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It Is a Tree of Life for Those That Hold Fast to It

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It Is a Tree of Life for Those That Hold Fast to It COMMENTARY It is a Tree of Life for Those that Hold Fast to It JESSICA R. KURTZ hy did I have to wait — until I was 20- was not particularly looking to change my very something years old — to first learn that content life — I was certainly not searching for the W Torah is an important part of Judaism that meaning of existence — I nevertheless embarked on a actually might be meaningful and relevant to my life? return to my roots. This is a question I struggle with every day. It is also the question that energizes me to dedicate my life to In reflecting back on the building blocks that led me Jewish education, in both my personal and professional to this point, I do not quite know where to begin. realms, in order to prevent others from having to ask it. Perhaps it all started when I was a child in Sunday school. Even though I, like so many children of the I can’t spout off to you any formal theories about modern age, was admittedly a product of a mediocre adult Jewish learning. I can’t endorse a specific religious school experience that lost to “real life” in policy for Jewish education. I can’t even quote to the competition for my allegiance, I always had a you any research in the field, let alone teach you the positive feeling for Judaism and never wanted to formula for how to create the perfect system in abandon it. I remember enjoying Shabbat dinners which adults can learn about their religion and their with my grandparents before they moved to Florida, birthright. What I can tell you, however, is how I and I recall learning little songs that taught me what began to become an educated Jew as an adult. I each holiday represented. I reminisce on playing the can share with you my story of how my life as an part of a squash in a Sukkot play we informed Jew has evolved. I can offer you my performed in first grade, in celebration of the har- opinions and my journey, which is, in some ways, vest! I continued my studies through my Bat Mitzvah strikingly similar to the growth patterns of so many and even went on to Confirmation. other adult Jews today. The Teen and College Years No longer an obscure enigma, there is a phenome- My most significant Jewish experience growing up non that now exists with perhaps no precedent in took place on a scuba diving teen tour in Israel. I am, Jewish history. There is a group that insists on foiling one could say, a poster child for the Israel Experience, the “prophesies” of forecasters throughout the ages, since the seeds that were planted into my sub-con- who have said that if Judaism would endure at all, it science that summer were destined to flourish years could certainly not endure in its traditional form. later as an adult. Over the next many years, however, This population, known as “Baalei Teshuva” (those my Jewish involvement was decidedly sparse. who have returned to Judaism), is beginning to number its adherents in units of one hundred thou- Although I majored in Religion and Women’s sand, and has a vibrant brand of Jewish experience Studies at Colgate University and was often unsuc- to thank for its success. cessfully recruited to participate in Jewish events, I was more interested in building relationships with my Four years ago, I set off on my “formal” path towards non-Jewish boyfriends than in building the Jewish becoming an observant Jew. Although at the time I community on campus. I had many opportunities 26 AGENDA: JEWISH EDUCATION/JESNA throughout my early college years to connect with My tenure at the UJA again reaffirmed my dedication Judaism, but I somehow ended up ignoring the signs to the Jewish people, to Israel, and to my very liberal and foregoing the accompanying responsibilities. I definitions of Jewish meaning. After a year, however, even lived with an Orthodox Jewish family during my I began to experience an intellectual breakdown: I Junior Year Abroad in France, but I opted for week- had off for holidays I had never even heard of (how end travel rather than the Shabbat experience. My pathetic that the reason I had no idea what the European travel did, nonetheless, begin to awaken holiday of Shavuot is, was because Hebrew school my spiritual calling, as I made it a point to visit the was over for the year by the time it came around!); I Jewish sites in every city. I passed through ghettos, could not answer the questions of those UJA mission cried through concentration camps, prayed in syna- participants who considered me a leader; I felt it gogues, and mourned at cemeteries. was inconsistent that some of our functions were not kosher and therefore excluded a certain population Due to this growing interest in Jewish living, I spent of Jews (although I personally was eating bacon the next summer participating in the Machon Kaplan cheeseburgers at the time — and loving them!); and Program, a Reform Judaism and social justice pro- I could not understand why many members of our gram in Washington, D.C. It was here that I found my lay and professional leadership had such a similar first personal realistic connection to Judaism — a tidy dearth of Torah understanding! match between my liberal interests and my long-lost religion — what could be better? More importantly, I decided that in order to be a rabbi, I should I found a chevra (peer group) of Jews who were more enter the graduate program a bit less ignorant, so I observant and involved in the Jewish world for enrolled in an Orthodox outreach program. Being cultural and religious reasons, not simply for materi- somewhat “anti-Orthodox” at the time, this was alistic ones (which is what I had often been exposed quite a bold step for me. Frankly, one of the main to growing up). I returned to my senior year of college reasons I chose this program was that it was free with a renewed Jewish interest and even decided to (definitely an effective outreach tool for program write my senior thesis on a merger of two primary recruitment). But, I also felt that I should choose my interests: “Women and the Rabbinate.” educators from the most observant level of Jewish commitment. I intended to “learn it all, but do Israel, UJA, and the Rabbinate nothing” — famous last words. Not knowing what career I wanted to pursue after college, and not quite willing to commit over two The Path to Observance and Deeper Learning years to the Peace Corps, I was fortunate to have I began with “Partners in Torah,” a program of stumbled across Project Otzma: a one-year, direct Torah U’Mesorah, where I fought with my chevruta service, Jewish education and leadership develop- (learning partner) over women’s issues and “ridicu- ment program in Israel sponsored by the North lous extremes” for almost a year. In spite of my American Jewish Federations, the Israel Forum, and emotional blockages, however, I finally could not the Education Department of the Jewish Agency. It deny the intellectual consistency and integrity of the was here that I fell in love: I fell in love with the learning, and I certainly could not help being posi- land; I fell in love with the community; I fell in love tively influenced by the religious families with whom with the people; I fell in love with Shabbat — I com- I came into contact and by the beautiful Shabbat pletely fell in love with Judaism. I was what I would they held so dear. call a “Reform baalat teshuvah” (one who returns to Judaism). I was overcome by the sense of commit- The greatest shock to my system was recognizing the ment I had developed towards Judaism, through my contrast between how little I actually knew about involvement with both friends and community within Judaism and how grand were my presumptions Jerusalem’s Reform Movement. At the conclusion of and preconceived notions about what our laws and this year, I decided to work for the UJA as a stepping practices entail. I became humiliated by my lack of stone to what I decided would be the pinnacle of knowledge. I was angry at the system I was raised in Jewish leadership: the rabbinate. and even at my beloved family, for not making Judaism a greater focus and a more defined responsi- AGENDA: JEWISH EDUCATION/JESNA 27 bility in our home. I was embarrassed that the five friends held an open invitation for me (a profound year old children of my Shabbat host families were understatement!). the ones teaching me how to daven (pray). How could I have spent from kindergarten until 11th grade Thank G-d, I chose yes. I feel that I chose life. The in a religious school setting and come out knowing community at Neve helped to assure me that to live virtually nothing?! as a Jew means to live by the Torah. So now I am on the derech (path) to finding out what this all means. Thank G-d, I was lucky enough — unlike most of I am an observant Jew: shomer Shabbat, shomer my peers — to have at least felt something for my kashrut, and the whole package. But I am still on yiddishkeit, despite my lack of knowledge. I was that slow growth process of integrating the knowl- shocked to realize that the Judaism I always thought edge and skills that had eluded me for too many was so open and accepting, actually had a very dear precious years.
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