Perceptions of Uniqueness and Similarity in Close Relationships
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Personal Relationships, 6 (1999), 269-289. Printed in the United States of America. Copyright 0 1999 ISSPR. 1350-4126/99$9.50 Being better than others but otherwise perfectly normal: Perceptions of uniqueness and similarity in close relationships PAUL A. M. VAN LANGE,” CARYL E. RUSBULT? ASTRID SEMIN-GOOSSENS,L’CARIEN A. GORTS,CAND MIRJAM STALPERSc aFree University, Amsterdam; bUniversity of North Carolina, Chapel Hill; and ‘Free University, Amsterdam Abstract The current research addresses individuals’ self-generated thoughts regarding their own and others’ relationships,examining the ways in which perceptions of uniqueness and similarity are manifested in judgments regarding own and others’ responses to dissatisfying incidents. Consistent with the uniqueness bias, participants characterized their own relationships by a greater number of constructive responses and a smaller number of destructive responses relative to characterizations of others’ relationships. Moreover, external raters judged own constructive responses to be more constructive than others’ constructive responses. Consistent with the similarity bias, external raters judged items describing others’ responses to be less frequently occurring and more extreme than their own responses. Also, this research revealed support for the claim that the similarity bias is more pronounced for destructive responses than for constructive responses. A recall task corroborated these findings, revealing very good recall for destructive responses enacted by others and poor recall for destructive responses enacted by oneself. Virtually all relationships eventually are incidents. Broadly conceived, such re- confronted with periodic declines in satis- sponses may be construed as either con- faction-declines caused by relatively en- structive or destructive in that they either during disagreements, conflicts, or unpleas- contribute to the health and vitality of the ant events that are external to the relationship or are harmful to the well-be- relationship itself. Individuals may respond ing of the relationship (cf. Clark & Reis, in a variety of ways to such dissatisfying 1988; Holmes & Boon, 1990; Rusbult, Verette, Whitney, Slovik, & Lipkus, 1991). How do individuals perceive their construc- This research was supported in part by a grant to Paul tive and destructive responses to such inci- Van Lange from the Netherlands Organization for dents? How do individuals think about their Scientific Research (NWO, Grant No. R-57-178), and by a grant to Caryl Rusbult from the National Science own reactions in relation to the behavior of Foundation (Grant No. BNS-9023817). The authors other individuals? And given that destruc- are grateful to Bram Buunk, Jennifer Crocker, Wilma tive responses are potentially detrimental Otten, and several anonymous reviewers for their use- to the health and stability of a relationship, ful comments on an earlier draft of this article. how do individuals interpret and perhaps Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Paul Van Lange, Department of Social justify their destructive actions? Psychology, Free University at Amsterdam, Van der The current research seeks to understand Boechorststraat 1, 1081 BT Amsterdam, The Nether- the nature of the beliefs that individuals lands. E-mail: [email protected]. hold regarding relationship functioning, 269 270 PA.M. Van Lange et al. examining the nature of individuals’ self- 1977; Marks & Miller, 1987; Wood, 1989).* generated thoughts regarding their own and However, nearly all studies have focused on others’ constructive and destructive re- either the uniqueness bias or the similarity sponses to dissatisfying incidents. On the ba- bias, thereby largely overlooking the possi- sis of the research regarding social judgment bility that by examining such biases in con- and social comparison, we propose that indi- cert we may illuminate our understanding viduals’ beliefs regarding their own and oth- of the nature of self-other perception ers’ relationship functioning will reflect two (however, see Campbell, 1986; Marks, 1984; relatively pervasive tendencies: (a) unique- McFarland & Miller, 1990). ness bias, or a tendency to overestimate Second, prior research on close relation- one’s own uniqueness, exaggerating the su- ships has examined issues such as perceived periority of one’s own reactions and behav- (and actual) similarity and uniqueness be- iors, and (b) similarity bias, or a tendency to tween partners in a relationship (self-other overestimate the similarity between oneself perceptions within a relationship; e.g., and others, exaggerating the commonness Acitelli, Douvan, & Veroff, 1993; Ross & or “everydayness” of one’s own reactions Sicoly, 1979;for a review, see Sillars & Scott, and behaviors.This framework assumes that 1983). However, very few studies have ex- these two seemingly contradictory be- amined individuals’ beliefs regarding their liefs-uniqueness and similarity-coexist own functioning in relation to others in- and that these biases serve the function of volved in other relationships, capturing as- sustaining the general, self-enhancing belief pects of self-other perceptions among rela- that one is “uniquely better than others but tionships. We suggest that, in addition to the otherwise perfectly normal.” uniqueness bias, the similarity bias under- The current work extends prior research lies such perceptions, particularly for those in several ways. First, the uniqueness and responses that are potentially harmful to similarity biases are pervasive tendencies health and vitality of a relationship. If true, that have been demonstrated to exist in a such self-other perceptions may help un- variety of judgment domains (e.g., in re- derstand why partners may sometimes per- search on “perceived superiority” and sist in particular types of responses (e.g., a “false consensus”; Ross, Greene, & House, reluctance to talk things over), in that they may genuinely believe (and to some degree overestimate) that their own responses are 1. Throughout this article we will employ theconcepts very common, frequently occurring, and of “uniqueness bias” and “similarity bias” to refer to beliefs that are also known as “perceived supe- therefore appropriate (e.g., “Like others, I riority” (e.g., Wood, 1989) and “false consensus” do not talk about every slight problem we (Ross, Greene, & House, 1977).While common lan- have”). guage would suggest that the uniqueness bias in- Finally, as noted by Berscheid (1994, p. cludes a tendency to regard oneself as distinctly in- 84), “Relationships researchers are begin- ferior to others, it should be clear that this bias is defined as the tendency to regard oneself as dis- ning to take advantage of the theoretical tinctly superior to others. The primary reason for and empirical fruits of social cognition to employing the concepts of uniqueness bias and simi- further their understanding of interpersonal larity bias is that these concepts (a) explicate the relationships. Thus the rapprochement contradictory nature of these beliefs, (b) do not that has begun between the fields of social seem to be domain-specific, and (c) have been em- ployed in prior research that has examined simulta- cognition and interpersonal relationships neously both beliefs (e.g., Campbell, 1986; Goethals has the potential to benefit both endeavors.” et al., 1991). In contrast, the concepts of superiority and consensus seem less contradictory and could be construed as relatively more domain-specific, with that are not universally appreciated or universally superiority primarily applying to attributes that are depreciated (e.g., opinions and preferences). As universally appreciated (ability, morality) or uni- will be outlined, the current research focuses on a versally depreciated (e.g., lack of ability, lack of mo- domain that presumably includes both types of at- rality), and with consensus applying to attributes tributes. Uniqueness and similarity 271 By examining self-other perceptions in the adaptive to regard one’s behavior in rela- context of close relationships, we attempt to tively favorable terms by viewing one’s own enhance the linkage between the areas of actions and responses as quite positive, rea- social judgment and close relationships. sonable, and appropriate. The prominence of such favorable beliefs may promote feel- ings of self-worth and happiness, provide Perceptions of Uniqueness and Similarity validation of the quality of one’s relation- in Close Relationships ship, and enhance perceptions that presum- Past research has consistently revealed that ably are relevant-and perhaps neces- individuals are not always accurate and un- sary-to sustaining a relationship (e.g., biased in perceiving social reality, particu- feelings of trust, security, and optimism; larly when this reality has implications for Holmes & Boon, 1990; Van Lange & Rus- the self or close others. One pervasive ten- bult, 1995). dency has been termed the uniqueness bias From a functional perspective, it has (Goethals, Messick, & Allison, 1991), in ref- been argued that uniqueness and similarity erence to the inclination to overestimate biases are differentially functional depend- the superiority of one’s behavior and char- ing on whether the attribute at issue is a acteristics (e.g., perceptions of superiority universally evaluated one (that is, people regarding one’s fairness, generosity, and exhibit good agreement about whether the ability; Alicke, 1985; Brown, 1986; Messick, attribute is desirable