page 2 the paper october 12, 2016

Mon(s)t(er)real, pg. 3 Orange Duck, pg. 9 Daddy Music, pg. 15 F & L, pg. 21-22 The Mowgli’s, pg. 23

the paper “Disney Channel Original Movies” c/o Office of Student Involvement Editors-in-Chief Fordham University Siobhan “Eddie’s Million Dollar Cook-Off” Donahue Bronx, NY 10458 Kelly “Cadet Kelly” Tyra [email protected] http://fupaper.weebly.com/ News Editor John “Dadnapped” Looby the paper is Fordham’s journal of news, analysis, comment and review. Students from all Luis “The Suite Life Movie” Gomez years and disciplines get together biweekly to produce a printed version of the paper using Adobe InDesign and publish an online version using Wordpress. Photos are “borrowed” from Opinions Editors Internet sites and edited in Photoshop. Open meetings are held Tuesdays at 9:00 PM in McGin- Melody “Stuck in the Suburbs” Knight-Brown ley 2nd. Articles can be submitted via e-mail to [email protected]. Submissions from Claire “The Cheetah Girls” Nunez all students are always considered and usually published. Our staff is more than willing to help new writers develop their own unique voices and figure out how to most effectively convey their Arts Editor thoughts and ideas. We do not assign topics to our writers either. The process is as follows: Matthew “Camp Rock” Whitaker have an idea for an article, send us an email or come to our meetings to pitch your idea, write Nicholas “Life is Ruff” Peters the article, work on edits with us, and then get published! We are happy to work with anyone who is interested, so if you have any questions, comments or concerns please shoot us an Earwax Editor email or come to our next meeting. Reyna “Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior” Wang So why come write for us? We are a constantly evolving publication, and have been since 1972. We provide an outlet of expression otherwise unavailable to Fordham students. Writers Features and List Editors are free to say whatever they want, whenever they want. We are also pretty cool people, to be Rachel “Get A Clue” Poe completely honest. So please come hang out with us. You’ll have a good time, we promise. Colleen “Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century” Burns

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Montreal Moves to Ban and/or Kill a Lot of Pitbulls Just Because by John Looby French Canadians are miserable people who don’t deserve respect News Co-editor regulations. In case you didn’t come to but rushing to exterminate thousands I speak from experience. Since I was French Canadians are assholes. I’m the natural conclusion of this, it is that of dogs is a narrow-minded act of cruel born, we’ve always had hunting dogs, not saying this as an opinion; this is a any and all dogs resembling a pitbull persecution. usually two at a time. To suggest that matter of factual record. The province of which end up within a Montreal animal Luckily, after numerous act of pro- these dogs are naturally driven to hunt Quebec consists of mostly uppity scum- shelter will be put to death simply for test, a judge in Quebec’s higher court and kill things just makes you a fucking bags, who are always somehow sur- existing. has placed a suspension on the law, idiot. They might have fantastic noses, prised you don’t speak fluent French. I Now this law did not come into ac- preventing it from going into action but at this point, after we’ve raised live in Rochester and somehow French until the word- them, all they want to do is lay on the Canadians visiting here have the sheer ing of the law couch. We once had a bloodhound that audacity to speak French to me with a has been placed would lie on the ground so that smaller condescending tone while I’m at work. under further animals could crawl on him. Such a I’m used to old people giving me shit scrutiny. While killer. Perhaps most importantly, my but not old people giving me shit in this is certainly a brother recently adopted and rescued French. Now, the reason I’m describ- plus, it really only a pitbull named Mojo from a shelter. ing the sheer level of French Canadian gives these dogs She’s an adorable and friendly dog douchebaggery is not just because I be- a few months un- who’s more likely to fall asleep in your lieve that society as a whole has a mor- til the law comes lap than even bark. If Rochester had a al obligation to acknowledge how shitty after them yet ban like the one currently up for debate they are, but because of a recent bylaw again. After all, in Montreal, this dog would have been that was voted on in the city of Mon- this law is not dead before she could have even found treal; the subject matter of said bylaw entirely without a home. being essentially the right of pitbulls as precedent with- The problem with these dog bans is a dog breed to exist within the city. How dare you in Canada; the that they operate under a presump- The law that was recently voted in neighboring prov- tion of guilt that simply has no basis would place a lot of arguably subjec- ince of Ontario in reality. Why put innocent dogs, ani- tive and even outright cruel regula- tion simply because some asshole in managed to pass into action a simi- mals whose whole psychology is built tions on any of the pitbull-resembling the Montreal government just didn’t lar bill recently. Calgary as well has a around building loving and empathetic dog breeds within the city. I say pitbull- like the look of pitbulls, which in all bill targeting pitbulls, albeit one much bonds, to death because one dog was resembling because pitbull isn’t actu- honesty is a bit surprising knowing more reasonable in both wording and raised poorly by someone who was, in ally a dog breed in the way that hound how people who live there normally execution. While these laws may have all honesty, probably an asshole? Dogs isn’t an actual breed of dog. What this respond to just about anything and been designed with the safety of citi- deserve homes and in all honesty, means is that the law spreads its harsh anyone. The incident that led to this zens involved, they in fact target more I’d prefer it were my home (#200do- restriction on to whatever breeds seem ban was the mauling and killing of a innocent life than they could hope to granch2k16). They shouldn’t be put to have “characteristics” of a pitbull. 55-year-old woman by a neighbor’s protect. to death so that those in charge can Which is the sort of complete lack of escaped dog. I say dog because it has The very notion that it is a specific feel as though they’re being proactive specificity everyone wants in a law that never in fact been confirmed if this kill- dog breed with a predisposition toward or protecting us. The people who need sentences animals to die. That’s right, er dog was even a pitbull. Instead the violence is an idiotic one and one which to be proactive and protective are the thousands of animals will be killed city of Montreal rushed to fear monger actual scientists have proven false in rest of us to insure that legislation like once this law goes into action. God- and blame a breed of dog that has study after study. For lawmakers to act this doesn’t come to pass here in the damn French Canadian pricks. The law done nothing to deserve the negative as though they are qualified to speak United States or anywhere else for outright bans the adoption or breeding social stigma attached to it. The notion toward the behavioral psychology of that matter. Outlawing a dog probably of pitbulls, requires they be on a muzzle of rushing to kill what amounts to be dog breeds is a painstakingly naïve act. sounds like some ridiculous bullshit and short leash in public, requires own- thousands of dogs within the city limits Dogs, just like people, are the product from a dystopian teen fiction novel and ers to register them, and will seize the is an ultimately disturbing one. Not to of the environment they grow up in that’s because it is and it’s the type of dogs of owners who fail to follow these say that a woman’s death isn’t tragic and not some genetic predestination. bullshit we can actively work to prevent. page 4 the paper october 12, 2016 Prisoners Across the US Strike to Protest Slave-Labor Treatment by Megan Townsend “Made in America” has a few downsides, namely exploitation (Yay!) Staff Inmate will weaken without outside acknowledg- through the eyes and in the favor of The prison population is already com- In one voice, rising from the cells of ment. Many prisons went into lockdown in the oppressors. prised of vulnerable individuals, with long term solitary confinement, echoed response to strikes or protests, and ‘prob- For some background on prison deep, systemic bias against the trans, in the dormitories and cell blocks from lem’ prisoners or leaders of the movement labor and why it is intrinsically un- queer, and immigrant communities as Virginia to Oregon, we prisoners across are being placed in solitary confinement, ethical: wages for the average prison well as communities of color. The per- the United States vow to finally end denied of access to communication, as worker range from $0.12-$0.40/an centage of prisoners serving time for im- slavery in 2016. This sentence begins punishment. Most mainstream media hour. All able-bodied prisoners are migration offenses is 8.8% (recall: still the statement released by the IWW’s outlets are not covering the strike, which required to work. There are almost significantly higher than sexual offenses, Incarcerated Workers Organizing Com- is why it is such a surprise to the general no safety regulations in the average murder, or white-collar crimes). Our most mittee calling all prison workers to public. This is the same problem America prison workplace and their earnings vulnerable populations then continue to strike beginning on September 9th, are still taxable. be marginalized and exploited in prison, 2016 (the 45th anniversary of the re- It is easy for cor- as free laborers and disposable bodies. volt at Attica Prison). porations to get It is impossible to even trace every Thus began the largest prison strike free labor from American company that benefits from in US history. It refers to the loophole our prisons and prison labor, but a few that are well- in the 13th amendment, which out- cite their prod- known are: American Express, Aramark laws slavery except as punishment ucts as ‘Made (our very own food service provider!), for a crime. On September 9th, work- in the USA.’ We AT&T, AutoZone, Bank of America, BP, ers at the Holman Correctional Facil- must not forget Costco Wholesale, Fruit of the Loom, ity in Alabama, working with the Free what our prison JanSport, Johnson & Johnson, Kmart, Alabama Movement, did not report population looks Koch Industries, McDonald’s, Microsoft, to work, and were quickly followed by like either: the Motorola, Nintendo, Procter & Gamble, workers in Florida, California, Michi- United States Quaker Oats, Starbucks, Target, Verizon, gan, and South Carolina. In Oakland, makes up 5% of Victoria’s Secret, Wal-Mart, Wendy’s... Portland, and other cities across the the world’s pop- Prison Workers on strike need the help country people took to the streets and ulation but 25% of people from the outside. Some things shut down roads to protest treatment of the world’s you, reader, can do: research, learn, and of prison workers Tactics range from prison popula- tell your friends. Visit itsgoingdown.org not presenting for work to hunger strik- tion. We have to see updates on the strike, as well as ing, as well as physical rebellion and the most incar- SupportPrisonerResistance.net. Boycott destruction of prison property. .As of cerated citizens companies who use prison labor, help in any country support social media campaigns (follow September 21st, there are 46 US pris- Just because there’s a 13th Amendment in the world. @for_kinetic, @IGD_News, @Prisoner- ons that have seen disruptions since doesn’t mean slavery stopped the beginning of the strike. In Holman, And the highest Sol541), write letters to prisoners (info the prison guards have joined the resis- offenses for in- on websites), and keep an eye on cam- tance and also gone on strike to protest repeatedly faces - all of our popular news carceration are drug offenses, with pus news for some organizing around unfair treatment of prisoners. Thanks sources are connected to, or supported 46% of prisoners convicted on drug the issue. The Prison Strikers are calling to organizers working both inside and by, corporations. These same corpora- crimes (with only 8.3% for sexual of- for a week of solidarity October 15-22, outside of prisons, the strike is able to tions are exploiting prison labor. The an- fenses, 3.1% for homicide/aggravat- and we must show our support. The or- continue, but it is incredibly time sensi- nual output of the prison labor industry ed assault, and 0.3% for white-collar ganizers say it best: “When we remove tive. It is not easy to get news of what is is $2 billion. American corporations are crimes like embezzlement and bank- the economic motive and grease of our going on within the prison walls to the making their profits from this, which is why ing/insurance fraud). This is dispro- forced labor from the US prison system, general public - prison slave labor has they don’t want anyone knowing about it. portionate. And, most importantly, the entire structure of courts and police, been kept harshly undercover since its NBC, CNN, The New York Times, and the we cannot ignore that 38% of our of control and slave-catching must shift beginning, and word of the strikes is news sources we rely most heavily on are prison population is black. to accommodate us as humans, rather most often suppressed in hopes that it continuing to shape our public narrative This issue is deeply intersectional. than slaves.” october 12, 2016 the paper page 5 Ethiopian Government Declares a State of Emergency Over Protests by Siobhan Donohue Things are actually happening outside the US, you guys! Co-editor in Chief gesture as he crossed the finish line to from the fact that certain ethnic groups the country.” Essentially, the protes- To many, Ethiopia is known as the sub- claim his silver medal. Lelisa has since feel that the government has failed to tors are being accused of being a se- ject of the cringeworthy 1980’s charity stated he is afraid to return home due give them all of their rights guaranteed curity threat. single, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”. to fear of government backlash, and is by the constitution. According to NPR, the United States However, Ethiopia is home to over nine- currently staying in the US. The government on the other hand, “has expressed concern about exces- ty-nine million people from more than The roots of these ethnic issues has characterized protestors as “or- sive use of force against demonstra- eighty different ethnic groups. And right go back to 150 years of bloodshed ganized gangs” and has disputed the tors in months of deadly protests in now, the government has declared a in the region. Before Ethiopia’s new figures claiming hundreds have been Ethiopia.” However, the U.S. still sees six-month state of emergency for the constitution in 1991, the country was killed. On October 2nd, an anti-gov- Ethiopia as a strategic regional ally, es- first time in twenty-five years. ruled by an ethnically Amhara dictator. ernment demonstration at a religious pecially in concern to combating terror- This latest wave of protests began last However, ever since the overthrow of festival turned deadly as government ism. Meanwhile, Ethiopia depends on November, although smaller acts of dis- the military dictatorship, Ethiopia has forces intervened. The government the U.S. for aid. So far, while the U.S. sent have been happening around the been functioning via a “decentralised claimed only 55 people died, despite has spoken out against the Ethiopian country since 2005. The Oromo peo- system of ethnic federalism”. Recently, the opposition saying more than a government and relations are overall ple, who make up 34.5% of the coun- the government had plans to expand hundred died. After the October 2nd strained, formal diplomatic ties have try’s populous, along with the Amhara the boundaries of the capital city of demonstration fallout, Ethiopian Prime not changed. people, who make up about 27%, say Addis Ababa, which furthered ethnic Minister Hailemariam Desalegn said, Economically speaking, the instabil- that they are being oppressed by the tensions. “A state of emergency has been de- ity in the Oromia region can severely Tigre people, who make up only 6.1% On the protestor side, activists and clared because the situation posed a impact the global market. 60% of Ethi- of the population. This sentiment led to human rights groups claim that the threat against the people of the coun- opia’s GDP is due to the Oromo peo- anti-government protests in the Oromia government has killed over 500 protes- try.” Later on, state run media agen- ple. If Ethiopia falls, not only will there and Amhara region of Ethiopia. In fact, tors since November. The government cies reported that the government has be economic fall out in an already im- during the Rio Olympics, a male long- is notoriously suppressive and severely to “deal with anti-peace elements that poverished region, but it will add on to distance runner from Ethiopia named limits freedoms of speech and press. have allied with foreign forces and are the volatile situation that countries in Feyisa Lelisa made an anti-government Some of the dissatisfaction stems jeopardising the peace and security of the Horn of Africa already face. Clowns Are Super Terrifying And Now They Crave Human Flesh by Theresa Amoruso Okay, maybe not exactly, but they’re being creepier than usual Staff Stephen King clown connoisseur, Michael Rinaldi, afraid of clowns before this whole fi- though, because let’s be honest, we So America has a clown problem. states, “I like clowns. I feel bad for the asco started. And now I have an actual live in the Bronx. I don’t care who you And I’m not just talking about the up- ones who dress up to do kids’ birthday reason to fear them.” You’re damn are, but if you’re dressed as a clown coming presidential election. Like all parties because they’re probably los- right Kevin. I wasn’t scared of clowns and are parading around the Bronx things that are irrational and absurd, ing business.” And he’s right. Accord- before this shitshow. But give anything with a weapon, you’re going to get shot. the clownpocalypse began in The ing to my calculations, as I am also a a machete, even a bunny rabbit, and Monica Morra, a distraught freshman South. The first sighting was reported clown expert, the rate at which chil- you bet your ass I’ll be terrified of that who claims to have lost sleep over this in Greenville, South Carolina. Much bunny rabbit. In the issue, says, “I can’t go back to Long Is- like our own Dirty South, The South midst of the mixed land. The Bronx is the only safe place of the U.S. is a wild place. Clowns are emotions of fear and left.” I never thought I would agree with trying to lure kids into the woods with pity, we have unique this statement, but she’s right. I’m also candy, which is exactly the kind of situ- individuals like Adri- from Long Island and I refuse to go ation your mother warned you about. an Lee, who proudly home anytime soon. The clowns have Seriously though, how the fuck do we says, “The clowns re- taken over my hometown. Monica also have a clown problem? This is some re- We are legion. ally turn me on.” You stated, “If I see a clown, I won’t hesi- al-life “American Horror Story” bullshit. do you, Adrian. We’ve tate to run it over with my car.” You and There are a few ideas as to where all got our things. me both, Monica. these clowns came from. My own the- dren are requesting clowns to perform My favorite part of the clown fiasco Just a side note: if any of you dress ory is that this is the U.S. government’s at their birthday parties is decreasing is how they’re starting to infiltrate col- up as clowns for Halloween you better way of subtly conducting a Purge. One drastically. Another clown enthusiast, lege campuses, like at Penn State believe I will go after your ass, pepper frightened citizen, Kate Courter, said “I Samantha Knice, asserts: “We need this past weekend. News of the clown spray in hand. But let’s be real here think that they’re aliens sent to be fore- to have a movement for clowns’ rights. sighting spread through the campus for a second. One of these psychos runners of world domination and also But only real clowns.” How are we sup- like wildfire. Within minutes, the entire actually killed someone. Can you imag- the apocalypse. I know this because I posed to discern fun clowns from mur- student population left their dorms to ine your cause of death being from a am a clown expert.” Well we can trust derous clowns? I’ll tell you. You don’t. go clown hunting. This actually made murderous clown? I certainly can’t. My her, folks; she’s an expert. Just stay the fuck away from clowns my night. Because fuck the clowns. I advice to you all is to arm yourselves, Most people fear the clowns, but in general. Kevin Johns expressed his think we should all just go clown hunt- comrades. The clownpocalypse is upon some genuinely pity them. Concerned fears when he said, “I was already ing. I don’t think we have to worry us. page 6 the paper october 12, 2016 Faker than Trump Foundation Shadier Than a Forest by Declan Murphy David Fartenhold, your Pulitzer awaits Truth Staff Investigative Reporter worthless.) However, weeks later, the efforts, and much has been made over by Luis Gómez This past week, New York Attorney Trump Foundation made a $25,000 its scandals, perceived or otherwise. General Eric Schneiderman ordered donation to Bondi’s re-election cam- It also demonstrates an unwillingness Donald Trump’s charitable organiza- paign. Bondi ceased to pursue any by the state of New York to afford Mr. Climate Change Declared tion, the Trump Foundation, to cease charges against Trump University. The Trump slack, even for a native son. Fur- Victorious; Humanity Doomed activities in New York. causal link between those two actions ther, it opens the door to further inves- Schneiderman pointed to fundrais- has been difficult to establish, and may tigation of the Trump Foundation, and Climate change was declared ing activities that the Foundation con- or may not constitute bribery. However, even possible class action suits by sev- the winner of a decades-long bat- ducted in New York as the basis of the the use of the Foundation’s funds for eral states. In other words: it’s not look- tle for Earth’s future yesterday, af- shutdown. According to the Attorney a political campaign, accompanied by ing good for the foundation. ter Hurricane Matthew slowly ap- General’s office, and corroborated by the Attorney General’s decision not to There is also the matter of Trump’s proached the US’ east coast. Noted a Washington Post article, the Trump prosecute, certainly paints a nefarious expressed desire to entrust his assets climate scientist and UMass Am- Foundation did not have the proper au- picture. to his children, instead of a blind trust herst professor Raymond S. Bradley thorization to raise funds in New York; Even if the other charges are false, (as is customary). The Trump Founda- said in an interview that “I...I just....I it had failed tion would be a thought we had time. I mean, em- to properly part of that. This pirically we didn’t, but I thought that register as immediately jeop- maybe, just maybe, the Paris Agree- a charitable ardizes the integ- ment would do something. I thought organization. rity of any hypo- that we could actually try and stifle While thetical Trump this. Maybe someone could have...” this order White House, and At this point, Bradley began to cry to cease is while not entirely and could not finish the interview. based on illegal, would cast Bill Nye, the purported Science a particu- into doubt the eth- Guy, released a statement on twit- lar incident, ics of any policy ter. The statement reads, “Listen, the Trump decision. At the I’ve been talking about this shit for Foundation risk of editorial- years. I’ve been going on talk shows, is surround- izing, however, a and doing god knows how many ed by simi- Trump Presidency bullshit Facebook videos about the lar and, in would be its own same goddamn problem. And you some cases, sort of nightmare. know what? The fact that climate more severe Of course, the change has now actually won isn’t scandals. Trump Foundation surprising. I don’t care. Fuck all of These accu- has received a lot you.” The statement was accompa- sations con- of press attention nied by a picture of Nye posing with cern not only and scandal, but billionare Elon Musk, as they both What illegal donations? the Trump lest we forget the were climbing into a Falcon 9 rocket Founda- Clinton Founda- and giving everyone the finger. Pre- tion’s failure tion is equally not sumably they will go live on Mars. to register trusted. Many ac- Governor Rick Scott of Florida properly as cuse the Clinton said of this loss, “Honestly, I don’t a charitable organization in New York there is reason to believe that the Foundation of being a way for the Clin- even believe in climate change, but and elsewhere, but also alleged misuse Trump Foundation was operating ille- tons to profit off of their political clout, at this point why does it matter. of funds. The financial records from the gally in New York. The Washington Post through paid appearances and other- We’re all going to die anyway. Might Trump Foundation indicate that Donald report verifies that. Whether through wise. And, likewise, the Clinton Founda- as well get my Mad Max cosplay a Trump has used foundation funding to negligence or malice, the Trump Foun- tion is in the hands of a relative—Chel- bit of airitme.” buy items for himself, including a mas- dation continued to fundraise even sea Clinton. Climate change could not be sive portrait of his own face. when it did not have the legal authority Let’s put it this way: there is enough reached for comment, but my ga- Most notably there is the allegation to do so. to be suspicious of either foundation. rage flooded yesterday so I guess of bribery by the Trump Foundation to This is not expressly a political move New York, however, has been able to that’s its way of saying it’s proud. Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi. on the part of A.G. Schneiderman, but point to specific violations by the Trump Bondi had been making motions to during a highly politically charged elec- Foundation. The Clinton Foundation investigate Trump University on the tion year, it has political consequences. remains untouched. We’ll see if that basis of fraud for some of its courses. For one, it adds to the air of illegitimacy holds true, but for now, it’s important (Trump University, a for-profit university, that surrounds the Trump Foundation. to be vigilant and critical of pseudo-po- has been characterized by some as The Foundation itself is more of a liabil- litical nonprofits of all stars and stripes. a scam—charging exorbitant fees for ity than a boon to Trump at this point. courses that many deemed ultimately Little has been made of its charitable october 12, 2016 the paper page 7 The VP Debate Happened, and America Cringed Realer by Mike O’Brien White bread wins, democracy loses Staff Moderator tive candidates in a way that would 2. Tim Kaine needs to chill Than Beige. Vanilla. Who the fuck is Tim sound somewhat coherent to a vot- Tim Kaine was unusually jumpy on Kaine? er despite perhaps lacking in sub- Wednesday night, despite having the Fact These were the adjectives my fel- stance; compared to the incoher- upper hand in material, public opinion, low students used to describe the vice ent yelling of Donald Trump, both of and reality. In stark contrast to the first by Meredith McLaughlin presidential debate between Hillary these candidates looked prepared, presidential debate, it was the Demo- Clinton’s VP Tim Kaine and Donald calm, and rehearsed, even if Tim cratic candidate who did most of the Trump’s Mike Pence, a riveting tele- Kaine took a few too many espresso interrupting, cutting Mike Pence off nu- Nazis Killed Pepe the Frog vision event described by The Daily shots before jumping on stage. merous times during the event. Much Show as “two pairs of khakis fighting With all of this said, here’s some of this “jumpiness” could be attributed Two issues ago I wrote about the alt- each other”. Hot off the heels of the takeaways from the debate written to the revelations regarding Trump’s tax right, and their penchant for taking dumpster fire that was the first presi- by a guy who is trying (and failing) to returns that were released by The New good memes and trumping them dential debate, and dangerously close really give a shit about this. York Times that week; as a result, Kaine up to meet their white supremacy relentlessly battered Pence on the mat- standards. While the alt-right has ter, bringing up the issue in arguably in- been successful in harassing Leslie appropriate situations (like North Korean Jones and spoiling the 2015 Hugo nuclear deterrence). Nevertheless, Kaine awards, they finally claimed their fulfilled his purpose at the debate; paint- first casualty on September 27: ing Pence as an accomplice to Trump, un- Pepe the Frog. The Anti-Defamation able to defend his actions on numerous League has categorized Pepe as a occasions. hate symbol for the alt-right, plac- ing him with such classics as the 3. Pence forgot who his running mate Blood Drop Cross and the Confeder- was. ate flag. While I can understand why My biggest takeaway from Wednes- the ADL came to this conclusion af- day’s debate was undoubtedly that ter seeing all the Pepe Hitlers that Pence seems to be woefully uninformed the alt-righters pulled out of their on who his running mate is. Every accu- asses, I have to wonder whether sation made by Kaine was vehemently declaring him as a hate symbol denied, Pence silently shaking his head was the best thing to do. The ADL marking Pepe as a symbol of the Battle of the Dads 2k16 and scowling during the Democrat’s at- tacks. From calling Mexicans rapists to alt-right solidifies their hold over our the plan to ban Muslims from immigrat- beloved meme, and takes away a ing, Trump’s VP could only claim the re- staple of internet culture away from to the second showdown, one could marks were taken out of context or claim us. I know it’s hard to say goodbye be forgiven for not giving a single fly- 1. Pence kept it together with no that the remarks were not said at all, to such an icon, but Pepe isn’t really ing toss about the groundbreaking ar- material. despite video recordings of his running gone, he lives on in our hearts and guments and discussion that ensued Let’s give credit where credit is mate proving otherwise. Pence was be- in our minds. We will all remember over 90 minutes on Wednesday night. due, attempting to defend Cheeto tween a rock and a hard place for this de- Pepe as the satirically sad frog who HOWEVER...I actually completely Hitler on national television is like bate, and if post debate news coverage dotted our preferred social media agree, I don’t give a shit about this de- trying to bail out the Atlantic ocean is to be believed, opinions of Trump were walls with Rare Pepes. But don’t bate, who would? By the time you read with a beach bucket; and despite not changed. forget the people who abused him this article, the second presidential this insurmountable task, Governor All in all, despite Tim Kaine “winning” and used his image to spread their debate will have already happened, Mike Pence managed to keep his the debate, Wednesday’s meeting was hate, don’t forget those who TOOK making this entire article for naught. cool under pressure, responding to largely a polite formality and will largely Pepe from our meme loving arms Hell, 40 percent of Americans can’t questions with a calm and sedated be forgotten (including by yours truly). I and slapped an ill fitting Trump hair- even name the vice presidential candi- tone that could only come from a phoned this article in, it’s hard to write do on him and paraded him around dates, let alone care about what their man who governs over the vast noth- about an event with so little impact on as their sick mascot. Remember position on North Korea’s nuclear pro- ingness that is the state of Indiana. polls or public opinion and still maintain 09/27 as the first and last day gram is. In the end, however, Pence’s calm a guise of quality journalism, that is, how- that the alt-right ruined an internet But I digress, when taken out of the demeanor was for naught because ever, if my writing was ever quality jour- icon for the rest of us non-white su- context of this absolutely batshit in- as we’ve previously established, nalism (it wasn’t). In conclusion; the de- premacists. Maybe in a few years sane election cycle, the meeting did Trump’s antics and opinions are bor- bate was mostly nothing, and this article he’ll come back in a beautiful resur- serve as a reflection of what the presi- derline indefensible, and by simply is also fittingly mostly nothing. gence of memes from the past. But dential debates would look like if this existing as Trump’s running mate, Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to for now, goodbye Pepe. You were a election was a somewhat “normal” Pence was painted as an accessory drink, because lord knows I won’t be ca- rare glimmer of light in this dank, one; with two (relatively) civil contes- to his bullshit. pable of tolerating the second presiden- dark world. tants making the case for their respec- tial debate sober. page 8 the paper october 12, 2016 The Philippines is Trying a New Drug Policy: Murder by Jack Archambault How does someone this crazy get elected? Staff Death Squad ever would (hopefully). In the past the right people has proven to be a bit of police corruption and indicate that de- For once, a politician is making good three months, Duterte’s extreme tricky for the secret police squads, which mocracy and rule of law have gone out the on a campaign promise. Only this time, brand of justice has begged the is where things really start to get scary. window under the Duterte Administration. that might not be such a good thing. question of which is more danger- The prevailing system of justice in the The use of death squads to fight crime Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte, ous: drugs, or the fight against them? Philippines has become to kill first and is nothing new for Duterte, who utilized who based his campaign around erad- The three groups responsible for ask questions later. As such, it is no the 300-person Davao Death Squad (DDS) icating his country’s illegal drug trade, the majority of the killings are the surprise that many Filipinos, especially during his time as Mayor of Davao City. This has employed secret police teams Philippines National Police (PNP), those whose family members have been group killed over 1,000 people in Davao and death squads to kill anybody they unidentified City between suspect is associated with the drug vigilantes, and Puts the crack in crackdown 1988 and 2013, trade. These extrajudicial killings, of highly orga- and Duterte ad- which there have been over 3,000 nized state- mitted to being since Duterte’s inauguration on July 1, sanctioned part of it in a 2015 and people’s reactions to them have death squads. television broad- brought to light a complicated dynamic In fact, Duterte cast, a statement between Duterte, Philippine citizens, has given per- which he later re- and the international community. mission for tracted. Duterte’s To fully understand this story, it is anybody to “go approach has, necessary to know a little bit about ahead and kill astoundingly, not the Philippine President. Duterte is no them yourself,” fazed Filipinos in stranger to politics, having held posi- in reference to the slightest, with tions as a member of the Philippine those involved an approval rat- House of Representatives, Vice Mayor, in the drug ing of 91%. (Just and finally Mayor of Davao City, where trade. Killing for reference, the his infatuation with death squads as criminals at highest Post-WWII a political tool was born (more on this all is enough approval rating in later). His brash and unapologetic to make many American history, style drew the support of Philippine people cringe, that of George W. voters this election year, as his prom- but Duterte Bush in Septem- ises to fight a drug trade that has been has exceeded ber, 2001, was fueled by decades of government cor- this, encourag- one point lower ruption is seen by many as a neces- ing a Purge- at 90%.) Despite sary response to a growing problem. like environ- such support from Among other things, Duterte has lik- ment in his country. killed by death squads, are questioning his countrymen, Duterte’s actions have ened himself to Hitler, saying he would There is no question that illegal the validity of these killings. As people not been met with the same enthusiasm be “happy to slaughter” three mil- drug use is a major issue in the Phil- are executed without evidence or a trial, from other world leaders. The United Na- lion drug addicts, and during his run ippines. A 2015 study by the Dan- it is not uncommon for police accounts tions and Human Rights Watch have been for the Presidency, Duterte routinely gerous Drugs Board found that 1.8 and those of witnesses to have glaring especially quick to condemn the President, made uncouth comments regarding million Filipinos use illegal drugs, incongruences. After Jaypee Bertes and and as a result, Duterte has threatened to rape victims, homosexuality, and for- and political rhetoric has caused his father, Renato Bertes, were killed in leave the UN. Furthermore, he has “dared” eign leaders, even calling Pope Fran- this number to grow to as high as 7 early July, police claimed that they were the UN, European Union, and United cis a “son of a bitch.” If any of this re- million. Duterte’s agenda is based killed because they tried to grab an of- States to withdraw their aid from the Phil- minds you of a certain orange boy that around killing all drug users and deal- ficer’s gun. Forensic examinations, how- ippines. Well, let’s just hope he doesn’t may or may not be our next President, ers within six months, but since most ever, showed that both men were beaten up the ante, because everyone knows well, it probably should. But Duterte shabu (crystal meth) users don’t run and incapacitated before they were shot. you can’t turn down a triple dog dare. is going further than even the Donald around in matching jerseys, getting Incidents like this point to a larger trend october 12, 2016 the paper page 9

First Foray into Fordham’s Bar Scene Goes About How You’d Expect by Christopher Jeske Binge drinking: always better in theory, also when no one is fighting Staff Blue Goose tion, perhaps unable to see or move clared. “What?!” I exclaimed, “I’m a et of his hoodie. “I come prepared Weeks ago, I sat alone in my room, due to the sunglasses resting on his senior!” “Yeah right. I’ve never seen though,” he told me, spritzing himself perusing Craigslist in search of a third snout. Thirty four minutes later, the you around here. Listen, if this really liberally. The bar itself looked more roommate in hopes of lowering the man returned with a single tall boy was a Fordham ID, could I do this?” like a shoebox than anything else. housing fee on my tuition. In a star- Straw-Ber-Rita. Apologizing for the He began to aggressively bend the Children were pressed against every tling burst, the door flew open, and store’s shallow inventory, he handed ID. I stood there mortified, knowing I wall, screaming and jumping to the my roommate Michael entered, vis- Michael $2 in change. Confused, but would face a $30 replacement fee if it likes of the Jonas Brothers and the ibly excited. “Yo, bro. We’re going out satisfied, we carried on. broke. He choked up on the card and Chainsmokers, violating fire codes tonight.” I began to sweat profusely. I I have chosen to spare you the de- attempted to apply more pressure. As left and right. I tried to move closer should say, I continued to sweat pro- tails of the consumption of that Straw- his forehead began to perspire, he to the bar, but I found myself stuck. fusely. Since entering my air condition- It seemed as though the gallons of less room on the first day, I had been spilled beer had transformed into a as slick as the catastrophic 2010 BP Bar fights for Harambe? thick glue, holding me in place by my oil spill. I was filled with dread. shoes. Then, a boy wearing an upside In truth, a drop of alcohol had never down visor turned away from the bar graced my lips prior to my arrival at and raised his pitcher of beer. With Rose Hill. Everything changed that the ferocity of a Spartan he screamed fateful night. Michael led me out of “HA-RAM-BE!” into the air. Within sec- our dorm and onto Fordham Road. onds, the entire bar had joined in the When I inquired about his planned chant. Michael, having watched this method of alcohol acquisition, he con- boy unify the entire bar by the means fidently replied that he intended to re- of an exhausted meme, unloaded a quest the aid of a desperate older fel- massive blow on his right cheek. The low. As we approached the Best Buy, meme enthusiast collapsed in an in- he selected his target. “Watch this,” stant, igniting something of a brawl. he said, swaggering toward a scruffy, berita to avoid incriminating myself. admitted defeat. “Alright I’ll let you go The commotion rose to such a level middle aged man and his canine com- But for the sake of this story, assume this time. But listen, we’re trying this that the bouncer guarding the bar’s panion who sat nearby, calmly sport- the entire Straw-Ber-Rita was finished new thing on Tuesday -- it’s a drink up second door awoke from his slumber ing sunglasses and holding a bucket without gagging or choking. from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. Cover’s $2 for for the first time since our arrival. Irri- of change in his mouth. Amused, Mi- Later, Michael and I decided we girls, $20 for guys. Tell your friends tated, he grabbed Michael by the shirt chael crouched next to the pup. After were prepared to face the bars. We okay?” “Sure,” I said as he applied and dragged him out of the building ordering me to take a picture, he de- soon discovered that we had less to a temporary Spider-Man tattoo to my as members of the crowd desperately posited a dollar in the dog’s dangling face than previously expected, being hand. I looked at him inquisitively. reached to land punches on him. I bucket. He then turned his attention denied entrance from the first two es- Ashamed, he explained they ran out frantically followed them out of the to the man. “Can you buy me a han- tablishments we approached. At the of stamps shortly before my arrival. door. Michael sat on the sidewalk, dle of Jameson?” he blurted, cash in third, a place by the name of ‘Orange I crossed the threshold of the bar apparently having been pushed. The hand, extended towards the gentle- Duck,’ we had more luck. The bounc- and was immediately blasted by the tired bouncer struggled to feign inter- men. The dog owner quickly snatched er, a large Italian man who resembled stench of sweat and the body heat of est as he demanded that “[Michael] the twenty and headed in the oppo- a meatball resting on a barstool, at least 100 disgustingly drunk teen- and [his] friend stay away from The site direction. The pup remained at forcefully requested our Fordham IDs. agers. A fellow bar-goer overheard Duck.” We have found it exceedingly our side, perhaps understanding his Seeing mine, he scoffed and grabbed my laments and casually removed a easy to comply with his request as role as the collateral of this transac- it from my hand. “This is fake,” he de- full bottle of cologne from the pock- time has passed. page 10 the paper october 12, 2016 Fordham Aborted Pro-Life Students Right to Free Speech by Reyna Wang Good thing the paper won’t HUSH them up Ear Wax Editor expressing our views in this manner, from the beginning, it fails to hide the in response to valid questions. A day after the Fordham screening despite getting the demonstration pro-life stitches holding together its But from the accusation of “filling of the new documentary HUSH, which pre-approved by the administration. cherry-picked patches of information out their evaluation forms before claims to be a “liberating conversa- When we barred no one either physi- regarding women’s health. Though I the film began” to the ridiculous jab tion about abortion and women’s cally or psychologically, Silver ac- have not researched nearly as exten- about the “big laptop,” what bothers health,” this headline surfaces on cused us of showing up “in full force sively as the makers of HUSH claim me above all about this whole situa- studentsforlife.org: “Another Catholic carrying signs and intimidating stu- to have done, there are many indica- tion is how petty it has become. What University Fails its Pro-Life Students.” dents from entering to view the HUSH tions that HUSH argues on the basis should’ve been a discussion about a Unsurprisingly enough, it contains an film screening,” as if the free speech of pseudoscience. I could explain serious issue resulted in a petty argu- email from the speaker at the screen- of Fordham’s pro-life students were these to you at length, but a quick ment whose ultimate goal was not to ing, Eve Silver, that spews more than under attack. Googling of the film with some basic seek truth but to paint the opponent a few lies about what really happened discre- as the more biased party. The dualis- at the documentary screening. As a tion for tic political faction-ing of every issue participant in the peaceful demon- bias will that affects Americans is perhaps our stration organized by FSU, SAGES, tell you all biggest obstacle to solving them, and and Women’s Empowerment as well you need the responsibility of having a produc- as an attentive viewer of the film, I’ll to know. tive conversation despite these divi- recount this story how I saw it, and After the sions belongs to members of both let’s be real--there is no way of pre- screen- “sides.” Knowing that we were in a senting information. ing, the space hosted by Respect for Life, per- The Facebook event for the screen- floor was haps my friends and I in FSU+SAGES ing was created by Respect For Life opened should’ve considered ways to express and described the documentary as up for a our views that would make us seem “neutral” and “pro-information.” But Q&A with less hypocritical, guilty of the exact by virtue of hosting the event as Ford- Silver, dogmatism of which we accuse them. ham’s pro-life club, the documentary who was Though our frustrations were valid screening cannot be neutral and un- featured and our accusations of the use of politicized, even if it claims to be. With in the false or biased scholarship in the film this in mind, members of Women’s film. In were essentially irrefutable, perhaps Empowerment researched the film regard to we should not have presented them and found the information presented It is incredibly apparent that Ford- this segment, she remarked: “The in such a barrage as soon as the floor in it to be selectively included from a ham, indeed a Catholic university, protesters had a big laptop and used was opened, consuming a space that pro-life perspective. gives full support to its pro-life stu- it to try to prove false various speak- belonged to everyone. Most of all, I This is where the title of the article, dents, providing them with the re- ers in the film, asking me about regret that after the film, there were “Another Catholic University Fails its sources they need to publically ex- them and denying their logic. I said I people from Respect for Life who Pro-Life Students,” becomes laugh- press their views. It is also incredibly would answer questions asked in an genuinely wanted to hear more about ably, if painfully, inaccurate. Respect apparent that Fordham fails it’s pro- orderly fashion, questions that had our dissenting views, but we left and for Life, a university recognized club choice students, while “pro-choice” relevance to the film and were not of discarded the rare and valuable op- at Fordham, was able to hold a school is not an inherently an un-Catholic a religious or personal nature.” But portunity to have a productive discus- sanctioned event to present informa- view. But even if it were, Fordham in the truth was, Silver was dismissive sion. I so often hear people say that tion of their choice in a manner of its Jesuit mission statement claims even of objective questions that were it’s useless trying to convince a pro- their choice--in this case, through the that it “welcomes students, faculty directly related to the film. For in- this person to believe in a pro-that screening of HUSH. However, when and staff of all religious traditions stance, HUSH repeated accuses na- movement, but maybe if we focused Women’s Empowerment, a feminist and of no religious tradition as valued tional health institutions, such as the on discussing rather than convincing, club that is still not officially recog- members of this community of study American Psychiatric Association and it wouldn’t be so useless. I know this nized by Fordham despite years of and dialogue” and “guarantees the the National Cancer Institute, of with- article didn’t really end the way that it “negotiation,” and FSU+SAGES at- freedom of inquiry required by rigor- holding information regarding the link began, but neither did my experience tempted to do the same--in this case, ous thinking and the quest for truth.” between abortion and breast cancer with this whole HUSH documentary by standing outside the entrances of By restricting the freedom of inquiry from the public. However, there is no screening situation. Keating with sex-positive signs and of students whose views do not align explanation whatsoever as to what in- So tldr: Fordham does not provide handing out cited information about with the anti-choice movement, Ford- centive these institutions would have equal means for free speech to all of abortion that we thought was pur- ham is failing to welcome these stu- for hiding this information. When I its students, the documentary HUSH posely left out of the film--it has to dents as valued members of the com- inquired about this missing element, poorly conceals its pro-life intentions be in the form of a student organized munity, whose first priority is thus not my question was dismissed as “politi- under a pro-woman veil, and no mat- demonstration, and we were stopped that of study and dialogue. cal” and “irrelevant” to the film, and ter what we believe, it’s more produc- by several people, including Ford- The HUSH documentary tries des- several other audience members, tive to listen to those who disagree ham’s Public Safety, who scrutinized perately to portray itself as non-polit- even some members of Respect for with us than to prove that we are us regarding our permission to be ical and simply pro-information, but Life, received similar dismissiveness right. october 12, 2016 the paper page 11 Bottling Up Your Thoughts and Feelings Is Not Worth the Stress by Liza Smythe Time to pop the cork and let the tears flow Staff Feeler sounds awful, it really isn’t that bad. in a temporary state of euphoria. I felt ably wouldn’t constanly feel like I’ve Something my friends, family, pro- I mean, I come up with a lot of cool so secure with myself and my happi- been hit in the face with a brick fly- fessors — really anyone that has ever ideas and solutions to problems for ness because of all the excitement ing towards me at 80 miles an hour. met me -- has told me is that I am not myself and for others, but at the same that I forgot about the downright shitty That’s a weird analogy, but that’s how the best with my emotions. It’s not time I spend so much time up in my place I was in. I denied that someone much it hurts sometimes, except, like, like I am a sobbing mess all the time, head that I am not always in the real so close to me was dying, my relation- a lot more. Feelings are weird. or punching walls; I’m the complete world. ship was crumbling faster than ever, I wish I was more open; I obviously opposite. I keep everything cloistered Even though my deep thinking re- and that I was pushing myself away can’t change my past but I can change within me. The inside of my brain is ally helps me solve problems, it has from those who love me. It wasn’t un- my projection into the future, kinda. I just filled with bottles and bottles of become overwhelming for me to keep til I lost my grandmother and then a owe it to myself and to my loved ones emotions, just lined up against the everything I’m feeling inside for so month later my romantic relationship to tell them how I feel about them. I wall. They have always been there, all tell my friends I value their support neat and tidy—until now. and love and humor and just their I have always been a loner by na- friendship overall; I try to text my mom ture. To an extent, I live mostly in every day with a quick update about the world in my head. I have always my life and that I love her; I call and been this way. When I was younger, text my aunts and cousins to make I created mythical worlds that never sure they’re doing well. I wish I was made sense to my friends, parents or more open in my romantic relation- teachers. In middle school, I wrote ri- ships in my past, but I try not to re- diculously long stories that were just gret ending things for that reason. All anecdotes from my life construed in I know is that feelings and emotions a way that was something of magic are important and I owe it to myself to realism. I continue to dream situa- share them just as people I love share tions from my life into something that with me. is just characteristic of the fantastic. I don’t regret anything that has hap- I find myself in class sometimes play- pened in my past; it has all made me ing out situations on the stage in my who I am right now. I am just going mind. I am constantly processing. I to offer up one piece of advice to you am constantly thinking. I don’t think all: make sure you tell everyone how there has ever been a moment in my you feel about them; don’t be afraid life when I could say that there was to open up. It is scary, just trust me, I nothing much going on up there. know how difficult it is. Sometimes it takes talking to someone on the out- Tell people how you side—this can be even more difficult. Is it too late now to say sorry? Yes, it is. This is something that I do, for myself feel about them be- and it has helped me open up to those I love and care for. Just let yourself be fore you lose them... long. I am not going to lie, I’ve had deteriorated, that I just felt all of the a little vulnerable, you’ll be stronger a pretty rough summer. I’ve always bottles in my head fall to the ground for it. Tell people how you feel about as cliché as it may been one to struggle with my anxiety and shatter, all of the thoughts I have them before you lose them, it could sound, just do it. and that is something that cyclically had for years just mixing and pouring make all the difference. As cliché as comes back to haunt me, my grand- out. I sobbed on my bed for about it may sound, just do it. I may still be My mom constantly asks me what mother was suddenly diagnosed with three hours with my roommate and cleaning up all the shattered glass I am thinking about and I almost al- cancer and we soon lost her, I was in best friend, just letting everything and mopping all my emotions off the ways reply with the blanket, “noth- a long distance relationship that was pour out. There were apologies, and floor, but expressing them with words ing.” The truth is, I am just taking just so tough for us to manage, and I angry strings of sobs about my newly rather than just rampant thoughts, everything in and processing it, and had a falling out with someone close created ex— and some about an old has made cleaning everything up all then placing the bottle on a shelf with to me. It was really rough. I kept all one from way too long ago, and just the easier. like thoughts. I have been told that I my feelings of anxiety, sadness, an- some anecdotes that were just rough don’t talk much, but when I do, it is ger, and depression decently closet- to tell. Editor’s Note: Counseling and Psy- something that is pretty insightful. ed. My friends didn’t know, my family My facade of happiness and ditzi- chological Services is available to Um yeah, it better be of great value didn’t know, my boyfriend at the time ness was gone. All of my security was talk to anyone feeling depressed or I’ve probably been curing that thought didn’t know. I was the same happy, gone. I honestly still can’t process anxious. CPS can be reached at (718) in my brain for six days— or probably bubbly, and sweet person on the out- everything that has happened in the 817-3725; they are a great resource longer. In most circumstances, I just side, being eaten up by the emotions past few weeks. All I know is that if for students to talk. think everything through until there is inside me. I had just shared myself a little bit nothing left to process. This probably When I came back to Fordham, I was more with those around me, I prob- page 12 the paper october 12, 2016 There is No Running Away from the Problem of Catcalling by Meredith McLaughlin No activity is to mundane or routine for street harrassment Staff Marathon Winner because this is, an epidemic that has ever asked for that. If I look like when we are jogging along can step Every other day, the mid distance plagues me and the people I run with- I’m ready to vomit on the side of the back about 800 feet, but the person squad of the track team does a five every day. It rarely happens. But when who says “woo, go Fordham!” is giv- mile run through the Bronx. A little it does you gotta wonder why guys ing me the quality content I live to while ago we took the “scenic” route catcall people when they’re running. see on these streets. Showing sup- through a park, and as we were head- When people run they don’t look cute, port for the school and the track ing back we had to go under this they look sweaty and gross and deter- team is a genuinely nice thing to bridge. I’m not the best runner, so I mined as hell. Women who wake up do, and it makes you feel like you’re was a few feet behind the rest of the in the morning and go out to run are part of the larger Bronx community. group as we’re running, and as we not looking for your greasy comments. I can’t speak for everyone, but hear- passed under the bridge a guy who When you’re trying to push yourself ing someone tell me to keep going was walking past stopped and whis- and keep up with the group the last while I run can give me that mental tled at us. I turned to look at him (be- thing you want to hear is a man say boost that I need to push myself. “Ooh, look at the pretty girls,” to his Just let me run Catcallers like to hide behind the It’s just basic so- dog when you pass by. That shit will in peace! word “compliment” when they’re throw you off a little bit when you’re defending their rudeness, but an cial skills: You don’t me and you react to everything that road and I hear someone tell me stuff actual compliment is when someone happens around you. It’s just basic like that, without a doubt I will day- takes the time to motivate you while harrass women for social skills: you don’t harrass women dream about vomiting on them. you’re running, not when they tell you being in the same for being in the same space as you. You’re supposed to be uncomfort- you have nice legs. It costs zero dollars to stay in your able when you’re running. It’s that People appreciate being compli- space as you. lane and not say anything, but for uncomfortable feeling that makes mented for working hard, not getting some reason this is is still an issue you feel like you’ve accomplished degraded for walking down the street. cause I love taking the bait and being women have to deal with. What goes something. But getting shouted at by Whether you’re running, walking, a moron) and to be honest there’s through the mind of the catcalling a sleaze on the sidewalk turns that standing, or just existing in a public nothing more unsettling than a mid- male? “Glad I woke up today :) These uncomfortable success feeling sour, place, no one has the right to harass dle aged man whose face is cloaked college ladies are running by, really and that’s the worst feeling of all. you for being there. It’s 2016, guys. in darkness whistling at you while you hope they like me telling them to move There is a difference between cat- It’s time we as a society moved on pass him under a bridge. those legs as I drive by in my car.” No calling and actual motivation, though. from catcalling. Now I’m not writing this article one needs that in their life. No one The person who whistles at the group Sorry If I’m Not As Pretty As I Look On Snapchat by Colleen Burns Snapfilters reinforce unrealistic beauty standards Features Co-Editor coolness levels. I, for one, know I ary form of social media because of filter that digitally corrects any flaws Since its creation in September spend too much time debating the these features or even lack of certain regarding facial structure. 2011, I have believed that Snapchat is perfect picture, caption, and hashtag features is an accurate statement…or Maybe you did not even notice the the most revolutionary form of social combination all for a predetermined so I thought. About a year ago, Snap- lens airbrush your skin or Photoshop media because it does not conform “cool” amount of likes. Simply stated, chat introduced a new component to your jaw line because of how subtle to the like-crazed, follower obsessive, Snapchat relieves all of the pressures sending selfies: Snapchat Lenses or the changes are, but I bet you noticed fake happiness performing platforms of this social competition. more commonly known as Face Fil- that you felt prettier using those spe- of many other popular social media In one sense, Snapchat also reduc- ters. Snapchat Lenses allow users cific lenses. Through these lenses, sites. For example, Snapchat does es the pressure to portray a perfect, to add special effects to their selfies. Snapchat is inadvertently dictating not instigate social competition over happy life on social media the way Some Snapchat Lenses shape a face our perceptions of beauty, and I am the number of friends, likes, views, Facebook and Instagram do. Instead, into a cute animal, provide rainbow not okay with it. What kind of positive retweets, or shares a user receives Snapchat cultivates the idea of send- puke, or make face swaps. self-image are these Snapchat Lens- because it simply is not designed in ing silly faces and funny captions that I am sure we can all agree that these es promoting? I could be dead tired the same way as other social media disappear in ten seconds or less. Snapchat Lenses are extremely fun to with a high fever and snot running sites. Only Snapchat users know how Most Snapstories are probably videos use, but there are several Snapchat from my nose and still look amazing many friends they have and how many of your roommate doing something Lenses that transform a user’s face when I use the gold butterfly lens. If I people have viewed their Snapstory. embarrassing, pictures of Netflix into one that meets society’s beauty allow Snapchat to “fix” my flaws and Even more groundbreaking, Snap- beating out homework once again, or standards. Please note: I am not re- imperfections in photos, how will I chat does not have a “like” button a documentation of the wonders of ferring to the Snapchat Lenses that feel about myself when I look in the that is central to many forms of social Aramark food. Meanwhile, most pic- give users over-the-top sparkly make- mirror and remember they still exist? media. This dreaded “like” button is tures on Facebook and Instagram are up as a joke. I am talking about the Snapchat may have made revolution- simultaneously hated and loved by probably of you and your friends pos- flower crown lens that erases all blem- ary steps in aspects of social competi- many social media aficionados, as the ing for the camera somewhere that is ishes and makes eyes bigger, the gold tion, but Snapchat is far from progres- number of likes received is deemed not nearly as fun as it seems. butterfly lens that Photoshops jaw sive in promoting positive self-image an important factor in determining To say Snapchat is a revolution- lines and makes skin tanner, and the and realistic perceptions of beauty. october 12, 2016 the paper page 13 the paper’s view

Best if performed in the Key of G Minor: Horoscopes by Kyle Zarif

Here's the story of a publication Staff Madame Zeroni Whose editors racked up a shit ton of debt All of them had hearts of mold, a real non starter, Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) One of them was named Loob You’ll do fine on a test but then you’ll tell everyone that you think you failed until you get the test back and see that you did fine. Here's the story, of new Fordham students Congratulations, you played yourself. Who for some some reason hated Sly Stallone Their rage for him was uncontrollable Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) Would they hate him alone? Life is not a fairytale and no one needs to hear that more than you. Till the one day when the students went to Club Fair (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19) And they found the twelve moldy guys and gals Aries They learned that they were allowed to print “Fuck Sly” Try to find a fun way to dial down your insufferable narcissism, That's the way they all became the paper pals. perhaps by listening every once in a while. Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20) the paper pals, The stars will guide you to a reckless spontaneity. The moon will the paper pals, That's the way they became the paper pals. coax you back into a mundane sadness. Gemini (May 21 - June 20) Occasionally issues have been pulled Take a walk in the woods; explore your natural surroundings! Due to face-sitting pics that offended God Mostly to forge a connection to nature but also because all of However, now they just fuck up OrgSync forms They still offend God, though your friends secretly hate you. Cancer (June 21 - July 22) Sometimes the editors worship lizards Your luck is about to run out, sweetie. Because deep down they are all just meme trash Now they moved on to roasting each other Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) And never having cash A great opportunity will present itself to you but you won’t notice because you’ll be busy talking down to someone. Except Sundays when they order Estrellitas And they say that death is inevitable Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) Together they are wine mom, dad, and 10 kids Your vertigo will be cured this week. With contributors they are the paper pals. Libra (Sep. 23 - Oct. 22) the paper pals, Your week will probably go fine, but wear a tin hat 24/7 just in the paper pals. case. That's the way they became the paper pals. Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) Ooh! My nose! You will meet the love of your life this week. They will appear in the Sio & Kelly form of a emotionally downtrodden scarecrow. Don’t be alarmed... a.k.a. Mr. & Mrs. the paper Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) Let your friends drag you to Mugz™, you’ll have a great time!...or “Well, all day long at school I hear how great Looby probably just a good time...at the very least you’ll learn to keep is at this or how wonderful Looby did that! your expectations low. Looby, Looby, Looby!” -Luis Gomez Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) Play a game of Monopoly with your grandmother. She fucking de- serves this. page 14 the paper october 12 , 2016 This Entire Election has been a Sexist Hellish Nightmarescape by Rachel Poe Guess what? Donald Trump is a pig but this isn’t surprising Features Co-Editor In case you’ve been living under claiming a reporter is on her period nothing more than their looks and When I started writing this, I was a rock, a video of Trump from 2005 because she called you out on your that he is fully justified in exploiting going to compare Donald Trump was leaked on Friday of him and bullshit is the mature, presidential and objectifying them because of to this kid who was in my biology Billy Bush - yes, a relative of Jeb! way to handle it. Also, it just came his celebrity status. class in tenth grade who would try - degrading women. A short sum- to light that Trump called 1996 Trump has since tried to apolo- to cheat off my labs and, when I mary is that Trump believed that he Miss Universe winner Alicia Mach- gize for the incident saying that he called him out, told me to go make could make moves on women, de- ado “Miss Piggy” and “Miss House- “not a perfect person” before spin- him a sandwich since women only spite those women being married, keeping,” referring to Alicia’s slight ning the whole thing into a slam belonged in the kitchen. Back then, because he was a star. Trump be- weight gain after the competition on Hillary and Bill Clinton. As if he I was disgusted that some boy lieved that he could just “grab ‘em and her Latina background. Then, couldn’t get more disingenuous, thought that he was better than me in the pussy” because he could “do because he’s just a dick, he “invit- Trump was clearly reading off a even though I was clearly the more anything.” Yup, that man could be ed” a bunch of reporters to watch teleprompter during his “apology,” competent one in this situation. It one of the most powerful people in and put her weight under a micro- breaking his usually candid behav- was frustrating but luckily, I had the world in less than a month. scope. And then called most of the ior. Whether this was an attempt to enough self-respect that I didn’t Trump’s disgusting language reporters overweight too. seem more presidential or a deci- let it get to me, nor did I let him aside, the kind of mentality that But the icing on the cake would sion made by his campaign so he get away with it. I told him off then goes along with it is too problemat- definitely have to be Trump’s com- didn’t say anymore more stupid shit promptly ignored him for the rest ic to ignore. It’s violent and selfish, ments about his own daughter: “If is unclear, but nevertheless, Trump of the year. (Joke’s on him - he was completely disregarding the fact Ivanka weren’t my daughter, per- has never seemed less sincere. If later expelled). that 1.) Trump was married himself haps I’d be dating her” which is just he really felt bad for his actions, he But Trump has surpassed the at this time and Melania was preg- - ew. He also, when asked about would have owned up to his bullshit level of a high school bully. Since nant with their son and 2.) these what his one-year-old daughter Tif- without attacking his opponent. the primaries, Donald Trump has women could, you know, not be fany had of mom and dad’s, only Trump’s campaign has been tak- been spewing hate-speech without interested in his advances. I know talked about her legs and that they ing blow after blow since the be- consequence; one could even ar- that it’s too much to ask for Trump’s would have to see if she would have ginning of October and now seems gue that it’s what gave him an edge tiny brain - to match his tiny hands her mother’s breasts. His one year to be scrambling. Trump is con- since he severely lacked any hard - to wrap around the idea that a old child. I shouldn’t have to tell tinuously trying to drag Bill Clinton policy ideas. He’s been insulting woman could be uninterested but you, that’s not normal. through the mud by bringing three Mexicans, Muslims, and African- really, who would be okay with be- Trump is a slimy, narcissistic, mi- of his alleged assault victims to the Americans since he announced ing groped by a giant Cheeto? sogynist pig, whose disrespectful debate on Sunday. Sorry, Donald, his candidacy for president, but for Clearly, this isn’t Trump’s first time comments about women have been but last time I checked, Hillary was the purpose of this article, I’m go- taking heat for his comments about consistent since the 1990s. This is your opponent not Bill. Sexually as- ing to be focusing on Trump’s vul- women. He continuously calls Rosie more than an issue of Trump just saulted women shouldn’t be used gar remarks towards women. I just O’Donnell a pig and let’s not forget saying mean things. If Trump has as props in one man’s war against want to make it perfectly clear that his response to Megyn Kelly when no respect for the people he could another. That’s low, even for you I believe that all of Trump’s deroga- she called him out about it dur- potentially lead, then how can we Donald. tory remarks should disqualify him ing one of the Republican primary trust him to protect us, to not treat So fuck you, Donald Trump. Your from the presidency but in light of debates. Trump alluded to Kelly’s us like second class citizens? I per- wife and the roughly 157 million Trump’s recent bullshit, I’m going menstrual cycle by saying “blood sonally cannot respect someone other women in the United States to be focusing on just this special was coming out of her ears, com- who lacks any sort of common hu- deserve better. brand of Trump stupidity. ing out of her wherever” because man decency. To Trump, women are october 12, 2016 the paper page 15

Can You Please Stop Hating on My Rad Dad Music? by Kaitlyn Clarke & It’s not sad to rock out with dad Carly Johnson will be preserved due to fear of retali- makes the assumption that only dads vinyl of 2015, and Led Zeppelin came Staff Dad Defenders ation from angry dads, alluded to the listen to this music suggesting that it in slots fifteenth and sixteenth, but idea that this music was “dad rock” has become irrelevant. Let’s begin by people who dismiss pre-’80’s music This past weekend marked the 40th and therefore inaccessible or unap- discussing the incorrect assumptions simply as “dad music” fail to recognize anniversary of legendary pioneering pealing. While this individual’s views of the users of this terminology; the that we would not have modern mu- punk band, the Buzzcocks. Part of the are not necessarily indicative of an music of yesteryear is not only accessi- sic without it. A prime example of the initial wave of punk rock to come out of entire generation’s attitudes towards ble, but also appreciated by individuals past’s influence on present music is the U.K. in the 1970s, the Buzzcocks music of the past, the popularization of across the vast spectrum of age and hugely popular neo-psychedelic rock are akin to iconic bands such as The band Tame Impala, whose latest re- Sex Pistols and The Clash. Their indis- lease, Currents, received praise from putable legacy and pop sensibilities are critics and audience alike; founder and responsible in part for the creation of front-man, Kevin Parker, has cited the other highly regarded musical groups music of Pink Floyd as a major contrib- like Hüsker Dü and Nirvana. In celebra- uting factor to Tame Impala’s psyche- tion of their anniversary, the Buzzcocks delic sound. Or just think of the White played a mind-blowing 3-hour long set Stripes; Jack White’s gritty and bluesy at New York’s own Irving Plaza, and with sound must give credit to the likes of the return of the band, brought the re- guitarist Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin. turn of their fans, some of whom have Jimi Hendrix, guitar legend, shattered long since seen their heyday. When conceptions of what it meant to play looking around the crowd, one could the guitar, forever altering the course see that the audience was comprised of rock music and undoubtedly influ- of mostly older folk, with a few young encing musicians for generations to adults scattered throughout; including Special Patriarchy come. British punk, Palma Violets, the an older man who dropped his glasses Edition contemporary garage rock band all in the middle of the mosh pit and then owe their entire sound to The Clash. On proceeded to crawl around on the floor the term “dad rock” or “dad music” has experience. I have never failed to meet the same note, Saves have cited ‘70s for twenty minutes looking for them us- made it apparent that the expression adolescents, young adults, as well as rockabilly heroes The Cramps as an ing the flashlight on his phone (to no needs to be addressed. dads, who all enjoy artists ranging from influence; the list of influential artists avail I might add). The lack of a more In order to combat the negative stig- Cheap Trick to Simon and Garfunkel to from this period goes on and on. youthful audience at the concert got ma that accompanies the term “dad The Rolling Stones. This exemplifies the So, even if you are opposed to lis- me thinking about what happened to music,” one must first define it. The timeless nature of this genre of music, tening to music that is more than 20 the appreciation of classics by contem- aforementioned individual broadly ap- thus ascribing the listeners to only one years old (although if you are, you’re porary music listeners. It makes sense plied the term to music created before generation is an under representation an unseasoned listener and should fix why the audience was predominantly the 1980s, or in other words, music of the music’s breadth and grasp. the problem immediately), you are ob- populated by people who were alive produced during the time when our The ubiquitous presence of pre- ligated to respect all it has done for to- during the height of the Buzzcocks’ ca- generation’s parents were in their ado- 1980’s music in today’s society dem- day’s world, not only musically, but also reer, though it still begs the question, lescence, more specifically the 1960’s onstrates its relevancy rather than the socially and politically. “Dad music” is a how does today’s youth view music of and 70’s. This definition is problematic lack thereof. Not only is it still enjoyed vital aspect in the inception of today’s the past? When asked this question, a not only because it is lazy and unimagi- regularly, Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the music scene and deserves to be recog- particular individual, whose anonymity native in its design, but also because it Moon was the eighth highest selling nized as such. page 16 the paper october 12, 2016 Star Wars Is a Capitalist Money-Making Dream Events by Scott Saffran Unsurprisingly, it’s owned by Disney What: Halloween Dog Staff Action Figure actually bought them! The toys sold so sons), but still new toys, clothes, and well in both cardboard cutout and ac- accessories lined the shelves at every Parade Star Wars is the cultural phenomenon of cultural phenomena. Its seven mov- tual plastic form Kenner began to build Target, Wal-Mart, Kmart, and Kohl’s. Where: Tompkins Square ies have grossed over $6.5 billion. The its brand around the line and drove Though the Star Wars merchandise Park franchise sold for over $4 billion during the Ohio-based toy manufacturer to train has charged on mostly without fail become one of the leading toy licens- for the past forty-or-so years, is this cur- When: Sat., Oct. 22nd @ the 2012 sale to Disney. Star Wars has come to consume our cinemas, book ing powerhouses in the world up until rent model sustainable? Does the Star 12pm stores, comic shops, department retail- their oh-so-untimely folding in 2000. Wars monstrosity have what it takes to How Much: FREE ers, and mostly importantly, toy stores. Inspired by that initial success, now cash in on brand new products every with each new movie or television se- single year with at least comparable Why: Dogs, in Halloween Star Wars toys are merchandising un- like any other. Film and design enthu- ries comes a wave of toys based on success? The answer is probably going Costumes, in a Parade. siasts fawn over the intricate costume characters old and new. to be yes. I mentioned earlier that Star ARE YOU KIDDING ME! and set design, and marketing special- Since the production of the phe- Wars is toyetic, and that’s what most nomenally successful Episode VII: The of their success has been built on. DO YOU NEED A WHY, DO ists’ pupils turn into dollar signs. Star Wars merchandise pulled Force Awakens, Disney and Star Wars Everyone wants a Darth Vader toy be- YOU REALLY NEED ONE?! in a reported $32 billion, cause he’s a friggin’ space even before the Disney ac- samurai and that’s just the coolest thing ever. While What: Dessert Festival quisition. Put simply, Star Wars is toyetic. Each char- the critical and financial Where: Dobbin St. Brook- acter, no matter how mi- success of the Rogue One lyn, NY nor or obscure, is uniquely film is months away from determination, new droid When: Sun., Oct. 23rd @ designed and impressively marketable. Boba Fett has K-2SO has almost single- 12pm about five lines in the en- handedly ensured a vic- How Much: $15 tire saga, but has sold no tory in the toy section. And for a film franchise that Why: Their slogan is “Be- less than one metric shit- ton of toys. Even I have a does about five times its cause Dessert is always little Dengar action figure, box office take in merch a good idea.” They’ve the dude with the diaper sales alone, that’s really all that counts. already sold me on it. on his head who never speaks once. Star Wars fatigue can Prior to the acquisition only be a product of a lack What: Peace-A-Party by Disney, the Star Wars of innovation. The beauty property carried on an of the universe is not that Where: McGinley 241 every single character uneven existence. Comic Dengar’s Diaper Dome When: Tues., Oct. 18th @ books and novels kept a can be a marketable ac- 4:30pm consistent stream over the forty-or-so execs have hinted at a continuous cy- tion figure, but that every single char- cle of films until the year 2020. With acter is so unique, so fresh on their How Much: Free years of existence, but the six movies and handful of television shows were each new movie comes the promise of own that they’re deserving of their Why: Sponsored by CSA. few and far between. The market for new toys. Initiated last September prior own action figure. If the Disney mono- You will be writing letters merchandise over this time, both re- to the release of Episode VII was “Force lith fails in continuing the legacy that Friday”, a merchandise extravaganza George Lucas and Ralph McQuarrie for charity. This event is tail and resale, had been comparably inconsistent and unpredictable. Movie where all licensed The Force Awakens built in designing and inspiring compel- for a really good cause, releases often saw stock fly off shelves products were simultaneously released ling characters, they will fail in the toy so go if your a nice per- and resale prices skyrocket, yet Epi- to the joy of fans worldwide. Brand new aisle and in the cinema, and, in turn, action figures in the classic four inch they will fail to reap those monstrous son. Seriously. They also sode II product lingered on the pegs like a bad aftertaste. These valleys can scale, four-foot-tall dolls, cardboard financial rewards. In truth, Star Wars have free pizza, but don’t leave toy shelves barren of Jedis and standees, hoodies, shirts, posters, toys are as much a part of the saga as go for that, you jerk. Stormtroopers, or absolutely flush with POP bobbleheads, lightsabers, NERF the films; they have facilitated a physi- the brand new, highly articulated or ret- guns, and much (much, much, much) cal relationship with fans and fanatics ro-style Rebels and Imperialists. more took over about every corner of that has built the brand into the largest Back in 1977, during the release every retail store across the face of this cultural experience in the world. It has period of the original Star Wars film, planet. become a multi-media experience un- Kenner Toys (RIP) sold a box of card- To continue on the ever-lucrative like anything the world has ever seen. board cut-outs of action figures with trend, Friday, September 28th, was My parting thought? The Ewoks were the promise that the still-in-production 2016’s iteration of the spectacular. as much a way to sell toys as any other toys would be shipped to purchasers Granted, it wasn’t met with the same Jedi, Sith, or Stormtrooper. Don’t hate at some later date. Droves of people level of excitement (for obvious rea- on Wicket W. Warrick! october 12, 2016 the paper page 17 Dating Naked Is Great to the Naked Eye by Liam Mckeone Get in the spirit by watching it nude Shows Staff Nudist and embarrassing interactions, which allow all the current participants in the Dating Naked is better than The are more believable than other reality show to drink like fish before they all What: Clams Casino with Bachelor. There, I said it. Before ev- TV shows. Nobody wants to act awk- break out into a huge fight. Keep in eryone swooning over The Bachelor’s ward and uncomfortable on national mind, there are usually six horny and Lil B newest and latest hot single Ben Hig- TV, yet here David is, struggling to con- drunk singles in their mid-twenties, Where: Playstation The- gins comes charging to his defense, nect with his potential partner as he consuming all the free alcohol they ater want and living under the same roof let me tell you why you should care flails about on the soccer pitch trying to When: way more about Dating Naked’s most score a goal. These situations are cer- for a whole week between episodes. Thurs., Oct. 13th recent pair of lost lovers looking for a tainly more comedic than The Bachelor So, you can imagine, things get pretty @ 7:30pm partner, David and Natalie. dates, which are set in a much more personal. They don’t have to be naked How Much: $37.50 during their time at the main house, so The concept of simply dating naked is stereotypical dating environment, like Why: revolutionary, an idea containing many a candlelit dinner in the moonlight. that particular factor of the social inter- Why would you not more layers than simply one guy try- While the bachelors get to go to some actions is absent, but it still makes for want to see the based ing to find the right girl. With two main cool places, like Wrigley Field and quality entertainment. It can lead to all god? Also Clams Casino contestants, a male and a female, ev- Mexico City, the concept of the Dating sorts of confrontations: women walk- eryone is interested. We get to exam- Naked contestants consistently stay- ing in on the male contestant kissing is a good producer. I ine both dynamics of the relationships ing in the same place makes for better another girl and flipping out about it; think. I dont know people side-by-side and have a guys getting all moody hate my taste in music. greater appreciation for The best suit for dinner in is and angsty when they the differences between your birthday suit! see the female contes- Apparently this is Clams’ a male contestant and a tant flirting with some- show though, so if you female contestant. This one else; and even peo- like him, go. also means that partici- ple taking their clothes pants of both genders get off specifically to spite to try their hand at win- everyone else. It’s What: Chvrches ning over each of the two worse than if you got Where: Terminal Factory main contestants. With a all the housewives from larger variation in people the Real Housewives When: Sun., Oct. 16th @ comes a larger variation shows and put them all 7pm in strategy, making for in a room with bottom- How Much: $39.50 extremely entertaining less wine to gossip and reality television. Going scream at each other. Why: Most people go to on dates naked moves So there you have it. church on Sunday, there outside the bounds of cli- While these shows air is this concert too. I ché dating, putting both in completely differ- the viewers and contes- ent times throughout don’t know if it counts as tants in the uncomfort- the year, there will be church though. I needed able situation of dealing a point when you must something that isn’t hip- with everyone naked. ask yourself whether to When naked, people feel watch The Bachelor or hop, I mean I could have exposed. That feeling is Dating Naked. It sounds put two hip-hop shows clear in the faces of the dubious that this might here. Awkward. participants in Dating be an actual dilemma Naked, making for a much more inter- television. When the contestants be- to have, but trust me. I thought the esting viewing experience. Instead of come more comfortable in their envi- same thing until it happened to me. What: Jain trying to psychoanalyze the twitch on ronment, that’s when their true selves You’ll know the answer when the time Where: Rough Trade comes. Watching naked people awk- Ben’s face as he hands his latest inter- tend to come out. It’s seen all the time When: est a rose during their date, we get to in real life: someone seems nice until wardly interact is always more enter- Wed., Oct. 12th @ enjoy the discomfort of the contestants they get more comfortable in their sur- taining than watching the next really 8pm as they try to have a normal conversa- roundings, and suddenly they become dreamy guy choose between literally How Much: $10 fourteen different beautiful women. tion in the nude. the Wicked Witch of the West. Why: The dates that the contestants go on By far the greatest part of Dating Na- Why would you want to watch two peo- I listened to her in Dating Naked are far more interest- ked and the aspect that separates it ple sipping wine in a Jacuzzi when you today in the print shop. ing than The Bachelor. While gimmicky, from any other dating reality show, not can watch two NAKED people roller- She’s really good. Like the various activities that they partici- just The Bachelor, are the nights after skate down a hill and then drunkenly pate in, whether it’s a physical activity the dates. They supply all the contes- fight about it afterwards? Make the really good. Watch the like basketball or a dinner on a boat tants with copious amounts of alcohol right decision. Choose Dating Naked. music video for “Come,” thirty feet offshore, make for awkward for reasons that I don’t question, and trust me its really trippy. page 18 the paper october 12, 2016 Fashion Wars: Episode MMXVI - The 90’s Strike Back by Abby Ponticello Can’t wait until The 80’s Awaken... Staff Honorary 90’s Kid nifer Aniston is rejoicing somewhere when women tied red ribbons around again begun to symbolize one’s fash- The classic defense invoked by moth- over the fact that her Rachel Green their necks as a tribute to those mur- ion forwardness. ers since the beginning of time has character from Friends is once again a dered at the guillotines. Over the course Luckily, the popular nineties trends once again come around to haunt us. modern style icon. of its history the choker has served as that have made their resurgence in In our futuristic year of 2016, fashion The trend of wearing chokers in par- a trademark garment of prostitutes, a today’s fashion have so far been lim- seems to be moving more and more ticular has reached the status of an famous accessory for ballerinas, and ited to classic pieces like the choker, in the direction of throwbacks. The epidemic. an important denim jacket, and Doc Marten shoe. scrunchies and chokers that have For the past symbol for high- This is something to be glad about, been collecting dust in my basement few years, society aristo- because for all of the fun and whimsi- since my sister outgrew them in 1998 the choker crats. However, cal ensembles that the nineties had to have once again become trendy items. has gradual- the garment’s offer, there were also definitely a host For the cutting-edge modern teenager, ly been mak- most notorious of things that had better be left forgot- selecting an appropriately fashion-con- ing its way turn in the spot- ten in the far, far back of DJ Tanner’s scious ensemble requires no further back onto light was in the closet. If aggressively low-rise jeans effort than tuning in to an episode of the fash- nineties. Icon- or tinted sunglasses reappear on the Boy Meets World or taking a nostalgic ion scene. ic celebrities scene we’ll all know for sure that we’ve flip through the liner notes of the first Today, they ranging from gone just a step too far. But the way I Spice Girls album. And being the hip are literally Gwyneth Pal- see it, there are definitely worse style New York-affiliated college students everywhere. trow to Britney eras that our generation could’ve cho- that we are here at Fordham, we seem What’s inter- Spears rocked sen to revive. I mean… the eighties? to have been bitten particularly hard by esting about the classic look Chokers are one thing, but if someone the nineties bug. Strolling across cam- the choker is at every high tries to bring back shoulder pads in a pus during the period when classes that it actu- profile occasion few years I, for one, will be rioting in the change over, one is confronted by a ally has quite imaginable. streets. However, for the time being, I plethora of cropped shirts paired with a long history Recently, A-list think it’s safe to say that we can all kick high-waisted bottoms, a shocking num- in popular fashion that dates back far celebrities like Kendall Jenner and Ri- back in a crop top and a pair of striped ber of Doc Martens, a sea of denim, beyond its iconic revival in the 1990s. hanna have become champions of the Adidas and enjoy reliving the years of and enough flannel to clothe a stadium The concept of the choker was born in choker craze. After a few decades away our babyhood. full of lumberjacks. In other words, Jen- the 1790s in Revolution-era France, from the public eye, chokers have once Manchester by the Sea Sails over the Competition at NYFF by Declan Murphy You should definitely “sea” it Staff Seaman ful film, mired in tragedy. The premise— of New York and the off-Broadway play of the outer Boston accent, and instead One of the major problems with film a teenage boy is adopted by his uncle This is Our Youth. Lonergan has a gift embraces its dialect. The freezing win- festivals is the exponential factor of after losing his father to heart dis- for dialogue; as mentioned, the film ter, the nearby sea, and the repressed word-of-mouth promotion. Early re- ease—may seem familiar, but the exe- uses its text sparsely but effectively. It Northern culture all play parts in the leases, especially those that have de- cution is anything but. It’s an unroman- successfully avoids many of the dead- drama, and it pays off incredibly well. buted at other festivals, are expected tic portrait of loss; moments pass by in parent clichés. Resolution does not It’s also, oddly enough, quite funny. to be better than others, and audi- silence, and the grief is addressed with come easily; the two do not learn a Casey Affleck’s Lee Chandler is sarcas- ence members tend to agree with the all the terse reserve that its New Eng- ‘valuable lesson’; no one is expected to tic, caustic, and brief. His interplay with perception of the film that had gener- land setting suggests. be alright by the end. It is tragedy as his teenage co-star is an exercise in ated prior to the screening. Take, for in- It’s also anchored by incredible, tragedy manifests in real life: imperfect brevity and wit. Lee Chandler is utterly stance, festival darling Steve Jobs. The Oscar-worthy performances. Casey Af- and messy. unfit to be a parent, and his awkward movie premiered at festivals last year fleck is silent, pained, joking, and car- I was lucky enough to attend a talk- banter rings true. to widespread acclaim, even serving as ing at various points in the film, with back with Lonergan, which was also Manchester is profound, heartfelt, the centerpiece of last year’s New York equal success. He brings a brooding illuminating. Lonergan discussed Man- and just all-around enjoyable. It’s easily Film Festival. But after disappointing nobility to his rough, workmanlike char- chester in context of his other work. It the highlight of this year’s NYFF. While box office returns, the reputation of the acter. The supporting cast, including certainly feels like a culmination. Here, Kristen Stewart’s Shopper may draw in film had petered out by awards season. Michelle Williams, do excellent work Lonergan fully develops themes estab- plenty of its own acclaim, Manchester So I must say, with some trepidation as well. It’s a simple script that says as lished in his other works, most notably by the Sea has the accessibility to per- because of the aforementioned bias- much in its pauses as in its words. the importance of location. His earlier meate the public consciousness and es: Manchester by the Sea, one of the Manchester by the Sea is the third Margaret was fully integrated into the the staying power to become a classic. Main Slate films at this year’s New York feature by writer / director Kenneth Lo- New York skyline. Here, New England I cannot recommend Manchester by Film Festival, will almost certainly win nergan. Lonergan’s other two features provides the backdrop, including the the Sea more highly. an Oscar. are similar indie dramas, but he’s also titular Manchester-by-the-Sea. Luckily, Manchester is a powerful and beauti- served as a writer for the film Gangs it swerves to avoid making a mockery october 12, 2016 the paper page 19 The Meadows v. Global Citizens: Dawn of Music Meadows Festival Directed by Zack Snyder by William Maurillo assortment of all of his albums. Kanye many others. Each set ran for various Staff Family Emergency will always act like Kanye. Other than amounts of time, with some like Ken- showing up thirty minutes late and Kim’s robbers, how could you be so drick, Metallica, and Rihanna running leaving early for a family emergency, Ye heartless? Coming into The Meadows for a lot longer than others. Kendrick lived up to the hype. Playing fire song I expected a fall Coachella vibe filled especially went through a bunch of his after fire song, he was the god that with a full range of music fans, instead big songs as well as two songs from his he knows he is. With a stage setup I got Kanye merch shoved down my friend Schoolboy Q. It was awesome. that made me hate him and love him throat and a whole lot of 15-year-old I was happy though, not just that I at the same time, Kanye West’s mu- pot smoking, teenage angst, Upper saw my favorite artist in concert (Ken- sic will never sound as good as it did West Side, and mosh pits. My main drick Lamar), but because as a whole to fireworks and artsy lights creating reason for going to The Meadows was it was really fun. Okay, also because trippy shadows and hype. Overall, The to see Chance the Rapper, Mac Miller, I saw Kendrick in concert. But all the Meadows… “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Family and Kanye West. Having never attend- performers were so good. It made me emergency, I have to stop the show,”. ed a music festival before, I allowed my a fan of groups that I thought I wouldn’t mind to wander on what to expect in be fan of (Metallica). Despite the the weeks prior to the festival. I thought Global Citizens Festival 50,000 people, the fact that I could barely see the artist, or the lines for ev- that music festivals consisted of a hip- by Nicholas Peters pie flower child vibe filled with love, erything, it was just a good time. Being happiness, and J passing. I couldn’t Arts Co-Editor at a concert with such a large amount have been more wrong. People at The of people gives off an amazing energy. Meadows were so triggered and hostile On September 24th, 2016, in Cen- for such bonding. The musicians were tral Park, thousands upon thousands bomb, singing to the masses on what of people crowded around each other seemed like a crappy schedule put to- to enjoy a collection of various tal- gether by people who specifically want- ented artists and various influential ed you to miss out. To start my day, I speakers for the Global Citizens fes- went to Mac Miller to “find a big butt tival. Global Citizens is an organiza- bitch, somewhere get my nuts kissed.” tion run with the intent to help make Miller was in my opinion too focused on the world a better place with a bevy Divine Feminine and didn’t pay enough of goals in order to accomplish it. It credit to his older songs, specifically, brings together politicians, celebrities, “Donald Trump.” and everyday people together in order Leaving the Ariana Grande lovey to accomplish this. The festival is a dovey filled Mac Miller stage I went to celebration of Global Citizens, as to go see Chance. Chance the Rapper’s per- you have to have helped out with the formance was better than expected. organization in a bunch of ways, in- It filled my paralleled love for Color- cluding tweeting at world leaders. You ing Book, as well as a weird Bob Ross could also go by knowing someone ZOOM vibe that I didn’t know could who did this and had an extra ticket, be combined or possessed. Chance or buy it off of someone who did this. Zack Snyder wasn’t brought my mental age down to what The lineup was headlined by Ri- actually there seemed like a fetal stage which allowed hanna, and included Kendrick Lamar, for an amazing performance, filled with Metallica, Major Lazer, Cat Stevens, El- puppets and straight bangers from an lie Goulding, Usher, Demi Lovato, and page 20 the paper october 12, 2016 The Trump Grammar Guide Brought to you by: Trump University PRONUNCIATION VOCABULARY 1. Nevada: pronounced 1. Bigly: the highest possible amount Nuh∙vaa∙duh something can be See also: my hands 2. Huge: pronounced huuj 2. Tens: secretary, trophy wife, big 3. China: pronounced Chiig∙na boobs See also: Melania Trump 4. Tanzania: pronounced Tan∙zayn∙eea 3. Non-Tens: dog, pig, Miss. House keeping See also: Alicia Mechado

4. Daughter: the only Ten you can look at but can’t touch See also: Ivanka Trump PRO TIPS 1. “Very” can be used only followed by another “very.” It is an appropriate modifier for everything.

2. *sniff*

3. For variety, add the suffix “ly” to your favorite adjective, and it instantly becomes an adverb. october 12, 2016 the paper page 21

by the paper staff down the middle of the room. Just supposed to “find myself” and “figure Mid-Semester Check-in! inches away, a not so wild, not so ma- out what I’m going to do with my life” I Just Went for the Free Coffee jestic Guido is posted up watching me and “get a job, son, we don’t want you by Michael Jack O’Brien Congratulations! You’ve made it to breathe and exist. Similar to the Kore- in the house anymore.” I mean, really. The hooded figure stood over the al- the six week marker of the semester!! an conflict, we are seconds away from I deserve better than this. I’m special. tar holding a silent vigil. In one hand, a We at the paper care about you in going to war. Though he doesn’t know I’m important. I’m also very humble, scalpel used to strip the flesh of the un- every aspect...so, how’s your semes- this, if I find his water bottle on my half as you can clearly tell. No, you shut up. sullied, in the other, the countless ex- ter going? Do anything fun? Have any again, he will receive a quick jab to the GOD. pired ID cards of those who had fallen breakdowns? We want to know! throat collapsing his voice box. Never to the altars dark purpose as New York having shared a room before, I feel like An O’Hare Kid State’s only fully operational Blood- My Life is a Horror Movie I need my primary school teachers tell- by Claire Nunez forge. The room was quiet, as if mourn- by Colleen Burns ing me to share, but they aren’t here. Honestly, my semester has been ing the light that had been long absent, How’s my semester going you ask? It’s me vs. him. Only one will survive. great. I have a Wii in my room and a further corrupting the institution’s pur- Right now my semester is like watching And that WILL be me. With subtle acts stash of lime flavored tortilla chips pose. On the bannister overhead, Mc- a horror movie. The music is progres- of aggression like taking all his drinks under my bed, so how could it be bet- Shane oversaw the ritual with sullen sively getting more suspenseful—mid- and using all of his expensive tissues, ter? I mean, shit has hit the fan and I eyes and wondered to himself “When terms are quickly approaching. The I will drive this imperialist from the can’t turn it off because someone then did we fall so far into darkness?” only protagonist is alone in a dark, empty motherland. vomited in the shit air-stream and now to realize the darkness was always part house and hears a noise—I’m hidden I can’t see anything. I’m just trying to of us all along. But yeah, the Rodrigue’s away in the corner of the third floor of The Mines of McGinley keep it from staining my brand new meeting was great. the library, and the noise is my mom by Erebor rug. Honestly, it’s cool though because calling me, asking how studying is go- “We cannot get out. We cannot get I can sit on my bed, eat spaghetti, play It Could Always Be Worse ing. You keep yelling at the screen, out. They have taken the Caf and The- Wii Sports tennis and pretend to be by Sio Donahue “DON’T OPEN THE CELLAR DOOR!”— baud hall. Rogers and Arcuri and Rus- athletic. It’s cool. Oh, I just found the My semester is going well. I mean, I keep yelling at myself “JUST WRITE sel fell there. switch. The fan is off. Alright, I’m gonna as well as it can be. Sure, I’m stressed THE FREAKIN PAPER!” The protagonist The pool is up to the wall at Walsh- go find a mop and some sanitizer. 24/7, my classes are hard, and I’m los- stupidly ignores all instincts and opens gate. The Watcher in the Water took ing my sense of self. But it could be the cellar door anyway—I go against McShane—we cannot get out. The end My Immortal 2 worse. I mean, I could have been do- my better judgment and procrastinate comes soon. by Warra Chan ing my senior year at the University of the paper due at midnight. The killer We hear drums, drums in the deep. They say that light travels 299,792 Damascus. Or I could have been born unsurprisingly hacks the protagonist They are coming.” kilometers per second, but I think it’s in a place where women aren’t allowed to pieces and hides her corpse in the still too slow. Because my life is still so access to an education. I could have cellar wall Edgar Allan Poe “Tell Tale The Sad Tales of a Junior dark despite everything I love bursting looked like Steve Buscemi. Overall, Heart” style—the eventual anxiety of by S A D B O Y S into flames. How’s my semester going, despite all of my problems, at least I writing two term papers, collaborating I mean honestly. At this point is that you say? Have you ever watched a car live in a highly developed country (for with other people in a group presenta- even a question we need to ask? It’s crash in slow motion? Have you ever now) and attend a prestigious univer- tion that counts for 20% of my grade, going like shit, okay? My semester is witnessed a loved one take their last sity. Seriously, there are so many worse and studying for midterms kills me. I a complete and utter waste of energy breath? What do you mean it’s only things in life than being suffocated by die, and my roommate gets a 4.0 GPA. and time, and all I’m getting from it is been six weeks? Is this what it was midterms, clubs, dying relatives, and the chance to bitch about it in this fuck- like when Rome fell? The Ottomans? the dismaying economic reality of mil- Korean War Part II ing section. My classes are shit, my pro- When I say #RIP, am I being ironic? lennials. So, my semester is going well. Kim Jong-Goupil fessors are either too invested or not Sometimes I wish I was a vacuum... I’m fine. Really. So far my semester is going great? invested enough, and I still somehow empty inside and yet at least my prob- College classes as of now are noth- have 8:30s even though I’m a junior. lems would disappear. I know it’s only ing new or nothing that I can’t handle. I haven’t had more than four hours of one semester, but do I deserve to feel The main transition for me is from my sleep in the last three weeks. Yesterday this way all the time? Maybe that’s queen sized, single occupant, sole life I sat on the floor of my bathroom for for- what makes me be me. After all, would form room, to my smaller dungeon with ty-five minutes and just stared at a wall. a weeping willow still be beautiful if it the 38th parallel DMZ running right On top of it all, this is the semester I’m didn’t weep? page 22 the paper october 12, 2016 is a return to form. It doesn’t disap- DeLuca, and using just pedal steels point, but it also doesn’t have any of plugged through synths, Lanois even the emotional highs of tracks like “21 challenges the reigns of the freeform Guns,” and that’s fine. It doesn’t sink genre “ambient music” which he ap- to the boringness of some of the tracks pears to be operating in. Whereas off ¡Uno!, but it also doesn’t have the most ambient work is soothingly ignor- single power that drove American Idiot able, tracks such as “Deconstruction” or their earlier stuff to fame. Themati- and “Later That Night” confront listen- cally it’s very similar to their earlier ers with their ambiguous mood, snak- work. There’s an undercurrent of “I’m ing between tinges of hope and pangs mad as hell, fuck the system, punk for- of deep blue. “Time On” pulsates and ever” that’s been in Green Day’s music even breathes an exhausted sigh to- since the band came into existence. wards its completion, and we are left The tracks even sound similar; the al- to wonder whether it is one of relief bum’s lead single “Bang Bang” has or sorrow. Perhaps a departure from this radio announcer start thing that language is simply due to the fact the band did on “East Jesus Nowhere” that whatever Lanois is attempting to back in 2009, and there are a few convey can only be felt through an in- chord progressions that sound like Bil- strument, but could never be properly lie Joe rewriting parts of American Idiot. deciphered in words. Each work here Mike Dirnt is still there ooo-ing harmo- carries a burden, yet lilts like a spirit. nies in the background. Basically, if you Lanois is most famous for his work were waiting for Green Day to continue as a producer on classics such as U2’s The Mowgli’s certainty put you in a better mood, so existing, they are, in fact, still around. The Joshua Tree and Achtung Baby, Where’d Your Weekend Go in that way, this album is a success. as well as Bob Dylan’s Time Out of By Jenny Harris Mind; rock pieces that won awards and amassed major fanfare. Those days The Mowgli’s are best known for are long gone, but Lanois’ continues producing indie pop music that usu- to prove his worth as an extractor and ally includes both a tambourine and a manipulator of sound clap-backing track. Basically this band makes very, very, very happy music, and their third album, Where’d Your Weekend Go, did not stray from this overly optimistic path. Fittingly, the majority of the album is super upbeat and danceable, but there are also two slower songs thrown into the mix. These slower songs, “Arms & Legs” and “Open Energy,” showcase some of The Mowgli’s better songwriting with more nuanced and original lyrics, but also break up the general flow of the album in an awkward way. The rest of Daniel Lanois the songs revert to the Mowgli’s usual Green Day Goodbye to Language repetitive song structure. These songs Revolution Radio By Tommy Gerity are so repetitive and catchy that you By Luis Gomez know approximately 70% of the lyrics What do you associate with the after the first listen. Despite, or - per It’s said that history doesn’t repeat, sounds of a pedal steel guitar? For haps in spite of, a lack of songwriting but it rhymes. In unrelated news, Green many of us, we’d think of the twang of prowess, these songs are all just plain Day has a new record out. It’s okay. Now country music or the soundtrack to any fun to listen to or to sing at the top of I know you want me to go into more SpongeBob SquarePants episode. In Mykki Blanco your lungs. The best tracks off the al- depth, but really that’s basically all I other words, our associations with this Mykki bum are “So What,” “Bad Thing,” “Spi- can tell you about it. It’s an okay Green instrument are typically things we re- By Kaitlyn Clarke derweb,” “Freakin’ Me Out,” and “Mon- Day album. The band’s had an... let’s gard as either silly, trivial, or just depth- Mykki is the long anticipated debut ster.” “Spacin Out” is a highlight track say interesting time since American less. (One of the first articles I ever read studio album of genderqueer experi- that has a jazzy sound and includes Idiot came out. They followed it up with in the paper was a review in which the mental hip-hop artist Mykki Blanco; it a brass section, which is relatively 21st Century Breakdown, an album writer explained that s/he had listened is a fresh, exciting, subversive album new territory for the band. This album that wasn’t great but that 14-year old to a Tim McGraw album for the sole that redefines what femininity means is the Mowgli’s next step in trying to me loved. And then they had the world’s purpose of crucifying it.) On Goodbye to in a predominately male genre, and it make the world, or at least the world least interesting triple album with ¡Uno! Language, Daniel Lanois attempts to gives representation to the LGBTQIA+ that is made up of indie music listen- ¡Dos! ¡Tré! which nobody liked, because dispel these uninformed assumptions community. Produced by director and ers, a happier place. Listening to it will they were dumb. And now we come to about his most favored instrument. singer-songwriter Woodkid, along with Revolution Radio, which in many ways Working with collaborator Rocco october 12, 2016 the paper page 23 Jeremiah Meece, the album features indie rock artist’s previous album, 13 tracks of genre-bending and deeply Spreading Rumors, released three personal music. Before beginning a years ago. Up to this point, Grouplove career in music, Mykki wrote and pub- has been an eye-catching act because lished poetry, some of which appears of how different they are from the sta- on the album. “Interlude 2” features tus quo, and because of how they use a stark and industrial soundscape lay- that difference to make fun, noncha- ered with a reading of a poem about the lant, and exciting music. Big Mess lives desire for love and intimacy that ties in up to this reputation in some respects, the themes of self-love and acceptance. but it does skimp on uniqueness of The album as a whole maintains sound in many tracks, which is what a euphonious continuity while allow- makes or breaks Grouplove’s music. ing each song to develop a distinc- The album starts off with one of its tive sound. Considered her most ac- best tracks, “Welcome To Your Life.” cessible work to date, Mykki includes It’s a casual, colorful song that in- lush melodic pop melodies, like in cludes a nice beat accompanied by “Highschool Never Ends” (Feat. Wood- good releases of guitar strums and kid) and “Loner” (Feat. Jean Deaux), a catchy, calm chorus. “Welcome as well as forceful and driving beats To Your Life” is a good intro, since influenced by classic hip-hop, reveal- it encompasses many of the tech- ing some of the Southern rap influ- niques the album goes on to utilize. ences that stem from her upbringing Many cliché sounding, rather bland in North Carolina. The track “Fendi songs or parts of songs are riddled Band” perfectly demonstrates this throughout the album, and the second abrasive nature and showcases the track, “Do You Love Someone,” is a per- punk sensibilities that distinguish Myk- fect example of this, given that it is crisp- ki’s sound from her contemporaries. er but blander than the previous track. It The final song off Mykki, and one of sounds like the type of song you’d hear my personal favorites, is “Rock N Roll during a commercial for sunscreen. Dough,” a severe yet engaging anthem Big Mess has its hidden treasures, about Mykki’s experiences being in the however, such as the catchy rhythms underground art scene in New York. in “Enlighten Me,” or the song “Good Long time listeners and new fans Morning,” which is reminiscent of alike will be enthralled with the exu- the “Macarena” for its quickly flow- berant confidence and poignant vul- ing wordy chorus, or the raw attitude nerability that Mykki presents to the in “Traumatized.” Ultimately, though, world in what is hopefully the first of Big Mess is not what I would call a many groundbreaking studio albums. perfect successor to the Grouplove legacy, because when a track isn’t cliché, it embraces a tone that is, in most cases, too cold for Grouplove’s style, which generally flourishes in what is fun and fizzles in what is dark.

Grouplove Big Mess By Marty Gatto Grouplove’s Big Mess is an interest- ing album to follow the hippy-inspired page 24 the paper october 12, 2016