ ונא יכ ,ןינעה תא ריבסת ךיא יכו – ךיא דדומתהל קיזחהלו דימעמ ךא ותימאל לש ,רבד לוכי םדא ביצהל ןמיס הלאש דחא ךא םימעפל םיסנכנ םיקמעל ,םינוש תולאשה םישופיחהו םישופיחהו תולאשה ,םינוש םיקמעל םיסנכנ םימעפל ךא ןדיעב תונויסנהש םירבגתמ ידעצב ?םייחה םיזירכמו ןיא' וניקלאכ ימ יננודאכ 'וכו , רחאו ךכ בוש ונא ונא בוש ךכ רחאו , לודג לע לכ הירבה ...הלוכ םילאוש ימ' וניקלאכ ימ 'וננודאכ ? ןיאה הז הלאשכ ירחא םירבוג זא – ?המ ?המל עודמ ? דע םילאושש ו"ח ימ' וניקלאכ וניקלאכ ימ' ה"בקה וניא קר 'יחבב 'ךלמ' אלא םג 'יחבב ,'ןודא' הבושתהו לע לכ תולאשה היהת הטושפ דע ,דואמ ה"בקה ?...ץורתה ימ '?ונינודאכ . . ונידמלל !?המ תצע ל"זח דציכ קיתמהל ?ערה ?ערה קיתמהל דציכ ל"זח תצע לוכיבכ רמוא :םדאל לא" לאשת !"תולאש וטושפ .ועמשמכ יתשגרנ דע ידכ תועמד הלאשמ ,וז יכו המ הצור ברה םלוא הצע תחא הנשי ךכל - םישל ךרדב םישופיחה םינבא םינבא םישופיחה ךרדב םישל - ךכל הנשי תחא הצע םלוא והמו הפקשהה הנוכנה טיבהל לע תכירא תולג ?תיטרפה תונבל עובקלו יכ קר וז איה ךרדה הב רשפא עיגהל בוש לא לא בוש עיגהל רשפא הב ךרדה איה וז קר יכ עובקלו תונבל חספב ךלהמה אוה םילאושש ,תולאש שי וב תולאש ןנשיו ,ונממ דליה טועפה ?םותיהו המלו אקוד הנפ ?ילא אלה יאדוב יאדוב אלה ?ילא הנפ אקוד המלו ?םותיהו טועפה דליה ,ונממ חתפה רואל .םלועה רואל חתפה םג השעמ אלפומ ונידמלל םג תובושת לע תולאש .ולא חספ אוה שארה לש ,םידעומה יתבשח ימותל האר והשמ םושר יחצמב וא הזיא ןמיס לש לש ןמיס הזיא וא יחצמב םושר והשמ האר ימותל יתבשח םגש' םירעשהשכ םירוגס - םה !'םיחותפ ... ןכאו תליחת תדובע םדאה היונב ךרדב ללכ לע תולאש אטח ינפב – הנאו ינא אב לדוגמ ?השובה ונאשכ םיזירכמ םדוק םיעבוקו ןיא' וניקלאכ ןיא 'וננודאכ – – לע לכ ל"נה דועו תורושב .תואבה תורושב דועו ל"נה לכ לע .םירוריבו ךא ףוסה לש םידעומה אוה .םירופ "םירופ"ו אוה ךא יבר ףסוי םייח ינפטיל וידיב תוכזה :ונעיגרהו אל" ןיא רחא יתלב !'אוה ירה םג םיאצמנשכ תומוהתב ןיא םידבאמ םידבאמ ןיא תומוהתב םיאצמנשכ םג ירה אירטמיגב ,"הלאש" יכ ךשמהב ,ותדובע םדאשכ סנכנ ,המינפ ,יתנוכתה סח ,םולשו ידלי ,רקיה הלאשל ,המצע אלו הלע לע תא ךרדה הנוכנה . הלא ןה םינבאה תונבלה לש ללכ לארשי – – לארשי ללכ לש תונבלה םינבאה ןה הלא . ל"זח םילאוש ה"ר( ).זט המל" ןיעקות שארב ?"הנשה ףאושו עיגהל הדוקנל ,תיתימאה וילע ןיבהל רבד דחא :דיחיו יתעד ללכ יכ התא אוה אקוד דליה ךירצש תונעל יל לע ,יתלאש םייס יבר ףסוי םייח תא וירבד ....תושגרתהב בושו ףסא תא תא ףסא בושו ....תושגרתהב וירבד תא אלא יתיצרש עימשהל םידליל םלוכ תא ,ץורתה ןויכמו התאש לגעמ םידליה דקרו םהמע .תובהלתהב םהמע דקרו םידליה לגעמ :םיבישמו המל ?ןיעקות אנמחר רמא !ועקת האירבב אל םילאוש "המל" ! םילאוש קר "המ" – המ ה"בקה ה"בקה המ דמוע ךומס ,ילא יתינפ "...ךילא יתינפ ,ילא ךומס דמוע הצור ינממ . בגא( ןייוצי אבומה מ ח"רגה קסירבמ םגד דומילב וימיב םינורחאה - היה יבר עשוהי הברמ רוזחל לע רופס רופס לע רוזחל הברמ :רמולכ ןיא הלאש המל םיעקות שארב ,הנשה ה"בקה רמא הרותה הרמאתמ דוסי ,הז השעמו היהש ךכ :היה םעפש רמא ברה לכתסה יב ויניעב תויחקפה ,תועיגרמהו ליחתהו ,הז היהו ףיסומ :החינגב ףיסומ היהו ,הז עוקתל – זא ונילע ,עוקתל ילב לואשל .תולאש ןואגה יבר ןנחלא ןמרסו ד"יה ישודיח הרות ינפל ובר ח"רגה ,וצורתב רשאכ םידליה םלכ םילהקנ :ונביבסמ םילהקנ םלכ םידליה רשאכ ,וצורתב ,ל"צז ךותו ידכ תאצרה םירבדה ריעה יבר ןנחלא לאשו לע טרפ ןומה" ןומה יתרבע ימיב ידלח םיכוראה ילע .תומדא תונויסנ תונויסנ .תומדא ילע םיכוראה ידלח ימיב יתרבע ןומה ןומה" ןאכמ דומענ דומלנו הדוקנ תידוסי ...דאמ ירה עודי ,ךל ,ידלי יכ םנשי םלועב ,םירקוח םישפחמה םישפחמה ,םירקוח םלועב םנשי יכ ,ידלי ,ךל עודי ירה :םייוסמ עודמ' הרמא הרותה '?ךכ וקיספה יבר םייח רמאו :ול םינוש ודע ילע תעמ יתעגה יתודליב ,הינמרגל יתש תומחלמ תומחלמ יתש ,הינמרגל יתודליב יתעגה תעמ ילע ודע םינוש תורצוא תוקיתעו .תורעמב תורעמה ןה םימעפל ,תוכרא םלוע הינמרגש הלהנ ,יתרבע יתייהש תונחמב ,היפכ יתדבא יתדבא ,היפכ תונחמב יתייהש ,יתרבע הלהנ הינמרגש םלוע Fall Issue Tikvah Shaarei / 53 2007 גהונב םלועבש לכל םדא ןנשי תולאש טעמכ לכב םוחת ןיא' הז קסעה ונלש ררבל עודמ הרמא !הרותה ונילע קר ןיבהל תוכושח תולקועמו ,דאמ רשאכו םיסנכנ ןכותל ,קומע השק השק ,קומע ןכותל םיסנכנ רשאכו ,דאמ תולקועמו תוכושח המ תרמוא ...!הרותה 'יע רואיב ןינע הז הכוראב 'סב תרות תא לכ יתחפשמ תא ,יתיער תא ינב ,יתונבו טעמכ רבכ יתרמא יתרמא רבכ טעמכ ,םייחהמ אוה אל ןיבמ ינפמ המ האב לע םע לארשי האושה דאמ אוצמל תא ךרדה בוש חתפל ידכ תאצל ,ןהמ המ םישוע שאונ יתדבאו לכ הוקת , ךא יתייהשכ רכזנ וירבדב לש יבר ףסוי ףסוי יבר לש וירבדב רכזנ יתייהשכ ךא , םייח תישארב 'א ,'א םשו ךרע דומיל הרותה 'מע גנ - .)ונ .)ונ - גנ 'מע הרותה דומיל ךרע םשו ,'א 'א תישארב ,הארונה המל אוה לבוס תורצ םירוסיו וליאו וריבח יח םייח םירקוח ?הלא םייח וינבאבו תונבלה לש קידצה ימלשוריה , יתיכזש וריכהל וריכהל יתיכזש , ...םירשואמ םנשי דוע המכ המכו םירבד אוהש אל ,ןיבמ םנמא הלאשה איה דציכ םיאיבמ ךכל תעידיש םירבדה - םה םינמסמ תא םכרד יקולחב םינבא ,תונבל רשאכו קר ,יתודליב ויה יל םינבא תובוט הלא ינרקכ רוא הלפאב הלפאב רוא ינרקכ הלא תובוט םינבא יל ויה ,יתודליב קר ךותמו ךכ דמוע :לאושו המל ךכ המלו ?תרחא וללה שמשי ונל ילגרהב ?םייחה םימיסמ תא ,םהירקחמ םירזוח ןווכב םינבא .הלא הלודגה דע םויה ."הזה םויה דע הלודגה Shaarei Tikvah Issue / Fall 53 2007

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… רשאו לאש יתוא ,הלוגס ןיא יכרד רמול ,תולוגס קר הזל יאדווב בוט בוט יאדווב הזל קר ,תולוגס רמול יכרד ןיא ,הלוגס יתוא לאש רשאו … תושעל הלוגסה ראובמה 'מגב תבש( ):גכ ליגרה רנב ןייוה היל םינב ידימלת ידימלת םינב היל ןייוה רנב ליגרה ,םימכח הארתש השאה תוברהל תורנב לש .תבש .תבש לש תורנב תוברהל השאה הארתש ,םימכח םגו ולבקי גוזה םהילע רשאכ רוזעי םהל 'ה ךורב אוה ךורבו ומש דילוהל דילוהל ומש ךורבו אוה ךורב 'ה םהל רוזעי רשאכ םהילע גוזה ולבקי םגו דלו ,אמייק קילדהל רנ לכב ברע שאר שדוח תיבב תסנכה ינפל הביתה הביתה ינפל תסנכה תיבב שדוח שאר ברע לכב רנ קילדהל ,אמייק דלו תעשב ,הליפתה םאו היהי דלוה רכז דע היהיש רב ,הוצמ םאו היהת הבקנ הבקנ היהת םאו ,הוצמ רב היהיש דע רכז דלוה היהי םאו ,הליפתה תעשב דע ורשקיש התוא ירשקב ןותיח םע ןב ,הליג םאו ולבקי םהילע ךכ - יננה יננה - ךכ םהילע ולבקי םאו הכחמ תרזעב םשה רשא ועשווי םינבב םייח םימייקו . .

ר"ומדאה( 'ר המלש בובאבמ ובתכמב ק"הרהל יבר ןרהא המלש דאסא ל"צז ילהעדראסמ ל"צז דאסא המלש ןרהא יבר ק"הרהל ובתכמב בובאבמ המלש 'ר ר"ומדאה( יבתכמ שדוק יר"ומדאמ בובאב וינ קראי ,ג"לשת ףד .די .די ףד ,ג"לשת קראי וינ בובאב יר"ומדאמ שדוק יבתכמ אבוה 'סב ינב יח )ינוזמו יח ינב 'סב אבוה