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Here at 7/11 slurpees, William Maurillo, being sneaky, Declan Murphy, Jain, Scooby Doo, the paper, we encourage creativity and uniqueness, spark dialogue and discussion, and foster Mike O’Brien, Jack Archambault, VP Gray, rain, The Hex Girls, Arthoe Banach, a community where students are free to fully express themselves. the caf (surprisingly), fate, Carolyn Wolpert, Kenny Ortega, The Ram Line, the red line, OSI, Anna Passero-Koennecke & Athena, Marty Gatto, Warra Chan october 12, 2016 the paper page 3 Montreal Moves to Ban and/or Kill a Lot of Pitbulls Just Because by John Looby French Canadians are miserable people who don’t deserve respect News Co-editor regulations. In case you didn’t come to but rushing to exterminate thousands I speak from experience. Since I was French Canadians are assholes. I’m the natural conclusion of this, it is that of dogs is a narrow-minded act of cruel born, we’ve always had hunting dogs, not saying this as an opinion; this is a any and all dogs resembling a pitbull persecution. usually two at a time. To suggest that matter of factual record. The province of which end up within a Montreal animal Luckily, after numerous act of pro- these dogs are naturally driven to hunt Quebec consists of mostly uppity scum- shelter will be put to death simply for test, a judge in Quebec’s higher court and kill things just makes you a fucking bags, who are always somehow sur- existing. has placed a suspension on the law, idiot. They might have fantastic noses, prised you don’t speak fluent French. I Now this law did not come into ac- preventing it from going into action but at this point, after we’ve raised live in Rochester and somehow French until the word- them, all they want to do is lay on the Canadians visiting here have the sheer ing of the law couch. We once had a bloodhound that audacity to speak French to me with a has been placed would lie on the ground so that smaller condescending tone while I’m at work. under further animals could crawl on him. Such a I’m used to old people giving me shit scrutiny. While killer. Perhaps most importantly, my but not old people giving me shit in this is certainly a brother recently adopted and rescued French. Now, the reason I’m describ- plus, it really only a pitbull named Mojo from a shelter. ing the sheer level of French Canadian gives these dogs She’s an adorable and friendly dog douchebaggery is not just because I be- a few months un- who’s more likely to fall asleep in your lieve that society as a whole has a mor- til the law comes lap than even bark. If Rochester had a al obligation to acknowledge how shitty after them yet ban like the one currently up for debate they are, but because of a recent bylaw again. After all, in Montreal, this dog would have been that was voted on in the city of Mon- this law is not dead before she could have even found treal; the subject matter of said bylaw entirely without a home. being essentially the right of pitbulls as precedent with- The problem with these dog bans is a dog breed to exist within the city. How dare you in Canada; the that they operate under a presump- The law that was recently voted in neighboring prov- tion of guilt that simply has no basis would place a lot of arguably subjec- ince of Ontario in reality. Why put innocent dogs, ani- tive and even outright cruel regula- tion simply because some asshole in managed to pass into action a simi- mals whose whole psychology is built tions on any of the pitbull-resembling the Montreal government just didn’t lar bill recently. Calgary as well has a around building loving and empathetic dog breeds within the city. I say pitbull- like the look of pitbulls, which in all bill targeting pitbulls, albeit one much bonds, to death because one dog was resembling because pitbull isn’t actu- honesty is a bit surprising knowing more reasonable in both wording and raised poorly by someone who was, in ally a dog breed in the way that hound how people who live there normally execution. While these laws may have all honesty, probably an asshole? Dogs isn’t an actual breed of dog. What this respond to just about anything and been designed with the safety of citi- deserve homes and in all honesty, means is that the law spreads its harsh anyone. The incident that led to this zens involved, they in fact target more I’d prefer it were my home (#200do- restriction on to whatever breeds seem ban was the mauling and killing of a innocent life than they could hope to granch2k16). They shouldn’t be put to have “characteristics” of a pitbull. 55-year-old woman by a neighbor’s protect. to death so that those in charge can Which is the sort of complete lack of escaped dog. I say dog because it has The very notion that it is a specific feel as though they’re being proactive specificity everyone wants in a law that never in fact been confirmed if this kill- dog breed with a predisposition toward or protecting us. The people who need sentences animals to die. That’s right, er dog was even a pitbull. Instead the violence is an idiotic one and one which to be proactive and protective are the thousands of animals will be killed city of Montreal rushed to fear monger actual scientists have proven false in rest of us to insure that legislation like once this law goes into action. God- and blame a breed of dog that has study after study. For lawmakers to act this doesn’t come to pass here in the damn French Canadian pricks. The law done nothing to deserve the negative as though they are qualified to speak United States or anywhere else for outright bans the adoption or breeding social stigma attached to it.