Parent-Child Visits

Views on Foster Care and Adoption in North Carolina Novemberfostering 2010 • Vol. 15, No. 1 perspectives www.fosteringperspectives.org Sponsored by the NC Division of Social Services and the Family and Children’s Resource Program Parent-child visits: Managing the challenges, reaping the rewards After she entered foster care, Research also tells us that Donisha learned she would have Learning to how frequently parents and regular visits with her family. manage the children see each other makes She says that to her: challenges of visits a big difference. Children who That word ‘visitation’ was brings rewards to are visited often by their birth like a rainbow suddenly children, birth parents are more likely to be reunited and spend less time appearing out of a dull sky parents, agencies, in foster care (White, et al., . just knowing I could and foster parents. be reunited with my family 1996; Mech, 1985). made me overjoyed. Frequent visits also affect Donisha’s reaction is easy to understand. It children’s well-being. Children visited fre- can be wonderful to spend time with someone quently by their parents may be: 10 Ways Social Workers Can you love after a separation. • Less likely to have emotional outbursts, Support Foster Parents Yet visits can also be extremely difficult tension, and conflict Around Visitation • Less likely to be referred for psychiatric for everyone involved. If you are a foster and 1. Keep foster parents abreast of any changes; have services kinship care provider, you know this well. an ongoing discussion about visiting • Less likely to engage in delinquent or When a visit occurs, it is sometimes accom- 2. Facilitate pre-placement visits between the child antisocial acts such as vandalism, panied by visit-related upheaval in the child’s and foster family whenever possible stealing, and running away emotions and behavior, complex scheduling 3. Tell foster families what kinds of behaviors they • More likely to be seen as likeable by and logistics, and other challenges. can expect to see on the part of birth parents teachers and peers Luckily, there are things you can do to and children before, during, and after a visit (White et al., 1996; Cantos & Gries, 1997) make parent-child visits easier for yourself 4. Involve foster parents in meetings with the One study showed that children visited at and the children in your care. First, how- biological family and providers (shared parenting) least once every two weeks had fewer behav- ever, it will help to understand why visits 5. Ensure foster families receive ongoing education, ioral problems and exhibited less anxiety are so important. particularly about the reasons for and effects of and depression than children visited infre- visitation Understanding the Rewards quently or not at all (White, et al., 1996). 6. Facilitate peer support by connecting foster Yes, they sometimes make us sweat with un- By helping improve children’s behavioral, families to each other, particularly through local certainty and cause us temporary discom- emotional, cognitive, and social functioning, and state foster parent associations fort, but research and experience clearly visits can help make foster care placements 7. Discuss with foster families how they will handle show that parent-child visits can make a happier and more stable, which is a good any visit-related problems, and make sure they positive difference in children’s lives. Regu- thing for children and foster parents. know you are open and available to discuss any issues or concerns they have lar visits can: Managing Children’s Behavior Changes • Maintain parent-child attachment Foster and kinship care providers need to 8. Avoid overcomplicating visitation for foster families by placing too many children from • Calm children’s separation fears know how to manage the challenges that sur- different families or too many children with • Empower birth parents round visits. To provide you with concrete special needs in one home • Encourage birth parents to face reality suggestions in this area, on the next page we 9. Involve foster families in the planning of the visit • Allow birth parents to learn and practice offer ideas excerpted from “Changes in schedule; always keep the family’s schedule and new skills and behaviors Children’s Behavior Before and After Parent needs in mind when planning visit times and • Help child welfare agencies and the courts Visits,” from the University of Pittsburgh locations assess and document parents’ progress Office of Child Development. Although tar- 10. Encourage and appreciate foster parents for their • Help children and foster parents see the geted to foster parents of children age five efforts to support visitation and to work with parents realistically and under, many of these suggestions are birth parents (Hess et al., 1992; Cantos & Gries, 1997) relevant to all children in foster care. Understanding the child’s response to birth parent visits From “Changes in Children’s Behavior Before and After Parent Visits,” from from the University of Pittsburgh Office of Child Development There are no foolproof ways to guar- • Make a game out of antee that visits between children Continued contact before-visit time. You and their birth parents will be suc- between the child might, for example, let the cessful. But knowing about behav- and the birth family children “play the social iors you might see and taking a few worker” by having them has a big influence steps to prepare a child and facili- ask questions and play tate the visit should help. on whether the child the role. Before-visit symptoms. Children remains in foster • Find out what the child can be affected by knowing that a care or is reunified. would like to do at the visit with their birth parents is ap- visit and try to arrange the proaching. Here are some of the symptoms activity. If his or her idea is not realistic, you might see in your child before the visit: work with him or her to come up with a • Nightmares and sleep disturbances. more practical plan. and showing extra affection. Do this • Unrealistic expectations about how the • Talk about any items—toys, books, regardless of how the visit went, but visit will go. etc.—they would like to take to the visit. especially when a visit does not go well. • Anxiety. Facilitating visits. You always should try • If the child is consistently unhappy or After-visit symptoms. Children can expe- your best to make visits between children distressed after visits, report this to the rience a variety of feelings after visiting with and their birth parents go smoothly. Here social worker. their birth parents. They also might behave are a few steps you can take that might help: • Report any suspicion of child abuse in ways that are difficult to cope with. Feel- • Try to have the visit take place in your immediately. ings and behaviors you might see from your home or in the birth parents’ home rather When a visit is canceled. A canceled visit child after a visit include: than in an agency office. can be hard on a child. Here are ways to • Nightmares and sleep disturbances. • Volunteer to provide transportation to support the child when that happens: • Crying, sometimes excessively. and from visits. • Provide additional comforting when visits • Sadness. • Help birth parents by being a model of are canceled, for whatever reason. • Disappointment. appropriate parenting behavior. • When telling the child about a canceled • Acting out, such as stomping feet, • Reinforce the birth parents’ confidence visit, do not blame. Simply explain that displaying antisocial behavior, and in their parenting skills when they show the parent made certain choices, the ignoring family members. positive change. social worker had to reschedule, etc. • Anger. • Respect the birth parents and treat them • Assure the child that he or she is not the • Ambivalence. fairly. reason the visit was canceled, he or she • Withdrawal. • When appropriate or necessary, observe did not do anything wrong, and he or • Anxiety. visits. she is still loved. Preparing for the visit. It is important to • Be careful when talking about the birth • Try to do the activity with the child that do what you can to prepare the children for parents. Try to be positive. was planned with the parents, if possible. a visit with birth parents. Here are some After-visit support. There may be some • Spend extra time with the child. suggestions: circumstances that occur that need attention When to seek professional help. Changes • Make the necessary changes in your after the visit. Here are some suggestions in a child’s behavior after a visit do not nec- family’s schedule to accommodate the for handling the period after the visit. essarily mean the visit hurt the child. The visit. • Talk to the child and about how the visit change might, for example, mean the child • Work with the birth parents to plan and went. has a secure attachment with the parent and schedule visits. • Let the child talk about how he or she that he or she is upset about having to leave • Keep the child informed of planned visits. feels about the visit and parents. the parent again. However, if the behavior • Have some special before-visit rituals to • Encourage questions about the visit or changes are severe or overly disruptive to comfort the child, such as arranging the foster situation. Answer them as the foster family, professional help may be special clothes or fixing the child’s hair honestly as possible. necessary, and the situation should be in a particular way. • Reassure the children about any issues brought to the attention of the child’s social • Be realistic with the child about which they might be concerned about.

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