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The Secret Life of Paladin (Revised) with Pics2a

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The Secret Life of Paladin (Revised) with Pics2a THE SECRET LIFE OF PALADIN A Knight Without Armor In A Savage Land OR Confessions of a Frontier Polymath A Novel-Play by Thomas J. Czarnik Characters: First Male Actor – Paladin (Hugh Mann -- Young and Old) Richard Boone (R.B.), Gene Rodenberry (with William Conrad) Second Male Actor – Voice of HeyBoy (Kim Chan) Paladin’s Father (Charlie Mann) Jack Ganelon, John Ganelon, Jake Ganelon, Lance Ganelon Paladin in pantomime scenes Man in the Bowler Hat (Arthur Oliver) Doctor, William Conrad, Victor DeCosta, Gene Rodenberry Charles Manson, Johnny Western Female Actor – San Francisco Lady Lover (Gwyn Alde) Voice of HeyGirl (Kim Li) Paladin’s Daughter (Elayna) Nurse Richard Boone’s Secretary (Gwen Calibre) A boy and a girl, about ten-years-old, for pantomime scenes Portraying young Lance Ganelon and Elayna Mann Stage Setting: Backdrop – White wall used as projection screen for still slides of setting and movie clips from “Have Gun – Will Travel.” This is an ideal set device. Substitutions include spotlighted posters and a split stage for background changes between indoor and outdoor scenes. Mid-Stage – Left, plain desk with width to audience (hotel front desk, bar) Left of mid-stage, two easy chairs facing audience (turned over and covered, serve as rocks) Act I, Scene 1: Year 1881, San Francisco California – Paladin is 42 years old. Dark Stage. Back wall lights up with first season intro to “Have Gun – Will Travel”. When gun is drawn and pointed at audience, voice of Paladin says, “This is the Secret Life of Paladin and I’m only going to say it once. So pay attention or pay the consequences.” OR “Ganelon! Use your brains, Man. You can’t win this fight. If you kill me, you’ll be a traitor and face a fiery end, pulled to pieces by the four horsemen of the Apocalypse.” (Click, gun is holstered, theme is played) San Francisco Interlude appears on screen showing Carlton Hotel and SF lights in background and theme music. Fade out. Screen changes to background of Carlton Hotel lobby as lights on stage brighten to reveal a young Paladin in black pants and a “dandy coat”. He has thick dark curly hair and thin black mustache; sitting on chair, reading newspaper. He circles articles with a pen, reaches into vest pocket and pulls out a business card. He stops, looks up, stares out with a questioning grimace to the audience, raises his eyebrows, stands up, taking a couple of steps forward into the spotlight.) 1 Paladin: Excuse me. Who are you? And why are you staring at me? (slowly reaching into his vest pocket; light softens) Oh. Good day (evening). (bowing to the audience) Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Paladin. I live here at the Carlton Hotel when I’m not traveling on business. What business? Here’s my card. (Intense spotlight focuses on Paladin’s outstretched hand as back screen changes to enlarged business card: “Have Gun – Will Travel Wire Paladin San Francisco.” Card Theme plays while Paladin freezes in place. Then scene resumes.) HeyBoy (offstage): Mister Paladin! Paladin: (turning head) Yes, HeyBoy. HeyBoy: Who you talking to? Paladin: Prospective clients. HeyBoy: Sorry. Maybe you talk to self . in mirror . Paladin (curtly) Apology accepted. (to audience): That’s HeyBoy, my personal concierge at the Carlton -- a Chinese immigrant who came to California during the Gold Rush days thirty years ago. He thinks I’m an insurance agent of some kind which isn’t far from the truth. Society, however, calls me a gunfighter. I prefer to be thought of as a security specialist whose services include force when necessary. HeyBoy (offstage): Mister Paladin! Paladin: (to audience) Excuse me. He can be intrusive though well-meaning. (turning head) Yes, HeyBoy. HeyBoy: You have telegram. It on front-desk. Paladin: (turning to desk) I see it. HeyBoy: What say? Paladin: Heyboy, please. I’m busy right now. (Turns to audience again) HeyBoy: OK, sorry. At top it say “Urgent” in big letters. Paladin (to audience): Excuse me. (Goes to desk stage left and picks up paper. Reads to himself.) HeyBoy: Mister Paladin. Paladin: (reading aloud): It reads, “Business? My business was mankind. Signed, R.B.” HeyBoy: What mean? 2 Paladin: It’s a quote from a delightful little book by a British author named Charles Dickens. (To audience) He died not too long ago – 10, no 11 years ago -- in 1870, I believe. (To HeyBoy) I think R.B. is trying to remind me that people are more important than profits. Heyboy: Who R.B.? Paladin: You’ve heard of Daniel Boone. Heyboy: Oh, yes. Great front man. Paladin: (laughing) You mean a great frontiersman . from Kentucky. Heyboy: You know this Dan-yell Boone man? Paladin: No just R.B.—Robert, I think -- a relation of his. Heyboy: He come to Carlton for visit? Paladin: I hope not. It’s bad enough he sent me this message. (Crushes paper and tosses it offstage.) Paladin (to audience): Now, where were we? Oh, yes. I was telling you about my services. It all depends, of course, on your problem. Most people come to me in need of protection. And they think this is the answer to all their troubles. (Goes to coat rack and removes gun-belt, holster, and black cowboy hat. Takes out Colt 45, cradles it briefly, then lays it out on desk.) The ultimate answer. Or a sledgehammer for the mosquito on your nose. I prefer this. (Picks up hat.) More specifically, what’s under it: Brains. Which most people use less than they should. They’re too easily distracted . (From the shadows emerges a shapely female in an evening gown. Paladin follows her with his eyes.) Paladin (to audience): Please excuse me for a moment. (In a pantomime, goes to the lady at center stage, bows, kisses her hand, chats and flirts for a moment; she exits smiling coquettishly.) Paladin: (returning to desk, looking to Lady) “She walks in beauty, like the night / Of cloudless climes and starry skies / And all that's best of dark and bright / Meet in her aspect and her eyes.” My sentiments -- Byron’s words. A question? Why do I quote poetry? Well, I read a lot and like to refer to the Wisdom of the Sages when it’s appropriate to the situation. A timely quotation from classic literature or philosophy inspires confidence, don’t you agree? Please excuse me a moment . HeyBoy! HeyBoy: Yes, Mister Paladin. Paladin: Champagne on ice with a long-stem rose for the lady in Room 111. HeyBoy: Yes, Mister Paladin. Paladin (to audience): So you see, my business is mankind – and more especially womankind. All profits go toward the finer things in life: vintage wine, gourmet meals, a great cigar, poetry, and the smile of a beautiful lady. A question. (Hand to his ear.) My fee? Normally, one thousand dollars. But up to five thousand depending on the difficulty of the 3 assignment. Of course, everything is negotiable. Another? The meaning of the chess piece? The knight. It’s a kind of trademark for my business card. (Holds out card, spotlight, projection on back wall, card theme.) Along with the music. Stops you in your tracks, doesn’t it. Also have a white knight on this. (Holds up holster, holster-theme plays with back wall projection) Of all the chess pieces, the knight is probably the least predictable. Able to leap over rival pieces and keep opponents wondering what’s his next move. I consider myself a kind of knight or crusader in the American West. Righting wrongs, slaying dragons, saving damsels in distress. That’s why I’m a gunfighter and why I took the name Paladin. Paladins were Charlemagne’s champions of chivalry who fought for the honor of the king’s palatinus or palace. My first name? Just call me Mister. HeyBoy: Mister Paladin! Paladin (rolling his eyes and stepping back to the desk) Yes, Heyboy. HeyBoy: You have new telegram. Paladine: Another one? (picks up and reads paper on desk) What’s this? “The truth, Man, and nothing but the truth will set you free. R.B.” I give up, Mister Boone. Are you quoting Caesar or Jesus? How about “A lie for a lie and a truth for a truth”? HeyBoy: Mister Paladin! More telegram. Palladin: (picks up another paper, reads) “Sisyphus. Release your rock and rest from your labors. R.B.” There will be no rest as long as you keep pestering me. (crumples page, turns to audience) HeyBoy: Sorry, Mister Paladin. Just one more. Please. Paladin: (to audience) Excuse me. A moment. HeyBoy. HeyBoy: Yes, Mister Paladin. Paladin: I will be bothered no more by these continuous messages. No more. Do you understand? HeyBoy: Yes, Mister Paladin. Paladin: Thank you. (turns to audience again) A question? Yes. Do I have a partner? No, I work alone. And I’ll tell you why. Once had an apprentice. Taught him everything I know. Then he turned on me. Became the terror of Tombstone. He was fast. I was faster. Did what I had to do . HeyBoy: Mister Paladin. Paladin: (impatiently) Yes, Heyboy. HeyBoy: Will you be read telegram . last one, I sure. 4 Paladin(frowning with clenched teeth): Yes. I sure too. (looks up to ceiling, a clicking sound is heard) Is that you, R.B. working your telegraph machine day and night? Don’t you ever sleep? (grabbing page off desk, reads) “A tale told by you, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” So I’m an idiot now, am I? (crumples paper into a ball, throws it up out of view, pulls out derringer, shoots toward ceiling.
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