The VICTIM’S INFORMER TEXAS CRIME VICTIM CLEARINGHOUSE VOL. 17, NO. 1 – MARCH/APRIL 2012 A Note of Gratitude by Angie McCown, Director TDCJ Victim Services Division Beginning with this issue, the Victim’s Informer will include a personal mes- sage from the Director of the TDCJ Victim Services Division, Angie McCown. Gratitude is the memory of the heart. ~Jean Baptiste Massieu, translated from French S WE BEGIN 2012, I am re- work around so much sadness and loss. membering that I chose this profession, minded of the importance of One of the lessons I have learned from and that in all of the sadness and loss it reflecting on the past year be- my work in this field is that we must can bring, it can also bring hope. My fo- A fore I begin to set goals for the have peers and mentors we can turn to cus changed to how grateful I am to be future. There were many challenges for in times like these. During that difficult a victim advocate and to have learned the Texas Department of Criminal Justice year at DPS I turned to one of my peers so many lessons about life and gratitude Victim Services Division in 2011. Some and mentors, Janice Harris Lord, long- from the advocates and the victims I have days I felt as though I would arrive at time victim advocate and Texas Board had the privilege to work with. the office with a plan for the day, only of Criminal Justice Member. From her So, as I reflect on the past year, I am to have it interrupted by a challenge or years of experience, Janice could relate grateful to all of you who stood by us crisis that left me feeling as though all I to how I was feeling and she had the during a challenging year. I am grate- had done was grab the fire extinguisher wisdom to help me out of hopelessness ful for the leadership and support of the and put out fires all day. On those days I through gratitude. Janice encouraged me Texas Department of Criminal Justice often left the office feeling exhausted and to “practice gratitude”. She told me to Executive staff and the Texas Board of hopeless; a feeling that I imagine many think of three things I am grateful for just Criminal Justice. I am grateful for those victim advocates experience from time before I fall asleep at night, and then the peers and mentors who have always been to time throughout their careers. I wish I next morning as I am waking up, before I there for me. And last but certainly not could say that this was the first year that get out of bed, again think of three things least, I am grateful for the Victim Ser- I have ever experienced these feelings or I am grateful for. Janice knows me well, vices Division staff for their dedication had these thoughts; however that would so she cautioned me not to over think it to serving crime victims, criminal justice not be true. I remember one year in par- or to try to come up with new things each professionals and concerned citizens. It ticular, while employed as the Victim Ser- time, just go with what comes to mind. is with those gifts of gratitude in mind, vices Director at the Texas Department of As I left Janice, I thought to myself, this that I begin to look forward to working Public Safety (DPS), three Troopers died will never work. However I was desper- with all of you in 2012. in the line of duty in the first five months ate, so I made a commitment to try it for of the year. I found myself feeling hope- a week. Within three days, my hopeless- less and questioning why I continued to ness had lifted and I found myself re- As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy April is: Visit these informative websites to learn more: National Sexual Violence Resource Center www.nsvrc.org/saam Texas Association Against Sexual Asault www.taasa.org The VICTIM’S INFORMER Grief, Loss, & Addiction: My Path to Healing In this issue ... by Cathy Collins BPP Victim Liaison Crime Victims Advocate/Senior Intake Specialist, The Christi Center page 5 New TxCVC Director HINK BACK to WHEN you shot in the side of his neck and the back page 6 were fifteen years old. Do you of his head. My emotions immediately remember your first love? Do spiraled downward and I did not want A Very Special Christmas Tree T you remember feeling this per- to feel the pain. This would be a major page 7 son might be your soul mate? When I life changing event for me. was fifteen I had few cares or worries. It was at this time that I began to ex- Calendar I was in junior high in Austin and I had periment with alcohol. Neither of my page 8 a boyfriend who was in high school. parents suffered from the disease of He was everything to me. He was my alcoholism, but after asking questions Like a Good Neighbor world. But this all changed dramati- later on in life, I realized that other fam- page 9 cally in a very short period of time. In ily members did. I remember the first one day, everything in my life changed; time that I drank alcohol. It made me from the way that I saw things, to the feel different. It numbed me. I didn’t way I felt about things. I changed with- have to think about the brutal death of out realizing the pain, and understand- my boyfriend. I discovered that using TDCJ VSD is now offering email ing the feelings of grief and loss. alcohol could alter the way I felt. For notifications in addition to our I woke up on a Saturday morning me, it was a distracting savior; an es- letter notifications! Email al- in 1967 to the sound of my telephone cape and a way to avoid processing my lows for immediate notification ringing. As a teenager, I assumed that grief. via computer, mobile device, or it must be one of my girlfriends calling I learned to use alcohol to mask the wherever internet access is avail- to plan out our normal day. Instead, my trauma that was deep down inside me able. Those already registered friend asked if I had seen the newspa- from the murder of my boyfriend. I with the confidential Victim No- per. I immediately went to get it, and just didn’t have to feel the pain. Look- tification System (VNS) will soon was horrified to see the headline, “Teen ing back, I now realize that I was pre- receive a letter with instructions Killed at Pig Stand.” My boyfriend’s disposed to alcoholism, and the trauma on how to take advantage of this name was in the first line of the article. from the murder of my boyfriend fed new notification option. There had been an altercation between the disease. To add to the difficulties I two groups of teenagers from different was going through at this time in my sides of town. My boyfriend had been life, I chose to view his body. No one continued on page 3 2 MARCH/APRIL 2012| THE VICTIM’S INFORMER VICTIM’S INFORMER had explained to me what happens to pull myself out of. that cost him his life. He was eventu- the body physically after such a horrif- In 1990, the unthinkable occurred. ally apprehended and brought back to ic event. He didn’t look like himself at My brother was murdered. He was Texas. A plea bargain was reached in all. I remember seeing one of the bul- four years older than me and my only the case and he was sentenced to 30 let hole entries by the side of his neck. sibling. I always looked up to him and years in prison. He has since been up I will never forget that vision. There loved going to any gathering just to be for parole on two different occasions, were no victim services or counseling around him and his friends. Our rela- which always forces me to re-live the available to me. My school had no tionship was a constant in my eyes and murder and the pain surrounding it. support groups or anyone I could talk I knew that would never change. But it My brother left behind a beautiful to. I didn’t know how to ask my parents did one late afternoon in January. While 9 year old daughter, as well as four to get me help. In fact, they were actu- I was in the kitchen fixing dinner for nephews aged 9, 8, 6, and 18 months. ally relieved that he would no longer my sons, a live broadcast appeared on Within three years my mother died of be a problem in their lives. My grades channel 36 on a small TV that I kept on cancer, which I believe was brought began to suffer and I had a really hard the counter. That channel was known on by the pain she experienced by the time retaining information. I had a very for its shocking and graphic ambulance death of her only son. I not only lost my short attention span, and began to think chasing stories. As I stood there in my brother, but I lost my mother who was that I was stupid.