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Postapocalyptic Wall Street

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Postapocalyptic Wall Street d j W PostA 38 the abyss and asking, “What do we do now?” was something that no no that something was now?” do we do “What asking, and abyss into the staring world the in people powerful most the of sight haunting revealed, like the Wizard of Oz, to were beinfallible, be to thought mere was wisdom whose littleGreenspan, Alan old men. The like figures or megalomaniacs, charlatans, incompetents. Trusted were felled. Expectations were defied. Leaders Institutions biblical. were was 2008 exposed of fall the as in system financial world it wasn’t amie amie imon A actually ll ll the Apocalypse. But the near collapse of the s P treet Mutual, Bear Bear Mutual, JPMorgan JPMorgan Washington Washington swallowed swallowed Stearns. Chase Chase oc make the case that their their that case the make may not have acquired acquired have not may anyone, but you could could you but anyone, Goldman Sachs Sachs Goldman fantasy directed by Mel Brooks. Too bad it’s, you know, real. know, you it’s, bad Too Brooks. Mel by directed fantasy horrifying and strangely entertaining, like watching a dystopian the sidelines, the gaudy spectacle of this upheaval has been both seems, it on sitting us of those For it. grabbed who now, those to gone has power For them? replace would who But create). helped they (unless they were needed to help unravel the complex problems was simply to banish those recurrence who a hadprevent to a step role first inThe causingagain. see to the ever crisiswanted one B egos grew. egos lo A really too big to fail. to big too really a Now they’re they’re Now te d B d ly E a sts Bank of of Bank Merrill Lynch. Merrill swallowed swallowed P a b merica lankfein l loyd loyd tic tic Harald Sund/getty imageS (Sun background); Paul edmondSon/ getty imageS (rubble); micHael okoniewSki/bloomberg/getty imageS (dimon); mike timo/getty imageS (body riding monSter); linda bucklin/SHutterStock (monSter); Paul b. moore/SHutterStock (monSter); Zloneg/SHutterStock (Squid); ChiP Somodevilla/getty imageS (BLANKFEIN); getty imageS (body climbing) andreaS meyer/shutterStock (monSter); nigel denniS/GETTY IMAGES (SWOOPING VULTURES ); GETTY IMAGES (REMAINING VULTURES ); najlaH Feanny/CORBIS ( TEPPER); Illustration by Gluekit by Illustration PATRICK MCMULLAN (SOROS, HART, Sullivan, rubin, and Prince); rick maiman/bloomberg/getty imageS (PAULSON); ALEX WONG/GETTY IMAGES (GEITHNER); SHUTTERSTOCK (FIRE BODY ); ricHard clement/ $3.3 billion in in billion $3.3 newScom (Pandit); konStantynov/ Fargo Wells SHutterStock ( Zombie body ); swallowed swallowed Wachovia. redmond durrell/alamy (ROACHeS ) George Soros 2009. $100 million in in million $100 Michael Michael Burry 2007. balance sheet, ailing financial financial ailing sheet, balance still has $480 billion in in billion $480 has still supermarket Citigroup Citigroup supermarket has a little more color color more little a has After paring down its its down paring After Vikram Pandit’s Pandit’s Vikram in its cheeks. But it it But cheeks. its in Zombie Bank Zombie toxic assets … assets toxic $4 billion in in billion $4 Tepper d 2009. avid avid from: Stonebridge Group Stonebridge Chuck Prince Chuck to: Steve Eisman Steve $100 million+ million+ $100 Citigroup CEO CEO Citigroup Albright Albright in 2008. in swooped down to reap reap to down swooped When the carnage carnage the When VULTURES their rewards. their began, they they began, FLOCK OF from: a to: lan Schwartz lan Guggenheim Guggenheim Partners Bear Stearns Stearns Bear CEO from: to: John Thain Thain John CEO of CIT CIT of CEO Merrill Lynch Lynch Merrill Group CEO $41.9 million million $41.9 in 2007. in Larry Fink to: from: Robert Rubin Robert to: month 0–00, 2010 | new york Richard Fuld Richard from: Brothers CEO CEO Brothers Matrix Advisers Matrix Partners Centerview Centerview Citigroup Citigroup Lehman Lehman from: on him (“The last thing Tim Tim thing last (“The him on worked for Goldman Sachs. Sachs. Goldman for worked The president makes jokes jokes makes president The And he’s dogged by rumors rumors by dogged he’s And Bloomberg, or anyone who who anyone or Bloomberg, someone else treating him him treating else someone by Jamie Dimon, Michael Michael Dimon, Jamie by Geithner was once highly highly once was Geithner he is about to be replaced replaced be to about is he No one believes he never never he believes one No interest in the position. the in interest to: He can’t sell his house. house. his sell can’t He Jeff Peek Jeff about people pissing pissing people about he became Treasury Treasury became he like a fire hydrant”). hydrant”). fire a like respected, but that that but respected, shows the faintest faintest the shows Geithner needs is is needs Geithner Barclays secretary. Now: secretary. CIT Group Group CIT CEO CEO Radioactive changed when when changed Helping bring the financial financial the bring Helping system to the brink doesn’t doesn’t brink the to system Geithner a career on Wall Street. Wall on career a H disqualify you from from you disqualify Tim Tim a R $825 million million $825 d Falcone in 2009. in TO KILL TO Phil Phil from: $2.3 billion billion $2.3 Sullivan to: Paulson Martin Martin in 2009. in Group John John CEO CEO Willis Willis 39 AIG AIG get rich. Every decade or so, so, or decade Every rich. get someone in finance doesn’t doesn’t finance in someone market. Plan accordingly. Plan market. ne d Just because you marry you because Just Hedge-fund managers. Hedge-fund 40 change along with the the with along change mean you’re going to to going you’re mean Investment bankers; bankers; Investment igger the moneymakers moneymakers the x Tech venture venture Tech Bond salesmen. Bond THE THE private equity. private Stockbrokers. capitalists. T to ten 1980s: 2000s: 2000s: 1970s: mansion, now home to home now mansion, 2010s: 2010s: 1990s: 1990s: exec Todd Thomson’s Thomson’s Todd exec Lisa Maria Falcone. Maria Lisa gol Ousted Citigroup Citigroup Ousted the ’ Palatial Palatial S upin smoke: “Todd Mahal.” “Todd The Guccione Guccione The gui Philip and and Philip ye on fire: Statement Statement d Transportation European car with with car European Julie Mehretu. Julie Damien Hirst. Damien upin smoke: a d upin smoke: vanity plates. vanity rs Honda Pilot. Honda on fire: d Mode of of Mode E on fire: igs Restructuring gurus. Restructuring the Umbrella carriers. Umbrella upin smoke: Hired Help Hired a on fire: new rt norm Wall Street Warriors. Street Wall Watering Hole Watering Place to Be Seen Be to Place Bottle service at at service Bottle upin smoke: Metro-North Metro-North upin smoke: commercial. Reality TV’s TV’s Reality on fire: a Tenjune. bar car. car. bar on fire: L Flying Flying They crawled into the innards innards the into crawled They bring us stories of Wall Street Street Wall of stories us bring Too Big to Fail to Big Too populist backlash against against backlash populist first big Wall Street tome tome Street Wall big first a a player in his own right. right. own his in player a credited with starting a starting with credited recklessness and greed. greed. and recklessness the the His coining of the term term the of coining His of chroniclers Some never emerged. never Some The Big Short Big The ndrew Ross Sorkin Ross ndrew vampire squid vampire since since Michael Lewis Michael of the industry to to industry the of Times Matt Taibbi Matt billing rate the $800–$1,100 Goldman. Goldman. Liar’s Poker Liar’s per hour reporter into into reporter ch transformed transformed was his his was a was was os . executive of a global global a of executive a shot of vodka … vodka of shot a bank said to me, me, to said bank knocking back back knocking a s the chief chief the s months in 2008. “Every time time “Every 2008. in months Sullivan & Cromwell partner partner Cromwell & Sullivan room,” said former Treasury Treasury former said room,” secretary Henry Paulson. Paulson. Henry secretary financial deals in just six six just in deals financial I looked up, it seemed seemed it up, looked I like Rodge was in the the in was Rodge like H. Rodgin Cohen Rodgin H. worked on seventeen seventeen on worked “true currency” has become become has currency” “true Long the province of wack wack of province the Long jobs and survivalists, the the survivalists, and jobs billable hours,” says a Deloitte Deloitte a says hours,” billable thousands and thousands of of thousands and thousands Manhattan is full of people people of full is Manhattan $6.8 billion in gold. in billion $6.8 more fashionable. more d bloo seeing dollar signs.” Fees Fees signs.” dollar seeing GOL George Soros George the crisis. “We’re talking talking “We’re crisis. the John Paulson John from Lehman Brothers’ Brothers’ Lehman from have reached $1 billion. $1 reached have Eric Mindich Eric employee. “Everyone’s “Everyone’s employee. enjoying the spoils of of spoils the enjoying $880 million. $880 avid Einhorn avid $133 million. million. $133 bankruptcy alone alone bankruptcy $1 billion. $1 d d BUGS suckers micHael Skoglund/GETTY IMAGES (RED BACKGROUND); The SwiderSki inStitute/getty imageS (rubble); GETTY IMAGES (SMOKE, DEMOLISHED BUILDING, POT oF GOLD, SHOVEL, and TYPiSt ); DIANE BONDAREFF/aP (meHretu’S mural); PATRICK MCMULLAN (FALCONE AND COHEN); Frank HerHoldt/alamy (bikini girl); aF arcHive/alamy ( vamPire); daniel HurSt/newScom (brieFcaSe); SHUTTERSTOCK (PRICE TAG); rick maiman/bloomberg/getty (PaulSon); alamy (Hugging armS ) GETTY IMAGES (ORACLE, DEMOLISHED BUILDING, WOMAN ON BIKE, Folded armS, and water’S body ); mark Horn/getty imageS (rubble); nelSon Ching/bloomberg/getty imageS
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