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Bittinger2020.Pdf This thesis has been submitted in fulfilment of the requirements for a postgraduate degree (e.g. PhD, MPhil, DClinPsychol) at the University of Edinburgh. Please note the following terms and conditions of use: This work is protected by copyright and other intellectual property rights, which are retained by the thesis author, unless otherwise stated. A copy can be downloaded for personal non-commercial research or study, without prior permission or charge. This thesis cannot be reproduced or quoted extensively from without first obtaining permission in writing from the author. The content must not be changed in any way or sold commercially in any format or medium without the formal permission of the author. When referring to this work, full bibliographic details including the author, title, awarding institution and date of the thesis must be given. HOMOS IN THE WOODS Queer Shame and Body Shame in the Context of Trekking Experiences Ryan Bittinger DOCTORATE OF PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSELLING THE UNIVERSITY OF EDINBURGH 2019 Contents Abstract ........................................................................................................................... 3 Lay Summary ................................................................................................................... 4 Declaration of Own Work ................................................................................................. 5 Acknowledgements ......................................................................................................... 6 Introduction ..................................................................................................................... 8 The Puzzle ................................................................................................................ 8 Ontology and Epistemology .................................................................................... 9 Time ........................................................................................................................ 11 Some Shames: A Literature Review ................................................................................ 16 Shame .................................................................................................................... 16 Body Shame ........................................................................................................... 19 Queer Shame .......................................................................................................... 25 Finding Gaps .......................................................................................................... 29 The Methodological Approach ....................................................................................... 30 Overview ................................................................................................................ 34 Anthropocentrism? ................................................................................................ 36 Notes on Structure ................................................................................................. 37 Diary Interludes ............................................................................................................. 40 Diary Interlude: Day 17............................................................................................... 44 Writing a Visceral Failure: Overcoding (Toxic) Masculinities and Some Decoding Forces ...................................................................................................................................... 46 An event in writing: ................................................................................................ 47 A visceral event:..................................................................................................... 53 A failed event: ........................................................................................................ 56 Diary Interlude: Day 2 ................................................................................................ 62 I Sing the Body Queer .................................................................................................... 64 Mourning and Melancholia ..................................................................................... 66 A Melancholic Body ............................................................................................... 68 Flight into Nature ................................................................................................... 70 Thirding & Multiplicities ......................................................................................... 72 Concluding Remarks .............................................................................................. 76 Diary Interlude: Day 4 ................................................................................................ 78 The Cannibal ................................................................................................................. 80 Uncanny ................................................................................................................. 81 Shameful Monsters as Uncanny/Unheimliche ....................................................... 83 Monstering - Birth of a Cannibal ............................................................................ 84 1 (De)Monstration: The Queer and the Body ............................................................ 88 (Re)Monstration - Exorcism and Embracing .......................................................... 93 Diary Interlude: Day 28............................................................................................... 98 Queer Kin: Suffering/Resisting/Hoping-With ............................................................... 100 With ...................................................................................................................... 101 Suffering with ....................................................................................................... 103 Resisting with....................................................................................................... 106 Hoping with .......................................................................................................... 109 Diary Interlude: Day 11............................................................................................. 112 Queering the Rockies – (Re)Storying a Forequeer ....................................................... 114 Experiences of Queer Shame............................................................................... 118 Experiences of Nature Narratives ........................................................................ 121 Resisting Queer Shame - Love and the Erotic ..................................................... 125 (Re)Storying - Can there Be Healing? .................................................................. 126 Diary Interlude: Day 32............................................................................................. 130 Here (Queer) We Go Again ......................................................................................... 132 Why Walk? ........................................................................................................... 132 Inhabiting ............................................................................................................. 136 Becoming Queer Kin ............................................................................................ 140 Together in Precarity ............................................................................................ 143 Concluding Thoughts: Where Has the Shame Gone? ......................................... 146 Diary Interlude: Day 34............................................................................................. 148 Conclusion: Walking Away from Shame ....................................................................... 150 Decoding .............................................................................................................. 150 Multiplicity and Becoming-Queer......................................................................... 150 Daemonization ..................................................................................................... 151 Suffering/Resisting/Hoping With ......................................................................... 152 (Re)Storying Forequeers ...................................................................................... 152 Being Together in Precarity ................................................................................. 153 Application to Counselling and Psychotherapy .................................................. 153 Final Comment ..................................................................................................... 154 Addendum: Consent Form ...................................................................................... 156 Bibliography .............................................................................................................. 158 2 Abstract In this Doctorate of Psychotherapy and Counselling Dissertation, I offer a variety of different perspectives on queer shame and body shame in the context of trekking experiences. The overall project of this thesis is to offer some glimpses into the ongoing and ever-changing process that surrounds these topics. I draw methodological inspirations from Mason’s (2011)
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