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Adam Treloar celebrates after the The incredible Magpies beat Geelong in the First Qualifying Final at the MCG. Picture: STEPHEN story of a star HARMAN Magpie who GRUNDY’S rose from the GUILTY ‘absolute PLEASURE bottom’ PAGES 84-85

BRAVEST PLAYER EVER SPECIAL: PAGE 87

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MHSE01Z02MA - V1 90 SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2019 HERALDSUN.COM.AU THE MONSTER ADAM ‘I’ve been to the absolute bottom – but right now I feel it’s TRELOAR completely the opposite. The challenge is to stay up there.’ LOST AND FOUND CHIEF FOOTBALL REPORTER MARK ROBINSON

DAM Treloar is not ashamed, nor does he want anyone to feel sorry for him. His battle with Adam Treloar Aanxiety — a feeling of being is rising above worthless — has recently been the despair he made public. By “coming out”, has battled all Treloar has found freedom his life. from those chains of despair. Picture: Despair might not be the MICHAEL right word. The umbrella term KLEIN for it is mental health. The intricacies are low self- esteem, catastrophising small things and believing people are judging you. The brain goes into overdrive. You feel vulner- able, you question yourself, about what you do and what you say. You feel and see fail- ure when others see optimism. Rational thinking and con- tentment are puzzles that can’t be solved. But overall, it’s that sense of worthlessness. Danny Frawley died from it. Wayne Schwass is a voice of change because of it. ing session and get annoyed. “I reckon Treloar is living it. He’s “Little things used to tick me my work ethic dealing with a monster that off,” he says. I’ve got from keeps trying to get him, scare “A lot of this has to do with Ken. He’s a good him and maybe even hurt him. my insecurities and anxieties, man. He would do “I’ve been to the absolute about not feeling worthy or anything for us to bottom,’’ the Collingwood good enough in the world I live have food on the table. midfielder, 26, says. in because I feel in my head Sometimes it was tough. “But right now in my life, I that I don’t deserve it. My “I can remember times we feel it’s the complete opposite. mind is trying to convince me didn’t have food, sometimes The challenge is to stay up I don’t deserve it and that’s we didn’t have electricity. My there. I’m not a superhero. where it all stemmed from. parents never owned a house. I still have my days.’’ “When I talk about growing We lived in this ministry house Are you troubled? “No.” up rough … we grew up rough.” in Dandenong up until when Complex? “Yeah, a little bit.” Treloar didn’t know his old I moved out when I was 17. Complicated? “Compli- man. “He left my mum … “There was no room for me. me-downs from his uncle cated within myself, yes.” I don’t know. I might not have I was on a single mattress in and brother — because he Confident? “I reckon exter- been born when he left. I’ve the hallway for about a year didn’t have runners. nally I can show I have confi- met him on the back of me and a half. The hallway was He wore those basket- dence, but …” being intrigued when I was 16. right where the bathroom and ball shoes at athletics carni- Caring? “100 per cent. “I met him once. I didn’t toilet was, so whenever some- vals, where he was a state- Caring is the one that matters want to have anything to do body needed to go the toilet, class cross-country runner and to me.” with him and I’ll never want I’d get stepped on. hurdler. What will people reading anything to do with him.” “The day before I moved up “We ran at the aths track at this think of you? Treloar’s mother was 21 to the Giants, my last sleep was Olympic Park in grade six and “I want them to see me as when he was born. His brother on the mattress. That said, it all these kids were wearing the individual that I want to be was born three years earlier. was all loving.” spikes and everything else. I’ve seen as. That I’m a caring, They have different fathers. Treloar was always shy. He got basketball shorts on and thoughtful person. I don’t have “My mum was 21 with two was embarrassed because the basketball shoes that are bare- a bad word to say about any- kids growing up in a flat in family didn’t have anything to ly holding on. one. I’m a massive lover. And Doveton, which isn’t the safest show off. Friends never came “I felt so out of place. Then I’m someone who has a lot of area, and my stepdad came around after school. it got to footy and I made all passion and lot of motivation into my life when I was about “My mum did everything these reps teams, and I had to make his family proud. Just one,” he says. “They are mar- she could for us,’’ he says. boots that were so old they see someone who is caring and ried. They had a further two “I love her. Whenever we had were coming apart. We’d tape works his a--- off. kids, a brother and sister. It was food we’d have lunches to take them up to make sure the “But he overthinks … he hard for mum to work because to school. When we didn’t have leather wasn’t flapping around. definitely overthinks.” she was busy with four of us. it, we wouldn’t have lunches.” “I felt like parents were “My stepdad worked his There was an office at looking over at me and think- EVERYONE is a product of a--- off. He brought in all the school that had lunches for ing: ‘Who’s this kid? He looks their upbringing. money. I call him by his name, those who did not. “That was like he’s just off the street’. Treloar tells stories of his Ken, but he’s my dad. I say my the norm. That’s where all my “On the flip side, that what’s childhood as if it’s therapy. parents to anyone who asks. worries came from.” motivated me. I wanted to do They are not woe-is-me. They “It was all loving, but I don’t At his first training session this for my family, but also to are real and affecting. think they made the best deci- at , he prove people wrong.” At 12, he’d have a bad train- sions when they were young. wore basketball shoes — hand- CONTINUED PAGE 88

MHSE01Z02MA - V1 88 SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2019 HERALDSUN.COM.AU Lost and found FROM PREVIOUS PAGE problems to his mum, his girl- friend Kim, leadership and ADAM Treloar is a jum- culture manager Nick Max- ble of idiosyncrasies. well, and psychologist Jacqui At 17, he had obsessive Louder. Coach Nathan Buck- compulsive disorder and ley was also a constant. had a long talk to former His travails were filmed for Kangaroo and Bali the documentary Collingwood: bombing survivor Jason From the Inside Out, which was McCartney, who was his released this year. coach at the Australian It was August 3 when he Institute of Sport. went public with his struggles “If I was to see myself at on ’s AFL 360, where 16, 17 and 18, I’d be like, he joined Richmond’s Jack you’re a weirdo, what are Riewoldt on Tuesdays. you doing?” On September 3, he didn’t Treloar would “touch front for the program. wood’’ on everything. If he “It was one of those days said he hoped his team where I had an anxiety day,’’ would win, he’d secretly he says. “It got to about 2pm touch the wood of the seat and I said to Kim I can’t go on. he was sitting on or get up I just feel undeserving. and find wood to touch. “You can ask me what does To reset after a period of that even mean, but I can’t tell panic, say walking home you what it means. It’s just in from school, he would bend my head. down and touch the ground. “I felt under-deserving. And Collingwood this year, too. “Another thing I used to do the biggest thing that goes off The most recent was between … I used to have to go left that is anxiety. If I were to go the break of Round 23 and the around things. in, I probably would’ve gone to first final against Geelong. “This what OCD is. See my the toilet and tried to hide.’’ One of the first panic car over there, I’d have to get He returned to the show attacks this season arrived at up and walk left around the a day after Frawley’s death. His the first JLT game. tree and the rubbish bin even four-minute piece on Frawley “Pre-season I’m always though I could walk to the and depression was gripping. happy because there’s no anxi- car in a straight line. “That’s what I battle with. ety about anything. But it just “You’re looking at That’s what I struggle with.” comes back. We had a praccy me like I’m a weir- His worthiness, which he match against and do, aren’t you? has spurned from childhood, it came back and I had to have Deep down I’m was apparent. a couple of days off. still that 13-year- “I know that, but I will never “I was in the carpark bawl- old Dandenong be satisfied with footy, never ing my eyes out and I couldn’t boy who is biting ever. Of course I want to get out of my car. and scratching and achieve great things. I want to “Bucks came over, and clawing and doing be a premiership player. I want Maxy and Jacqui, and they his absolute best to to be All-Australian. I want to consoled me and I went home make a name for him- leave a legacy as a football and had a couple of days off.” self and his family — player. That’s always burning The sense of being a burden that’s what motivates me.” inside of me. exacerbates his problems. “That’s when I say I haven’t “I feel like a burden. I feel MANAGING his world was a achieved anything yet. embarrassed. That’s the main Talking about his constant psychological wrestle “But mum and Kim and thing. I feel embarrassed.” issues has inspired and it collapsed last year. Jacqui say, ‘What do you The constant challenge Treloar to assist After 26 touches and kick- mean, Adam? Think about begs two questions. others — a far cry ing a goal in the Round 3 win where you are now and how How has he put together from being against Carlton, Treloar start- many lives you’ve touched by the best season of his career? a Dandenong ed crying in the spa. just being you’. I know that, but “With the anxiety and the Stingrays draft To cover his tears from in my mind, I think, ‘Nuh, you worry, one of the biggest hope in 2011 (far teammates, he submerged his still haven’t done anything. things — hate thinking about right). face in the water. You’re still not good enough’.” it and it almost brings me to That week, he revealed his He’s taken days off from tears — is letting my team- ‘Week-long’ battle TOMORROW IN YOUR ’Angry’ Giants ready GREATER Western Sydney REBECCA WILLIAMS GREATER Wester Sydney REBECCA WILLIAMS chief executive David Matt- has backed its group to stand hews says the Giants have He said the outcome had up without and “The boys love Toby, the been fighting Collingwood all left him with little confidence Lachie Whitfield, vowing to boys love Lachie. week after Toby Greene’s ban. in the tribunal system. come out “angry” in today’s “They are really important Greene will miss today’s “There was probably actu- preliminary final against Col- to the way that we play our preliminary final against the ally not a shred of evidence lingwood. footy, but guys will step up. Magpies after his appeal to that supported the charge, and PLUS The suspended Greene “I think most of us are overturn his one-match ban in the end, the vision was in- joined his teammates for their angry, but you’ve got to be for contact to the “eye region” conclusive,” Matthews said. SATURDAY captain’s run at Punt Rd Oval angry — if you want to call it of Brisbane Lion Lachie Neale “The evidence of Lachie yesterday after an appeal on angry or on the edge — to play failed. Neale seemed to get set aside, SPECIAL Thursday night failed to over- finals footy. Matthews took a swipe at and Toby’s version of evidence HOW TO turn his one-match ban. “If you don’t, you get criti- the role of former Magpie and wasn’t something they wanted OUR EXPERTS PULL Assistant coach Matthew cised for not being ready, but if match review officer Michael to give credit to either.” MAKE A APART LAST NIGHT’S Nicks dismissed suggestions you do obviously there is Christian, who brought the AFL boss Gillon McLachlan DOLLAR PRELIMINARY FINAL the Greene tribunal saga, people who are questioning initial charge against Greene. defended the tribunal system IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS along with the loss of Whitfield the way that you go about it. “Michael Christian played and commended Christian. FROM THE LIKE NEVER BEFORE (appendicitis), had been a dis- “But we didn’t beat the Bull- in a premiership for Colling- “An independent process TODAY FROM 9AM traction for the players. dogs and Brisbane by going out wood, and it feels like we’ve has validated this,” he said. BROWNLOW “I guess we just have to there and playing soft footy. been playing Collingwood all The AFL said Matthews DON’T MISS FIRST LOOK AT THE GRAND FINAL move on and get the job done I thought our guys went hard week,” Matthews said. would not be fined. NNNN HERALDSUN.COM.AU this week,” Nicks said. for the ball and the contest.”

MHSE01Z02MA - V1 HERALDSUN.COM.AU SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2019 89 FOOTY WITH NICK FORM SMART THE MATCH COLLINGWOOD v GWS GIANTS MAGPIES MCG GIANTS $1.32 Today 4.35pm $3.50 THE MARGINS MAGPIES LINE GIANTS LINE -21.5 $1.90 +21.5 $1.90 MAGPIES GIANTS 1-39 points $1.95 DRAW 1-39 points $4 40+ plus $3.10 $41 40+ points $19 CHASING THE MONEY ■ Giants won 19.8 (122) to ■ The Giants have won three 11.9 (75) over Collingwood in of their past four matches their most recent clash in against Collingwood dating Round 18 at Giants Stadium. back to Round 8, 2017. ■ Collingwood has won five ■ Collingwood is 10-5 at the straight after consecutive MCG this season (won four losses. They lost four of five straight). before that. ■ The Giants are 1-2 at the ■ These teams met in last MCG this season (2-4 since year’s finals, the Magpies Round 2, 2018). scoring a 10-point win in a ■ The Giants are 6-5 away semi-final at the MCG. from New South Wales and ■ The Giants have won three ACT this season. They’ve straight matches after won two and lost three in consecutive losses. .

NICK SAYS mates down. It scares me. there’s a “but”. CAN the Giants cover the I like the Magpies, but I That’s the other thing that “There’s always a but,” he sizeable losses of Toby can’t see it being a blowout motivates me.” said. “That was really good by Greene and Lachie Whitfield? as the Maggies just don’t It is certainly a huge ask have the firepower with How has he lived the most Treloar but … how good was and it is a big reason why Jordan De Goey out. positive year of his life? that play by Treloar but … Collingwood finds itself so I’d be looking at the “It’s a challenge, but it’s well “That has been part of my short heading into the Grand Magpies to win between and truly getting easier be- anxiety, because I feel there’s Final qualifier. 1 and 39 points. cause I’ve spoken about it. always a but. And that’s part of “Could you imagine if I was the reason why I always still holding on to all of the thought I wasn’t good enough. stuff I’ve spoken about and no “It got to me early, but one knew about it? I know I’m valued internally, “I’d be ready to explode. It and that’s taken me a long could turn into something so time to accept that’s all that unfortunate, do you know matters.’’ what I mean? There’s so many Just last week he was people who could go down a guest speaker at a mate’s a completely different path manufacturing business. It was -, I’m not good enough. I don’t when they have their own about mental health. deserve to be training, I don’t mental demons. And I mean “Since AFL 360, a lot of deserve to be at this club’.” a path of destruction. people have asked me about it. Treloar’s confidence comes “I don’t want to say it, but it “It gets me out of my own because, he says, he finally leads to people thinking world and makes me think opened up about his problems. suicide. I’ve had a friend, five about others. Always, my So much so, his future is years ago, who took his own whole life, and ask anyone football, Kim, and working in life. That broke my heart. He who knows me, I’m a carer. If mental health. had so many demons.” anyone puts their problems on “It’s something I’ve thought SATURDAY SPECIAL me, I want to help them. about these past couple of TRELOAR’S outlook on life “But since coming out, it’s weeks. I’d like to get into THERE are two TAB Saturday specials for the first preliminary final. Young Magpie Jaidyn Stephenson (left) and Coleman has changed dramatically. been incredible. it.” Medallist (right) are at $3.50 to combine for He doesn’t read or listen to “I still have my anxieties, For help with emotional five or more goals. Magpie ball magnets and media. He no longer worries but if I’ve had a bad training difficulties, Adam Treloar are at $3.50 to combine for 65 or more about what commentators say session, it doesn’t matter to me contact Lifeline on disposals. about his kicking efficiency, or as much any more. I used to 13 11 14 or *All TAB odds correct at 4pm yesterday when they praise him and walk off the track thinking, ‘F-- lifeline.org.au

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