THE IRISH DAILY STAR, Tuesday August 1 2017 THE IRISH DAILY STAR, Tuesday August 1 2017 56 57

What do you call a blind doe? Heritage Trail No eye deer. A lawyer is parking his BMW outside a n shop in Manhattan, and as he opens his door to get out, a taxi sideswipes his car — taking the whole door off. The lawyer hops out and starts screaming at the cab driver: “You idiot, you hit my brand new BMW, you ripped the whole door off! Do you have any idea how much this is going to cost? “I’m a lawyer! I’ll sue you so bad your grandchildren will feel it!” The cab driver sighs and n says: “You lawyers are all the same, only care Come Mon over! about material things. GORGEOUS Glaslough Trail app — and it (inset bottom) and the Your door got ripped Here at R&R we love to go off the beaten track and is one of Ireland’s most proved a very handy old railway station off, yet you didn’t ndiscover exciting new places. picturesque villages and informative way to (inset top). realize you also Located just an hour-and-a-half’s drive from Dublin, and well worth taking get around and see the l The Glaslough lost your arm.” is hardly a ‘hidden’ gem as such — but it is the time to explore. sights. Heritage Trail app is free The lawyer Sam More Open Farm certainly often overlooked as a travel destination. Lough Muckno & We took a self-guided These include the of charge and available n looks down However, the County has plenty of attractions, tour with the new stunning Castle Leslie for Apple and Android to see his left nboth new and old, for visitors — and it caters espe- Glaslough Heritage (main), its front lodges devices arm missing, cially well for families, with lots to keep the kids amused. Old Coach Inn looks back at Rohan Smyth and family took a two-day whistlestop A GOOD way of working up your the cabbie and tour of Monaghan to see what was on offer — and found appetite can be found at Lough yells: “My that even a whole week wouldn’t have been enough to Muckno Leisure Park in . NOW here’s something both kids Rolex!” take in all the things to see and do... Take a walk in the beautiful grounds and adults can sink their teeth into. l See MonaghanTourism.com for more on events, activities or bring the kids to the playground Trish Murphy-Thom’s Glaslough and holidays in the area (inset) for a good run around. Chocolates shop is a one-woman In the town itself, the Old Coach Inn operation at the moment — but the A UNIVERSITY professor is driving home is your best bet for dinner afterwards, success of its sweet treats (try the n offering some great food and service. drunk one Saturday night... l tremendous truffles) are bound to He gets pulled over and the garda comes up For reservations at The Old Coach see it expand further. to his window and asks him: “You were speed- Inn, call 042 974 0993 l See glasloughchocolates.com ing, you ran a red light and you appear to be drunk, where are you going?” The professor replies: “I am currently on Glaslough Chocolates n my way to a lecture concerning the dan- gers of drinking, smoking and staying up late.” HELPING to modernise Monaghan are The garda says: “Who could possibly be giv- Sean and Nikita of street food vendors ing that kind of lecture at this time?” Blasta — serving up tapas-style treats GLASLOUGH The professor responds: “My wife.” IF YOU love animals, Seamus Keenan is like sliders (inset) and pulled pork then this farm in the always ready to keep tacos since earlier this year. I lost my Rolex at a party. About an hour delightfully named the craic going. We sampled their fantastic fare in l later, I saw some guy stepping on it while he Threemilehouse is a My son Oran (main) Glaslough — but they could pop up was harassing some woman at that party. must-visit. really enjoyed feeding anywhere as they cater for multiple events. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched As well as farmyard the animals, while I l him and broke his nose. The Blasta food van is at An Poc Fada beasts, there’s a even got to grips with a in Monaghan town on Wednesdays and at THREEMILEHOUSE No one does that to a woman — not on my good selection of thankfully friendly boa the farmers’ market on Fridays. Email l watch. more exotic animals constrictor (far left). them at [email protected] to admire — including l Sam More Open a cute albino hedgehog Farm is open year-round. (left) — while farmer Call 086 232 2601 Blasta street food Brehon Brewhouse CASTLEBLAYNEY OK, this one isn’t to strength since really for the kids — starting in 2014. but as parenting is Craft beers are all thirsty work, it the rage these days makes for a very — so this is a great refreshing pit-stop. place to go if you Situated on a farm want to see how the near scenic magic happens. Inniskeen, brewer l Brehon offer tours Seamus McMahon of their brewery with and Brehon have beer tastings. See gone from strength brehonbrewhouse.ie

I told my girlfriend her eyebrows were drawn on too high. She seemed surprised.

What do you call a man lost in the ocean? nBob! The woman hanging out her laundry: Peg. The man painting a picture: Art. The man stealing cash: Rob. The lady playing tennis: nAnnette. The lady with one leg: Eileen. Carrickmacross Heritage Trail The man driving a Treac ys Hot el ntruck: Laurie. The lady planting flowers: Daisy. Brand new to Monaghan We stayed in a family room it’s bound to be a hugely (inc Lace Gallery & Workhouse) The man hiding rabbits: — having just opened for the two nights, and there popular place to stay in the Warren. last month — is the latest was plenty of space for our weeks and months to come. from the Treacys Hotel toddler and six-month-old to When we were going home, I There is plenty to keep you royals Princess Diana and Kate l A free, 90-minute guided walk The man hiding in the group, who also have get comfortable without us all asked my son Oran if he was busy in the picturesque town of Middleton for their weddings. of Carrickmacross takes place at nbushes: Russell. properties in Waterford, being on top of each other. looking forward to sleeping in Carrickmacross. We also went on the Heritage 11am every Saturday morning The man holding a shovel: Wexford and Clare. Friendly his own bed again and he said We visited its famous Trail, a fascinating guide to the meeting at the Courthouse on Main Doug. Located just outside ‘Dada, I just want to sleep in Lace Gallery, which history of the town — as Street. The Lace Gallery The man who lost his Carrickmacross, it has The hotel looks fabulous hotels’... I don’t think there’s dates back to well as paying a poignant (carrickmacrosslace.ie) is open nshovel: Douglas. been built on the site of the with great views of the any higher praise than that! 1820 and whose visit to the town’s Mon-Sat, 9.30am-5.30pm. The The man stealing former Oasis Hotel — which countryside and the friendly, l A family room rate at Treacys intricate restored workhouse Carrickmacross Workhouse is open goods: Robin. I’m told used to boast a helpful staff and delicious costs €135 per night based on designs (left), which housed for tours Monday-Friday and The lady in cracking nightclub back in the food (the plaice is highly two adults and two children and (above) were the poor during weekends by appointment n the garden: day before closing in 2009. recommended) all mean that including a full Irish breakfast chosen by Famine times. (carrickmacrossworkhouse.com) Rose.