Nia Vardalos on motherhood - San Francisco Chronicle 6/14/13 8:49 AM
Home & Garden
Nia Vardalos on motherhood
Sophia Markoulakis
6:16 AM
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Brant Ward, The Chronicle Actress and author Nia Vardalos makes a stop at Annunciation Cathedral in S.F., right, to discuss her book, "Instant Mom," above.
Nia Vardalos makes plenty of admissions in her recently released book, "Instant Mom" (HarperOne; $26.99), but they aren't the salacious type. No scathing Hollywood gossip here. More personal and heartfelt, Vardalos' memoir focuses on her infertility and her journey navigating the often-confusing road to adoption, which ultimately lead her to daughter Ilaria, now 8.
Landing on the New York Times best-seller list within weeks of the book's April release, Vardalos, 50, is acutely aware of the importance of seizing the moment. After starting out in regional theater, a fortuitous stint at Chicago's Second City (where she met her husband, actor Ian Gomez), and many more years working toward that elusive Hollywood break, Vardalos finally got it when she filled the seats at her 1997 one-woman show with Greeks from her church community.
A fellow parishioner, Rita Wilson, who came across an ad Vardalos placed in the local paper, saw it and came back a second time with her husband, Tom Hanks. Vardalos' movie debut, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" (2002), which grossed more than $300 million worldwide,
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was adapted from that show.
Last week, Vardalos stopped by San Francisco's Annunciation Cathedral for a chat and book signing with her most loyal fan base - Greek Americans. "My book tour is like gardening. I'm donating all the proceeds to adoptions groups all over the world, and every time one person buys a book, it's like planting a seed.
"People recommend it to others, which is what always happens with my projects, and it's how I got on the New York Times best-seller list," says Vardalos. As she winds down her book tour to focus on a film project, currently titled "Leftovers," she continues to visit parishes across the country.
For the past several years, Vardalos has been an advocate for adoption and works on National Adoption Day, a national effort to raise awareness of the hundreds of thousands of children in the foster-care system waiting for a permanent home.
Q: What's home life like now with Ilaria?
A: We are moving in 10 days, and we are really sentimental about it. The only reason why we are moving is because the school that Ilaria goes to and that I write about in the book is an amazing school, and she spends about an hour commuting each way by car. If she takes the bus, it's an hour and 10 minutes each way. So add it up and that's 2 hours and 20 minutes each day that I'm not going to see my kid.
We remodeled that house, which took over a year, and it's the home that we brought Ilaria into. If we could pick it up and put it over there we would. Temporarily, we just rented a house on the beach with a three-month lease. Plus they'll let us bring our two dogs, Manny and Louie. We're on an adventure. Everything we love is coming with us.
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Harper One "Instant Mom," by Nia Vardalos
Q: Do you garden?
A: Yes. We actually decided to plant clippings from our current garden so that we can take these plants with us to our new home. We're going to transplant bougainvillea, star jasmine, an olive tree and an avocado tree that we started from seed that is now taller than Ilaria.
We also have citrus like lemon and grapefruit. I'm from Winnipeg, so I really respond to this weather. And I used to be a florist.
Q: Any other edibles?
A: Besides the fruit trees, we haven't done edibles since we noticed Manny peeing on our rosemary bushes. So we've put that on the back burner until we can have an enclosed edible garden space.
Q: Does Ilaria gravitate toward the garden?
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Brant Ward, The Chronicle Nia Vardalos walked through a hallway at the Annunciation Cathedral in San Francisco, Calif. before speaking about her new book Sunday June 9, 2013. Actress, screenwriter and author Nia Vardalos has written a new book called "Instant Mom" and recently adopted a preschooler.
A: Yes! She loves to garden. Kids love to see things come to fruition. What it's taught her is
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patience. That avocado seed took forever to sprout and grow roots. But once it did, she saw the "fruits" of her patience, and we've been repotting it since.
Q: Will you incorporate any of the trends like backyard chickens into your new garden?
A: We are not those people. (Laugh). We will recycle every last bit of tin foil, and I have put coffee grounds around my roses, which they really responded to, but that's as far as it goes.
Q: Now with the new house, will you have a clean slate?
A: Yes. We are donating and giving away all of our furniture, which is traditional in style, because we are going into a contemporary home with clean lines, yet still warm and inviting for dinner parties. It's all "Mad Men's" fault. I can't get enough of that show and the aesthetic and the noncluttered look of it.
Q: How will you maintain that uncluttered Midcentury Modern design look with a child?
A: She's a logical person. I tell her "Let's get more toys as long as you can keep them in your playroom." I think that kids and clutter and too many toys can lead to anxiety.
Q: Any ideas about how you'll decorate her room?
A: Part of the allure of going to a new home is that she gets to decorate it herself. She's decided it's going to be all tigers. Her plan is to paint one orange wall with black stripes. We have a tradition of making her Halloween costumes, and I noticed that she's very good at creating stripes, so I've decided that she'll get to do that herself.
As much as I am a control freak, it's her space. She'll also get to pick her own furniture, and I'm sure it will be white and princess-y.
Q: How long was the book-writing process?
A: This book and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" are the two projects that I am most proud of
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because I didn't listen to anyone's opinion on either one. When I took the book deal, I said, "Here's the deal. I'm going to go away, write a draft, and then I would love input and opinion and reflection, but I must get it done first on paper."
At first Harper Collins and I agreed that I would write a how-to adoption book with some funny personal anecdotes. But when I got to the part about my daughter and her bravery, that's when I realized that I was hiding behind the stories and not providing context, so I went back and started all over again. I said, "That's it, I'm going to go for it." It was the first and last time that I will write in the first person. I felt so exposed.
Q: The book is really about relationships in general and how we connect with our fellow humans. Were you aware of that while you were writing?
A: Subconsciously I don't like to write in an exclusive way. Maybe it comes from being a middle child. That's why I put in lots of funny stories, knowing that they have nothing to do with parenthood, but that they might connect at some level with others.
Q: Gardening provides metaphors for life. Any parenting surprises or lessons that you've learned?
A: Parenting is about support. Sometimes it's like using a stick and florist tape, and other times you just have to turn them toward the sun and stand back and watch them grow. But even then, we are always watching.
Even when I am letting her take a step on her own because I know it will help her grow, I am still watching. That's why I took the book deal. For her first two years of school I wanted to be there.
Sophia Markoulakis is a freelance writer in Burlingame. E-mail: [email protected]
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